Chapter One: What The Hay Is A Train?
The world had grown without him.
Starswirl had known this was how things would be. Every philosopher, regardless of their branch of belief, had a consensus that the world would progress after individual deaths. In his case, Equestria didn’t just flourish without him, but because of him.
And the others, of course.
That was, in fact, one of his last thoughts. Contemplating how he wouldn’t get to see the nation Equestria would become; all the inventions, ideas, discoveries. Not to mention the countless books to read and theories to poke holes in. The realization came with a burning, distasteful dread, and then a somber acceptance.
All of which was changed when Twilight and the elements—the fruit of the very seeds they planted before their necessary departure—pulled them forward in time similarly to how he had handled The Sirens.
His hope that had been dashed away, discarded, dejected, was brought back like the single ember of a stomped out fire that was just enough to spark a new one. The Equestria he had fantasized about in those precious seconds before he dived into the abyss was before him, and he could explore it to his heart's content.
The first obstacle, as it was in any journey, was transportation. No longer did ponies have to fly, walk, or teleport everywhere. Substituted were giant metal machines dubbed ‘trains’, the term apparently coming from a Prench word for a part of a gown. It was a device capable of transporting dozens, if not hundreds, of ponies at a time, while also doubling as an extremely efficient method of cargo delivery.
As any individual when using an unfamiliar device should, Starswirl had read the manual on trains. Or, at least, what he could find available to the public. Most of it was technical jargon that more resembled the made up language of a truly demented mind than terminology for the greatest mass-transportation he’d seen in his abnormal lifetime. Eventually, he’d managed to decipher the code until it made some semblance of sense.
Pulleys and levers tied to wheels and motors, all powered by magic-infused crystals; a magnificent conglomeration of magic and machine. So intricate, so complex, so beautiful in its own way. As is the case with things that have so many pieces, anything could go wrong at any point. Something Starswirl was intimately familiar with considering the amount of spells he’d made from hardly more than scratch.
With enough knowledge to fix a very basic problem if it were to occur, he finally entered one to go to his first location. Packed with a bag similar to the one he’d carried all those years ago, he sat on one of the surprisingly many empty seats in the car. It was silent aside from the churning of machinery.
As soon as it started, the speed was initially nauseating; only pegasi-drawn chariots were comparable. Watching the landscape move so quickly while he had stayed still wasn’t helping. It induced motion sickness unlike any he’d felt before, which subsided sooner or later.
Then the boredom set in.
To keep his mind at ease and not let the nothingness nibble away at his sanity, he began reciting mathematical formulas. He liked math. It was consistent, rigid, and had no sense of pliability; you’re given a framework, then you substitute something into it, and the answer will come out every time. It was the same as giving a foal a circular object and then pointing towards a wall of shapes and asking which one it fit in.
“Whoa dude,” a disembodied voice spoke up, breaking his mantra. “You aight?”
He searched for the culprit, finding a pair of light grayish purple eyes peeking at him from the top of the seat in front of him. The eyes were half-lidded, which matched the relaxed expression on the rest of the mare’s face.
“Quite.” he retorted, subconsciously pulling his bag closer to his chest. “There’s just startlingly little to do; repeating math formulas is an admirable way of passing time.”
“Whatever paddles your boat, man.” Her pupils wandered around the car, searching for something that might have never been there in the first place. “You know, traveling is way better when you’re with friends; are yours in the can or something?”
“No,” he responded, an odd wariness on his tongue he didn’t quite recognize. “They went their own way.”
“Don’t really sound like friends then.”
“I-”
Before he could formulate his undoubtedly well articulated retort, the mysterious mare nonchalantly climbed over her seat and plopped herself right beside him. Her light green coat and amaranth mane stood out from anything else in the car, a yellow kerchief with a flower pattern somehow sticking out even more.
“My name is Treehugger,” she tilted her head in his direction. “What’s yours?”
For a moment, Starswirl just stared at her, scrunching his nose as his ears flicked. He looked down at his robes, up at his pointed hat with little bells that jingled if he moved too much, then stroked his beard with heavy emphasis.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Nah. Wouldn’t have asked if it was.”
Something about the bluntness of her statement left the well beyond-his-time scholar perturbed. Scoffing in a way only someone with his accumulated wisdom could, Starswirl cleared his throat, swaying his cape to the side as he turned to face Tree Hugger
“I am Starswirl The Bearded: The greatest conjurer who ever lived, the father of the anamorphic spell, mentor of Clover the Clever. Surely even an earth pony must have heard of me in history class or one of the many fairy tales tied to my legacy.”
“Mmmm,” she hummed to herself, tilting her head and wearing a dopey smile. “Doesn’t ring any bells. Well, rings your bells, maybe.”
The peculiar mare leaned forward, tapping one of his many bells and chuckling when it jingled. He recoiled, hitting the window almost as hard as the fact that Tree Hugger was completely ignorant of who he was. The refined wheels in his head turned faster than the ones in the train they were riding, struggling to comprehend how any individual could not know his very name.
“You…” The words fell on deaf ears, as she was preoccupied jingling each bell until it resembled a melody. “Do you lack an education? I disposed of The Sirens, built the foundation of magic as unicorns now know it, befriended Scorpan and helped banish Tirek to Tartarus.”
“Didn’t Twilight and her friends do that a year or something ago?” she asked innocently with a tilt of her head.
“I did it first!”
“Oh. My bad.”
