We acknowledge your letter and were simply delighted to read it!
Unfortunately, your request for a CUTIE MARK was sadly unsuccessful this time, because ITEM CANNOT BE GIFTED
We do, of course, apologise for the inconvenience, and wish you a Merry Hearth’s Warming!
Yours sincerely,
Santa Hooves President and CEO
***
From: Apple Bloom To: Santa Hooves Hoofwritten, pencil
Deer Santa Hooves
You dont understnd i have to have a cutie mark or Ill die!!!!! Everypony Else els alredy has thers I just want mine.
From Apple Bloom
***
From: Santa Hooves To: Apple Bloom Typed
N O R T H P O L E E N T E R P R I S E S L T D . “YOU SEND THE WISHES. WE BRING THE JOY.”
1 North Pole Lane,
Crystal Empire,
JB24 5HN
Apple Bloom Sweet Apple Acres Ponyville Equestria PV3 5EP
30th November
Dear APPLE BLOOM
We acknowledge your letter and were simply delighted to read it!
Unfortunately, your request for a CUTIE MARK was sadly unsuccessful this time, because NOT POSSIBLE FOR ITEM TO BE GIFTED
We do, of course, apologise for the inconvenience, and wish you a Merry Hearth’s Warming!
Yours sincerely,
Santa Hooves President and CEO
***
From: Applejack To: North Pole Enterprises Ltd. Hoofwritten, black pen
Dear North Pole Enterprises,
My name is Applejack and I am writing on behalf of my little sister Apple Bloom to ask: what in tarnation is going on here?! And don’t write back ad and tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about because you darn well do. Let me refresh your memories. First, my little sister writes to you and asks for a cutie mark. You tell her that she can't have one, which is fair enough... except, what that letter was, I don’t even know, I’ve never seen anything so gosh darn cold. Then she writes again, and you send her the same letter as before but with the date changed!!
Now, I’m no fool, I know you can’t give her what she wants... but then again, nopony makes my little sister cry twice and gets away with it. I expect a full apology for those letters and I want it in hoofwriting, none of this here typewriter rubbish. And I want it written by Santa Hooves himself. Not his secratry secretary. Not the pony who works in the mail room. Santa Hooves. If not, mark my words, there will be trouble.
I just can’t believe, after all these years, this is how I find out that Santa Hooves is real. For shame!
Yours,
Applejack
P.S It’s been 14 years. Count them—14 Years. Where in all Equestria is my Easy-Foal Oven, the one with the ready-to-bake Apple Pies?!
***
From: Sweetie Belle To: Santa Hooves Hoofwritten, glitter pen
Dear Santa Hooves.
Hello! My name is Sweetie Belle. I have alredy posted my herth's Waming list but I wanted to add somthing. Please plese pleeeeeeeeeeese can me and Apple bloom an Scootaloo have cutie marks? You sed you can't but your Santa Hooves and you can do anything and Apple Bloom was crying. It made me feel reeeeeelly sad. You can make it better.
From
Sweetie Belle
***
From: Scootaloo To: Santa Hooves Hoofwritten (abysmally), felt tip pen
Yo Hooves!
Its Scootaloo the filly who asrk askd for the dulucs wonderbolts aktivity center with the real clouds!! But I wood give it up for you to say sorry to my best friend Apple Bloom. Pleeeeese!!!
Awsumly yours
Scootaloo
P.S Sweetie Belle is my best frend too are you sure we cant have cutie marks?
***
From: Gloomy Skies To: Applejack Typed
N O R T H P O L E E N T E R P R I S E S L T D . “YOU SEND THE WISHES. WE BRING THE JOY.”
1 North Pole Lane,
Crystal Empire,
JB24 5HN
Applejack Sweet Apple Acres Ponyville Equestria PV3 5EP
5th December
Dear Applejack,
Thank you for your letter dated 1st December. Please be aware that North Pole Enterprises Ltd. is currently in the process of much needed modernization, and that, as is no doubt the same with any major corporation, minor errors are inevitable. Whilst we concede that it is unfortunate the way your sister was treated, neither are we prepared to accept full responsibility for the events that transpired.
With regards to specific complaints:
— Due to the time of year, Santa Hooves is currently unavailable to write a personal letter. — It is with regret to inform you that the ‘Easy-Foal-Oven® Apple Pie Range’ has been discontinued. By way of apology, please find enclosed a copy of ‘Popular Hearth’s Warming Classics Double Cassette Album’, retail value 4.99 bits.
We hope you have a Merry Hearth’s Warming and a Happy Winter Round Up!
