Am I Really?
Pipp Petals wasn't known to be the lightest of sleepers, but the loud clang coming from downstairs was enough to jolt her awake. "Huh!?" Her head raised in alarm and she looked around frantically, only to be seeing pitch black. "Oh, right." She said sheepishly, remembering that she was still wearing her sleep mask before lifting it over her eyes. With her eyesight restored, the pink pegasus looked around the room again. She saw Sunny and Izzy, still sound asleep in their beds, but when she looked over at her sister's she noticed that it was empty, pushed away covers indicating that Zipp had gotten out of bed for whatever reason.
Another sudden loud noise from downstairs was all Pipp needed to know that it was Zipp who had woken her up. "Ugh. Seriously, Zipp?" Pipp groaned as she got out of bed and began marching down the stairs. "Some pony's have work to do in the morning and would like to get some sleep before then." She grumbled angrily to herself, already thinking of what else she was going to say when she began chewing her big sister out.
As she approached the halfway point of the stairs, she was able to hear the sound of something smashing into something else more clearly. The pink pegasus also was able to now hear her sister grunting and groaning, like she was in the middle of doing exercises. This only got Pipp even more annoyed. Could Zipp not wait at least until morning to do this? If she wasn't going to get an earful before, she definitely was going to now.
Pipp reached the halfway point as looked over the railing to see what her sister was doing. As it turned out, Zipp was seemingly in the middle of an exercise of some short. In the center of the room was a free standing punching bag and not far off from that was Zipp herself, crouched down as she looked like she was preparing to take off. "Errrraaaahh!" With a yell, Zipp launched herself at the punching bag. Her shoulder collided with it and she jumped back while the large bag tilted from the force of the impact before it corrected itself. Landing back where she took off from with a slide, the white pegasus looked at the bag and growled. "Errr! No!" She yelled at herself before trying the same thing again, leading to the exact same results as before. "Ugh! Why can't I do this either!?"
Pipp watched her sister attack the equipment again and again. Her annoyance now replaced with confusion. She knew her sister, and she knew she was strong enough to knock that punching bag over without much effort. So why wasn't she able to do it now? Pipp knew she had to get to the bottom of this. "Zipp?" She spoke up.
Zipp's ear twitched and she turned her head to see Pipp looking down at her. "Pipp? What are you doing up?"
The younger sister frowned and continued her way down the rest of the stairs. "I could ask you the same thing." She said with annoyance. "I was in the middle of a good nights sleep when somepony decided they should do their tricks now instead of waiting for morning like the rest of us."
Hearing her sister snap at her made Zipp look down with slight guilt, her ears pinning against her head. “Oh. Sorry about that, Pipp. I didn't realize you could hear me."
These actions only increased Pipp's concerns. Normally, Zipp would respond with some witty remark or make a joke about how Pipp always needed her beauty sleep or something similar whenever her younger sister got annoyed at her. However, now she was coming off as very submissive, something she usually doesn't act like unless Pipp got their mother involved. "What are you even doing up this early?"
"I....Couldn't sleep." Zipp replied, now sounding nervous, like she was hiding something. "So I thought I'd come down here and burn some of that midnight oil, y'know?"
While she wasn’t the detective her sister was, Pipp wasn’t oblivious to social cues given by other ponies, spending so much time socializing does that to a pony. And she could clearly tell that Zipp was lying.
The frown she was giving told the white pegasus that she wasn’t being very convincing. “It’s really nothing, Pipp. Just got to get some late night practice.” She said with a sheepish smile, hoping that would deter her sister’s suspicions.
“Practice for what?” Pipp asked.
Zipp's eyes darted around as she desperately tried to come up with another lie. "Oh! Well....It's for.....Uh....You know..."
"No, I don't know." Pipp interrupted before sighing. "Zipp, can you please just tell me what's bothering you? I promise I won't share it with anypony else."
“That’s hard to believe.” Zipp muttered quietly to herself, knowing how her sister will share anything with her Pipsqueaks, before trying again to get out of the conversation. “Pipp, I’m telling you, it’s no-“
“Don’t tell me it’s nothing, Zipp Storm!” Pipp shouted while stomping her hoof. “Stop acting like a scared, little filly and just say what’s wrong with you already!”
