> Intermediate shameless self insert > by aweirdsomeoneidk > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > I burped > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Twas a horrible productive day for Fabiano. Fabiano being a student that he is, had no idea that there was a test planned today. The whole class clearly had a bias against him hence they didn't tell him. Well maybe not the whole class, there were 2 friends associates that did tell him (but he forgot). But it was clear to him that this was planned all along. He just couldn't believe that they would do such a thing, after 2 years of studying together as well! Thats why he decided to ahem.. vocalise his thoughts to his fellow human beings. That were walking with him towards the local bus stop from school "This sucks." Fabiano smartly started "Please, shut your mouth." Alex responded "But I'm right! They knew that the teacher planned the test, and that I was sick so why di-" Fabiano was saying, as he got interrupted with a sudden punch to the side from his other fellow human being "Because 1, you're annoying. 2, people did tell you and 3, you would forget anyways." Kevin retorted whilst glaring at him "Anyways gotta go home now so this is where we part ways. Good luck Alex." Kevin continued as he started walking a different direction "See ya, thanks" Alex responded "What about me?" Fabiano chimed in Kevin briefly stopped and turned around to look at Fabiano as he mouthed Fuck you whilst giving the local idiot a bird after which he resumed to walk away Alex noticed it and laughed at the display whilst Fabiano grasped his heart in a mock hurt expression after a solid 3 seconds he waved Kevin goodbye It was then that Alex stopped laughing and they resumed walking to their destination (and you wont believe it ) in silence. Eventually Fabiano and his -2 chromosomes decided to malfunction and start speaking with each other "that street looks dumb" chromosome -1 said "bet it would look better if we yeeted ourselves onto it" chromosome -2 added "bet" chromosome -1 responded Back in the living world and not the brain that's home to his broken chromosomes he suddenly stopped and looked towards the street whilst Alex bumped into him (Did i forget to mention that Fabiano was ahead of Alex? Well too bad.). Alex looked towards Fabiano and noticed his HUMONGOUS shit eating grin and quickly started to formulate words "Fabiano I don't know what you're thinki-" Fabiano apparantly turned off hearing as he started to move towards the street "-ng, but whatever it is you're doing stop it right now." All words fell deaf to Fabiano as he became a man on a mission. He was going to yeet himself onto that street. As he came came within yeeting distance he felt something tug at his hand, but he doesn't care and decided to take whatever is clinging onto him with him for an adventure. What happend in the next few seconds would make everyone drop their jaws. Fabiano somehow had enough strength to not only yeet himself onto a street but also carry Alex along for the ride onto the street. And to their luck there was a giant enemy car rapidly approaching their position which nabbed their heads like a kid taking cookies from the cookie jar after their mom finally allowed them to gain diabetes. After that happend their corpses looked like a kid's poorly drawn pp drawing that made em giggle at 2 in the morning. So yes, I think they may have blacked out in the process. Pov - God (i think, no one knows tbh.) God has checked multiple times if he was under the influence of drugs. He was just minding his own business and there suddenly came a disruption in the order of heaven. But when he found the cause of said disruption he was very surprised to learn that it was a single human being and his companion who caused it. Apparantly the sheer stupidity of the human was so stupid that it shook Heaven. Whilst he was trying to figure out what to do with a retard so stupid that the entire Heaven is shaking from his sheer. He felt something vibrate in his nonexistant pockets. He reached towards the vibrations and pulled out a phone. The phone had a message from Faust that read 'Thanks for the free magic nerd. L'. After reading the message he suddenly gained an idea. He was going to reincarnate those 2 into Faust's world. When he started working on his brilliant idea that would make Discord proud, he failed to notice someone waking up. Pov - Fabiano I awakened from my slumber to find out that im in serious pain. I mean come on what the hell did I do to make me feel that way? Oh wait I remember something about my 2 chromosomes arguing.. oh right, yeah that's going to be a pain to explain to Alex. Speaking of Alex, where is she? So many questions are popping up in my mind. Like what's that