I didn't expect that my life would be so full of adventure and fame. I wanted more than anything to keep it from falling apart.
It was the happiest I had been my entire life. I was able to forget and move on. For the rest of my adolescent years I lived out my life in a satisfied stupor; careless to the rest of the world and only focusing on my friends and my job—most of the time. For three years I lived content and lazy in the beautiful town of Ponyville. I didn't expect that my life would be so full of adventure and fame. I only expected to escape my old life, but instead found something even more grand and beautiful than a mere vacation from my suffering. I wanted more than anything to keep it from all falling apart.
Everypony has to put on a mask every once in a while.
There are times where we need to hide our feelings. You may get invited to a party right after a family pet dies, and you’re obligated to slap a stupid grin across your face and go and force yourself to have a good time. Maybe you and a lifelong friend just had a falling out, but work must go on, so you stand in your little kiosk, waving ponies down with your overenthusiastic smile to sample your wares. Everypony has become so good at hiding their feelings, it’s like we’re all living in a happy cartoon where nothing is wrong and everything is right.
I was in one of these situations.
It was dawn. The sun was just peaking over the hills in the east. The Ponyville weather team stood apprehensively in the center of town, watching the skies closely as merchants moved to and fro, setting up shop for the early risers to begin the day. My team stood in a lax formation, making light jokes and talking quietly while keeping lookout for our guests. A warm breeze blew past, causing every pony in the vicinity to positively shudder with apprehension: for the beautiful summer day that Celestia brought, and for life in general.
I was on the verge of losing my breakfast. I paced back and forth, looking from horizon to horizon. I tried to make a big show of looking stern and determined, but in truth, I was absolutely terrified. I hated these visits with all my being, not only for the early mornings, but because there were just some things that I wanted to forget.
I stopped, noticing the sudden silence from the crew of mare and stallion pegasi standing behind me. I turned their direction, and caught several of them snickering.
“What the hay are you all staring at? Don’t you have some… weather to monitor or something?” I said, putting on a mean face.
“Well, Chief, it would seem like you’re doing a pretty good job of that on your own,” Cloudkicker said. “What’s the deal, Rainbow? You always get this way whenever the Storm Scouts come to visit. Normally I wouldn’t even see you lift a hoof unless you absolutely have to. To find you pacing is almost a freak of nature.”
“It’s nothing. Just, keep talking about the latest gossip, or whatever you guys do whenever I’m not around. I hear Lyra’s got a new marefriend. Discuss.” I turned away as the loud chattering commenced in earnest, a sound that was not unlike the squabbling of a gang of turkeys. I continued my pacing, looking up at the sky as my fear began to spike with each step of my hooves. I rustled my wings impatiently.
Why weren’t they here already? I just want to get this over with so I can go lay back down in my bed and sleep.
A shadow was suddenly cast over us. I turned to look at the sun, using my hoof to shield my eyes from the bright morning light. Six black dots flew towards us, becoming progressively bigger with each flap of their mighty wings.
I gulped as I felt the butterflies in my stomach take a daring leap of faith through my innards. All the blood rushed out of my brain as a wave of nervous energy took hold of my limbs. I stood completely still as my team filed in behind me.
With a large sweep, the six ponies landed directly in front of me, mirroring the position of the six of us.
The Storm Scouts were clad in sleek black armor, standing still as stone. Their entire torsos were covered in very expensive looking metal barding, with holes for their limbs and head. The wings were coated in an equally dark and lustrous metal, glowing softly with a light blue magic. It was impossible to see their eyes through the visors they wore; They were black as the night, reflecting the morning sun off their surface.
The one in front stepped forward, and pulled off his visor. His mane, almost as dark as the armor he wore, fell messily over his head. A smug smile spread across his crimson furred face, but just as soon as it came, the stallion quickly returned to his serious demeanor.
I made a big show of yawning loudly, trying my best to look uninterested. “Nice duds. I really dig the shades.”
The dark grey stallion to the lead’s right handed him a roll of parchment. He clears his throat before beginning to speak. “On behalf of the Storm Scouts, and the head of weather in Canterlot, I, Wayward Scout, request a report on the climate conditions in sector fourteen of quadrant four of—“
“Save your breath, ‘Scout.’ The weather here is fine; there hasn’t been a cloud in the sky in two weeks, and we even took the liberty of bringing a nice little breeze from the north. You know ponies like a little breeze now and again,” I said confidently, walking up to him and giving him a huge mocking smile.
He didn’t take his gaze off me, looking entirely less than amused. He made a quick move to the parchment and jotted down some quick notes. When he was done, he returned his hard glare on me.
“So, you didn’t stick to the schedule. Miss Dash, were you even aware of the fact that this sector was supposed to have a slight rain shower three days ago? What about the cloudy skies that were supposed to be present yesterday? And as I recall, you are not supposed to change wind speed or direction without express written consent from headquarters.” His bemused face turned to look at the team standing behind me. I paced back and forth, looking at each of my elite weather team members.
“Listen, ‘Scout,’ Ponyville is in very capable hooves. Each and every one of my mares was hoof-picked specifically for their ability to take care of business and do what I say,” I say just as Blossomforth rolls her eyes. Cloudkicker saw it out of the corner of her eye and quickly hit her over the head with her hoof. “We don’t need any rain; the Ponyville reserves are full, and who is it really hurting if we took a little extra sun and some nice little breeze?”
“I’ll be reporting your blatant disregard for scheduling.” Scout rolled up the parchment and handed it back over to the pegasus on the right. “Now that that embarrassing display is over, I have some important news.”
The stallion, which I was quite sure was Scout’s personal henchmen, handed me a small square pamphlet, and the weather scheduling for the next month. I eyed it over, not entirely interested.
