Despite a war being declared several days ago, Anonfilly is committed to continue to peeving off Twilight through antics. After stealing a guardsmare's uniform, an unusual punishment inadvertently causes Anonfilly to worry about friends, the war, and a previous romantic relationship.
Based in the Equestria at War universe, written for the 2023 summer write contest. Cover art done by the magnificent misakayy! https://twitter.com/pizzahutjapan
General’s uniform, check, Equestrian flag for dramatic background, check. She’ll be walking through that door any second now.
“Anonfilly, where did you get that uniform?” an unamused and sleepy looking Twilight Sparkle asked as she walked into the map room within the castle of friendship. Turning around and wearing the smuggest face I could muster, I answered her.
“Ah, Toilet Spork! Have you come to bask in the presence of my new uniform? I, General Anonfilly, am preparing my coup d'etat against the evil powers of a certain unchecked Alicorn menace.”
A small smile tugs on the sides of Twilight’s mouth. “Anonfilly... you do realize you’re wearing a corporal's uniform right?”
“WHAT!? But it’s got all these medals on it... where are the rank marks on this thing?” I raise my left foreleg and check the sleeves, finding indeed that Twilight is right. “Well shoot that sort of wrecks the joke… why does it have so many medals though? Shouldn’t a uniform with this many medals belong to an officer or something…”
“You still didn’t answer the question, Anonfilly,” Twilight said walking up to me. “Where’d you get the uniform?”
“I’m uh, borrowing it... from the new batpony transfer in the auxiliary barracks outside the castle,” I said, giving Twilight the best innocent smile I can.
Twilight facehoofs and then speaks, “It’s not even lunch and you’ve already gotten into trouble? How are the royal guards supposed to interpret you committing these antics? You do realize since the war was declared on saturday they’re being extra vigilant for changeling spies? And they’re called thestrals, not bat ponies.”
“Twiggle Sperg, my antics stop the moment you give me my old body back and stop this toxic attempt at reforming me, I’m sure you’ve said things you regret while you were drunk too,” I responded to Twilight a bit pointedly.
“We’re not talking about that now, Anon,” Twilight shoots back, glaring at me.
Sitting on my haunches I responded in turn, “Fine, fine! I'll go and apologize to the new thestral guardsmare then for nicking her uniform. That fair?”
“Oh no no, you think I’m going to let you sneak back in there and just drop off the uniform and offer some mild apology to the newest member of my staff? I’ll be right back with her, and you’ll apologize, and then we’ll decide on a punishment.” Twilight spoke with finality.
“Another punishment? Seriously?” I shout back. Twilight however wasn’t having my objections anymore and teleported off to the offices outside the castle, to go find the young thestral mare I had borrowed the uniform from. Left alone in Twilight’s office I waited for her return with one hopefully not too upset thestral. I hope this thestral is chill with some antics.
Not even a minute later there was a pop of magic as Twilight and one young thestral mare with a dark gray coloured coat and equally dark brown mane suddenly appeared in the office.
Her cutie mark is a paper, a pen and an ink pot in a sort of triangle, some kind of office worker?
The young mare took in the office quickly before setting her sights on me and narrowing her teal eyes, before the pair walked over and I started to speak. “Hello, my name is Anonymous, Anonfilly or Anon, whichever you prefer. Sorry about stealing your uniform, but as I’ve been sort of transformed against my will I’ve made it my life’s mission to commit small but silly antics to peeve off Princess Twilight here,” I said, offering a smile while Twilight frowned. “If I made your first day here a bit awkward or difficult I’d like to offer my sincere apologies.” Twilight’s frown changed to a genuine smile, seeing me take the apology seriously.
“It’s... interesting to meet you, Anonymous, my name is Pewter Prancer. I’m one of the Princess’s new assistants in the Department of Logistics and Statistics. From what I understand you’re a ward of the Princess? Is that correct?”
Looking to Twilight for some assistance I answered as accurately as I could. “Legally speaking that’s correct unless I’ve misunderstood something…”
“Anonymous is technically my ward and a ward of the crown. That said, he, or rather now she, is technically much older than would appear so,” Twilight clarifies. “Why do you ask?”
“Wait, he... she? How much older?” Pewter asks, caught off guard by Twilight’s answer.
“I’m probably seven or nine years older than you,” I quickly replied. “Princess Twilight is fond of a strange form of poetic punishment and reformation via transformation.” Pewter turns to Twilight a bit taken aback by the revelation before speaking.
“So you’re reforming him, er, her? And you want me to help decide on a punishment appropriate for a ward like her?” Pewter asks for Twilight to confirm, to which she nods. “Well, when I was a cadet in the junior guards when someone misbehaved they’d get sent on a squad bonding exercise with an officer and the other delinquents. Something like going camping somewhere around Ayacachtl for an evening with no tent and stuff...”
Twilight takes in Pewter's words, tapping her jaw in thought. “I think that’s a good idea, but I’ll lend you some tents I have somewhere in storage. It won’t be an exact replication of guard discipline,” Twilight answers.
“I think that would be fine Princess, should I gather some supplies and saddlebags? Will you be joining us?” Pewter asks.
“No, I will be in a meeting with Celestia and Luna. However I will send a pupil of mine, Starlight Glimmer, along with you and Anonfilly. I’ll send Anon out to get the supplies,” Twilight replies.
“Nice; a camping trip with a guardsmare and a commie. Honestly, I was expecting worse.” I said, smiling and letting out a sigh of relief.
To this Pewter scowled at me and turned to speak to Twilight, “Princess, as Anonfilly is your ward... would I have your permission to prank or antagonize her during the camping trip? So as to meet the ‘worse’ expectations Anon had?”
“Hey hold on a minute I don’t consent to this!” I interjected, waving my hooves.
Twilight cocked her head at Pewter’s request for a moment before speaking “Why would you ask that of Pewter?”
Pewter smiled and proceeded to explain, “Princess Twilight, speaking from my personal experience of being pranked many times by my older brothers; the best way to deter a prankster is to prank them back even worse.”
Twilight chuckled at the suggestion before responding. “We had something of a problem with one of ponyville’s local pranksters before Anon came along and we solved it in the same way as well! You have my consent to prank or antagonize Anon provided it does cause any serious harm.”
“This isn’t fair!” I shout at Twilight.
