Trixie's Battle
On the shores of Equestria, there is a beach, a beach that had palm trees with sweet coconuts that held, you guessed it the coconut juice inside of them. A beach with white sands which was not really interesting, but on those boring sands there was a towel. A white and blue striped towel, the towel was made from the soft cotton that the farms of Dinglebo-…forget about the towel. The important thing was there was a particular unicorn on that towel, a unicorn some might call Trixie. She was talking to the little red crabs that had gathered just on the edge of her towel.
‘’Yes, Trixie does see the potential benefits of this…’’ Trixie hummed in the deliberation of the offer she was presented by the crabs, a hoof on her chin and eyes closed of course. It made her look smarter so she did it. Well, she didn’t need to look smart she already was.
The massive amounts of bits to her name would also prove that correct. Hmm? How would a dumbas- *ehem* a genius like Trixie could obtain that amount of money? Simple: Crime. Insurance fraud to be exact-now hold on, don’t go anywhere. I’m sure she definitely had a good reason for that…okay she just did it for the money.
It was quite easy actually. Her lucrative and innovative investments had failed, miserably. She just lost them at poker in Appleloosa, she didn’t accept defeat at first, and after a few not-so-great words she was promptly chased out of the town, with pitchforks and torches even. Rather welcoming ponies really, she would definitely visit again.
After being down on her luck, she made her way to the quaint little town of Ponyville. At first, she was raking in the cash, like lots of moolah. The ponies of Ponyville were extremely easy to influence, so easy that if you just told them a few dumb lines about harmony and whatnot they would arm themselves and die for you. Maybe Trixie’s former occupation as the Propaganda Master of The Griffonian Empire may have played into it a little, just a little.
Don’t ask her about her involvement in the invasion of the Minos Isles, she’ll just deny any involvement.
So she just fired off some fireworks and threw around some glitter all the while shouting ‘Equestria Number One’ and they all flocked to her and literally threw all of their bits at her, most of them at Trixie herself, so she had to take a break in the cart for a day to heal from all the bruises.
But the town’s impressionable nature was turned against Trixie. By somepony not from Ponyville, figures. That wretched Twilight! She stole all of her customers by demanding Trixie to a magic duel and beating her while cheating!
‘’Trixie demands a magic duel!’’ Trixie obviously had to defend herself.
‘’I-I’m sorry? A duel? Isn’t that a bit…excessive?’’ Twilight, ever the coward.
‘’You insulted Trixie’s entire livelihood!’’
‘’I just called your magic, not real magic? Which technically is not.’’ The nerd glasses on Twilight’s face were getting bigger and bigger along with her buck teeth, which Trixie couldn’t stand. Trixie hated nerds with a passion.
‘’Quiet! Now, have at the-oof!’’ That blasted, wicked Twilight didn’t even let her finish before she was hit on the stomach with some raw magic condensed into a ball.
‘’I win?’’ Twilight cheered and humiliated Trixie even further.
And all the fame and money she won on the first day had stopped coming in. Cause ‘Oh hur-dur she beat Trixie while cheating, surely Twilight Sparkle must be better!’ Stupid Ponyville. She was once again bitless, what happened to the money she first earned?
Well, the ever-charitable and kind-hearted Trixie decided that she would like to make a difference in Equestria no matter how small so she lost them all in Canterlot Holdem. Maybe betting all in when she had Penguin Eyes as a hoof was not the best option, but hey we all make mistakes. Some are just bigger and dumber than others.
So Trixie was moping in her dingy and frankly ugly-looking cart, she didn’t even like it herself it was too small, too smelly, she didn’t know where the smell came from but she didn’t dare provoke it any further. She was rolling around on the floor while crying something about Twilight and how she was the worst and all that jazz and how she was going to be forced to go back to Griffonia when she noticed something sticking out from under the bed.
It was a crusty bit of paper, stained with milk on one side. It was the insurance she got for the cart when she first bought it. She read it over and over but didn’t understand much, but she did understand something. If her cart got destroyed she would get a lot of monies.
But would it be worth it? Sacrificing the one home that was always there for her? Were those rainy nights, terrifying thunderstorms, and cold nights spent under it for nothing? She looked inside her home and smiled. She would not destroy her house just for a bit of money.
She slowly got up and walked to the front door, maybe she’ll get a different job? A tailor maybe, she always liked sewing up her cape. Yeah…Trixie decided that she would be a tailor and make beautiful capes! With a hope-filled smile, she made it to her front door and turned around to look at her beautiful house again. And then the smell hit her.
Trixie watched as her stupid house burned down into ashes. Some ponies said that her eyes were as soulless as a giraffe’s and as dull as a rock when watching her home burn. She watched it burn down into nothing and when there was nothing else left to burn she left without saying a word. They concluded that she must have been so heartbroken she was unable to even talk.
When Twilight heard about this she was devastated, so with the guidance of Twilight, everyone from Ponyville gathered a bunch of bits and donated them to Trixie. When they gave her the bits, the smile on her face was stretching for…uhh very long? They don’t have any kind of measurement system in Ponyville sooo.
