“Flurry Heart”? More Like “Flurry Shart”
“We’ll be back in about four hours. Luna, are you okay? Do you have any questions?”
Still drowsy from the previous evening, Princess Luna blinked at the pretty pink alicorn in front of her. Cadance tilted her head a bit, waiting for a response.
“Oh, no. Thank you, dear Cadance,” the sovereign of the night replied, stifling a yawn. “Little Flurry Heart is safe with her loving aunties. Go on! Have fun. Enjoy yourselves. Bye!” Luna shoved the three ponies out the door and sighed.
With smiles on their faces, Celestia and Luna watched as Twilight, Shining Armor, and Cadance flew off to their much-anticipated wine tasting in Ponyville. Cradled in Luna’s hooves, two-year-old Flurry Heart whined and squirmed, her eyes filling with tears as she reached out for her parents and aunt.
“Mommy and Daddy and Auntie Twily go bye-bye!” she sobbed. “I want my mommy!” Flurry Heart sobbed into Luna’s neck, soaking the blue alicorn’s coat with snot.
“Ohhh, there, there, little one,” the princess of the night cooed, caressing the foal’s head. “You’re going to have lots of fun with Auntie Woona and Auntie Tia today. Yes, you are! Yes, you’re a widdle cutie pie! Oh, Auntie Woona could just eat you up! Yes, she could!” Flurry giggled and booped Luna’s nose. Luna glared when she caught Celestia smirking and stifling a laugh as the three alicorns headed into the castle.
“Not a word, Sister,” Luna hissed, making the solar princess snort with laughter. The blue alicorn rolled her eyes and trotted ahead of Celestia, ascending the castle’s elegant spiral staircase and strolling down the long, sunlit hallway until she reached the nursery that she and Celestia had prepared especially for Flurry’s visits. As Luna opened the door, she noticed that the filly’s diaper was heavy.
“Uh-oh,” she cooed, tickling Flurry Heart’s tummy. “I think somepony needs a change! Let’s go get you fixed up, you adorable little thing. Auntie Woona will make it all better. Yes, she will.” Luna giggled as she put Flurry on the changing table. When she opened the filly’s diaper, Luna recoiled in shock, gagging and covering her nose and mouth.
“What in Equestria is this?” Luna cried. “Flurry Heart, why do you have such terrible diarrhea? Why is it all the way up your back? How can such a small pony make such a huge mess?” The princess of the night dry heaved, eliciting snorts of laughter from Celestia, who stood in the doorway of the nursery, filming the scene with her phone.
“I make a poopy, Auntie Woona!” Flurry announced, giggling. The little pink foal smiled triumphantly, clearly immensely proud of her accomplishment.
“That… that you did, my dear. Why are you not making rainbows and glitter in your diapers, my sweet? You are healthy, are you not?” Luna frowned, concerned. “Your poopy should not look nor smell like this, Flurry.” Celestia stroked Flurry’s head sympathetically.
“Poor little darling,” Celestia said softly. “I think she has an upset tummy.” Luna frowned, holding Flurry Heart at arm’s length as she wiped the foal’s bottom. She checked the filly’s temperature, which was normal. Flurry wasn’t showing any other signs of distress or discomfort, so Luna decided not to worry. Perhaps Cadance and Shining Armor had changed Flurry’s diet recently.
Suddenly, Flurry squeezed her eyes shut and farted, sending a burst of pink, purple and turquoise glitter into Luna’s face and filling the room with the sickly sweet smell of cotton candy, which began to mingle with the stench of excrement. Celestia’s eyes widened with concern, and she gently rubbed Flurry’s forehead to comfort her, though the filly seemed completely unbothered; in fact, judging by the mischievous little smirk on her face, Flurry Heart seemed to know exactly what she was doing. With a little grunt, Flurry squeezed her eyes shut and released a bright, cotton candy-scented rainbow from her hindquarters, then immediately followed it with a steaming gush of diarrhea.
“All right, Flurry Heart. That is quite enough,” Luna warned gently but firmly. Flurry Heart giggled, allowed Luna to clean her off and change her, then spread her wings and flew up to the ceiling, leaving an iridescent trail of glitter and rainbows behind her.