“This isn’t up for discussion Anonymous,” Twilight replied calmly. “Now take off the uniform and give it to Pewter.”
Grumbling and cursing under my breath I began to undo the uniform’s buttons on the front before slipping my forelegs out the sleeves carefully. After neatly folding the uniform I passed it back to a smiling Pewter who nodded at me. Looking back at Twilight she ignited her horn with magic and teleported the saddlebags in my room before me before levitating them and placing them on me. Jostling the bags with a foreleg, I could hear some bits jingle within. Turning back to Pewter and putting on a straight if still slightly annoyed face I queried her, “Is there anything in particular you’d like that I can grab for us to eat for dinner?”
Sitting back on her haunches with her uniform in hoof she looked at me thinking before answering, “Something nice like flower sandwiches I suppose, unless you’d like something else?”
“Flower sandwiches it is, I’ll grab some snack food and other stuff Starlight likes too.” I replied before turning back to Twilight, “One teleport to the front door please.” With a roll of her eyes, the glow of her horn and a pop I was outside the front door of the castle.
Sighing at the turn of events for the morning I started to walk into Ponyville proper. While the day was still early it was warmer than usual owing to a lack of cloud cover over Ponyville. The heat, while not unbearable, was somewhat uncomfortable. Surprising, considering it was only early summer. Glancing around the sky there didn’t appear to be any weather crews out either. Walking by the bridge near town hall there didn’t seem to be many ponies out today save some going to and fro on errands.
Making my way to the notice board outside town hall I read the weekly weather schedule. Canceled cloud cover for what looked to be the rest of the month of June, as well as a notice to the reserve weather Pegasi for the local Ponyville municipality to assist the remaining local pegasi in weather control. Lastly, there was also a large notice of the first time test of the new Ponyville air raid sirens at sometime in the afternoon and that ponies should not be alarmed.
At least there would be a nice breeze in the late afternoon.
The rest of the notice board was nearly covered in recruitment posters of some of the major arms of the Equestria military. The two local battalion posters for the ‘Pathfinders,’ and ‘Wild Rifles’ featured prominently as well a poster for joining the fight aboard the ERNS Ponyville in the navy. Aside from that there was a poster for Pegasi interested in flying for the airforce or special forces groups and a small poster for the local Ponyville Militia.
A sound to my right caught my attention as the door to town hall opened and Mayor Mare and Amethyst Star came out, engaged in conversation. Turning to them I gave a small wave and smile before approaching.
“Morning Mayor Mare. Morning Amethyst. Looks like it’s going to be hot for the next little while according to the weather schedule, huh?” To this Mayor Mare’s ears went down and Amethyst let out a groan.
“Good morning, Anon. Is Twilight available to meet sometime today or tomorrow?” Mayor Mare asked.
“I’m not sure, she’s been pretty busy the last week with everything. Do you want me to deliver a message for you? I’ll be back at the castle after lunch.”
“It’s about the weather. Nearly three quarters of Ponyville’s Pegasi have signed up or are in the process of signing up to join the war now! It’ll be tough to have enough to meet the local agricultural needs around town, let alone more clouds for cool days,” said Mayor Mare, answering my original question. “Amethyst, can you go down to the recruitment office on market street so we have a headcount on how many more we’ll be losing today?”
Amethyst nodded to Mayor Mare then spoke, “I’ll see you around sundown Mayor,” before turning to me and booping my snoot causing me to scrunch it, “And you stay out of trouble Anonfilly.”
“We’re still on for poker night on thursday right?” I asked Amethyst.
“Of course! And bring more bits this time!” Amethyst said while trotting off.
Turning back to a deflated Mayor Mare, I gave her a smile. “What do you need me to tell Twilight, Mayor Mare?”
Furrowing her brow she spoke, “I need Twilight to allocate some ponypower for the Ponyville weather team, and probably other towns' weather teams as well. Fighting spirit is good and all but it won’t matter if we can’t end up feeding everypony.”
I nodded along with Mayor Mare’s reasoning, “I can do that Mayor. It’ll be after lunchtime when I see Twilight again, where will you be then? Incase Twilight wants to pop in to visit you.”
“I’ll be up at the public works building helping out with deferral forms for our more essential workers.” Mayor responded, recollecting herself.
“Alright, I’ll be sure to let Twilight know after lunch. I’ll see you around, Mayor Mare.” and with that I turned and trotted off.
“Thanks, Anonymous!” Mayor Mare called out behind me.
Trotting to market street I soon saw the beginnings of a rather large line up. Winding across the street and rather disorganized, mares and stallions chit chatted and conversed about the war and the places they might be deployed to.
“The Changelings encircled Acornage! We better get trained quickly if we want to help save them from the bugs!”
“I hear they're just outside Vanhoover!”
“I hope we don’t get sent to the Crystal Empire, it'd be so cold!”
Weaving and squeezing through the mares and stallions with a few apologies and awkward bumps I began to pass by the actual recruiting station, if it could be called that. The local royal guard police station hastily turned into a recruiting center did not serve Ponyville in a very speedy manner.
Those thoughts were quickly shaken from my mind, as I saw three particular ponies standing in line just a few bodies from the entrance of the building; Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie. My jaw hung loose for a few seconds and staring in equal parts surprise and horror before closing and approaching the trio in line.
“Hey what are you three doing?” I asked in disbelief.
“Hey, Nonny! We’re signing up to fight the Changelings!” Pinkie shouted.
“But why? You’re the bearers of the element of harmony! You can’t go off fighting!”
“Ahnon Twilight said that the elements can’t be used to stop the war, it’s too big now.” Applejack answered.
“But what about the farm? What about Sugarcube Corner? And what about the Wonderbolts?” I asked them.
“Don’t worry, dude! I got permission from Spitfire to enlist with my friends!” Rainbow dash retorted.
“I talked it over with Big Mac, he’ll look after the farm with Applebloom.” Applejack answered.
Lastly Pinkie gave her answer, “Mr. and Mrs. Cake were totally okay with me going on a little adventure with my friends for a few months and-”
“Little adventure? Little adventure!” I shouted back incredulously. “You girls do realize you could get hurt or worse on this little adventure of yours right?”
Rainbow Dash chuckled then responded “Lighten up, Anon! It’s not even been a week since the war started and you’re being all melodramatic!”
“I am not being melodramatic! I just don’t want anything bad to happen to my friends.” I said, calming down partially.
