> Alastair Equus
>  by Duke.B
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Alastair Equus
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Alastair bolted upright from his previously relaxed position on the hood of his car. A phone was ringing, but none of the other ferry passengers seemed to notice it. Maybe it was coming from the kitchen? Yeah, that made perfect sense!
He grumbled as he got up, weaving his way around the boats’ seats, about a quarter of which were filled. But he suddenly stopped, halfway to the aisle, eyes wide open. “No… no!”
Eyes firmly clamped shut, Alastair grumbled to himself. “Oh, come on…” peeking at his wristwatch, he grimaced. “Only five hours? You have to be kidding me!” His eyes started to drift closed again, but jolted wide again as the phone continued to ring. “Blast it all!”
Rolling out of bed, he sprinted down the hall towards his parents’ bedroom, sliding to a halt in front of the phone’s cradle, just as the “incoming call” light went off on it. Not caring, he grabbed it up. “Hello? Hello?” But there was only silence on the other end.
Grumbling, Alastair stalked back to his bedroom, but found that the short spike of adrenaline had been enough to ensure that it was impossible for him to go back to sleep. Rolling out of bed for the second time that morning, he walked into the bathroom, and started a shower.
Scrubbing himself over, Al felt the initial sleepiness start to wear off, but replace itself with a warmer, cozy wrap-yourself-up-and-do-nothing laziness. Knowing just how much he’d love to do that, Alasdair grimaced, and turned the temperature nob down by roughly one fifth. Finding the change to be almost imperceptible, he then turned the nob down to a quarter of the original heat. Within seconds, he was being pummelled by what, in comparison, felt like near-freezing temperatures.
This, being sufficient to wake him fully, caused Alastair to grab the nob with near lightning speed, turning it completely off. Stepping out of the shower, he briskly dried himself off as best he could, secured the towel around his waist, and headed back into his bedroom.
Quickly getting changed into a pair of jeans and his red plaid button up shirt, Alastair gave himself a quick once-over in the mirror, before heading downstairs to the kitchen. He couldn’t help but glare at the dishwashers’ bright red light. “Of course…” Fortunately, it only took a couple of minutes to empty, after which he poured himself a bowl of cereal, sitting down at the table to eat, searching through the newspaper first for the comics.
Once this morning routine was finished, Alastair started to head back to the sink to wash out his bowl, when he noticed the message light blinking on the phone. Pressing it, he heard his mother’s voice emerged from the speakers. “Hi Al, it’s your mother, just phoning to say that your dad and I are going to be out of town for another week. So you’re not bored all week long, we expect you to have both loads of laundry done, as well as the dishes. Oh, while you’re at it, the house could use a vacuum, and the driveway needs blowing. See you in a week!”
Alastair glared at the phone for a couple of seconds, and then went back to putting his bowl in the dishwasher. “What a way to talk to your son, just as he’s about to move out. Well, the dishes are done, laundry doesn’t need to go on for another couple of days…” Glancing out the kitchen window, Alastair grimaced at the dark clouds blanketing the sky. “Bugger if I’ll do the driveway if it’s about to start raining.” His gaze turned towards the living room, in which were his computer and the TV, but he ruefully he shook his head. “Nah, been lazy enough this past week for three people, gotta get some exercise!”
Once again looking outside, Alastair grimaced before grabbing his jacket and umbrella off the back of a chair. “Might as well go for a walk…” Making sure the door was locked behind him, Alastair headed up the street, deciding to go up into the woods that day. “Been a while since I’ve been back there,” he thought to himself.
It wasn’t until he’d just gotten under the cover of the trees that the clouds decided they’d had enough, and rain started drizzling down. Cinching his coat closer to himself, Alastair smiled, deciding that shaking off the occasional raindrop was acceptable enough to not need to open his umbrella.
As he walked further into the woods, he started looking around himself, curious. “Must’ve changed a bit since I was last here…” he muttered, as the trails he was following started getting less familiar.
After about an hours’ worth of hiking, the sky started to grow lighter. “Looks like I didn’t need this after all!” Alasdair chuckled ruefully, giving his umbrella a quick shake.
Just then, he came to the end of the trail, and found himself before an open field, with a large orchard in the distance. “Odd,” Alasdair mused, “knew there were lots of farms around here, and the occasional vineyard, but no orchards…” but he just shrugged. “Guess I must’ve walked around to the other side of the mountain!”
With this mindset, Alasdair decided to approach the orchard, hoping to find either someone at work, or a house on the property, from whom he could ask directions back home. Passing through the orchards, he looked about himself in curiosity. “An apple farm?” he murmured, seeing nothing but apple trees, of almost every variety he could remember. “There’s Gala, Macintosh, and… I think that one’s Pink Lady? And over there… Fuji, unless I’m mistaken. Granny Smith!” Alasdair chuckled as he punched the air. “Woo hoo, five years working at a grocery store finally paid off!” he smirked.
Al was shocked at how much time it took for him to find someone. “I know apples are a popular fruit, but come on, who needs so many acres for just apples?” Ahead of him, he could see someone, a girl, he guessed, setting out barrels around the foot of the tree before her.
He slowed down his pace, admiring the view as he approached. She was garbed in sensible work clothes; a pair of worn jeans, a slightly faded yellow cotton shirt, and what appeared to be a pair of thick leather boots, although he couldn’t be sure, seeing them from the back. A brown Stetson sat atop her head, holding back her blonde hair, which had been pulled back into one of the longest pony-tails he’d ever seen, reaching almost to her heels. He cocked his head slightly to the side; it looked like she’d tucked it behind her belt. Maybe to keep it out of the way? He mused.
Humming softly, Alastair put on what he imagined as his most winning smile. “Pardon me, but I seem to have lost my way. Could you tell me the quickest way back to…?” Just as he’d started speaking, the girl in front of him had kicked the tree with the heel of her foot, pushing off the tree to spin around and face him. What silenced Alastair was that the force of her kick managed to shake off every single apple on the tree.
The girl smiled as she finished her spin, facing Alastair. Appearing a bit dizzy, she squinted her eyes shut, giving her head a quick shake. Once she opened them again, her smile slipped a little as she squinted at Al. “Big Mac? What’re you doing back from Appaloosa? Braeburn get tired of y’all already?” Taking a half step closer, she opened her eyes wide. “Oh mah gosh, ah’m so sorry! Y’all looked just like my big brother, Macintosh. What brings y’all around to Sweet Apple Acres?” The girl then tilted her head to the side, frowning. “Wait a tick…”
Alastair, in the meantime, was still staring up at the tree. “That… that was… amazing.” Eyes wide, he slowly shook his head, he looked back to the girl. “Well, as I said, I’m a bit lost, and…” Again, he stopped speaking before he could finish his question, shocked once again into silence. The girl before him was like none other that he’d ever seen. What he’d originally thought to be just a slight tan on her skin was actually a short, tawny colour fur that seemed to cover her entire body. Her mouth jutted out slightly, forming a slight muzzle, and her ears… they didn’t look human at all! If anything, Alastair would have said they belonged on some sort of animal, maybe a cat, or a dog? They rose up in a cone-like shape, the tips reaching just under the brim of her Stetson; in fact, they seemed to swivel slightly, almost as though they were tracking a noise in the distance. Come to think of it, he’d only ever seen horses ears do that; they definitely look equestrian, now that he thought of it. He was also a bit perturbed to notice that her pony-tail seemed to have split in two, the top half tossed casually over her shoulder, while what he could see of the bottom half appeared to be casually flicking itself back and forth, in a manner that he could only, once again, describe as horse-like. “Uhh… are you… umm…” Alastair stuttered, not quite sure how to approach the subject of her appearances.
Fortunately for him, the question was taken out of his hands. “Y’all alright there? Never seen anypony like you before. Is it some sorta disease that makes a pony’s hair fall out?” The mysterious girl was quite blunt with her questioning, taking a worried half-step backwards away from him.
“Me?” Alastair was shocked, “I was about to ask what was wrong with you! Or,” he glared, feeling like he was the butt end of some joke, “Is there some sort of… ‘furry’ convention going on?”
Seemingly satisfied that Alastair wasn’t contagious, the girl in front of him relaxed a bit. “A what now? Furry convent’en? Never heard of one of them…” She shook her head, confused and abashed. “Sorry, where are mah manners? Ah’m Applejack, and this here farm’s Sweet Apple Acres. Where’re y’all from”
Still perturbed, Alastair stuck you his hand. “Alastair, from Canada.” He couldn’t help but look at her with a raised eyebrow. Applejack? Isn’t that a cereal? After a moment of thought, he mentally face-palmed. Canada? Really? Of course we’re still in the same country…
AppleJack, if that was really her name, returned the handshake vigorously, although she, too, looked at him askance. “Pleasure tah meet ya, Al! Can yeh what?”
Alastair was extremely confused, but then, after a moment of though, gave Applejack a dead-pan look. “No, not ‘Can I’, ‘Canada’, you know, second largest country on Earth? America’s ‘hat’?”
It was Applejack’s turn to look confused. “Canada? Amaricuh? Never heard of them. Are y’all sure ya didn’t just hit yer head somewhere? This here’s Equestria.”
Starting to get a bit annoyed, Alastair decided enough was enough. “Alright, you know what? This joke’s getting old.” He reached into his inner jacket pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. “See this here?” He asked Applejack, as he unfolded the map, “This here,” he pointed, as she approached, curious, “Is Canada. This?” His finger slid to a tiny dot on the west coast, “is where we are. Any questions? No? Good. Now how do I get back to Cliffton?” 
Applejack was still bent over the map, examining it with a frown creasing her forehead. “Cliff Town?  Ye’d have ta take a three-day train ride to Appaloosa, then take another two-days hike almost due east. Mah cousin Braeburn helped found it!” She added proudly. 
Alastair shook his head slowly. “No, first off, not ‘Cliff Town’, ‘Cliffton’! And secondly, it can’t be that far away, I just walked to here from there in a matter of hours. I figure I must’ve taken a wrong path through the woods back there.” He threw his thumb over his shoulder, indicating the expansive forest on the horizon.
The girl jolted back at this, eyes wide. “You live in the Everfree forest? Ah thought Zecora was the only one who did that, and even she says it’s dangerous!”
Starting to get very worried and confused, Alastair once again shook his head. “No, I live in one of the group of houses on the other side of the forest, and it’s not called the ‘Everfree’, or whatever you called it. And it’s not that dangerous! There’s only been one sighting of cougars in there in the past decade, and even that was unconfirmed!”
Applejack looked at Alastair with a curious look in her eyes, before slowly folding up the map. “What say ya’ll just wait here, sugar cube. I have a friend who I think’d be just dying to meet you.” Without another word, or waiting for a reply, Applejack quickly spun on her heel, bolting off in the other direction before Alastair could even open his mouth. “Well then,” he murmured to himself, looking around, “where else would I go?” A bit miffed, but determined not to move until he got some answers, he folded his legs under himself, leaning back against one of the nearby apple trees.


*	*	*


Applejack was panting heavily by the time she reached the large tree in the centre of Ponyville; she’d sprinted the entire way there, going even faster than she had in the ‘Running of the Leave’s’ last fall. She’d left a trail of baffled ponies in her wake, many of whom had hailed her as she passed, but she’d flat out ignored them all, single-mindedly focussed on her goal.
She pounded on the front door of the library, and then barreled straight on in before waiting a reply. The main room was empty of people, however, so Applejack doubled over, hands resting on her knees, panting for a couple of seconds, before shouting out “Twah? You in here?”
A door at the top of the stairs spiraling around the room opened, and another girl walked out; she, too, had definitively equine features, but differed vastly from the first girl. Where Applejack’s fur was tan, the new girls’ was more like that of an amethyst, with her hair and tail a deeper violet, streaked with pink, from which sprouted a horn in the middle of her forehead. Applejack’s clothes were distinctly worn, as was suitable for a person working long hours on a farm, but the other girls were more suited for a person who wasn’t expecting any hard labour; a knee-length, midnight-blue skirt, a white blouse, and a thin pink sweater overtop.
“Applejack!” the new pony cried, “I thought you’d be busy on the farm, it being Apple-buck season again! Is something wrong? Or did you just come to ask for some help?” This last question she added with a humorous smirk, as though it were a private joke between the two.
Despite her friends laughing tone, Applejack glared balefully up at the purple pony, still panting from her run. “No… help… can do it… on my own…” She gave her head a quick shake, “Here ‘cause of… stranger… no-pony I seen… says Canada, not Equestria… HERE!” She finished, shoving the paper clenched in her hand out towards the other pony.
A soft purple glow encircled the parchment, and it lifted as if on its own accord out of the beige pony’s hand towards the purple one. Mystified, she unfolded it, her expression changing from curious, to baffled, to shocked. “Where did you find this?” She demanded of her friend, running down the stairs.
Applejack gave the other pony a look that shouted “I just told you!” “Stranger on farm!” She panted, “Out of Everfree! Looks… weird.” She finished lamely, as she couldn’t think fast enough to better describe him.
“Alright then!” cried the purple pony, as she slid to a halt next to her friend, “fast travel it is!”
There was a blinding white flash throughout the library, which, when it dissipated, left no trace of the two ponies.



*	*	*


Back on the farm, an identical flash of light occurred, depositing the two ponies at the entrance to a barn. “Alright, AJ,” said the purple pony, “Where’s this stranger of yours?”
Applejack waved her hand in the direction of the orchard. “In there a ways, Twilight”. Having recovered her breath, the beige pony led her purple friend into the grove of trees.
After several minutes of walking, Applejack stopped, looking about herself in confusion. “Tarnations, ah coulda sworn he was right here!” Her ears perked up as she pointed towards a nearby tree. “He was! Ah’d just bucked that thar tree when he arrived!”
At that moment, an explosion of childish giggling erupted from a grove of tightly-grown trees in the distance. Applejack and Twilight glanced at one another, worried expressions painted across their faces. In unison, the two ponies sprinted across the short clearing between them and the grove.
As the duo crashed their way through the inter-woven branches, a trio of young fillies sprung away from a bound and gagged Alastair. Twilight and Applejack slid to a halt, mouths agape, staring at the tableau before them. The clearing was silent for several seconds, save for Alastair’s indignant and muffled grunts. Applejack finally broke the stillness, falling to the ground, clutching her sides, a bellowing laugh erupting from her.
“Girls,” Twilight started, a stern librarian’s glare encompassing them all, “Did you do this?”
“We sure did, Twilight!” one of the fillies exclaimed, practically hovering with excitement, her purple hair bouncing along with her. “It was epic! We saw this mysterious figure, and Applebloom said that maybe our cutie marks were for the royal guard, so we captured him, and questioned him, and look at all this neat stuff we found on him!” She proudly pointed to the ground next to the bound human, strewn across which was a brown leather wallet, with a couple of bills and several cards carelessly tossed nearby, a handful of coins, two plastic rectangular items, one, a red cellphone, the other a black IPod, a pair of keys attached to a fob, a lip-chap tube, a pair of black gloves, two notebooks, one covered in brown leather, the other of a cheaper, papery material, two pencils, one pen, a paperback novel, his umbrella, and carefully laid off to the side, a red Swiss Army knife, and a longer, thinner black stainless steel knife; the contents of his pockets, presumably.
Twilight examined all of this carefully, pausing over the knives, before turning back to the fillies. “Good job, girls,” she said, drawing another indignant grunt from the bound human. “But why did you decide to tie him up like this?”
“’Cause he was lookin’ suspicious!” piped up one of the other fillies, a beige one with rose-coloured hair. “Have you ever seen anypony who looks like that?” she pointed towards Alastair, who was busy glaring between Twilight and the three girls, while desperately tugging at the rope binding his wrists.
“Just because somepony looks different, doesn’t mean that they’re bad. You girls know Zecora, and how hurt she was when everypony feared her because she was different!” But Twilight paused, glancing once more at the knives. “Why don’t you girls see if Fluttershy can think of anyway for you to earn your cutie-marks?”
“Ok!” the three fillies piped up in unison, instantly dashing off among the trees, discussing ideas as they went.
Twilight was silent a moment longer, then a soft purple light enveloped her horn, at the same time as one appeared around the bandana serving as a gag on the bound man. It slowly untied itself, and Alastair spat as it was finally taken from his mouth. “When I get my hands on those three, I’m going to…” He stuttered off into silence, apparently due to lack of current coherence, doubled with the fact that Applejack, who had finally regained her composure, towered over him.
“Yer goin’ ta do what now to mah little sister?” She asked threateningly.
“Guuuh…” Alastair stuttered, craning his neck to look at the tan pony. “Ask her not to tie me up while I’m reading a book?”
Applejack raised an eyebrow at this. “Ah’m sure tha’s what you were goin’ ta say.”
“Applejack, a moment, please.” Twilight said in an authoritative tone of voice. She knelt down in front of Alastair, looking him straight in the eyes. “I have a few questions for you.”
Alastair raised an eyebrow, his mouth quirked into a grin. “You don’t say? And here I thought you just tied people up as a form of greeting.”
Twilight ignored his remark. “What exactly are you? And how did you get here?”
“Well, I’m secretly an alien, and was bored, so decided to open a portal into another dimension. I don’t know! I’m a human, if that’s what you mean, and as I told G.I. Jane over there, I went for a walk through the woods, and came out here.”
The purple pony frowned. “Human? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of one of those before… You willingly went for a stroll in the Everfree forest?” She asked, disbelieving.
Alastair glared. “As I told your friend, it’s not called the Everfree forest. At least, not where I entered it. And yes, what’s wrong with that? It’s a park, it has trails, it’s meant for walking in!”
Twilight and Applejack shared a glance, and then Twilight turned back to her interrogation. “And how would you explain all of this?” she gestured to his pile of belongings.
“Well, those three there are books, two for writing in, one for reading, those things next to them? Yeah, some pens and pencils, you know, to write with. That’s my wallet that got pilfered, the money that was in it, my cell phone, IPod, car and house ke-“ He was cut off as the horse in front of him raised a hand, a confused frown crossing her face.
“I know what books are, no need to be snarky.” She said, “Although, I haven’t heard of, or seen, for that matter, most of the other things you were talking about. But what I’m really interested in,” she pointed off to the side of the pile, “are those.”
Alastair looked guiltily towards the knives, then shook his head, a slightly less outraged expression plastered on his face. “A Swiss army knife and a throwing knife. So what?”
Twilight frowned, annoyed. “Why do you even have them, if you were going for a walk?”
“Well, I bring the smaller one with me everywhere I got, in case I get a sliver, or find a piece of wood to whittle, and the throwing knife I brought because as I already told your friend,” his voice was starting to rise, getting exasperated, “There have been sightings of cougars in the park, and I wasn’t wanting to be defenseless if I came across one!”
Twilight glanced over to her friend, who nodded with a shrug. “Well then, I’m sorry for such a rude welcoming!” She grinned, kneeling down beside him. Gently, she started untying his wrists. “It’s understandable, though; I’ve never seen anyone like you before, and I doubt that the girls have, either. Naturally they’d be suspicious!”
Alastair grimaced as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, rubbing his chafed wrists. “Still, that’s no way anyone would treat a stranger back where I’m from.”
“Which is where?” the girl asked, inquisitive.
He gave her another dead-pan look, before starting on the ropes around his ankles. “Are you telling me that we aren’t in Canada?”
“Nope, this is Ponyville!”
“Sounds like a city. I’m talking about the country.”
“We’re in Equestria! I’ve never heard of Canada.”
Finished with the knot, Alastair got to his feet, stretching out his back. “Right, and you’re all ponies, or unicorns,” he added, eyeing Twilights horn. He then cricked his neck first to one side, then to another, then back, providing a series of cracks. “Next you’re going to tell me that cows talk, and that there are floating cities, and dragons, and… and that there are… talking trees, and… angels…”
Applejack and Twilight exchanged amused glances throughout this tirade, Applejack nodding to them all, “Yup, yup, yup, they sure looked like they could… wait, what?”
The two girls’ looks turned to ones of confusion as they turned back to Alastair, but his attention was focussed elsewhere; up.
As they followed his gaze, Twilights hand shot up to her mouth. “Oh my…” she whispered, as Applejack once more tried to control a bout of laughter.
Flying in the sky above the farm was, to the unknowing eye, what looked to be an angel; a feminine, blue figure, with a large pair of swan-like wings flapping, keeping her air-borne. Her rainbow coloured hair and tail streamed out behind her as she approached the trio on the ground. Alastair was spellbound for several seconds, scarcely remembering to breathe at the sight. He slowly came out of his trance, however, as his mind registered “She seems to be coming in awfully fast… And… flailing?”
“GANG WAY!” Shouted the blue girl just as she collided with the human. Alastair’s world was literally turned on its head… then back to its feet… and then he lost track of it as he and the girl rolled heads-over-heels. When they finally came to a rest, he found himself lying, rather bruised, on his back, his view nothing but blurry blue feathers. “I change my previous statement; you’re not an angel, you’re a harpy!”
As she finally got her wings dis-entangled, the girl heaved herself back, so that she was sitting squarely on his lap. “Sorry ‘bout that, killer landing, huh?” She tossed her hair over her shoulder with a flick of her head, noticing the other girls as she did so. “Heya girls, how’s it hanging?” She queried before turning back to the person she was nonchalantly using as a cushion. “Hey, you look funny!” she giggled.
“And ever so slightly uncomfortable!” The farm pony added as she pulled her friend off Alastair. She smirked as she glanced between the two. “Don’t know if introductions are needed after a meeting like that, but might as well! Rainbow Dash, Alastair. Alastair, Rainbow Dash!” She leaned closer to her friends’ ear, whispering conspiratorially “He’s a… hoo-man, Ah think he called himself.” With a chortle, she added “And you seem tah be his angel!”
Alastair stammered, feeling a heat rise across his face. “It was an honest mistake!” He protested, “What else would you call someone with wings?”
“A Pegasus?” Applejack suggested, in a tone that said it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“And the most awesome one in all of Equestria at that!” the newcomer added, puffing out her chest. “You should consider yourself honoured! Not many ponies can say they’ve had the privilege of meeting me!”
“Or landing on them?” Alastair added with a smirk.
“Only about three quarters of Ponyville.” Twilight interjected playfully.
“Those were all accidents, and none of them were my fault!” The newcomer objected, dashing over to Twilight. “Come on, I’m trying to make a good impression here!” she whispered to her friend.
“Like the one you two made in the ground over there?” Twilight glanced pointedly at where Rainbow and Alastair had come to a rest after their tumble.
“It was an accident!” Rainbow repeated, but was cut off before she could say anything more by Alastair laughing.
“Don’t worry about it, accidents happen! I’ve sure made a few in my life.” A dark look briefly crossed his face, accompanied by a slight twitch of his left eye, but was gone so quickly that Rainbow Dash, the only one really watching him, wasn’t even sure if it had ever been there. “Now, as lovely as it’s been here… wherever here is…” he continued, gathering the contents of his pockets as he spoke, “I should probably be heading back home. Chores to do, people to see, books to read, you know, stuffy stuff stuff.” With a nod to the three girls, he quickly dashed off among the apple trees, disappearing towards the Everfree forest.
The friends stood silently for several moments, staring, baffled, off in the direction their mysterious visitor had disappeared to. 
Applejack was the first to speak, breaking the nearby birds’ singing. “Odd fella’, that one.”
“Seems pretty chill, though. I like him!” Rainbow Dash bluntly added. “What?” she protested, seeing her friends shocked expressions, “He seemed pretty cool with everything and all!”
“Is that the only reason, sugar cube?” Applejack asked, eyeing Rainbows wings with an amused expression.
“Shut up!” The blue Pegasus shouted, hurriedly retracting them, then extending them again. “Can’t a girl work out a few kinked muscles?” To further prove her innocence, she leant over backwards, shifting her back, producing several cracks.
“I can’t help but wonder where he came from, though…” Twilight mused, remembering his odd map, so unlike any of the others in her library.
The three almost simultaneously shrugged, their conversation slowly moving from the odd man, to other subjects.