Scout looked to his team and mine. “I would like a moment to talk with the headmare in confidence.”
They all walked away silently, heading to the sides.
“All of the headmares are required to come to an informative meeting this Saturday in Canterlot to discuss the planning for the Storm of the Century. In one week, we will begin training for the grueling maintenance and strategy required to get it going and to keep the downpour running. I expect to see you and your team there for training. Failure to show up to the planning session will result in automatic termination from your position; failure of your team to show up to the training will result in each and every one of your positions being replaced,” the red stallion spoke monotonously, making me more sleepy than I already was.
“Yeah yeah yeah, no problem. Really, Aero, you need to give up this whole act. You’re not fooling anypony, and… you sound like a robot.”
“Formality can go a long way, Miss Dash.”
“Well, yeah, but I mean, you take it to a completely new level. Do you even have any feelings, or did they stomp them all out of you during your ‘training?’”
“Your insubordination is not one of your most flattering qualities, Miss Dash.”
“I remember you used to be a lot more fun, but I guess three years of taking orders from a cynic can do that to you.”
For the first time in three years, Aero gave me a real look of anger, a real display of emotion.
“Rainbow, I remember a time when you had a drive! You used to have all these big dreams, now you’re just a lazy good for nothing that can’t even do what you’re told.” The rest of the conjoined weather teams came over at the sound of Aero’s shouting. They watched the spectacle with concern on their faces.
I brushed off his comment. I was becoming angry at his sudden outburst. “Wow, look at this! The ‘Wayward Scout’ is a living breathing pony! I honestly thought you were replaced by an android all that time ago.”
“I might as well have been!” he yelled, and then turned away, growling in frustration. He sighed and turned around once more, his composure completely regained.
“I will see you this Saturday, Miss Dash. Valiantwing will be in charge of the planning session.” I gulped. “As for the rest of you, I plan to see you all next week for training. Miss Dash will inform you on the details.”
He turned to me and flipped his visor back over his eyes. “You better clean up your act, for your team’s sake, and for your own.”
With that, he motioned for his team to take leave. They formed into a staggered V, and the blue magic enveloped their wing armor once more. They levitated straight into the air in complete unison, turning as one to face the west. They sped off, leaving us standing to watch them go.
“Dayum! Where can I get me some of those!” Blossomforth cooed.
I was completely flustered from the news I had just heard. My wings felt glued to my sides from nerves. I hadn’t considered the fact that Valiantwing would be running the whole thing, a really stupid oversight on my part.
Cloudkicker walked over to me. I was now very positive that I was going to lose my breakfast, but I was trying not to let it show.
“Hey, Rainbow, you doin’ okay? You don’t look so good.” Well, that was working out well.
“I-I’m… fine. Is there anything important scheduled for the weather today?”
“Well, I don’t know that. You usually take the schedule and hide it somewhere in your office and it’s never seen again.”
My mouth suddenly felt really dry. “Well, go… kick some clouds or something then. I need to go home and lie down for a while.”
“Alright. We’ll do that,” she looked at me strangely, then walked towards the rest of the team, who in turn flew off to go do their duty.
I flew home as quickly as I could. Stepping through the threshold of my cloud home, I sighed with inward fear and nerves. I was getting so good at acting nonchalant at these things, I even started believing in my overconfidence myself, but still felt shaken to the core whenever they were over. I walked through the corridor of my cloud home, setting my destination for my bedroom, hoping I could just shut off my brain for a moment.
The quiet in an empty house never bodes well for the distressed mind. A dizzy wave of nausea filled up the pit in my stomach as I stepped hoof into my dark bedroom, forcing me head into the wall as I threatened to collapse. Questions were met without answers, only more confusion and nausea.
Things that seemed to make so much sense to me for so long were suddenly contradicting each other. Why did I, when I had such a great life and great friends, insist on holding onto the one thing that still filled me with dread? In reality, I had no reason to keep up this job, so why did I? The weather team are some of my better friends, but I didn’t have to stay. I suppose that I originally kept the job so I could prove that I was responsible, as a sort of "buck everypony" who thought otherwise. But it got in the way of practice…
Had I really forgotten what my dreams truly were? It seemed like nowadays I would just go through the motions. Wake up, eat, work, hang with my friends— on rarer and rarer occasions— and sleep. What seemed like a brilliant plan to prove my independence ended up backfiring. I was becoming what he wanted me to be from the very beginning: a hard working mare with a realistic job and a sustainable lifestyle.
I hated that thought. Absolutely. Hated it.
Hot tears found their way down my cheeks as I hit my head against the cloud in frustration. Years and years of never reaching my goals had left me feeling defeated; I couldn’t even remember the last time I practiced for the Wonderbolts. My father was right, it was an unrealistic dream, and I had just spent the last three years proving him right. There was no way I would ever be able to face him again, knowing full well that he has heard of my progress monthly, hearing about my slow assimilation into the blue saddle working world. I wouldn’t have to worry about that, had it not been for some news I had heard no more than a few hours ago.
He was going to be in charge of the planning session.
I trudged toward my bed, lying down on the soft mattress with a heavy thud, face-first into my pillow. I couldn’t contain the tears from flowing as I thought about how my life so far had seemed so pointless in retrospect. Sure, I had the greatest friends in the world, but what good are the best friends if you kept from them your greatest fears and secrets? None of them knew anything about this: why I worked in weather, where it was exactly that I came from; they all just assumed I came from Cloudsdale, and none of them questioned me any further. What would I say if they asked? The only one who knew anything was Fluttershy, but she was too sympathetic to badger me about it, or to seek help. My friends were supportive of my goals from the very beginning, but they said nothing when I let them go.
