> Elementary, My Dear Starlight
>  by MagnetBolt
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Cold Tea, Cold Case
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is a disaster,” Princess Twilight Sparkle, recently ascended to the throne and officially where the buck stopped, looked at a bucking awful situation that had to stop with her and wondered how she was going to fix this.
“I admit, usually I’d say you overreact to things, but this is pretty bad,” Starlight Glimmer agreed. She yawned, still tired and slightly hung over after the party the night before. “He’s definitely dead, right?”
Twilight gave her a look and motioned to the slightly bloated, slightly blue, extremely still form of what had been the Saddle Arabian diplomat. A fly settled on his forehead. His glassy eyes stared at nothing, and the heavy gold chains around his neck and the matching studs in his ears caught the early morning light.
“I can’t believe this happened in Canterlot,” Twilight sighed.
Starlight was about to suggest something when the telltale sound of a royal guard being bowled over sounded down the hallway. Their golden armor had a distinct sound when it collapsed to the ground. This was intentional - their primary purpose was to serve as an early warning system that one of the Princesses was going to have to step in and do all the work. Unfortunately for Twilight, there was only one Princess available.
“What happened to my husband?!” yelled a very angry Saddle Arabian voice. The ambassador’s wife pushed her way into the room, her own guards whispering apologies to the Equestrian guards as they pretended to scuffle over things until Twilight motioned and allowed them to stop pretending and allow the tall mare to enter.
She swept inside, her silver bangles jangling around her fetlocks and making every step pointed and heavier. Her seafoam green dress was the same as she’d worn the night before, fastened with a heavy gold periapt.
“Ambassadrice Al’tempes, we’ve only just started looking into what happened,” Twilight explained. “The door was locked when the castle maids came to get him this morning, and then he was found like this when it was forced open.”
She looked over at the stallion. He was slumped over at a low table with a cup of tea.
“Twas murder most foul!” somepony declared. Twilight froze instinctively, her entire body seizing up at the voice.
“Oh no,” Starlight groaned. “I thought she went back to bed!”
“Do not worry, the Great and Investigative Trixie is here!” She swept into the room, flourishing her hat and cape. “The world’s greatest detective!”
“She’s been reading a bunch of true crime stories on the road,” Starlight whispered at Twilight’s look. “It might have given her… some ideas. It also makes her think a pony with a hook for a hoof is going to kill her if she sleeps alone in her caravan.”
“Hmmm…” Trixie looked over the scene. “Yes. The Amazingly Intuitive Trixie has already nearly solved this case!”
“Finally, somepony qualified,” the Ambassadrice said. “Miss… Trixie? I vaguely remember you from the reception dinner. I didn’t know you were a detective. I remember you were doing some sort of trick with the napkin.”
“The Agile and Dexterous Trixie is skilled at feats of sleight of hoof,” Trixie confirmed smugly. “Trixie is pleased you remember her. She has traveled to Saddle Arabia many times.”
Al’tempes nodded. “I want this mare leading the investigation! I won’t have anypony but the greatest detective in Equestria in charge!”
“But--” Twilight started.
“I want this disaster solved, and quickly!” Ambassadrice Al’tempes snapped. “My husband is dead and somepony is at fault!”
“It was probably some kind of accident,” Twilight said. “There’s no evidence it was a murder.”
“It was a murder, though,” Trixie said. Twilight shot her a glare. “Trixie is only stating the facts! Don’t shoot the messenger, we’ve already got one dead body to deal with!”
“You have one day, then I will be returning to Saddle Arabia,” Al’tempes said firmly. “I want results!”
She stormed out, her guards following her.
“That went well,” Trixie said.
“What is wrong with you?!” Starlight snapped. “Do you know how much worse you made things?!”
“By solving the case?” Trixie asked.
“You haven’t solved anything! There’s nothing to solve! He probably had some health issue and picked a really inconvenient time to have a heart attack!”
“I’m going to get the castle doctor and start drafting some official notices before the press gets word about this,” Twilight sighed. “He can determine the actual cause of death. You’re probably right, Starlight. Keep Trixie here. If the Ambassadrice comes back, stall her. If she wants Trixie here, Trixie will be here the next time she comes to look -- but keep her from interfering in the real investigation.”
“Do you think it was some kind of magic?” Starlight whispered.
Twilight looked around the room, then cast a spell that lit up the whole space like a camera flash. She shook her head after a few moments.
“The Ambassador’s death wasn’t caused by any kind of spell,” Twilight said.
Starlight tilted her head. “What was that? Your voice suddenly had a weird tone.”