“Ain’t nothin bad gonna happen sugarcube, we’ve just gotta train up some then buck them bugs back across the border is all!” Applejack declared confidently.
“The papers are all saying the war will be over quicker if we all do our part, Nonny! It’ll just be a few months and then we’ll be back in time for the running of the leaves,” Pinkie happily suggested.
“What if it lasts longer? Instead of a few months it could be a few years...” I quietly answered, looking down.
“Oh quit being such a worrier Anon! We’ll be smart about it!” an exasperated Rainbow Dash said before ruffling my mane. “We’ll be fine, Anon. Promise.”
Don’t you dare make that a Pinkie promise, Rainbow.
Turning my head back up to the rest of the trio it seemed there was no changing their minds. Pinkie bounced happily, and Rainbow and Applejack smiled at me. Looking at the rest of the mares and stallions in line, the energy of the crowd was upbeat and cheery.
“Well let's do something fun together before you all ship out okay?” I asked, conceding.
“Of course silly! It’ll be a going to war party!” Pinkie shouted. The mares and stallions in line cheered.
I forced a smile as best as I could at Pinkie, Applejack and Rainbow before turning and walking away slowly.
So eager and optimistic.
I couldn’t stop my brow and cheeks drooping as a very sudden and heavy feeling of worry entered my barrel. Maybe if I can talk to Twilight and she’ll be able to convince them to change their minds. Yes, I can convince Twilight. Taking a few deep breaths I pushed my anxiety back down as I entered the market.
The market square wasn’t very busy. The morning hustle was mostly gone as many of the early bird ponies had grabbed their own pick of the stalls and carts. I made my way past several of the empty stalls to the bread stall which thankfully appeared to still hold a personal favorite: sourdough.
“Hey, Trophy Loaf, can I get two of those sourdough loaves?” I gestured to two of the better looking loaves out on display. Trophy Loaf nodded, smiled and put both loaves in a paper bag whilst I grabbed nine bits and placed them on the stall counter. Nodding again at her I grabbed the paper bag and carefully put it within my saddlebags.
Smiling back at me, the older blue coated mare asked, “So what happened in the auxiliary barracks this morning, Anon?”
Sighing, I answered her, “I borrowed a uniform without asking from one of the sleeping newbie guardsmares. Gotta go on a bonding sort of camping trip with her and Starlight now.”
Trophy giggled a bit before speaking again. “Alright, I heard one of the quartermasters grumbling about it earlier, that's all.”
“Not a problem Trophy. I’ll see you later.”
Turning back down the market row I walked down several stalls until I reached the flower sisters stall. “Good morning, Roseluck.”
“Good morning, Anonfilly, did Twilight send you out for some flowers?”
“I’m grabbing flowers for some sandwiches, for a camping trip. Can I get a half dozen marigolds, petunias, lilies and those lilacs there?” I pointed a hoof at the flowers on display.
Roseluck nodded, carefully grabbing the flowers from the display and carefully wrapping them in paper. I pulled twenty two bits out of my saddlebags and placed them on the counter. Grabbing the wrapped flowers I placed them sticking half out of my saddlebag. “Thanks, Rose.”
“No problem, Anonfilly. Enjoy your camping trip!”
“I will, thanks again for the flowers, Rose!” I said, walking over to Bon Bon’s stand.
“And stay out of trouble, Anonfilly!” Roseluck called out.
Approaching Bon Bon’s sweets stand I waited as a green colt and brown filly finished up buying some candies. Lyra spotted me and gave a smile which I returned. After a few minutes the two little ponies cantered off with a large bag of goodies.
Stepping up to the front of the stall I smiled at the two ponies. Bon Bon frowned at me and Lyra smiled even more. “Morning, Bon Bon, Lyra. Can I get some s’more kits?” Bon Bon eyed me suspiciously while Lyra turned and rummaged around in the back of the stall.
“You’re not going to use these to pull some sort of pranks are you, Anon?” Bon Bon asked.
“Nope! I’m getting them for a camping trip.”
Bon Bon narrowed her eyes looking hard at me until Lyra interrupted. “How many do you want Anon?” Lyra asked.
“Uh, three? How many does each one make?”
“You can make four with each kit.” Bon Bon answered.
“Three it is then. How much?”
“Fifteen bits.”
Poking around my saddlebags, I hoofed the fifteen bits on the stall counter. Bon Bon swept the cash into her own bag behind the counter. Bon Bon turned to Lyra who laid the square s’more kits on the stall counter for me to take. “Say, Anon, what branch of the military do you think I should sign up for?” Lyra asked as I put away the kits in my saddlebags.
“Huh? Don’t tell me you’re thinking of signing up as well?” I groaned slightly.
“Of course I want to sign up! I’ve got a cousin over in Whitebell, I don’t want to leave them hanging!” Lyra exclaimed.
“Lyra, why don’t you help me out at S.M.I.L.E.? It’d be much safer and you’d be doing a lot more than some gruntsmare on the frontline.” Bon Bon countered.
“Argh! I don’t want to work some silly monster hunter desk job, I want some action!” Lyra answered.
“If I may offer my thoughts, Lyra?” I asked, drawing a slightly upset Lyra’s and worried Bon Bon’s attentions. “You do realize if you sign up as a guardsmare you can’t exactly transfer out to join Bon Bon if you don’t end up liking it right?” Lyra raised a hoof to her mouth in consideration. “But if you sign up for S.M.I.L.E. you could probably transfer to becoming a guardsmare if it didn’t fit you.” Lyra looked uncertain now as she pondered.
“Anon’s right, Lyra. You can try working at S.M.I.L.E. first and then make a change if you don’t like it.”
“I just want to make sure I’m making a difference, not being some desk mare.” Lyra replied a bit upset.
“Hey Lyra.” I took a look around the market to make sure no one would hear me whispering to her and Bon Bon, “I’ve read S.M.l.L.E. isn’t just a monster hunting agency, but does some other important things too.”
“What do you mean?” Lyra asked, looking perplexed.
“Anon! Not another word.” Bon Bon said, rising over the stall counter to cover my mouth.
I let Bon Bon silence me as Lyra looked confused. “You know what they say, Anon. Loose lips sink ships.” Bon Bon spoke coolly.
