> The Harem Noses
>  by Irrespective
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 1. Nightmare Moon's Return
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


 * *  ✶ * * 




Ponyville is a most remarkable village. Located to the south of Canterlot, and with a commanding view of our country’s seat of government, it is a hamlet where one can find their center in the midst of calm tranquility.



Baked Bean paused as he looked over the words he had written. As the first paragraph for a travel brochure, it could use some work. A pair of scissors here, some fire there. A deep hole, maybe.

Well, a lot of work, admittedly, but that’s what the editing process was for. Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, and all that. Nopony would be interested in reading about all of the faults and problems a place had, especially if they were trying to plan out a vacation, so a little creative adjustment was in order.



Citizens are welcomed to this charming town in one of two ways. The first is a cheerful train station, where a pony can catch their first glimpses of the thatched-roof cottages that make up this quaint outlying village. The second is via the main road, which is well-used and maintained admirably. Potholes are regularly filled and big stupid rocks in the middle of the road rocks occasionally frequently removed from the path, and a pony pulling any sort of wheeled vehicle will find little to encumber their progress.

 

Baked Bean cringed a bit and glanced down at his left rear leg. What he wasn’t writing down was how he had tripped on a small boulder the size of a large boulder on his way into Ponyville, and how his hoof and his ribs both still ached from the meeting. 

After a well-deserved sigh, Bean slid his pencil into the spiral binding of his notebook, and placed that into his saddlebag. He felt that he had gotten a good start with his introduction to Ponyville, but there was another stop he wanted to make, and he needed to leave now if he was going to get there and come back in time. 

“I’m overdoing the descriptions. Then again, it is a travel guide, and ponies should be reading it for descriptions. Still…” he muttered to himself as he stood and began to walk towards the town. He was new to writing, and with no formal training he was forced to improvise at the moment and hope he wasn’t screwing up too badly. Still, he remained hopeful that someone would give his tour guide descriptions a chance, and with that, he might be able to save up enough bits to buy a modest home, with enough left over to take some creative writing classes to further refine his writing skill.

The morning air was clear and refreshing as Bean walked towards the center of Ponyville, and he felt rejuvenated as he began to use adjectives—or were they adverbs?—to describe the modest shops and two-story homes that made up the main road through this singular town. Bean had arrived yesterday after visiting Canterlot, and he had to admit that the lack of either hustle or bustle was quite enamoring. Everything was so laid back that Bean wondered if time itself pulled up a chair when it came here to visit, stretched out its legs, and enjoyed a freshly-squeezed glass of chilled lemonade before moving on with its business. The peace and serenity tempted him to stay, to make his new life and his livelihood with the friendly ponies who were now greeting him with cheerful smiles and friendly waves. 

“Hey Baked Bean!” a voice called out before a pink blur caught up to it. “Happy Tuesday! Did you sleep okay? I told Mister and Missus Cake about you, and they said they could hire you on, but only part-time for now unless business picks up, but that way you could start saving up your bits for your own restaurant, right?”

Bean hesitated while he tried to put a name to the hyperactivity. “Pinkie Pie, right?” 

“That’s me! Say, do you know how to make a cherrychanga? I bet you could earn all the bits you could ever need with something like that.”

“I’m afraid I don’t, but I’m willing to try. As to your first question, I’ll talk to the Cakes later about that job. I’ll bet they’re busy trying to get ready for the Summer Sun Celebration tomorrow.”

“Yeah, it’s been pretty crazy around here, but it’s gonna be super-duper fun! We’ve never had Princess Celestia here before, but I’ve heard she’s way nice. Do you think she would like sprinkles on her cupcakes, or maybe just plain? I like sprinkles, but it’s okay if she doesn’t. Maybe she’d like a vanilla cupcake with rainbow swirls! That’d be super easy to make, and maybe I could even put little suns on them as toppers!”

“Why don’t you go try that out?” Bean said. “I’m sure she’d love something like that.”

“Okay! See you at the celebration!”

Bean shook his head as the bundle of pink, pony-shaped sugar began to hop away, and he let the breath he was holding out very slowly. Pinkie Pie had been the first pony to greet him last night, and he had nearly had one of his ears chewed off while she asked him a hundred questions about why he was there and what he was doing, and she probably wouldn’t have stopped if he had not distracted her with a new recipe for rhubarb pie. 

Baked Bean had to smile as began to walk. Pinkie Pie was a bit too wound up for his liking, but she meant well and smelled like sugar and spice and everything nice, so she couldn’t be all bad. She would probably be disappointed when he told her he would be moving on after the Summer Sun Celebration, but it couldn’t be helped.

His heart still yearned for.... something.  Part of it was in this wonderful small town, but most it it was not, and it made the frogs of his hooves itch for motion every time he stopped to smell the flowers.  It was just so blasted frustrating, like stubbing a hoof on a rock everywhere he went and unable to keep still.

His heart (and his empty bit pouch) did tell him to visit the Castle of the Two Sisters, no matter how treacherous everypony said the journey would be. During all of his research, he had found numerous references to the former seat of government, and he was pretty extra sure that he could find an untapped source of writing potential out in the Everfree Forest. 

Bean paused for a moment to pull out a map he’d cobbled together of the Everfree, and he made one last check of the best path to take. Most of that business about manticores, river serpents, and killer trees were probably just fanciful flights of imagination that had been told ages ago and embellished several times with each retelling. The legends even said the weather occured on its own in the Everfree, which was just proof that the rest of the stories were also superstitious hogwash. 

How bad could it possibly be?





Baked Bean drew in a large gasp of air as he flopped across the threshold of the Castle’s main entrance with a squelching splat. He shook his rear leg furiously to kick off the piranha-like moat creature that had clamped down on his hoof, and then for a moment, he simply focused on breathing. 

That was the worst walk—or rather, the worst dead sprint as fast as he could run in ways that would have astonished his old high school track coach—that he had ever endured in his life! All of those accursed legends had proven to be understated, and he was seriously considering living the rest of his life in the ruins of this old place to avoid making the return trip. 

At least the handsome river serpent had been surprisingly civil. He was going to have to thank him again for the directions, if they ever happened upon each other in the future.

Once he had a chance to catch his breath and check for any more sharp-toothed creatures clinging to him, Bean slowly stood, shook the remaining water from his coat, and began to take stock of his surroundings. There was still an elegant majesty in the old crumbling stonework, and as he stepped around the debris that littered the hallway, he began to consider phrases for the future travelogue. Admittedly, it was a favorable description, something better than “Come to the Everfree and get eaten,” but travel books were by nature positive about their subjects, and this decaying ruin needed all the good press he could give it. Although, tourists would need to be flown in to avoid potential bloodshed.

“The Castle of the Two Sisters is a sight that must be seen to be believed. Although during the day, if you want to see what is attacking you,” he said to himself as a distant flash of lightning briefly illuminated the hallway. “Located deep in the heart of the Everfree Forest, it is a treasure trove of relics from a bygone era. Lacking only the treasures,” he added, looking around in vain for perhaps a few piles of gold, or a misplaced enchanted sword. Even a loose bit stuck between some paving stones would be welcome, both for the metaphorical writing and the quite physical click it would make in his bit pouch. 

His description was good, but could it be better? Bean grumbled and began to rack his brain for a better prepositional phrase to use. Was that even the right thing? Oh, how it drove him nuts! He just knew he was supposed to be a writer, but having a very loose understanding of the rules made it so difficult to know if he was doing things right or wrong.

Growing frustrated with his lack of skill, Bean moved towards a large, overgrown statue that loomed in a most impressive and imposing fashion nearby. It was the closest thing to treasure he could find, and he glared at the odd stone spheres that rested on the various pedestals as if they were the source of his inability and defeats. There had to be a way to describe these things, and by Celestia’s sun, he was going to figure out a way or he would eat his horseshoes!

Bean moved in closer, and he studied the first granite orb with the same intensity a jeweler gave to an uncut diamond. Another flash of lightning illuminated the broad, empty room, but Bean was too busy evaluating the gem patterns engraved on the surface to notice. What could this symbol mean? Why orbs? Why would Princess Celestia have such a statue, right in the middle of her own throne room? Everypony would have to walk around it all the time, and it looked older than the rest of the room. Maybe it was here first, and the castle had been built around it.

Maybe the orbs were concealing something? It made little sense, but nothing had made sense since he had walked into the Everfree, so it was a possibility. There was a chance this thing could be some sort of puzzle, and if he could solve it, he might be able to find that elusive treasure.

Oh, he’d give it back, of course. It would rightly belong to the Princess of the Sun and the Moon, after all. But, perhaps she’d grant a boon to the stalwart stallion who had braved the Everfree to return her long-lost items? It seemed reasonable to him, and it beat the butter out of going back through the dark forest, so with a determined grunt, he reached out to nudge a pedestal, and gave a slight squeal of delight when the platform moved.

The stars will aid in her escape…

Bean paused and whipped his head around to evaluate the room. He thought he had heard a voice, but there was still nopony here other than himself. With a shrug, he passed off the odd sound as a trick of the wind and again began to work on the puzzle before him. Perhaps they just needed to be all in a row? The answer seemed a bit too simplistic, but it was a good starting point. 

Unfortunately, it turned out to be a simple and wrong answer to a difficult if not impossible challenge, if not impossible. For several hours, he tried every combination that he could think of, but nothing happened despite his best efforts. Perhaps it was not a puzzle, but just a display case that moved? No, that was just silly. 

Did you really expect me to sit idly by while they all basked in your precious light?

“Hello?” Bean called out. An echo of thunder was the only reply, despite several long and anxious minutes spent waiting for/dreading more. 

Bean looked over the strange orbs once more. The reason why nopony came to this haunted place was now beyond obvious, but there was still something that kept him from high tailing it back to Ponyville, crazy pony-eating forest and haunted castle notwithstanding. The airs of destiny and harmony were thick, and he couldn’t help but feel that he was supposed to be here. 

With a grunt, Bean gave the statue one last push, plopped his rear on the floor, shut his eyes so tightly that little lights began to appear, and pushed against his head with his hooves in the frustrated hope that he might squeeze an idea out of his empty noggin. Even if he had to spend a week in this bizzare place, he was going to make this trip worthwhile in one way or another. 

Had Baked Bean been paying attention, he might have noticed that when the statue behind him stopped spinning, there was a soft clink as a mechanism locked into place. He might also have noticed that the strange stone orbs were beginning to glow, and he probably would have felt alarmed when a surge of energy shot from each of the smaller orbs to the large, moon-shaped capstone.

That all changed when another blast of energy lept from the capstone, punched through the rotting remains of the roof, and surged into the sky. Bean yelped when he heard the discharge, dodged a number of falling ceiling chunks, then caught sight of the bolt of apparent moonlight just as it hit the surface of the full moon overhead.

“What was that?” he whispered to himself. “Did I err?”

His question was answered when a return beam of dark magic struck just to his left with a furious flash of lighting and a large boom of thunder. He backpedaled as quickly as he could with a screech of alarm until his rump hit the statue behind him, and then he held one hoof in front of his face to shield himself from the pitch-black energy that sent a chill of dread down his spine and into his hooves. 

This was not good. 

The thought was confirmed as a ball of nightmarish proportions screamed down the new pathway, slammed into the ancient tilework, and sent bits of rubble and dust flying in all directions. Baked Bean had to avert his eyes for a moment, but when he looked back, he instantly regretted doing so.

Any mention of the Castle of the Two Sisters always included a dire warning about the ancient scourge of Nightmare Night: The Mare in the Moon herself, Nightmare Moon. Like every other pony, Baked Bean had grown up with the tales and legends of the Deity of the Dark, who would gobble up ponies unless they offered her some candy as a far tastier alternative to pony flesh. When he had struck out for Ponyville, he had considered those old mare’s tales to be nothing more than superstitious rot and nonsense, much like Santa Hooves or the Winter Wrap-up Rabbit. 

It was now beyond clear that he had been oh so very wrong about all of that, and in the back of his mind, he regretted not sending more letters to Santa Hooves. Or keeping an emergency piece of candy in his saddlebag for just such an occasion. 

There can only be one princess in Equestria, and that princess will be me!

Despite the terror that held him captive, he couldn’t help but compare the fearsome mare that now stood before him to the legends and myths that he had heard and read about. She was a terribly glorious alicorn, with a coat as black as midnight and a star-studded mane that swirled and billowed about in an ethereal wind of pure power. She wore a helm of silver steel that clung tightly to her neck, her hooves were clad in shoes that extended up her forelegs, and the breastplate that bore the symbol of her crescent moon was the final touch to her invincibility. The legends had been totally wrong: this was a mare who would never be satisfied with devouring mere candy.

Nightmare Moon then drew in a deep and satisfied breath, and she snorted with a maniacally wicked grin. “At last! After so long, I am free! Free to exact my revenge upon my sister and her sun-loving sycophants! Your time under the sun will now draw to a close, my little ponies! My night shall last forever!”

Bean’s breathing stopped completely, and his heart would have followed suit if it wasn’t so busy trying to hammer its way out of his chest. This was beyond bad. This was a mass hysteria, world-ending, cats and dogs living together type of apocalypse, and he’d been the one to instigate it!  

It was then that he seized upon a wild idea: maybe, if he could just run fast enough, he could get back to Ponyville and raise the alarm. He was on the taller side, and his long legs had served him well during his high school track days, as well as his most recent dash through the creepy forest. There was a chance he could accomplish his frantic and poorly thought-out plan, and he quickly made a break for it while Nightmare Moon began to cackle with wicked delight. 

Or at least he would have, if he could have moved his legs, or done anything but stare.

Operation Flee Screaming From Nightmare Moon ended before it began when her magic snagged him, hoisted him into the air, and then slowly began to reel him in. “How dare you intrude upon my sanctuary!” she thundered. “Have you no respect for your Princess?! Do you not fear the Moon?!”

I’m dead, I’m dead, I’ve died and I’m dead and I’m going to be drawn and quartered and turned into glue. Maybe she’ll be nice and banish me to the moon, but she’ll probably just snap my neck and be done with it.

“I’m so sorry!” Bean wailed while he floated ever closer to those glowing draconic eyes. “It was all an accident, really! Just let me go, and you’ll never see me again! I won’t say anything to anypony, and—”

“Cease your infernal sniveling, you coward!” 

Bean clamped his lips tightly together and simply focused on breathing while Nightmare Moon took several long moments to evaluate him, turning him slowly in her magic. He had gone beyond panic, far past screaming, and into a strange floating kind of world where things made sense in only a sideways fashion. There was a word for it that escaped him at the moment... surreal, that was it. He’d have to write it down when this was all over, except he would have to go back through that terrifying place of screaming again and it would probably slip his tiny mind in the process.

“You are a rather homely looking thing, aren’t you?” Nightmare Moon said at last, although why she had said it while his slow rotation had his rump pointed to her was a complete mystery. “But not altogether unattractive. While I do not approve of such a sunny yellow coat, your mane does resemble my blessed night.”

“It’s more of a mocha color. Maybe earth-brown,” he said, but then he cringed when her eyes narrowed. “Um, but that really doesn’t matter.”

“If I want your opinion, I shall give it to you. Until then, I suggest you remain silent.”

Baked Bean followed her advice and simply nodded. 

“Good. Tell me, cur, how did you come to a knowledge of the Elements of Harmony, and how did you utilize them to release me?”

Baked Bean remained exactly where he was, just barely able to breathe and keep his mind blank. Horrible, terrible adjectives like ‘majestic,’ ‘alluring,’ and ‘awe-inspiring’ kept creeping into his ears, and he could not help but break into a sweat at the thought that Nightmare Moon might be able to read minds, and if so, she would certainly tear him to pieces if she realized how he was admiring her glossy dark coat and the way her oval pupils brought pure terror to his heart.

She’s beautiful. In a terrifying way, but still…

“You are permitted to speak.” Nightmare Moon’s harsh statement kicked his thoughts back to the here and now but failed to elicit an intelligent response.

“Is that what those are?” he blubbered with a squeak.

“You would also do well to address me as ‘Your Highness,’ cur. I am still your Princess.”

“Deepest apologies!” practically lept from Baked Bean’s mouth, followed immediately by, “Sorry, Your Highness! Won’t happen again! Honest!”

Nightmare Moon grunted. “You claim you have no knowledge of this place, or of these things?”

“Honest to Ce—” Bean nearly bit his tongue when he hit the brakes on his words as quickly as he could, entranced by her glittering oval eyes in such a deep shade of teal that he was at a loss on how to describe them, should he ever survive this meeting. “Um, I mean, honest. I just wanted to see what this old castle looked like. Nopony has been here for hundreds of years.”

