Manners and Mischief
Quietly cursing and grumbling to herself, Chrysalis slumped from her bed and loped over to her dresser. Getting up early for any reason would have been regrettable, but doing so under such deplorable circumstances did nothing but fan the flames of her ire. She ignited her horn as she opened her bureau, levitated a neatly-folded, monochromatic uniform over to herself, and scowled.
It was far from the first time that she’d ensconced herself with espionage, having gone on more covert operations than she dared count, yet her current mission was by far the worst she’d ever endured. She’d been undercover for nearly two months, disguised perfectly as one of the Canterlot castle’s myriad of servants, and she was no closer to accomplishing her goal than she had been at the start. Glancing over at the locked door of her chamber, she metamorphosed into the tall, svelte unicorn alter ego she’d adopted and began to get dressed.
After the galling incident in the hive’s hospital, subjected to the soul-rending torment of Princess Celestia’s visit, she’d vowed revenge - unfortunately, any act of reprisal would have to be handled delicately. Storming Canterlot would have ended disastrously, given the lamentable faux pas that had been the wedding of Shining Armor and Mi Amore Cadenza, though that hardly deterred her. After many nights of scheming and hushed fuming, wracking her brain to come up with the perfect plan to put the Princesses in their place, she was stricken with inspiration.
Her plan was elegant in its simplicity, a testament to her tactical genius, and she’d put it into motion the day after she’d devised it. The Canterlot castle had a staff nearing a hundred ponies, consisting of guards, maids, cooks, and all manner of laborers to tend to the keep and the insipid, cake-loving alicorn who called the place home, so it was common that they were looking for eager ponies to employ. Constructing a facade and a backstory for herself had been a simple affair, claiming she was a unicorn from the far-flung village of Sire’s Hollow, yet she was taken aback by just how easy it had been to get hired.
Procuring a job in the castle had happened faster and smoother than she would have dared to dream. She’d simply trotted into the keep, introduced herself, inquired about work, and then found herself chatting with none other than Princess Celestia about the matter. It had taken everything she had not to break into maniacal laughter when she’d been offered the position, willing herself to demurely smile and shake her employer’s gold-trimmed hoof. Little did she know at the time that the small victory would turn to ash in her mouth.
Simply put, work in the castle was grueling. Her shifts began promptly at five AM, before the blasted sun had crested the horizon, and things only got more difficult from there. There was the daily inspection by the head maid, orchestration of events, and the assignment of tasks - all that before they’d actually done a darned thing! She peeked over at her reflection, adjusting her dress, and wandered to the door.
As she saw herself out of her room, taking care to lock up behind herself, she fought not to scowl. The head maid, an old nag named Gertrude, was more of a tyrant than she was, yet she was downright kind compared to her real boss. Navigating the labyrinthine hallways by memory, only barely acknowledging the few guards she passed, she made her way to the little workshop the servants used to conduct business.
“Punctual as always, Quintessence,” a familiar voice merrily chirped, forming a pit in her stomach.
It was only with the utmost effort that she was able to force a smile upon her muzzle, lifting her head to look over at her boss - the boss. From everything she’d heard, it was extremely rare for either of the Princesses to meddle in the servants’ affairs, leaving the upkeep to the castle to their staff, but that was no longer the case. For some unearthly reason, possibly the amusement of a certain draconequus, the daily inspections had routinely had a regal supervisor for nearly two weeks straight.
“My Princess,” Chrysalis whispered, choking back her bile while dipping her head.
Ignoring the other maids in attendance, Celestia trotted over and circled the bowing maid. “And how’s the newest member of the team this morning?”
Chrysalis lifted her head and looked over at the Princess, somehow maintaining the cheerful facade. “Quite well. And to what do we owe the honor of such an early visit, Princess? I’m quite certain the royal chef has yet to start preparing your veritable feast of a breakfast, so I’m surprised to -”
“Quint!” Gertrude blared, hobbling over and shaking a cane at the disguised Queen. “We do not talk back to the Princesses!”
Dismissively waving a forehoof, Celestia tittered to herself. “It’s quite alright, Gertrude. Little Quint is well within her rights to be curious - furthermore, I find her candor quite refreshing,” she noted, calling upon her magic to nonchalantly brush a crease from the glib maid’s dress.