I nodded to Bon Bon, then gently moved her hoof off of my mouth. “Yes and I’m just trying to help a friend out and pick something that makes the difference.” Turning to Lyra, “I promise ear scritchies when I become human again if you give Bon Bon’s offer a try first.” Lyra’s face lit up and Bon Bon glowered at me.
“That’s a deal!” Lyra bounced and grinned happily. I smiled at her and an unhappy Bon Bon.
“Lyra can you go grab the rest of the s’more kits from the cart? I want to do an inventory of how many we have left. And I’d like to talk to Anon alone.”
Lyra, still beaming, nodded and trotted behind the stall. When she was out of line of sight of the both of us, Bon Bon let her face soften and spoke quietly, “Thank you, Anon.” Bon Bon paused before asking her next question. “How do you know about S.M.I.L.E.?”
“Twilight and I aren’t on such bad terms that I won’t help her out with the important stuff. I know I get up to some... antics to peeve her off but that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave her up the creek without some support.”
Bon Bon blinked twice in surprise before speaking, “Wow, maybe Twilight’s reformation plan is actually working out.”
“Hey! Not funny.” I attempted to scowl at her.
Bon Bon snickered at my expression then spoke, “Right, sorry.” There was an awkward pause before she spoke again, “Did you need anything else?”
Letting my scowl fall off, I shook my head in the negative, “Nope I think that’s everything. I hope you get Lyra into S.M.I.L.E.”
Bon Bon gave a tight smile as Lyra came back around to the front of the stall with about a dozen more s’more kits held in her magic field. I turned and trotted off leaving the two mares at the candy stall.
“So does Anon know about S.M.I.L.E. because he’s technically a-” the conversation faded as I left the candy stall behind.
Sandwich materials check. Snackfood check. Twilight said she’d take care of the tents and stuff so I don’t need to worry about that. Walking along to the park at the end of the market square I considered all the ponies signing up to go fight. Anxiety about friends going off to war and dying check. I could help frowning as the last thought entered my head. Don’t stress over what you can’t control, it’s not a healthy way to live. It's okay to be upset about your friends going to war. If you don’t stop your friends, they’ll die. No, that's not certain. Stay positive, stay cool.
A groan from my stomach broke my train of thought, as it was probably a bit past lunchtime. Quickening my trot I went to get a snack from Sugarcube Corner, on the way back to the castle. Twilight will be able to convince them to take on other roles. She's been friends with them longer than I have and it’ll work out that way.
Coming up on Sugarcube Corner, the outside of the store was emptier than usual. Poking my head in through the doors there were only the three slightly taller than myself crusaders ordering from Mr. Cake with a couple of odd ponies in the booths. Attempting to quietly line up behind the trio proved to be unsuccessful, as Scootaloo noticed me.
“Hey, Anon!” Scootaloo greeted me.
“Hey yourselves too, Scoots, Bloom, Belle. School out earlier or is Cheerilee signing up to go to fight today too?”
“Hey, Ahnon. Miss Cheerilee let us all out earlier than normal so we could spend time with family before they signed up.” Apple Bloom explained.
“Makes sense. Glad Cheerilee isn’t jumping on the war wagon like the rest of town. What about all of you, how are you all holding up since the declaration on saturday?”
“Well, we’re too young to join the military, though we did try.” Sweetie Belle admits, carrying a tray of milkshakes with her magic over to a booth. “Will you join us?”
“For a few minutes sure, I’m just grabbing a snack, then heading back to the castle.”
“Can I get an old fashioned muffin, Mr. Cake?” I asked, reaching into my saddlebags for the bits.
“Sure thing, Anon. Did you get those arrangements for Twilight?” Mr. Cake gestures to the flowers in Anon’s saddlebags.
“No, for dinner later with Starlight and one of the new guardsmares on a camping trip.”
“That sounds nice.” Mr. Cake said as he grabbed a muffin from one of the shelves on the wall behind the counter and traded it with me for seven bits. “Thanks, Anon, see you later.”
“Cheers, Mr. Cake.” I bit into the relatively plain muffin savoring the moistness of it for a few seconds before awkwardly walking up to the booth with the crusaders, on three legs.
“Hey, you three didn’t answer my question earlier. How are you all doing since the declaration on saturday?” I asked again.
Apple Bloom was first to answer, “Applejack says I gotta help Big Mac around the farm while she goes off to fight. I wanna help Equestria out too!” Apple Bloom groans. “I don’t want to be cooped up doing nothing for a whole war for the first time in centuries.”
“That’s a fair point. It can be agonizing if you don’t feel you have the power to change things.” I turned to Sweetie Belle as I continued eating my muffin.
“Rarity says we wouldn’t be able to help even if we wanted to. She says we just need to wait and let the grown up ponies handle everything.” Sweetie Belle pauses. “I don’t know what to do, we asked Miss Cheerilee when Equestria was at war last and she had to get this really old dusty book out to check. It’s kind of annoying when there’s no grown up or book that can give advice on what to do.”
I nodded as Sweetie explained her reasoning before finally looking at Scootaloo, who was quietly working on her milkshake.
Scootaloo stopped slurping through the straw for a few seconds to offer her thoughts, “I don’t like it. Rainbow has to leave to fight some Changelings who are hungry and can’t eat or something.” Scootaloo pulled on the lower part of her eyelids, in frustration. “Can’t we just trade love or something to the Changelings so we don’t have to fight?” She grumbled and went back to nursing her milkshake.
Finishing my muffin I spoke, “If I were to wager a guess I’d say that was already tried and it didn’t work.” I took a deep breath. “I know you three are going to try doing some crazy ideas regardless of what I tell you to do or recommend you to do.” And now for the lie. “But promise me if you do come up with something, you’ll at least tell me so I can help out maybe?” I smiled at the trio.
“Are you trying to pull something on us, Ahnon?” Apple Bloom queried. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked at me skeptically as well.
“I’m just trying to look out for you three is all.” I paused for effect. Now to reel them in. “Think of me as another pony to bounce ideas off of, that’s all.” I smiled again and closed my eyes. Come on, take a bite.
“Well, I guess we don’t have any ideas yet...” Scootaloo said looking at Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.
“But if we get any ideas or plans thought up we can let you know,” Sweetie Belle conceded.
Apple Bloom nodded, “But you better come up with some ideas too, alright?” She asked.
