(Author's note: This Fic is a parody. Therefore it’s full of grammar errors, plot holes and bland characters. The sole purpose of this story is to give at least some people a good laugh. Every comment from the “author” inside the story should be taken with a grain of salt. And I don’t hate Fluttershy.)
Twillight Sparkle and her five friends (even Fluttershy who's worst pony) must to stop Celesia, the evil queen of Ponyland before she can do more evil stuff. Luckily Doctor Whoovas is on their side as well as THE BEST OC EVER. Did I already mention that Fluttershy is worst pony?
(This is a 101% serious story and everybody who's laughing about this masterpiece of fan work is as bad as Fluttershy.)
It was a bright, happy and sunny day as Twillight Sparkle walked down the main street of Ponyvile in Ponyland. Twillight was a normal pony but she had a horn which made her a unicorn, which is a normal pony that can do magic.
Twillight once lived in Ponyland Castle - or whatever that place with the evil Celesia is called – before she was sent to Ponyvile by the queen. Not the one from England the one from Ponyland. In Ponyland castle she was always alone and had no friends. But now she lives in a tree in Ponyvile and has as many as five friends.
First there’s Pinkie Pie. She is always funny and does party stuff and is insane but that’s not bad because that makes her even funnier.
Then there’s Applejack who lives on a farm with her family – of which I don’t know the names - and sells apples.
Her third friend is Rarity and she’s also an unicorn but not good with magic. Instead she makes dresses, goes shopping and cries a lot and that’s why she’s best pony.
Another one of her friends is Rainbow Dash and she’s lesbian because of her hair color.
And finally there’s Fluttershy, who nobody likes. Especially not the author of this story! She’s a coward, cries very often, has a silly voice, always apologizes for everything, has an ugly haircut, is afraid of everything, don’t understand sarcasm, don’t do anything useful, says too much, is a pegasus but can’t fly, turned Rainbow Dash into a baby, became an evil demon-monster-alien-thingy, drugged Dash so that she could have sex with her, dragged Dash and Pinkie into a deadly nightmares that almost killed all of them and has a silly name. God I hate Fluttershy! Why couldn’t they use Firefly instead or that earth pony that looks like her but is better?
Anyway Twillight was walking down the main street of Ponyvile, humming the theme song and enjoying the warmth of the sun. “What a bright, happy and sunny day.” said Twillight. She was a very happy pony, but that would change soon.
Very soon.
Very, very soon.
BAM!
BAM! BAM! BAM!
“Oh no an explosion.” said Twillight as she ran away from the large explosions behind her.
Trees and grass and flowers and other stuff was flying through the air while the purple pony ran as fast she could but the explosion came closer and closer like a horror movie monster.
“I wish I had my books with me, so that I could read about things against explosions.” said Twillight. However, all the books were in her house so she could only run.
She was about to die and then suddenly the explosions stopped.
“The explosions stopped.” said Twillight and turned around.
Behind her was a large crater and in the middle of that crater was blue, smoking telephone box. The door of the telephone box swung open and a pony jumped outside.
(Guess who it is!)
It was a brown male pony with a horseglass cutie mark and an american accent. “Hello Twillight Sparkle. I’m an astronaut named Doctor Whofes and you must come with me. Your mother, Queen Celesia, is an evil tyrant and you are the only hope of ponykind.” said Doctor Wooves.
Twillight responded with laughter.
“You’re a silly pony Doctor. My mother is a nice pony and everybody loves her.” said Twillight.
“You’re wrong. She is evil. Just look around you.” said Doctor Whoufs.
At first Twillight didn’t believe the strange astronaut. But the she look around herself and realized something. Ponyvile wasn’t a happy place! Not at all! In a dark ally some of the guards were beating up innocent citizens and at the next corner some unlucky ponies that couldn’t pay the high taxes were escorted into prison. And at the next corner the guards executed three ponies. With lasers!
Twillight felt how her world crumbled and she sank on her knee. “Oh my god you’re right! Celesia is evil.” said Twillight.
“And that’s why you must come with me and help me to stop her.” said Doctor Whoops.
“But how can we stop the queen?” asked Twillight.
“With a secret weapon we must find. I already tried to find it but couldn’t, because the prophecy says that only the chosen mare could wield that weapon. You are the chosen mare Twillight.” said Doctor Whoooves.
“I’m the chosen mare?” asked Twillight.
“Yes you are.” said Doctor Whoorfes.
“Ok then let’s go and kill my evil mother.” said Twillight
“Yeah!” said Doctor Whoofv
And then they walked to the blue telephone box, ready to stop the evil Celesia. Unfortunately some guards heard them talking about killing Celesia and jumped in the way.
Twillight looked at them very angrily. “Let us pass guards. We’ll stop my mother.” said Twillight.
“I don’t think so Twillight Sparkle. We’re going to arrest you right now and take you to the princess.” said the lead guard.
“If you don’t let us pass we’ll fight you lead guard. You and your men.” said Twillight.
“So it be. You mother wanted you alive but now we have no other choice than to kill you and your astronaut friend.” said the lead guard.
Then he jumped forward and tried to kill Twillight. The purple unicorn, however, was faster. She hit him with a horn shoot in the chest.
“Aaaargghhhhh!” screamed the lead guard while crushing through six trees before a mountain stopped his flight path and collapsed onto him.
The other guards were shocked but attacked anyway because Celesia would kill them otherwise. So it was time for an awesome fight scene.
Twillight used her magic to create a blade and sliced through the guards like butter while the Doctor did some Doctor stuff and killed even more guards. But there were too many and it didn’t look good. Soon Twillight and the doctor were about to lose.
“Oh No were about to lose.” said Twillight.
“But I don’t want to go.” said Doctor Wfohves.
“Haha. Now we have you. I’ll kill you personally” said the new lead guard with a bloodthirsty smile.
So he grabbed his gun and was ready to shoot them but then… he took an arrow to the knee. He screamed because he was surprised and in pain.
“What was that?” said another guard.
Then something blue appeared on the sky and crushed right in the middle of the guards. It was… Rainbow Dash. The cyan pegsus wasted no time and started killing the guards. Twillight and the Doctor realized that his might be their only chance and so they joined her.
“Who are you?” asked Doctor Whouves.
“I’m a lesbian and my name is Rainbow Dash.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Ok that explains the hair.” said Doctor Whuoves.
They fight went on and on but there were still too many guards.
“There are still to many guards.” said Twillight.
Then Rainbow Dash had an idea.
“Twillight! Doctor! Quick run to the blue telephone box, I’ll try to buy you some time!” said Rainbow Dash.
“No Dash, don’t do that.” said Twillight.
But it was too late. Dash already gained the attention of every single guard and they all attacked her now instead of Twillight and the doctor. Twillight was about to rush to her friends aid as the doctor grab her.
“We must go now Twillight Sparkle. Her sacrifice will not be in vain and if we stay we all die.” said Doctor Whovess.
Twillight didn’t list. She struggled and tried to get free to help her friend. Tears were running around her face as she scream Rainbow Dash name.
“Rainbow Dash!” screamed Twillight.
So the doctor had no other choice than to hit her over the head with a screwdriver. The purple unicorn collapsed instantly and the astronaut dragged her to the telephon box and threw her inside. Before he entered the box himself he looked to Rainbow Dash one last time. “Farewell brave lesbian.” Said Doctor Whooofes. Then he closed the door and started the engine of his space ship.
Celesia was sitting on her I throne n Ponyland Castle, drinking blood out of a skull. (Don’t worry it’s not a pony skull.). While she was just thinking about all the gloriously evil things she could do, a guard stumbled into the room.
“Queen Celesia, I bring you bad news.” said the breathless guard.
The Queen raised herself from the throne, spread her large pinkie wings and looked at the guard with cold red eyes.
“Is that so? In that case you must die. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!” said Celesia and then she killed the guard and drank his blood.
“Please sister, why must you kill everybody who brings you bad news? That’s so cruel.” said a dark blue smaller pony that was chained to a wall.
“Because I’M EVIL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!” said Celesia.
“But..” said the blue sister.
“No but’s. You now shut up Lulamoon” said Celesia and then she shoot lightings out of her eyes.
The lightings hit Lulamoon and caused great pain. So Lulamoon started to cry, but that was ok because she was in pain and Celesia laughed. Then another guard entered the room stormed into the room.
“Queen Celesia, I bring you…” he said, but then he saw the dead corpse of the previous guard and stopped.
Unfortunately Celesia had already noticed him. She stopped the blood drinking and laughing and looked at the guard.
“Do you bring me bad news?” asked Celesia, happy to kill another guard.
“NO, NO. I bring you GOOD news.” said the sweating and stinking guard.
“What good news?” asked Celesia.
“Several guards were killed in a very bloody way and…” said the guard but was interrupted by Celesia.
“Yes those are good news. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!” said Celesia and started to laugh.
“No that is horrible because that means that ponies are death.” said Lulamoon but then Celesia hit her with another lighting.
“However, there is more good news. Your daughter Twillight finally realized that you’re evil and now she and Doctor Vhooves trying to find the secret weapon to stop you.” said the guard.
Celesia nodded her head in approval. It was sad that her daughter now knows that she was evil and she had to kill her. On the other hand she always wanted to kill her, so this was actually a good thing
“And the best of all is that we captured on of her friends.” said the guard.
“Which one?” asked Celesia.
“The lesbian.” said the guard.
“You foal! Why did you capture Liara? She’s just a background pony so Twillight will not care if I kill her.” screamed Celesia and started to kill the guard.
“No we captured the other lesbian called Rainbow Dash. The one who’s part of the harmony elements.” said the almost death guard.
“Oh that are very good news so I’m not killing you.” said Celesia and stopped killing the guard.
“Thanks my Queen.” said the guard and left the room and lived happily even after.
In the next scene Rainbow Dash was brought into the throne room. Large chains were all over her body and two guards actually had to drag her into the room. She didn’t look happy.
“Rainbooooowwwwwwwww Daaaaaassssssshhhhhhhh! Nooooooooooo!” screamed Lulamoon and tried to cry again but couldn’t because there were no tears left. Celesia was that evil.
“Mmpphhmppfffff.” said Rainbow Dash because there was a towel in her mouth.
“Ah welcome in Ponyland Castle my little Dashie. Let’s remove that towel so that everybody can hear your lovely voice. Shall we?” said Celesia and used her god-like powers to remove that towel from her mouth.
“You c******* p********* I’m going to c ******* end you if Twillight isn’t faster.” said Rainbow Dash.
“My, my what a bad language.” said Celesia.
“And what are you going to do about it Queen Meanie?” said Rainbow Dash.
(Queen Meanie! Got it? That’s what Pinkie Pie said as the black fog pony appeared in that one episode it’s a nod to that episode. That makes it funny, even if this is a sad, sad story.)
“I’ll cut off your wings. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!” said Celesia.
Suddenly all color was removed from Rainbow Dash face.
“No not my wings. I need them to fly and one day I want to join the Shadowbolts.” screamed Dash.
“And why should I care about a pathetic little lesbian?” asked Celesia while she looked at the sobbing Rainbow Dash.
“No please sister, have mercy. She doesn’t deserve this.” said Lulamoon, still on the wall.
But Celesia ignored her sisters pleading and the cries of Dash and ordered her guards to throw her into the dungeon so that her wings could be removed tomorrow during a public execution. Now she only needed to take care of her daughter and that telephone box traveling astronaut. And she had the right stallion for that job…
***
Meanwhile in Ponyvile Twillight’s friends were worried about her nothing showing up to her own birthday party – except for Rainbow Dash who was already in the Ponyland Castle prison.
“Nowa whera isa Twillighta? Sha was neva lad befoa.” said Applejack in her accent I’m not using again because it sounds silly.
