We have a mission for you
Nicolas Cage was lonely, very lonely. So lonely that he could put a wig on his weewee and pretend it's a dude. One day, he went to a farm. There, he saw a pony with an hourglass on its flank. He tried to get its attention by inserting his fist into the pony's asshole. The pony got startled and kicked Cage in the nuts. It then ran. However, Nic's hand was still stuck in its butt and, therefore, was dragging the Cage around. He then got into a blue police box that was behind the barn. "Oh boy!", said Cage, “It’s bigger on the inside”. “Take your hand out of my anus now or you will regret it!”, said the pony. Nicolas laughed. The animal then kicked Cage, projecting him against the wall. “Now, time for your punishment!”, it said. The pony bit Nicolas’ wiener and threw it away. However, the penis grew back, just like a lizard’s tail. “Oh my God!”, said the pony, “You must be the Chosen One!”. Nicolas just stood there confused, his new dick fully erected. “I am Doctor Whooves, and this is my TARDIS. It stands for The Anuses Run Deliberately In Space”. With Cage still staring at him, he added “I am a time traveler from Equestria. Stay here and everything will be explained.”
“I must introduce you to the team “, said Whooves. Nicolas Cage stood there, still suffering because his boner was too hard, as three ponies and a human entered the room by a door on the side. The Doctor indicated a yellow pony with a grey mane. “This is Daring Do, the greatest adventurer ever. She once even explored Tom Cruise’s anal cave.” “Incredible!”, said Cage. Pointing at apink pony, Whooves then said “This is Shimmer Mint, the most fuckable pussy in the Universe.” Now pointing at a pony with a turban, he stated “This is Osama Bin Ballin, the most idiotic terrorist in the world. And this…”, he turned his head to the man, “Is spy, the most butthurt faggot on earth. Always trying to fuck Daring, he can turn invisible and wear paper masks that serve no purpose whatsoever.” Nicolas Cage was still confused. Whooves added “We are the P team and our job is to… SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!” “Save the world? From what?” Nicolas said. The Doctor just told him “Oh, you’ll see.”
« But what’s my role in this? Why me?” Nicolas said. “Because you are the Chosen One” said Shimmer. “Just like the gods gave power to my vagina, it appears that they gave your dick a special talent, talent that we could use.” “I still don’t get it” declared Cage. “Follow me” said Whooves. “It’s time you get proper answers. By the way, I still don’t know your name.” “It’s Cage, Nicolas Cage.” “Very well Mr. Cage, or should I call you Nicolas?” “You can call me whatever you want” said Cage, winking at the Doctor. The two intensely stared at each other. The bond that united them could only have been produced by a hand in an anus. Sensing the sexual tension rising, Daring said “Pull up your pants and follow us.” Both the Doctor and Nicolas Cage snapped out from their horny states. Nic pulled up his pants and agreed to follow, even though he didn’t know anything about the group more than their names. When Whooves opened the TARDIS door, Nicolas was amazed. Not only were they not at the farm, but they also seemed to be on another planet. Ponies, ponies flying and walking everywhere. Talking ponies too. Some were blue, orange or even pink. He thought that the Doctor, Daring, Shimmer and Osama were only the result of his crystal meth overdose the day before, so he just played along. But now he saw that it was all real.
They all stepped outside. Cage could see more and more ponies out there. The P team started walking and Nic quickly followed. The group stopped in front of a balloon. Beside it, was a purple pony. "Hello,I'm Twi-" "No time for this!" said Spy. "Get u to Celestia so I can have time to butt fuck Daring." "Spy," Daring Do started "we already talked about this. I'm with Shimmer now" "I know you still love me." said Spy, with an irritated tone. "Guys, shut up or I'll blow up both your asses!" yelled Osama "Let's just get in this" "Agreed" said everybody at once. And so they did. As the crew was flying over Equestria, Cage was amazed by the complexity of a world ruled by ponies. They all seemed to have jobs, houses and actual social lives. There were restaurant, office buildings,and museums. There was even an orgy house. "I'm gonna bring Whooves there when this is all over" he thought.
They arrived at what seemed to be a city. There was a castle rising over the horizon. "Nic, this is Canterlot, capital of Equestria" said the Doctor. The balloon landed in front of the stone walls protecting the city. Two soldiers were guarding the door. "I'm gonna blow them up so we can pass!" declared Osama. He ripped off his shirt to reveal a set of bombs. He then ran toward the guards yelling "Durka Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" He activated the detonator. Nothing happened. The guards punched him in the face, knocked him down and tied him up. They then lifted the terrorist and headed towards the door. "Stop!" yelled Whooves while running after them. "He's with me" The guards put Osama down and stood at attention. "Royal guards standing by for orders Mr. Whooves." "At ease" he said."Untie him." And so they did. The Doctor walked inside the city and the group followed. They went to the castle.
The gatekeepers ran towards them and said "The princesses are waiting for you in the conference room" "Thank you sergeant. Return to your duties now" said Shimmer. As they walked though the corridors, Nicolas Cage was amazed by the complexity of the pony architecture. He wondered how such creatures, without any hands, could build suck things. His question was quickly answered when he saw a unicorn lift an object using magic. They entered a room a single, light pink, pony with wings and a horn was present. Spy asked "Ms. Cadence, where are Celestia and Luna?" "They are busy right now, but they will be joining us soon." she answered. As she finished her sentence,they all heard a passionate moaning that could only be the result of an orgasm caused by intense lesbian incest. The two princesses came out of a door on the right of the room,looking at each other with burning desire. "So, Doctor" said Celestia "It appears that you have found the one that could save us. Tell me how "Well," Whooves explained "He has the gift of the everlasting cock." The three alicorns looked at each other with amazement and happiness. "Could nybody tell me what's going on here?" Nicolas said with a pinch of anger. "You haven't told him Whooves?" Luna asked "Vey well" she continued "Last year, Discord, God of Chaos, escaped from his prison and tried to take over Equestria. He was a lot more powerful than ever before so we had to use a new spell to capture him. This spell, however, is not perfect. In order to keep being effective, it requires a new penis to be sacrificed at the Liam Neeson temple every two hours. This has been going on for a full year and now, we are running out of wieners. Since you can provide an unlimited supply of dicks, you are our only hope." "Head to the temple now" said Cadence. "But be careful, he will be after you." "Who?" asked Nic. "Spiderman" answered Celestia. "But why would Spiderman want to stop us?" continued Cage. "Because he is just that fucked up" said Luna.