"Just stay in here, where it's safe. Mother whilst look after you."
Gallic Waltz nodded, clinging to Crystal Note as she watched Somber Tunes give one last kiss to the earth pony mare. Somber Tunes saw the fear in her gaze; he could not bring himself to look her in the eyes, even this one last time, lest she think that the hatred brimming in his soul was for her. No, Gallic Waltz was worthy of more than him...
The gray unicorn stood, summoning his blood drenched blade from beside the hole in the ground. In front of him, a checkerboard of blue and vermilion slowly consumed the grass; floating balls of fire screamed into the cloud homes of the pegasi, and twisting, laughing centipedes with the faces of eagles chased after terrified foals. The sun reigned over the sky, served by slowly gliding concoctions of sweets that bled chocolate onto the corpses of ponies torn apart by rabbits.
"....this far, and no further." Somber Tunes began his trot forward. "Today, Discord, thou dies."
***
It wasn't difficult to locate the laughing draconequuess. He was busily putting on a puppet show for an enthralled audience of salami, and were it not for the still living eyes of the puppets in question it might have seemed rather cute.
"...and then the princess asked, But whatever shall we do? My husband is become a werewolf, for which there is no known cure. And so the duchess began to search, asking her myriad friends if they knew of any possibility."
The gray unicorn edged around the crowd, hiding behind popsicle bushes and stone statues of half-pony monstrosities. He had seen the fools who had challenged the god head on; he did not intend to risk failure so stupidly.
"But the answer came from an unexpected source: The prince's brother, who was a dragon, revealed that she knew of an immortal woman who had a pool that could cure all ills."
Somber Tunes shifted, preparing his blade as he examined the monster's back. Soon, this would all be over; soon, he would be able to rest again, knowing his family was safe. The magic tightened silently around the scimitar's handle.
"And so it was that the princess and the duchess assembled a great group, consisting of a number of unique individuals who--"
SCHLORP
Discord glanced down at the blade that emerged from his chest.
After a moment, he put down the puppets. "Take ten, girls." He turned around, tutting lightly. "Good try, very good try. But, future reference, my heart is actually in my paw."
"Then I shalt cut off thine arm, beast!"
Somber leapt forward, grabbing the blade with his magic and ripping it out of the monster. Discord grinned as he leaned out of the way of a slice. "Bravo, sir knight, bravo! You nearly got within a foot of hitting me!"
The unicorn did not reply, instead grabbing random detritus from the area and flinging it at the mad god. With a wave of a frilly pink umbrella, the creature knocked it aside, but by that point Somber Tunes had teleported into the branches of a ribbon tree and out of Discord's sight.
"Oh, you're a tricky one. And intelligent, too, don't think I didn't see the dragon's blood on your little kitchen knife." The beast giggled, summoning a lawn chair and sitting down. "Go on, brave colt, I'm defenseless! I don't know where you are! Nothing's stopping you!"
There was a quiet moment.
"....Hmmm. You are very smart. I guess I'd run too, if I had such an excellent foe as myself."
Somber Tunes kept himself still. Such obvious goads were below him.
"Wow, this is surprisingly boring." Discord ywaned, streatching as he got up. "Ah well, back to my little story. Now, where were--"
Without warning, Sombra teleported to the beast's side, striking down hard and true.
Multicolored candy gushed forth from the golden stump as Discord clutched it in his talons. "OOOOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH THE PAIN OH CRUEL WORLD WHY? WHY DOES IT HURT SO GOOD, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"
Abruptly he gave the unicorn a grin. "That what you were expecting, bladeboy?"
Somber Tunes blinked.
In an instant Discord had made himself whole, and just as the unicorn realized he should run the mad god had clenched him up in his red tail. "Do what thou wish, monstrosity! Thy are nothing more then a temporary sickness, soon to be cleansed by the brave and the true!"
"Wow, you actually believe that." Discord snorted. "You know, I do a lot of things to honorable ponies like you, like make them into slaves, or turn them into foals... foal slaves? Nah, too cliche. Anyway, my point is I could do a lot of things to you. Tell you what: I'll let you choose where I should start your punishment."
