Talking Things Out
Rainbow Dash finds that she can barely bring herself to eat the food she's ordered. Every other day when she would come in here, she could eat more than enough food to fill her up for the entire day, and still have it burned off by the evening. With her busy schedule, it was an easy task for her. Today, however, she couldn't even get through lightest of meals, that being a salad. She had a lot on her mind, and she was not a fan of it.
She sighed, bringing her bottle of apple cider of forward, and breaking the cap off using the table. She swirled the bottle, watching the liquid move around inside before she tilted her head back and took a few big gulps. She sighed, barely half of the bottle being gone before she set it back down. She hoped the buzz would be enough to make her forget. She hadn't bothered to ask for a non-alcoholic version of cider today. Maybe that was a good thing for her. She'd order more drinks if she needed to.
She rested her head on the table, pushing her plate and basket out of her way. She'd only try to eat when she really felt like it; there was no sense in forcing herself. She was alerted to the sound of the entry bell dinging above the doorway. Usually she wouldn't care who came in, but she had nothing else to focus on. She moved her head so her chin rested against the wood, but quickly lifted her head, eyes wide with surprise. A purple mare had walked into the bar, the back of her navy blue mane tied up in a bun. She pushed her black glasses up on her face, violet eyes scanning the area. Rainbow Dash pulled up one of her hooves, slightly covering her face. She turned her body away, hoping that the alicorn wouldn't notice her.
She grabbed her bottle of cider, and took another few swigs. She knew she couldn't leave until she finished her food, but she just couldn't be bothered to eat right now. Her stomach had grown quite the knot at the sight of this pony, and it could only worsen. Her head was starting to hurt; clearly the alcohol was taking effect.
"Hey." She heard a voice say. She knew who it was. She turned her head back, looking up at the purple mare. She didn't like the expression of regret that the mare looked at her with.
"Heeey..." Rainbow laughed nervously. "It's been a while, Twilight."
"It has." Twilight rubbed her leg awkwardly. "Do you... mind if I sit down?"
"Um." Rainbow Dash wanted to say no. "Knock yourself out." Fuck.
"Thanks." Twilight sat down across from Rainbow Dash. Her horn lit up bright pink as she grabbed hold of her hair tie, and let her hair down. It looked like a mess now that it was down, but she didn't seem to care. Rainbow Dash still thought that she looked as pretty as ever, and she wasn't sure if she was being genuine or the alcohol was taking effect.
"So, why are you in Ponyville?" She decided to try striking up a conversation.
"Princess duties," Twilight answered simply. She shrugged her shoulders and fixed her glasses. She idly pet her mane as she spoke. "Celestia and Luna have asked me to oversee a few public events in town in their place. Celestia also asked if I would check in with the Mayor about the Equestria Games next month. They want the games to be held near PonyVille, but they need time to set up a stadium and alert the other cities."
"Sounds like you're pretty busy," Rainbow Dash sat up in her seat properly. She pushed some of her mane out of her face, and took a bite of her sandwich.
"Yeah," Twilight hummed. She scratched the back of her neck and finally met Rainbow Dash's eyes. "So, what about you? What have you been up to?"
"Me?" Rainbow looked around the bar, and swallowed the part of the sandwich she was eating. "Oh, you know, the usual... I've been busy training with the Wonderbolts lately. And we heard reports of the Equestria Games coming up soon, so I've been doing some personal training for the Cloudsdale team. Other than that, just the usual things have been going on; clearing clouds, bringing clouds, working in the factory... you know."
"I see," Twilight said. Her tail swished against the ground under the chair she sat on. "Um... you haven't eaten very much of your food it seems."
"Huh? Oh, yeah," Rainbow Dash pulled her basket of salad close again. "I'm just not that hungry this morning. I woke up not too long ago."
"It's after noon," Twilight snorted. "I know you've been one to wake up late, but I thought mornings for you were more in the evening."
"Not since I've been training with the Wonderbolts." Rainbow Dash shook her head. "I have to wake up earlier, or Spitfire would beat the shit out of me."
"Sounds like her," Twilight giggled to herself.
