I am truly sorry that I have been neglecting my past level of correspondence with you. While I am fully aware that I haven’t been sending letters as often as I should have been, it is not without good cause. I have always, in the past, sent you letters weekly, but ever since the “incident”, I was not bound in regards to learning a lesson of friendship weekly. And, Because of this, I have done something completely unexpected. (For me.) I spent less time analyzing and watching my friends, and more time having fun with them, getting to know them better, and less time, believe it or not, reading and being reclusive.
I remember the day you sent me here to learn friendship’s bliss as if it was yesterday, the day I found what I was truly missing in my life. But, ever since I was allowed to send reports as they are learned, I have experienced the pleasures of friendship considerably more than I thought was possible. When I first learned about the magic of friendship, I compared it to something simple; I previously stated that it was like, nay, identical to a small flame, the closer someone got to it, the warmer it felt.
While the statement wasn’t false, that comparison was one made from ignorance and fear. I did see it as a flame when I first learned of friendship, I saw it as something that provides you with warmth and comfort; until you got too close. If you got too close, I was worried that it would end the same way as one sticking their hoof over an open flame.
(I have since learned what happens when you get that close to somepony, but that’s further into this letter.)
The main point of that statement was this, I was foolish; I still had much to learn. And that brings me to one of the main points of this personal letter; I wish to retract that statement. I was a fool when I compared friendship to something as insignificant as a simple flame.
So, I have devised a new comparison. Friendship is not like a flame, or even similar to something as magnificent as magic. It is so much more. Friendship isn’t a singular bond or concept, it is a multilayered being that is more powerful then anypony could imagine. It can transcend the barriers of life and death; it can hold and comfort somepony when they’ve lost everything. It is pure, unadulterated bliss, it gives meaning to many ponies lives, it allows us to do more than simple existence, it allows us to live. It allows us to grow further, to gain deeper pools of compassion, care, and love. It allows us to be what we are truly meant to be.
Friendship is what makes life worth living. I am baffled on how I even existed without it. When I look back, I now see how empty my life truly was, all I had was the fact that I was your student, and Spike. Friendship was a superfluous act that I saw as a waste of time. It detracted from efficiency, you needed to spend time with others to remain friends, and all you got in return was some simpleminded companionship. After all, I was the student of Celestia; I had no need of companionship. All Friendship was to me back then was a waste of time. Friendship had no power.
But now I can see what friendship can truly do.
It can rebuild somepony from the ground up, and it can make them throw it all away afterwards. Friendship holds sway over everyone and everything, no matter who you are and what you do. Friendship may even be as powerful as your sun, or Luna’s moon; And, while It may not be the true essence of sentient life, it is just like the sun and moon in terms of need, we cannot live without any of them.
Without the sun, the plants wouldn’t grow, the planet would freeze, and everypony would starve. Without the moon, we wouldn’t have light at night, the romantic evenings it holds, and the gravitational influences of the tides. Without friendship… everything would be pointless. It is a wondrous feeling, knowing that there is somepony so close to your heart that you’d die for them, live for them, and do everything in your power to help them. I would do anything for my friends. And that brings me to the second subject of this letter.
I am truly sorry, and you may punish me as you see fit, but I have kept a secret from you. Under request of somepony extremely important to me, I have kept a secret from you for several months. But, recently, the situation has changed to where the secret is unsustainable. So, I thought it would be best to come clean, instead of having you hear about it from rumors and whispers over the metaphorical breeze.
Recall how I stated that Friendship is like a flame, and that If you get too close to somepony, you get burned? Well, when that does happen, you don't get burned, but you do have a flame ignited in your heart.
The secret I have kept from you is that I have a had a very special somepony. I have had one for several months, since just before the incident of Discord. We were secretive, we were careful, and we would have kept our secret until the best time to release it; if Spike hadn't blabbed to Rarity. I am still trying to evaluate whether or not I am slightly (Or possibly severely) insane for trusting Spike with that Knowledge. After that, It all went downhill from there.
But why has everything hit the metaphorical fan, you would probably ask?
Because, while Rarity is the element of Generosity and a wonderful and considerate friend, she is extremely generous with giving out gossip as well as everything else. And Spike, after realizing that he blurted out our heavily guarded secret, panicked as only Spike can, and ran off to warn me of what he did instead of stopping to tell Rarity that it was, in fact, a closely guarded and important secret. And with no Pinkie Promises to ensure that she kept that a secret, she quickly told everypony she possibly could in Ponyville.
It didn't even have a considerable time delay, roughly 30 minutes after Spike blurted it out, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, along with half of Ponyville, gave the two of us a surprise we'll never forget in the form of a massive party. And I kid you not, it was the biggest I have yet to see. And the worst part was that the host of this party wasn't Pinkie Pie. No, it was Fluttershy, who was ecstatic that two of her best friends found love with each other. The way she had reacted, You'd think that she was deliberately shipping the two of us together, and was told that her favorite shipping was canon.
