Forgive me
Night had fall on Equestria. Its inhabitants, ponies or wild animals, returned home, ready to have a good night's sleep with their families, while other animals went out to hunt. However, among these shadows of the night, there was one larger in size than a mere pony. It was flying at high altitude, as if not to be noticed. Moving quickly, it began to slow down once over Everfree Forest.
It ended up landing in front of a ravine, where there was a wooden bridge, and at the other end, the remains of the castle of the two alicorn sisters. The figure, after a moment's wait, started towards the building, its steps hesitating, as if something kept it from going there. Passing over the bridge, it noticed the light emanating from the ravine, more precisely from the Tree of Harmony, whose Elements had allowed to save Equestria many times, but above all, which had allowed her to find a very dear person.
Arrived at the door, she still hesitated to continue. So many memories came back to her mind, so many laughs, joys, but also tears, cries... All these feelings jostled in her mind, as she remembered what had happened at inside these walls a thousand years ago.
With the magic of his horn, the equine figure finally opened the doors, causing a loud creak to echo through the room. As she moved forward, she flashed her horn, which ignited the old torches hanging on the walls, letting the room light up. The light also illuminated the mare, with the white dress and the flowing mane and the light colors, which looked in front of her.
Celestia was now in what had been her home with her sister, a thousand years ago. Looking the throne room, she thought that Twilight and her friends were doing a good job, slowly but surely, the castle was recovering to its former glory. But some marks of the past cannot be erased as easily as simple holes in tapestries, or dust on statues. Indeed, she was now facing the heavily damaged balcony between the two thrones, where a tragic event had taken place.
There can only be one princess on Equestria. And that princess will be me !
This voice in her head, back from a distant past, came to remind her of the sad events she had to face, while she found herself where she had seen her sister disappear, to give way to the anger and jealousy that she had kept inside until then. No, she could never forget such events.
Luna, I will not fight you ! You must lower the moon ! It is your duty !
Luna ? I am Nightmare Moon !
Celestia couldn't hold back a tear remembering this scene, but above all, observing the large hole in the roof above her. It was from there, she had to do an act that saved Equestria, but at a price unsustainable. Since that disastrous day, she had not wanted to stay in these places and the next day had decided to leave to found what gave Canterlot.
How many times had she blamed herself for having had to exile her own sister to the Moon, to spare the inhabitants eternal night ? She had lost count. But what other solution did she have ?
Although the return of her sister to her, only 2 years ago, has allowed her to forget all this, lately, she kept thinking about these events and felt that she had to come back here : where she had to commit what many would rightly call an abominable act. She had refused to speak of this to her sister, who wanted to forget this sad story, and had decided to take advantage of the night to return to these places. To do what? She didn't know it, but she knew she had to go, her heart demanded it.
She started walking again, not really knowing where to go, a torch held aloft by her magic, and went down a hallway to her left. After another turn, she came to a large room decorated with stone statues and tapestries of her and her sister, with a large dusty stone table in the center, where meals were taken in her time. Celestia then placed herself without realizing it, on a specific location on the table. Lilting her head, she saw marks on the stone. They were little drawings of ponies of all kinds, running and smiling.
She then remembered that she was the one who had made them, using her cutlery. Her purpose was to entertain Luna when they were still only fillies without cutie marks, and meals seemed to last an eternity. She couldn't help putting a clog on the table, and then saw on her right her sister: a child who, her head bent over the drawings, seemed happy and asked her to do more, as she tried in vain to raise his own spoon to try to do the same. Around them, waiters and guards watched them with amused eyes.
This flashback evaporated when Celestia heard a creak coming from the upper floors. She got up immediately and pointed her ears forward to identify where the noise was coming from. Nothing, may be an air current.
She started walking again and began to climb some stairs, then pass a corridor. She arrived to another room, with a blackboard on the wall, two desks whose wood was eaten away, and shelves with all kinds of books. She walked over to the desk to her right, and words from someone she hadn't heard in ages came back to her as she watched a scene from the past unfold before her.
‘‘Thus, by finding the constellation of the little bear, you will be able to know with the polar star, where the North is, and so, the Crystal Empire. Empire whose origins we will study during our next lesson, and where.… Celestia ! How many times do I have to tell you not to make faces at your sister while my back is turned ! As a big sister, you have to show her how to behave.’’