*	*	*


“Well girls, it’s been fun and all, but I have a storm to prepare for tomorrow!” Rainbow Dash pushed herself off the couch in Applejacks’ living room; a small room that could only be described as “cozy”, a three-seater couch pushed against the wall upon which Applejack lounged, hanging on the wall behind which was a portrait of a large family, in front of a vista of apple trees. In front of the couch was a low lying table, upon which rested a couple of car magazines, as well as two half-drunk pop cans. Twilight reclined in the only other seat in the room, a chair in the corner, angled to be facing both the couch and the small wood burning stove in the corner by the door to the main hall-way.
Applejack lazily tossed her hand towards Rainbow. “Can’t that wait a day ‘r two? We’re almost done with the apple-bucking an’ all.” She kept her serious tone for just a second more, before breaking into a smile. “See ya later, Dashy!”
The rainbow haired girl haired girl started humming a jaunty tune as she sauntered out of the living room into the main hall. Crossing the worn carpet, her friends heard her pull open the door, then literally end her tune midway with a question mark. “Hey, Applejack? Your crops may be fine for a little while…”
Twilight and Applejack shared a confused glance, before they, too, got out of their seats, Twilight tossing a magazine back onto the pile as she passed. Out in the hallway, they found Rainbow Dash, casually leaning against a wall, and framed in the doorway, no-one other than their blonde friend.
“Yeah, soo… I couldn’t find the trail back to my place…” Alastair summarized, a sheepish grin crossing his face.
The three girls shared a knowing look, before Twilight spoke up. “Well, we could have told you that!” His entry from the woods had been one of the subjects they had discussed. A thoughtful expression crossed her face before she spoke up again. “Hey, Alastair… since it doesn’t look like you’ll be going home any time soon, do you have anywhere to stay?”
The human ruefully shook his head. “Well, seeing as you three are the only ones I know here, no. Unless, that is, you’re offering!”  He grinned, showing that he was joking, but Twilight still blushed, letting loose a small “Eep!” before latching onto Applejack’s arm, dragging the confused farmer girl back into the living room.
Several moments of silence passed, and before long Alastair found himself just staring off into space, contemplating what had happened to him since his arrival in… Equestria, he thought one of the girls had said. More than anything else, though, he found his thoughts kept coming back to the girl standing in front of him.
She had a certain attitude about her, on that seemed to shout that she was unique, and didn’t care what anyone else thought, something he’d always tried to have in himself. Self-confidence seemed to just radiate from her, though, from how she stood and talked to the way she wore her clothes; a pair of well-worn, slightly ripped jean shorts, a thin, breezy t-shirt, and a leather bomber jacket, sleeves casually pushed up around her elbows. She was a short, sporty type, despite what others may assume from her femininely coloured hair, which she had cut fairly short; in short, she was the type of girl Alastair had always fancied, but never seemed to get anywhere with. They either saw him just as friend material, or… well, it was an embarrassing incident, to say the least.
Alastair gave his head a quick shake, trying to get away from such thoughts. Come on, I just met her a few hours ago! We’re not even the same species! Still… With another shake of the head, he deliberately steered his mind away from her. And for some reason onto the farmer pony.
Again, she was definitely one of the types of girls he’d found attractive; again, a bit shorter than himself, dependable, honest, hardworking, straight to the point. Her bust didn’t hurt either, and she probably wasn’t afraid to get dirty, and… What am I thinking?!
“Enjoying the view there?” a voice cut through his thoughts, bringing Alastair back to the real world. Once there, he took a startled step backwards; he’d been staring right at Rainbow Dash’s chest for the past several minutes.
“I didn’t… that is, I… uh… yes?”
“Hey, chill, man, I’m just kidding around with you!” A cocky grin was plastered on the Pegasus’ face, her wings unconsciously twitching behind her. “But thanks, anyway!”
Alastair gave her a sullen look, then childishly stuck out his tongue at her. “It was an accident, I swear! I was just… lost in thought.”
“You kids playing nice now?” Applejacks voice cut into their conversation unexpectedly, causing them both to jump back, Rainbow Dash's wings clamping shut to her back. “Yeah, nothing going on here!”
Twilight chuckled at Rainbow’s reaction, but turned to Alasdair, still slightly blushing. “So… that is, if you don’t have anywhere to spend the night… would you… that is,” She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “Would you like to stay at my place until we find you somewhere to stay?”
Alastair was taken aback by the bluntness of her question, momentarily forgetting about the aghast looking Pegasus, and the laughing farmer. “Uhh… would that… you know, be proper?”
A deeper blush rising in her cheeks, Twilight gasped. “I meant as a sleep over! With others there! Friends! Oh Celestia…” she finished, her face falling into her hands.
Catching what she meant, Alastair laughed. “Sure, that sounds fun! I just, uhh…” he gestured to his body, “guess I just finished packing for it! Uh, how many would be there?”
Peeking through her fingers, Twilight let out a relieved sigh, seeing how well he was taking this. “Oh, just a few close friends, Applejack here, and Rainbow, if she wants to.”
The Pegasus tried to hide her grin at being included, but failed miserably. “Sure! I mean, I guess, yeah! Just, you know, have the weather to prepare and all… Speaking of which, gotta fly, bye!” Before anyone could get another word in, a rainbow-coloured blur sped past them, and out the open door.
“And Ah still have some chores to take care of, round this here old barn!” Applejack included, knocking on the wall. “Ah’ll be by as soon as Ah’m all caught up!”
“Which just leaves you and me, then!” Twilight beamed up at the human, who was suddenly nervous. “Ready to go?”
“Yeah, I guess…” he said, feeling very warm. He turned around, heading for the door, but was stopped as a hand gripped his. Turning around, he saw Twilight had her eyes closed, concentrating. “What…?” was all he could get out, before his world was nothing but a stunningly bright light.
> Pinkie Party
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun had just set over Ponyville, and, although the lamps were all light, very few ponies were still out and about. This, however, didn’t deter the two girls walking along next to each other, heading towards the large tree near the centre of the town.
“Fluttershy, darling, did Twilight mention who the special guest of honour was for tonight’s party was?” One girl, the unicorn with white fur, yet curled, dark purple hair asked her companion.
“No, not that she said to me, at least…” whispered the yellow Pegasus, her light pink hair falling over her eyes. “I’m sorry…”
“No need to apologize, dear, I just was curious if she’d told you but not me.” The unicorn replied, waving aside the Pegasus’ apology. “It’s not often that Twilight holds such a party, after all. I was merely curious as to the occasion.”
They both had with them travelling bags, the white Unicorns being conspicuously larger than that of her companion; in fact, she carried her smaller bag, still larger than Fluttershy’s single one, daintily over her shoulder, while wheeling a white, gem encrusted suitcase behind her, with several more piled on top.
Soon, they came into view of the tree, all the windows of which blazed merrily into the night air. Muffled music could be heard from the tree, while streamers and balloons drifted past the windows, casting distorted shadows on the surrounding buildings.
The two girls looked at each other, the unicorn smiling at the Pegasus, who quickly averted her gaze, kicking abashedly at the ground. Rolling her eyes in amusement, the white mare grabbed her friends’ hand, leading her towards the building.
The unicorn threw open the door, waltzing in as though she owned the building. “I’m terribly sorry we’re late, I hadn’t realized that the party had already begun!” She declared to no-one in particular, as her timid friend shut the door behind them.
Twilight appeared at the top of the stairs winding around the bookshelf-lined room, grinning at her two friends. “Nonsense, Rarity, you and Fluttershy are right on time!” She quickly pointed to the others in the room, listing as she went. “Applejack arrived a couple of hours ago, as she knew of this before almost anyone else, Rainbow came only a short while before you two, once she finished with the clouds, and Pinkie Pie… well, she was here before I was.”
The pink pony bouncing around the room suddenly appeared next to Rarity, apparently ignoring the space that had originally separated the two. Her frizzy pink hair, coupled with her constant bouncing, made her appear to be a dancing stick of cotton candy. “Oh, I knew hours and hours and hours and hours ago! My left foot tapped, followed by my right elbow flapping, then both my eyes blinked three times, meaning that there was a party! And then my nose itched, and my right knee twitched, and I was to help plan the party! I grabbed my cannon, ranranran over to Twilights library, and whoomph had this place decorated lickety split!”
Rarity just stared at her friend throughout this bombardment, then turned back to Twilight. “Pinkie Sense?”
“Pinkie Sense.” Came the knowing response.
Rarity smiled, nodding. “Well, as lovely as it is, and as thrilled as I am to have been invited to yet another sleep over,” her smile faltered for a moment at that point, quickly glancing at Applejack, then back to Twilight before continuing, “I am most curious as to who the ‘special visitor’ you mention is?” She fluttered her eyelashes at Twilight, giving her a winning smile.
“Don’t worry, you’ll meet him soon enough, he’s just in the kitchen!” Twilight smiled at her friends impatience.
“Ooh, a he, is it? Has our little Twilight finally found a colt-friend?” Rarity sidled over to Twilight, draping an arm around her shoulder. “I have been telling you for ages that it’s time you found that certain someone! Who is it? Somepony I know?”
Rainbow, who’d been hovering overhead, let out a guffaw. “No, no-one quite like that, Rarity! HEY, AL, GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OUT HERE!” Rarity winced at the sudden loud noise at her ear, but stayed where she was, looking towards the kitchen door.
“Just give me a sec, would you? Pinkie, this cake of yours is amazing!” a muffled voice emerged from the doorway.
“No more secs, out here now!” Rainbow shouted again, looking askance at Applejack as she in turn let out a laugh.
Alastair appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, a plate piled high with sweets in one hand, a half-eaten cake in the other. “No, we can save that for later!” He laughed at Rainbow, before noticing the arrivals. “Howdy!” he lifted his cake by way of a greeting.
He was a bit perturbed when he was greeted by silence, then he grinned, embarrassed. “Riiight, forgot I’m the odd one out here for a moment…” Rarity was just staring at him, speechless yet open mouthed, not a sound emerging. And Fluttershy was still turned away, hiding behind her hair. After a moment, however, she peeked out, and let out a small shriek.
“A human!” Every single pair of eyes in the room focussed on Fluttershy. “I’ve never seen a real live human before! Or any type, for that matter!” She dashed over from one side of the room to the other, examining Alastair minutely, not noticing his discomfort. “I never even knew you were really real! Oh, this is just amazing, wait until I tell the little critters!”
Everyone else was silent while Fluttershy continued her examination of the man, until he’d finally had enough of being prodded. “So, you’ve heard of me before, then? Or, rather, my kind?” Shaking his head, he smiled. “Still feels odd saying that, ‘my kind’…”
Fluttershy looked up at him, at first seeming shocked that he spoke, then more so at what she’d been doing. She quickly darted back several steps, once again hiding in her hair. “Oh, I’m so sorry, it’s just I’ve never met a human before… yes, of course I’ve heard of your kind, everypony has!” She looked to her friends for encouragement, but they were all staring at her mutely, shaking their heads. With a sigh, she continued. “You know, the fairy tales we were told as fillies? Of the mysterious ponies-who-weren’t, living in a land without magic, but could still manage to live thanks to their machines? It’s where we got the ideas for most of our technology!” she finished her lecture, then ‘eep’-ed, blushing. “I… I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sound so weak…” she muttered to Alastair.
“Not at all… and it’s not quite like that, but pretty close.” Alastair replied, feeling guilty for making Fluttershy feel guilty, oddly enough.
A look of dawning recognition spread across Twilights face. “Of course! I thought you sounded familiar!” Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, just shook her head. “Nope, must’ve skipped that class.”
“Well, duh, of course you’re a human!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, drawing everyone’s gaze to her.  “What?” she asked, “Wasn’t it obvious?”
“Not to the rest of us, sugar!” Applejack shook her head. “Shoulda known you’d know, if anypony did, what with the parasprites and all!” The others laughed, nodding their heads in agreement. Pinkie Pie seemed to be enjoying their praise, a wide grin covering more of her face than Alastair would have thought physically possible.
“So, what are you guys like, then?” Rainbow’s question brought everyone to silence, looking curiously towards Alastair.
Not used to being the centre of attention, he bit his lip, eyes darting to the sides. Why couldn’t I just keep my big mouth shut? He wondered.
“We-ell,” he started, pausing to think of how to reply, “We’ve changed a lot over the course of man-kind, seeing as we go back thousands of years. Modern man is somewhat like what you just described,” he nodded to the yellow Pegasus. “Most of our lives revolve around technology; be it for travel or work. But not all! We also have sports,” he nodded toward Rainbow, “fashion and fame,” a nod to Rarity, “as well as the manual laborers, be they the farmers or the workmen.” He once again nodded towards Applejack, before settling eyes upon Pinkie Pie. “But then again, there are those who just live for the next big party!”
He felt a bit guilty, almost as though he were deceiving his new friends by not revealing the darker side of humanity. Well, I don’t want us to look all that bad, he reasoned with himself. He’d made it as obvious as he could that the party should just carry on, and so surreptitiously looked around the group, wondering if they’d get the hint. As his eyes passed over Applejack, however, she gave him an odd look, one that made Alastair feel as though there were and ice-cold hand beneath his breast, clenching shut. He’d felt that feeling before, whenever his parents asked how his grades were in school, when his teachers asked why he hadn’t finished his homework, when his boss asked why he was late for work. She knows. He just felt it, knew that she did. Mentally, he laughed at his worries. I’ve never been called out before, and besides, they know nothing of my kind as it is! But the feeling persisted.
Barely a second had passed, before Pinkie Pie shouted, “Like this one!” throwing her hands in the air. “Enough boring talk, let’s get this partay started!” As if that were its’ cue, the needle on the record player dropped, loud music quickly blaring from the speaker.
Pinkie soon had almost everyone out on the floor dancing, dragging an un-willing Alastair with her. After a couple of awkwardly shuffling seconds, however, the human had once again extracted himself from the group.
Looking about himself, Alastair was happy to see all of his new-found friends enjoying themselves. He’d been a bit shocked at first, learning that Twilight’s home was actually the town library, and that they’d be having the party there. “Won’t the other townsfolk be upset at having such a quiet place hosting a party?” he’d asked.
“Oh, no, they rarely ever come here; most of the time it’s just me and Spike, and he’s out with some friends tonight.” The purple unicorn had replied, waving her hand in the air as piles of books floated back to their spots on the shelves. “As for the noise, everyone’s used to Pinkie Pie by now.”
Feeling a bit claustrophobic for the first time that night, Alastair quietly but quickly made his way up the staircase. Once at the top, he took a quick look around to get his bearings, and then headed towards the door leading to the balcony.
Outside, Alastair gratefully leaned against the railing, taking deep breaths of the crisp winter air. Staring into the night sky, he gazed at the vast panorama of stars, yet again struck by the thought of how far from home he was. There were a couple of constellations that he recognized; he could easily point out the Big and Little Dippers, as well as his personal favourite, Orion, but as for the rest, he might as well have been looking at white paint drippings on a black cloth. Even the moon was different; none of the familiar craters that were on the one back home showed. If anything, he thought they formed the profile of a unicorn…
Taking a quick look around him, Alastair, seeing no-one, pulled one of his notebooks out from his inner pocket. He stared at the cover, deep in thought, before shrugging. “Now’s as good a time as any.” He smoothly slid the cord holding it shut out of the way, idly twiddling the fingers on his right hand before flipping open the front cover. He skimmed over the lines denoting that the book was his, his gaze stopping for a moment at the personalized inscription. Never stop chasing your dreams. ~J.
Letting loose a happy sigh, he smiled as he flipped over the next page, pulling out a pen from another pocket, and setting it to the blank paper. 
“Not enjoying your Welcoming Party, Al? Pinkie’s gonna be disappoointeeed!” A cheeky voice sounded from the door behind him, several minutes later. Grinning, Alastair closed the book, once more hiding it in the depths of his jacket before turning around.
“Hey Dash! No, I’m loving the party, it’s just… never really been a big one for big dance scenes, outside of musicals. Too awkward with these long legs, I guess!” He chuckled, idly kicking one out. “How ‘bout yourself? Thought you’d be the one tearing up the dance-floor! …or dance-sky?” Terrible, terrible pun… Alastair could hear that voice shaking its head. Instead, the Pegasus let out a small chuckle of her own.
“You were in musicals? Like, singing and dancing? Man, I never pegged you for a girly-type guy like that!”
Alastair felt as though he had invisible bristles on his back, and they were standing out straight. “’Girly’? You think theatre is girly? Do you have any idea how hard it is? Learning all the lines, the songs, dances, stage positions, having to go downstairs, run across a crowded hallway, do a costume change, back upstairs on the other side of stage, and not appear to be out of breath all in ten seconds? And having the stage crew yell at you if you don’t manage that?” No-one insults the theatre around me, Alastair fumed, Not even a chick as-
His train of thought was cut off by Rainbow, who’d backed up a step, hands raised. “Whoa, now, didn’t mean to get you all riled up! Didn’t know that you guys had to deal with all that stress!” She shrugged it off with a chuckle. “Back to why I’m out here, normally I’d be a beast on the floor, but I gotta check on my minions!”
“Minions?” Alastair raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, that’s just what I call them.” The Pegasus shrugged. “Underlings, inferiors, worker drones. The other Pegasai on my weather crew.”
This once more baffled Alastair. “Weather crew? As in, you monitor the weather?” She’s a weather-lady? Never would have guessed that, of all things…
Rainbow Dash shook her head, though. “No, we control the weather. How else would the crops get enough water, and still tons of sunshine to chill in?”
Alastair stood dumbfounded for a moment, then ruefully shook his head. “I should probably stop being surprised by everything here… Just never had anything like that back home.”
It was Rainbow’s turn to look surprised. “Seriously? You mean… you guys just let the weather do whatever it wants? Weeeiiiird.” She ruffled her wings briskly, stirring up the air around her. “Well, I gotta be headed off; the snowstorm that’s due to hit Ponyville tomorrow won’t get here on its own!” She eyed Alastair for a moment, then amended. “Well, it might, but most likely won’t. If you ever have any other questions about Equestria, don’t hesitate to ask!”
This offer set off a spark in Alastair’s mind, reminding him of something that had been nagging at him all day. “Hey, there is one other thing…” he started, “Cutie Marks. What are they? Those three girls wh-“ He let out a forced cough, amending what he’d been about to say. “I overheard some… fillies, I guess? I overheard them going on about them earlier.”
“Oh, the Crusaders? Yeah, they’ve been trying everything they can to find their marks for years!”
“You don’t say…” Alastair grumbled, rubbing his wrists where the ropes had dug into his skin.
“Anyway, Cutie Marks appear on ponies once they discover their ‘true calling’ in life. Twilight’s was for magic, Applejack’s for, well, apples, I got mine for speed!”
Alastair idly scratched the back of his neck, digesting this. “So, they’re like birthmarks?”
“Not so much,” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “You’re not born with one; they only appear once you discover them. Here,” she hopped up so that she was sitting on the railing, wings spread to help keep her balance. “Take a peek!”
Alastair’s eyes widened as he saw her hitching up the side of her shorts, baring her cheek. Quickly turning around, he pointedly stared off into the tree. “N-no thanks, I’m fine.” Quite a proper lady you’ve got there! The voice in his head chided. Come on, just one look, she’s offering! 
“Don’t go turning into a timid creature like Fluttershy on me! It’s not as though it’s going to bite!”
Alastair contemplated for another couple of moments, absent-mindedly listening to the sudden fluttering of leaves above them, before turning around. “Well, if you insist…” he murmured, eyes raised to the sky, before dropping down to her… flank? He wasn’t entirely sure what the anatomical names were here; horse or human?
He didn’t ponder long however, as he frowned, dropping down to one knee to get a closer look. “It looks more like a tattoo than anything…”  he muttered, absent-mindedly brushing the cloud-and-rainbow-coloured-lightning-bolt image in front of him.
It wasn’t until he heard a slight gasp, and the leg in front of him twitched, that he realized what he’d just done. Eyes almost bulging out of their sockets, he leapt backwards, arms clasped firmly behind his back.
“Hey there, big guy! I know we’re friends and all, but this is going just a bit fast, even for me!” Rainbow Dash chided, as her wings flapped behind her, Alastair assumed, keeping her balanced. Greeted only with silence, the Pegasus flashed him a lop-sided grin. “Come on, just kidding with you!”
Pull yourself together, man! You can still turn this around! You’re sexy, you know it, all girls know it! Why else would they keep throwing themselves at you? The voice was back for Alastair. They don’t! He tried to argue, Enough do! Came the reply. Come on, play it off with a joke, be suave, cool, does she sound out of breathe to you, nah, that’s just my own breathing, god, why is my heart going so fast, SAY SOMETHING! Alastair opened his mouth, then promptly shut it, instead giving Rainbow Dash a tight-lipped smile and a thumbs up. Idiot…
“Well, I gotta fly, see you back inside!” With a flapping of wings, the blue Pegasus disappeared, leaving only a rainbow-coloured after image. Twisting around, Alastair could just faintly make out the outline of a pair of wings, before they, too, disappeared into the night sky.
Behind him, Alastair once more heard the door’s latch click, followed by a distinctly southern drawl. “Well howdy there, Al! Was wonderin’ where you’d disappeared off to!” Sauntering up to the railing beside him, Applejack eyed the silent human next to her. “Somethin’ out there got yer fancy?”
Sighing, Alastair nodded. “Yeah…”
Applejacks shot Alastair a cheeky grin. “Ya know, Dashie came out this way not too long ago… Y’all got the hots for her?”
Alastair blinked several times, coming out of his reverie. Suddenly realizing just who he was talking to, he quickly shook his head. “No, it’s not that… just…” A short pause, as he quickly thought of what to say, SHE CAN REEEAAAD YOUR MIIIIIND! The voice hollered. “I’ve always dreamed of flying like that. Just… nothing but the open sky around me, feeling the rush of wind through my hair.” Shooting a grin in the farmer pony’s direction, he amended. “Not that there’s anything wrong with being stuck on the ground like us common folk, but it’s just a dream I’ve always had.” Turning back to the night sky, he continued. “Heck, if my sister was here instead of me, she’d probably be pestering Twilight and… Rarity?” A sharp nod from Applejack convinced him that he’d remembered the other unicorn’s name. “She’d be pestering those two all night long about their magic.”
“So… y’all have family back home?” Alastair nodded. “You’ll be wanting to get back to them as soon as you can, then!” At this, though, Alastair merely shrugged.
“Not particularly…” He paused, thinking about his relations back home. “Sure, I’ll probably miss Julie some.” He shot a quick look at Applejack. “She’s my sister. But really, she’s been out of the house for years now, and even when she lived at home, she was more often than not out with friends. We were united more by our love of fantasy, and our dislike of our parents, more than anything.” He held up a hand as a concerned look crossed Applejacks face, sensing that she was about to interrupt. “It’s not that we didn’t love them, just that… they seemed to just think they could control every aspect of our lives for us. Overpowering, I guess you could call them. We agreed, our friends agreed, everyone agreed on that point. I was actually in the process of moving out of their house when I was brought here.” He paused again, then shrugged. “As for my friends, well… I had a small group of close friends during high-school, but after that, we kind of lost touch. They all went away to different Universities, most of which were on the far side of the country, if not in another one altogether. So,” Again he shrugged, “There’s nothing really drawing me back home right now.”
They stood in silence for several minutes, before Applejack spoke up. “You’re lucky to have known your parents, ah reckon.”
“Oh?” Alastair said before he fully registered what she’d said. Mentally, he smacked himself in the head. Stupid, stupid, stupid…
“Ah never knew mine.”
Several moments of silence passed, before Alastair whispered “I’m sorry to hear that… what happened?”
“Don’t rightly know. Only ever had Granny Smith and Big Macintosh to raise me, and they’ve never spoken of them, either. Although,” she smiled, “Rarity’s got it in her mind that we were orphaned to avoid a political scandal.” Alastair felt his eyebrow climbing up his forehead at this, waiting for her to continue. “She reckons that we’re the illegitimate-type children of Canterlot’s ‘Pink Lady’, and a mysterious stallion, who’s known only as the royal, ‘Gala’, and that old Granny Smith was a pony who owed the two of them a favour, so got her to raise us. Ever since she got this idea in her head, she’s been trying to get me to get me to dress all fancy-like, and, ahem,” Applejack coughed, before adopting a more refined tone. “Act more as my station dictates, to behave with dignity and grace.” She grinned, dropping her poise. “If y’all can believe that.”
Alastair’s eyebrow had managed to completely hide itself in his hair by this point. “Dress… fancy-like?” He let out a brief snort. “Not saying that you couldn’t pull it off, I just think you’re perfectly suited as you are.” He shot her his most roguish grin at this. Sure, play up the charm now, why not before? Because she’s not flirting back, that’s why! “Although,” he amended, lifting a shoulder, “It might just be because I technically live in a farming community back home.”
“Well gosh, if Ah didn’t know better, Ah’d think y’all were flirting with me, Mr. Alastair!” Applejack replied, adopting a 'southern belle' accent, which promptly dropped as a thought entered her mind. “Speakin’ of back home…?” She left the end of her question open, eyeing Alastair.
With those few words, he suddenly felt the fist of ice return to his chest. Drawing a breath, Alastair managed not to let his grin or voice falter. “Yes?”
“Ah think there’s something y’all weren’t telling us.”
How does she bloody well know?! Ignoring the panicked chain of thoughts whirling around in his mind, Alastair kept up his calm demeanor. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He replied, forcing a frown onto his forehead.
Giving the human a flat look, Applejack shook her head. “Do y’all remember how earlier, Twilight and I were telling you about our fights with Nightmare Moon and Discord? How we used the Elements of Harmony?”
“Vaguely…” Alastair nodded, though truthfully he’d been more distracted by a particular pink party pony pestering him on the particulars of his personality and point of origin.
The tan pony continued, despite his hesitation. “We each bore one of the elements, as we also embodied their essence. Mine,” she looked Alastair squarely in the eyes, “is Honesty. As such,” she took a step closer to him, “Ah can tell when someone’s lying, or intentionally misdirecting his words. Now.” Alastair found himself pressed firmly into a corner, worriedly looking down at a very focused pony standing not a foot away from him. “About yer home?”
“You… can tell… every lie?” Alastair wasn’t so much thinking of his earlier deception, so much as his answer to why Applejack had asked him why he was looking after Rainbow Dash.
“Most every time.”
Alastair heaved a mental sigh of relief; most was different from definitely, there was still a chance she didn’t know…
“Well?”
Riiight, back on topic! Alastair let out an actually sigh, feeling as though this girl who he towered over was actually looming over him instead. How do short women do that? He wondered briefly, before speaking. “Yes, I did leave a bit out… My home’s not as bright and happy as I made it to be. While most people you meet are what I described, there are those who’s intentions are less… perfect. Murderers, arsonists, thieves,” Politicians, shut up! “not to mention the wars… I can’t think of a single moment in my life where there hasn’t been some war or another going on. Originally about spiritual beliefs, they’ve now degraded into plain out fighting for greed. I… just didn’t want you all thinking that I came from a land of evil, and was such a person.”
He was silent after that, just staring down at his feet… until he heard a laugh from in front of him. Head shooting upwards, he frowned at the girl in front of him.
“That’s what y’all were worried about?” she laughed, supporting herself on the railing. “Gosh, what sort of children’s tale do you think we live in? We have troubles of our own! Heck, we’re on the brink of civil war!”
“What?” Alastair stared at the farmer pony.
“Sure! If y’all’d been here a bit longer, or even into town, you’d probably hear about some folk wanting to start a revolution, callin’ for the ‘New Lunar Republic’!”
“What?”
“If you were just worried we’d think you were a monster for living with that, then heck, so’re we all! Now come on, let’s go back inside! Looks like your lover girl will be rejoinin’ us soon, anyway!”
“What!” Alastair almost shouted as he was bodily dragged towards the door. Looking over his shoulder, he saw what Applejack had been nodding towards; an approaching wall of clouds, drifting down from which were large, fluffy white snowflakes. And behind one cloud in particular, he could faintly make out a multi-coloured streak.
“What.”