(Curse my tendency to read fan fics.)
And that happiness showed, because she was the most enthusiastic host anypony could ask for, Pinkie Pie was even impressed. She must have set up half of everything herself, because there was no typical Pinkie pie flair in this party, and everything there screamed "Fluttershy on hearts an hooves day." The party itself was fun, and I was "Required" to dance several times with Dash, which I have no complaints towards. After being forced to dance for several hours, eat several pounds of pie, and drink roughly a gallon of punch and cider, the party dwindled to only a few hundred ponies. I wish I was kidding when I said that nearly all of Ponyville and the surrounding areas were there, but they were. And with a population of exactly two thousand, that means that roughly one thousand, seven hundred and fifty four Ponies were there, or . 87.7% of everypony in Ponyville. Well, that was the number Pinkie Pie gave me.
But, in the end, it was a fun party. And I would have been happy to be there, if not for the fact that my most closely guarded secret was revealed and a party was thrown around that fact. Still had fun though.
And I'm still wondering how they even discovered the place we had our dates. It's 5 miles outside of Ponyville.
Either way, I am fully sorry for keeping the secret from you, but I couldn't break Dash’s trust. Her trust is simply far more important than just about anything else in the world to me, and I would sooner die then voluntarily break her trust without good reason. And, if you haven’t already discovered who I was talking about, My very special somepony is, in fact, Rainbow Dash. And, as much as I would love to rant about her, (Which I could do, forever) I will leave this information basic, simply for ease of writing, and to prevent a lack of overly irrelevant information filling up my already dwindling supply of parchment. I will say one thing though, something that I had to almost literally pound into Shining Armor’s head after I told him.
We haven’t done anything. The two of us haven’t done anything explicitly sexual. So please don't ask.
Your still ever faithful (If now heavily embarrassed) student,
Twilight Sparkle.
P.S If you want to punish somepony for this, I would request that it was me. I was the one who kept the secret, and Dash has done nothing wrong.
Dear Twilight Sparkle, While your last letter was shorter than what you would have usually sent me, it is easily one of the most important ones you have ever written.
Your letter shows that you are growing further and further in the ways of friendship, learning more about its deep and mysterious wonders, and it is truly wonderful that you are getting even closer to your friends. I am proud of you in this regard, and I cannot say how happy I am to hear the news. I simply hope you can grow even closer to the other elements, and that you continue to grow as you are now. After all, that is why you were sent to Ponyville.
And I am glad you remember the day I sent you to Ponyville, because I remember it as if it was yesterday. It is one of my fondest memories, and most undoubtedly one of yours as well.
As for your comparison of what friendship is, you are getting closer, but you are still very off. You still have much to learn in the ways of friendship, but the comparison you gave me shows that you are getting much closer then you were a year ago. Friendship is not an all-powerful being, nor is it something to fear or revere as if it were a god. Friendship can be in many forms, but it isn’t any of those things that you stated in your comparison.
So, I have a new assignment for you. I want you to discover the true essence of friendship. Not what friendship can do, or what it represents, but what friendship truly is. This assignment has no due date, so you may send it in a month, or give it to me on your fiftieth birthday. The only requirement is that you get each one of your friend’s signatures on it. That is the one thing that it truly needs. It doesn’t matter if it is incomplete, torn asunder, or even completely blank. It needs those signatures. But I have complete faith in you. You need not worry.
In regards to the news of you having a special somepony, I may have accidentally covered my sister in some very fine Darjeeling immediately after reading. While I am proud of you for finding someone, and even prouder in succeeding to surprise me with that knowledge, I cannot say that I am proud of the way you told me this. I would have rather wished for you to have told me in person, if only for the reason that you would have witnessed what the castle staff are now referring to as the “celestial drench.” After all, that is something I would have loved to hear, and I would have flown down to Ponyville myself if you would have asked.
And I do not care that you kept a secret from me, and seeing as you upholding a promise, it is fully understandable, if not commendable that you would keep a secret that far. But I have advice for you. Don’t be too hard on Spike. He is just a baby dragon, and he didn’t mean to tell Rarity your secret. I hope you weren’t too hard on him.
I also have one last assignment for you. In relation to that statement of “Wasted parchment”, I want your next letter to be nothing but why you love Rainbow Dash. No replies to comments made in this letter, (Other than the acknowledgement of this assignment) no complaints, and no holding back. I want to hear everything you have to say about your very special somepony. It is due within the week, and I want Rainbow Dash’s signature on it as well. I trust you will do well.
I hope to see your response soon.
Your very busy teacher,
Princess Celestia
P.S Seeing as your last letter was a personal one, I would ask if it was possible to lower the formalities. I get plenty of them daily, and there is no need to get any more than necessary.
