Having Tea
“Do you think she’ll like it, son?” Ice King asked excitedly while holding a bouquet of flowers.
“I already told you to stop calling me son! Her Majesty isn’t even our mother!” A changeling named Thorax complained as Ice King giggled.
“I know she and I are not married yet, but you don’t have to be shy! You can call me Dad! And I already said I don’t mind if she had a hundred thousand kids,” The blue-skinned man retorted while flying toward the center of the hive with his beard, followed by Thorax.
The changeling gave up on arguing with him. Ice King had been with them for over a month, and there had been a few changes. Some places in the hive were completely frozen and covered with snow, making it nearly impossible for changelings to live there. Ice King used those places as storage for some of his personal belongings, which were just things he stole from Equestria or other kingdoms. They also stopped making plans to conquer Equestria. Ice King seemed completely uninterested in conquering other lands or ruling them.
His wants changed so much that they didn’t even know what he wanted to do actually. Besides getting married. Indeed, it could be said that their leader was now Ice King. Simply because Queen Chrysalis was still imprisoned and couldn’t use her magic to escape since her horn was encased in ice. Considering Ice King’s power, no member of the swarm tried to free their queen and defeat him. Instead, they submitted, hoping that she and the ice man would come to an understanding and settle their differences.
The first thing they noticed when they reached the center of the hive was Chrysalis poking her head out of her cell, ice wrapped all around her horn. It looked like she was talking to two guards stationed in front of her prison cell.
“Come on! I’m your Queen for Gods’ sake! All you have to do is open the cell, break that ice and I’ll do the rest!” She half whispered half shouted to the two guards while they looked at each other.
“I am sorry, Your Majesty, but we can’t,” One of them replied nervously while Chrysalis opened her mouth to ask why.
“Because you’re too weak. Frankly, we doubt you can beat him,” The second guard added as the changeling queen gasped in shock.
“How dare you, Pharynx! You would be all dead without me! Don’t think I will let this disrespect slide!” Chrysalis yelled in anger while Pharynx brushed her off.
“Hooooney! I’m heeeere!” Ice King called out while quickly approaching, making Chrysalis groan.
“Noooo! He’s already back!” She whined as she collapsed to her knees in defeat.
“Look what I got you!” Ice King exclaimed as he handed her a bouquet of roses. The changeling queen merely scoffed in response.
“I don’t want your pathetic flowers!” She snapped as she grabbed the bouquet with her mouth and tore them apart with her teeth.
“Hey! I worked hard on stealing these flowers!” Ice King threw his arms in the air. He didn’t really have a job in Equestria and had no way of making money either, which was why he always stole everything. Although, Twilight had been nice to give him some things, which they knew about because he kept telling them she had a secret crush on him.
“I don’t care! Release me this instant! And maybe I won’t kill you!” Chrysalis threatened while Ice King shook his head disappointedly.
“You’re still on that? Can’t you stop threatening me already?” He inquired while Chrysalis crossed her forelegs and sat on the ground while looking away. Instead of answering him, she grumbled insults under her breath. “I bet all you need is a bit of love! Friendship Princess told me that this is what you feed on, right? Why don’t you ever eat mine? Come on! Get over here!” Ice King smiled before shoving his arms between the cell bars and grabbing Chrysalis to pull her closer, successfully hugging her.
“Let. Go. OF ME!” Chrysalis hollered, absolutely offended at being undignified in such a way. Thankfully, she managed to get out of Ice King’s arms.
“Hey!” Her self–proclaimed boyfriend winced.
“You don’t even have love I can eat, you buffoon! You don’t love me! What you have is an insane obsession born from a stupid broken mind! That’s not something I can feed on!” Chrysalis screamed, making Ice King gasp.
“I give you flowers and sing you love songs, and that still isn’t enough proof that I love you?!” He put his hands on his hips as Chrysalis sighed in annoyance. “Why do I need to do all that? And why can’t you prove that you love me too once in a while? I deserve some love too, you know,” He added sadly while the changeling queen grumbled.
“That’s because I don’t love you! I even sang a song about how much I don’t love you, but you still don’t get the message! Instead, you would rather cry in front of these romance dramas,”
“Hey! I’m a sensitive guy! A-And I’ve had enough! You don’t appreciate me!” Ice King huffed as he turned his back on her. Meanwhile, Chrysalis slowly started widening her eyes.
“So you understand… D-Does that mean?” She began muttering hopefully.
“Sometimes I feel like that no matter what I do, you will get mad at me! Like that time I tried to make an ice sculpture of you,” He recalled. Chrysalis remembered it, it was ugly. “Or that time I brought you chocolate cake,” She was allergic to chocolate and nearly died because of that imbecile. “Or when I tried to redecorate your hive because it’s ugly and stupid, and it stinks! And I did it on my own, too!” A third of it collapsed and he used the help of her changelings and weird snow creatures he created. “M-Maybe I was wrong about all of this…”
“Yes…?” Chrysalis asked with hope.
