Who's Up for a Quick Game?

Just a Friendly Game

By veryoriginalponyname

"Ahhh, we couldn't have picked a better day for this," Twilight Sparkle sighed happily as she laid down on the picnic blanket and placed her hooves behind her head. The five mares surrounding her did exactly the same.

"Ain't a cloud in the sky," Applejack said as she nibbled on a piece of straw, her stetson pulled over her eyes.

"You're welcome," the smug voice of Rainbow Dash sounded off. The cyan pegasus had her magenta eyes hidden behind a pair of jet black shades.

"Oh, and this sun is just doing wonders for my coat!" Rarity said with a pleasurable sigh.

"And again, you're welcome," Rainbow Dash said with the same level of smugness.

"Um, actually, wouldn't Princess Celestia be the one to thank for that?" Fluttershy asked in her usual soft voice.

"Wouldn't be able to see the sun if I hadn't cleared the clouds," Dash pointed out.

"Oh, well... I guess that's true... but-"

"We're those cupcakes yummy or what?" Pinkie Pie asked abruptly, as if she were trying to prevent a debate over just who was ultimately responsible for the beautiful weather. "I mean, they took me forever to get just right because I wanted these one's to be extra super duper yummy because, well, you know, I'm always trying to top myself, and when I had Mr. Cake test one out for me he was like 'Pinkie, if these were any tastier my mouth would explode!' And I was like 'Ew, I don't want that! That'd be messy!' So now I'm all worried that I'm adding too much sugar even though I've always thought there's no such thing as too much sugar and if I don't add enough they'll taste yucky and I don't know which is worse: cupcakes that are yucky or cupcakes that are so good they'll make your mouth explode and then he told me it was just an expression and I was like 'You silly filly! Getting me all freaked out over nothing!' And then I-"

"Pinkie, they were delicious!" Twilight cut her off there before she could run out of air. "We wouldn't expect anything less from you."

"Oh... goody!" Pinkie said happily. She gave a quick stretch and sighed happily.

"Everything was delicious," Rarity added. "Rainbow Dash, those dandelion sandwiches were among the best I've ever had! I never knew you were such a skilled sandwich maker."

"Well, I'm full of surprises," Dash said proudly. "Honestly though, sandwich making? Not really that hard."

"Tell that to my sister," Rarity said in a slightly bitter tone. "The little darling nearly burned down my boutique for the third time while scooping ice cream for herself."

"Jeez," Applejack muttered, shaking her head. "Maybe ya oughta jus' keep 'er outta the kitchen from now on, Rare."

"Mmmhm," Rarity hummed lazily. "Let's not have any negativity now, dear; it's a beautiful day, we should enjoy it while we can."

The group let out a simultaneous contented sigh, then fell silent again. They spent the next few minutes just enjoying the peace and quiet of this beautiful day they had in the middle of Ponyville Park. It was the first time in a while that their personal schedules had freed them up to hang out together as a full group. No work, no personal commitments, no big epic journey to save the world... just a completely open day for them to do whatever they wanted. They had settled on a picnic, something simple and relaxing, and as luck would have it, the park wasn't particularly crowded that day. So they whipped up some food, gathered in the park, enjoyed a nice meal while conversing a bit about what was going on in their personal lives, and essentially just savoring this moment they had together.

Just a nice, relaxing day for the heroes of Equestria.

About five minutes passed, and Twilight could've just about fallen asleep right there on the picnic blanket. But the sudden movement of the pony next to her caused her eyes to snap open. Rainbow Dash had just briskly jumped to her hooves and was rummaging around in her saddlebag with her head, letting her shades slide off her eyes. Before long she pulled out a brown leather oval shaped ball with little bite marks all around it. She spat it onto the ground in front of her and tossed her saddlebag aside.

"So, who's up for a little game of Hoofball?" She asked excitedly.

Immediately, Pinkie Pie leaped to her hooves with a wide grin on her face. "Me me me me me me me!" She cried, bouncing up and down joyfully.

"Heh heh, shoot, sounds like a fun thing ta do right 'bout now," Applejack said as she pushed her hat back over her head, spat out her piece of straw and stood up.

Dash smiled eagerly at her two earth pony friends, then turned to look at the others. Her smile faltered a bit when she saw they had made no effort to get up. Fluttershy looked nervous and fidgety, Rarity appeared as though she hadn't even heard them, and Twilight just looked downright confused, as if she hadn't even heard of Hoofball. Dash frowned and gave each of them a gentle prod with her hoof. "C'mon, guys! We need all six of us to make it a three on three game," she pleaded. "It's like a requirement to play Hoofball at a picnic! Everypony does it!"

"Darling, do I really appear to be the kind to take part in such a brutal sport?" Rarity asked lazily. She hadn't even bothered to open her eyes.

"Um, I'm not really much of a Hoofball fan myself," Fluttershy said meekly, hiding behind her pink mane.

"I actually don't know the game all too well either," Twilight admitted rather sheepishly. "I mean, I know the basics, but..."

"I'll help ya get the hang of it, Twi. C'mon!" Dash pressed.

"Maybe you three can just toss it around and I'll watch," Twilight suggested.

Dash rolled her eyes. "Boooooring! I brought my Hoofball with the intent to play an actual game with all of us, not toss it around like a wimp."

"It's super super super fun, girls!" Pinkie said gleefully.

"C'mon now, I think ya'll can do with a little physical exertion," Applejack added.

"Yeah, because I haven't gotten enough of that since I moved to Ponyville," Twilight quipped.

"Hey, think of this; you can write a letter to the Princess about your first experience with Hoofball!" Dash said. "You can tell her what you learned, how well you played, and that it brought you closer to your friends or something."

Twilight sat up at that idea. She rubbed a hoof to her chin and thought for a moment. "Well, I don't know if that kind of letter would qualify as a friendship report. But then again, I haven't sent her a letter in a while, and I've heard her mention a few times that she's a fan of Canterlot's Hoofball team. She might get a kick out of reading about my first experience with the game..." she pondered that for a few seconds more. "Ah, what the hay. I'll give it a shot!" She leapt to her hooves and joined the others.

"All right!" Rainbow Dash gave her a hoof-bump as she approached them.

"Well, we've got two on two now. Is that good enough?" Twilight asked.

"Pfft, no way!" Dash shook her head. "Ya gotta have at least three on three for it to be any fun at all." She then turned to her fellow pegasus. "C'mon, Flutters! Up and at 'em!"

"I... I really don't want to," Fluttershy whimpered, eyes shifting about nervously, as if she were hoping something, anything, would come along and stop this whole thing before it could start. "Thank you for the offer though."

"It's just a quick, friendly game! You're gonna have a blast, trust me!"

"I'm... just not much of a sporting type. And everytime I see that game it looks so scary and brutal."

"We're not playing like the professionals, Shy. We're just having a little harmless fun is all. It's not like we're gonna need to wear the pads or anything."

Fluttershy just shook her head and tried to let her mane hide her face.

Before Rainbow Dash could attempt any more persuasion, she was knocked aside by a pink blur that sped right up to Fluttershy's face. The shy pegasus was met with the puppy dog pouting face of Pinkie Pie.

"Oh, Pinkie, please don't do that," Fluttershy pleaded as she attempted to retreat further into her mane. "I-I don't like seeing you that way."

Pinkie Pie's bottom lip began to quiver. Her eyes welled up with tears. "Pwease, Fwuttershy, pwease?" She begged in a high pitched, whimpering voice. "It's no fun without you."

Fluttershy just couldn't do it. She was powerless against a face like that.

I wonder if this is what The Stare feels like...

She sighed in defeat and poked her head back out of her mane. "Oh... alright. For a little while, I guess..."

Pinkie immediately perked up. "Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! We got Flutter-Butter!" She cheered.

Fluttershy got up and joined the others, still looking very unsure of herself. Rainbow Dash smiled proudly at her shy friend, and then turned to look down at Rarity. "And then there was one..." she said ominously.

Rarity opened her eyes and gave Dash a heated glare. "Rainbow, dear," she began calmly. "There is not a force on this planet powerful enough to convince me to take part in that beastly game. And there is also most certainly nothing you can say to convince me otherwise. You best save yourself the trouble and just do what you can with what you have. I am not playing and that is final."

Dash just stared at her for a moment. Her appeared to be frustrated, but there was also a sense that she was pondering something. "Nothing I can say to convince you otherwise, huh?" She finally said. She gave a quick shrug. "Alright, then," she flapped her wings and took off into the air. "Be right back!" She called back to them as she disappeared into the sky.

Rarity watched her go with a slightly worried expression on her face. "Now where is she going?" She asked.

"Beats me," Applejack replied with a shrug. "Listen, Rare, maybe ya oughta just swallow yer pride and give it shot. It's a lotta fun, and you'll get a good work out from it! Yer inta stayin' fit, ain't ya?"

"I get more than enough exercise with my morning aerobics, thank you very much," Rarity replied haughtily. She closed her eyes and began to relax again.

"Rarity, um, I think maybe you should really consider just playing for a little while," Fluttershy suggested meekly. "Or else Rainbow Dash might find a way to make you play that's... not very nice."

"Hmph, she doesn't scare me!" Rarity scoffed. "As Celestia as my witness, I shall not be intimidated! I shall not be moved!"

The four mares looked at each other uneasily for a few moments, unsure of where this could possibly go. It was at that time they noticed a cyan form in the air flying towards them, dragging something behind her: a big, grey rain cloud.

"Rainbow Dash, what are you-" Twilight began, only to be silenced by a look from the pegasus.

Dash brought the cloud directly over Rarity, who opened her eyes at the sudden blocking of her sun.

"What in Equestria is-" she started to say, cutting herself off when she saw dark grey mass floating above her, and the wickedly grinning face of Rainbow Dash peeking out from behind it.

"I'm not asking you anymore, Rare," she said in a dangerous tone. "I'm telling you. You're playing Hoofball with us... or else..."

Rarity glared seethingly back up at her so-called friend. "What is that?" She asked in a low tone.

"Uh, a rain cloud, duh," Dash explained. "I always keep one hidden somewhere in case I need it."

"You snotty little..." Rarity growled, her teeth gritted in rage.

"If you don't get off your flank right this second... you're entering a world of rain..." Dash threatened.

Rarity began to panic now. She'd just had her mane styled that morning and rain would just absolutely ruin it! All she had to do was roll out of the way as quickly as she could. She could be faster than Dash if she wanted to be. But the brash pegasus seemed to read her mind and acted quickly.

"Pinkie!" She cried.

Without a word, Pinkie Pie leapt towards Rarity and pinned her down tightly. Rarity struggled as best she could, but it was no use; the pink pony was stronger than she appeared, and was keeping her pinned with little effort.

"Pinkie, you monster!" Rarity screamed, sounding on the verge of hysteria.

"Sorry, Rarity, it's for your own good!" Pinkie said with a creepy smile.

"You'll get wet too!" Rarity cried.

"Hee hee. I love the rain!" Pinkie smiled even wider.

"You have to the count of five, Rarity," Dash said as she got into position to buck the cloud. "Don't think I won't do it!"

Rarity tilted her head up to look at her other three friends. To her horror, Applejack, Twilight, and even sweet Fluttershy looked rather amused by the whole situation. Fluttershy, in particular appeared to be doing her best to stifle giggles.

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE, YOU THREE! HELP ME!" Rarity cried.

"Rare, I think yer blowin' this whole thing outta proportion," Applejack said with a smirk.

"Come on, Rarity! It'll be fun!" Twilight encouraged.

"Think of your mane!" Fluttershy added a mock horrified voice.

"OHHHHHHH, I HATE ALL OF YOU!" Rarity shrieked dramatically. "AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU ALL..."

"One..." Rainbow Dash began counting.

"RAINBOW, YOU EVIL..."

"Two..."

"I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS! NEVER!"

"Three..."

"I'LL NEVER TAKE YOU TO THE SPA AGAIN!"

"Four..."

"I WILL COME AFTER YOU! I SWEAR I WILL!"

"Fffffffffiiiiiiiiii..."

"REEEEAARRRGHHH! I'LL PLAY! I'LL PLAY!"

Dash lowered her hind legs and smiled victoriously. "Yes!" She cheered, pumping her hoof in triumph... directly into the side of the rain cloud.

That was all it took...

Rarity screamed as a torrent of water came crashing down on her, soaking her instantly, destroying her perfectly coiffed mane. Pinkie had leapt out of the way in time, leaving her friend fully exposed to the downpour. Truth was she wasn't actually too crazy about getting rained on; it made her poofy mane feel weird and icky. She just had to make Rarity believe otherwise.

Rainbow Dash looked horrified; she had not meant to do that. She quickly gave the cloud another hit, and the rain stopped instantly. She quickly pushed the cloud away and gave Rarity her most apologetic look. The ivory unicorn just lay there upon the wet picnic blanket, staring wide-eyed with horror up at the pegasus. For a moment, it appeared as though she hadn't fully comprehended what had happened. Then... her eye's began to narrow, her cheeks began to glow red, and her body began to shake with rage. She slowly lifted herself up, not taking her eyes off Dash for a second.

"Uh, heh heh," Dash chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck with her hoof. "I'm, uh... really really sorry about that, Rare. It was a total accident, I swear. Please don't be too upset about this! You were gonna get a little messy anyway!"

Rarity slowly advanced on Rainbow Dash, who had dropped out of the sky and began backing away. She felt she should bring herself down to Rarity's level to apologize properly, but it was doing absolutely nothing to soothe the enraged unicorn. Soon, Dash found herself unable to back up any further as she bumped into one of her friends, who wouldn't move for some reason. Probably because they felt she deserved whatever Rarity had planned for her.

Thanks a lot, guys.

The soaking wet fashionista took that opportunity to push her face right into Dash's. All Dash could do was smile nervously, which she felt couldn't have been a lamer response. She could practically make out the individual drops of water on Rarity's face, and they almost appeared to be boiling with the heat coming off her head. Nearly half a minute passed before the silence was finally broken by the fuming Rarity.

"You... are... going... down." Her voice was low, calm, and genuinely unnerving.

And that was all Dash needed to hear to revert to her usual confident and determined self. It had worked; Rarity was going to play Hoofball with them. If only all those stallions who had the hots for her could see her now. And on top of that, she sounded like she really had the will to win. Dash was more than cool with that. If Rarity wanted to bring it, then let her bring it! The Dash was always prepared! "We'll see, won't we?" She said in a mocking tone.

Rarity pulled her face back from Dash's and turned to look at the others. They all stared back, looking rather nervous and antsy, as if they weren't exactly sure what they just witnessed. Rarity gave them all a confident and slightly sinister grin.

"Play ball!" She announced grandly.

Nopony bothered to point out that she was thinking of the wrong sport at the risk of taking a forehoof upside the head.

Author's Notes:

I just want to say really quickly that I aleady have this whole thing written out. It's gonna be four chapters (EDIT: Five chapters). I originally intended this to be a one-shot, but it turned out to be much longer (and crazier) than I thought. Literary Elephantitus is what it's called, I believe. I tend to write things longer than they probably need to be. Hey, Stephen King admitted to having it too, so at least I'm not alone.

Anyway, I just want to get the first chapter out there to see how it does before I upload the rest of it, mainly just to see how well it does at first. Hopefully if it does well enough I'll feel greater incentive to upload the rest faster.

I hope you get some enjoyment out of this, maybe even a chuckle or two if I'm lucky. It's pretty hard to be funny in this fandom, I gotta admit; ya never what'll work and what'll turn people off. Hopefully it's the former with this fic. Thanks for giving it a chance.

And feel free to point out whenever I screw up with spelling or punctuation, even if it's minor. I won't be annoyed, I promise. Oh, and offer any other constructive criticsm you can. Thanks.

Are You Ready for Some Hoofball!

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In a vast, open section of the park, Pinkie Pie finished setting up little clusters of multi-colored balloons to mark the end zones as well as the out-of-bounds areas. Where she found so many balloons that seemed to appear out of nowhere... It's Pinkie Pie; everypony gave up trying to understand her a long time ago. Once she finished weighing down the last set of balloons with a rock, she giddily bounded over to her friends, who were gathered in the center of the field.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack had naturally decided to go against each other, being the rivals that they were. And of course there was no way in Tartarus Rarity was going to team up with Rainbow Dash, so she and Fluttershy made up Applejack's team while Twilight and Pinkie were with Dash. An earth pony, a pegasus and a unicorn on each team... seemed fair.

"Alright, here's how we'll do this..." Dash began. "Since the field we're playing on is roughly half the size of a normal Hoofball, we'll forget the whole first down thing and just give you four shots to get into the end zone. If you fail to get in, you turn the ball over to the other team. Now, Fluttershy and I won't use our wings, and Twilight and Rarity aren't allowed to use magic to catch the ball. You can use your hooves to tip the ball if you want, but throwing and catching has to be done entirely with our mouths, just like the pros do."

Twilight raised an eyebrow at that. "Um, I assume we'll be wiping the the ball off after each play, right?"

Dash chuckled a bit. "Well, I kinda had a feeling you'd be worried about that, so I guess I should tell you that I spit in everypony's dandelion sandwiches before the picnic. And now that you know that you all have my loogies inside you, you probably won't be as grossed out by putting your mouths on the same Hoofball."

