Memories: Part 1
Laughter, so much laughter was the only real response I got from my friends. Some friends they are. It was painfully hard enough for me to finally come out and explain my whole dilemma to them. They were the ones who kept badgering me, constantly asking me why I've been acting so gloom lately, heck, it was getting to the point where I could never even feel at peace or comfort in their presence anymore. Apparently my friends were not normal ones who would respect the individuality and business of a human being, no, they were not even remotely close to respecting my life's privacy, and soon enough, I found myself avoiding them a lot.
Unfortunately and much to my dismay, even that wasn't much success either as it was today at the Oxford University during break, that they spotted me pacing my way to one of the libraries. As soon as I caught their eyes, they came rushing after me. I was now really beginning to question my friends' sanity all together. Once again, I was bombarded by a vast array of questions and demands from my friends, requesting me to tell them what's been going on, this time they tried reassuring me that I can trust them. As much as I hated to succumb to their relentless pleas, and as much as I cringed at the thought of what their reactions would be if I just told them, at the same time, I also really wanted them to just let me be, for once. So I gave in and decided to began explaining, thinking that I could trust them, thinking that they would understand.
"So you guys really want to know? No matter how ridiculous and absolutely absurd it's going to sound?" I asked cautiously, just to make sure their claims were truly promising enough.
"Yes Matthew! You can trust us!" One of my friends, whom I considered the most trustworthy in fact, Andrew answered and once again reassured me. He is the oldest amongst my three friends and one I considered the closest as well; He sits right by me during theoretical physics, and we're both considered by many as "the top nerds" within the class, since we're seemingly the ones who have the most interest in it. I really hated the thought of dismissing him, after all, he was who I considered, yet too embarassed to state aloud, my "".
"Thanks, erm...well..alright well here it goes." I said, hesitantly, letting out a deep sigh. Based off from hearing their reassuring promises, I now partially trusted my friends, but I couldn't help but feel fearful and utmost nervous deep down inside, with a apprehensive thought ringing through my head.
You guys have no idea, not a single clue as to what I've been through.
As I finally began to explain to them, I made sure to start off at a point where they would clearly understand and somewhat relate to. There was no way I would just blurt it all out at once; that would just be complete nonsense; not that it isn't but I needed to make sure they'd be able to mentally grasp at least part of the way through, but I knew that over half of what I would try to explain to them would not make any sense at all, that's when I'd expect the dumbstruck expressions on their faces.
As embarassing and emotional agonizing as it was for me, I was finally getting the sense of relief. Keeping such an impossible situation to deal with, all to yourself is almost unbearable, especially after so long, so I guess that was one small silver lining. At the same time I was explaining everything to my friends, my thoughts and focus began to wander elsewhere.
My words were still running out of my mouth, but my mind started reminiscing in all that had happened this past year. All the unforgettable experiences that forever changed my entire life...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It was around October last year, I believe it was a Tuesday or Wednesday; all I know was that it was sometime past midnight and I'd usually wouldn't consider it the next day till I see the sun's light seep out from the horizon, I just always found it weird to say "it's the morning of whatever day it is when it's still pitch black outside." Anyways, it was pouring rain just outside of my apartment and I was on my computer doing research and working on some physics homework involving the time-dependent perturbation theory and transition probabilities.
"For a spin one in an half particle, consider the time dependent Hamiltonian..." I mumbled as I read through what was no where near an easy problem, even for me back then; most of my friends who weren't in the same theoretical physics class as me would find this utterly impossible to comprehend. As for me, I at least understood a slim but significant portion of it. Thankfully, unlike my friends, I actually love physics, and my will to excel was just enough to have me determined at the time. After some time pondering the question, I finally began to devise the first few basic steps.
"Well I guess i could start by determining the eigenvalues and eigenvectors of the initi-"
My confidence was just about to rise and just as I was beginining to break down the question, my focus and train of thought was interupted and abruptly blown away by an immense roar of thunder as lighting then immediately illuminated my windows a blinding neon hue of blue, white, and purple for a split second, followed by a sudden blackout that left my entire room pitch black. Just great. Just as I was looking into some serious research that could of aided me in solving these very obscure problems, the next thing I knew, a blackout occurs and I'm left without a usable computer, zero power, and to top it off, I couldn't even see as I was now without any light source. In a mix of frustration and confusion, I couldn't help but ponderously question the thunder and lighting that struck my apartment at that moment. I knew there would be reasonably light rain that night, but what was the meaning of the sudden deafening thunder and the haphazard strike of lightning on the very apartment I was staying at? It was really a strange occurrence, especially now thinking about it in retrospect. However, what was the shocking, the most life changing for me, was what occured after that.