*	*	*


“Dare.”
The party had progressed quickly after Alastair and Applejack returned; the dancing had ceased, and the other girls were taking a quick break, snacking on more of Pinkie’s baking. The return of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, who had disappeared outside at some point in the evening, led way to Pinkie declaring pillow-war on everything that moved. Alastair, fancying himself as a minor tactician, had attempted to disregard all pre-set pillow-fighting rules and make an alliance with Rainbow Dash and Applejack; the two most capable allies, as he saw it. Disregarding his disregard for the rules, they promptly turned on him, only to be in turn pummeled by Pinkie, as she jumped out of a potted plant, which was far too small to conceal her. The fight deteriorated into a normal free-for-all of a pillow fight, finally to be called to a halt by a terrified Fluttershy. Checking over her check-list, Twilight announced that, as Alastair adamantly refused to take part in a make-over, that it was time for ‘Truth or Dare’.
Alastair had been surprised when the quiet yellow Pegasus had chosen him, seeing as how, if anything, she seemed afraid of him. I’m not that scary… he mused, waiting for her to give him a dare. Then again, she had cowered on top of a bookshelf the entire pillow fight…
“Well, if you want, I mean, you don’t have to, but I was just wondering…” Alastair found himself leaning in to hear her; he didn’t have the best of hearing, he knew, but this girl was quiet! Taking a deep breath, Fluttershy let it all out in a rush. 
“YousaidearlierthatyoulikedtobeinmusicalsandthatyousangsongsinthemandIwaswonderingifitwasalrightwithyouthatyousangasongforus?”
Alastair stared at the timid Pegasus for several moments, frowning as he tried to work out what she had said. The frown deepened once he had deciphered it. I told her that? Surely not right to her, I haven’t even said five words to her altogether! The only person here I told that to was… his face slackened to a neutral expression, as he tried desperately to keep his gaze away from the other Pegasus in the room. I said that right before… wait, how did she hear, there was no-one else out there! Was she spying on us? Did she see…
A quiet voice snapped him out of his reverie. “I mean… you don’t have to, if you don’t want to, I was just wondering…” Fluttershy trailed off into a squeak, once again hiding behind her pink hair.
Giving his head a quick shake, he forced a casual smile. “No, I don’t mind at all, just… give me a moment to think of a song, alright?” Alright, what to sing, what to sing… Alastair quickly went over all the musicals he’d been a part of. Grand Hotel? No, the only songs in my range are either for duets, or about lying, thieving, or dying… Pirates of Penzance? Yeah, no, pirates, here, no, just… no. Les Miserables? Yeah, songs about revolutions after what Applejack just told me, no. Dismissing the other musicals for similar reasons, he had a sudden epiphany. They don’t know which songs are musicals or not! Something I’m more comfortable with… Beatles?
Grinning at the group around him, Alastair finally settled on a song. My range, I know most of the words… here goes! He took several deep breaths, closing his eyes to calm his nerves. You can do this, Al, it’s no different from being in the Mac… Actually, it is, it’s a smaller crowd. The pessimistic voice was back, however. Yeah, smaller crowd of chicks, all focussed on you. No-one else here to distract them. Go get ‘em, tiger! Angrily shoving the voice aside, Alastair grinned to his audience.
“Can I-I-I, tell you so-omething… da-duh-da-da-duh!” Adding a bit of the back-ground music as best he could, he continued. “I think you’ll under-stand… When I-I-I, say that, so-omething, da-duh-da-da-duh, I want to hold, your, ha-and! I want to hold your ha-aa-a-aa-and, I want to hold your hand.”
Alastair paused for a second longer than the music called for; For a moment, he could have sworn he actually heard a band faintly playing along with the song. Noticing that he’d been mainly singing towards Applejack, he quickly turned to the rest of the group.
“Oh ple-e-ease, say to me-e-e, da-duh-da-da-dum!” Yeah, there’s definitely something there, he thought with a frown, “You’ll let me be, your, ma-a-an, and ple-e-ease, say to me-e-e,” he skipped over his improvised background additions, and sure enough heard the strumming of a guitar from behind him. Quickly, he took his gaze off of Rainbow Dash and shot a quick glance over his shoulder, but there was nothing there. Shrugging, he once again turned back to the other girls, once more seeking out a new target to sing to. “You’ll let me hold your ha-and! I want to hold your ha-aa-a-aa-and, I want  to hold… your… hand.”
Alastair finally trailed to a stop; he’d started singing to Rarity, but stopped when he noticed not only the music behind him was even louder, but also the fact that not only did the lights in the room seem to be dimming, but also turning a slight shade of pink! He frantically looked around him, not noticing the dreamy-eyed looks he was getting from the girls. “Ok, seriously, what is going on here?”
“It was magical…” Twilight sighed, resting her head on her palm.
Alastair turned to the purple magician, raising an eyebrow at this. “I know my choir teacher always said I had a good voice, but not that good! Besides,” he added, getting slightly worried about the expression on Twilight’s face, “I was… talking about the, you know, music from no-where, and the change in lighting.” He waved his hand in the air to encompass the changes of the room, but faltered, noticing that all changes had vanished.
Twilight shook her head, shaking off her dulled senses. “No, it actually was magical! Every creature has magic in them; it’s how the Pegasai can control the weathers, or why Earth ponies are so good when it comes to crops.” She shrugged, the dreamy-state of her eyes returning. “Yours appears to be your voice…”
“Your beautiful, gorgeous voice…” Rarity whispered.
Alastair did a couple of concerned double-takes in Rarity’s direction, before turning back to Twilight. “My voice is magical, you say?” He asked in a joking tone. Yeah, right, and pigs fly. “Alrighty then!” He squatted down in front of her, staring into her eyes. He raised his hands to the level of his eyes, wiggling his fingers as he did so. “Get… me… a… cider!” He laughed when Twilight just gave him a blank stare. “Darn, guess it’s not that magical, then!” Chuckling, he returned to his position on the couch. “Well, now that that’s over, I believe it’s my turn. Twilight,” He grinned at the mentioned girl, his eyes gleaming. “Truth or Dare?”
She narrowed her eyes, staring at the human. She could tell that he had something planned, but… “Dare.”
A triumphant smile split Alastair’s face. “I dare you to get me a cider!”
Rainbow Dash fell off the armrest she’d been sitting on, clutching her sides as she laughed.
“I… guess I did walk right into that one…” Twilight chuckled as she got out of her chair, heading towards the kitchen.
As she returned, levitating the cider bottle over to Alastair, she had an expression on her face that Alastair found truly frightening. “Alright, Al, Truth or Dare!”
Finding himself fearing the possible consequences of what he chose, Alastair sought a back-way out. “Hey, you can’t ask the person who just asked you!”
“Not according to my book!” Twilight grinned, pointing to said book, which lay beside her chair.
Alastair glared at it. That book… the one that had dictated the events of the evening. With a resigned shrug, he acquiesced. “Dare.”
Twilight smirked at the human, a look of triumph in her eyes. “I dare you to let Rarity give you a complete make-over.”
All expression dropped off of Alastair’s face at this. I thought I got out of that earlier… His shoulders slumped, as Rarity let out a small squeal of delight. “Fine.” He spat out, getting up from his seat. Rarity eagerly grabbed his hand, dragging him, and one of her many travel bags, up the stairs.
“Twilight, darling, I’m borrowing your bedroom in lieu of my salon, I hope you don’t mind!” The white unicorn almost sang out, dragging a resigned human behind her.
“Not at all! And make sure the make-over’s complete. Dress included!”
“WHAT?!” Alastair squawked, before he was shoved into the room.
Glancing in after him, Rarity pursed her lips, musing. “I may have to borrow your drapes, dear, I hope you don’t mind. Red really is your colour…”
“Not at all!” The girls simultaneously burst into laughter as the door closed behind their friend.
“Oh, he’s going to be gorgeous!” Rainbow managed to gasp out between bouts of laughter.
“Too bad we can’t get a picture of him!” Applejack added, despite feeling the slightest bit of sympathy for what the human was going through.
“Or can’t we?” Twilight asked, quirking an eyebrow at her friends confused expressions. “I remember him saying…” She muttered, as she grabbed up Alastair’s jacket, “That his… cell phone, I think?” she dug furiously through his pockets, pausing to look up towards her room, where snippets of a muffled argument could be heard.
“Can’t the clothes stay on for that?”
Letting out a cry of triumph, Twilight pulled out his red phone. “Yes, he said it had a camera, I think? Now, if only…” she trailed off, a look of concentration crossing her face. Several button pushes later led to her letting out a cry of triumph. “Aha! Now, all set! Just a few practice pictures, I think?” Without warning or asking, she quickly took a picture of Rainbow Dash struggling to get off the floor, while combating her laughter. “Perfect!” Twilight laughed, dancing away as an outraged Pegasus tried to get the phone back.
“HEY!” a loud cry from upstairs cut into the pair’s wrestling for the phone, all present staring at the door.
“Inseam, my foot! Couldn’t you just-cold hands, COLD HANDS!”
With a collective sigh, the girls relaxed… until Rainbow Dash quickly stole the prized phone. “Aha! Who’s got it no-ow?” She taunted, while trying to puzzle out the buttons.
“Hey! Give that back!” Twilight started, a look shock and confusion crossing her face.
*Click!* “Too late! Oooh, perfect, Twi!” Rainbow leaned over to show Applejack, who quickly snatched the phone for herself.
“Mine now, sug!” She crowed, before being lost in an impromptu dog-pile.
The scuffling over the phone was finally interrupted several minutes later by a cough from the top of the stairs. Craning around from their various poses (Applejack had Rainbow Dash in a headlock, while Pinkie was piggy-backing on Twilight, and Fluttershy was cowering on top of the chandelier), they saw Rarity at the head of the stairs, a triumphant look on her face.
“Ladies,” her mouth quirked into a smile at her friends antics below her, “May I introduce to you all… Allison!”
All eyes turned expectantly towards the bedroom door. “I’m going to kill you for that…” a sullen voice mumbled from the dark interior.
“Now now, that’s no way for a proper lady such as yourself to talk!” Rarity chided, grinning as the door finally opened.
Teeth clenched, Alastair stood glowering, slightly hunched over. Rarity had managed to turn one of Twilights crimson drapes into a tight-fitting, bare shouldered gown, which she had managed to cut in such a way that it appeared to be flowing with each step he took, as though a light breeze were brushing it. Alastair grumbled as he made his way down the stairs, a pair of stocking covered feet peeking out from under the dress’s hem. He irritably flicked his head to the side, trying to get accustomed to his new hair style; where before, he had worn it pre-dominantly combed to the right, so that it fell in a single wave over his fore-head, Rarity had styled it so that it fell evenly to both sides; she’d also apparently given it a quick go-over with a hair-curler, as his blonde locks now were far wavier than they had ever been before. Even the normal plethora of loose strands had somehow been forced into place. And to top it all off…
“Are you… wearing… make-up?” A shocked cyan Pegasus asked, staring.
Wincing his eyes shut, Alastair bared his teeth. “Shut up!”
“He was actually very helpful at that part; I barely had to give him any instructions as I applied it!” Rarity added, grinning at Alastair’s discomfort.
“We had to have it applied every night at the theatre, so that we’d look normal under the stage lights.” Alastair grumbled, conceding the point to the numerous pairs of intrigued eyes. He carefully threw himself back onto the couch, making sure that the dress didn’t ride up too high.
“Well, you look very comfortable in it, at least…” Fluttershy whispered shyly, again on the ground and hiding in her hair.
Alastair chewed on his lip for a moment, taking deep breathes as he stared off into the distance. After apparently working up a large amount of courage, he muttered something indistinctly.
“Didn’ quite catch that, sugar-cube.” Applejack spoke up, finding the sudden knowledge about the human fascinating.
Again, Alastair mumbled whatever it was that he said a bit louder, but still for the most part incoherent. Fluttershy, being the mistress of quiet talk, gasped, a hand flying to her mouth to stifle a sudden bout of giggles.
Eyeing her normally quiet friend, Twilight spoke up. “One more time, just a biiit louder.”
“…it’s not the first time I’ve worn one.”
The room was silent, save for Fluttershy’s giggling. “Care explain, hun?” Applejack inquired.
Taking another deep breath, Alastair ruefully shook his head. “The theatre’s going to be the death of me…” Looking around at the girls, he heaved another sigh. “Several years ago, a couple of my friends and I were in a small talent show. We were doing a dramatic scene from Macbeth.” Seeing nothing but puzzled looks on his audiences faces, he waved his hand through the air. “Famous play back where I’m from. Anyway, they found a nice, short scene, perfect for three players, which fit in the time constraints that we were told. Thing was, we were two girls and one guy, while the scene called for two guys and one girl. So,” he shrugged his shoulders, “we switched genders for the play. Aaaand it just so happened that in the props bin, there was a dress that fit me.” Shrugging his shoulders, he quickly added “Also, I’m part Scottish; wearing kilts is part of my heritage.” Yeah, that’ll distract them.
Apparently not, as Alastair dully noted, looking around the room. Fluttershy had lost control, excusing herself to the confines of the kitchen. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were holding each other up, as they were laughing so hard, and Pinkie pie was dancing around the room, singing “Alastair likes dresses, Alastair likes dresses…” Twilight still seemed to be in shock from his announcement, and Rarity had a gleam of mirth in her eyes, but was managing to refrain from adding to the human’s embarrassment any more.
“Oh, right, Al-eroony!” Alastair looked over in the party girls’ direction, only to see his out-held Blackberry. *Click!* “Perfect!”
“Right!” He shouted, snatching his phone back, “Who’s turn is it?”
Twilight stared at Alastair in shock for several more seconds, before replying with a shake of her head. “Yours, I think.”
“Nope! I just had a turn! Enough about me, Rarity’s go!” Alastair punctuated his statement with the click of his cider bottle opening.
“Well then… Alastair, darling, Truth or Dare?”
Alastair head fell forward, eyes shut. I really should have seen that coming… “I think I’ve had enough embarrassment for the evening, so Truth.”
“Alright then, darling… who’s the most beautiful person in the room?” Aside from a few gasps for breath from the recovering Applejack and Rainbow Dash, the room went silent, waiting for Alastair answer.
He wasn’t quick in giving it, however; There’s the straight out answer to the question she’s asking, Alastair pondered, which is obvious; however, there’s the one she probably means… Answering the question she asked isn’t technically lying, he thought, eyes quickly glancing to Applejack. Mind settled, he grinned. “Well, assuming you mean besides me, in this gorgeous dress, then I’d have to say you, Rarity!”
Rarity at least had the grace to look abashed at the answer, summoning a blush. “Oh, you sweet person, you’re just saying that!”
“Not at all!” Alastair smiled his ‘winning smile’, before eying the farmer and the flyer, who were still recovering from their mirth. “Alright, my turn. Since we seem to be doing doubles… You two! Truth or Dare!”
The two girls immediately stopped their left over laughs, eying each other with concern. Seeing their indecision, Alastair decided to take matters into his own hands. Sidling over to Rainbow Dash, he whispered in her ear. “Afraid to take an unknown challenge?”
Her entire stance immediately hardened, a competitive look entering her eyes. “Not at all! Dare.”
Grinning, Alastair turned to the farmer pony. “Going to let her show you up?” He asked, in a quiet tone for her ears only. 
With a snort, Applejack shook her head. “Over mah dead body! Dare!”
Alastair felt an evil grin cross his face, as his eyes darted between the two girls. Ye gods, am I good at reading people or what?
He tried to keep his face as blank as possible as he sauntered back to his seat. “Well, seeing how amusing my discomfort was to you two,” he attempted to keep his voice flat as well, but a slight smile crept in. “I dare you two to make out. Ten seconds.”
Spinning round to get back in his seat, Alastair found himself to be the centre of attention of two very shocked girls. “Something wrong?” He asked nonchalantly, curiosity piqued as Applejack glared at the other girls in the room.”
“A’right, now which one of you fillies told him?”
“Told me what now?” Alastair tried to ignore the train of thought that his subconscious had immediately leapt to. Don’t think it, don’t think it, they couldn’t be… I SAID DON’T THINK IT!
Applejack eyed Alastair, the sighed. “Well, seein’ how y’all were forthcoming and all… a while back, word ‘round town was that Rainbow here and I were… ya know, an item. Together like an’ all.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with Applejack and all, or chicks liking chicks, just… I prefer guys, myself.”
“Same here.”
Alastair struggled to keep his face neutrally interested at this. Neither of them outright denied it… SHUT UP! Stop thinking like that! …but the possibilities WHAT DID I JUST SAY!
“Well, honestly, darling, it was a natural assumption, what with you two being as thick as thieves half of the time, and the during the other half you were bickering like an old married couple!”
“Got awkward when Lyra invited us out on a double-date with Bonbon…” Rainbow muttered.
“So… this sort of thing happen here a lot, then?” Alastair asked, bemused.
“Well, it’s hard to avoid certain… ‘attractions’ when three quarters of the town are women.” Rarity pointed out. Alastair, however, wasn’t privy to this, and was thus shocked by the news.
“I… I see. Must be… difficult, to say the least, for any straight women to find a husband, then.” Feeling awkward at the sudden turn in conversation, he tried to drown his further embarrassment in his cider.
“Oh, not at all! Some guys end up having three or four wives!”
Alastair sputtered, slamming the bottle down on a side table, while clutching at his nose with the other hand. Face screwed up in a grimace, he let out a pained gasp, chanting “Aaah, my nose my nose my nose…”
“Oh man, your face!” Rainbow laughed even louder at the humans’ glare. “Just pulling your leg! Man, you’re easy to trick, aren’t you? Nah, we tend to go hunting out-of-town. Ponyville’s situation’s pretty unique.”
Still clutching at his nose, Alastair let out a flat chuckle. “Yeah, I can take a joke. Can think of some pretty good ones occasionally to. Speaking of which, fifteen.” He grinned, seeing the cyan Pegasai’s baffled look. “Want to make it twenty seconds?”
She groaned, a faint blush spreading on her cheeks. “Aw, man, thought you’d forgotten ‘bout that.” She shot a worried glance towards Applejack.
“Not likely. Shall we make it twenty?”
Seeing her friends’ hesitation, Applejack rolled her eyes. “For the love of Celestia, it’s just a dare!” That being said, she grabbed the back of her friends neck, bringing the startled Pegasus into a kiss.
Not expecting quite such an enthusiastic response from Applejack of all people, Alastair found himself staring, open mouthed. Idly, he wondered why his jaw hadn’t hit the floor. “Um… Al?” He was shaken out of his state of shock, and glanced over to Twilight. “Timing them?”
“Not at all!” Even the combined glare that the two girls in question shot at him didn’t wipe the smile off his face. “Let’s say… eight seconds so far? Sound reasonable?”
Any response he might have gotten was interrupted by the front door slamming open. “Hey Twilight! I got-Whoa, sorry!” The two sprang apart, Rainbow Dash going so far as to fly on top of a bookcase.
“Oh, come on!” An extremely disappointed Alastair glared at the, in his view, unwelcome arrival.
Although they’d briefly met when he’d first arrived at the library, this was the first time Alastair got an actually good look at Spike, as Twilight’s assistant had been running out the door as Alastair arrived.
Obviously several years younger than the rest of the girls, Alastair had learned that the young dragon (he’d been shocked to learn that dragons did, in fact, exist here) was accepted as a part of their group, having helped them out through several tight spots before.
Alastair had initially been shocked to learn that this boy was a dragon; at a quick glance, he didn’t really notice too many major differences, but now that he was standing still, and close, he could pick out quite a few.
While the girls in the room were covered in fine hairs (Fur, he mentally corrected himself), Spike’s purple-and-green colourations came from a multitude of small, overlapping scales. He, too, like the girls, had a tail, but it was definitely reptilian. It was his (what Alastair called for a lack of a better word) hair and ears that baffled the human most, though. His hair (or… spikes?) was a dark shade of green, styled in a Mohawk, although separated into shapes that almost resembled shark fins. And his ears… well, they weren’t so much ears, as flaps, of a lighter green than his hair, which were behind tiny ear holes.
“Always wondered about you two…” Spike muttered, shifting uncomfortably in his black jacket. “Anyway, Twilight, I just got a reply from the Princess! I brought it here as fast as I could… hey, who’s the new… guy?!” Spike, finally noticing Alastair, looked at Alastair as though he’d suddenly grown two heads. Or been a human; he’d received many similar glances throughout the day.
Alastair wondered briefly why Spike was surprised that he was a guy, then remembered the dress. “Oh sweet son of a gun…” he muttered, jumping up from his seat. “Ignore me!” He shouted over his shoulder as he rushed into the kitchen. “And shut up!” This last was to the laughter that followed his hasty departure.
Chuckling both at the humans antics, and the expression on her assistants’ face, Twilight smiled. “A reply from the Princess? So soon?”
Spike shook his head, still slightly dazed. “Yeah, got it right here…” he pulled out a scroll from his pocket, the seal still intact. It was briefly surrounded by a light purple glow as it floated over to Twilight.
Breaking the royal seal, Twilight quickly unrolled the scroll, skimming over its contents. As she reached the end, her face broke out into a smile. “We’ve all been invited to a ball!” She exclaimed, loud enough so her voice carried to the kitchen. “And Al, it’s being held in your honour!”
“A what in who how’s what now?” He asked, poking his head back through the doorway.
Twilight nodded, re-reading the letter. “She says that she had been planning it for a while, and that the arrival of “Such an esteemed and unique visitor” convinced her that now was the right time.” She grinned as she looked up at the baffled man. “Seems you’ve made quite an impression already!”
“A… ball?” Alastair stammered. Always wanted to go to one… doubt it’s much like the Venetian Masquerade balls that I’d been imagined, but one specifically for me? “I… I would be honoured…” He chuckled lightly as he stepped back into the main room, putting on a dramatic air. “But I have absolutely nothing to wear! Wagh!” He’d been in the middle of a swoon, when he suddenly found himself lying back on a chaise lounge which had seemingly appeared out of no-where. Indignantly glaring around, his eyes settled on an abashed looking Rarity.
“It seemed appropriate?”
“Those two were just made for each other…” Applejack muttered, before being pelted by pillows from two different directions.