blinding ball o' white over there? I wanna touch it. I stood up and after a few seconds of thinking about all the questions i have in my mind right now, I started to walk towards the blinding ball o' white in my vision. Once I went within poking distance I punched it. Remember kids never let them know your next move. "OW!" Big Ball 'o White said as it recoiled in pain? Idk how to read a ball. The Big Ball 'o White turned around seemingly to face me and to everyone's surprise, only mine since I was the only one awake, it started roasting- "Your mom is so fat, she could beet Beelzebub at his own game." - my mom To say I was shocked would be an understatement so I did the only thing that popped up in my mind to defend my mother's reputation. "Go back to the rice fields, you Asian light bulb wannabe." I retorted As I said that I almost felt like I made a mistake, almost. Which in hindsight I should have but I will never admit it to anyone. That's about the time that this being decided to shout in snobbish noble family tone. "HOW FUCKING DARE YOU" I started smelling salt, wish I had popcorn on me because 1 second of interacting with him and it would have the perfect amount for my liking. It was at this moment when my body decided to receive the package from the stomach. In short, I burped. God stopped his baby rage (lol) and looked at me cocking an eyebrow. Wait when did he turn into a human male? Another question to the pile I guess. "How the hell did you burp in here?" He asked with a questionning look? Is that what it is? It's hard to read a guy's emotions when he was a Ball 'o White that practically flashbanged me some time ago, I still have some white spots in my vision. It didn't help that I was constantly staring at it I spent a few seconds trying to think of a correct response to that question. After which I spoke "I farted" After that important answer the fella just sighed, and then muttered something about not questionning me. Whilst something struck me like flex tape on a leak. 'I forgot to burp' God as if reading my mind just face palmed and said "Stop, listen you died and we are outta space in heaven so you're going to be reincarnated into another world. Kinda Like an isekai.". To which I just nodded dumbly because I forgot to think properly. Then after a few seconds of silence I rememberred to think and processed the information which took another second. "Wait so do I get any powers?" I asked "Yeah." God responded "Sweet, do i get to choose?" I once again asked. And god just shook his head. "So what do I get." I once again again asked. "Echolocation, take it or leave it." God answerred. "Coolio." I said. ... "Wait, you're ok with that?" God asked? "Does it matter?" I asked. "No? But I thought you were going to do something!" said 'god' "I shit myself does that count?" I cleverly said. I don't know what I did but that visibly annoyed the male, since he just scrunched his face up. Oh and he put 2 fingers on his temple yes. "Right. I don't care anymore just fuck off now" God suddenly said. I honestly didn't even notice that he removed his fingerinos from his tempelinos. Anyways after he said that the whole world just went white as I heard Alex tell the 'God' to go fuck himself (I'm so proud of her). So you may ask yourself what the fuck happend after me whiting out of the world. Let's just say that I am in a predicament and a half right now. But thankfully I am somewhat safe. I'm saying somewhat because im being hugged the shit out of by a horse with a sort of weird thing on her butt? plot? I don't particularly care right now. What I am more worried about is the fact that I lost my ability to SEE. It's as if I forgot how to use my EYES. To be honest that sounds like something I would do. Anyways now I am using echolocation to know where I am, it's cool in a way. I personally like it but I am going to be in deep trouble if anyone finds out. I always preffered keeping things like that a secret, screw the natives I like my abilities. Turns out me getting whited out was something called teleportation which as it turns out moved me from one place to another. More accurately right on top of a bed next to the.. wait why does that.. horse? No, pony? I have no fucking idea bite me. Anyways why does that thing kinda look like.. OH DEAR ENRAGED KEBABS IM IN M- Pov - Alex The last thing I remember after that retard jumped in front of the car whilst taking me along (How I have no idea), was me being in pain and seeing the idiot talk with someone so naturally I did the only thing I could think of at the moment "GO FUCK YOURSELF" I yelled as I whited out. Yeah not my proudest moment. I am willing to bet my liver that Fabiano is going to bother me non stop about it. Anyways that's all I can remember. Now I am in the middle of a forest, as a hor- no wait It's more of a pony if anything. As I was checking myself out via river I noticed that I became a gray coated pony with a brown mane along with red eyes. I then noticed the horn on my head. 