“I’m honored, my liege,” Chrysalis hummed, attempting to conceal the venom in her voice with reverence. “I trust my compatriots and I passed your exemplary scrutiny this morning?”
“You did -” Celestia began, beaming over at the assembled servants, “you all did, though there’s a matter I must discuss with you.”
Chrysalis balked and quirked an eyebrow. “Me?”
“You and specifically you, yes,” the Princess hummed. Turning her attention to the crotchety head maid, she nodded. “You wouldn’t mind if I borrow Quintessence ~ would you?”
Trying and failing to bow, clutching her back with a pained expression on her face, Gertrude shook her head. “Be my guest. Unless you or Luna haven’t mentioned any special events for today, we’ll be fine losing a single pony for the dayshift.”
Glancing over at her coworkers, seeing the contemptuous looks on their faces, Chrysalis should have felt good about the development - regrettably, any joy she would have derived from being personally selected to tend to the Princess was overshadowed by dread. She couldn’t fathom what Celestia wanted her for, but it, whatever it may be, couldn’t be good. After turning and giving the alicorn a curt bow, she straightened up and waited for her orders.
“Come along, Quint,” Celestia merrily clucked, turning and trotting to the exit, “we have a busy morning ahead of ourselves.”
Chrysalis followed without question, trotting into the hallway and staying well behind the Princess’ large, shapely behind. The way she saw it, things were about to go one of two ways; either she was finally going to discover something tactically useful to levy against Celestia, or she was going to get worked to the bone by some onerous, likely demeaning task. Turning a corner and heading towards the dining hall, she started when she noticed the alicorn looking back at her.
Extending and waving a wing, Celestia slowed. “You don’t have to stay behind me - in fact, come up here and trot by my side.”
“As you wish,” Chrysalis hissed, begrudgingly doing as she was told.
As the metamorphosed changeling moved up to her side, Celestia smiled. “I must admit, the uniform looks quite good on you, though I was a bit disheartened that Gertrude had to have your attire specially tailored.”
Chrysalis grinned and peeked over at her regal host. “It wasn’t too expensive ~ was it? I’d hate for the royal coffers to be drained for such a frivolous expense.”
“Oh the price was of no consequence,” the Princess glibly stated. “I was referring to the fitting of your outfit. As shameful as it may sound, I feel like seeing a typically sized ensemble would look quite appealing on you.”
Scrunching her snout, Chrysalis peered down the hallway. Though her disguise was flawless, she was still a fair bit taller than the average mare - so tall that her attire had to be lengthened slightly to fit her properly. Distracted by her thoughts, wondering why in the world the Princess would wish to see her traipsing about in something that failed to fully cover her legs, she faltered when she felt something tug at the hem of her dress.
“I may ask Gertrude to make an exception for you,” Celestia hummed, lifting the fabric and exposing the maid’s knees. “Would you be opposed to wearing something a bit more unique?”
The question was as bizarre as it was inappropriate, fracturing Chrysalis’ composure. “What is wrong with you?”
Smirking and rolling her eyes, Celestia trotted ahead and past her gobsmacked employee. “Forgive me, I believe ponies should take pride in their appearance. You’re an attractive young mare with your whole life ahead of you - as such, I see no harm in letting your radiance shine through for all to admire ~ wouldn’t you agree?”
As the alicorn looked back at her and winked, Chrysalis felt blood treacherously rush to her face. Was Celestia always so flippant with her staff? Shaking her head and quickly gathering herself, not wanting to raise further suspicion, she cantered forward and caught up with the Princess. She couldn’t let such a small distraction, no matter how tasteless, get to her - not when she could use it to her advantage. She turned the tables in an instant, smiling when she noticed the dining area ahead.
“I do agree, my Princess, but it’s not my place to express such opinions,” she lamented. “I am but a poor maid, raised by paupers far from the capital, and I’m simply overwhelmed by being in the presence of your enormity.”
“Well you’re almost as big as I am, so I’d be careful about comments like that,” Celestia laughed, folding a wing over the maid’s back. “Trust me, the food here is simply divine; if you aren’t careful, you’ll find yourself struggling to maintain your figure!”
“I can hardly imagine…” Chrysalis grumbled, glancing back at the alicorn’s generous hindquarters.
Meandering to one end of the almost impossibly long dining table that dominated the cavernous chamber, Celestia motioned the mare forward. “Seat yourself by me.”