“Truth spell. I cast it last night during treaty negotiations with the Ambassadrice. It must still be partly in effect. Anything it picks out is a true fact, but what it picks up on is a little random.”
“Weird,” Starlight said.
“Uh,” Trixie raised an eyebrow. “Trixie has explained that Trixie has already mostly solved this crime! It was the maid, working for the Ambassadrice.”
“You mean the distraught mare whose husband was just killed?” Starlight asked. “The one who demanded that Equestria’s greatest detective be put on the case? That’s who you want to accuse?”
“Correct!” Trixie crowed.
“Don’t let anypony hear that, either,” Twilight said as she left. “The last thing we need is for you to start a war! Things are tense enough!”
Trixie huffed and watched her leave.
“I think she doesn’t respect me!” Trixie said, her stage persona falling back just slightly now that she wasn’t on a metaphorical stage. She huffed and sat down across the table from the corpse.
“I can’t imagine why she’d think you weren’t qualified,” Starlight sighed.
“I read about dozens of murders! I can just glance at a crime scene and instantly know what happened!” Trixie mumbled.
“This probably isn’t a crime,” Starlight said. “And look who it is, the pony that can confirm that!”
The castle doctor stepped inside, looking annoyed, harried, and almost as tired.
“I’d say good morning, but nopony in the castle is having a good morning,” she said. She stepped over to the dead stallion, squinted through her glasses, and nodded. “Especially not him. He’s dead. Nothing I can do. Where do I send the bill?”
“Princess Twilight wanted you to determine the cause and time of death,” Starlight said.
Trixie picked up the teacup on the table with her magic, sniffing at it. Starlight tried to ignore her. “Bleh! Stone cold,” Trixie sighed. She took a sip. “And way too sweet.”
“Let’s see…” the doctor opened the stallion’s silk shirt, undoing the slender silver periapt holding it closed. She felt around his chest and neck, then checked his mouth. “Looks like he ate something that didn’t agree with him. He choked to death.”
“Poison?!” Starlight asked with alarm. She looked at Trixie, who was taking a second sip.
“Don’t be stupid. You see this?” The doctor pointed at the amulet she’d had to undo to open the stallion’s shirt. “This is a protective periapt. The Saddle Arabian diplomats all wear them. They’re proof against poison and personalized to each ambassador for their own health needs. Blueblood has one too. Only way to keep the servants from causing ‘accidents’.”
“So it would keep him from being poisoned?”
“Of course. And the stone in the amulet would turn black to warn him that somepony was trying to get rid of him,” the doctor explained. “No poison was used to commit this locked-room murder.”
“But you said something he ate did this,” Starlight pointed out.
“The periapts do have one weakness,” the doctor admitted. “They won’t stop something that would otherwise be harmless. We found that out the hard way -- it’ll stop poison or drugs in a drink, but it doesn’t stop alcohol. Blueblood almost gave himself liver failure sampling magmaberry wine the Dragon Lord imported.”
Starlight frowned. “This doesn’t look like liver failure, and tea isn’t alcoholic.”
“It’s not, unfortunately, or Trixie’s headache would be gone by now,” Trixie sighed. “Trixie already solved this, can we move on and get some breakfast?”
“You’re sitting across the table from a dead guy and you want breakfast?” Starlight asked.
“Just because he’s not hungry doesn’t mean I’m not. But you have a point. He does spoil the view.” She removed her cape, draping it over the pony and giving him what would be some small amount of dignity if it wasn’t for the stars and planets on her costume.
“Ma’am?” the guard at the door popped his head in. “The ponies who found the body are here, what should we tell them?”
“Why are they here?” Starlight asked.
“The Ambassadrice asked them to speak to the Great Detective,” the guard said. He shrugged with the nonchalance of somepony who knew the current problem was not their problem and they were not responsible for this.
“Sounds like you don’t need me anymore,” the doctor said, packing up.
“Could you just wait outside for a moment while we sort out this confusion?” Starlight asked quietly. “I’m sure this will only--”
“Send them in!” Trixie declared.
“No, I--” Starlight groaned, but it was too late, the guard had already opened the door. A Saddle Arabian guard and one of the castle maids stepped inside. Both of them looked terribly nervous because, unlike the Royal Guard, this absolutely was their problem and they could expect to get yelled at.
The maid looked at the body and turned a slightly greener shade of her usual pink. She looked away, trying not to throw up. The guard was slightly more stoic. He only looked sick in the way a pony looking at the end of his career looked.
“It wasn’t my fault!” the maid squeaked.