“Ugh!” he let out an exasperated groan, rubbing his temples with his hooves.
“So, like, if you’re this big important unicorn, what are you on this train for?”
“I want to see how Equestria has changed in my absence. Which is proving,” his nostrils flared as he took a deep breath “more challenging than I thought. Especially concerning ways that I thought trifling.”
“By yourself? Lame,” she remarked, fiddling with a bag attached to her side and pulling out a plastic bag full of various colored bear-like creatures made of some wax-like substance. She showed no hesitation in opening it and dipping her head in, picking one out between her teeth and swallowing it. “Going anywhere particularly or just, like, nomading?”
“I do in fact have a location; There is a map with points of interest in my bag. If I recall…” He reached into a pocket on the side of his own bag, pulling out a map that took thirty seconds of unfolding to open. “Ah, ‘The Crystal Empire’. I’d heard of it before it disappeared, but unfortunately I was far too preoccupied at the time. However, it miraculously returned just a few years prior to my own reappearance. Perhaps the culture of the place will be identical to then, and I will find much about it that’s out of time.”
“Oh yeah, The Crystal Empire’s pretty chill. Well, other than the weather, I mean.” She rubbed her hoof along his bag, following the night sky patterns until abruptly stopping. “Wait, your own return?” Tree Hugger’s eyes widened, lips briefly pressing together. “So you’re like, a thousand years old or something.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to inform you, yes.”
“Far out.”
“‘Far out’?” he repeated to himself. “What does that even—you don’t care that I’m a thousand years old? There are unicorns that would non-metaphorically die to meet me.”
“I mean, it’s pretty cool, I guess. But like…” She peered past him, her train of thought stopping in its tracks at whatever caught her attention. Just as suddenly it was back to him. “Being a thousand years old is kinda common in Equestria; you’re not even the first pony I’ve met like that. Everpony who lives in The Crystal Empire is, Celestia was when I met her at the Gala, Discord’s probably way older than that.”
“You’re, uhm…” He raised a hoof to correct her, only to find no fault in what she said. In fact, now that he followed her words, he realized she wasn’t even counting the other pillars. Nor Tirek, or even Stygian. Had it truly become that commonplace for individuals to be over a millenia old?
“Anyway, sounds like you need a guide.”
“A guide? I have one right here.” he used his magic to pull out a book titled ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Equestria’. “Just as well, getting lost should not be a concern either. I brought a compass and a starfinder with me.”
“Oh hey, I read that once I think. Might have been the movie, actually. Nah, but I meant somepony who’s actually been all around Equestria to show you the spots and stuff. You don’t know much about what’s changed, right? I've been around and I’m going around again. Got nopony with me this time around, either.”
“You’ve been around Equestria?”
“Yep. Went on a spiritual journey after I graduated college; met some cool guys and found some nice inspiration. Haven’t really talked to any of them since, so I wanted to check up, y’know?”
He, in fact, did not know.
“Spirtual journey? Like astral projection?”
“I don’t think so, it didn't have anything to do with the stars.”
Starswirl had dealt with what felt like insurmountable mental strains when creating and casting spells no one but him had attempted. Trying not to place his hoof firmly against the bridge of his nose and sigh was tragically comparable.
“While the hospitality does not go unappreciated, I prefer to travel alone. It’s the exact reason I didn’t bother asking the other pillars.”
“But, like, you're a scholar, right?”
“I’m not a scholar, I’m the scholar,” he spat with emphasis. “How is that relevant?”
“Aren’t you supposed to be open minded to opportunities to learn stuff?”
“Not if those opportunities pose an unnecessary risk.” He adjusted his gown and hat, folding the map back and slipping it into his bag. “You could just as easily distract me from what I’m interested in. On top of that, you were ignorant of who even I am, what could you possibly show me that I couldn’t find myself?”
Her constant half smirk made it near impossible to read what was going on past those hazy eyes. Tree Hugger’s hoof tapped her chin. She fidgeted in her seat as she tried to get comfortable.
“Everything, I guess.”
Starswirl guffawed at the absurdity of her statement. There was such a wide variety of things to say to that, and not a single one of them reached his mouth.
“We’re both going to The Crystal Empire. So, like, let's trainpool and I’ll show you some stuff there. If things don’t work out, then we can just go our separate ways.”
He wasn’t even going to try jumping through the mental gymnastics to understand what ‘trainpool’ meant.
“Let’s say I agree to this accord of yours; if I say at any point that I want to do things my way, you’ll just abide?”
“Of course, man. I’m not trying to mess with your vibe like that.”
As he closed his eyes in thought, and also trying to keep some shard of composure, he recalled the incident with Stygian. For the first time in his life, he had been proven wrong. By Starlight Glimmer, the student of one who idolized him, of all ponies. If he truly had been more open minded, considerate, or willing to accept the possibility that there was an option he hadn’t considered, he would have come to the same conclusion Starlight had.
Starswirl wasn’t upset at her like a lesser stallion would be. No, only himself. Years of book writing and reading, yet he couldn’t see the message written before him in neon. Perhaps, in this regard, this bizarre mare had a point.
“Very well,” he breathed, nodding to himself as he stroked his beard. “However, if there is something I see that catches my intrigue, then I shall pursue that thing with vigor. I expect no complaints or attempts to stop me. Is that understood?”
“Groovy.”
Starswirl sighed. He was going to regret this. Deeply.