> Ancient Curiosity > by The Psychopath > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > What's This? What's That? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sneezy grumbled furiously. This insipid creature preferred to laze about all day in a land made from the dead of centuries and 'drink' coffee. How it even managed to imbibe such things was a mystery in itself. "I can't take this anymore!" The unicorn paced about, annoyed, gnawing at a magical apparition of a stick she made for herself. "What do we do? We can't kill it and we can't go back empty-hoofed!" The lich watched them, letting his orb float about his head and imbibing coffee silently. Ruby tapped the ground nervously. "Uh...we would...we could just ask him to come with us?" the crystal pony suggested. He backed away, perplexed by his friend's face. "And why would he even accept such a thing?!" Sneezy gestured to the horizon. "Every creature wants to kill him!" "They can try!" the lich laughed. The three ponies slowly looked at him in response to his quip. "You can hear us?" Cobalt asked. She was met with a shrug. "Why not?" The lich stood up and gestured to everything. "I made this continent. Why would I not be privy to what happens on it?" He snorted, chasing out something the ponies didn't want to understand. Ruby gulped and took a step forward. "So...would you follow us to the continent?" "What for?" the lich asked. Sneezy climbed over the giant stallion, furious. "To be judged, you freak!" Cobalt pulled the unicorn down and shook her head. "We can't do anything but ask." She looked around briefly. "I mean, you've stayed here on your continent forever..." Her eyes lit up and she looked at Sneezy with a devious grin. "Why, I'm sure it's boring here. You learned of coffee by accident, but what about chocolate?" The lich grunted dismissively. "What about what makes the chocolate?" She withheld her excitement when she noticed the lich freeze momentarily. "What about the boat that took us here? There's more. The city is built around it all!" The lich put down his cup and sighed. "Alright. You're obviously playing on my curiosity in hopes that I let down my guard and then get stuck in a trap." He stood up and brought his orb onto his palm. "Very well. I'll follow you." "And no funny business!" Sneezy shouted. She was pat on the head by the towering creature as he moved forward. "Yes yes. I can't do anything on my own without centuries of preparation anyways, and as I mentioned earlier," he turned around and tilted his torso with a shrug. "I'm not interested in doing that sort of thing anymore." He straightened himself and cracked his neck. "I suppose we have to go to one of the beaches." "Any beach will do," Cobalt said as she flew next to him. "We just need to use a signal flare to get the boat to come and pick us up." After much walking and grumbling by Sneezy lamenting the loss of her dream of heroism and accolades, the four had arrived on the beach, but... "What is that stench?!" Ruby screamed as he covered his muzzle. "It's horrible! By the In-between!" Cobalt added. The lich waved a hand weakly. "Oh. That's just low-tide mixed with a hot summer." He tapped his nasal bone. "I can selectively choose when I can and can't smell anything," he stated with a smirk in his tone. "Well, lucky you!" Sneezy said derisively. "Sneezy, please!" Ruby begged. "Yeah yeah, I got it," the mare grumbled. She walked past the lich, let her horn glow with ambient magic, and then shot a ball of fire into the sky. It popped in a display of sparkles and snakes of fire. The group waited a moment, but growing impatient, the unicorn let loose another spell. "Where are they?" she wondered angrily. "Supposed to have reacted by n-Hey!" The lich pulled her aside and strode forward proudly. "They'll never see a pithy little thing like that," he exclaimed. "Need something like this." In an instant a ball of fire as big as the lich appeared in his hands, and with a quick movement of his arm, found itself getting launched dozens of feet into the air. The trio watched it with baited breath, nervous as to what might happen. They were nearly blinded when the ball finally burst into a veritable star of light in a nebula of sparkles and smoke. "What was that?!" Sneezy Pollen shouted. "That's something that takes at least ten unicorns to do!" The lich shook his hand to chase off the embers. "One of the first spells I improved upon way back when." He put two fingers to the side of his forehead and rubbed it. "When was that? Two thousand years ago? Don't remember the exact date." He watched another light pop in the distance and 'grinned'. "There we go!" he cheered. "Told you I knew how to do a