“Indeed Darling. I just hope that her mother didn’t throw her into the dungeon. That would be soooooo horribly horrible.” said Rarity who was carrying three shopping bags around.
“I’m Pinkie Pie and I’m doing random stuff.” said Pinkie and painted the ceiling green.
“Who?” said Angel the animal assistant of Fluttershy and not Owlowiscious because he's death and retconed.
“Twillight Sparkle, the purple pony who lives in this house. Oh I’m sure you remember her, right? But if not that’s ok. It was a busy week for you poor little creature with all the researches Twillight did.” said the annoying yellow pony named Fluttershy and just showed again how stupid she is.
Because she totally failed to understand that Angel didn’t asked “Who?”. He’s just an bunny and bunnies making “Who” sounds all the time. Everybody knows that except for Fluttershy and now you all should laugh about her.
So they were all worried about Twilight and her lack of appearance as suddenly and out of nowhere a pony crushed through the window. It was covered in blood and it was his own blood.
“Oh my god it’s Sheriff Silverstar.” Screamed Applejack.
“Darling that blood totally doesn’t match with your mustache.” said Rarity.
“Look everybody I can stand on only one leg.” said Pinkie.
“We have now time for this Twillight Sparkle is in great danger. The queen wants to kill her; you must go and help her. “ said Sheriff Silverstar and died.
Fluttershy immediately stared to sob because she’s a weakling unlike Lulamoon who’s tears were totally justified.
“What do we do now? I got blood my coat and Celesia is trying to kill Twillight” said Rarity and started to cry and unlike Fluttershy she didn’t look like an idiot.
“We may have bigger problems. The guards are approaching this place.” said Applejack and looked out of the window
“Who?” said Angel not the owl.
“What are we going to doooooooooooooooooo?” screamed Rarity.
“I like volleyballs.” said Pinkie Pie
“I reckon that we try to take out as many as possible before they get us.” said Applejack and grabbed her shotgun.
“That’s a fabulous idea darling. Luckily I just bought this new diamond powered laser.” said Rarity and opened one of her shopping bags. Inside was …
…
A DIAMOND POWERED LASER
AJ looked into the faces of her friends and gave them a grim nod.
“Alright everyone, it’s time to chew bubble gums and kick plots.” said Applejack.
“Let’s eat some snails.”said Pinkie and grabed her two Uzis.
And then they started shooting the guards. Except for Angel who is just an bunny and Fluttershy who doesn’t own a gun and proved again how useless she is.
***
An evil looking stallion with a black coat, red eyes, a red mane and black eyes entered the throne room. His Cutie Mark was a cracking skull with bleeding eyes.
“Hail you Queen Celesia, I’m awaiting your orders.” said the cruel colt.
“Hail me. It’s nice to see you again Commander Killemall. I assume your last mission was a success?” asked Celesia.
“Indeed my Queen. We slaughtered every single buffalo between her and Appelsina and made nice, warm socks out of their skins. Soon you should receive the first shipment.” said Commander Killemall.
“Very well. I can’t wait to wear my new socks. But now I’ve another task for you.” said Celesia.
“Whatever you wish my Queen.” said Commander Killemall. Celesia smiled evilish. “You must find and kill my daughter.”
“But isn’t your daughter the chosen mare? And isn’t the chosen mare far too powerful?” asked Commander Killemall.
“No you foal! She will only become the chosen mare if she finds that artifact. You must kill her before that happens.” said Celesia.
“Even without that power, she’s still very powerful and she’s accompanied by the Doctor with his astronaut powers. This is no easy task.” said Commander Killemall.
This made Celesia very angry. So angry that her face turned red. So was about to kill Killemall but then she remembered that he was her best man and that she would need him to find her daughter. So she couldn’t kill him until later.
“If you succeed you’ll get more gold than you can ever imagine and as a bonus I make sure that you get the hat of Applejack.” said Celesia.
The mention of Applejack put a smile on his face and made his eyes all teary.
“How did you know about my secret desire?” asked Commander Killemall.
“You mean your live-long dream of standing above the dying Applejack, wearing her hat while she is cursing you with her last breath? That was easy.” said Celesia.
“Alright Queen. I’ll do it.” said Killemall. Sure it was very dangerous and there was a 100% chance that he could dye but the reward was totally worth it. Finally he could have his revenge and make Applejack and her family pay.
“Great. Now be so nice and kill some innocent on the way out, will you?” asked Celesia.
“As you wish.” he said and bowed before the Queen before leaving through the same door he entered.
After he was go Celesia turned to her sister. “Now nothing can stop me! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!” said Celesia.
“He can still die.” said Lulamoon.
“Maybe. But that’s why I have back-up plan.” said Celestia.
Lulamoon gulped. Her evil sister had a back-up plan? She didn’t expect that. Now all hope was lost!
“Allow me to present you my back-up plan.” Said Celesia and pushed a big red buitton on the wall.
With a large “SNIRRKKKKKK” sound a big door opened itself and a huge figure stepped out of the shadows.
Lulamoon gasped and looked at the horrifying creature.
“Yes I’m a tyrant with a Tyrant.” screamed Celesia.
(Woah that is certainly the best pun I’ve ever made and this is only the second chapter!
By the way, that Tyrant looks like the Tyrant from the fifth Resident Avil game. The only difference is that he has a cutie mark in form of a heart. It’s a symbol for his special talent of ripping out hearts. I would give you a better description of the Tyrant but I’m assuming that everybody who’s reading this story already played all Resident Avil games. If you didn’t play those games just search in the Internet.There are lots of pictures of the Tyrant.)
“Sparkle!” said the Tyrant and moved forward.
“Yes. Even if Killemall fails, you will not fail. Now go and kill my own daughter.” said Celesia.
“Sparkle!” said the Tyrant as he walked past a horrified Lulamoon and left the castle.
Everybody who saw the creature on his path immediately fell unconscious or got a heart attack. The creature didn’t notice. It had only one mission.
“Sparkle!” said the Tyrant again.
Celesia watched the creature from the big window in the throne room. “Yes. Yes Yes. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!”
“Sparkle!” said the Tyrant.
(Don’t worry Killemall is not THE BEST OC EVER He will be revealed in the next even more amazing chapter of this story.)
The tyrant was still walking through the countryside on his mission to find Twillight Sparkle.
“Sparkle!” said the Tyrant.
***
Fire, explosions and bullets were everywhere. And he was in the middle looking at the enemies very angrily. The enemies tried to killed him but couldn’t because he was that good. He dogded all their bullets, jumped over a barbwire fence and kill some of them.
“Who are you?” screamed one of the enemies in a funny foreign accent.
“I’m Admiral Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon, leader of the U. S. Army Saijin Brigade.” said Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon, leader of the U. S. Army Saijin Brigade.
“Then I will kill you!” screamed the enemy, but couldn’t do it because Awesome ripped out his heart. And then he kill several more. But he didn’t stop because there were still more enemies.
So ran did a bit more running until and enemy tank stand in his way. “Prepare to die!” said the Tank but Awesome just hit it with his fist so long until it was only a small metal cube. Then he ran a bit more.
Some enemies still tried to shoot him but couldn’t because he dodged all the bullets. So he ran into the enemy camp and killed that guy from the TV that nobody likes and destroyed their whole camp.
“What an awesome job I have done!” said Awesome and made a cool pose.
“But now I should go back to my tent and sleep a bit before killing more enemies.” said Awesome and so he move back to the Amarican camp. He entered his tent but was already expected by the President of Amarican.
“Hello Mr. President. Beautiful weather isn’t it?” asked Awesome.
“Indeed. But that’s not why I’m in your tent I have an important mission for you Awesome Yoasoun Armageddon.” said P. Resident the President of Amarican.
“Whatever it is President P. Resident considers it done. Because that’s what I’m doing.” said Awesome.
“That’ good to know. Because the enemy leader boss is in a base nearby. And he has an evil weapon that will do bad things to people if you don’t stop him.” said President P. Resident.
“Enemy leader boss is nearby? That is good news Mr. President. I always wanted to kill him.” said Awesome.
“Maybe you shouldn’t go alone. Enemy leader boss has many guards, not even the of the Saijin Brigade could make it past the defense.” said one of those guys with black suits, black pants, black sunglasses, black shoes and the funny things the ear who looks like those guys from Matrix and always standing next to the president.
“You think I can’t handle this?” asked awesome and punched the black wearing dude in the face who was totally shocked and didn’t expect that.
“I’m shocked and didn’t expect that.” said the black wearing dude.
“I’m not only an admiral and a Saijin, I’m also a vampire who can walk in the sunlight. Enemy leader boss and his many guards will not stop me from saving the world.” Screamed Awesome and punched the black wearing dude again to make sure that he would understand.
“Please don’t punch my black wearing dudes Admiral even if you’re awesome and I agree that you will save the world from enemy leader boss all alone.” said President P. Resident.
(Got it? P. Resident = President. Just remove the dot and put the P before the R of the name. It’s funny.)
“Thanks for your word of confidence.” said Awesome.
“Just be careful. Because those weapons are evil and if he uses them it would make many people sad and death.” said the Amarican president.
“Don’t worry. I’ll do the right thing.” said Awesome and dashed off right to the secret base of enemy leader boss.
“Is it a bird?” asked one of enemy leader bosses guards.
“Is it a plan?” asked another one of enemy leader bosses guards.
“No it’s Awesome Yoasoun Armageddon.” said again another guard.
“The we must kill him.” said the first guard and then they tried to do so.
So the fired their guns but didn’t know that Admiral Awesome could dodge all their bullets. So he dodged all their bullets and then he killed them. And then he killed some more guards. And then he entered the secret base. And then he killed some more guards. And then he used a lift into the secret underground base under the secret base. And there he killed some more guards and some cyborgs and evil scientist, too. And then he walked to the villain of enemy leader boss. And their he killed some more guards and finally stand before enemy leader boss.
He was a very evil looking man with a funny uniform and had only one eye, one hand, one ear and one nose and right behind him was a large bad weapon.
“I expected you Awesome my old nemesis.” said enemy leader boss with his evil voice.
“I expected you too.” said Awesome. Enemy leader boss looked surprise. “Why did you expect me her?” he asked.
“Because this is your secret lair.” Screamed Awesome and punched him very hart
Enemy leader boss crushed into the weapon and thus the Countdown started.
“Oh no. No we’re all going to die.” Said enemy leader boss.
“No before you die.” Said Awesome and then they fought.
Enemy leader boss grabbed as large mace that was poisoned with acid and made out of very strong steel while Awesome used his Saijin Katamaranu. So the both fought very tensely. Then enemy leader boss hit Awesome in the arm.
“Ha your death now.” said enemy leader boss.
Enemy leader boss was now very confident that he could kill Awesome and then he would be a big hero and enemy leader bosses followers would make him king of the world.
“Oh no. I’m dying and can’t fight back any more. I’ll now drop my weapon and knee before me so that you can kill me.” said Awesome.
And then he droped his sword and kneed before enemy leader boss. Enemy leader boss believed Awesome and so he moved closer them him and lifted his acid-poisoned axe.
“Goodbye Admiral Awesome Yoasoun Armageddon.” said enemy leader boss and prepared to kill him.
But that was wht Awesome had planed, so he quickly pulled a dagger out of his unform and stabed enemy boss leader.
“Arghhhh!” screamed enemy boss leader and was bleeding and felt on the floor. He was now dead because his eyes were open.
Awesome quickly jumped on his feet’s to stupid the countdown of t evil weapon. But it was to late and everything exploded in a big explosion.
***
Meanwhile in Ponyvle the situation was dire. The Mane Six – minus Twillight Sparkle who was with Doctor Whoowes and Rainbow Dash who was in a prison and Fluttershy who is useless – still fought against the guards.
“We’re running out of ammo.” Screamed Applejack so loud that the enemies could hear her, too.