As the Princess hopped into one chair, sorcerously pulling out another beside herself, Chrysalis knit her brow. “Why? I mean - uh - it would hardly be fitting for a mere servant to join the radiant, larger than life Princess of the Sun at the royal -”
“Ah ah ah -” Celestia tutted, quaintly lifting a forehoof to silence the servant, “that wasn’t a request, Quint.”
Closing her eyes, Chrysalis took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and slowly exhaled. She was a Queen, darn it, nopony gave her orders - nevertheless, having soothed her fraying nerves just enough not to literally or metaphorically snap at the Princess, she stepped over and eased herself down beside the alicorn. So help her, once she got some dirt on the insipid ponies, she’d make them pay - she’d make them all pay.
“Now that I’ve obliged you, your eminence, how can this humble maid be of assistance?” she inquired through clenched teeth.
“I have an important task for you, something you simply must keep between us. You can keep a secret ~ right?” the Princess cooed, leaning over and bringing her muzzle to the impostor’s ear.
Chrysalis’ eyes went alight, her heart skipped a beat, and a thrilled shiver ran up her spine. This was it - this was what she’d toiled months for! While she couldn’t fathom what this momentous deed was, she eagerly nodded her head. Regardless of what imperial secrets were about to be divulged, no matter what the Princess was going to ask her to do, she knew - knew it would be what she needed to retaliate against the vapid alicorn.
“Good, because - ah! Just on time!” Celestia bleated, looking over as a pony wearing a chef’s hat pushed in a cart with a cloche-covered platter.
Cocking her head to the side, Chrysalis watched the chef approach. It was vexing to have the Princess’ ill-timed breakfast banquet delivered just before Celestia had spilled the beans, but it would only be a temporary setback. As soon as whatever caloric apocalypse had been brought to the table, she’d be able to pick things up where they’d been left off - she hoped.
The chef, a short, somewhat surly pegasus named Gorgon Ramsey, presumably because his parents had both been petrified by a particularly foul fowl, slowed and leered over at the maid. “Who are you to sit at the table with the Princess?”
“I’m the one who’s going to -” Chrysalis’ scathing diatribe was cut short when a wingtip was pressed to her curling lips.
“This is our newest maid, Quintessence,” Celestia explained, gradually withdrawing the feathered appendage. “Say hello, Quint!”
“Hi…” Chrysalis huffed, making a mental note to personally torment the cook after her eventual takeover.
Shooting the servant a disapproving look, the chef stepped behind the wheeled cart and removed the cloche. “As you requested, chocolate and caramel pancakes with sea salt and whipped cream.”
It was no secret that Celestia had a voracious sweet tooth, having gone so far as to employ several premier bakers from across the land, yet even Chrysalis was stunned by the sheer volume of opulent flapjacks. Each pancake was nearly as wide as her head, far bigger than they had any right to be, and there seemed to be nearly two dozen of the things heaped upon the platter. If the Princess ate like this on a regular basis, even if it was only once or twice a week, it was a miracle that she wasn’t more shapely than she already was.
“Will there be anything else, my Princess?” Gorgon respectfully asked.
“No, that will be all,” Celestia replied, paying the pegasus no mind as she levitated a fork and knife from beside her plate.
Chrysalis watched the pony depart before turning her attention to what she could only describe as a plated diabetic coma. “I fail to see what the destruction of one’s pancreas has to do with me…”
Celestia froze moments before carving into the entree, withdrew her utensils, and steadily, almost unwillingly looked over to her guest. “Thank you for reminding me. It can be a bit hard to concentrate when facing something so delectable,” she bashfully admitted, hovering the fork and knife closer to the maid. “Here.”
“What pray tell am I supposed to do with these? I have a perfectly good set of - hey!” she barked, scowling when the Princess magically purloined her flatware.
“This is what I wanted you for,” the Princess purred, forking and cutting free a portion of the obscene pile of pancakes. Floating the succulent, whipped cream-covered bite over to the servant, she grinned from ear to ear. “Say ahhhhh.”
There had been few times in Chrysalis’ extraordinarily long-lived life when she’d been left flabbergasted, but this was definitely one of them. Glancing from the morsel to the alicorn and back again, she found herself at an impasse. Though being personally fed by her arch nemesis was beyond demeaning, degrading beyond all classification, she opened her mouth and extended her tongue.