P.P.S It was good to hear from you again.
P.P.P.S Smack Applejack for me. She spammed me with several more “I didn’t learn nuthin!” and “I was right all along.” Letters again.
Rainbow Dash is... It's hard to put it into words.
She comforts me when I feel down, protects me when I feel weak, and holds me when I feel alone. I cannot be without her. Every time I'm with her, I get a feeling I cannot describe. It's wonderful and it's terrifying, and it's what makes my life complete. I cannot exaggerate how beautiful she makes me feel, and how precious she is to me. Every time we kiss, it feels as if I am in the center of a storm, watching it's beauty from the inside, and I am simply mystified with how I managed to get somepony as perfect as her. Forgive me my weakness, but I would give up anything to be with her. My home, my life, my tutelage under you, even my magic. Anything, just as long as I could remain with her.
And her beauty is phenomenal. Her mane is wondrous, it's colors flowing like the light after a sudden storm. Her athletic body is just plain awesome. and she has the most beautiful, deep and spectacular eyes. I can get lost within them any time of the day, or even better, night. I am so blessed with being with her. My body reacts to simply being near her in the most amazing way.
Every time we touch, my heart starts beating fast, and when I'm with her, I feel like I can fly. Which, depending on her energy level, I sometimes do. I can hear her voice when I sleep and I see her face in my dreams. When I wake up in the morning, I want to wake to her, because she is always the first thing on my mind. Call me crazy, but she is probably the reason I wake up in the morning. Why stay in my dreams when I can be with the real thing? And not only that, but she has taken up to playing pranks on me if I don't wake.
I'm blinded by her brilliance. She is my world, my star in the night, my brilliant light in the blackest of darkness.
I want this to last. I cannot explain why I have come to feel this way, but I have lost my ability to go without Rainbow.
And it's easy to figure out why. Well, it is after you read Jason Caberneigh's "How to know when you're in love."
Everything we do together is bliss, my heart sings when we do something as simple as talk. I love her with every every fiber, every cell, nay, every atom of my being. Her laughter brightens my day, her complements make me feel loved, her attention gives me the motivation to do anything, just so I can impress her, and the mare she actually is happens to be one of the most sensitive souls I have ever seen. When I am with her, I feel more and more useless, but happier and happier as each passing day goes by. I don't know why, but I don't care. All I know is that I love one pony, and I hope that she feels the same.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight, I found this letter in your desk, and I wanted to add my own words. Hope you don't mind me writing on the back.
Twilight. I do love ya. I do not know tons of words to make this note thing sound cool, but you are my life right now. I love you so much, and I feel all warm inside when I am with you. I love spending time with you, your jokes are funny and awesome, and the prank Ideas, especially the one where Applejack got covered in honey, are all awesome. What i'm trying to say is that Twilight, I love you too.
But I love you more.
sorry if I suck at romancy stuff. Its never been my strong spot.
Your Faithful, loyal, and totally awesome fillyfriend,
The soon to be wonderbolt,
Rainbow Dash
You two have it bad. And Twilight, you really should have me write your letters, yours always sound corny, rushed, or overly formal. Or all three.
Here's a example.
"I want this to last. I cannot explain why I have come to feel this way, but I have lost my ability to go without Rainbow. "
Well, First of all, you could go without Rainbow Dash, at least for a small period of time. I mean, you had a argument with her about kicking too much a few nights ago. (You woke me up with that argument, btw) After that, you made her sleep on the couch for two days. It's obvious that you can resist your "addiction" to rainbow Dash for a short time.
Then again, you did end up kicking me out of the room for what Dash called "Make out time," so you do have that thing going on for you.
Maybe you are addicted. Should I call Dr. Feeling Shine again?
"Everything we do together is bliss, my heart sings when we do something as simple as talk. I love her with every every fiber, every cell, nay, every atom of my being. Her laughter brightens my day, her complements make me feel loved, her attention gives me the motivation to do anything, just so I can impress her, and the mare she actually is happens to be one of the most sensitive souls I have ever seen. When I am with her, I feel more and more useless, but happier and happier as each passing day goes by. I don't know why, but I don't care. All I know is that I love one pony, and I hope that she feels the same."
Yikes. This resembles something out of that weird Vampony book Luna wrote, what was it called, Dusk? Waaaaaaay too drama-y. At least there wasn't Sparkling vamponies in it.
Wait, you are Twilight (Dusk), your last name is sparkle, and, seeing that there is a hickey on Dash's neck, that would make you a Vampony.
Twilight Sparkle Vampony.
Twilight Sparkling vampony.
Dang. Luna would be proud, if you weren't ripping off her book. Or is she ripping off of you for her book?
I don't really know. All that matters is that you Just don't go for any 50 shades of hay stuff please. I have enough nightmares.
