)Gift Horses & Mouths
***
“Consarn it, Rarity, what d’ya think yer doin with that thing?”
“Dear, I already told you it was called a toy. Do I really have to start over with the whole—”
“Ah know what a ‘toy’ is, Rarity. What ah’m wonderin’ is why you’ve got it out here floppin’ around in the open all of a sudden!”
Applejack dropped a hoof to the ground, the other still raised between her and the white unicorn mare standing in front of her. Rarity—her brow furrowed in annoyance—took another step forward, her magic humming as the object levitating beside her drifted forward with her.
“Well dear, if you know what it is, why are you so opposed to seeing it? You’re the one who said you hadn’t been with a stallion for at least a year.”
Applejack slapped her free hoof over her eyes, rubbing at her forehead before pulling it away.
“Ah said ah hadn’t been on a date with a stallion for at least a year, Rarity. Yer the one who started bringin’ up mare parts and all that other funny business.”
“Well excuse me for trying to help out a friend.”
“Ah didn’t ask fer that kinda help, Rares.”
Applejack let out a sigh. It was her turn to host mares’ night at Sweet Apple Acres. Things had started out normally enough—reminiscing about the past, catching up on the present—but since the topic had turned to relationships, things had slowly been spiraling out of hoof.
The farm mare glanced back up, immediately slapping her forehead again.
“Fer Celestia’s sake, Rarity, would ya put that thing away? What if Big Mac ‘er Apple Bloom came walkin’ in right now?”
Rarity replied with a roll of her eyes, the air humming again as she levitated the long, detailed, rubber replica back to her side.
“Honestly, dear. I’m not sure why you’re so flustered. I’m sure your brother is quite familiar with what these look like already and it’s not like Apple Bloom isn’t about that age.”
“She’s a schoolfilly, Rarity! She doesn’t need t' be thinkin’ about those kinds a things fer at least another coupla years.”
“Earlier is always better, dear. Even a young mare should try to be aware of her body’s needs.”
“Doggone it, Rarity, would ya just put it away already?”
“Alright, dear. Alright…”
Applejack let out another sigh.
“Why in tarnation did ya bring somethin’ like that with ya anyways?”
“Because a mare is always prepared dear.”
“Prepared!? Prepared fer what, exactly!?”
“Applejack, honestly—”
Applejack’s eye twitched as Rarity let out a sigh. Memories of their first sleepover with Twilight came to mind.
“You spend all your time working on the farm and not nearly enough of it pampering yourself, dear. As your best friend, I took it upon myself to pick you up something I knew you’d never go out of your way to purchase on your own. I did it for you, dear.”
Applejack’s eye twitched again.
“That doesn’t mean ya need to go wavin’ somethin’ like that around in th’ kitchen, Rares! We don’t need no big ol’ fake stallion parts swinging around next t' where we make our—”
“—Applejack?”
Applejack turned, her head whipping around at the sound of Apple Bloom’s drowsy voice drifting in from the stairwell. Eyes falling on the doorway, she watched her sister step into sight, the yellow filly's head bumping against the door frame as she rubbed her eye with a sleepy hoof.
“—Applejack? Are you arguin’ with sompony?”
Applejack’s eyes widened.
“Apple Bl—!”
Trip.
Whumph.
“Good heavens!”
The ensuing collision was mildy spectacular, Applejack and Rarity tumbling to the floor in a jumble of hooves and legs. There was a sharp crack as their foreheads impacted, a curse escaping both their lips as they stumbled back from one another.
“—Backstitches!—”
“—Fiddlesticks!—”
Thump.
Schlick.
There was a brief pause, two distinctly different sounds issuing from beneath the two mares as they fell back to the wooden floor. Applejack’s eyes went wider than they had been before—the orange mare inhaling sharply as her back suddenly went rigid.
“—ple—bloo—”
"Applejack, dear, would you please watch where you're—"
Rarity tilted her head to the side, raising an eyebrow as she caught sight of Applejack's expression. Glancing around at the floor—as if searching for something—the unicorn's eyes widened a moment later, a dismayed look of realization breaking across her face. She immediately whipped her head up toward the younger Apple, a wide, nervous smile breaking across her muzzle.
“Whyyyyyy, Apple Bloom! Soooo nice of you to join us!”
Bounding out in front of Applejack, Rarity slid in front of the tired filly, a nervous laugh escaping from her muzzle. Sidestepping to better obscure Applejack’s suddenly frozen form, she raised a hoof behind her head, rubbing at the back of her neck.
The smaller yellow earth pony blinked slowly, dark circles beneath her yellow-orange eyes.
“Rarity?”