“And I’m missing my hair dresser appointment.” cried Rarity.
“And I wish that stupid author would give me better dialogues.” said Pinkie while doing some random stuff.
Sure they had killed around 1.000 guards in the shout-out at Twillight’s house but there were still more and now there were even the elite elite guards which are black alicorns with spiky armors, sunglasses and gas masks.
“All right my little ponies. Surrender now and we spare your lives.” said one of the elite elite guards.
“No we don’t surrender to your evil queen Celesia.” screamed Applejack and killed some more guards.
“If you not surrender, we’ll kill this background pony.”said the elite elite guard and placed a gun on the head of a background pony but then Pinkie gave him a headshot.
Then the guards killed the background pony and continued shooting. Fortunately it wasn’t one of the populare background ponies so the death wasn’t that said. “Wait are we going to dooooooooooo? I don’t want to die in such a dirty place.” screamd Rarity.
“Uumm… maybe we could dig our way out. There are some shovels in the cellar and the ground isn’t that solid.” said Fluttershy. But that was a stupid suggestion because Fluttershy made it.
So they fired a bit more at the guards until another elite elite guard who was hiding behind a pile of death guards screamed over to them.
“Surrender now. We have Twillight’s boyfriend and we’re going to kill him if you not surrender.” Said the elite elite guard.
“Aww horseapples they have Trixie.” said Applejack.
And indeed that had captured Twillight’s boyfriend and one of the elite elite guards had placed a laser on his head.
“Don’t surrender. He’s going to kill me anyway.” screamed Trixe over the battlefield.
“No we don’t.” said that elite elite guard.
“What are we going to do now?” asked Applejack and looked very concerned at her five friends.
“We totally should surrender so that I can still make it to my appointment with the hair dresser.” said Rarity.
“That’s a good argument Rarity. Ok we’re going to surrender.”said Applejack and dropped her gun out of the window.
“I was once in Paris” said Pinkie Pie.
Then the other dropped there guns, too.
“Ok evil guards, we’re coming out now. Don’t shoot.” said Applejack.
“No. We lied. We’re going to shoot you.” said the elite elite guard.
“Oh no they lied.” said Applejack
And then the guard were about to shoot them and Trixie, too. But suddenly a withe light appeared in the middle between them and out of the light dropped human.
He was wearing a badass army uniform with many medals and had blond hair and a badass face. It was….
…
ADMIRAL AWESOME YONASOMUN ARMAGEDDON! THE BEST OC EVER! (Title drop)
He opened his eyes and looked around. “Oh I’m in a land fully of magical talking ponies and those ponies in tree over their fighting against the evil ponies of their evil queen.” he immediately realized and thus skipped the boring introduction part so that we are right back into the action.
Awesome immediately pulled out his sword and started killing the surprised elite elite guard and made lots of good puns while doing so.
“Who is this human?” screamed one of the elite elite guards after he was beheaded by Awesome.
“I don’t know, but we should run away quickly and warn the Queen.” Said another elite elite guard who was running away.
And soon they were all die. Happily Awesome put his sword back into the sword belt and looked at the Mane Six minus Twillight and Rainbow Dash and plus Trixie who isn’t a Mane Six but Twillight’s boyfriend.
“Ah thanks for saving our plots Mr. human. You are an awesome person.” said Applejack.
“And I really like your hair.” said Rarity.
“And you are totally not a Self-Insert and a Mary Sue.” added Pinkie Pie.
And then this very populare OC from that other story with ponies appeared and looked at Awesome.
“Hey you are the best OC every (Title drop again!) You are even better than me.” said the populare OC from that other story.
“Yes I know.” said Awesome and was happy.
But then a certain yellow Pegasus with pink mane carefuly approached him.
“Uh hello Mr. human. My name is Fluttershy and… Welcome to Equestria.” said the worst pony.
Of course, Admiral Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon was immediately annoyed by that yellow pony.
“SHUT UP YOU ANNYOING THING!” he screamed and then he punched Fluttershy in the face. And since she is such a pathetic character she started to cried almost immediately and ran away while blood was running out of her nose.
It now rained and the Tyrant was very wet but he still was walking.
“Sparkle!” said the Tyrant.
***
The lesbian Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and felt cold stone in her back. First she had no idea where she was but then she remembered that Queen Celesia had thrown her in the Ponyland castle dungeon and wanted to cut off her wings.
So Dash decided to do something and so she did something and screamed a bit but nobody seemed to ignore her.
“Looks like I need a clever escape plan.” said Rainbow Dash.
“No clever escape plan vill let you escape Fraeulein Dash.” said a person right new to Dash she hadn’t notice before.
Dash turned around to see the person right next to her and her breath freeze.
It was a griphon with a spikey helmet and a monocle. A griphon she already knows from her past times.
“King Gilda of the griphon? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you chained to a wall like me and wearing a weapon?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Zat is because ve griphon are vorking vith Queen Selesia to enslave all pony.” said King Gilda for the griphon.
“WHAT?” screamed Dash who couldn’t believe her ears because she never thought that the evil Queen was working with the evil Griphons.
“Zat is correct Fraeulein Dash. Ve made a pact vith ze Queen. Ve are her guards and kill all pony rebels and in exchange ve and rule over all ze ponies.” said Gilda.
“But I thought we friends.” said Dash.
“Ve vere once friends, but you didn’t love me. Zat made me sad and I feel nozing for you anymore.” said King Gilda.
“But I couldn’t love you because I’m lesbian because of hair.” said Dash.
“Zen our talking is over.” said King Glda and left. And then he placed two grim looking griphon guards next to Dash she that she wouldn’t do anything like escaping.
Dash wanted to cry but couldn’t because she was lesbian. So she just screamed in anger and frustration and stuff.
“Zhut up!” screamd one of the griphon guards.
“Make me shut up!” screamed Dash back.
“Abgasferordnung!” said the griphon and punched Dash in the rainbow symbol on her side. That was painful and so Dash screamed.
“Hey you Dash, you want to escape?” said a guy that was chained to a walk next to Dash.
“Sure thing.” said Dash and looked at that guy.
The guy looked like Twillight only as a guy and with a beard and fancy cloth stuff.
“Hey you are Starwirl the vizard, right?” asked Dash.
“Yes I’m. I didn’t like the evil stuff of the queen and said no. So she threw me into prison and made the griphon breaking my legs.” Said Starwirl the vizard.
“That sounds bad.” said Dash.
“Yes it’s bad. But together we can escape and tell the others that Celesia is evil and then we stop her.” said Starwirl.
“Nein talking!” said one of the griphon guards.
***
Meanwhile in Ponyvile: A dead elite elite guard who wasn’t dead rises his hands and used his weapon to shoot Fluttershy. But then he missed and was whole dead and the bullet killed Owlowiscious instead.
“No!” screamed everybody and Admiral Awesome, too.
So now Owlowiscious is death and didn’t appear in the story at all and instead it was Angel who talked the whole time. And now it’s Fluttershy’s vault that the owl is dead. *** Meanwhile in space the ship with Twillight and Doctor Voohves was attacked by space sharks.
“The ship is attacked by space sharks.” said Twillight who was stumbling through the ship like in those old star tirak movies.
“Quick we must fire the death rays.” said Doctor Whoovesss.
“Ok.” said Twilligh and ran to the death rays.
However then a space shark breached the hull of the ship and tried to grab Twillight with his sharp mouth but Twillight dodged. Very sadly the space shark was now standing between her and the death ray button.
“Doctor the shark is now standing between me and the death ray button!” sceamed Twillight.
Then Doctor Whuves wanted to say something but another space shark appeared and ate him into two halves.
“I don’t want to go.” said Doctor Whooves and then the astronaut was death.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” screamd Twillight sexily and felt how her anger rised.
Then more spaces sharks breached through the hull and so Twillight ran away and hide in the broom closet. The shark, who aren’t stupid, followed Twillight to the broom chamber and since they as smart as the lizard in that movie on the island with that guy who got eaten by a T-Rix they could open the door.
Twillight was horrified as the door slowly opend and a shark peeked in.
“I’m horrified.” said Twillight.
And then a shark jumped in and killed her and Twillight was death.
***
Or is she?
…
TWIST TIME!
DA-DA-DUM
…
Five seconds before the shark jumped in Twillight noticed a hatch on the ground with a ladder leading up.
“There’s a hatch on the ground with a ladder leading up. Now I can escape.” Said Twillight and climbed down just in the moment one of the sharks jumped in, but he couldn’t kill her because she was already down the hatch.
WHAT A TWIST!
So Twillight climbed down the hatch and reached the reactor core of the ship that was bigger in the inside than the outside. And then Twillight had an idea.
She jumped into the reactor core with a loud scream. As expected the power that powered the space ship hurted her body. But then some changes happened. She could feel how her body grow and her eyes started glowing withy liked in the show when she kills somebody with that color death ray.
Now the space sharkes jumped into the room and saw how Twillight transformed. Suddenly wings sprouted out of her back as her horn became larger and her hair went wild and started to sparkle. The sharks were totally surprised by that until Twillight suddenly stand before them.
“YOU KILLED THE DOCTOR! YOU MADE MY ANGRY AND MY WRAITH IS OVER 9.000! NOW YOU WILL DIE!” said Twillight in the royal voice.
Like everyone in this story the sharks attacked anyway because they didn’t know better. The stood no chance since Twillight was now far more powerful and soon the sharks were death. After the deed was done Twillight crawled over to the death Doctor and cried.
“You were a brave hero and I’ll never forget you doctor. I’ll carry one, find the artifact, become the chosen mare and stop my evil mother Celesia for doing more evil stuff.” said Twillight and closed his eyes while he smiled happily.
Then she walked over to the commando bridge and punched the navigation consol.
“D-E-S-T-I-N-A-T-I-O-N?” said the robotic voice of the navigation consol.
“Equestria. Near the artifact.” Said Twillight determent to finish the mission.
“P-I-L-O-T?” asked the robotic voice
“Twillight Sp…” said Twillight but stopped. She realized that she was now indeed an alicorn, too and more powerful than ever So she need an new name to show that change and to honor the doctor, too.
Installment Five – New Awesome Lulamoon Empire vs Celesia Evil Loser
The tyrant was walking on the road that leads to Ponyvile. It still rained.
“Sparkle!” said the Tyrant who didn’t know about changed name.
***
Everyone in Ponyvile was celebrating the victory over the army of Queen Celesia and they had a huge celebration because no one knew about the death of Doctor Whooves which would’ve ruined the mod and made everyone sad.
“The reign of terror is finally over. That’s simply fabulousing dashing darling.” said Rarity
“Yay. And all thanks to our new best friends and awesomest human ever Admiral Awesome.” said Applejack
“That’s right I’m Awesome. And that’s why you and I will kill the evil Queen Celesia.” said Awesome.
“But how?” asked an unimportant background pony.
“By fighting.” said Awesome
“That makes sense.” said the unimportant background pony.
“But we can’t stay in the town. That’s what the evil queen is accepting.” said another unimportant background Pony who was poking a dead elite elite guard with a stick to make sure he was death.
“We could hide on my farm. It’s outside and Celesia will not expect that.” said Applejack.
“That’s a great idea.” said Trixie who totally agreed because it was a great idea.
Awesome thought about it and realized that it was a bad idea.
“No we should hide in the Evarfre Forest.” said Awesome.
“I agree with my best friend Awesome.” said AJ.
“That’s an even greater idea.” said Trixie.
“My cutie mark is tree balloons.” said Pinkie.
“What a fabulous idea darling. But Queen Celesia thought about this and place some many uncouth land mines on the path to the forest.” said Rarity.
“And there’s n evil entrances living in the forest who does evil dances and worships Satan and play bad videogames.” said Applejack.