To my relief but at the same time, only making my confusion even more profound, the electricity within my room was restored just around two minutes after the lightning struck. My computer was starting to power up, but as I instantly remembered and much to my dismay, I knew I had to start all over on my research, an evident fact that I hated so much. I looked around my now dimly lit room, still wondering and making my guesses on the strange lightning incident, when something right there and then immediately caught my attention.
Being an avid enthusiast in studying the fields of physics, especially theoretical physics, I've always been one to always try and find the best reasonable and logical answer or explanation to basically how everything observable or forces and influences unobservable works and how any possibility or concept could function based on the fundamental laws and principles of physics. As ridiculous as it sounds, it was almost considered a religion to me. However, what I saw, lying on top of my bed, left me unable to conjure any sense, reason, logic, idea or explanation on; it left me ultimately dumbstruck. What was seconds felt like hours to me as my mind was trying to formulate everything I know, everything I was ever taught, struggling to make sense on the situation. I then managed to take a few slow deep breaths, and remembered the two main questions I'd always ask myself whenever I came across various complex, mind-boggling problems on physics.
What do I know and what do I need to know?
Those mental questions had always allowed my mind to relax for a brief moment, and allowed me to start by thinking about the most basic information I know regarding the problem and fitting them in with whatever difficult elements the problem or equation consisted of, eventually leading me to a conclusion, or at least close to a reasonable explanation.
I finally brought myself out of my realm of thoughts, still thinking about the two questions and took a full glance at what was lying on the bed. I thought about the first question, "What do I know...?", and began observing it. Although I couldn't see it with full clarity, my computer and the moonlight seeping in from my window provided just enough light for me to vaguely make out what I saw.
What layed on my bed, was some kind of creature, it was breathing, so it was alive. It had four legs, it was a quadruped. It...it was yellow, it had yellow fur and it had pink hair...yeah, I'm well aware I'm starting to sound insane.
So my mind was now starting to come up with a few basic conclusions based off my observations: It was a living creature; It was alive; It was yellow with light pink hair. To my slight relief, I saw that it was sleeping, otherwise things would of probably been chaotic. At that point my mind was finally beginning to partially recover from the shock. I was still overwhelmed with such bewilderment and perplexity on the situation but at least I understood a slight portion of the creature...or animal, I didn't even know, I'd always confuse the two labels.
After taking a few more minutes of observation, I noticed the creature had some slight physical characteristics to that of a equine. I noticed it had what appeared to be hooves; I wasn't quite sure as I saw no keratin covering, which I found rather strange -- scratch that, as I looked closer, I noticed a lot about it's physique was rather abnormal and unique to me. It's head was about twice the size of mine, it's pink mane was styled in such a way that it strongly resembled how some women I knew wore their hair, it was the longest mane I could ever see on an equine, if that's what it even was. I then carefully sat myself on the bed, close to where it was resting and began to slowly and gently brush my hand agaisnt its fur, just to feel the texture, and to see whether or not I was really just going insane and delusional.
"It-it fe-feels just like real fur..." I whispered to myself in much shock and disbelief as I actually felt its fur. I was now even more astonished and quickly shot my hand away.
The equine creature shifted slightly in it's sleep but thankfully still continued it's deep slumber. Waiting a few more minutes as I forced my mind to pull it's fractured sanity together, I cautiously began to brush my hand against its fur once more. Surprisenly, its fur was incredibly soft and tender to the touch. As I was stroking its fur, I noticed the creature began to give a slight smile whilst still sleeping; it seemed to enjoyed being pet.
The creature has emotions... I mentally noted to myself.
I then started to move my hand to brush against the fur on its side, however, I didn't feel any fur there. What I felt was feathers. I was stunned and even more profoundly bewildered, which I thought was impossible considering just how shocked I was moments before. So remembering my first question, "What do I know...?", I noted to myself the following that I had just discovered: It was a quadruped; its species was most likely within the family of equines; its "hooves" had no keratin layer; it's head was a third the size of it's own body; it's pink mane was unnaturally long and resembled more of a human female hair style; oh...and it had wings!