"She comforts me when I feel down, protects me when I feel weak, and holds me when I feel alone. I cannot be without her. Every time I'm with her, I get a feeling I cannot describe. It's wonderful and it's terrifying, and it's what makes my life complete. I cannot exaggerate how beautiful she makes me feel, and how precious she is to me. Every time we kiss, it feels as if I am in the center of a storm, watching it's beauty from the inside, and I am simply mystified with how I managed to get somepony as perfect as her. Forgive me my weakness, but I would give up anything to be with her. My home, my life, my tutelage under you, even my magic. Anything, just as long as I could remain with her."
Ugh, no comment. Yes, I rewrote that down just to say it was too mushy. U mad?
And Rainbow Dash, good job!
Well, that killed eleven minutes. I'm gonna go see if Rarity needs any help. Maybe she has some extra gems.
Before you try and do the whole comforting thing that Twi Loves, which sounds totally awesome right now, I gotta explain what I did.
It all started when Twi and Dash were going out. They gave me twelve bits, told me to have fun in town, and to not make any pies. ‘Cause, well, my pies are seriously misunderstood. They’re even better than those trash cupcakes Applejack made, and don’t let anypony tell you otherwise.
Anyway, I ended up going to the cake’s for some, well, cakes. When I got there, I saw the Cutie Mark crusaders, all huddled up, talking and whispering as they always do. I, being the nice and awesome dragon I am, said hello and asked if they wanted to get some cupcakes with me. Next thing I know, Applebloom and Sweetie Bell look at each other with their evil trademark grins and shoved Scootaloo towards me. She was just as confused as I was, and all she did was turn beet red when the other two ran off giggling evilly as they’re famous for.
Ok, they aren’t famous for it, but still. They do it a lot. Who would ’a thought that the Cutie Mark Crusaders were so… mischievous?
Wait, don’t answer that. I remember what they did in Canterlot.
Anyway, I ended up asking Scootaloo if she wanted some cupcakes, and she gave me a stare that meant either “I’m gonna kill those two…” or “Yes Spike, why else would I continue to be sitting next to you after my other two traitorous friends ditched me?” I couldn’t really tell. I’m not known for my “Skills in regards to reading facial cues.” Whatever that even means.
Either way, I ended up buying three ruby dust cupcakes, and three rainbow sprinkled cupcakes with crème filling, seeing as Scootaloo loves Rainbow Dash, and we ended up sitting down at a table. Seeing as I was with Scootaloo, I expected some cool talking and stuff, but all I got from her was a nervous stare, as if I was gonna teleport her to you if she said something wrong.
Not that I would never do that.
After a very awkward half hour of eating, which was long because I wanted to enjoy the gems, Scootaloo ended up saying something before turning redder then Big Mac and running off. I didn’t even hear what she said! I ended up leaving a quarter of a cupcake on the table, which I am hoping is still there, and chased her. She ended up locking herself in the crusader’s fort, and I ended up getting jumped by an angry Applebloom and Sweetie Bell. They yelled at me for hurting Scootaloo, making her feel bad and other things like that, and the moment ended with me badly hog tied and blindfolded inside their fort.
Obviously Applebloom’s skill is not restraining ponies. Although I would be kinda scared if it was.
After that, Scootaloo and the other crusaders got in a fight, which I couldn’t see, or even hear, ‘cause they were outside, and the next thing I know, I’m alone. I must have sat there for fifteen minutes, hog tied and blindfolded in their fort, before Scootaloo finally cut my ropes. She told me she was sorry, and gave me a hug, but I was still dazed and confused.
Then, she asked me a question that made me even more dazed and confused. She asked me to go to the school dance with her! And I said yes!
And that’s where I am in trouble. I have no clue what I’m doing, what I’m supposed to do, or even how I supposed to act. I’m completely lost, and covered in rope burns.
Help me!
Your faithful student’s assistant,
Spike “The Dragon” Sparkle.
P.S Sorry about my comments on the last letter. I’m gonna have to lay off the donuts.
I know I don’t normally send you letters and all, but Applebloom said you were cool like that and everything, so I thought I would send you this. If that was alright.
So, everything started when the stupid school dance was announced. I didn’t even want to go, but Sweetie Bell got asked by somepony and Applebloom got asked by some unicorn kid I can’t remember the name of, so I was roped into going. The only problem was that there was no one in our class to ask me. I would have asked Featherweight, who I used to have a crush on, but that would have been, like, uber awkward.
So, long story short, I ended up being roped into some cutie mark scheme where the other two try to be matchmakers. We ended up going to Sugarcube corner a few days later, where Sweetie Bell and Applebloom ended up trying to ask Pinkie Pie who was available. Which, normally, would be really smart. After all, she knows almost everypony, and she is the town’s only relationship councilor, whatever that even is. But for me, it was the worst thing ever. She quickly thought through every colt in town, and quickly told me what I didn’t want to hear. That everypony was taken, and that Featherweight was with silverspoon. She even told me that she asked him to go with her three hours ago.
