Your Heart Will Never Steer You Wrong
I jolted awake, my eyes wet and my breathing ragged. Panic set into my heart, and my eyes darted around the room looking for the source of my anxiety - what could have woken me up this late?
I slowly placed my trembling hooves on the floor, and wandered around my room. First, the closet… seems to be Cockatrice free, good. Maybe there was a bugbear underneath my desk? No… seems to be empty there, too.
That only leaves under the bed, the most terrifying place of all, you never know what could be under there. Your greatest fears always seem to lurk right under your bed.
Hesitantly, with every instinct screaming at me to simply turn tail and get my parents, I check under my bed. As usual, it’s empty.
“Wait… what's that in the corner?”
A shadowy form rests underneath, nothing more than a blob, really. That… can’t be good. Unsure of what to do next, as slowly as my body will allow, I reach a hoof over and-
“AAGH!”
“W- wait. Plastic… It’s - it’s plastic.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, no Manticore underneath the bed this time, only… a Princess Luna costume.
“I can’t believe I forgot I hid that under there, thank Celestia I didn’t ask my parents to check, then.”
With that terror faced I crawl back into bed and tuck myself in, still only slightly worried something may be lurking around, waiting to scare me awake once again.
~ ☆ ☾ ☆ ~
I dart around the corner towards my room, the most valuable thing I could have held tight in my mouth, a plastic headband, complete with matching regalia. Around me the world seemed dark and foreboding, the shadows following me through the hallway rising up to swallow me, the only safe haven being my own bedroom - my night light shining through the door, a beacon of hope for my escape.
“C’mon, almost there… !”
Mere inches away from my door, a cold claw grabs my hind leg, ripping me from safety. It laughs, mocking me as I squirm to free myself, flapping my wings wildly in any hope to escape.
“H- Hey! Let go of me you…”
My attention is broken by the sound of plastic hitting the ground.
“Ponyfeathers! They’re gonna’ take it away!”
Using every bit of strength I have, I beat my wings behind me and launch myself to the floor, grabbing the crown and smashing my nose into the wooden panels below. Without a moment's hesitation, I dash to my room, and slam the door shut. That’s when I see her.
“What seems to be troubling you, my little pony?”
I kick away the costume, landing just under my bed.
“P- Princess Luna? Why are you in my room?”
“Tis is no more than a dream, my dear. I assure thou art safe.”
“Oh, right. W- why else would you be in my house…”
I look to the bed, unable to keep my attention on her.
“Does something lurk underneath thine bed?”
“Oh no”
She steps closer to me, the world seeming to distort around her, only settling when she comes to a halt.
“Thou art pale, what troubles you, little filly?”
“F- filly? Did she say filly?"
My heartbeat ramps up - begging to burst out of my chest. All around me, the shadows begin to form, inching forward, their laughs and howls only get louder the more my anxiety increases, closer and closer until-
“Tis enough, shadowy demons. Thou cannot hurt me nor this filly in her own dream”
“She definitely said filly.”
With that, they make one last leap, shrieking as the Princess stomps her hoof on the floor, dispelling them all as quickly as they appeared.
“There, thou art safe now. No foul creatures shall harm you in my presence.”
She sits down in front of me, and gives me a look of concern. Despite her making the shadows go away, my anxiety only increases. Shadows, for as mean as they are, have no judgment, they exist to mock me. The Princess however… has her own thoughts and feelings. And yet, she still called me a filly?
“Y- you called me a filly?”
Just saying that out loud makes me feel ready to faint.
“Thou art a filly, yes? Thou certainly resembles one.”
I feel my heart sink, a nauseating mix of fear and excitement rises up in my throat, a rush of… something washes over me and I stare at her, terrified
“Is something the matter?”
“I- I… uh…”
No words come out, unable to process what to think or feel, and clueless as to what to say, I move my trembling hooves over to the mirror; it awaits me, holding my judgement.
“I- I’m really a filly?”
One thing is for certain: I look ready to faint, my coat closer to white than it is to pink. Aside from that, not much is different, same spindly legs, same flappy wings. But… My mane is long. Much longer than I’ve ever been allowed to grow it out before, I flip around, and my tail even matches! Now nearly touching the floor instead of its normal length.
“I really look like a filly!”
I hop around and flap my wings, unable to contain my excitement - that is, until the Princess joins me in the reflection of the mirror.
“‘Tis out of the ordinary? I assure thee this is only a dream”
“O- oh… right.”