After a sigh, he continued gravely, “Remember ladies, I am here to instruct you, so that you may one day ascend to the throne, and shine your wisdom on the people of Equestria and….’’
After another sigh as he observed his students, he continued with a warmer air, “Alright, fine, you can go. And stop giving me those expressionless little alligator eyes, every time I talk to you about becoming rulers of this country. Come on, run and have fun, my little ones.’’
‘‘Thank you master Starswirl the Bearded, see you next time !'', two childish voices replied, as two fillies with their marks, ran towards the exit, leaving the unicorn dressed in her mage clothes alone but smiling, while she erased her information on her board.
A smile formed on Celestia's face, seeing those childhood memories flash before her, as she stood in front of her desk.
That dear Starswirl, he had always hoped to find someone who would be as passionate about science and magic as he was, but neither I nor Luna were what should be called diligent students, especially me...
On this thought, the Princess of the Sun started walking again. She headed for a room at the other end of a corridor to her right. But another noise was heard, which seemed to be stones falling from the walls in the distance. The castle is old, pieces of rock are constantly falling from the walls, the princess said to herself to reassure herself, but who remained on her guard, the torch near her.
She arrived in front of a door ajar, which once crossed led to what was her room with her sister. She looked at what was inside, such as their beds placed parallel to the wall, books and toiletries on the chests of drawers and paintings of landscapes. She was intrigued by the chest at the foot of her bed. Opening it, she discovered their old childhood games : pony dolls, pictures of phoenixes and opossums, and a child's drawing. Once the dust had cleared, this one, although badly creased and in weathered colors, depicted the two sisters together, running through a flowering meadow, with the Sun and Moon above them side by side. That's when she remembers what happened that day.
She was then a teenager and lying on her bed, reading an imposing book on magic that Starswirl had asked her to study for a week with an assignment due tomorrow. She was panicking about how she was going to get out of this, and that's when her sister, still a pre-teen, ran to see her, a paper in her mouth.
‘‘Tia, look at what I did as a drawing to remind us of our outing in the prairie this week !’’
‘‘Not now Luna, I'm very busy'' replied his sister, taking notes on a piece of paper with a quill pen.
‘‘But look! I put us together, with our stars above us, so that we never forget that we complete each other and so… ouch !''
Wanting to show her drawing, the merry filly jumped on the bed but slipped on the sheets and knocked over the inkwell on the notes of her big sister who could not react in time.
‘‘Luna !! Look what you've done ! All my work is to be redone ! Get out of here ! Now !'' Celestia shouted at her as she tried to erase the ink on her paper.
‘‘Sorry Tia... I... I didn't do it on purpose... I just wanted to give you a gift with my drawing..." his sister replied in a small voice, her eyes filling with tears.
‘‘Look what I do with your gift !'', his sister retorted, ripping his drawing from him with her magic, putting it in a ball before throwing it in the trunk. ''Now get out of here, right away !'' She then slammed the door to their bedroom, after her little sister had left sobbing.
How could she have been so selfish?, the leader of Equestria said to herself, coming back to reality. Luna just wanted to give her a present, and she had chased her away...
She was pulled out of her thoughts by another noise, which made her jump and drop her drawing and the torch which went out, diving her into the darkness. The noise was that of an organ note, which came from the lower levels. Either a stone or an animal had fallen on the musical instrument, or she was not alone in this place, she deduced, picking up her torch which she quickly relighted, all her senses on alert. She preferred to start walking again, taking with her her sister's drawing, which she placed in the space between her necklace and her neck.
She then headed for the stairs, in order to go down to the basements, fear beginning to invade her. As she walked a hallway to reach the stairs, she went back to thinking about her actions towards her sister since they had become sovereign. She remembered being always busy wanting to take care of her subjects who were mostly active during the day, while her sister had hardly anyone to talk to and little responsibility. Passing another large room, she stopped again and entered it, knowing what she would find inside.
This was her office as leader of Equestria, with a large desk in the center, set on a rug where the Equestria standard was, while several shelves, filled with various objects, were hung on the walls. Only a window at the back of the room overlooked the old gardens, now covered with vegetation. On the desk lay inkwells with their quills, old parchments, and two books.