This made Awesome think. In fact it made him think so hard that his head hurt in a not lethal way. He could punch the evil enchantress that was no problem. But what to do about land mines. He couldn’t punch them. Or could he? No. Also it would be boring.
Thankfully a solution arrived immediately in shape of three littles fillies on a Scooter.
“CUTE MARK CRUSADERS STREET ALONG RIDER.” screamed the little kids before they were stop by Awesome.
It was the three CUTE MARK CRUSADERS: Scotaalo a Pegasusususu filly who was a big fan of Dash and wanted to be such a great lesbian as her idol (but couldn’t because she hadn’t the right hair color), Berry Punch who was working on Applejack’s farm or something and the white one with that long complicated name I always forget.
(Seriously give them better names Marvel or I STOPP WATCHING YU SHOW I ONLY WATCHED BECAUSE OF THAT BET!)
“He Awesome what’s up. Heard anything from Dash?” asked Scotaalo.
“The evil Queen Celesia probably trapped and killed her. In a slow and painful way. said Awesome.
“Nooooo. Why Dash? Nooooo.” screamed Scotaalo and started to sob and cry.
“And then she turned her into Cupcakes and ate them.” added Awesome and strangely Scotaalo cried even more.
(Cupcakes! Get it?)
“Don’t worry Scots. We are still your friends and will help you get your Cute Mark.” said Berry Punch.
“Yes. That’s what friends do.” said the white one.
“Thanks you are the best friends. Even now after Dash is death.” said Scotaalo and didn’t cried that much anymore.
“And you know how you can avenge her death?” asked Awesome.
“No” said all three Crusaders at the same time.
“You could join our rebellion against Celesia and help us by clearing the path to the Evarfre Forest from land mnes.” said Awesome.
“But isn’t that dangerous.” asked Berry Punch?
“Sure But you might get your Cute Mark.” said Awesome.
“Dirt is funny.” said Pinkie Pie.
“I don’t know…” said the withe one.
“If you don’t do it Celesia will come to Ponyvile and we have no place to run and then everybody and your families die.” said Awesome.
So the Crusaders immediately started to cry and rushing toward the path to disarm the land mines.
“CUTE MARK CRUSADERS LAND MINE DISARMER.” screamed the Cute Mark Crusaders.
And everybody cheered because Admiral Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon was such a great character who just solved the mine problem. Except for one pony.
“Umm... excuse me mister Admiral… I don’t want you to think bad of me but isn’t it just a little bit cruel to send little fillies to disarm landmines.” said that annoying animal hugger.
“Do I need to punch you in the face again?” asked Awesome and then Fluttershy was quiet.
“But we still need a name for our group who fights against Celesia.” said Trixie.
Don’t worry Darling. I’m sure the dazzling Admiral has already a name.” said Rarity.
And Awesome had already a name!
He jumped onto a big statue and looked into the crowd.
“I already have a name.” said Awesome and looked into the many faces below him.
There were Rarity and Pinkie Pie and Applejack and Liara and Bonbon and Octavia and Vinyl and Mayor and Spitefire and Berry and Derpy and Doctor Whoovies and Sparkler and Caramel and Hearthstrong and Angel and Prince Blueblood and Braeburn and Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh and Soaring and Dinky and Carrot Top and Mr. Cake and Sheriff Silverstar and Trixie and Granny Smith and Sweetie Belle and Fancy Pants and Fleur and Lyra and DJ-PON3 and Caramel Toffee and Colgate and Upper Crust and Commander Hurricane and Nyx and Pipsqueak and Noi and Gibson and Scotaalo and Twilight’s Mom and Inky and Gummy and Mrs. Cake and Blues and Littlepip and Chief Thunderhooves and Minty and many other ponies, too.
“We will call ourself New Lulamoon Repbulic because I read it in a Fan Fic.” Awesome said and everybody cheered.
“However, since I’m the leader we’ll add an Awesome into the name because that’s my name and so it sounds more Awesome. So we will call ourself the New Awesome Lulamoon Republic.” Said Awesome and everybody cheered again.
“However, I decided to make the name more awesome. And Republic sound boring so we’ll replace it with Empire because that sounds cooler like in Star Wars. So we will call ourself the New Awesome Lulamoon Empire.” Said Awesome and everybody cheered again.
“And to make sure that Celesia will not come up with a better new for her group we’ll call them now Celesia Evil Losers. Because Celesia leads them, they are evil and they are loser.” said Awesome and everybody cheered again.
“I love you. You are the best OC ever.” said Applejack.
“All your plans are great and well-thought masterpieces and I’m not saying that because you’re a blunt wish-fulfillment of the author.” added Pinkie Pie.
“Yes I’m Awesome. And now let’s head to the Evarfre Forest.” said Awesome
“But what’s about my love Twillight?” asked Trixie, Twillight’s husband.
“There’s nothing we can do for here now. It’s better to go into the forest.” said Awesome.
“That sounds like a great idea.” said Rainbow Dash who suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
“Rainbow Dash!” everybody screamed in excitement.
“Who are you and how did you escape from Ponyland Castle?” asked Awesome.
“I’m Rainbow Dash and I’m a lesbian. And I escaped from Ponyland Castle with the help of Starwirl the vizard. We killed many guards and fought a dragon and then Starwirl died and I had to leave him behind.” said Rainbow Dash.
“Great. That explains the hair. So let’s finally go to Evarfre Forest and see if the CMC’s are still alive.” said Awesome.
“Ve a very sorry. Really! But ze good new is zat ve kill Starwirl” said one guard griphon.
“Queen Celesia will not like it. Not a bit. Zats for sure.” said King Gilda.
“What will I not like it?” asked Queen Celesia who was suddenly at the door and looked at King Gilda munching some really cute baby seals.
“Nozing. Ve only have good news, definatley no bad ones.” said King Gilda who was sweating like something very sweaty.
“Ooohh I like good news. Tell me them.” said Celesia and burped because the seals tast so good.
“Vell the good news is zat ve killed Starwirl the vizard vhile he tried to escape from ze dungon vith Rainbow Dash.” said King Gilda.
“Good. I never liked him anyway.” said Queen Celesia.
“Sadly… I mean luckily Dash escaped, too. And probably varned all here friends. Vhich Is a good zing. Because… because… it’s a good zing?” said King Gilda.
“Indeed it is. Oh I love to hear good news. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” said Queen Celesia.
Then suddenly a guard stormed into the room
“Queen Celesia I have… good news. We failed to kill Twillight’s friends and she killed lots of us and lots of elite elite guards!” said the guard.
“WHAAAAATTTTTT?” asked Celesia.
“We are sorry.” said the guard.
“You stupid foals (Hehe foals)! I gave you one simple task and you failed. Now everybody knows that I’m evil and there’s a rebellion. That’s not what I wanted. I should kill you right now.” said Celesia.
“But I… I… brought you good news.” said the guard.
“That’s right and I’m not killing you.” said Celesia and killed one of the griphon in the room because she was angry and wanted to kill someone.
Then everybody looked at her funny.
“So vhat’s is zeir plan? Are zey moving tovard Ponyland Castle?” asked King Gilda.
“No not Ponyland Castle. They are moving toward Evarfre Forest planning to set up a resistance base.” said the guard.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Then they will die there are landmines on the path and a evil enchantress in the forest.” said Celesia.
“Maybe not. They are lead by a human.” said the guard.
“A human? Ze most powerful zing in ze univers?” asked King Gilda. The guard noded.
“What’s his name?” asked Celesia.
“Admiral Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon.” said the guard.
Celesia had never heard that name before but suddenly fear grabbed her heart, shaked it, squeezed it, pushed it, tickled it and grabbed it again. And then she wets herself because that name sounds so scary.
“Ve must stop zis human. He is a bigger danger zan your daughter my queen.” said King Gilda.
“You are right. We will kill them first. But before that we must know his weaknesses.” said Celesia.
“That should be no problem my queen. I Enemy Boss Leader know everything about him.” Said Enemy Boss Leader suddenly appearing from the shadows.
CHAPTER FIVE – In Evarfre Forest nobody hears your scream
Autor note: Hai everybody! It’s me the autor of story Yonsonun. Yes I named after the OC, because he’s made after me. Well I’m no vampire or Saijin or Admiral but I wish I was so that I could live in Ponyland and punch Fluttershy all the day.
I write this because I amazed by the rating. It’s not easy to get two stars on this site because everybody is criticly. There are stories with over 1.000 comments, everybody likes and still gives five stars. So that means my story is better than all their stories.
*laughter’s and points with fingers at them* You guys need cooler characters and good plots like mine story. But don’t steal Awesome because he’s mine! But I like to give you all advices about how to write such a great story. If you are interested just sent my 20 $ and I help make your story as Awesome as mine.
As for my voters, keep up the voting. Two stars are good but I want One.
But enough of that blabla and onward with the story since you all missing Awesome and Twillight and the others.
Chapter Five – In Evarfre Forst nobody hears your scream
The Tyrant now has reached Ponyvile which was empty because everyone left for Evarfre Forest. But the Tyrant didn’t bother and moved toward the library.
“Sparkle!” said the Tyrant.
And then suddenly out of nowhere a Spaceship crash into Ponyvile and caused and huge explosion that destroyed the whole town and blew the Tyrant so high in the sky that he flew into the sun and burned to death.
BAM!
BAM! BAM! BAM!
Made the explosion.
And as it was over the door of the blue telephone box who was a spaceship open and out of it jumped Twillight Sparklier the alicorn.
She looked around in the huge crater that was once Ponyvile but now there was nothing left of the town. “There’s nothing left of the town.” said Twillight Sparklier.
Then she thought about her next steps. She needed to stop her evil mother but she need help to do so because she’s a powerful alicorn and evil. Maybe she should recuse Rainbow Dash but then she remember that Dash probably would’ve escaped by now because she was lesbian and could seduce guards with hot lesbian sex.
So her other option was to look for other allies.
“My other option is to look for other allies” said Twillight Sparklier and spread her wings because she could fly now. And then she flow into the sky looking for other allies.
***
“I haaaaattttttttttteeeeeeeeeeee walking. I wanted to go home and watch shopping TV.” Cried Rarity.
“I want to cuddle an elephant for my birthday.” said Pinkie.
“Don’t worry Rarity. It’s only one more minute.” said Applejack.
“But I caaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn’ttttttttttt any longer. It’s just to dashing.” Screamd Rartiy.
“If it’s really that hard to walk five minutes, I could carry you.” said Applejack.
“It’s glad that you finally admitted your love to Rartiy.” said ADMIRAL Awesome.
“My… what?” asked Applejack.
“Oh don’t deny it. You’re made in love with Rartiy since the moment you offered to carry her.” said Awesome.
Applejack wanted to deny it but then she realized that he was true. She cried and hugged Rariy.
“Oh Rartiy I love you.” Screamed Applejack.
“Oh Applejack I love you.” Screamed Rartiy.
“But what will your friends think about our secret relation. Will the accept us?” asked Rarity.
“I’m 20% cool with it.” said Rainbow Dash
“Jumping is fun.” said Pinkie.
“It’s… nice. But are you sure you love each other?” asked Fluttershy who always wanted to ruin other Ponies happiness and never get’s laid by anypony for this.
“Of course we do. The last one minute was an eye opener. And ADMIRAL Awesome said we are in love and he is always right.” said Applejack.
“Man I wish I had a lesbian girl friend.” said Rainbow Dash.
“But you love Pinkie aren’t you?” asked Awesome.
“YES YOU ARE RIGHT I LOVE YOU PINKIE!” screamed Rainbow Dash who couldn’t harbor her feeling that much longer.
“Nails make ouchies if you sit on them.” said Pinkie and licked stone with her tongue.
“I’m glad that you like me to. But what will our friends think about our secret relation. Will the accept us?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Of course. Oh this is so beatifuly I’m crying now.” said Rarity and cried again.