Rarity let out another forced laugh, glancing over her shoulder. Her eyes widened again as she saw Applejack continue to stare forward in shock, mumbling faintly to herself.
“—Apple Bloom...got t’ hide it...stallion parts...didn’t think...that big—”
Rarity immediately whipped her head back, sweating profusely from her unicorn brow.
“Ahhh—yes! Rarity, indeed—the one and only! Ha ha haaaaa!”
Stooping forward, she leaned in front of Apple Bloom, placing a hoof on either of the filly's shoulders.
“Sorry if we ended up waking you, dear. Applejack and I were just having a bit of a heated discussion.”
“Ya weren’t fightin’? Applejack sounded kinda mad.”
“Ah—”
Rarity’s back went rigid, an awkward smile breaking across her lips as she heard a drawling, stilted breath escape into the air behind her.
“Ohhh no no no no no no no, dear. It wasn't anything that serious. Just a little disagreement between friends.”
Patting the filly’s head, she shook her own, closing her eyes.
“Terribly sorry if we woke you with our deliberating. Feel free to run along back to bed—I’ll be sure to tell your sister you’re trying to get some sleep.”
The filly rubbed her eyes again, tilting her head to the side.
“Did Applejack go sumwhere? Ah thought ah saw her over there sumwhere, too.”
“—ah!”
Taking a step back, Rarity hopped to the side, still smiling awkwardly as the filly attempted to glance over her shoulder.
“Applejack is just resting for a moment, dear! It would seem she was a bit tired as well. Like sister, like sister, as they say!”
Another nervous laugh escaped Rarity’s lips as she continued to shift back and forth, attempting to hold Apple Bloom's gaze as the filly's yellow-orange eyes wandered sleepily left and right. After a few moments, the younger pony yawned, shaking her head.
“Alright, Rarity. G’night.”
“Goodnight, dear. Sweet dreams.”
Waving anxiously as Apple Bloom disappeared back around the corner, Rarity let out a sigh, pressing a hoof against her chest.
Schlick.
“Ah—ah!...sonuva…princess...”
Glancing over her shoulder, Rarity immediately averted her gaze, a faint look of guilt slipping into her expression as she coughed into her hoof. Watching Applejack out of the corner of her eye, she could see the orange earth pony rising shakily to her hooves, her face flushed and sweaty. Being a mare of dignity, she had the good graces not to focus her sights on the now faintly slick, rubber cylinder standing perpendicular to the floor behind the farm mare, the suction cup at its bottom holding fast to the polished wood.
“Rarity…”
Wincing as Applejack said her name aloud, Rarity swiveled around, closing her eyes as she rubbed the back of her neck.
“Terribly sorry, dear. I can quite honestly say I didn’t expect something like that to happen.”
“Rarity…”
“Really, dear. You have to believe me. This wasn’t my intent at all.”
“Rarity.”
“Oh my my. Look at the time! Is it this late already? Perhaps I should be—”
“Rarity!”
Rarity winced, slowly turning back in Applejack’s direction as she cracked her eyes back open.
“—yes, dear?”
Applejack stared back at her, her cheeks a deep red as she let out a sigh.
“It’s fine, Rares. Ah know ya didn’t mean fer...sumethin’ like that t’…”
Applejack coughed into her own hoof, averting her eyes.
“The point is, ah’m not mad. And ah—ah s’pose ah should should thank ya for thinkin’ a’ me. Ah know we don’t always share th’ same tastes, but ah know yer heart is in th’ right place.”
“Oh, Applejack—”
A small smile broke over Rarity’s lips, a single, dramatic tear running down her cheek as she brushed it away with a hoof.
“—I’m sorry for being so pushy, dear. I didn’t even take time to consider your situation. I’m sure it’s difficult to make the time to meet a good stallion, what with taking care of the farm and your family.”
Rarity stood, brushing her coat off as her magic hummed to life. There was a faint pop! from the floor behind Applejack, the unicorn shaking her head as she turned on hoof.
“I’ll see to it that I don’t bother you with silly things like this any more, dear. You’re a full grown mare—it isn’t my place to tell you what you need to be happy.”
The unicorn nodded toward the door, taking a step in its direction.
“It really is getting late though, dear, and I’d hate to impose any further, so I think I’ll be heading back to the boutique for the—”
“—um...Rarity?”
Rarity turned, Applejack’s voice interrupting her. The earth pony stared back, her eyes having difficulty meeting those of the unicorn as she scuffed her hoof against the floor.
“You mind...uh...you mind leavin’ that there yipee stick when ya go?”
There was a brief pause. Slowly, another smile broke over the unicorn’s lips, her magic humming as she levitated the object in her magic back into the room.
“Thanks, Rares.”
“Of course, dear. What are friends for?”
***