I was suddenly angry at all of them. Twilight has become known as one of the best unicorn magicians in all of Equestria. Fluttershy has a successful pet service job. Rarity is damn near famous for her dress making. Pinkie Pie and Applejack now have their own shop on the corner of town, and it seems like everypony in town goes there every single day. I was mad for unjust reasons; I had a goal, we all did, but I was the only one who let it go. I felt ashamed at myself, angry for my mistakes, confused beyond belief, and above all else, angry at my friends. It only made me feel worse.
Why did I stay? I could have made the Wonderbolts, my friends all believed in me, but somewhere along the way, I stopped believing in me, and I don’t even remember when or how. I felt lousy.
The meeting with Aero—or “The Scout,” as he likes to be called now—changed everything about my perspective. When did he suddenly decide to snap? For the first time since I can remember, I saw real emotion in him. It terrified me. He was angry, but I saw heartbreak showing in his eyes. I never wanted to hurt him, but he hurt me, whether he knew it or not. He’s living the dream as well, and that made me madder than anything else. The one who cared the most, who did the most, was lost to me for years. He was the only one who truly believed in me as a filly. I missed him, at least the way he used to be. He gave up on me years ago, and I saw that as a good riddance. I hated him for what he became, and for sticking with my father when I knew what was right for me.
I pulled the covers over my head, letting the darkness envelope me as the tears continued. I didn’t want to go to the meeting; I couldn’t ever look Valiantwing in the eye ever again. He was right. I whimpered and shook, hoping for the storm in my head to cease. For the first time in years, I cried.
For the first time in years, I thought about my mother.
Three years ago I took all of my emotions and locked them in a box. Ponyville gave me solace; I was able to live free from my past and start a new life. My friends and my new surroundings filled me with hope: hope that it was finally all over, and hope for the future. I purged every single memory of Canterlot, my father, and my mother from my brain, and I was left feeling... better. I was.
Wasn't I?
Chapter two
I wouldn’t go.
It was as simple as that. I wouldn’t show up to the training. I didn’t care if I was terminated, it was better than the alternative. I thought it over, and the real reason I had stayed in the job was to prove that I could do it, whether or not it was because of my father’s wishes. I would rather be fired than have to look into his eyes and tell him that I had nothing to show after all the years since I left home.
Perhaps I didn’t have to stay home for the past day and a half to come to this realization. I hadn’t stepped out of my front door since that morning. Something was keeping me from leaving; I couldn’t quite place my hoof on it. I just didn’t feel the need, I guess. Spending too many hours thinking about your life and how it shaped up in comparison to your dreams can sort of leave you feeling empty. I didn’t want to see anypony, not my friends, not the shopkeepers I visited daily, nopony. I had this feeling like I couldn’t talk to anypony and not feel ashamed at myself. So, naturally, I stayed indoors.
Maybe it was selfish. I was potentially putting all of my team in jeopardy by not showing up, but they wouldn’t seriously fire every single one of them just because I neglected them. Would they? I took solace in the fact that maybe they would only let some of them go, to make way for more qualified pegasi. I realized how terrible that made me sound, as I started thinking about which one of them I thought deserved to be kicked off, which only made me feel worse for being so shallow.
I was unraveling. I kept getting mad at stupid things, like why the toaster wasn’t working right and kept burning my toast, or why there wasn’t more food in the pantry every time I opened it. It was frustrating. I would snap out of it randomly, wondering why such menial things were upsetting me so much.
My thoughts got the better of me in the silence of my home. I shook them off, telling myself that I was stronger than that. I’m a big mare now; I stopped having nightmares years ago. But still they came. I would find myself tearing up for no reason, as much as I tried to slap myself and tell myself to get a grip. Why was I acting like such a filly all of a sudden? I remained home out of fear that I might break down in public, an event that I would never be able to live down for as long as I lived in Ponyville. I had too much pride.
But why? I had no reason to. All my friends led these great lives, delving into their dreams and walking through life without regret or remorse, while I did the same old job—that I hated—every single day. I acted like the big shot of Ponyville for no reason at all other than to fit the image of “good old Rainbow Dash, the conceited, self-absorbed pegasus straight out of Cloudsdale.” I had nothing to show.
I kept sinking lower and lower, seeing only the negative in every situation. I found myself sitting on the couch and staring out the window, wondering why there were so many clouds outside, and why there wasn’t any more Celestia dammed oats left in my kitchen.
The planning session was tomorrow. With each moment it drew closer, my chest grew tighter. Every alternative seemed like the worst idea. Stay here, ruin my friends’ careers. Go, and never be able to show my face again. After several hours spent thinking that morning, I decided that I really had no reason to get out of bed at all. I told myself that it would be okay, but the words were slowly losing their meaning. I didn’t feel happy or sad, only useless, and it didn’t seem to be getting any better.
That is, until somepony knocked.
The soft rapping echoed through my narrow empty hallways. I closed my eyes tighter. Why did anypony want to see me? I groaned, pulling the covers over my head and turning to face the wall.
The front door creaked open.
“Hello? R-Rainbow? Is anypony home?” a soft voice sang.
I groaned audibly, but didn’t budge. Just go away, Fluttershy. I don’t feel like helping you feed hummingbirds or whatever.
There was a long silence, then a shuffling of hooves right outside my closed bedroom door. “We haven’t seen you in a while, i-is something wrong? I didn’t want to bother you, but the girls started getting worried and… well I’m the only one who could fly.”
I waited, feeling the silence becoming thicker and thicker in the air. Inspiration struck as I quickly hatched up a plan.
Cough Cough! I stood to my hooves and draped my blanket around my back and head, trying my best to look as under the weather as possible—an easy feat due to the messiness of my mane and the general unkempt look I had accumulated from several days of staying home.
I walked slowly to the door and opened it a crack, staring drearily at the light blue eyes on the other side.