Somber Tunes narrowed his eyes. "Thou wouldst twist my very words."
Discord sighed. "Oh, see this is why I don't like smart people. They try to find this thing, called a pattern, in everything, and they assume I have a pattern, and blarghity blarghity BLARGH. Fine, you know what? Say anything. Anything. Tell me what to do, and that's what I'll do. Limited time offer. One shot. Come on, buddy, I want to get back to my puppet show!"
"If thou truly claim to hold to thy word, then tak my sword and thrust it through me!"
"Done!"
With a flourish, Discord grabbed the blade and jammed it under Somber Tunes' tail. The stallion cried out in pain as the tip of the blade broke through his horn; he fell limp, waiting for his life to drain away.
"Oh, by the way, you never said for me to kill you. So I'm making you immortal." Discord snapped his talons. "Zing!"
The unicorn clenched his teeth. "So I shalt suffer to the end of days. Thine punishment is complete, monster. Yet still I stand, ready to oppose you."
"Oh you flatterer." The beast tilted his head. "Hey, I know, let's go tell your wifey wife about this!"
Somber Tunes' eyes shot wide.
"Oh yes, bladeboy, I know all about them. Mindreading, you see." A claw tapped the goat's head. "Yours is very boring, by the way, all structure and order...." He shrugged. "Oh well, I'm going to ruin your life now, don't wait up!"
Casually, he tossed the gray unicorn over his shoulder and disappeared in a flash.
Somber Tunes stared for less then a second before galloping across the checkerboard plains.
"Crystal Note!' Somber Tunes' heart pounded, every breath slicing against the blade that ran the length of his body. "Gallic Waltz!" His hooves beat across the landscape, terror in his eyes as he desperately maneuvered around the myriad constructions of madness.
Somehow, he knew he would be too late.
He knew he would fail.
But he did not stop running.
***
Eventually his chase came to a stop when he found the small tunnel. He panted, kneeling down and crawling through the dirt. "Crystal Note, Gallic Waltz.... I hath failed. Quickly, we must go and--"
His hoof landed in something liquid and clingy.
With slow horror, he raised his eyes. Discord was leaning against an all too familiar crystal statue, whose face was frozen between anger and fear.
The beast himself was casually nibbling on some form of pastry. When he noticed Somber Tunes, he gave a friendly wave. "You know you have great taste. Your wife is a work of art, even I can appreciate that. Well maintained voice, stunning looks, tried to rip me to shreds after I turned your kiddo into goo."
The gray unicorn's eyes shot down to the pool he stood in. He hopped out as rapidly as he could.
"Oh come on, don't be so squeamish! You're a mercenary in a realm of chaos, I think you've seen far worse." Discord tapped the statue with his knuckles. "Now here's the thing. They're both still alive, technically. So, since I'm feeling gracious, I'll give you a chance to consider an offer. How about I turn you into one of my puppets--string, whirly joints, you'd look good in a skirt--and I'll give them their old bodies back?"
Somber Tunes did not even hesitate. "I would do anything for my family. Make me thine, monster."
Discord smiled.
A moment of stillness passed through the underground chamber.
"...Well?!"
The beast snorted. "Hey, I said I'd give you a chance to consider it. I never said I'd actually do it. See, this is what I mean about patterns--"
"AAAAARRRARARAAAAAARARAAAAAAAGAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
With a furious growl, the mercenary pinned Discord against the wall with his new horn. His hooves beat down, again and again and again, in blind and hopeless rage hoping to inflict some form of injury. Discord twisted and writhed, dodging every strike as they imprinted into the wall and trying to pull his red scales free of the blood-stained blade. Eventually he simply swung his tail, flinging Somber Tunes across the cave and into the puddle that was his daughter.
"Temper, temper bladeboy. Who knows, you might actually annoy me. Erase," he added, and his tail suddenly was never wounded. "Now, listen--"
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"
Discord teleported out of the way, but Somber Tunes used his own magic to appear right above the beast and force him to the ground, slicing at his neck with his horn. With a hiss, the lord of chaos swung his lion's paw, knocking the unicorn to the ceiling and binding him with vines of licorice. "Must you throw this tantrum in front of your daughter? You're setting a bad example, I should call social services!"