'Oh my god I am an unicorn.' was the thought that ran through me. And then I started to connect the dots. 'I am a unicorn. I died before I got here. The only time I saw unicorns aside from mythology was in that cartoon.' 'I AM IN MY LITTLE PONY' I thought. After which more thoughts struck me. 'Oh god I am in My Little Pony, I am in the Everfree forest if the darkness is anything to go by.' I thought with dread. An hour passed by withoat me even realising it, as it turns out I took over an hour having an existential crisis. Which then made me realise that I was way too quiet as I would have probably muttered something or even started yelling. So I tried to speak. I openned my mouth to formulate words, yet nothing happend. 'Okay what the fuck?' I thought as I tried several times again. 'Who fucking cursed me, was it that person who was talking to Fabiano? I'll fucking kill him.' Pov: Fabiano who would have guessed 'Okay this is just annoying' I thought No but seriously hear me ou- Pov: Faust wait what "Why are there so many lines holy shi-" Pov: God ok seriously wtf "TAKE THAT FAUST" God screamed with enthusiasm, after which this happend. Pov: THE PINK ONE "I NEED TO MAKE A PARTY FOR ALL THESE NEW LINES!" Okay stop, seriously who's putting all these pov changes and all these lines. This is honestly annoying. Do you realise how much work one has to do to completely change the scenery with each pov change? Not to mention getting GOD and other ponies to speak things. Wait, what do you mean it's me wh- Pov: Alex After an hour of cursing whoever made me mute. I spotted a trail that leads to Ponyville, how did I not notice that before I have no idea. Although I probably should do something about me not being able to speak. 'What if I spend some time practicing my magic, maybe that will be able to solve my mute problems.' Reading all those fan fics that Fabiano told me to read taught me that the magic level and shenanigans vary on each Equestria (Screw the hour long lecture from Fabiano and screw him for making me sit through it). So if I am lucky enough then maybe I can just write on air. Timeskip (mostly because this is a 1 shot, and I have no idea how to writek) So apparantly I for some reason know the basic principles of magic. And after some time 'experimenting' with spells I found out a way to communicate with other people! No wait ponies, I am in Equestria near Ponyville after all, I need to get used to the speech. Anyways as I was saying I found out how to litteraly create words in my own magic. Hopefully there wont be a language barrier otherwise I am killing God. Oh hey there are some ponies over there, maybe I should interact with them. I thought as I started walking towards them. After a bit of walking I noticed a certain pony in blue in the middle of a group of ponies. 'Oh crap baskets' I thought as I instantly started walking the opposite direction. 'Maybe I should circle round them and head to Ponyville.' and with a new course of action I hid from the guards (Can't believe I didn't notice the armour). Pov: Wokelestia As I started stirring I noticed that I was holding something. I think Lulu might have gotten a bit lonely again and snuck into my bed again. Well not that I could complain, yesterday was a hard day for us. Some "commoner" has gotten his hands onto a quite impressive amount of poison joke. And he used that poison to stuff it in their face while they are sleeping. What makes it even more impressive is that he still hasn't been caught Lulu and I have gotten a laugh out of it. Although we will never admit it, they did kinda deserve it. In the end they ended up complaining to us for the entirety of day and night court. I didn't think that this situation put that much distress on Lulu though. I started to open my eyes I certaintly was surprised. I didn't see Lulu, but a stallion with a black coat and a slightly lighter shade of black mane [I have no idea what colours are stfu] . He also has brown eyes, which shortly after openning my eyes turned over to look at me. Pov: Fabiano "Hey, come here often?" I said as I held a.. hoof? Yea I think hoof to support my head. She has loosened the grip on me before I said that, so it was fine an' dandy to do that. Anyways after I said my brilliant line I noticed the fact that her pupils shrank. It will probably be funny if she thinks she did me via sleepwalking, which will lead to a funny situation. Then we just kinda stared at each other, it was funny in a way. I can make her think that I got sexed, I can also clear up the understanding