“That won’t be a problem. I’ve got a couple I can share later. I should get going or Twilight’s going to transform my hide,” I said, causing the three fillies to laugh.
“Okay well get going then Ahnon, we’ll see you later,” Applebloom said as I started to make my way to the door.
“Bye Anonymous!”
“Goodbye Anon!”
“See you three later!” I called out before exiting out the door.
Making my way back to the castle was slower as I opted to detour around the sign up parade on market street. It also seemed a bit hotter as the lack of cloud cover meant there was little to no respite from the sun. Did the temperature go up or am I imagining things? A good thirty minutes later and I was once again at the doors to Twilight’s castle. Two guards stood outside, and they made no attempt to hide their amusement from me.
“Hello, Anonfilly, get everything for your camping trip?~” The pegasus guardstallion on my right said in a singsong voice.
I scowled at him, “Can I get in without playing twenty questions today, or are you gonna share the misery of Celestia’s unclouded day with me?”
The unicorn guardsmare on the left giggled, “That face is adorable!”
“I’m going in now,” I said ignoring the pair.
I proceeded in through the two large doors unimpeded by the pair.Looking around the main hall of the castle I saw Twilight had put the tents into some old large saddlebags by a corner. Approaching I carefully removed my own saddlebags with the bread, flowers, s’more kits and probably a teeny number of bits and placed them with the stockpiled gear. Satisfied that everything was in order for when we needed to leave, I proceeded to the map room. Did Twilight say she was having a meeting now or in the evening? Going down the hall to the map room there was a unicorn and earth pony guardsmare standing outside. Walking up before them I smiled.
“Greetings guardsmares, is Princess Twilight in there having a meeting right now? I don’t remember if her meeting with Celestia and Luna is now or this evening,” I asked.
The guardsmares looked at each other briefly before the earth pony on the left spoke, “Princess Twilight is currently busy in a different meeting right now with military officials. Did you need to relay a message to her?”
“Yes, tell her I need to speak with her in regards to Old Pink, Gummy, Winona and Tank,” I answered. The guardsmare raised an eyebrow. “She’ll know what I’m talking about. This isn’t urgent, so maybe if there’s a lull in the meeting or it concludes soon just mention it to her. I’ll be in the library.”
The guardsmare nodded. “Got it. Stay out of trouble, Anonymous.”
Turning back down the hall I walked to the far end of the castle where the library was. At least the inside of the castle is cool. Might have to cancel pulling tricks if it’s going to be this hot all summer. Arriving at a double door flanked by two unicorn guardstallions, I gave them a nod before going inside. The library was completely empty, save for one pale pink unicorn reading a book at the center table.
“Hey commie!” I called out to Starlight Glimmer, approaching her.
“Hey, Anon,” Starlight said, turning her head to me. “Twilight said I’m accompanying you and one of the new guardsmares on an impromptu overnight camping trip.”
“Yeah sorry about that, if I had known beforehoof what the punishment was, I would’ve done something else.”
Starlight looked at me disapprovingly before asking, “Did you get all the food for this sudden overnight trip?”
“Got it all and then some, even got some marigolds for you.” I answered sitting down on my haunches next to her, noticing a tome she was reading from.
Catching up on some reading, Starlight?
“Oh thank you. What else did you get?” Starlight turned to me.
“Lilacs, lilies, petunias, sourdough and some s’more kits. I figured the standard perennials for our thestral company. She suggested flower sandwiches.”
“What about stuff to drink?”
Buck.
I grimaced before speaking, “Shoot I didn’t even think of that.”
“It’s alright Anon, I’ll just grab some water canteens before we go.” Starlight offered a smile.
“Should've thought of it, especially since it's so hot out today.”
“It does seem warmer than usual, you got your head in the clouds today?”
“Just thinking about the ponies I saw lining up at the recruiting office today. They seemed so enthusiastic, and naive.”
“Naive?” Starlight cocked her head.
“It just reminds me of the attitude of people to an old war back where I came from,” I frowned. “I don’t want that to happen here, to my friends.”
Starlight placed a hoof on my back and rubbed it. “It doesn’t benefit you to worry over stuff like that Anon. I know you’re probably agonizing over it, but you shouldn’t worry.”
“I can’t help it,” I said leaning into the backrub. I remained quiet for a minute before speaking again, “Can we talk about something else? What are you reading there?”
Starlight stopped her rubbing and levitated the large book to the edge of the table. “A comprehensive after action report of the Stalliongrad rebellion, by Stubborn Hoof.” She read.
“Not exactly light reading material. Why are you reading it?”
“Twilight wants me to get up to speed with Stalliongrad-Equestrian history and relations, I think she intends to leverage the small experiment I was running in the Severyanian countryside to have me fulfill some sort of diplomatic role.”
“Wow, that sounds pretty important. Are you nervous?” I looked curiously at her.
“I am a bit, I want to make sure I’m not missing any details if Twilight wants me to serve as a diplomat.”
“Twilight wants to send you to Stalliongrad, to try and normalize diplomatic relations or something?”
“That’s my best guess,” Starlight said, shrugging.
“Makes sense to send somepony they kind of know, I guess.”
“Well to be fair I didn’t actu-” Starlight stopped talking as the doors to the library swung open to Twilight Sparkle, Pewter Prancer entering with a pair of unicorn guards.
“Sorry! Did we interrupt?” Twilight Sparkle asked, trotting into the room with Prancer.
“I think we’ll have to delay the revolution by a few days, comrade Glimmer,” I said standing and turning with Starlight, while giving a big dramatic wink. Twilight rolled her eyes.
“Did you grab everything, Anonfilly?” Twilight queried.
“Forgot stuff to drink but, Starlight said she’d magic up some canteens with water for us,” I looked at Starlight who gave an affirmative nod.
“Alright, seeing as I’ll be in a meeting with the princesses in an hour I think you can be dismissed for now Pewter,” Twilight turned to the thestral pony who gave a salute.
Peter Prancer offered a salute to Starlight and spoke, “pleasure to meet a colleague of the Princess.”
Starlight chuckled and smiled before speaking again, “I’m not military or royalty, so you don’t have to salute me, Pewter.”
Pewter dropped the salute and smiled awkwardly. “Sorry I’m pretty new around the castle,” she answered.
“That’s alright Pewter I don’t think anyone expects you to be perfect on day one,” Starlight reassured her.