That totally sucked.
After that, my friends took me out to the front area and started to brainstorm on who I was going to go with. After all, what did Pinkie Pie, the one Pony who knows, like, everyone ever, know? We ended up sitting out there for a hour before they thought of something.
They got it in their heads that I could go with Spike. After all, he was kinda cute, and a dragon, which meant he was even cooler, and that he wasn’t a somepony. And after they decided who I was going to go with, Spike managed to show up, as if he was summoned. Applebloom and Sweetie then pushed me towards him after he asked us if we wanted cupcakes, and ditched me.
Jerks.
I wasn’t even sure what to do, and I’ve never asked somepony to a dance before, so I spent the next half hour sitting there, trying to get the guts to even talk to him.
And when I finally did, I chickened out and ran right after. I ended up using my scooter to get to the tree house, and Spike surprisingly got some awesome points by somehow managing to keep up with me. Well, until he got jumped by Sweetie bell and Applebloom. That slowed him down a bit. But he was way fast before. They ended up tying him up, all while learning the rope tying is not Applebloom’s special talent, and threw him in the fort. I ended up having to convince them to let him go, and then had to run to Applejack’s to get some scissors to cut the rope, seeing as we couldn’t untie it.
Applebloom REALLY sucks with rope tying. I mean, I had to cut in twelve different places to get him out. And it was still a pain to get him untangled. And after I finally got him undone, I managed to finally ask Spike to the dance. He ended up saying yes before he passed out.
But now, I’m stuck. I’m not sure if I even want to go to the dance, and if I do go, what’s gonna happen? I don’t want to hurt Spike’s feelings and everything, but I don’t want to see Featherweight with Silverspoon. And why did I actually ask Spike after I let him go? I could have just let him go home, but instead, I asked him out.
And why do I get this weird feeling in my stomach when I think of going to the dance with him? It’s a stupid mix of happy and wanting to barf.
I’m confused. Help?
Your faithful subject,
Scootaloo.
P.S Sorry for my bad letter. Cheerilee always tells me I need to practice more.
I am sincerely sorry that this wasn't the letter you were expecting, but my sister is busy writing up a new law in regards to the exportation of gems through Dragon held territory.
And as she is busy, she delegated the task of writing a response to you to me.
As my experience with the opposite gender dictates, it is informal and improper to ask the male to a dance, as it is emasculating to them. But that cannot be helped now, and, seeing as Spike is considerably younger than the males I have previously courted, he most likely would not care as much as a fully grown stallion. But, seeing as you have emasculated him somewhat already, it would be even more insulting and demeaning to him if you were to break off relations soon after your previous proposal. So, my advice to you is to stay the metaphorical course, if you truly didn’t want to cause him harm. You have already given your word that you would be the young dragon’s escort, and you are honor bound to uphold your promise.
And that concludes my stance on that matter.
My next word of advice is in regards to the courtship of said dragon. I must admit, I am not completely familiar with the courtship rituals of dragons, but I can give you advice as to how you can woo him fully and thoroughly if he happens to be, as Celestia mentions often, “Ponified.”
If you follow my council, you will be destined to be together for a considerable amount of time, and, if you follow my advice to the letter, he may even refrain from finding another mate after you pass away in his first tenth of his life.
Isn’t that just wonderfully romantic?
So, I shall begin my advice, and I, as your goddess of the moon, trust that you will follow them fully, as you are a smart filly.
The first word of my advice is this. Find the proper garments for the occasion. While I have never been the most fashionable pony in Equestria, I always did have better taste in garment selection then my elder sister, as she always chose traditional clothing over the more… rebellious choices I had. And as such, I was always considerably more popular with the colts, and sometimes, although I shudder at the memory of it, mares.
My recommendation would be that you dressed in a light ensemble, with a lighter and smaller frame then most ball dresses. It shows a larger portion of your natural curves than the older, and considerably more rustic full framed dresses, and it allows a slight swaying of the hips when one walks, if that is what one desires to do. It does apply the slight restriction of walking, but, unless you plan on running, you will fare well.
My next words of council are this, I would recommend finding a good Manedresser. I do not have a fully physical mane, and I have never once had to style it, until after the accident with nightmare moon. And even then, it was simply kept in the same style as it started in once I regained control, thus requiring little maintenance. Although, if possible, I would recommend styling your mane in the same style as miss Rarity’s, as Spike has been known to have a soft spot for her, and the familiarity of it may comfort him.
After you are fully prepared to go to the ball, you will be required to know the proper etiquette. You will be required to let Spike open the door for you, and when somepony wishes to dance with you other than your escort, you will be required to direct them to Spike, who will then approve, or disapprove. It may seem a little redundant, but I cannot stress the importance of proper etiquette.