Celestia then saw herself again sitting in her armchair, leaning over several files concerning the management of the affairs of the kingdom. She had just acceded to the throne with her sister for only a year, and already had a lot to do to give a happy life to her subjects and not disappoint them. His younger sister, now an adult, then arrived with a smile on her face and a basket in the air.
‘‘Tia, are you ready? Don't forget we have to go picnic today.'' she said happily.
‘‘Sorry Luna, but I have too much work right now to be able to go out. We'll walk another day, I promise you." replied the person concerned without taking her eyes off her documents.
''What ?! But Celestia, you already promised me last week !” his sister shouted at him who sounded exasperated.
‘‘Sorry Luna, but I have more important things to do.'' replied in an impassive tone the Princess of the Sun.
‘‘More important things than spending time with me, your sister !’’
‘‘Sorry Luna, but you don't have a whole people to take care of because they only live in the daytime. So yes, I have priorities. These inhabitants count on me and I refuse to disappoint them, and especially not by wasting time by going to a stupid picnic! So if you can leave me alone now...’’
‘‘A stupid picnic ?! I have enough !'', his little sister shouted at him, throwing his basket on the ground. ‘‘Celestia ! Since we ascended the throne, you keep telling me that you have to take care of your subjects, while I find myself with no one to talk to ! Every time we can go out, you keep telling me you have to stay to work. Don't you think I would also like the ponies to live at night instead of sleeping, so that I feel useful ! Celestia, are you listening to me ?!’’
‘‘Rhaa ! If you want so much to be useful, you can leave, to let me work in peace !'' shouted at her in an exasperated tone Celestia, while taking her royal voice, and raising her head. ‘‘Can't you see I'm busy ?!’’
Glaring at her sister angrily for a few seconds, Luna finally pulled away. With a look filled with hate, she said the barely audible words, “One day Celestia, your precious ponies who seem to matter more than me, will learn to live in the night...’’
Remorse grew stronger for the Celestia of the present, who watched helplessly at this scene. That's why she had been so keen that Twilight not spend her days working : she also had to have a life with people to talk to. Wanting to drive away these painful memories, she preferred to resume her journey towards the basements, where she and her sister used to play as children, with their many secret passages.
But just as she had reached the bottom of the stairs and was moving down the "Hall of hooves", a low, heavy sounding organ music began, and echoed through the entire hallway, startling her again. Now it was certain, she was not alone in this place…
Although the music had stopped, she walked cautiously towards the organ room, the torch in front to see clearly in front of her. This prevented her from noticing a shadow behind her, watching her with yellow eyes...
Eventually Celestia arrived at the organ hall, which was void of any presence. Nevertheless, she continued on her way towards the instrument, trying to find any clue as to what might have played on it. She then thought of the many compositions she played with Luna here before acceding to the throne. These were the last moments she devoted entirely to her sister before reserving herself fully to her obligations as sovereign.
It was then that she noticed something on the keys of the console of the instrument : a paper yellowed by time with writings on it.
Celestia,
you haven't listened to me or spoken to me for too long now. Always too busy with your precious ponies. While I only have my Moon as a companion to confide in, you all are together, you live the day and sleep at night. Leaving me alone. Even after we went to defeat Sombra, you criticized me for not being able to stop him from casting a curse on the Empire and making it disappear, always too attached to wanting to announce a victory to your topics. Now it's over ! Since your ponies, who seem more important than your own sister, live by day, I will teach them to live by night, a night that will have no end. You who were too busy with your obligations as a princess to talk to me, I will lighten your burden by becoming the sole ruler of Equestria. Maybe what I'm about to do will change me forever, but I'll do it knowing that you're the one responsible for it all.
Farewell Princess Celestia,
The little sister you forgot existed.
Where had Luna put this letter before going to perform her gesture? And how had she gotten here? To his questions, Celestia, whose tears flowed in abundance, had no answer but a new rockslide in the distance. She preferred to leave quickly, taking Luna's letter with her, placing it next to her drawing.
While walking, the migraine quickly took her. She questioned herself in front of all the memories she had seen and this goodbye letter from her sister. But how could she have been so blind to her sister's plight before that night a thousand years ago? And even on that night, she had acted as ruler first, ordering him to "let the Moon go down" because it was her "duty". In fact, it was only when she had to use the elements of harmony that she felt the pain of having to act against a member of her family. But who was she to have acted like that ?!