“Are we going to head out now? Or are we going to wait for the sun to get a bit lower?” I asked, looking between Starlight and Pewter.
“Now seems fine,” Pewter answered to which Starlight nodded.
“Well if you two want to go grab the camping gear while I talk with Anon here about something quickly; that’d be great,” Twilight suggested.
“Not a problem, Twilight. See you in a few, Anon,” Starlight answered, trotting out of the library with Pewter.
When the library was empty save for the two unicorn guards and Twilight I looked up to her as she approached closely.
“So what’s the deal with Rainbow, Applejack and Pinkie? And who did you mean by Old Pink?” Twilight asks.
“Rainbow, Applejack and Pinkie were in the line up outside the recruiting office this morning. I tried to dissuade them from joining up but I didn’t exactly get anywhere,” I answered distressingly. Twilight walked beside me and attempted to stroke me with a wing which I gently pushed away, causing her ears to fold down. “Just promise me you’ll talk to them okay? They should be serving in propaganda roles or something, not the military,” I stated.
Twilight withdrew her wing and instead sat next to me. “I wanted to let them sign up of their own volition. They’ll most likely be reassigned by the Equestrian high command, not me,” Twilight softly clarified.
“So there’s nothing to worry about?” I asked, looking down at the floor.
“Nothing to worry about, Anon,” Twilight reassured.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was keeping in. “Thanks, Twilight.”
“Are you holding up okay, Anon?” Twilight asked. “You seem upset.”
I’m just worried about losing my friends in stupid bucking war is all, Twilight.
“I’m fine,” I lied.
Twilight continued to look at me concernedly for a few moments before mercifully moving on with a new question, “who’s Old Pink?”
“Mayor Mare,” I said, perking up a bit. “She needs to meet with you regarding the Ponyville weather team, specifically retaining pegasi for the town’s agricultural needs if I remember correctly. She said she’d be in the public works building if you wanted to pop in.”
Twilight turned to look at the clock above the entry doors in the library. “I suppose I can do that before meeting with Celestia and Luna. Though I imagine the royal guards are only going to be selecting the most fit and able ponies by the end of the sign up bonanza, there should be enough for the needs of the Ponyville weather team,” Twilight reasoned.
“Yeah, that makes sense. Still, it would be good to meet with her and alleviate her concerns,” I countered.
“Yes it would,” Twilight said then paused. “There’s a thing I’d like you to do, Anon. On the camping trip.”
I turned to look at Twilight, “What?” I said surprised. “A thing you’d like me to do?”
“Yes,” Twilight paused then whispered, “I want you to get to know Pewter better. Just some small details you and I know off the books, incase of an infiltration or worse.”
Whispering back I answered, “Sure, but why are you worried about infiltrators now? Did something happen?”
Twilight answered, “No nothing like that, but I realized Spike was a more difficult target to replace due to his eating habits. With him going up to the Crystal Empire to help Cadence and Shining, well there’s a new avenue of infiltration to be paranoid about.”
I placed a hood on her shoulder, “proactive, Twi. You’re being proactive, not paranoid,” I corrected.
Twilight smiled genuinely, “Thank you, Anon.”
“I’ll get the information. Is Starlight doing this too?” I queried, removing my hoof from Twilight and cocking my head.
“No, she's not helping on this one. I want her to be completely focused on getting ready for going to Stalliongrad next month,” Twilight answered.
“Alrighty, well I’ll pick it all up in conversation so Starlight will probably know too. Just keep that in mind.”
“I know, I know,” Twilight said before looking at me.
“Was there anything else?” I asked.
Twilight paused and looked hard at me.
“Twi?”
There was a long pause as Twilight continued to look at me, inscrutably.
If she wants to say something she’ll say it.
“No, that's all, ready to go?” She asked, slightly distracted.
“Let’s pop outta here.”
Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes before turning to the two unicorn guards at the door of the library. “Going to the main hall,” She said to the guards.
A pop and flash later we reappeared at the main hall quickly followed by two second pops and flashes from the unicorn guards who teleported after us. Starlight sat by one of the saddlebags trying to jam in what looked to be some light blankets.
Approaching the two with Twilight, I grabbed my smaller saddlebags now with three extra canteens and a large bag of hay and began to awkwardly put them on. Fortunately Twilight interceded and used her magic to place them on me. Giving a courteous nod to her I turned to Pewter with the tents and Starlight still attempting to jam the blankets in the less loaded saddlebag of miscellaneous gear.
“Are we really going to need those with how hot it is outside?” I asked.
“It’s good” - Starlight strained with her magic - “to be prepared, Anon,” she countered, struggling and failing to fit the blankets in.
“Roll them up and stick them in so that they bend over your back to the bag on the other side, Starlight,” Pewter suggested.
Giving it a try, she rolled up the three blankets and bent them across her back so that they would fit in, if a bit awkwardly. “Got it, good thinking, Pewter,” Starlight said.
“Are we all set now?” Pewter asked.
“I think so, let's get a trot on,” I said walking to the front double doors which opened via Starlight’s magic.
“Well have a good time on the camping trip you three. Hopefully it’ll be fun,” Twilight spoke.
Taking the lead, I went out the doors followed by Starlight and Pewter. Buck is it warm out, am I the only one noticing this? Turning around I gave a wave to Twilight, which Starlight and Pewter joined me in. Twilight reciprocated the wave and then teleported off with her guards. Ignoring the silly faces of the two guards on the outer door I turned to Starlight and Pewter.
“So do we have a place picked out or will we just go into the Apple’s southwestern field?” I asked the two.
“Can we camp on the edge of the Everfree? Is it safe enough?” Pewter asked, looking between Starlight and myself.
“There are a couple nice spots along the western edge north of Fluttershy’s cottage. It'll be safe,” Starlight suggested.
“Shall we?” I said, beginning to walk. Pewter and Starlight gave a nod and followed behind.
The sun’s unbroken rays continued to shine down on us as we made a wordless walk through a quiet Ponyville downtown. Turning back to look at Starlight and Pewter, the pair seemed to still be quiet. I should let Pewter initiate the conversation and then steer it towards her. Making our way across the bridge by town hall I wondered about some good questions to ask Pewter. She’s a thestral from that thestral city down in the south east, she has older brothers and that’s all I know about her. Passing by the last homes before the rolling hills of east Ponyville, Pewter finally broke the long silence.