“Oh my! You don’t look so good Rainbow,” she said as I swung the door open. I coughed again to authenticate my display.
“I’m sorry Flutters, I’ve been sick all week. I’m alright, but I don’t know how long I’ll be out.” I was lying through my teeth to one of my closest and oldest friends. “Now, if you’ll just be on your way, I’m sure I’ll be fine in no time!”
Fluttershy’s caretaking mother instincts instantly kicked in. She rushed to my side, wrapping a wing around my torso. She walked me slowly over to my bed, holding me up like I was going to collapse at any moment. She practically forced me into the cloud mattress.
“That’s nonsense! Why would you think that I wouldn’t help you get better? Oh, Rainbow, I wish you would have told me you were under the weather. Now, now, you lay down and rest up, I know just what you need to make that nasty cough go away.” She trotted out the door and headed for the kitchen.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, laying my head back onto my pillow. Great, now she’s never gonna leave. She returned moments later with a hot bowl of carrot stew and set it by my bedside table, sitting back on her haunches and blowing softly on the piping hot dish.
“Really, Fluttershy, I’m fine,” I reasoned, my state of mind and heart sinking with every lie I told. “I’m as fine as I’ve ever been, really.” She placed a tender foreleg against my forehead, feeling for my nonexistent temperature. She retreated, taking a spoonful of soup and practically shoving it down my throat.
“You don’t seem hot,” she said unsurely, staring into my eyes and frowning. My chest felt like it was being crushed, my mind once again getting the better of me. I looked away from my dear friend’s gaze as the tears that I had managed to keep down all morning resurfaced.
“Oh… Rainbow,” she started. I was beyond embarrassed. The tears crawled down my cheeks as I shook and rasped, my body a flurry of pure humiliation and self-loathing. For no reason other than my torment, I was crying again, right in front of Fluttershy.
She quickly wrapped her fore hooves around my body, holding me in her soft, downy embrace. I held back sound, only shaking and sobbing quietly. I felt so stupid; I probably looked like a silly filly, red in the face and crying my eyes out. I was ashamed to have her see me this way; nopony had seen me cry in ages. Why did I have to choose now to completely lose it?
“Shh sh-sh-sh,” she cooed, rubbing my back tenderly. “Let it all out.”
At least she’s the only one who has seen me cry before.
She pulled back, holding my shoulders while I stared at the far wall, trying to avoid eye contact. She was smiling. I was probably red as a beat.
“It’s okay, Rainbow,” Celestia her voice is sweet. “We all have to let it out once and a while.”
“What’s the point?”
“Well, we can’t leave it all bottled up all the time...”
“That’s not what I meant,” I said.
She cocked her head to the side, looking at me questioningly. She hugged me once more. I almost burst out again, but instead held it in and let my chin quiver. She retreated. “What’s wrong, Rainbow?”
I stuttered, trying to speak. Instead, my face cringed. I couldn’t tell her. I had no reason to be sad. I should be my damn happy outgoing self, but instead I was a mess. I was too confident to let my feelings show; I was too strong to show any weakness, not even to my best friends.
Was it wrong? I didn’t know. Was I being foalish? No… I’m just secure in who I am; I didn’t need to vent to anypony.
And yet here I was: a freaking train wreck, beet red in the face, crying my eyes out in front of the kindest friend I have and will ever know.
“It’s…” Words caught in my throat as a wave of vulnerability came over me.
“It's nothing,” I said. “I’m fine.”
Fluttershy sighed, closing her eyes. "Remember when we were in school together as fillies?"
I nodded somberly.
"I was hopeless and scared; I was just a pushover, everypony else's doormat. Those bullies made me feel like I didn't matter to anypony, like I was just a waste of space. You stood up for me, Rainbow Dash. You showed me what it was like to have a real friend that I mattered to. For the first time in my life, I didn't wish I was gone so I wouldn't have to be a burden. If it wasn't for you, I might not even be here today..." She said, her own crystal-clear eyes filling with tears.
"Not only did you save me, you showed me what happiness was. I fell to the ground because of that race; I found Ponyville because of that race. I discovered my super special talent because of you, Rainbow!
"You helped me. I couldn't have done it on my own, but you were there to stand up for me. You taught me to be strong for myself, and when anypony tries to push me around or tell me I don't matter, I think of that day you stood in front of those bullies, confident as can be, and told them to leave me alone. You made me strong, both for myself, and for my friends.
"And now, I'm going to help you. I'm so proud of you, Rainbow. It's hard to let it all go like this. You showed me how to be strong, but now I need to show you how to be vulnerable. You need to tell us, all of us, what makes you upset." She took my hoof in hers. "None of us will think worse of you for it."
She had me up against a wall. It was pretty obvious by now that there was something wrong with me, whether I liked to admit it or not, to myself or to my friends.
Lying to Fluttershy made me feel awful. I was the Bearer of Loyalty, and I sat here and lied in her face. Some example I was. I should just say everything on my mind and get it all off my chest, but I couldn't. I'd have to tell her about my family, my life before Cloudsdale, and Aero. Not even Fluttershy, who I have known for longer than anypony else, knew about my mother or father. I wanted those memories to be knocked out of my skull for good.
It dawned on me that none of my friends knew; It's not like I lied to them all these years, I just never told them. But is there really any difference? I kept all of my pain bottled up for as long as I had known them, thinking I was free from the past. I was horribly and terribly wrong.
"Fluttershy!?" a voice called from the hallway. "What's goin' girl? You've been up here for a while, is something wrong?"
The quiet sound of hoofsteps on cloud approached our ears. By the sound alone, there was obviously more than one pony. A heavy sinking feeling found its way into my gut. Fluttershy looked to me guiltily, blushing slightly. I silently pleaded with her to keep them away, all while fighting the urge to start hyperventilating. I wasn't ready to have this discussion with my friends.