“She’s figured out that she can change her excrement from regular alicorn waste, which is made up of rainbows, to the bodily waste that all other ponies produce,” Celestia said in awe. “What a talented little princess.” Flurry clapped her hooves with delight and farted, sending another large, candy-scented burst of pink and turquoise glitter into the air. Then, she smirked and had a massive blowout, filling her diaper again. Celestia and Luna groaned, trying to breathe through their mouths.
“I’ll take this one,” Celestia sighed, spreading her wings and following her great-niece. “Flurry Heart, come to Auntie Tia and Auntie Woona so we can clean you up.” Flurry turned around, took off again and flew in a surprisingly graceful circle, leaving another trail of rainbows and glitter behind her as the unmistakable, unsettling, bubbly sound of sharting filled the air. Giggling, the filly dipped and swooped toward Celestia, forcing the princess of the sun to turn around. Luna tried to cut Flurry off, but the little alicorn disappeared, then reappeared on the floor, laughing deviously.
“Flurry Heart,” Luna called sternly, “come to your aunties this instant, or we shall put you in timeout until your mommy and daddy get back. Auntie Twily won’t be very happy when she hears about what a naughty filly you’re being.” Flurry hovered in midair and stuck her tongue out at Luna, then she squealed with excitement and teleported to the throne room. Celestia and Luna followed the baby alicorn closely, then decided to split up when Flurry disappeared again. Celestia looked around frantically, then she noticed a wavy trail of pink glitter that still hung in the air. The shimmering path was no thicker than a single strand of silk from a spiderweb, but it was still visible nonetheless. Celestia set her jaw determinedly and followed the trail, noting that the mingling odors of candy and poop were getting stronger as she did so. The trail ended in the drawing room, where Celestia nearly passed out when she saw Flurry dangling from the crystal chandelier, squealing with excitement as she swung back and forth and released streams of rainbows and glitter from her body. When she caught sight of Celestia, Flurry Heart glared and switched her poop back to normal pony diarrhea, spinning in a rapid circle as she did so, which painted the walls, the priceless works of art that adorned them, and the precious antiques that graced the room, with yellowish brown baby poop. Celestia cried out in horror, which distracted Flurry long enough for the ruler of the sun to magically trap the foal in an impenetrable pink bubble.
“LUNA!” Celestia’s panicked voice echoed from the other side of the castle. The sovereign of dreams, who had been searching for Flurry Heart upstairs, teleported to one of the drawing rooms. Upon entering the spacious room, Luna’s stomach turned, and she had to hold her breath to fight the overwhelming urge to retch at the sight and smell that greeted her. The entire room was covered in a disgusting, liquefied mixture of glitter, rainbows, and poop. The odor—a sickly sweet combination of cotton candy, sunshine, and feces—was horrific. A noticeably angry Flurry Heart threw a massive tantrum as she floated in a hot pink bubble created by Celestia, whose white coat was covered with stains in a multitude of colors. The royal sisters shared a relieved look, then they dragged a screaming Flurry Heart to the bathroom.
An hour later, the filly was clean, exhausted, and sound asleep in the nursery. Celestia fought to stay awake as Luna napped beside her. The maids were cleaning the entire castle, ridding it of any trace of Flurry Heart’s mess. As she read her book, Celestia’s mind drifted to Cadance; the younger mare had unwittingly earned even more of her aunts’ respect today. Celestia had no idea how Cadance and Shining Armor managed such a cheeky little foal. The princess of the sun smiled warmly as she thought of her former pupil; Twilight had written to her at length about the challenges of caring for her young niece, but Celestia never could have prepared for this. She took a dainty sip of her lavender tea, placed the antique teacup onto the saucer made from the same fine china, and cast a pensive gaze upon the crackling fireplace before her.
Just as she was about to fall asleep, Celestia was jolted from her thoughts by the sound of the brass knocker against the front doors of the castle. Luna snorted and woke with a start, quickly fixing her tousled mane and straightening her crown. Celestia hurried upstairs and returned a few seconds later with Flurry asleep in her hooves as the castle’s guards opened the heavy doors.
“So, how was she?” Cadance whispered, trying not to wake her daughter. The royal sisters glanced at each other for a moment, silently trying to come up with a suitable answer.
“Well,” Luna finally said with a dry chuckle, “little Flurry Heart definitely loves to make messes.”