*	*	*

Shortly after the Great Pillow Battle, version 2.0, the evening quickly wrapped up. Spike had left to join his two friends, and, after much arguing on Alastair’s part, the sleeping arrangements were settled. Twilight, of course, had her own bed, while Rarity and Fluttershy shared the spare bed in her room. The had to hunt down Pinkie Pie, but eventually left her, finding her to be comfortably asleep… on top of the fridge, of all places. Alastair (having changed back out of the dress), despite having finally convinced the girls that he did not need the entire guest bed to himself, begrudgingly agreed to take the couch (“Why should I be the one who gets all the comfort, when I’m the intruder here?), while Applejack settled into her sleeping bag on the floor nearby. Rainbow Dash, being a Pegasus, managed to form a cloud indoors (Hoooooow? Alastair kept wondering, staring at the impossibility), settling down into its fluffy embrace.

*	*	*

Alastair awoke with a light snort in the middle of the night. Crazy dream… He idly cracked his neck, trying to remember it. Girls… ponies? And… unicorns and Pegasai? Seemed so real… quite a party! What were there names... Pinkie Pie, R-Rarity? Fluttershy... Twilight, Rainbow Dash... Corn Pop? No... "Applejack." Snuggling deeper into his pillow, he paused; something seemed off. Pillow? No, that was right; it was the fluffy one he’d bought several years ago, when his mum had dragged him out duvet shopping for his sister as she moved out to university. On the floor? Well, he’d fallen out of bed plenty of times before, but not recently… The floor, that was it! Hardwood! His bedroom was carpeted!
He wondered briefly where he could be… Downstairs? Maybe… he’d slept down there before, when he’d been up late playing video games. He surreptitiously felt around with his foot. Yes, there’s the couch… why isn’t it unfolded? No matter what scenarios he could think of, nothing made sense. Ok, fully dressed, sleeping downstairs… did I come home drunk? He definitely felt a fuzziness to his teeth that suggested he’d drunk at least some alcohol. But if so, why’d I go upstairs to get my pillow, then come back down? …what did I even do yesterday? It remained a blur to him, however. Tossing his thoughts aside, he once more squirmed on the pillow, trying to get comfortable. Floor's not so bad… but something was still off… he’d settled the mystery of where he was, if not why, and why he was drunk… Pillow… his mind kept coming back to that. What’s wrong with it? Comfy, fuzzy, breathing… waaaaiiit a second, breathing? He cautiously opened one eye, slowly adjusting to the darkness of the room… and then his breath caught in his throat.
Okay… that wasn’t a dream? THAT’S NOT THE IMPORTANT PART YOU FOOL! He was still in Twilight’s library, and, sure enough, had fallen off the couch. And was sleeping on top of Applejack.
SHIT! Shitshitshitshit…He held his breath, listening. Several seconds later, he let out a sigh of relief. She was softly snoring. So… adorable! Was his first thought, quickly followed by And still asleep, gooood, good good good… didn’t notice me, just slowly get baaack up and onto the couch… softly now and liiiiift… Cautiously pushing himself up, he paused again as his head left her stomach. Good, still asleep, how is her snore so adorable?! Pushing the thought aside, he carefully settled himself back onto the couch, hoping it wouldn’t creak and give him away.
He heaved a sigh of relief once back in the prone position; there were no sounds, no changes in the room around him. Good! Nothing happened, let us never speak of this again! Several minutes later, he slowly felt sleep creep back over him.
What Alastair didn’t notice, or rather, did notice but not pay attention to, was the sudden silence. The soft snores that he’d found so adorable had ceased, and, in the darkness, one green eye opened, looking at the dark silhouette on the couch.

> Meanwhile, Back to the Farm...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Glaring at the sand-trap, Alastair spotted his golf-ball, sitting in the dead centre. Figures… He quickly trekked his way to the middle, picked up the ball, and placed it on the edge closest to the hole.
“No, no, no!” A fat priest shouted at him. “That would be cheating!” The priest grabbed up the ball and took it to the other side of the bunker. Placing it on the ground, he stomped on it until only a tiny portion remained above the grass. “Perfect! And use this one!”
Alastair eyed the club the priest was holding out dubiously; not only was it a putter, but it was only about a foot long. Sighing, he grabbed the club, doubled over, and eyed the hole. Excellent! There was a Raider standing right in front of it! Drawing back the club, he swung as hard as he could.
“Nice shooting, kid.” Sully mumbled around the cigar that was perpetually clenched in his teeth. “You missed the Raider you were aiming for, but stunned six others!”
Alastair looked around for his ball, then to Sully. The man in the Hawaiian t-shirt pointed out of the canyon they were in, and over the nearby cliff. Shoulders slumping, Alastair started trudging his way towards the edge. “Oh, and kid, one more thing…” Glancing over his shoulder, Alastair saw Sully open his mouth, and… 


*	*	*


Alastair bolted upright on the couch. Struggling not to let loose a string of swears that would have made a veteran sailor blush, he still got his point across. “HOLY SWEET SON OF A… mother loving… mongoose!” He thought he heard a similar explosion from elsewhere in the room, but couldn’t tell over the sound of a polka marching band.
Twisting around, he glared absolute murder at the offending party; Pinkie Pie had somehow acquired a tuba, a set of symbols, an accordion, a harmonic, as well as a bass drum, and was merrily playing them all at once while marching around the room.
As Pinkie completed one more circuit of the room, she stopped in front of the door to the kitchen, where Alastair saw most of the other girls had clustered. “Both up at once! I WIN!” she happily cheered.
“You cheated! Purposefully waking them was against the rules!” Applejack argued.
Alastair, in the meantime, was still piecing together just where he was. Ok, still in Horse Land or wherever… in the Library… so that wasn’t some epic dream, then… A hazy memory floated up to the surface of his conscience. Already knew that… Wait, what are they talking about?
“But they were taking so looong, they both should have been up by now! I’ve been up for hours and hours and hours waiting for you guys!”
Flopping back down on the couch, Alastair threw an arm over his eyes, blocking out the light, but the sounds remained, keeping him awake. Irritably throwing his arm back off, he rolled his head to the side, noticing a blue Pegasus similarly trying to bury her head in a cloud-pillow.
“Pinkie, you have five seconds to explain why I’m up at this horrendous hour…” a gruff voice emerged from the clouds.
“We-ell, we’ve all been awake for hours, and you two were the only ones left asleep, silly! So we had a bet going as to who would wake up first, and I won!”
“You cheated!” insisted the farmer pony.
Alastair cracked one of his eyelids open, glancing at his watch; the digital display read ’11:26a’. “She’s right, it’s an ungodly hour, back to sleep.” He muttered, rolling towards the couch’s back. At that moment, however, he smelled something wafting from the kitchen. “On the other hand, food’s always good!”
“It’s true what they say,” Applejack nudged Twilight as Alastair rolled off the couch. “Fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!”


*	*	*

Alastair stared at the plate in front of him; an omelette topped with melted cheese, mixed in which were several chunks of red and green peppers, as well as some mushrooms, with a raw carrot off to the side.
With a shrug, he dug in. Not my regular choice, but heck! Not my regular world either! Worriedly chewing at the peppers and mushrooms, he nevertheless swallowed, smiling at Twilight. “It’s delicious, thanks!” She smiled, nodding at his gratitude. The others (save for Rainbow Dash) had already had similar breakfasts, and the last two meals had just been keeping warm on the stove.
“Oh, not a problem; it’s just regular fare around here!” She left the human alone to his meal, heading back to the main room to try and help the others entice Rainbow out of her cloud.
Chewing another couple of mouthfuls, the human nodded. Not bad, could do with less peppers, but a little more pepper. Frowning at how odd that sounded, even in his head, he shrugged before taking another bite.
“Who?”
Glancing around, Alastair spotted an owl on the windowsill. “Hey there, little guy! Who’re you?”
“Who?”
Chuckling, Alastair grinned. “You. I guess you’re Owloysius?”
“Who?”
“You? Twilights assistant.” (Halfway across town, an angry dragon bolted upright. “I’m Twilight’s number one assistant!” “Who’re you talking to, eh?” One of his companions asked.)
“Who?”
Alastair ruefully shook his head. I can see where this conversation’s going… but heck, I’ve never talked to an owl before! “You.”
“Who?”
“You.”
“Who?”
“You.”


*	*	*


Applejack  chuckled, shaking her head as her friends tried and get Rainbow Dash’s attention; knowing the multi-coloured Pegasus as well as she did, Applejack could confidently say that Rainbow wouldn’t be up for another hour at least, just to show that she could ignore them for that long.
Furtively looking to see if anypony was watching her, she took a tentative step towards the kitchen. Now’s as good a time as I’m gonna get… She didn’t really want to confront the human about the previous night, but darn it all, she held the Element of Honesty, and the Apple Family Tradition also dictated that she be truthful and upfront.
There were a number of reasons why she didn’t want to have that conversation. Firstly, there was no way it wouldn’t be embarrassing. Hey, so, Ah noticed you were sleeping on me last night! Comfy? And secondly… she knew (or at least thought she knew) that Alastair and Dash had a thing for each other, but darned if it didn’t feel nice last night! And the feeling that she got when he said her name…
Darn it AJ, just do it! You’re both grown, sensible ponies! …well, you are, he’s a human, but that’s beside the point! Just talk to him, you’re both mature enough to handle this!
Reaching the doorway to the kitchen, she peeked inside.
“Who?”
“You.”
“Who?”
“You.”
	Now might not be the best time…


*	*	*


After an invigorating conversation with Owloysious, Alastair emerged from the kitchen to a slightly different scene from which he’d left; the cloud, which drooped a rainbow-coloured tail, had risen all the way to the roof, and had doubled in size. Twilight was busy perusing several books, Rarity and Fluttershy were sitting on the couch, talking, Applejack was leaning against the wall near the kitchens doorway, and Pinkie Pie… Pinkie Pie was missing, as far as Alastair could tell, and that frightened him.
Glancing around nervously for an incoming ball of pink, Alastair leaned next to Applejack. “Still can’t get her down?”
“Nope. Twi’s tryin’ to find a spell to disperse clouds, but…”
A sly smile crossed the humans face as an idea entered his head. “Well, darn!” He raised his voice, making sure it could reach the roof. “If Rainbow’s not getting up, I guess she doesn’t want her breakfast. Guess I’ll just have to eat it myself!”
“Over my dead body!” A multi-coloured trail was all that they could see, leading from the cloud to the kitchen; hair, clothes, and books were all blown into disarray from the passage. Applejack laughed at the chaos around her, looking at the human with a bit of respect.
“Well, why didn’t any of us think of that?”
“Sometimes all you need is a fresh perspective.” Alastair smiled, and then dropped his joking tone. “Hey, I was wondering… since it seems like I’ll be staying here a while, I don’t want to be mooching off other people for my entire stay. Any chance you need some help around the farm?”
Applejack shot the human a wary look. “Are you saying I can’t get all the work done by myself?”
Alastair quickly shook his head. “Nope. I’m saying I need the money, since you probably don’t accept Canadian currency.”
“Well…” Applejack was still hesitant. “What about with the others?”
“Well, let’s see;” He ticked the other girls off on his fingers as he went through the list. “To work for Rarity, I’d probably need to know how to at least sew, and I’ve never so much as picked up a sewing needle. Pinkie Pie works with pastries, and the closest I’ve come to that would either be eating cookies that my mum or sister made, or cooking a batch of semi-burnt pancakes. Twilight already has help, and Rainbow…” he pointed over his shoulder, “Well, I’d probably need to be able to fly… something my lack of wings hinders.”
“What about Fluttershy?”
Alastair frowned, looking off to the side. “Honestly? I have no clue what she does. We’ve barely spoken five words to each other… Is she… scared of me?” I’m not that frightening… Alastair thought. Ah, but what about that co-workers complaint? Shut up, she didn’t know that’s how I act around all my friends!
Meanwhile, Applejack was having a slightly different argument of her own. Why don’t I want to take his help? Well, Big Mac and I already finished most of the work before he left… but then again, Dashie said there’s a big dump of snow on its way, should get it all done before then… and imagine the look on Mac’s face if it was all done by the time he gets back! But it would mean being alone with him all day… then again, it would mean being alone with him all day! Coming out of her internal monologue, she gave her head a quick shake. “Naw, that’s just how she acts ‘round new comers. Give her a few days; she’ll be the same ‘round you as the rest of us!” With only the slightest bit of hesitation, she added “And sure, could always use an extra pair of hands.”