Fluttershy walked over to the door and closed it shut.
"Please, Fluttershy, I'm not ready to talk to them." I looked into my friends eyes beseechingly, my cheeks still stained with tears. She nodded.
"I'll go talk to them," she said, an undertone of disappointment in her voice.
"Thanks." I sighed, making my decision. "Just... give me a minute, then I'll come meet with you."
She opened the door once more, stepping out into the living room to speak with my guests.
My eyes shut. I purged a single cold breath in an attempt to clear my head. I sat on my haunches, resting on the mound of my bedding. I recalled everything that I tried to forget: the good and the bad, preparing myself for what I had to do, and should have done a long time ago.
When I opened my eyes again, they fell on the wall at the end of my bed. On the wall's face was a single poster, colored in striking blue and powerful yellow. It was the Wonderbolt poster I bought when I went to my first show. Every single one of the Wonderbolts signed it. I remembered a time when it was my most prized posession; I would wake up every morning and see my dream, and I would know that someday I would make it. Where was that ambitious mare now? Surely she was still here, somewhere. Is it ever too late to give it up?
Aero was right, I had become exactly what I said I would never be. Maybe it didn't have to be this way. Even now, the poster still seemed to fill me with some comfort, and allowed me enough strength to rise from my position on the mattress.
Everypony's eyes turned to me as I tenaciously stepped foot into my living room. Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy waited patiently for my arrival, smiling warmly. One by one, they stood to their hooves, and one by one they took me in their forelegs.
"T-thank you guys, i-it means... a lot," I said shakily.
"What are friends for, Rainbow?" Twilight responded somewhat cautiously. There was somewhat of a tension in the room, but the obvious concern from her friends was enough to overcome it.
"Now, what's wrong, Sugarcube?"
I walked into the middle of the rug. Rarity, who was lounging on the couch, sat up quickly to allow me a place to sit. I obliged.
"It's a long story."
"And we're all ears." Fluttershy grinned. Each of my friends in turn nodded their heads.
I faltered, choking back tears. Rarity wrapped a foreleg around my shoulders.
"I-I..." I cleared my throat. "I haven't always been loyal to you. I've been keeping secrets for a long time; from myself, and from all of you. I guess now's as good a time as any to let it all out."
It came shakily at first. I stuttered and paused often, considering whether or not to spare details. My friends never took their eyes off me; they just waited patiently, bearing through my reluctances and refrain. The occasional question was asked, but for the most part they stayed quiet, letting me explain through the story to the very end.
It became easier as I went. Frequent pauses and hazy memories turned more fluid and vibrant. The further I went, the fewer questions were asked. Everypony in the room was riveted to my story; they shared in the happiest memories of my childhood, and cried at my heartbreak.
It was painful. I was reliving every single memory of my life silently in my head, back as far as I could remember. It filled my head with more doubt and questions, but somehow it made me feel happier. Even the worst memories I had choked up on for the last three years somehow brought a sort of contentment to my brain. The five ponies that I had shared the happiest moments of my life with waited patiently through the whole story, laughing, crying, and sometimes just blank shock.
I reached the end of it. All the cards were on the table. Rarity had longsince released her embrace and was staring at me with a look of deep worry eversince I mentioned Aero for the first time. Twilight’s face went completelyblank when I revealed my birthplace. Pinkie just stared at me, laughing andcrying with more fervor than all the others. Fluttershy smiled sweetly and nodded occasionally. Applejack had taken off her hat and held it to her chest,only allowing small amounts of moisture to form in the corners of her eyes.
My breathing was labored once I came to the end. They stared silently for several moments.
“Wow Rainbow, I-I’m...” Twilight stuttered. She began looking around the room, searching for words of comfort.
“So, let me get this straight, for the past three years ya’ve been acting like you don’t even know yer own kin?” Applejack called with a slight edge in her voice and look of confusion on her face. Twilight shot her a quick look of worry.
I hung my head, realizing how terrible that sounded. “Yes. He sided with my father; they both thought I should have gone home and finished up my last year in that bucking academy. I didn’t want to drop out. If Aero had stayed,” my mind filled with the voices of all the foals that had tormented me for those two years that my best friend wasn’t with me at Flight School, “I might have been able to survive. I wanted to finish, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.” I buried my face in my hooves, embarrassed and somewhat conflicted with all these thoughts in my head. Rarity placed a steadying hoof on my shoulder.
“I thought I didn’t need them. I thought I could become the pony I had dreamed since I was small without their help, and that they were the ones holding me back.”
Pinkie looked confused. “So, what’s the matter, Dashie? Why does this all matter now instead of three years ago when you first showed up here in Ponyville?” Several of the others had turned to listen to her speak, and nodded themselves, showing that the same question had been on their mind.
My ears folded back against my head. I briefly explained the run-in I had with Aero a few days ago and how he had snapped at me. The room fell silent once again.
“I don’t know why, but the things he said really stuck to me. I guess it was just that he was right. In the last few months, I haven’t even considered joining the Wonderbolts,” I said. The last time I could remember caring about the Wonderbolts was at their training academy. That was over eight months ago. What had been a great moment of my life had been swallowed by life itself. Work got in the way, friends… I loved every single one of them, but it was just something that took time away. I never once got back to them about joining, and although it sometimes filled me with guilt, only now did it actually make me feel like nothing.
I looked each of my friends in the eyes, smiling softly and blushing slightly. I slowly rubbed the back of my neck with a hoof and stared at the cloud floor. “It’s just… you guys all have become so successful. Each of you is living your dreams, and sometimes I feel like I was the only pony left behind. I’ve been working the same dead-end job for years, trying to stay alive. The one thing I set out to accomplish when I left home was thrown away; I just feel like I haven’t done anything worthwhile, and that my father was right all this time.”