flare." The lich leaned forward, unsure of what he was seeing. "Looks like they set themselves on fire. Lots of smoke." "That's a coal-powered paddle ship!" Cobalt cheered. After about an hour of waiting silently, or rather, uncomfortably due to the lich literally remaining still like a statue, unmoved by even the moment of the world, a large ship came into view. Arkom's creator finally moved, eliciting cracks from his body. The large vessel was made from wood, but its external hull was riveted with sheets of copper and tin. They were already suffering from the salt of the sea and turning into plates of rust. "Wow!" the lich said. "Does that ship have sixty-four cannons across its three decks?" He paused. "Where are the sails, and what are those wheels on its side." Ruby stepped forward. "It's just a transport ship, although it's been outfitted to handle you I guess. So, the wheel--" Ruby was shut up by the lich waving a hand at him without moving. "Ah ah ah, sh sh sh! Shut up! I want to figure it out myself." "Hey!" a voice cried out from the ship. "That was a huge flare! I didn't think you were going to use one of those massive ones!" The owner was the captain of the vessel: A gruff old, bipedal bird that vaguely resembled a parrot. His vestigial red wings wrapped around his torso and were decorated with all manner of golden paraphernalia and ribbons to make them look like a coat. He focused on the group, using his crystal eye and almost fell over when he realized what he was looking at. "I thought you killed him!" He scampered onto his talons and began ordering his crew in a panic. "Turn around, turn around! They've been zombified!" "No! No! We're not zombies!" Sneezy shouted at the top of her lungs. The captain narrowed his eyes and quietly gestured something the unicorn didn't recognize. A loud whirr came from the ship, and from an unseen compartment a blue box was shot. It gradually came in overhead before dissolving and letting a freezing blue mist gently wash over the trio who were left shivering. "Yeah. Okay. Undead don't feel the cold," the captain muttered. He was left baffled by the giant biped pensively staring at his ship. "Uhhh..." With considerable effort, the ponies managed to look at the lich and realized that his body was smoking. Burning, in fact, but he hadn't noticed. "Y-you're on fire," Cobalt said. "Is it the fire inside that makes it run? What's powering it? What's doing the fire thing?" the lich pondered out loud. "Oookaaay...We're taking the lich back home to be, uh, judged," Cobalt explained. "Weren't you supposed to kill it?" a diamond dog sailor asked. "We can't! Not alone!" Sneezy lamented. "Just...just let us on board." "No way!" the captain exclaimed. "You're on your own!" The lich flexed his left hand, and a loud rumble reached everyone's ears. It was quickly followed by multiple pillars of rotting flesh implanted with multiple off-white spikes of varying shapes and sizes. They slammed into the boat and started to crunch the hull plating when the captain yelled out. "Stop! Stop! please! You can come aboard!" The lich shuffled his cloak and brought his orb into it, hiding it from view. "Well, there you go! A bit of persuasion never hurt anybody," he mused as the pillars lowered back into the tainted ocean. "You threatened to kill them," Ruby accused calmly. He cleared his throat, trying to calm his nerves. "That's not--" "Negotiations are always tenuous at the best of times," the lich said dismissively. "Now when will they disembark?" Just as he said so, a small boat was dropped in the water, and several terrified sailors used oars to approach the continent of the dead. Never in all their lives would they have ever expected to be doing this sort of thing, but here they were anyways. The four got in the boat, and the lich plopped himself onto a seat with a grunt. The sailors were so terrified that they were visibly and audibly trembling with every row they made. It took them several times to hook the chains onto the boat's rings because of the sheer terror they felt, and when the lich and the 'heroes' were finally on board, they found that their 'prisoner' was the target of a dozen of the crew members aiming red-wood muskets at the undead. As always, the lich seemed ambivalent to everything around him, but Sneezy didn't feel like all of this would end well for anyone but that undead monster. "Why are they pointing sticks at me?" he asked the trio. They remained silent as the lich approached a pale-blue pegasus. The pony tensed up fearfully and raised the musket directly at the lich's head. "What are you all doing with these things? Shouldn't you be holding them upright? Very strange for clubs, though." When