My heart breaks; shatters, even. My vision blurs as my eyes swell with tears, wetting my coat. I hear them again - the shadows, they’re back. They’re here to laugh at me again, they know. They know that this is wrong and now even the Princess will think-
“Little filly, thou still hath not said what is troubling you.” she speaks a bit firmer than before.
“T- the shadows, they’re laughing at me… they think I’m weird and wrong. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong” lying through my teeth - I know very well why they’re laughing.
“Doth thou feel as though ‘tis deserved?”
I nod my head, although scared to admit it.
“What hath thou done to deserve such a thing?”
My tears continue to fall, my breath becoming harder to keep steady.
“T- they think I a- act too much like a filly, and t- that’s bad…”
Those words struggle to come out, each feeling like splinters from my throat.
“‘Tis thee not a filly?” I can’t look at her, but I feel her judgment bore a hole into my skull.
“I- I don’t know! I… I don’t know…” I try to bury myself in my fetlocks, hiding away from the Princess.
What I didn’t expect was to feel a gentle hoof placed on my withers. The laughing stopped, the only sound being my uneven breathing and sputtering.
“Ah,” She says as she rubs over my wings, “Thou wishes to be a filly?”
Ice claims my heart, she can’t know that; if the Princess hates me, then all of Equestria will be after me! This is the worst possible thing that could be happening-
“‘Tis ok to be a filly, if ‘tis what thou feels is right.”
“What?!? There’s no way she could really…”
I look up from the floor, and again into the mirror, my long mane and tail in a pile around me, my hooves wet with tears. And somehow… the Dreamwalker Princess Luna sitting next to me, stroking my back.
“It is?”
“Of course, everypony should be true to thyself. Even if others… can be less than understanding.”
“O- oh…”
She’s not mad? Why isn’t she mad? Doesn’t she know that this is wrong, and that I can’t ever be a filly anyway?
“Despite my time away, I hath traveled more dreams than anypony could ever number.”
She looks down to me, and wipes my tears from my face.
“And if one thing remains true, thy dreams are truer a reflection than any mirror could hope to muster.”
I look up to her, my heart hoping what she says is more than just to comfort me.
“Really?”
“Truly.” she smiles at me, warm and compassionate.
I look to the mirror once again, my reflection still the same, my body outside the reflection continues to match.
“What is it thee vanquished underneath thine bed?”
“Oh no, she saw that?”
I rise onto shaky legs, and walk towards my bed. Underneath is my treasure - a plastic headband with a small, black crown, and a navy blue horn. Scattered next to it is a black regalia, featuring an insignia of a crescent moon. I take a deep breath, and bring it over to her.
“‘Tis a replica of mine own features?”
“I- it belongs to my sister… when everypony is asleep I-” I take a sharp inhale, and try to relax, I'm safe here. “I sometimes take it, and I like to… play dress up, in my room. Alone.”
The Princess nods in understanding, and places the crown on my head.
“Thee fears judgment from thine family?”
“Y- yeah, I used to play with my sister, but anytime other ponies were over…”
Tears threaten to overtake my vision once again.
“They would make fun of me… o- or hurt me… so I think I was doing something wrong. Maybe my sister just didn’t know that i’m wrong…”
“‘Tis wrong to enjoy playing as a princess?”
“I’m not sure… if it wasn’t wrong, why would they hurt me?”
I look up to the Princess again, this time with fear.
“If it’s wrong, why does it make me feel so happy, Princess?”
“If memory serves me, ‘tis normal for a filly to enjoy play as the mares she looks up to.”
“Oh… I guess you’re right.”
She places the regalia on my withers, my accessories now matching hers.
“And if ‘tis me thee looks up to, I am all the more glad to be of help.” She gives me a bright smile.
“Thy heart shall never steer thee wrong, little filly.”
“Do you promise?”
“I shan’t lie, not ever.”
The knot in my chest finally untied itself, and I wrapped my forelegs around the Princess, the tears finally releasing from the relief.
“Thank you, Princess.”
“‘Tis my duty, my little filly.”
~ ☁ ☼ ☁ ~
I wake up again, this time feeling some relief instead of panic. Still, tears stain my cheeks.
“Do you think maybe… no, there’s no way…”
I hop out of my bed and carefully walk over to the mirror - just to make sure.
“Yeah… that’s what I get for keeping my hopes up.”
My heart sinks as I see myself in the reflection, same short mane and tail as always. Before I can dwell too long, I look at the clock to see there’s only a few minutes left before my alarm goes off. Making haste, I grab that same costume once again, and put it on.
I stare at my reflection, a bit happier this time.
“I promise to follow my heart, Princess Luna.”