And when the dancing is completed, Spike will be expected to walk you home. There, you will thank him for his time, possibly set up future “dates” and, if all went well, you may give him a kiss before you depart inside.
I sincerely hope you do well, and may your outing succeed.
I had a very interesting time in Ponyville this today.
And as you requested previously, I will tell you all about it.
The first activity I participated in was the usual one. I had tea with my dearest friend, Fluttershy, where we talked about life, colts we happen to be attracted too, and things of that similar nature. After that wondrous experience, I went to Rarity's, where I commissioned a wonderfully made and completely beautiful dress for the filly who will be escorting Spike to the ball. She requested payment up front, so I paid her with some of the royal cake fund. I hope you don't mind.
After this, I made my way to the school, where I discovered that the dance was held in a barn. I, being the generous princess that you raised me to be, decided that it would be better held inside our castle's ball room, so I forwarded the information to the castle staff. The delegates from Griffonia will have to do with our secondary ball room. Besides, I am still angry with delegate Grifsom for calling me Nightmare Moon, then ordering his personal guard to pelt me with Cake and other foodstuffs.
He, as my friend Fluttershy would dub him with great prejudice, is a big meanie.
After I left a properly baffled Cheerilee, I made my way to the eating establishment that is known by the name of Sugarcube Corner, where I Bought fifteen thousand bits of Cake, as per your instructions. What you do with such vast amounts of cake, I do not know. I did, however, spent a extra thousand bits in regards to ordering two cakes by the name of Mmm, one of those simply for the sake of feeding all the children at the upcoming ball.
The other, well... I am now well nourished, and I can now see why you never shared a slice of said cake with me, even though I explicitly asked you to save me a singular slice. It was worth the 500 bits.
In addition, the expression I gained from Pinkamina and the owners of the establishment when I ate said cake in one sitting was priceless as well. I even took a picture.
After I had finished my business there, I continued on towards the business of the Apple family, where I procured several metric tons of Apples. I had them shipped to the castle, as was ordered by our shopping list, and I did not teleport them this time. Although, coming home to you covered in applesauce was very entertaining.
After I purchased said apples, the apple family, namely Big Mac, asked me if I wished to stay for dinner. I, following our strict royal protocol, agreed to their hospitality, and even tried to assist in cooking.
After dinner, I paid them for the damages to their barn, which somehow caught ablaze after I tripped and threw my pie out the window. But, looking back, I am glad no pony actually ate the pie. It looked, smelled, and sounded horrible. I didn't even know a pie could reverberate the tortured wails of the damned. Also, Discord says hello.
After I left their property, I tried to find Rainbow Dash's housing. All I found was a cloud saying she moved. It was the second least helpful sign I had ever seen.
After that, I went to Twilight Sparkle's abode. Many things happened there, but I cannot divulge them to you until I tell you something extremely important.
I discovered that your student, Twilight Sparkle, is sexually attracted to mares. The same can go for Rainbow Dash.
How did I discover this?
When I entered the Library, which, in my defense, is a public establishment, I found the two of them kissing intensely. They immediately broke apart when they saw me, but that event made the rest of my stay awkward. I could barely give Twilight her funding for the library, let alone talk to her at that moment. But, as fate would have it, Spike appeared from the kitchen, and asked me if I would stay for dinner.
And I, being of sound mind and whole body, regrettably agreed.
The dinner, well, It went.
After we cleaned up the dinning room, I was dubbed "best noodle whipper ever" by Rainbow Dash, much to my shame. I even got a custom medal for it, which raises questions I do not wish to contemplate at this moment.
All and all, my monthly trip to Ponyville went as it normally did. Chaotic, crazy, and utterly hilarious.
I am truly sorry that I haven’t sent you a letter for the past week, but life has been interesting and, dare I say, difficult. And, as much as I hate to unload on you, you have always been there for me, and you are the only pony I trust completely other than Rainbow Dash.
And even then, She is in the same boat as I am, which makes it difficult to confide in her, as she not only already knows, but is suffering from the exact same problems.
But enough about my undying trust in you, I should be getting to the point.
The first event is a surprisingly simple one. Spike, through some means I do not know of, has acquired a date with a filly by the name of Scootaloo, which he will be using to go with her to her school dance. But, the surprising part is that he already has all the monetary means to support himself with this endeavor, which implicates that he has been preparing this for a long while. He doesn’t get a massive amount of money for his allowance, so he must have been planning this for quite some time. I even did the math. He gets five bits a week, as well as ten bits a month for assisting rarity, and he has amassed around two hundred and fifty bits, meaning he has saved for little over eight months, two weeks. I would count the eight bits I gave him a week and a half ago, but I found a receipt for said eight bits from Sugarcube corner.
He apparently even used them to buy cupcakes for Scootaloo, according to Mr. Cake.
