Chill Spider
"Yo, it's flu season, you should probably get vaccinated or something."
Chocolate Chip looked up from his couch at his friend. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." he mumbled, placing his head back onto the couch and closing his eyes. His friend was always giving him useful advice and warnings.
"There's nothin' in the fridge. We should like, go shopping or something."
Chocolate Chip sighed. His advice may be useful, but his friend's deep voice could get on someone's nerves very quickly. He stood up and walked to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he frowned. They really were out of food. He turned his head and looked at his friend. His black fur, his long, thin legs, and his beady little eyes made him look a little creepy.
Also the fact that he was a giant spider. That also added to the creepiness factor.
"Come on, Tyrone. Let's get to the store before it closes."
---
Chocolate Chip and Tyrone walked through the streets of Hoofington, purposely avoiding areas populated with a lot of ponies. Most ponies were a little freaked out by Tyrone.
That was okay. He was cool with it.
They were almost at the supermarket when they heard a shout. Deciding to investigate, they quickly scurried around a building to find the source of the noise. Standing in front of a tree was a little orange foal. Her mane was brown and tied up in a ponytail. "Woah, that's like, pony-ception." Tyrone muttered in his baritone voice.
The filly turned to look at the source of the voice. "Can you help me?" she asked, employing the use of the puppy dog eyes. "My kitty is stuck in this tree!"
Tyrone used one of his spindly legs to remove the cool sunglasses that were always kept on his face. "Don't worry 'bout it. I'll get your cat for you." he said. With that, he scurried up the trunk of the tree. A rustling noise and the sounds of a cat hissing could be heard from the branched. After a few moments, Tyrone scurried back down, a bundle of silk webs attached to his back.
The spider placed the bundle in front of the filly. "I had to web up your cat, 'cause it was scratching me up. I understand that it is a feline's natural reaction to seeing a giant predator, and don't blame you one bit."
The filly grinned. "Thanks, mister Tyrone!" she said. The spider placed his sunglasses back on his face.
"Don't worry about it. Don't do drugs."
---
Tyrone and Chocolate had made it to the supermarket a little while later. "I didn't know you were so good with foals!" Chocolate exclaimed. Tyrone just shrugged.
"There's a sale on cucumbers in the produce aisle." Tyrone stated.
"Thanks for the info!"
Chocolate Chip started to compare the prices of canned tuna while Tyrone wandered through the store, looking for flies or whatever it is giant talking spiders ate.
A scream was heard, and Chocolate dropped the cans of tuna and started to run towards the source of the noise. Whenever a scream was heard in a public area, it was usually somepony freaking out about Tyrone.
A thought struck him and he stopped running. "Why was I even considering buying the tuna?" he thought aloud. Shaking his head to clear his mind, he started running again. No time for pointless thoughts like that. He stopped again, however, as another thought entered his mind. "Why is this store even selling tuna?"
---
Meanwhile, with Tyrone-
Tyrone covered his face with a spindly leg as the frightened mare threw another can at him. He wondered which god it was that had hated him so much to curse him and cause him to be born a spider. It's not his fault he was spawned from an egg along with a thousand other little, creepy freaks of nature!
"M'am, if I've wronged you in any way, I'm terribly sorry. Please accept my sincerest apologies." he said. The mare continued to throw cans at him as though her life depended on it. Now that he thought about it, she probably did think her life depended on it.
Chocolate Chip ran up to the mare and stood in front of her, blocking her field of view and stopping her from throwing any more cans. "Stop! He's nice, I swear!"
"Get out of my way, you'll get eaten by the giant spider!"
Chocolate rolled his eyes. "Tyrone's not going to eat you, he's a pretty cool guy overall, and murder isn't cool."
A thoughtful look crossed her face. "Okay...", she said. "But any funny business from him and he'll be getting a faceful of cans!"
Tyrone took that moment to interject himself into the conversation. "I'm sorry if the way I look disturbs you, miss. However, I have these tickets to the upcoming Wonderbolts show. Would they prove to you how sorry I am?" he asked.
"How did you know I loved the Wonderbolts! Of course I'll go with you!" the mare exclaimed, a gleeful smile on her face. "It's a date, then!"
"That's cool. I'll see you then." Tyrone said. The mare turned around and happily trotted off.
A look of disbelief crosses Chocolates face. "Did... did she just go from trying to kill you to having a date with you?" he asked. Tyrone nodded.
"Tyrone, how are you so insanely cool?"
Tyrone leaned towards Chocolate. "Come closer, I don't want anypony else hearing my secret." he said. Chocolate put his ear up to Tyrone's mandibles. "I listen to two hours of dubstep each day while bathing in a tub of ice."
"So that's where all my ice cubes are going!"
---
A few days later, Tyrone walked into his and Chocolate's shared apartment. "How'd the date go?" asked the stallion. Tyrone smiled.
"It was great. We saw the Wonderbolts, ate dinner, and when she leaned in to give me a kiss, I ate her head because I am a spider and that's what we do on dates."
"Oh. I didn't know that."
"You learn something new every day," said the spider in his deep voice.
___
Author's notes:
I'm ashamed I wrote this. Please don't take it seriously.
DISCLAIMER-
Listening to dubstep while bathing in a tub of ice is dangerous to your health and should not be attempted at home.