"Well, anyways," Rainbow forced a laugh. "I usually wake up pretty hungry, but I guess I didn't today. A bit out of the ordinary, but, not something I can't handle."
"Mhm," Twilight sounded simply.
They fell into an awkward silence. The conversation had fully died out, and the only noise filling the air was one moment of Twilight asking one of the waiters for a drink. Like Rainbow Dash, she preferred apple cider too, though the one she asked for wasn't spiked. Rainbow Dash, of course, asked for a refill of hers since she was getting low, and they knew how she was as a regular customer. They kept the quiet going even after they were brought their drinks, which Rainbow Dash enjoyed straight from the bottle while Twilight used a straw.
"Hey, Dash..." Twilight finally picked up the conversation again. Rainbow set down her drink and took a few bites of her salad, but did show her interest in the mare speaking. "I just... I want to apologize."
"For?" Rainbow had the courtesy to swallow her food before talking.
"You know," Twilight said, her voice much softer now than before. "Back then, when we were together."
"Oh, right, that..." Rainbow Dash felt her stomach sink. She had been silently hoping Twilight wouldn't bring up those days, but she figured that she would. "Why would you apologize for that?"
Rainbow knew why at heart. They both were selfish then. It kicked up after Twilight had become a princess; she only met Rainbow Dash again because she decided to attend the coronation. It was an awkward night, but they had fun catching up. For a while, at least, they did. Rainbow could barely remember what had happened then, but she did know that both of them had drank a little too much at the feast. They had a bit of fun, sure. It was the usual wounds making love would bring about, but it was deeper than that. Her legs had hurt, and they both had bruises on every inch of their bodies. They had been too rough, and had gone on for too long.
Even in the morning, they still craved that kind of attention. They spent the entire day laying in bed, hungry but still feeling some sort of love, and still wanting to make love. In truth, that love wasn't for eachother, but it was the desire to be in bed with some pony. They felt nothing for eachother, yet still craved to be in the other mare's presence. Rainbow had felt it even when Twilight asked her to stay; they lost their lifelike spark when they were foals. Rainbow knew even now that the part of her that wanted to truly be with Twilight wasn't real, and it was feeding her lies. Twilight must've felt it too; she spoke the most words with expressions, and hers created a thousand words.
"I want to apologize because I asked you to stay," Twilight finally said after taking a few drinks from her bottle. "I shouldn't have. That week was the worst week of my life."
"It was?" Rainbow didn't want to feel hurt when she said that.
"Yes," Twilight confessed. "After the coronation, I couldn't stand to do anything, but I didn't want to be alone. You were the only pony I trusted, even if I hadn't talked to you in years. I asked you to be with me, a pony who had become a complete stranger to you. We hurt eachother. I knew what you wanted, but I still wanted you to stay. Even trying to keep up this conversation is hard for me, but it wouldn't be right of me to just walk out on you."
"To be honest, Twilight," Rainbow sighed. She took another sip of her cider before she spoke again. "I would much prefer it if you did. I was hoping that you didn't come over here when I saw you come in. There are so many things I wish you didn't say just now. I've been thinking about you and the things you did since I woke up, and it just so happens the one day I do that is the day you show up. It's like some god just summoned you to come back so you could hurt me more."
Twilight flinched, but she wasn't surprised with how Rainbow Dash was talking. Despite the hurt in her eyes, she knew in her heart she needed to hear it. Despite the tears that pooled in her eyes and stuck to her eyelashes when she blinked, it had to be said. Rainbow Dash was blunt, that was true, but she was only blunt because she was tired of being lied to. She loved to lie herself, but when ponies lied to her it felt worse than anything she had experienced. She was backwards like that, and Twilight knew she would never change.
"I didn't want to walk over here either, Rainbow Dash," Twilight said. "But I wasn't going to be able to stop wishing I had gotten the courage to talk to you again if I walked out that door."
"I..." Rainbow sighed and covered her face. "I get that. I probably wouldn't have been able to get over seeing you if you had done that. I don't know why."