She thought she had questioned herself after the past events in these places, but she was actually far from having detected everything. She thought because ponies live by day rather than night that Luna had turned into Nightmare Moon... She thought that it was banishing her sister that was an abominable act...
But in fact, not having been a big sister anymore after becoming a princess, that was the real reason for her transformation and that was an abominable act. We must not erase people from our lives because we gain access to high responsibilities, even more so when they belong to our family.
Sorrow and remorse now gave way to anger. The anger of having made all these mistakes. She thought she had no choice but to banish Luna that night, but yes, she had one. A solution before her eyes that would have saved her from being deprived of her little sister for a thousand years. But no, she was unable to grasp this solution in time, too busy wanting to be an exemplary leader.
But moreover, as a result of this reflection, she realized that therefore she also had not done anything essential since Luna's return. This so little thing to do which is to say two words. Two words that we are however taught from an early age to pronounce when we make a mistake. And there, it was not just a simple mistake that she had committed, but a crime.
Hoofsteps were heard in the upper hallways, as Celestia was making her way back up the stairs. She continued on her way, determined to find out who was hiding in her and sister's house, the fear having completely disappeared from her.
She quickened her pace, while the sound of the stranger's hoofs guided her, leading her to the library. She arrived at the entrance to the room, when she noticed light coming from their secret reading room. Slowly, after extinguishing and putting down her torch, she advanced as quietly as possible towards the entrance of the small room. She tilted her head slightly, and saw in the center of the room a pony from behind, under a coat with a hood reading the diary of her and her sister.
''I don't advise you to try anything.'', she said, placing herself behind the intruder, ''Know that you are at the castle of the two alicorn sisters and rulers of Equestria and what is more, in a private room."
"Forgive me, but as you just said, I am at home in these places," replied a voice that Celestia would recognize among a thousand.
“Luna ? But what are you doing here ?"
''As our ponies seem to be having sweet dreams now, I wanted to come back to this place that I hadn't seen for a long time.'' replied the princess of the night, uncovering her coat, surprised to see her sister. “In addition, I wanted to re-read our diary, which we had not completed since our coronation, in order to remind myself of the times we spent together here. But you Celestia, can you tell me why you are here ?"
At these words, Celestia felt the guilt return to her again. She approached her sister and stood in front of her to begin to speak in a small voice that one felt was eaten away by remorse.
“To be honest, I didn’t know it when I arrived here, but now I know why I am here. Luna, there's something I'd like to tell you, something I should have done since you got back."
"What do you want to tell me ?" asked Luna, unused to seeing her sister in this state.
"Luna, do you remember our relationship before you turned into Nightmare Moon ?"
“We agreed never to talk about this story again,” replied his sister, turning her head away, too ashamed of this period of her life.
“I am not talking about your existence during this period, but the one before. Do you remember our relationship at that time ?" Celestia continued, turning her sister's head towards her with her hoof, her face marked with pain.
“Well,” Luna said embarrassedly, “To put it bluntly, we were pretty distant after we ascend the throne. You wanted to dedicate yourself fully to your obligations as a sovereign. And with the ponies living by day, this reinforced your task from the start. Me, I felt useless, and I ended up getting jealous and… you know the rest.”
‘‘That is where you are wrong my dear sister. You didn't turn into Nightmare Moon on your own, I pushed you. As you said, I devoted myself fully to my duties as a princess, I wanted to be worthy of the trust of our subjects, to the point that I left you alone, no longer spoke to you and no longer listened to you while you were plagued by loneliness. I ended up almost forgetting you in the end…until that night when I had to…” she couldn't continue, too guilt-ridden as tears slowly ran down her cheeks.
"Celestia, why are you telling me all this ?"
Luna looked more and more confused, but also couldn't deny that her sister was right in her reasoning.
"I found this." Celestia told her, magically holding out her sister's letter in front of her, as her tears kept falling. “Luna… I beg your pardon. Forgive me. Forgive me for not having known how to remain a big sister… with whom you can talk and confide when you feel alone.’’