Just thinking about the details of the creature was making me sound like a total lunatic, but from what I observed, especially from feeling it's fur and...feathers, it was right there, it was sleeping, it had soft fur that I actually felt. Unless I was having a severe tactile hallucination, or if I was really just sleeping and experiencing an extremely realistic lucid dream, I could of very well had said, this was actually existing right before me. I had good mental health, never did drugs, and had no symptoms of psychosis. But then again, I was also well aware of the fact that it is possible for the even the most mentally healthy person to experience hallucinations, so having that kept in mind, I didn't come to fully accept the situation just yet. A rather daring but foolproof idea then came to mind; I could wake it up and see how it would respond. I took several minutes contemplating, thinking of the possible outcomes of it's sudden awakening.
If it really were to exist, and somehow, by unknown means, happen to have landed on my bed, still sleeping, then I presume that it would freak out and probably be even more confused than I was when first seeing it. If it were to be just a strong halluciation, it would either disappear upon disruption or continue to torture my mind as it could have been doing the whole time...
I choose to just go along with the first thought, and decided to try and wake up the equine creature from its slumber. I tried to mentally prepare myself for the creature's shocked reaction, as well as any cry, yelp, or whatever sound of terror it would make. Remembering the second question I'd usually ask myself in such complications, "...what do I need to know?", I began to think of three main questions that were really overflowing my mind with curiosity at that moment.
What is this creature? How did it get here? Where did it come from?
Keeping those questions in mind, with hope I'll find out the answers later on, I proceeded to wake up the foreign creature. I began to stroke it's soft coat of fur once again, only this time, with a little more pressue. I didn't want to wake it up too forcibly as I was sure that would only cause the creature to freak out even more and immediately see me as a threat; I wanted the creature to see me as least harmful as possible. I continued to firmly but softy 'pet' it for a few more minutes, patiently as I had no intent to rush its awakening. I then notice its body started to shift a bit, and just as I anxiously anticipated, it finally began to open its eyes. I once again, shot my hand back, as my mind was once again blown further into shock. I was ultimately awestruck upon seeing the creature's huge eyes, possessing such large ocean blue pupils. They were about a third of the size of its head, which as I previously noted, was a third of the size of its own body! The creature's eyes then turned to face mine, with it's calm mundane expression immediately turning into one similar to my own.
"Eeeep!" Was the equine creature's first response as it immediately dove under the covers of my bed, visibly shaking underneath as it tried to hide itself.
I was still left with shock from the sight of its huge detailed eyes. Those eyes...I knew that most equines did have slightly bigger eyes than humans, but the eyes I just saw could of outmatch those of a giant squid! At this point, I had no choice but to accept the fact that my mind is just going to get continually blown for the rest of the night. This clearly was the strangest equine I had ever seen, with the largest eyes I had ever seen, with the longest mane and tail I had ever seen on such an equine...such an equine that had wings! I was really beginning to wonder why I kept forgetting that one distinct detail. An equine with wings...the first conclusion finally came into mind, one that was really difficult for me to believe: this creature was a Pegasus. As much as I wanted to continue my complex train of thoughts on the matter for the next few hours, I now needed to somehow comfort and reason with the terrified and confused...Pegasus.
"Uh...hey there. Please don't be scared. I won't hurt you, I promise.." I managed to whisper in the softest, most comforting tone I could pull off.
The shaking stopped, but the Pegasus still didn't seem to want to come out of the covers, so I guess it was a half success. I decided to tried once again.
"It's alright...I mean no harm...I couldn't even harm a fly if I tried." I continued as I gave a little laugh at the last statement. As ridiculous as it was, I really couldn't harm a fly. I was never really the agressive type; verbally I could be, especially when debating, but never physically.
To my luck, the Pegasus creature had finally but just barely peeped its head out from under the covers, slightly shivering with fear, revealing its huge wide eyes as they looked right into mine once again. It seemed as if at that moment, those eyes were looking straight into my soul, analysing it, trying to determine if my reassurence was geuine enough to believe.
"Um...y-you really won't h-hurt me?" The Pegasus creature hesitantly responded in a feminine voice with a tone much softer than the one I used....in english!?
I was never one to completely spaz out, or faint, no, not even in crazy scenarios such as witnessing a yellow Pegasus with a pink mane talk, nevermind speak english for that matter. Instead, on the outside, I just froze with shock, my pupils as pinpricks from what I just heard come out of the Pegasus' mouth; on the inside, my mind was spazzing out of control.