"It's something psychological I'm pretty sure." Twilight drew circles over the top of her bottle with her hoof as she talked. "We always want to go back to ponies that have hurt us. What for? Maybe it's because we crave being hurt. Maybe it's because we still believe that there is good in that pony. Maybe we are so selfish as to think we can fix them. The possibilities are endless, really, but the feeling remains the same deep down that we want to stay with them."
"Is that why you wanted me to stay then?" Rainbow asked. She crossed her hooves on the table, and stared Twilight in the eyes. "Did you think if you stayed with me, you could make things better?"
"No." Twilight shook her head. "I thought if we stayed together, then we wouldn't hurt any pony else. I'd be much happier if you hurt me than some other pony down the line."
"Do you think I meant to hurt you? Do you think that's something I just enjoy doing?" Rainbow felt frustrated. Just the idea would drive her up the wall, though she could be overthinking it. She's almost finished her second bottle of cider and the effects are starting to show.
"No, no, I don't! But, you did hurt me." Twilight was getting upset too. "It doesn't matter if you meant to or not, it matters that it happened, Dashie."
"Please, don't call me that." Rainbow brought her hooves up and shook her head. "I don't want to hear you say that again."
"Fine." Twilight took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. "I'm sorry, I just... it's not a good thing, I know, and I'm being stupid about it, but it just... it just made more sense to me. Regardless of how horrible things have gone in the past, I thought maybe we could make things better. I don't think either of us had been trying hard enough. We've both done wrong, whether we were aware of it or not. I've forced you to be with me since we were foals, and you've tried to hurt me just so I'd have a reason to get away from you. Neither of us are in the right here."
Rainbow sat back in her seat, really having to think about it. She supposed that Twilight was right. Thinking back on it, that might've been the reason why they were so bruised up back then. They were still in love in the moment, but deep down, Rainbow must've still been upset at Twilight from the things they did as fillies, and she wanted a bit of karma to come to her. Twilight was always a bit of a bully as a filly, not as much as the pegasi that had bullied her in the flight academy, but she still had that snotty, queenly aura about her. She knew that Twilight hadn't been at many schools, and didn't have a lot of friends, so she was always against the idea of friendship as a whole when she engrossed herself in her studies. Rainbow had tried plenty of times to fix that, and maybe she was the real reason Twilight was so backward. She'd never know unless Twilight told her her thoughts directly. She decided to figure it out herself.
"Twilight, I have something important to ask you." Rainbow Dash took another sip of her cider. "When we were fillies and I tried being your friend, you were a pretty big bully. I know you didn't go to public school often cause 'friendship bad' and all that stuff you'd babble about, but, at the same time you still stuck with me until we got older. Why?"
"That's... a lot to explain." Twilight tapped her hooves on the table and stretched her hair tie with her magic. It must've helped her focus, because her voice wasn't nearly as shaky now. "I guess I just didn't really understand how to be friends with somepony. The one friend that I did make, I latched onto like a leech. When I wasn't absorbed in my books, I was chasing you around and begging for you to play with me even when you wanted to be alone. Then, our parents met up, and they loved seeing us together. We had constant playdates, sleepovers, and we went to a lot of shows. Our parents basically forced us to hang out with eachother as much as I forced you to hangout with me. I like to think that our parents played a big part in things too, even if they don't realize it."
"I still wish I understood why that happened," Rainbow snorted. "They loved seeing us be friends, but they also saw us as a couple all the time. I don't know if it was because of how tomboyish I was, or what, but they treated it like one of those chick-flick romance plots where the stallion and the mare were friends as foals, and grew up falling in love. Your parent's didn't say anything about it either."
"No, yeah, my parents never cared," Twilight managed to chuckle out. "Shining had a coltfriend before he started dating Cadance, so they became a little more open about things like that. When they saw that I really liked hanging out with you, they decided to go the typical teasing family route, and have us play dress up and other stuff. It didn't matter that we were both mares, as long as we were happy with eachother. Honestly, I didn't take it seriously until a few months before I asked you out."