Everypony's response was just a horrified stare. Even Pinkie Pie couldn't stifle a gag. Dash could only hold her composure for a few seconds before she burst out laughing. "Joking! Joking! I wouldn't do that to you guys!" Nopony seemed particularly amused at that, aside from Pinkie Pie, who managed to crack a small smile. It was just damn near impossible to get her angry. Dash laughed for a little while longer while the rest of the group just continued to scowl at her. She took it to the point of awkwardness, then abruptly went serious. "Actually, just don't let your tongues touch it and we should be fine. Everypony cool with that?"

They all took a moment to think about it, then nodded simultaneously.

"Well, I suppose this can't get anymore uncouth than it already is," Rarity moaned. She still appeared quite determined to exact revenge on Rainbow Dash, but there was no denying that she was dying a little inside.

"Okay then," Twilight said. "We get four tries to score or else the other team gets the ball and all throwing and catching has to be done with our mouths. What are we playing to?"

Dash thought for a moment. "How about... first team to five touchdowns wins?"

"Sounds fine ta me," Applejack said, and nopony objected.

"First to five touchdowns..." Twilight took a mental note. "Now, I assume we're playing Touch Hoofball, right?"

Dash just gave her an awkward stare for a moment, then chuckled awkwardly. "Uh, heh heh, No, Twi, we're tackling. Touch Hoofball's for wussies."

"Oh, um..." Fluttershy began to shuffle nervously. "I'm not sure I'm okay with that."

"Yeah, me neither," Applejack said. "You and I might be tough enough to take some hits, but the others ain't quite got the same build as us. Somepony might get hurt, Dash."

"Oh, come on!" Dash groaned. "We're not like those big bad professionals; nopony's gonna get seriously hurt. Maybe a few bruises and scratches, but nothing serious. AJ and I will hold back on our full strength a little if that makes you feel better."

"Well," Twilight thought for a moment. "I guess I'm okay with that. I'm sure Pinkie doesn't mind either." The pink pony nodded enthusiastically. "And as for Rarity..." The ivory unicorn was still glaring daggers at Rainbow Dash. "...Yeeeeaaaaaaah..." She then turned to Fluttershy, who was visibly trembling now. Twilight frowned sympathetically. "I think we should maybe make Fluttershy the exception, though. I don't want to see her get hurt."

"Yeah, I reckon that's fair 'nough," Applejack agreed.

Rainbow Dash sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine, no tackling Fluttershy," she groaned.

"Um, thank you," Fluttershy appeared a bit calmer now. "I appreciate your understanding."

Rarity's expression softened a bit, and she gave the shy pegasus a kind nuzzle. "And if anypony breaks that rule, they'll have me to deal with," she whispered in her ear. "Especially if it's Rainbow Dash."

"So, is that everything?" Dash asked as she pumped herself up.

"Well actually..." Twilight said. "Shouldn't we have a referee or something? Don't they have those in professional games?"

"Twi, it's just backyard Hoofball. Who cares if we commit penalties or something? I can pretty much guarantee that every play is going to have some kind of penalty since we're not playing like the pros."

"Well, I wasn't thinking about penalties so much as I was about just having an unbiased spectator to act as a judge for whenever a certain play looks questionable. It'll keep us from spending too much time arguing."

"That's... a pretty good point, I guess," Dash admitted. "Still, who are we gonna find to ref for us? We're like, the only one's in the park today."

"I think I see a suitable candidate," Rarity said in a sing-song voice as she pointed off to an area behind Twilight.

They all turned to see the familiar form of Twilight's number-one assistant, Spike strolling right by the park, happily feasting on a triple scoop strawberry ice cream cone, peppered with tiny glistening gem shards. Twilight had given him the day off as a reward for all the hard work he'd done the past few days. She wondered if making him ref their game would be the same as putting him to work, which she wouldn't feel right about. But then again, he was a big fan of Hoofball, and was also the one who filled her in on some aspects of the game. Maybe he'd enjoy doing this for them.

"Hey, Spike!" Twilight called to him, capturing his attention immediately. "Come here for a minute!"

Spike pointed at himself and mouthed the word "Me?" Twilight gave a slight roll of her eyes. No, Spike, I was talking to that little squirrel digging around in that trash can next to you. She prevented herself from vocalizing that sarcastic thought and just gave a gesture with her hoof for him to come over.

Spike still looked a bit confused as he took his time walking over to them, taking a few more licks of his ice cream along the way. "Sup, Twi?" he greeted with a nod to his guardian and closest friend. "You enjoying the picnic?"

"Listen up, Spike," Twilight began in a tone of authority. "The girls and I are gonna play a quick game of Hoofball and we need you to ref for us."

Spike just stared at her in silent disbelief for a moment. A small glob of melted strawberry ice cream dropped from the bottom of the cone and hit the ground with a *plip* that was just barely audible in the awkward silence. "You're playing Hoofball?" He finally said, sounding as if he hadn't heard her right. "You... are gonna playHoofball?!"

"Yeah, we all are!" Twilight said with an excited smile and a chipper tone. "I figured I'd give it a try because, well, it might be kinda fun!"

Spike slowly looked over the whole group, his mouth slightly agape. He could definitely see Rainbow Dash and Applejack doing this kind of thing, maybe Pinkie Pie too. But Fluttershy? And Rarity? Especially Rarity! The young dragon couldn't help but crack a delighted smirk. "Oh, this oughta be good!" He said, bouncing up and down in excitement. But before long his smile faded a bit, and his excitement diminished. "But, do I really have to be a ref? I mean, I like watching Hoofball, and I wouldn't mind playing it sometime. But being a ref? Nopony likes those guys! It's like the most hated job in the world! Didn't you hear about that game in Cloudsdale where the ref made a really bad call and the fans threw beer bottles at him?"

Rainbow Dash gave a small laugh. "Oh yeah, I remember that game..." she said reminiscently. "Cloudsdale fans don't take kindly to getting jipped."

Applejack snorted in disgust. "That was downright pathetic behavior on their part."

"You can't really blame them for being upset though; that stupid call killed their playoff hopes," Dash said a bit defensively.

"Oh, so mindlessly tossing glass bottles around and almost seriously hurtin' somepony is jus' fine an' dandy behavior?!" Applejack asked incredulously.

"Hey, I've said several times, 'Don't mess with Cloudsdale fans, they take that sport very seriously!" Dash's voice raised significantly, her tone defensive.

"So, Spike!" Twilight interrupted quickly before an argument could arise. "Think you're up to it? Don't be nervous; it's just us six here. Nopony's gonna be watching us. We promise we won't get mad at you or anything, because all we want is a freindly game. Just call it to the best of your ability, as honestly as possible, and everything will be fine."

"Uhhh..." Spike rubbed the back of his neck, still looking pretty unsure about this whole thing.

At that moment, his beloved unicorn crush leaned in close to him. "Do it for me, Spikey-Wikey?" Rarity pleaded with a wide-eyed puppy dog look.

When it came to Rarity, that look was all it took for Spike's heart to melt like butter. The love-struck young dragon smiled sheepishly, cheeks glowing red, and let out a sigh. "Oh, all right. I'll do it for you, Rarity." he said in goofy, lovey-dovey voice.

"Ohhhhhh! My hero!" Rarity swooned, causing the little guy to blush even more.

"Just let me just finish my ice cream and I'll-" Spike halted abruptly as he lifted the cone to his mouth and saw that his beloved frozen dairy product was completely gone, save for a small collection of pink melted goop at the bottom of the cone. With a horrified expression he turned his gaze upwards to see a widely grinning Pinkie Pie with blots of darker pink and specks of gems surrounding her mouth. "Pinkie, my ice cream!" he cried. "I was looking forward to it all day! Why would you do that?!"

"Sorry," Pinkie said, as chipper as ever. "I was just so anxious to start playing and I didn't really feel like waiting too long! I hope you're not too mad at me! I'll give you a free cupcake later if that would make you feel better!"

"But I want ice cream!" Spike whined.

"Um, Pinkie? You know there were gem shards on that ice cream, right?" Twilight asked worriedly.

"There were?" Pinkie replied, her smile not faltering in the slightest. "Well that explains why I'm tasting blood right now. Still, I've always wondered what gems tasted like..."

"Pinkie, our bodies can't digest gems the way a dragon's body can," Twilight pointed out.

"So?" Pinkie said as if it was no big deal.

"So?!" Twilight replied incredulously. "So... let's just say we're all going be feeling very sorry for you in a few hours..." Twilight shivered at the thought, then turned to her assistant. "Spike, I'll buy you another one after the game. For now, please go get in position at the the side of the field."

Spike groaned and pouted his lips in anger, but did as he was told. He knew Twilight would be true to her word, but still...

"I went from helping to save the Crystal Empire to having my ice cream taken from me and being forced to ref a stupid, meaningless backyard Hoofball game," he grumbled as he stomped to the sidelines. "My life sucks..."

"So then," Twilight said as she turned back to her friends. "Are we ready to start?"

"One more thing," Rainbow Dash said. "How about we add some stakes to this thing, just to make it a bit more interesting."

Applejack cocked an eyebrow at that suggestion. "I'm listenin'."

"Uh, girls? Friendly game, remember?" Twilight pointed out.

"Quiet, darling," Rarity hushed her. "This may prove to be quite delicious..."

Rainbow Dash rubbed her chin in thought for a moment before a nasty smirk spread across her face. "How about this: The losers have to give the winners a rub-down at the end of the game!"

"Whoa, now that there sounds purty harsh," Applejack said, sounding somewhat unsure... until her face broke into a determined grin. "I like it!"

"How utterly humiliating it will be for the losers," Rarity added, rubbing her forehooves together, a sinister grin gracing her features.

Only Fluttershy seemed to be uncomfortable with this new development. She shuffled her hooves around uncomfortably, but chose not to say anything against it at the risk of sparking more arguements.

"Well, I guess if that's what everypony wants..." Twilight said with a sigh. "I guess it's still just a friendly game in the end. And a rub-down would probably feel pretty good after such an exhausting physical effort."

"Oh, I wouldn't get your hopes up, dear," Rarity said coolly. "It's doubtful you will be the one's receiving them at the end of the day."

Twilight stared wide-eyed at her usually graceful and elegant friend for a moment. Well that was rather uncalled for...

"Pretty big words there, Rarity," Twilight said haughtily. Her eyes suddenly narrowed. "But actions speak louder than words..."

"Indeed." Rarity didn't seem at all phased. "Which is why now is the time to act!" She turned to glare at Rainbow Dash, then cried out loud, "Vengeance shall be mine!"

Dash lowered her body into a cat-like pouncing position, her eyes narrowed in determination. "Alright, it's on now!" She announced in a tone of finality. "Since it's my ball, we get first possession!"

"Fine, I love playin' defense!" Applejack bragged. "Gives me the chance ta pummel ya real good!"

"Yeah, whatever, good luck with that, Applesmack," Dash teased as she picked up the ball and carried it under her wing. "Let's do this!"

With that, the group headed to one of the far sides of the field. Twilight trotted up between Dash and Pinkie, looking more than a bit apprehensive. She was practically shaking with nervousness and anticipation. "I really don't want to lose now, girls," she said, sounding like she was struggling to keep her lunch down.

"We won't," Dash replied matter of factly. "Applejack's the only one over there who knows Hoofball. Rarity and Fluttershy have absolutely no experience whatsoever. Now with our team; Pinkie and I are crazy Hoofball fans, and you said a while ago you know a few things about it. I'd say that gives us a pretty strong advantage! They're no match for us!"

"Um, Dash? In case you haven't noticed, Rarity really seems to have it in for you... for all of us actually..." Twilight said, sounding rather full of dread.

"Pfft! I'm not afraid of that drama queen," Dash said snarkily, with a wave of her hoof. "Just watch, on the very first play she'll chip a hoof and call the whole game off."

"You know, Rarity's not exactly a pushover," Twilight warned ominously. "Remember our battle with the Changelings in Canterlot? I swear that one Changeling was not moving at all after Rarity clocked it! Not only that, but I could've sworn I heard a snap..."

"That's probably because they were way more brittle than us, though," Dash said. Her once confident face then slowly began to form into a bitter scowl, and Twilight immediately knew where this was going...

"Dash, don't even start!" she snapped. "I told you a million times now that I don't want to hear it anymore!"

"Seriously, why did we give up?" Dash asked angrily, ignoring Twilight completely. "I could've knocked around those buggers all day! They were total whimps!" She then shot a scathing glance towards the now visibly annoyed unicorn. "But noooooooo! You just had pussy out right when we were practically within smelling distance of the Elements! I was so ready to charge right in there and fight my way through 'em, but what do you decide to do instead?!" Dash, not bothering to wait for an answer, held up her hoof and twirled it around as if she were waving an invisible white flag. "We surrender!" she shouted with mock pride.

"Hey! We were pretty heavily overwhelmed there, Dash! It wouldn't have been wise to risk ourselves any further!" Twilight shouted back defensively. "Besides, we're a team; we stand together and we fall together! And by 'together' I mean all six of us! Besides, it didn't really matter in the end anyway, did it! We still won! Due in no small part to the fact that that hag Queen of their's has no idea how to handle hostages! 'Yeah, I'm just gonna turn away from the six ponies who I've done absolutely nothing to incapacitate whatsoever and just assume they won't try anything funny!' Seriously, she was so oblivious! I can actually look back on that day and laugh now!"

"Ya know," Dash said. "The second she turned her back, I was totally gonna bolt for the exit... try to make another break for the Elements. Then I saw you were up to something and decided to just let it play out. Guess I made the right move in the end..." Her expression suddenly hardened. "But one of these days, I swear I'm gonna track that hag down, get right up in her mug, and just be like, 'Me! You! Your entire horde! Round Two, Baby!'"

"Hee hee! You go, Dashie!" Pinkie Pie cheered for her friend.

Twilight just smiled and shook her head. "Oh Dashie..." she muttered quietly "Maybe someday we will get a round two..." Her expression then melted into one of slight confusion. "Wow, we've really kind gone off track here! What were we talking about before the whole Royal Wedding debacle?"

Pinkie Pie quickly answered, "You were telling us about how you think Rarity might've actually killed a Changeling just by punching it in the face and now we're worried she might do the same thing to Dashie in a friendly game of Hoofball."

Twilight went wide-eyed at hearing that. "Wow... what was I thinking saying something like that?" she scolded herself. She turned to Rainbow Dash, who was attempting to look as bold and confident as ever, though there was no hiding that slight nervous twitch in her eye. "Dash, Rarity's not gonna do anything like that to you," she said assuringly. "She's still your friend after all, and that's not gonna change because of some silly Hoofball game."

Dash snorted crudely. "Yeah well, I'm not gonna go easy on her, even if we are friends. I'm not gonna settle on anything less than my A-game for this, especially with that bet involved."

Twilight's face fell at hearing that. "Oh right, the bet. I almost forgot about that," she mumbled quietly to herself. Maybe this game wasn't gonna be so "silly" after all...

"C'mon, girls! Let's just try to have fun!" Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, in an effort to perk up her team. "That's what the whole point of this game is, right?"

"Of course, Pinkie. You're absolutely right!" Twilight said with a smile so obviously forced that Twist could tell it was fake without her glasses and with lemon juice stinging her eyes. The "smile" quickly curled into more of a nasty sneer. She added in a quieter tone, "But if we win this thing, the fun will most definitely be doubled!"

"Ya got that right, Twi!" Dash said confidently, pumping her hoof in the air. "There is absolutely no way in Tartarus I'm rubbing AJ's gross, sweaty back at the end of the day! Let's kick some flank!" With one last confident cheer, the trio then got into position at about ten yards from their own end zone.

A good distance away in front of them, Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy stood huddled together, the latter visibly shivering with fear, while the other two just glared meanacingly at their opponents.

"What in the name of Celestia were they finding so funny a moment ago?" Rarity asked, her tone dripping with venom.

"Don't rightly know, don't rightly care." Applejack replied indifferently. "It don't matter worth a wooden bit right now. Both ya'll get in close here." Applejack pulled in the heads of her two teamates close to her and stared at them both intently. "Now here's how we're gonna do this; I'll focus on Rainbow Dash while you two cover Twilight and Pinkie. The way this usually works is I hafta count ta three before I can rush her. What you girls need to do is stick to the others as best you can, don't allow them to get too wide open, make sure Dash has no chance of risking a pass that could be blocked or picked off. Ya'll think you can do that?"

"Um, I guess," Fluttershy squeaked.

"I shall do my best," Rarity said with a bit more confidence than her pegasus friend. "Though if I may make a suggestion, if you happen to get to Rainbow Dash... hold nothing back."

"That's the idea," Applejack said with a smirk. "Let's give 'em a good whoop fer, huh?"

"Here here," Rarity said, her head held high in pride.

"Yay," Fluttershy cheered. She was barely audible.

Meanwhile, over on the offensive side of the ball, Rainbow Dash had her team gathered in close around her, a safe distance away from Team Applejack.

"Okay, so here's how we'll do this for now," Dash began. "I've got a few sweet plays up in my mental playbook here," she tapped her forehead with her hoof, "but we should really save them for special occasions. We don't want to get too predictable, after all. For now, I just want you two to focus on getting open as quickly as possible. Applejack has to count to three before she can come after me. Now, I'm more nimble than her, and I can throw pretty well on the run, but I'd rather not be forced to throw under pressure; that's a sure way to throw a pick right there. You both understand well enough?"