Nightmare Moon studied him intently once more, and Bean waited for the death beam to surge out of her horn and incinerate him right where he floated. “Your eyes show that you speak the truth. Hm.” She then dropped the hapless stallion, then turned to consider the ruins of her old home with a slight and welcome reduction in her radiated fury. “Could you not bear the guilt, Sister? How predictable. You flee at the first sign of trouble, unable to truly deal with the problems that beset you. While you were always weak, I have grown stronger, and you shall rue the day you dared to defy me.

“And as for you,” Nightmare Moon whirled and jabbed a hoof at the slowly retreating Bean, who yelped in fear. “I suppose a reward is in order. It appears you did free me from my prison, and I am not without heart.”  

“That is very generous of you, Your Highness. If you’ll just let me go, I’ll—”

Nightmare Moon’s magic lashed out, crushed him in an invisible grip, and hauled up to her face so rapidly that his nose brushed up against hers. “Do you take me for a fool?!”

“Not at all!” he wheezed with what little air was left in his lungs.

Nightmare Moon sneered. “No, you have seen too much, and you would warn my sister with all possible haste. You will not be going anywhere.” Her sneer lessened along with her tight magical grip, and the dark princess looked him over again, from nose to tail, with a disturbingly contemplative expression. 

“However, you are a young and fit stallion, strong of limb and—” her dark magic opened his mouth and she looked inside “—quite good teeth, straight and clean. As a reward for your good fortune, I believe you will be able to provide us with a vastly important service. You should be honored that I, your Princess of the Night, have decided that you should be so favored, and you shall have comforts beyond your wildest dreams, should you happen to excel in this task.”

“What…” Bean did not want to finish asking the question, but the hard glint in her eye gave him considerable incentive to keep talking. “Um... what service would that be?”

Nightmare Moon smiled, and a deadly coo of delight hissed out from between narrowed lips. “An heir. Perhaps two, if you please me. After all, it has been a long time. Doubtless, my Sister hath corrupted my prior progeny, and I will need to begin anew to build up my glorious kingdom in the proper manner.”

“Heir?!” Bean gasped in panic. “Oh, no! I’d be terrible at providing you an heir! I mean, I don’t have any experience at all in heir-making, and I’m shorter than you are, so that will make it quite difficult to…”

Bean stopped at her glance, and he knew there was nothing he could say that would convince the living night to change her mind. 

“I’m sure you’ll find a way,” Nightmare Moon purred. “I do not tolerate failure, and I can be quite motivational.”

Bean managed a small “eep!” in reply, particularly since some small section of his hindbrain was providing an entire book’s worth of prospective scenarios associated with this concept. 

And illustrations.

“Good. I like it when my subjects show the proper respect,” Nightmare Moon paused and tapped her chin in thought as she dumped him on the ground once more. “Now, there is much to do before my Sister attempts the dawn.” She flared her wings and turned her gaze to the full moon overhead. “She is sure to assemble her troops against me, and she will send forth champions to reclaim the Elements of Harmony. I must ensure they do not succeed.” 

Her eyes then snapped to her new prisoner. “As for you, I suggest you prepare yourself for my return. Once my Night Eternal reigns supreme, I shall summon you and demand your services. Pray you don’t disappoint me.”

With a flash of magic, Bean found himself reeling for several long moments before coming to an abrupt halt. The cackle of Nightmare Moon echoed around him as he struggled with the mechanics of breathing, and from within the embrace of the pitch black nothingness, he tried to put the tattered bits of his sanity back together. 

“Where am I?” he murmured while he rubbed the sides of his head for a moment to quell the chaotic voices that were running rampant inside. “Am I even still alive?”

Reaching out with one hoof, he took a few paces forward until he touched a solid stone wall. He then made an about face, repeated the process, and then followed that wall around the whole perimeter of the rather small room, or cell to be more accurate.

“She must have thrown me in the old dungeons,” he muttered once his mind was willing to cooperate with rational thought. “This has got to be some sort of wild hallucination. If I ever wake up, I’m swearing off Pinkie’s jalapeno chili poppers for the rest of my life.”

Sadly, the ponies who had been in charge of dungeon construction had been masters of their craft, and despite his best efforts, Bean could not find a weak stone anywhere in the light deprived cell. Even the iron bars seemed to be as strong as the day they’d been forged, and Bean was finally forced to surrender after several failed kicks left him with nothing more than sore hooves. 

“This is a fine way to spend the Summer Sun Celebration,” he muttered as he sat and leaned his head against the cold, unforgiving stone. “If I ever get out of here, I’m going to give everything I own to a registered charity and become a hermit.” He chuckled a bit and shook his head. “Provided Nightmare Moon doesn’t gobble me up in bed when I…” 

The enormity of her words slowly finished penetrating his thick skull, and Baked Bean’s eyes grew wide. For long minutes he did nothing but sit and breathe, his mind filled with a maze of chaotic and completely impossible thoughts, before he murmured one weak sentence. 

“Mom and Dad always wanted grandfoals in the worst possible way.”





Baked Bean yelped in shock when a nearby torch surged to life and almost burned his eyes out of his head with absolutely no warning. Hoofsteps on the flagstones told him that several ponies were approaching, and while he rubbed his eyes and groaned as more torches ignited by themselves, he hoped against hope that he was going to be greeted by a squadron of Princess Celestia’s finest guards.

He really didn’t want to meet Nightmare Moon again.

“I see the dungeons have remained untouched in my absence,” a soft female voice drifted into his cell. It was a rather pleasant voice, much like how Nightmare Moon might sound if she were to ever mellow out and talk normally. Or, as his overwhelmed brain began to whirl again, if she were dressed in silk pajamas and looking for an heir-raising experience.

“Thankfully, I have not had a reason to use them,” a regal, elegant voice responded. “I thought I heard something. Hello? Is anypony here?”

Baked Bean’s mind took a fraction of a second to race into the past. To his mind’s eye came a Summer Sun Celebration in Las Pegasus during a family vacation when he was but a small colt. He recalled how in awe he felt at the time when he had watched Princess Celestia gracefully and dramatically raise the sun before the assembled crowd, thus beginning the longest day of the year.

He recalled hearing Princess Celestia’s voice. Though the exact words she had said had been lost, he could still hear her tone, her pitch, her timbre. 

Complicated math equations had never been a strong suit for him, but Bean’s mind quite easily put this two and that two together, and his heart leapt in his chest when the answer turned out to be freedom. Princess Celestia hadn’t sent her guards to rescue him, she had come herself.

That obviously meant that Nightmare Moon had been defeated, and a small cheer escaped before he gave a more intelligible response. “I’m down here, Your Highness, and am I ever glad to hear your voice!”

Bean blinked the rest of the burning bright lights out of his eyes while the hinges of the cell door protested being used, and Bean lurched out into the hallway at a near run. Unfortunately, his hoof caught against an uneven stone, and during the resulting stumble he bounced off another pony’s face with an impact that nearly split his nose open and knocked him right down onto his rump.

When he opened his watering eyes, Baked Bean was very glad he was sitting down. Princess Celestia, Sol Invicta, Goddess of the Sun and Moon, looked straight back into his eyes with a magenta gaze that seemed to bounce off the back of his head and turn his brains into tapioca pudding.

She appeared to be saying something, but it was hard to tell since she was rubbing her injured nose with a fetlock, thus blocking her words. The look he was getting seemed to be compassionate instead of angry for bonking up against her nose. Swallowing once, he focused very hard on his ears until he thought he could hear intelligible words.

“Are you all right?” the Princess asked once she was done with her own snout, and a golden glow gently wrapped around his sore nose with a pleasant tickle.

“I think so,” he replied out of reflex. Following the direction of Celestia’s frequent glances, he added, “Nightmare Moon? Did you defeat her?”

“The Nightmare is no more,” Celestia said, with another glance over her shoulder. “May I have your name, good sir?”

“Baked Bean, Your Highness.” 

“Mister Bean, then. We are pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Princess.”

“What were you doing here in my old home? This place has had no visitors for hundreds of moons.”

Celestia’s words triggered Bean’s mouth, but not his brain, as the resulting spew of words made obvious. “Writing. Well, not exactly writing, but trying to write, even though I don’t write very well and certainly not enough to make a living, though I hope I can get better with some practice, and then I can write this idea I have for a story about some dragons, even though I’ve never met any dragons in my life, but I really would like to meet one someday, if I could, but I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. I guess it’s a good thing there weren’t any here, since I hear they’re very territorial, but I bet that there’s some sort of fine for trespassing here, and I’ll gladly pay whatever it is when I have some money like I don’t right now and then I’ll be more than happy to just move on and forget any of this happened. I really didn’t mean to cause any problems, and I’m sorry if I troubled you. Whatever the punishment is, I’ll gladly take it, and—”

Celestia stopped him with one upraised hoof. “There’s no law against visiting this place, but to come here shows you are either very brave or very lucky.” Celestia gave a slow shake of her head. “But I am afraid the matter is not over yet. Come, let us depart this dark place. There is much for the three of us to talk about.”

“Three?” Bean managed to ask.

“Allow me to introduce my sister.” Celestia stepped to one side, revealing another pony standing there in her shadow. “Princess Luna, Mistress of the Moon and Empress of the Eventide.”

Bean blinked rapidly again. This new, dark pony with the tousled mane was only slightly taller than he was, but unless his eyes had been damaged by the torchlight, she appeared to have a set of wings and a horn. 

Another alicorn? That meant there were... three of them now, or at least that was the number Bean’s stunned brain came up with. Or maybe four with the young princess in Canterlot, the one all the colts in school were so overboard about. Or five? Bean had not really been prepared to do math this morning, and was failing the test badly. 

“Hi?” he offered with a weak smile. “Forgive me, Princess Celestia, but I didn’t know you had a sister.”

“Indeed. She has been lost to me for a thousand years, but thanks to my most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, she has been freed from the nightmare that blinded her mind and corrupted her heart. The Diarchy is again whole, and both of us will ensure that we will never be separated again.”

“Oh. Well, I guess it’s a pleasure to meet you… wait.” Bean’s eyes slowly began to grow wide in alarm as his overtaxed mind put together several connections that promptly shorted out, complete with sparks and smoke. Without conscious thought, his hooves scampered on the floor until he stumbled back into the cell he’d just escaped from, but Celestia’s timely magical intervention saved his rear from a rough reentry. “Wait! You’re Nightmare Moon!”

“I was Nightmare Moon,” Princess Luna replied with an anguished grimace while Celestia pulled Bean back to them. “But no more. The darkness will never again taint my decisions, and I offer my most profuse apologies for my behavior. My forward actions and my words were most untoward.”

Bean had to blink again. He hoped that the action might help jump start some rational thoughts in his mind, or at least thoughts that did not involve ancient nightmares from the moon seeking to use his body to produce offspring.

It did not help one bit that Princess Luna was even more attractive than her evil counterpart, and that the close proximity of Princess Celestia gave a distinct alicorn-scented impression to this section of dry corridor. 

“And—" Baked Bean swallowed a lump the size of an entire wedding cake "—you don't remember anything from when you were Nightmare Moon?  Here?"

“No,” said Princess Luna, which removed an immense weight from Baked Bean's trembling back, only to have it drop right back onto him as she continued, "Only short flashes and images.  I seem to remember somepony... but it is not important. If we met, I must apologize for my actions, whatever they were.  Is there anything we can do to make it up to you—"

“No!” yelped Baked Bean.  "No, I'm fine. I'm better than fine.  Apology accepted.  It's all my fault, anyway.  I'll just be going back to Ponyville now.  It was nice meeting you.  And you.  Both of you.  I'll just—"  He looked around the featureless stone corridor.  "Are there exit signs somewhere?”

“Just this way, Mister Bean. Come, let us leave this place and discuss what has happened. My time as the Nightmare is now at an end.”


 * *  ✶ * * 

> 2. Introductions
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


 * *  ✶ * * 


The principles of flight were a mystery to Baked Bean. Falling he knew all too well.

He had learned about lift, drag, and other such related mechanics in school, of course. But he was an earth pony, and that made it rather difficult to understand how a pegasus obtained lift from their wing’s central vane, or how magic enhanced their overall airfoil. The only thing he had really retained was that winged ponies fly, training made a pony fly harder, better, faster, and stronger, and that Princess Celestia was believed to be the preeminent flier in all of Equestria due to her unsurpassed wing span. 

So, as the Royal Carriage of said Princess banked slightly to point towards Canterlot, Bean found himself scouring his mind for any information that he could scrape together on how the four pegasus guards in front of him managed to keep themselves, the carriage, two princesses, and one common nitwit in the air. 

The effort kept him from thinking about the near-marriage experience he’d just endured, to say nothing of how on earth he’d never explain it to his parents.

It wasn’t working very well, especially since he was seated directly behind said princesses and had an unparalleled view of Luna’s lithe form and Celestia’s soft curves. And both tails, which the breeze of the carriage gave a tendency to sweep over his nose and tickle.  

“I believe we will have you stay in the north tower this evening, Mister Bean, once Doctor Horsenpfeffer has concluded a full medical examination and is confident you are uninjured,” Celestia called out over the rush of the wind. “It’s a bit drafty in the winter, but in this summer heat it’s really the best spot in the whole palace.”

Frantically trying not to think of ‘heat’ in the other context, Bean managed, “Thank you, I guess. Are you sure—” 

“Lulu, I have a private chamber prepared for you as well, right next to mine,” the Princess continued. “I think you will find it to be tastefully furnished and very familiar, but if you want anything adjusted, added, or removed—and I mean anything—I will have it taken care of immediately. I have the very finest artisans and craftsponies in Canterlot on call, and they will attend to your every desire, no matter when or where.”

“Thank you, Celly, but I do not believe all of this is necessary,” Luna bashfully replied, her gaze firmly on her hooves. “I have done nothing to deserve such kindnesses.”

“You are my beloved and long-lost sister,” Celestia said, wrapping her wing around Luna and pulling her in for a warm and comforting hug. “This is the least I could do. Once you have had a chance to acclimate, I shall proclaim a week of feasts to honor your return, and all of your former titles, honors, powers, and positions shall be restored to you as soon as the ink from your signature is placed upon the parchment. I will atone for my mistakes, dear sister, even if it takes me an eternity to do so.”

“You have nothing for which to atone,” Luna softly murmured. “I alone chose the Nightmare.”

“Perhaps it would be best if we discussed this in private.” Celestia glanced over her shoulder again, and her piercing gaze made Bean wish he could shrink himself down to nothing, just to get away from the intense scrutiny. 

Then again, Bean was rapidly becoming convinced that everything about Princess Celestia was intense. “How long is this medical exam going to take?” he squeaked.

“It shall be brief. Perhaps only half of an hour, at most.” 

“So, why do you want me to stay in Canterlot tonight?”

“It is at my request,” Luna answered, turning her dark eyes on him with a slow blink of her long lashes. “I have offended thee greatly with my actions, and seek to offer you some sort of recompense for the singular and troubling events of today. You have been injured and deserve compensation.”

For a moment, Bean had a very uncomfortable idea that would never be spoken of in polite company, and for the second time in under a day, he prayed deep inside that alicorns could not read minds. Instead, he focused on trying to make a counterargument, but quickly gave it up. It would be rude  to turn down the polite request of an alicorn princess that had absolutely no possible ulterior motives or physical intentions on his body at all. 

Money. That was a far easier subject to focus upon, and with far fewer distractions obviously caused by the close proximities of two alicorn tails. Besides, wasn’t that why he had gone to the Castle of the Two Sisters in the first place? “So, what could I ask for, in theory?”

“Name your desire, good sir. Whatever you wish, within our power, shall be given unto you as a gift of forgiveness. With my Sister’s blessing, of course.”

“If your request is reasonable, Mister Bean, we should be able to come to terms,” Celestia added. 

“Perhaps there is a barony we can grant him, Sister,” Luna asked. “A small one, to be sure, but a nice plot of land where he will have an abundance of nature to stimulate his writing career.”

“Ah yes; he did mention that back in the dungeons. You wish to be a writer, Mister Bean?” Celestia asked with another appraising glance that lingered uncomfortably long on his rump and his blank book cutie mark. “Forgive me for being presumptuous, but at a glance, I would assume that you are a chef or cook of some sort. However, the only unclaimed barony that I can think of at the moment is that of Fen.”

“Oh, not that one, Sister. I doubt Mister Bean is much of a swimmer. I daresay his lean musculature is more of a runner, one who is used to the steady pounding of hoof against unspoiled earth.”