Yours sincerely,
Gloomy Skies Head of Public Relations
***
From: Gloomy Skies To: Sweetie Belle Typed
N O R T H P O L E E N T E R P R I S E S L T D . “YOU SEND THE WISHES. WE BRING THE JOY.”
1 North Pole Lane,
Crystal Empire,
JB24 5HN
Sweetie Belle Watermill Close Ponyville Equestria PV7 2WM
6th December
Dear Sweetie Belle,
We thank you for your letter, although we politely request that, in future correspondence, you kindly refrain from filling the envelope with glitter.
We at North Pole Enterprises Ltd. wish to make it clear that the idea that Santa Hooves can ‘do anything’ is a misconception—he does not possess the ability to ‘make it better’ with regards to your friend’s specific circumstances, for to do so would be to go above and beyond regulation 26b as stated by our company charter.
For your troubles, please find enclosed three packets of ‘Tescow Value Party Glitter’. For a full list of regulations, please write to the above address and include 5 bits for posting and packaging.
Have a Merry Hearth’s Warming and a Happy Winter Wrap Up!
Yours sincerely,
Gloomy Skies Head of Public Relations
***
From: Gloomy Skies To: Scootaloo Typed
N O R T H P O L E E N T E R P R I S E S L T D . “YOU SEND THE WISHES. WE BRING THE JOY.”
1 North Pole Lane,
Crystal Empire,
JB24 5HN
Scootaloo Cloud Nine Driveway Ponyville Equestria PV6 1FA
6th December
Dear Scootaloo,
Thank you for your letter. You will no doubt be delighted to learn that your request for a ‘Dulux Wonderbolt Activity Center with Real Clouds’ is currently being processed.
A cutie mark can only be obtained by the pony in question, hence we are therefore excused from any and all responsibility related to the matter, circumstances being manifestly beyond our control. We are, however, prepared to compensate you for any distress incurred as a result of the situation. To this end, please find enclosed a copy of ‘Ten Small Steps and One Big Leap to Perfect Hoofwriting: A Guide for Foals’ by Dr. Half Rhyme, PHD.
May we also take the opportunity to wish you a Merry Hearth’s Warming and a Happy Winter Wrap Up!
Yours sincerely,
Gloomy Skies Head of Public Relations
***
From: Scootaloo To: Santa Hooves Hoofwritten, felt tip pen
Dear Santa
I put traps arond my fireplase I wont move them u til you say sorry to Apple Bloom. I dont want any presents til you do.
From Scootaloo
***
From: Sweetie Belle To: Gloomy Skies Hoofwritten, glitter pen, and in an envelope full of what looks suspiciously like Tescow Value Glitter
Dear Gloomy Skies,
Hows this for gliter?! I am going to keep sedi sending it to you until Apple Bloom gets an apologee.
From Sweetie Belle
***
From: Applejack To: Gloomy Skies Hoofwritten, black pen
Wait right there, Gloomy Skies,
This here nonsense has gone on for too long, it’s beyond a joke. Much needed modernization? Minor eb errors are inevitable? I’m going to go ahead and say it straight: you can’t scare me with your big long fancypants words.
All I’m asking for, all I want, is for Santa Hooves to say sorry for those al awful letters he sent my sister. How hard could it be? “Dear Apple Bloom, I'm sorry, signed Santa.” You see? Easy. You’re seriously telling me that he’s too busy to sit down a second and write such a simple message?!
Between you me, I’m a prety pretty patient pony, I can put up with a lot... but what I won’t put up with is some yellow-bellied pen pusher too cowardly to apologise to a seven year old filly. So you’ve got a choice: either get Santa to write to my sister, or if he won’t, then tell him to stay away from my family this year, because Celelestia Celestia help me, if I get my hooves on him then I won’t be held responsible for what I’ll do to him.
Nopony messes with my little Apple Bloom, and I mean nopony. You got that?
Yours,
Applejack
P.S Your darn tape didn’t even work! Got all chewed up on the first listen, and that’s never happened with my tape player before...
***
From: Gloomy Skies To: Applejack Typed, but with a hoofwritten note folded up and paper-clipped to the top
N O R T H P O L E E N T E R P R I S E S L T D . “YOU SEND THE WISHES. WE BRING THE JOY.”
1 North Pole Lane,
Crystal Empire,
JB24 5HN
Applejack Sweet Apple Acres Ponyville Equestria PV3 5EP
15th December
Dear Applejack,
Having further accessed the situation, whilst we are still not prepared to issue a formal apology, we at North Pole Enterprises Ltd. understand that Hearth’s Warming can be a stressful time of year for many of our customers. With this in mind, please find enclosed a gift certificate for 9.99 bits, redeemable in all major toy retailers. It is our hope that it will aid your sister in locating an adequate replacement for her cutie mark.