he reached out with a bony hand, the pegasus screamed in terror and pulled the trigger of his weapon. The sudden flash and loud thunder crack startled everyone around. A few of the armed sailors shuffled away when the cloth surrounding the lich settled down and the immobile statue showed no reaction but remained immobile. This went on for several minutes, wracking the nerves of the sailors beyond what they already were. Sneezy started feeling hope well up inside her at the prospect that the lich was finally dead. "Ow!" the lich shouted. "That hurt! Gimme that!" he ordered as he swiped the musket from the pegasus' hooves. Said pony passed out instantly. "This thing spit something out at me!" the lich complained as he turned the weapon around every which way. "Was it from here?" he wondered as he stuck a bony finger into the barrel and pulled out burning embers and soot. "Hooo. How does this thing function, then? Was it a fireball?" Sneezy drooped and her friends patted her on the back in solidarity. While the lich amused itself with bringing up theories to himself and discovering all the mobile parts of the weapon, the captain snuck up to the trio. "What is wrong with it?" he asked. Sneezy shrugged. "I don't know. Ever since we met him he's been like that." She was met with incredulity. "I don't believe you," the captain denied. "That thing has tried to kill all life on this planet for generations. Why would he suddenly start acting this way, and what is he planning? He wants to make his own weapons out of the dead or something?" "We're not sure," Cobalt said. She thought for a moment and looked at the lich. "I think...I think time even got to him. You know, failing over and over again." "It's what he told us," Ruby added. "He grew tired of it and decided to just stay on his continent." He paused. "You saw it yourself: That huge thing in the water. He ordered it to attack you when you refused to let us aboard." Everyone flinched when another bang resonated through the air. They turned around to see the lich holding another musket at his face, the barrel still spewing some smoke. "Ah ha! I figured it out!" the lich celebrated. "When I pull the hook here a metal ball comes out" He turned towards the trio, unaware of their presence. Half his face was missing. "It hurts! Yes!" he said staunchly. The captain rubbed his beak. "Uh huh..." He leaned in closer to the trio and started whispering. "Is he alright in the head? I mean, I know there's nothing in there, but..." Sneezy sighed. "Well, if he's this enthusiastic about the muskets, he'll likely be as enthusiastic about the ship and especially the city." She took a deep breath and cast a glance at her 'prisoner'. "Better he be occupied like that than trying to kill everything." The captain gulped and tapped his taloned fingers against each other. "So, what do we do now?" he asked. "Just sail to the city?" He was met with a shrug and a face stating the answer was 'obvious'. "Hoo boy..." he said as he turned around and rubbed the back of his feathered head. With no other choice, the boat sailed back to the mainland, where creatures from around the world would be waiting. While fizzy in sound and reception, the new radios aboard the ship were doing their job in informing those that were waiting behind of their 'cargo'. The trio expected a massive welcoming committee of not-so-welcoming individuals. What took two weeks aboard a sailboat to reach Arkom only took a few days via paddle-boat to go back the other way as there was no need for stealth this time around. The fact this captain had even entertained the thought of picking them up had the three of them succeeded never crossed Sneezy's mind. She just wanted to go home, take a shower, then sleep for the whole week while dreaming about what could have been. Ruby and Cobalt were the ones to jolt the lich out of his reverie from staring at the chimney outside the ship and turn him around. If he had eyes they would have been sparkling. Gigantic buildings as far as the eye could see, each sporting their own chimney and even larger, much dirtier buildings in the distance sporting multiple smokestacks belching out a crude miasma and black muck into the air. The three ponies were used to outsiders finding the sight repulsive even though they had grown up with it, but the lich's fascination and amazement startled them regardless. He leaned against the railing on the nose of the ship, taking it all in with his lower jaw dangling down. "I guess we shouldn't be surprised that a dead creature wouldn't be affected by the air like the outsiders are," Cobalt said with a weak smile. Ruby, meanwhile, coughed violently. "Speak for yourself! I've been here for