“True. The Barony of Fen is entitled to another, at any rate.” Celestia hesitated, like she was thinking of the peculiars of the situation, before bringing herself back to the present with a slight sniff. “But all things in due time. You need not make your decision now. When you have settled upon your desire—”

“I really don’t desire anything,” said Bean reflexively, although he quickly took refuge in his  memory of his looking for loose coins in the ruined castle. Cold, hard bits that were nothing like Luna’s soft inviting eyes. “but I’ll think it over.” 

“Now, when we land, we will be greeted by Mi Amore Cadenza, my niece,” Celestia said to Luna, but she had to stop when Luna gave her a delighted grin.

“Niece, dear sister? Does this mean my line has not come to total ruin?”

Celestia nodded, but she also drew in a heavy sigh that Bean almost didn’t catch. “Indeed, your progeny is well-established and well-represented in the courts, for good or ill. However, Mi Amore is not one of your direct descendants. Or at least I don’t think so,” she added with a short frown. “They did get around. But no, nothing that we have been able to ascertain beyond question.”

“No? A shame, but she is sure to be delightful.”

“Indeed, and she will be overjoyed to meet you. Both of you.” Celestia’s gaze then turned to Bean, and he had the distinct impression that his first encounter with Mi Amore Cadenza would be beyond anything he could possibly imagine. 

Still, there was something in the back of his mind that fairly screamed about him missing something. Celestia was Princess of the Sun. Luna was Princess of the Moon. So Mi Amore Cadenza would be Princess of…

Oh, no.





“Auntie Celestia! You’re back! What took so long? I thought you would be back hours ago.”

“I am afraid there was a complication that arose just as we were leaving my old home,” Celestia answered as she accepted the bear hug from her beloved niece. “Luna, this is Cadence…”

Baked Bean promptly lost track of the conversation as he stepped down from the carriage and studied the ornate marble pillars and stained glass windows around him, torn between looking for a quiet escape route and admiring the impressive furnishings. This had to be a private hanger, given the expensive trappings and the armored guards. He had always wondered what the interior of the Royal Palace looked like, but time had prevented him from taking the tour during his last visit. 

Besides, focusing on the architecture helped to suppress the overwhelming weight of being in the presence of royalty, and especially the royal She Who Brings the Day and She Who Was Nightmare Moon. 

“Mister Bean?” Celestia interrupted his thoughts, and she motioned for him to approach yet another alicorn. “I’d like to introduce you to Mi Amore Cadenza, Princess of Love. Cadence, this is Mister Baked Bean, recently of Salt Lick.”

“How do you know that?” Baked Bean asked. “I never told you anything about where I was from.”

“It’s not too difficult to discern individual lilts and drawls after a few centuries of travel,” Celestia replied with a wink.

Mi Amore Cadenza offered a pleased grin as Baked Bean turned back to her and bowed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mister Bean. Tell me, what brings you to Canterlot with my aunts?”

Bean stood, and for half a second, he studied the princess before him. Mi Amore was pink, with a colorful mane of vibrant purples. She stood as tall as Princess Luna, and her violet eyes glittered with a never ending well of love unbounded. The gradient coloring of her wings was a bit peculiar, yet also fitting; and her horn glowed with a cyan aura that merely hinted at the unused potential. 

“It is my honor to meet you,” he said with all the respect he could find. “I am here at the invitation of Princess Luna, who is concerned for my well-being.”

The end of Princess Mi Amore’s nose twitched ever so slightly. “Is that so? Were you in Ponyville before she was saved by the Elements of Harmony?”

“Not exactly,” Celestia answered for him. “Why don’t we escort Mister Bean to the infirmary, and while Doctor Horsenpfeffer performs an exam I can explain everything to you.” 





“Boy, I could get used to living like this.”

Baked Bean wiggled a bit on the plush, princess-sized bed, and he took a moment to look over his opulent accommodations once more. This ‘plain’ and ‘simple’ guest room—so-called by the royal guard who had escorted him here after his checkup—was easily three times the size of his room back home. The silk sheets felt smooth and relaxing against his back, and there was a very good chance he wouldn’t be able to escape its pillowy bliss. A large bay window looked out to the east, offering a fantastic view of the surrounding environs, and as the cherry on the cake, he was delighted to find a large desk, complete with a ream of paper and an ample supply of quills, ink, and parchment. A matching oak wardrobe in the corner rounded out the room, an imposing piece that could hold all of his worldly possessions and have a vast empty space remaining. 

It was too bad the royal doctor had found nothing more than a few bruises and a couple of scratches. Maybe he could twist his ankle on a staircase somewhere and prolong his stay. With luck, the princesses would forget about him for a few months and he could spend his time writing productively for a change, telling about the glitter and majesty of the palace from beyond the tourist areas. Maybe even spend a few weeks in their private library, which was rumored to contain only the best and most precious of all books.

A knock came at his door, but it was so soft that he almost didn’t hear it. With a long grunt, he threw his legs to one side to roll onto his tummy while calling out for the knocker to enter. 

“Fair eventide, Baked Bean.” Princess Luna slowly entered the room, but stopped halfway to hold up a hoof as Bean scrambled to his unsteady hooves. “Please, do not trouble yourself with a show of deference; I wish for you to remain as you are.”

The request wasn’t easy to follow, but Bean held himself down. “Good evening, Princess. I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“My sister asked me to inquire after your health. I trust your appointment with the local physician was satisfactory?”

“No serious injuries, Your Highness. Just a few bumps and bruises.”

“Good. I was concerned that I had harmed you.” Luna paused and licked her lips nervously. “Is this chamber adequate? I am sure We could find you a larger one, if you desire.”

“It’s more than enough, thank you. I’ve never been anywhere more posh in my life.”

The princess tilted her head in confusion. “Praytell, what is this ‘posh’ you speak of?”

“Oh. Um…” Bean’s eyes darted to the floor as he tried to figure out how best to describe the word. “It means that everything here is way more luxurious than what I’m used to. Believe it or not, but my house is not a gilded marble palace.”

Bean wasn’t sure what had prompted him to offer the small joke, but his heart did a small backflip in his chest when he saw the corners of Princess Luna’s mouth twitch upwards.  

“Indeed, this place is exceptionally exquisite, even for me.” Luna’s eyes drifted up and over the decor of the room. “The Castle of the Two Sisters was built to be defensible, not ostentatious. I suppose my sister’s efforts to conquer our enemies with diplomacy proved successful in the end, despite my predictions to the contrary.”

It was impossible to miss the note of resigned defeat in Luna’s voice, even for a simple commoner like Bean. It was just one more proof of Celestia’s superiority, one more barb to remind the younger sister of her own failures. 

“Forgive me, Princess, but I have to say that I’m impressed that you’ve picked up so quickly on modern language.” Bean said, with the hopes that pointing out a success, however minor, might cheer up the depressed diarch. “Even back at the Castle, I didn’t have any problem understanding you.”

Luna stood just a bit taller, and Bean felt a tickle of delight in his chest that his plan had worked. “I appreciate your compliment, but I must confess to some subterfuge on that account. I am not actually speaking modern equish, since one day is hardly enough time to learn the intricacies of any language. I am speaking in the long-dead tongue of ancient equish and using a translation spell to convert my words. Additionally, when you speak, your words are converted to those which I am familiar with.”

“Really? That’s pretty cool.” Bean leaned back, his gaze moving to Luna’s mouth. “But, wait. So why do your lips match what you’re saying?”

“An additional effect of the spell, since ponies use both sight and sound when speaking. ‘Tis but nothing more than an illusion.”

“You gotta show me how you do that; it would make life back home so much easier. If that’s something earth ponies can learn, that is,” he added. 

Luna smirked and tilted her head as she thought. “Perhaps. I would have to rewrite the spell to account for your unique magic, but I believe it could be done. But pray, how would my spell be of benefit to you?”

“Dealing with customers,” he started as Luna casually made herself comfortable in the available chair. “See, my parents own a restaurant in Salt Lick, and I work there too. It’s popular enough that we get tourists and visitors in from all over, and there’s been quite a few times when I have no idea what a foreign pony is trying to order off the menu. It makes for a really frustrating night.”

“Night? Your family operates their restaurant under the watch of my moon?” Luna asked, her tone suddenly eager and her eyes alight with anticipation.

Bean scoffed. “Oh, sure. We stay open well past midnight most of the time, and our busiest hours are typically after sunset.”

A small squeal of delight came with this, and the Princess clapped her hooves together in joy. “Truly? Do not sow falsehoods with me, Mister Bean.”

The surge of happiness in the room was palpable, and Bean couldn’t help but be carried away with it. He knew, like every other pony knew, that Luna had fallen because ponies played during the day and hid from the night during her time, so he was delighted to be the one to tell her how things had changed. “Honest, Princess. Ponies love to do things at night now. No restaurant would dare to close at sunset because they’d lose too much business. Ponies still have to work during the day, but we’ll party and play nearly every night.”

The news was almost too much for Luna to handle, it seemed, if her cackle of delight was any indication. A broad smile reached from ear to ear, and her gaze moved to the nearby window. “Can it be?! Could such a wondrous wonder have come to pass? Do ponies no longer fear my glorious nights?”

“Cross my heart, bake a pie, make a cupcake out of rye,” Bean said. 

“What an odd phrase.” Luna giggled like a little filly, which sent more tingles dancing down Bean’s spine and to his hooves. “May I assume that you have just offered this peculiar oath to solidify the authenticity of your statements?”

Bean simply nodded to this with a huge grin of his own.

“Hmm.” Luna tapped her chin playfully and studied the stallion before her. “While I have no reason to doubt you, it is always wise to verify. Unfortunately, my sister insists that I retire after moonrise, as I must do battle with a foul beast known as Bureaucracy come daybreak, and his miserable minions who are referred to as Red Tape. But, if I should emerge victorious from this struggle, perhaps you would do me the honor of providing your services as I tour Canterlot? I am unfamiliar with modern customs, after all, and I will need somepony to help me understand this strange new world I find myself in.”

“If you’d like me to, Princess, then I’d be honored.”

“Thank you, Mister Bean.” Luna stood and moved to the door, but her gaze remained on him. “I am most grateful for your willingness and kindness.” She hesitated for a moment in the doorway, but turned to face him once she was in the hall. “Would you… um… would you care to watch the moon rise with me? It is a simple and silly request, I grant you, but… well…”

“Of course!” Bean said cheerfully. “It’d be amazing to be one of the first ponies to see you raise the moon after all this time.”

“I shall return in two hour’s time, then.” If Luna’s smile grew any larger, she was going to pull a muscle somewhere. “Until then, Mister Bean.”

“I’ll be waiting right here, Princess.”

Princess Luna nodded, then strode away with a bit of a prance in her step. Bean shook his head in amazement as he shut the door. He never could have guessed that he would be among the privileged few who would see history in the making when Luna resumed her duties for the first time in a thousand years. It would make for a wonderful story, if he could somehow capture the emotions of the moment with mere words, but he wanted to try, so at the very least, he’d have a way to remember exactly how he had felt during these twists and turns of fate.

However, a knock interrupted his intentions, and he moved to the door with some confusion. Did Princess Luna leave something in the room? Or did Princess Celestia need to talk to him, for some reason?    

He soon found that neither was the case. Instead, he found Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, who flashed a bright smile as the door swung open. 

“Good afternoon, Mister Bean!” she said in a pleasant, almost playful tone. “I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m disturbing you.”

“Not at all, Your Highness. Would you like to come in?” He swept a hoof to the room behind him, stepped aside so she could enter, and quickly tried to remember everything that he had ever been told about how to interact with Royalty.⁽*⁾ “How can I help you?”

⁽*⁾Why he had not had this same problem with Princess Luna was a question for another time, but he suspected it had something to do with Nightmare Moon. 
—

“Oh, that’s very kind of you, but I don’t need anything at the moment. We didn’t get a chance to be properly introduced earlier, and I wanted to get to know you better. It’s not every day that one of my aunts brings home a handsome stallion, after all.”

Bean’s cheeks began to burn, and his eyes went to the floor. “Oh, well… see, Luna just felt bad about what happened, that’s all. I could never… I mean, I would never…”

“I have no doubt you have been nothing but a true gentlestallion to Princess Luna. I do tend to be a bit of a tease, I’m afraid. Just tell me if I’ve gone too far.”

Baked Bean doubted he could ‘just tell’ a Princess anything like that. “Um, sure. I’ll let you know.”

“So!” Mi Amore plopped her rump in the middle of the room and gave him a slightly manic grin. “Auntie Celestia tells me you are a former chef from Salt Lick who is trying to become a writer, and that’s why you were in the Castle of the Two Sisters when Nightmare Moon returned.”

“More or less.”

“Why did you decide to change careers? Personally, I think being a chef sounds interesting, but it could get monotonous after long enough, I suppose.”

Bean let out a short huff. “It’s a bit complicated. I guess the easiest way to explain it is that I don’t do well under stress, and I don’t multitask well. Bad combination in a kitchen. You have me do one thing, like make one soup all night, then I’m fine. Ask for five different soups, seven entrees, twelve appetizers and nine desserts and everything goes to Tartarus. Everything just gets jumbled up in my head, and no matter what I try, I just can’t handle it.”

“My parents, however, never believed that I have no skill. They both think that I just haven’t found that mystical ‘something’” he said while making air quotes with his hooves “that would make me a world-renowned chef. So, about a week ago, they decided that I just needed to take a vacation, to go tour Equestria and experience all of the culinary delights that the Kingdom has within it. They both think that, after a few weeks of this, I’ll figure out how to get past the mental block and return to them ready to cook up a storm. They’re going to be sorely disappointed,” he finished in a soft, dejected tone. 

Mi Amore nodded. “I think I understand. You clearly don’t have any love lost for what you’ve left behind. Why writing, though? I don’t mean to disparage your decision, but it seems a bit random at first blush.”

“I bet it does.” Bean sat on the bed again, and he felt a calm ease come over him as he continued to talk. “But I’ve always liked to read, so I thought that it might be fun to be the one who writes the thing to be read, for a change. I even have an outline in my head for a dumb little story about some dragons, but I know I need to take some creative writing classes first or something. I went to the Castle of the Two Sisters looking for inspiration, and to see if I could write a travel brochure about it. I figured if I can convince a pony to visit a place based on an article I wrote, then maybe I have a chance at moving up and writing a book of some sort.”

“Interesting. If you do write something, I would like to see it. But since you mention writing, maybe there is something you could help me with.”

“What? I’d be happy to help, if I can.”

“This is going to sound a bit strange. At the moment, I’m currently working on my doctorate degree at the University of Canterlot, and I need to do some case studies for my dissertation. Would you mind if I followed you around while you are here, and recorded some observations?”

“What kind of observations?” Bean had to ask, his ears splaying backwards.

“Nothing intrusive or invasive, of course. You see, I’m researching the different types of love that ponies feel, and how it affects their day-to-day lives. A case like yours would be very beneficial to me; you’re a pony who didn’t love what he was doing, so now you’re trying to find another thing that you do love. By following you, I’m hoping to see what drives your decisions, what motivates you to take one action over another. How will love affect you, if at all?”

“Wait. You’re studying to be a love doctor?” Bean asked while leaning back with a bit of wariness. Princess Mi Amore seemed sincere, but he could pick up just a tiny hint of something she was concealing behind her request. 

“Oh, not like that.” Mi Amore tittered and waved a dismissive hoof. “I’m not looking to become one of those. Ever since I got my cutie mark, I’ve had an intense interest in all the different types of love we feel—the love between special someponies, for example, isn’t the same as the love we feel towards a pet, or our favorite meal, or even the love that motivates us to help a stranger in need.”

“Really? I mean, I’m sure there’s some sort of altruism in being kind and helping others, but I wouldn’t think that I do something nice for a stranger because I love them.”

Mi Amore nodded in understanding, her smile warm and compassionate. “Most ponies don’t. When I say the word ‘love,’ the mind instantly thinks of either the romantic love between special someponies or the love that parents have for their children, and vice versa. In my thesis, I want to present the argument that, even if we don’t realize it, there is love in nearly everything we do. See, we offer help to others because we care about their well-being, and that is a form of affection, which is a type of love. We forge friendships of all types because we like a pony for this reason or that reason, and that is a type of love, too. It’s a highly neglected field of study, and I want to rectify that.”

“It’s an interesting concept,” Bean admitted. “Didn’t Princess Celestia say you are the Princess of Love, too?”