*	*	*


After a twenty minute trudge through a light curtain of falling snow, courtesy of Rainbow Dash (“Don’t want to attract any more attention to myself.” Alastair had explained his odd request. “Probably be best if I hid my… odd appearance under my umbrella and jacket”), and several minutes of setting up the equipment, Applejack turned to Alastair. “So, have ya ever Apple bucked before?”
Trying not to show his amusement at the name, Alastair shook his head. “No, we don’t do it like that back home; just pick ‘em. But, seeing as we’re in a ‘magical’ world and all, and how easily you made it look yesterday, I figure it can’t be too hard, right?” Seeing the look Applejack was giving him, Alastair started to feel a bit less sure of himself. “…right?”
Taking a step back, the farmer pony gestured to a tree with an amused grin. “Give it a go!”
Eyeing her warily, Alastair approached the tree. “Alright… didn’t look so tough…” Taking a deep breath, Alastair drew back, and kicked the tree with the heel of his foot. The tree shook a little, but not a single apple dropped. “Alrighty then, let’s try this again!” Swinging his leg as hard as he could, he felt that yes, there would be a bruise on his heel tomorrow… and still no apples to show for it. “Fun time’s over!” He snarled, backing up several meters. Crouching into the traditional runners starting position, he eyed the tree. “Let’s see if all that rugby practice finally paid off…” Pushing off as hard as he could, he ran straight towards the offending tree, angling his shoulder towards the trunk.
“I didn’t think that through very well…” He muttered several seconds later, as he lay on his back in the snow, several feet away from the tree. His shoulder felt like it was on fire, but he thought (and hoped) that nothing was broken. To add insult to injury, Alastair saw a single apple above him bounce around on its branch, before falling straight towards his head. Throwing up his left hand, he managed to catch it before the tree hurt him (and his pride) any more.
“Hah! I WIN!”
“Not quite, sugar cube.” Tilting his head to the side, he saw Applejack tip over one of the buckets that were around the base of the tree; empty. “How ‘bout I buck, and you carry these here buckets back to the barn, once they’re full?”
“Sounds good.”
They spent the next several hours going through this pattern of Applejack bucking, Alastair carrying, occasionally stopping for a short break and some chit-chat. Alastair soon found his arms to be burning, but trekked on despite this. ‘Bout time I got whipped into shape! Settling into the repetitive pattern, Alastair was surprised when, trudging back with an empty bucket, Applejack stopped in front of him. “Well, that’s it!”
Looking around himself, Alastair noticed for the first time that all the trees were, in fact, bare. “Really? I thought there was a lot more to do! This place looked huge!”
Applejack shrugged. “Well, to be honest, Big Mac and Ah got most of it done before he left. Just a little bit left to do, and it’s done! Here.” She handed him a small cloth pouch. Taking it warily, Alastair peeked inside it, so see a handful of thick, gold-coloured coins. Quickly eyeing them, he guessed there were about twenty in the sack. “Your pay for the days’ work!”
“Uhh… thanks?”
Applejack was startled by this reaction. “What? Expectin’ more?”
Hearing an insulted tone enter her voice, Alastair quickly shook his head. “No! Not at all! …well, maybe? I don’t know!” Throwing up his hands to ward off any outburst, he explained. “I’m new here, right? No clue what the currency is. For all I know, you’ve either given me five cents, or five hundred dollars. If the first, then yes, was hoping for a bit more, if the latter, then waaay less.”
“Oh.” A bit mollified, Applejack nodded slowly. “Makes sense. Sorry. Let’s see… that there would probably buy you an entire new set of clothes from Rarity. Maybe two.”
Eyes wide, Alastair shook his head. “No no nonononono, I can’t take all this! It’s way too much! Here.” He dug out five of the coins, then held the rest, still in the bag, back. “That should cover my wages. We didn’t even do a full day’s work!” Glancing at his watch, he was shocked to see it reading ‘7:42p’. “Well, almost a full day’s, but still!”
Applejack grinned, backing up. “No can do, sug’. You earned it. Besides, if you want to give it back, you’ll… have… to… catch me!” With that, she spun on her heel, dodging off among the trees.
Alastair was left standing, bag still in hand, staring after this baffling girl. “Really!” He shouted after her, “I was a winger!” That said, he sprinted after her.
Twisting his way among the trees, he had little difficulty following her. Thanks to Rainbow Dash’s weather patrol, there was still a light dusting of snow on the ground, imprinted in which were the hoof prints of the girl ahead of him. It had shocked him the night before, learning that these girls were just so much more like horses than he’d imagined, (“What are you, satyrs?” He’d asked at the time) but no more so than they’d been that he had feet. Now, though, he just took in all in a stride, lengthening his as he went. Remember, Crazy Legs, longer steps! Use those spindly legs you're famous for! His rugby coach had instructed him one session, and the advice came floating back. Pushing off with the balls of his feet, he did just that, and found himself to be covering more ground as he went.
He soon saw the blonde tail darting among trees ahead of him as he approached one of the hills on the property. Panting now, he shortened his stride to account for the grade of the hill; even so, he was still catching up. Reaching the crest, he saw that they’d reached the edge of the orchard, for stretching before him was a wide open field; without the cover of trees here, the snow was much deeper, reaching up to mid-thigh on him, he estimated. Glancing down the hill below him, he saw that the distance between him and his target had narrowed considerably. In fact, if he jumped, he could probably catch her… Ezio would be so proud of me… he thought, taking a leap of faith.
His prey let out a surprised squawk as he tackled her from behind. They rolled over each other on the way down the hill, before settling in a snow drift. Sitting up, Alastair was pleased to find Applejack pinned beneath him. “I have a sudden sense of déjà vu…” he grinned down at her.
Giving him a sarcastic glare, Applejack then turned her head to the side. “Well, I’m still not taking back your pay! After that chase, I’d say you earned it!”
Alastair smiled, an odd thought entering his mind. This scene, the two of them lying in the snow, seemed like something straight out of a romance movie. If he were the main actor, it would probably be at this point that he leaned down… it would be so easy to just lean in… and…
Kill her.
His eyes widened at the thought. Did I just…?
The darker voice came back. Wrap your hands around her neck, and squeeze…
Fuck.
Quickly pushing himself off her, he took several steps back. “Yeah… uh, fun and all, right? You’re right, I guess… Umm… is there somewhere I could go… to, you know, wash up?”
Levering herself up in the snow, Applejack gave the human a confused look. What in tarnation? “Sure, back at the house. Upstairs, second door on the left, there’s a washroom.”
“Thanks.” He sprinted away from her as fast as he could. Why are you back? I thought you were gone!
I’m a part of you, I’ll never be gone! Kill her, kill, kill, come on, grab an apple, choke her with it! The poetry of it, come on!
Angrily shaking his head, Alastair ran even faster, trying to block out the voice.
Following the tan ponies directions, the human soon found his way to the washroom, and locked the door behind him. Gripping onto the edges of the sink, he stared at his hands for several seconds, before looking in the mirror. Yes, it was back; the hidden look of anger, the pinching around the eyes, how they seemed to be glaring at everything and anything.
Fuck, why are you back?
I to-old you, I never left!
You did! After I quit!
Right, because doing something as simple as that would change who you are.
You aren’t me! You are nothing like me! I’m happy here, I have friends! Close friends! They care about me!
Alastair?!
Shutting his eyes, his head fell forwards. Great; not only do I have a psychopath in my head, but now I’m hearing other people, too.
No, silly, it’s really me! It was you she sensed?!
Raising his head, he stared into the mirror once more. Great, I’m hearing Pinkie. Crazy goes with crazy, I guess.
What are you doing here? How are you here? He frowned at this. That angry voice, the one that had plagued him for years… it reacted as though she were…
Is that really… you?
Yes, silly!
HOW?
Not the problem here, Al, don’t you think?
Kill her! Kill here with cake! Choke her, strangle her-
Yeah, you’re right. But… how?
Do you want my help, or not? Picture a room.
Shrugging, Alastair closed his eyes, and pictured a box-shaped room; white walls, a table in the middle, with several chairs set up around it, and only one door leading in or out.
Now see yourself, and the other voices in your head, in the room.
Frowning, he did as she said… and suddenly was in the room. Eyes darting around, he noticed there was someone sitting in the chair across the table from him; himself. Only, not him; he, the other he, was wearing a black business suit, with a white shirt, black vest and tie underneath. His hair was a darker shade than his own, and was slicked straight back; something Al had tried to do several times himself, but never managed to. Looking over a pair of black aviator sunglasses, the other he smiled. “Nice to meet you, me! And might I say, he,” the other Alastair pointed next to the original, “is one ugly mother fucker.”
Looking to his left, Alastair jumped backwards, shouting in fear and surprise. Looming right next to him was… well, again, it was him, but most definitely, certainly not him.
This newest Alastair looked to be a sick perversion of the original; dressed only in the tatters of what Alastair (the original) thought to be a strait jacket, Crazy Al stared at him with eyes like none other that he’d ever seen. Where normally the outer rims were white, Crazy Al’s were pitch black, and his irises, where normally Alastair saw either green, blue, or grey (staring in the mirror for what seemed like hours at a time, Alastair had frustrated himself countless times trying to solve the riddle of what colour his eyes were), Crazy’s were blood red. His hair, which had always been a vanity of Alastair’s, had grown long and lank, trailing down to his cheek where it feel over his right eye (Alastair quickly felt his own hairs curl, relieved to find it still only stopped at his eyebrow). His entire body was long and lean; more so than Alastair’s normally was. He stood slanted, askew, almost with a feral stance, his hands almost constantly clutching and unclenching, a habit which Alastair regrettably found that he’d developed from time to time. And Crazy Al’s fingers… Where Al’s were normally long and slender, Crazy Al’s were abnormally so, looking to be nothing but flesh and bones. His fingernails had grown long and ragged, forming something along the lines of claws; Alastair suddenly regretted all the times he’d tried to rebel against his parents orders, by hiding his hands and growing out his nails.
“That… that’s not me.” He said, turning back to Slick Alastair.
Slick shrugged. “He’s you, I’m you, you’re you.
“I’m you.” Alastair cringed; even Crazy’s voice grated on his nerves.
A knocking at the door drew all of their attention. Looking askance at the others, Slick turned to Al. “Someone you know?”
With a shrug, Alastair nodded towards the door. “Won’t know unless we answer it!”
Sighing, Slick stood up and opened the door. Immediately, the sounds of a carnival floated through, as well as several streamers and balloons, and one Pinkie Pie.
“Hi Al!” She piped up, waving at Slick as she sauntered past. “Hi Al!” She waved merrily at Alastair. “Hi- whoa!” She, too, took a step back from Crazy, who’d slunk up to her shoulder.
“Can I kill her?”
“NO!” Both Slick and Al shouted simultaneously.
“Three of you? Weird, never encountered that before!” She took a look around herself for the first time, noticing her surroundings. “Ugh, did you have to make it so bland?”
Alastair was automatically defending himself. “Well, it’s what you said! And sorry if I’ve never been here before! Didn’t know I could come here, actually… don’t think I could back home…”
Happily shrugging it off, the prancing pink pony look at the three Alastair’s. “So, who’s the problem?”
Slick and Al both pointed to Crazy, who in turn pointed to Pinkie.
“I see… and the original?”
Slick and Al both pointed to Al, while Crazy pointed at himself.
“Excellent! Thought so, just wanted to make sure! So,” She sidled up to Alastair, looking around conspiratorially. “What’s the deal with that guy?” She pointed at Slick.
“Oh, he’s fine; kind of who I wish I had the courage to be. He, however,” he nodded towards Crazy, who was gnawing on the table’s leg, glaring at Pinkie “Just came back. I thought he’d left years ago.” With a shake of his head, he suddenly seemed to realize where he was, and with who. “How is this even possible? Any of this! And how, did you, get in my head?”
“Oh, Pinkamina was growing restless, as she usually does whenever she senses a kindred spirit, and so I tracked down who the spirit belonged to! It was you!”
“Pinkamina?”
Suddenly, there was a fifth person in the room; as Slick and Crazy were similar in appearances to Alastair, so was the new-comer to Pinkie. She, though, lacked the fun-loving attitude of Pinkie’s, Alastair could tell right away; he entire being seemed darker, almost as if she were constantly standing in a shadow. Her hair, where Pinkie’s was bright and bouncy, was flat and dark, falling straight down past her shoulders. She was wearing similar clothing to Pinkie, but they were covered with a patchwork, multi-coloured apron, which looked to be covered in something suspiciously along the lines of blood. She idly twirled a large kitchen knife in one hand, which was also dripping red.
Crazy stopped his ministrations on the table leg, looking at the new Pinkie with interest. “I’m gonna stab you with that.” He said in a matter-of-fact tone, pointing one clawed finger at the knife in her hand.
Glaring at each person in the room, she paused for a moment, smiling a wicked smile at Crazy. “Only if I get to make you cupcakes.”
And just as suddenly as she appeared, she vanished. Staring at the spot she’d been standing, Alastair turned to Pinkie. “Were they just...? Never mind; that was disturbing on so many levels… and that was you?”
“As much as he is you, silly!” She pointed to the man sitting cross legged on the table, now chewing on a chair, while staring at where Pinkamina had been. “She only comes out on occasions like this! So, want to put him away for good?”
“YES!” Alastair shouted, grabbing his friend by the shoulders. “Put him away where he’ll never come back!”
Laughing, she shook her head. “I can’t do that!” Alastair seemed to droop, until she added “But you can!”
“How?”
“Picture him somewhere secure, and lock him up!”
Closing his eyes, Alastair focussed on the first place that came to mind. Suddenly, the floor under him was rocking from side to side, and he could hear waves outside. Opening his eyes again, he found them to be in the hold of a sailing ship, with Crazy, snarling and biting at the air, shackled to the wall. Slick… Slick was still Slick, but attired as a pirate captain. “Nice choice, matey.”
“Is he locked up?” Pinkie asked from next to Al. Frowning, Alastair concentrated, and more shackles appeared around his ankles. “Locked?” A key appeared in one of the locks, and clicked shut, before moving on to the next lock. “Ah ah ah, different keys!” Nodding, Alastair focussed again, and three more appeared. “Secure enough?” Slick, Alastair, and Pinkie were suddenly back in the first room they’d appeared in, sans Crazy. On the table before them, however, was a ship in a bottle, a cork securely stopping up the neck. Almost instantaneously, a dozen more identical bottles appeared, and then were dropped unceremoniously into a wooden chest. The room around them shifted again, and they were suddenly standing in the middle of a warehouse, looking down at a chest on a shelf. A plaque sat next to it, reading “Crazy Man’s Chest”. Curiously glancing at the other items around them, Alastair noted they seemed to be in the Pirate aisle. He also noted that they’d all changed clothing again; he was wearing a grey suit, with a light blue shirt, while Pinkie was wearing a black suit, with a purple blouse. Slick was wearing jeans, a navy blue tank-top, covered with a small leather jacket, and didn’t look happy.
“Really? I’m Claudia?”
“Shush, old man, she’s awesome.”
They were then outside of the building, and another key appeared in the lock on the door, sealing it. The scenery shifted once again, and they were back in the white room, with a model of the Warehouse sitting in a glass case on the table in front of them. “Good enough?” Alastair asked Pinkie.
“Yup! Looks awesome! Keys, please!” She held out her hand expectantly, and Alastair, noticing that he held all of the keys on a ring in his hand, passed them over. Depositing them in an inner pocket of her coat, she then reached into another pocket, retrieving a similar ring of keys, which she then handed to Alastair.
“What’s this?” He asked, mystified.
“They keys to Pinkamina’s cage!” She laughed at the expression on his face. “Seems only fair, right? I hold your demon, you hold mine!” All three of them looked about the room simultaneously, as a single, sonorous knock sounded. “Well, I should be going!” She cheerfully piped up, heading back towards the door. “Sounds like someone’s trying to get in!” Another knock sounded as she pulled open the door, almost drowned out by the carnival. “See you later, Al!”
As the door shut, Alastair shook his head, finding himself back in the bathroom. Sure enough, someone was knocking at the door. “Hold your horses! I’ll be out in a second!” he shook his head, muttering. “Really have to watch what I say here…” Looking back in the mirror, he was shocked, and pleased, to notice that he no longer looked perpetually angry. Quickly turning on the tap, he splashed cold water over his hands and face. The knocking came again as he shut off the tap, louder this time. “Give me a moment, would you!” briskly toweling off, he unlatched the door, pulling it open. “Couldn’t wait one… more…”
He’d been expecting Applejack, or the little filly (Apple… bumpkin?), and so had been looking downwards. All that he saw, however, was a wall of red. Alastair looked up… and up… and up, until he finally saw the face of the stallion before him.
Alastair was a bit miffed, to say the least; at 6’4”, graduating high school, he’d been one of the tallest people in the school. He was the tallest member of his entire family, and had passed his tallest friend in height several years ago. At his two old jobs, everyone else had been shorter than him, and at his latest, there’d only been one person who’d been remotely the same height. But this guy… he had several inches on Alastair at least, and the human absolutely hated feeling short. But where Al was tall and thin (his old friends had joked that hugging him put them in danger of getting a paper cut), this red behemoth was huge; Al would say he was even more buff than his strongest friend back home.
“…You’re not Applejack.” Was all that he could think of to say.
“N-nope.”
“…I can explain?”

*	*	*

Applejack heaved a sigh as she carted the last bucket back into the barn. Wiping her arm across her forehead, she contemplated how the day had turned out; they’d managed to finish all the Apple Bucking before the big snow dump, although not as fast as she and Big Mac could have, but that was beside the point. The human had been a help around the farm, and it was nice to have some new company while working on chores. But… What the hay happened back there? She glanced back towards the hill. They’d been having a fun time, or so she thought, with maybe just a hint of… but then he’d run off. Why? Was he scared? Something I did? Still confused, she made her way back to the main house.
Opening the door, she paused, sniffing. Apple Pie? “Hey, Al? You in here?”
“In here!” He entered the doorway from the kitchen, a slice of pie on the plate he held out to her. “Care for a slice?”
She eyed him momentarily; his joviality seemed a bit forced. “I thought you said you couldn’t bake!”
“I can’t.”
“Braeburn can.”
A third, lower and slower voice came from the kitchen. Alastair chuckled at the expression on Applejack’s face, stepping aside as she burst into the kitchen.
“Big Mac!” she giddily leapt into the awaiting stallions arms, giggling as he spun her around. “What’re ya doing home so soon, ya big galloot?”
“Brae got tired of me.”
“I called it!” Applejack crowed, shooting a triumphant look at Alastair. Her victory was cut short, however, by a low chuckling from the other male in the room.
“Nope; just finished ahead of schedule.” With a wry grin, he nodded towards Alastair. “He told me how y’all first met.”
The human in question shrugged, swallowing a mouthful of pie before forcing a chuckle. “Guilty as charged?”
Shaking her head, Applejack squirmed her way out of her big brothers embrace. “Well, Ah don’t think introductions are in order here, seeing as how you two’ve gotten so chummy so fast, but heck! Mountain of Muscle, meet Human. Human, meet Mountain of Muscle.”
Laughing softly at this, Alastair set down his empty plate, and stuck out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Muscle!”
“Likewise, Mr. Man.” Alastair grimaced briefly; I’m fairly certain that that’s what having all the bones in my hand broken feels like… Gently clenching said hand, he tried not to let the pain come through in his smile. “Well, it’s been nice and all, but I should probably be heading back to Twilight’s.” Glancing out the window, a corner of his mouth rose into a smirk. “Let’s just hope I get lucky with the weather again!” Giving a quick nod to the two farmers, he set out, but not before Applejack heard him muttering under his breath; “Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fi-ire, is so-o, delightful…”
She rested her arms on the window sill, watching the departing figure of her friend. To her surprise, a light dusting of snow started to fall; Rainbow said there wouldn’t be any more ‘til the weekend! She was even more baffled when the human, seeing the flurry of snowflakes before him, started dancing around. “It worked!”
Shaking her head in bemusement, Applejack turned away from the window, and almost crashed into a giant wall of red. “Sweet jumping petunias, Mac, ya gotta stop sneakin’ up on me like that!”
The giant merely shrugged, looking out the window. Muttering about how impossible it was for someone so big to be so stealthy, Applejack started towards the doorway, only to be stopped by a low rumble behind her. “You like him.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement.
Spinning around, Applejack shot a glare at her brother, but found it lost to his back. “Now why’d you go throwing ‘round accusations like that?”
Rolling his shoulders, he stayed where he was. “You let him work for you.”
“So what? Ah’ve let all my other friends lend a hand ‘round here, too!”
“Not when they weren’t needed.”
“I… I wanted to get all the work ‘round here done before you got back!”
“You paid him triple.”
“He needed the money!”
“So do we.”
Finding herself to be growing frustrated with her brother’s non-argumentative form of arguing, she tossed her hands in the air, storming out of the room. “He’s new here, doesn’t have any money, or anywhere ta stay! Of course I’ll help him out!”
Big Macintosh stayed where he was, staring out into the gently falling snow. It had grown lighter since the human departed, but looked to be following him; Mac could barely make out Ponyville in the distance through all the white. Shrugging thoughtfully, he turned back to the kitchen.
“E-eyup.”

> Uncle Teddy, the Mad Scientist
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Alastair maintained his happy, prancing gait for several minutes after leaving the homestead. When he finally glanced over his shoulder and saw that the farm was out of sight among the trees, however, he immediately grew silent, reverting to his earlier withdrawn, pensive mood.
The fuck is happening to me?
You went crazy, but the crazy pony helped you! Came the reply.
Oy, shut up, you!
Aww, and here I thought you wanted to be like me!
I only said that so she wouldn’t worry! But… you… him… her, here, me… “GAH!” Alastair screamed wordlessly at the sky. HOW IS ANY OF THIS EVEN POSSIBLE? In order from least concerning? YOU! You’ve never been… separated from my own thoughts, how’ve you gotten an entity all to yourself? What you are now was just idle, random thoughts before!
You may want to…
Shut up not finished! NEXT! HIM! Again, same deal! But more so, why’s he back!
Wait a-
STILL NOT DONE! This entire place! Pink ponies, weather controlled by Pegasai, people able to enter my mind on a whim! Have I finally lost it completely? That’s it, I’ve gone bonkers!
…feeling better?
Alastair heaved a sigh, shutting his umbrella now that the snow had stopped. Much.
It’s always good to let loose a good rant now and then. But honestly? Couldn’t answer you if I wanted to. I got free went you went for a walk in the woods. Ol’ Crazy back there? No clue ‘bout him. This entire place? Yes, nonsensical, but heck, it’s been fun, no? ‘So have a good time, the sun can’t shine everyday’ and all, right?
…I suppose. Normally a man to stick with his argument until it was obvious that it was wrong, Alastair was slightly disgruntled to losing one so quickly, even if it was to himself.
Now, what I was trying to warn you of before; your Stealth Boy’s worn off.
…what?
Come on, man, smarten up! You’re normally the one making obscure references! Look up! Frowning at the tone his own thoughts were taking with him, Alastair nevertheless tilted his head back, staring at the sky. What do you see?
The sky.
Clouds?
No.
Which means…?
Alastair blanched when he realized what his alter ego was insinuating. No snow. Head snapping back down, he hurriedly glanced around. Fortunately, due to the hour and ‘unexplained’ weather, there weren’t many people about. In fact, the only one he could see was a turquoise unicorn, who was staring, mouth agape, right at him. Bollocks.
Doctor’s advice time!
Bowties are cool now?
Wrong advice-
Fezzes?
No, not-
Wibbly wobbly timey wimey?
NO for the love of-
Allon-s-y?
Well, yes, but what I was going for is more practical to the situation.
Al slowly grinned, realizing what the voice was getting at. Unhurriedly, he flicked his umbrella around, leaving it snugged under his right armpit. As casually as he could, he slowly started sauntering away in the direction of the library. Walk as though I own the place.
“Hey, wait!”
Well bugger, that didn’t work. Trying his best to ignore the voice hailing him from behind, Alastair lengthened his stride, eyes focussed on the towering tree, still several blocks away.
The unicorn wasn’t one to give up easily, though, as she steadily pursued him, breaking out into a jog. “Wait up!”
Bugger it if I will! Frantically scouring his memories, Alastair latched onto the first song that even remotely suited his needs. Let’s hope it works… “Fire, and ice, passion, and sheer perfection, on, the stage, fearlessly flying.” Putting a strong emphasis on the key words he wanted, Alastair felt slightly guilty, yet pleased nevertheless, when he heard a startled yelp from behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he noted the sheer puddle of ice which had appeared from nowhere, and then the unicorn, lying dazed and confused in a snow-drift nearby. Perfect!
The distraction bought him several seconds before the girl behind him regained her feet, during which time he ducked into a nearby alley-way. The line of sight thus broken, he broke into a sprint, dodging around several empty barrels and crates, ducking around the next corner. Looking up at the skyline, he cursed, having lost sight of the tree. Closing his eyes for a moment, he frowned, focusing. Took two turns, tree was that way, should now be… got it! Smiling, he opened his eyes once more, feeling confident he knew which way to head.
“Wait! I just want to ask you a few questions!”
“Blast!” He murmured. Why don’t you give up? “The chase is back on…” Sprinting away again, he frantically started panting lyrics at random, hoping one would help. “What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me?” The hoof beats behind him proved otherwise. “Well East coast girls are hip I really-what no. Uhh… So when you’re near me, darling can’t you hear me, S. O. S.!”
“What’s going on back there?” *Whack* *Thud* Glancing over his shoulder, Alastair winced in sympathy for the poor girl behind him. One of the house owners, attracted by the sounds of the chase, had thrown open a back-door, and the unicorn had run right into it. Stopping just long enough to see that she was alright (save for a bloodied nose), Alastair once more started running.
Bursting out of the alley-way, he saw several more lights around the square turning on as the ponies in the houses woke up. But there, straight ahead of him, was his goal; the library. Throwing the door open, he slammed it shut behind him, leaning his entire body weight against it. “Hide me.” He panted to the three girls in front of him.
“What… what?” Twilight gasped, a look of confusion painted on her face.
“No time… hide!”
“Down there!” Quickly ushering him to a door he’d barely noticed before, Twilight shoved him through, closing it just as a frantic pounding started on the outside door.
Looking about himself, Alastair felt as though he were in Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory. The entire room seemed to be dedicated to scientific studies and experiments, with beakers, test tubes, siphons and papers scattered across the desks lining the walls, as well as the mantel piece above the fireplace, and a bizarre chair contraption that looked disturbingly like an electric chair in the middle of the room. What is this place? He wondered as he made his way down the stairs, pausing as he heard a muffled argument behind the closed door. Well, she found me. So much for keeping secret.
He paused at the foot of the stairs, as he heard something rattle at his feet. Looking down, he saw a small garbage pail, overflowing with opened cans. Curiously picking one up, he turned it over, looking at the label. “Red Pony? Wonder if it’s anything like Red Bull…” Chuckling, he remembered the one time he’d tried an energy drink; normally the already somewhat-hyper one of his group, his friends had laughed at it afterwards, saying how he’d been rambling, going on like … crazy… 
Frowning at the can in his hand, he quickly swept a glance around the room, noting a small fridge in a corner, next to a coat rack.
A smile slowly crept across his face, an idea taking form.


*	*	*


“Where is he?!” The turquoise unicorn screamed frantically, eyes darting about the room, a hand pressed firmly to her nose. She glared at the cyan Pegasus and pink pony, but focused her interrogation on Twilight.
“Who?” The purple unicorn in question asked as innocently as possible.
“THE HUMAN! He must have come in here, it’s the only place open!” She stormed over to the couch, tossing aside pillows and cushions, as though someone might be hiding under them.
“Lyra, please, calm down! There’s no… human here, just us girls! Right?” Looking to her friends, they both nodded in agreement.
“No, it can’t be!” The other unicorn spun around, looking pleadingly at the other girls in the room, tears starting to form in her eyes. “I saw him! With my own eyes! They’re real, I know they are, I’m not crazy!” She was almost bawling by the end of her tirade, and probably would have collapsed onto the floor had it not been from the verbal explosion emitting from behind the closed door, which drew everyone in the rooms attention immediately.
“It worked!” A muffled voice bellowed, the tirade, already loud, growing louder still. “The 24 hour serum is a success! I knew it, knew knew knew knew it! They all laughed at me but it worked! Biogenetically modifying the equine genes to dispense of all the fur was impossibible, they said! But I knew, I knew! Just had to isolate the correct genetic codes, re-wire them chemically!” The door to the basement was flung open at this point, a cloud of ash billowing out, surrounding the figure that emerged. Clad in a floor-length lab coat, once white, but now smudged with grey ash, the figures’ face was almost entirely hidden behind a medical mask and pair of aviator-like goggles, with his hair rising above, what looked to maybe have once been blonde or brown, now stuck out at all angles, dusted with more gray soot. He paused, looking at the turquoise unicorn. “A new test subject? Good, good good good good, always more testing needed, needed, needed! You see!” He threw his left arm around the startled unicorn’s shoulder, twirling his be ringed right hand in front of both their faces, “No fur! Distinct, absolute, positively resulting in lack of fur!” He suddenly brought his hand in close to his face, examining it minutely. “Blast formula’s still not right there’s still fur! I should warn you, this house tries to kill people.” He paused, and then slowly drew her hand away from her nose. “IT’S STARTED!” He shouted, pointed at the dried blood. “You may want one of these!” Digging round in his pocket, he pulled out a small tin case, a large “J” emboldened on it. “Janusary pills!” He exclaimed, popping open the lid of the tin and extracting a pill. “Probatasinisinisinicide enhanced, should keep out most of the pain!” He tossed the pill in the air, but looked confused when it bounced off his mask. “But first!” He exclaimed, pushing away from the girl to strike a dramatic pose, coat billowing behind him as he took a single step forward, right index finger pointed to the sky, “I want the Pegasus! Must know, must learn, must discover how the pill reacts to one of the Pegasusesai variety!” Lunging forward, he grabbed Rainbow Dash by the wrist, pulling her over the couch. “Come my dear, we must experiment!” Shoving her through the door, he turned back to the other ponies, all staring at the madman before them. Once more striking a dramatic pose, he shouted “I must leave, my planet needs me, FOR SCIENCE!” Before slamming the door shut.
Before any of the girls could speak, a muffled shout could once more be heard from behind the door, followed by a loud series of bangs and thumps. More silence followed, followed by another loud series of footsteps. The door once more opened, and the man once more emerged, coat hanging askew, goggles pushed back onto his forehead. “The stairs try to kill you too, watch out!” The door once more slammed shut, and another shout and series of thumps were heard.
The three girls stood in silence for several moments, before Pinkie finally burst into laughter, rolling all across the floor. Broken from her daze, Twilight turned to the inquiring unicorn. “Uh… yes, that was my… uncle… Teddy! New in town, just been here a couple of days. Bit ‘woo-hoo’!” She twirled a finger beside her head, forcing a chuckle. “Sorry if he startled you earlier, he’s probably what you saw, lack of fur and all! No humans here!” Forcing another smile onto her face, she stared at Lyra, ignoring the strands of hair that were jumping away from her head.
“Oh…” the turquoise unicorn’s shoulders slumped as she turned towards the door. “I… thought he was really… real.” As she reached for the door handle, she gave one last sad smile over her shoulder at Twilight. “Well, if he needs more subjects, you know where to find me.”
Pinkie broke out into a fresh bout of guffaws as soon as the door was shut. “That… that was hilarious!” Sliding between Twilights’ feet, she looked up at her, imploringly. “Can we keep him?”
Twilight was shell shocked, not registering what Pinkie was asking. “I just… he… she… WHAT?!” Turning about, she stormed towards the basement door. Throwing the door open, she glared at the human. “Al, what did you do… to… to Lyra… to… you… what are you doing?”
Alastair, meanwhile, was perched atop the metal head-piece crowning the chair, crawling over it, prodding at the extrusions. “She was following me, so slipped. And fell. And ran into a door. Ooh, what’s this?”
“That doesn’t… Wait don’t!”
Twilight’s protestations were cut short as Alastair poked an elongated, tuning-fork-ish object on the cap. A bright flash momentarily blinded everyone in the room, followed by Alastair, giggling worth to rival Pinkie Pie, flying across the room into a book-case. He crumpled to the ground before the shaking case, but raised a hand, pointing to the roof. “I’m good!” An avalanche of books promptly buried him, but an arm shoved aside some, forming a thumbs-up. “Still good, hit it!” the girls winced as the bookshelf toppled.