four years and I'm still not used to it," he complained between fits of coughing. "Well, guess we best prepare for the welcoming committee and everypony's reaction to...him," Sneezy spat. She rolled her eyes and leaned her head against one of the walls of the ship while being careful to not hurt her horn. "It's going to be fine,. It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine," she reassured herself while lightly headbutting the metal. "Woah! That one is made of metal frames!" the lich shouted while looking at a building under construction. "It's going to be fine it's going to be fine!" Sneezy shouted angrily while bashing her head harder and harder against the wall. Her friends quickly jumped to her aid to stop her. It was going to be a long day. > So Tall! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spires of white and gray flooded the entirety of the lich's sight. He had never seen such a thing before and never thought it would be possible. In the past, he knew that many creatures had attempted to erect large structures, usually attempted with all manner of crisscrossing supports and counterweights, but they all eventually collapsed under their own mass. The materials just couldn't handle the pressure. How did it all work? Who came up with the idea? Try as he might, the lich could scarcely feel any magic from the buildings outside of some errant wisp attached to the materials themselves. He found his curiosities peak to their absolute zenith as to the construction of everything that made the city what it was. "That's odd," Ruby said. "There's no one at the docks." The ship's engine had quieted, and now the vessel was drifting towards a vacant stone pier covered in crates meant for a much more massive transport vessel. The crew hurriedly dropped anchor and wrapped rope around metal fixation points bolted into the gray stone. Being completely infatuated, the lich became unaware of everything around and flew off the paddleboat to the protest of the three. It took mere seconds for the four to be rushed by several dozens of guards armed with muskets and more utilizing magical instruments akin to spears. These spears were made of a variety of metals colored red, white, or gold, and were fitted with a multitude of colorful crystals along the surface of their bodies and crowned with one the size of a diamond dog's fist. "Oh, I remember those!" the lich said. "Oh, that takes me way back." He looked to the three as though they were his friends. "You know, I perfected the fourth iteration of those things." He sighed and pressed a fist against his lower jaw. "Then some geniuses came by and kept iterating on it, though the core concept never changed, it seems." "Lock it down!" a pony encased in plate ordered. Ponies, kirin, and minotaurs bearing the staffs pointed them at the lich. Tendrils of magic flowed out and around the undead. Some restrained his limbs and locked him backwards while the rest of the spells produced multiple interlocking layers of the best restraining spells the magical academies and research bureaus could develop. When the cage was finished and the lich didn't seem to be escaping, everyone sighed in relief and many almost collapsed from the exhaustion brought about by stress. "Ha!" Sneezy Pollen declared. She hopped forward, much to the surprise of the soldiers, and started hitting the cage with her hoof. "Can't get out of this one, can you?!" She laughed proudly, disturbing the plated soldier. "Is she okay?" the soldier asked Ruby and Cobalt. "If she's able to rest, then yes. She'll be fine," Ruby reassured. He watched her dance around the cage, laughing maniacally all the while. "It's a lot to take in that the undead monster you wanted to kill to become a hero and free the world is now a lazy guy who spends his time sitting on his porch drinking coffee." The soldier looked at Ruby, baffled. "It has coffee?" The cage trembled, making Sneezy pale. "No! Stay in there you--" But her anger amounted to nothing. The cage dissolved and the lich was left there with the permanent smile granted by a lack of flesh. "Eugh. You could do better than this," he mocked. The giant shook his hand, chasing away errant magic. "This is old magic. I thought it was new. What, it's almost two millennia old, I think?" He walked next to Sneezy and patted her on the head. "Let's go explore and find that 'judgment' you wanted me to go through." "Sneezy, don't--" Cobalt tried to calm her friend down in advance, but the unicorn was already having a temper tantrum. "Ugh..." The armored guard approached the lich as it moved forward, scaring away everyone else into the labyrinthian streets beyond the undead's view. Doing her best, the