but where's the fun in that? Anyways as we were staring at each other, some amalgamation popped into the room. Oh wait that's just Discord. We both looked at him, whilst he looked around everywhere but the bed. "Tia I might need some pa-" He was saying as he finally noticed the scene before him. "This isn't what it loo-" The Yang in our little ying and yang symbol attempted to salvage the situation. BUT I THE YING had something to say "'Tia' somehow in her royal beauty sleep managed to teleport me into her bedroom and then royally raped me." I said as calmly and monotone as I could be Discord's jaw then dropped, litteraly of course (predictable). As a sign emerged from the displaced jaw that read 'WOW'. Whilst Celestia just snapped her head around to look at me with wide eyes. OH and whilst gaining a bit of a red colour dunno how I missed that. Discord then spoke up after a solid 15 seconds of us remaining in the same position (thanks btw). "Damn Tia I had no idea you. Well, this is just akward I am going to leave" after that glorious statement he just popped out of the room. Why do I feel like this is a good time for a cli- Pov: Kevin Location: Livin' I am a bit crankier than usual today, maybe it's because Fabiano hasn't been online tonight? I was looking foward to spending the night today for some gaming but Fabiano hasn't logged on. He must be 'trolling' me right now, anyways I got school to get to. As I finished dressing up for school I told my mom goodbye. After which I left home for school, which turned out to be a mistake. It is a mistake because as soon as I openned the door I heard a sound of something falling. So I looked up and noticed a fucking bomb, which promptly fell on me and exploded. The last thought I had before I died was "Kurwa". Pov: idk actually "So um, what do we do with the missing bomb." Someone said. "Ah screw it, no one's going to notice 1 bomb being gone" the other fella said "But what if it killed someone? Aren't we gonna be in trouble?" The now dubbed Fella 1 responded "Who" the Other Fella™ started as he paused for 2 seconds "cares." after which he promptly finished with a sick ending. "I'm not paid enough for this" Fella 1 said™ Other Fella chukled and then said "That's the spirit!" as he continued laughin. ™ Pov: Alex 'I got caught.' I thought as I was sitting in front of Princess Luna whom which is staring right at me. If Fabiano ever finds out about me being caught he's not gonna let it down for the life of me. Anyways as I was being stared at I checked my surroundings. I was in a tent, it had a table, 2 chairs both of which were occupied and there were 4 guards at the entrance I was in a chair, tied up. Princess Luna was sitting in front of me on another chair. Suddenly I see Princess Luna, openning her mouth to speak. But life had different plans as we hear a pop and all of us jump. I try to turn around and at the end of my vision I saw a part of a chimera. "Whew, that situation was very akward. Oh hey Luna" Discord said as he drank something, I am gonna assume that he drank chocolate. "Pray tell what art thoust doing here, Discord." Luna said Discord then snapped his fingerinos, and from what I can understand he probably teleported guards away and put us in a bubble. "Luna I am going to be frank with you." Discord said as he started to sound serious. "Your sister somehow raped somepony in her sleep". ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE AFTER THAT STATEMENT. Let me explain, after that statement there was silence for like 12 seconds trying to process it. Discord popped out in the silence period. Then Luna ROYALLY shouted "WHAT" which promptly made me deaf. Then she grabbed me? Started to ask if I had anything to do with it. I started shaking my head as hard as I could. Then she teleported us both. After regaining my grip on things I started try and find out where I was. What I could make out in our new environment we were in the castle. If I had to guess then we were right outside Celestia's bed chambers. I swear to whatever deity is in this world that I am going to kill it. Luna apparantly had enough and instead of knocking she grabbed a guard, and threw him at the door. After which she teleported him somewhere. Then we went in to see a bla- Pov: Kevin When I woke up I was in some sort of throne room, but it was abandoned. When I looked onto what looked like some sort of big window with drawings, like those churches have I noticed outlines of trees outside. So I am guessing I got reincarnated? Looking down I see hooves, with that realisation I freak out. I also bumped something whilst looking down. I am not a human anymore, I feel something on my back like extra arms or something. Suddenly I hear a noise as if somethings falling down. I look up which