The fork carefully entered her muzzle, her taste buds went alight, and she closed her lips around the handle. She’d never been a fan of pony food, finding only a select number of dishes even remotely palatable, yet the combination of chocolate, salted caramel, whipped cream, and fluffy, hot cake was exquisite enough to cast doubt on her preconceptions about equine cuisine. Gradually chewing and swallowing the bite, its taste complemented by the ephemeral flavor of the Princess’ affection, she suppressed a pleased shudder.
“Now me,” Celestia humbly intoned, closing her eyes.
Seeing the alicorn’s gaping maw, realizing it would be the perfect time to strike what could easily be a fatal blow, Chrysalis hesitated. She despised the ponies, particularly the Princesses and the insufferable Twilight Sparkle, yet laying one low in a swift, merciless fashion simply felt wrong - not because of its cruelty, but because it would be too merciful. When the day came that she subjugated the Equestrian empire, she was going to make sure it was slow, deliberate, and excruciating for the alicorns - meaning she would bide her time until the moment was just right.
She speared her fork into the pancakes and ripped a chunk free, only slowing to run it through the fluffy whipped cream cascading off the stack. Yes - yes, she was going to take things slow, winning Celestia’s heart so she could inevitably crush it beneath her hoof, and there wasn’t a thing anypony could say or do to change her mind. Bringing the forkful into the Princess’ yawning muzzle, she frowned.
In a way, she almost felt bad for Celestia. The ancient alicorn was old, even older than herself, and she’d done so little with her life - sure she’d founded an empire, united the pony tribes, ruled a continent, and brought peace throughout nearly every corner of the globe, but anypony could do that! Where was the conquest? Where were her enslaved foes? Where was the fearful admiration from her followers? With her scowl deepening, she withdrew the cleaned utensil past the pony’s pursed lips.
“It’s so good,” Celestia groaned through the mouthful, her eyelids fluttering madly. “Have you ever had anything better for breakfast?”
“I…” Chrysalis fell silent as the innocuous question caught her off guard.
Even during the hive’s best times, eating more than one meal a day was rare. While she was entitled to more rations than her innumerable offspring, given that she was their ruler, she’d never taken more than she needed. As she glowered over at the pancakes, her disdain grew. Waste - this was an egregious waste of time, food, and effort - one she was going to bring to an end.
“You know,” she coolly purred, slicing a second wedge of flapjack from the pile, “since this is such a marvelous treat, perhaps you should share it with your staff.”
Glancing at the pancakes, her knife and fork prepared to cut free another bite, Celestia went motionless. “Right now?”
Chrysalis gave a small shrug and gently waved a morsel before the alicorn’s nose. “Not right this instant, but I’m sure you could spare some of this fine meal with your servants or guards. Just between you and I, that old battle-axe Gertrude might actually smile if she got to try this.”
Lifting a hoof to say something, Celestia stopped herself, gazed thoughtfully up at the ceiling, and rubbed her chin. “It has been a while since I’ve done anything special for them.”
“Precisely,” the Queen hastily remarked. “What better way to show your appreciation than to share your special breakfast with them.”
As the Princess lowered her chin and peered at the pancakes, her expression remorseful and crestfallen, Chrysalis bit back a smile. It was absolutely devious. Stripping the Princess of such a fine dish, knowing it had meant something special, filled her blackened heart with glee. Straightening as the alicorn shot her a doleful look, she feigned a wounded smile.
“As mere peasants compared to you, I’m sure they’d appreciate the gesture,” she added, twisting the metaphorical knife.
“I understand,” Celestia quietly conceded. “May we at least have a few more bites? It’s not often that I treat myself like this, and I was hoping to share it with you.”
Bringing the bite closer to the Princess’ face, she licked her lips. “Say ahhhhh.”
And so she and Celestia exchanged morsels, taking their time and savoring each mouthful. Though she had trotted into the situation blind, unsure of what was going to happen, she was inordinately pleased with her tactical wit and subtle pettiness. Not only had she robbed the Princess of a hedonistic delicacy, but she’d done so in such a way to make her out to be a hero. Having lazily polished off almost a quarter of the banquet, feeling her arteries beginning to harden already, she dabbed her mouth with a napkin and set her utensils down on her plate. She’d had more than enough to eat, but there was something she had to do before bringing the moment to an end.