This creature can talk just like me! A yellow Pegasus with a pink mane, that can speak english! No wait...it's a yellow Pegasus with a pink mane, with eyes that are just about the size of my head! That doesn't even make sense! Okay...that's it. It's confirmed. I'm most likely hallucinating. But if so, how could I ev-
My overwhelming train of thought was then interupted by the confused and concerned Pegasus, which I was now seriously doubting to exist. I needed to know more to completely verify that though.
"Um...is s-something w-wrong?" The Pegasus spoke once again, asking hesistantly. Without realizing it, my long period of silence was beginning to further frightened the equine. The creature was now directly facing me with a mixed expression of fear and utter bewilderment, laying on my bed out from under the bed covers it was previously hiding underneath. Its legs were tightly pressed against its sides as it was still awefully afraid of me, slightly trembling in my presence.
I was still greatly astonished by its ability to speak, but I managed to pull all my sporadic thoughts together and decided to go with the idea that this creature is just a hallucination. With that thought in mind, I found myself more relaxed with its presence, but still awefully bewildered by the uniqueness and strange qualities of the said 'hallucination'.
"Um...n-no, theres nothing wrong really. I-I just didn't expect you to...talk..." I finally responded, laughing in my head at the possibilities that I could just be conversing to nothing.
"I-I didn't know you could...talk either..uh...um, wh-what a-are you?." The Pegasus asked, still profoundly confused and at unease with me.
"Um..I-I'm a human...and what are you supposed to be?" I was still very skeptical about its presence.
"I-I'm a pony..." The Pegasus answered softly.
Its a pony...yeah I can't see that. The only traits I see on this creature..er..hallucination that are similar to a pony are its "hoof-shaped" legs, its ears, its nose, the fact that its a quadruped and it possessed a tail. However the abnormalities greatly overshadow all those traits combined...I mean it has wings! It's yellow with a pink mane! Its head is twice the size of mine! Its legs look more like tall cylinders of yellow marshmallows, and just look at those enormous eyes! This is making absolutely no logical sense! Even for a hallucination!
I managed to once again, regain control of my thoughts and continued to 'interview' the strange yellow Pegasus.
"If you don't mind me asking...d-do you have a name?" I was really curious as to see what kind of name such an odd hallucination would proclaim itself.
"Y-yes...my name's...um...Fluttershy..." It answered at a tone barely audible to my ears.
"What is it? I didn't quite hear you."
"It's...Fluttershy..." It answered once again, and though it still didn't speak loud enough for me to hear, I was determined and patient, no matter how scared and confused the 'Pegasus' seemed to be at the moment. I wanted it to feel at least somewhat comfortable around me before I further tried to pursue any other questions in mind.
"Sorry, I still couldn't hear you...can you try again, just a little louder though?" I asked the Pegasus once again, this time using the same soft and comforting tone I pulled off from earlier. To top it off, I gave it a slight smile.
"O-Okay..." The Pegasus responded, feeling a little more at ease. "...my name's...F-Fluttershy." It answered softly, but this time just barely loud enough for me to hear.
Fluttershy? Deffinitely the oddest name I had ever heard...
At this point, I found myself getting into a slightly more comfortable level with the creatu-...Fluttershy; as for the Pegasus itself, not so much, not yet at least. Seeing how basic and flat the conversation was going...it may be still very difficult to get Fluttershy comfortable enough around me to really examine it.
"Fluttershy...is that really your name?" I asked skeptically, continuing the conversation, trying to avoid the awkard silence and leave the creature confused as before.
"Y-yes...why?" Fluttershy asked me, perplexed by the question.
"Well its just that...it...it sounds silly."
"W-What? It does not sound silly!" Fluttershy responded, barely raising its voice for the very first time. I can see how my response to its rather odd name would of offended it. "So...well...um, what's your name?" It then asked.
"It's...Matthew." I answered
"Now that...sounds strange.."
I don't have time for this. I should be testing its existence, more of its physique, heck I don't even know its exact gender....sure another supposable observer seeing this would state its obviously female from its soft feminine voice and hair, I could guess that too....but to me, that doesn't exactly determine gender; to me, its not the appearence of a creature or how they sound that verifies its gender...what really determines if it's female or male is....oh...oh boy. Nevermind that, I'll just ask it!