was a mistake, because I see a massive cross which fell on me and killed me. My final thoughts before dying again were "NOT AGAIN". Pov: Discord "Whew thankfully that's over with" I said after checking if the new white alicorn is dead, which thankfully he was. That's 1 point to the chaos infused cross. "Those 2 provide way too much chaos, with him it may have gotten rid of me." I continued "Now to watch the scene unfold in Tia's bedroom chambers." I laughed as I popped in a bag of pop corn along with 3d glasses, after which I got a screen with Fabiano's Pov, but then it suddenly started glitching. "Huh? Now that's interesting.." I trailed off as I started to try and fix the problem. Pov: Hard R Digger (that's Fabiano's name now btw) I heard a camera, (I love echolacation) and I pointed at it. After 10 seconds of systematically pointing down the camera I heard a fan noise from it. And then it just fucking combusted and when it did Celestia just jumped. Oh yeah me and Celestia were talking about our whole 'crisis' or somethin like that for like 10 minutes. After which we just sat quietly for 5 minutes. Oh look she's openning her mouth "What was that?" she asked whilst I read her lips withoat listenning to the sound she makes (I can read lips for some unspecified reason). "Camer bamel" I replied as I pointed at it yet again. 'Fear me camer babel' I thought and then suddenly a fucking rectangle flew across the room. And I sensed a pon in armor flying with it for a moment, and then it was gone, which I am going to assume the pon was teleported. Unlike the Discordilini the popitarius it was like a twinkle and some sound akin to a race car passing you at high speeds. Im not an expert at sound screw off. It was then that I heard a voice. "SISTER, WE WISH TO DISCUSS WITH THOU AND THOUST NEW SPOUSE" THE VOICE INVADED THE DOMAIN OF MY EARS AND IT RENDERRED ME DEAF. It was so fucking loud I got blasted into the god damn wall. I stood strong with not blacking out because I am clearly superior to a regular fan fic Anon (owes me like 10 dollars btw). It did hovewer not help e with my tempoary deafness and just applied nausa. So for a couple of seconds I was disabled. I quite frankly had no idea what was going on. Cue the 2 minute timeskip and I finally can hear again. The first line of sound I hear is, "How big was he?" no idea who said it but I didn't expect this kind of boldness. Good sign eh? "I don't know I was sleeping. Also please stop asking me these questions." Another voice decided to bonjour in. Next thing I know I feel someone poking me. I insinctively take in the air and to my surprise, I know exactly who it is. Too many nights in her closet to not know that smell. It's Alex, or Kraa as she probably now calls herself, I know because I asked once what would her name be if she were in mlp as a pony. So I decided to start a convo. "Oh hi Mark." that'll work, but as I wait for like 5 seconds I get 0 answers atleast verbal ones. So I continue. "World to Kraa? Hello?" And I suddenly feel a punch in my face, and then another, and another. Then she stops. She probably realised that I am blind or smthn idk. Would be beneficial to me if she did, then we can do s- And I get hit with a big object, but unlike that royal greetings it didn't hurt as bad nor did it affect me, so I just got up. "Are you okay?" I hear Celestia say, to which I respond with a burp. "That burp did more damage to me than that." and a follow up There was a bit of silence before another voice sounding simillar to the royal bs spoke up. (Mic up? Nah too cromge) "Huzzah! Finally somepony isn't as fragile as everypony else. Sister are you sure this pony isn't your spouse?" Oh it was Luna. "Mayhaps" I spoke up I then heard some magic to my right. And then some giggles, that bi- INDIVIDUAL wrote something. So I did something, I looked to my right and simply said 3 words. "Buck you too.". Which caused more giggles but it defused the situation, I think. Anyways I heard taps on the floor, the thing about these taps were that there were some spaces every now and then. And I realised it was morse code. ' ' You're a fucking idiot ' ' Kraa said. ' ' Aha? And who told god he was an asian light bulb ' ' ' ' You did fucking what? I am going to murder you first chance I get. ' ' ' ' I'd like to see you foken try ' ' I finished. Which honestly fucking surprised me, I must have grown some testicles since earlier I would have never said that. as I was thinking about this phenomena I suddenly got yanked into the air and thrown at the big horse. After which I got yanked up again and then thrown at a smaller horse, to then I got yanked up again. And you'll never believe me, I got thrown at the biggerer horse (TM). But then I got surprised when I made contact with said