With a Little Help from My Friends
“Sunny, have you ever had a crush before?”
Sunny almost loses control of her smoothie blenders.
“Erm…hey Misty! Fancy seeing you here at the smoothie cart! That’s a…erm…random question to ask!” she chuckles nervously.
It’s Misty’s turn in line. “Well, sorry it’s all of a sudden, it’s just…somepony asked me if I’ve ever fallen in love before. And the truth is…I don’t know. Opaline taught me about how foals are made. But I never met anypony my age to know what it feels like to…you know…”
Sunny nods. “I totally get it, Misty. Love is such an important part of what makes us who we are, and everypony should get a chance to experience it,” she says in her usual cheerful, socially-aware demeanor.
“I mean…I guess I know ponies are supposed to fall in love and get married. But I don’t know how or what I even like…and I was hoping you all could help me figure it out. You know…what’s my ‘type.’”
“Sure Misty! We girls would love to help you out!”
“Hey quit holding up the line!”
Misty turns back and gulps at the two-block-long queue behind her.
Sunny goes back to her three active smoothie blenders threatening to rattle out of their plastic nests. “Erm…can we maybe talk later, Misty? After I close for the day? And can you order now…please?”
“Ah! Right! I…get me a…erm…I…number 15.”
“You want regular ice, low ice, or no ice?” she rattles through the options faster than the spinning of her blenders.
“R-r-regular I guess?”
“Full sweet, medium sweet, low sweet, no sweet, or natural zero-calorie sweetener?”
“Ooh, the natural one.”
“Low-fat milk, 2%, soy, or almond?”
“2% soy.”
“Do you want boba?”
“…sure.”
“Do you want regular boba, passionfruit boba, or our new ice-crystal boba?”
“Wh-what’s ice crystal boba?”
“Hey! Hurry up over there!” More nods of agreement from impatient customers behind.
Misty Brightdawn was never good at fast-paced decisions (like when she had to come up with the last name “Brightdawn” in five seconds). She throws her hooves up. “Oh just give me anything, Sunny!” she says, and dashes off with her order number printed on the receipt.
Sunset falls upon Mareitime Bay. Sunny closes up shop, and joins Misty sitting at a picnic table, next to where Izzy’s scooter is parked. Misty slurps up the last ice-crystal boba in her number 15, the straw making unpleasant gurgling noises.
“Yay!” Izzy smiles at her Unicycling Car. “Another parking ticket!”
Sunny turns to Izzy in confusion. “You’re glad you got a parking ticket?”
“Yeah, isn’t it great? I just leave my scooter overnight in the red space here, and Hitch gives a free $60 ticket the next day.”
“That doesn’t mean you get $60. You have to pay $60 for parking illegally.”
“Ohhh…in Bridlewood, parking tickets were the things you bought to get into the drive-in theater. No wonder Hitch has been giving me the stink eye these past two weeks.” Izzy sighs, her eyebrows turned downward. “Awww. Now I’ve gotta pay for all the other tickets too.”
Izzy turns to the main topic of conversation. “So Misty…” she sits at the picnic table and rests her chin on the tabletop, wearing her “girl talk” face. “Tell us what’s on yer mind…?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been doing a lot of research on this romance thing and…I’m so confused. It all seems so complicated. Like, why do I not pay for half the bill? Why do you need to wait three dates before the first kiss? And what does ‘half your age plus seven’ mean?”
“Well, let’s start with a simple question,” Sunny says. “Do you like stallions…”
“…or mares?” Izzy interjects, poking her head in.
“Well…I like hanging out with you all. Four mares and a stallion. Is that being in love? Oh yeah, I slept with you girls at the unicorn sleepover right? I took this mini quiz online, and it says I’m ‘lesbian polyamorous.’”
Silence.
Misty gives a nervous toothy smile as she feels a void in her brain expanding.
Sunny takes a deep breath. “Misty, that’s not what they mean by ‘sleeping.’ When you ‘sleep’ with someone it actually means…well…” Sunny whispers to Misty.
Misty frowns. “Wait, that doesn’t make sense. You don’t do that while you’re sleeping. I always did it when I was awake. Using Opaline’s ‘Magic Torch’.”
“Yeah but…afterwards…what do you do?”
“Erm…quickly put the Magic Torch back so Opaline wouldn’t catch me stealing it?”
“No, Misty, you don’t get it. You see…” Sunny leans forward to whisper more, but Misty pushes her away first.
“Forget it, Sunny!” Misty groans and presses her hooves to her head. “Ugggh, now I’m just more confused.”
