> The Mad Mojavian Adventures of Courier 6 and Pinkie pie
>  by Edmar Fecler
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> prelude
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	It was quiet in the REPCONN headquarters’ lobby. There was a decent layer of dust covering everything except a lone Mr. Gutsy and a trio of dead bandits who had tried to break into the building’s offices. The silence continued for many more moments before the lobby’s front doors were violently kicked open. 

In the doorway stood a lone, caucasian figure, clad in a suit of armor with a hoodless cloak which nearly reached the floor, as well as a slightly tattered desperado cowboy hat that rested on the man’s head of brownish-red, shortly cut hair. A set of authority shades blocked the pair of sky-blue eyes that began scanning the lobby. They quickly spotted their target and locked onto the Gutsy robot that hovered in place across the room. As the man began walking to the Gutsy unit, an advanced eye-bot floated into the room behind him. 

The man stopped a few feet away from the Mr. Gutsy unit and paused for a moment, looking over the robot to make sure it was his intended target. Without warning, the man whipped out an anti-material rifle with red trimming that had been strapped on his back and pointed towards the robot’s head. 

“Listen closely, bot,” the man began in a gruff tone, “I’ve come here for one thing. And you are going to give it to me.” The Handyman hovered in place, un-wavering. 

“I want…” the man lowered his weapon. “…A tour of this fine establishment!” he said in a cheerful tone as a smile spread across his face. 

“Very well sir,” The Mr. Gutsy replied with mock-enthusiasm. “Right this way!” 


 - 


“-And this is the tour’s planetarium, boys and girls!” The Mr. Gutsy tour guide continued with metallic enthusiasm, “It is an exact replica of our amazing universe! -not to scale, of course- Do you see those little rockets floating around?” 

Jacks took a slurpish sip of his Sunset Sarsaparilla through a straw he had found before looking up at the display of orbs and rockets rotating around a faded yellow ‘sun.’ “Yep, I see them. Hey, they look like the one of the rockets you showed earlier in the tour.” 

“You are indeed correct, little boy.” Jacks snickered at the robot’s mistake. “Those rockets are in fact the same ones as earlier. Piloted by robots like myself, they are traversing our grand galaxy for new worlds to be mined! And that is the end of our tour, boys and girls. Any questions?” Jacks raised his hand. “Yes, you in the back, do you have a question?” 

Jacks lowered his hand. “Yea, what if the rockets happen across an alien planet?” for him, he knew for a fact that aliens existed. He had stumbled across a few of them that had set up camp beneath their hovering space ship. Unfortunately for them, they attacked him. Aside from a few quality laser rifles, he found some sort of alien blaster while looting their corpses. 

“Excellent question young man!” the robot replied. “Each of the robot pilots have a secondary program for just such an occasion. If they do in fact find alien life, they are to bring back a living specimen. That way, we would be able to figure out the best way to rid the planet of all the inferior life to make way for our mining expeditions!” 

Jacks' sarsaparilla slurping was cut short. “…What now?” 

“Yes! The owners of ROBB co. know for a fact that you humans are the epitome of all life in the universe!” 

Jacks rolled his eyes before pushing his authority glasses down to pinch his brow. “…Damn egocentric, pre-war humans…” 

The tour guide continued un-phased by the insult to his programmers. “other questions? …No? Well then remember to stop by the gift shop on your way back through the museum. And remember, stay out of restricted areas!” With the robot’s program complete, it began hovering back to its place in the lobby, where it would await the next passerby who wishes a tour of the ancient company’s headquarters. 

ED-E beeped impatiently from behind Jacks. “Alright, we can leave now.” He pushed his sunglasses back up his nose as a grin spread across his face. “…But not before a good looting of this place’s gift shop.” 


 - 


After thoroughly searching the museum’s gift shop, Jacks had not found anything valuable or interesting other than a toy rocket, which he began playing with as he and ED-E left the building. 

“Woossshhhhhhhhh! SsshhhhhHHHhhhh!” He swung the toy around, pretending it was flying through space. “Chsh- captain, look out! It’s a meteor storm! Chsh- brace for impact!” he tossed the toy into the clear blue sky before whipping out his .44 magnum revolver and firing a three-shot salvo at the toy as it fell. One of the bullets nailed the toy, causing it to break into several pieces.  

“Aaahhhhh! Noooo! The humanity! Pffthahahahaha!” Jacks stopped and leaned forward as he let out a hearty laugh. “Ahhhhh, I should have fun like this more often.” 

He noticed ED-E shake his head/body. 

“Come on, can’t a guy have some harmless fun?” ED-E suddenly spun around and looked up. “What, are you ignoring me now?! Ok, fine, I won’t play with anymore toys if you’re going to be like that.” 

ED-E beeped irritably.  

“Wait, huh? What do you mean something is-” A fiery column of smoke shot through the sky about a mile above where he and ED-E were, followed closely by a thunderous wave of noise. “…falling from …the sky…” he managed to finish, despite being stunned from the sight. He watched as the ball of fire and smoke flew into the mountain range around vault 19, followed by an echoed boom. 

His jaw hung open as he stood in place for a moment, watching as a pillar of black smoke began to rise from what must have been where the UFO crashed. He looked down to the shattered bits of the toy rocket, then to his pistol. “Damn…” 

ED-E beeped inquiringly. 

“H-huh?” he said before shaking his head. “Ye- yea, of course we’re going to check that shit out!” The look of surprise melted from his face, replaced by a confident grin and a raised brow. “And so begins our next quest, my friend! Come; let us see what the wasteland has given us this time.” 

After an acknowledging set of beeps from ED-E, the duo set off for the unidentified object’s crash site. 
> Chapter 1
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	Jacks stopped to catch his breath. Walking across the flats in-between the REPCONN Headquarters had been the easy part of the journey. The difficult part was climbing the steep slopes of the uneven mountains above Vault 19. It had taken them long enough to find a slope that he could crawl up, much less maneuvering their way around sudden drops and boulders. All the while the pillar of black smoke was growing bigger and closer with each step. 

“Ugh. Eddy, are we there yet?” 

The floating eyebot beeped reassuringly, which Jacks understood as “--Just over this ridge.--” Even though the robot spoke with beeps and whistles, Jacks could understand it. He would have tried figuring out an explanation, but he, like he did with so many other things, simply shrugged and went along with it. 

“Thank goodness. All this climbing is getting sand in my boots.” 

ED-E stopped at the incline’s crest to wait for Jacks, who caught back up a second later. Looking down from the ridge, they saw a relatively large, level area surrounded by other ridges like the one they stood on now. The rocket rested (roughly) in the center of the level area, which Jacks thought to be strangely iconic. There was a scorched trail of sand behind the ship, showing that it had dug itself into the ground. 

As for the rocket itself, from his standpoint Jacks thought it looked like any other generic Earth rocket. It had a pointed tip, looked pretty fat in the middle, and had three fins sticking out from the ship’s bottom around the three engines. 

“Man, ROBco should have kept their rockets on a diet, else maybe they wouldn’t be falling from the sky like a skydiving… fat… person…” Jacks thought to himself before looking down at his Pipboy’s hud. The surrounding area appeared clear, but he tapped the screen to make sure it wasn’t just the pipboy going on the fritz again. 

“Well, I’m not picking up any life signs.” He turned to ED-E. “You getting anything?” 

ED-E beeped informatively. “--I am picking up the faint signature of a Mr. Gutsy near the ship.--” 

“Alright then, maybe it knows what that ship’s been up to.” 

Jacks took a step forward. However, he had forgotten that he was at the top of a steep slope. His foot made contact with air (which has a nasty tendency to not be solid), causing him to fall forward into an uncontrollable tumble down the sandy slope. ED-E’s frantic beeps went unnoticed as Jacks continued to tumble, before his face eventually slammed into a particularly sandy spot at the bottom of the incline. He lay sprawled out and motionless in the sand for a moment as ED-E floated down the slope to his side. 

The eyebot nudged his side cautiously, resulting in a muffled ‘mmm’ from where Jacks’ face was hidden beneath the sand. Shortly after, Jacks pushed himself off the ground and coughed up any sand that had found its way into his mouth and throat. He rolled over and sat up before grabbing the desperado cowboy hat and authority glasses from where they lay in the sand and placing them in their respective places on his head. He pulled a bottle of purified water out from a pouch on the inside of his cape and took a massive swig, drinking the entire thing in one go. 

Jacks tossed the empty bottle onto the dune behind him and smiled. “Ahh… That was fun.” He stood up slowly, bending over backwards and cracking his spine in the process. “Besides, A rolling stone gathers no radiation, eh?” 

ED-E shook his head/body. 

Jacks stepped closer to the scorched rocket, looking over its finer details. When he got close enough, he rubbed some of the soot away with his gloves, revealing a ROBco logo. His initial thought on the rocket’s origin was that it was one of the three that he helped Jason Bright and his group of religious ghouls use to take them to their “promised land.” 

However, it was only now that he remembered that the Mr. Gutsy back at the ROBco headquarters had said something about robot-piloted rockets flying throughout the galaxy during its tour of the museum. Maybe this one had gotten lost or was trying to return for whatever reason. 

As Jacks walked to the other side of the ship, what he found all but confirmed his theory that this was one of ROBco’s intergalactic ships. A Mr. Gutsy robot lay a foot or two away from the ship’s open hatch, just like ED-E had mentioned. It was shooting streams of sparks from an eye and other joints; most likely damage from its less-than-smooth landing. 

“Hey ED-E, see if you can get anything from that bot’s memory banks, would ya’? I’m gonna check out the ship.” ED-E beeped in acknowledgment. 

The ship’s hatch was plenty big for Jacks to fit through, allowing him to bend over and step inside the ship’s interior with ease. The pilot’s controls and Gusty-fitted seat were on the ship’s ceiling. Wait, no; Jacks was on the ceiling, and the controls were on the floor. The ship must have flipped in its decent. 

Aside from the controls, the pilot’s seat, and two other (human-fitted) seats behind the pilot’s seat, the ship was relatively empty inside. However, Jacks noticed a large sack at the back of the ship. He cautiously approached the sack before slowly opening it up. His mind nearly popped at what he saw inside. 

Afraid he was seeing things, he rushed back outside in order to see the sack’s contents in better lighting. ED-E noticed Jacks’ frantic behavior and unplugged from the Mr. Gutsy to see what the hubbub was about. When Jacks opened the sack again the happy expression on his face grew as he screamed excitedly. 

“Holy hot-cakes from hell! This friggin sack is filled with all sorts of shit!” ED-E hovered closer to try and look in the bag. “There’s muffins! Cupcakes! Regular cakes! And even PIES! FREAKING PIES, ED-E!” 

The eyebot floated backwards at his companion’s outburst and began beeping uneasily. “--take it easy, would you? Besides, what if it’s a trap? They could be poisoned.--” 

“What?! Who in their right minds would poison a perfectly good pie?” Jacks pulled a pristine pie with red filling out and set the sack down. “…Although, I’m not familiar with this kind of pie.” 

He took off his glove and put it in one of his cape’s pockets. He cautiously stuck one of his bare fingers in the middle of the pie, covering it in a thick, red goop. The slime’s red texture made his lips water as he looked at it for a moment before poking it in his mouth and licking it up. The taste was so amazing that it came close to making him swoon. 

“Oh GOD that’s delicious! Thank you, thank you for this amazing gift!” He cried out to the heavens before scooping an entire handful of the filling out and shoving it in his mouth. 

He may not have been a saint (heck, nobody was in the wasteland), but he liked to pride himself on being a religious man. He had found and read what he could from what was left of a pre-war bible in his youth, and he had absolutely been enthralled by the concept. He had since come to love and fear the almighty Lord and savior, giving him something to truly believe in and much needed spirit when he found himself in grim situations. 

But right now he could have sworn he was tasting a piece of heaven as he continued to gulp down the pie. The jelly-like filling had a mind-blowing sweetness to it, and the juicy chunks scattered within added a sweetish-tart zest that melted his taste buds. After swallowing the mouthful he had been savoring he took a deep breath. 

“ED-E, is there anything in your databanks that might tell me what this kind of pie is?” He scooped more pie into his mouth as the eyebot floated closer to better examine the quickly disappearing pie. 

ED-E began beeping informatively. “--According to my information, it appears to be some kind of pre-war pie; most likely what was known as a ‘cherry pie.’ The majority of its ingredients have long since gone extinct from the nuclear fallout.--” 

“Dam, wut a sham,” Jacks muttered through the pie in his mouth. “Waet, then wut ish it doin heur?” 

“--From what I was able to gather from the Mr. Gusty unit, if he was to come across any life forms in his pre-assigned route, he was to take a living example and return it immediately to earth for diagnostics. I came across information suggesting that he did in fact find an alien species, but the data has been corroded beyond recognition by unknown means.--” 

Jacks audibly gulped the pie. “So… what you’re saying is that it brought an alien here? And that this pie…” 

“--Is most likely an alien pie. As well as the other desserts you found.--” 

Jacks blinked dumbly. “Huh…” he looked from the pie to the sack of sweets. “So if this is alien food, and the Gusty was supposed to bring an alien life form, then where is the…” 

“HEY!” 

Jacks dropped the pie and whipped out his anti-material rifle, spinning around in a flash and pointing it at the source of the shrill shout. However, he was taken aback by what he saw at the end of his rifle’s barrel. It appeared to be some kind of freaky, pink dog with curly hair and no toes. Above its snout were two massive, blue eyes; which were staring at him with apparent discontent. He had seen a lot of freaky stuff in his journeys across the wild, wild wasteland, but this thing easily took the cake as the most unexpected animal he had come across. 

Jacks darted his eyes around the surrounding area while keeping his rifle pointed at the pink mutant’s freaky head. Surely this thing didn’t just talk. But… there was nobody else around. That, and there was more than likely an alien in the whereabouts. He turned his gaze back to the pink animal. 

“…You just talk?” 

“Yea! And I don’t appreciate you eating my pies! The least you could do is ask before you snarf them down like its nopony’s business!” 

“’Nopony’s?’ The hell is that supposed to mean,” Jacks thought to himself. “Hey uh, ED-E; you… you got anything, cause I’m drawing blanks on this one.” 

ED-E beeped curiously. “--My data says that this is supposed to be a pony, a species long to be extinct. However, I’m sure that it’s not supposed to be pink. …or talk.--” 

“Huh…” An awkward silence ensued as Jacks and the pink ‘pony’ stared each other in the eye. “So, uh… sorry about the pie?” 

The pony’s stern expression snapped to one of unbridled happiness. “Okie dokie, thanks for apologizing! So, what’s your name?” 

Jacks blinked. “Uh, you can call me the Courier for now, I guess.” 

“Ooo! A mailmare! You know, I know a mailmare back in Ponyville. She’s a bit klutzy, but when it comes to delivering mail there’s none better than her! At least, that I know of. Oh, and my name is Pinkie Pie!” 

Jacks blinked again. His mind was still spinning a bit from the overwhelming taste of pie, making the pony’s sentence even more nonsensical. It took a moment for his brain to grab hold of the animal’s name amongst the sudden, unexpected story. Jacks smiled a bit as he cautiously pulled his rifle out of the pony’s face before kneeling down and extending his bare hand towards it. 

“Welcome to Earth, I guess. It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Likewise!” Pinkie placed her hoof in Jacks’ hand. 

His fingers wrapped around her hoof firmly as the two exchanged a solid handshake while exchanging an unwavering gaze into each other’s eyes. It was not the first alien contact, true, but it was the first one that didn’t end with the aliens trying to vaporize everything in sight before being brutally murdered. Ah, good times… 
> Chapter 2
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Jacks continued to stand in place, looking the pink, smiling pony eye to eye. The pony, in return, continued staring at him, a constant look of happiness plastered across her face. The two had been locked in the stare ever since they had shaken hands. Er… shaken hand and hoof. The silence since said handshake was only broken by the occasional roar of a deathclaw or the spatter of distant gunfire. 

“So…” Jacks began, breaking the silence between them. “…what now?” 

Pinkie’s eyes squinted as her happy look turned to that of confidence. No response. 

Jacks closed his eyes and pressed his gloveless hand into his forehead. “Maybe there really isn’t any intelligent life out there after all…” 

“HA! Gotchya!” 

Pinkie’s sudden outburst almost made Jacks jump, causing him to look up from his facepalm and back to the pony. 

“Say what?” 

“You put up a tough fight, I’ll give you that.” Pinkie giggled. “But I never lose a staring contest!” 

Jacks blinked again and looked around in confusion. “Um… Am I missing something?” 

“What, didn’t you know we were having a staring contest?” 

“Nooooo…” 

Another moment of silence ensued as the two continued staring at the other once again. Jacks was still having a difficult time trying to wrap his mind around the whole situation. From what ED-E had told him, this was a pony: a pre-war animal that was long since extinct. Yet, this thing was at least a semi-intelligent alien. Where was it really from? Were there more ponies like her from wherever she came from? Were they civilized? Had this pony come here willingly to scout out the world so that the others could send an invasion fleet to conquer his already weakened world? 

And what about the bag of goodies? Like the pony, they were allegedly pre-war in origin, yet they too were alien. And another thing: who had made them? Had the pony made them? If so, then how? It didn’t even have any hands to work with. All of these questions and more bounced around in his mind, all of which were left answerless. 

Realizing that he had been zoning out, Jacks shook his head and looked at the rocket. 

“Well, this is awkward…” 

ED-E floated up to Jacks’ side and began beeping. “--Do you have any ideas as to what we do about this alien?--“ 

“Oh oh! Mr. floaty robot guy! I have an idea!” Pinkie raised a hoof and waved it back and forth. “I could come with you two!” 

Jacks held up his hands defensively. “Whoa there. I don’t know anything about you, or even if I can trust you. Why should I just let a strange alien creature that I just met come with me across the hell-on-earth that is the Mojave Desert?” He paused. “…And did you understand what ED-E just said?” 

Pinkie roller her eyes. “Of course I did, silly! Italics is like a second form of writing for me.” 

“Oh? So that’s like, the language he speaks?” He looked over to the eyebot curiously before shrugging and looking back to Pinkie. “I’ve always wondered about that… Anyhow, you still have to give me some explanations.” 

“Liiiiike what kinda’ explanations?” 

“What you are, where you came from, why I should trust you, etcetera, etcetera. You know; basic stuff.” 

It seemed like a reasonably simple request, but unfortunately for Jacks; Pinkie was not one to take words like “basic stuff” too lightly. She immediately began telling him all about Equestria, her friends, and all of the adventures she’d had with them. 

Jacks, barely able to keep up with the never-ending stream of stories, tried to keep pinkie on topic whenever she began straying into how cupcakes were made or how fast paint dries when you’re staring at it. However, he was still able to enjoy himself as the pony rambled on about her home. 

Shortly after she had begun into her tale, Jacks had sat down beside the goodie-bag and pulled out a few more pies to keep him company. And to be honest, he really did find himself fascinated by many of the things Pinkie was telling him about. I mean, flying horses that controlled the weather and broke the sound barrier? Magic? A government based upon love and friendship (despite the somewhat frequent contradictions)? It all sounded too good to be true for Jacks. Yet he still sat there eating pie and staring at the pink pony with wide eyes, picturing the fairytale world being described to him. 

ED-E, too, was taking a certain amount of interest in the story. Although many of the things being told seemed to contradict the logistics of his data, he left open the possibility that the pony was, indeed, telling the truth. It was an alien, after all. 

A few hours passed by, and Pinkie didn’t seem to be slowing down any time soon, so Jacks decided it would be best to save the rest of the story for another time. Always being one who hated to interrupt a good story, he waited until what he thought was a good place to interject before raising his hand timidly. Pinkie, seeing him raise his hand, stopped and pointed a hoof at him. 

“Yes, you in the back, do you have a question?” 

Jacks waited a second before he answered, catching that Pinkie had addressed him the same way the tour guide at the REPCONN headquarters had. “Yea, um, I hate to interrupt, but… You see, out here in the Mojave, it’s never wise to stay in one place for too long. And considering that we’ve been sitting under a rather sizeable pillar of smoke that I’m sure can be seen miles away for a good couple of hours now, I’m almost certain that there are other people already on their way to this location. So, if you don’t mind, we need to-” 

“More people? Oh! They must be coming to throw me a ‘welcome to…’ wait, where did you say this is?” 