“So you’re like an actual alien, Anon? I was talking with Twilight earlier and she mentioned you used to be a hue-man?” She asked.
I grinned and turned to look at Pewter while walking, “Formerly a human of Earth, but that was almost six years ago,” I answered.
“Wow, that’s just.” - Pewter’s face bore a look of awe and disbelief - “Unbelievable,” she said.
“Well, better start believing because I’m right here, Pewter,” I said, chuckling a bit.
There was another long silence as Pewter took in the information and I turned back to look down the road. We started to pass by the Apple family’s western field, seeing Big Macintosh and several other members of the extended Apple family working together to check the trees for something. Checking for diseases? I watched them briefly as we passed, until Pewter interrupted the quiet again.
“So why did Twilight turn you into a filly, Anon?” Pewter inquired, trotting up on my left beside me and looking at me.
I turned to look up at Pewter, “we got into a fight,” I deadpanned.
Pewter snickered at my expression, “I’m guessing Twilight won then, judging by your appearance?”
We both lost.
Looking back down the road, unmoved by Pewter’s snickering I answered, “Yeah, Twilight won.”
Starlight had crept on my right and touched a hoof to my shoulder briefly as I walked, catching my attention. Looking at her, she offered an understanding smile. Thank you Starlight. I smiled at her weakly before looking back down the road and letting silence hang in the air for a few minutes.
“What about you Pewter?” I asked, looking at her, “Can you tell us about yourself?”
Pewter turned and grinned at us before answering, “Well as I told you both I’m from Ayacachtl. I’d lived there pretty much my whole life until those reforms a couple of years ago. An official guard-cadet program came to our city for the first time and took us out to a place on the coast called Galloprey,” Pewter smiled genuinely. “I was just near the cutoff age for signing up but managed to get in; my cutie mark for documentation, organization and scribing made me something of a natural, so most of the school stuff came naturally to me,” Pewter got more giddy as she went on. “I was also pretty good at the more standard cadet stuff like shooting, land nav and squad leadership; but I preferred doing organizational stuff like logistics and planning,” Pewter beamed at us. “I guess I’m sort of a nerd,” Pewter chuckled.
“I think you’ll fit in well with Twilight then, Pewter,” Starlight said smiling.
“You can say that again and it sounds like you had fun too,” I said laughing lightly. “I do have a few questions though.”
Pewter turned to me curiously. “Go ahead,” she said, still smiling.
“I stole your uniform this morning because I thought it was an officer’s uniform, given the number of medals. What are your medals for?” I asked.
“I was wondering why you picked my uniform over the other ones!” Pewter said, then stuck her tongue out at me. “The silver medal is the thestral graduate medal, not really special, everypony in the class gets it. The gold medal is a merit excellence medal, for my unparalleled skills in organization,” Pewter said smiling before continuing. “The gold star medal is in recognition of leadership skills and lastly the celestial star of excellence is for being the one of the top students of my cadet school,” Pewter finished with a wide smile.
Wow, I guess Twilight really did recruit the best pony for replacing Spike.
“That’s quite impressive Pewter,” Starlight said in a fair degree of awe.
“Thank you!” Pewter beamed at Starlight and myself.
“Quite impressive is right, and this is only the start of your career too. Where were you stationed before Twilight requisitioned you?” I questioned.
Pewter looked at me skeptically a moment before cautiously answering, “I don’t think I can tell you that, Anon, Starlight,” Pewter said, deflating slightly. “Sorry.”
“Hey, that's perfectly fine, Pewter you don’t need to apologize,” I offered, tilting my head to her and smiling.
At some point during Pewter’s speaking we must have passed Sweet Apple Acres as Fluttershy’s cottage started to appear off to the right. Two paths to take were open, one going up north to a small hill and the other southern one to a ravine. As we approached the divide of the road I took a look at Fluttershy’s cottage in the distance to see if she was home or not but couldn’t tell.
I wonder what she and Discord have been doing since the war was declared.
“Which way do you want to go, Pewter?” Starlight questioned.
“Uhhh, I’m not sure, what do you two recommend?” Pewter countered.
“The hill?” I suggested looking towards Pewter then Starlight.
Pewter smiled and Starlight nodded to my suggestion and we proceeded onwards towards the small hill. Letting Pewter and Starlight take the lead I walked behind them a short ways. Looking down I began to think again. I can probably ask Pewter about her siblings and parents next. It might be a good idea to avoid military related topics from now on. I was broken out of my thinking as Pewter and Starlight looked off a small bridge over a creek and Pewter pointed at something in the water. Walking up slowly I squeezed between them to take a look at was so interesting.
“Awww, Anon! You scared it!” Pewter said a little bit upset.
“Scared what?” I asked, looking in the water.
“An Everfree bullfrog. They’re really rare!” Pewter spoke looking around for it.
What the heck is an Everfree bullfrog?
“Oh look, there it is just under the bridge!” Pewter whispered to myself and Starlight.
I attempted to lean a bit over to get a better look to no avail. Really good natural camouflage?
“I still can’t see it, can you point me in the right direction?” I asked Pewter.
Taking a hoof Pewter pointed down under the bridge towards the shadows. Straining even more, I leaned far over the side to try and get a better look. Where is this thing? Straining just a bit more I continued leaning farther to look as Pewter turned and began to walk around me.
“I’m still not seeing anything, are you su- AH!” I shouted as two hooves pushed on my flanks hard, knocking me off the bridge.
There was a pop of magic before I hit the water but I didn’t teleport anywhere as I flipped and then splashed into the shallow creek on my head and then back. Accidentally inhaling some water I quickly flipped on my back and stood up in the meter deep water, coughing. Turning my head back up to the bridge I saw the two mares laughing hysterically as I coughed out the last of the water. I think there's mud in my mane. Starlight stopped laughing first but remained smiling as I folded my ears and scowled in extreme displeasure while Pewter continued to howl with eeeing noises.
Alright, MISS Pewter. You. Are. SO. Bucking dead.
Looking at Starlight I spoke as calmly as possible. “Starlight, bring me up to the bridge please.”
Starlight levitated me up to the bridge, and levitated my saddlebags which she had teleported off my back onto the bridge beside me. Giving Starlight a hard look, she smiled uneasily at me and stepped out of the way and off of the bridge leaving me a few paces from a still giggling Pewter.