“Let me take over!” Izzy switches seats with Sunny, so that now Izzy's sitting directly across from Misty. “Listen Misty. We need to talk. Unicorn to unicorn. When you have romantic feelings for somepony, your sparkle glows bright red. And if somepony else is feeling romantic feelings, their red sparkle is bright enough that you and other unicorns can see it too. It’s as simple as that! I mean, that’s how I figured out Sunny’s in love with Hitch.”
Sunny is suddenly jolted. “What!? Hey stop that! Hitch is my childhood friend, okay!”
“Ah, but you don’t deny you have a crush…?”
“Yes! I mean…no! But…I mean…erm…I…well…” Sunny’s face is like a dew-covered tomato.
“Well…I don’t know about colors,” Misty says, “But…I do feel like my sparkle is brighter when I’m with you ponies. My friends. And I want to spend time with you all because you’re my friends. I guess that’s like love.”
“Yeah, but do you feel like rutting us?”
“Izzy!” Sunny gives her a hard nudge, which wipes the sleazy grin off her face.
“Relax, Sunny! We’re all adults here! Wait…you are an adult, right Misty?”
Misty looks down at the pavement. “Well…I don’t have a birth certificate…and Opaline never celebrated my birthdays...so I’m not sure.”
Sunny squints her eyes. Normally you could guess by the years since getting a cutie mark, but Misty only got hers less than a year ago. And plenty of adults have childlike high-pitched voices.
…and no police sirens to be heard. Yet.
Misty traces tally marks on the table with her hoof, stopping at a number that tickles her fancy. “I think I’m an adult? I…oh! I remember when I was little, I saw this meteor shower. The…Northern Stars, I think.”
“I know that meteor shower!” Sunny says. “Well, I wasn’t born yet, but Dad reported it in his journal. It’s only visible in Mareitime Bay every 237 years. How was it? I love meteor showers! Wasn’t it so pretty?”
“Yeah, but…Opaline spent the whole time trying to harness magic from it to get her fire alicorn power back. And when it didn’t work, she just looked up and started cussing at it.”
“Do you remember how old you were when that meteor shower happened?”
“Well, I was definitely a foal. I remember reading books a winter or two before the meteor shower! At least.”
“So, if we assume you were, say...7 when the meteor shower happened, and the meteor shower was…” Sunny frowns. “Wait, that can’t be right. That makes you…” Sunny writes down the number on a clean napkin for the three of them to see. With supporting work.
“Misty, I’m 25. Izzy’s 22. You’re older than all of us.”
Izzy gasps. “Wait…wait…! Misty…! Could you actually be…” A unwipeable smirk creeps up the unicorn’s face. “A cougar!?”
“Hey quit it, Izzy! I'm not even old enough to be considered one!” Misty had read the definition from the same website that said she was “lesbian polyamorous”...so who knows if it's accurate?
“I think what Izzy’s trying to say is…you definitely don’t look your age! I’m kinda jealous actually!” Sunny makes a mental note to order more inventory for collagen and kale smoothies. “You should be proud of yourself, Misty.”
“Well I’m not! It’s like it took me THIS long to finally stand up to Opaline!? And now I’m just an old, stunted unicorn with the love experience of a filly and one count of dragonnapping on my record, and nopony will ever wanna date me.” Her pout ironically makes her look like a kid.
“Sorry, Misty.” Sunny reaches out a consoling hoof. “You shouldn’t beat yourself up over the past. It’s not your fault Opaline mistreated you. And all that matters is in the end you did decide to change for the better. Even if it was a little later in life. Any pony worthy of your love would understand that.”
“Oooh this is so exciting you’re finally dating! It’s like you get to be a teenager all over again! Here, you need a glow-up!” Izzy opens up the shutter at the back her scooter, revealing a variety of accessories on display. “Here. Unicycled faux pearl necklace made from desiccant beads. Peak cougar style.”
“Stop calling me a cougar!”
Izzy snorts. “Fine. But buy it from me…please? I need to raise money for all the unpaid parking tickets. I’m desperate!”
“$600, 660, 720…760…wait, I’m missing one $20 bill, that’s…SPARKY NO! THAT’S NOT TOILET PAPER!” Hitch makes a mad dash for the baby dragon’s toilet-training seat, grabbing the last bill milliseconds before a small fart of flames appear in his wake.
“…Phew. 780. There. That’s $780 for the 13 parking tickets. Thanks for bringing the payment over to my office, Misty.” Hitch places the cash back into the envelope titled To Sheriff Hitch from Izzy :(
“Thanks Hitch. And Izzy says she’s sorry for the misunderstanding and she’ll park someplace else in the future.”
“Just doin’ my job, Misty. Hope she can understand. Now if you’ll excuse me, Sparky and I are packing for a family-fun trip to Ponytropico—SPARKY DID YOU JUST QUADRUPLICATE MY CELL PHONE!?”
