After suffering the loss of his fiancé, Milo shut himself off to the world. Will he be able to open his heart again or will he be trapped inside himself forever.
After the death of my fiancé I shut myself off to everyone and became cold and calloused, not accepting help from anyone around me. Recently coming back to CHS as a sophomore after going through a stay in hospital which lead to a inpatient stay at mental health institute for an attempted suicide. I mostly try and keep to myself but for some reason everyone now getting in my business, all I want to do is grieve in peace but looks like that isn’t happening, and on top of that having an identity crisis about where I come from and who I really am is the cherry on top of the turmoil in my life.
"I want to know where I come from." I quietly say as everyone at the dinner table just keeps eating, not acknowledging what I just said. "Is anyone going to answer me?"
"That's great dear, but you don't want to know that, you remember your old friend Clayton right? Well after he found his birth parents his home life fell apart and from what his mother told me about it, he's not taking it very well. We'll discuss this another time sweetie so can you just drop it." My mom says, "I don't want that to happen to you because we care." Like she will ever understand what I am going through, how I feel every day looking at the family of familiar strangers I have known since the day I was born and brought into this family. Feeling empty inside without anything to ground to is crushing to say the least and no one in this family understands what that is like. Sure I am fine on the outside, I go through the motions but that is just it, they are just motions. Like a mime trapped inside the invisible box or pulling the rope I am faking everything that I am doing especially with family. I keep asking these questions hoping for an answer or something but it seems like I am trapped in a cage with no way out and the key is just out of my reach taunting me to grab it, every time I ask those questions of 'where do I come from', 'who am I', or when the doctors ask about any medical history, I have no clue on what I should say because I don't know anything about my birth family's medical history.
I get out of my thousand yard stare as I shake my head, getting up from the table with plate in hand and utensils in the glass I walk over to the sink and gently set everything down. "I'll be in my room." I say with a defeated sigh, I walk over to the fridge and grab a bottle of cola then walk up the stairs. Those same tired lines play in my head all the time, "you don't want to know that sweetie, they gave you up so we could start a family.", "you're our child not theirs so stop being difficult." Its those same old lines that are driving me to want to know more about who I am and where I come from, to know more about those people are that gave me up when I was born and why they gave me up.
I can't take this anymore, something has to give and I should know where I come from that is a basic right. I wish none of these things ever happened to me, being adopted, how I am completely different from everyone else, I don't even look like them. The hardest part about all this is how I know deep down this isn't where I am meant to be. I open the door to my room and throw the bottle of cola on my bed, looking around for anything out of place while gently closing the door behind me. As I walk over to the closet and opening the slider finding my box of random stuff in the corner that is overflowing with CD's and rolled up posters sticking out at odd angles. Digging to the bottom and throwing handfuls of CD cases out of the way I find what I am looking for, Black Bart's Private Stock.
The amber liquid swirls around as I walk over to my nightstand where I have multiple water cups stacked up over weeks of neglect. "Sweet amber liquid, take my mind away form these thoughts I have and make me numb." I say to no one while I pour out a good portion into a small plastic cup. I corked the bottle and put it under my bed for a later time, getting back up with a slight grunt and a few pops from my knees, I grab the cola laying at my pillows. Opening the cap with a quick twist hearing the cracks of the safety seal and the pressure release of the Co2 escaping, that rich caramel and vanilla smell greats my senses as I pour the dark soda in the cup a quarter filled with rum. Mixing it with my finger to get the two liquids to combine, I take a drink. "Oh, by the gods that is good." I say with a relaxing sigh.
Walking over to my guitar stand I pick up my guitar, "I need to clean you soon and get new strings." I say to myself while laying the strap over my left shoulder, finding the cable leading to my amp I plug it into my guitar. "I also need to fix that jack. So many things I need to do and no time to do them." I flip the on switch letting the tubes warm up before I flip the standby switch and start playing. I pick up my song book that is worn out on the edges from constant use, I flip to the marked page and start writing where I left off a few days ago. "Lets run through this and see if I need to make any changes." I say to myself, "2...3...4...and." I count in before playing.
*Been beaten so low down I'm about to cry yea been beaten down so low I'm lookin for the day I die.*
Singing while the rhythmic strum of sound coming form my amp sooths my mind and transports me to another realm, here I am in control. Nothing can bother me while I am zoned out doing what I love. It's like I am completely zen right now.
"Turn that GUITAR down. " My dad yells up form the Livingroom but I keep singing not hearing him in my own little world outside of reality.