"MAY THOU BURN FOREVER IN THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF TARTARUS! THINE SKULL MOUNTED ON THE WALL FOR ALL TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO MONSTROSITIES! THINE BODY SHATTERED AND SCATTERED BY THE WINDS OF THE NORTH!"
The lord of chaos peered into the unicorn's face.
"...my my my. How interesting."
After a moment, Discord began to giggle. "Oh yes, this is glorious! Ha! I've won, and you don't give up! Wow, I wonder what I could do with you." He tapped his talons, listing off possibilities. "Let's see, I could make you my right hand cat... turn you into a little filly, and put you in the care of a pony brainwashed to keep you safe, that could be fun. Or maybe just leave you hanging there. Are you cozy up there?"
"I SPIT ON THY CORPSE!"
"I'll take that as a maybe. Hmm, decisions, decisions." The lord of chaos shrugged. "See here's the thing, that hatred is just kick flank. I can't walk away and let something so great go to waste, but it's also a bit annoying to be constantly attacked and--"
Suddenly his face broke out into a fanged grin. "That's it! Mother end of all things, why didn't I think of this before? Hold on, let me get a map." Discord produced a suitcase and opened it, throwing an assortment of items over his shoulder. "Underwear, chainsaw, pineapple, lady's underwear, the complete Discworld Compendium--I love that series--thermonuclear hairdryer... Aha! Map of Equestria and its surrounding lands!"
"CEASE THINE INFERNAL NONSENSE! KILL ME AND BE DONE WITH IT!"
"Ah ah ah, art can't be rushed. Now... no, I made the seapony's ocean into a desert.... noooooo I don't think I'd want you in the Everfree... Oh no, definitely not Candy Mountain. I'm saving that for Charlie." He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Where should I put such a bastion of hate.... Oh hey, the frozen north! I hear the bone-chilling ice and skin-shredding wind is wonderful this time of eon! Plus I made you immortal, so you'll be able to feel all of it!"
Discord snapped the parchment shut and turned it into a cane, plopping a tweed hat onto his head. "Well now, bladeboy, are you ready for your vacation package? You and your wife here will get a no expenses paid journey to the ancestral lands of all ponykind, seeing such wonderful sights as glaciers and snowdrifts in your limited field of vision! Congratulations on being the lucky winner, I am so jealous."
"HOW DARE THOU?! COWARD! CAN THOU NOT BRING THINESELF TO SPILL THE BLOOD OF THY FOES?!"
"Well, actually I can. You're just not a foe. More of a.... well, cliche as it sounds, insect." The lord of chaos shrugged. "One of these days I'm going to have to restructure language so I can be properly unpredictable with it. Maybe thorsday. Thorsday sounds good. Oh well. HASTA LA VISTA!"
With a snap of his fingers, unicorn and statue were gone.
"AhaHAHAHahahaAHAHAAAAHAHAHEEHAHAHAHOHOHOHAHAHABWAHAHAHAMAMWAHARDYHAHAHAAAAAHAHOOHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHHEHHOHOHAHAHNYEEHEEHEHEHEHEHARAHAHAHAMWAHAHAHEEHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAKAMAYHAMAYHOOHOOHOOHAHABLAHAHAHAZAHAZEEKYBOOGYDOOGHAHAHABWAHAHAHAHAhehehHAHAHAHAHANWAHAHAHATHATHATHAHAHAHRAHAHAHAYEEEEEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAYEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHEEHAHAHA bored now." Discord shrugged, slinking out of the hole.
A few minutes after he left, the puddle of goo burbled.
In the endless unforgiving wind, Somber Tunes clung to the crystal statue that held the soul of his wife.
Snow whisked around them in fury, horrific growls that perhaps came from the very void beasts that had destroyed this land or, perhaps, was merely the wind crooning out in triumph.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Crystal Note..."
He knew her expression was frozen, that the rage and fear on it was meant for the lord of chaos and not for him. But even still, her expression hurt more then the freezing gale, more then the blade that shifted in his stomach. To know what she had seen... to know what she had suffered...