*	*	*


Alastair awoke with a gasp, bolting up from the couch, feeling as though his entire body had been doused in ice cold water.
“GAH WHAT THE HECK WHAT WHO WHY WHAT!”
“Welcome back.” Twilight sat back on her heels, a glowing light fading from her horn.
Gingerly holding a hand to his head, Alastair shook himself, grimacing. “What… what happened?”
“You attacked Lyra, came here to hide, then went crazy.”
Blinking up at the Pegasus hovering in the middle of the room, Alastair once more shook his head. “No, that’s not… I wouldn’t…” His eyes shot wide as the events of the evening came back to him. “Oh. Right.”
A look of skepticism etched onto her face, Twilight raised a questioning eyebrow at the sheepish human.
Nervously chuckling, Alastair gave them the Cole’s notes of what had happened; “I was on my way back from Sweet Apple Acres, when the snow-storm I sang up gave out.” Ignoring the indignant ‘harrumph!’ from the weather pony, he continued. “I was… distracted, and forgot about it, when… Lyra, you say? When Lyra saw me… so, I panicked, and ran down a side alley. When she pursued me, I… bloody hell, how does that even work? I sang up a frozen puddle, and she slipped on it and fell in a snow bank. When I saw she was still pursuing me, I sang out for help, and somebody opened a door, which she ran into. I then ran here, came inside, asked you to hide me and you were here for that I’ll shut up now.”
Nodding, Twilight looked mollified. “Well, at least you didn’t personally attack her… but what about… afterwards?”
Al once more grinned sheepishly, trying to hide his discomfort. “Well, once I got downstairs, I heard her come in… didn’t sound like she was leaving soon, so… I improvised.” Shrugging, he idly scratched with his right hand at the back of his neck. “Saw the coat and goggles, dab of ash, aaaaand…” His eyes darted about the room as his sentence mumbled off, looking anywhere at the two pairs of questioning eyes focussed on him. 
“Sorry, come again?”
This was once more greeted by a mumble.
“One more time!”
“I may have had a Red Pony or two.” Hearing the silence of the room, he grimaced. “Fine, three.” Looking at the expressions on his friends faces, he frowned, eyes squinting shut. “Fine, five, I had five! Happy?”
“You… you… you had five energy drinks? That’s almost as bad as if Pinkie…” Rainbow Dash went silent, a horrifying scene passing in front of her eyes.
“Why?”
“We-ell, once, years ago, again in the theatre, god that place really is going to kill me, isn’t it?” Shaking off his musings Alastair got up, crossing to the front door as he continued his explanations. “Last night of the performances, we all had to stay extra late to break up set, clean up, all that jazz. We-ell, knowing that I’d probably be tired after all that, I’d bought a ‘Monster’-another brand back home- to take… Long story short, I wasn’t found until someone came in from outside, asking why there was a shirtless madman screaming on the roof that the building was trying to kill him. Saw your pile of empties downstairs, and, well…” He gave a half-hearted shrug as he grabbed his coat from the rack, shrugging into it. “Thought it’d make a convincing performance… did it work?”
“Well she’s no longer here, right?”
“Although she did offer herself as a test subject…” Twilight shook her head, ignoring Alastair’s confused ‘Test…?’ “While you were out, I was thinking… why are you hiding?”
Alastair’s mouth gaped like a fish’s for several seconds, opening and closing with no sound emerging. Frowning, he finally tried to piece his thoughts together. “Well… I guess I’m kind of worried ‘bout how everyone would react, I guess. I mean, sure, you girls were fine and all, but… I guess I’m just worried that everyone else wouldn’t be so fine with it, and react more like those… Crusaders. Don’t ask.” He held up a finger as he flopped back down on the couch, pre-emptively shushing Rainbow Dash’s question.
“We just have to throw you a super duper awesome fun-time “Welcome to Ponyville Again Alastair!” Party!” Pinkie exclaimed, bursting from between the couches cushions.
Alastair jumped back with a wordless yell, scrambling backwards until he was perched precariously on the couch’s backrest. “Pinkie! Stop doing that!”
“Doing what?” The pink pony cocked her head to the side, confused.
“Breaking… physics!” Feeling his heart rate lessen to one that would allow him to be able to speak comfortably, his turned his gaze from a glare into a pleading, puppy-dog-eyed look. “And please… no party.”
“Aw, but that’s no fun!” Ponyville’s resident party planner began prancing around the room. “And besides, too late to change anything, invites are already sent out!”
“What?” Alastair felt his eye twitch slightly.
“Yup! Tomorrow, 6 pm sharp at the park! Didn’t you read your invitation?”
“What invitation?” Alastair jumped forward as Pinkie, who’d managed, once again, to teleport, this time appearing right behind him, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper from his rear pocket.
“This one!” she cheerfully handed it to the perturbed human. Grumbling about invasions of privacy, he nevertheless opened it up, curious.
“Dear friends!” the letter read, amid the explosion of streamers and sparkles, “You’re invited to a super-duper awesome fun time ‘Welcome Alastair to Ponyville Again!’ Party!
Where? Ponyville Park!
When? 6 pm sharp!
What? What what? What theme? Spies, Disguises, and Hidden Guyses!
How? With awesomely fun music and food and games and fun!
Why? To welcome Alastair to Ponyville, of course!
Please RSVP ‘yes’ and give Ponyville’s first human a welcome party he’ll never forget!”
Alastair stared at the invitation for several more seconds in silence. “Who’s invited?” He asked dully, already expecting the answer.
“Du-uh, EVERYONE!”
“Right.” Brilliant. Two parties thrown for me, one by the bleeding ruling family, the other with the entire bloody city. “Why spies?”
“‘Cuz that’s what your books about!” Alastair stared wordlessly at his pink friend as she held up a small, paperback book; “The Lady with the Platinum Pistol.” Quickly patting down his pockets, he heaved a sigh of relief, finding his journal still safely hidden, before snatching back his other book. Grumbling even more about invasions of privacy, he tried to see this dark clouds silver lining. Well, at least if it’s spies, I wouldn’t be out of place wearing a mask. A smaller, folded note fluttered out from the larger invitation. Making several lunges for it, Alastair finally caught it a foot above the floor. Unfolding it, he sighed. “No masks!” it read. How does she bloody well do that? He stared at another slip of paper flying out from the smaller note. Catching it quickly this time, he stared at its contents. “Because I’m Pinkie Pie!” …are you in my head again? Alastair felt more than heard a door closed, promptly followed by another, smaller note. “No, but you should make that place more interesting, I mean, come on, it’s sooooo dull and boring!”
Silently fuming for a couple of moments, Al finally took a deep breath, struggling to calm down. “Fine.” He growled, the one word dripping venom.
Pinkie deftly dodged the poison, and instead continued with her dancing about the room. “Yay! Ooh, goody, you had me worried for a sec! Could you imagine if you’d said ‘no’? I mean like, that would be terrible, a party without the reason for the party! It would have been terrible and ridiculous, everypony sitting around, bewailing and bemoaning and becrying the loss of reason! Oh my gosh, I’m so happy!” She paused mid-spring, stomach growling. Floating back down to earth at a feathers pace, she gave a sheepish smile, emitting a sound that was suspiciously like a dogs chew toy. “What’s for dinner, Twilight?”
“Well, seeing as there’s only three staying the night tonight…” Twilight swept the room with a quick glance, before turning into the kitchen, muttering of lists of possibilities, as well as lists of ingredients needed and whether said items were in the house at that moment. Literally grinning from ear to ear, Pinkie hopped from one foot to the other, waving a hand in the air, shouting a quick “Ooh, ooh, I’ll help!” before disappearing in a pink ‘poof!’.
As suddenly as that, Alastair found himself alone in the room with Rainbow. Looking nervously around the room, anywhere except at the mare, the human was thus startled when she spoke. “Wassa matter, Al? Thought you liked Pinkie’s party!”
“Yeah, I did, it’s just…” Alastair deliberated a moment, trying to find the right way to express his thoughts; something he was decidedly less than fluent with. “Small groups, like last night, sure, but… Don’t really like being at the centre of attention. Give me a big party with no-one but strangers, all focussing on me, or a good book all alone, I’d take the book any day.”
Rainbow tilted her head, looking at Al from different angles. “Yeah, guess I could see that.” Silence prevailed in the room once more, before Rainbow smirked, adding “So, today rated pretty high on the ‘Al Likey’ meter, then?”
“Hmm?” Was all that he could think of to say.
“Well, being all alone with a beautiful mare all day, no one around for miles¸ just… bucking.”
Al found himself staring at the Pegasus before him. Did she just call Applejack…?
Oh for the love of Pete!
Alastair had little time to wonder why Slick had suddenly spoken up, when he found himself… well, no longer in Twilight’s living room. Looking around, he thought it was the room in his mind that he’d created, but with a couple of changes. Most obviously, one entire wall was covered with various screens, some monitoring (or so he assumed, by the labels) heart-rate, breathing pace, neural activity, interests, likes, dislikes, thoughts, as well as other… intimate details. The main screen, however, showed what Al had been seeing through his own eyes; the image was paused, however. All the screens were angled towards a rolling office chair sitting before the desk. Looks like my one from work, Al mused. Control Centre? To the left of the station was a door, with a label reading ‘Manual Over-Ride’.
“You all comfortable in there?” A voice resonated around the room.
“Slick!? What’s going on? What’re you doing!”
“Helping!” Came the response. “Just watch and thank me.”
The central monitor switched from ‘Pause’ to ‘Live Time’, and Alastair suddenly heard what he assumed to be his own voice speaking.
Do I really sound like that? He wondered, before listening to Slick’s response. That…thief!
“Oh yeah, we worked long and hard! Got all hot and sweaty by the end of it; we had to take a quick roll around in the snow to cool off!”
The door to Al’s left opened, emitting Slick. Rushing over to him, Al shouted “What the bloody hell do you think you were doing!” while gleefully throttling his alter-ego. His target, instead of struggling, just pointed to the screen, which was still playing.
Rainbow Dash was staring at him, jaw dropped, and then started to chuckle. As her laughter grew louder, she shook her head. “Don’t know quite what to make of you, Al! One second, you’re as shy as Fluttershy, but then the next, bam! Right out there with the rest of us!” Idly tossing herself onto the couches arm-rest, she smirked, eyeing the human. “If you’re worried about being different, just look at Spike! No other dragons in Ponyville, but everyone still accepts him as one of us! Also,” The cheeky grin was back, “if you don’t want attention, just stick near me! Everyone’ll be looking at the most awesome pony in Equestria instead!”
The screen once more paused, and Al turned back to Slick, who wore a rather smug grin. “This guy, I likes now.”
“Thanks, mate.”
Alastair grimaced; “Forgot I can’t think privately in here…” He had little time to say anything else, as Slick was quickly shoving him towards the ‘Manual Over-Ride’ room.
“Back out there, tiger!” As quickly as that, Alastair was back to being in conscious control of his body. Taking a moment to gather his bearings, he gave the multi-hued Pegasus a wry grin.
“Alright! Let’s make a date of it, then!” He couldn’t contain his laughter for more than a few seconds, seeing the expression on her face. “And you said I was easy to mess around with!”
Before the stunned Pegasus could reply, Twilight poked her head through the doorway. “Foods ready, guys!”
Giving one last smirk at Rainbow Dash, Alastair sauntered towards the kitchen, ignoring the daggers being glared into his back. “Oh, and you and AJ still owe me ten seconds, by the way.” He added over his shoulder, in an afterthought.
“Pinkie,” Rainbow said, as the pink pony appeared behind her shoulder, “Get the goods ready.”
“What goods?” Her friend asked, confused.
“The goods you’re not to touch unless war were declared.” She replied, drawing a gasp from the pink pony.
“You mean…”
“War were declared.”


*	*	*


Alastair sat, staring at the plate in front of him. The other three were momentarily oblivious to his dilemma, digging in merrily to their meals, Pinkie and Dash whispering conspiratorially, occasionally shooting looks in the humans’ direction. But he stayed out of it, and just sat. Staring.
Twilight finished the first half of her sandwich, and was reaching for the other half when she noticed her company’s meal untouched. “Something wrong, Al?”  she asked, her worry etched plainly onto her face.
“Uh, yeah… it’s…” he stared down at the meal before him for another second, before rolling his eyes up to his host. “It’s hay.
“Yes, hay and daisies! Do you not like daisies?”
“No, it’s not that… I don’t think humans can eat hay.”
The chattering to his right stopped; when Alastair turned, he saw all his new friends staring at him, Pinkie in particular looking like he’d just said something completely incomprehensible.
Twilight was the one to break the silence, after several seconds of doing a fair impression of a fish. Looking extremely embarrassed, she apologized. “I’m so sorry, Al, I didn’t even think to ask about your diet! I’d assumed that since humans are so physically similar to us, we’d have similar diets as well!” Quickly leaving her seat, she turned to scrounge around in her fridge. “So, what do humans eat?”
“Well, along the lines of what I’ve seen so far, we tend to eat fruits and veggies; apples, carrots, broccoli, that sort of stuff. No unprocessed grains that I can think of, or flowers, for that matter. Other than that, we’re omnivores.” Misinterpreting Twilights shocked expression, he elaborated. “You know, eat plants and meats?” After several more moments of awkward silence, Alastair’s eyes opened wide; “You… horses… ponies are vegetarian, aren’t they?”


*	*	*


Alastair lay back on the couch, staring up at the darkened ceiling, damp head cradle in his hands. Should probably find a place of my own… Twilight had been kind enough to let him use her shower (two days of hard work left him feeling pretty… well, disgusting), but it had still been an awkward request nevertheless.
Thought you were trying to stay out of the public eye?
Well, that’s failing as of tomorrow. He grimaced; he realized he was avoiding thinking about what had happened earlier. The shock of his revelation of his kinds diet was plain in the change of atmosphere; Twilight had readily substituted his hay sandwich for an apple, some carrots, and a couple of hard-boiled eggs (vegetarian but not vegan…), Pinkie had suggested he ask Fluttershy (“She takes care of all sorts of animals, meany meaty eaters and plant eaters alike!” She’d said, not realizing that she’d just called Al a ‘meany meaty eater’), but Rainbow… she, he couldn’t read. She’d become withdrawn, so much so that he couldn’t tell if she were angry, upset, startled, curious… I swear, I take one step forward, two steps back with these ponies. Ponies! He shook his head, once more amused at how his situation had changed from the previous week.
Tossing all his worrying thoughts aside as best he could (which wasn’t very well), he rolled towards the couches backrest, shutting his eyes.
Well, at least things can’t get any worse.

> Lost in the Crowd
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Alastair tugged irritably at the neck of his new shirt.
It wasn’t that Rarity had made it too small around the collar; in fact, it was one of the nicest shirts he’d ever worn-it didn’t even have that uncomfortably-starchy-pre-washed feeling most button-up shirts came with.
It was a bit irritating for him, having not only to wear a tie, but to have the top button done up; all throughout his ten years at a private school, he’d been forced to wear formal uniforms, but had always managed to evade notice when he went lax on certain policies; wrong shoes, wrong colour socks, missing blazer… but mainly he left the top buttons of his shirt un-done; they just frustrated him.
His years working at a grocery store had made those buttons even worse for him; the company supplied all of its employees with store-logo-branded clip-on ties, thus ensuring that the top buttons of the shirts had to be done up; it would look sloppy and obvious otherwise. His dislike of them had been further enforced by the fact that most of his old-school shirts, the only ones he owned that fit the company’s policy, were at least a size too small around the neck, giving him the distinct impression of being slowly strangled whenever he went to work.
These past experiences, when all put together, ensured that the human would forever more despise those buttons; whenever he’d had a hankering to wear a formal shirt to his later jobs, he’d always ensure that at least the top two buttons were always undone, if not the top three.
But tonight, he was mainly just nervous, and so tugged away.
“Alastair, dear, do stop that! You’ll tear off a button!” Alastair responded with a despondent ‘Enhh…’, but stopped his half-hearted attempts to destroy the seamstresses work.
Instead, he turned to methodically cracking any and every joint in his body that he could.
It was a nice suit, after all; one that he could easily picture his favourite spy wearing around ‘Universal Export’, his cover-job. It wasn’t the ensemble that he would have preferred, the one belonging to his favourite villain, the one an old friend of his had jokingly re-named ‘Scary-Mama’, just to get on Al’s nerves. When he had requested the piece of Rarity, however, she had been vehemently against it.
“Good gracious, no! I refuse; I will not have one of my customers, my friends, parading around in such a travesty!”
“But-“
“No! White? White pants, white shirt, white vest, white jacket? White shoes? Good heavens no!”
“It is my-“
“I’ll not hear another word of it! I don’t care that the customer’s always right, that is just wrong! Besides, darling,” She’d purred, gently drawing a finger along his jawbone, causing his entire body to freeze up, “Darker colours suit you so much better, don’t you agree?”
And so, he’d settled with the traditional spy outfit he was wearing now.
It was shortly after six as the small group made slow progress from Twilight’s library towards Ponyville’s park; Rarity had insisted on them waiting at least a quarter of an hour after the party was supposed to start before leaving; “It’s always better to be fashionably late; you’ll draw more attention with your entrance that way.” This one sentence caused Al to try and argue that they should arrive at four o’clock, instead. Either that or ten.
Alastair stopped for a second as they passed the Carousel Boutique; the normal displays of fancy ball-gowns and tuxedo’s had been replaced, on surprisingly short notice, with costumes more suited for tonight’s festivities; namely, suits and dresses that looked like they wouldn’t be out of place during the mid 1950’s. But…
“Hey, Twi?” He’d cautiously adopted Applejack’s nickname for the librarian, but since she didn’t seem to mind it, he’d kept it up throughout the day. His friend turned towards him at hearing her name, arching an eyebrow. The human stifled a laugh; with her perfunctory work suit, half-moon glasses, and hair drawn back into a tight bun, she looked almost exactly as he’d pictured his one-time idol’s secretary - aside from the fact that in his imagination, she’d never been a mare. Mish Munneh-Penneh, he’d been tempted to drawl more than once that evening. Instead, he carried on with his query. “Has there ever been something called a ‘Cold War’ here?”
His friend briefly frowned, but shortly shook her head. “No, not that I’ve heard of. Sounds like something that would involve the Griffons, though, doesn’t it?” Seeing his blank look, she explained. “Well, their country is Equestria’s northern neighbour, and they tend to live on mountain sides… where it’s cold?”
Alastair silently nodded, eying the other mare’s clothes as he turned back to his musings. No Cold War… so why the identical time-period spy wear? …or at least the period depicted in the movies? For some reason, he didn’t think the movies stuck quite true to the books.
Rarity was garbed in a tight, form-fitting, black business-type suit, with a silky white ascot puffing out at her throat; the typical villainess. “Everypony knows that evil always dresses more fashionably!” She’d explained when asked on her choice.
Rainbow Dash, however… when Alastair first saw her in her outfit, he’d been struck speechless, not even noticing that his jaw had dropped open, even when a smug Rarity closed it for him.
Where Rarity’s suit was tight, Rainbow’s dress was sleek; the strapless, red satin dress clung seductively to her figure, falling smoothly down, barely touching the ground. A slit ran up the right side of the dress, stopping mid-thigh, allowing brief glimpses of a nicely toned, sky-blue leg to show with every step she took. Even her hair had been worked for the evening; where normally it was a layered, stylized mess, tonight it looked as though Rarity had taken extra care with it, smoothing it out with a straightener, so that it fell in silky waves. She even looked as though she’d had touches of make-up added; a hint of blush here, a trace of eye-liner there… overall, the effect was startling, and Alastair caught himself staring at her several times that evening. When he’d tried to think of something, anything to say to compliment her, the only thoughts traveling through his head were along the lines of ‘hot diggity’ and ‘da-yum’; he’d wisely decided to keep his mouth shut.
As the small group rounded the next corner, Alastair stumbled a step; right ahead of them, at the end of the street, was the park, and as Rarity had assumed, most of the residents of Ponyville were already milling about. “Are you sure Spike doesn’t need any help?”
“Yes, Al; he has looked after the library on his own before, and what with everypony in town being here, at the party, there should be very little for him to do as it is! Besides, he has Owlicious to help him!”
Alastair grimaced at the mention of everypony being there that night, but wearily trudged along with the group, head hanging low as he stared at the ground.
In a matter of minutes, the entourage had arrived at the gate to the park, with Rarity taking the lead, happily striding ahead, showcasing her work; nobody paid her any attention, however. Huffing in frustration, her dramatic pose degraded into a more sullen one as she folded her arms beneath her breasts, encompassing the entire population of Ponyville in her glare. “Well! These ingrates wouldn’t know good fashion sense if it tied a bow around their necks!” Her expression turned more confused as no-one even seemed to hear her outburst.
“Oh Rarity!” Turning towards the voice hailing her, she saw Rainbow Dash nonchalantly looking off into the crown, while repeatedly pointing a finger at the slouching human. Approaching him, she saw his lips moving, the muttered sounds getting lost in the babbling conversations of the crowd.
“Alastair, darling…” The subject of her ire flinched, biting his lip, feeling suddenly ill from the poison dripping off of her words. “You wouldn’t happen to be singing, would you?”
Grimacing at his bad fortune of being caught so soon, he glared at the fashionista. “No, I would never dream of it.” He growled, but the sudden attention the group drew from the crowd disproved his words.
Smiling once more as her group became the centre of attention, Rarity briefly slid her gaze over the crowd, before sauntering off. “Oh Tanny, darling, wherever did you get that dress?”
Transferring his glare from the unicorn as she was swallowed by the crowd to the Pegasus next to him, Alastair silently shook his head. Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, just smiled innocently. “I didn’t do anything!”
Any response he could have made was cut off by a hyperactive voice in his ear. “YOU GUYS MADE IT!” Wincing, he turned to Ponyville’s premier party pony.
“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” Alastair’s sarcasm was lost on his friend, however, as she turned her back, scanning the crowd.
“Did you guys see Spitfire around here? I was just talking to her a moment ago, but then I saw you, and then she disappeared!”
This single statement had a profound effect on the blue Pegasus; her surprisingly quiet attitude vanished entirely, eyes widening as she levitated off the ground several inches, due to her wings flapping. “Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! Spitfire’s here?”
Pinkie grinned widely at her friends, but to the shock of anypony who happened to be looking at her (many of whom ran for cover), her smile slipped when Alastair spoke up. “Really? You guys have spitfires here? Cool! Where?”
Pinkie quickly recovered, however; “Golly, did I say Spitfire, I meant Soarin’! But could you imagine how awesomely fantastic it would have been if she were here? Ooh, or the entire Wonderbolts team! Then they could have done their zip-zoom-flying routine, and written all across the sky, announcing that Al Is Here! That would have been sooooo awesome I’ll have to remember that for the next welcome party I throw though it may be difficult to get them all on such short notice but it would be sooo awesomely-super-dee-duper-dee-mazing!”
The blue speedster, if anything, looked even more excited by this news, and almost flew off as soon as the name ‘Soarin’’ left Pinkie’s mouth. A quick glance at Alastair stalled her, however, and she let out a sigh, slowly floating back down to earth. “Hope we meet up with him sometime tonight.”
Shaking his head with a rueful chuckle, Alastair waved a hand at his polychromatic friend. “Go, have fun. Don’t let me drag you down!”
“Are you sure…?”
“Go!” He let out a laugh as his friend disappeared into the crowd. Wondering briefly how she managed to go so fast without hitting anyone else, he shook his head. “Well, looks like it’s just the three of…” A quick glance around showed the confused human that Twilight had also managed to make herself scarce. “Us…” He eyed Pinkie warily.
Seemingly unaware of the scrutiny she was under, Pinkie happily roped Alastair with an arm around his neck, pulling him close. “Don’t worry, your Aunty Pinkie will stick to you like are those hors d'oeuvres?!?” 
Alastair desperately grabbed onto his friends sleeve, but promptly found himself holding an empty jacket, wondering how Pinkie Pie had managed to get out of it without undoing the buttons. Remembering that she was, in fact, Pinkie Pie caused him to heave a sigh. Well, looks like it’s just you and me, Slick, he thought, eyeing the strange crowd around him warily. …Slick? There was no response from his head. Bollocks. At least this night can’t get any worse.
“Hello, Teddy.” Turning to the voice behind him, Alastair found himself face-to-face with an awfully familiar, awfully angry looking turquoise mare.
“What is the number one rule of the theatre!” He angrily hissed at himself.