Either way, this makes it very obvious that he has gotten over his crush on Rarity, and has now gotten a new crush on Scootaloo, one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders that I have told you about previously. This now makes me very worried for him, as he may be harmed by her sometime in the future if things do not work out properly, as there is the possibility for actual romance, rather than a one sided crush. I fully intend on having a very stern talk with her the day before the dance, warning her of what I may do to her if she does intentionally, or possibly unintentionally harms Spike.
I may also remind her that I am the element of magic, and I can do a very large amount of very unpleasant things to ponies that harm my little sibling. And I will use that ability if I need to.
And that sums up my current feelings on the matter.
The second event was a strange one. I was assaulted by a rabid weasel.
I do not know why nature holds such ire towards me, but on my latest trip to zecora’s, I was ambushed by a large group of animals, all showing the typical signs of rabies. I, knowing it would be foolish to try and defend myself from a group of diseased animals, ended up outrunning the original group, escaping mainly because they were more concerned with attacking each other than trying to maul a random passerby, but, while I escaped, I was unknowingly trailed by a lone weasel. I ended up making my way to Zecora’s, but before I made my way inside, the creature attacked me with what I assumed to be extreme prejudice, taking a large chunk out of my mane and leaving a very nasty bite on my left flank.
I ended up fending the creature off by throwing it as far as I possibly could magically, which is a surprising distance, before making my way into Zecora’s. She immediately helped bandage my wound, and then gave me some terrible news about my newly contracted disease.
She told me that it would take a week and a half to make the true cure, and while she can give me some potion to keep the disease from getting a foothold in my central nervous system, the cure would have to be administered through a series of twenty to thirty very painful and very large shots. And I have to be conscious.
It’s only been six days, and I’m nearing the point where I’ll flip out near anything pointy. Do you have any advice? Rainbow Dash, who shares my fear of needles, tells me to keep calm and kiss her. But I think it may just be a ploy from her to make out more. And while I do enjoy that, the most ideal time for that isn’t when I am having a supposedly eight inch needle being shoved right above my belly button twenty five times.
On another note, I now loathe weasels.
And onto my third event. Applejack’s barn has been burning for four days now. It keeps wailing and moaning, and sounds like a bad horror film, and it’s been preventing all of the Apple family from sleeping. I even took them in after Applejack and Big mac, whose personal creed seem to be along the line of “Apple buck till you fall asleep,” stayed awake from three days straight, doing the apple harvest in a record time, simply because the wailing kept them from sleeping. Not only that, but Applebloom somehow got a hundred on a pop quiz that no pony was supposed to even pass, and Granny smith made a hundred and fifty apple pies, the quality ranging from exquisite, to edible, and then all the way down to Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash cooks worse than I do. Just warning you, in case she ever offers you a cookie.
The worst part is that the spirit of Sombra somehow is in that blaze, and he keeps mumbling about crystals and slaves. And once, I swore he even mentioned something about a precious slinky.
No matter what I’ve tried, I cannot extinguish the blaze. The only difference I managed to do was exchange the spirit of Sombra with Discord for a minute, which promptly made a strange song called “Baby” play for an hour straight after he made a one liner about my mother, sung by what sounded like a fourteen year old mare. The song even continued after Sombra returned, and even he experienced displeasure from it, groaning about crystals in an even more grumpy fashion then he did previously.
It wasn’t horrible, but it got annoying after five minutes. It then escaladed to Headache inducing after twelve.
So, to sum what has happened so far in my letter, Spike is now dating, I have been attacked by a demonic weasel, and my home is now extremely over crowded. Me and Dash now share a bed with Spike, seeing as Applebloom and Applejack now use his. He wasn’t that bad, but Rainbow claims he keeps poking her in the back in the morning with his tail while he’s asleep. I ended up switching sides of the bed with her to keep her from complaining.
I wish that was all that was all I had to vent about, but there is a few more small things.
Applejack is annoyingly peppy in the morning, waking me, Rainbow Dash, and Spike every morning at 6 A.M for breakfast every day. The gesture is nice and all, But I was in the middle of a really awesome good dream, and I didn’t want to be woken up. Both me and Rainbow usually sleep until ten or eleven, and waking up five hours early isn’t healthy. I don’t normally fall asleep until 2 or 3 in the morning, as I wait for Rainbow, who now has night shift due to cloud dancer getting a broken wing from a fight with an angry saxophone player.
And, to compound on my problems, Pinkie Pie, who I still do not understand, decided that when more than five ponies live under the same roof, it is something to party for. So, when I went upstairs with Rainbow Dash for two minutes, trying to help her find her goggles for work, she manages to set up a party with everyone from Ponyville. Rainbow Dash was excused, simply because she had work, but me? I had to stay and party after three hours of sleep, no coffee, because it’s “unnatural,” and grumpy because Spike poked me in the flank with something that was not his tail. He’s only twelve! That shouldn’t even be a problem yet!