Misty gazes in awe. “You could resell the extras,” she mutters. “Oh, sorry! My Opaline get-rich-quick instincts kicked in.”
“Sparky, come, gimme the phones. I’ll pack it—hey! Get back here!” One tap of Hitch’s leg, and the dragon starts running, giggling all the way.
Misty follows Hitch’s erratic path around the sheriff’s office as he chases Sparky, his hooves making scuff marks on the old vinyl floor. After a clumsy earth-pony-shimmy up a metal cabinet, he finally grabs ahold of Sparky.
“Tag! You’re it! How’re ya doing, buddy?”
The baby dragon quietly cheers.
“Hitch? Do you love Sparky?”
He looks up from the baby dragon he’s cuddling. “Of course I do.”
“Wh…what does it feel like?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just…I was telling Sunny and Izzy. I’ve never fallen in love before, probably cause I was stuck in Opaline’s castle for so long and had nopony to fall in love with. And…I just don’t know what it feels like. You love Sparky right? What does it feel like to you? Do you feel like you want to ‘sleep’ with him?”
Hitch quickly corrects Misty. “Well, it’s different. I love him, but because he’s my child. Parental love. It’s different than romantic love like you’re thinking about. I want to care for him. Protect him—SPARKY THAT’S A CHOKING HAZARD!”
Hitch frees a toy marble from Sparky’s grip. “That’s better. Who’s the best dragon baby. Yes you are!” He presses the dragon close to him and feeds him a not-choking-hazard cookie.
“You’re a great parent to Sparky, Hitch. I hope you realize that.”
“Aww…really, I’m not—”
Misty giggles. “No, I mean it! You’re such a good father figure to him, even if you two aren’t flesh and blood. I…” a sudden silence.
“Bad parents are bad parents, Misty. Adoptive or not.”
“You know Hitch? I always thought the reason that Opaline was mean to me was because I wasn’t her flesh and blood.” Because Misty wasn’t flesh and blood, she was never fed. Because she wasn’t flesh and blood, she was always uglier, dumber than superior Opaline. And that was why. That’s what made it okay.
That was why Misty didn’t “deserve” to be Opaline’s daughter.
Watching the bond between the dragon-dad and son, it felt like she had been an orphan all her life.
“You know what my biggest fear about dating somepony is, Hitch?”
Hitch just listens. Sparky gurgles a little, now seated on the floor.
“That I’ll be dating somepony, ‘sleeping’ with them or whatever, and one day, l’ll turn to them…and the face of Opaline will show up again. Mocking me. Laughing at me. Or yelling at me. And I’ll be so sad! And I—I don’t want my partner to be sad too. I don’t want the one I love to deal with my baggage.”
“Misty…your partner doesn’t have to deal with, or even understand all of your baggage. They just have to love you. You just have to love each other and care for each other. That’s all.”
“Really?” Misty looks up from the floor.
Hitch feigns confidence, before finally giving in. “Well. In a perfect world, it’d work that way, but sometimes…the baggage really is too much. And well, I know because…”
Misty scans Hitch’s silent expression for a name.
“Sunny.”
Hitch nods. “We dated. On and off. But she was dealing with her mom leaving. Before Equestria was reunified again, we’d argue for hours about pegasus and unicorn traps being cruel and unusual punishment. Eventually we just agreed to stay friends. Never crossing that line again.”
Hitch lets out a puff of air and stands up straight. “But that was just me and one relationship. We made the first step and it didn’t work out. But you won’t know if you don’t even take the first step, right?”
Misty smiles. “I guess so.”
“That’s the spirit, Misty. Don’t be afraid to get a taste of new things—SPARKY NO THAT’S NOT FOR DRAGON CONSUMPTION! SPIT IT OUT! NOW!”
“Look Misty, there’s a whole collection of 500-year-old porn in the castle library. All we gotta do is have you watch them while we hook you up to the machines at Zephyr Heights General Hospital Institute of Sexology (that’s a mouthful). Then we can deduce who you’re attracted to.”
“Zipp!” Pipp scolds her sister. “Stop it. You’re making Misty’s self-discovery sound so…cold and scientific.”
Early morning at Mane Melody, before opening time. Misty joins Zipp and Pipp for a slice of toast and coffee on the styling chairs—just be careful not to spill it on the chair fabric or you’ll hear the rough side of Jazz’s tongue, which according to Zipp, isn’t pleasant. (“Zipp! What the hay?! I go into the shower for ten bucking minutes and when I come out, you’re playing this god-awful drill music on the stereo. I can’t believe my ears!”)
Misty takes a sip of her coffee. “So, what dating advice do you have, Pipp? You seem to be pretty good at social interaction.”