Stopping her giggling, she finally spoke, “And that’s payback for stealing my uniform and also to meet your; ‘worse’, expectations.” She approached and booped me on the snoot, before taking my saddlebags and hefting them on herself.
The audacity of this mare.
“You know this means war, right?” I asked her.
“Whatever you say, Anonfilly. We’re even now,” she said, meeting my eyes with a serious intensity, before turning and trotting ahead to join Starlight.
Trotting quickly to follow up behind Starlight and Pewter, the hill was only a short walk away now. The water that had soaked my coat actually felt nice as the heat from the hot summer day was minimized. Make no display of enjoying the refreshing coolness.
Trotting up beside Starlight I asked her, “Hey is there any mud in my mane?”
Starlight looked at me as she checked my soaked mane out, igniting her horn and pulling gently with her magic to get some odd clumps of mud out. “Does that feel better, Anon?”
“Much better, thank you,” I answered. I paused before asking my next question, “So how did Pewter here rope you into this?”
Pewter chuckled and Starlight answered, “Well I owe you for a couple tricks you pulled on me, and when Pewter and I went to get the saddlebags while you talked to Twilight, Pewter and I hatched a plan.”
“Of course. Should I remain on guard for the rest of the day, or can I take it easy knowing we’re even for now?” I asked Pewter and Starlight.
“We’re even, Anon,” Pewter said.
Forgive me if I doubt you Pewter.
“Rest easy, Anon, it was a one time thing,” Starlight answered.
I didn’t ask anymore questions as we started up the hill. While small, the hill we had chosen was a rather popular spot in Ponyville owing to its reasonable view of the town and surrounding countryside. The sun looked just about ready to settle behind Canterlot mountain as the three of us crested the hilltop. Hopefully it’ll start to cool down now. At the center of the hilltop was a small dirt pit for a campfire, surrounded by a small stone circle. Starlight and Pewter placed their saddlebags down nearby and then began to unpack. Starlight used her magic to quickly set up the three tents for each of us as Prancer placed the blankets within the tents. I sat by the saddlebags with all the food and water and watched until the pair were done.
“Last thing we need are some logs and kindling,” Starlight observed, turning to myself and Pewter.
“I can go grab that, Starlight,” Pewter offered.
“It’s probably best I go with you, so you don’t accidentally get lost or walk into any poison joke,” Starlight countered.
“Pewter, speaking honestly as a trickster to a fellow trickster, do not go in the poison joke,” I said looking seriously at her.
Pewter frowned nervously for a second before responding, “I’ll take your word for it, Anon.”
“Anon, you can stay here and dry off, if you’d like,” Starlight said, turning and walking towards the Everfree forest with Pewter in tow.
“Sounds fine to me,” I retorted to the two mares as they trotted off.
Taking a look around the camp briefly, I walked to the side of the hill with the view of Ponyville. Laying down in the grass, I stretched out and rolled on my side. A more eventful day than expected, and I've still gotta learn about Pewter’s past. Closing my eyes I began to relax more as the sun slowly dried my wet coat. Weather troubles with the Ponyville weather team, everypony trying to sign up for the war. Restless crusaders, but that’s par for that course really. I sighed pleasurably as the sun warmed and dried me.
Far off in the distance of Ponyville, a distant air raid siren sounded pulling me from my reverie. I opened my eyes and craned my neck up to look at Ponyville, hearing the sirens around town sound off one by one like they were singing together. One of these days it might not be a test or a drill. I frowned and put my head back down on the grass, shifting back to my thoughts. The crusaders are upset about being unable to help and I can’t help feeling the same way now. I closed my eyes again. Even if Twilight found a painless way to turn me back, could I even help? Would Twilight let me help? Taking a deep breath, I flopped onto my back and stretched again. Spike to the Crystal Empire. Starlight to Stalliongrad. Rarity in Manehattan and Pinkie, Rainbow and Applejack all signing up to fight. The sound of the sirens ended, leaving the local Ponyville area bereft of their keen warning song. That just leaves me and Fluttershy to help keep Twilight steady.
Rolling back on my side for a moment I stopped thinking to relax quietly in body and mind. Time passed until I felt something; a gentle breeze, the one scheduled for the late afternoon. Oh, that feels wonderful. I sat up on my rear and turned to the westerly breeze as it caressed my now drier coat.
Taking a deep breath as I was massaged by the breeze, I let my thoughts drift back to Twilight. Almost six years here in Equestria. Made a lot of friends, and even fell in love. I couldn’t help myself from smiling, remembering. That wonderful and silly purple pony. So kind and accommodating. My smile turned sour as I continued to remember.
That incident at the School of Friendship had started troubles which only got worse, and then that stupid, stupid Lunar night festival. A dumb, drunken rhyme off. I bucked everything up.
My eyes felt wet and I started to shake slightly. Stupid, juvenile, idiot. I sobbed quietly. Twilight lost her composure after that, and I… deserved to be punished. If I hadn’t gotten her so angry, she would have understood the spell she was casting better. I had to try to break out of my sobbing for a moment to wipe my eyes. I don’t want Starlight or Pewter to see me like this.
After taking care to wipe my eyes, I laid down again, refocusing. If Twilight had known about the nature of the spell she wouldn't have cast it. I shuddered at the dreadful memory of being turned into a filly. If I hadn’t been so bullheaded afterwards, maybe we still could be… together. I opened my eyes, seeing Ponyville before me slowly creep into the evening as the sun set behind Canterlot mountain. Silence reigned in my head as the wind gently blew.
Twilight should be here with me. We should be together. I looked towards Twilight’s Castle of Friendship, lights shone from it dimly as the evening engulfed it. Maybe it’s not too late. I looked to the balcony outside where Twilight’s room was, seeing light dance as figures moved inside. I have to try.
I took a deep breath and exhaled. I will forgive you, Twilight, I will stop being a little trickster shit. My eyes closed as the sun disappeared completely behind Canterlot mountain. You can stop looking for a spell to change me back.
Then, I felt a physical, cathartic release. A weight off of my back. I smiled. It’ll be okay. There are going to be more important problems to solve soon and I want to help you overcome them. I want to be with you, and hold you close and be held by you again. I opened my eyes again and found myself, the hilltop, Ponyville, in that beautiful darkness that comes before the complete blackness of nighttime.