“My Princess, it has been my utmost honor - nay, my privilege to dine with you this morning. Truly, your grace and humility are only rivaled by your beauty and generosity,” she murmured.
With a blush creeping into her cheeks, Celestia cleared her throat and averted her gaze. “Quint, please, there’s no need for such formality - nevertheless, I’m moved by your flattery. Would you like to join me in delivering this?”
Chrysalis hung her head as the Princess slipped from her chair, stood, and magically lifted the platter from the cart. “I would if you wished it so, though I feel like the gesture would be more impactful if you did it by yourself. I’d hate for my coworkers to think I had inspired the idea.”
“In that case, if you don’t mind, wait right here for me,” the Princess instructed, turning and briskly trotting to the exit. “Our breakfast isn’t finished until I have a cup of coffee with you ~ understood?”
“Of course,” Chrysalis hummed.
Waiting until the alicorn was out of sight, she gave a deep, satisfied sigh. Even though she hadn’t unveiled any stately or damaging secrets about the Princess, she wasn’t going to complain too much about weaseling her way out of an hour or two of work. Things would eventually fall into place, she’d make some great discovery to use against the hierarchy, and then she’d make her escape without anypony being the wiser. Quietly cackling to herself, succumbing to her hubris, she went rigid when she heard footfalls approaching behind her.
“Cute,” a voice grunted. “I’m not sure if I should be upset or elated that somepony like you actually convinced her not to eat the entire tray.”
Chrysalis wheeled around, bolting to her hooves and knocking her chair away. Of all the ponies in all the land, of course she had to be visited by one of the very, very few who wasn’t to be trifled with. Meeting a pair of cyan eyes, she sneered. Being interrupted by anypony in the towering eyesore that was the Canterlot castle would have rubbed her the wrong way, yet she was suddenly in the presence of a mare who’d only recently shown her utter lack of self-restraint.
“Whatever do you mean?” she smoothly countered, innocently holding a hoof to her chest.
“Whatever do I mean,” Luna scoffed, squinting over at the maid. “You’re not fooling anypony, Chrysalis. We know you’ve been in our midst since the day you stepped hoof in Canterlot.”
Baring her teeth, Chrysalis locked eyes with the Princess of the Night. “You must be confused. Perhaps your banishment to the moon addled what little mind you have in that soft head of yours, Princess.”
“That’s funny, coming from you,” Luna mirthlessly laughed. “After that thorough trouncing I gave you when last we met, I would have thought you’d learn your lesson - fortunately for you, I’m not unwilling to give you a repeat performance.”
Recalling the thrashing she’d received, as well as the prolonged hospital visit afterwards, Chrysalis’ temper flared. The veneer of a unicorn disappeared in an inferno of harlequin flame, burning the uniform from her body and exposing her true self. She may have lost her bout with Luna the first time, but she wasn’t going to be beaten again - no way in Tartarus.
“The only reason you gained the upper hoof on me last time was because of how impeccably boorish and unrestrained you are. Now that I know what I’m dealing with, I may just take it easy on you,” she chided, her horn glowing with eldritch fire.
It was a bluff, a darn big bluff, but it was all she had. With her cover blown and escape all but impossible, standing her ground was the only option afforded to her. While it was true that Luna may surpass her raw arcane strength, she had an arsenal of skills, wit, and tactical planning on her side. She’d played and replayed this moment in her mind more times than she could count, ruminating on how she could defeat the umbral Princess in a future confrontation, so she was as ready as she’d ever be.
In the blink of an eye, taking careful assessment of everything around her, she developed a strategy. Luna was likely feeling quite sure of herself, doubtlessly but falsely presuming the fight would be a wash, and she would use that to her advantage. Once she’d affixed the Princess’ hooves to the floor with precisely discharged gobbets of her resinous sputum, she’d fling the tablecloth over the alicorn and launch into an onslaught that would make Tirek’s confrontation with Twilight look like a light show.
She tensed, every muscle in her body going rigid, yet it wasn’t in preparation for her assault. Faster than she could think, moving with a speed that should have been impossible, an alabaster wing came to gently rest on her back. A flash of gold, white, and prismatic mane just to her side wrought terror upon her, realizing the impending battle had just been joined by another.