He shivered and wrapped tighter around a body that an hour before had been warm. Now it was nothing more then stone... stone and a soul that he could not even know was aware of him.
And he wept.
Tears of the greatest sorrow fell from his eyes as he gently nuzzled the statue. "All this... if, if I had not been such a brave fool... if we had run..." His lips brushed across the ones now made of crystal. "You deserve far better then me. You always have. You and, and..."
He sunk to the ground, hooves till wrapped around her neck. "Oh Waltz... oh my little Gallic Waltz... why did I do this? Why are you suffering? I... oh Waltz... If I could see you again, I would beg of you to forgive my arrogance... I... I don't deserve your forgiveness..."
The wind whisked his tears way, turning them into flakes of snow lost in the fog-swept wastes.
Somber Tunes looked up at his wife. "Crystal Note... I know not if you can hear me. But I will stay here with you, no matter the chill." He rose. "If it our fate, let us be bound together in ice for eternity." Again he brushed his lips against hers, but this time he did not whisper away; he pushed his breath out, out past the blade in his throat, and into her mouth, and down her throat...
And suddenly, she released a shuddering return, shifting in his grasp. "...s....Somber..."
The unicorn broke off in shock. "Crystal?"
Slowly, what had once been a statue began relax. Her legs bent down, taking a firmer stance in the blistering wind. Her tale flicked as she took another deep intake of air. Eyes of violet focused, face turning from rage and horror to a sad, sad smile.
"...Are..." The mercenary brough a hoof gently to her cheek. "Are you truly here? Have I lost myself to visions?"
"Somber..." Crystal Note wrapped her own hoof around his. "My beloved Somber... I know not why, but even in this I hath not left you." She stepped forward, nuzzling her husband gently. "Your fate is not solitude, and you are the most worthy prize I could imagine. I... I want to be with Gallic Waltz as well, I will not deny it..."
Her breath caught for a moment.
"But... I will not let you fall to despair if I can help it."
Somber Tunes smiled back at the wonderful mare. "Oh... Crystal..."
The two embraced, and though the cold wind whisked away their tears it could not turn them to ice; for these were tears of joy, not sorrow, and the warmth of those tears would never fade. The roars in the distance turned to subdued growls; the Windigos knew of this strange power, and had learned to fear it generations before.
Eventually, Crystal broke away. "Come. The cold no longer affects me, but you... you are suffering. Let us seek shelter."
Somber Tunes looked around and shook his head. "These are the great frozen wastes. The war of the tribes destroyed all cities that resided her. The only shelter lies in the mountains to the south, but Discord reigns beyond that. No, I must make a shelter."
"Then let me help." His wife began to dig into the snow beneath her. "My talent may lie in song, but song be of no worth without somepony to listen."
The unicorn almost protested, almost... but in the end he merely bowed his head, digging at the ground with her. "The path must head down for at least three lengths, then rise one. The chamber should be tall enough for us to stand, and wide enough for us to lay down; a pit, in the center, to collect the cold air."
So did they pursue their design, the work of an hour and a third. Crystal Note found her new form was better suited to excavating then that of her husband's and took to her task with passion. Somber Tunes, however, would not allow her to strain herself and so mad an effort, teleporting large chunks of the frost to the surface as she freed them from their surroundings. When at last they had made their new chamber, the pair fell about each other, weary but unharmed by their efforts. Their tails intertwined, one black as oil, one shining like diamond.
Then, at last, Crystal Note began to weep. "Oh.... Somber... our home... our daughter..." She buried her face in his mane. "I... that monster..."
"...it is all my fault. I am the one who challenged him, I am the one who--"
"No. No, he would hath come no matter your actions." Crystal leaned back, locking her eyes with him. "Never blame yourself for Discord's curse. He is a being of chaos; you are a servant of order. Even if you failed, you did what was right and true."
She leaned in. "Please... for me. Forget your doubts. I know how much you choose to suffer for those whom you love. But with all that is torn from me... I cannot see you hurting, even if you try to hide it."
Somber Tunes sighed, but nuzzled her cheek. "Why do you love me?"