Maybe it was from being yelled at, or something Pipp said in that sentence, but something inside Zipp began to snap. “You want to know what’s wrong with me?” She asked bitterly. Before Pipp could do anything to respond, she flared out her wings and screamed at her. “I’M WORTHLESS! OK! THAT’S WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!”
Shocked by her sister’s outburst, Pipp stumbled back and fell on her haunches. “W-what?” She couldn’t comprehend what she just heard come out of Zipp’s mouth.
“I SAID I'M WORTHLESS! NO MATTER WHAT I TRY AND DO WITH MY LIFE, IT ALWAYS JUST ENDS UP IN FAILURE!" Zipp shouted as tears started running down her cheeks. "I'M SOMEPONY WHO IS WORTH NOTHING!" At that moment, Zipp lost the strength to stand and fell to the floor, crying into her hooves. "I am a failure." Was what Pipp heard through the muffled tears.
Seeing her older sister in such a state hurt Pipp more than anything she had ever experienced before. Her big sister, somepony who she considered fearless and the bravest pony she knew, was on the floor sobbing her heart out, doubting her own abilities. Acting on first instinct, Pipp approached her sister and sat down next to her. She gently stroked Zipp's mane with her hoof while doing the same to her sister's back with her wing. "Sssh." She whispered repeatedly to calm the older pegasus down.
It seemed to be working as Zipp's sobs started to quiet down and now were little more than tearful whimpers. Believing her comforting had done its job, Pipp took this moment to start talking to Zipp. "Why would you think such things about yourself?" She asked gently.
"Because it's the truth." Zipp replied before she lifted her face from the floor and looked at her sister. Her eyes were red from al the crying, and tears were still being formed in the corners. "I thought that after Maretime Bay Day that I knew the kind of pony I wanted to be."
"And who says you still can't be that pony?" Pipp asked. She tried her best to hide it, but she was started to become furious on the inside. If somepony dared to make her sister cry and made her feel worthless about herself they would rue the day.
But the answer Zipp gave both killed that anger and made her worry increase. "Nopony needs to say it, the writing's on the wall. It has been for some time. I've just been too stupid to notice it."
"Zipp, you're not stupid." Pipp tried to convince her otherwise.
"Then why is it I haven't been able to solve any cases!?" Zipp shouted, flaring her wings out again and slightly startling Pipp. "Not one, not a single one I have been able to solve ever since Maretime Bay Day! All I've been doing is flying around like an idiot and pretending I have any idea what I'm doing!"
"Zipp, that's not at all true." Pipp reaffirmed, draping her wing around her sister again. "You've solved plenty of mysteries."
"Yeah, mysteries any filly or colt with a magnifying glass can figure out. As for me, I have all this high-tech gear and yet I can't figure out when my own sister took something from me!"
Pipp's eyes widened when she realized what he sister was referring to. The incident that Sunny's lantern was stolen from the Brighthouse and she found it in the garden, only to not show Zipp and instead tried to prolong the mystery, leading to her older sister cornering Misty in Mane Melody. "Zipp, I-"
"You should have seen me that day, Pipp." Zipp said through her tears as they began to increase. "I was running around accusing everypony, even the Pipsqueaks, for the stupidest of reasons like having a flower in their mane. And then I ended up chasing Misty across town all because of some stupid suspicions I had over the sleepover, which I nearly ruined in the first place." She covered her face in her hooves and continued. "What if you haven't found the lantern? What if the thief got away? What would I have been doing? Terrorizing ponies and accusing them just because they have a lantern of their own."
"Zipp, I-" Pipp tried to say again, but couldn't find the words. Instead she just nuzzled up to her sister and hugged her tight. "I'm so sorry!" She said as she started to cry herself. "I shouldn't have led you on that wild goose chase and have just given you the lantern when I found it."