Turning her head, staying right where she was, Celestia serenely smiled at the stupefied Queen. “We don’t do that here…”
Chrysalis had heard that creatures could void their bowels when faced with great peril, their survivalistic instincts wresting control of their bodies, but she never would have guessed she’d be stricken with such existential dread herself. She couldn’t move - literally couldn’t move, she could scarcely breathe, and her thoughts were a jumbled mess of horrified panic. She might - might have stood a chance against a single alicorn in single combat, but there was no conceivable way she could overcome two Princesses at the same time.
Celestia lowered her gaze, looking down at the moldering remnants of the maid’s uniform on the burnished marble floor, and grimaced. “I’ll go fetch you a new outfit - one that fits you as I choose. Do try to behave yourself in my absence.”
Without saying another word, more tranquil than she had any right to be, the Princess of the Sun trotted around the table and to the nearest exit. Chrysalis wasn’t sure what was worse - the fact that Celestia has known about her gallivanting about as a servant, playing along like it was some game, or that any chance of her succeeding in her mission had been totally and completely crushed. At a total loss, watching the snow-white alicorn depart, she started when Luna patted her on the shoulder.
“As stimulating as it would be to entertain your rancor, my dearest sister has a point,” Luna muttered. “Any pitched combat here would benefit neither of us.”
As much as Chrysalis would have liked to give a scathing rebuttal, the younger alicorn’s observation wasn’t without merit. She was in the very heart of the ponies’ kingdom, she was outnumbered hundreds to one, and she would have to deal with a pair of alicorns - both of which would test her martial prowess to their very limits. As she considered how to address the admittedly deplorable circumstances, the phthalo Princess chuckled and shook her head.
Trotting past the shapeshifting matriarch, Luna languidly drifted to the door. “I would suggest you take your leave, but that course of action would be less than ideal.”
“Afraid I may escape?” Chrysalis seethed.
“No,” Luna answered. Stopping by the exit, she looked over her shoulder at the Queen. “Celestia said she was going to fetch you a new outfit. Given how amused my sister is with you, in spite of my protests, it would behoove you to stay in her good graces. Make no mistake, Chrysalis, the only reason you’re here is because you’re allowed to be here.”
Though her blood ran cold, Chrysalis defiantly held the Princess’ gaze. “If you think you can pull the wool over my eyes that easily, you’re -”
“She’s stronger than me ~ did you know that?” Luna whispered, the flint in her voice carrying across the chamber. “While she may come off as a bit blithe and naive, she’s the most powerful pony who’s ever lived - one of the most intelligent as well. Were I in your position, I would be careful not to cross her.”
Seeing the Princess depart should have given Chrysalis some relief, yet any comfort she would have felt was eclipsed by the realization that one of her deepest fears may have been true. Celestia was older than her sibling, had ruled over Equestria for millennia, and had been the sole defender of all ponykind for hundreds upon hundreds of years, so it stood to reason that she was more capable than she appeared to be. While she glanced over to the windows, having no doubt that she could flee unhindered, a war raged within her mind.
The notion that Celestia had knowingly let her infiltrate the castle was as infuriating as it was baffling. She was a master of disguise, unrivaled by any creature that had, did, or ever would exist within this plane, so it should have been impossible for either of the Princesses to have been aware of her presence - nevertheless, a nagging doubt clawed at her. If Luna had been candid with her, maybe it would be prudent for her to stay - if only to lull her host into a false sense of security.
She turned her head, her ears swiveling to the door as the steady clip-clop of approaching hooves snapped her from her thoughts. Whatever she was going to do, no matter what course of action she chose, she had precious little time to make a decision. Cursing to herself, she drifted closer to the table, donned her unicorn alter ego, and seated herself. There were times when being a Queen was no easy task, making hard choices that would leave lesser creatures unable to function, but a life of unending trials, tribulations, and persecution had forged her into the unshakable changeling she was.
A coy smile split her muzzle as Celestia reappeared, causing the Princess to beam as soon as she saw it, yet the deception went far deeper than that. Though told herself that it was an act, that she would gracefully take her leave after she’d issued a casual insult or two to her host, there was something within her that threatened to drive her past the brink of madness. She tried to deny it, to tell herself that her nerves were getting the best of her, but the truth was the truth. As impossible as it may have seemed, telling herself it was for some tactical advantage, a part of her didn't want to say goodbye…