"Hey...um, Fluttershy? If your really there..."
"Uh...y-yes....M-Matthew?"
"Are you a...male or female?" I bravely asked; I was almost certain it would state it is indeed female, but I remembered some instances where stating what seemed the obvious was a big mistake. I only wanted to make sure. Just as I somewhat imagined, there was another period of awkard silence as the yellow Pegasus just blankly stared at me with its freakishly huge eyes once again, this time, with a clear "are you serious?" look on its face. I felt utmost embarrassed, despite the possibility of it just being a hallucination, the interaction with it still seemed very realistic.
"I-I'm a female!" She answered raising her voice slightly louder than before as the Pegasus was clearly offended once again. Of course she was. "Now let me ask y-you something...um s-stranger...what are you doing in my home?
Much to my dismay, I was once again, bombarded by a vast new ocean of complicated questions and thoughts scattering through my head. This Pegasus or hallucination was asking me what I was doing at 'her home'. She wasn't making any sense, not that she was before, no, she hadn't been making any sense at all! Her unusual features; the colors; her ability to speak english; her ability to clearly think and reason; and now, she was proclaiming my own apartment room as her home? It didn't even matter to me at that moment whether she was real or not, there was one certain conclusion I was able to confirm: This freak was clearly delusional!
"I'm...sorry about asking your gender, it should of been obvious." I began to apologize to her, but immediately I then counteracted her question with one of my own, using a similar context . "But I have a question for you, 'stranger'. What are you doing in my apartment room?
"Wh-What? No..no...no, you are mistaken sir, this my home so....I-I should be asking y-you." She responded stammered and confused. She seemed like she really believed my room was her home, but I knew right from wrong, and frankly, she was the one sorely mistaken.
"Alright, so this is your home. Well if that's really the case, then I've been living at 'your home' for almost two years now, and I had not seen you around, nor had you seen me. The landlord had never informed me of your stay here. Why is that? My- or from what you state, 'your home' is awefully small; where would have you been living throughout the years without me even noticing?" I was just getting started on making the Pegasus or more likely, hallucination see how delusional and absurd she really sounded.
"Well...well...umm...I-I don-" The Pegasus tried to hesistantly respond before I immediately cut her off, as I continued my explanation on how illogical her false statement was.
"You couldn't be living up in the attic, there is no attic here, there are no stairs around leading up to one. Theres no basement either, so now it all leads up to these few particular questions: have you been living in one of the closets all these years? Did you just discover that you have a much bigger home than you had originally thought? Where's your lease? You need one to claim possession of the apartment room, however I can just infer you do not have one so therefore you have no rights or possession to 'your home'. However, I do. Therefore, I was legally granted this room by the landlord, I pay the rent, I live here! Therefore...this is my home!
"B-But...I...don't u-understand...this is w-where..I li-"
"You don't live here! I do! I have the lease! I been living here! You invaded my home!" I yelled at her angrily. I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't care if she was shy or sensitive, she was most likely a hallucination, who seemed ironically, very delusional for one. To further prove my point, I got up from where I was sitting on the bed and turned on the lights to the room.
"Look around...does this look anything like your 'home'?" I asked her skeptically. I was hoping the 'hallucination' would just poof away from the immense surprise and the sudden spate of light. Instead, she only suffered intense reality shock.
"Wha...wh-where am I!?" The Pegasus asked as her voice began to crack; overwhelmed with shock, confusion, and utter fear, she began to break down into tears.
Maybe I was pushing it a bit too much. I just badgered at her with questions I knew she couldn't answer. I practically made her sound like a total idiot. Now she's crying...just great. Yes, what she asked and stated was not true, but I could of let her know otherwise without mentally and emotionally distressing her.....wait, why do I care, she's just a hallucination...right?
After a few moments of debating with my own thoughts, I decided that either way, whether she's a hallucination or even actually existing, I should really just apologize. I only wanted the hallucination to go away; the possibility of a real yellow Pegasus being in my room, nevermind one who can talk, was so absurd to me that I felt my sanity dwindle down more and more by the minute. I was almost sure it was a hallucination. I mean, how can a Pegasus even have a house? Overall, my tirade on the poor thing, even if it was a strange figment of my own subconscious mind, was unprofessional for me as a college student aspiring to be a great theoretical physicist one day. I had to stop doubting the scenario, and stating the impossibility of it. Instead, I should of be asking myself, "How is this possible?" and in order to find out, I had to apologize to Fluttershy and try asking her of how she got here from...wherever her home originally was, along with doing some further analysis to aid me in finding the answers.