"Hey, hey." Zipp said in as best a comforting tone as she could muster as she wrapped her wings around her sister and pulled her into her own hug. "I said I forgave you and I meant that. It's my fault for missing such obvious clues and just going off paranoid suspicions instead. Besides, that wasn't the only time I failed as a detective."
"What do you mean?" Pipp looked up and saw her sister looking down shamefully.
"When Sparky was dragon-napped. His life could have been in danger and I did nothing to help find him."
"That's not true. It's thanks to you that we knew he was dragon-napped to begin with." Pipp pointed out.
"And how did that help?" Zipp asked back. "Not only did we never find the dragon-napper, but he was right here in the Brighthouse, right under our noses, and I couldn't figure that out!" She shouted as she broke the hug and stomped her hoof in anger. "Instead it was more flying around while you, Sunny, and Izzy were able to find him." She paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "What good is a detective if she can't solve a mystery when it matters?" She turned around and asked Pipp. "What good is a princess if she can't protect anypony, not even her own sister!?"
Hearing those words leave her own mouth made Zipp's blood freeze. Of all the things she did not want Pipp to find out about, this was at the very top of that list. She didn't even attempt to look behind herself when she heard Pipp rise and walk over to her before resuming her comforting. "What do you mean when you say you can't protect me?" She quietly asked.
There was silence as Pipp's question lingered in the air. At first the pink pegasus thought she'd have to ask again incase Zipp didn't hear her. But, instead, Zipp answered with a question of her own. "Do you remember the night we first met Sunny and the others?"
"Yes." Pipp nodded, confused what that had to do with their current conversation.
"And you remember how I ruined your life and then abandoned you?"
Pipp remembered that event all to well. It was the worst day of her life. Yet, despite being hated by everypony and essentially exiled from her own kingdom with nopony else but her sister and some strangers, everything worked out okay once magic returned. The other pegasi forgave the royals for their years of lying and Pipp's fanbase came back even bigger than ever now that all of ponykind was united again. She had moved on from the events of that faithful day, so why didn't her sister. "I do. Zipp, why are you bringing that up?"
"Did you not hear what I just said? I ruined your and Mom's lives and abandoned the both of you!" Zipp repeated, emphasizing her point this time.
"Zipp, I told you that I forgave you for that incident. Why are you still thinking about it?"
Pipp was not prepared for what happened next as Zipp launched herself into her coat and started to sob again. "Because I keep getting dreams of those events playing differently. I see them not only arresting Mom, but you as well."
"Zipp-"
"I can only watch as you and Mom are put on trial, helpless to do anything to save you, or even join you as they....they...."
"Oh, Zipp." Pipp curled her hooves and wings around her older sister as she pulled her into yet another hug. "You don't have to say it."
"I keep trying to tell myself it's only a nightmare. That none of that happened. But my eyes keep flashing to the image of you-"
"Don't think like that, Zipp!" Pipp shouted at her sister. Her loud tone made her big sister burry her face deeper into her coat. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell." She apologized. "I was just trying to get you to stop thinking about that. But that was a while ago, Zipp. Mom and I are both still here with you." Once again, Pipp started rubbing her hoof through Zipp's mane in an attempt to comfort her.
"I know that." Zipp said through quiet sobs. "But that doesn't stop the nightmares from happening. And after Portrait Day, they only got worse."
"Portrait Day?" Pipp repeated in confusion.
Zipp nodded in Pipp's coat before she nuzzled in deeper, making sure she could still hear her little sister's heartbeat and feel her breathing before continuing with what she considered to be the absolute worst thought of all of the thoughts that have been haunting her. "W-when the cave collapses in on us, I cover my wing to block the dust. But when I lower it and check on you, I don't see you. All I see is a pile of rocks with your hoof sticking out." The white pegasus sniffed before continuing. "I desperately start digging you out, constantly calling for you to respond. But when I remove the rock covering your face....I...…I...…I...…I WAS TOO LATE!" The dam finally broke as Zipp cried the hardest she had that night. "MY OWN SISTER, LYING DEAD IN MY HOOVES! AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT!"