“Sure. I you are still my best buddy. Right after Awesome her.” said Applejack.
“Oh I’m so happy Pinkie.” screamed Dash.
“Pirateninjas.” Screamed Pinkie and then they kissed.
“So now that we solved all the love tension we can stop the Queen. And look we are at the border of the forest.” said Awesome.
And the were in fact and the border of the Forest and there was a large pile of disarmed mines right next to the path as well as the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
“Oh you are still alive. I didn’t expect that” said ADMIRAL Awesome in a nice way.
“Yes but we sadly didn’t get any Cutie Mark.” said Berry Punch.
“And the white one lost a leg.” said Scotalo.
Then the white one appeared and her left back leg was missing and probably blown up.
“It don’t hurt.” said the white CMC.
“Oh my goodness.” Screamed Fluttershy and rushed past Awesome to look after the wound because she can’t she blood like Awesome who had no problem with that which is why he’s an Admiral and the other stuff. “So now we can go in the forest.” said Awesome.
“But what about the dangers and the evil enchantress and the monsters and the gay snake?” asked Trixie.
“Good point. Somebody should scout the area. Hey want you to be CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS EVARFRE SCOUTS?” asked Awesome.
“I still feel dizzy in the head.” said the white one.
“You are always dizzy in the head that’s why you are dictionary. And now go into the forst.” said Awesome.
And the CMC’s would’ve gone scouting the forest if t weren’t for Fluttershy who went bitch.
“Oh No Mister! You’re not sending these little fillies into the Evarfre Forest. If you are such a great and awesome guy why don’t YOU go into that forest instead of ordering everybody around?” said Fluttershy. ` “Because scouting is boring. I want to smash people.” Said AMDIRAL Awesome and showed again how much better than Fluttershy he is.
“Ooohhh so much drama.” screamed Rarity.
“I guess you both have a point Awesome and Fluttershy. So maybe I should go scouting.” said Applejack
“No you are a main character. It’s better to send in a unimportant background pony.” Said Awesome and pointed at a pony.
“You go into the forst scouting.” said Awesome. “Great!” said the unimportant background pony and rushed into the forest.
Everybody waited a bit.
“AAAAARRRRRHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGG!” screamed to unimportant background pony from inside the forest and then was silent.
“The title is wrong. We can hear you screaming if you’re inside the Evarfre forest.” said Pinkie.
“Don’t worry, we have more background ponies.” said Awesome.
*** “AAAARRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHH SWEET CELE… Oh wait she’s evil…. SWEET LULAMOON IT HURTS. ARGHHHHHHH…” screamed another unimportant background pony from inside the forest.
“Looks like we’re running out of unimportant background ponies.” said Applejack.
“Don’t worry then we send in the less popular background ponies.” said Awesome who is a brilliant strategist.
“Oh let me go please.” said Rainbow Dash.
“But you are a main character and if you die I would be sad.” said Awesome.
“Oh please. I want to do something important.” said Rainbow Dash.
“But you are already doing something important by being lesbian.” said Awesome.
“Oh come on! Is “begin lesbian” the only thing I’m good for in this story? What’s about my amazing flight skills or the fact that I can pull of a Sonic Rainboom? Isn’t that more important than my sexual orientation?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Everybody stared at her.
“What’s a Sonic Rainboom , darling?” asked Rarity.
A frustrated loud came out of Dash mouth and then she dashes into the forest
“What’s wrong with her?” asked Applejack.
“It’s probably a lesbian thing.” said ADMIRAL Awesome.
***
So now Dash was in the forest because she wanted “character development” despite Awesomes advice against it. It was very dark, gloomy and woody in the forest but Dash wasn’t afraid cause she’s Rainbow Dash (and a lesbian).
“I’m going to have some awesome character development when I save the day and scout the forest for evil monsters.” said Dash to herself.
But while she was so confident she didn’t realize how close to the water she came and suddenly without warning a gay snake jumped out of the water a grabed Dash
“Oh nooooooo!” screamed Dash.
“Oh Yesssssssssss!” said the gay snake in an evil gay voice.
Dash tried to fly away and kicked the snake in the face but she couldn’t because the grabing had broken her wing.
“Help me! I don’t want character development anymore.” screamed Dash.
“Oh it’s to laaaaaaaate. And you ruined my pretty face you will so so much pay for it.” said the gay snake.
“I’m not afraid of you do your worst.” said Dash.
“Oh that’s what I’m planning to do. I’ll turn you gay.” Said the gay snake and laughed in an evil gay way.
Dash eyes width in terror as the snake squeed her and started to make her gay.
“Noooooooooooooo!” screamed Dash and tried to struggle free but it was hopeless. She could really feel how she became gayer from minute to minute. Soon she would be a gay to and do evil stuff. It was hopeless and so she started to cry. But this time no turtle could save her.
“Aaaahhhhh don’t fight it. You know you want to be gay.” said the snake.
But then he stopped talking because two lasers hit the snake in the chest and made her scream and drop Dash.
Dash rolled off in the grass and was glade. She was saved just time before becoming gay.
“How dare you prevent my evil plans.” said the snake and looked and the disturber It was…
…THE SLENDERMAN!
The Slenderman ingored the bitching of the snake and shooted another pair of laser out of his eyes.
“Argghhhh! I’m melting.” Screamed the snake and melted.
The Slenderman move slowly toward Dash in his goofy walking style and Dash was a bit nervous because Slenderman was an ancient evil but he saved her live so he couldn’t back right
“So thanks for saving my live and lesbianess. How can I repay you?” asked Dash.
Slenderman responded by kissing her. It was a good kiss and Dash liked it. But I’m not going to describe it because it’s cheesy. Just look at any of this shipping Fics for a description it’s just the same.
Then as they stopped kissing Dash looked in the eyes of Slenderman in a lovely way.
“I love you but I’m lesbian. We can’t be together.” Said Dash.
“Oh that’s ok because I’m actually a girl. So we can be together and be happy.” Said Slenderman.
And then they were happy and kissed a bit more.
***
“Slenderdash? NOW that’s a new ship.” said Pinkie Pie.
“I told her that character development is bad because it almost kills you.” said Awesome and he was right.
“I’m whining for no reason.” cried Rarity.
“And that’s why you best pony.” said Awesome.
“Look I’m a bicycle.” said Pinkie while building a space ship.
“Anyway we need to send in another pony to scout the forest. How many background ponies are left?” asked ADMIRAL Awesome but was interrupted by screams from everybody.
“Aaaahhhhhhh!” screamed everybody because there was a large Alicorn in the sky above them who was about to land.
“It’s Celesia she’s going to kill us.” screamed Liara.
“Run for the hills! Run for the hills!” screamed another important background pony.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS PANICING CROWD! AAAAHHHH!” screamed the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
So everybody was in panic except for ADMIRAL Awesome who waited for Celesia to land so that he could punch her in the face.
But the Applejack noticed that it wasn’t Celesia because she was white and this pony was purple and looked like Twillight with wings and bigger.
“Hey is that you Twillight?” asked Applejack.
The Alicorn landed looked at AJ and smiled.
“Yes it’s me. But I’m no longer Twillight. I’m now Twillight Sparklier.” said Twillight Sparklier the Alicorn.
Then awesome pushed AJ aside and gave Twillight his hand. “Hello I’m ADMIRAL Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon. I’m leading the New Awesome Lulamoon Empire.” said Awesome.
Twillight took the hand and shaked it.
“I already like you very much.” said Twillight.
“Twillight is that real you?” asked Trixie suddenly.
“Yes it’s me Trixie. Oh how did I miss you honey.” screamd Twillight and the she and her husband hugged. And Rarity stoppd crying for a second and looked at the two before crying agan.
“I thought your evil mother would’ve killed you.” said Trixie.
“Now I escaped together with the astronaut but now he’s death and I’m an Alicorn.” said Twillight and was said for a moment.
“Anyway it’s nice that you are here. Since you are an Alicorn and all that you could scout the Evarfre Forest.” said Applejack.
“Why do you want to scout the forest full of monsters and gays?” asked Twillight Sparklier.
“Because we’re going to set up a resistance base and there’s also Celesia’s secret nuclear weapon arsenal we can use against her.” said Awesome.
“Woah you know a lot. Even more then I.” said Twillight and was impressed
“Yes. Let me show you how awesome I’m.” said ADIRMAL Awesome and the he put a gun in Fluttershy’s hooves.
“Shoot me in the face.” said Awesome.
But since Fluttershy was a coward she just stared at him with her stupid eyes.
“Shut you? But… I never used…” whimpered Fluttershy.
“Shoot me our I break your leg!” Screamed Awesome.
“O… ok if you’re really want it.” said Fluttershy , aimed the guy and closed her eyes. And then she shoot.
The bullet hit ADMIRAL Awesome in the head and fell on the ground and was death.
Everybody looked at the death Awesome in horror.
“Let’s watch Prince Promenade.” said Pinkie Pie while she poked Awesome’s corpse with a stick.
Yes now she’s sorry. If she is really that worried about him begin death then she shouldn’t have shoot him in the fire place.
Now she killed THE BEST OC EVER and is definitely worst pony.
So how will the fight against Celesia? Is Twillight Sparklier enough to stop the evil queen? Or is all hope lost because of Awesome death? Can Fluttershy become even worse?
She next time in Twillight Sparkle’s awesome adventure.
And now to some different place than the Evarfre Forest: Ponyland Castle was Celesis is having dinner with Enemy Boss Leader.
“Thanks to you Enemy Boss Leader I finally know the one weakness of ADMIRAL Awesome.” Said Celesia while laughing evelish.
“Jawohl! Vho vould have zought zat the best vay to kill a Supersajan half-vampire Admiral is shoting him in ze head?” said King Gilda who had dinner, too.
“So and if you kill ADMIRAL Awesome you take over Ponyland and I take over earth. It’s perfect plan.” Said Enemy Boss Leader.
And then they laughed.
“Sister please there’s still good in you.” cried Lulamoon chained on the wall.
“No all good is gone long ago as I decided to become evil because then I can shoot ponies with lightings from my eyes and it makes for better stories.” said the evil Queen and shooted Lulamoon with some lightings from her eyes.
“I wish I could do that.” said Enemy Boss Leader. But sadly he couldn’t because he was human. But ADMIRAL Awesome probably could because he’s the hero.
And then (again) a guard busted in.
“Queen Celesia I have good news.” Said the guard.
“Good.” said Queen Celesia.
“And this time I’m not only saying it so that you don’t kill me.” Said the guard.
“Good.” said Queen Celesia
“Our spy inside the Ponyvile group just reported that Awesome was shoot in the head and is death.” said the guard.
Everybody in the room gasped liked Pinkie in the episode with the chariot and singing birds in a tree.
“No. He can’t be death. Not ADMIRAL Awesome.” Cried Lulamoon.
Celesia was surprised.
“I’m surprised.” Said Celesia.
“Vho did he die?” asked King Gilda.
“He was shoot in the head by Fluttershy. She’s the worst pony.” Said the guard.
“That’s true. Oh I hate her so much.” said Celesia.
“I, too.” Said King Gilda
“I, too.” Said Lulamoon. “I, too.” Said Doctor Wwhhoves who was chained right next to Lulamoon.
“I don’t know her but I hate her name already. It’s a stupid girly name. Not like ADMIRAL Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon.” said Enemy Boss Leader.
“But at least he’s death.” Said Celesia and then she killed the guard who brought her the message because Awesome’s death was good but he was shoot by Fluttershy so that was bad and now a poor guard died because of Fluttershy being worst pony.
“Now ve only must kill Twilight Sparklier. Zat should be easy since she’s just an Alihorn and I have ze right person for zat job.” said King Gilda and clapped into her hands.