“It’s not like we’re married yet, so…” Ice King continued while Chrysalis approached the cell bars.
“Yes…?” She inquired louder.
“Maybe we should take a break. Here! I said it!” Ice King blurted out as Chrysalis jumped in joy.
“YES!” The changeling queen began dancing as if she had just won the lottery. “Finally! I’m rid of you!” She laughed, undoubtedly being the happiest she had ever been in her life.
“You’re really trying to hide your sadness, aren’t you?” Ice King chuckled. “I can see right through you! But your tactics won’t work on me! If you’re really heartbroken, then you’ll think about our relationship,” He crossed his arms, then flew off the ground.
“Wait! You forgot to release me!” Chrysalis shouted as the blue man ignored her.
“You guys keep her safe in there, alright?” Ice King ordered Thorax and the other changelings. “I don’t want her to date other guys. Just in case,” He whispered in Thorax’s ear as the changeling pulled his head back and shivered in disgust.
“What? No! Come back here!” Chrysalis ordered while staring at Ice King’s back, who flew without turning around.
“She’s already begging me to come back!” Ice King told himself while snickering.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so delusional…” Thorax muttered as the human man disappeared into one of the hive’s tunnels’ shadows.
Chrysalis threw a hesitant glance at Pharynx, who stared back at her.
“No. You’re staying there until he comes back,” He responded before looking ahead and ignoring her grunts.
“You little… You’re enjoying this aren’t you?!” She screamed only to be ignored completely. “This is all Twilight Sparkle’s fault! If she hadn’t sent that… monster here, then everything would have been fine,” She mumbled while pacing in her cell. At least, she had a break from Ice King. With any luck, he would never even come back.
Meanwhile, in Equestria…
Princess Celestia breathed in relief as the last pony left the throne room, finally letting her rest. So many subjects had wanted an audition with her that she nearly felt like an eternity had gone by. This wasn’t the first time, even centuries were not enough for her to get used to something like this. Maybe she should just give the job to Twilight and be done with it.
She had been thinking of that for years now, but never thought the time had come. Maybe she could wait a couple more years. After all, everything had gone according to plan. Oh, yes, Twilight had been playing in the center of her hoof ever since she began studying under her. All those tests and assignments for Twilight to complete were for one purpose only. Freeing her sister was only a bonus because what she truly wanted was… to be freed from the clutches of politics!
She would finally be free of listening to literally everyone’s problems every day! She would finally stop worrying about possible wars or diplomatic incidents! She was already freed from facing Equestria-ending threats after all! Soon, Twilight will take her place as a sacrifice to suffer in her stead! She did feel bad about that, but the lavender alicorn would understand… After being trapped in her shoes for several centuries!
Celestia chuckled evilly while the two guards in the room glanced at each other. Thinking about her dream coming true already made the princess relaxed. Now all that she needed was a nice cup of tea.
Oh, Sun Princess!
I looove you, Princess!
For you, I’ve been working on my pecs!
You’re totally my type!
Celestia sighed in annoyance as she recognized the voice singing that lovely tune. At least, it didn’t sound as weird as the time he sang about how hot she was. She understood the pun since Princess of the Sun and all… But still. They didn’t quite formally introduce themselves to each other since the only time Ice King visited was to sing that song, and Celestia simply brushed him off. She did know about him because Twilight told her how he kidnapped her. And she also knew he came to woo her last time because Chrysalis told him about her.
“Uhm, Princess? He’s back again,” One of the guards pointed out while looking out the window.
“I know,” Celestia muttered. She really didn’t want to deal with this…
“And… He’s coming,” The guard commented while still looking out the window.
“I know,” The princess repeated as she stood straight up since she still had to keep her regal appearance, after all.
“Sun Princess! Marry meeee!” Ice King shouted as he flew into the room right through a window, breaking it even if there was already one open. “Or I’ll kidnap you!” He added as the two guards pointed their spears at him. He eagerly held a guitar in the air, ready to play more songs.
“First of all, I doubt you can even kidnap me,” Celestia started motioning for the guards to lower their spears, which they did. Meanwhile, Ice King frowned in denial. “Also, I heard from Twi… Ahem, Friendship Princess that you were dating Queen Chrysalis. Aren’t you?”
That question alone brought Ice King’s mood down as he dropped his guitar and sniffled back a few tears. The guards looked at one other while Celestia jerked her head back in surprise.
“I… She…” Ice King stammered, then suddenly began crying so hard that flows of tears burst out of his eyes. “She doesn’t love me anymore!” He screamed as Celestia’s eyes wandered the room. She had absolutely no idea what to do. “I’ll end up all alone because no one loves me!” He continued to cry as he threw himself on the ground and sobbed into his arms.