“Um… the Mojav-” 

“Right! They must be coming here to throw me a ‘welcome to the Mojave’ party! And I haven’t even gotten the streamers set up yet!” Pinkie balanced herself on her hind legs and slammed her hooves together. “You’re right Jacks. We need to get off our tooshies and get ready for this party!” 

Jacks gazed at her blankly for a moment as her hair began to wave in the breeze, making her seem even more iconic. A second later, he set aside an empty pie pan that he had had in his lap and stood up. 

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s not the case. I hate to be blunt, but by ‘other people,’ I mean that whoever is coming this way is very likely to kill any living thing they find here, then loot the area of anything they deem interesting.” He watched as Pinkie’s expression turned from determination to one of shocked sorrow. Her colors even seemed to fade as she fell back on all four of her hooves. 

“Sorry, but that’s the way it is ‘round these parts,” he continued, shrugging. After hearing what he did about the pony’s home world, he was sure this news troubled her. However, he was thoroughly surprised when Pinkie’s cheery smile and bright pink color returned. 

“Well, I may not like it; but I am a guest on your world, so I suppose I’ve gotta’ abide by how things work.” 

Jacks couldn’t help but blink again. The surprises just never seemed to end with this alien. 

“Well, um… If you say so…” He shook his head before turning to ED-E. “Scan the area, would ya’? I want to know how long it’ll be before anyone gets here.” 

The eyebot nodded to him acceptingly, followed by raising the antenna attached to the very top of its head. It emitted several audible bleeps as its scan commenced, its antenna twitching occasionally. Roughly after a minute or two, It lowered its antenna and began beeping in its communicative fashion. 

“--After a thorough scan of the surrounding area, I have located several humans traveling towards this location. The closest group’s estimated time to arrival is ten minutes. All other individuals or groups are not yet within a significant ETA of our location.--” 

Jacks rubbed the scruff on his chin with his bare hand. “…Give me the details on that closest group.” 

“--The nearest incoming group consists of four individuals that are traveling in single file line. They are heavily armed, and statistics show that they should be considered hostile.--” 

“I should have known.” 

Pinkie looked up to him as she walked over to his side. “Should have known what?” 

“It’s a Legion patrol.” 

“How can you tell?” 

“Legion patrols travel single file to hide their numbers.” 

“ooohhhhh, ok.” Pinkie looked down briefly before she looked back up at him. “Who’s the legion?” 

“I wouldn’t want to go into detail about them with you, even if we had the time. But to put things simply, they are the worst kind of people that I know of. They burn entire towns to the ground, murder, rape, and/or even crucify people of all sexes and ages, and break the will and mind of everyone else in their way via a lifetime of slavery.” Jacks sneered. “And that’s putting it lightly.” 

Pinkie stared at him as a look of shock and disgust contorted her face. She looked away and shook her head vigorously in an attempt to remove the images of the described atrocities from her mind. 

Jacks’ sneer turned into a smirk as he looked down to Pinkie. “I suggest we leave a little surprise for them when they get here.” He saw anger in Pinkie’s eyes when she looked up to him again, though the relatively emotionless expression on her face tried to deny such negative feelings. 

“What kind of surprise did you have in mind?” 

Jacks pulled a rectangular block and some kind of trigger out from behind his cape. 

“The kind that goes boom.” 
> Chapter 3
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	The Legion scout kneeled atop the crest of the slope. He scanned the area below keenly, never removing his eye from the sights of his marksman carbine. All there was to see was a crashed rocket ship, a deactivated Mr. Gutsy, and a pile of rocks several yards away from the ship. Not seeing any enemies, the scout held up his hand and signaled his companions to move up. The scout stood up as his three companions joined him at the crest. The four of them exchanged looks from behind their head gear before moving down the slope. 

The two veterans and the scout kept their weapons raised and continued to scan their surroundings as they followed the legionary assassin, who approached the smoking ship rather calmly. He looked over the vessel as he drew nearer. When he found himself a few feet from the ship he stopped and eyed the open hatch warily. After motioning for the others to hold their ground he cautiously stuck his head inside the hatch and looked around. Finding it to be empty, he brought his head back out and turned to the others. 

“Remain vigilant, men. We do not know if that robot was the only passenger aboard this craft. Search the surrounding area and notify me if you find anything.” 

- 

“Do you really want me to say that? It’s a pretty mean thing to say.” 

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun! You like that, right? Just do as I said and this’ll go smooth as… um…” Jacks paused as he tried to remember the next part of the saying. 

“Silk?” 

“Yea, that. …wait, what’s silk?” Pinkie giggled. “Actually, it can wait. It’s almost show-time…” 

- 

The assassin knelt down and picked up an over turned metal pan. Even though sand caked much of the material on its inside, he could still recognize that it had had once contained food from the remaining crust and red goop. He looked back down to where he had picked it up and looked over the other half dozen pans. The sand beside the pans was shifted and disfigured, like someone had been sitting. 

Judging from the tracks surrounding the rocket it was safe to assume that they had not been the first ones there. Several sets of tracks could easily be identified as boots, but others… others seemed different, like nothing he had ever seen. The initial imprints were oval, yet they had a U-shape that imprinted slightly deeper. His concentration was broken, however, when the called out to him. 

“Sir, the tracks lead off in that direction,” the scout said, pointing to the pile of rocks. 

“Bomb!” One of the veterans shouted frantically as he spotted a half buried block of C4 beside the rocket. 

The assassin reeled around to the veteran and was about to say something, but he was cut short as two voices met his hears. 

“SURPRISE MUTHA-FUCKAS!” Jacks and Pinkie shouted in unison as they lumped out from behind the rocks, their arms raised and excited expressions on their faces. The four Legionaries spun around and raised their weapons to shoot, but by then Jacks had already pulled the trigger on the detonator. 

The C4 block, including four others that were buried around the rocket, exploded simultaneously in a tremendous explosion. However, Jacks had overlooked a key element when he had set the trap. 

The rocket ship had a nuclear powered fuel cell. 

The secondary explosion was exponentially more powerful, sending out a blisteringly hot shockwave that even knocked Jacks back a few feet. The four legionaries were engulfed in the flames before their bodies were sent hurtling in different directions. 

The scout impacted with the pile of rocks, crushing numerous bones in his already lifeless body. One of the veterans landed in the sand near where Jacks had been knocked too, while the other was sent flying back over the slope’s crest. The Assassin, on the other hand, landed on his back at the bottom of the slope. 

Pinkie, who had somehow remained in place and standing up straight, opened her eyes and looked up to the mushroom cloud that had once been the rocket. Her jaw fell in awe as she took in the sight of such raw, destructive power. She could feel a warmth growing inside her as she continued staring at it, unwavering. It was a new feel for her, filled with some kind of overpowering alien happiness, as she might have said. In actuality, however, the feeling was most likely the radiation being emitted from the blast, but she didn’t know that. 

She was so drawn in by the sight that she didn’t notice when Jacks stepped up beside her. 

“Well that was unexpected.” He looked down to Pinkie. Her face and body that had been facing the blast was black, and her mane and tail were sticking straight out like she had been in a wind tunnel. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the cartoonish picture. 

“Yea, it really is a life changing experience to see your first atomic explosion,” He continued, looking up at the mushroom cloud. “It’s surprising how such an overwhelmingly destructive force can be so beautiful. And, while this isn’t as big as they come, I’d say it’s about as big as a mini-nuke.” 

After a second or two of looking at the blast, Jacks heard a clanking sound and turned around. ED-E, who had been knocked out by the blast, rebooted his systems and lifted himself off the ground. After taking a moment to regain his bearings he floated over to Jacks’ side opposite of Pinkie. 

“You ok there buddy?” Jacks asked, showing his concern. The eyebot nodded and beeped a brief systems diagnosis. 

“Ok, good.” Jacks nodded and looked back to Pinkie, who had still not wavered from her position. “…How about you? Are you ok?” 

No response. Jacks stepped in front of her before leaning down to look her in the eye. 

“Ello? Anyone home?” he asked as he poked her in the forehead. Still nothing. “Think we might have lost her ED-E.” 

Jacks stood back up and stroked the scruff on his chin as he thought. Suddenly an idea came to him, causing him to snap his fingers. A devious grin spread across his face as he leaned over again. 

“Alright Pinkie, you’ve left me no choice.” 

He extended his hands to where they were nearly touching the pony’s exposed sides. After pausing to see if Pinkie would protest, Jacks began tickling Pinkie’s ribs. Her response was immediate, and she burst into uncontrollable laughter as she fell over. Jacks mercilessly continued his tickling barrage on the pony, as tears began to stream from her eyes. 

“I GIVE! I GIVE!” Pinkie squealed between bursts of laughter. Jacks retracted his hands and stood up straight, grinning cheekily down at Pinkie as she recovered from her tickling. 

“Sorry, but you were unresponsive,” jacks said with a chuckle. 

Pinkie sat up and shook her head, which somehow made the black stuff disappear and return her mane to its former curliness. She looked up at Jacks and beamed. 

“I haven’t had a tickling that good in a while!” 

“Heh. Well, it really helps when you have fingers,” continued Jacks as he wriggled his gloved fingers. Pinkie giggled at him. 

Her smile shrunk, however, when she looked at the mushroom cloud as it dissipated. She stood up on all fours and shook the rest of the black stuff off before walking over to the smoldering crater that the explosion had left in its wake. 

“Something the matter?” Jacks said, taking notice of the pony’s obvious shift in moods. 

“It’s just…” she paused. “How am I going to get home now?” 

“Oh, right…” Jacks rubbed the back of his neck. “Yea, I didn’t really think it would explode. Sorry about that,” he concluded, sounding genuinely sorry. 

ED-E beeped neutrally. “--Well what did you think would happen when you put five packs of C4 around it?--” 

Jacks shot ED-E a glance that now wasn’t the time before looking back to the pink pony. Pinkie suddenly turned to Jacks, a completely serious look on her face. 

“Guess you owe me a spaceship.” 

Jacks shrugged. “Guess so. But in the meantime, we really should get outta’ here. No doubt whoever was already on their way to investigate the crash saw the explosion.” 

Pinkie’s smile returned. “Yay! I love road trips. I’ll get my bag of goodies!” 

“Yea, you do that. Keep in mind I haven’t tried anything other than the pies yet, would ya’?” 

Pinkie nodded before trotting over to the pile of rocks. She stopped for a moment to look over the scout’s broken, bleeding corpse and cringed before going behind the rocks and tossing the sack on her back. Once she returned to where Jacks and ED-E were she looked up to Jacks. 

“Lead the way, Gunny McKickass!” 

Jacks laughed at the nickname. He could tell that he was going to like having Pinkie around. As the three began to walk around the crater to avoid any remaining radiation, a painful moan could be heard. They stopped and looked around for the source of the noise. After a few seconds of eying the area Jacks noticed the legionary assassin moving his arm. 

Jacks snarled at the sight. “ED-E, take Pinkie past the ridge. I’ll deal with this.” 

“But-” protested Pinkie, to no avail. 

“Go on Pinkie. I’ll catch up.” 

The eyebot led Pinkie past the deceased assassin and up the slope before vanishing over the crest. Jacks, on the other hand, walked up to the crippled assassin and looked him over. His left leg had been ripped off from the explosion’s force, and his right shoulder and arm were extremely mangled. His helmet, as well as other pieces of his armor, had also been ripped away by the blast. The assassin, noticing Jacks’ presence, leaned his head up to try and get a better view. 

“You…” he whispered through the blood in his mouth. 

Jacks smirked at the sight. “Well well well, another assassin and his band of legionary lackeys sent out to kill me.” 

“Your crimes against Caesar’s Legion shall not go unpunished. By killing me, you only further seal your fate.” 

Jacks squatted down at the assassin’s side and stared him in the eye. “You wanna’ know what’s sad? …It’s that you actually think that’s true.” 

The assassin tried to spit at Jacks, but the angle was wrong. However, the combined factors of poor angle as well as lack in velocity caused the wad of bloody spit to fall back into the assassin’s eye, causing him to cry out in pain and anger. Jacks smirked at the failed gesture and stood up. 

“Pathetic. Just like the rest of your band of bastards.” He pulled the Anti-material rifle off his back and aimed the barrel in-between the assassin’s eyes. “When you get to hell, tell them Courier Six sent you.” 

- 

Pinkie jumped when a loud bang echoed out from over the ridge. She stopped and looked back, worried that Jacks might have been hurt. After a moment, though, Jacks crested the ridge and walked to where Pinkie and ED-E were waiting. Pinkie’s relieved smile faltered slightly when she saw scattered droplets of fresh blood scattered across Jacks’ cape and armor. Jacks, on the other hand, looked down to the pony and smiled, ruffling her poomfy mane a bit. 

Their gaze broke as they both looked out across the rocky desert from where they stood at a particularly high place in the mountain range. The terrain was uneven and rocky in places, while relatively flat in others. The occasional house or shack could be seen on the flatter parts, but one sight had the most impact, even on Jacks. In the distance, a series of tall structures could be seen as the sun began to lower in the sky. One in particular, the tallest to be exact, seemed to feel symbolic for whatever reason. 

“New Vegas and districts. Never before has there been such a wretched hive of scum and villainy.” Jacks looked down at the pony again and grinned. “We must be cautious.” 
> Chapter 4
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	The setting sun’s rays of light shown across the expansion between the bottom of the mountains and the outskirts of New Vegas. Elongated shadows from bushes and rocks stretched across the sand, growing ever longer as the sun continued to set. The occasional tumbleweed rolled past, flicking up a small cloud of dust whenever it touched down. 

Jacks sighed happily as he looked over the sight. From where he stood at the bottom of the mountain range, it was truly a sight to behold. He continued to watch as the last sliver of the sun passed behind the distant mountains, causing the shadows and the light to merge into a single shady coloration. Like clockwork, the lights in New Vegas flashed on at that exact moment and seemed to create a multi-colored orb around the city. 

Jacks breathed in deeply as he continued to watch the sky above darken. His contemplation was interrupted, however, when a pink ball of energy jumped on his back and wrapped its hooves around his neck in a tight hug. 

“It’s so beautiful!” Pinkie said excitedly. Jacks chuckled at her enthusiasm. 

“Yea, it sure is.” His grin grew as he continued to take in the beauty before him. “…Hey uh, pinkie?” 

“Mhmm?” 

“You mind letting up on the grip a bit? I’m rather fond of breathing, after all.” 

“Oopsie! Sorry about that.” 

“No problem, just letting you know.” The pink pony hopped off his back and stepped over to his side, looking between Jacks and ED-E happily. She grinned even wider, knowing that she had already made friends on this strange new world. 

It had taken the group longer than expected to descend the mountain ranges. Pinkie’s quest to play hide and seek with Jacks made sure of that. But eventually ED-E reminded Jacks that they didn’t have much longer until night fell, so they hurried and finished climbing down the mountain. ….Though, perhaps ‘tumbling’ would be a better way of putting it, considering Jacks isn’t good with going down steep slopes. 

Pinkie looked up to Jacks curiously. “Say, why was it important that we get off the mountain before nightfall anyways?” 

“Oh, this whole mountainous region is swarming with cazadors.” Jacks looked down to find a curious expression plastered on Pinkie’s face. “…They’re basically giant wasps that have enough poison to kill a man ten times over. They’re usually about as big as ED-E, but I’ve killed a few that were almost my size. Trust me, they’re not a bug to be reckoned with.” 

“Sounds like they’re a real pain in the thorax,” Pinkie said with a cheeky grin. 

Jacks let out a chuckle at the joke. Although he had no idea what a thorax even was, he humored the pony. “Heh, yea. …But seriously, it’s not really wise to be around here at night. We either need to get moving or find someplace to hold up for the night.” 

Pinkie spotted a farm house a short distance away. The lights were out and she didn’t see any people around, but there was a fire burning steadily with something hanging above it. 

“What about there?” Jacks turned to where Pinkie was pointing and pulled his binoculars out from under his stiff robe. He looked over the house and the surrounding area for a moment. 

“Well it looks clear, though that bramin being cooked over the fire looks relatively fresh.” He tucked the binoculars back into his robe and looked down to Pinkie. “I say we go for it.” 

“Yes sir!” Pinkie said, pretending to salute. Jacks turned to ED-E. 

“You picking up anything?” 

The eyebot beeped informatively in response. “--I’m picking up two life-signs inside the house. However, we are too distant for me to tell if they are friendly or not. I suggest we proceed with extreme caution.--” 

“Right then. Stealth mode, activate.” He crouched down and pulled the anti-material rifle off his back. “Follow my lead.” 


-
 

“Damnit! I bit into another pellet!” The raider spat out the shotgun pellet and a bit of cooked bramin that he had been chewing. 

“I told you to be more careful you dumbass,” the second raider sneered. 

“Well I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t pump the fucking bramin so full of lead! And don’t call me a dumbass, you dumbass!” 

“How was I supposed to shoot it in the heads? It was getting away and this damn caravan shotgun aint accurate for shit!” 

The first raider grumbled to himself as he took another bite out of the slab of cooked meat before tossing it back down on the bare table. 

“At least this caravan had some good loot,” he said through a full mouth, pointing over to a trio of corpses. Two of said corpses were mercenaries, whereas the one on top was the caravan’s trader. “Speaking of which, why are we keeping these dead-beats anyways?” 

“You know how Cook-Cook is. He has a thing for human flesh. Besides, it’s better them than us, am I right?” 

“Yea, I guess… Hey, pass the Jet, would you?” 

“Get your own fucking Jet! You shouldn’t have used yours all up!” 

“Well fuck you too!” 

The two continued to eat their meals silently as their psycho-induced tempers quelled after a few minutes. The first raider swore under his breath as he bit into yet another pellet. 

“For fuck’s sake-“ He was cut off by a loud knocking at the front door. The two raiders looked up to each-over in confusion. The first spat out the pellet and grabbed his pool cue, while the second made sure the caravan shotgun was loaded. The two rushed over to the front door before a second salvo of knocks rattled the door. 

“Hello? Did someone order a large cheese pizza?” the knocker asked. 

The raiders looked at each-other in silent confusion before the second aimed his shotgun at the center of the door. When he heard the knocking again he unloaded both shells, blasting a hole through the door. Silence ensued as wisps of smoke rose from the shotgun’s barrels. The first raider smirked. 

“I think you got him-” 

A dirt-brown disk fell out of the doors hole and landed beside the second raider’s feet. He looked down as it started to beep. The last thing he saw was a big “fuck you!” written on top of the frag mine before it exploded, sending shrapnel slicing through his legs and lower torso. The force of the blast launched him back from the door before his body collapsed to the floor by the opposite wall. 

The first Raider had managed to turn away before the blast, causing the make-shift armor on his back to absorb most of the shrapnel that reached him. The blast left his ears ringing and his back in pain from what shrapnel had gotten through the armor. He turned back around to see his companion’s skin-shredded corpse slumped against the wall beside the deceased caravan members. 

Suddenly the remains of the door were kicked in, and an ominous figure stepped inside. Upon seeing who their attacker was, the raider’s blood ran cold in realization. The black hat, the desert armor, the red-trimmed Anti-material rifle: it could only be him. It could only be The Courier. 

The raider dropped his pool cue in fear as the figure turned to him. He was glad that the figure was wearing his sunglasses, for fear of what might be behind them. The raider had heard stories of the courier and his psychotic sense of humor, especially towards other raiders. He flinched as the figure removed his left hand from the rifle’s barrel and pointed to the door. 

“Leave. And don’t come back, lest I be in a more merciless mood.” 

The raider just stared up at him silently. 

“…WELL?” 

The raider snapped out of his trance and scrambled out the door, tripping on the way out. Once outside, he stood up hurriedly and set off running as fast as he could. Jacks stepped back out of the house and smirked as he watched the raider running for his life. He brought the rifle’s butt up to his shoulder and looked down its sights, lining the fleeing raider up with the scope’s crosshairs. He pinpointed the crosshairs on the raiders head and grinned. 

“I love it when they run.” 

Jacks steadily began to squeeze the trigger, but he felt something shove at his leg and pulled the trigger prematurely. His smile vanished as he saw the raider’s arm blown off in a blood-splosion. The raider stumbled and fell. He picked himself up and looked back at Jacks for a split-moment before he resumed running. 

Jacks lowered his rifle and looked down to see what had shoved him. Pinkie was sitting there, her arms crossed and a rather cross look on her face. 

“Nice. You made me mess up the shot.” 

“That wasn’t a very nice thing to do!” 