Pinkie nodded vigorously. Twilight gave a nervous smile. "I... think so..." she said, failing to sound as confident as she wanted to. She waited a few seconds before asking, "What's a pick?"

Dash facehoofed. "Just do what I asked you to do, okay?" she groaned.

Bothe teams were ready now. They approached the line of scrimmage and got into a crouching position. Rainbow Dash placed the ball down in front of her and fastened her mouth tightly around it. She glanced up at Applejack, who was glaring down at her with her toughest war face. Rainbow matched it with her own intimidating glare, though she ended up looking a little more goofy than threatening with the big Hoofball jammed in her mouth.

Twilight found herself face to face with Rarity on Dash's left, while Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy faced each other on the right. Spike, who had for the time let his ice cream mishap go, focused intently on the two teams. "Shouldn't I have a whistle or something?" He muttered to himself. He shrugged, "Ah, who cares."

Rarity glared at Twilight with an almost animatistic determination that she had never used before. Twilight, now deeply determined not to lose, glared back with the same level of intensity.

Fluttershy just pawed at the ground nervously, looking as meek and humble as ever. She really stuck out like a sore hoof compared to how in the moment the others were. It wasn't helping at all that huge grin Pinkie was giving her was only serving to disturb her more than set her at ease.

'Hiya, Flutters!" Pinkie greeted in an unnervingly cheerful voice. "Ready to have some fun?"

"Um, I-I guess..." Fluttershy answered weakly.

"Don't let her psyche ya out, Fluttershy!" Applejack called over to her, her focus still on Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, um... okay." Fluttershy sucked in a deep breath, puffed out her chest, put on at tough face and raised her voice a little. "You don't scare me, you... you... silly filly!"

Pinkie Pie just giggled at her friends adorable attempt at intimidation, causing Applejack to roll her eyes. It was a start at least, but she still had quite a ways to go.

"Hrrgh... hrrghgh..." Rainbow Dash's words were muffled by the ball. "Hrrgh... hrrgh... HGUGH!" she pulled back into a passing position and Twilight and Pinkie Pie took off with Rarity and Fluttershy right on their tails.

"So it begins..." Spike said ominously, his eyes following the action intently.

"One Appleoosa... Two Appleoosa..." Applejack counted out loud. She hopped back and forth a tiny bit on her hooves in anticipation, eager to take off once she hit three, desperate for the incredible satisfaction that would come with slamming that snarky pegasus to the ground.

Dash scanned the field before her. To her great annoyance, Twilight was running the most ridiculous, incomprehensible route she had ever seen; cutting left and right, up and down so sporadically that if Dash attempted to pass to her, she would probably zing off in another direction and miss it. On top of that, Rarity was matching her movements flawlessly, never more than a single step behind her.

Dash quickly snapped her attention to Pinkie Pie, who had just managed to give her defender the slip by pulling an almost physics defying juke. Poor Fluttershy, who had actually managed to do a decent job of keeping up with her at first, ended up getting her legs tangled together and went crashing to ground with an "Eep!" This left Pinkie wide open.

"Three Appleoosa!" Applejack charged at full speed towards Rainbow Dash, but the pegasus was able to zing the ball out over her head before she was within tackling distance. It was a beautiful spiral, and it was dead on target. Pinkie made a jaw-dropping leaping catch and managed to land on all fours. Dash was able to see that her pass was complete, but nothing after that as Applejack's forward momentum sent her crashing into the pegasus. They both tumbled to the ground with heavy grunts.

Pinkie had an open field in front of her. She could've easily gone all the way, but Rarity broke off from Twilight and was at her before she could get too far. The ivory unicorn dove gracefully in front of Pinkie, tripping her up and sending her tumbling to the ground.

"Alright, you're down." Spike called out, raising a closed fist to the air. It was easily a fifteen yard gain.

"Nice catch, Pinkie!" Twilight congratulated her friend excitedly. "You almost broke free!"

"Thanks, Twilight," Pinkie replied with a smile. "But ya know, if you had blocked Rarity, I probably would've broke free. Receivers have to block too sometimes. Try to remember that, okay?"

"Oh, um, sure," Twilight said, her smile fading to slight frown of disappointment.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack had just gotten back to their hooves, the former with a rather nasty scowl on her face. "Hey, Spike!" She called out to the dragon. "How about a roughing the passer penalty?"

Applejack glowered at the pegasus. "Aw horseapples! That weren't no roughin' the passer! 'Sides, I thought we weren't worryin' about penalties."

"Yeah well, that was before we decided the losing team would pretty much be stripped of their dignity," Dash retorted. "And yeah, I know the rub-down thing was my idea, but I don't want the winning team to get it by having played dirty!"

"Well... fair 'nough, I s'pose," Applejack sighed. "But that still weren't no roughin' the passer!"

"I believe that's up to our ref over there," Dash said. She turned to Spike with a hopeful look.

The dragon shuffled his feet nervously. "Uh, actually that wasn't really roughing the passer," he said with a hint of apprehension. "Applejack had no time to stop herself before hitting you. Plus she didn't go in low or head first. It was a pretty legit play from what I saw."

Rainbow Dash sent a scathing look at the baby dragon. "You better not be going easy on them because Rarity's on their team!"

Rarity scoffed in offense. "How dare you?! "My little Spikey would never lower himself to such levels of unfairness! Not even for moi!" she then turned to Spike and gave him a quick cunning smile and wink.

The baby dragon honestly had no idea what to make of it. Was that supposed to be just a friendly wink, or is she trying to imply something? Spike decided to just shrug it off for now.

Fluttershy finally managed to untangle her legs and stand up again. She slowly trotted over to her teammates, her cheeks red and her head hanging low in shame.

"Are you alright, dear?" Rarity asked with concern.

"Yes, I'm okay," Fluttershy answered quietly. "That was an excellent stop you made, Rarity. I'm sorry I nearly blew it for us. I'm so useless..."

"Hey now, don't you fret none," Applejack chided gently with a smile. "Ya didn't blow nothin' yet, ya hear? They didn't score, we can still stop 'em! Just try ta keep yer balance a little better next time. I know you'll git the hang o' this sooner 'r later. Jus' don't give up!"

"Oh- okay," Fluttershy answered, lifting her head a bit. "I'll keep trying I guess."

A few feet away, Rainbow Dash gathered her team together. She smiled proudly at their earth pony member. "Awesome job, Pinkie! The first play and we're already about half-way there! Keep doing what your doing!"

"Will do, Dashie!" Pinkie said with a snappy salute.

Dash then turned to Twilight, her expression showing significantly less pride. "Look, Twi, I know I said to just try your best to get open, but you were all over the freakin' field! There was no way I could've hit you with how often you were cutting off in different directions."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Twilight apologized, looking rather embarrassed. "It's just that Rarity was all over me! Nothing I could do was helping me get away from her! I didn't know she could be that fast!"

Dash sighed and nodded. "Yeah, no kidding. She says she's never played or even liked Hoofball, and she's already moving like a pro out there! But don't worry, we won't let her intimidate us! I know a couple routes you can run that are easy enough for me to follow and still keep you ahead of her. Like a curl route; run straight ahead a good few yards then jerk back towards me. Do it well enough and she might just overshoot you while she's in pursuit. Or maybe try a slant route, like what Pinkie did on the last play; just run diagonally in front of me. As long as you stay ahead of Rarity, I should be able to hit you."

Twilight took that all in and nodded. "Alright, I'll try those!"

Dash grinned gave her a slap on the back "Awesome, let's do this!"

Once again the two teams assumed their positions, Fluttershy and Twilight looking a bit more confident this time around.

"HGUGH!" Dash hiked, and Applejack began her count.

Dash scanned the field again. Though Fluttershy was doing a better job of staying on her hooves this time, Pinkie was still way out of her reach. She had actually made it right up close to the end zone, just a few yards shy of being in. With how far behind Fluttershy was, Dash could've easily rocketed the ball to her and Pinkie would just waltz right in untouched. But then she noticed Twilight attempting a slant route in front of her. Rarity was once again hot on her heels, but there was just enough of a window to squeeze a pass in. Pinkie may have been a sure touchdown, but Dash felt she really oughta give Twilight a chance. The adorkable egghead really seemed to take an interest in this sport, and she was clearly trying her best. She really deserved a shot.

Dash got the pass off a little faster this time. Applejack barely finished saying "Three" by the time it left Dash's mouth. It was another great pass, thrown just ahead of Twilight. It was also a short pass, probably good for about eight yards, unless Twilight managed to break the tackle.

Twilight saw that the pass was going to be right on the money. She opened her mouth wide and felt it wedge right between her teeth. It was barely secure for a second when she felt somepony (it had to be Rarity) come barreling into her backside with such force that the ball was instantly jarred loose, dropping to the ground along with the two unicorns.

Spike waved his arms in front of him and called out, "Incomplete!"

Rainbow Dash groaned and stomped the ground in frustration. She was already regretting not going for Pinkie.

Applejack stared wide-eyed at Rarity as she and Fluttershy shambled back over to her. "Dang, Rare! You sure you ain't never played b'fore?"

"Never once," Rarity answered matter-of-factly. "I suppose it just comes naturally to me, like dress making. Although I also suppose it helps that I'm also being driven by a burning desire for revenge." she gave a rather demented chuckle.

"Heh heh, sure," Applejack muttered with a nervous forced smile. She muttered quietly to herself, "Crazy prima donna..."

On the offensive side, Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a stern, though not entirely scathing look.

"I'm sorry," Twilight said sadly. "I was so close! I almost had it! I-I just-"

"Don't trip, Twi," Dash said calmly, giving her friend a gentle hoof nudge. "It was an improvement, at least. A small one, but definitely an improvement. I'm not giving up on you yet. What you gotta remember is to actually make the catch before trying to run." She then took a moment to think up the next play. "Alright, I know we still have two shots left, but I think I'm gonna drop the bomb on this one; they shouldn't be expecting that this early. Both of you just bolt right for the end zone, and I'll hit whoever's more open, and no offense, Twi, but that's most likely gonna be Pinkie Pie, considering she's been leaving Fluttershy in the dust so far."

"I understand," Twilight said softly with a nod. With that, the teams returned to the line.

"HGUGH!"

Dash dropped back further this time, shifting her gaze back and forth between her receivers. As expected, Rarity was right on top of Twilight, and Fluttershy was miles behind Pinkie Pie.

Rainbow Dash didn't waste a second; she flung the ball with all her might and watched it sail. It was an absolutely perfect rainbow pass, and it was once again right on the money.

The moment she saw it, Applejack knew it was a lost cause. "Aw shoot!" she moaned.

Pinkie pin-pointed exactly where the ball was going to land and sped up her gallop to meet it. Fluttershy watched with tears of shame in her eyes as Pinkie made another spectacular leaping catch and tumbled right into the end zone. "She makes it look so easy..." Fluttershy whispered to herself.

Spike raised his clawed hands above his head. "Touchdown!"

"WHOOOO!" Rainbow Dash and Twilight both cheered as they galloped up to Pinkie, who was dancing with joy in the end zone, and joined her in celebrating

Applejack sighed sadly and shook her head. "Consarnit, Fluttershy," she muttered, already starting to regret this team arrangement. Her teammates approached her, Rarity looking more frustrated than deflated, and Fluttershy looking absolutely distraught. The sensitive pegasus sniffled as she wiped a few tears from her red and puffy eyes. Applejack frowned when she realized Fluttershy might've heard her when she cursed her name a moment ago.

"I-I'm so sorry, everypony," Fluttershy whimpered. "M-maybe I should j-just quit now. I'm q-quite clearly holding this team back. You'll never win with me."

"Hey now, don't be talkin' like that," Applejack said encouragingly. She was going to make an honest effort to be more patient with Fluttershy for the rest of the game, because bereting her viscously would do nothing to help the team. "We ain't finished yet, sugarcube! Not by a long shot! So what? They're only up a touchdown; they still got a ways ta go! We'll be sure ta stop 'em next time! But fer now... it's our turn ta try an' score. An' ya wanna know another thing? It took 'em three shots to get in... I betchya it'll take us only two!"

"You can't give up now, dear!" Rarity added with determination. "Rainbow Dash must pay for what she did to me! Without your help, we might as well forfeit the game! That simply cannot happen!"

"Darn right!" Applejack whooped. "And there ain't no way, no way, I'm spendin' the end o' the day bein' Rainbow Dash's personal masseuse!" She gently wrapped a foreleg around Fluttershy and gave her a squeeze. "Yer gonna get better as the day goes on, I know it! Jus' don't get discouraged!"

Fluttershy's crying subsided a bit, and she even managed a small smile. "Okay," she said with a sniffle. "I guess I'll keep playing... for now."

With that, Team Applejack took their positions on offense, ten yards in front of their end zone. Team Rainbow Dash lined up opposite them, bursting with confidence from their early lead. Twilight seemed particularly anxious to have a chance to give Rarity the same trouble the fashionista had been giving her now that she was on defense.

"HGUHG!" Applejack made a similar noise to Rainbow Dash as she set up to pass.

"One Appleoosa... Two Appleoosa..." Dash counted.

Applejack pivoted about sporadically, checking her two possible targets. Much to her disappointment, Fluttershy was being completely dwarfed by Pinkie Pie, who was practically bounding circles around her. As badly as she wanted to give Fluttershy a chance, there was just no way she could complete a pass to her with that kind of coverage. When she turned to Rarity, she saw a much more manageable passing attempt. Twilight was fairly close, but Rarity was keeping ahead of her as she slanted towards center field.

"Three Appleoosa!" Rainbow Dash charged.

In a panic, Applejack it fly, and the second it left her mouth, she knew she'd under-thrown it. It was going to end up skimming into the grass at Rarity's hooves. But before she could curse herself, she saw Dash leap into the air and raise her hooves to block the pass. She had mis-timed her jump, however, and instead ended up pushing the ball upwards, giving it a bit of an exta boost.

Applejack watched in awe as the ball continued to travel forward at virtually the same momentum. It had a chance now. Rarity seemed to know this as she positioned herself where she was sure the ball would land.

Twilight was briefly distracted by the bizarre flight pattern of the ball. She had seen Applejack toss it, in the brief second she looked away to check on Rarity she missed Rainbow Dash's attempted block, and now was trying to piece together how it was scientifically possible for the ball to travel that way. But when she suddenly remembered what it was she was supposed to be doing, it was too late; Rarity had gracefully caught the ball and was off to the races.

With a look of pure horror on her face, Twilight took off after her fellow unicorn. Rarity was fast, but trying to keep control of the ball while running was slowing her down a bit. Twilight managed to catch up to her when she was about fifteen yards from scoring. She leaped forward and wrapped her forelegs around Rarity's backside, certain she would be successful in dragging her down. It took Twilight a few seconds to realize that Rarity had, in fact, not gone down, and was dragging her along as she trudged towards the end zone.

"I- I-" Twilight stammered, unable to believe what was happening. "I can't bring her down!"

"I'll save you, Twilight!" Pinkie cried as she sped to the rescue. She reached Rarity just as she was about ten yards away from paydirt and grabbed the other side of her. Rarity slowed significantly, moving at about the speed of a tortoise... but she still refused to go down. Pinkie and Twilight could feel themselves being dragged along. They looked at each other wide-eyed, simply too stunned for words. They were putting every last ounce of their weight into pulling her down, and Rarity was just trudging right along! She didn't even seem to be struggling all that hard!

On the other side of the field, Rainbow Dash and Applejack watched the scene with their jaws on the ground. Never in a million years would they have expected this of Rarity. Rarity of all ponies!

"You gotta be kiddin' me!" Dash gaped.

"Land sakes!" Applejack said in an awed tone.

Rainbow Dash snapped herself out of her stupor; she had to get down there and help! There was still time! She zipped past Applejack, who cursed herself for missing the block.

"Go, Rarity, Go!" Applejack cheered, knowing it was all she could do now.

Fluttershy, who had been watching with the same level of amazement as the others, saw Rainbow Dash speeding towards the scene, and an instinct to try and hold off her fellow pegasus came to her. She took off at full speed to meet Rainbow Dash, and was almost able to get in front of her. But Dash proved to be too fast, and Fluttershy ended up getting a face full of her prismatic tail as she tumbled to the ground. She wasn't hurt physically, but the disappointment at failing once again caused her to sigh sadly and hang her head in shame. That was worse than any cut or bruise.

Rarity was less than five yards from evening the score when Dash threw herself on the last part of the unicorn's hind-side that wasn't covered by Twilight and Pinkie. Rarity came to a complete stop... but once again didn't go down. fifteen seconds passed, and Rarity remained standing firm, but completely motionless. All Applejack and Fluttershy could do now was watch. They feared any attempt they made to help Rarity get in would cause too much weight for her and would finally bring her down.

Rainbow Dash, Twilight and Pinkie Pie were holding on for dear life. Their eyes were squeezed tightly shut with the effort they were putting into stopping her. They could feel her hind legs shaking violently with the effort of staying up. On the sideline, Spike watched in amazement at what his lovely Rarity was doing. Part of him knew he should've called the play dead a while ago, but he so desperately wanted this play end on it's own instead of just abruptly and anticlimactically ending it.

