Falling Leaves
Dear Reader.
This is not a story. These are not made up events. These are the lives of the ponies I try to help, whose private struggles are kept away from the surface, and are instead, kept within, tormenting them, breaking apart their lives, their heart, their minds. My job, as a Psychiatrist is to help these ponies come to terms with what they are grieving with, to help them face their fears, and bring the shattered pieces together. Sometimes, it's an abusive father that caused it... Other times, loneliness, and complete isolation from any pony... Still others it is complete and utter sorrow for the loss of someone they cared for deeply, and the fact that they blame themselves for it. All of these things I now share to you, as these are my memoirs, of the most notable patients I had.... and the struggles they had.
"Hello there my dear. How are you today?"
"I'm o-okay... I guess."
"Now come come come, surely that isn't all of it. There is a reason you re here after all right? Or else... you merely wish to sit here and wast time."
"Oh goodness no! I just.... I'm a little nervous, that's all."
"That's quite alright... So, why don't we get started. Would you mind telling me about your childhood?"
"W-well, I think I had a normal childhood. I grew up with everyone around Cloudsdale, I had a loving mom and a caring dad, who both taught me how to be kind to other ponies, and I went to flight camp like every other pony."
"And where you this shy then?"
"N-no. I was actually more like Rainbow."
"Ms. Dash you mean? But, how in the world did you go from being as brash and bold as that, to... well, like you are right now?"
"I-i....I don't want to talk about it."
"But we have to.... I know it might be hard, but you ha-"
"NO!! I AM NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT AND THAT'S FINAL!!!"
".....I....I...wha....ow."
"Ohmygoodness.....I'm so sorry."
"No no... Its okay. You're just not... in the best mood that's all...heh heh."
"No.... its not all right. I have to face this... or else..."
"Or else... what?"
"Or else I'll never be able to forgive myself!... To let go..."
"Let go? Forgive yourself?..... Maybe we should start from the beginning."
"The beginning... okay..W-well, it all started when I was about five years old. We, my mother, father, and I, were all sitting at the table, eating breakfast, when, that letter came. My father said that it was a summons, for all able bodied stallions who had served in the royal Canterlot guard to come to the aid of the princess in the war to the south, where the war with the Germane army had gone to Neighpal. He shipped out two days later, with all the other Pegasi soldiers. He looked at us, and he smiled and waved like the rest of them, but there was a sad gleam in his eyes, that he somehow knew he wouldn't be coming back..... I didn't know that this would be the last time I would see him again.... He said he would write to us when he could... A month passed, and we received no word... Another month passed and still no letter... We became more anxious, and the stress began to take its toll on my mother. Every day she grew more and more haggard; her bright coat lost its shine; her shining eyes dimmed; her cheery laugh all but disappeared. S-some days I think it was just the thought of my fathers letter that kept her going. One day, a letter came. We both rushed to the mailbox, and my mother tore open the letter. She eagerly read it at first... but then her face became pale and cold. "Mama?" I said. "Mama what's wrong? Why are you going inside the house?" I noticed that she had dropped the letter, I looked at it. On it were the words I wish I had never seen:
""Dear Mrs. Dawn Shy, your husband, Mr. Wind Flutter, has perished in the services of her Majesty. We are deeply sorry for you misfortune and wish to let you know that if you are in need of any help, please come to Canterlot for aid.
Signed
Equestrian Department of War""
It wasn't until many years later that I learned that he had been shot down with an arrow through his neck in a battle not long after he was assigned to his post. B-but I didn't know that then. A-all I knew was that everything around me was silent. I couldn't even hear my m-mother. When I went inside the h-house, and saw, my m-m-mommy... hanging.... from the ceiling.. m-MOMMY!!!! NNNOOOOOO!!!! WHY MOMMY?!?!?!?! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE?! -sob-....-sniffle-....a-after that, I was moved into the Cloudsdale Home for Orphaned Ponies. It was nice there for a time. I mean, the care takers were kind, and gentle, a-and loving, and the other ponies were nice to me..... at first"
"At first? What do you mean? Did they bully you, or something worse?"
"Oh no, nothing like that... its just that they... well... they started to shun me. a-and not just the other fillies and colts, but also the care takers started ignoring me too... everypony just acted like I wasn't even there.... like I didn't exist... it was awful. And that's when I started being shy. The more the other ponies ignored me, the quieter I became, and the quieter I became, the more they ignored me..... it never ended...-sniffle-... and that's when I was sent to Flight Camp. Flight Camp was worse; where the Orphanage had merely been lonely, Flight Camp gave me bullies. All the other kids teased me because even though I was taller and older than them, I was still the worst flier. Every day they would taunt me, pull pranks on me, steal my things, and hurt me. Then the day of that race came. When Rainbow knocked me down to earth. At first I was really scared. I was in a place I had never seen before, and everything scared me. It was getting dark, and I had no place to hide... Then I saw a tree.. a weeping willow, its branches large, and full of leaves... It stood there swaying in the breeze, and I had no other place to go... So, I huddled under it for warmth and shelter... and... the strangest thing happened... as the wind blew through the trees, it reminded me..."
Of what?
"....my mothers lullaby.It sounded like this...It made me remember all the things I wanted to forget:my father shipping off to war, my mother, hanging suspended from the ceiling... I cried all night, but, the tree made me feel safe, and warm......So that's why I said I'd like to be a tree."
"That was..... beautiful. Well Miss Fluttershy, how do you feel?"
"Much better. Thank you so much for helping me.... I... I feel so free after getting that out to somepony..W-will you tell anyone?"
"Of course not Miss Fluttershy, you have my word that no one else will hear of this from me."
"Thank you.....u-um.. Dr. Peace Green?"
"Yes?"
-hug- "I don't know what I'd do without your help."
"Think nothing of it. Now I think you should get going. Those animals of yours might be getting hungry."
"OHMYGOODNESS!!! You're right! I'm sorry I have to go -begins to leave- wait! How much do I owe you for the session?"
"Nothing my dear. You don't need to pay anything. I'm just satisfied that you are happy. Now go, and have some fun."