armored pony tried to keep her trembling under control. "So you really did come here for your judgment?" the guard asked skeptically. "That I did, tiny pony wrapped in metal," the lich teased. "And you were going to the Grand Hall of Laws?" the pony asked. The lich stared at her silently for a brief moment. "The what of where?" Ruby hurried over. "I thought we were going to the old palace first." The armored pony shook her head. "No. He's been deemed too dangerous for that place. He's going to the hall. More security there." She looked at the lich and deflated a bit. "Although seeing how he seems to play with our magic spells, I'm unsure if that will change anything." "Come then!" the lich commanded. "Guide me to my place of judgment!" He took a step forward then froze. "And bring some coffee," he added. The mare took off her helmet and hooked and strapped it onto her side to prevent it falling and banging around during movement. The three 'heroes' flinched in shock, something the soldier realized but did her best to ignore. "Wow. She was right. You're a really bizarre creature." The lich shrugged. "Live three thousand or so years and you learn to just sit back and enjoy the little things." The soldier's eyes darted between both empty sockets of the lich before acknowledging his resolve. "Come on, let's go," she told the three ponies. "The hall should be ready. They're just waiting for us now." Sneezy galloped ahead of the group, spun around, and pointed her hoof threateningly at the undead giant. "No funny business, or else!" she growled. "Yes yes," the lich said dismissively. As the new group of five started walking along the cobblestone streets, they realized that everyone was doing their best to avoid them, while many screamed about the lich's presence. Wagons were left bare, crates were dropped, stalls ignored, and creatures ran like they were on fire. With no face, it was impossible to tell what the creature was thinking about the 'welcome' he got. On the other hand... "Wagons?" he pondered aloud. "Not very innovative on that front yet," he noted with disappointment. He smiled internally when he realized the armored pony next to him was growing despondent. "Why remove your helmet if you're so averse to their reactions?" the lich asked. "They're not directed towards you," he added with a hint of pride. The soldier grunted. "I removed my helmet so everypony knows I'm still me and not some weird zombie of yours." The group passed the stall of a seamstress store, but the owner, an elderly mare with her graying mane in a bun, found it difficult to pull down the blinds of her door. This only served to bring the attention of the lich to her. The pony immediately froze. It seemed like the undead shared no interest in any of her suits, boots, or pillows on display until he did a triple take. He carefully grasped a pillow like one would a glass statue and carefully admired it. "These seams are so clean," he noted. "Not perfect, but a far cry from what this kind of needlework was two hundred-odd years ago." The giant put a hand on the base of the wooden blinds and pushed up, pulling the elderly mare with it. "Tell me, how did you manage such a unique form of sewing?" "Hey!" Cobalt shouted. "You're scaring her!" The elder shook her head rapidly while staring at Cobalt before turning to the lich and smiling as widely as she could. "I-it's b-b-by a mmmachine! I still have to g-guide it though." "May I see it?" the undead asked. The elder gulped and let go of the blinds, landing on her hind legs. While the lich made the excited tour of the store, the ponies were left to their own devices. "He's destroying the city!" Sneezy complained. "Just by being here he's making everypony panic" "Yes, but he isn't harming anypony," Ruby said. "I think this is the best outcome than what could have happened." The lich popped back out of the door before Sneezy could add anything. He waved goodbye to the terrified old pony and pulled the blinds down himself. "You made technology for sewing, and it's so meticulous!" the lich exclaimed. "Y-yes..." the soldier exhaled. The trip had resumed, but, as they expected, the lich stopped by a candy store and had fun with a roller. It was odd enough to see an undead making candy but also be fascinated by the process. Next he stopped by an art supply store and admired the replicas of historical works of art hung around the store. The fact that he showed no risk of aggression and only displayed interest in the passion of the shop owners did nothing to assuage anyone's fears. A minotaur and griffin blacksmithing duo passed out after the lich passed by their shop, breaking the illusion brought on by their massive bodies. This