Then suddenly a dark creature appeared in middle of the room in a smoke bomb that looked totally cool and badass and grey.
And after the smoke was gone there was a blue pony with a dark blue sparkling mane that move like it was alive or something and she had sunglasses and two totally cool katamarans in a sword belt and two guns, too. Oh and she had a horn and wings.
“HAIL KING GILDA OF THE GRYPON. THY HEART THOT TOU NEEDOST MY HELPTH?” said Luna.
“That’s correct Luna. We need your help to kill me daughter before she can ruin me reigne of tyranny. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” said Celesia.
“THIN WOUT WOULD MY REWARTHED BE WERE?” asked Luna.
“I’ll give you more gold than you can spend and 100 virgins.” said Celesia.
“THYS SOUNDED AGREEABLET.” Said Luna and was gone with a poff on the way to kill Twillight.
“So this should solve our problems.” said Queen Celesia.
“Are you sure? I mean all the other guys und guards we sent after them were killed?” asked Enemy Boss Leader.
“Sister you are so evil!” said Lulamoon and got shocked again.
“I agree with Lulamoon just for the protocol.” Said the astronaut with that stupid name and got shocked, too.
***
Everybody cried even Fluttershy and Twillight and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Because befor them laid the dead ADMIRAL Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon.
“He was such a great person. I remember all the good times we had.” Said Twillight Sparklier.
“He was such an interesting character.” Said Applejack.
“And his hairstyle was absolutely faboulsdarlingish. Now he’s dead and I’ll never find out the name of his hair dresser.” cried Rarity.
“Fluttershy is worst pony.” Said Pinkie Pie.
And Fluttershy said something too but that’s not important.
“What are we going to do now Darling?” asked Trixie and kissed Twillight.
“Mh I’m not a good strategist like ADMIRAL Awesome, so we should stick to his plan.” Said Twillight. “I agree. All is plans were good and flawless.” Said Applejack.
“Alright then I’m senind you Pinkie and you Fluttershy into the Evafre Forest to scout for the evil enchantress. And you two background ponies too.” said Twillight Sparkle.
“Yeah great.” Said one background pony.
“Let’s do this.” Said the other background pony.
And then both background ponies and Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie entered the Forest.
“I hope this works. Otherwise they are dead.” Said Trixie.
“THOUT DOESTEN MATTERED THY YOURTH BE DEADIES THOU!” said Lula who appared out of nowhere and already had killed a few background ponies to show how aweomse she is.
“Who the straw is that?” asked Applejack.
“It’s Luna a bountyhunter like that Doug guy from TV but evil. She works for the Griphones and killed Rarties parents.” said Twillight.
“Oh the horror!” cried Rarity.
“INDEETEST. WE KILLTH THEIR PARENTS AND ENJOINDED THIS!” said Luna and killed a few more background ponies will talking.
And then she jump over the crying Rarity and ran toward Heartstrings and Liara and tried to kill them but then Twillight jumped between before some likeable character could die.
“I won’t allow you to hurt more ponies. So I’ll fight you.” Said Twillight.
“I ACCEPTEST THY CHALLENGING!” sad Luna and then they fought.
“Should we help you?” asked Applejack.
“No stay back! I must fight her alone because
Dash woken up and the first the she noticed was the she was chained onto a table and her wings were cut off.
“Where I’am? Why are my wings cut off? Where’s Slenderman? Why is ADMIRAL Awesome death? Why does my side hurts? Why I’am chained to a table?” asked Dash.
“Because you’re in my lair. And now it’s time to lose your hope.” Said a rhyming Zebra standing in a corner.
“Oh my gosh. You are the evil enchantress!” screamed Dash
“Your guess is right my lesbian friend which means your life is about to be over.” Said the Zebra.
“What have you done to Slendermane? Asked Dash
“I killed him with my knife while he scremed like a little minor.” said the evil enchantress.
And than made Dash cry because she was in love with Slenderman and so she cried and was sad. A few minutes ago they were still alive and chatty and now not.
The Zebra seemed to enjoy this because she liked of the tears of Dash – in a not sexual way.
Then she suddenly stopped and turned her head to the window. “Looks like more intruders came to my house. Now I’m using my evil enchantress magic to kick their flanks and make them wish that they were never born.” Said the Zebra and left the crying Dash alone.
***
Fluttershy (WORST PONY!) and Pinkie Pie and the two background ponies approached the hut.
“Is this the place? We should be carefully. Oh and could you please be a bit quieter Pinkie?” asked Fluttershy cowardly.
“Chimicherrychanga!” screamed Pinkie Pie while playing a large and loud organ.
“I’m so happy to be on this mission. I hope I don’t die.” sad a Background pony.
And then he noticed something lying in front of the door.
“Hey a candy bar in a bear trap. Great. I go over there and eat it.” said the background pony and was happy.
“You shouldn’t do that. That looks like a trap.” said Fluttershy but couldn’t be heard because of the organ.
So the background pony moved over to the bear trap and got killed.
“Hmm looks tasty I…. Argghhhhhh!” screamed the background Pony before it’s dead.
“Oh no! No you other background pony. I’ll avenge you.” Screamed the second background pony and rushed toward the door, kicked it open and got killed by a blaste from the evil enchantresses shotgun.
“Now look what we have her. Two cute little hearties.” Said the Zebra and pointed her shotgun at them.
“Rarity is best marshmallow.” Said Pinkie Pie will throwing cake at a tree before surrendering.
***
“THY THINKEST THAT THOUS CANTHOUST STOPPED MY?” screamed Luna.
“I have no idea what you said but Yes.” Screamed Twillight and shooting laser from her horn which Luna deflected with her blade.
And then they fought even more will all other ponies watched with awe and Rarity even cried.
“THOUS CANNOT DEFEATEST YOUR MOTHER!” screamed Luna.
“But I fight anyway to give the ponies a better future.” Said Twillight.
“WHATEST THAT BETTER FUTURE WROTH WITHOUT THY MOTHER!” screamed Luna.
“Everything!” Screamed Twilight
“BUT EVERYTHINGST IS NOTHINGEST WITHOUT MONEY!” screamed Luna.
“You can’t eat money and most movie sequels are bad.” screamed Twillight.
“THAT’S WHY I READEST BOOKS. YOU SHOULDEST READ MORE, TOO. WATCHEST TV MAKEST YOU BALD.” screamed Luna.
“I hate books and Id don’t want that Doctor Wohes died for nothing.” Screamed Twillight.
And then they die more epic fight and good and dramatic and all philosophical talking before Luna jumped back.
“ENOUGHEST WITH THOUSE PETTY FIGHTING. I’LL LEAVE BUT KNOWEST ONE THING. I WAS THE ONEST WHO KILLEST YOU BROTHA BY THE ORDER OF THE PRINCESSEST.” Screamed Luna and then disappeared in a cool Kai Leng-style way.
“And then I will kill my mother, too and make live better for every pony.” Screamed Twillight.
And then Twillight used her powers and turned everypony into an Alicorn.
And then she flied into the Evarfre Forest to the hut of the evil enchantress and killed her before she could do any harm to anypony.
“Oh thank you Twillight Sparklier. You saved us. I was really scared.” said Fluttershy who was as ungrateful as ever.
“Yeah. I’m sad that Slenderman died offscreen but I still have Pinkie.” Said Dash who was now over Slendermans death.
“This whole Everfree Forest plot was totally pointless and Zecora should’ve gotten more screentime.” Said Pinkie will setting a rock on fire.
“Great! Now let’s kill my mother and transform Equestria into a democracy ruled by me.” Said Twillight.
And then she turned Pinkie and Rainbow Dash and even Fluttershy into Alicorns, too.
Then they flew back to the edge of the forest were Applejack and Rarity and several background Alicorns were waiting.
“Why are you crying?” asked Applejack.
“I don’t knnnnooohooooooo.” cried Rartiy.
Twillight Sparklier looked at crowd and made an awesome speech.
“Today my fellow Ponies we finally defeate my evil mother. Many brave ponies lost their lives. ADMIRAL Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon for example who was such a great OC. His dead really bothers me because he was the whole reason why we started this rebellion and without his help I would’ve never become an Alicorn.”
Everybody cheered because it was a good speech.
“But there are other as well. Although they aren’t even a quarter as good as ADMIRAL Awesome we shouldn’t forget them. The Doctor Who, Sheriff Silverstar, Owlowiscious who was ret coned, Angel, Starwhirl the vizard, Slenderman, my brother I didn’t even know five minutes ago, Dusk Shine, the white CMC...”
“No I just lost my leg” said the white CMC.
“Oh right, sorry. As well as many, many, many background ponies. But there sacrifices weren’t in vain. Especially not ADMIRAL Awesomes who died to show us that Fluttershy is worst pony. So now we’re flying to Celesia palace were many of you will die and then the survivors will have a big happy part. LET’S DO THIS. FOR THE NEW AWESOME LULAMOON EMPIRE!”
“FOR THE NEW AWESOME LULAMOON EMPIRE!” screamed everybody.
And then all the Alicorns took off and flying toward Ponyland Castle.
***
Queen Celesia, Enemy Leader Boss, King Gilda and Luna were watching the approaching army.
“So this is it. The final fight.” Said Enemy Leader Boss.
“Ve vill destroy zem all and the rule over everzing.” said King Gilda.
“THY WILL REGRETEST THOU DAYST THEY RISE THY ARMST AGAINST US.” Said Luna.
“Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.” Said Queen Celesia.
And then she killed Doctor hoves with lighting from her eyes. And a guard, too.
“What a bright, happy and sunny day.” said Twillight. *** “He can still die.” said Lulamoon. *** “Hello Mr. President. Beautiful weather isn’t it?” asked Awesome. *** “But how?” asked an unimportant background pony. *** “Dirt is funny.” said Pinkie Pie. *** And Fluttershy said something too but that’s not important. *** “Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!“ said King Gilda and smashed his hooves on a big fancy table. *** Autor note: Hai everybody! It’s me the autor of story Yonsonun. *** “Twillight Sparklier will avenge me Luna.” said her brother while on fire. “THY IS SILLY THOU THINHKEST THOUS!” said Luna. “Remember me words Luna, one day an astronaut will find her and then she will turn into an Alicorn and fight alongside the THE BEST OC EVER and kill you.” said her brother. “THY IS MADNESS!” *** And then (again) a guard busted in.
*** “And I’m missing my hair dresser appointment.” cried Rarity. *** If you are interested just sent my 20 $ and I help make your story as Awesome as mine. *** and Sparkler and Caramel and Hearthstrong and Angel and Prince Blueblood and Braeburn and Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh and Soaring and Dinky *** And now to the final conclusion of the events.
***
There were so many Alicorns in the sky that the sky was dark light at night without moon or stars. And all of them moved toward Ponlyand Castle, leaving Ponyvile and the Evarfre Forest behind them.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ALICORNS!” screamed Berry Punch and was hit by something, but not much so it didn’t hurt much.
That something was a laser-bullet with poison and acid and burning oil inside it and it had been fired from a massive auto-turret to popped out of the ground and was part of the Ponyland Castle defense system.
Twillight Sparklier immediately used her Alicorn powers and destroyed the auto-turret who exploed in a large and loud explosion but then several more appeared, at least one for every Alicorn.
“Oh no, what are we going to do now? I wish ADMIRAL Awesome was still alive.” said Applejack and dogged under one bullet who instead hit the with one who now lost another leg.
“Maybe we can solve this by talking about fashion?” asked Rarity.
“I want balloons and elephants and marshmallows.” said Pinkie.
“Good thinking Pinkie. That’s how we’ll destroy the turrets.” said Twillight.
“Alight I take the Wonderbolts and destroy the ones on the left, you take the others and destroy the ones on the right.” said Rainbow Dash.