"Wh-where am I!? My...friends...d-do you know where my friends are!?" Fluttershy desperately asked me with gushes of tears running down her face as she was now pacing around my room in a frenzy of fear and utter confusion. She looked up out the nearby window, only to find numerous buildings illuminating in the night; the typical light pollution of the city I lived in. Fluttershy, however, didn't seem to be used to any of that.
Maybe she isn't a...hallucination...still can't be one hundred percent sure though.
"Look...um, Fluttershy, I'm terribly sorry for yelling at you, I had no intent of hurting your feelings. Forgive me. But I need to ask you some more serious questions. Okay?" I asked in a soft, comforting but stern tone, ignoring her previous question as I was too distracted with concerns of my own.
"Uh...o-okay..." She answered, with tears still running down her cheeks.
"Where did you...come from and where exactly is this home of yours?"
"Oh...um...well...its a cottage and...its located right at the edge...of...the Ev-Everfree Forest." She answered and stammered in explaining the location.
"Alright...and where is this Everfree Forest?" I asked, perplexed by the unfamilar name.
"Oh well its a few miles outside of Ponyville...y-you wouldn't happen to know where that is do you?" She spoke in her soft little voice a question that once again blew my mind into scattered pieces.
"Uh....uh....P-Ponyville? I may not know my geography all that well, but there is certainly no Ponyville!"
"I-I'm not lying...I swear...I-I've lived by the town my entire life." She tried to explained as she once again looked me right into my eyes, attempting to show how serious she was. I admit, it was difficult taking anything she said seriously with those freakish alien eyes of hers.
"O-okay...well...I don't not believe you. So where's this...um 'Ponyville' then?" I asked her with at least ninty percent of utter disbelief. The yellow Pegasus then paused for a few moments, raising an eyebrow, looking at me as if I was insane. How ironic.
"It's...in...Equestria...um...do you not know where that is either?"
"Honestly, no, and frankly I don't think anyone around here...knows where or...what that is." I answered bluntly, and much to my dismay, the Pegasus began to tear up again.
"I-I really...am...so lost..." Fluttershy managed to reply before bowing her head in deep sadness.
I couldn't help but feel even more compelled to believe her, as I was now beginning to have sympathy towards the sad and pitiful equine. I then decided to check the current time since first encountering it, as I made my way over to the desk of my computer and grabbed my phone to check its time.
It's almost three o'clock in the morning? Wow, well not so surprising seeing the issue I've been dealing with. I need to rest soon...unfortunately I have yet another day of lecture at the University tomorrow. Did I just put the words, 'unfortunately' and 'university' in the same sentence? I guess I am going crazy..... Great...
I decided to save the rest of my questions and concern for tomorrow, that is, if the Pegasus was still around by tomorrow, otherwise my 'hallucination hypothesis' would then be proven. Either way, my curiousity would then finally be resolved.
I pulled myself aside from the somewhat garrulous thoughts and as I then looked over at Fluttershy, who was now laying on my bed once again, still with her head down and with tears flowing relentlessly down her cheeks. I regretfully took back the false conclusion that she was a 'delusional freak'; such a mistaken judgement of mine now thinking about it in retrospect. Without a ounce of doubt, I could see that she was depressed, lost, scared, nervous, and now presumably, feeling lonely. She needed comfort and some kind of sense of sercuity...I needed to provide that for her.
"Hey...Fluttershy...look, do you have any idea how you came here?" I asked her, once again using a softly tone.
"N-no..." She answered through her light but continual sobbing.
My sympathy for her grew further. I then sat myself on the bed, right next to where she was now quietly sobbing, and daringly, I placed my hand gently on her back. Her shoulders shifted nervously for a second but to my surprise, they soon eased up. I was again awestruck feeling the fur; so soft, so tender, it still seemed all so...real. She then slowly turned her head to face mine, most of which was hidden behind her pink mane; I could clearly see the sadness in her eyes, now watery; the furs on her cheeks stained from the tears.
"I'm sorry...um...but hey, it's getting late. I have to get some rest...and since you have no where else to go, you can sleep and stay here until I figure things out." I offered sympathetically, giving a hopeful smile.