went on for several hours, causing the lich's escorts to become increasingly exhausted. However, after stopping by at least twenty-two stores and workshops, the group didn't stop at any upcoming points of interest. Sighed from the brief moment of reprieve, the group walked silently through empty streets caked in mud and rainwater. "What happened to you?" the lich asked the soldier. It felt like hours had passed in comfortable silence when his question hit the soldier hard. She took a moment to compose herself. "Would-be necromancers taking after you," she hissed. "We caught them in the city and eventually executed them, but a lot of us weren't so lucky to get out of there with just a scar to share a story. I got hit by a curse. My armor was still mostly intact so it took the brunt of it, but my fellows weren't so lucky." She passed a hoof along the side of her face. "Ponies know me well enough, but, without my helmet, the common folk mistake me for an undead." The mare stared at her hoof and the brown flakes that stuck to it, clinging on even as the wind pushed against them. The mare jumped back when she saw the lich's face directly in front of hers. "Hey-!" "Minor zombification curse. Undead manipulation to affect the living," the lich muttered. "I take it your comrades looked like they had laid out in the desert for too long? Desiccated fruit, as it were." The soldier's face paled. "Y-yes. How did you--" "I've had many a necromancer come to me, wanting to learn from the originator of the craft." He laughed. "I'm not the originator, but I did improve on it." He grabbed his chin and leaned in further. "I can fix that easily, but the fur won't ever be the same color." "I don't want to--" "You will be alive," the undead sighed. "I'm not going to start anything." "And why would you help me?" the pony asked apprehensively. "Because I feel like it. I'm sure you don't like being doused in purification water every few weeks, am I right?" He smiled internally when he saw her muscles clench in her neck. "Fine," the mare said. "Not like I have anything left going for me anyways. It'll eat me eventually." "Wait, you don't know--" Cobalt tried to call out. It was too late. The lich pulled out his orb, and with deft hands pulled out multiple wispy strands of purple magic that he planted into the side of the mare's face. He started to mutter quietly as he moved and reshaped the threads, weaving them through the mare's body. She tensed up from the sensation and felt like her frozen body had just been immersed in hot water, defrosting her joints. She felt the vision in her right eye fade followed by a 'tac' noise which itself was followed by her vision slowly returning. It took a minute, but the lich stood up and chased errant strands away. "There we go. All done. Boorish curses with a sloppy structure. Let's go," the lich said. The guard rushed over to the nearest window and looked at her face. The whole right side had taken on a crispy brown hue contrasting with her white coat. Bringing a trembling hoof up to her face, the pony realized that she no longer needed a false eye in the place of the previous one that had rotted and fallen out. She was free of the curse. "Th-thank you. Thank you so much," the mare weeped. Even Sneezy kept quiet through the ordeal. The lich passing it off as insignificant was shocking to the three. After she recovered, the soldier no longer walked with a stiff gait typical of armyponies. She trotted excitedly, showing her face off to everyone around. When finally they reached the 'hall', everyone was in awe, save the soldier. The Grand Hall was made with white marble chiseled by only the most skilled of diamond dogs and minotaurs and topped with a pyramidal roof meant to reflect light off in every potential direction. It spanned the size of three dock warehouses and housed an uncountable amount of vital documents from every species in its armored confines. What was huge above was truly massive beneath. In front of its main entrance sat six columns, each wider than a house and seven storeys tall had been chiseled to depict a creature holding a sword downwards. From the right angle, the lich discovered that it had been done to have all six swords cross over an archway filled with massive doors of polished, sanded oak. Other, smaller carvings were made around the wall, mostly in celebrations of whatever had happened against him and a stark reminder of what the undead had caused. A multitude of armed guards and mages came out in swarms, descending the many rows of stairs to surround the five. Spells, enchanted spears, and muskets all pointed at the undead creature before escorting him into what they hoped would be the last place