Oh, and a completely unrelated thing, most injuries in Equestria are from industrial equipment malfunctioning, and Ponyville was the number one producer of machine parts…yeah. Maybe it was good that Trixie abandoned her dreams in the fire, a gone dream is better than a gone limb? …ANYWAY.
Trixie took all the bits she had legally and rightfully owned, and AND ANNNNDD…actually she put most of that money into an offshore bank account, went to a remote beach resort to relax, and then lost all the money left in Grayjack. Well, she didn’t lose all of it this time, so an improvement perhaps? At least that’s what Trixie thinks.
The little red crabs with beady eyes in front of Trixie chitter as if to communicate with her. Trixie’s hum deepens and she looks away to the horizon of the sea, with hoof on her chin and her eyes still closed of course. Now she looked super smart. That’s how it goes in these negotiations you have to present yourself well. What was she negotiating? Well, the little cute crabs had come to Trixie with a pretty good offer.
The crabs offered insurance for sandcastles on this beach. But instant of bits they wanted sea shells. Trixie considered their offer on one hoof all she had to pay them was sea shells, on the other hoof she was too lazy to collect those shells. Ah well buck it, she’s the great and powerful Trixie, collecting mere sea shells would be easy. She can always use her superior intellect and charisma to make other ponies collect them for her.
Trixie signed the contract the crabs brought up with a golden quill, of course she had a golden quill. The contract was written on sandpaper. Like paper but made of sand. How did the paper not break down upon touch? I don’t know, weird crab magic probably?
‘’Trixie believes that this will be a fruitful partnership,’’ Trixie said with a small smile, she leaned down and shook hooves with one of the crabs. After the deal was made they all raised their claws toward the air and swung them from left to right, along with their many legs, kicking up sand everywhere.
The crab dance amused Trixie but made her a little confused, nonetheless, she would not say anything for fear of what her new partners could do. The sand castle business was no joke, you could get swallowed up in a huge wave or other competitors at any time.
After their ritual ended the crabs slowly disappeared into the sands of the beach, leaving Trixie once again alone with only the winds and the occasional harking of the seagulls. She slowly leaned back on her towel and began to listen to the calm sounds of the ocean.
‘’Ahh, this is the life.’’ Trixie closed her eyes and took a sip of some coconut juice, it was juice-flavored. The warm shining down on her was good for her bones so she laid her head down even deeper in the towel, making a massive hole under the towel with her massive head which contained her massive brain. Until her warmth was blocked by something.
‘’Ugh, move over you’re blocking Trixie’s light.’’ Trixie groaned and took off her sunglasses revealing another set of them. The sun may be good for her bones but not for her eyes.
‘’Trixie? What are you doing here?’’ The voice of Twilight unfortunately greets Trixie. Has Celestia herself damned Trixie to suffer? Probably, that act in Canterlot really angered the Princess. She was still dealing with the task force they sent after her now and then.
‘’UGH, Twilight Sparkle, must you always ruin my day?’’ Trixie groaned again, louder this time to make sure everypony knew she was annoyed.
‘’R-ruin your day? How?’’ Twilight shakes her head and furrows her brows. ‘’Forget that what are you doing here? I thought you lost your home.’’
‘’Of course, Trixie did lose her home, and then you humiliated me further by giving me money like I was some beggar!’’ Trixie got up from her towel, almost stumbling on the massive hole left by her head, and pointed to Twilight accusingly.
‘’I remember you taking those bits with-’’ Twilight tried to find more excuses to show how she was just trying to help Trixie, but all of those are lies, Trixie knew the truth. So she quickly shut Twilight up by shoving her hoof in Twilight’s mouth, there may have been some sand on it but, eh who cares? Not Trixie that’s for sure.
‘’Ah-ah-ah, The Great and Powerful Trixie does not like lying and demands to get her honor back! Trixie challenges you to a-’’
Twilight pushed Trixie’s hoof away and coughed. ‘’Let me guess, another magic duel?’’
Now it was time for Trixie to frown and she did, very hard as to let Twilight see that she was frowning which she was.‘’No, it’s not a magic duel, don’t cut Trixie off. You are hereby challenged to a sandcastle-building competition!’’
‘’A what-’’ Twilight tried to speak but was quickly silenced.
‘’Don’t cut Trixie off!’’ Trixie yelled while shoving her hoof in Twilight’s mouth, again. ‘’Loser will have to collect sea shells for the winner, which will obviously be the Great and Powerful Trixie.’’ Trixie’s strategic mind had done it once again. When she inevitably won the competition, she wouldn’t have to find any seashells herself. She would make that idiot Twilight collect them.
‘’I-...fine.’’ Twilight sighed. Her morale is already broken! Trixie sure did know what she was doing.
‘’Hey, Twilight! What’s keeping you?’’ Rainbow Dash had screamed out those words, and each of those words felt like forks scrapping plates for Trixie’s ears.