Celestia finally pulled herself out of her trance and facehoofed as she sighed, then turned her attention to the guards. A single motion of her hoof was enough for them to understand that she was telling them to leave. She paused, unsure if she was really going to do what she was planning to do, then resigned herself. She hesitantly stepped forward and put a hoof on Ice King’s shoulder.
“There, there. I’m sure it’s not as serious as you make it out to be,” She reassured him as the human raised his head and sniffled while attempting to hold back his tears.
“Really?” He asked hopefully. Looking at him like that, maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy…
“Let’s talk about this around a cup of tea,” Celestia suggested as Ice King stood up and wiped off his tears and snot with his sleeves, making Celestia grimace and look away.
“Well, if you insist!” Ice King exclaimed so happily that it looked like he didn’t even just go through a breakup.
Even doing something as simple as preparing for tea time was unbelievably hard when doing it with Ice King. How could a sentient creature be this annoying? And of course, she had to deal with this! Oh, she couldn’t wait for Twilight to take over! Let her take care of these annoyances!
After a few minutes, they sat across each other on Celestia’s balcony, both with tea cups in front of them.
“So you can move the sun or something?” Ice King asked eagerly as the alicorn nodded.
“Yes, but let’s talk about your relationship instead…” She began before being quickly cut off in the middle of her sentence.
“Make it do a loop!” He interrupted her as he threw his hands in the air.
“What?” She blurted in confusion, nearly breaking her cup of tea inside her magical hold.
“If you can move it, then that means you can make it do a loop, right? Come on, I wanna see the sun do a loop!” He insisted excitedly while Celestia shook her head.
“I can do that, but I won’t. The sun must follow a very clear and distinct path-” She began as Ice King interrupted her again.
“Oh, so you can’t do it,” He crossed his arms in disappointment and boredom.
“As I said… I can, but…” Celestia attempted to argue.
“Nope! I’m bored now! You’re boring me, lady! I know you want people to think you’re cool and all, but lying about moving the sun is a bit much, don’t ya think?” Ice King raised an eyebrow while Celestia cleared her throat, barely able to hide her annoyance.
“I can move the sun, but doing it in such a way would be highly irresponsible,” The alicorn of the sun explained while Ice King looked uninterested.
“All I hear are excuses! If you can’t do it, just say so,” Ice King complained as Celestia chuckled.
“Alright, I see what you’re doing, but that’s not going to work,” She commented while the blue man was cleaning his ears.
“Huh? Doing what? It’s fine, I can just ask Friendship Princess to do it,” The ice monarch replied as Celestia narrowed her eyes. Okay, that irritated her a bit.
“But Twilight… I mean, Friendship Princess, can’t move the sun,” She retorted as Ice King shook his head, refusing to accept this as an answer.
“I don’t believe you. I bet she can and you’re just jealous you can’t,” He pointed his finger at her as Celestia groaned.
“No, she can’t… Only my sister and I can,” She grumbled as quietly as possible because if she didn’t… She would yell and the whole castle would hear her.
“Seeing the sun do a loop would be so awesome! So if you could really do it, then why don’t you?!” Ice King argued, then sat back in his chair, looking even more bored than earlier. “Forget it, I’ll just ask Chrysalis,”
Okay, now that was too much. Celestia’s horn flared up as the sun began doing several loops, moving unnaturally fast. Ice King immediately turned to look as he noticed the changes in the weather, staring at the celestial body doing aerobatics.
“See? What did I say? I can do it,” Celestia pointed out as she got the sun back to where it was. Meanwhile, Ice King remained silent for a few seconds, then turned to look at her.
“Eh. Now that I’ve seen it, it’s not as cool as it sounded,” He shrugged and took a sip of his tea as if nothing happened.
Celestia groaned but didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to lose her temper on something so trivial, after all.
“So… You and Chrysalis. Did something happen?” She managed to calm down and ask.
“I feel like she doesn’t appreciate me enough,” Ice King crossed his arms and frowned while Celestia nodded along. “I bring her flowers, and she threatens to kill me!” He revealed in annoyance as the alicorn cleared her throat.
“That… indeed seems like a problem…” She put a hoof on her chin.
“I said the same thing!” Ice King exclaimed, seemingly satisfied that she agreed with him. “I always try so hard to do good! I even order some of her kids to clean her cell every day! I even prepare baths for her!” He threw his hands in the air. “Although she never goes to bathe, but I bet that’s because she’s too shy around me,” Ice King giggled while blushing.
“Well, Chrysalis is very rough around the edges. I’m sure she actually really loves you but is too scared to admit it,” Celestia replied. She was lying, and she knew that.