horse, not in the way that me and her would be flying across the room but she just caught me and put me down. Then she turned my face around so I would be looking at her eyes. And then we kissed she asked me a question. "Are you blind?" God spit his drink onto Discord while they were discussin- My only response to that was "I farted" as I started to sweat internally. I also burped right after but that was the fart. She started staring into my soul, to be honest it was pretty weird hearing someone staring at you. It's like hearing a picture, speaking of, I need to ask god to explode my hard drive. ANYWAYS back on topic, she let up her stare after what felt like a minute when it was actually like 6 seconds. I started a convo with my buddy ol pal cuz I got curious about smthn. ' ' So hey you know how you have a different name right?' ' ' ' Yes?' ' ' ' My name is N- Hard R Digger now have fun ' ' ' ' Fuck you ' ' 'Another satisfied customer.' I thought as I echolocated half lidded eyes looking at me. And let me tell you I would have shat myself right then and there if I had to turn around for that. Mostly because I had no idea what those looked like, but I have heard about what those mean. Yes I am a woman repellant why Kraa hasn't run off I have no fucking idea, it is truly a miracle. But thanks to that I was able to hear about that piece of information. And thank to my non existant sex life I have no idea how the fuck to react to females that actually are willing to get into bed with me. So in summary I am fucking scared you maggots. So I did what any scared pussy would do and I TURNED AROUND to look at the cause of my fear, I also waved to the pony in question which was Lidlestia. "as I said this will pro-" God's assistant was interrupted by God spitting his drink once again She came over. OH GOD SHE CA- "My little pony, I don't thin-" I punched, well not really punch at that point I poked her in the nose. And then there was silence. I honestly think I fucked up, since that silence was deafening. Also she was blushing very hard looking at me. "Well then it's settled." Luna said as she had a very big grin once the waves hit. "Wait what, what's settled did I miss a very lesson in school?" I asked scared for my life. I am going to get out of here prefferably make 70 alternative accounts and a new main so they can't track me. After some time of silence in which both me and Kraa were cofuse. Celestia micced up "Well, my little pony due to law if you boop someone on the nose you have to get married with them." And now I have a single word etched in the shallow depths of my mind with all lines and arrows pointing to it "fuck." Also Kraa got snuck upon by Luna who booped their nose with her own muzzle? I have no idea the terminology here am confus. Anyways shortly after that Boopedlestia noticed the advancements of her own sitster(edit im too lazy) used her magic to bring my hoof down and collided her muzzle with my own while I was about to jump through a window. Oh and yell COWABUNGA whilst going through it, maybe I'll actually do it someday. Anyways my brain just sorta stopped and deleted the thoughts out of my mind and in my stupid state I asked "Does this mean?" "Yes, I a-" Celestia started to respo- "I get to sleep here?" BUT I WASN'T DONE YET Celestia paused from that statement and after a bit of silence she just pulled away from the boopening that inflicted holy shit I am scared state on me, and she started to laugh. "If you wish to then I suppose I could let you sleep with me." she said. And I processed this a bit slowly, but then I processed it and then I processed it a second time and then a third for good measure. And then I deleted that information and I did it again. "a, walked straight into that one" I said Celestia chuckled, while she was chluckling I focussed on what was going on with Kraa. She was getting hugged the shit out of. Little bit later and Celestia noticed that I was looking at Kraa, and then I FELT IT. She just went over me since you know she's kinda higher than anyone else and just sat down then magicked me into being hugged. I am fucking powerless against this gay magic bullshit. Not to mention that I am the fucking minority here since I am the only one withoat magic. Speaking of I tested it and I can't say discriminatory words like the hard R or any of the more significant swears. "Having fun sister?" Overlestia said from above me. Luna then turned her head over to Celestia's side and then just teleported with a neutral face because yes. After that Celestia looked down at me, leened down and started moving her lips idk "Also I meant the part about the bed." wot "I have to leave for the day court right now. See you soon." and then my mind went blank as Celestia left the room The sorta end ig?