It felt like it had been an hour when the three defensive mares felt themselves being dragged again, slowly but surely, and Rainbow Dash just about lost her mind. "GO! DOWN! ALREADY!" she cried, attempting to yank Rarity down at the end of each word.

"NEFERRRRRRRR!" Rarity roared dramatically, her words muffled by the Hoofball. The unicorn then stretched out her neck as far as it would go and let herself fall forward...

The ball had clearly crossed the invisible plane.

Spike once again raised his hands over his head, this time they were trembling with excitement. "T-Touchdown!"

"YEEEEEEEEHAAAAWWWW!" Applejack cheered. She pulled her hat off and slapped it on the knees of her hindlegs.

"Woohoo!" Fluttershy actually sounded a bit louder than usual that time. Her despair from a moment ago had definitely faded now.

Rarity pulled herself out of the grasps of her friends/current rivals, spat the ball onto the ground, placed her hoof over it and held her head up high and proud. "I claim this end zone in the name of Fashion!" she announced in a thunderous voice. Though she couldn't be entirely sure, she could've sworn she heard an heavenly chorus sounding off in the distance.

Applejack and Fluttershy joined her in the end zone and the three mares jumped for joy and celebrated.

"How do ya like them apples!" Applejack whooped. "One play, one play and we're right back in this!" She turned to Rarity. "Honestly, Rare, what else ain't ya been tellin' us about yerself? I've spent most of my life buckin' apple trees and haulin' heavy carts around, and even I probably couldn't have pulled off what you just did!"

"Well, as I mentioned earlier, I believe my morning aerobics have played a key roll in keeping me in peak physical condition," Rarity explained, her voice returning to it's usual elegance despite the fact she was now covered in sweat. "I may be a lady, but that doesn't mean I would pass up a good opportunity to stay in shape."

"Huh..." was all Applejack could say in response.

A now smiling Fluttershy stepped up next and gave Rarity a gentle nuzzle. "You were amazing, Rarity!" she praised her friend. Her smile faltered a bit as she pulled back. "I'm... sorry I couldn't have been more helpful."

Applejack gave the pegasus a gentle nudge with her hoof. "Ya had the right idea though, sugarcube; goin' after Dash like that... I think yer startin' ta get the hang o' this! Keep it up, and I'll bet my farm that by the end of the day you'll be playin' just as well as Pinkie Pie and Rarity!"

Fluttershy smiled appreciatively at that. "I hope so..."

"Well then," Rarity said. "Let us continue with the game, shall we? I daresay I think I'm starting to enjoy myself!"

"Heh heh, I knew you'd start to feel that 'fore long," Applejack chuckled. "Maybe what Rainbow Dash did ta ya weren't so bad after all, huh? If it got ya ta try somethin' new that ya ended up likin'..."

"Mmhmm," was Rarity's only response. Her somewhat dry expression made it hard to tell is she really agreed with that statement, or was being sarcastic.

The three mares trotted off to get into their defensive positions again. Applejack stopped briefly to look down at Team Rainbow Dash, who were still laying sprawled out at the edge of the end zone, the disbelief at what had just happened still apparent in their eyes.

"Ya'll ain't gettin' tired already, are ya?" Applejack teased with a nasty grin. "'Cause we're jus' gettin' started! Hoo hoo!" She galloped off after the others.

The three just laid there in silence for a few seconds more before Dash finally spoke. "One play. We gave up a touchdown in just one play... THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN! NOT TO ME!" Dash pounded the ground in fury.

"Rainbow Dash," Twilight attempted to calm her friend down. "It... It was all my fault; I lost track of Rarity too easily. I was... distracted by something really stupid. I should've paid more attention to her."

Rainbow Dash sighed, took a moment to calm herself, then shook her head. "Nah, Twi, it was my fault; I knew Applejack had underthrown that pass, and all I had to do was step out of the way and let it fall incomplete. But I just had to get a wild hair up my flank and try to bat it back in her face. I just really wanted to knock her down a peg, but instead I gave the ball the extra boost it needed to get to Rarity."

"Oh, so that was why the ball moved that way..." Twilight said thoughtfully.

"And on top of that, I should've been faster at helping you guys bring her down," Dash continued. "You guys did an awesome job trying to stop her. This screw up's on me, and me alone."

"Aw, Dashie," Pinkie gave her friend a kind nuzzle. "We're a team! We're all in this together! We share the pride and we share the shame! Kind of like what Twilight said a while ago! Stop being so hard on yourself, you mopey-dopey."

"She's right, Dash; it was all our blunder, not just yours," Twilight said soothingly.

Finally, Rainbow Dash decided to smile and accept it. "Ah, I guess if that's what you guy's wanna believe..." Another brief moment of silence passed, then Rainbow Dash sighed and shook her head again. "Jeez, freakin' Rarity, man!"

"I told you she was no pushover," Twilight chided.

"Well yeah, I always knew she could take care of herself, but... that was just... Dang! Am I the only one who's starting to think that her boutique is just a front or something, and she's got like Dojo in there, or some kind of training facility? I mean, we were all holding onto her, right? Those rear legs of hers were hard as rocks! You all noticed that, didn't you?" All Rainbow Dash received were a couple of awkward looks, and she facehoofed. "Hey, don't go getting the wrong idea! I didn't mean it like that! I'm just pointing out that whatever she's doing is working for her because she's in incredibly good shape! There's nothing wrong with admiring how physically fit another pony is, especially if she's a friend."

"Oh, of course, Dash! It's perfectly fine to feel that way about another and still keep a relationship strictly platonic," Twilight said, though her tone made it hard to tell if she was serious or joking.

Dash decided it would be best to change the subject before the situation could get any weirder. "Seriously though, if this were a professional game, she'd probably win the Player of the Game Award for that one play alone! I'm not even kidding around right now, that girl is scaring me!"

"Well then," Pinkie said as she jumped to her hooves. "We just need to find a way to keep her from doing that again!"

"Exactly!" Twilight agreed, getting up as well. "There's always a solution to any problem! We just have to experiment around a bit until we find the proper one."

Dash smiled as she got up. "Well, here's a good new strategy right off the bat: Don't let Rarity catch the ball... period."

"Hey, that just might work!" Pinkie said optimistically as she bounded off. Dash smiled and shook her head once again. Never a dull moment with Pinkie Pie...

"Come on, Dash! We're on offense again," Twilight said encouragingly. "We beat their defense before, we can do it again! And this time we can do it better, because this time I'm gonna do better! I know you think I'm an egghead, but I'm going to prove to you and everypony out there that eggheads can kick just as much flank at this game as anypony else! Excelsior!" She charged after Pinkie Pie.

Rainbow Dash watched her go, smiling even wider now. She was unable to stifle some chuckles as she followed them. Dash didn't think she'd ever heard something so dorky, and yet so badass at the same time.

It Gets Real... Real Ugly...

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"Wow!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed as she watched the action unfold in front of her. "I had no idea my sister was such a hard hitter! Did you see how she totally slammed into Pinkie Pie and sent her flying back a few yards?"

"What about when my sis picked off that lateral by Twilight and nearly took it all the way back?" Apple Bloom said excitedly. "I knew she liked Hoofball, but I ain't ever seen her actually play it before. I never knew she was so good!"

"Ha, that was nothing!" Scootaloo bragged. "What about when Rainbow Dash made that pass to herself? That was so awesome! Especially since she ended up scoring on it! There's like, nothing she can't do!"

"Well, she didn't exactly throw it very far," Sweetie Belle pointed out.

"I think it actually may have actually been knocked out by my sis when she came after her," Apple Bloom added. "It looked like more of a fumble than a pass."

"Whatever, it was still cool," Scootaloo shrugged.

"More like lucky," Sweetie Belle muttered.

"Pfft, you guy's are just mad because your sister's are losing right now," Scootaloo scoffed.

"They're only down by one TD!" Apple Bloom said defensively.

"It's gonna be two in a moment here. Go Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo cheered.

Rainbow Dash turned to see her little fan on the sideline with her friends, jumping up and down and waving wildly. Dash smiled weakly and waved back.

There's no way I can lose now! Not in front of the Squirt! I need all the fans I can get!

But the Cutie Mark Crusaders weren't the only ones who happened to stop by to watch the game...

What started off as a few curious passing ponies who just wanted to take a quick glance at the game, soon escalated into a large group who were utterly riveted by the skill and passion that these six mares had for the game. Not only were they national heroes, but they played Hoofball almost as well as the pros. How had they not reached celebrity status by now?

By this point, it seemed as if half of Ponyville had come out to watch the game. Nearly every face in the crowd was a familiar one. They completely encircled the field, making sure to leave enough room in case one of the players went out of bounds. Ponyville, being the small town it was, didn't have a professional Hoofball team to call their own. But the town was full of fans of the great sport, and whenever the chance arose to take in a small, backyard game like the one they were watching now, or to take the train to one of the nearest big cities to watch the pros, they took it.

The six friends were a little taken aback by the sudden realization that nearly all of Ponyville had come to watch them play what was supposed to be a meaningless, friendly game (Twilight could've sworn she saw the Mayor somewhere in the crowd at one point). But they had all been very supportive and enthusiastic for both teams. They always cheered good plays and only offered sympathetic moans for bad ones. Even Spike, who was worried a bad call on his part would get food thrown at him, began to relax a bit when he saw how happy they were just to be watching a game.

The six mares decided to allow spectating, though it didn't exactly do anything to stifle their already burning desires to win. Losing this game in front of all these witnesses, no matter how positive and supportive of both sides they had been, would still serve as further humiliation. Hopefully they would all leave before the losing team was forced to hold up their less than desireable end of the bargain...

As of that moment, Team Rainbow Dash lead with three touchdowns to Team Applejack's two. Team Dash's second possession had been a disheartening four and out with Pinkie Pie making one spectacular catch for about thirty yards. But nothing more came of it as Twilight failed to catch two more passes (though in fairness, one was a tad overthrown), and Dash was sacked on the final play.

Proud of their defensive stand, Team Applejack took up their second offensive possession, eager for another quick score. So confident was Applejack, that she decided to pass up a sure-fire touchdown with Rarity and give Fluttershy a shot at catching a pass.

It proved to be a fatal mistake, though Applejack's pass was accurate enough, Fluttershy could do nothing to escape the aggressive coverage of Pinkie Pie. The result was an interception, which the pink pony returned for her teams second touchdown.

Fluttershy was once again close to tearing up, and though Applejack managed to give her a comforting smile, she was having a hard time holding back her building frustration. She was starting to think she may not want to risk throwing to her again, or at least not until they could get in the lead... if they could ever get in the lead. At least they got to try again right away.

Sadly, this second chance failed to yield any points. Applejack managed to complete a decent pass to Rarity, but the talented unicorn didn't get to impress this time as she was immediately tackled from the front by Pinkie Pie, who had slipped away to double team Rarity the instant she saw where the pass was going. Twilight smiled proudly at this; they had discovered that Rarity was not as strong when contacted from the front.

There's a solution to every problem!

Applejack attempted another pass to Rarity on the second play, but this time it was batted down by Twilight, who was giddy with excitement that she finally did something right. The third play resulted in a sack, and the fourth led to Applejack attempting to run when she didn't feel comfortable with attempting a pass. She only got a few yards before being dragged down by Rainbow Dash, turning the ball over on downs.

The sack on the third play had placed Team Applejack dangerously close to their own end zone. Applejack's failure to get many yard with her run gave Team Dash excellent field position.

It was then that Rainbow Dash performed her controversial "pass to herself." It was true that it wasn't so much a pass as it was a very long and far traveling airborne fumble. Dash had attempted to pass it off to Pinkie Pie, who was right in the corner of the end zone, shifting back and forth to avoid Fluttershy. But the shy pegasus actually managing to keep pace fairly well, and for the first time that day Dash didn't feel comfortable throwing in her direction. At the same time she tried to halt bringing her head forward to pass, she saw Applejack diving towards her out of the corner of her eye. With her trademark quickness, Dash hopped backwards and out of reach. Though she managed to avoid being tackled, she wasn't able to dodge Applejack's fore hoof as it swiped upwards and knocked the ball from her mouth. Because of how fast it happened, it was almost impossible to tell if Dash had decided to attempt the pass or if Applejack had jarred it loose, making it a fumble.

Dash had watched the ball sail loftily through the air not too far ahead of her. With Applejack pretty much out of the way, and Twilight and Pinkie Pie nowhere near close enough to make the catch, Dash did the only thing she could do: she charged forward, leapt into the air, caught the ball as it came down, and tumbled into the end zone for the third touchdown.

Their celebration lasted only a short while though, as Rarity and Applejack quickly rounded on Spike to try to convince him that that play could not possibly have been legal. While Spike was unsure of whether or not it was a pass or a fumble, he couldn't recall any rule saying the QB couldn't go after the ball in either case, so he stuck with his ruling of a touchdown.

With the game starting to slip away, Team Applejack began to resort to the long bomb to get things done. And for three straight plays it worked; Applejack completed good-sized passes to Rarity, and had brought them to within' eight yards of scoring by the fourth try. However, this time Twilight succeeded in knocking the ball away from her fellow unicorn. She had tipped it upwards, though, right towards Fluttershy. The shy pegasus readied herself, hoping this could be her chance to finally help her team. She attempted to do what Dash had done by leaping into the air to try and catch the ball as it fell to her. Sadly, she had undershot it, and ended up crashing to the ground with the ball falling incomplete a few feet in front of her.

Team Applejack had failed again. Rarity let out a very unlady-like growl of frustration, and Applejack yanked off her stetson and threw it to the ground angrily. Fluttershy whimpered quietly and buried her head under her forehooves in shame.

Rainbow Dash, starting to feel the game was well under her team's control, decided to let Twilight have another shot at catching a pass on their next possession. The very first play she zinged a quick one to her before Applejack had even made it to "Two Appleoosa." The pass was accurate, Twilight was a good, large step ahead of Rarity, and lo and behold... the lavender unicorn caught her very first pass!

With Pinkie Pie keeping Fluttershy well contained, Twilight had an open field in front of her. All she had to do was outrun Rarity...

Dash smiled as she watched the two unicorns race down the field, proud of her little egghead for finally coming through on offense. She didn't even notice that Applejack had taken off after them as well...

Twilight was right up against the right sideline as she passed the halfway point to the end zone. It was clear that Rarity was going to try to force her out-of-bounds instead of tackle her. Though the play was by no means a failure by that point, Twilight didn't want it to end that way. She wanted a more exciting finish to compliment her first completed pass.

From behind her, she could hear another set hooves approaching her quickly. Turning her head lightly, she saw who she thought to be just the pony she was hoping for out of the corner of her eye. Without a seconds hesitation, she tossed the ball backwards just before her right hooves stepped out-of-bounds. She spun around quickly with a wide smile on her face to see the result of her play. Her smile quickly became a horrified cringe when she saw who it really was who had been following her...

For as long as she lived, she would never truly comprehend how an orange-colored earth pony could've appeared to have been a cyan-colored pegasus in her peripheral vision. A trick of the light maybe?

Applejack had snagged Twilight's pass, managed to stop and spin around without stepping out-of-bounds, and sped off in the opposite direction. Twilight turned to Spike with a hopeful look that maybe Applejack hadn't been in-bounds when she spun around. But Spike had been standing right there next to her and had seen it clearly; he shook his head and pointed off in Applejack's direction, signaling a pick. Twilight just frowned angrily at her so-called "number-one assistant".

Applejack had very nearly returned it all the way, but Pinkie managed to save the touchdown, stopping her at about three yards away. It was still enough of a morale boost to pick Team Applejack out of it's slump.

Twilight approached her team with a sheepish grin. Dash glared at her intently, wordlessly asking for an explanation. Twilight had said that she just wanted to try something flashy and that she had thought it was Dash who was behind her.

Rainbow Dash just sighed in annoyance and shook her head. She tried to calmly explain to her egghead friend that laterals were best saved for emergency situations or last minute plays, like when the clock has run out or on fourth down.

In one quick pass to Rarity, Team Applejack had come up with their second touchdown, one that they desperately needed.

Rainbow Dash was utterly determined to score on this next drive, desperate to keep her team two steps ahead. She managed to get them down to within' five yards in three plays. Pinkie Pie had nearly scored on the third play, but that was when Rarity had given her the brutal knock that had sent her back a few yards. Her foreward progress had put her at about five yards out, though. Definitely manageable.

And this was where they found themselves now; dirty, sweaty, bruised, and even a tad bloody around their snouts... and none of them could've cared less. As far as they were concerned, this stopped bing a friendly game a long time ago. The urge to win for both teams was at a more sinister, almost maniacal level. Even Pinkie Pie was putting on more of an angry facade, her smiling becoming less and less frequent. Fluttershy also seemed a tad moody at that point, with her anger most likley directed at herself for not having done much for her team yet. And Rarity had pretty much taken her anger at Rainbow Dash and attributed it to the entire rival team, particularly Twilight, who was becoming more and more of a pill when it came to trying to lose her while on offense.

With the loud cheer of the crowd sounding off, the two teams got ready for the fourth play.

"C'mon, guy's! We gotta get in on this one!" Dash rallied her teammates.