Mi Amore bobbed her head. “Yes, but again, that doesn’t mean I just make ponies fall in love. I can sense the love that ponies have for one another, and I can encourage or remind them of that love. I can not and will not force ponies into relationships, but I love to help foster and build on what does exist.”

Bean started to reply, but he hesitated slightly when he saw Princess Cadence’s nose twitch ever-so slightly. Hadn’t that happened when he’d first met her, too? He couldn’t quite remember, so he pressed on with what he originally was going to say. “So, for your studies, are you just going to follow me around, then?”

“That’s it. I’d be happy to share my observations with you, if you’d like, and discuss my interpretation of them. For the most part, you won’t even see me. That helps to keep your responses authentic,” she added with a wink.

“Well, I’m not sure I’m completely comfortable with the idea, but I guess it’s okay. Just don’t be too judgemental, please?”

“No judgment whatsoever, I promise. I’m simply going to observe and report on how love influenced you, not if what you did is right or wrong.” Mi Amore stood, and Bean followed her to the door. “Thank you, Mister Bean. I have a few things I need to go take care of, but I look forward to talking more with you in the future. Did Aunt Luna invite you to the moonrise tonight?”

“She did, yes.”

Both regal eyebrows slid up by a few degrees, and her smile took on a hint of secret delight, like she was hearing the beginnings of a good story. “I will see you then! Enjoy your afternoon, Mister Bean.”

“You as well, Princess.”





“Ah, Mister Bean!” Luna’s cheerful greeting rang out in the hallway. “I see you were anticipating me. I hope I have not kept you waiting long.”

“Oh, I just stepped out a minute ago,” he replied, his hoof twiddling on the floor in front of him. “I’ve been trying to write down some thoughts, but I hit a block and stepped out of the room to try and get the creative juices flowing again.”

“It is fortunate that I came along, then. In my experience, a stallion’s creative juices can be invigorated quite thoroughly by the presence of an attractive mare. Would you not agree?”

Baked Bean couldn’t offer a reply. He was too busy fighting back the mental image of how the new Princess intended to invigorate his juices, and it was giving him a nosebleed.

“Did I err?” Luna’s magic produced a kerchief from thin air, and she passed it to the distressed stallion with a worried frown. “I seem to have said something that has greatly displeased you. My spell may have mistranslated my intended meaning, and I offer my apologies for what I have said.”

“Id otay.” Bean hoped that putting pressure on his snout would get his mind out of the gutter, since it had no place being there at any time, let alone when one of his Diarchs was speaking to him. “I dink I mishrrd oo.”

“I am afraid the spell does suffer from some limitations at times. I shall endeavor to speak more plainly in the future. Are you well enough to watch my moon rise? I will understand if you cannot.”

“I think I’ll be okay.” Bean rubbed his nose, sniffled loudly, then realized what he had just done and retreated a step in embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“For… um… never mind. We should probably get going; I don’t want to be the reason why you’re late.”

Luna nodded, her magic zapping the kerchief off to only she knew where. “Indeed. Just this way, Mister Bean.”





Baked Bean had never been a witness to a major historical event before. 

At least, not as far as he knew of. Big things happened in big places like Canterlot or Manehattan, not in small places like his hometown. Before meeting Nightmare Moon, Bean had reasonably believed that his life would be a rather common, uninteresting one.

But now, as he stood next to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza on an ornate balcony in the Palace of Princess Celestia and waited for the long-lost Princess Luna to once again raise the moon, he found he rather liked being a part of it. For the first time in a thousand years, it would not be Celestia’s responsibility to usher in the night, and Bean was going to take in every tiny detail so he could commit the memory to paper once the event was over.

The only hiccup to his plan appeared to be Princess Luna herself. Her cropped tail lashed at her haunches as she started at the eastern horizon, her muscles taunt and her breaths coming in short, ragged snorts.

“Luna?” Celestia gently interrupted, resting her hoof gently on her sister’s shoulder. “Are you ready?”

“No, and it may be several years until I am,” Luna replied with deep concern in every word. “You should bring it up, Sister.”

“Lulu?”

The whispered nickname caught Bean’s attention, and his focus went to Celestia while Luna glanced up with tear-rimmed eyes. “Celly?”

“The moon is rightfully yours, and I will not touch it unless I absolutely must.” Celestia’s horn lit, but her head dipped slightly as the sun slid below the western hills. “You said, once, that I never gave you the respect you deserve. Over the last thousand years, I have had much time to ponder upon how right you were, and how wrong of me it was to treat you that way. I refuse to do so again, dear Sister. I will honor your position as Princess, and I will give you the respect you are owed. You have always been my equal, and it is high time that my actions reflect that truth.”

Luna nodded slightly, and Bean could see the confusion—and the building delight—in her eyes at the words from her elder sister. It was clear that he needed to be completely reeducated in ancient Equestrian history, since he had never been given a solid reason for Luna’s jealousy. Every account he’d ever read presented Celestia as infallibly right and Luna as a greedy, power-hungry mare who just wanted more and more. The truth, it seemed, was far more nuanced than that, but at least he could obtain the truth straight from the source.

Or, the truth according to Luna, at least. While he had to admit that he had not retained much information from his high school literary classes, he did remember that a pony’s view could be tainted by bias and emotion. Luna would, doubtless, have her own version of what happened, and it would be just as valid as Celestia’s version, or any other version that may exist.

“Go ahead, Sister,” Celestia gently urged, with a quick hug. “Day is done. Let your moon rise to its proper place in the heavens.”

Even Bean, being the idiotic, common plebeian that he was, could feel the weight of destiny that came with those words. A thousand years ago, Celestia had been forced into combat—and had her sister banished—because the Moon refused to yield to the Sun.

Now, the Sun was willingly offering the sky.

With a hard swallow and a small nod, Luna turned again to the east. For several long moments she remained motionless, but Bean somehow knew she was questioning herself. He wasn’t sure how he knew—perhaps it was because her ears were splayed back against her head, or maybe it was how her cropped tail continued to flick and twist—but he knew, all the same. Would she be able to control the moon, after so long? Would the Darkness again overtake her? Could she trust herself to correctly perform her duties?

The last seemed to be the weightiest of all. It was certainly one Bean was more than familiar with, and not in a good way.

With a gentle clearing of her throat, Celestia again prompted Luna. The Princess of Eventide closed her eyes tightly, lit her horn, and ever-so carefully reached out. She began to mutter through clenched teeth, and though he could not clearly hear her words, she seemed to be rebuking herself, with severe admonishments to do what she needed to do without screwing it up.

Well, that last bit was probably what he would be saying, but the idea was similar.

A sliver of silver moon began to peek over the hills, unsure if it was really allowed to come out to play. By inches, it slowly continued, as if it was ready to beat a hasty retreat at the slightest sign of trouble. It was, in all likelihood, the slowest moonrise in the history of Equestria, but Celestia said nothing about the delay.

After what felt like several hours and with a few whimpers of fear, Princess Luna finally finished her task, and the full moon hung heavy and somewhat proudly in the vast field of summer stars. With a smug grin of deep satisfaction, Luna turned to her sister and puffed out her chest.

“How was that, Celly?”

“I could not have done it better myself,” Celestia said with a pleased grin. “Welcome back, Sister.”

Bean leaned back slightly as Luna began to prance in place with a joy unbounded. Maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him, but had the Princess grown an inch or two while the moon was rising?

It didn’t matter, he decided. Despite everything that happened over the last forty eight hours, he did have to admit that seeing the Princess of the Night cheering like a schoolfilly made him feel warm inside. For the first time in a thousand years, she had performed her appointed duty, and the glee that flowed from her quickly washed over everypony and brought smiles to their faces.

“Sister!” Luna tackled Celestia and wrapped her in the biggest bear hug that Bean had ever seen. “We have done it! We have raised the moon!”





“Thank you, Your Highness, for escorting me back to my room,” Baked Bean offered to Princess Celestia with what he hoped was a minimum of nervousness. Being this close to the Alicorn of the Sun was not something most mortals could even contemplate, so for him to be by her side was extremely overwhelming, and even that was an understatement. 

“You are welcome, but it’s no trouble,” Princess Celestia replied with a warm smile. “To be honest, I wish to make sure you are recovering both physically and mentally. Your encounter with Nightmare Moon must have been traumatizing, and I want to ensure you are recovering from the event. Besides, I have not had an opportunity to speak with you privately, even though my sister and my niece have.”

“That’s very generous of you, Princess,” Bean said slowly. There didn’t seem to be a good way to tell his liege that her fallen sister had been somewhat attractive, in a horrifying way, so he decided to stuff those thoughts into a mental lockbox and to deflect Celestia’s concern. “Meeting Nightmare Moon was, um, interesting, and maybe a little scary… well, a lot scary, but not that scary,” he hastily added. “I think the best thing for me now is to get some rest. Besides, I’m sure it’s been a busy day for you, too. I bet I can’t even begin to imagine half of what needs to be done to get Princess Luna reestablished.”

Celestia laughed lightly, her magic summoning a rather lengthy scroll. She then unfurled it, and as the end of it bounced down the hallway, Bean could see that it was a lengthy checklist.

“Oh, there might be one or two things that need to be done,” Celestia replied with a note of joy. “But to me, it is no trouble at all. I have been waiting for this day for a long time, Mister Bean. I’ve agonized over how to reclaim Luna from Nightmare Moon, how to show her how terrible I feel about my role in her downfall. I’ve spent decades in planning, revising, and worrying, but now, I feel as though I could leap over the moon with joy. Her return and redemption is all I have wanted for a thousand years.”

“And I thought waiting for my Hearth’s Warming presents was agonizing,” he quipped. 

Celestia snorted in a way that divine rulers of entire countries probably should avoid, and rubbed at her lips with a fetlock in order to hide a gleeful smile. “Oh, you have no idea. I suppose the major difference is how long we’ve been forced to wait. Now that the Ordeal is over, these last thousand years feel like no time at all.” An involuntary giggle of delight escaped from the daytime diarch, and Bean couldn’t help but be delighted himself. It was like a great boulder had been lifted off of Celestia’s back, and her fabled stoicism had been taken with it. This was not the Celestia he had heard about; the one who always seemed to be serious, taciturn, and slightly depressed. This mare was alive, and it was astonishingly heartwarming to see her in this state. “But I do have to admit that all of this excitement has left me feeling fatigued. I’m sure you must be exhausted as well, given everything you have endured.”

It was like Bean was obligated to yawn at that point, so he did. “Since you mention it…”

“Perhaps we will save our conversation for tomorrow, then. Is there anything you need before retiring?”

The two stopped in front of his guest room door, and he shook his head. “No, but I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Your Highness. It’s been a pleasure to be here today; to be a part of everything that’s happened. I’ll never forget it.”

“The pleasure has been mine, Mister Bean,” Celestia offered with a smile that filled Bean with light and joy. “And, from what I have seen, my sister has greatly enjoyed your company, too. It is a shame that you will be leaving tomorrow.”

“It is, but I certainly don’t want to impose on your hospitality,” he said before yawning again. “Good night, Princess.” 

“For the first time in a thousand years, it will be. Good night, Mister Bean,” Celestia offered, the end of her nose twitching as Bean entered his room and shut the door. “Pleasant dreams.”
> 3. Night and Day
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


 * *  ✶ * * 

Baked Bean was having the most wonderful dream. 

Typically, he didn’t dream at all, or if he did, he would forget the details with the blaring of his alarm clock in the mornings. When he could remember, however, the dream almost always involved him cooking in the family restaurant, in some form or another, so to him, it was more like a horrible nightmare.

Tonight was the polar opposite. Almost as soon as his head had hit the pillow in his luxurious suite, he had begun to dream about writing. At first, it was just little snippets here and there, ideas and scenes that weren’t connected but could be expanded upon with a little effort. Once he had enough of these inspirational whisps committed to parchment, he had begun to string them together, bit by bit, like he was stitching together a giant, colorful quilt. The words and phrases he needed flowed without any real effort on his part, and before long, he had an impressive stack of papers next to him on the desk in his dream room, each filled top-to-bottom and front-to-back with a wondrous story that was sure to be a bestseller. 

The more he wrote, the easier it became, and it wasn’t long before the completed pages were literally flying out from under his hooves. If only he had known that writing was so easy! He would have taken up the craft years ago, and avoided all of the problems that had come from his failures as a chef.

The absolute best part, however, had to be the Muse he’d found in the process. He had heard tales, told by artisans of all types and styles, about this mystical ‘voice’ that provided inspiration and revelation, but he’d never experienced it for himself. In fact, he’d rather been annoyed with the concept before now, since his father would frequently claim to have been serenaded by a muse before coming up with a new dish for the restaurant, despite his mother’s frowns whenever the subject came up.

But now? Now that he could hear it for himself, he understood completely what all the fuss was about.

It was odd, because the voice wasn’t really a voice, or at least not a voice that one would hear with their normal ears. No, this voice was more like a feeling, a series of impressions and nudges, like how he might feel when he was all wrapped up in a warm blanket on a cold winter’s evening in front of a pleasant fire. 

And interestingly enough, this Muse also felt… blue, for some reason. It wasn’t an emotional, depressed blue, but more like the very color had pulled him into a tender caress and was now surrounding him, tickling the fine hairs of his inner ear as it billowed about the dreamscape. 
If this were the waking world, the whole thing would probably concern and frighten him, but here in dreamland, it was energizing, arousing even.

If this is what his dad experienced when the Muse spoke to him, he could see why his mom would be upset. 

For a moment, Baked Bean paused, leaned back in his chair, and hugged himself as he looked over the vast field of stars above his head. These were not the same stars he was familiar with, the ones that he would see night after night in their apportioned places, moving about in their prescribed paths across the inky darkness. No, these stars were new; they were brighter, larger, full of life and eager to shine for the whole world to see. He could almost taste their energy, their desire to prove that they were not what everypony had thought they were. 
They would be the perfect subject for a new story, if he could only figure out how to put it all together.

Sadly, just as Baked Bean was beginning to create a plausible storyline, he felt the telltale pull of the conscious world, yanking him from this pleasant place against his will with the demand to begin a new day. He tried to fight back, but that only sped up the process, so with the last little bits of sleep that remained, he desperately pulled the dream to him, hoping that, in so doing, he could keep some memory, some fleeting flecks to put back together the next time he slumbered. 

With a slow inhale, Bean felt reality reassert control over him, and his eyes slowly fluttered open. For what was probably the first time in his life, he felt all tingly and warm, and he did not want to move from his comfortable position. He wiggled his rump slightly, but with the soothing touch of a blanket on his backside, he gently moved the rest of himself into the plush, almost feathery bliss.

He took a few moments to enjoy the sensations that were dancing around inside him, but as he blinked away the rest of his slumber, he found that he was not where had expected to be. 

Well, duh. You’re in the Palace, remember? Nightmare Moon? Princess Luna’s return? Remember any of that?

The internal admonishment calmed the slight panic he had felt at waking in a strange place. He was still in the guest room that Princess Celestia had provided for him, the interior bathed in twilight as the day patiently waited for night to end. 

Strange. I wonder why Princess Luna hasn’t lowered the moon yet. Did she sleep in on her first night back? 
He chuckled lightly with the thought, but the small feeling of amusement dried up and shriveled on the vine when he heard a slight moan.

For half a second, he tried to blame his empty stomach for the sound, but that idea was promptly stomped into the ground when Bean felt four long, strong legs tighten around his barrel, and it died an inglorious death when his ‘blanket’ began to gently nibble on his right ear. 

Oh, no. 

Baked Bean forced himself to take slow, even breaths in a desperate attempt to fight back the hysteria that was growing inside him. If he screamed, he would wake whoever had him in her grip—and, given that he couldn’t clearly see the legs that held him like an octopus would hold a tasty clam, he was reasonably sure he had been snagged by Princess Luna, somehow. It logically followed that she would scream in response to his sudden outburst, and that would elicit a response from the Royal Guard, who would then be quite eager to share the details with Princess Celestia.

Or, if the universe wanted to save time, Luna’s cry of alarm could be immediately heard and responded to by Princess Celestia, but in either case, he did not want to try to explain this to the pony who played with the sun itself like it was a beach ball. 

Unless he wanted to find out what it was like to be a grease stain, that is. 

No, if he wanted to save his hide, he was going to have to slowly and quietly remove himself from this situation, so as not to arouse the sleeping alicorn. Once free, he could then flee the scene in a calm and orderly fashion, make a fast break to the bottom of the Mount Canter, and then keep running until his legs fell off. 