Her eyes then lit up at my generous offer and for the very first time since first encountering her, she gave off a small but barely hopeful smile in return.
"T-Thanks...but I-I wouldn't want to be much of a bother.."
"You wouldn't be a bother at all. You would be a delight in fact!" I responded in reassurence and to that the Pegasus gave a slight blush. I couldn't understand why, but for some reason her presence, was now making me feel...sort of happy. I guess it was because of the fact that she now somewhat trusted me, seeing how she didn't freak when I offered a hand for comfort. Whatever it was, it was deffinitely a positive feeling.
"Oh, well thank you...um...Matthew. That's really nice of you." Fluttershy responded gratefully.
"Your welcome...and sorry about yelling at you earlier...that will never happen again." I still felt really guilty about the criticism and judgement I threw at her. She didn't deserved that.
"Oh...well...I forgive you. You were surprised...so was I...it's not your fault." She replied softly in a kindly mannerism.
I was quite amazed, looking at what happened earlier and comparing it to now. From first meeting her, I was with utmost shock, perplexity, and with immense disbelief. Now, I was feeling a sense of sympathy for her and I felt a positive vibe that was difficult to explain at the time. I was just surprised, surprised at myself at how tame I was becoming with the yellow, pink haired, talking pegasus in my room. It was ridiculous, too flat out ridiculous. The introduction issues between us were now seemingly and finally coming to a resolution. At this point, I was almost believing in her to exist, but it still seemed just so inane to think so. I decided to let tomorrow morning give me the final definite answer.
"Well...uh Fluttershy, if you don't mind, you can sleep on the bed I guess. You would have to move over though so I may have some room too.." I explained, lettting out a loud yawn.
"Oh I don't mind...I mean your not as scary as I thought you would be, so it doesn't bother me..." She replied, noticably getting tired also.
"Good..you don't...really bother me either. Not like before..."
I then got myself onto to the bed as Fluttershy then moved to the very front side of the bed, laying right next to my feet. I could tell she was still a bit distant with me, and having a hard time fully accepting my presence, just as I was having difficulty believing her existence; easily understandable. It was now passed three and just as I was beggining to shut my eyes, I remembered my assignment from hours earlier, prior to first encountering Fluttershy. I cursed in my head as I had completely forgotten about it. I still remembered a good portion of the first question, and then, at that moment, a rather ridiculous and silly thought came to me.
If Fluttershy can speak, talk, reason, think, and feel, doesn't that mean she can learn and retain information likewise to the mind of a human? Seeing her size, and some distinct features of her equine physique, she seems of at least a young adult age....wherever she came from, I can infer she knows a significant amount of primary knowledge and fundamentals, presumably learning that through growing up. This could be pointless or even interesting to find out, but I wonder if she would understand anything about physics...nevermind theoretical physics.
I laughed at the thought but I was feeling really desperate for the sake of my assignment, so I decided to give it a shot.
"Hey...Fluttershy?"
"Um, yes...Matthew?"
"Just wondering, but do you happen to know anything about a Hamiltonian?" I asked, testing her knowledge.
"Uh....w-what?" Fluttershy responded, confused. I tried explaining it to her, hoping she would have a slim grasp of the concept. Inside, I knew darn right she wouldn't have a clue, but I was willing to try for anything for the sake of my homework.
"Oh...you know, it's...the sum of all the kinetic energies of particles related to a system of physical motion." I tried explaining to her as basic as I could. Of course, it still sounded complicated though.
"Um I still don't get it..."
Of course she wouldn't...but now thinking on that fact that she doesn't know the basic physics as I do, it's further supporting the proof that she may possibly be existing...cause being a hallucination, or a figment of a possible lucid dream, she would part of my subcouscious...meaning part of my mind. If she were to know what I know...it would be clear she would only be knowing that because I want her to...so therefore-
I paused my brief garrulous thoughts once again. I needed to stop thinking so much as my thoughts would just bring yet another a period of awkard silence.
"So what is this...um, Ham-milian...Hamil..Hami..ton..Hamiltooni-" Fluttershy asked curiously, failing to pronounce the word. It was quite silly seeing her trying to pronounce it, but I was also a little astonished at her curiousity for it.
"It's nothing...you wouldn't be interested in knowing it anyways..." I said disappointingly. Most of my friends, except for Andrew would just be bored to death with my ramblings on physics so I doubted a Pegasus, nevermind one that talks and is sentient would want to hear about it.