And then they die so. They were flying fast and the turrets were firing and many Background Alicorns died but again most of them weren’t important so it’s like nopony died.
Dash and the Wonderbolts did some awesome stunts and then she grabbed a Fat-Man from Falout – the last one with the annoying and the train that looks like the friendship express and pigs – and blew up all of her towers and half of Ponyland Castle.
Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie and Rarity and the others meanwhile used some other ways to destroy their turrets. And Fluttershy was useless as always. She’s only good for killing good well-written OCs. I hope she died in the boring wedding episode. I only watched it because I hope she would die but then I fall asleep after the intro so I don’t know. Hopefully she did. With lots of blood and screams.
Anyway the towers now were all gone.
“Good job Rainbow Dash. Only a lesbian could’ve destroyed them so good and fast.” said Twillight.
“Or ADMIRAL Awesome.” said Applejack.
“Yes. And I only lost all Wonderbolts except for Spitfire and Soaring.” said Dash.
“That’s good. We also lost only a few hundred Alicorns.” said Twillight.
“And I lost another leg.” said the withe one.
Then everybody laughed because it was funny and they moved on.
“STOP!” yelled Twillight.
Everybody looked at her.
“We can’t just go into the palest. That would be self-suicide.” said Twillight.
“But what else should we dooooooooooohoooooo?” asked Rarity.
“Queen Celesia and here allies don’t know that we are there. So we should surprise them and sneak through the canalization.” Said Twillight.
“That sounds like a plan ADMIRAL Awesome would use. I’m with you.” said Applejack. And so the whole army of Alicorns flee around the mountain to a secret sewer entrance and sneaked into the canalization.
***
Meanwhile the bad guys had lunch.
“Is it great zat ve soon will do even more evil zings?” asked King Gilda.
“THAT ISHET INDEETHEST GREAT.” said Luna while slurping a pina colala.
“Oh I love doing evil things. That’s why we are the bad guys.” Said Enemy Leader Boss.
“BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” said Celesia and destroying large parts of the rain forest with her lighting eyes.
“WE TOTALLEST AGREE WITH YOUTH!” said Luna.
But then they fun was ruined because Commander Killemall entered the lunch run and looked very disappointed and said.
“My Queen our cameras have spotted intruders in the sewer system of the palace.” said Commander Killemall.
Celesia raise an eyebrown and then another one.
“Who is it?” asked Queen Celesia.
“It’s the New Awesome Lulamoon Empire.” Said Killemeall.
“Hurray!” said Lulamoon and was eye-lightened by Celesia.
“Are they lead by my daughter?” asked Celesia.
“Indeed said Killemall
“And she is now an ALicorn and calls herself Twillight Sparklier.” Said Killemall.
“How unfortunate. But we’ll deal with them and kill them all.” Said Celesia.
Then she turned around and looked at the other villians.
“This is it. The final standoff of final fate. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!” said Celesia.
(Title drop!!!!!!! Anybody noticed it?)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!” said the other villians.
Then she made her plan. And that was her plan.
“Enemy Boss Leader you will wait in the courtyard and kill all rebels that enter. Killemall you will kill Applejack. Luna you murderer my daughter and King Gilda and I will watch everything from he balcony and coordinate my guards, gryphons and elite elite guards.” Said Queen Celesia.
“Great plan!” said the other villians and did their part of the plan.
“No please end this madness. It’s still not too late. How many unimportant background ponies must die until you make peace?” asked Lulamoon.
“I don’t care for them. Even if hundreds of them would die.” Screamed Celesia.
“You’re so cruel it makes me cry.” said Lulamoon.
“And I don’t even care if important characters die.” Said Celesia and showed every reader how evil she was.
But Fluttershy is still worst pony.
***
So that’s why I like that episode with the big goat so much, even if he was totally a copy of my character and not even half as good. And it’s my favorite episode because everybody was beating up Fluttershy and it was so funny I laughed the whole time and hoped she would loss a leg or something.
But then they ruined it because Fluttershy became even bitchier than usual and hurt and insulted all the other ponies and I disliked her even more. And then she insulted Rarity who is best pony because she loves shopping and other stuff and Pinkie who’s always so random and says stuff that makes no sense.
So I’m only watching the first half of the episode and ignore the rest so that I can think it don’t happen. Smart, huh?
***
Anyway our heros are now in the sewers and they are big and empty and full of green goo.
“It’s dark in her.” said Applejack.
“And it smells bad. Not that I mind because I’m lesbian.” Said Dash. “Don’t worry we soon reach the secret sewer exit that leads into the courtyard.” Said Twillight Sparklier.
“Waaahhhhhh! Waaaaahhhhhhh! Waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!” cried Rarity because everything was dirty.
Then suddenly a large sawblad flee through the darkness and beheded one background Alicorn.
“Hhhrrrkkksss.” Said the background Alicorn and then Luna appeared Kai Leng style.
“SO WE MEETEST AGAIN!” said Luna, slurping a milkshake.
“Alright everybody takes the route right to us. This is a fight between her and me.” Said Twillight Sparklier.
“Are you sure sugarcube? We could help you and shoot her together?” asked Applejack.
“I’m sure. Because it’s personal. But thanks.” Said Twillight Sparklier.
“Oh ok. Then bye.” Said Applejack and they took another road while Twillight and Luna had a standoff.
“SO WE MEETEST AGAIN!” said Luna.
“So we meet again.” Said Twillight.
“WE WANTEST THOU TOLD YOU THAT WE ALSO KILLEST THE PET YOUTH HADEST IN THE MAGICEST KINDERGARDEN!” said Luna.
“What?” asked Twillight.
“AND WE BLAMEST THY BROTHEREST ON IT SO THAT YOU WOULD HATEST HIM UNTIL I KILLET HIM.” Said Luna.
“You monsterous monster.” Screamed Twillight and attacked Luna and they had another philosophical banter.
“You think you can change fate?” asked Twillight.
“WE CHOEST OUR OWNEST DESTNY!” said Luna.
“”Money don’t makes you happy.” Said Twillight.
“BUT EVERTHING ENDEST.” Said Luna.
“If a tree falls down and no one is around does it still makes a sound?” said Twillight.
“WHATEST WALKS ON THY FOUR LEGEST IN THOU MORING, ON TWO AT DINNER AND WITH THREE AT NIGHEST?” said Luna.
“There’s no try. Do it or not.” Said Twillight.
“BUT THERE’S ALSO NOTEST SPOONEST.” Said Luna.
“Oh my god you were right.” Said Twillight and has sudden realization.
“I now understand why my other did what she had to do and you… she is absolutely right.” Said Twillight.
“THY THAT MEANS THAT YOU SURRENDEST?” asked Luna.
“No I kill you anyway.” Said Twillight and blasted Luna away with her horn.
The blast were so heavy that Luna crashed through the ceiling and high into the sky until she landed on the moon. And there she died because of no air.
“No my brother s avenged.” Said Twillight.
“Yes I’am.” Said her brothers ghost appearing out of nowhere.
“That’s great.” Said Twillight.
“But now you must go and stop evil Queen Celesia and her other henchman.” Said ghost brother.
“I’ll do.” Said Twillight Sparklier and ran off.
***
Meanwhile the rest of the Alicorns was entering the courtyard.
It was quiet.
“I don’t like it.” said Applejack.
“What can you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“It looks like a trap. Because this place is so empty.” Said Trixie.
“I don’t carry. Finally out of the dirt.” Said Rarity and jumped right out of the exit on the place. “No Rarity! Wait!” said Trixie and went after her but was impaled by the acid mace of Enemy Boss Leader who suddenly jumped out from behind a tree and impaled Trixie.
Then Trixie gasped and he fell on the ground.
“Tell Twillight that I love her.” Said Trixie and closed his eyes.
(Don’t worry, he survives!)
“Ah you must be Enemy Boss Leader. ADMIRAL Awesome told us about you.” Said Applejack.
“Indeed. But he’s dead now and so will you be soon.” Said Enemy Boss Leader and then a whole bunch of guards jumped out from behind trees and other stuff.
“And now we have you surrendered. Perpare to die.” said Enemy Boss Leader.
And then everyone realized how hopeless the situation was because they were just Alicorns and not ADMIRAL Awesome so they all started crying.
Except for the worst pony.
“I’m not allowing you to hurt my friends.” Said the worst pony and looked at him in that retarded way and of course it didn’t work. But she still wanted to fight despite the fact that it was useless because she is stupid.
“Hahaha you are stupid.” Said Enemy Boss Leader and told the guards to attack.
But then a large shadow jumped between them and started killing them while making cool puns.
“Hello my old friend.” Said the big shadow “No… no it can be. You are dead.” Said Enemy Boss Leader.
“You I’m not dead but you should wish I was.” said ADMIRAL Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon.
DUDUDUDUN….
END OF THE LAST PART PART I
Last Part PART II – The final standoff of final fate
“But how could you survived. Worst pony shoot you in the head? And shooting in the head kills vampire sajain Admirals.” Said Enemy Boss Leader.
“Well in fact I’m ot a vampire sajajin Admiral.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome.
Everybody gasped.
“I’m also a Jedi knigt. That’s why I survived shooting in the head.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome.
Everybody gasped again.
“Oh no. I didn’t know that.” Screamed Enemy Boss Leader.
“Neither did I.” said ADMIRAL Awesome.
“And now I’m gonna killing you fast.” Said ADMIARAL Awesome and jumped forward.
But then some guards used their Bazookas and shoot holes into ADMRAL Awesomes body and then he droped on the ground and was death.
Naaahhh just kidding…
Instead he jumped over the rockets – Kai Leng style but only cooler and only better – and started killing the guards. The other Alicorns soon joined the fight and there was a big battle.
“What are we going to do. We’re losing.” Screamed an Eltie Elite Guard.
“Don’t worry I have a back-up plan.” Said Enemy Boss Leader and pulled out Doctor Whs from behind a tree and holding knife at his throath.
“Surrend now and let me kill you ADMIRAL Awesome. Or I’m going to kill the astronaut.” Screamed Enemy Boss Leader.
“Please I don’t want to go.” Said Doctor Doctor.
Everybody was frozen, not because of cold but because of shock.
“You are still alive astronaut? I’m frozen. Not because of cold but because of shock.” Said Twillight Sparklier.
“Once in a blue moon.” Said Pinkie Pie.
“So what’s your answer?” asked Enemy Boss Leader.
“I don’t surrender. BECAUSE HE’S ALREADY DEATH!” screamed ADMIRAL Awesome, grabed a throwing knife and throw it at the astronaut. “I don… urgghhllll…. Wurghlllggg… gargllll…. gurggllll.” Said Doctor Sevoohw because he was hit in the throat and there was blood and all.
So he died and the fight went on and everybody cheered because ADMIRAL Awesome is best hostage negotiator ever.
***
“How is the battle going?” asked Queen Celesia.
“It’s not looking very good. Ve may lose.” Said King Gilda of the Griphons.
“Don’t worry even with the ADMIRAL they can’t hope to win.” Said Queen Celesia.
“I hope zat you are correct.” said King Gilda.
Then Celesia impaled him from behind with her horn right throught the heart.
“Vhy?” asked King Gilda.
“Because… I’M EVIL BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” said Queen Celesia.
***
“There are so many. I’m getting tried” Cried Rarity
“Don’t give up. There’s still hope.” Said Trixie.
They had killed already one million guards but there were still more so they needed a plan. “We need a plan.” Said Twillight Sparklier.
“Then let’s ask ADMIRAL Awesome. He’s the greatest planer.” Said Applejack.
“And I have a great plan! I and the others keep on fighting and you sneak into the Castle a kill your mother.” Said ADIRMAL Awesome while behading one guard and beating another guard with the head.
“What a great plan.” Said Twillight Sparklier.
And so she sneaked passé the guards and entered the palace ready for the final showdown.