Pipp said nothing, only tightening her hug to let Zipp know she was there for her as she continued to sob. "HOW CAN I BE A WORTHY QUEEN IF I'M NOTHING BUT A BURDEN TO ALL THOSE AROUND ME?! I'M AN IDIOT! I'M SELFISH! I'M...…WORTHLESS!"
Pipp tried to hold back her own tears, but it was impossible. As she continued to hold her sister, she too started to cry. She was feeling horrible with herself. Even if it wasn't true, she couldn't help but feel responsible for her sister's current state. But it didn't matter who is to blame for how the two sisters got to this moment. What mattered was setting things right.
"Zipp, look at me." She said with gentle firmness. The older pegasus sniffed and looked up at her younger sister's face, gently smiling down at her. "I know you think you have to be the perfect pony. The perfect detective. The perfect sister. But the truth is...….you'll never be that pony."
Zipp looked at her sister with a mix of confusion and hurt at her words. "W-what?"
"You can never be the perfect pony because no such pony exists. Zipp, we all have our moments we mess up and act like idiots. Sunny, Izzy, Hitch, even Mom and myself; we've all done it. What you can be is the best pony you can be."
"But how can I when-?" Zipp asked before Pipp stopped more of her self doubt.
"You think you haven't done anything worth while? Zipp, when the crystals started acting up you were the only one who noticed magic was glitching and was able to figure out why. Nopony else even noticed, not even me or the rest of our friends. But you did. We still have magic thanks to you."
"Bu-"
"But what about those other times you made mistakes?” Pipp finished the question before answering. “Zipp, you have only just started to be a detective. It took me years to master my singing and online personality. And even then, I'm still making mistakes and learning all the time."
Zipp said nothing as Pipp finished her speech. "If there's anypony I trust to get to the bottom of what that message Twilight Sparkle sent us was, it's you. I have complete faith in you, Zipp. I know you can protect us. It's time for you to start believing in yourself."
Pipp looked down at her sister. Her crying at stopped, so that was a good sign. The white pegasus was now taking in what her sister had told her. She looked up at Pipp's gentle smile. "You...…..really believe in me?"
"Of course I do, Zipp." Pipp answered while continuing to stroke her sister's mane. "With you around, everything is gonna be okay." She sang the last part, jaunting a laugh from Zipp.
"Thank you, Pipp." Zipp said as she nuzzled into the pink pegasus' coat again.
"You've been there for me when I was down, Zipp. I will do the same for you." Pipp said as she stood up. "Now, come on. It's still late and I have work to do tomorrow, and I'd assume you do too."
Zipp nodded in agreement and joined her sister in walking up the stairs. Once they reached the bedroom, Pipp wasted no time in diving back into her bed. But she was suddenly surprised when she felt somepony else come in beside her, wrapping their wings and hooves around her. "Zipp, what are you doing?" Pipp slightly turned her head to look at her smirking big sister.
"I wanted to get my favorite pillow incase the nightmares came back." Zipp responded in a playful tone.
"Seriously?" Pipp deadpanned.
Zipp gave her sister the cutest puppy face she could muster. "Pwease?" She asked like a little filly.
"What are you, five years old?" Pipp playfully groaned before she laid her head down on her pillow. "Fine, Zipp. Just don't make me sleep in tomorrow."
"Yeah, wouldn't want you to get into trouble with yourself." Zipp joked.
"Just because I own Mane Melody doesn't mean I can skip work whenever I want. I'd imagine my older sister would know that."
"Hmm, hmm." Zipp chuckled and laid her head down on Pipp's violet mane. "I'll try, but I seem to recall you're the one who enjoyed our sister cuddles more when we were little. So no promises if I can't wake you up."
"Given how I'm the early riser between us, I'm more scared about having you holding me captive until you wake up." Pipp said as she playfully nudged Zipp.
The sisters shared a quick laugh before fatigue started to fall over them. "Pipp?" Zipp spoke with a yawn.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, Best Sister Zipp." Pipp said as sleep overcame the two sisters.
This time, as Zipp slept, she had no nightmares that night. Instead of dreaming about her failures, she dreamt about a hopeful, bright future with her family and friends.