"Oh I wouldn't mind learning what it is....I mean if that's alright...with um..you, explaining it to me." Fluttershy said with a kindly but somewhat eager tone . Now it was my turn to give her a "Are you serious" look.
"You really want to know about it? Why so? Why are you feeling so comfortable talking to me already?" I asked, now once again, very perplexed. It was seemingly odd seeing how, after going much shock and dispute, she would be feeling just fine in my presence now. It was utmost strange, especially for some animal as shy as her...being around a human like me.
"Well...um...for one, it sounds interesting...and I-I like learning new things...I mean it doesn't hurt right? As for the...last question, well I'm not really sure. You kind of remind me of one of my best friends...she's smart and knows many things...and likes to debate...like you. M-maybe that's why?" She shyly explained to me.
For the second time, she mentioned, friends. I wondered briefly, once again on the matters of where she came from, and who exactly her friends were, and why I remined her of one of them. Whoever her friends were, she clearly already misses them. I decided to push it aside for tomorrow as I clearly had exhausted all my minds curiousity for the night. As much as I wanted to further question her and continue to be a skeptic on her supposable extistence, which was still mentally debatable for me, I decided to continue to go along with seeing her as 'real' and happily explain to her the "fun of Hamiltonians!" Being the nerd I was of course.
"Well Fluttershy...if your willing to stay up for a few more hours, I will happily explain to you about the Hamiltonian. I'm warning ya, it's not an easy concept to understand..." I was still wondering why she was interested, I mean it's really pointless information for anyone outside the study of physics.
This is so absurd, silly, ludicrous...insane...ridiculous...I don't even......sigh...
"I'm all ears!" She exclaimed softy, with a sparkle in her huge colored eyes, giving off a slight smile for the second time.
As crazy as it sounds, I began to explain the basics of the Hamiltonian to the yellow, pink haired, talking, sentient Pegasus. Deffinitely something one wouldn't hear everday, no, not any day! To my further surprise, Fluttershy didn't seem bored at all as I explained it, and kept asking me questions everytime I would mention a word or concept she didn't understand, every ten seconds roughly. I could evidently tell she wasn't anywhere near smart in physics...or other various subjects. She was more of a curious fellow rather than a knowledgable nerd; to which I was fine with...strangely.
Eventually and finally, I had finished explaining about the concept of the Hamiltonian, after an hour or so, having to answer every single one of the Pegasus's curious but eager to be answered questions. I did feel somewhat appreciated though; even at the possibility of her being just a hallucination, a figment of my mind; it was nonetheless, a wonderful experience just finally talking about the physics I know and love to one who has interest in learning it. It felt amazing. If she were to be really a hallucination, I would be actually wishing she was real. That was the primary concern of mine, the ultimate question in mind, "Is she real?". I admit, I was really close into believing its existence, but all the strange, prodigious, physical abnormalities of the Pegasus hindered my mind from fully buying into it. I needed to first see how the true existence of such a creature with such alien physique would be possible. I needed to find out how she got here first. All these questions, I decided to patiently push them aside for now. I was terribly tired and knew that, no matter what the scenario, my sleep was of great importance too.
"Good night...Fluttershy..." I said to her as I began to shut my eyes.
"Good night Matthew...and um...thanks again for being so nice to me." She responded, still being so grateful to me. I didn't felt like I deserved too much gratitude. It was really all because she appeared to me out of nowhere and explained part of her confusing but sad situation to me that I let her stay here in my apartment room. I didn't know what else i could of done.
I then drifted off to the sleep I've been longing for all night. My conscious thoughts were still barely floating around. Wondering what will happen next. Would she be gone when I wake up? Was it all a dream? For the sake of my sanity, as fractured as it already was, I was hoping for the creature to just vanish and be gone when I'd wake up. I was really contradicting myself at this point; her presence gave me a positive vibe, it was so realistic, the conversation, her way of thinking and reasoning, I wanted to believe; on the other hand, it was so absurd and ridiculous. She was a sentient Pegasus with enormous eyes and other various unrealistic details, that I just lectured to on the subject of physics. It was all seemed just so inane. I wanted to disbelieve.
All that had happened that night was only just the beginning. Little did I know that more of my mind and sanity, was going to further crash down...that the life I once lived...would fall apart.