he would ever see. The lich found himself in the courtroom designed specifically for him. The area was devoid of any fancy marks or sculptures, and the natural light outside was somehow drowned out by the light of the hundreds of containment spell runes etched and glowing throughout the entirety of the area. In front of the undead was a semi-circle of representatives from most races: Pony, kirin, minotaur, griffin, saddal arabian equines, and dragon. The rest of the room had been kept clear of any decorations, furniture, or anything not being used to reinforce the binding spells etched in every nook and cranny of the room. To the side sat the three 'heroes' that had followed behind and the armored soldier standing proudly at the entrance of the chamber, prompting the others to look at her sideways in trying to figure out who she was. "So, you've finally been caught," the kirin said as he laid back in his seat. "Now you can't go anywhere." The lich playfully waved a hand. "Pshaw. Give me a few minutes and I can undo all these spells of yours." The kirin's proud expression turned sour and his deep blue coat paled. "What?" He bounced when the minotaur smashed his large fist against the curved table, cracking its surface. "Liar! You're just trying to unnerve us!" "If that's what you want to believe," the lich said dismissively. He looked around the room and nodded to himself. "It's quite impressive how many binding spells you managed to weave together." The undead paused a moment. "I'd say there's over a hundred here. Even I have only ever managed to bind around fifty-two together." He noticed the judges starting to sparkle with pride and grinned internally. "Of course, these required dozens, perhaps maybe a few hundred to do well, and who knows how long it took." "Is that your idea of a back-handed compliment?" the unicorn standee spat. "You!" he yelled at Cobalt. "Has this been his behavior this whole time or is this a psychological tactic?" The pegasus cleared her throat and stood up as straight as she could manage. "He's been like that since we found him on Arkom. That, and he drinks gallons of coffee." "Kill him! Do it now!" Sneezy blurted furiously. The chamber stared at her and Ruby pulled her back, a nervous smile slowly growing on his face. "Look," the lich started. "We all know what will happen. You'll mention everything I've done, I'll probably add some quip and you get very angry, and this will go for hours. Instead, I have a proposal." He gestured to the armored soldier to approach. She looked to the judges conceded despite their confusion. "Your pony here was cursed by would-be necromancers trying to imitate me," the lich explained with a hand to his chest. "I solved the issue. You're welcome." "We have several soldiers that have been cursed by necromancers," the dragon stated. She pushed herself up using the table and leaned forward. "What is any of this supposed to change?" "Because I was forced to undergo monthly procedures to not rot away into a zombie," the soldier declared. The judges' eyes widened. "Then you're--" the dragon attempted to speak. "Yes. I'm certain the lich did this to endear me to it, but ask yourselves why? it had no reason to aid me," the guard said. "It could have easily killed all of us. It has demonstrated the ability in the past." The griffin's talons clenched. "Very well, but there will be no forgiveness." "I don't ask for forgiveness," the lich stated. "Simplyyy...give me a teaching role. I will perform the role so long as I am entertained by every passing generation, and rest assured: I will do no harm to the students. Unless they're being unruly." "What was that last part?" the unicorn asked. "Do we have a deal?" The six started muttering to each other. The idea that the very thing that tormented them for generations suddenly wanted to teach was suspicious enough, but the opportunity to learn of its work and all that horrific genius entailed was almost too good to pass up. "Very well. We will deliberate what to do with you first," the minotaur said. He pointed a finger at the undead. "But there will be many rules and systems in place should we come to a positive consensus." "Grand!" the lich cheered. It pulled its orb out from beneath its robe and, with a flash from its core, caused all the runes to dissolve instantly. "Alright then! I'll be exploring more of the city. Feel free to send guards to watch me. I don't much care." The judges, completely defeated, had slumped in their seats and watched the undead casually jaunt out of the chamber with a hop in his step. The three 'heroes' were just as defeated, with Sneezy just letting her head bump against the wooden railing in front of her seat.