With that ill-conceived thought in mind—and while actively trying to ignore the hundred ways it would go wrong—Baked Bean evaluated the situation. From what he could tell, he was still in the guest room, so at least it had been the Princess who had come into his room, instead of the other way around, for what little that mattered. His right ear was still being gently nibbled, Luna’s surprisingly powerful grip still held him fast, and on top of all that, he found that he was lying on her left wing. Both wings wrapped around him and held him in a feathery cocoon, which was going to make escape all the more tricky, but he had to admit that the unintended embrace was rather pleasant.

No! Bad Bean! Bad! This is very, very bad! Don’t enjoy this!

Bean began to debate his method of escape. Should he try to slowly nudge himself out of Luna’s embrace, or should he just throw everything he had into making one mad dash for the door? The latter seemed to be the better option, since his earlier squirming had only increased her grip, and…

The slumbering Princess began to stir with more groans, and Baked Bean froze, both inwardly and outward. A thousand excuses tried to come together in his head as he panicked, but they were crashing into each other with such force that he couldn’t sort them out and settle on one to use. 

With a low, contented moan, Luna yawned in Bean’s ear, smacked her lips, and then went still. There was a sharp gasp, and half an instant later, there was a flash of blue magic, leaving the confused stallion alone in his room. 

For a moment, Bean wondered if maybe, by some extraordinary and inexplicable means, he had just dreamt the whole thing. Maybe now he was just waking up, and once he splashed some cold water on his face, he would forget all about how comfortably horrifying the dream had been.

Those hopes were dashed when he lifted his head off his pillow and felt a long line of drool dangling from his ear. There really had been a nocturnal visitor of the moon-moving variety in his room, and that meant…

Well, he wasn’t sure what it meant, if he was being honest with himself. Since he was not the instigator of the incident, he didn’t think he could be charged with felonious snuggling in the first degree, and there were probably all sorts of exemptions⁽*⁾ that allowed Princess Luna to engage in such wanton acts whenever she felt like it.
The biggest one being the I’m a Princess, what are you going to do about it? clause. 
—

The thought was mildly comforting, but not enough to convince him that he was in the clear just yet. In fact, he was reasonably sure that Celestia and Luna would want to speak to him about the incident after sunrise, and that he would be dismissed from their presence to avoid any potential conflicts of interest and uncomfortable questions from the tabloids. 

With a grunt, Bean wiped his ear clean on the pillow, rose, and moved to gather his meager possessions together. Before he could reach the wardrobe in his room, however, an authoritative knock came at the door, and he yelped in alarm.

“Easy, Bean. Maybe it’s just a server, wanting to see what you want for breakfast,” he told himself in a shaky voice. 

It was not a waiter, as he had hoped. Instead, when he swung the door open, he found exactly who he thought would really be there.

“Good morning, Mister Bean,” Princess Celestia said, her tone surprisingly soft and relaxed. “Have I distrubed you?”

“Oh, not at all, Your Highness,” Bean replied with a bow. “I was just getting up, actually.”

“Yes, it seems that everypony is running late this morning, including my sister,” Celestia said with a frown. “The sunrise was nearly an hour late because of her tardiness.”

Horeseapples! She knows!

“But what’s done is done,” Celestia went on. “Did you sleep well last night? Were you comfortable?”

Bean whimpered slightly and involuntarily. “I slept….” He paused and coughed to clear the squeaks out of his voice. “I slept well enough, Princess. Everything was perfect.”

Celestia tilted her head, and Bean began to wither before her. “Forgive me for doubting you, Mister Bean, but you seem to be troubled. In fact, you almost look like you suffered a nightmare. Perhaps some breakfast would help your nerves?”

Bean could only nod dumbly. 

“Very well! Since you are a guest here, I would be delighted to make my famous pancakes for you. I use an old family recipe, and since you were a chef, you can tell me what you think of them,” Celestia proclaimed with glee. “May I escort you down to the dining room? It will only take me a few minutes to get everything prepared.”

The sudden shift in both demeanor and conversation threw Bean for a loop, and he was sure his confusion was written in bold across his face. “Uh, sure? That’s very generous of you, Princess.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all!” Celestia tittered with a grin. “Please, right this way.”


 * *  ✶ * * 
   

“Now, I’m afraid I may not be able to stay for very long,” Princess Celestia said as she pushed a door open with her magic. “As you saw last night, my schedule is rather full at the moment. Please, after you.”

“Thank you.” Baked Bean entered the surprisingly small room and took a few moments to take in the entirety of it. The overall feel and look of the space was similar to the kitchenette back home, but perhaps double the size. He suddenly felt like a young colt once again, especially since the countertops were set a height that would be comfortable for an alicorn, but difficult for an earth pony to properly use. 

What really stuck out to him, though, was how new everything looked. Everything, from the icebox down to the toaster looked like it had been installed a few days ago, and as far as he could see, Celestia had just about every appliance available on the market, including those that would usually only be commercially available. If he was so inclined, he could probably start his own restaurant out of the space, and he had to wonder if any of the kitchen supply companies were sponsoring his visit, somehow.

This young author’s visit is being brought to you by Harvest Gold, your go-to supply source for all your dining needs.

“I take it this meets with your approval?” Celestia asked with a sly grin.

“It’s really elegant. Tastefully furnished, too,” he added, but he decided it might be for the best to not mention the dust in the corners and along the tops of the wall-mounted cabinets. If he didn’t know any better, he would be willing to guess that the kitchenette had not been used for some time, but then hastily prepared and stocked within the last day or two. “Do you dine alone here, Princess?”

“I’m afraid so.” Celestia sighed and moved towards the sink on the far wall. “I do host dignitaries on occasion in the dining hall, but I am alone most of the time. To be fair, I usually don’t have the luxury of eating in here, either; I typically have to eat my meals on the run.”

“That makes sense, but it’s kinda… sad, in a way." Bean sat at the nearby table with Celestia’s encouraging wave of the hoof. "I get that you’re probably the busiest pony in Equestria, but I think it’s nice to have a few breaks here and there, you know? Just taking some time to relax and enjoy a meal has always felt very therapeutic to me.”

“Indeed,” Celestia said with a slight nod of her head. “And with my sister’s return, I hopefully will have more opportunities to use this place for its intended purpose. At any rate, you are welcome to dine here whenever you like during your stay. I have left instructions with the kitchen staff about your special status as Our guest, and Chef Sugar Beet has assured me that you will be taken care of personally.”

“That’s very kind of you, Princess. Thank you.”

Celestia nodded again, her pleased smile growing slightly. “Please, make yourself comfortable. It will only take me a few minutes to prepare my pancakes. Would you care for some orange juice while you wait?”

“Orange juice?” Princess Mi Amore’s voice cut in. “May I have some too?”

“Of course, Cadence,” Celestia replied with a roll of her eyes as the younger alicorn strode in. “I will return momentarily.”

“Good morning, Mister Bean!” Mi Amore cheerfully plunked herself down in the chair next to him. “Did you sleep well?”

She knows too! Bean thought while his heart took off in a full gallop. Princess Celestia told her, and now the whole palace is going to know I was canoodled by Princess Luna!

“I slept well enough,” he answered with what he hoped was a normal sounding voice. 

“Wonderful! I was worried that you might have some nightmares after everything that’s happened to you.” She hesitated, but then gave his tangled mane and tired eyes a long, introspective glance and added, “Did you have a nightmare last night?”

“Not in the traditional sense,” he said, his gaze going distant for a moment. “But even then, I don’t think she…it! I don’t think it affected my sleep all that much,” he hurriedly finished.

One regal eyebrow slid upwards, and the faintest hint of a devious grin flashed on the Princess’ face. “Really? That does sound rather troubling.”

“Is something troubling you, Mister Bean?” Princess Celestia asked. Somehow, she had snuck back into the room with two tall glasses of orange juice trailing in her magic, and she glanced over Bean with a concerned frown. 

“Nightmare,” Princess Mi Amore said with a bob of her eyebrows.

“Oh dear. I am sorry you had to experience such a thing,” Celestia offered. “But I believe my sister may be able to assist.”

“She can?” Bean squeaked, as he waited for the two of them to reveal what they knew.

“Indeed! Princess Luna has the capability to enter a pony’s dreams,” Celestia proudly announced, like it was the greatest pronouncement she had ever made. “So, if you are troubled with dark thoughts during the night, she can guide you through them. It is a skill that was woefully underutilized a thousand years ago, but I am  hopeful that, when she resumes this duty, she will endear herself to all of my little ponies who have restless dreams like yours.”

That did explain why his dream had been tinted with minty nocturnal alicorn flavors. But was it possible that Luna had said nothing, and that the two princesses in the room did not know about what had happened? 

“Why don’t I have her visit you this evening?” Celestia offered. “We will be busy for most of the day, but I’m sure we can find some free time, and the two of you can discuss your troubling thoughts and what to do about them.”

Baked Bean was desperate to avoid a return nocturnal nibbling, and in desperation, he threw out the first thing that came to his mind as calmly as he could. “I appreciate the offer, Princess, but please don’t trouble yourself or Luna over me. I was planning on leaving after breakfast, so I won’t be here to help.”

“So soon?” Princess Mi Amore asked with a small pout. 

“I’ve no real reason to stay,” Bean said. “I mean, I came here to be checked for injuries, and since I have none, I should be moving on with life. I’m sure all of you have better things to do than fuss over me as well.”

“If that is your decision,” Celestia said with a pout of her own. “But I hope you’ll reconsider while you eat. Your company has been most pleasant and agreeable, to say nothing of the fact that you have not told us what you wish to receive as a boon. At the very least, you should speak with Luna before leaving. She will be most disheartened if she is not able to see you off with her well-wishes.”

It was like somepony had just dropped an anvil on Bean’s back, and inwardly, he cursed his good fortune. It was easy to believe that Luna would hunt him down if he did leave without saying goodbye, and that would not be pleasant. 

Or, more accurately, it probably would be pleasant, and that scared him even more. “I suppose I could stay for a little while, but only if I won’t be an inconvenience.” 

“Not at all!” Celestia said, her cheerfulness returning with the same intensity of daybreak. “Once we finish with breakfast, I will send word to her. If you’ll excuse me for just a moment.”

Bean watched on as Celestia left the room, but when he turned back to Princess Cadenza, he gasped and recoiled. A huge, predatory grin of delight was spread across her face, and she looked like she might explode with joy.

“I’m glad to hear that you’ll be staying, even if it is for a short time,” she said. “You did promise to let me study you, after all.”

He’d forgotten about that, and he gave himself an inner kick for having done so. “I did say that. I really don’t think I’ll be staying for very long, though. Princess Celestia needs to help Princess Luna catch up from the last thousand years, and I don’t want to just freeload off of their kindness. Or yours,” he added.

“I wouldn’t worry about that,” she replied, the end of her nose twitching slightly. “I think you’ll soon find something that will motivate you to stay in Canterlot.”





The rest of breakfast proved to be rather common — or, at least it was as common as having breakfast with royalty could be, Baked Bean supposed. Celestia’s pancakes were topped with whipped cream, blueberries, and strawberries, and to her immense delight, Bean had deemed them to be delicious after taking a few bites.

The two princesses then chatted about the day’s schedule while they ate, and Bean tried not to eavesdrop, despite being seated right next to both of them. Celestia’s day was packed with meetings and appointments to reestablish Princess Luna as a Diarch of Equestria, Mi Amore had some classes at the University to attend, but both wanted to share dinner and to discuss what Princess Mi Amore could do to help Princess Luna’s transition to the modern day.

So to Bean, it sounded like his wish to be left alone to write was being granted. For a time, he was able to block out the conversation by thinking about the plot he’d come up with for a book, and he felt confident that he could produce at least one chapter that day, if not two. 

It was a bit ambitious, he realized, but he wanted to strike while his motivation was high and his mind was filled with ideas. 

“Thank you for sharing breakfast with us, Mister Bean,” Princess Celestia offered as she cleared the now empty plates away. “I always enjoy having company when I eat.”

“The pleasure was mine, Your Highness. I appreciate your generosity,” he replied.

“You are most welcome. Now, I’m afraid I need to run, but Princess Cadence will show you back to your chambers. If you should happen to need anything while she and I are busy, just ask any member of the Royal Guard for assistance. They’ll be happy to assist.”

Baked Bean nodded. “I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good. If you’d like, you’re welcome to join us for dinner as well,” Celestia went on. “I believe there will be a nice rosemary salad served, with garlic breadsticks and a fine red wine.”

“I’d be honored, but may I make a small request?”

“Of course.”

“If I may, I’d just like water with the evening meal. I don’t much care for wine,” he said, his tone going soft and distant. 

Celestia shared a glance with Mi Amore, then nodded. “I’m sure it will be no trouble. Until this evening, then?”

“Until this evening,” Bean muttered to the table. 

Another glance was shared between the alicorns, but this time, Cadence added a shrug. Thankfully for Bean, the two did not ask about his change in demeanor, and Celestia simply nodded and left without another word. 

“Is everything all right, Mister Bean?” Mi Amore asked, and Bean sniffled.

“Yeah, sorry. Don’t mind me, I’m just… yeah. I’m just being weird.”

“Is there something you’d like to discuss?”

“No, thank you. I’m fine, really.” Bean hoped his lie was somewhat convincing, but even if it wasn’t, Princess Mi Amore didn’t press the matter.

“Very well. Let’s get you back to your guest room.”


 * *  ✶ * * 


“I hate writer’s block.”

Baked Bean stared at the empty page before him, and he chewed on the end of his pencil in frustration. For the last several hours, he’d been left alone in his guest room, which should have been the ideal setting for writing and idea production.

But as soon as he’d sat at the desk in his room, he had run face first into a Princess Celestia sized wall of inability, and he just couldn’t figure out how to start his story. 

Most of the problem lay in the fact that there were too many choices for him to make at this critical juncture. Should he write the story in first pony, or third? Should he start in medias res, and then reveal the backstory in steps as the story went along? Maybe it would be better to write a prologue, but if he did, how long should it be? Would doing so reveal too much of the story, and ruin the surprises he wanted to put in?

It was maddening, and at this rate, Baked Bean wondered if he was doomed to failure as a writer, too.

A knock at the door interrupted his frustrations, and he huffed as he stood and crossed the room. A small break would be nice, but was it time for dinner already? He’d lost track of time, but the sun was still up, so it couldn’t be that late.

“Fair afternoon, Mister Bean. Am I disturbing you?” 

Of course it was Princess Luna. Why wouldn’t it be the Princess? It was like he was a magnet now, drawing in all the hapless alicorns who dared to exist in the same country. Maybe he’d accidentally drank some bad batch of love poison before leaving home, and now he was experiencing the consequences. “Good afternoon, Princess. How are you?”

“I am well, thank you.” The end of her nose twitched, and she took in a deep whiff of the air in his room. “Have you been with my sister today?”

“I had breakfast with her and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza this morning, but not since then. I’ve been trying to get my story started, but I’m not having any luck.”

“I see. And has my sister requested your presence for dinner?”

“She did, yes.”

Luna’s eyes narrowed. “As I suspected. She is…” she trailed off, glanced down, and shook her head. “Well, let us not trouble ourselves with that. She is being a gracious host, nothing more.”

The unspoken implication that Princess Celestia had ulterior motives was left hanging in the room, fat and suspended by a few weak threads. Bean didn’t dare touch such a sensitive and fragile subject with a ten foot pole, so he decided to say nothing.

“What, praytell, have you been doing today while my Sister and I have been engaged elsewhere?” Luna went on, much to Bean’s relief.

“I’ve been here all day, actually. I’ve been trying to get some writing in, but so far, I’m not having any luck.”

“You are intent on moving forward with your designs to be an author, then?” Luna asked, and Bean nodded. “Interesting. Praytell, what subject do you intend to write upon?”

“Well, it’s kinda dumb. I have this idea for a story about some dragons, but I don’t know where to start with it.”

“Dragons?” Luna looked intrigued. “An interesting topic. Do you intend to write about their culture and society? They are fearsome beasts, and can be quite difficult to reason with at times. They are rather self-centered and self-serving, and are prone to fits of grandeur. In fact, their ‘kings’ are selected by ferocious fights to the death, and their leadership changes quite often.”

“Really?” Bean was enthralled, and he desperately wished he’d been writing all that down. “I really don’t know anything about them, which is part of my problem. Maybe you could help me learn more, if you have some free time.”

“Certes,” Luna said with a warm smile and a small nod. “I would be pleased to assist you. I think you will find their mating rituals to be quite fascinating. Did you know that, for all of their fury and rage, mates are chosen with rocks?”

