Depression is a bitch
I sighed as I stared at the half empty bottle of liquid sloshing around the bottle in my hand. With shaking hands, I brought the bottle to my lips and drank some, savoring the burning feeling as the whiskey went down my throat. I pulled the bottle away and coughed. You would think that after a year of drinking this stuff as heavy as I do, I’d have gotten used to it. I screwed the cap back on the bottle and vaguely felt it slip out of my hands onto the floor. I laid down on my empty queen size bed and groaned as I pressed my hand to my head. I hated this bed, I should have gotten rid of it immediately. The hardest part of trying to sleep after drinking all day was your head was spinning and trying to not vomit became very hard. I’ve fallen into the habit of keeping a vomit bucket next to my bed just in case. Pays to be prepared, as Pinkie used to say. I hated thinking about her, it hurt too much.
I can’t remember the last time my friends came over. Fluttershy and Rainbow still come over weekly to try and get me out of the house to do something other than sleep and drink. I work from home so the few times I find the energy I can work. Rarity and Applejack don’t come over anymore. Probably because I screamed at them to get the fuck out and threw an empty whiskey bottle above Rarity’s head. I was really drunk at the time and they started lecturing me. I got tired of it and yelled back. I dropped out of school, rarely check my social media anymore. It’s always the same thing: people trying to check up on me or invite me to places. I’ve already blocked Flash over it. Twilight hated coming over because it hurt too much. Please, I live in the same house as she used to and still sleep in our same bed. Twilight doesn’t even know what hurt means.
“Bleugh!” I leaned over the bed and vomited into my strategically placed bucket. Alcohol tastes going down, not so much going up. I didn’t really have a preference of alcohol as long as it got me drunk. I wiped the edge of my mouth and laid back down. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand, blinking to see the numbers. Five thirty AM. You’re probably wondering how I can buy alcohol and be underage. Simple answer, really: fake id. I had paid someone enough money to make me one. If only people from highschool could see me now. How far the once mighty Sunset Shimmer has fallen. I still remember the day I walked into our school to empty her locker out. It was so quiet, everyone giving me a wide berth. Stopping in front of her locker, observing the flowers and cards all over her locker. The smiling picture of Pinkie and all of us. Everyone stopping and staring as I repeatedly slammed my fist into her locker, crying. Fluttershy hugging me and helping me clean out Pinkies locker. Lyra and Bon Bon giving me random chocolates and hugs. They still text me from time to time. I don’t know who does it but my door is randomly covered with flowers and cards every so often. Even Trixie was depressed and I thought nothing could bring her down.
“It’s been a year, why the fuck does this have to be so hard?” I grumbled. I glanced again at the clock and sighed. I rolled over and faceplanted in bed, finally going to sleep.
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I woke up to two different types of knocking: a light knocking and a pounding on my door like the police are on my doorstep.
“Sunset? Are you home?” Fluttershy softly called out.
“Of course she’s home!” Rainbow scoffed. “She’s always home.” I moaned quietly. If I just stay quiet, they’ll go away. A jingling sound and the front door made me roll my eyes. I forgot me and Pinkie gave everyone keys to the front door years ago. The light in the hall flicked on and I mentally prepared for the biggest migraine of my life.
“What is that smell?” Rainbow gagged.
“Vomit,” Fluttershy said simply as the door to my bedroom opened slowly and light turned on. Thank God my face was still in the pillow. There’s a dirty joke in there somewhere. “Sunset?”
“Mhm?” I grumbled sleepily.
“Wanna go get food?” Rainbow asked. I rolled over and covered my eyes.
“Shut that light off. It hurts my head.” Rainbow made a grossed out face at the bucket full of vomit next to me and picked up the same bottle I was drinking last night.
“Jim Bean Orange,” she read while giving me a flat look. “Seriously?”
“Shut up, Dash. I’ve only had a few drinks, so what?” I snapped.
“This is beyond a few,” Fluttershy looked around my messy room. Alcohol bottles, full and empty, scattered the room. Clothes tossed everywhere, empty food boxes all over the place.
“What are you guys doing here?” I demanded. “Pulling an Applejack and Rarity?”
“Just checking on you. Wanna go get breakfast?”
“No.” Rainbow and Fluttershy looked at each other.
“Are you sure?” Fluttershy sat on the bed next to me.
“I’m sure,” I mumbled. “I just wanna go back to sleep till nine pm and can get drunk again.”
“This isn’t healthy Sunset. It’s been a year, you need help,” Fluttershy sighed and ran her hand through my hair.
“Ow!” I growled as she yanked on some tangled knots. “That hurt!”
“Sorry.”
“I’m gonna get some Febreze, a few trash bags and the shower going,” Rainbow left the room.
“Why do you guys keep coming here?” I asked. “Rarity and Applejack quit coming here months ago.”
“We’re your friends. We’re always going to keep coming. Rarity and Applejack still care, they just hate seeing you like this.”
“And Twilight?” I pressed.
“She’s the same way,” Fluttershy sighed. “Remember the time Pinkie and Rainbow had their prank war?”
“I don’t feel like talking about this.”
“I’m sorry. I miss her too,” Fluttershy sighed as Rainbow returned with trash bags.
“Me too,” Rainbow announced. “I knew her even before Fluttershy. She was one of my best friends. I called her family and loved her like a sister.” I knew that, they talked about it a lot. My eyes started getting misty feeling.
“Are you okay?” Fluttershy asked me and I started bawling. She and Rainbow instantly hugged me as I sobbed.
“I remember it all. The times we made out. The movies. The road trips. The time you and everyone else caught us in the shower. Everything. It should have been,” I cried.
“What do you mean when you say it should have been me?” Rainbow demanded.
“I should have died instead of Pinkie. I should have died in that car. She had her whole life ahead of her. She had her bakery and I have nothing except this empty room and alcohol,” I rubbed my cheek in awe and stared at Fluttershy. She was crying and slowly put her hand down. “You slapped me.”
“Don’t ever say that,” Fluttershy fumed. “We already lost our best friend a year ago today. We should have lost neither of you. She was our family and you are too. We would be just as heartbroken if you died instead of her.” We sat there in silence as I finished crying.
“Wanna know the worst part?” I asked.
“What’s that?” Rainbow asked as she rubbed my back. I looked at her with red eyes.
“I never got to say goodbye.”