Rarity was the first to speak up. “Rainbow, that’s not true. How can you say that all of that time was wasted? I don’t know about you, but the time we've been friends has been one of the happiest times of my life, and I think I’m speaking for everypony when I say that.” The others quickly chimed their agreement.
“Yeah, we’ve had some pretty fun times pranking other ponies! I mean, come on Dashie, you won the Best Young Flyers competition for crying out loud! That’s nothing to rustle your wings at,” Pinkie added. Despite my mood, I couldn’t help but let out a stifled laugh as she imitated me flying through the air and crashing into the cloud wall.
Twilight was the next to speak. “Let’s not forget that if it wasn’t for you, all of Equestria would have been cast into eternal night, or thrown into chaos.”
Fluttershy, who had remained quiet for the entire story, approached me and wrapped a wing around me. “Rainbow, you matter to us. Every moment you’ve spent with us has been wonderful. You showed me that every bit mattered, even what little wingpower I had to offer.”
I smiled at her appreciatively and felt myself tearing up a little. “You guys are the best friends a mare could ask for…”
I stopped. Something inside was still nagging at me.
“But still, I’m not what I saw myself being at this time. I’m not a Wonderbolt, and that’s all it boils down to. I can’t tell my father that.”
Applejack frowned. “Well, Sugarcube, yer gonna have to think up somethin’ quick, unless yer willin’ to lie to yer own kin more than you already have.”
I, once again, found my hoof rubbing the back of my neck. “Yeah, about that…”
“Don’t tell us you’re seriously considering not going!” Rarity said sternly.
I blushed, letting out a ragged sigh. “Thank you all for trying to help me, but I just can’t—
“Rainbow!” Rarity practically shouted.
I stared at my friend, a little taken aback from her tone. “I-I’m sorry Rare, I just—
“Honestly, you can't just shy away from your problems. It's obvious that what he told you has been bothering you for years," she began. I looked down, unable to meet my friend’s gaze. Rarity put her hoof under my chin and forced me to meet her eyes, giving me a stern but caring look. "Now, Rainbow, this isn't going to be resolved unless you make up. You have to come clean and be honest with your father if you want to make things right."
She held my chin there for several moments. Everypony in the room chose to stay silent.
“I know it seems harsh, but we’re only trying to help figure out what’s best for you,” Rarity said, carrying a much calmer tone in her voice. She brought her hoof away from my face. She still refused to break eye contact, but her glare had gone soft. The tension had heightened dramatically. The room was dead silent for several moments.
I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding in a raspy sigh, closing my eyes shut. I felt like a foal that had just been told that the world wasn’t always fair. I suppose that’s exactly what I had been told. “You’re right, Rarity. I’ve been acting like a filly this whole time. My father didn’t think I could safely live while following my dream; I thought he was wrong. It’s time for me to be the bigger pony. I’m going to show him that I’ve become a responsible mare without his help, even if it means I will have to tell him that I haven’t joined the Wonderbolts,” I said, mumbling the last few words.
Even admitting it to myself sent a twinge of regret in my heart. But I was going to own up to my mistakes. My father hid behind Aero, never coming out and saying the truth. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake. I was proud of who I was as a pony. My dream can still come true, but I didn’t need to feel ashamed of what I’ve done: the friends I’ve made, the life I’ve lived, and the experiences I’ve learned from. I didn’t need to play my father’s little game. I didn’t need him, and it was my time to show him.
“Looks like I’m going to Canterlot tomorrow.”
I stood at the edge of town, scanning the green woods that stood before me. I followed the treeline up towards the sky where a mountainous peak stood, casting a dark shadow from the morning sun. Resting on the side of the mountain was my intended destination. I looked upon it in a new light; it wasn’t a shroud anymore, but the place that could end the turmoil in my head once and for all.
I was going to be flying the Canterlot. It was a much faster route than taking the train, which had to make a really long pass around the mountain; the flight up would only take an hour and a half.
It would be an hour and half that I would be left with my own thoughts, something that I was admittedly dreading since my friends showed up at my house the day before.
I turned to look at the five ponies that stood behind me.
Twilight stepped forward and wrapped a hoof around my shoulders. “You know, it’s not too late. We can send a note to Celestia to send us a carriage that can take us there together. You don’t have to do this alone.”
I shook my head. “Thanks Twilight, but I don’t really see why I need to drag you guys along with me. It sounds dumb and all, but this is something that I think I should do on my own.”
Twilight nods mutely, stepping back to allow me some space.
Fluttershy spoke up. “At least let me come with you, Rainbow. I can keep up with you and keep you company. I can make sure you don’t have to be alone if you find yourself in a situation that…” she paused, her eyes darting to each of our friends. “You aren’t prepared for.”
I mulled it over in my mind for a moment. Having somepony come with me would be great to keep me from thinking too hard about it, or giving up all together. If Fluttershy came, she wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me. She was also the only one who knew Aero after all.
She stared at me, her expression unyielding to her thoughts. I looked back for a brief time, trying to decide if I really wasn’t strong enough to do this after all. I shifted from hoof to hoof, making a big show of my thought process. Fluttershy’s gaze didn’t waver.
The sun had already peeked over the horizon, its first rays bathing my friends in a soft glow. Each of the ponies standing for me showed different expressions. All eyes were on me. I turned around once more to gaze up the formidable mountainside.
“Sorry, Fluttershy. As much as it would be nice to have somepony come, I can’t have my friends try to help protect me from my own mistakes. It would be nice having you along, but like I said, there are some things that I need to do for myself.” Silence followed.
Without thinking, without turning around, I took flight. Before I knew what I had done, I had already cleared the treeline.