She doubted Chrysalis was even capable of love, honestly. But setting Ice King on her was the best idea Twilight ever came up with. They got rid of Chrysalis and a potential new enemy, which was the ice magic user. Moreover, imagining the queen of changelings trapped in a cell and forced to marry a crazy old man was hilarious. One would question the morality of their decisions and the pleasure they felt from them, but the alicorn didn’t care. That was payback for the time Chrysalis encased her in a block of that weird green goo.
Besides, Chrysalis shouldn’t complain too much considering she had an endless supply of love at her disposal now.
“Oh! So she’s a tsundere!” Ice King shouted as if he just understood something.
“A what?” Celestia inquired in confusion. What the hell was a tsundere?
“You don’t know? It’s a girl that pretends to hate you, but is actually tots in love with you! And if you say something nice to her, then she’ll call you an idiot, but she’ll actually be really flattered,” Ice King explained dreamily while Celestia raised her eyebrows. “I think I’ll put one in the fanfiction I’m writing about you, princesses,”
“That sounds… Incredibly stupid,” She muttered, then focused back on their initial issue. “Anyways, I’m sure Chrysalis is simply too scared to talk about her feelings. She loves you, but doesn’t know how to express it,” She mused as Ice King looked hopeful.
“Do… Do you really think so?”
“Of course! What wouldn’t she like about you?” Celestia insisted as she took a good look at him. He smiled wide, showing dirty teeth while flies flew around and bugs crawled out of his beard. The alicorn shivered but kept on talking. “You’re… an atypical creature, and very… passionate about what you do. There is nothing better than a passionate and understanding pony, who would be listening to you when it matters. And… uhm… You also have pretty eyes, I suppose?” She listed while Ice King’s lower lip quivered. It seemed he was getting emotional.
“P-Princess…” He muttered in a flattered tone. Suddenly, he puckered his lips and moved his head closer to Celestia’s, going as far as climbing on the table. The alicorn squealed in fear as she pulled her head back as far as she could.
“What are you doing?!” She shouted as the Ice King looked confused.
“I’m kissing you, isn’t that obvious?” He responded as Celestia swiftly got off her seat and stepped back.
“I can see that! But why are you doing it?!” She hissed while Ice King scratched the back of his neck.
“Aren’t we on a date?” He inquired while going back to his seat.
“What made you think that?!”
“You invited me for tea!” He snapped and slammed his hands on the table, nearly knocking over the cups of tea.
“T-That doesn’t mean it’s a date! I have tea with Twilight every week! That doesn’t mean we’re on a date!” Celestia retorted as loudly as he did.
“First of, her name’s Friendship Princess, dude. Second, I don’t mind if you also like girls! I don’t judge,” Ice King crossed his arms as Celestia blushed in embarrassment.
“The insinuation that me and Twilight… This is preposterous!”
“Besides, you were clearly flirting with me! Saying all those nice things about me…” The human remarked while Celestia shook her head.
“I was saying why Chrysalis secretly loved you! And I also felt a bit bad for you,” Celestia admitted, slowly calming down.
“Well, I don’t buy that bullcrap! She thinks I’m a loser! And don’t think you’re better than me either! You’re also like a thousand years old, and still single! We’re on the same level here, lady!” Ice King blurted as Celestia gasped.
“This… I am… I’m simply not interested in relationships…” She muttered in embarrassment. “Listen, seeing you so… longing for appreciation reminded me of my sister. I only wanted to help you, but that doesn’t mean I am… Attracted to you,” She shivered as she said the last words.
Suddenly, Ice King widened his eyes in realization while Celestia gulped nervously. Did she say something wrong? He clearly got an idea just now, didn’t he? What was he planning? Oh, she hoped he wasn’t going to propose to her or something! Nonetheless, she got ready to counterattack if he ever tried to kidnap her as he did with Twilight.
“That’s right! There’s still Moon Princess! If you, Friendship Princess, and Chrysalis don’t appreciate me for who I am, then I’ll find someone who does! You can start calling me your brother-in-law, bye!” He quickly flew away before Celestia had a chance to stop him.
“Ice King, wait!” She yelled, about to fly after him, but stopped herself at the last second. Actually… Letting him go after Luna wasn’t such a bad idea. “Eh. I’ll let Luna deal with it,” It was high time Luna had some problems of her own. Wait… What if she managed to make him go back to Celestia?! The princess lit her horn, and the sun vanished behind the planet. “Oh, would you look at that! It’s already nighttime! I’m so tired,” She pretended to yawn. “I think I’ll go to sleep and let Luna take care of the rest,” She mumbled before teleporting to her room.
Meanwhile, Ice King didn’t even bother asking himself why the night had suddenly fallen. If anything, that was a sign that his destiny was waiting for him! Moon Princess would be his bride! Whether she wanted to be or not.