"You bet your booty we do!" Pinkie chimed in confidently "And that's exactly what's gonna happen!"

"I swear by sweet Celestia, I will not mess up on this play!" Twilight declared, mostly to herself. She heard Rarity give a rather nasty laugh from across from her, and the two glared at each other intensely.

"HUGHG!"

Twilight sped off right into the end zone and spun around right at the rear edge. Rarity had stuck to her like glue, and it was too much for Twilight to put up with. Without even thinking, she violently pushed her defender away from her, sending her tumbling to the ground with a small shriek and leaving herself wide open. Dash noticed this right away, and sent the ball straight to her. It was a bit high, but it was definitely manageable; she took a tiny step back, reared up on her hind legs, snapped her teeth down on the rough leather, and came down on all fours.

She did it! She finally did it! She scored! She finally did something big! Eggheads rule! She closed her eyes and, spat the ball out and smiled in pride! Just listen to that cheering!...Wait... where was the cheering? There was hardly any cheering at all. There was some, but most ponies seemed to be moaning in disappointment.

Twilight snapped her eyes open and looked around frantically at everypony. "What? What's wrong? What'd I do?" A thought occurred to her to check where she was standing. When she looked back to check her rear hooves, she felt a slight burst of fear; her right rear hoof was a bit further back than her left... and though it was very close, it appeared to be just barely past the balloons that marked the rear of the end zone. She quickly turned to look at Spike, who seemed to be debating what to make of it. She gave him a pleading stare, hoping he would let her have this one. But after a while, he gave a sad sigh and shook his head.

"Sorry, Twilight," he muttered. He waved his hands in front of him, then made a pushing motion to the out-of-bounds area.

"No!" Twilight's heart sank. "Please, Spike! Can't you let me have this one? Please? I've been terrible all day! Please let me at least have this one!"

"Look, you told me to call the game to the best of my ability, so that's what I'm going to do," Spike said with a small level of confidence. "Besides, even if you hadn't landed out-of-bounds, you knocked Rarity down; that's offensive pass interference."

"That wasn't pass interference!" Rainbow Dash shouted angrily. "I hadn't even thrown the ball when she was pushed!"

"Well then it was illegal contact!" Applejack snapped back heatedly. "And since that was yer last shot, you guys lose a turn on your next possession. Now git over on defense! It's our ball now!"

Rainbow Dash groaned with rage and took off with an almost equally frustrated looking Pinkie Pie for the defensive side of the ball.

Twilight turned to Spike again, giving him an angry glare. "Sticking up for your marefriend huh, lover boy?" She sneered.

"Hey, I'm just trying to ref this game to the best of my ability!" Spike replied defensively.

"Oh really? Well you're doing a pretty lousy job if you ask me!" Twilight spat. "And you want to know another thing? You just reffed your way out of some ice cream, buddy boy!" She stomped off after the others.

Spike glared at her angrily at her as she left. "Oh yeah!" He shouted after her. "Well... we still have some ice cream back at the library! It's not really my favorite flavor, and we don't have any gems to sprinkle on it, but it's still ice cream! And I'm gonna eat it all when we get back whether you like it or not! So there!" He folded his arms, closed his eyes and smiled proudly.

Meanwhile, at the Golden Oaks Library...

Angle Bunny lifted the last carton of vanilla ice cream, which had by now melted down to a thick, gooey soup, to his mouth and began chugging it down greedily. All around him, Owlowisous, Winona, and Opalescence pumped their paws/wing in the air chanting "Chug! Chug! Chug!" in their own unique animal languages. Tank remained silent, but pumped his fore leg in the air as well, albeit a bit slower than the others. And Gummy just faced the opposite direction of the others, staring blankly at the wall. All of them had white, sticky melted ice cream staining their mouths/beak.

Spike had forgotten to close one of the windows before he left, and the pets had been wanting to do this for so long...

Back at the park...

"Well I, for one, think you are doing a wonderful job, Spikey."

Spike opened his eyes again and saw Rarity smiling and staring dreamily at him. He blushed a bit and rubbed the back of his neck. "Aw, thanks, Rarity. I just wish Twilight didn't have to be such a grump whenever things don't go her way. I let them have that weird touchdown earlier!"

"Oh, she can be such a drama queen sometimes," Rarity said with a roll of her eyes. "I know I tend to be one too sometimes. But when she goes off? Even I have to just bow down in glory before her dramatics!"

"Heh, at least you don't have to live with her," Spike muttered.

"And it was oh-so noble of you to stand up for poor little moi' after the utterly deplorable way she pushed me," Rarity cooed.

"Yeah well, I was just doing my job." Spike was blushing even more now.

"Well," Rarity began in a lower tone of voice. "If you continue to watch out for me and my teammates as well as you have for the rest of the game... I might be able to free up some time to go gem hunting in the near future... just the two of us..."

"R-Really? Just the two of us?" Spike's heart was pounding, and he began to sweat profusely.

Rarity just gave him a seductive wink, then headed off to join her team.

Spike just stood there dumbfounded for a moment, unsure of what to make of all this.

Did... did she just bribe me?

Spike shook that thought off. There was no way Rarity would lower herself to that. Maybe she was just messing around with him or something. For now, he would continue to call the game as fairly as he felt he had been so far. Still, he was really starting to hate this day...

High above the park, a contingent of hot air balloons had arrived, each one of them loaded with some very official looking ponies and technical equipment.

"For those of you just tuning in..." a well dressed unicorn stallion in one of the balloons said into a microphone levitating before him. "I am currently floating above Ponyville Park, where it appears that Equestria's well-known national heroes, the six Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, seem to be engaged in a bit of a friendly Hoofball game. But from what I can assume, and for reasons I cannot explain, what must have started as a friendly game, seems to have captured the interest of the entire town's population, not to mention several of our other news affiliates from around Equestria. While I may not be much of a sportscaster, I will do my very best to provide some play-by-play for this... very interesting... yet very bizarre series of events."

Clearly, it was a slow news day in the magical land of Equestria.

"HUHGH!"

Applejack began the first play of the drive. As she scanned the field, her heart began to sink. Fluttershy was once again proving no match for Pinkie Pie's coverage, and Twilight, who seemed to be playing with some serious newfound aggression, was all over Rarity. The farm pony had no options whatsoever, and Dash had just finished her count...

At that moment, some kind of crazy instinct took over, and Applejack lowered herself as her attacker leapt forward. When she felt Dash's body land on top of her, pushed off the ground, flinging the pegasus off her and sending her tumbling through the air before crashing into the ground brutally.

"Ohhhhh!" The entire crowd gasped.

Applejack saw an open field in front of her, and bolted.

Rarity kept Twilight well blocked, and Pinkie Pie proved unable to bring her fellow earth pony down by herself as she was dragged along right into the end zone. The crowd cheered Team Applejack as they celebrated tieing up the game at three.

"My, what an impressive run by the Bearer of the Element of Honesty, Applejack!" The news pony announced into his microphone. "I think I see why this game as drawn such a crowd now. Not only do these six mares wield the most powerful objects in all of Equestria, but they play Hoofball on the level of a professional team. Is there anything they can't do?"

Team Rainbow Dash gathered together for their next possession, Dash in particular looking very distraught. "Guys, we can't fall apart now! We had a chance to really put this one away a while ago and we failed."

"More like I failed," Twilight muttered sadly. Or more like that little butt I call my assistant failed for me! "I must be the worst Hoofball player in all of Equestria."

"Well, that's not entirely true..." Dash said in an effort to restore her friends confidence. "I mean, sure you've dropped passes, missed blocks, failed to make tackles, threw a pick, committed stupid penalties, and failed to stay in bounds on critical passes... but you haven't fumbled yet! As long as you don't do that, you aren't technically the worst player, you're just... pretty freakin' bad."

Twilight sighed sadly, and Pinkie Pie nudged her chin up with her muzzle. "C'mon, girls! If we score on this drive, we'll be one point away from winning!"

"It doesn't help that we only get three shots this time because of the penalty," Dash muttered as they got into position.

Dash completed a short pass to Pinkie on the first play, and was forced to throw the ball away on the second play (Applejack claimed it was intentional grounding, but Spike ruled she would've been out of the pocket when she threw). They still had a long field to go, and only one shot left...

"We droppin' the bomb on this one, Dashie?" Pinkie asked.

"That's exactly what they'll be expecting. We need to try something else..." Dash thought for a moment, then gave a bit of a sinister smile. "I think it's about time we reached into my little bag of tricks..."

Pinkie gasped with excitement. "Trick play time?"

"Yep! And I think I know just the one," Dash explained. "Let's hit 'em with the Double Reverse End Around."

"Ooooooh! I love that one!" Pinkie cheered.

"What do we do?" Twilight asked.

"When I hike the ball, both of you run behind me in opposite directions. I'll lateral to whoever's directly behind me, and then she'll lateral it to whoever's behind her. If it works, the other team will think one pony had the ball and will be drawn to her when it's really the other pony on the opposite side of the field who has it. By that time it'll be too late; one of you will have an entire open field ahead of you!"

Twilight understood it well enough, but she still looked uneasy. "I'll probably end up blowing this too, somehow." Or Spike will.

"Enough of the mopey-dopey, Twilight!" Pinkie chided. "I Pinkie Promise you you're going to do well this time!" She did the trademark chant and movements.

"But I-"

"Pinkie Promise!"

The offense then took their positions, Twilight starting to feel an urge to really put her all into this, mostly out of fear of what Pinkie Pie would do if she ended up breaking her own trademark promise.

"HUHGH!"

Team Applejack began to trot backwards as they always did, but stopped abruptly when they saw Pinkie and Twilight take off behind Dash in opposite directions.

"Aw, they're tryin' somethin' nutty!" Applejack called out to her teammates.

Rainbow Dash successfully flinged the ball back to Pinkie Pie, who in turn succeeded in drawing all three members of Team Applejack to block the side of the field she was heading for. She then flung it back to Twilight, who made the catch and pulled off a sharp turn, her eyes wide at the open field before her.

Team Applejack all went wide-eyed when they realized what had happened. They skidded to a stop and attempted go after Twilight, but she was already way ahead up the field and out of Applejack and Fluttershy's reach. Rarity was the only one who still had a chance to stop her, and she sped towards her fellow unicorn at full speed.

Twilight was once again right along the sideline. All Rarity had to do was give her enough of a push and she would go out-of-bounds. When she felt she was close enough, she launched herself forward, reaching out with her hooves. She felt them contact Twilight's flank, and though she didn't put as much force into her push as she wanted to, she felt it had been sufficient enough. As she slid into the ground, she was sure she saw one of Twilights rear hooves step out. She looked to Spike with a satisfied grin, expecting him to call the play dead. Her smile faltered into an expression of shock as she watched the little dragon run alongside Twilight on the sideline, allowing the play to continue.

Immediately Rarity began to feel her blood boil. "Why that incompetent little...!" She seethed through gritted teeth. "No gem hunting for him!"

Twilight's eye's went as wide as they could possibly go, the roar of the crowd filled her ears as she approached her goal. She'd done it! She'd finally done it! She was ten yards away... five... Touchdown!

Twilight wanted to go absolutely nuts right then and there, but first she had to check with Spike; she wanted the satisfaction of seeing him make the signal. She turned to him, the ball still in her mouth and eyes still wide as saucers... he was just standing there, staring at her, making no signal whatsoever.

No! No, it can't be! What now? WHAT DID I DO WRONG NOW?!

The crowd went silent at this sudden turn of events, and Spike spoke up. "Uh, Twilight? You uh... forgot to report to me as an eligible receiver."

Twilight's eye began to twitch violently, her face went bright red, her teeth clamped down tightly on the ball, threatening to pop it, and her body began to shake with rage.

Spike let this go for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. "Nah, I'm just kiddin', Twi!" He raised his arms. "Touchdown!"

Once again the crowd roared wildly, and Twilight's anger faded instantly as she leaped for joy into the air.

"She did it!" Rainbow Dash cheered. "That egghead actually did it!"

"What excellent play-calling by the Bearer of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash!" The news anchor announced. "And an absolutely beautiful run by the Bearer of Magic, Twilight Sparkle, who had just proven to everypony that she has just as much brawn as she does brains!"

As Twilight came back down from her leap, she spiked the ball into the ground gave a wild cheer. "WAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHOOOOO!"

Then... she broke out into quite possibly the most horrendously ugly and profoundly disturbing touchdown dance ever attempted. She stomped and flailed her hooves completely out of synch, bobbed and shook her flank wildly, and tossed her head around as if it were on a spring.

"Ooh eh ah, oh yeah! Ooh eh ah, I'm the greatest!" She sang.

The entire crowd went silent in an instant, the joy on their faces replaced by sheer horror. Even Twilight's friends could only watch in shock. They were right there on the field... yet they felt so helpless to stop it. Somewhere in the deathly silent crowd, somepony could be heard throwing up violently. Moments later, a small foal could be heard crying, "MOMMY, I WANNA GO HOME!"

From his hot air balloon, the news anchor slowly levitated the microphone to his lips. "Fillies and gentlecolts, in my thirty-one years as a news anchor I have seen some truly horrific atrocities. But what I am looking at right now... I... I cannot even begin to describe. It... it is simply beyond words... the sheer horror of this... this... I can't even find a name for this... evil. I just... I can't even... Why? Why would Celestia allow something like this to happen? Somepony... anypony... just... please... just make it stop." He added in barely a shaky whisper, "Just make it stop..."

Twilight finally noticed just how silent it had become, and her "dancing" slowly came to a stop. She bit her lip nervously as she noticed the horror on the faces in the crowd.

"Twilight..." she turned to see Spike standing next to her, looking more along the lines of angry rather than horrified. "If you ever do that again, I will revoke your touchdown."

Twilight blushed in embarrassment. She turned back to the horrified crowd, and felt she should do something to make up for that. She searched her mind, and blurted out the first thing she could think of: "Um... Stay in school!"

A few seconds of silence passed... then the wild cheering resumed. Twilight let out a sigh of relief and started back to her happily celebrating team. Somewhere out in the crowd, she heard a familiar voice shout, "That's my sister!" She froze.

Was that... Shining Armor I just heard? I thought he was supposed to be back in... When did he get here? Did he sneak away from Cadence just to watch me play Hoofball? How did he even know I was... eh... maybe I heard wrong.

From somewhere deep in the crowd, a white stallion with a blue mane was jumping up and down wildly with everypony else. "Atta girl, Twily!" Shining Armor cheered. "Way to kick flank, kiddo! I'm her brother! I taught her everything she knows! Well... not everything. I swear, I have no idea where that dance came from... but still! Go Twilight! You-"

"Ahem..." A familliar voice sounded behind him.

Shining Armor froze, then slowly turned around to meet the stern glare of his wife. He gave a sheepish grin. "Uh... why hello there, my love!"

"Went to go get yourself a new outfit, hmm?" Princess Cadence asked with a raised eyebrow.

Shining Armor blushed a bit nervously shuffled on his hooves. "My, uh... note didn't fool you, did it?"

"You mean this one?" Cadence levitated a note in front of her husbands face.

Cadence, love,

I just stepped out for a moment to find myself a more suitable outfit for our anniversary dinner tonight, since I don't really like the one I have now. I should only be gone a few minutes. I did NOT go to Ponyville to watch my sister and her friends play Hoofball at the park, just in case you somehow get that idea. So whatever you do, don't go looking for me there, because you won't find me. Because that's not where I am. It's the last place you'd want to look. Honestly. I'm not there. So don't go to Ponyville. Seriously.

Love you very much,

Shining Armor

P.S

Ponyville Park is in the east side of town, right?

"Nope, didn't fool me."

"Oh, come on, Love!" Shining Armor whined. "I heard on the radio that the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony we're playing Hoofball in Ponyville and that they were playing on a level that put the pros to shame and that the entire town was gathering to watch them! When I heard that, I said to myself 'Hey, that's my Twily! I gotta go cheer her on!' But then I remembered our anniversary was tonight, and I knew if I asked you if I could go, even for a little while, you'd say no. So I figured I'd just teleport down here real quick, watch just a few plays, then zip right on back before you knew I was gone. That's kind of what I was hoping for, otherwise I would've written a better note... but I was gonna leave after the next play, I swear! And besides, we made our reservations at the restaurant for eight, tonight. We have plenty of-"

"We made it at seven, Shining," Cadence said in a dry tone.

"What? Really?" Shining Armor racked his mind, then blushed in embarrassment. "Oops."

"Oops," Cadence parroted. "Come along, now. We can still make it in time if we hurry. You can watch Twilight and her friends play Hoofball another time."

"But what if there isn't another time?" Shining Armor protested. "What if they decide they don't like Hoofball and never play it again?"

"Oh, that would surly mean the end of Equestria, wouldn't it?" Cadence replied with mock theatricality. "Now march, soldier!"

"Awwww," Shining Armor groaned as he hung his head and trotted away. He quickly muttered to the stallion who had been standing next to him, "Never get married."

As Princess Cadence followed after her husband, she took one quick glance at the field and saw Twilight happily celebrating with her two teammates. She couldn't help but smile proudly at her sister in law. "You go, girl!"

Back on the field...

"Twilight, you are officially the greatest egghead athlete of all time!" Rainbow Dash congratulated her friend.

"Yeah, you rock, Twilight!" Pinkie added.