But Enemy Leader Boss noticed her and was about to rush after here but then ADMIRAL Awesome jumped in the way.
“So old friends this is it? The final battle.” Said Enemy Leader Boss.
“Indeed. And this time I’ll kill you and your whole family and your friends because you annoyed me that much.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome
“But you already killed them many years ago because they stand between you and your goal.” sad Enemy Leader Boss.
“Really?” asked ADMIRAL Awesome.
“Yes. That’s why I joined the Enemies and became Enemy Boss Leader in the first place. I wanted to…” said Enemy Leader Boss.
“I said I can’t remember and your story bores me. So can we please fight. Because Boss talks in MGS are bad.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome.
“For my family.” Said Enemy Boss Leader and cried like Fluttershy while attacking him with his poisoned acid mace.
And then they fought intensely and heart-warming. And stuff happened like Enemy Boss Leader trying to hit ADMIRAL Awesome but he doged and tried to hit Enemy Boss Leader and he jumped away and countred but Awesome blocked and tried to throw sand in his eye. And that for half-an-hour.
Just watch a good sword fight in a movie, it’s basically this only with ponies fighting each other in the background.
Anyway it was a tie and non of them could defeat the other.
“I need a clever plan” said ADMIRAL Yonasomun Awesome Armageddon.
And he thought about it and then he had a good idea.
After Enemy Boss Leader hit another strike at Awesome he left a hole in his cover so that Enemy Boss Leader could hit him at the arm.
“Oh no. I’m dying and can’t fight back any more. I’ll now drop my weapon and knee before me so that you can kill me.” said Awesome.
“Wait. You tried this trick already. I’m not stupid and failing for it again.” said Enemy Boss Leader.
“But this time I’m serious.” Said Admiral Awesome.
“Oh ok. In that case I kill you.” Said Enemy Boss Leader and lifted his poisoned mace.
And then ADMIRAL Awesome used his Sajajn Katamaranu and impaled Enemy Boss Leader.
“Oh no you lied.” Said Enemy Boss Leader.
“Yes I lied.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome and then he kicked him right so high in the air that he crushed into Celesia’s balcony.
“Now it’s final over. Now Amarica is save again and President P. Resident will give me lots of money and woman.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome.
***
Heavily crushed and impaled Enemy Boss Leader crawled through the palace leaving blood and mud behind him.
Then he stood before Celesias thrown where she was eating King Gilda’s heart.
“What’s wrong Enemy Boss Leader?” asked Queen Celesia.
He cought and spited some blood one the floor while not dying.
“Queen… Celesia… I’ve… bad news…”
And then Enemy Leader Boss was death. Like Elvis.
***
Twllight Sparklier was running through the Ponyland Castle Castle, blasting away some guards until she stand before the final door.
“It’s the final door.” Said Twillight Sparklier.
And then the door opend and all kinds of villians appeared: Nightmare Moon and Discord and Trek and the Smooze and Chrysalis and Grogar and that villain from Princess Promenade and Cupcakes Pinkie Pie and all the people who down-rated this story and the witches and even Pound Cake.
“Twillight Hadoken!” screamed Twillight Sparklier and killed all of them with a super powerful blast.
“You are strong my daughter.” Said Celesia stepping out of the shadow.
“But this doesn’t makes any sense.” Said Twillight Sparklier.
“Yes. Because I’m evil. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” screamed Celesia.
Then they both stared at each other for a while ready for a bloody fight.
And then they started fighting.
“No please don’t fight sister.” Cried Lulamoon still chained to the wall.
Queen Celesia ignored her and shoot Lightings out of her eyes who hit Twillight.
“Arghhh. You shoot Lighting out of your eyes that hit me. Argghh!” screamed Twillight Sparklier. “Indeed. And now you DIE! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!” said Celesia and watch in anticipathion how Twillight would die.
But as the smoke left she was surprise because Twillight was still standing normal.
“How is that possible? My Lighting killed everybody before. Nobody can withstand it.” said Celesia.
“That’s because I’m the chosen Mare.” Said Twillight Sparklier and attacked her with a jump kick.
***
There were bloody corpses of guards and background Alicorns everywhere. But the New Awesome Lulamoon Empire had finally won. There was just one single guard left covering in a corner.
But ADMIRAL Awesome had already noticed him and moved heroically toward the shaking guard.
“Looks like I’m about to beat a dead horse.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome which was a very clever pun.
“Please, don’t… I…. I surrender.” Said the Guard.
“Sorry, I already made the pun. Now I have to kill you.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome.
“No… mercy… please…” cried the guard.
“Umm… do you really need to kill him?” asked Fluttershy not understanding anything about the importance of good puns.
“Yes I’ve to kill him annoying, animal-loving punchbag.” Sad ADMIRAL Awesome.
“But I’m sure he’s no threat. Why don’t we just imprison him? That’s if you don’t mind.” asked FLuttershy.
“Because sometimes they let people out of prisons after a few years. It’s better to kill him so that he can do no more harm. And it’s funnier.” said ADMIRAL Awesome with flawless logic.
“No I didn’t even want to fight. The Queen told me I had to our she would kill my family and eat their hearts.” Said the guard who loved his live to much and was annoying. But not as annoying as Fluttershy.
“That’s cleary a lie. And if it’s no lie I don’t care.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome and moved closer, too.
“I think we should really give him a chance. He seems like a nice guy.” Said Fluttershy.
ADMIRAL Awesome was really annoyed by Fluttershy right now. But he was a clam person so he didn’t rip of her head and throw it into a volcano.
“Yes… I’ll never put up a sword again. I retire and live a quiet live somewhere else. You’ll never see me again. I’ll be a civilian” Said the guard.
And now ADMIRAL Awesome was really angry because he couldn’t kill civilians because they are good guys unlike guards. So not that the guard was a civilian he was good and he couldn’t kill him anymore and that’s why he wasted a perfect pun.
So the guard run away and everbody celibrated the victory.
“Well the with one lost the rest of her legs.” Said Berry Punch.
“That’s bad. Now she can never wear socks.” Cried Rarity. “It’s not that bad. Because she’s actually a demon-robot and her legs will grow back.” Said Scotaalo.
“That’s true.” Said the with one.
“Great. Then let’s move into the place and help Twillight killing her mother.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome.
“Look, I just found a hidden elevator that leads right to her throne room.” Said Pinkie Pie.
Everybody stared at her.
“That’s a strange concidens, isn’t it?” asked Applejack.
“Duh! We’re in a poorly written story full of grammatical errors with a bland Mary Sue of the author as main character. Twilight is married to Trixie who is a colt, Princess Celestia is a super-evil meanie who kills people because they bring her bad news and Rainbow Dash was shipped with the Slenderman. Of course, this is a strange coincidence! But at least it means that this story will be over very soon. Or do you want to read any more pages about Meanie Sue betting up guards?” said Pinkie Pie.
There was a moment of silence.
Then everyone entered the elevator.
The last one who tried to enter was Fluttershy but since she ruined a good pun ADMIRAL Awesome kicked her in the guts so hard that she flew through the sky into a tower which collapse onto her and broke her wings.
“You are stupid and worthless.” said ADMIRAL Awesome.
***
“I can’t believe… that you have beaten… me…” said Queen Celesia while and Twillight Sparklier was standing above her.
“No your evil stuff is over and all of Ponyland will be free.” Said Twillight Sparklier
“Then waste no time. Kill me? What are you waiting for?” asked Queen Celesia.
And Twillight tried to kill her, her horn glowed and all that but then she stopped.
“I… I… can’t. Your are still my mother.” said Twillight Sparklier.
“No she isn’t your mother. She killed your real parents.” Said her brother’s ghost.
“Oh… okay then…” said Twillight and killed her with a horn blaste.
“Thanks for killing her. No I’m free. Bye.” Sad her ghost brother and disappeared forever or until to the sequel.
Then Twillight freed Lulamoon from the wall and in that moment the express elevator appeared with ADMIRAL Awesome and everybody else important and alive.
“You did it. You saved Ponyland. I’m so happy I could do hot lesbian sex.” Said Rainbow Dash.
“This is sooooo beautiful.” Cried Rarity and ran torward Lulamoon hugging her and crying. Lulamoon hugged Rarity, too and cried, too. And so they both hugged and cried a lot. That’s why Rarity is best pony!
“I’m a demon-robot and my legs are back.” Said the with one. “Thank you all. But I couldn’t have done it without ADMIRAL Awesome Yonasomun Armaggedon. Leader of the US-Army Saijin Brigade. Admiral, Saijin, Vampire who can walk in the daylight, Jedi knight and… THE BEST OC EVER.”
Everybody cheered.
“I’m so happy. I’m going to retire and make you the new leader of Equestria.” Said Lulamoon and cried.
“That’s very nice from you. But I’m not a leader, I’m an ADMIRAL and my place is on the battlefield killing lots of people. So I have to left you now.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome and then a portal back to earth opened in front of them.
“That’s aid because you would be a great leader. Even better than Lulamoon.” said Applejack.
Then ADMIRAL Awesome was ready to jump throught the gate but suddenly worst pony appeared.
“WAAIIIITTTT!” squeak worst pony and the ADMIRAL stopped.
“What is it worst pony?” asked the ADMIRAL.
“Ummm… I know we had our differences and that you’ve beaten me up a few times and broken my wings, but that’s ok. I realized that I’m indeed the worst pony and I’m very very soon about it. So please, that this gift and don’t be made at me. I really want to be your friend.” Said Fluttershy and handed him over a flower.
“Well…” said ADMIRAL Awesome, took the flower and waited until Fluttershy looked hopefully before he punched her.
“YOU ARE STILL WORST PONY AND I HOPE PINKIE KILLS YOU AND MAKES YOU CUPCAKES!” said ADMIRAL Awesome and jumped into the portal while everypony waved him a goodbye. Except Fluttershy who was bleeding on the floor.
***
After he jumped through the portal he suddenly was back in the Amarican camp and President P. Resident was in front of him.
“Oh I’m glad you’re back ADMIRAL Awesome. We were worried that Enemy Boss Leader had killed you.” Said President P. Resident.
“Don’t worry he didn’t kill me. I was transported to a land full of magical ponies and helped them to kill their evil Queen.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome.
“That makes sense.” Said President P. Resident.
“So where’s my money and my medal for saving Amarican and the world?” asked ADMIRAL Awesome
“Sadly there is no more Amarican and no more world. The bomb you tried to stop exploded and non many peole are dead and the world looks like Mad Max.” said President P. Resident.
ADMIRAL Awesome was shocked and sank on his knee. This couldn’t be. This was horrible. He didn’t want to believe it, but it was true. No matter how much he wished otherwise.
The president of Amarica didn’t want to give him money and medals!
Of course, there was only one explanation for this behavior!
“You are controlled by evil Martian deepsea fishes. I’ve to kill you to save you and get my money.” Said ADMIRAL Awesome and tried to kill the President.
But the black dude jumped between him and the President and ADMIRAL Awesome would’ve punched him to death but his fists hit the dude and nothing happened. The ADMIRAL was horrified but tried to hit the dude again and nothing happened. It was like his hands were rubber.
Then a lot of the dudes in the black suites jumped and him and overwhelmed him.
“You tried to kill the President of Amarcia. No you’re no longer an ADMIRAL or a Saijin or a Vampire or a Jedi Knigt. And we also throw you into prison.” Said President P. Resident.
“Noooooooooo!” screamed NOT-Admiral Awesome Yonasomun Armageddon as he was dragged away.
***
Meanwhile in Ponyvile, Ponyland Fluttershy was feeding her animals. The broken wings still hurt a bit but it got better every day.
She looked at some flowers in her garden and smiled. Especially at some blue flowers she found in the Evarfre Forest not so long ago.