I flew only a couple more feet before I instantly regretted my decision to go alone. I faltered momentarily, and was almost tempted to turn back around. I bit my lip and shook my head. No turning back now, Rainbow. I stayed on course, heading straight toward the slowly escalating mountainside.
With each pump of my wings, my body was filled with mixed feeling. The simple act of flying always filled me with adrenalin and lust for the sky. With each foot of ground I made towards my destination, anxiety crept its insidious way into my thoughts. It left quite a bittersweet aftertaste in my mouth.
The image of my father, older and greyer than I knew him, creeped into my mind as I neared the cliff’s edge. It seemed strange to me that a face that had taken care of me and loved me my whole life could now represent the sums of all my resentment and failures that I refused to accept these past three years. I thought of Aero, and how he had snapped at me. I had been taken aback by his outburst, but it filled me with some sort of satisfaction to note that somewhere inside the shell my best friend had become, was the colt I shared my childhood with.
I couldn’t keep myself from chuckling at the idea of foal Aero, clad in the pitch black armor of the Storm Scouts and barking orders to ponies that were three times his size. Despite what he and my father had done recently, that seemed to lighten my mood slightly.
I was just below the capital of Equestria. I found a nice little outcropping with some grass growing on it, and decided to take a short little break before making the final climb the rest of the way to the top. Landing with a precise thud on the ground, I bucked off my saddlebags in front of me and stretched my wings and legs. I walked over to my bag and unbuttoned it to reveal a sandwich and a cupcake that Pinkie Pie had snatched from Sugar Cube Corner. I wasn’t too terribly hungry, so I took to anxiously chewing on the cupcake whilst looking out over the forests that lead to Ponyville.
The cupcake was doing a really good job of keeping my mind set on eating a cupcake. I chomped it down happily, almost completely unaware of where I had to be in less than three hours. As soon as it was gone, I gazed upward back to my original destination.
I sighed heavily as the anxiety began to creep back into my mind. I suppose I should get going. I’ll just be taking off now.
Three. Two. One.
…
And here I go.
...
Ugh!
I dug my hoof into the ground, groaning in frustration. Just as I did so, I spotted a pond on another outcropping not too far away.
I know, I should get a drink before I go! That’ll definitely clear my mind!
I flew over to the pond more enthusiastically than I had ever flown to water before, and began slowly lapping at the clear blue liquid, sloshing it in my mouth and contemplating each swig, giving each taste a moment to sink in.
Focus, Rainbow. You need to get going, you need to show everypony that you’re not afraid to own up to what you’ve done.
But, this water is so tasty.
Seriously? Just get going already.
I looked up to Canterlot, and realized that all I was doing was stalling. I heaved a heavy breath and flew back to my belongings on the other island, and began the steady climb back up the dusty wall.
---
This... probably would have been easier to bear with some company.
I was panting heavily as I drew nearer and nearer to my destination. My heart pounded against my chest with a rhythmic thud, and I was sweating profusely. I had flown farther than this in my sleep, and I had become more winded than a filly who spent all day flying for the first time.
If I had just gone on the train... We wouldn’t have made it on time. But if we had left yesterday, we could have been here, and my friends would have been able to keep me in good spirits the whole time.
Dammit, Fluttershy even offered to come with me! She would have been so sweet, and I feel like she is the one I could open up to the most. What if she had come?
I can’t keep saying “what if.” I’m here now, and I told myself I could do it on my own. I know I can do it on my own. I’m Rainbow Dash! I don’t need anypony! I’m...
I’m here already.
The pearly white entrance to Canterlot stood before me, adorned with several royal guards and tourists. I gulped, suddenly feeling really small with all their eyes on me. I really need to get it together. I stood as straight as I could and walked slowly through the gates, setting eyes on my birthplace for the first time in quite a while.
The giant clock in the middle of town chimed the half hour, telling me I had thirty minutes to arrive at my intended destination. My heart jumped in my throat with the loud bell, the anxiety I had been feeling reaching a peak. And worse yet, the large white building that was the center of weather for all of Equestria was in sight, no more than four blocks away from the street corner I had scurried to in a bout of panic. If I had ever been close to hyperventilating, it would have been the moment that bell struck half past eleven.
I marched down the street, trying to pep talk myself inside my own head. My head wasn’t really doing me any favors.
Before I had known quite exactly what I had done, I was standing in front of the main entrance to the Storm Scouts headquarters. I stared at the double glass doors for several seconds, a bead of sweat forming on my forehead as I contemplated pushing it open.
“Need help with that, Miss?” a stoic voice called from behind.
I screamed. I literally just screamed.
I froze in spot, not daring to look over my shoulder. The dusty red pony walked around my side and pulled the door open with his teeth. “I think it’s easier if you try to push or pull the door instead of just staring at it, Miss Dash.”
Aero was staring directly at me, ushering me through the with a nudge of his head. I stood up tall and looked at him indignantly.
“Don’t you think I know that?”
“Well, you seemed confused, so I thought I would lend a helping hoof,” he said with a smirk.
“Well, thanks, but I can handle myself.” I trotted through the door, practically having a mental panic attack.
“Well, you’ve obviously made that abundantly clear.”
I stopped in my tracks and sighed. “Look, I... I didn’t come here to be lectured, I didn’t even come here for the sake of my weather team or to listen to you be an ass to me.” Aero cantered up to me and took to a brisk walk by my side. I picked up my pace slightly, heading toward the conference hall.
“Well, that rules out pretty much everything that you could have possibly come here for. Why are you here, then?”
“I have my reasons, Aero.”
His eyes met mine for a split second before I turned to look where I was heading. He laughed. Aero just laughed. “So, you’re looking for closure with daddy, then.”
I came to the door of the conference room and stopped. “You know what, Aero? I’m almost starting to wish you were a robot again.” He moved to speak, but stopped. “Leave me alone, okay?”