"Hey, we did that together," Twilight said humbly. "We're a team, after all."

Rainbow Dash smiled and looked over both of them. "You're right, Twi; we're a team. The coolest team in all of Equestria! Seriously, you... you guys are really making me proud right now. I couldn't have asked for a better-"

"Hey! Hold off on the drama a sec, Dashie!" Pinkie interrupted. "We're not done yet!"

"She's right, Dash. We still need one more touchdown," Twilight added.

"Right," Dash said confidently. "Time to finish off Team Applesmack for good!"

Team Rainbow Dash gave another cheer and took up defensive positions.

On the third play of Team Applejacks next drive (a play that was briefly interrupted when a drunken stallion ran onto the field, only to be bucked right off it by Applejack and hauled away by police ponies), Fluttershy found herself desperate to finally so something right. She was the only one who hadn't made any kind of significant play yet, which led her to feel something she rarely felt... frustration.

Once again, Pinkie Pie was trotting circles around Fluttershy as she ran her route. She saw that Rarity was no more open than she was, and that Applejack was in danger of taking a sack. Without even thinking, she called out to her friend in as loud a voice she could muster, "Applejack! Throw it here!"

And Applejack, either out of desperation or the fact that she wasn't thinking straight, sent the ball spiraling to her. It was good throw, but Pinkie Pie moved right into position to easily take it away. It was then that she felt a pair of hooves grab her around the sides and throw her to the ground.

"Cheater!" Pinkie shrieked as she went down.

Fluttershy immediately felt guilty about doing that to her friend, and the noise of disapproval the crowd made let her know that she wasn't going to get away with it. But still, she just wanted to make the catch so badly. Even if it wasn't going to count in the end, she wanted everypony to know that she at least could make the catch.

The pass was going to be right on the money... Fluttershy closed her eyes and opened her mouth wide, expecting to feel it wedge between her teeth at any moment. Only the moment never came. She opened her eyes again just in time to see a pink blur leap right in front of her, snatch the ball away, and land with all four hooves in-bounds before sliding out.

Fluttershy felt a mixture of shock and devastation. Shock that Pinkie Pie had managed to be so quick at getting back up and picking off the pass, and devastation at the knowledge that she may have just blown the game for her team.

"And even after that rather shameful display of interference by the Bearer of Kindness, Fluttershy," the news anchor announced in a mildly disgusted tone. "Bearer of Laughter, Pinkie Pie still manages to make the pick! I think that may very well qualify as the Defensive Play of the Game!"

As Team Rainbow Dash went wild with celebration, Fluttershy dejectedly approached her broken down friends.

Applejack didn't have it in her to yell at the poor pegasus, but she wasn't exactly up for offering words of comfort either. "Land sakes, Shy. If yer gonna commit pass interference, at least make it count," she sighed.

"I... I'm so sorry..." Fluttershy whimpered, a single tear falling from her eye. "I guess this is just another thing I'll never be good at."

For the next drive, Rainbow Dash wanted to accomplish two things: win the game in one play, and humiliate Applejack as best she could. As she set back to pass on the first play, she knew exactly how she was going to do just that...

She waited for Applejack to count to three, then let her come right after her. The farm pony was clearly no longer thinking straight as she blindly threw herself at the pegasus. She ended up getting flipped into the air just like Dash had been earlier, giving her rival an entire open field before her. With Twilight keeping Rarity well out of the way, and Fluttershy proving herself to be no threat whatsoever (so much so, that Pinkie had left her completely unguarded to go keep Applejack blocked), Rainbow Dash took off up the field at a mocking canter. In her mind, she had already won.

She trotted up along the sidelines and took in the adoration of the crowd. She smiled through the ball in her teeth and waved happily with a fore hoof. She noticed Scootaloo right at the front of the crowd, jumping up and down and cheering wildly. To her left and right sat Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, looking rather upset that their sister's had apparantly lost. Dash gave her little fan a quick wink and wave, then turned forward again and closed her eyes as she continued onward, attempting to demonstrate that she could, by this point, trot blindly into the end zone.

Fluttershy stood directly ahead of her, her knee's shaking and her heart racing. She was truly the last bastion of hope her team had now...

Why? Why me?

Then... something awoke in her when she saw the pain of defeat in the eye's of her teammates, and the boastful expression of pride on Rainbow Dash's face as she slowed to a complete trot at about twenty-five yards from scoring. It was similar to what she felt when she stood up to that dragon; anger at seeing those she loved hurt, and a strong sense of justice at standing up against such mean-spirited behavior. Her eyes began to narrow and her teeth began to grit. Rainbow Dash had no right to act this way! Not yet!

"You haven't won yet, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said in a low, threatening tone. She lowered herself into a crouching position. "You still have to go through me..."

Ha ha! I did it! I scored the winning touchdown! I'm the greatest flyer in all of Equestria and quite possibly the greatest Hoofball player in Equestria! If I was anymore awesome, I'd be-

"EEEEEYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH !"

Rainbow Dash's eyes snapped open just in time to the yellow and pink mass that was Fluttershy slam directly into her frontside. She felt the wind knocked from her lungs as she was lifted at least a few feet off the ground. She was sure she had traveled maybe ten yards back before she finally crashed into the ground, landing hard on her back. Though her vision was a bit blurry, she could feel herself being pinned, and she could make out angrily glaring face of her normally peaceful friend just inches from her own. She could feel warm bursts of Fluttershy's hot breath on her muzzle.

"No... touchdown... for you!" Fluttershy breathed in a terrifying whisper.

Rainbow Dash groaned and licked her lips. She attempted to blink her vision back into focus and-

...

She had lost the ball.

Fluttershy's eyes widened as she noticed this. Looking up, she saw the ball lying plainly on the ground just a few yards ahead of them.

Spike was standing right there on the sideline, raising one hand into the air. "That's a fumble!" He shouted.

With naturally quick pegasus reflexes, Fluttershy scampered off of Rainbow Dash and towards the fumble. Dash attempted to go after her, but the moment she stood up the world spun around her and she tumbled back to the ground, groaning in pain.

Fluttershy snatched the ball up in her mouth and took off up the field. All around her she heard the loud roar of the crowd, as well as the cheering of her two teammates.

"GO, FLUTTERSHY, GO!"

"THIS IS YOUR MOMENT, DARLING! GO FOR IT!"

Fluttershy galloped with all due speed, scanning the field ahead of her for threats. To her left, she noticed Twilight had slipped past Rarity's blocking and was coming right at her side. Fluttershy remembered that she had requested not to be tackled, and that one touch was all it would take to end her run. While Fluttershy wasn't quite as good at math as somepony like Twilight, she could tell that at the speeds they were both going, Twilight would come directly into contact with her in about fifteen yards. She considered speeding up, but feared it was too late for that. Instead, thought of something a bit more devious...

She immediately halted her running, and while her forward momentum carried her a bit further, she had slowed down just enough for a wide-eyed Twilight to dive directly in front of her, missing her entirely.

Fluttershy picked up the pace again, her legs starting to burn with the effort. She was close. So close. But there was one more obstacle that needed to be surmounted; just ahead of her, about five yards from the end zone, crouching in wait with a sinister grin on her face, was the crazy pink pony who had been a thorn in her flank all afternoon.

"Sorry, Flutters!" Pinkie Pie teased. "But the party ends here!"

Her determination greater than her fear, Fluttershy narrowed her eyes and charged forward at full speed. Pinkie raised an eyebrow in confusion, not exactly sure why Fluttershy was barreling right to her when she knew all it took was one touch to end the play. She quickly shook off that confusion and, when she felt the time was right, leaped forward with her hooves out-stretched.

At that moment, Fluttershy pushed off the ground with all her might. Pinkie watched wide-eyed as the pegasus sailed directly over her, at least two pony lengths high. Not once had she flapped her wings. Even if Pinkie had been standing on her hind-legs and reaching up as high as she could, she wouldn't have even been able to graze Fluttershy's belly. She watched her friend in awe until she ended up face-planting right into the ground.

Fluttershy reached her highest point, then lowered her head into a dive. She tucked her head forward to ensure her neck and the ball would be protected. She soon felt herself come into contact with the hard ground and rolled forward, then propped herself back onto her hooves at the end of her roll. Right next to her, she heard the familiar voice of Spike.

"Touchdown!"

The roar of the crowd could be heard all the way in Canterlot. It was the loudest they had cheered all day. Fluttershy spat the ball out and gazed around at her adoring crowd. Normally she would've tried to hide back in her mane, being the modest pony she was. But the realization of what she had just done, and what it meant for her team filled her with pride. With a wide smile on her face, she politely bowed to all sides of the field, muttering "Thank you! Thank you, everypony!" She heard them chanting her name, and way off in the distance, she could've sworn she heard somepony blasting the Supermare Theme.

Up in the hot air balloon, the once perfectly reserved news anchor was absolutely losing his mind. "TOUCHDOWN, FLUTTERSHY! TOUCHDOWN! THAT HAD TO BE THE MOST SENSATIONAL, INCREDIBLE, MOST UTTERLY SPECTACULAR FUMBLE RETURN FOR A TOUCHDOWN IN THE HISTORY OF THIS SPORT! FLUTTERSHY HAD REDEEMED HERSELF! SHE MUST'VE LEAPT AT LEAST TEN FEET IN THE AIR! UNBELIEVABLE!"

Back on the field, Fluttershy was joined by her teammates, who both smothered her in a hug.

"Darling, you are the hero of our team!" Rarity announced grandly.

"Fluttershy," Applejack said, sounding close to tears. "I'm sorry I ever doubted ya. I'm darn proud yer on my team! Hay, I'm darn proud o' both o' ya!"

"Thank you, Applejack," Fluttershy replied humbly. "I'm proud to be on this team too."

As Team Applejack celebrated, Team Rainbow Dash just watched them with stunned expressions. Though they were a bit dis-heartened by this sudden turn of events, they couldn't help but feel a small sense of pride for their shy friend. It was hard to be angry at Fluttershy, and the smile she had on her face could warm even the coldest and bitterest heart. Even Rainbow Dash managed to put her injured pride aside and smile warmly at her fellow pegasus and oldest friend. "Not bad, Shy, not bad."

On the sideline, Scootaloo stared at the scene with her jaw agape. She felt a gentle nudge on her side, and turned to see Apple Bloom smiling at her.

"Ya gotta admit, Scoots; that was pretty cool," she said.

Scootaloo frowned a bit and tried to think of some defense for her idol, but there was just no denying the sheer badassery of Fluttershy. She eventually sighed in defeat. "Yeah, it was kinda cool."

Well, four to four... next touchdown wins... Spike thought to himself as he watched the two teams set up for the next drive. He gave a sad sigh. I'm pretty much screwed either way, aren't I...

The Hail/Fail Mare-y

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For the next three possessions each, neither team scored. Now that all six of them were brimming with confidence in themselves, their defenses had stepped up significantly. There were a few close calls, but no official scores. There was a small lingering feeling in the crowd that the little dragon officiating the game may have had something to do with that, due to a few questionable calls that may have prevented scores.

It was getting late now. The sky had turned a bright orange, and the bright flashing lights of the thousands of ponies with cameras in the crowd gave them the illusion that they were sparkling.

It was currently Team Applejack's ball. They were a little less than halfway to scoring, but it was their fourth try, and they weren't sure they could survive another defensive stand. Though Team Rainbow Dash seemed just as tired and worn out as they did, they didn't want to risk letting them have the ball again.

Applejack was running out of options, though. She had only been able to complete shot gains on the past few drives, and her team didn't have quite the same skill at trick plays as Team Rainbow Dash. Nothing was working for them.

Out of some sense of desperation she couldn't explain, she started scanning the crowd surrounding them, as if she would find the answer among them. As luck would have it, standing right at the front of the crowd on the side she was closest to was Zecora. The wise zebra mage was always a safe bet for some good advice. Though Applejack would never have pegged her as much of a Hoofball fan, she still felt she could offer some level of help.

Their eyes met, and they wordlessly seemed to understand each other. The crowd had quieted down enough for a moment and Applejack was close enough to hear what just what the zebra had to say: "The field before you remains ever long. Your greatest option..." she lifted her forehooves to her mouth and shouted at the top of her lungs, "DROP THE BOMB!"

Applejack blinked and took that in for a moment. "Welp, I was hopin' for somethin' a bit more creative... but what the hay? It's better 'n what we've been doin'." Her teammates nodded in agreement and stepped up to the line.

Team Rainbow Dash had clearly heard what their rivals were planning, and Dash thought of a way to properly combat it. "Here's what we'll do, guys," she explained to her team. "This time all three of us should just gang up on them in the end zone; make it three on two. That'll definitely put the odds in our favor. And if Applejack tries to run for it, we should be able to stop her before she gets here."

"Sounds pretty sweet, Dashie!" Pinkie Pie sounded off.

"And if we stop them here we get great field position," Twilight added. "Let's get this done, girls, while my sanity is still mildly intact!"

The defense stepped up to the line, and both teams stared intently at each other. The crowd was cheering wildly all around them, and thousands of flash-bulbs were going off. But the six Bearers of the Elements of Harmony had channeled all of that out completely. All that mattered was what was happening right then and there on that rugged battleground of a field. Time seemed to stand still as they glared deeply into each others eyes. They could practically make out the individual flecks of dirt and grime on each other's faces, as well as the tiny beads of sweat that trickled down off their cheeks and noses.

From high above the field, the news anchor was leaning so far out of his balloon that he could easily fall if he wasn't careful. His once well-styled mane was now unkempt and wild, and he had practically ruined his suit with how much he was sweating. "Fillies and gentlecolts, this could very well be the single most heated, intense and hard-fought game of Hoofball Equestria has seen in years. These six mares have spent the past couple hours playing as if the very fate of the world is hanging in the balance. And considering just who they are... that may very well be the case."

From even higher above, Gilda the griffin was watching with a nasty smirk on her face. "So how'r ya gonna screw this one up, Dash?" She muttered bitterly.

All over Equestria, hundreds of thousands of ponies and various other creatures were listening intently for the outcome of the next play on their radios.

In Canterlot, the more elite citizens of the pony capital had pretty much forgotten about their fancy dinner parties in favor of listening in on whatever had become of that Rarity girl. Needless to say they hadn't really expected this...

At the Wonderbolts Academy, the ace flyers of Equestria proudly cheered on their young recruit and possible future member.

In some unspecified location somewhere, the Flim Flam Bros. were taking bets from anypony passing by on the outcome of the game. Angry mobs were already on stand-by for the inevitable moment when the swindler brothers couldn't honor their ends of the betting.

In a well-known pub in Manehattan, a large crowd of drunken ponies eagarly listened in on the final play. Amongst them was a light blue unicorn with a purple hat and cape covered in stars and moons. She had her face buried into the bar with an empty shot glass in front of her.

"Who'r you pullin' for, miss?" A drunken stallion asked her in an attempt to flirt.

The light blue unicorn lifted her head slightly and stared blankly ahead. "Trixie... hopes they all die..." her face slammed back into the bar. She didn't budge an inch after that.

At a small rock farm in the middle of nowhere, the elderly parents of one Pinkamena Diane Pie lay dead asleep in their rocking chairs, totally oblivious as to what their daughter was up to. They had no radio. They likely didn't even know what a radio was.

In a deep underground network of caves in an unknown part of Equestria, thousands of Changelings had gathered around to watch the game being projected on one of several massive crystals hanging from the ceiling. They watched mostly out of curiosity of what those six mares who had stood against them a while ago were up to. Unfortunately, they didn't get to see much, because at that time the image abruptly changed to one of their Queen, who glared angrily at them.

"Back to work, all of you!" She ordered.

The Changeling drones all groaned and went back to doing... whatever it is Changelings do when they aren't trying to take over the world. Make taffy, maybe?

And far north in the Crystal Empire, at the highest rated, most elegant restaurant in the Kingdom, all occupants, including the happy couple that was Shining Armor and Princess Cadence, had found themselves all huddled around the antique radio the restaurant prided itself on owning, shaking with the anticipation of hearing the outcome of the next big play.

Even Cadence had to admit that what was happening in Ponyville was truly the stuff of legend, and was willing to put her One-Year Anneversery on hold for a little while to enjoy this unforgettable moment in Hoofball history with the love of her life.

It was at that moment that the restaurant doors suddenly burst open, revealing the imposing form of King Sombra! The evil monarch had, for some reason too overly-complex and a tad implausible, returned once again to take control of his Empire!

"BLEEARGH! REEAALRGH!" Sombra sputtered incoherently as he began to unleash his signiture brand of evil upon the hapless crystal ponies...

A brand of evil that mainly consisted of tipping over some tables, smashing a couple glasses, pouring salt all over some young foal's chocolate cake, calling an elderly, bispectacled mare "four-eyes", marking Less than satisfactory on all categories of the restaurant's "How did we do?" grade cards, and telling a couple of impressionable and easily frightened young foals that if they don't wash their hooves when they finish in the bathroom, Santa Hooves will kill their parents.

Honestly, the guy was just not in his right mind anymore. But bless his black, little heart, he was trying.

King Sombra's "atrocities" only went on for about a minute before he brought the entire group of assembled ponies down on him.

"SHUT UP!" They all roared.