“Really?”

“Yes. A female will choose the male who brings her the stone that is most pleasing to her tastes, so gemstones do tend to be utilized with great frequency. Once she has made her choice, the pair will then find an ideal place to lay her clutch—which, again, usually involves fighting others—and once the eggs have been quickened, the male will guard them with his life while the female strikes out and feasts to prepare to nourish the hatchlings.”

“Huh. That sounds something like how penguins do things.”

Luna tilted her head. “Peg-win? What manner of creature is this?”

“Oh. It’s a small, flightless bird that lives at the south pole. I’m surprised you don’t know what they are.”

Luna’s ears drooped, and her flowing mane slowed to a limp wave. “Alas, as I have learned today, there is a figurative and literal mountain of things that I do not know. In my day, we did not have what I believe is called science or art, and if we did, it was very simplistic. Equestria was being challenged from both external and internal sources, so knowledge of the natural world was ignored in favor of improved blacksmithing possibilities. We needed armor and spears far more than we needed to know about birds at the bottom of the world.” 

Bean felt horrible. It was clear now that Luna’s education would be a thousand years out of date, but he hadn’t even considered that fact until it was far too late. “I’m sorry, Princess. I should have…”

Luna lifted a hoof and drew in a sharp breath to stop him. “Nay, do not apologize. You did not speak with the intent to injure. You bear no fault for my lack of understanding.” Luna turned, pulled herself up to her full height, and flared her wings. “If you will excuse me, Mister Bean, I believe you are needed for dinner. Until the morrow.”

And with that, Luna briskly trotted away. Bean’s guilt compelled him to take a few steps into the hall after her, but he stopped when he found that he had nothing to say.

“Excuse me, Mister Bean?”

The unfamiliar voice caught Bean off guard, but for a change of pace, he was able to keep his composure. “Yes?”

“Am I interrupting anything?” the pale white unicorn mare with a brown mane asked. 

“No, I don’t think so. How can I help you?”

“My name is Wysteria, Mister Bean. I’m Princess Celestia’s secretary.” She offered a hoof, and he shook it. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

“The Princess, unfortunately, has had several urgent matters of state come up, and she will not be able to host you for dinner.” Wysteria adjusted her glasses, glanced quickly at a paper on her clipboard, then went on. “She sends her apologies, and she wanted me to make sure you got something to eat. So, what can I get for you?”

“Is there a menu or anything?” he asked.

“Oh, no. You name it, Chef Sugar Beet will make it. She’s probably the finest chef in Canterlot, if not Equestria.”

Several different options came to him, but most of them would take hours to prepare, and he didn’t want to bog down the kitchen with an overly complicated request. “Would it be possible to get one of those rosemary salads that the Princess was talking about? That sounded pretty good, and I don’t think I’ve had one before.”

“Sure! I’ll have one brought right up. Would you like the breadsticks as well?”

“Please. And just water to drink,” he added before she could suggest a wine to go with the meal.

“Of course. I’ll put the order in right now. If you’d like anything else, just pull the rope in the corner of the room. Somepony will be right along to take care of anything you need.”





Baked Bean couldn’t sleep.

Though he wasn’t quite sure what time it was, he was pretty extra sure it was close to midnight by now, and yet he just couldn’t get his brain to be quiet. His conversation with Princess Luna kept playing in his head, and his mind was adamant about going over everything and anything that he could have said or done to not injure the newly returned alicorn. His thoughts were reinforced by the guilt that he felt over the matter, and he just wished that he could do something to fix the damage he’d inadvertently caused. 

Maybe he did need to leave, just so he wouldn’t do something else stupid.
With a groan, he rolled in his bed so his back was to the door and his nose was nearly touching the wall. The surface was smooth and plain, thus providing nothing to distract him while he shut his eyes so tightly that little lights began to dance on his eyelids. 

This was going to be an extremely long night.

His ears flicked, and for half a moment, he thought he heard the door to the room opening. Absolute silence came back, so he dismissed the noise as a trick of his mind, or a small gust of wind outside the window. 

Half an instant later, Baked Bean felt a weight settle in next to him, and to his great alarm, four long, dark legs wrapped around him and pulled him into a tight embrace. The shock of the action made him go stiff as a board, and he was unable to make a sound as somepony rested their head on his.

Though Bean couldn’t see who had him in their grip, he had a very good guess, and he began to ponder how he was going to explain Luna’s multi-night snuggle sessions.

But before he could get very far with the thought, his ears flicked again. It was almost imperceptible, but to Bean, it sounded like…

Like Princess Luna was crying.

He didn’t know what to do with this information. Why would she, an Alicorn and a Princess of Equestria, be in such a sad state? Why had she decided to come to him in this time of anguish? Shouldn’t she go to talk to Princess Celestia?

Whatever the reasons, Bean just couldn’t just lay there, listening to her silent sobs. Slowly, and with great care, he moved one foreleg up, and began to trace a small line from her hoof up to her elbow, and back again. The simple motion seemed to comfort the troubled ruler, so he kept at it until he heard her softly snoring.

Had his previous insomnia still been in force, he would have taken the time to ponder over everything that had happened. But now, held comfortably in her grasp and with her soft coat against his, Baked Bean was unable to fight off the slumber that was overtaking him.

Tomorrow, he thought with a large yawn. Everything will make sense tomorrow.


 * *  ✶ * * 

> 4. Perchance to Dream
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


 * *  ✶ * * 


“Baked! I need the three treat, now!”

“Right! I just need to…” Baked Bean threw some spices in the stockpot before him, dumped an unpeeled potato into the frying pan, and then turned up the flame on the stovetop as high as it would go. Black smoke immediately sprang from the pan, but he didn’t have time to deal with the disaster, since his sponge cake was soaking up beet juice behind him.

“Baked!” His father appeared in the kitchen, a disappointed scowl on his face. “C’mon! Why can’t you handle this one simple thing?” 

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it!” Tears began to flow, but he fought through them to start dicing a carrot. “Let me just get the boomer set, and then I’ll have that three treat ready. Just take me a minute.”

“I don’t know why I bother,” his father huffed. “Honestly. This is beyond ridiculous now.”

“I’m trying,” Baked Bean whispered, his tears mixing with the carrots.

“I hope you’re not muttering again. You know how I feel about that.”

Baked Bean remained silent, and his father left after a moment. He sniffled, wiped his nose with the back of his fetlock, and attempted to blink away the anguish.

It didn’t work.

“Forgive my interruption, but would you like some assistance?”

“Please?” Baked Bean didn’t mean to beg, but at this point, he was desperate for any sort of help. He turned to his mysterious benefactor, but hesitated when his eyes met hers. She looked familiar for some reason, but he could not be certain. Everything seemed so blurred with the cascade of orders pouring in every time he took a breath. He should have been able to remember the light blue mare with a silver-grey mane and distinctive teal eyes, but she didn’t look like anypony who worked at the restaurant. Had he met this pony before?

Maybe she was a new employee? He didn’t have time to consider the possibilities. The smoke from his frying pan was beginning to fill the kitchen, and he gestured vaguely at the mare while rushing over to take care of the issue. “Finish chopping those carrots for me. Then I need you to add them to that stockpot over there.” He groaned, slammed a lid on the open flames, and then leaned in to hold the lid down. 

“What are you trying to cook?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted, the flames pushing back with an angry roar. “I’ve twelve different orders going right now, and they’re all mixed up in my head. Maybe this is the five by five, with extra purple…”

“One moment. I wish to try something.” The new pegasus inhaled, as if steeling herself to try something strenuous, crazy, or quite possibly both. She closed her eyes, tilted her head up, and after a moment, she tapped the floor with a forehoof.

In an instant, the entire world changed. All of Baked Bean’s orders were lined up neatly on the warming rack, ready to be served, his cooking station was clean and organized, the floors were swept and mopped, and all of the night’s dishes had been washed and put away.

“How did you…?”

“Baked!” Bean’s father strode in, grabbed several of the ready plates, and smiled. “Good work! Nice to see everything’s been taken care of. Why don’t you head out for the night?”

“Head out? Don’t you need me to get something else prepped?”

“Nope. We’ve got this now. Go do something fun. You deserve it.”

Baked Bean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He turned to the new employee and gave her a confused look. “What did you do?”

“Me? Why do you think I did something?” she innocently asked.

“My dad has never told me to take a night off. There’s something wrong with him.”

“I see. I must not have tapped into…” she began to mutter under her breath while pacing the kitchen and tapping her chin with a hoof. After a moment, she turned to him again. “But are you displeased with the results? Has my assistance been satisfactory?”

“Uh, I suppose so. I mean, having the kitchen look like this is like a dream come true.”

The blue mare offered a manic grin. “It is?! Huzzah! Come, Baked Bean! We should celebrate. Perhaps you can recommend a good—” Her words suddenly cut off as she opened the back door.

“What’s wrong?”

“It seems I have failed. This world is incomplete.” She motioned to the empty void on the opposite side of the door. 

“No, that’s how it always is.” Baked Bean sighed. “Why should there be a world out there when I can’t leave this one?”

“You have never dreamed of anything beyond these walls?”

“There’s no point to it. Dreams are a waste of time; a fanciful illusion that can’t ever be real.”

The mare started to argue the point, but then she sighed and plopped her rear. “Believe me, I understand that all too well.”

“You do?”

She nodded and continued as he sat next to her. “Indeed. For years, I dreamed of bringing the joys of the night to my little ponies; of showing them the wonder and magic that exists in the stillness and the moonlight.”

A dark shadow seemed to pass over her features, and the mare turned away from him. “ But no!” she growled. “All they ever wanted was sunlight and my sister. They could never see my efforts and my designs, because the dark was unknown, untamed. I was untamed. My sister was, and is, a stalwart beacon of hope and tranquility. I am nothing more than a Nightmare. I had dreamed of friendship, a place among my kind. I see now that those were the childish wishes of someone who was blind.”

Baked Bean’s heart sank, and he regretted his words. “Hey, look. Not all dreams are useless. I just said that out of… of frustration, I suppose. Everypony has to have a dream of some sort, or else what motivates them to do anything at all? I mean, just look at what happened here. Maybe we just need to find a new dream, y’know?”

“A new dream?” 

“Yeah. Something to strive for, something that motivates us to move forward. I went to the Castle of the Two Sisters with the hope that I could find something to write about, so that was my dream. I still want to try my hoof at writing, so that’s a dream, too. I’m sure you have one as well. We just need to find it.”

“I Your dreams are wholesome and fair.” The mare’s head dropped fractionally lower. “Mine are not.”

“But even in that statement, you admitted to having some.” He pointed out with a small grin.

The new pony thought this over for a moment. “Perhaps you are right. But for now, I believe it is for the best that you forget we had this conversation.”

“Why would I forget this?”

The mare smiled, and Bean felt a thrill of delight run up his spine. She then tapped the floor, and the world went dark.


 * *  ✶ * * 


Baked Bean awoke with a snort, and he groaned as he blinked the rest of his slumber from his eyes. That dream had been pleasant, but to his annoyance, he found that he couldn’t quite remember what had happened. He had been back at his family’s restaurant, but there was also a vague something about dreams and writing.

He wished he could remember, since the residual feelings in his chest were warm and comforting.

With a grunt, Bean rolled over, yawned, and smacked his lips. It took him a moment to realize that he was alone, and another moment more to remember that Princess Luna had snuck into his room last night. Obviously, she had gotten up and left at some point, but he felt an odd emptiness with her absence.

At least he wouldn’t have to explain anything to Celestia today. 

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts, and he called out for the guest to enter as he sat up. It was Celestia’s secretary again, and she straightened her glasses while looking over something on her clipboard.

“Good morning, Mister Bean. I hope I didn’t disturb you.”

“No, I was just getting up.”

“Good. Princess Celestia sends her apologies, but her schedule prevents her from having breakfast with you today. She wanted me to make sure you were taken care of, and to let you know that you’re free to tour any part of the palace. If you need any assistance, just ring the bell. Good day.” 

It seemed Miss Inkwell was short on both time and conversation, and she was gone just as quickly as she’d come. Bean inwardly admitted that he would have preferred a more kindly greeting, but he really shouldn’t expect much of that, since he was a rather small goldfish in a very large ocean.

Hospitality aside, Bean did have the singular opportunity to now start his writing career, and the thought cheered him right up. He was convinced that being ignored would do wonders for his inspiration and motivation, so he quickly decided to not squander a single moment. A quick shower, a light meal, and then the rest of the day would be devoted to getting as much writing in as possible.





Baked Bean’s morning passed without interruption. 

Baked Bean’s afternoon followed the same pattern. 

By sunset, Baked Bean was beginning to feel quite lonely.

He realized that he couldn’t complain, of course. He’d written more that day than he had in his entire life combined, and on his desk sat a fair start to an epic story with dragons, fair unicorn maidens, and a kingdom in need of heroes. It was exactly what he had wanted, after all.

But as he exited his room and made his way down the hallway, he was a bit desperate for somepony to talk to. Being in the restaurant business back home meant that there was never a shortage of ponies to interact with, but a lifetime of upscale cooking meant that he had no idea of what to do with silence, especially when he was smack dab in the middle of it. 

Getting used to having so much more personal time was going to be uncomfortable.

Regardless of circumstances, Bean had work to do. This evening, he had decided to observe Princess Celestia and Princess Luna as they tended to their appointed duties. He wanted to ask about gaining access to the royal archives, but at the very least, he’d be able to share a few words with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and find out what her plans were for studying him. Was she going to sit in his room, watching him write for hours on end as part of her studies? That would be rather boring, but research was boring by default, in his experience.

“Oh! Mister Bean! Good evening. I was just coming to check on you.”

Bean felt the corners of his mouth twitch up with Celestia’s greeting, and he bowed. “Good evening, Princess. I was just stretching my legs. I’ve been cooped up for too long.”

The Princess let out a knowing snort. “I understand that feeling completely. Would you care to accompany me to the sunset? I would like the company, and I’m sure Luna would be delighted to see you as well.”

“I’d be honored to attend. Thank you.” Bean felt a surge of joy when Celestia smiled at him, and he was quick to join at her side. “I presume today was pretty busy for you?”

“A considerable understatement, but yes.” Celestia snorted again, this time in annoyance. “It would seem that… well, let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of an immovable force encountering an unstoppable object?” 

He nodded, trying to figure out how that applied to alicorns as she continued.

“I am currently finding out, first-hoof, what would happen in that scenario. The nobility has dug in deeper than I’ve ever seen before, and it’s frustrating me to no end.”

“Really?” he asked. The thought of anypony daring to defy Princess Celestia was almost inconceivable to him. “Why would they want to fight against you? That seems like a really stupid thing to do.”

“Could you come to tomorrow’s meetings and convince them of that?” she asked with a sly grin. 

“Um, I don’t think they’ll listen to me if they’re not listening to you,” he noted.

“Unfortunately, I believe you are right. Don’t worry about it, Mister Bean. I’ll sort them all out in time, and they’ll be back to their own petty little schemes soon enough. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to do this, and it won’t be the last.”

“I hope so.”

“How was your day? Were you able to get any writing done?”

Bean glanced up, and to his surprise, he saw an eager expression on Princess Celestia’s face. She wasn’t asking him the question just to be polite, or to make small talk. She was genuinely curious and wanted to know.

“I was able to get some writing in, but I can’t say that it’s good writing. It’s probably a gigantic mess.”

“Perhaps. It may be wise to stop and proofread what you’ve done. It’s always good to step back and review your work from time to time.”

“I’ll be sure to do that, then.”

“If you would like, I wouldn’t mind helping you with the editing process. I do have some experience with writing, after all.”

“Oh, no. Thank you, but I’ll handle it,” he quickly said. There was no way he was going to let Princess Celestia even get a glance at his hen scratching. She had probably invented Ponish all by herself, to say nothing of the fact that she’d treat it like a school assignment and give him an F-minus-minus. “I’m sure you’ve got much better things to do, and a lot of it.”

Celestia gave him a short frown, but then something gave a pleasant twinkle to her eyes. “If you should ever change your mind, the offer will stand. I promise I won’t give it a letter grade.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.”

“Have you had a chance to talk with my sister yet? I asked her yesterday to speak with you about her dreamwalking, but we both got so busy with paperwork that it might have slipped her mind.”

Bean tried to keep his composure, but his steps faltered for just a moment. Easy, Bean. It’s an innocent question. She doesn’t know about the snuggling. I hope. “I don’t think she has yet, but it’s okay. I’m sure she’ll talk to me when she has the chance.”