I opened the door and walked through, grabbing the handle with my tail and slamming it in his face.
---
The room was dimmed, a huge projector stood in the middle of two large groups of pegasi, all of them chatting with one another quietly. The light on the white screen flickered occasionally, giving the room an intimidating aura. There were no windows.
The clock on the far wall read that the meeting was to start any minute now. I remember coming in this room as a filly on bring your foal to work day, sitting through some boring lectures while my father tried to keep me entertained by handing me a pamphlet and a pencil for me to draw on. I chuckled nervously, remembering that I used to hate being cooped up in this room when I was young. All I ever wanted to do as a filly was fly, not draw on a stupid piece of paper while some old pony talked about clouds for two hours.
As I was thinking about this, the overhead lights began to dim even further, casting silence on the crowd. The area in the front of the room was illuminated as seven pegasi filed their way from a side door and into the center of the stage. Amongst them were the six Storm Scouts, their black field armor absent from their bodies, and in the middle of them all stood an advanced blue stallion whose face made me wish I hadn’t eaten that cupcake.
It was my father, Valiantwing.
“Welcome,” he began with a frail but projecting voice, “Thank you all for coming to our first formal meeting for the preparations for the Storm of the Century. I’m sure some of the vets in the room would like to know why we called this meeting of the head mares, as it has not been done in the past. Well, the idea was recommended to me by the current captain of the Storm Scouts, The Wayward Scout himself.”
Aero nodded curtly before a small flurry of hoofstomps filled the room. He gave a salute to Valiantwing before returning to his statuesque position at his side. So, this whole thing was his idea.
“My first and only order of business is for you all to rest up. I expect to see you all at the training session with the rest of your teams in the coming week. Everything you will need to know will be answered then. For now, please, enjoy yourselves and prepare. If you have any questions, see Scout. Please do not disturb me in my office. Thank you.”
A soft murmur fell over the crowd as he walked silently out of the room. Even Aero and the other scouts looked confused. I stood there, blank-faced, staring at where the stallion I had dreaded seeing for the past three years had been standing.
“What was that about?”
“I came all the way from Phillydelphia for this...”
“Who does he think he is leaving us hanging like that?”
“No.”
Even in the din of quiet voices, my voice cut over them like a knife, the one syllable casting silence over the entire room. Aero was staring straight at me, looking... apologetic? He bit his lip and furrowed his brow.
He wasn’t supposed to just walk out. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to triumphantly face my father and tell him the truth about my life, show him I wasn’t immature and that I could help myself.
Without thinking, I bolted down to the front of the room and plunged through the door my father had walked through. I followed the hallway down to its end, flying through the corridor to where I knew his office resided. Flaring out my wings to come to a screeching halt, I gazed at the heavy wooden door with his name and title inscribed on the little plaque in the center. Anger and determination taking control of me, I grabbed the handle to find that the door was already open.
This isn’t right.
Shakily, I pulled open the door to peer inside, only to find the interior complete void of anypony, much less Valiantwing. I took a step inside and sat down on the floor, staving off the tears as fond memories of this office began to fill my mind. This room had been my home away from home since I was almost too little to fly, and whenever Valiantwing told me he would be in his office, he meant it.
“I can tell you where to find him, if you want.”
I turned silently to watch Aero approach me from behind.
I wiped a stray tear from my cheek. “What part about ‘leave me alone’ don’t you understand?”
He sat down quite a ways behind me. I turned my head away from him and stared at the carpet.
“That wasn’t supposed to happen, Rainbow.”
I perked my ears and flicked my tail, annoyed. “What do you mean?”
He sighed and stood, walking over to me and sitting down by my side at an awkward distance. He scooted around on his haunches to face me and stared off in the distance. I shot him a glance and he folded his ears back on his head and flicked his tail.
I barked at him. “Out with it!”
“I planned this whole thing for you,” he whispered. “I put our father in charge. He wasn’t supposed to walk out like that.”
I was beyond shocked. “Why?”
“I want this to be over, Rainbow,” he said sternly. “I’ve been in the middle of a torn family for far too long, and it’s slowly killing me. You and your parents took me in when I had nopony else, and now I seem to be the only one who’s trying to keep the family that isn’t even mine from falling apart altogether.
“I thought if I could get you both in the same room together, at least one of you would talk to the other, or scream at each other. I dunno, I just wanted you two to stop being foals and work this out.” He scooted a little closer to me. I backed away, prompting a sigh from Aero.
“You’ve grown, Rainbow. You have. Now, one of you has to swallow your pride and just fix this hell that we’ve all been living through for three years. I see Dad getting older every day; he’s beyond stressed, Rainbow. I’m trying to be the child he wants back, but he’s too stubborn to admit it: He wants his daughter back. He... doesn’t love me like he loved you.”
He was sobbing now, softly, but it was definitely happening.
“I love him like a father. He loves me, but as nothing more than his successor. It hurts me to see you grow up, and not be a part of it. It doesn’t matter what you’ve accomplished, you’ve become strong and independent, even if you haven’t achieved your dream.”
I was growing more and more angry with each word he uttered. I turned away and bit my tongue, trying to hold back all the things I was thinking, but didn’t want to say. I heard the scuttling of hooves behind me and felt the rush of air around me as the sensation of downy feathers enveloped my torso.
I shrugged him off and stood up, backing away and flaring my wings.
“Why does it seem like everypony in this fucking family is trying to use me to get what they want except for Mom!?” I screamed.
“Rainbow, no, that’s not—
“All you want is for your precious little family to be back to the way it was, ‘cause you can’t handle the fact that I don’t need you, or Dad, or anypony.”
“No! listen to me—
“Leave. Me. Alone.” I seethed, tears beginning to sting my eyes. I ran out of the door.