***

Applejack rested her head on her fist, eyes idly roaming over the crowds of ponies in front of her. The Apple stall had had its share of business in the first hours of the evening, but no-where near what she’d been hoping for; after all, there’d never been any apple cider mentioned in any of the ‘James Colt’ books, but instead mostly martini’s. Berry Punch seems to be doing well… she enviously glanced over at her competitors stall, and sure enough, there was a steady stream of customers.
“Well howdy, honey!” Glancing up, she felt a wide smile split her face.
“Howdy yerself, sugar cube! Ain’t it a bit soon fer y’all to be callin’ me ‘honey’?”
Giving her his best ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ look, Alastair retorted “Coulda said the same thing to you the first day we met, ‘suga’!”
“Good point!” Applejack gave a throaty chuckle. Pushing herself up off the counter, she spread her hands before her. “So, what can I do y’all for?”
Leaning casually against the bar, the human made a show of looking at the display behind the farmer. “Are they still watching me?” He whispered, so low that it almost evaded Applejack’s hearing.
“Who?” She asked, curiously eyeing the crowd, most of whom were in turn looking curiously at her friend.
“Everyone, anyone!” he hissed, uncomfortably scratching at the back of his neck.
“Eeyup.” She replied, doing a fair impression of her brother.
Muttering a sullen oath, Alastair grimaced at the wood counter top in front of him. Rolling his eyes up, he flashed the farmer a crooked grin. “In that case, I’d love the biggest mug of your cider you got.”
“Ya sure ‘bout that, sugar cube?” she tentatively cautioned.
“Cider. Now.” Shrugging, she grabbed a mug from beneath the counter, filling it from the tap next to her; she’d seen his drinking at the last party, and knew that, while not the strongest drinker, he could hold at least a couple fairly well.
Gratefully grabbing it, he took a quick swig. Sighing through his teeth at the dull burn of the alcohol, he licked his lips, smiling. “Alrighty then! How much d’I owe you?”
Chuckling again, Applejack shook her head. “No can do, love; Pinkie’s rules. Guest of Honour never pays.”
Shrugging, Alastair merely nodded. “Well in that case… WHAT’S THAT BEHIND YOU?”
Despite how obvious the ploy was, she nevertheless instinctively turned around, expecting the worst. Seeing no manticores or Ursa Majors, she suspiciously looked back over her shoulder; her friend had disappeared off into the crowd. Where his drink had been, however, were two bits, one still lazily spinning. Giving a quick snort of laughter, she shook her head. “That sneaky son of a gun…”
She smiled, however, seeing that several ponies seemed to want to emulate the foreign human tonight, and approached her stall.
Alastair’s Drinks: 1.

***

Alastair happily hummed to himself as he slid his way through the crowd; one of the many talents he had honed to a fine skill, that, being able to slide around people without touching them, even through spots people wouldn’t think physically possible. Sipping his drink, he idly wondered if perhaps he had a skill akin to Pinkie’s. Perhaps I could talk to her about teaching me… Oh well, problem for another day.
The conversation with Lyra hadn't been as bad as he'd expected; once he explained his situation, she'd been sympathetic to his plight. As it turned out, she was just deeply fascinated with humanity as a whole, and wanted to learn more about him.... Still, he was considerably happier now that he had a drink; he didn’t drink often, only really four times in the past nineteen years that he could think of, not including the occasional glass of wine at Christmas. Despite that, however, he’d found one thing to be conclusive throughout each and every of those four times; alcohol made him open up. Where normally he was the shy guy hiding in the corner, give him a couple of drinks, and he’d be out conversing with the best of them.
That being said, he still jumped, startled when a passing person hailed him. Taking a re-enforcing sip of his cider, he forced a smile on his face, approaching the oncoming conversation.

***

“Ta-ta, darling! We must talk again soon!” Rarity happily flounced away from Candy Mane; it was always nice catching up with old friends, and seeing her dress (straight off the cat-walk from Manehattan, no less!) had given her several ideas for her own next fashion line.
Glancing about herself, she was perplexed to note that her own entourage had vanished. “Well, they must have simply wandered off as some point or another!” She huffed, momentarily put out.
“Oh Cherry!” She sang out as she waved to a passing stallion, quickly drawing him into a conversation, worries of her friends quickly forgotten.

***

“Yes, well, it’s been a pleasure meeting you! Hope you enjoy the rest of the party!” Alastair had already lost track of how many people he’d met tonight; on the best of days, he’d be lucky to remember the name of someone he’d just met ten minutes after being introduced, but tonight, the wave of introductions had never ended, so he settled into just smiling and nodding for the most part, avoiding names as best he could.
He’d avoided the DJ booth and the dance-floor with a passion; while a large portion of the crowd seemed to be living it up out there, he still didn’t enjoy dancing like that at all. Fortunately for him, Pinkie was nowhere to be seen, and hadn’t tried to drag him over there yet.
He tried to take another gulp of his cider, but was thoroughly shocked to find his mug already empty. Haven’t drunk that much already, have I? Shrugging philosophically, he made his way back to Applejacks stand; finding it very busy, he stealthily slid his now-empty mug onto the counter, next to a pile of others. Sneaking away as best he could so that his friend couldn’t try to force his money back at him, he shortly found himself at a less-crowded stall – in fact, it was next to deserted.
Sidling up to the counter, he rolled his head over, looking at the bartender. “I’ll have a vodka martini; Shaken, not shtirred.” He drawled in his best ‘Sean Connery ‘accent.
It seemed good enough for the woman in front of him, as she let out a giggle at it. “Hey, that’s the best one I’ve heard all evening!”
Puffing out his chest at the praise, he modestly bowed his head. “Well, let’s just say I have a gift for it.” His wondering how they knew what the famous actors’ voice sounded like was cut off as he looked back up, seeing the bartender pull out a stainless steel shaker. “No, no! Just kidding, no vodka!” He quickly flailed his hands in front of him. “Just said that for the line!”
Laughing as she tucked the shaker back into its spot beneath the bar, she quirked an eyebrow at him. “What can I get you, then?” Giving him a quick nod, she extended her light-purple hand. “The name’s Berry Punch.”
Alastair heartily returned the shake. “Alastair. What’ve you got?”
The purple mare in front of him swept a hand, gesturing at the shelves behind her. “You name it, we’ve got it.”
“Spiced rum?” The request was returned with a nod. “I’ll have a rum and coke, then.” At the confused look, he amended his request. “Rum and cola?” A nod. “How much’ll I owe you?”
“No charge; Pinkie’s rules.”
“Really? You don’t say…”
Alastair’s Drinks: 2.

***

Rainbow Dash, huffed, looking about herself in a growing mix of anger and confusion. A couple of wolf-whistles had convinced her to abandon her search from the air, but even on foot, after several hours, she should have found him by now!
Quickly pushing her way through the crowd, she shortly found not the colt she was looking for, but the next best person. “Pinkie!”
Hearing the hail, the pony in question turned around, beaming as she saw her friend. “Dashie! Are you enjoying the party? I know I’m enjoying it, but then again, when’ve I never not enjoyed a party, well except for the Gala but that wasn’t a real party that was a boring party not like this party which is so much fun are you having fun you didn’t say yet but I think you are you lo-“ Her tirade was cut off by a light blue hand clamping itself over her muzzle.
“Have you seen Soarin’ at all lately?” The Pegasai inquired.
“Mff mf, mfff mff mnn mn mff-ff!” Dash took her hand off her friends’ mouth, asking the pink pony to repeat herself with a no-nonsense look. “Oh no, not since that time at the Gala! You know, when you tried to catch that big ol’ statue of Celestia, but it caused all the pillars in the room to fall over when Applejack’s cake went flying and Fluttershy-“ Again, she was cut off by a light blue hand.
“What.” The single word was accompanied by a glare that would have frozen an entire ocean on the hottest day in summer.
“Yeah, he’s not here, silly!”
“Then why did you say he was?”
“To get you away from Al! He was being all grumpy-pantsy, wanting to be with us all night! I figured, best way for him to go out and make new friends is to not be surrounded by old ones! Kinda like how the best way to teach someone how to swim is to throw them in a lake!”
Rainbow Dash buried her face in a palm, carefully worked hair falling forward. After several deep breaths, she hissed at her friend. “That’s exactly what he wasn’t wanting.”
What the speedster said didn’t seem to compute with the party pony. “Why wouldn’t he want to make new friends?” She asked, the concept being completely foreign to her.
“Not that, he wasn’t wanting to be alone at the centre of attention! He’s shy! Would you have done that to Fluttershy?”
“Oh.” Pinkie let the onslaught of information settle in for a moment, her previous bubbly attitude vanishing. “Do you think he’s upset?”
“Very likely, yes.”
Pinkie’s hair seemed to droop at this, her colours seeming to fade, although it may have just been a trick of the evenings’ lights. “…so he’s not enjoying the party?”
Rainbow Dash sighed, seeing her friend on the brink of becoming depressed. “No, he’s probably enjoying it fine, just… coulda been enjoying it more if we were there with him. That said, I gotta go find him, cheer him up. You should cheer up, too!” She lightly bopped her friend under her chin, Pinkie’s colours already returning. Seeing her friend return to normal, she quickly flew off into the night sky, in search of a different man this time; the crowd was already thinning out as the party wound down, aiding her in her search.
A wolf-whistle stopped her in her tracks, however. “You want a piece of me?!”

***

“And… and all the while, they thought it was Conrad under the seats, when it was really me!” Alastair gasped for air, he had been laughing so hard. Why am I telling this story? A part of his mind wondered, remembering the exceptionally embarrassing night in vivid detail. Bah, whatever, it’s a funny story! Sure enough it was, as his audience was laughing along with him.
He blinked several times in confusion at the empty plastic cup in his hand. Wasn’t this full just a second ago? Shrugging happily, he nodded a fair-well to the group, spinning around, searching for the edge of the greatly diminished crowd.
“Barkeep!” He exclaimed, landing heavily upon his arm on the counter, “Another drink, if ye’d be soo kind!” He slapped down a couple of coins; Berry (he was fairly certain that was still her name, but he couldn’t be sure) had tried to tell him a couple of drinks ago that it was still free, but he insisted; “It doesn’t feel right, taking so much and giving nothing in return!” So, they’d finally agreed; she’d accept his payments, but at a reduced cost.
“An’ I’ll proba-bably be seein’ you tomorrow or tha’ next day ‘bout getting’ some for home, too!” He announced cheerily as she passed him another drink. He briefly wondered Where is home? as he wove his way through the dark trees, but the thought sailed away into the night.
Alastair’s Drinks: 5.

…or maybe 6? Definitely no more than 6.

…7?

***

Applejack happily finished turning her stall back into a portable cart; the party had finally wound down, and despite the slow start, business had picked up dramatically after Alastair’s visit. Stifling a yawn, she glanced wearily towards the clock tower; squinting, she could see that it said it was well after two in the morning.  Definitely past time to be heading home to bed.
Lost in happy thoughts of sleeping in, now that Applebucking season was finished, she paused as she was about to leave the park. Frowning, she cocked her head; yes, that was someone singing softly. Quite out of tune, too. Chuckling, she shook her head, about to carry on her way home when paused again. Although distorted by distance, echoes, and its plain-out out-of-tunedness, the voice sounded familiar.
Leaving her cart by the side of the path, Applejack slowly wound her way through the dark trees, pausing every few seconds to try and locate the source of the singing; Would be easier if ye’d sing louder, not softer! Sure enough, the voice was growing fainter.
After many minutes of tracking, she almost tripped over the prone figure in front of her, merrily murmuring to himself “…and autumn leeeaaaaves, lie thick and stiiiiiill, but we will still rise, noooooow, and beeee-“
“Al!”
The human in questions’ head bobbed up, blearily looking around. “Hey there, yoooouuu!” He reached out, tugging at her leg. “Take a seat, why don’cha! ‘S a bee-oootiful night!”
Applejack was easily able to resist the humans’ feeble attempts to bring her down, however. “Are ye drunk, Al?” She asked, looking down at him with a mixture of worry and amusement.
“Naaw!” He merrily rolled his head over to the side, then back again. “Lee-tle.” He held up a hand, pinching the fingers close together.
“Come on, sug,” Applejack grabbed the downed human by the arm, pulling him to his feet. Snugging an arm around his back with his draped across her shoulders, she supported most of his weight, slowly heading back towards her cart. “Let’s get you home, eh?”
He let out a short giggle at this request. “You’re Canadian!” After a brief bout of laughter, he paused, looking around himself with an unfocused gaze; he seemed to notice for the first time that they were alone. “Where’d everyone go?”
“Well, party’s windin’ down, and ye’re a bit off the beaten track!”
“Oooh, riiight! …where are the others?”
“Dunno, haven’t seen them all night.” She replied with a shrug. “Thought they came with you?”
“Oh, aye, but Rarery left to talk to dresses, Twilight went poof, Pinkie arrived with a poof then left with a poof, then Rainbow poofed to talk to a plane…”
“…ye really are drunk, ain't ya, Al?”
“Nonsense!” Pushing himself away from the farmer, Alastair went striding on ahead, not a trace of a wobble to be seen. “Perfectly sober!” A moment later, however, he snorted out a laugh. “…’kay, little less than sober… Just drunk ‘nough to talk, though! You see, no drinks, I’m like this.” He clenched his hands together, fingers interwoven. Rolling his head around to look at the tan farmer, he explained, completely serious. “I’m a clam. All... shut up and clammed. No pearls in me, just a clam. But when drinked a few…” His hands unfurled. “I unclam! I talk! Talkative. Talky talk talk. I become fluently eloquent. More open, no more shy guy me; he go bye-bye. Let loose aaa-all secrets… even dark ones…” His expression clouded over, and Applejack could tell she’d lost him.
“Ya know, sugar, no-one minds if ye’re not all that talkative; just look at Fluttershy! She’s the shyest gal around, yet we all love her all the same!”
“Ah, but she’s not here tonight, is she?” Alastair came out of his reverie, pointing a slightly waving finger in her general direction. “Nooo, shy girl gets to stay home, but not shy guy, noooo! He gets whole party for himself! And so, drinks to talk!” He quickly degenerated into a fit of giggles.
Shaking her head, Applejack once more slipped an arm around the inebriated humans’ shoulders. “Come on, sugar cube…” she said, gently steering him towards her cart again.
“Do you want to know a… secret?” Al whispered, barely audible, had Applejack not been as close as she was.
“What’s that?” She asked absentmindedly, more worried about the unseen roots and stones in the dark than what the human was saying.
“I’m Batman!” He growled, before bursting into another fit of laughter. “No, no…” he managed to gasp a couple of seconds later, as Applejack happily noticed the path ahead of them; her cart was still where she’d left it, just as she’d expected; several late revelers where still traversing the path, but most of the ponies in town were trustworthy and honest enough that she hadn’t had to worry about it being stolen.
“You’re pur-dy!” Darting in, he pecked the surprised girl on the cheek, before prancing off into the night.
Applejack stood there, shocked, barely even registering the sound of a muffled *thud* coming from off in the darkness, quickly followed by a “Son of a bitch!” and another *thud*.

> The War Begins
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Alastair was at that lovely, yet horrible moment, being mostly-asleep, yet knowing he was waking up.
Gah! No! He desperately scrambled for a purchase on his dream, trying to draw himself back into it. Five more minutes!
The world was conspiring against him, however, as he heard the swish of the blinds being drawn open. He grimaced, scrunching his eyes closed even tighter as a beam of sunlight fell straight onto his face.
Alrighty then, where am I? He knew two things for certain; that really hadn’t been some big, elaborate dream he’d had; he’d had some weird ones before, but they’d never contained dreams-within-dreams. Secondly, he wasn’t at the library; he was in a proper bed, not in his usual position on the couch. Alright, recap; Party yesterday, dressed up… everyone vanished. Drank. A lot. Fun times. Then-
Before he could get any further in his investigation, an absurdly chipper female voice broke through his thoughts. “Look who’s awake! Rise and shine!”
“Eeenh…” an unwilling groan was dragged out of the human, as the increasingly annoying voice carried on.
“Ooh, you had quite a nasty bump last night, yes you did! A good thing it was, yes indeed, a good thing that you have such caring friends who brought you here right away! It was nothing serious, mind you, but oh my you certainly looked terrible! It’s what comes from too much drink, I always say, too much indeed…”
Rolling over on his side, he tried to muffle the voice by pulling his pillow on top of his head, but quickly found it taken away-he remedied this by drawing the blankets over his head instead. “Now then deary, I know these beds seem comfortable and all, but the day is moving on! Time waits for no pony, after all! And as nice as it’s been, having such a unique visitor as yourself, we really must make room for other ponies who need taking care of, so up you get!”
“I’ll help!” Alastair had little time to register this new, familiarly brazen voice, before the bed was lifted up on one side, unceremoniously dumping him onto the floor. Finding the floor to be a suitable substitute, he proceeded to draw the blankets around himself tighter, but found them instead ripped away. “Up and at ‘em, lazy bones!”
Fortunately for Rainbow Dash (And, likely, the man himself), Alastair was still in the ‘I’d-rather-be-sleeping’ place, a place where everyone spoke in the archaic grumbling-snorting language, a language only understandable by others in the same state.
“Nonsense! Time to go!”
“Mhph enhd Ah geh ih heh hfpbble?” His language, while still mostly indecipherable, was slowly becoming more modern.
“Don’t you remember last night?” Rainbow Dash cocked her head to the side.
“…nmph. ‘ittle biph. ‘Rinken.”
“Yeah, managed to knock yourself out with a tree, too! Good going!”
Alastair nodded, wearily rubbing a hand over his face. His fingers paused in their journey just past his right eye, before quickly returning. That’s new…
“Oh, you got yourself a lovely little scar there, deary!” The overbearingly cheerful nurse noticed Alastair’s ministrations as she whisked off the old bed-sheets, preparing the vacated bed for a new occupant. “You’re right lucky at that; according to Miss Applejack, the stub that nicked your eye there could easily have taken it all together! Celestia be praised that wasn’t the case though…” She tutted off, leaving the room with her load of laundry, cheerful voice carrying on from down the hallway.
“Come on, you!” Dash grabbed him by an arm, pulling him bodily to his feet. “Twilight said she had some news for you!”


***


“…did I do something wrong?”
Apparently, whatever reaction Twilight was expecting from Alastair, that wasn’t it. “No! Why would you think that?” Her surprise was evident in both her tone, and her expression.
“Well, I’ve never been evicted for doing something right…” Never been evicted at all, actually…
Alastair had been considerably shocked when, upon arriving back at the library, he had essentially been greeted with ‘Welcome back, get out of my house.’ True, it hadn’t been worded quite like that, but as far as Alastair could tell, that’s what it boiled down to.
“But… you asked for it!”
“Why! What did I do?”
“No, you actually asked.”
“When?” He knew his memory was faulty at times, but he was fairly certain he’d remember a conversational as monumental as that!
“Yesterday morning, before Rarity brought over your suit!”
Alastair frantically searched his memory, eyes darting about the ceiling as he did so, but still he drew a blank. He expressed this with a rough shake of his head, followed by a “Nope.” A sudden thought struck him. “Waaait, when exactly did we talk about this?”
Twilight frowned, recalling the information as best she could. “Shortly after the first time I tried to wake you, telling you that breakfast was ready… is something wrong? Headache? …hangover?” Perhaps fearing that the human hadn’t quite fully recovered from the events of the night before, the purple unicorn understandably mistook the rueful human’s facepalm.
“No… I was still asleep.”
“No you weren’t! I was talking to you!”
“Asleep.”
“We talked about it for a good five minutes!”
“Asleep.”
“You were looking right at me the entire time!”
“I. Was. Asleep.” Seeing her unwilling to concede the point, Alastair hurried on before he could be interrupted. “It’s a wonderful habit I’ve developed over the years (completely unconsciously, too – no pun intended). First thing in the morning – (“Afternoon.” Twilight interjected, but Alastair chose to ignore the finer details) – right after someone wakes me, I’m not… necessarily awake. Can carry on conversations as though fully conscious, but nothing sticks. Handy for getting out of chores!” This last was delivered with a roguish grin. “So… yeah, sorry, wasn’t actually awake for that; in all honesty, it had only been a passing thought I’d had; I hate to be a moocher, just bumming off of your kindness.”
An inquisitive gleam entered Twilights eyes halfway through his speech. “Oh, it’s no problem… I’d love to study you sometime.”
Giving her an odd look at how she’d chosen to phrase that, Alastair quipped. “Kinda hard, seeing as how I’m apparently not sleeping here anymore… where is this new place of mine, anyway?”
“Oh, it’s right above Mr. Write’s bookstore! He even has a position available, if you’re interested.”
Alastair wasn’t sure what to say; he’d always imagined himself working in a bookstore one day, but… “Mr. Right? Really?”
“What’s wrong with Leftor’s name?” Twilight frowned.
Alastair could do nothing but facepalm once again. “There… there’s a man here… not only is he Mr. Right, but he’s Leftor Right?”