"Me either." Rainbow rolled her shoulders. "I had always thought that we were just faking it so that our parents would be happy. When you asked me out I was... a little shocked, but I wasn't going to turn you down since we'd known eachother for so long. If anything, I at least wanted to have the experience to go back on if I started dating in the future. I was just... more surprised that things went as badly as they did."
"It wasn't that bad." Twilight rolled her eyes. "We were tweens, we didn't know what the hell we were doing. We were still in the part of life where we thought we were above every pony, and thought that every pony should kneel at our hooves. I know I was definitely a selfish brat, even Shining could admit that."
"I still had an ego even then," Rainbow snickered. "When I started winning competitions, I thought I truly was the greatest pony to ever live. Of course, as I became an adult, that quickly turned out to not be the case, and I wasn't as great as I thought I was..."
"That's what happens when you grow as a pony. You realize things." Twilight tied her hair back up, and pushed her glasses up on her face. "But, back to the topic at hoof... I think that for both of us, it was the best thing when I had to move away and leave the school to go to Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. It gave me the opportunity to try having healthier relationships with other ponies, and it gave you back the freedom that I had taken from you at a young age."
"Well, it definitely did help." Rainbow nodded. "I went to the flight academy and got my cutie mark, and started standing up for myself even more so than usual. I became good friends with Gilda and Fluttershy, and I even started venturing to Ponyville on my own. What did you do while you were separated from me?"
"Weeell..." Twilight tapped the table as she thought back to those days. "I did hear your Sonic Rainboom. It gave me the boost that I needed to pass my entrance exam, and Celestia even took me on as her personal pupil. Teaching under her made me grow over time, and... surprise, now I'm a princess! I still haven't full grasped friendship entirely even with all the ponies I know, but as a princess I should be working to better every relationship that I can possibly have. So... I guess I'm happy that I ran into you."
"We've got a lot of feelings out on the table, that's for sure," Rainbow hummed as she relaxed in her chair. "They weren't good feelings, but it helped us realize a lot of things about eachother." She did feel a lot better after getting to tell Twilight to her face how she'd been feeling. Clearly, Twilight felt just as good admitting that she was a shit pony.
"It does hurt saying stuff like this, but it's necessary," Twilight said. "I can't make up for anything that I did in the past, but I truly want to make things better. I don't think it's a good idea for either of us to try dating again, but... if you want to try being friends, then I have a good idea of how we can make it work."
"You sure about that Twi?" Rainbow tilted her head.
"I am." Twilight nodded with a smile. "We can make it work because you'll be the one calling the shots this time around. I don't want to force you to hang out with me, and you can have all the freedom that you want. If we bump into eachother, we don't have to start talking and walking around town chatting up a storm. It's just meant to be casual, we only have to be around eachother if we really want to. I never want to go back to that life that I made us both have. I don't want to be such a shitty pony again and take things from you that I'm not supposed to have. But, if I personally don't like something you say, or something you do, I'm going to tell you I don't like it instead of trying to force you to change. Just because I don't like something doesn't mean you have to change for me."
"And you're really serious about keeping that whole promise?" Rainbow extended her hoof across the table. "No more bullshit and lies?"
"I Pinkie Promise," Twilight said. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." She did the motions as she spoke.
"You know what happens when you break a Pinkie Promise, right?" Rainbow tilted her head and smirked.
"I do." Twilight set her hoof on Rainbow Dash's. "I don't want to upset you or Pinkie. I just... want to have my childhood friend back."
Rainbow and Twilight both fell silent, seeing tears form in eachother's eyes. They both got up from the table, wrapping their wings around eachother in a brief hug. The warmth comforted Rainbow Dash, and told her that things really could be different this time. Twilight made a Pinkie Promise, and she daren't break it. While they couldn't be in love again, that didn't matter. Rainbow was happy to have her friend back too. Even if deep down, Rainbow knew she felt something else for Twilight... she could get over it.
One thing she did know for certain was that she wasn't going to let things repeat again, no matter what. She was happy with the things that Twilight suggested, and she knew that she could make things up along the way too. Her headache was already beginning to fade, and her heart didn't feel as heavy as before...
"You still need to eat your food, by the way."
"Oh. Right."