“What? Kill a couple of murderous raiders who would have done even worse to us?” 

“Well, no… I mean…” 

Jacks slung the rifle on his back and turned to give pinkie his full attention. “What? What do you mean? You didn’t seem to have a problem with killing those legionaries earlier.” 

“I didn’t know you meant to kill them! I have surprises ‘that go boom’ all the time, but not the kind of boom that kills ponies.” 

“Ok, so why didn’t you say something earlier?” 

“Well, that mushroom-boom was pretty awesome and I forgot about it… but I remember it now, so you have some explaining to do about this world!” 

Jacks shrugged. “Ok, I’d be glad to tell you about this place. But for a general introduction into the wastelands, I suggest reading this first and asking questions after,” he continued, pulling a book out from inside his stiff robe. “It’s called the Wasteland Survival Guide. I bought it off a trader from the east a while back. He says it was co-written by some hot-shot in the Capital Wastelands. And I gotta admit, from what I’ve read that guy is some kinda’ wasteland genius, so I’m sure it’ll answer most questions you have about this place.” 

Pinkie took the book in her hooves and began reading as Jacks strode over to the cooking bramin. He pulled out his combat knife and a tin plate before cutting a slab of meat off. With his dinner in hand, he walked back to where pinkie was reading and sat down beside her. He looked over her shoulder at the book as he cut a bite-sized bit off the steak and popped it into his mouth. 

Jacks chewed silently for a few minutes as he read along with Pinkie. After a few minutes,  he noticed Pinkie was beginning to shiver. He swallowed the bite he had been chewing and set the plate down, picking Pinkie up under the shoulders and carrying her beside the fire. However, she seemed totally oblivious to being picked up and never stopped reading the whole time. 

Jacks went back and got his plate before sitting back down beside her. He noticed ED-E floating idly beside him. It may have just been him, but it looked like the robot felt left out.

“Hey ED-E,” The eyebot perked up at being addressed. “Play us a melody, friend.” 

The bot beeped happily before his built-in speakers crackled to life. It took only a second for him to find a radio station and tune in, catching “Aint that a Kick in the Head” just as it began. 

Jacks looked up to ED-E with a sly smirk and chuckled. “Cheeky little robot.” 
> chapter 5
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	“…So we hope this guide has helped you learn about the trials and tribulations of post-apocalyptia so that you may better prepare yourself. Good luck out there! You’re going to need it,” Pinkie read out loud as she concluded the book. With her reading done, she closed the book with a thud and looked into the fire, contemplating all of what she had read. 

“Finished already?” Jacks inquired through a mouthful of cooked bramin. 

“…Yea.” Pinkie continued looking into the fire thoughtfully. Jacks’ chewing slowed as he steadily began to grow concerned about the pink pony’s silent, unwavering gaze into the fire. 

He swallowed audibly and set his plate down. “Of course, it isn’t entirely accurate for this region. We are on the other side of the continent, after all.” He continued, trying to break the silence. However, Pinkie continued to sit there. 

“Uh… you want something to eat? One of your pies, mayhaps?” More silence. 

At last Jacks rolled his eyes and refused to partake in the suspenseful scene. He pulled over the bag of goodies and began rummaging through it for something particularly sweet. As he did so, he still couldn’t help but marvel at how all the foods were not ruined by being piled in a sack haphazardly without any protection. Then again, he had seen plenty of stranger things in his days, so he didn’t really think about the principles behind it as long as the food remained edible. 

As he came across a crème pie, an idea sparked to life. He pulled the pie out and looked at it in the fire’s red glow as a deviant grin crept onto his face. 

“Oh Pinkie…” 

The pony turned to him, her expressionless face unwavering. Without warning, her face found itself buried deep inside the crème pie that Jacks had thrown at her. The pie tin fell away with a clatter after a second of being held in place by the pie’s gooey contents. Jacks burst out laughing at the crème-covered pony, causing him to lose his balance and fall backwards off the log he was sitting on. 

“Crème pie to the face,” Pinkie began. Jacks watched through teary eyes as her tongue popped out of the thick layer of crème and scooped it all up before pulling it all in the pony’s maw. Now cleared, pinkie’s face was revealed to be beaming with happiness. “Classic!” 

There was a brief pause that Jacks’ mind used to try and work around how a tongue could do such a thing, but the thought was brushed aside as the two of them burst out in hearty laughter. Eventually, Pinkie wiped a tear from her eye as she tried to quell her laughing. 

“So, this place doesn’t seem too bad. Yea, the last civilizations destroyed it all and left you people to live of the irradiated ruins, but I’ve seen worse. Besides, I’ve got you and Eddy to help look out for me!” 

“Yea.” Jacks’ smile vanished as something she said struck him. “…Wait, what was that about seeing worst-” 

“SO, now that I know enough about the wastelands, assuming you’ll teach me more as we go, there’s only one more thing I’d like to know for now.” 

“Oh? What’s that?” 

“I’d like to know more about the badass friend that I’ll be spending the next who-knows-how-long with!” Jacks blinked, not sure of who she was referring to for a moment before it hit him like a super-sledge. 

“Oh… OH! You mean me!” Pinkie nodded with a giggle. “Ok, yea, I can tell you about myself some.” He cleared his throat in preparation. 

“Starting from what little I can remember of my childhood, I know that my mother was a drug addict. In fact, I don’t doubt that she was taking many drugs even as I was being conceived. Of course, I can only guess this, but if it’s true then it does account for some things. For one, I’m not the most intelligent of people and are, for less of a better word, a wee bit crazy. Not insane, mind you, just crazy. Of course, recent developments have only further added to my already nutty mind, but I’ll get to that in a bit. 

“Another thing I can assume from mother’s drug-taking during my creation is that they were not only inserted into her system, but mine as well. So much so in fact, that some of the effects seem to have permanently worn off on me. I can’t help but thank her for taking so much Steady, cause it’s a tremendous help with shooting; especially sniping. 

“Hell, I could shoot the dick off a Legionary from over a mile away.” He paused to chuckle a bit. “Man that must have been painful. I could hear his screams even from where I was. Heh, bastard deserved it. 

“Anyhow… Like I said, I was born with some of the effects, both good and bad, from her excessive drug use. Though, as you might imagine, the whole ordeal was a might too much for her, and she ended up dying not long afterwards. And considering my 'father' was just another one night stand, i havent the slightest clue as to who he even is, nor do i care. Thus, I was practically left to raise myself, which I actually did a fair job doing, considering all the shit I got from other kids and the other townspeople who apparently despised my mother. 

“I must admit, it was pretty tough life until I found the good book and learned to overcome such hateful insults and violence. Heh, I know what you’re thinking. ‘YOU? A Christian?!’ Yea well, I’m no saint, and I know that I’ve done bad things in my time, but I live happily knowing that the good Lord watches over me.” Jacks paused a moment to lower his head respectfully. “The lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” 

“…Getting back to my story, I eventually became known around town as the local errand boy, so I got into delivering things for a pretty cheap price. I enjoyed the job and as I grew, so did my jobs. Eventually, I became a professional courier. 

“I remember those years. I went from the accident of the local druggy, to the friendly face that helped out where need be. Of course, many people still resented me, but I didn’t like them any less for it. Then, that job…” His lips scrunched up as a tear began to gather in his eye. By now he wasn’t really looking at anything, but was instead lost in his memories. The tear streamed down his cheek as he continued to stare into space. 

“…All those people. The city I grew to love, despite never receiving any… Gone. Up in smoke. The closest thing to what could have been a damn good society, and I single handedly destroyed it.” Jacks snapped out of the trance he was in and wiped his eyes. 

“No. It wasn’t my fault. How was I supposed to know…” He looked up to see Pinkie staring at him with saddened curiosity. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but he held up a hand to stop her. 

“No. It’s… It’s in the past. It’s not important anymore. Sorry about that.” Jacks tilted his head up and took a deep breath, burying the painful memories deep within the recesses of his mind once more. 

“Getting back to the subject… My most recent job was to deliver a special chip to the Lucky 38 in New Vegas. It seemed simple enough, though I was proven very wrong not soon afterwards. I was captured near Goodsprings by a man named Benny. After taking the chip from me, he proceeded to shoot me in the head. Twice. And then bury me.” Jacks couldn’t help but grin at Pinkie’s dumbstruck expression. 

“Let me say, it wasn’t my fondest of memories. However, thanks to the medical expertise of Doc Mitchell, I survived the (what was meant to be) the two fatal bullets to the brain. Don’t believe me? Here, I’ll show you.” He took off his hat and leaned his head forward. 

All the hair on the right side of his head had been shaven clean off, leaving a massive U-shaped scar carved into his head. “And I’ll tell ya’, if I didn’t already believe God performed Miracles, then I certainly would after that.” 

“Anyhow, after the doc gave me his Pip-boy as a gift and said I was clear to leave, I headed off to find Benny. Not to extract my revenge, per say, but he does have the chip and I do have a job to complete. Besides, the past couple of months since then have been one hell of an interesting time, starting with my finding of ED-E. 

“To think, in just a few months I’ve been able to befriend numerous ‘tribes’ or societies, and/or eradicate others that have wreaked murderous chaos upon, quote-unquote, ‘innocent’ wastelanders. Not only that, but all the rewards and/or loot I’ve retrieved in that time has made me a rather wealthy man. 

“Thanks to said wealth, I was able to have this customized for me,” Jacks continued as he stood up and held his arms out, letting Pinkie get a good look at his armor. “It’s a customized desert ranger’s combat armor. The armor plates have been refitted to it from a suit of T-51 power armor, and there’s a good amount of Kevlar sewn into the cape-thing here. Basically it’s impervious to just about anything when it’s in prime condition. 

“On top of all that, I’ve got a secret hidden beneath the cape. Behold… My private arsenal of doom!” Jacks gripped the edges of his cape and whipped it open in a similar fashion to how a flasher would. 

The inside of his cape was lined with countless devices and small pouches or bags, all of which were organized relatively neatly in rows of fives around three guns. The variety of items included magazines, pouches filled to the brim with bullets, grenades, mines, and many other items. 

“We’ve got the All-American,” he said, motioning towards the camouflaged, pre-war marksmen carbine under he left arm. “The Rat-Slayer,” which was a silenced and scoped varmint rifle that hung beside the All-American. Five ammo magazines for each of the guns rested in a vertical row of pouches next to their respective weapon, and a bulging pouch beneath each row of magazines contained more bullets to refill the magazines when they were depleted. 

“And to my right is my trusty combat-shotgun, for when you wanna have a blast.” Five round mags hung beside the shotgun, as well as ten magazines for the Anti-material rifle. 

“I keep twice as many material rifle mags because they only hold eight rounds per mag, which is considerably less than any of the others. Which brings me to my pride and joy…” He pulled the Anti-Material rifle off his back. 

“You’ve already met her, but you have not yet been properly introduced. Pinkie, this is Sasha.” He waited a moment to let the pony look over the massive rifle and the red trimming that was painted across it by hand. 

“…She fires .50 caliber rounds with enough force to shoot straight through an engine block. She’s a sniper’s best friend, and an enemy’s worst nightmare. She has never let me down in all the years that I’ve had her, and I couldnt love her more for it.” 

“Aside from all that, I’ve got a couple of pretty reliable pistols in case the big guns run out in mid-battle,” He said, holstering Sasha and pulling his cape back to reveal a trio of pistols hanging from the belt around his waist. 

“That’s my .44 scoped Magnum, and these two beauties,” he grabbed the two 10mm pistol on either side of his waist. “I like to call Love and Hate. They may not be as powerful as other pistols, but that doesn’t make them any less effective if you know how to use them right.” 

He holstered the two pistols and looked down to Pinkie. “And that about sums up the tour, I’d imagine. I could go on about all the things that have happened to me in my time here in the Mojave, but it’s getting late, and I literally haven’t gotten any sleep in a week. Come on, lets go inside and try to get some sleep, shall we?” 

Pinkie nodded before jumping up into his arms and curling up into a fuzzy pink ball. Jacks chuckled at her and turned to go inside the house. As he neared what was left of the door he turned to ED-E. “You coming in, or keeping an eye out for trouble?” 

“--I’ll stand guard. You said it yourself, you need the rest.--“ 

Jacks smiled nodded towards the bot. “Thanks ED-E. See you in the morning then?” 

“--If we aren’t ravaged by raiders or wild animals in the night, yes.--“ 

> Chapter 6
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	Pinkie’s eyes fluttered open as her brain began to wake. After a moment she lifted her head up to look around at her surroundings. Yep, she was still on the tattered and red-splotchy mattress she had laid down the night before. However, there was something distinctly different about the house then when she had fallen asleep. Double-taking her surroundings, she noticed the pile of bodies was no longer in the corner (not that she was complaining). Aside from that, the smell of something cooking reached her accompanied by a soft music floating through the air. 

Pinkie stood up carefully and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Jackie, you here?” Jacks poked his head out from around the open doorway at the opposite end of the small house. 

“Morning little miss sleepy head. I’m just fixin’ us up some breakfast.” 

The music and smell of cooked food intensified as she approached the doorway. “So, what’s for breakfast?” She looked up to ED-E, who was floating idly on the other side of the kitchen. “Mornin’ Eddy. Whatchya’ playin?” 

“--‘Morning Mood’, by Edvard Grieg. It’s a classical piece traditionally played during a serene morning, hence the name. It’s also what Jacks’ prefers to wake up to after he gets the chance to sleep.--“ 

Pinkie nodded and turned back to Jacks, who stood in front of a boxy stove built into the cabinet, minding an extra large skillet. 

“And as for what we’re having for breakfast: Eggs! Lots of scrambled eggs. Hope you like em’ ‘deathclaw flavored.’” He said with a chuckle. He continued jabbing and flipping the sizzling eggs gingerly, making sure they got cooked perfectly. 

“MmmMMMMMmmm~ I love scrambled eggs!” she put a hoof to her chin. “Maybe that’s why Fluttershy stopped having sleepovers with me… Anyhoo, aren’t deathclaws those mean ol’ motherhubbers’ three times your size?” 

“You know it. The bigger the beast the bigger the feast, that’s what I say. Besides, I hunt deathclaws on the side, so why not get a good meal after I’ve had a good hunt?” 

Pinkie grinned. “I don’t see any reason why not. So, when’ll it be done?” 

“About five seconds ago.” Jacks turned the stove off and turned around, holding the large skillet overflowing with eggs. She couldn’t help but giggle at a scorched ‘kiss the cook’ apron he was wearing. 

“Hehe, where’d you find that?”  

“I found it stuffed in one of these cabinets. Kinda’ like it actually; think I’ll keep it.” He continued as he walked over to the table that the raiders had been eating on the night before. After setting the skillet down, he pulled two plates and some utensils out from inside his cape. “Good thing these eggs have enough flavor as it is, cause I haven’t got any spices or salts to add flavor. In any case, hope you enjoy.” 

Pinkie bounced over to a chair across the table from where Jacks’ was and sat down. She bounced up and down in her chair excitedly as Jacks scooped a sizable helping of the eggs onto her plate before doing the same for himself and sitting down. 

She picked up her fork (somehow) and was about to dig in, but Jacks held up a hand for her to wait. “Hold up; we need to say prayer first.” After making sure she put her fork back down, Jacks bowed his head and folded his hands together. 

“Dear Lord, bless this food for the nourishment of our bodies. We thank thee for giving us strength in these times, and pray that you continue.” He opened an eye and looked to pinkie, who was mimicking his pose. “…I also ask you give my newest companion strength and protection in this unfamiliar world. I pray that you show me the means of returning her to her home before any harm comes to her. …Do you have anything to say, Pinkie?” 

“Oh, um… Thank you, Mr. Lord for giving me such good friends and protectors in this strange world, and um… yea, I wouldn’t mind finding a way home.” She looked up to Jacks. “How’s that?” 

“Not bad for a first time.” He chuckled slightly before bowing his head again. “In conclusion, thank you for this food, and may your blessings continue to be with us. Amen.” Concluding his prayer, Jacks unfolded his hands and picked up his utensils and calmly began eating his eggs. 

“So,” Pinkie began, following Jacks’ actions. “Who exactly is this God of yours?” 

Jacks swallowed his eggs and paused to think of a proper answer. “…From what I was able to read in the Bible, he is an all-powerful entity that created all of existence, even space and time. In the beginning, he created a paradise; the original Garden of Eden. However, the garden’s occupants, Adam and Eve, were tempted by the devil and broke the only rule in the garden. God banished them from Eden, and now watches over mankind. 

“Back in ancient times, it seems to me that he connected to people more directly than he does nowadays. Back then, when things got particularly heinous, he would do something to clear things up or help. For example, a really long time ago, when things were particularly rough, he sent down his own son, Jesus Christ, as a mere human to help us. And a life of saving lives and performing miracles, Jesus was sentenced to death by a corrupt government.” 

Pinkie gasped. “What did he do?” 

“What he came to earth to do. In allowing those who had sentenced him to crucify him, he sacrificed himself for all of mankind’s sins. He made it possible for any human, no matter how sinful, to have a chance to be forgiven and go to heaven, assuming they converted to Christianity.” 

Jacks sighed. “Of course, over the years, there have been many to change Christianity to use it for their own personal benefits. For example, a thousand or so years ago, the Roman Catholic Church abused these beliefs in order to make money and gain power.” Jacks shook his head. “Arrogant fools. It’s because of them and the overzealous antics of later ‘Christians’ that makes the rest of us look bad.” 

He forked another serving of eggs into his mouth, chewing them silently before swallowing them. “That’s basically Christianity in a nutshell. Of course, considering how big a thing Christianity is, that’s an awful small nutshell, but you get my point right?” 

Pinkie nodded. “Yea, I think I kinda’ got it. Sounds pretty cool if ya’ ask me.” 

Jacks nodded his head to the right. “While ‘cool’ isn’t really the choice of words I would use for it; yea, it is.” He grinned. “So, anything else you’d like to know?” 

“Hmmm…” she set her fork down and rubbed her chin for a moment. “Oh! Is Jacks your real name, or is it a nickname? Cause it sure sounds like one the way you use it.” 

“It does?” Pinkie nodded. “Huh… well, yea, it’s a nickname I gave myself. My full name is actually Jackmerius Tactheratrix.” 

Pinkie put a hoof up to her mouth to try and stop herself, but to no avail. A sting of laughs blurted out of her as she wrapped her hooves around her sides. “That’s..!” she wiped a tear from her name. “-That’s a hilarious name! I-I’m sorry, but that’s just crazy-funny!” 

Jacks chuckled at the hysterical pony. “Yea, it is pretty nuts. …Just goes to show how wasted mom must have been when she gave me that name.” 

Pinkie’s laughing fit stopped. “Oh… I didn’t mean-“ 

“No, its fine. I actually do like it. Heh, like you say; it’s a crazy-funny name.” He smiled when he saw Pinkie’s grin return. 

“Oh ok. My bad, it just caught me by surprise.” 

“Wouldn’t be the first.” 

The two of them continued eating their eggs silently for some time while ED-E continued playing classical music. Eventually Pinkie finished the eggs on her plate and looked around for something to talk about. 

“Sooo…” she began, breaking the relative silence. “What uh… What happened to those dead guys?” 

Jacks swallowed the eggs in his mouth calmly. “Buried them outside. They probably didn’t deserve to lay there and rot. …Probably.” 

“And that nasty raider guy?” 

“Hung his body from an old telephone pole out front as a warning to other raiders.” 

“Ah…” 

whether or not these sorts of things were considered traditional, or even conventional, Pinkie was having a hard time accepting it. However, she didn’t allow such concerns to negatively affect her outward appearance. After all, she did have a reputation as a happy-go-lively figure to uphold. Only in the worst of situations did she ever outwardly brood. 

Back in Equestria, doctors had said that bottling up such emotions was unhealthy and might lead to violent outbursts, but she paid them no heed. She was Pinkie Pie! It was up to her to keep Everypony happy and cheerful. She couldn’t allow herself to get depressed. And the few instances that she actually did become depressed… Well… 

…Perhaps the doctors were right. 

“Hey, want any more eggs?” Pinkie shook herself from such thoughts. 

“Uh, yea! I’d love some more!” 

Jacks grinned and scooped another helping on her plate, leaving very little eggs left in the skillet. Licking her lips eagerly, Pinkie shoved her face into the pile of eggs before her and began snarfing them down as fast as she could. 