Sombra immediately stopped what he was doing and stared blankly at them. "Wha?"

"We're trying to listen to the game, idiot!" A random pony shouted.

"But... but... slaves!" Sombra said, his voice becoming rather whiney. "I want my slaves!"

"Ooooh, you want slaves? How very original of you!" Princess Cadence teased.

"Look, pal, why don't you go wait outside for a while and my wife and I will come sort you out in a moment?" Shining Armor ordered.

King Sombra just stammered for a moment before finally hanging his head in defeat. "O-okay," he moaned sadly as he shambled off.

Before he got to the exit, however, he was stopped by a rather uptight looking waiter. "Sir, you realize those tables you damaged cost about four hundred bits each?" He asked smugly.

Sombra sighed and levitated out his checkbook. "I picked a helluva day to lose my Discover card," he muttered bitterly. An angry mother of one of the foals he "terrorized" came up behind him and gave him a sharp smack on the back of his head with her saddlebag. He groaned in pain and shook his head hopelessly. Jeez, I suck.

Back in Ponyville, the possible final play had just begun...

"HUHGH!"

Applejack set back to throw. Rarity and Fluttershy were in the end zone quickly, doing all they could to avoid the three defender who were all over them. Applejack thought about running it, but she knew she'd be stopped before she got in. There was no sure touchdown pass to be had on this play. She was just going to have to put it up there and hope for the best.

She reared back and flung the ball with all her might. It was definitely gonna go far enough, she just had to count on her teammates make the completion.

The five mares in the end zone all clustered over to where the ball was set to land; the rear center. They squeezed in close together, giving each other small shoves, but nothing that would qualify as pass interference. The ball began it's descent, and Pinkie Pie saw that it was gonna hit right where she was. Fluttershy, who was standing right next to her, came to the same conclusion.

When the time felt right, both mares jumped, Pinkie Pie pushing off on Rarity a bit, and opened their mouths wide. Pinkie felt the ball come into contact with her teeth. She felt for sure like she had it close to the middle part.

Fluttershy felt herself grab it as well, though she was much closer to end of the ball. They both came crashing down, still in possession of their respective parts of the hoofball. They landed on their backs, and at that point became aware that the other pony had a piece of what could very well be the game-ending pass. They instinctively tightened their teeth and attempted to yank the ball away.

The entire crowd was going insane at this point. Everypony had made their own assumption about what had just happened, but Spike had not made a ruling yet.

"WHO CAME DOWN WITH IT?" The news anchor cried, his voice cracking. "WHICH ONE OF THEM HAS POSSESSION? THIS COULD BE THE GAME! WE HAVE YET TO RECEIVE A SIGNAL!"

On the field, Fluttershy and Pinkie continued to battle for control of the ball like dogs fighting over a bone. Meanwhile, the other mares were deciding for themselves what had happened.

"THAT'S A PICK! PINKIE PICKED IT OFF!" Dash cheered.

"FLUTTERSHY HAS IT! IT'S A TOUCHDOWN! WE WIN!" Applejack cried.

"ARE YOU BLIND? PINKIE CLEARLY HAS IT!"

"FLUTTERSHY HAS IT TOO! THAT'S SIMULTANEOUS POSSESSION! A TIE GOES TO THE RECEIVER!"

"SHE BARELY AS ANY OF IT! THAT'S NOT SIMULTANEOUS POSSESSION! PINKIE HAS WAY MORE CONTROL OVER IT!"

"PINKIE PUSHED ME DOWN WHEN SHE WENT UP FOR IT!" Rarity came in. "THAT MUST BE A PENALTY OF SOME KIND!"

"YOU WERE BACKING UP INTO HER!" Twilight entered the fray. "YOU COULD'VE BEEN CALLED FOR INTERFERENCE TOO!"

"THAT'S INCIDENTAL CONTACT! IT'S PERFECTLY LEGAL!" Applejack argued.

"Uh, guys?"

The mares all snapped their attention to Spike, who was standing in the back of the end zone. Pinkie and Fluttershy stopped fighting for a moment to look up at him, as well.

"It's... supposed to be up to me, remember?" Spike said sheepishly.

Twilight glared at him intensely. "SPIKE, I SWEAR IF YOU CALL THAT A TOUCHDOWN YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR A YEAR!" She spat.

"IF YOU EVEN THINK OF RULING IT AN INTERCEPTION I WILL NEVER LET YOU HELP AT MY BOUTIQUE AGAIN!" Rarity threatened, her eyes twitching with rage.

Spike's lips trembled, his eyes began to well up. He was one bad move away from making this the worst day of his life. "Uh... uh..." he stammered.

"WELL?" Rainbow Dash growled.

Slowly, with a terrified expression on his face, Spike raised his arms above his head and held them straight.

The crowd went wild. Team Applejack screamed with joy. Fluttershy spat her section of the ball out and began jumping up and down wildly with her team.

"WHAT?!" Team Rainbow Dash screamed simultaneously at Spike.

"TOUCHDOWN! IT'S RULED A TOUCHDOWN!" The news anchor roared. "FLUTTERSHY CAME DOWN WITH IT! TEAM APPLEJACK WINS! WHAT A FINISH! WHAT A- ...WAIT A MINUTE..."

It was at that moment that Spike had begun to wave his hands behind his head. The crowd went into a frenzy of indescribable insanity. This time Team Rainbow Dash began to cheer and dance around.

"NO!" Team Applejack cried as one.

"IT'S A PICK! NOW HE'S CALLING IT A PICK! PINKIE PICKED IT OFF!" The news anchor was starting to look like an escaped mental patient by this point. "THIS REF CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE UP HIS MIND! THIS HAS TO BE THE MOST UNPROFFESSIONAL OFFICIATING I'VE EVER SEEN IN ANY GAME ANYWHERE! I'VE SEEN MORE COMPETENT OFFICIATING FROM HOOF-LOCKER EMPLOYEES!"

"Ya can't change yer mind, Spike!" Applejack yelled. "Ya ruled it a Touchdown first, so that's what it is! We win!"

"What, you've never heard of official review?" Rainbow Dash argued. "They can go back an look at a play if their unsure about the original ruling!"

"Well we clearly don't have the equipment necessary to do that, dearest!" Rarity hissed. "He'll have to make up his mind based on what he remembers!"

The group turned back to Spike, glaring at him with pure, unfathomable rage in their eyes. "Spike, what's the call?" Twilight asked sternly.

The crowd hushed. All eyes fell upon the baby dragon. "I... I uh..." Spike stammered. Suddenly, he could do no more to hold back the flood; he burst into tears and collapsed to the ground. "I DON'T KNOW!" He cried.

The entire crowd gasped in unison, and the six mares surrounding him gradually went from seething with rage to full of concern... and guilt.

"W-why do you guys always lay this stuff on me?" Spike sobbed, his face buried in the ground. "All I wanted to do today was have some ice cream and enjoy my day off! Then you guys drag me over here and force me to ref a meaningless Hoofball game that you said was just supposed to be for fun! Then it's like five minutes later and the entire town shows up to watch, and then their broadcasting the game across all of Equestria because apparently it's a really slow news day or something! Next thing I know, you girls are threatening me and bribing me and putting me on the spot, acting like if I don't make the right call Equestria will burn overnight!

"I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! I helped save the Crystal Empire for crying out loud! Doesn't that make me like a national hero or something?"

"Eh, more of a regional hero, really," Rainbow Dash quipped.

"Whatever! The point is I actually did something noteworthy for once! And now this is what I have to show for it?! I'm sorry to say this, guys, but you've taken this WAY TOO FAR! What was supposed to be a friendly game has turned into a death match from Tartarus! And the only reason it got that way is because you didn't want to have to rub each others stupid backs if you lost, which is something Rainbow Dash and Applejack do for each other all the time anyway! Yeah, that's right, I've seen you two!"

AJ and RD coughed and shuffled nervously.

"As far as I'm concerned," Spike continued. "You're all losers. Because the one thing you've succeeded in doing today is making me never want to watch another Hoofball game again."

From there, Spike just continued to sob quietly. The six mares all stared at him for a moment, expressions of deepest shame and remorse on their faces. Before long, Twilight trotted up to her little assistant and nuzzled him gently. "Spike, I'm so sorry," she apologized.

"As am I, dear," Rarity cooed, stepping forward to nuzzle him as well.

"You poor thing." Fluttershy came forward next.

"Don't cry Spike! We still love you!" Pinkie Pie gave the little dragon a big hug.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at each other for a moment and sighed. "He's right, Dash," Applejack said. "Maybe we did take this whole thing a bit too far."

Dash took a look around at the thousands of ponies and dozens of hot air balloons surrounding them, their thousands of flash-bulb cameras still sparkling brightly in the early evening. "Eh, maybe a little bit," she deadpanned.

"Really though," Applejack continued. "We gotta do a better job o' keepin' our rivalry under control. It's bad 'nough when it's just us two. But when we drag the other girls inta it..."

"Yeah, you're right," Dash sighed. "We probably shouldn't have tackled. The others really aren't quite built like us; they could've gotten hurt."

"Ain't that what I said?" Applejack asked, an eyebrow arched.

"Nah, you never would've been that insightful."

The two just stared at each other a moment, then chuckled together.

"Spike?" Twilight gave the dragon a gentle nudge. "You're right; it wasn't fair of us to dump this all on you, especially when I gave you the day off. You don't have to make the call if you don't want to."

Spike looked up again. His eyes were red and puffy. "I... I don't?" He sniffled.

Twilight smiled and gave him a hug. "No, Spike; I'm officially relieving you of your officiating duty. I don't think I really even want to know what the call would be anymore. What about the rest of you?"

Everypony shook their heads.

"Nopey nope."

"Nuh uh."

"Ain't worth it anymore."

"Certainly not."

"Um... no, not really."

"There ya go, Spike!" Twilight said, wrapping a foreleg around him. "None of us care anymore. In fact, we'll just call the game off. It's a tie."

Spike sobbing finally began to die down, and slowly he began to smile. "Well, if that's what you guy's want, I guess. We'll call it a tie."

Twilight gave him another hug. "You did a great job today, Spike. I'll buy you that ice cream before we go home."

"And I'll let you go gem hunting with me tomorrow if you'd like," Rarity offered sweetly.

Spike fully perked up now. "Wow! Thanks guys!" My life doesn't suck so much after all!. "But tell ya what, Twilight, I'm actually pretty tired. I think I'm just gonna go home and eat the ice cream we have there. Even if we don't have gems to sprinkle on it, it's still ice cream; it's good either way."

"Well, if you're sure," Twilight said. "I guess I'll see you back at the library."

"Alright," Spike said as he got to his feet. "But there's one thing I gotta do first." He walked in the direction of the massive crowd, who were all just standing around looking confused now, like they couldn't even remember what they were doing there in the first place. Spike made fists with his hands and pushed them out to his sides. "Game over!" He shouted to the crowd. "It's a tie! Everypony go home!"

The crowd just gaped at the little dragon as he casually left the field, a small spring in his step. Then the boo birds came out in full force.

"WHAT?!"

"RIP OFF!"

"I HAD TWENTY BITS RIDING ON THIS GAME!"

"I DITCHED MY WIFES INTERVENTION FOR THIS?!"

"WORST ENDING EVER!"

It started to look pretty ugly, but before it could get any worse, the three little fillies known around town as the Cutie Mark Crusaders turned to face them and started forcing them to back up.

"Okay, ponies! Break it up, nothing to see here!" Sweetie Belle ordered.

"Yeah, go on back to yer homes, it's gettin' late!" Apple Bloom added authoritatively.

"Make some space for Rainbow Dash, you're crowding her!" Scootaloo shouted.

For some reason, the crowd seemed genuinely intimidated by the three fillies, and they began to slowly flow out of the area. Scootaloo, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle all suddenly looked to each other with wide, excited eyes.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER CROWD CONTROL WORKERS! YAY!" They cried in unison.

Twilight and her friends laughed as they watched the three fillies effectively clear the crowd.

"Hey," Rainbow Dash said when she turned to Applejack. She raised a fore hoof towards her. "Good game, Applesmack."

Applejack smiled and raised her own hoof to bump Dash's "You too, Rainbow Crash."

Twilight and Rarity embraced tightly. "You were incredible today, Rarity." Twilight said.

"As were you, dear," Rarity replied. "I must say that, in spite of all that wretched drama, this was quite simply the most fun I've had in years!"

"You know, even with everything that happened, I actually had a lot of fun too. I could definitely see myself trying this again sometime. I'm always up for learning more about something I enjoy."

Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were engaged in a big hug as well. "I had a lot of fun playing with you, Flutters!" Pinkie said. "You're actually really good! When you jumped over me on that one play? WOW! I've never seen anything like that before! And I didn't even see you flap your wings once!"

"Thank you, Pinkie," Fluttershy said warmly. "You're really good too. I hope we can play again sometime. I mean, if it's not too much trouble."

The group continued to exchange hugs and hoof bumps for a while. High above them, the hot air balloons began to depart. One particular news anchor, however, remained staring at the group of friends. The guy looked a total wreck.

"Well folks," he said into his mic. "It seems that we'll never know who really won that amazing game in Ponyville. I think I'm willing to admit that I may have overreacted a bit. My voice is really sore, I have sweated up a storm, and to top it all off... I think I'm going to need new pants. But at least I can say that I helped bring one of the truly greatest games of Hoofball ever played to several territories across Equestria. And to me, that makes my madness and possible future therapy sessions all worth it in the end." He turned back into his balloon. "So I'll end tonight's broadcast by saying-" he looked down at his equipment, and his face fell. "My mic was never even plugged in..."

Back on the field...

"So, I guess the wager's off now, huh?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"We never should've made it in the first place," Twilight said with a frown. "It's what blew this whole thing out of proportion in the end."

"Yeah, I guess," Dash sighed. "It's kinda too bad, though; I'm really sore right now."

"I think we all are, sugarcube," Applejack said.

Rarity smiled and levitated her saddle bag over to her. She gave it a little shake, causing a jingling sound. "Well, I think I know just the place to remedy that!" She said in a sing-song voice. "I fear Aloe and Lotus will have an absolute fit when they see me. But then again, they do like a challenge."

Everypony gave a relieved smile, except Rainbow Dash, who looked a bit apprehensive. "I thought you weren't ever taking me to the spa again for what I did to you today."

"True, I did say that," Rarity said. "But I also said I'd never forgive you, and I have clearly done that. So I suppose I can take back what I said about the spa as well."

Rainbow Dash perked up. "Really? We're cool now?"

Rarity giggled. "Yes, Rainbow Dash. We are, as you put it, 'cool'."

"Well, what are we waiting for, girls? Let's go get pampered!" Pinkie Pie cheered.

And the group left the now almost completely empty park. As they trotted merrily through town, they thought they heard a brief, faint cry of "MY ICE CREAM!" coming from the direction of the library, but chose to shrug it off as nothing to worry about.

"You know, I think I might just send a letter to Celestia about creating a new, separate Hoofball league for mares," Twilight said after a while.

"If that ends up happenin' ya oughta try out, Rarity," Applejack said to the ivory unicorn. "Ya sure as hay are a lot tougher than ya let on. Ya oughta give that Iron Pony competition a shot too."

"Oh, I don't think so, dear," Rarity replied with a laugh. "While I do admit to having a lot of fun today, I think I'll stick to fashion as my hobby of choice." She added quietly, "For now..."

"What about you, Dashie?" Pinkie asked excitedly. "Are you still planning on being a Wonderbolt? Or would you rather try Pro Hoofball?"

"Well," Dash thought for a moment. "Being a Wonderbolt is still my top priority. But if that doesn't work out, at least I know I have something to fall back on now."

"Um, girls?" Fluttershy said softly. "I don't mean to sound rude, but I think I've had enough Hoofball talk for one day. Let's just focus on enjoying the spa, okay?"

Everypony seemed to silently agree, and together they continued for their well deserved reward.

"But I totally had that final pass. Not Pinkie," Fluttershy added quickly. "Um, just saying..."

Just a Not-So-Friendly Argument

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"Well, I must say, sister, that was quite possibly the most thrilling sporting event I have yet witnessed!" Luna, Princess of the night said with vigor.

"Indeed it was," the Sun Princess Celestia sighed happily. "I never knew my little Twilight was such a skilled athlete. I had always assumed she was too busy with her studies to be caught up in too much physical activity."

"Perhaps you do not know her as well as you thought?" Luna suggested mockingly.

"Maybe," Celestia said thoughtfully, oblivious to her sister's obvious taunt. "She is so full of surprises. I have always been hesitant to talk sports with her. She just never struck me as the kind pony to find interest in such things. But after watching her tonight, perhaps she would be interested in attending a game with me sometime. Oh, it could be such fun! We could sit in my private skybox, give our own little color commentary... maybe even partake in a little alcoholic refreshment..."

"Oh, Tia," Luna sighed and shook her head. "I fear you would embarrass the poor child with just how... 'passionate' you can be when it come to this particular game. Especially when you are inebriated."

"I am perfectly capable of restraining myself in front of others, dear sister," Celestia said with refined dignity. "I don't know what would lead you to believe otherwise."

"Indeed," Luna muttered sarcastically. When Twilight had made that incredible run, Celestia had practically been bouncing off the walls with excitement.