‘’I found Trixie, and apparently, we are going to be building sandcastles, as a competition.’’
All of Twilight’s horrid friends had arrived by now, each of them saying some stupid words to Twilight, Trixie didn’t hear them, probably some stupid encouragement. Trixie didn’t need those stupid words from anyone! It was dumb, because if it wasn’t then why didn’t her father ever say those words to her in her whole life?
Both Trixie and Twilight took up their positions on the beach and with a whistle, both started building their castles of sand by the sand, on the sand, for the sand.
Trixie started with the foundation first, it was the most critical part, if it was weak then the whole thing would fall over, so she gave it the least amount of effort possible and by that, she didn’t build any, it was on the ground it would stand.
After her beautiful job on the foundation, she moved on to the walls of the castle, if her walls were weak then where would she, as the queen, stand? She needed grand, tall walls that would stand the test of time for millennia. So with her fascinating magic, she built up the walls slowly. Slowly, gently. This is how a sandcastle is built. Trixie poked a hole in one side of the wall with her horn, and now she had a window, maybe she should have been an architect?
Then came the top, Trixie had great dreams: Dreams of pointy roofs parting clouds, dreams of a wide dome filled with mosaics, dreams of a lighthouse on the top showing the way to forlorn sailors. All of these were beautiful dreams, so Trixie left it flat and planted a small stick she found on the sand near her. Ah, now this screams class.
‘’Trixie? I’m done!’’ Twilight said.
‘’Trixie is done as well, and Trixie’s castle is going to bring yours dow-’’ Trixie looked to her right, and then her eyes wandered upwards.
Twilight had built an extremely accurate depiction of Canterlot Castle, all the details were present. Twilight had cast a spell that made the sand move like the waterfall from the mountain. There was even a little figure of Celestia on one of the balconies.
Then Trixie looked at her castle. It was a thick pillar of sand, with a stick on it. Oh and the ‘window’ too. Before she could accuse Twilight of cheating, her sandcastle crumbled into the ground with a small gust of wind.
Her castle had fallen, her people slaughtered, her family butchered. Only Trixie the Great remained. She looked around and saw troops of the despot Twilight plundering her once great castle.
‘’The castle is fallen and I’m still alive.’’ She cried to the last of her troops and charged her enemy.
She promptly stumbled on a single rock jutting out of the sand, tumbling over on the sand a hundred times before she perfectly landed in front of Twilight, just as she calculated.
Seeing the hopeless situation Trixie decided to bargain with Twilight to get the best option possible for her after she lost.
After hours of negations, Trixie had managed to strike a deal, she would still collect the seashells but the seashells would belong to her. She needed those shells, and in the bargaining phase, she used the puppy eyes on Twilight.
‘’Sure… do whatever you want, we just wanted to relax on the beach today anyway.’’ Twilight dismissed Trixie.
Trixie accepted Twilight’s harsh conditions and left to collect seashells, she had made a deal with the crabs and she intended to honor it. Maybe she might even be able to get some more bits? She does have insurance, and her sand castle did get demolished by an act that was surprisingly not caused by her, so it’s legal.
So begrudgingly the Great and Powerful was reduced to collecting seashells. But even if the task was not really great, she did it greatly as is fitting her title. Although she felt weird the whole time she was collecting them, as if…she was being watched. She would hear some skittering behind her and the moment she turned her head to see what was going on. There would only be sand thrown around for a moment and silence.
Weird.
After countless days and nights, Trixie had finally collected enough seashells to pay for the crabs. She dragged her body to where her epic fight with Twilight had happened. And she saw something that made her blood boil and her hatred for Twilight reach new levels, which was really hard to do, so one could only imagine what Twilight did.
‘’I fixed up your sandcastle before we left! Hope you have fun collecting sea shells.’’ Trixie slowly read the note that was written on a small sticky note stuck on the side of her now ‘fixed’ sandcastle. At first, Trixie started cursing Twilight, and then she threw herself to the sand and began to cry.
And then, they came. Trixie heard the sound of claws snapping, and she quickly got up from the ground. Witnessing a legion of crabs stood before her Trixie recoiled back in fear. Then a bigger and even redder crab stood forth and started chittering in its native tongue. Do crabs even have tongues?
‘’You want the shells?’’ Trixie repeated what the crab leader said. Or I think she did, I don’t know how to speak crabish. Trixie probably doesn’t too.
The now-dubbed crab king nodded. Trixie not one to anger sea kings quickly complied and brought out the shells she had gathered and offered them as tribute. The smaller crabs took all of them one by one and at the end of the minute, there was not one sea shell remaining on the beach.
The crabs started disappearing into the sand and the ocean. Trixie nervously asked something to which she already knew the answer. ‘’C-can Trixie get reimbursement?’’
The crab king looked at her and looked at her still-standing sandcastle and then back at Trixie. No words were spoken as the king slowly retreated back to the ocean.
Trixie’s hatred for Twilight Sparkle made her heart get slightly bigger that day.