“I’ll take that as a ‘holly crap these are freaking awesome’,” Jacks said with a chuckle. Pinkie pulled her egg-covered face up and nodded vigorously, slinging egg-bits hither and yonder. 

Jacks continued to watch as the energetic pink pony shoved her face back in the eggs and continued to guzzle them down. He figured they were going to get along just fine until he found her a way home. 

There was a sudden gunshot from outside and the window beside the door shattered, causing Pinkie to jump out of her eggs. Jacks looked at the busted glass and sighed. 

“I swear; can’t even have a decent breakfast without getting rudely interrupted.” 

“Alright Courier, we know you’re in there,” A gruff voice called from outside. “You’ve got til’ the count of ten to get your sorry ass out here before we burn the place down around you!” 

Pinkie looked between the window and Jacks, a surprised look visible through the layer of eggs. “What’s that?” 

“One!” 

A smug grin spread across Jacks’ face. “Must be room service. I was wondering when they would show; it’s been over an hour since I called them.” 

“Two!” 

“--My scans show that there is a line of five enemies a good twenty feet from the building. Two lightly armed, two with rifles, and the center one is wielding a flame thrower of sorts.--“ 

“Three!” 

Jacks rubbed his chin for a moment before snapping his finger. “Yep! Know who it is.” 

“Four!” 

“Shouldn’t we do something?” Pinkie asked calmly. “And who is it?” 

“Five!” 

“you’ll find out in a bit. Just follow my lead and don’t say anything unless I tell you to, ok?” Pinkie nodded. 

“Six!” 

“ED-E, same goes for you.” After seeing the eyebot nod, Jacks set his silverware down and stood up. 

“Seven!” 

He walked over to the window, though he made sure not to let them get a clear shot at him. “Don’t get your jimmies rustled! I’ll be out in a jiffy!” 

“Eight!” 

Jacks rolled his eyes. “Aight, fine; we’re coming out. Don’t shoot. …Or go ahead shoot; either way this is going to end the same way.” 

“Nine!” 

Jacks began to open the busted up door, but it fell off its hinges with a clatter. Shrugging, he stepped outside into the bright sunlight followed by Pinkie and ED-E. Thanks to his Aviators Jacks didn’t have to shield his eyes from the light, though Pinkie was temporarily blinded by the sudden intensity. 

Jacks looked over the line of raiders that stood roughly fifteen feet from him. The one to the far right wielded a marksman carbine while the far left held an average assault rifle. The man in the center, like ED-E said, wielded a large flame thrower that connected to a tank on his back. The raiders on either side of him had 10mm pistols, however the one to his right was missing an arm. 

“That’s him Cook-Cook! That’s the bastard who killed Cutter and shot me in the back!” the one-armed man shouted angrily. 

Jacks looked down to Pinkie, who stood by his side uneasily. “You see Pinkie? This is why you never let raiders get away.”
> Chapter 7
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	Jacks smacked his lips casually as he looked over the five raiders about fifteen feet from him. Two with rifles, two with 10mm pistols, and the obvious leader who wielded a flame thrower. A flying eyebot named ED-E floated over his left shoulder, while a pink alien pony stood by his right. Jacks couldn’t help but chuckle at his life, and how it surprised even him at times. 

“That’s him Cook-Cook! That’s the bastard who killed Cutter and shot me in the back!” The one-armed man’s angry cried angrily, interrupting Jacks’ thoughts. 

“Ah, the Infamous Cook-Cook. What brings a lowly cannibalistic murdering rapist such as yourself to my humble home-for-the-night? Oh, and did you know that someone put quite a bounty on your head?” 

The scorched raider smirked. “So my reputation precedes me. I take it you know what happens next?” 

“I’ve got a general idea of what you think will happen, yes. On the other hand, I would beckon you and your party inside to offer you some of my vittles; though I must admit I wasn’t expecting company at such an early hour, and as a result I’m afraid there’s not really much left.” 

“Funny.” Cook-Cook said dryly. His eyes wandered to the pink pony beside Jacks as a devious grin spread across his face. “Mmmmm~… I’ve never been with a horse before…” 

Jacks’ smile dropped faster than a DJ’s beats. Pinkie’s expression turned sour and opened her mouth as if to say something, but Jacks beat her to it. 

“You touch her and I’ll skin you alive. …And that’s assuming you can get through me in the first place.” His upper lip twitched angrily. 

“HA! I’ll make you eat those words after I burn your sorry ass!” 

“ED-E, don’t shoot. I want to do this on my own,” Jacks said, though he kept focused on the gang’s leader. “Pinkie, stay behind me.” A thought struck him. “…On second thought, that’s probably not a wise decision. Go inside and stay there.” 

“But-“ 

“Now,” He said sternly. Pinkie pouted before walking inside with ED-E close behind. “Alright Cook-Cook…” Jacks pulled out a shot of Med-X and jabbed it in his neck. “…Let’s get this over with.” 

The raider smirked. “You heard him boys. Let him have it!” 

The four raiders on either side of Cook-Cook raised their weapons and opened fire. However, in the blink of an eye, Jacks whipped his material rifle off his back and began to walk calmly forward. Bullets pinged into or bounced off his armor as he aimed for the raider wielding the marksman carbine, him being the largest foreseeable threat. With the click of the trigger and an ear-shattering blast, a 50cal. bullet flew through the raider’s skull with explosive force, leaving little of the head behind as the body fell to the ground. 

A twinge pain shot through Jacks’ right leg as a bullet from the assault rifle found its way in-between armored plates. His calm expression remained unwavering as he turned to the raider wielding the assault rifle. He saw the look of fearful anger in the man’s face as he lined the shot up between his eyes. Another click of the trigger, another ear-splitting bang, and another headless raider fell to the ground dead. Three left now. 

He turned to the 10mm wielding raider that still had both his arms and took a body shot, tearing open a sizeable hole where the man’s heart had once been. Another twinge of pain as a bullet from the one-armed raider squeezed between armor plates and stuck in his arm. Jacks turned to the man, who was visibly shaking. An intimidating grin spread across Jacks’ face, causing the raider to drop his pistol and take a step back fearfully. 

Suddenly he noticed Cook-Cook raising his flamethrower. He held an arm up to shield his face from the flames, only… they didn’t come. The burned raider swore angrily as he hit the flame thrower, desperately trying to get it to work. Jacks seized the opportunity and took aim, grinning smugly as he lined the shot. The gun echoed across the wasteland as the last shot was fired. 

Cook-Cook’s crotch exploded in a splatter of blood as the bullet did its irreparable damage. The raider leader let out a cry of pain that was almost on par with the gun’s blasts as he fell to the ground, writhing in unimaginable pain. Even Jacks cringed slightly at the thought of how it must of hurt, but aside from that he felt no remorse for the victim. He looked back up to the one-armed raider, who had witnessed the event with shock and even some horror. 

“You’ve got as long as it takes for me to reload.” The empty magazine fell from his material rifle with a clack. 

The raider’s eye twitched as he looked between the empty mag and Jacks’ demented smile. He took a few steps back, afraid that if he broke eye contact he would instantly be killed. With one last look at Cook-Cook’s writhing body, the raider turned and bolted off back in the direction of New Vegas. He tripped after a few feet and shot a look back at Jacks before picking himself up and resuming his mad dash. 

Jacks Smirked as he slid a new magazine into the rifle. He raised the rifle and looked into the scope, lining the bandit’s head up in the crosshairs. 

“Bang,” he whispered to himself before lowering the rifle. This time, he wanted the bandit to escape. Of course this would lead to one of two outcomes: either more raiders would come after him, or they would fortify their defenses. It didn’t matter to him which they decided to do as long as they knew he was coming for them one way or another. 

The sudden crack of a pistol firing jarred him from this thought. A .44 armored piercing round puncture his Kevlar cape and embed itself in the upper left plate of armor on his back. Would have been a heart-shot, had the cape not slowed the bullet. Jacks turned to see Cook-Cook pointing the .44 pistol from where he was propped up by the tank on his back. 

“Should have gone for the headshot,” Jacks said with a confident smirk. Cook-Cook adjusted his aim and squeezed the trigger, but before the pin could fall a 50cal round shattered the pistol and mangled the raider’s hand before traveling down his arm, eventually stopping near the shoulder. The injured man howled in pain and anger as his arm fell to his side limply. Jacks slung the material rifle on his back and waved his index finger back and forth. 

“Tsk tsk. I expected more from you.”  Cook-Cook sneered at the gesture. 

“Mother Fucker! I’ll make you pay!” 

“You know, it’s always kinda’ stumped me… Why do people in a situation like yours always say things like that? I mean it should be obvious that such hateful words will only make the person in my position even angrier, making the person in your position’s death a lot more painful. After all, it’s not as if such hollow threats ever got anyone in your position anywhere except sealing their fate even further.” Cook-Cook looked at Jacks in enraged confusion. 

“…Fuck you!” Jacks put a hand to his forehead and chuckled.

“You people never learn. It really is a wonder the NCR haven’t killed you all off yet. Of course, I’ll be taking care of that soon enough. Now hold still…” He pulled a combat knife out from inside his cape. “My knife throwing is a bit rusty.” 

Cook-Cook pulled a 9mm pistol out with his good arm, but by then Jacks had already thrown the knife. Cook-Cook’s eyes widened as the knife pierced his heart. His eye twitched angrily as he felt the warm liquid spilling out from the wound. Jacks walked up calmly and swatted his arm out of the air. 

“Sweet dreams Cook-Cook. And thanks for being so kind as to give me the reward on you.” Cook-Cook sneered again before his head slumped back. Jacks squatted down by the dead raider and pulled the bloody knife from his chest. 

“Another one bites the dust.” His smile shrunk until it was all but existent. “…Now for the grisly part.” He stabbed the knife into Cook-Cook’s neck and began to cut away at it until he reached the spine, which he snapped with relative ease. 

“That was flippin’ awesome! Do it again!” Jacks’ head around, finding Pinkie standing behind him. “They were all like ‘we’re gonna kill you!’ and you were all like ‘Nuh uh!’ and then you both were like ‘bang bang BOOM!’” She jumped around while making the sound effects. Jacks stood up, trying not to let Pinkie see the head as he hid it behind his back. 

“Yea, heh… Hey, I need to go do something inside real quick. If you’ll excuse me-“ 

“Hey wait a second.” Pinkie looked to the headless body, then to jacks. He didn’t like the quizzical look on her face… “Where's Cooky’s head?”  She tried to walk around jacks to see what he was hiding, but he kept turning to keep it out of sight. 

“Nowhere. It’s uh… it exploded when I shot it.” Pinkie looked him in the eye and squinted. 

“But you didn’t shoot him in the head. I saw.” Jacks looked back and forth nervously. 

“Nope. Guess you saw wrong.” 

“Look Jackie,” her expression deadpanned. “This is your world and your way of doing things, and I respect that. Now do you have his head or not?” Jacks’ expression turned from nervousness, to confusion, then to regretful acceptance, all in a matter of milliseconds. 

“Alright, fine.” He held the head out reluctantly. “I cut it off because I’ll get a lot of money for proving that I killed him. You know, like a reward.” Pinkie’s expression turned happy again. 

“Why didn’t you say so in the first place, silly!” 

“Well, I figured because where you’re from…” 

“I’m not there now, am I?” 

“Well no, but I-“ 

“Then don’t worry about it!” Jacks blinked at how easily she had accepted such things so quickly, but he didn't question it. Then again, he didn’t think we really wanted to question it either. 

“Ok… Well since you apparently don’t have a problem with it, I guess my plan is still a ‘go’.” 

“Oh? What superific plan is that?” 

“Go and kill off the Raider leaders one by one before heading into their stronghold and finishing them off once and for all.” Pinkie smiled so big she had to close her eyes. 

“Sounds like fun! Where do we start?” 

“Well, could you loot these bodies while I cauterize this guy’s neck so he doesn’t bleed all over my armor? Just gather everything you can find aside from their clothes and gather it up. Think you can do that?” Pinkie nodded. “…Alright, I guess. Be back in a bit.” 

Jacks went inside as Pinkie started looting Cook-Cook’s corpse. After a few minutes, Jacks returned to find Pinkie standing in front of a pile of various items. He knelt down beside her and picked up the assault rifle. 

“See, what you loot is determined on whether you’re wanting something valuable or helpful. Now guns, preferably guns like this, are always good loot because they cover both qualifications. If you don’t use it, then you can always sell it. Of course, if you find a similar weapon to the one you have, you could always repair your gun using parts from the one you found. Also make sure to get any and all ammo you find. That’s a must.” He set the rifle aside before doing the same with the marksman carbine and all the ammunition he could find. Pinkie followed along silently, watching attentively. 

“Now things like this,” he picked up a stimpack. “Are helpful, as in they help heal you or help you in other ways. Speaking of which…” His multiple bullet wounds began to burn intensely as the Med-X wore off. He stabbed the stimpack into his leg near the bullet hole and relaxed as the pain subsided. He did the same with the wound in his arm, and continued with his ‘lecture’. 

“Let’s see, what else is there… Ah!” he picked up the 10mm pistol. “you can take small arms if you need to or if you really want to, but they’re not nearly as valuable or useful as larger arms, so you don’t really have to take them.” He tossed the pistol back in the main pile. “Other than that, there’s not really much point in taking any other junk unless you have a good reason to. Taking junk only succeeds in weighing you down pointlessly, which can prove to be problematic in the future.” 

“Any questions?” Pinkie shook her head before picking up the assault rifle. 

“I can carry these if ya’ want.” 

“Oh no, I wouldn’t want to burden you.” Pinkie tucked the rifle behind her back and out of sight. 

“Its fine, I can get it!”  

Jacks reached over her back. “No really, I-” he didn’t feel the gun. To Pinkie’s surprise, he picked her up and turned her around, looking all over her for the rifle. “…Where’d it go?” 

“Right here,” she said, pulling the rifle out from behind her. Jacks stared at her, a baffled look plastered on his face. He began to stammer as he pointed between the gun and her. 

“Wha- How? What? That’s just- I mean… WHAT?” Pinkie giggled. 

“It’s best not to think about it.” Jacks stammered for a moment more before shaking his head to try to forget about the violation of physics. 

“R-right… Um…” He stood up and looked off towards New Vegas. “I think we should move on before more unwelcome visitors drop by for brunch.” He refused to watch as Pinkie tucked the assault rifle and marksman carbine behind her back. 

“Okie dokie lokie! Lead on, Mr. Badass!” 

Jacks offered a weak chuckle before turning to Vegas and picking up a fair paced walk, Pinkie and ED-E following close behind. 
> Chapter 8
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	The moon’s light shined though the partly cloudy sky of the Mojavian night. Its rays scattered across the courtyard of a fiend outpost pieced together in the ruins of a building on the East side of New Vegas. A few guards begrudgingly patrolled the top of the base’s walls, keeping an eye out for any signs of danger. Little did they know, danger was eying them back. 

“Hey…” one of the fiends asked the guard next to him. 

“Yea?” 

“…You ever wonder why we’re here?” 

The other fiend groaned. “Dude, lay off the damn stimpacks. That’s the fiftieth time you’ve asked me that fucking question.” 

“Yea, but… This time it’s different.” Unbeknownst to the fiend, a bullet shot through the cranium of the man beside him. “I mean, what’s the point? Why is the world always so dry and sandy,” he continued absent mindedly as the other fiend fell off the wall with a quiet thud. “…And why can’t we have more drugs to ease the suffering? To make the pain fade away like the evening breeze…”

“What do you think Jibly?” He looked around, only to find himself standing alone. “Jibly? …Damnit, I’m a horrible people person.” 

- 

“And that’s why you attack at night time from an undisclosed location,” Jacks whispered to the pink pony beside him as he set down the Rat Slayer. The two of them were lying on the second story of a building stripped of its walls. From their position, they could see the entire outpost and its courtyard. 

“So, repeat back to me what you’ve learned in this lesson.” 

“Okie dokie.” Pinkie rolled on her back, looking up at the cloudy night. “One; never rush a base, even if it’s night.” 

“Or unless you have good reason to. But that’s for a later lesson, so ‘yes’.” 

“Two; snipe the base from the best possible position until it’s clear.” 

“Correct.” 

“And three; stay quiet and be sure to keep your location a secret, otherwise your position will be compromised.” 

“Excellent. You now know how to take out an enemy base in a silent but deadly manner.” Pinkie tried to stifle a giggle, but to no avail.  Jacks eyed her curiously for a moment before he caught on. He proceeded to punch her gingerly in the shoulder. “You know what I mean.” 

After her giggling subsided, she rolled back over to look at the outpost. “Can I try?” 

“I suppose, but I don’t see how-” A single gunshot pierced the night. 

Jacks watched as the remaining fiend’s brain exited his head in a red splatter. He turned again to Pinkie, who had the marksman carbine cradled in her hooves, a tiny wisp of smoke rising from the end of its barrel. 

“Boom! Headshot!” she shouted in a whisper. “Though, it wasn’t near as quiet as yours…” 

“That’s because you didn’t have a silencer on your gun,” Jacks replied flatly. “Also, I’m not even going to ask how you fired that without fingers,” 

“What’s a ‘silencer’?” 

“Something you attach to your gun to keep it silent, so that-“ 

“OVER THERE!” “KILL THOSE FUCKERS!” Fiends began shouting from inside the base’s walls. 

“…you’re not discovered.” 

“--Jacks, I detect multiple hostiles targeting our location,--“ ED-E beeped from where he hovered behind them. A bullet whizzed past Jacks’ head as the fiends opened fire. 

“Thanks, I hadn’t noticed.”  He calmly turned to Pinkie “And this is what happens, should your location be discovered by bad guys. At this point, it’s best for you to break out the big guns,” he continued as he pulled Sasha (the anti-material rifle) off his back. 

After a quick kiss on the scope, Jacks rested the butt on his right shoulder and began lining up targets. Explosive round after explosive round was fired, each finding its target and killing them in a short but painful blast of gore. By the time he had emptied his magazine and reloaded, only a single, golf club wielding fiend was left standing in the middle of the courtyard. The man stood stock still in shock and anger not only from witnessing the deaths of his men in less than a minute, but also from the blood and bits of said men that were soaking into his makeshift armor. 

“Hey Pinkie, you got anything that can make my voice louder?” Jacks asked. Pinkie pulled a pink megaphone covered in stickers and handed to him. “Thanks. Nice coloration, by the way.” It made a high pitched whine as he turned it on, but it adjusted itself to cancel the hurtful noise. 

“Attention Driver Nephi: stay where you are and I will not shoot you in the head.” 

“…That’s oddly specific, isn’t it?” he replied, a touch of malice in his words. Nephi took a step back, ready to make a dash for cover at the soonest chance he got. 

“Yes. And that’s because I need it intact in order to collect your bounty. Now, it’s not that I don’t trust you to stay put, but…” With another blast from Sasha, Nephi’s right leg was torn off in a mess of blood and bone. “…I’d rather play it safe than sorry.” 

Nephi’s screams of agony could be heard clearly from the courtyard. “Quit your whining. I’ll be down in a second to put you out of your misery, I promise.” 

Jacks stood up and walked to a structural pillar at the floor’s edge, where he had a rope tied. After letting Pinkie hop on his back, he rappelled down the pillar to the ground. 

“ED-E,” he called back up, “Go keep an eye on Nephi, would you? If he persists in trying to escape, vaporize his other leg.”  Jacks saw ED-E nod before flying over the outpost’s wall and out of sight. 

“Can Eddy take care of himself?” Pinkie asked as she hopped off Jacks’ back. 

“Oh yea, I got the followers to supercharge his laser. The little bugger can take out deathclaws all on his own now.” 

Pinkie shrugged. “I still don’t know what a deathclaw is, but I’ll take your word for it.” 

It didn’t take but a few minutes of searching before the two found the outpost’s entrance. As they entered, they were met by the somewhat amusing sight (at least, Jacks found it amusing) of Nephi desperately swinging his 9-iron at ED-E from where he sat leaning against one of his dead men. 

“ED-E,” Jacks called out, “I said you could shoot him if he gave you any trouble, didn’t I?”  

The eyebot stopped dodging the driver and turned to him. “--It’s no trouble, sir. I’m just keeping him busy.--” He didn’t see the club as it swung towards him, banging him on the side. ED-E spun around, beeping frantically for a moment before regaining control. 

“Fucking robot…” Nephi sputtered weakly. His face was beginning to turn pale now from the loss of blood. 