From the highest tower in Canterlot Castle, the two regal Alicorn sisters had been watching the game through their two most powerful telescopes while listening to it on their radio, which was about five seconds slow, meaning the sisters saw the play before they heard about it. It was a bit wierd, but they got used to it fairly quickly. One would think the rulers of Equestria would have more reliable accessories...

"I imagine I'll be hearing from her about this soon," Celestia said. "I do hope she provides an explanation for that rather unneccessary lateral she attempted that Applejack took away."

"I do not wish to speak ill of your most faithful student, dear sister, but I believe she may have been showing off," Luna said in a tone of apprehension.

"Showing off? My Twilight?" Celestia said incredulously. "I highly doubt that! I believe she simply wanted to extend the play as best she could. While it may not have been the appropriate time and place for that particular stunt, I have to admire her determination."

"I suppose," Luna sighed. "Now that rainbow-maned pegasus on the other hoof... what was her name again?"

"Her name is Rainbow Dash, Luna," Celestia pointed out with a roll of her eyes. "You really should make a better effort at remembering the names of those six mares. They did save you, after all."

"Duley noted," Luna remarked flatly. "As I was saying, Rainbow Dash certainly paid the price for her rather shameful display of showboating. I must say I am surprised she was not penalized in some way for unsportsmanlike conduct. I do so dislike it when players engage in such mean-spirited celebration before they have even finished the play. It's simply bad form."

"Rainbow Dash has always had the tendency to be rather brash sometimes," Celestia sighed. "But then again, so do the professionals. Hoofball has always been a game of passion; more so than any other game I can think of. Whether it is a desperate struggle to stay alive in the playoffs, or a friendly, meaningless game in the park with your friends, our little ponies play their hearts out in the hope that they may drink from the sumptuous fountain of victory rather than taste the bitter agony of defeat. Truly, the level of dedication and commitment this noble sport requires is beyond that of any other I can think of. We are indeed blessed to have the honor, the privilege, to experience the pure adrenaline rush that-"

"Tia, please," Luna interrupted quickly. "I implore you to cease your always heavy-hoofed ramblings of your love for the game, lest my stomach find itself unable to with-hold it's contents."

Celestia blushed a bit and gave a light cough. "I... apologize, Luna. I do tend to lose myself in my passion for the game. I only wish the seasons lasted longer..."

Luna smiled and shook her head. "Tia, I don't believe you and I have ever conversed this much about our views on the world of professional sports. Why have we not attempted this sooner?"

"Well..." Celestia said slowly. "I never really took you as the type who would enjoy such recreation. It wasn't until you came in here to join me in watching the game, and I saw just how into it you were getting that I realized... I probably don't know as much about you as I should." She sounded a bit glum at the end.

"Do not despair, my dearest sister," the Moon Princess gave her sister a kind nuzzle. "I chose to keep that part of my life to myself, mostly out of fear of what our subjects would think me if they knew I was one of those alcohol swilling, boisterous, insufferable ruffians who go out of their ways to make absolute horses of themselves at-"

"Luna!" Celestia scolded. "Such language! Nopony thinks of you that way! You and I are nothing like that!" Her tone softened a bit. "It's perfectly fine to express your love for the game. You saw how excited I was when my Twilight scored. And you were positively screaming when Fluttershy made that return."

"Ah, yes... well," Luna couldn't hide a blush. "I assure you, had I been in a more public setting I would have most likely held my composure. My persona must remain ever dignified for our subjects after all."

"Of course, Luna," Celestia said with a slight snigger.

Luna rolled her eyes, but chose not to drag this conversation on any longer. She instead gazed through her telescope again down at the now almost completely empty field. Only three little fillies remained now.

Down on the field, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom stared at their no longer blank flanks. All three of them now had what appeared to be a variation of police batons for cutie marks. But instead of joy and elation being the shared emotion, the fillies looked rather disappointed.

"Wow, um..." Scootaloo seemed at a loss. "I, uh, didn't think it was actually gonna happen this time."

"Neither did I," Sweetie Belle said, "and honestly, I was kinda hoping it wouldn't. I mean, breaking up crowds isn't all that fun."

"Welp, guess we don't got any say in the matter," Apple Bloom sighed. "I wonder what we're gonna hafta do now?"

"I guess if there's a riot or something we have to be the ones who deal with it," Scootaloo said.

"But there hasn't been a riot in Ponyville since everypony went nuts over that doll," Sweetie Belle moaned.

"What about that whole Pinkie Pie clone situation?" Scootaloo reminded them.

"Eh, my sister said that was more of a 'minor civil unrest' than a full-blown riot," Apple Bloom said.

Sweetie Belle moaned. "Awwww, it's gonna be so boring waiting for something to happen!"

"Well..." Apple Bloom thought for a moment. "Maybe we could tell everypony that our cutie marks give us permission to beat up anypony that bothers us. That might come in handy with bullies."

"Or even better," Scootaloo added with a sinister smile. "We can tell them our marks give us permission to beat up any pony we just straight up don't like... without an explanation! You know, as payback for all the teasing and junk we had to put up with when we were blank flanks. I think it's called karmic retribution or something."

Now all three fillies were smiling wickedly. "OH, DIAMOND TIARAAAAAAAAAAAA?" They called out simultaneously.

Princess Luna smiled as she watched the Cutie Mark Crusaders take off, blissfully unaware of what they were up to. As she pulled back from her telescope, she gave a small sad sigh. "T'is a shame they decided to end the game as is."

Celestia sighed as well. "Yes, it was a rather disheartening ending after such an effort was put forth by both teams. But I suppose they had a good reason, and I must admit I was glad to see them all leave happily. It was such an intense, hard-fought battle, and they all played so hard. I don't think I could've handled seeing half of them lose."

"I understand, I suppose," Luna sighed.

A few moments of silence passed. The regal alicorns stared intently at the field, the images of the game still fresh in their minds... particularly the last play. Finally, Celestia spoke. "Though it was quite obvious what the result of that final pass was."

"Indeed it was," Luna said confidently. "I suppose that young dragon cannot be held responsible for not knowing what to do. It was an intricately complex situation, and I don't think he was in the best position, nor did he have the necessary training to make the proper call."

"I'm starting to wish I had gone down there myself to offer my insight," Celestia said. "After all you and I may have had the best view of the play. But they seemed content with the way things were. I suppose we'd best just let it go."

"Agreed," Luna said witha nod. "Even though was so obviously a pick."

"Touchdown," Celestia corrected.

A moment of silence passed between them. They stared at each other with raised eyebrows. Finally, Luna broke the silence. "No, I believe I was correct in my initial assumption. It was very clearly a pick, sister. You saw it as well as I did."

"Yes I did," Celestia replied calmly. "And what I saw was an obvious touchdown. It was what Spike initially ruled after all."

Luna let out a small laugh. "Tia, you can't be serious. Pinkie Pie clearly had possession of that ball."

"As did Fluttershy. That was simultaneous possession; a tie is granted to the receiver."

"Oh please. That was hardly simultaneous possession, Tia; Fluttershy barely had the tip of it. Pinkie Pie had significantly more control."

"That was how it appeared initially, but Fluttershy may have gained more control of it as they went down."

"That's not what I saw."

"Well perhaps you weren't looking hard enough."

"I saw it just as clearly as you did, sister. It was a pick, and the game should have continued. I should not have to debate this with you."

Celestia's eyes narrowed, and her voice began to rise. "Are you implying that I don't know this game as well as you? I've been around much longer than you, Luna. I've seen many many more games than you have. I know what I am talking about when I see simultaneous possession."

"Tia, she barely had a tooth on it!" Luna'a voice began to rise now as well. "That does not even remotely qualify as possession! Any qualified official would have noticed that!"

"Any qualified official would have also noticed that Pinkie Pie pushed off on Rarity when she jumped! That was blatant pass interference!"

"Oh for crying out- Pass interference happens on plays like that all the time and they almost never get called! And in all honesty, I thought it looked more like incidental contact!"

"How utterly ridiculous, Luna! No sane official would consider a forceful push off like that to be incidental!"

"Well irregardless of what happened there, young Pinkie Pie clearly had more possession of the ball!"

"Fluttershy got to it first though!"

"It doesn't matter who got to it first, Tia! Pinkie had more possession when they came down! It was her ball and you know it!"

"Fluttershy had enough of it to qualify as a catch! I know what I saw!"

From outside the room, two royal gaurds stood on opposite sides of the door, horrified looks etched upon both their faces as they listened to the gradually raising voices of their beloved rulers.

"Sir, are they...?" One of them asked shakily.

"Yes, they are," the other answered. "They're arguing Hoofball."

"Shall we warn the palace?" The first guard sounded fearful.

"It's too late..." the other guard said grimly as he inserted his earplugs. "Brace yourself, lad."

"I can't believe this day's finally come." The first guard sounded close to tears.

"We all knew it was inevitable," the other sighed. "Her Highness, Celestia's passion for Hoofball... her sister's vastly different mind-set... they were doomed to clash one of these days..."

"Have mercy on us all..."

From the other side of the door, the shouting continued to intensify. Luna lifted her hoof to Celestia's tiara and barely gave it a poke.

"Oh, so by your logic, Tia, I was in full possession of your tiara right there? I had it entirely in my control?"

"Keep your disgusting hooves off my tiara!"

"AHA! So you really do consider that to be full possession!"

"That is not even remotely the same case, Luna! You're using a completely illogical comparison to make your point! Fluttershy had enough control to qualify as possession! I saw it clear as day, and so did you!"

"It was a pick, Celestia! Any qualified official would've ruled it as such and you know it! I simply cannot believe you are being this Naïve!"

"How dare you claim your knowlege of Hoofball to be greater than mine?! I have been around much longer than you! I was there when the very first game was played! I... Know... Hoofball!"

"All the more disturbing that you would truly believe that last play to be a touchdown! Your expertise of the game as clearly faded with age! Going a little senile now are we, dear sister?"

"WHY YOU-"

About four hours later...

It was past midnight now, yet the sun remained where it had been since the game ended, hanging just over the horizon, painting the sky orange. All over Equestria, ponies were staring in awe and terror at this strange phenomenon. Somewhere in Manehattan, a crazed stallion was running up the streets, shrieking hysterically, "THE PRINCESSE'S HAVE ABANDONED US! THE END IS NIGH! IT'S EVERYPONY FOR THEMSELVES!"

Nopony could explain it. Nopony could comprehend it. Nopony was aware that the only reason behind this strange turn of events was that the two All-powerful Alicorns responsible for the setting of the sun and raising of the moon and stars were still holed up in the highest tower of Canterlot Castle, and for the past few hours had been arguing every major controversial play that made up the colorful history of Hoofball. Both of them were full-on screaming at each other now; the regal elegance was gone from both their voices, and their normally beautiful and majestic manes were total messes. Their faces were beet red from utilizing the full power of their booming voices.

"THE MANEHATTAN MIRACLE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN THE MOST HEINOUS CRIME COMMITTED IN THE ENTIRE ILLUSTRIOUS HISTORY OF HOOFBALL!" Luna roared.

"HOW WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW?! YOU WERE LIVING ON THE MOON WHEN IT HAPPENED!" Celestia screamed back.

"I'VE DONE MY RESEARCH! I HAVE SEEN THE OLD FOOTAGE! ANYPONY WITH EVEN MODERATELY PASSABLE EYE-SIGHT WOULD'VE SEEN THAT THAT PASS WAS IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM A LATERAL! THE RECEIVER WAS CLEARLY STANDING AHEAD OF THE PASSER!"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE THE RECEIVER IS STANDING! IT'S FROM WHERE THE BALL IS TO WHERE THE BALL GOES! HE CLEARLY REACHED BACK TO GRAB THE PASS! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THEY TESTED IT, LUNA! THEY USED LITTLE LASERS AND EVERYTHING!"

"YOU KNOW, SISTER, IF I DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER I'D SAY YOU WERE PART OF THAT CONSPIRACY TO KEEP FILLYDELPHIA OUT OF THE PLAYOFFS!"

"CONSPIRACY?! SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN A CONSPIRACY THEORIST?! YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO JUMP ON THAT BANDWAGON TO MAKE YOURSELF APPEAR MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT THE GAME THAN YOU REALLY ARE! AND BESIDES, IT'S CLOUDSDALE THAT IS SUPPOSEDLY BEING CONSPIRED AGAINST, NOT FILLYDELPHIA!"

"THEN HOW COME FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS WHENEVER FILLYDELPHIA COMES TO WITHIN A GAME OF MAKING THE PLAYOFFS, THEY'RE ALWAYS DONE IN BY A BAD CALL?!"

"WRONG, LUNA! THE REASON THEY NEVER MAKE THE PLAYOFFS IS BECAUSE THAT DOLT ANDY STEED HAS ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT WHATSOEVER ON HOW TO PROPERLY MANAGE THE GAME CLOCK! IT'S FORTH AND TWENTY, LESS THAN FIFTEEN SECONDS IN THE GAME, THEY'RE DOWN BY FOUR, NO TIMEOUTS LEFT, THE CLOCK IS TICKING... AND HE DECIDES TO RUN A DRAW PLAY?!"

"IF YOU CAN PROPERLY FOOL THE DEFENSE INTO THINKING PASS, IT CAN BE A VERY EFFECTIVE PLAYCALL!"

"IT NEVER WORKS IN A SITUATION LIKE THAT, LUNA! THE DEFENSE IS NEVER THAT STUPID!"

"HA! YOU CLEARLY HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING MUCH ATTENTION TO OUR BELOVED CANTERLOT TEAM THIS YEAR!"

"WELL I..." Celestia paused there a moment. Slowly, her face fell into an expression of comprehension. "Well, that's true; our defense hasn't been particularly steller this year... but still!"

"Honestly, Tia, you need to open your eyes and accept the fact that you're not nearly as learned as you think you are when it comes to this sport," Luna sneered.

"I would be willing to bet I could do a much better job of coaching than most of the so-called 'professionals' have been doing recently!" Celestia challenged.

"Ha ha ha!" Luna laughed haughtily. "Oh, what a glorious sight that would be: My dearest elder sister, scrambling about on the sidelines, shouting orders to your players, deriding incompetent officials... oh, it is to laugh!"

Celestia glared daggers at her younger sister. "I figure I would be significantly more apt than you," she said venomously.

Luna soon found herself glaring back at the elder alicorn. "Is that a challenge?"

Celestia smirked. "Perhaps it is..." she said sinisterly. "Here is what I propose: We gather the Bearers of the Elements and have them engage in another three-on-three match up, this time with you and I acting as coaches. The team that wins determines which one of us is the true expert in Hoofball!"

Luna smiled devilishly. "Oh, sister, you have just planted the seeds of your doom... I accept! And, as an added level of humiliation, the loser must clean up after Philomena for a week!"

"Make it a month!"

"Two months!"

"My dear sister," Celestia lifted her forehoof. "You... are... on!" She jutted it towards Luna, who gave it a powerful bump.

"So, when shall we start?" Luna asked.

"How about right now?" Celestia suggested lightly.

"Do you think the Bearers will be willing to go right now?" Luna asked with mild concern.

"We'll make them willing," Celestia hissed. "We are the rulers of all Equestria; if we demand a Hoofball game, we shall have it! Besides, Twilight would never refuse me her aid when I need it."

"Very well then!" Luna snapped. "Let this be our final battle! What time is it?"

"Why, it's only..." Celestia glanced at a large grandfather clock in the corner of the room, and her face fell. "...half past midnight." The two sisters stared blankly at each other for a minute, their faces gradually turning red, this time with embarassment. "I was supposed to set the sun a few hours ago, wasn't I?" Celestia stated sheepishly.

"And I was to bring out the moon and stars," Luna muttered.

After a few more seconds of awkward silence, the Royal Sisters scrambled for the balcony and took to the air to do their duties.

"This is not over, Luna!" Celestia snapped as she went airborne.

"No, it most certainly is not!" Luna hissed back.

From a courtyard down below, the mismatched form of Discord, the Spirit of Chaos, watched the majestic Alicorns glide through the air, still shouting insults and taunts at each other. A smug grin formed on his face. He jerked his head towards them and said to nopony in particular, "Ya see, this is why those two don't hang out much!"

It was frighteningly clear now that there would be no peace in Canterlot tonight... or possibly for the next few weeks.

THE END

Author's Notes:

And there's a couple hours of your lives you'll never get back. Sorry about that, I guess.

But seriously, I had a lot of fun writing this. It was really just an attempt to combine my two biggest passions in life: MLP and Football. Well, actually Football's more of a passion for me, while MLP's just something I casually enjoy. All I can hope for is that this was something of a unique read for you, and by unique, I mean a totally awkward "WTF did I just read?" kind of feeling. 'Cause, ya know, we really needed more of those kinds of fics, right? Heheh, ehhh yeah...

Anyway, thanks for giving it a shot. Please let me know what you thought of it. Maybe random comedy's not my thing, maybe I'm better at it than most, or maybe I should just flat-out never write again. Whatever the case, send me your thoughts.

Just remember, this was not meant to be taken seriously. If it was, I'd be totally ashamed of myself right now. The best I can hope for is that it gave you a bit of a chuckle. If that's the case, then I regret nothing.

Thank you again for reading, and, uh, I dunno... remember to tip your waitresses or something.