“I’m sure it wasn’t,” Starlight said. “You’re… Dusty Rose, right? You’ve worked here at the castle for a long time.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the maid said.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know your name,” Starlight apologized to the guard.
“Sriroccio,” Trixie said. The guard nodded and looked at her. Starlight blinked in surprise.
“I’m surprised you remembered,” he said.
“It means ‘the Spicy Wind’, and refers to a trade wind used by traders carrying valuable cargo from the east, usually extremely hot peppers and spices,” Trixie explained. “What? Trixie is well-educated! She went to the school for gifted unicorns, you know!”
“I’m more surprised you learned anypony else’s name,” Starlight quipped.
“Trixie remembers him because she did a trick with him as her assistant,” Trixie explained. “It was at dinner. You stayed inside with the Ambassador when everypony else went to the flower garden, and Trixie is not allowed near the garden after she made the statue of Chrysalis disappear.”
“In front of the press. Everypony thought she escaped!”
“Trixie brought it right back! It was just an illusion with mirrors! Anyway, Trixie had to stay inside and performed a small selection of stage magic for the Ambassador and Mister Sriroccio.”
“Your trick with the rings was very amusing,” the guard said. “The Ambassador enjoyed it. Of course, he was enjoying everything very much once his wife was gone and he got into the wine.”
“After his wife was gone?” Starlight asked. “What do you mean?”
The guard sighed. “I would not speak ill of her, but this is an investigation and I must not lie. She is very particular. She even dressed the Ambassador herself to make sure he was perfect.”
“Weird, I thought a servant would usually do that,” Starlight mumbled.
“She did not like him being alone with servants,” the guard said. “For… security reasons.” He glanced at Dusty Rose for a moment.
“Is there something you can’t say in front of her?” Starlight asked.
“No, of course not,” the guard said dismissively. “This maid is trustworthy. She was assigned to us on several previous visits to Equestria.”
“Hmmm…” Trixie sipped at the teacup again.
“Would you like me to bring you some fresh tea?” the maid asked. “That’s old. I brought it for… for him late last night.” She glanced at the covered body again.
“I entered the room when she served the tea,” Sriroccio stated. “The Ambassador was fine, and just starting to sober up. He was alone and alive when the maid and I left.”
“Did you lock the door?” Starlight asked.
“No, he locked it from the inside. I remained at my station until the maid came to retrieve the tea set. When he didn’t answer the door, I forced it open and we found him like… this.” He motioned to the covered body.
“Why did you force it open right away?” Trixie asked.
“That’s… actually a good question,” Starlight admitted.
“He’d had a whole bottle of wine while in my presence,” the guard said. “I was not supposed to allow him to drink so much, but… it is difficult to say no.”
“Very difficult,” the maid mumbled.
“I was concerned that he might have passed out and hurt himself, and it would be my fault,” the guard said. “I know ponies can choke on their own vomit if they fall unconscious while drunk.”
“The doctor did say he choked,” Starlight realized.
“If it was his own drinking that caused this, I am to blame for allowing it,” the guard said. “Lady Al’tempes hated his drinking and will punish me gravely.” He closed his eyes. “But it is my failure to bear.”
“No it isn’t,” Trixie noted.
“Not now, Trixie,” Starlight sighed. “Sorry. She has some kind of crazy theory. Anyway, it’s pretty likely this is all one big accident. I’m sorry you two got caught up in it.”
“May we…?” Dusty Rose asked.
“Could you bring Trixie a cup of tea?” Trixie asked. “Warm tea, I mean. This is too cold and sweet.”
“Of course, Ma’am,” Dusty said, bowing and leaving along with the Saddle Arabian guard.
“I guess that’s the answer,” Starlight sighed. “He got drunk watching you juggle and then passed out and choked on his own vomit.”
Trixie sighed. “Really, Starlight? That’s your explanation? Don’t you remember? The maid said when she brought him tea, he was starting to sober up!”
“I… that’s true, but she’s not a doctor. She couldn’t know that for sure! He could have just looked or acted less drunk than he was!”
Trixie shook her head. “You’re lucky you have Trixie here to solve these mysteries for you.”
“Trixie you haven’t solved anything. You’re not a detective, you’ve just been sitting there sipping old tea! Old tea, that I might add, was the last thing the dead Ambassador drank!”
“Yes. Trixie proved it wasn’t poison.”
“That’s…” Starlight rolled her eyes. “I guess! Most ponies wouldn’t test for poison with a taste test!”
“Saddle Arabians do. They use food tasters.” Trixie noted. “If there was some kind of poison in the tea, it would have affected the kitchen staff already. The guard Sriroccio would have made Dusty Rose take a sip as well.”