Jacks kneeled down beside Nephi and pulled his combat knife out. Nephi swung at him with the driver, but Jacks caught the weapon and pulled it out of the fiend’s hands. “I’ll have none of that, if you don’t mind,” Jacks said quietly. “Now I know you’re a bad man. Hell, its kinda’ a given the company you keep. But all things considered, you’re not as bad as many of your fellow ‘leaders’. Sure you’re a hell of a murderer, but nothing especially sadistic like rape or cannibalism.”  

Nephi spat in Jacks’ face. Not bothered by the fiend’s spiteful act, Jacks continued. 

“My point is, while you are without a doubt a ‘bad man’, you’re not some sick twisted psycho. So, I’ll try to make this quick.” Jacks swiped his knife in a flash, cutting the front half of Nephi’s neck open. What blood remained in the man was pumped out of the wound in a matter of seconds. Jacks waited patiently as the fiend’s life slipped away before cutting the rest of the man’s neck and snapping the spinal column with a crunch. 

“Mind handing me another sack?” Jacks asked Pinkie, who promptly tossed him one that she pulled out from -redacted-. He dropped the severed head in the sack and tied the top tightly, before hanging it inside his cloak beside two other similar, bloody sacks which contained the heads of Cook-Cook and Violet. 

“So, where to next?” Pinkie asked, a nonchalant smile on her face. 

Jacks wiped his knife off with a clean spot on Nephi’s shirt before sheathing it. “I hear Vault 3 is lovely around this time of year,” he replied with a devious grin. 
	
> Chapter 9
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	Jacks slid the new magazine into the All American marksman carbine before returning his eye to the scope. He was kneeled down at the edge of the ramp leading down to Vault 3’s massive metal door. Pinkie and ED-E were behind him, keeping their cover during the gunfight just moments before. Pinkie had used the common marksman carbine Jacks had given her with resounding success, achieving three headshots and 5 body-shots. ED-E had vaporized four fiends by his count, and was counting the ash piles to confirm his estimation. Jacks had nailed the most fiends as always, though he wasn’t able to count how many. 

After scanning the surrounding area multiple times through his scope, Jacks deemed the area clear of fiends for the time. He stood up slowly and hung the All American inside his cloak. 

“The fiends always do know how to make a guy feel welcome,” he chuckled before stabbing a stimpack into his neck. “Pinkie, ED-E, you two ok?” 

Pinkie rubbed her left shoulder gingerly, where a bullet had grazed her. “Just a flesh-wound. Bleeding a bit, but it’s not much more than a scratch.” 

“--All systems nominal. Unit functioning at 95% capacity.--“

Jacks nodded. “Good. Pinkie, I’ll wrap that up for you. Infections out here are even more deadly than a bullet.” He pulled out a roll of gauss from his cloak and knelt down beside Pinkie. 

“Hey, I need to tell you something,” he said as he wrapped, “Rather, something I need to ask you.” 

“Yeeeeaa~? What’s that?” 

“Up until now, we’ve only been around ourselves and enemies, so this hasen’t quite been an issue yet. But in there, with any luck at least, we won’t be attacked. And when the fog of battle isn’t clouding everyone’s minds, I’m pretty sure people will start noticing a pink, talking pony walking around. And, while I normally wouldn’t care less about what people think about me and my choice of friends, it would not be in your best interest to not care about what you are and where you come from.” 

Pinkie nodded, listening to Jacks’ words attentively. 

“I mean, it’s not exactly easy to keep a low profile when we’re walking around saying ‘look here! This here is a pink alien pony from across the galaxy that has interdimensional powers and can talk! Isn’t that awesome!?’ …Yeah, not the best way to avoid attention. ” 

Pinkie’s eyes grew to the size of saucers and her lip began to quiver. “Y-you don’t think it’s awesome?” 

Jacks recoiled a bit. “What? When did I ever say that? I just said people can’t know about your awesomness, else you’ll be in big trouble. After all, there are plenty, and I mean plenty of people and groups out there that would just love to get their hands on you for their own reasons.” 

Pinkie’s eyes returned to normal and her smile returned. “Oh, okie doke! You had me worried there for a second, ya’ silly filly!” 

“…Silly filly…?” Jacks expression deadpanned at the comment. “…Please, don’t call me that.” 

“Okie dokie lokie. So what’s the plan on helping me keep a low profile?” 

“Ok, if you’re cool with it, I want to pass you off as an ultra-super mutated dog. …Mutation seems to be the explanation for everything weird these days anyway. So when we’re around lots of people and anyone asks what you are, just say you’re a mutated dog.” 

“Woof woof!” 

“…You can still talk. That’s the brilliance of mutations, anything goes.” 

Pinkie nodded happily. “I can dig it. So what’s the plan with this engineer guy?” 

“Engineer? What engineer?” 

“Motor Runner. He makes motors run, doesn’t he?” 

“…Don’t think so. He got his name for the pre-war chainsaw he wields. The last thing his victims hear is the sound of the motor as he’s running towards them. Hence the name MotorRunner.” 

“Ohhhhhhhh~!” Pinkie rolled her eyes.  “Okay, that makes a lot more sense.” 

“And to answer your question, the plan, simply put, is to walk in, monologue to MotorRunner a bit, kill him extravagantly, then kill anyone who stands in our way as we leave.” Jacks couldn’t help the twisted grin spreading across his face in anticipation. 

“Sounds super duper! Let’s do this!” 

Jacks nodded before standing up. He walked down the ramp and stopped in front of a control panel on the wall to the right. As he began tinkering with the door’s controls, Pinkie sat before the massive, gear-shaped metal door of the vault. A big 3 could be seen in the middle of the door, its yellow paint worn down by time. Jacks had explained what he could about vaults and how they helped humans survive, as well as his theory that the heads of VaultTech were likely the ones who sparked the Great War to ensure their numerous investments were seen as a success. …But that’s just what he thought. Pinkie’s imagination went wild with what could be inside the massive vault. 

“Got it!” Jacks called out as he punched a big red button on the pad. 

The door began creaking and screeching tremendously as the massive door pulled back and rolled off to the left. Pinkie’s dreams of what awaited them inside were put to rest when she saw over a dozen gun barrels pointing towards her and the others. She looked up to Jacks, who’s happy, nonchalant expression remained on his face. 

“What the bloody fuck do you think you’re doin’ here?!” the door’s guard shouted out angrily, cocking the hammer on her 10mm pistol. “And give me one good reason not to tell my men to shoot you right here and now!” 

“Because, as I’ve explained to you before, I am contracted as the drug runner between MotorRunner and the Great Khans. And before you ask, I’m late for my shipment because I was preoccupied. I have brought double the usual amounts as compensation.” He noticed a few of the men lowering their weapons a bit. No doubt thinking about what the Khans would do to them if they killed one of their best, if not the best, drug runner. 

“Bullshit! That ain’t gonna save your ass this time Courier! We know you killed all our guards! …For the third time, no less! I’ll deliver MotorRunner the drugs after I get them off your corpse!” 

“I thought you’d say something like that. That’s why I brought you personal compensation as well.” He held his hands up defensively. “Now, I’m going to reach inside my cloak and bring it out, ok? You promise not to shoot?” 

“Fuck you!” 

“Good girl. Now this,” Jacks began as he stuck his hand into his cloak. Suddenly everyone raised their weapons, and Jacks froze instinctively. Silence fell for a moment, each side waiting to see what would happen. Eventually, Jacks began to retract his hand, slowly. He watched as many of the Fiend’s eyes were darting around in adrenaline fueled nervousness. When his hand finally became visible again, it was revealed to be holding a small, clear bag of a fine white powder. 

“Powdered sugar?” Pinkie asked quizzically. 

“HOLLY SHIT IT TALKS!” One of the fiends cried out suddenly. 

Before Pinkie knew what was happening, he had pointed his 10mm sub-machine gun at her and let fly a salvo of bullets. Jacks pushed her out of the way and allowed the bullets to bounce off his armor. In the blink of an eye he pulled his combat knife out and threw it with almost inhuman precision, the blade burying itself to the hilt into the fiend’s forehead. Everybody adjusted their aim on Jacks and prepared to pull the trigger, but Jacks held his hands up again. 

“Wait! That was self defense and you all saw it! He prematurely tried to shoot my companion. Gun me down now and you’ll have hell to pay!” 

The guard lady snarled. “So what’s that white stuff? And what makes that pink fucker worth one of my men?” 

“First question: It’s a pre-war drug known as cocaine. Cocaine is a helluva drug, believe me.” He turned to pinkie. “And for the record, I thought it was powdered sugar at first too. But trust me, it’s NOT.” 

He continued as he turned back to the guard lady. “Second question: She is my ultra-mutated wasteland dog, Pinkie. She’s pink because her previous owner dyed her hair that way, and he taught her to speak. …literally. She’s like family to me, so if you fuck with her, you fuck with me. That trigger-happy moron is proof.” He pointed to the dead fiend. “Now, want me to toss you this drug so you can try it out, or what?” 

She took her left hand away from the 10mm and held it up. Jacks gingerly tossed her the bag, which she caught underhanded. She rotated the baggie in her hand for a second or two before looking back up at Jacks with a puzzled expression. 

“You snort it up your nose, but try not to snort too much though. Try dipping a finger or two in it and sniff that.” 

“Don’t tell me what to fucking do!” She sneered at him before returning her gaze to the bag. Her eyes darted between Jacks and the bag a few times as she thought about what to do. After a moment, she cautiously holstered her pistol and stuck two fingers into the bag and stuck them to her nose before taking a deep breath in. Everyone watched her and the blank expression on her face as she stared off into the distance. A trickle of blood ran down from her nose, though she didn’t seem to notice. 

“Holy fuck…” she murmured to herself. Her eyes moved back down to the bag and remained on it for a moment. Suddenly, she shoved her nose into it and took a deep breath in. 

“No! Not the whole thing you crazy bitch!” Jacks reached an arm out in protest, though his words went unheard. The guard pulled her powder-coated nose out of the bag and looked at Jacks. A sickly smile spread across her face as it grew paler by the second. Her head twitched violently, and her eyes rolled back into her head as she fell over onto her back. 

The other guards looked over her and the bag of cocaine, unsure of what to do. Finally, one of them tried to pick up the bag, but was punched in the jaw by another. “It’s my turn!” the puncher shouted, but he was kicked in the groin before he could grab the bag. “No! Its mine!” another shouted. Soon the entire group was fighting each other for the drug. Fists were thrown, shots were fired, and even a frag grenade was dropped. As the dust from the blast settled, the entire group of fiends were dead. 

Jacks and the others looked over the bloody mess and shook their heads. “You’re right. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.” Pinkie said in a disturbingly serious tone of voice. 

Jacks chuckled. “Heh, that’s still nothing compared to when I first came across the stuff. Downed an entire bag before I knew it wasn’t sugar.” He looked down to Pinkie. “…Nobody made it out alive.” 

They looked at each other for a second before laughing. “Doesn’t sound too out of the ordinary for you. What makes that time special?” Pinkie asked after her laughter subsided. 

“Because I was fighting my way out of the heart of an Enclave base,” Jacks replied with a wide grin. 

“Ooo~… Those nasty ol’ baddies who think they’re what’s left of the US-of-A?” 

“The very same.” Jacks walked over to the fiend that had tried to shoot Pinkie. He knelt down and pulled his knife out of the fiend’s forehead, wiping it off before sheathing it. “But all that’s in the past now. True, they probably have a bounty out for me, assuming they do that sort of thing, but I heard that they’re focusing on the East coast. Something about a purity project or some such drivel, but I haven’t kept up with them in a while, so I don’t what they’re up to.” 

Jacks took a deep breath in after the explanation. “But I digress. I’ve got plenty more things to deal with than some pre-war fanatics and their exploits. The most prominent of which, at the moment, is the completion of this job,” he continued, stepping around the pile of corpses carefully. “You two coming?” 

Pinkie nodded as she bounced over the bodies skillfully, not touching a one as she did so. ED-E simply hovered over the corpses, but what else would you expect? With Pinkie and ED-E close behind, Jacks walked to the door leading onto the inner vault. With a turn of the crank and a hiss of the pistons needed to move the metal mass, the door opened. …And the three came face to face with more gun barrels. 

Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Not this again.” 

“I know, right?” Jacks cleared his throat. “So, explanation: I’m the Great Khans’ drug runner, the guards behind me killed themselves over a bag of super-drugs known as cocaine. In short I didn’t kill them, and at this point you have three choices. 1: kill me, only to be killed by MotorRunner and/or the Great Khans. 2: try to kill me and fail, in which I’ll just return the favor. Or 3: let me be on my merry way so nobody dies. …at this current point in time.” 

The guards looked between each-other for a second before lowering their weapons. Jacks bowed before continuing into the vault. As they went, Pinkie couldn’t help but notice all the strange looks she was getting. 

“Damn… I gotta kick back on the Jet,” one of the fiends mutter to himself as they passed. 

As for the vault itself, Pinkie was rather taken aback by it. She thought she smelled something funny (that’s ‘unusual’ funny, not ‘ha-ha’ funny) when they first entered, but she had assumed it was the corpses. However, as they entered the vault’s hallways, a wave of noxious fumes hit her like a brick to the face. Looking down the hall to her left, she could safely assume the fumes were coming from the fiend’s makeshift drug lab they had set up in what appeared to have been a lunch room. 

“Bloody idiots and their drug den,” Jacks murmured, “…You can use my helmet if you’d like to filter out the fumes. In some instances the fumes can have a worse toll then the actual drug.” He held up the helmet that had come with the armor. 

Pinkie nodded vigorously as she grabbed the helmet and shoved it on her head. What hair wasn’t stuffed inside curled out from the loose space around her neck, helping keep it airtight. The lenses in the eye sockets flickered on, tinting Pinkie’s view of the world a light shade of red. She looked around some, making sure it wasn’t constricting her. 

“Mmm~, cozy! Why don’t you wear this thing?” 

Jacks grinned. “Gets hot in there, and it restricts my peripheral vision. Besides, I like for people to see my face. That way they know it wasn’t just another masked figure that killed them. …That and it adds distinctiveness to my ‘style’.” 

Pinkie nodded, contemplating the explanation. She followed Jacks closely as he led them further into the vault, passing sneering fiends and blood-stained walls as they went. After a few minutes of wandering aimlessly and backtracking from wrong turns, they found themselves finally entering the vault’s maintenance wing. Jacks knew he was approaching MotorRunner’s lair when he saw two guards standing post at the door before them. 

“I’ve got business with Runner,” he said as he stepped up to the guards. 

“Fuck off. We‘re not supposed to let anyone in.” 

“Look, I’m here with the Khan’s drugs. If you want your rations for the next month then you’ll let me through.” With risk of their drugs being on the line, the guard quickly sidestepped to let Jacks through. “Thank you.” He looked down to Pinkie as they walked into the room. “I tell ya’ what, it’s always a hassle getting in this place.” 

“What about getting back out?” 

“This time, I think it’ll be a bit more fun than usual.” He eyed a flamer-wielding fiend as she passed. “…and a bit hotter, too.” She snarled at him, mistaking his statement as a flirt. 

They continued for a bit before approaching another large, reinforced door. Jacks took a deep breath before opening the door and stepping inside. He was instantly greeted with the enraged snarls of MotorRunner’s two dogs, Donnie and Marie. MotorRunner was sitting in his makeshift throne of hockey sticks and skulls. 

“Hey! There’s my favorite criminal mastermind!” Jacks stated happily over the growling of the dogs. 

“Well well, look who’s finally got back with my drugs,” MotorRunner said as he stood up. “So where the hell have you been? …And why do you always have to kill all my men on your way here?” 

“Well, to my defense, they have a knack of attacking me first. I would suggest you teaching them some manners, but that’d be a moot point.” 

“Whatever. You got my drugs or what?” 

“All in due time. But for now, I have some pressing matters with you that I need to take care of.” 

“Like what?” Runner asked sarcastically as he crossed his arms. 

“Well, the main reason I’m here is to kill you and collect the bounty on your head,” Jacks replied casually. Runner stared at him for a second before he burst into laughter. 

“…HA! You’ve got a messed up sense of humor, you know that?” 

“That maybe true, but who’s to say I’m joking?” 

The ensuing silence was interrupted by the door behind him opening, followed immediately by an exhausted, one-armed fiend suddenly running into the room. 

“Boss! Boss! Th-this guy-“the fiend froze dead in his place when he noticed the trio standing in the room with him. 

A wide grin spread on Jacks’ face. “Skippie! So glad you could make it! A bit late, I must admit, but at least you didn’t miss the good part.” He clapped his hands together. “So, I believe you were about to tell your fearless leader a particular story involving a particular courier?” The fiend just stared at Jacks in terror. “…Well go on, tell him.” 

“B-boss… This guy, right here,” The fiend stammered haphazardly as he pointed to Jacks, “He killed CookCook and his men right in front of me! He even shot my fucking arm off!” 

Jacks turned back to Runner and shrugged. “Oh shucks, I’ve been discovered.” 

“A-and he’s even been going around, killing all the other fiend leaders too! He told me to come here and tell you he was coming for you!” 

“And a fine job of that you did, Latey McTardy-pants,” Jacks said flatly. “So Runner, believe me now?” 

MotorRunner stared at Jacks agrily. “You… You’ve got the BALLS to kill my men, come into MY vault, and THREATEN me?!” 

“Well it’s more of a promise than a threat, but yeah, pretty much.” 

Runner stood there a second, twitching furiously, before he pulled the ripcord on his chainsaw with a roar of its motor. “Donnie! Marie! Sick em’!” 

Before the two dogs could even lift a paw, Jacks whipped out his dual 10mm pistols and shot them both in the head simultaneously. He holstered the pistols as quickly as he’d pulled them out, and pointed to the freshly killed canines. 

“Ok, play dead! Play dead doggies!” The two dogs collapsed to the ground. “Goood~ doggies! Who’re good doggies? You are!” 

Suddenly MotorRunner lunged at Jacks with his chainsaw. Jacks, having predicted the move, stepped left at the last second to dodge the attack. In the blink of an eye, he spun behind MotorRunner, stopped the fiend in his tracks with a chokehold, and pulled out his combat knife. 

“You like the sight of yer own blood?!” Jacks said mischievously, mimicking all the fiends that had said the same line to him. 

In one swift swipe, Jacks sliced MotorRunner’s throat open and let go of the fiend leader.  Runner fell to the floor, clutching at his neck desperately to stop the bleeding, despite it being a lost cause. Within a minute, Runner collapsed. 

“And that, as they say, is that,” Jacks said resolutely. He knelt down beside MotorRunner’s corpse and began cutting away at his neck. 

“You know,” he began, “I’m actually glad you got here when you did, Skippie. It’s always more fun when there’s a witness who can spread the word.” He paused as he snapped the spine. 

“That said; I want you to leave the fiends. I don’t care what ties you may have, I just want you to have nothing more to do with them. I never want to see you with these people ever again; else you’ll find yourself in my crosshairs.” Jacks stood up, holding MotorRunner’s head by his hair, and turned to the one-armed fiend. With his open hand, he reached in and pulled out a bag about the size of his fist. 

“Here,” he said, tossing the bag. “I want you to have this.” The fiend caught the bad in the air and looked at it dumbly for a moment. “There’s a hundred caps in there, got it? I want you to start a new life. Get over what addictions you might have. You can start by going to the Followers of the Apocalypse set up in Freeside. They specialize in drug addictions.” 

The fiend looked up to Jacks, confusion and fear in his eyes. “W-why? Why do this?” 

“Because I like you, Skippie. You’re a good kid,” Jacks said, placing his open hand on the fiend’s shoulder. “When you get to the Followers, just tell them I sent you. They’ll take care of you after that. …Now go on and get out of here.” Jacks pulled his hand away from the fiend’s shoulder. 

‘Skippie’ took a cautionary step back, not taking his eyes off Jacks. After a moment of silence, he turned and hurried out of the room. Jacks watched as he left, smiling at what he had done for the man. 

“That was awfully nice of you, Jackie. Why the sudden act of compassion, if you don’t mind me askin’?” Pinkie asked curiously. 

Jacks shrugged. “I don’t know… I just felt it was the right thing to do. Who knows, maybe he actually will go to the followers and get reformed. But either way, I’ve got a feeling we’ll be seeing him again.” 

Pinkie nodded. “…So, time to collect the reward on these four meanie McNasties?” 