Once more, have a Merry Hearth’s Warming and a Happy Winter Wrap Up!
Yours sincerely,
Gloomy Skies Head of Public Relations
***
From: Gloomy Skies To: Applejack Additional hoofwritten note, ball point pen
For Applejack, and strictly off-record and private.
I wish this note was finding you under happier circumstances—I could get into a lot of trouble for writing this—but for what it's worth... I'm so sorry for what we've put you and your sister through. Things just haven't been the same up here since the Big Guy (that's Santa to you) hired some new ponies to help run things more smoothly. They used to work for a bank or something, I dunno. The point is, I have a little sister myself, and it breaks my heart, what we've done to you. Again, I'm truly sorry.
Yours, Gloomy Skies
***
From: Apple Bloom To: Gloomy Skies Hoofwritten, pencil
Dear Gloomy SKies
You dont have to make xcuses. Sa Santa dosent care about me. I get it alredy.
From Apple Bloom
***
From: Santa Hooves To: Apple Bloom Hoofwritten, gold pen
Dearest Apple Bloom,
How can I even begin to say sorry to you? Whilst I hope you can forgive the follies of a foalish old reindeer, you would be entirely within your rights to tear this letter into a thousand pieces, and then send the pieces to the far flung corners of Equestria with instructions that, on arrival, they be tossed upon the fire. I have treated you so awfully, and know that my dear friend and longtime employee, Gloomy Skies, came within an antler’s breadth of quitting his job in protest of what I had become. You helped set me back along the right path. For that, I thank you.
And know also how lucky you are to have family and friends who care for you so very much! Though I can’t give you a cutie mark, I can at least say this: that in your sister and friends—and in their hearts—you already possess the truest gift of all. Its worth is more than that of any mark on your flank, and more valuable than all the presents in the whole world.
... That said, this being the week before Hearth’s Warming, it would be amiss of me not to leave you with a gift of my own. This is why I invite you, Applejack, Sweetie Belle and, of course, Scootaloo, to come and visit my Toy Factory, all expenses paid for in full. It is the least I could do... and from the depths of my heart, I apologise.
Yours truly,
Santa Hooves
***
From: Santa Hooves To: Applejack Hoofwritten, gold pen
Dearest Applejack,
Though I know there can never be any true cure for the pain I have inflicted on you and your family in this, what should be the season of joy, I at least hope that the oven waiting for you in the kitchen goes some of the way to healing that hurt. I’m sorry it took so long to deliver, and I’m deeply sorry for everything else.
Yours truly,
Santa Hooves
***
From: Apple Bloom To: Twilight Sparkle Hoofwritten, pencil
Dear Twilight
Sis sed I had to rite to you bcos you do those friendship repotsrports leters to the princess. Look at this letter I got from Santa!! This was the worst hearths warming ever and now its the best and its all bcos of my friends!!!
Happy hearths Warming
From Apple Bloom
***
From: Twilight Sparkle To: Princess Celestia Hoofwritten on personalized note paper, pencil
F R O M T H E D E S K O F T W I L I G H T S P A R K L E
Dear Princess Celestia,
Can you believe it? Not only did I forget to pack my special letter writing quill before visiting my parents for Hearth’s Warming, but they don’t even have a single spare in the entire house—that is to say, after searching two whole floors in addition to the basement and the attic, all I found was a worn out pencil with pictures of ‘Hello Filly’ printed on the side! I love my parents dearly, but sometimes I can’t help feeling that we’re from two separate planets... however, I digress. Quill or no quill, the magic of friendship is simply too important to brush aside and not report on.
This morning, I received a letter from one of your younger subjects (the girl in question, Apple Bloom, was a flower filly at your niece’s wedding, so the two of you have met). It appears that she’s been having a bit of trouble lately involving Santa Hooves; trouble that was no match for the power of friendship. For when ponies love each other, when they are prepared to stand up for one another and fight for what’s right, then there’s no end to what they can accomplish. Even when problems seem insurmountable and the going tough, in the end, one way or another, friendship prevails: in this instance, Apple Bloom was lucky enough to get an apology off Santa Hooves for the errors he made, but even if she hadn’t, she still would have been surrounded by ponies who had proven they were willing to stand by her and support her in her hour of need. What, I ask, embodies the spirit of Hearth’s Warming more clearly than that?