“So you knew it was safe.”
“Trixie knows many useful things,” she said with a smirk. “Perhaps if ponies trusted her, the culprit would already be arrested! Instead, she’s probably already on her way to the border.”
Starlight sighed and pressed a hoof against her temple, her head starting to pound. “You’re accusing a pony of a terrible crime without proof a crime even happened, Trixie. And no, the body isn’t proof of anything except that there was a horrible accident!”
“Trixie has seen plenty of proof.”
“Like what, Trixie? Name one thing!”
“The periapt of proof against poison,” Trixie said.
“The one that shows there’s no poison? The poison that we know isn’t there because you’ve had a cup of the tea yourself and you’re not dead? That magical protective amulet? What about it?”
“It’s silver,” Trixie noted.
“So?”
“All his other jewelry is gold. It doesn’t match. It’s not even the same style.”
“It’s a protective amulet. Style probably isn’t as important as function.”
“You’re right,” Trixie agreed. “The doctor said each amulet is customized to protect the wearer. So what happens if he was wearing the wrong amulet?”
“It’s protective. It’s not going to kill him!”
“You’re right, but it might not protect him against something important!” Trixie waggled a hoof. “Trixie, the brilliant detective, figured it out ages ago and you’re still playing catch-up!”
Starlight frowned and thought back. What was she missing? If there was something strange going on, the Ambassadrice would have a fit.
“Ambassadrice Al’tempes was wearing a heavy golden amulet,” Starlight said slowly, feeling uneasy.
“And silver bracelets,” Trixie agreed. “They didn’t match either.”
“The guard said she was very particular, and she dressed herself and the Ambassador,” Starlight realized. “But… no. Even if she switched their amulets, it wouldn’t hurt him. That’s not murder.”
“Except for everything else,” Trixie said.
The door opened, and Dusty Rose stepped in, carrying a tea set. She set it up quickly, obviously not wanting to be in the room, pouring two cups of tea.
“Can I have two lumps?” Trixie asked. The maid nodded and added two sugar cubes to Trixie’s cup. “Thank you. The cup the Ambassador had was far too sweet.”
“W-was it?” Dusty Rose asked.
“Almost like he added sugar to it when somepony had already done it for him,” Trixie noted.
Starlight frowned and picked up the cold cup from the table, sniffing at it.
“Honey?” she asked. The maid jumped a little at that word.
“But our tea came with sugar cubes,” Trixie noted.
“And there’s no pot of honey on the table. It was already in the tea,” Starlight realized. “And the Ambassador couldn’t go out to the flower garden. For security. He couldn’t go out because there could be bees! He had a bee allergy!”
“Raw honey, if it’s not prepared properly, can have parts of dead bees in it, and cause a reaction,” Trixie noted. “To be really sure you’d have to use a lot of honey, and that would make the tea…”
“Too sweet,” Starlight whispered.
Dusty Rose yelped and dropped the cup she was pouring for Starlight, bolting for the door. Starlight’s magic caught her before she got there.
“You served him tea you knew would kill him!” Starlight accused.
“I didn’t, I-- I want to talk to a lawyer?” Dusty squeaked, while she was dragged into the air.
“But why?” Starlight asked.
Dusty shivered and finally broke. “Because he was awful! He’d get drunk and make passes at all the maids while his wife did all the real work! They weren’t even really together, and she said this would be a way to scare him and I didn’t-- I didn’t think it would kill him! She said he’d just get sick!”
“She said… no way.”
Starlight looked at Trixie. The performer smirked.





“We caught her at the border,” Princess Twilight sighed. “She would have gotten back to Saddle Arabia before we knew we needed to stop her if you hadn’t figured things out.”
“And they don’t have an extradition treaty,” Trixie said. “Trixie knows this because she has waited out several warrants for her arrest.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Regardless, it appears that her motive was money, of all things. He was from a much wealthier family and she wasn’t allowed to touch the money without his permission.”
“That explains why he had so much more jewelry,” Starlight sighed.
“And why they weren’t together all night,” Twilight sighed. “Ambassadrice Al’tempes ordered the maid to give him the tea while she was in negotiations with me. The perfect alibi. Even if we had the time of death to the minute it would have been while she was speaking to me.”
“The only thing I can’t figure out is how you knew it right away, Trixie,” Starlight said. “You really did have it solved right away.”
“Trixie is Equestria’s most brilliant detective!” she declared. “Also, Trixie has read many true crime novels. It’s always the maid or the wife.”