 ***


The man behind the desk didn’t look up from his book as the doorbell merrily jangled, signalling Alastair’s entry through the door. Seeing that he was the only other person in the store at the moment, Alastair assumed that the man was, in fact, Mr. Write.
The human took a few moments to examine his surroundings; it was a small store, with only three rooms that he could see, each at most the size of his bedroom back home. While it may have been small, the owner used every inch of it that he could; the walls were lined with shelves, all packed full of books, loosely labeled first under category, and then under the first letter of the authors last name. The floor space had been split into aisles, divided by shorter, waist-high shelves, which had more books, book-ends, and other knickknacks covering the tops. What parts of the wall that weren’t covered by the shelves where a faded blue, the slightly grimy colour demonstrating just how long the store had been in business. A quick glance at the floor showed it to be hardwood, although the majority was covered with worn, Persian-looking rugs;  even with just this quick glance, Alastair already felt comfortable here, as he tended to when around books.
The cursory inspection of the room complete, Alastair turned his attention to the man behind the desk, who had still as of yet to look up from his book.
The horn spiraling from the man’s forehead clearly showed him to be a unicorn (Or at least, this places’ version of the creatures. Alastair still found it surprising from time to time how human these supposedly-equines looked). His hair, while thinning, was still mainly black, with only a few streaks of silver showing through, enough to give him a dignified look; it went well with the rest of his attire. His grey-furred body was covered by what Alastair had always assumed stuffy English university professors would wear; brown tweed pants, a white dress shirt, a brown-and-yellow plaid vest (Awfully clashing combination, a voice that sounded oddly like Rarity’s floated through Al’s head), all covered by a corduroy jacket, which even had those leather pads on the elbows.
Standing awkwardly in front of the desk for several minutes, Alastair eventually let out a forced cough. “Yes, I know you’re there…” the man before him murmured as he slowly flipped over the page. After several more seconds, he nodded slightly, slipping a bookmark into place before closing the book, and setting it carefully on the counter. Eyeing the human in turn, he finally gave Al a blank look. “So, you’re the new tenant?”
“Yes?” Alastair tentatively returned; he’d been expecting more of a ‘oh, you’re different!’ reaction, but then again, there had been a party in his favour the night before; maybe he’d be less of a shock to everyone here.
“Follow me.” His host edged his way out from behind the counter, making his way towards the front door. “Ever deal with books before?” He asked, flipping the stores’ sign from ‘Open’ to ‘Closed’.
“Had a couple of bookshelves back home full of them…”
“Work related?”
“No,” Alastair replied, shaking his head. “Closest I got was delivering newspapers.” He’d applied at a couple of stores, but they hadn’t been hiring at the time; information he doubted Mr. Write would be interested in.
The shop owner pursed his lips, nodding as he made his way towards the back room. “Cashier experience?” He asked, not bothering to look behind him to see if Al was following.
Alastair nodded, then, realizing that the man in front of him couldn’t actually see that, replied verbally. “Yes; five years at a grocery store... and two months at a… coffee shop.” He had a sneaking suspicion as to where this conversation was headed, but-
“Interested in a job?” Ok, sneaking suspicion confirmed.
“Just like that?”
Mr. Write sighed as he stopped, hand resting on the backdoor knob. He spoke calmly and slowly, as though he were explaining something to a child. “I can’t very well ask for your work references, now can I? The previous tenant was also an employee; the room comes with the position. And when two of my best customers vouch for you, well…” He rolled a slow shrug, pushing the door open. “Doesn’t hurt that one of them is the Princess’s prized pupil, either.”
The question of the job being settled, Mr. Write gave Alastair the tour of his new home; up the back stairwell was the small apartment, built close so that any ne’er-do-wells would think twice about targeting the store. The apartment itself was relatively small, almost mirroring the layout of the premises below. The main room served as a combination entrance-hall/living-room, with a couch pushed up against one wall, a chair against another, small coffee-table in the middle, and a fireplace opposite the couch. A low wall served to provide a divider between this room and the kitchen; a window looking out over the front walkway lined most of the wall, providing a view for a person standing in front of either the sink, main counter, or stove. A fridge finished off the utilities of the room, with a couple of stools pushed up against the low wall; presumably, it was designed to be used in lieu of a proper kitchen table.
The last room (two, if the add-on bathroom was counted) was the bedroom; a rather simple fare, with only a single-person bed in a corner, a nightstand next to it, an empty closet next to a similarly empty bookshelf on the opposite wall, next to the doorway to the small washroom. The fourth wall was again dominated by a window; due to Mr. Write’s bookstore being close to the edge of town, the view was next to unobstructed, only a couple of single story buildings blocking the panoramic setting. Walking up to the desk in front of the window, Alastair looked out, seeing a large amount of grassland, with what was quite recognizably Sweet Apple Acres off in the distance. He felt an odd stirring inside him, almost as though there was a weight pulling him down; the view out this window was disturbingly similar to that out of the kitchen in his old-old house, the one his family had owned before they’d moved, almost a decade ago.
“’s perfect.” He managed to force out, hoping his voice didn’t sound too strained. “How much is rent?”
“Taken out of your paycheque.” Ah, that explains why he was so curious as to whether I’d take the job. “I’ll leave you to get settled.”
Alastair looked down, glancing at the bag Twilight had loaned him. In it, and on himself, were all his worldly possessions. Lots of settling to do.
Still, he made the best of his time. He placed his toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, and deodorant (all courtesy of Rarity) next to the sink in the washroom, hung up his spare change of clothes in the closet, and placed his single book on the bookshelf, angled so that it wouldn’t fall over. Next, he tossed his IPod onto the bedside table (still at nearly three-quarter charge; he hadn’t used it at all since arriving in Equestria), while in one of the drawers of the table in front of the window he deposited his collapsible telescope, pencils, pen, and notebooks. Pausing pensively, he tucked the pen back into one of his inner pockets, while placing his larger, leather-bound notebook back into his largest inner pocket; it was always a tight squeeze, but it fit.
It was as he was putting his book back into his pocket that he froze; even though he knew he couldn’t see it without moving his head, his eyes slowly tracked to the left, towards the direction of the door. He could have sworn he heard a sound… almost like… someone raiding his fridge? Cautiously drawing his throwing knife from its make-shift sheath of his journal, Alastair balanced on the balls of his feet, silently spinning, staying as quiet as possible. He paused for several more seconds, but still heard nothing. As stealthily as he could, he made his way towards the doorway of his new room, cursing his ankle joints every few seconds as they insisted on cracking. Damn this body of mine, why is it always at its loudest when I want to be quiet? Warily edging his head out the doorway, he quickly scanned the rooms; thanks to the low wall, he could see easily into the kitchen, where there was nobody; the window above the sink, however, was open, the curtains blowing merrily in the breeze.
Alastair chuckled as the wind blew on the window again, causing the outward-swinging portion (What’s that part even called? He mused, before shrugging it off) to bang shut. Tucking the weapon back into its place, he strode over to the offending orifice, firmly latching it shut. Nerves already getting the better of me! He once again paused, pensive. Nodding, he made his way back to the bedroom, where he lifted the mattress with one hand, while with the other he once more withdrew his knife, depositing it beneath. Don’t want to be too trigger happy, now!
A faint pain in his stomach reminded him that he hadn’t eaten anything since… well, he wasn’t entire too sure of what had happened at the hospital, but he’d eaten nothing since the party that he could remember; even then, it had mainly been small party-treats, nothing filling. Out of reflex, he headed towards the kitchen, and only as he was pulling open the fridge did he wonder if there would even be anything there.
What he saw shocked him immensely, however; had there been anything left from the previous tenant, he imagined it would likely be slim pickings, at most; perhaps a few apples and oranges, maybe an old head of lettuce on the verge of going bad… instead, the entire cavity was almost empty, shining a stark white from the light bulbs glare. The only item currently in the fridge was sitting proudly on a plate, in the middle of the top shelf, waiting for all of the world to see it.
A chicken leg.
Alastair just stood, staring at the offending object. How… what… but they… Cautiously, he reached out a finger, giving the item a quick poke. Yes, it’s definitely there, I’m NOT hallucinating… Curious, now, he picked it up. Immediately, he felt something was off about it; the texture was… definitely not chicken-like, but instead…
His face went blank as he realized what it was. A smirk drawing up the corner of his mouth, he gave the drumstick a light squeeze.
‘Ke-keeeeee…!’ the chew-toy squealed under the light pressure.
Nodding slowly, Alastair was about to put the item back on the plate, when he noticed a folded piece of paper that had been hiding under it. Curious, he picked it up, unfolding it with one hand.
‘Nice digs you got here, Al! Enjoy the food!
~R. D.’
He pursed his lips, slowly nodding once more. Should have known…


***


After a whirlwind tour of the shop (‘Fantasy books in this room, alphabetical by authors last name, fiction here, same deal, history, astronomy, science, magic, maps…’) and payment-system (‘Small paper back, buy for two bits, sell for three, large, buy for three, sell for five, hardcover, buy for…)  Alastair soon found himself alone, in charge of the shop. He stood behind the counter for several long moments, eyes wide, darting about the shop. What the heck just happened?


***


One hour and no customers later found Alastair wandering slowly about the store, trying to orient himself more to the place, getting the specific sections burned into his memory; a task that would undoubtedly be for naught within five minutes of its completion.
He turned around excitedly at the sound of the stores bell jingling merrily. Finally, business! …crap, what do I do?!


***


Another hour and a quasi-customer later (Lyra had only made the smallest attempts of pretending to be looking for a book; she’d asked questions like “Where would I find a book on human cultures?” or “If I were interested in human politics, what book would you suggest?”, or his personal favourite, “Do you have any maps of the area where you used to live?”) found Alastair once more wandering about the shop, head tilted to side as he read the spines of the books, wondering if any would be of interest to him; he’d been through fantasy, his normal haunt back home, but found it to be what he was used to thinking of as fiction; instead, HIS fantasy was located in Ponyville’s bookstore’s fiction-and-non-fiction sections. Reminding himself of that was already giving him a headache.


***


A half-hour and a terrible kink in the neck later found Alastair once more sitting behind the front desk, idly twirling his pen amongst his fingers as he tried to think what else to write in his open journal before him. Can see what Twilight meant about not many people visiting the library…


***


Yet another hour and still no customers later found Alastair tilted back in a chair, his feet crossed on the desk, a book spread across his face. He vaguely remembered trying to read it, but found he couldn’t get into it. Odd, I normally love books… There had been several ‘browsers’, but none of them had actually bought anything, or stayed long, for that matter.
…There had been a couple more gawkers, as well.
His head shot up as the bell by the door once again jingled. Turning to look at the mirror he’d positioned on a nearby bookshelf, he smiled as he recognized the stores latest patron. Quickly picking the book back up from where it had fallen onto his lap, he placed it back on his face, resuming his ‘dozing’ posture.
He focussed on keeping his breathing regular; Deep breath in… and out… and in… and STOP SMILING! Alastair was very thankful for the book covering his traitorous cheeks.
Listening carefully, he heard Rainbow Dash’s muffled footsteps as they entered the store, slowly making their way around the bookshelves. “Al?”
He replied with a snort, before returning to his meditative breathing.
His grin spread wider as he heard muffled laughter. Aaaand… go! “Mmmm…” he let out a low moan, struggling not to laugh as he heard his friends own laughter increase. “Dashie, yes… don’t stop!…” 
And then the room went silent.
Oh god, this is too much… He let out a small chuckle of his own as he let his head fall forward, once more depositing the book in his lap. “Gotcha!”
He burst out in a fit of laughter at the expression on the blue Pegasi’s face. “And you said I was easy to get!”
Giving her head a quick shake, she leveled a glare at the bemused human. “…nice one, did I interrupt your nap?” she begrudgingly retorted.
“Hey, ‘s payback for the chicken! And naw, just love the smell of old books.” Laughter wearing down, he ruefully shook his head, continuously ignoring the glare. “So, what can I do you for?”
“Sounds like something AJ would ask... anyway, got any new ‘Daring Doo’ books?”
“Who-dee-who?” Despite his earlier wanderings, Alastair had no clue where any book by that name (or author?) was located… or, for that matter, what section it would even be in.
“Aw, come on, man! You work here; you’ve got to have heard of her! The most awesome, most amazing, most adventurous explorer out there! Always finding hidden treasures, lost temples, ancient civilizations…”
“Really now? Sounds like the love-child of Indiana Jones and Tomb Raider… Famous characters… back home… movies, games… archaeologists…” His attempts to describe them petered out under Rainbows’ confused scrutiny. “ANYWAY! Where would she be, fiction or biography?”


***


Alastair hummed happily to himself as he flipped the stores sign from ‘Open’ to ‘Closed’. Despite what most would have called the days ‘frustrating’ lack of customers, Alastair had actually enjoyed his first day on the job. He tended to prefer the slow lulls, as they gave him more time to sort out any and every thought he had.
Rainbow Dash had been the last (and only) customer in the store; after talking for a while, comparing adventurers’ stories, she’d finally purchased a book (“Awesome, first customer!” “Really?”), she’d departed, with a merry promise to get revenge.”
Shaking his head, he cautiously stepped out the front door, locking it behind himself. Although there was no-one on the street, he was still nervous of being out in public. Well mate, you gotta get out there sooner or later!
YOU! Where have you been? But alas, Slick once more went silent.
After trying to glare up into his skull, Alastair shot a quick glance at his watch. Quarter after 5… might as well have a quick walk about. Steeling himself, he headed towards the main square.
The closer he got to the main thoroughfare, the more citizens there were, milling about as most of the store shut down. Despite the humans worries, none of them seemed too perturbed by his appearance; true, there were a few stares, and aside from three women (sisters?) who looked like they were about to go into shock, no-one had yet to go running off screaming “Monster! The horror, the horror!”
On a whim, Alastair decided to go back to the site of the previous night’s party; the park.
As shocked as he had been to discover that his partying friend could whip up such an event in less than a day, he was even more shocked to find that there was little trace left of the village-wide soiree from the previous night; he’d been expecting perhaps clean-up crews, or the occasional dropped cup, but the only signs of the large-scale activities were the trampled grass and slushy, muddy puddles.
It was near one of these puddles that Alastair paused, head cocked to the side. That’s odd… either a giant mosquito, or a tiny motor boat…
A quick glance around was all that saved him from being driven over by a familiar orange Pegasus filly on a bright red scooter; however, it wasn’t enough to save him from being caught in the wave of mud thrown up by the scooters passing. “Sorry! Gotta run!” The little filly in question shouted over her shoulder, barely slowing as she sped down the path.
A soaking wet human was left, glowering after the retreating filly through a haze of mud. It was just an accident… just an accident… I’ve done worse to myself before… Fuming silently, he spun on his heel, doing his best not to so much storm back to his new apartment, as to get there in a dignified manner. As dignified as he could, covered in mud.
He paused upon returning to his abode, catching his first glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. ‘s not SO bad… it’s just mud, and she’s just a kid, after all… a’right, but just this once!
Nodding to his reflection as though he’d made a significant agreement with himself, he hastily stripped off his soiled clothes, washing them as best he could in the sink. Not as good as a proper washer and dryer, but it’ll do in a cinch!
Carefully poking his head out the bathroom doorway, he quickly streaked across his apartment, laying out his clothes on the still-sun-drenched kitchen counter before retreating back to the bathroom.
Alastair sighed as he in turn stepped under the warm spray of the shower, feeling most of his aches slough away the layers of mud; he idly stretched his neck over to the side, trying in vain to ease the last tension in his neck. Finding this unsuccessful, he nevertheless enjoyed soaking in the warmth of the water.
Once he felt himself thoroughly cleansed, Alastair reluctantly shut off the tap, cutting off the relaxing flow of water. After a brisk dry-off, the cinched his towel around his waist, once again exiting to the kitchen. He frowned when, upon pulling his jeans back on, he found the cuffs settling several inches above his ankles. They can’t have shrunk that much from my washing, could they? His concern was both alleviated and doubled when he attempted to get his slightly-damp shirt back on. What the…? He struggled with the sleeves for a couple more seconds before ceasing his attempts, realizing that that the ends were sewn shut. But who…? He facepalmed at even needing to think that question. Dashie.


***


“Coming!” Rarity sang from inside the Boutique. She gasped when, upon unlocking the door to her boutique, she saw her visitor. “Alastair, darling, whatever happened to you?”
“Long story.” The grumpy human grumbled. “Can you help?”
“Oh, most certainly, dear! Do come in!” Alastair acquiesced, and was soon standing awkwardly as Rarity tut-ed her way around him, eyeing the damage. “Dear dear dear, what have you been doing in these clothes? Who hemmed those pants? And your shirt! Did you take a hacksaw to it? We’ll have to get you out of it right away!”
Feeling more awkward than ever, he grudgingly unbuttoned his shirt, handing it over to the seamstress before quickly wrapping his arms around his middle. Despite what he’d told Applejack on his second day in Ponyville, he hadn’t actually played any sports in years; had their short run been any longer, she would undoubtedly have left him in the dust in short order. Years of an inactive lifestyle had left him more than a little self-conscious about his body image; despite what many people back home had said (such as calling him a ‘twig’, ‘stick’, and thin enough that a mere hug would give them a paper-cut), he was convinced he was developing a slight paunch.
None of this seemed apparent to Rarity, however, as she whisked away his garment, muttering to herself as she looked it over in closer detail. “Oh, and I’ll need your pants as well.”
“Yu-huh, not happening.”
“Oh, not out here, of course! Into the dressing room with you!”
Right, should have thought of that… Once in the semi-seclusion of the tiny room, he immediately felt more comfortable; all in all, it wasn’t too different from clothes shopping back home. In short order, his pants had also been whisked away, leaving him standing, only shivering slightly. “How long should this take?” He inquired, poking his head around the door.
“Oh, no longer than an hour or two!” The white unicorn flashed him a dazzling smile over her shoulder before turning back to the project in front of her.
“An-what?” Why didn’t I bring that suit, too? Alastair fumed at his short-sightedness. Well, hindsight is 20/20, as they say… “Well, do you have anything roughly my size that I could put on while I wait?”
“Oh, of course! Did I…? Oh, I didn’t, did I?” Wondering briefly what she was muttering about, Alastair noticed a glow appear around his friend’s horn, shortly followed by a rack of clothes clattering up next to the changing room. “Just a few ensembles I whipped up in my spare time for you, darling!”
Trying desperately to ignore the way she fluttered her eyes at him, he quickly grabbed the first set of clothes off the rack, disappearing once more into the fitting room.
He was doubly shocked when he regarded himself in the mirror, garbed in his new attire; firstly, how well they fit him; he wasn’t sure why he was surprised, for after all, this was Rarity’s work. Secondly, however, was how well it fit him; If only I had my bandana and a gold ‘Peace’ necklace, I’d look like I was right out of the 70’s! The decade of happiness, parties, and rock and roll were always one that he wished he’d been born in. The shirt had a nice smooth feel to it, with a wide collar; essentially impossible to fashionably wear a tie with it without looking ridiculous, let alone have all the buttons done up; a fact that Alastair was particularly happy about. The sleeves were loose but comfortable, making them easy to roll up, as he preferred. The jeans in particular he was pleased with; Bellbottoms! I’ve been looking for a pair like these EVERYWHERE! The only problem that he could find with the set was but a minor one; the shirt was pink. Not a colour I’m particularly fond of, but oh well! Still looks awesome!
After one final twirl in front of the mirror, he happily exited the confines of the changing room. “This looks amazing, Rarity! Thanks! How much’ll I owe you?”
“Oh, think nothing of it, darling!” Rarity turned away from her project (It’s just a simple stitching un-do-al, it shouldn’t take this long!) to give Alastair an examination. “Oh, I’m so glad it worked out as spectacularly as it did! You look absolutely smashing! And let us speak no more on expenses; think of it as a gift from your friends! This way, you’ll always have a bit of us to remember us by!”
“Well, I’m not planning on going anywhere just yet! …wa-ait a second… A bit of…?” Alastair slowly looked over his shoulder, eyeing the rack of clothes still resting by the fitting room door. A smile slowly crossed his face as he took in the array for the first time; including the one he was currently wearing, there were a total of six; his pink one from a party era, a decidedly orange-and-yellow plaid short-sleeved work shirt with a pair of sturdy jeans, as well as a predominantly light, sporty blue tank-top with red, orange, and yellow bordering, paired with a darker blue-and-purple pair of running shorts. Next to the sports gear rested a buttercup-yellow button-up shirt, a slightly similar style to his pink one, but more toned-down. A light-brown faux leather jacket rested on top of the shirt, oddly enough with pink butterfly’s for the buttons, both for the jacket and the outer pockets, paired off with a set of beige slacks. The final two articles were decidedly higher-fashioned than the rest; the first was a semi-casual ensemble, consisting of a light purple button-up shirt (one likely meant to be worn with a tie, to Alastair’s consternation), overlaid by a predominantly white, diamond-patterned sweater vest, the diamonds alternating between a light-ish pink, and a darker purple. The final piece was obviously the crown of the elaborate cloth-bound crown; a formal, jet-black three piece pinstripe suit, partially concealing a deep, royal purple button-up shirt, with a white tie draped around the neck; closer inspection showed the tie to be bearing a peculiar three diamond setting, the shapes in a light baby blue on the forefront of the piece.
Alastair nodded, admiring the collection in front of him. Always have a bit of them close to me, indeed! “Clever girl!” He winced, internally smacking himself about the head. Really?
“Why thank you! Now, honestly; whatever happened to your prior attire?”
“We-ell…”Alastair deliberated, thinking of a way to word it without condemning innocent parties. “I couldn’t say for certain, but I have my strong suspicions. It started with an accident in the park, where…“ Blast my infernal memory for names! He theatrically waved a hand through the air, as though the motions would stir it from his memory. “Little… filly, one of the Crusaders, orange, Pegasus…”
“Oh, Scootaloo? Yes, that little dear can be quite the trouble maker, can’t she? She takes after our dear Rainbow in that aspect, as well as many others…”
“Wait, she knows Dashie?” Another mental smack followed this question. Of course she does, EVERYONE knows Dash!
“Why of course, dear! Rainbow is her role model, after all! She even founded her fan club! She’d probably do anything Rainbow asked of her.”
“You don’t say…” Okay, less-than-innocent-parties, then! “Well, one way or another, she splashed me with a mud-puddle; I washed that out as best I could-“
“Not very well at that!” Alastair highly doubted that he was meant to hear that last muttered statement, so carried on as though he hadn’t. “And I’m assuming that our dear friend Dash did the stitching while I was in the shower.
At this point Rarity froze, slowly raising her eyes to stare right at Alastair. “Do you know this for certain?”
Bobbing his head from side to side for a moment, Alastair slowly nodded. “Almost positive.”
“In that case, I’ve changed my mind; you can pay me back for those clothes.” Alastair momentarily felt an eye twitch; Uh-oh… what did I do? How many weeks of pay will I need?
Not too many, as it would turn out; “Get her back. Get her back good.” She stomped her hoof to emphasize this last point before spinning around, turning back to Al’s ruined clothing, hissing under her breath. “Chimmy Cherry Changa’s indeed!” 
Alastair felt a wry grin slowly grow across his face. I’ve got me an ally in this war! “Oh, I’ve got a few ideas, one of which could use a lady of your… skills.” He was particularly joyed to see a familiar gleam in the unicorns’ eye as she turned once more to look at him.