“Well…first we should figure out your type. Even if you were stuck in the castle cause of Opaline...did you have any celebrity crushes as a child? Maybe on TV, or in a magazine?”
“Well…there’s this one magazine from Opaline’s library. Countess Coloratura? She’s kinda cute. And erm…Feather Bangs. I like him too. Not sure if it’s ‘love’ though.”
“Never heard of them,” Pipp says.
“I have. They’re both teen pop stars from Old Equestria, when Twilight was ruler. Makes sense why Opaline would have magazines of them.”
Pipp searches them on her phone. “Zipp, how did you already know who they were?”
“500-year-old porn collection. Remember, sis?”
Pipp sits silently with her mouth agape, letting out a quiet whimper, as her sister smirks back. A stock recording of Countess Coloratura continues playing on Pipp’s phone.
“So…do you have any suggestions who I should date, Pipp? Considering…you’re so great at social interaction and all.”
Pipp presses pause on her phone. “Well, like, if I’m being totally honest, Misty…I…neither Zipp nor I have ever dated.”
“Speak for yourself!” Zipp turns to her sister.
“Zipp, you never told me—”
“Geez. Do I gotta tell you everything?”
“Oh yeah? Then who IS this stallion of yours? Anypony I know?”
“We’ve spent a lot of time together, but I technically haven’t asked them out yet. And I’m not telling you who it is cause I know you’re gonna laugh at me.”
“So, out of the blue, you tell me you have this crush, that you haven’t actually started dating, and you can’t tell me who he is. Hmm. Yeah. VERY believable.”
“I’m telling you the truth Pipp!”
“All right all right,” Pipp repeats in a monotone voice. “If you say so, sis. Well, speaking for mySELF…I talk about love and crushes a lot on my streams, but the truth is…I don’t date. I just research the trending buzzwords and innuendo that attract viewers.”
“Even a social butterfly like you…?” Misty says.
“I’m a singer, princess, livestreamer, beautician…I’m married to my job I guess you’d say. But y’know Misty…I may be able to help you. If you’re looking for a date, I know just the thing. I’ve helped some of my old schoolmates find love with it!”
“And what’s that?”
“Not this again, Pipp.” Zipp rolls her eyes.
“A Tinder profile!”
Zipp’s spiky mane droops in silent resignation.
“It’s, like, an online app that matches you with other ponies on the Canternet.”
“Is it hard to use?”
“Nope! All you have to do is swipe on who you like or don’t like!”
“That simple? Just what I need!”
“Awesome!” Pipp enthusiastically whips out her phone and pulls out the app. “Here I’ll set it up for you. ‘Misty.’ Now. How old are you?”
“Well…I never had a birth certificate. But based on a meteor shower I saw when I was little, Sunny figured out I’m…” she whispers the number to Pipp.
(“Cougar?” Zipp mutters to herself, after she searches her mental catalog of past meteor showers.)
Pipp’s eyes widen. Then squint for wrinkles. Then widen again. “No way.”
“Yeah, I…”
“Misty. I. Need. Your. Skincare. Regime. Right now.”
“Erm…I guess…being trapped in a dark castle by an evil fire alicorn, never exposed to sunlight?”
Pipp sulks. “Eh, never mind, I see your point there. Anyways, it’s never too late to find love~!”
“Yeah, just look at our mom and…” Zipp shudders. “…‘Alphie.’” Pipp shudders in unison, also sticking her tongue out with a quiet “blegh.”
“ANYways…” Pipp turns back to her phone. “Age…there. And what about your likes?”
Misty thinks for a moment. “Erm…my friends, unicorn sleepovers, masquerade balls…and ponycorn.”
“And I guess…a little about yourself and what you’re looking for? In your own words.”
“Well, I guess…‘Somepony recently asked me if I’ve ever fallen in love, and so despite a troubled past I’ve decided it’s time to finally take the first step to a relationship.’ Is that okay?”
Pipp stops typing. “Wait…somepony asked you if you’ve ever fallen in love?”
“Yeah?”
“You know what that means if they ask you that. It’s a pick-up line.”
“A pick-up line?”
“It means…” Pipp’s eyes shift side to side. “…that they’ve got a crush on you.”
Zipp leans close and grins smugly. “So, tell us, M. Who’s this pony crushing on you?”
“Well…I don’t really wanna say, but…it was…”
At that exact moment, the door starts banging.
Pipp checks the clock. “Crap! Opening time! I almost forgot!” Pipp makes a mad dash for the door lock. “Welcome to Mane Melody everypony!” Several customers from around town enter the shop, a mix of appointments and walk-ins.
“Misty!” A familiar voice calls out her name—
—and their sparkle is burning bright red.