“You guessed it. Now toss me a bag for Mr. Runner. He appears to have sprung a leak.” 
> Chapter 10
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	Pinkie stood silently, staring up at the massive wall before her in awe. It had to be at least 25 feet high, and it ran in either direction with a slight curve to it, making the ends, if there were any, impossible to see. Directly in front of her, however, was a set of massive metal doors, which had watch towers sticking up above the wall on either side of it. Two NCR guards attentively stood at the center of the door to make sure that no unwanted persons could enter. The guards gave her questionable glances as she marveled at the large wall. 

Jacks ruffled her hair as he stepped past. “I know it’s quite the setup they’ve got here, but wouldn’t you rather see the inside than stand around here gawking at a wall all day?” he said with a chuckle. 

Pinkie blinked a few times and nodded excitedly before bouncing alongside him. Jacks walked up to the two guards calmly, keeping his hands secluded in the outer pockets on his cloak. As he neared the guards they raised their guns cautiously, lining him up with their sights. 

“Alright, that’s far enough, guy,” the left guard said in a very serious tone. “Identify yourself.” 

“Odd,” Jacks muttered to himself as he came to a stop, “The Desert Ranger Combat Armor usually fools the rookies…” 

“Maybe he’s suspicious of the blood stains,” Pinkie remarked with a touch of sarcasm. “I mean, they don’t exactly say ‘Oh hello, my good sir, I’ve just come from a lovely spot of tea with my floating robot and pink pony. Pip pip! Cheerio! Jolly good show, and whatnot,’” she said in a mock-British accent. 

Jacks rolled his eyes and chuckled at Pinkie’s little impression as they neared the guards. 

“At ease, guys,” he said loud enough for the troops to hear, “It is I, the destroyer of evil and rescuer of innocent. Fear me not, for I mean you no harm. That is, unless you mean me harm.” 

The right guard lowered his weapon and cocked his head, though the left guard kept his rifle on target. 

“What kind of an answer is that? Sounds like something a drugged up fiend would say if you ask me… And what’s with the freak-show?” the left guard continued, motioning to ED-E and Pinkie. 

“Yeeaaaah, about the Fiends… I’m pretty sure they won’t be bothering you guys again. As in, EVER,” Jacks retorted with a chuckle. 

The left guard took a step forward “You’ve got ten seconds to get out of here,” he said in an irritated tone of voice “And take your freaks with you.” 

“Whoa whoa whoa, cowboy, relax. I’ve got business with the colonel.” 

“The kind that ends with a high-ranking officer killed?! I think not!” 

Jacks was about to protest, but the right guard placed his hand on the left guard’s gun and lowered it slowly. “…Kid, I don’t think you know who you’re talkin’ to,” he said sternly. 

“What? You know this drugged up nut-job?” 

“As a matter of fact,” the right guard continued as he took his helmet and goggles off, “He just so happened to save my life.” 

Jacks squinted at the guard for a moment before he recognized him. “…Halford?” The guard nodded. “Holy shit man, how are you! Hope the leg’s treatin’ you well.” 

Halford chuckled heartily. “No thanks to your mad skills with a doctor’s bag.” 

The left guard’s gaze darted between Halford and Jacks. “Hal, who the hell is this?” 

“This is Jacks, man. You know, the Courier? This son-of-a-bitch right here saved me from a cave swarming with lakelurks using that very gun.” He pointed to the anti-material rifle on Jacks’ back. “He’s done more for the NCR, and half the region, than you could ever imagine.” 

Pinkie looked up to Jacks, her smile spreading ever wider. “You’re a bloody hero!” she said, still using her mock-British accent. 

“Oh you guys…” Jacks said with a cheeky grin and a chuckle, “Besides, I never turn down a distress call.” 

“…I don’t care!” the left guard shouted as he raised his gun again. “You’re not getting in here without the proper clearance!” 

“Can you believe this kid?” Jacks said to Halford as he pointed his thumb at the guard. Halford simply shrugged. 

“You know what? As much as I enjoy catching up with a friend while a stranger points a gun at me, I’ve got some pressing issues to attend to. After all, it’s not like these guys are going to get any less stinky,” Jacks continued, pulling open his cloak to reveal four bloody sacks surrounded by flies, “So if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go ahead and slip on in.” 

As Jacks stepped forward, the left guard jabbed the barrel of his rifle against Jacks’ chin. “I still don’t care who you are! And I’m the one in charge here, so I order you to leave the premises NOW!” 

Jacks, reaching around the barrel pressing into his chin, took off his authority glasses and looked the guard in the eye. The guard felt his blood run cold as he gazed into the piercing blue eyes of the Courier. He wasn’t sure if he was seeing things, but he could have sworn there was an eerie red glow to them. 

“Ah ah ah…” Jacks whispered with a wave of his index finger, “No touchy.”

In the blink of an eye, Jacks yanked the rifle out of the guard’s hands and slammed its stock into the side of his head, knocking the guard out cold. Jacks dropped the rifle beside the unconscious guard’s body and put his authority glasses back on. 

“For the record,” Jacks said aloud to no one in particular, “I commend the kid for his unwavering loyalty. Hell, the NCR could use more men like him. But as it is, he was in the way of very important business, and I will take sole responsibility for my actions against him when the time comes.” He turned to Halford. “If you wanna’ take some time to talk and catch up, you can find me in the mess tent.” 

“Right,” Halford replied as he watched the courier open the metal doors. Jacks held them open long enough for his friends to enter. 

“Oh, and Hal?” 

“Yeah?” 

“When the kid wakes up, tell him I said ‘sorry.’” 

“Will do,” Halford concluded as Jacks stepped inside and closed the doors. Halford looked down to the other guard’s limp body and chuckled. 

“…Jacks, man, you gotta’ work on your people skills,” he whispered to himself. 

- 

Pinkie sat at an old picnic table, picking at the weathered green paint that was peeling off after so many years of no upkeep. ED-E, of course, hovered to her right keeping an eye on her for Jacks as he had gone to get their food. Enthralled in her paint chipping, Pinkie didn’t notice as Jacks made his way to the table. Jacks set a metal plate piled high with vegetables in front of her, almost making her jump. 

“Here,” Jacks said kindly, “got you the best vittles they had, straight from the sharecroppers.” 

“Ooo~ this looks fantastic!” Pinkie said with a beaming smile. She bent her head down and bit into a carrot, chewing it loudly. “So,” she said before swallowing, “Why do they call this place a mess hall? It doesn’t look very messy if you ask me.” 

Jacks shrugged as he cut his brahmin steak into bite-sized bits. “Beats me, but I know they’ve been calling it that since before the war.” He set his silverware down and clapped his hands together. “Oh! Almost forgot to say grace.” 

“Hmm?” Pinkie asked as she cocked her head. 

“In my religion it’s considered proper to give thanks for your food before you eat. So, if you would please…” Jacks meshed his fingers together and bowed his head, Pinkie mimicking his actions. 

“Lord, we give thanks for the food we are about to receive, and pray that you bless it to the nourishment of our bodies. Amen.” Jacks lifted his head, poking Pinkie’s fluffy hair to let her know to do the same. Pinkie took another bite from the carrot. 

“You know,” she said through a mouthful of orange nutrition, “When I met you, I didn’t peg you for a religious type.” 

“Yeah, most people don’t,” Jacks said solemnly as he forked a bit of his steak and ate it. “Still, I find it to be quite fulfilling, and it helps strengthen me in times of need. To believe in something much bigger than yourself, and that you have a chance to be forgiven for all the sinful things that a person does… for all the things I do…” He paused for a moment, pondering the idea. “It gives me hope.” 

Pinkie nodded slowly, listening attentively to his words. Jacks smiled and took another bite of his steak. 

“Now, I know that it might not look it, but I am a believer. However, I do not do what I do in the name of my religion, because that’d make it look like believers were a bunch of psychos… which they’re not,” he said, putting particular sternness into the last part. “I’ve worked hard to make this land as good a place as I can. I’ve dealt with the Fiends, the Legion, Powder Gangers, and many more, as passively as possible, but some people are just impossible to work with.” He paused. 

“My point is, Pinkie, that I’ve done bad things, both inadvertently and intentionally. My intentions may be true, but that is far from justifying what I’ve done… However, my God is a merciful one. If someone is a true believer, who is willing to accept God as their one true savior, then they shall be forgiven for their transgressions.” He continued sincerely. “Of course, that doesn’t give someone the freedom to just go do whatever they like, thinking they can brush their actions off with a half-baked ‘sorry’. To be forgiven, you truly have to feel remorse for what you’ve done and be willing to seek forgiveness for it.” 

Pinkie stared at Jacks attentively, nibbling on her vegetables as she listened. “So…” She swallowed a mouthful of potato. “This God dude seems like a pretty cool guy.” 

“Oh yeah. You know, in the story of Jonah, God forgave an entire city of people.” 

“What did they do? Oh, is it a story?! I love stories!” Pinkie said, suddenly interested by the possibility of a good tale. 

“Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve read the story, but I’ll do my best.” Jacks cleared his throat. “So, there’s this big ol’ city called… Nineveh I think. Now, this place was one wretched place. I mean murder, prostitution, thievery, all sorts of bad stuff, the reason being that nobody knew the difference between right and wrong. I mean, these guys had been known to brutally wipe out entire cities… Kind of like Caesar’s Legion, now that I think about it.” Jacks paused to contemplate the similarities the Legion had to the biblical city. 

“…Anyhow, God sees that this place is messed up something awful, so awful in fact that he’s ready to wipe the whole place off the face of the Earth. But God’s not one to jump to conclusions, so he asks a prophet, Jonah, to travel to the city and warn the people of Nineveh that if they don’t get themselves straightened out, that he’s going to wipe them out. But there was just one problem. Jonah didn’t want to do it!” 

“What? That’s crazy!” 

“I know, right? See, Jonah knew that if he went there and started preaching the word of God to all these heathens that they’d likely seek forgiveness from God, and if they did that, and meant it, that God would forgive them and spare their lives. But Jonah didn’t want God to spare them. He hated the Ninevites so much that he wanted to see them all destroyed, even if it meant disobeying God. In fact, he was so deadset on not going that he jumped on the first ship out of the city to try to escape God’s presence.” Jacks chuckled. “But one does not simply escape the deity that created the world. So God, not too pleased with his disobedient disciple, sent a storm of biblical proportions to intercept the boat…” 

Suddenly, a squad of troops walked into the mess tent. Jacks paused his story to look over at the newcomers. Normally, he wouldn’t have found anything strange about their presence, considering they were in one of the NCR’s largest bases, but something about how they pointed to him and shouted “You! You’re under arrest!” made him a little suspicious. His suspicions were further fueled when they rushed over to him and forced his head to the table as they began tying his hands up. 

“Don’t look now Pinkie,” he said through the steak that his face was currently shoved in, “But I think these guys might actually be here to arrest us…” 

“What should we do?” she replied as she raised her hooves for a troop that was aiming for her head. 

“Smile and wave,” Jacks whispered. “Smile and wav-” He was cut short as one of the troops knocked him out. 
> Chapter 11
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	Jacks stood at the edge of a tall cliff that overlooked a sprawling canyon with a large city at its bottom. From where he stood he could make out thousands tiny specks moving about the city streets. Small markets and outposts were scattered here and there, and a few military checkpoints could be spotted at some of the intersections. A skyscraper stood above the other buildings at the city’s center. The building was topped with a large flag that showcased an iconic image of a two-headed bear as it flapped in the wind. 

Jacks’ focus turned from the grand city to a small box he held under his arm. Wrapped in paper with a few ‘Mojave Express’ stamps and a destination written on its top, it was indistinguishable from any other package.  The ground began to quiver and shake under his feet at he stared at the box. A sudden flash prompted him to look back to the cityscape. 

The ground around the tall building cracked open, sending pillars of light and flames jetting into the sky. He could see the earth around the building rise from some massive, unseen force. As the light and the flames diminished, the tower and the surrounding buildings were swallowed by the earth. Similar flashes of light and flames from beneath the ground began across the city. Building by building, the city was engulfed with flames and chaos as the ground crumbled and fell into oblivion. A massive crevasse formed, tearing the city in half and revealing what could only be described as the depths of Hell. 

Jacks stood steadfast, watching as the city was ripped apart by earth and fire. The ground beneath him shook with a terrible might and the wind began cutting into his face with sand and debris, yet he stood. How many times had he witnessed these events, and how many more were yet to come? He couldn’t say. The screaming and sirens began to die down as the wind became polluted with smoke, blocking his view. 

The stoic expression on his face remained unchanged as he looked back to the package. He held his gaze for a moment before tossing it off the cliff. Time seemed to lose meaning as the smoke and dust thickened around him. After what felt like an eternity, he took a step forward to join the city in oblivion. 


-


Jacks’ eyes shot open, flooding his retinas with light. It felt as though he was lying in a veritable puddle of sweat. He took a moment to let the dizziness subside before sitting up. As his senses returned he began taking note of his surroundings. One of the walls was broken away, having been replaced by a thick sheet of glass. A bemused NCR trooper stood guard in the adjacent room. He concluded that he was in Camp Mccarran’s interrogation room. 

“Jackie, you’re awake! You were beginning to worry me,” chimed a familiar, high-pitched voice. 

“Thanks, I hadn’t noticed,” Jacks said with a sigh. He pinched his brown and tried to settle his thoughts. “Sorry… had some bad dreams.” 

“I don’t suppose that would be remorse for all the Legion you’re murdered,” someone grunted in a deep voice. 

Jacks’ gaze shot up to see who was talking. A Legionary wearing a suit of Centurion armor sat in the room’s only chair, glaring at him angrily. Jacks reached for his .44 Magnum, but the Centurion cut him off. 

“Don’t bother. They took your weapons before tossing you and your damnable companion in here.” 

“Worth a shot,” Jacks said with a sigh. He looked over to where Pinkie sat. “Where’s ED-E?” 

“They took him to a standard cell. Something about hacking doors open, I think,” Pinkie replied, touching a hoof to her chin in curiosity. “But it’s nice to see you’re okay! You’ve been out for a while.” 

“How long?” 

“It’s been about nine hundred seventy-three days. But don’t worry; I don’t think too many people have forgotten about you.” 

“What?!” 

“The filthy creature lies,” the Centurion replied with a snarl. “It’s been hardly more than an hour since they brought you here.” 

“Why do you have to be such a stick in the mud? Come on, lighten up and have a laugh,” Pinkie insisted as she walked over to the man. Crossing his arms seemed to the only thing he could do to avoid punching the insufferable creature. 

Jacks shrugged off the joke and stretched his arms. “So, what’ve I missed?” 

“Well~” Pinkie began in a pleasant tone, “Our friend here, Silus, was kind enough to tell me all about the Legion. They sound like a bunch of meanies that should be wiped off the face of the planet, but I’m not one to judge. Oh, did you know that Caesar… wait, is it pronounced Caesar or Caesar?” 

“I prefer Caesar to be honest,” Jacks replied “But please, continue.” 

“Okie doke. So, did you know that Caesar is really sick, and that it seems to be affecting his decision making?” 

“Interesting. That should prove to be a point of interest in the future. Anything else?” 

“Let’s see… Oh! Theres also a Legion spy somewhere on the base! Silus doesn’t know who it is, but he does know that they send reports via radio periodically.” 

“Well that all is some very good things to know,” Jacks said cheekily as a grin spread across his face. “Silus, was it? Tell me friend, why the sudden act of good faith? I don’t suppose it would be remorse from all the NCR you’ve murdered, would it?” 

Silus was practically beside himself with anger. Only his steadfast training as a Centurion and his will to live kept him from beating his cellmates to death. It took him a moment to calm down enough to speak. “No, fool,” He seethed through clenched teeth, “The only reason I have been so forthcoming was to silence your creature. Its incessant rambling was making me wish I had killed myself with the rest of my men.” 

Jacks gasp sarcastically. “Pinkie! How could you get such a proud member of Caesar’s Legion to be so open with information? Don’t you know their lips are sealed tighter than a deathclaw’s puss-” He stopped abruptly, jumping to a dead serious tone. “Actually, forget I said that.” 

Pinkie bit her lower lip to hold back her laughter. “W-well, all I had to do was tell him I would stop talking if he answered my questions, and ta-da!” 

“Certainly sounds like an effective method interrogation. I’ll have to remember that.” Jacks shuffled over to the wall so he could lean back. “So, joking aside, why didn’t you kill yourself like other Legionaries?” 

“Ask your pet. I’ve told it everything I have to say, and I’m not going to repeat myself to the likes of you.” 

Jacks noticed a female officer entering the adjacent room. “Actually, looks like story time may have to wait. I think we have company.” 

The door to their cell hissed and clanked as the multiple locks retracted, allowing the door to retract into the floor. The officer stepped into the room and pointed to Jacks. “Get up. I have orders to bring you to Colonel Hsu’s office as soon as you were awake. Bring your… pet, too.” 

“Well good morning to you too, Lt. Boyd,” Jacks said as he used the wall to help stand up. 

“Oh, and don’t worry,” she continued, turning to Silus, “I’ll be back to finish our little ‘conversation’ later.”  

The Centurion eyed Boyd angrily as she turned to leave the room. Pinkie gleefully bounced past Jacks as she exited, and for a second he thought he heard a high-pitches springing noise. He shrugged the strange sound off, seeing it as just another instance of ‘don’t look too deeply into the logic behind a talking alien pony.’ As he left the room he looked back to Silus. 

“Be seeing you, friend,” Jacks said cheerily as the door closed behind him. He took a few long steps to catch back up to Pinkie’s side. She didn’t notice however, as her full attention was directed toward the fighter jet that hung from the lobby’s ceiling. The complete awe plastered across her face couldn’t help but make him chuckle. 

The three of them walked in relative silence down the broken escalators, though they seemed to be catching plenty of odd glances from the troops. Some of them were whispering amongst themselves in hushed tones, while others simply stared. Normally Jacks didn’t like so much attention from soldiers, allowing for some leniency in his behavior. Unfortunately such looks were unavoidable, given the nature of his current company. 

“Alright,” Boyd said as she stopped in front of the colonel’s office door. “Don’t cause any trouble, or there’ll be hell to pay. But I suppose you already knew that, didn’t you?” 

Jacks shrugged. “Guilty as charged. By the way, don’t bother trying to get anything else out of Silus. He already spilled his guts to my friend here.” 

Pinkie looked up and smiled at the lieutenant. “Metaphorically speaking of course.” 

“I find that… hard to believe,” Boyd replied bluntly. 

“Suit yourself. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some important business to discuss with the Colonel,” Jacks concluded as he opened the door to Hsu’s office. He held it open for Pinkie before stepping in behind her. 

Boyd rolled her eyes as the door shut behind them. She appreciated how Jacks was helping the NCR, and she even envied how he could skirt around many of the rules that restricted officers like her. However, she had to admit his arrogance was rather off-putting at times. Well… that and the fact that he smelled like a rotting corpse. On the bright side, he was Hsu’s problem now. 
> Chapter 12
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	“Good lord, what is that stench?!” Colonel Hsu exclaimed as Jacks closed the door behind him. Hsu sat behind a desk that faced his office’s door, covering his face with a cloth. Pinkie sat down in a chair facing the desk, seemingly oblivious to the stench. Meanwhile, Jacks noticed ED-E floating in the corner and motioned him over. 

“It’s a pleasure to see you too Colonel,” Jacks said with a chuckle “Sorry, but it’s difficult to find the time or the water for a bath when you’re wandering the Mojave. That is to say, I don’t think bathing in the blood of your enemies counts. Speaking of which, I brought you a surprise!” 

Jacks pulled Motor Runner’s severed head out from inside his coat and held it up by the hair for the Colonel to see. “I took care of your little Fiend problem!” 

Hsu held back a wave of nausea from the sight. “Why did you bring me his head? All I wanted was his helmet for confirmation.” 

“Technically speaking I could have lied by just bringing his helmet. Besides, Major Dhatri wanted the heads of the other three Fiend leaders, who I’ve also taken care of, so I figured why not ensure the same confirmation with Runner?” 

“Fair enough,” Hsu said as he removed the rag from his face. “But would you please put that thing away? I don’t want my office smelling like a rotting corpse.” 

“Sure thing.” Jacks stuffed the head back in his cloak. He pulled another chair up to the desk and sat down next to Pinkie. “So, down to business then?” 