“I will remind her, just to be sure.”

“Thank you,” he said, despite his desperate wish for her to forget the whole thing. If Princess Celestia did push, Princess Luna might reveal her sleepover sessions.

Thankfully, the pair arrived at the balcony just at that moment, and Princess Luna was waiting as well. When she saw Bean at Celestia’s side, however, she snorted, and her tail lashed at her haunches.

“Are you all right, Luna?” Celestia asked.

“I am fine. Forgive me. This day has been most vexing, and I was releasing some of my remaining inner tensions.”

“Tomorrow should be better, sister. We are making progress, despite the evidence to the contrary. Just let me handle everything.”

“As always,” Luna muttered. “Are you ready for the moonrise?”

“I am.” Celestia slid the sun out of the sky, then stepped back. “Go ahead, Lulu.”

Luna nodded, turned to the east, and drew in a deep breath. Her horn flared, and with a slight grunt, the moon rose easily into the night sky, with no hint of hesitation or doubt.

What Bean saw, though, was not the celestial orb in the night sky. His eyes had drifted to a certain Royal Rump, but his idle admiration of Luna’s backside was broken up as she performed her duties. Though he couldn’t be quite sure, he thought he had seen a few sparks in her cropped tail, like it had suddenly had a surge of magic diffuse into it before retreating again. 

And maybe it had been just a trick of the fading light, but had it begun to flow?

“Very well done, Sister,” Celestia said with a broad smile. “The moon looks magnificent.”

Luna preened with pride. “Thank you, Celly. But where is your niece?” She glanced around, then back to Celestia.

“Engaged in other affairs, I’m afraid. She should be able to join us tomorrow. But for now, I believe we should both retire. It has been a long day,” she concluded with a small yawn.

“May I escort you back to your room, Mister Bean?” Luna asked, with what sounded like a slight note of desperation in her voice, oddly enough. “My sister did mention that you wished to learn about my ability to enter a pony’s dreams.”

That was just about the last thing Bean wanted, but it would be terribly rude to say so. “If you would like to, Princess, but you certainly don’t need to. If you have other things to do…” 

“‘Tis but a small thing, and I would enjoy the diversion.”

“Then I would be honored.”

“I’ll see you at sunrise, then.” Celestia gave Luna a brief hug. “Enjoy your evening.”

“You as well, Sister.”


 * *  ✶ * * 


“Have we been down this hallway yet?” Luna huffed in frustration, her glare moving between the identical options at the intersection before her and Bean.

“Twice, I think,” said Bean. “That bronze unicorn bust looks familiar.”

“Irriterende latterligt dumt slot!” Luna furiously roared, her translation spell unable to properly convey her anger. “The pony who designed this infernal castle should be put in the stockade for a year! Why does this ridiculous place need so many hallways?! Does my Sister enjoy wandering around in aimless circles?!”

Images of Nightmare Moon flashed in Bean’s mind, and as he retreated from her, he wondered how long it would take for the Elements of Harmony to purge the Princess once again. 

But her anger was quenched as quickly as it had flared, and her ears splayed back in embarrassment and shame. Regret consumed her features, and she offered a contrite grimace. “Forgive me, Mister Bean. I allowed my anger to overwhelm me. Again,” she muttered. “I am in control, and there will be no further outbursts.”

Bean was slow to relax, but not because of disbelief or doubt. His mind was beginning to overflow with questions, but he quickly realized that none of them could be answered unless he got more information from the embarassed and contrite princess before him. 

“Hail, Centurion!” Luna called, and the pegasus down the hallway snapped a crisp salute. “Pray, where are the guest chambers for Mister Baked Bean located?”

“Just down that hallway, Your Highness,” the guard replied with a nod in the direction they should go. “Four doors down.”

“Seriously?” Luna snorted, but it was clear her annoyance was aimed at herself. “Come, Baked Bean. I have wasted enough of your time.”

“You haven’t wasted it, Your Highness. It’s been nice being lost with you.”

Luna glanced at him with a confused look as they walked. “Truly?”

“Oh, yeah. If you’re going to be lost, it’s nice to be lost with somepony else instead of by yourself.”

For a moment, Luna looked as if she were going to argue the point. Then the ire burning in her eyes flickered and faded, and Bean could only imagine the pain of being alone for so many centuries.

“I could argue that point, but to do so would be fruitless,” she grumbled. 

“No, I really think so,” Bean insisted. “At least this way, I have somepony to talk to.”

The Princess rolled her eyes, but a small smirk emerged from beneath the gloom. “I suppose that is true enough.”

The pair stopped at his door, but Bean was quick to push it open, then step aside. “Please, after you, Princess.”

“Thank you, good sir. It is nice to see that there are still some stallions with some manners.” Luna strode in, then turned as Bean shut the door. “Are you sure you wish to hear about my dream walking? It is rather late, and you must be fatigued.”

“I’m good, and I’d really like to learn more. Maybe I could have one of the characters in my story dream walk too. With your permission, of course,” he added.

“Perhaps.” Luna casually hopped onto the bed, but she looked slightly put out when Bean sat at the desk. She concealed her unease poorly, turning around once on top of the sheets with the delicacy of a pegasus on a snowcloud before settling down and fixing him with an uneasy gaze. “I would like to know more about the story before I give my consent.”

“Soon as I figure that out, I’ll be sure to tell you,” Bean said. “I really have no idea what I’m doing, other than possibly throwing rotten eggs at the wall and seeing if anything sticks. Figuratively,” he added at her confused glance.

“I do not have any experience with writing, so alas, I am unable to assist you in this matter. Unless my presence will stimulate your creative juices, that is.”

Baked Bean really hoped she meant something other than the innuendo he was hearing. “Well, you’re not suppressing them, that’s for sure,” he muttered.

“Now, what would you like to know about dreams?” Luna asked with an eager grin, her front hooves pawing at the bed like a cat at a scratching post. “I admit, it pleases me that you show such a keen interest in my talents.”

“I guess I should start at the beginning. What, exactly, does dream walking entail? Is it exactly what it sounds like?”

“Yes and no. Dream walking is but one component of what I can do, but it is a simple way to describe it. I can manipulate, change, alter, or even outright banish any dream or nightmare, no matter how intense or vivid it may be. Prior to my fall and banishment, I spent most of my time fighting back the frightening images that plagued my little ponies during eventide, but they were legion and varied. I had not sufficient time and energy, most nights, to help guide ponies to pleasant dreams in place of these frights. Perhaps if I had,” she said with a slightly forlorn look. 

“Energy?” Bean repeated. “That’s interesting. I guess it makes sense you have to use magic to do all of that, right?”

Luna nodded. “Indeed, but it is an emotional and mental toil, not a physical one. I feel the effects of my work here—” she tapped the center of her chest “—far more than anywhere else.”

“How hard is it to change dreams? Can you only help one or two ponies a night?”

“As I am now, yes. A thousand years ago, I had sufficient power to help many hundred ponies,” she said with pride, but then she shrunk back. “But I do not believe I will regain my former strength. I have proven, without a doubt, that I am untrustworthy and unworthy. I shall be content with what I am, and neither seek nor ask for more.”

Bean wanted to offer something comforting to Luna, but to his dismay, he found that he had no idea what he could say that might be helpful or uplifting. “It must be really hard to enter dreams, then,” he offered, mostly to keep the awkward, silent pause from getting any bigger.

“Not at all. ‘Tis a simple thing to enter a dream. Come, close your eyes. I shall demonstrate for you.”

Bean did as he was asked, and he felt a slight tingle run across the surface of his coat. His eyes flicked open with the sensation, but to his surprise, he found himself now in a large, open meadow, complete with chirping birds, fragrant foliage, and a proud forest on the horizon.

“Wow, that was fast.” He glanced around, then back to Luna, who was seated nearby. “Am I asleep, then?”

“You are, but do not fret. No harm shall come to you. Your physical body is safe in Canterlot as we speak.”

“This is pretty cool. Did you come up with all of this yourself?” he asked.

She gave him a pleased nod.

“Where are we?” he asked.

“Somewhere deep in the Everfree Forest. Or, the Everfree that I remember.” She frowned and took her turn to glance around. “Given what I saw of my old home, and the surrounding environs, I very much doubt this place still exists. The Everfree is… no longer the place of peace and tranquility it was before my corruption.”

“Still, it’s very impressive. And you can make this place whatever you want it to be?”

“Somewhat. I can create and modify anything here, but it is far easier to let the pony who is dreaming dictate what is in the dream.”

“So, wait.” Bean thought this over for a moment. “Are you saying that this is my dream, and that I could make changes if I wanted?”

“I believe the term is lucid dreaming,” Luna said with the faintest hint of happiness beginning to turn the corners of her lips up in a pleased smile. “Try it.”

Bean’s eyes darted back and forth for a moment as he thought, but then his gaze moved to Luna again. “How do I do that?”

“Simply will what you want into being. Your mind will respond to the command.”

With a popping sound, a large plaid blanket appeared under Bean and Luna, followed by a picnic basket, two plates, and a small daisy in an equally small vase. The Princess gave the items a confused look, and she asked the question that was on her mind.

“Interesting. Why have you conjured these items?”

“This seemed like a good place for a picnic,” Bean said with a shrug. “At least, that’s the thought that came to me.”

“Pick nik?”

“An outdoor meal, in essence. You pack up some light snack foods, find a relaxing spot, and just enjoy being outside with friends.”

“I see.” Luna stuck her nose in the basket and rooted around the contents. “Is this a popular pastime?”

“During the summer, yes. Actually, a lot of ponies will stay up late and have stargazing parties. Like this.” Bean blinked a telescope into existence while switching the day to night and adding a few stars in the suddenly dark sky. 

Luna sat up quickly, a carrot dangling from her mouth, but a huge smile quickly came with the scenery change. “Truly? This is a favored pastime of ponies in this day and age?”

“Yup. My elementary school had a few of these while I was growing up. I always liked looking up at the night sky, especially after a long day at the restaurant.” Bean’s eyes drifted upward, and he smiled warmly. “The night is always so calm, so clear. I’d sit out on the front porch of my house for hours, sometimes, just looking over the stars and trying to pick out your constellations. This was when I could forget the world and have everything just…”

“And just be,” Luna softly finished for him, her eyes following his gaze. “No demands, no pressures. Just you and the vast expanse.” She paused, but then added, “Please forgive me, but your rendition is not a fair representation of my sky.”

There was a note of pride in her voice, similar to the tone Bean, himself, would take if someone tried to replicate one of his dishes but didn’t put much effort into getting it right. “It is pretty sad, isn’t it? Maybe you can help it out a bit.”

Those were the magic words. Bean fell back in shock and awe as the night sky exploded in a sea of stars and swirls, with every pinprick of light in the proper position and shining as brightly as the moon itself. Bean gasped with delight as he tried to take in the vast spread, but the effort was doomed to failure. Colorful bands of red and green swept in and began to dance along the horizon, their swirling movements stealing his breath away with each twist and turn. 

“The Aurora Borealis,” he whispered. “I’ve never seen them in real life before. Salt Lick is too far south. They’re amazing.”

“They have always been one of my favorites,” Luna whispered, so as not to break the mood. “Here in an instant and gone in a flash, but remarkable for the brief time they grace us with their presence.”

Princess and pauper said nothing more, each content to watch the grand display that had been created, and each not wanting to foul the air with words, lest they somehow block their view. For Bean, it was a sublime experience that he doubted he’d ever forget, dream or not, and he ate up the details like a starved pony at an all-you-can-eat buffet, with an almost desperate desire to snap up every little morsel possible. Time became irrelevant, and for what felt like both long hours and mere moments, Bean took everything in.

He was so enraptured that he didn’t notice a dark wing slowly sliding across his shoulders, then down his barrel. There was a tickle of pleasure when he felt himself pulled gently into Luna’s side, but in his overloaded mind, the sensation registered like he had slid under a thick, warm, and downy comforter, and he snuggled into the embrace to more fully enjoy it.

“Bean?” Luna whispered in the stillness. “Does the night not frighten you?”

“Why should it?” he murmured warmly. “There is nothing to fear here.”

He glanced to Luna, and she gave him a smile that held pure joy within it.

And for the rest of that night, Bean and Luna remained together in that moment of complete comfort and perpetual peace.   


 * *  ✶ * * 

> 5. The Breaking Dawn
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


 * *  ✹ * * 


Baked Bean awoke the next morning with the increasingly familiar feeling of being eaten. He drew in a long breath as Luna gently nommed his left ear, and to his increasingly not-surprise, he was once again the small spoon in her impromptu evening cuddle session.

But as he slowly let out the breath, he found that his nerves were not as frazzled—and his brain not as scrambled—as he would have expected. Had he really grown comfortable with being Princess Luna’s personal teddy bear after so short a time? 

The idea was a bit peculiar to him. To be fair, there was some hind part of his brain that was trying to enjoy what was happening—the part that was in his hind quarters, apparently—but the rest of his head was telling him that there were other explanations for her midnight naps with him.

He couldn’t even begin to fathom what those reasons might be, but there had to be a reason all the same.

Then again, his previous thought was inaccurate, and he could think of a reason. If he was being honest with himself, he supposed that he really was just some sort of comfort item to her, nothing more. She was a thousand years removed from anything and anypony that she had once known, and the only thing in this new world that she could truly identify with was her sister. To her, he was nothing more than a thing to hold while she tried to make sense of this alien place and the incomprehensible advancements that had happened during her absence.

The thought was a bit depressing, and he couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be in her place. He began to run a hoof up and down the nearest foreleg, and his mind swirled with ideas as he tried to empathize with her.

After a moment, Luna let out a low, rumbling, and contented hum, released his ear, and smacked her lips. There was a small ‘eep!’ when she felt his tender touch, and with a loud pop, she disappeared once again. 

“That was weird. Why did she leave?” he asked himself. “Does she think I don’t know about her visits?” 

It was the only thing that made sense, so he decided to accept it as the truth for now and to not startle her again. Should she deign to visit once more, he would remain still and allow her to enjoy the comfort of his presence.

A quick glance out the window told him that sunrise would be soon, but perhaps not for another hour or so. The stars could still clearly be seen, and the moon was still high in the sky, but firmly in the west. There was time for him to get more writing done, if he could drag himself out of the elegant silk bliss that was his bed, or he could simply surrender and go back to sleep.

After a bit of debate, he settled on writing, and with some effort, he crawled his way out of bed. He could get some breakfast after sunrise, and maybe he could ask about visiting the royal archives, or where the nearest public library was, at the least. 

That, and he still felt like he needed to find some sort of employment. Though the princesses had said he could stay at the palace, there was a limit on how long their hospitality would last, and it didn't seem right to freeload off of their kindness. 

Maybe there’s something I could do here at the palace. A janitor, or a weed-puller in the gardens, or something. Bean plunked himself down at the desk and opened his notebook. A worry for later today, I suppose. Let’s see if I can’t fix this introduction of mine.





Baked Bean gasped when an authoritative knock came at his door, and he drew in several deep breaths as he moved to answer. What time was it? He’d gotten lost in one of the deeper plot holes in his story, so it was probably for the best that he be pulled away before it swallowed him up completely.

“Hello?” he said as he opened the door, expecting to find a guard or a staffer.

He really needed to quit assuming that it would be someone so humble and far less royal.

“Good morning, Mister Bean!” Princess Celestia greeted him with a smile that was as bright as her sun. “How are you this morning?”

Baked Bean couldn’t answer for a moment. He was trying to remember how to breathe, and how to keep his legs from turning into jelly. “Um… I was… that is, I slept in Luna… late!” he hastily corrected, his eyes widening in horror. “Late! I slept in late! I was so comfortable that I just couldn’t get out of bed.”

He regretted the lie as soon as it came out, but he feared more what would happen if the Princess of All Equestria found about about his bunkmate.

Celestia gave him a slightly critical look, her smile fading. “Really? How unfortunate. It seems that Luna had a restless evening as well. I do hope there isn’t something amiss.”

Horseapples! 

“R-really?” he stammered. “I thought she slept pretty soundly. I mean!” he blurted, his heart jumping into his throat as he realized what he was implying. “She is the Princess of the Night, after all, so she should sleep the best out of anypony, right?” he concluded with a nervous chuckle.

“A reasonable assumption, but I’m afraid that is not the case. Luna was quite troubled by something, but she did not wish to share with me. She made some excuse or another, but even after a thousand years apart, I still can tell when my sister isn’t being completely forthright with me.”