Luna, who had just read her letter, which she had forgotten all this time, observed her big sister who looked at her, waiting for a word from her. Now everything came back to her, all those times when her sister had rejected her because she was too busy with her obligations, all those times when she was alone at night, without someone to talk to : becoming almost non-existent for all. Anger was taking place in her, it's true, her big sister had almost erased her from her life to be the perfect ruler. And now she came to ask forgiveness for not having been able to notice her before that night... for not having been able to choose another path than to send him alone for a thousand years on the Moon !
Celestia saw Luna's gaze change. It was getting darker like her fur, revealing the anger that was coming back to life in her.
“So this is the path you have chosen my dear Luna ?”
Celestia sat down and closed her eyes, lowering her head and resigning herself to her fate that she thought was inevitable and deserved. Time stood still for her.
“Maybe this is all I deserve after all. It took me too long to realize that it was all my fault... I can only understand your reaction, which would no doubt be the same for me if I were in your place... Farewell, my dear little sister…''
''Sorry to disappoint you, but you're not in my place.'' said Luna in a soft voice, lifting her head by a hoof under her chin, allowing her to see her little sister, unchanged with a touching look while burning her letter with his magic.
“Luna? But... why ?''
"Come on. Didn't you think I learned to be patient and more temperate in my judgments during my 'stay' on the Moon ? Sure, I wish I'd had those explanations and excuses sooner, but better late than never, right ? And then, maybe unconsciously you had already realized your mistakes, giving me the task of watching over the dreams of our ponies, and often being by my side."
She continued in a more serious voice, “But above all, I would never have had the strength to hurt my big sister again. Even in our dogfight a thousand years ago or your kidnapping on my return, I couldn't take your life. This because deep down inside me, even when I was Nightmare Moon, I loved you and always will love you more than anything, Tia.”
"Luna I... I don't know what to say..."
''Then don't say anything, and enjoy this moment'', retorted Luna who hugged her, while Celestia replied a moment later, covering her in her large white wings and placing her head on the above hers, their joy expressing itself through their tears.
“Thank you Luna… thank you so much, little sister.”
Then, relaxing after some minutes, an idea came to the Princess of the Sun.
"Oh, I have a little present for you," she said, presenting her with Luna's drawing as a child, who took it. “You told me then that you had put our stars above us, to…”
‘‘…that we never forget that we complete each other. Yes, now, I remember that drawing.'' continued the Night Princess, who was looking at her drawing with interest and reminiscing about the events.
''Maybe we should also say now, that in addition to not forgetting that we complete each other... this drawing is also here to not forget that we are sisters, because each of our stars are celestial objects. That's why when one has a problem, the other will come to support her and never leave her alone. What do you say, Luna ?
"Well, I'm not against that idea." Said Luna, who was putting away the letter and the drawing after the last written page of their diary.
The last sentence written was "Since Celestia and I became the rulers of the kingdom, I feel like I've been put in the background by Tia, maybe it's just a matter of habit for her, the time she takes her landmarks as the main sovereign of the kingdom."
Seeing those words, Luna gave an inner chuckle. She then took with her magic a quill, not without a little "ouch", from her sister next to her who was also reading. Then using the inkpot on the reading table, she wrote : "It seems that I was indeed wrong about the supposed distance between me and Tia, at least after a thousand years of adapting and questioning for her."
As they took the road to the exit to return to Canterlot with their diary in levitation, Celestia say her sister :
''Nevertheless Luna, even if it helped me to understand my mistakes... you could have avoided doing so much noise in the corridors and have me to come to different places in the castle, including the basements to find your letter on the organ. You've freaked me out with all those noises and changes in direction for the past 2 hours."
“Uh, Tia... I've only been here 20 minutes… And how did my letter end up on the organ ? I had done it in our room before taking action."
As Celestia was about to answer her, another short organ music played, softer and clearer than the last time. Once it ended, the two sisters looked at each other, and by mutual agreement, accelerated the pace while remaining glued to each other. They eventually returned to the exit and flew together to their palace, with one of them determined not to make the mistakes of the past and to always watch over her tender sister.
As they took off into the air, a shadow watched them with yellow eyes, from the entrance to the castle, then went back inside, feeling that it had accomplished its mission.
“Good luck, my dear little ones,” it said before evaporating down the dark halls of the castle of the two alicorn sisters.