“Yes. Here’s your payment for Motor Runner; 300 caps, as promised,” Hsu said as he plopped a bag of caps onto the desk. “Now, I may have some more work for you if you’re interested…” 

“Oh! Are you talking about the Legion spy who’s been leaking troop movements from this base?” Pinkie cut in with her usual upbeat tone. 

A troubled expression came over Hsu’s face as he turned to her. “…What?” 

“Oh yeah! Mr. Silus told me all about how someone on this base was leaking information to the Legion, though he doesn’t know who it is. Also, Caesar might be contracting a fatal illness maybe!” 

Hsu looked to Jacks, his expression unwavering. “Don’t look at me, I was unconscious the whole time,” Jacks said with a shrug. 

“Well, yes, we have been having problems with information leaks recently. You’ve proven yourself to be reliable, and you’re not technically with the NCR, so I was hoping you would help me find the culprit.” 

“Of course we will! Helping people and solving mysteries are some of my favorite things,” Pinkie said cheerfully. 

“What she said,” Jacks added with a smirk. “So, what exactly is the situation?” 

Hsu rested his arms on the desk as he folded his fingers. “As far as we can tell someone has been leaking information from this base for months now. It was subtle at first, a few incidents here and there that were chalked up to bad fortune or superior planning on the Legion’s part. It wasn’t until the ambushes became more frequent and coordinated that we began to suspect a spy. However, it’s gotten to the point where the Legion is successfully wiping out towns like Nelson or Searchlight. This spy needs to be taken care of before he damages our operations further, and our investigation is getting us nowhere.”

Jacks rubbed the scruff on his chin thoughtfully. “So who’s leading the investigation?” 

“That would be Captain Curtis. He can fill you in on what we’ve got so far, so speak with him to get started.”

“Alright, but first could you tell me a bit more about him?” 

“He’s in command of Bravo Company. However, with his troops garrisoned here he’s had free time to help me with logistics and the investigation.” 

Jacks leaned back, taking a moment to contemplate. “…Well gang, it looks like we’ve got another mystery on our hands,” he said as he turned to his companions. 

“Jinkies!” Pinkie said with a giggle. Hsu sighed subtly. 

Jacks stood up and grabbed the bag of caps from the table, hanging them somewhere in his cloak. He turned to leave the office, but Hsu stopped him. “Thanks for the help by the way. For what it’s worth, you’re doing some real good the NCR.” 

“The pleasure’s all mine, friend,” Jacks concluded as he walked out into the lobby. Pinkie pulled a cupcake out from somewhere and placed it on Hsu’s desk before hopping away after Jacks. 

Hsu watched the door close behind the trio before picking up the confectionary and eying it curiously. “Where the hell does he find these companions?” 


- 


The trio started heading back across the lobby. Pinkie pulled out a detective hat and a pipe, placing them in their respective places before hopping on Jacks’ back. “So, where do we begin looking for clues?” 

“Like Hsu said, we’re gonna’ check in with Curtis first. Maybe he will have some useful information on the spy.” 

“Maybe? But isn’t he heading the investigation?” 

“Sure he is, but I don’t think it would be too hard to figure this out given the circumstances. Considering the significance of the leaks they’re likely being carried out by someone ranked high enough to get ahold of the information. That and they have to have access to communications equipment without rousing suspicion.” 

“So why don’t they just monitor all the officers and radio doo-dads?” 

“Which brings me to my point. Either Curtis is an incompetent investigator, or he’s involved with the spy. After all, they best way to avoid being caught is to be the one investigating.” 

“That way you can falsify information and keep people off your trail! That’s brilliant!” 

“Exactly. However, we should still investigate to confirm my theory. Besides, who knows what our little spy might have planned,” Jacks concluded as they reached Curtis’ office. He stopped in front of the door and began chuckling to himself. “You know what? I just got a crazy idea.” 

“Ooo, I love crazy! What ya’ got for me?” 

Jacks took a knee so he could whisper in her ear. “I want you to do most of the talking. That way he probably won’t take us too seriously, which could really help if he does turn out to be the spy.” 

Pinkie spun around to face Jacks and scrunched his face with her fore hooves. “I love it! Thank you thank you thank you!” 

Jacks grinned as best he could. “Gwate, nuw cun I hav muh face beck?” 

“Oops, heheh, sorry.” 

His face free once more, Jacks stood up and opened the office door. “After you, m’lady.” 

Pinkie tipped her head before walking into the room. ED-E, however, stopped in the doorway and turned to Jacks. “--Are you sure this is a good idea?--“ 

“Pfft, sure it is,” Jacks said as he rolled his eyes. “When have I ever been wrong before?” 

“--Plenty of times, in fact. Would you like me to list them off to you?--“ 

Jacks scrunched his face and gingerly pushed the robot inside. “That was rhetorical and you know it.” 

Curtis noticed the group enter and turned his chair to face them. “Can I… help you?” he said cautiously, not knowing what to make of the bizarre trio. 

Pinkie looked up to Jacks, who nodded for her to continue. “I’m Pinkie Pie! This is my friend Jackmerius Tacktheratrix, and this cute widdle eyebot is ED-E! We’re here to solve a mystery!” she said excitedly as she stood on her hind legs to strike a pose. 

“…The hell is this thing?” Curtis asked in a befuddled manner as his face twisted with a multitude of emotions.

Jacks chuckled. “She’s just an escaped, mutated Enclave science experiment gone wrong. You know; the usual. Also, Colonel Hsu tasked us to find the spy that’s been leaking intel to the Legion.” 

“Oh…” Curtis fell silent for a moment to process the situation. “Well, I’m glad Hsu has finally gotten me some help. Maybe you three will be able to make a breakthrough in our investigation.” 

“That’s the plan! So, what can you tell us about the spy? Do you have any leads?” Pinkie asked intensely as she jumped up on the desk to stare Curtis in the eyes. “Are you in cahoots with him?!” 

“Woah, you better tell your… thing to back off,” Curtis said in an impatient tone. 

“Just humor her Curtis, I’m letting her take the reins for this investigation,” Jacks said, stifling a chuckle. Pinkie turned her head an unnatural 180 degrees around to stare at Jacks. 

“Really?” She said, a sly grin spreading across her face. Jacks simply shrugged. 

“Fine,” Curtis replied, still sounding cross. “We don’t know much about the spy, and any time we get a lead he changes his habits before we can find out more. All I can tell you is that maybe you’ll have some luck if you ask around. I would recommend Boyd or Contreras, since they have a lot of eyes in the field. Careful with Contreras though. He’s not above suspicion himself. Just make sure to keep me posted on any leads you find. I’m itching for a chance to return the favor for all the men he’s gotten killed.” 

Pinkie hoped off the desk and beamed with happiness. “Thanks mister! We won’t let you down, I Pinkie Promise!” 

“Good. Now if you don’t want anything else, I have a lot of work to get back to.” Curtis spun his chair back to his desk and went back to looking over paperwork. 

Jacks held the door open for Pinkie and ED-E, closing it behind him. A few minutes after they left, Curtis stopped sifting through his paperwork. He calmly walked over to the door, listening to make sure nobody was nearby before locking it. 

“That damn courier,” he snarled as he sat back down at his desk. Using another key he unlocked the bottom drawer in his desk. He took the drawer’s contents and placed them on his desk in an orderly fashion. 

“Looks like I’ll have to execute my primary objective ahead of schedule.” 
> Chapter 13
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jacks closed the door to Curtis’ office and stepped past the floating robot and pink pony. He knew exactly where to go next, and motioned for his friends to follow him across the lobby again. After they were out of earshot of the office Jacks slowed his pace and turned his head to Pinkie. 

“Not bad, Pinkie,” he said pleasantly, prompting a smile from the pony. “I’ll be honest; it was risky asking him whether he was involved. Frankly that might have been a bit too far. However, I think his response provided an interesting clue. Care to guess what it was?” 

“Hmmm…” Pinkie blew some bubbles out of the pipe in her mouth as she contemplated. “Was it… the awkward pause after we told him our plan? OH OH, was it that he wants us to tell him if we find anything out?” 

“Very good guesses Pinkie, but sadly not the zinger. The real clue was his blatant attempt to get us to bark up the wrong tree.”

“Huh? What you talkin’ about?” Pinkie replied in a mock-sassy tone. 

“Elementary, my dear Pinkie. Curtis clearly tried to point us towards the possibility of Contreras being the spy. It would be a decent strategy if not for the fact that Contreras is currently being held in the brig for illegal arms dealing and drug trafficking. I should know; I was the one to put him there.” 

“Well how was I supposed to know all that, you silly goof?” 

“I…” Jacks stopped in his tracks. “I dunno, I just sort of assumed you would know something like that. I mean, you can hide who knows what in that dimensional rift you call a mane, not to mention your ‘Pinkie senses…’” He concluded with a befuddled shrug. 

“Oh, okie doke!” Pinkie replied nonchalantly as she started walking again. 

Jacks sighed, wondering if he would ever understand this alien. Hell, for that matter should he even try? He stopped himself before he started asking too many questions and decided to get back to the point. 

“Anyways, like I was saying, the fact that Curtis seems to be intentionally mislead us, I figure we have only one viable lead to follow through with.” 

“You mean…?” 

Jacks smiled deviously. 


	 - 
	

Lt. Boyd sat at her desk, filling out paperwork. As much as she wanted to get back to Silus’ interrogation she was hoping the stench that the Courier left behind would help whittle down his nerves a bit. That and she really didn’t want to stand in there for hours at a time having to smell that stench.  The very thought of that putrid smell made her shiver. In fact, just thinking about it seemed to make her start smelling it all over again…

Her door suddenly opened as a gut-wrenchingly familiar figure stepped in. 

“Guess who wants a word with you?” Jacks said in a musical tone. 

“And look at that, Pinkie’s here too!” Pinkie chimed in as she bounced into the office. 

Last but certainly not least, an eyebot floated in and hovered above the pony. “[Series of unamused beeping]” 

“Oh come on ED-E,” Jacks said with a sigh, “Don’t be such a Debbie Downer.” Pinkie bounced a bit higher than usual, bumping into the robot and causing its flight to waver momentarily. 

“That fucking smell!!” Boyd cried out angrily to nobody in particular. She spun her chair around and stared at Jacks with an intensity that could melt a hole through power armor. “What do you want?!” 

“Besides a bit more politeness, I have some questions that need answers,” Pinkie said in a mellow tone, blowing more bubbles from her pipe. “Have you noticed any suspicious goings-on around the base lately?” 

“Besides the arrival of you three?” Boyd replied with a sigh. Her onset of frustration was beginning to pass. “What kind of MP would I be if I didn’t notice anything suspicious? Besides, why should I be telling you any of this?” 

“Hsu has us looking for the spy,” Jacks replied plainly. “Let’s leave it at that in order to maintain a level of subtlety in the investigation.” 

“Wait, there’s a spy on the base?!” 

“Yeperoonie! Silus told me about him, then I told Hsu, who already knew I guess, so he asked us to look into it, so here we are!” Pinkie said giddily. “We’re solving a mystery!” 

Boyd stopped to consider the situation. “…Fair enough. I suppose you did help me out with Contreras and White, so a bit of trust isn’t too much to be expected. So, to answer your question Pinkie, I have noticed some odd occurrences lately. The most notable example I know of is a series of break-ins at the control tower, where we keep some of the older communications equipment.” 

“Break-ins, you say?” Pinkie rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Very intriguing… please, go on.” 

“Well, I suppose ‘break-ins’ isn’t technically accurate. We’ve not found any signs of forced entry, plus there have been reports of someone sneaking in there at night. I’d thought it was just some steamy love affair amongst the troops, but now that you mention the spy…” 

“Well that sounds like a super-amazing lead! We’ll be sure to look into it immediately. Thanks a ton for the intel Miss Boydie,” Pinkie chimed happily. 

“Wait, do you need any help with the search? Maybe I could spare a few troops to help you-“ 

“No,” Jacks interrupted. “I appreciate the offer, but I think anything like that would risk alerting the spy to our progress. We’ll be able to take care of this faster and more efficiently if we did it alone.” 

Boyd was cross over Jacks cutting her off, but she couldn’t help but see the logic behind his words. “Fair enough. I can give you the codes to access the tower and its records, however,” she continued as she pulled a holodisk from her desk. 

Jacks stepped forward and took the disk from the officer’s hand. “Thank you. I’m sure this will come in handy.” 

“Is there anything else I can do for you three?” Boyd asked. 

“That’s about the long and short of it, Miss Boyd,” Pinkie chimed. “But we’ll be sure to come back by if we need anything else.” 

“Alright, if that’s the case…” she took a nauseatingly deep breath. “Then would you please go take a fucking shower before the whole base smell like a Fiend’s ass-crack? PLEASE?!” 

“Oh come on, I don’t smell that bad, do I?” Jacks asked innocently. As he looked over to Pinkie, he realized she’d had nose plugs on this entire time. “…do I?” 

“Well, I don’t mean to be rude, but-“ 

“YES!” Boyd concluded, cutting Pinkie off. 

“--Jokes on you, organics. I couldn’t smell anything even if I wanted to.--“ 

Pinkie took a long, drawn-out gasp. “ED-E? Exhibiting a sense of humor?! oooOOO I’m so proud!!” 

Boyd pinched her brow. “SHOWER! NOW!” 

Jacks held his hands up defensively. “Alright alright, I’m going.” 


 - - - 


After concluding their business with LT. Boyd the trio went straight to the communications tower, leaving a trail of confused and sickly troops in their wake. Pinkie almost side tracked them by wanting to go to the dining area, but Jacks managed to keep her on track. Upon reaching the tower, they discovered a terminal that kept records of every time the door was accessed. Jacks let Pinkie discover the deviation in the schedule that Boyd had mentioned. According to the terminal, someone was entering the tower at 1AM every few nights. 

With a solid lead established and the day still young, the team found themselves with some time to kill. They headed back to the camp out front of the defunct airport and began looking for Major Dhatri. They found him after a short while and handed over the three heads of the fiends. Dhatri was almost ecstatic as he handed over the bounty. 

With the bounties collected, they had effectively run out of objectives for the time being. 

Jacks, after much consideration, decided to utilize the base’s facilities by freshening up. Pinkie passed on the idea and said she would be at the dining area making up for the food she’d lost earlier in the day. Jacks agreed and told ED-E to keep an eye on her, pun intended. 

Jacks hated the stench of death on him, even though he joked about it at times. It was affective at striking fear into his enemies on the battlefield as well at keeping away some wildlife out in the wastes, but it made even him sick if it got bad enough. That and he’d even been booted out of Gomorrah because of the smell, and that’s saying something. 

Despite its advantages however, he still loved it when he had the chance to freshen up. It made him feel young again, despite only being in his early 30’s. 

Once at the showers he politely asked everyone else to leave, even going so far as to pay some of them off. Once alone, he carefully removed his cloak and customized Desert Ranger combat armor. He placed the stack of clothes and ordinance on a nearby bench. If anyone had been there, they might have been taken aback by what they would have seen. And no, I’m not talking about what you think I am. 

His body almost resembled a beefy ghoul with how scarred it was. Out of the multitude of burns and bullet wounds, a few scars stood out above the rest. Most notably was the large U-shaped line across his head, as well as four massive lines streaking across his back. Much of the tissue was older, but there were a few fresher patches here and there. 

He gauged the water’s temperature carefully, finding the right balance so as to not agitate any of his fresher wounds. He grabbed a few medical supplies from his gear and began looking over some of his injuries. Most of them were from bullets that had squeezed past his armor plates during the recent assault of the Fiends. He took his time to be thorough as he washed and doctored the wounds. 

Stimpacks were great at healing injuries in the field, but they came with a catch. Such rapid healing never let his body take its time with the healing process, resulting in what could be called a ‘rushed patch-job.’ The scars were the result of this impatient healing process, his flesh having been forced together like someone squishing some clay together to fill seal a gap. 

Any time he found a wound that still had a bullet lodged inside it he would have to inject himself with a Med-X before cutting the wound open to extract the object. As much as he hated to use drugs in excess, he tended to get short tempered when performing precession work while in pain. The Med-X, however, helped him keep calm and avoid any further damage to the wound. 

After a short while of doctoring himself, he grabbed some soap and set to work washing the rest of his scar-riddled body. Once finished with himself, he grabbed some of his clothes and did his best to wash out any blood or other anomalous materials. The whole process took more than a couple of hours, but the result was well worth it. 

Jacks was probably as clean as he was ever going to be, and he had scrubbed as much of the smell out of his clothes as he was able. He suited back up and exited the showers, apologizing and throwing some caps to the massive line waiting for him to finish. 

As he was making his way back to the dining area, he thought he began to hear music and laughter. In fact, the sounds grew as he got closer. When he entered the large central room of the airport he was taken aback by what he faced. Balloons, confetti, streamers, and so much more was scattered across the large circular hub. NCR soldiers stood around with cups or small plates of various confectionaries. 

A sudden blast of streamers and balloons drew his attention to the dining area, where the crowd seemed to be the thickest. However, it seemed had formed a circle around the source of the celebration. Jacks worked his way through the bustling room as best he could; apologizing any time he bumped into anyone. When he finally reached the party’s ground zero, he was surprised by what he found. 

Well, maybe surprised is the wrong word. Let’s face it, after spending so much time with Pinkie he was beginning to expect such crazy occurrences. 

Pinkie was sitting on a light blue cannon that resembled something from the 18th century. As he squeezed into the opening he was blasted by a barrage of confetti from the artillery piece. Pinkie jubilantly greeted the Courier, bombarding him with how it was Gary’s birthday and she just HAD to throw him a birthday party and it wasn’t exactly her best work but it was made with love so it still counts and so on and so forth. 

As the pony rambled, Jacks looked over to ED-E, who simply explained “--You told me to keep an eye on her, not stop her. Besides, I couldn’t keep her from a party even if I tried.--“ 

Jacks looked back to the pony, an unamused expression apparent on his face. Pinkie slowed her rambling to a halt and looked him in the eye. The party seemed to slow down as people silently waited to see what would happen. After what felt like an hour, Jacks simply held out his hand. Pinkie grinned, pulling a cherry pie out of her sweets sack and handing it over. The second Jacks got his pie he screamed with joy, kicking the party back into high gear. 

The party raged for hours. 

As the day grew late, Jacks began to keep an eye on the time. About an hour before midnight he reminded Pinkie of the stakeout they had planned. She begrudgingly accepted, laying out a few more goodies for the patrons to enjoy and wishing Gary one last happy birthday before sneaking out of the party with Jacks and ED-E.
> Chapter 14
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	 A gentle breeze wafted across the old air field. The area was dark, but not entirely unlit. The stars and the full moon glimmered in the night sky, lighting the area just enough to see the outlines of objects. Old airliners sat here and there, gathering dust as they slowly deteriorated. A few NCR guards patrolled along the base’s outlying wall, keeping an eye out for any signs of trouble. The distant echoes of gunfire and a muffled party were all that broke the night’s silence. 

Jacks and his two companions sat behind a pair of large containers that were slightly spaced apart. From there they could see the control tower and a fair bit of the surrounding area from the gap between the crates. 

“So, remind me of the plan again? Please?” Pinkie said in a whisper, trying not to give away their location. 

Jacks swallowed the last bite of cherry pie and sighed. “Alright, but only if you keep these pies coming.” He sat the empty pie pan down with the half dozen or so others. Pinkie pulled another steamy pie out of her sweets sack and handed it over. Jacks happily took the pie and turned his gaze back to the tower. 

“Alright, so when we see our friend enter the tower we will get over there as fast as possible without drawing too much attention. Once inside, ED-E will begin recording immediately. We will proceed to sneak up to where the spy is making his transmission, see what he talks about, and then confront him. When he realizes he’s been caught, he’ll probably attack. However, I’d like to see if we could get him alive. He may have some valuable intel for the NCR.” He scooped a handful of pie into his mouth, savoring it as much as he could before swallowing it. 

“By the way, that was certainly a hell of a party. Best I’ve ever been to. Also, it has probably lulled the spy into a false sense of security. Most people are attending it, and we started it, so it would only make sense that we are there living it up instead of out here.” 

“Speaking of being out here instead of partying, is he here yet? This is soooo boring,” Pinkie whispered in anguish. “I know this is important and stuff, but the party was going so well! We were about to break out another piñata and everything.” 