“Do you have any idea what could have caused her problems?”

“I have a fairly educated guess, yes. I will need to keep an eye on her. She may do something rather unpleasant to the lout who has caused her this distress.”

Bean felt his knees begin to buckle. “Oh, raspberries…”

“Are you all right?” Celestia gave him a concerned look. “You are looking rather pale.”

“I, um… I admit I’m not feeling all that great all of a sudden,” he mumbled, while trying not to think of all of the horrific things that Luna—or even worse, Nightmare Moon—might do to him. Like gobbling up his backside, or tying him down to his bed and making good on her previous heir-raising demands.

“Would some breakfast help?” Celestia said thoughtfully, and then she perked up. “I could make my funny face pancakes for you, if you’d like.”

Bean hesitated for a moment. His stomach was quite interested in the idea of breakfast; the deep rumbling of anticipation was almost painful in a way. If he did go with the Princess, he might be able to get more information on what was going on with his unintentional bed warmer, and more specifically, what he could do to keep his backside from being gobbled. 

But the most compelling reason was standing right in front of him. One simply did not say ‘no’ to Princess Celestia under any circumstance.

Besides, her pancakes were quite tasty, and he didn’t have to make them.

“That is very kind of you to offer, Your Highness. If it’s not too much trouble, I would enjoy having your pancakes again.”

Princess Celestia’s smile stretched from ear to ear, and her nose twitched slightly. “Wonderful! I was afraid that I would have to dine alone this morning. Just this way, Mister Bean. It will only take me a moment to prepare everything.”


 * *  ✶ * * 


“Thank you again, Princess.” Baked Bean paused to suppress a pleased burp, and he patted his slightly swollen stomach. “If you keep feeding me with such delicious food, pretty soon you’ll have to roll me back to my room.” 

Princess Celestia let out a light laugh, one that was surprisingly warm and relaxed. Oddly, it didn’t sound anything like her previous laughter. It seemed more like it was her natural, normal laugh; the one that she had to hide for fear of it being too loud, or too harsh, or too energetic. 

“I certainly hope that doesn’t happen,” she said with a peaceful grin. “So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“Probably just more writing, I guess. Actually, I was going to ask if it was possible for me to access the royal archives. For research and such,” he added.

“The archives, for the most part, are open to all. I will ask Miss Inkwell to procure a library card for you.” Celestia hesitated, as if a thought had just come to her. “If you don’t mind my asking, what sort of a story are you hoping to write?”

“I’m still working on that, actually. I think I’d like to try writing a fantasy story, maybe.” 

“Really?”

Baked Bean, under normal circumstances, was extremely reluctant to talk about his desire to write. His own parents were less than supportive of his desires, to put it mildly, and that fed into a fear that his friends would find his ideas to be rather simple, plain, and boring.  

But on a deeper level that he was loath to admit to, even to himself, he was scared that he was not meant to be a writer. If so, that would mean that the one thing that motivated him—the one thing that kept him going when the going got tough and everything in the restaurant imploded on him—was nothing more than a thin dream that would deflate as easily as his souffles. 

But as he looked into Celestia’s eyes and took in her earnest, eager expression, he found all of his previous inhibitions melting away like the frost before the sun. 

She wasn’t asking him just to be polite, or to make conversation. She honestly and truly wanted to know.

“Well, it’s kinda dumb, really.” Bean found the words spilling out without any effort—or any fear. “My idea was to write about a unicorn who finds himself transported to a strange new world after falling into some kind of interdimensional portal. He’d try to find his way home, of course, but most of the story would be about him helping out the creatures he encounters.”

“Interesting premise,” the Princess said thoughtfully. “What do these creatures look like?”

“I’m still working on that. I want to have something that’s somewhat familiar but still unlike anything ponies have ever seen.” His courage and creativity were gaining steam now, and Celestia’s nods helped to get his train of thought rolling even faster than normal. “I’m thinking of something that stands upright, with claws like a dragon on its unused forelegs. They would have big eyes, small noses, and small ears, so at a glance, you really wouldn’t think of them as a threat. But there would be two groups of them: a bad bunch that are mean and grouchy, and a smaller nice group that are being bullied and persecuted by the others. The unicorn finds out that this world doesn’t have magic, so he uses his to help the nice creatures, but he has to be careful and avoid being caught.”

“How did this unicorn find the portal?” Celestia asked. “Is it just free-floating, or is it tied to something, like a doorway or…” she hesitated with a faint, pained twitch. “Or a mirror, perhaps?”

“A mirror?” Bean rubbed his chin. “I hadn’t thought of that. I guess it could be. Maybe one he finds in the castle of a nearby noble or something."

“A detail to worry about another time, I suppose,” Celestia said, her tone suggesting that she would rather move on from the subject, thank you very much.

Bean caught the implied hint and wisely acted on it. “Yeah. Anyway, I was also thinking that he could travel between worlds as needed, so I could have some scenes with him here in Equestria, trying to convince other ponies that he’s telling the truth and they think he’s gone crazy. But I want all of this to have some reality behind it, so I was hoping to look into how ponies lived back in the Pre-Unification Era.”

“I see.” Celestia now gave him a sly smile. “I imagine it would be useful if you could speak to a pony who was alive at the time.”

“Boy, that be nice,” Bean said with a lingering sigh. “I’d love to hear what it was like. How they dressed, what they did for entertainment, how the laws were set up between the peasants and the nobility. Can you imagine what it would be like to hear the tale of their lives? I’d give my left rear leg just to have ten minutes with them.” 

“Fortunately, I believe there is a way for you to get your answers and to keep all of your extremities.”

“Really?” Bean couldn’t keep the surprised excitement out of his voice, even if he’d wanted to. “Do you know some sort of spell that allows ponies to speak to someone in the past? Or do you know how to time travel? It seems like you should avoid…” he trailed off as the obvious hit him in the head like a brick thrown by the world’s strongest hoofball pitcher, and his cheeks suddenly began to burn intensely. “Or I could just ask you,” he finished in a meek, chagrined voice.

And at that moment, Baked Bean witnessed something that he never thought could be possible.

Princess Celestia laughed.   

This was not the dainty chuckle that he had heard before, nor was it a polite titter that was gone as soon as it had came. 

No, this had to be the most unroyal laugh he had ever heard—not that he’d heard that many, of course. Or any, really. Celestia’s laugh was high pitched, fast, and piercing, almost like she was whinnying in a way, and she was having trouble catching her breath to let out more peals of mirth. She sounded something like a squeaky toy that was being run over by a hundred stampeding ponies, and there was a very good chance she’d let out a few snorts in short order.

Bean could only imagine how many noble ponies would faint in shock if they could see their princess acting in such an uncouth manner, and yet…

He had to admit her laugh was kinda cute, in its own way. It was genuine, heartfelt, and unrestrained. 

It was a laugh he could get used to. 

“Oh!” Princess Celestia finally got herself under control with a pleased sigh. “Forgive me, Mister Bean. I was not laughing at you. I find it extremely amusing that you had forgotten my age.”

“You do?”

Celestia nodded and dabbed at the tears in the corners of her eyes. “Yes. Most ponies tend to treat my longevity like an extremely valuable and priceless vase that must be handed with the utmost care. It’s rather refreshing to have a pony who sees me as a contemporary.”

“So, you’re not upset?” Bean already knew the answer, but he asked the question anyway.

“Not at all. In fact, I hope you frequently forget my age while you are here.”

Bean scoffed. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

Celestia moved towards the door, but stopped and faced him before exiting the room. “Would you care for a tour of the palace, Mister Bean? There are a few artifacts that I can show you that might help with your story.”

Bean leaned back slightly in shock. “R-really?” he squeaked. “Don’t you have more important things to do?”

Celestia waved a dismissive hoof. “Importance tends to be a rather subjective thing, in my experience. Whatever meetings I had for today can wait, especially given how much resistance I’ve gotten over Luna’s return. A brief respite from their bickering would do me some good, too.”

“What about Princess Luna?” Bean asked with some concern. 

“She mentioned that she wished to take a day off, as it were. I admit I may have been a bit overzealous in my efforts to reestablish her titles, office, and positions. I told her to contact me if she needed anything, but I believe she was going to take a brief tour of Canterlot and do some studying on her own. You know, you and she are not all that different in that regard,” she added thoughtfully. 

Bean’s rear legs began to wobble again. “Oh, I don’t think we are, really. I mean, I don’t want to call you a liar,” he said with a note of alarm over what he had implied, “but there’s really not that much that’s similar about a Princess and some common idiot who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“You’d be surprised,” Celestia countered with a bob of her eyebrows. “But we can discuss that another time. I think we should start with the mid-Chansenhauer exhibits first, if you did want to take that tour.”

Baked Bean quickly realized the once in a millennium offer that was being dangled in front of him like a succulent carrot on a golden stick, and his nervousness gave way to his curiosity in a heartbeat. “Sure! Who wouldn’t want a personal tour from Princess Celestia? I just need to grab my notebook and pencil first, please.”

Princess Celestia nodded and grinned. “Right this way.”


 * *  ✹ * * 


Baked Bean was the most delightful guest that Celestia had entertained in many, many years. 

True, he was a nervous bundle of trepidation that was quick to offer profuse apologies at the slightest hint of offense, real or imagined. That was not surprising; most ponies tended to act that way around her, much to her chagrin.

But as he grew more comfortable with her presence—or, hopefully, as he accepted that she was just a pony, like him—his natural curiosity began to show, and slowly he began to ask more questions. Each artifact, no matter the size, age, or shape, was met with surprisingly thoughtful study and inquiry. 

The teacher part of Celestia was pleasantly surprised with this and secretly urged him to continue. In his own humble way, he held the same desire to learn that a certain faithful student had shown in her younger years, and with some nudging, Baked Bean could possibly become a Twilight-level pupil.

But the pony part of Celestia appreciated that he was more interested in herself, and not the dusty old trinkets on display. Bean not only asked about the artifacts’ history, but also what Celestia personally remembered about it, and her feelings on, say, having to use the Cleaver of Evil in battle, or how difficult it must have been to resist the siren song of the Alicorn Amulet.

To the Eternal Bringer of Day, it was nice to meet a pony who was interested in her, not the mythos and legends.

And, in his own way, he was innocently cute. He tended to scrunch his nose up when he was deep in thought, and his sea green eyes were flecked with little sparkles, reminding her of calm ocean waves. Even his yellow coat color was pleasing to her eye, though he did lean to the stocky side of the scale. Doubtless, this was because of his profession, but with a little exercise and less sampling of his own cooking, he would trim up quite nicely.

But not too trim. He was far more attractive as he was than stallions who forced themselves through exercise routines and weights to get every single muscle to the exact shape as every other muscle-bound poser. The Royal Guard had very businesslike rear ends, while celebrities had their own artificial rump shapes.

Mister Bean just… was. Rounded enough to be shapely and not boney, yet muscular enough to show his attention to his health.

Celestia rubbed the end of her twitching nose, curious as to why her nostrils had decided to dance right then. Before she could put much thought into the matter, Baked Bean looked up from his notebook and nodded to the Staff of Serendipity before them.

“So why didn’t Star Swirl take this with him?” he asked around the pencil in his mouth. For all of his positive qualities, he did have one negative, and that was that he was chewing on the hapless writing instrument.

Well, nopony was perfect. She would just have to work with him on that nasty little habit. “I wish I knew, honestly. He may have offered some reason, but if he did, I don’t remember what it was.”

“Really? I thought you had a photographic memory.”

“Alas, no,” she said with a long, thoughtful sigh. “My memory is sharp, yes, but it does have its limits. I’m afraid I have forgotten much of what happened in the Pre-Unification Era. Occasionally, I can recall some fleeting bits when I am reminded of an event, but…” she paused for a moment as several unpleasant memories passed before her “there are some things that are best forgotten.”

Baked Bean wisely didn’t press the matter, though he looked like he wanted to. “Do you know what happened to Star Swirl and the Pillars?”

“I never did learn of their ultimate fate. I do wish the old codger would have told me what he was up to; I could have sent some ponies to help them, and it would have given me a place to start my search when they didn’t return. I’ve set dozens of the brightest archeologists and historians on their tail, but they always come back to me with no more information than before. I can only hope…”

Celestia trailed off when she caught sight of four pink hooves poking out from underneath one of the nearby tapestries. If her niece was going to stalk her, she really should just use an invisibility spell.

“Is everything okay?” Bean glanced around, but he did not seem to notice the sneaky princess in her hiding place.

“Yes. Please forgive me. It seems there is a small matter I need to tend to. Give me just a moment, if you would. If you like, you can move on to the Mid Chancenhauer exhibits just around the corner, and I will catch up to you.”

“Oh! Okay. I’d hate to be in the way. I’ll wait there for you.”

“Thank you.” Celestia nodded, but her eyes remained fixated on his tail—and those rather nice flanks—as he moved away. 

“Enjoying the view, Aunt Celly?” Cadence teasingly called out.

“I could ask you the same thing, you little sneak.” Celestia gave the younger alicorn a playfully annoyed glance as she emerged. “What are you doing, anyway?”

“Research. Watching Baked Bean as he follows you around has been most interesting. There’s a spark there, just waiting to hit some kindling.”

“Yes, he is an eager student, isn’t he?” Celestia glanced over her shoulder in the direction where he’d left.

“I’m not talking about the history lessons.” Cadence waggled her eyebrows with a smarmy grin. “First Auntie Luna, and now you.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, nor do I like what you are insinuating.” Celestia stuck her nose in the air. “Mister Bean is a curious pony, and I am satisfying that curiosity.”

“Right,” Cadence drawled, the end of her nose twitching. “His curiosity, or yours?”

The question hit the daytime diarch a little harder than she liked. “Don’t you have something better to do?” 

“No,” Cadence replied with a manic grin. “Just pretend like I’m not here and keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll give Mister Bean some pointers later.”

“You leave him alone. He’s nervous enough already.”

“I make no promises.” Cadence slowly backed towards her previous cover. “I’m always watching, Auntie. Always…”

“That mare can be rather creepy at times,” Celestia muttered with an eyeroll before moving to catch up with her guest.


 * *  ✹ * * 


“Thank you for showing me around the palace today, Princess.” Baked Bean glanced at the door to his guest room, down to his notebook, and then back up to his charming and gracious host. “It’s going to take me months to process everything you’ve told me.”

“It has been my pleasure,” Princess Celestia replied with a smile that filled Bean with sunlight and peace. “If you have any questions, I will be happy to answer them to the best of my ability. However, my duties call, and I’m sure you would like some dinner before retiring for the evening.”

“Yeah, I should probably get something to eat. I never sleep well on an empty stomach.”

“Do you remember the way to the dining hall?”

Bean tapped his nose. “No, but I can smell my way there. It’s a curse, really.”

“A rather wonderful curse, I would argue. Enjoy your evening, Mister Bean.”

“You as well, Princess. Thanks again.”

Celestia nodded, but oddly, her cheeks held just a hint of pink. She then strode away, leaving Bean to wonder what he’d said to bring out that reaction.

With a shrug, Bean quit before he began, and he moved into his room. He already had enough to think about, given the intense history lesson he’d enjoyed that day.

“You have returned.”

Bean let out a yelp and lept backwards into the door. “Princess Luna!” He tried to offer the proper deference, but his now sore rump scrambled what little thinking ability he had—probably because he’d just injured his brain, given where it seemed to be lately. Of course, it didn’t help that she was perched on his bed like a lion who was about to pounce on its next kill, her front hooves fidgeting in suppressed anticipation. 

He settled on stammering out an apology and then retreating quickly as the best course of action. “Good evening! I’m sorry to disturb you. I didn’t realize you’d be in here. I can leave, if you want.”

“You have been with my sister for most of the day, have you not?” Her tone was as cold as midnight, and her eyes shone with a frozen fury that made the hair on Bean’s back stand on end. 

“Um, yes? She wanted to show me the historical treasures in the palace.”

Princess Luna’s eyes narrowed. “I am sure that is not what her intentions were.”

“I’m sorry?”

“My sister is…” Luna forcibly bit off her words, and she snorted. “Verwar het. My sister is being a gracious host,” she finished through tightly clenched teeth. “Like always. Forgive me. Even after a thousand years, I still struggle to control my temper.” She stood, and Bean scampered out of the way before he was trampled by her exit. “Forgive my intrusion, Mister Bean, but I have my duties to attend to. Fair eventide.”

And with that, she strode away, leaving the bewildered Bean alone and wondering what was going on between them who brought night and day.


 * *  ✹ * *