And, when all was set and done, I end up having to go to the hospital, because Dash, due to lack of sleep, accidentally blew up a storm cloud. She was fine, but it worried me to death, and, along with my forced sugar high, which was caused by the only available drinkable liquid in the house, Pinkie Pie’s spiked punch, I got arrested for public displays of affection. I didn’t even know that was possible! Where are all the police when half of Ponyville is making out in the streets? Is it because we are two mares?
And, when we get home after Derpy bailed us out, I found out that Spike is passed out on the chandelier. Which is on the floor. Pinkie Pie is asleep under one of the oldest books in Equestria, using it as a blanket, and Applejack, bless her, is desperately trying to clean the place up with Fluttershy. I swear that this has been the most stressful week I’ve had since Rarity had the idea that it would be great to make all her clothing edible. And I don’t even want to know where all those rabbits came from.
And that, Princess, has been my week.
Your extremely stressed, but still faithful student,
I couldn't help but read your last letter to Celestia. I found it unopened, next to the princess, who, again, fell asleep at her desk.
Do not blame her for me finding this, as she has been sleeping little for the past week, meaning that I have slept little. You know her, when she's stressed, she paces the walls,trying to make sure everything is alright. Which meant I had to supervise anything and everything in regards to security. I wish she would sleep more, if only so I could sleep more.
That, and Cadence is a huge bear when I get called out at three in the morning to ensure that the front wall is secure.
Celestia must really like that wall...
Anyway, big brother is here, and I am here to help.
So, your first problem isn't that huge. Spike is growing up, and while he is literally my little brother, I am not near as worried as you are. Even if he crashes and burns so hard that he buries himself in his bedroom for a week like you did when Snowball told you that he didn't like you, he will have learned something. Fillies and colts are different Twilie, us Stallions do stuff differently too.
That doesn't mean that if this Scootaloo hurts him, I won't be there and raise all kinds of Tartarus, but I won't hunt her down if they just don't work out. She is entitled to as much of a choice as he is, and I will be on her side if he does something stupid and hurts her. After all, I have to be fair.
Well, I have to be fair-ish.
Your second problem, well... I may have initially over reacted to that. If you see a detachment of fifty or so guards hunting the Everfree forest for rabid animals, for the love of Celestia, do NOT tell Fluttershy. She scares me a bit. I mean, no Filly is that nice, Element of Kindness or not. I'm pretty sure I'd end up as a cover for some tome of Demonic bunny lore or a bottle of glue if she finds out it was me.
As for helping you with the shots, well, Rainbow Dash may not be far off. You don't need to do anything fancy, but a distraction always works, and I know Cadence's kissing makes me all ignorant to what is happening at the moment. After all, she kissed me while I had those stones on my horn removed, and I only cried a little. And, in comparison to what happened the first time that happened, it went over much smoother then the blubbering mess I was the first time.
Just don't tell anyone. I am still your big bro, and I have five years of baby pictures and stories I can break out.
Your third problem, well.... I honestly have no clue how to help with that. The last time that happened, it was the ancient kitchen, and Celestia simply buried it halfway into the dang mountain. And, if you go into the deepest dungeons and listen, you still can hear the wailing. I don't know if it will ever go out. The cake Celestia made two hundred years ago certainly is.
As for unwanted guests, I can relate. Remember the last time Celestia visited the crystal kingdom? While it is cool an all to have your boss, who is the ruler of all of Equestria, stay at your house, it sucks. Every kiss, nay, almost every hug was interrupted by Celestia until it was time for bed. And when that came around? Luna arrived. Actually, Luna was cooler when it came to the kissing, but she still was a nuisance. Mainly because I had to stay up until seven in the morning.
As for the peppiness? I have the same thing going on for me, but I don't have that problem. There's nothing better then waking up with a warm and happy mare nudging you awake every morning. Granted, the mare nudging you up isn't yours, but I don't have a problem with it, even when I get only three hours of sleep. But maybe it's because I have things to work out in the morning anyway.
But in regards to the party? Well, I would be ticked as well. Especially when I haven't had my morning coffee, and I woke up with someone poking me. Actually, the poking would probably ruin my entire day.
And you got arrested? Nope! Actually, I had that taken off your record for you. Turns out, that isn't a law in Ponyville. Someone just forgot to tell the new transfer from manehatten.
Anyway, I will be coming to Ponyville in two days, just to help you. Cadence is coming as well, so I would recommend. freshening up, or what ever you mares do. All I do is brush my teeth and take a shower, so I would recommend doing at least that.
Anyway, I'll see you in two days!
Your BBBFF,
Shining Armor.
P.S You always say how Dash pulls pranks on you? Well, if you want to get back, forget to tell her I'm coming. And play along.