“All in due time, my energetic friend. But for now, we’re on the clock and have a job to do.” Jacks checked his Pipboy for the time. “Look sharp guys, it’s almost 1AM. ED-E, let me know when you pick up any signs of someone heading for the tower.” The eyebot beeped in acknowledgment. 

Silence fell over the airfield once more as the trio waited for something to happen. Jacks shoved pie down his throat, ED-E floated idly, and Pinkie began tapping her hoof impatiently. The speed of her tapping steadily increased as the seconds began to draw out into minutes. Her eyes started twitching as it grew more and more difficult to contain her ravenous party hunger. After what felt like eons to her, she reached the breaking point. She stood up on her hind legs and drew in a massive breath, inflating her lungs like balloons. She opened her mouth to scream something about partying like it was 2077 when- 

“--Life sign approaching the tower!--“ ED-E beeped urgently, but in a hushed tone. 

Jacks swallowed the pie stuffing his cheeks and pulled out Sasha, his anti-material rifle. After scanning the area with the scope he spotted the shadowy outline of an NCR soldier approaching the tower. 

“Can’t see who it is…” Jacks muttered to himself as he tracked the figure. 

The soldier pulled something out of his back pocket and used it to open the door. As he stepped in, he took one last look around to see if he was being followed. The clack of the door closing seemed to echo across the airfield, acting as a call to action for the trio. 

Jacks slung Sasha onto his back and vaulted over the containers as ED-E floated behind him. Pinkie, who had been holding her upright position, suddenly let the air out of her lungs with a massive sigh and followed suit. It took them little time to cross the open area between their hiding spot and the doorway. 

Jacks stopped in front of the door and lifted his left leg up to where he could reach it. Pinkie halted, a bewildered expression coming over her face. 

“What are you doing? I thought we were in a rush to get up to the spy,” she whispered. 

Jacks pulled his boot off, dropping it by the door before pulling up the other foot. “Sock feet make for maximum stealth in buildings, of course.” He dropped the boot by the other and pulled out the door’s access holodisk. 

“Come on,” he continued as the door opened, “time to catch this fool with his hand in the cookie jar!” 

Pinkie stuffed put the cookie jar she was holding back into her goodie bag before following Jacks into the tower. The three of them ascended the flight of stairs almost silently. Soon they reached the door into the control room. 

Jacks put an index finger to his lips to emphasize their quietness before slowly opening the door… 

“Lupa, this is Frumentarius Pikus, over,” a familiar voice said sternly.  

Jacks crouched as he walked up the final flight, looking over his shoulder as the room came into view. His head was at the level of the room’s floor, giving him ample view while he remained hidden. He stopped where he was, worried he would be seen if he exposed himself any more. 

“Go ahead Pikus,” someone replied over the radio. 

Jacks eyed the man clad in NCR garb, instantly recognizing him as Curtis. He looked down the stairs to Pinkie and ED-E. “It’s Curtis! I knew it,” he mouthed silently. 

“Afternoon patrol enters Fiend territory at 1300 hours. Have them mine that stretch,” Curtis continued, oblivious to his watchers. 

“Ten-four Pikus. Fiends will be alerted.” 

“Roger Lupa.” 

“What’s the status of your primary mission, Picus?” 

“I may be compromised. I’ve had to deploy ahead of schedule. Charges are set. Detonation will occur when the train leaves the station. Over.” 

Jacks’ eyed widened with the sudden bombshell of information. He looked down to Pinkie, who’s jaw was hanging open in shock. ED-E remained expressionless. 

“How long?” The radio continued. Jacks returned his attention to Curtis and the transmission.

“A couple of minutes. Over.” 

“Ten-four. Keep us updated.” 

“Ten-four.” 

Jacks looked back to Pinkie, only to be further shocked to see nothing but a pink cloud of smoke where she had been. He blinked, looking around for a second before turning to ED-E. The robot tilted its chassis, implying a shrug. Jacks rolled his eyes in frustration before standing up. 

“Hey, Curtis,” he said, winging the situation. “Did you see that party? Crazy stuff, huh?” 

Curtis spun around, locking his gaze onto the intruder. “What are you doing here? You don’t have clearance.” 

Jacks had to give him credit for keeping his cool so well, though he saw rage and panic in the man’s eyes. “I couldn’t find you in your office, so I… came here?” 

Curtis squinted angrily, his facade beginning to crumble. He slowly began to reach behind his back for his gun when a pink flash zoomed up the stairs and halted beside Jacks. The courier almost jumped out of his socks when he saw the pony practically materialize beside him. 

“The hell was that Pinkie?!” he shouted, clutching at his heart. 

Curtis used the distraction to pull out his 10mm pistol, only to have it blasted out of his hand. He looked over to Jacks, who was suddenly staring him in the eye with a dead serious expression. A smoking .44 magnum could be seen in his hand. 

“Seriously,” Jacks continued, his expression suddenly softening, “what was that? What did you do?” 

“I found the thing!” she said gleefully as she pulled a rectangular box with buttons and wires out from behind her back. 

Now it was Curtis’ turn to be shocked. “What? Where the hell did you get that?!” he shouted as he backed against a window overlooking the airport. 

“On the train, silly! You should know that, considering you put it there.” 

“W-wha… How the hell did you know I had put a bomb on the train?” 

“Yeah, I’m actually with Curtis on this one. How in the Mojave did you get that thing?” 

Pinkie rolled her eyes nonchalantly. “I heard him say he planted a bomb in his little call, so I ran over there and grabbed it before the train left! Easy peezi, lemon Parcheesi.” 

Jacks holstered the pistol and began rubbing his forehead. “Did you at least disarm it?” 

“Are you crazy? I don’t know how to disarm a bomb!” She tapped the side of the box, opening up a panel that revealed a timer at 5:42 and counting down. 

Jacks looked up to the timer, staring at it for a moment before beginning to chuckle. Soon the chuckle evolved into a hearty laugh, as he bent over and grabbed his stomach. Curtis simply stood against the window, his mind unable to grasp what was happening anymore. Jacks’ laughter subsided after a moment. 

“Of course you can’t disarm a bomb. What was I thinking?” he stood up and wiped a tear from his eye. “All you are is an alien pony with a magical, bottomless sack of pastries that can travel half a mile in less than 30 seconds and use the laws of physics like her own play-things.” His gaze met hers. 

“Why the hell do you even need me to help you get home?” he continued, his tone suddenly shifting to one of sorrowful seriousness. “You seem more than capable of handling things on your own.” 

“Oh Jackie, I wouldn’t have nearly gotten this far without you. You’re my friend. And with friendship on our side, we can accomplish anything.” Pinkie shed a tear of joy as she stood up to hug Jacks around his lower torso. He knelt down and returned the embrace. 

“…What the hell is going on right now?!” Curtis screamed as he began to question reality. 

ED-E floated up to Jacks. “--I agree with Curtis. Is now really the time for a heart-to-heart?--“ 

Jacks patted Pinkie on the back before breaking from the embrace to stand up. “You’re right,” he said with a sniffle. “We’re on the clock.” 

“Literally!” Pinkie chimed in as she held the bomb up. It now read at 2:57. 

“You know,” Jacks begun as he grabbed the bomb with his left hand, “I was actually kind of hoping for a dramatic ‘race against time’ type scenario where we had to book it across the airport and disarm this thing at the last second.” He paused. “But I guess this works too.” 

In a flash he whipped out the magnum with his right hand and fired a shot at Curtis. The bullet found its mark, shattering the man’s kneecap. Curtis fell to the floor from the onset of pain, clutching at his leg desperately. Jacks calmly walked over and set the bomb down beside the wounded traitor. 

“Here’s your bomb back, friend. Do with it what you will. Just know that I’m heading straight to Hsu to let him know what happened and where you are.” He smiled to the man momentarily before turning back to the staircase. “Come along, gents. We have a report to fill out.” 

Jacks walked down the stairs nonchalantly, the pony and eyebot close behind him. As they left, Curtis was able to push past the pain enough to pick up the bomb. He watched the timer count down as he weighed his options… 


- - -


ED-E fell silent as the recording ended. Jacks and Pinkie spun their chairs around to face Colonel Hsu. “See? Curtis was the big baddie after all! We knew it all along,” Pinkie said as she swallowed the popcorn she’d been munching on. 

Hsu didn’t know how to take the news. His gaze fell to the paperwork scattered across his desk as he tried to wrap his mind around the situation. The recording was borderline insane with all that was implied. Where to even begin… 

“Curtis… I don’t understand how he could be the spy. He’s been with us long before our conflict with the Legion. If they could get a mole that deep into our military, I hate to imagine who else might be compromised…” He paused. “And you; I am extremely thankful for saving the monorail, but you almost blew up our radio tower in the process! What were you thinking?” 

“Okay, to be fair, that last part was Pinkie’s idea. She didn’t even fill me in on her plan until we had left the tower,” Jacks said with a shrugged. 

“I had to sell the moment.” Pinkie giggled. “You all should have seen the looks on your faces!” 

“Well, it all ended well and good, but I still don’t appreciate you lying to me about being able to disarm bombs.” 

Hsu rubbed his forehead. “I’m not even going to ask how that thing can disarm a bomb.” 

“Magic!” 

“Of course it is,” he continued with a sigh. “In any case, thank you for everything you’ve done for the NCR. Here is your payment, and more importantly I will be sure to let the higher-ups know about your most recent achievements.” He dropped a bag of caps on the desk and pushed it towards the trio. 

Jacks took the sack and hung it in his cloak among the others before turning back to the officer. “No problem, Hsu. So, you mind if I ask what you guys plan on doing with Curtis?” 

“Quite frankly, I’m not sure. I suppose he might get sent back west to face trial, but who knows how long that would take. Hell, there may even be more spies that aid him. That recording you gave me should be more than enough to convict him for his crimes, but I don’t know what will happen to him.” Hsu sighed, leaning back in his chair as he looked to the ceiling. “Damn bureaucrats. On the bright side, he’ll probably never walk again thanks to your injury. I suppose things would have been simpler if you had just killed him.” 

“Well I’m trying to cut back on the whole ‘killing’ thing.” Hsu lowered his head, looking at jacks with an unamused ‘are you serious?’ expression on his face. Jacks shrugged. “Well, okay, I did just kill almost all the fiends, but those guys don’t count. They’re so drugged up none of them had any brains left, and the ones who did were the twisted bastards calling the shots. Besides, it was going to have to happen sooner or later.” 

“Fair enough, I suppose.” Hsu looked back up to the ceiling. 

“So, you got any other super-fun jobs you want us to take care of, Mr Shoe?” 

“Other than cleaning up the mess your party left?” He paused, rubbing his chin in thought. “Quarry Junction is still overrun with deathclaws, if you’re feeling up to the task of clearing them out. Other than that, you’ve done everything that’s needed doing around here.” 

“OOH OOH, that sounds like fun!” Pinkie rambled excitedly. “I’ll finally get to meet a deathclaw! They sound like fun little critters. Dangerous, but fun. Kinda’ like Gummy when he grows up and gets his teeth! Speaking of which, I bet he misses me. I’m sure Fluttershy is taking good care of him though.” 

“Right, fun…” Jacks rubbed his back anxiously. “Well Hsu, you can consider Quarry Junction cleared. But are you sure that’s it, because I won’t be coming back this way for a while.” 

Hsu took a deep breath. He looked down, making eye contact with Jacks. “That’s about all I’ve got for you. You may find some work in your wanderings, however. After all there’s always trouble brewing somewhere.” A subtle, barely visible smile came to his lips. “In any case, you’ve certainly helped lighten my burden here at McCarran. Things should be pretty good until you find yourself on our side of town again.” 

Jacks felt the warm fuzzies of having done a good job. It was a rare feeling, often being overshadowed by the weight of his actions or their consequences, but it was a welcome feeling all the same. He smiled as he stood up from the chair. “In that case,” he said, outstretching an open hand, “It’s been a pleasure working with you again, Colonel. I look forward to the next time we meet.” 

Hsu stood up, leaning over his desk as he took the extended hand into his own. “The pleasure’s been all mine, Courier,” he concluded with a single, firm shake. 

They exchanged looks one last time before Jacks released his grip. He turned to exit the office, his companions following close behind. As the door closed behind him, Hsu sat back in his chair as he took a deep breath. 

“Godspeed, Jacks.”
> Chapter 15
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	 	Night was drawing to a close. The skies to the East glowed, signaling the sun’s approach. However, it was still dark enough for New Vegas’ multitude of colorful lights to shine forth into the sky. The sounds of parties and crowds could be heard in a chaotic chorus. 

Jacks and his two companions trod along the outside of a large, cobbled together wall that surrounded the Strip. The structure consisted of huge plates of steel and the roofs of train cars, all of which were lined with multiple layers of barbed wire to keep out the riff-raff. Pinkie ogled at the numerous buildings and signs jutting up from the hidden city as she followed Jacks. Each flashy, neon sign caught her curiosity and excitement. Even so, one object was the focus point of her fascination. The massive tower that stretched into the sky above them.

She had seen it from a distance, of course, but from here it seemed to be reaching up to the moon as if it wanted to grab it. Its slender neck was as close to alabaster as one could expect, given the apocalyptic nature of the world. The tower was topped with a large saucer, from which 4 ‘arms’ outstretched. They pointed to the North, South, East, and West. Pinkie's mouth hung agape as she tried to imagine things such as ‘how many streamers could she hand from the top floor’ and other party-related whimsies. 

“That’s the Lucky 38,” Jacks said casually, taking note of the pony’s interest. He was leading them along the East wall, through the NCR Sharecroppers. He’d found that it was the quickest and safest way to the Gun Runners from McCarran. 

“Can we go there? Pretty pretty PRETTY please!?” Pinkie asked jubilantly. 

Jacks grinned as the party pony began bouncing circles around him. “Not right now, I’m afraid. We have some more business to take care of before we head in there.” 

Pinkie stopped in front of him and began walking backwards. She looked up to him, pouting her lips as she gave him huge puppy-dog eyes. His gaze locked with hers, though he did not slow his pace. He hated to disappoint Pinkie, he really did, but what choice did he have? 

“I’m gonna’ be straight with you, Pinkie. You and I both know that when you get in there we won’t be leaving for a long time. I just need to make sure things are taken care of out here before I unleash you upon the hapless citizens of the Strip.” He let out a chuckle at the thought of her going nuts and throwing a colossal party in the streets of Vegas. “Besides, I don’t know if I’m ready to… shall we say, take care of some business.” 

“ooOOoo~ intriguing!” Pinkie replied, her expression returning to that of joy and curiosity. “What kind of business would that be, if’n ya’ don’t mind my askin’?” 

“Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Loose some caps, make sure Gomorrah is staying out of trouble, watch some drunk NCR troopers dance naked in the Ultra Luxe fountain…” The smile faded from his face as his tone became cold and serious. “Find the man who shot me in the head and stole a valuable package I was supposed to deliver.” 

“Oh.” Pinkie’s bouncing became less energetic. “What uh… what are you going to do when you find him?” 

“Don’t really know,” he said solemnly. “Haven’t really figured out how I’m gonna’ cross that bridge when I come to it. I might want to talk with him. I might shoot him then and there.” The corners of his mouth turned up slightly as he looked Pinkie in the eye. “Hell, I may just throw him a party.” 

“If that’s the case, then I’m the best party pony you could ever hope to ask for!” she exclaimed joyously as she faced forward. 

“My point is,” Jacks continued, “I’m just not ready to go back to the strip. I’ve been there before, and taken care of some things, but even then I couldn’t work up the nerve to face Benny. I mean, as a Christian I’m called to forgive those who sin against me… but frankly, I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive the man that murdered me. I’m not exaggerating, either. I died in those days, multiple times in fact. It took everything Doc Michel had to barely keep me alive.” He let out a heavy sigh. 

“Yet here I am, still kicking. Don’t know why God has decided that I live, but who am I to judge. I suppose all I can do is try to do right by him and see where he leads me. After all, he’s got a plan. He’s always got a plan. I just don’t know what it is yet…” Jacks looked up to the dark-purple sky, lost in thought. 

The trio continued along the wall in relative silence. A few minutes passed before they walked around an abandoned building, turning the corner to see their destination. A fortified building adjacent to the New Vegas wall was surrounded by fences and walls made from the roofs of train cars. The only entrance to the small compound was a large chain-link gate. The fortification wasn’t as massive or imposing as the Strip’s wall, but it was still significant. A cobbled-together kiosk inhabited by a protectron stood next to the compound's gate. Large metal letters were mounted above the kiosk, spelling out ‘GUN RUNNERS’. 

The group walked down the empty road casually as they approached the kiosk. As they neared it, the protectron stood to attention from the approaching sensor blips. “Welcome, sir or madam. Do you wish to purchase something?” is asked in a suave, autonomous voice. 

“Hi there!” Pinkie said giddily, poping up behind the robot. “Say, how’d you get in here?” 

Jacks shook his head slowly, despite the smile on his face. “I could ask you the same, Pinkie.” 

“This kiosk was specially constructed around me to deter theft and assault,” it replied, seeming to ignore the breach in logic. 

“Oh, my bad.” Pinkie walked to one of the walls and opened a section of boards as if they were a door. 

“--Is anyone else growing concerned about the seemingly limitless abilities of this being?--“ ED-E beeped inquiringly. 

Jacks gingerly patted the top of ED-E’s chassis. “I think asking questions is a lost cause, friend. Quite frankly, as long as she’s on our side I don’t care what she can do.” A tug on his cloak brought his attention to the pony standing by his side, looking up to him expectantly. 

“Can I get something? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?”

“Okay Pinkie, but I’m not buying you more than 1 weapon. Also, hand over any weapons or other things you don’t want to keep. They can help pay for your purchase.” 

Pinkie bounced so rapidly that it looked like she was standing on pink blurs rather than hopping. “THANK YOU! This is gonna’ be so awesome!” She turned to the kiosk and propped her fore hooves on the counter. “I wanna’ buy something that goes BOOM!” 

The protectron leaned forward slightly to imply eye-contact. “I am ready to process our transaction.” 

“--This may be the single most terrible decision you have ever made,--“ ED-E beeped quietly so only Jacks could hear. 

“Or the greatest,” he replied, sharing the eye-bot’s hushed tone. After a second to think, he leaned back over to ED-E. “…Okay, maybe you’re right.” 


 - 
 

Pinkie browsed the arsenal’s wares for almost an hour before she found something she was interested in. However, she hid the weapon before Jacks could see what it was. She explained she wanted to surprise him with it after she had time to ‘customize’ it. Jacks, despite the nervous knot in his gut, allowed her to keep whatever it was she had selected. Considering it cost almost 20,000 caps, he could only assume that whatever it was would blow his socks off. Though, he hoped not literally. 

Jacks spent a few more minutes topping off his ammo supplies and offering guns and other items to sell before concluding the transaction. Once their business was concluded, the trio about-faced and started heading back the way they came. They went back through the sharecroppers and passed by Camp McCarran’s main gate, waving to the guards as they passed. Halford gave them a thumbs-up while the other guard shot them the bird. 

The trio continued south along McCarran’s wall, effortlessly gunning down any Fiends foolish enough to attack them. Eventually they passed the wall and the surrounding buildings. Before them lay acres of desolate, abandoned farmlands, dotted with the occasional house. Jacks pointed out a large billboard in the distance, informing Pinkie that their destination was near there. 

Honestly, Jacks couldn’t figure out why nobody was farming this land. There were plenty of shrubs and other plants growing here and there. The ground was even lined with ridges and furrows. Maybe one day, if people cared enough, this land could be developed to feed Vegas independent of merchants. His daydreaming faded as they approached the billboard. He pointed out an old house almost a kilometer the east. 

“That farmhouse should be a good staging area for our deathclaw hunt. It’s got a bed, a kitchen, and there’s a car parked close enough to it to let you climb up to the roof. We’ll have a good view of the road to Quarry Junction from up there. That should allow us to pick off a few of those beasties before we head that way.” Jacks looked down to Pinkie. “Any questions?” 

“Can we have a lunchtime picnic? Those cupcakes I had for breakfast have about run their course.” 

“Jeez, its noon already?” he asked, looking down to his pipboy for confirmation. “Damn, time sure flies by when you’re around. But sure, I’ll fix us some lunch when we get there. Gecko steak for me, and a desert salad for you?” He leaned down to ruffle Pinkie’s fluffy, almost gelatinous mane. 

“Don’t forget dessert!” 

“You’re damn right I won’t.”