*I keep tryin' to find my place but not knowin' where to start, well I've been tryin' to find my place in life and its tearing me apart seems like I fell behind right form the start.*
Not hearing the thudding footsteps coming up the stairs, my door flies open and I look up at my dad, red in the face and about to blow a gasket. "What have I told you boy! Turn that guitar down or I am going to use that as scrap firewood." I look at him with a blank expression and just wait for him to calm down and not have an aneurism.
"First off its not that loud and second, I am trying to write a song here for the battle of the bands at school I am gonna be preforming and I need to get this done." I tell my dad as if I am explaining things to my 5 year old cousin.
"I don't give a fuck if you are playing at the Canterlot Colosseum, you are in my house and you will abide by my rules now give me that guitar because it is going in the scrap pile." Dad says in a more calm voice but that didn't tone down his harsh attitude.
"You can pry this guitar from my cold dead hands if you want it that badly, I need to practice but apparently that isn't gonna happen now because I am not letting go of this guitar." I tell him as I turn my amp off and unplug the cable from the jack on my guitar, "now if you would just go back downstairs and go watch whatever you were watching on the tv and leave me the fuck alone that would be great I have a long day tomorrow and need to sleep." My dad gives me this murderous glare and if looks could kill I'd be dead at least ten times over already, he walks out of my room as I stare daggers in the back of his head. "Fuck off old man, you never did support me in my music anyways. I say under my breath as my door closed. Downing the rest of the rum cola I made, I reach under the bed grabbing my bottle of rum and pour another drink.
I woke up that morning with a hangover, head pounding so hard my vision was blurry. The alarm clock on my nightstand added to my pain as it sang the songs of its people. “Fuck me!” I moan out not wanting to get up or even move for the whole day. I grab the beeping terror and throw it on the ground, smashing it into three or four bits. Slowly, I swing my legs off the bed finding the solid ground beneath. “Ok, another day another random pain to deal with.” I mumble to myself dreading to raise my head knowing the massive headache that followed. I barely managed to get vertical, pain and dizziness racked my senses when I took that first step. Stumbling across the room I manage to get to my clothes without killing myself, I stand there on shaky legs just trying to balance.
“One leg at a time.” I say mentally preparing to bend down and slip into my jeans. With one leg down and one more to go I try to run my other leg into my pants only to be met with pain and a carpet burn on my shoulder after eating the floor. Looking around with pants around my ankles and ass in the air I find one of my guitar picks that I lost when we first moved into the house. “Neat, this day isn’t so bad after all.” I say to myself in an upbeat tone.
After I got my clothes on, packed my guitar in it’s hard case, and with amp in tow I head down the stairs to start my day. The smell of my dad’s morning coffee fills my nose and I feel more alert than I did getting out of bed. “Make me a cup please.” I say to my father who is glaring at me with that ‘I know what you’ve been doing but I won’t tell cause what you’re going through is punishment enough’ look.
“How’d you sleep last night?” He says flatly still pissed from last night, not looking at me as I make my way to the espresso machine to make that much needed pick me up to start my day.
“Like the dead, and from what you probably heard a few minutes ago I feel like the dead as well.” I shoot back my voice gravely and tired.
“Well that’s what you get son.” He says despondently.
I scoop out some coffee grounds into the group head lightly tamping down on the brown powder then reattaching it to the body of the machine. Grabbing my dark blue mug from the countertop and placing it under the spout, I turn on the espresso maker and it comes to life spilling the fresh coffee over the two openings. I inhale the sweet and bitter aroma of coffee that is filling the air once again, hearing the sputter of the machine signaling that it’s done I turn it off.
“I see you are taking your guitar to school.” Dad says between sips, “you better be working on your studies rather than focusing on playing that thing all day.”
“Like I said last night, I need to practice for the battle of the bands.” I say on auto pilot, “not to mention that this is really important to me and there’s a possibility to get a recording deal as first place prize, second place gets to play the summer festival, and third place is a $500 gift card to GuitarBrother in town, so, if I want to win any of those prizes I need to practice.”
“We’ve had this conversation over a thousand times and you still don’t listen, but I can’t force you to do anything so I am not going to give you the lecture again. My dad’s voice sounded somber as he said those same old lines to me.
“I know dad, you just want me to pass school and go to university, make a better life for myself than the one you and mom have. I’ve heard those lines before and I am going to make a better life for myself my own way, I have dreams of playing for people, making them forget about their lives for a moment and not having to worry about the stress or the daily grind. I want to move people to tears with my music have them think that everything will be alright in the end, actually do something fun with my life instead of doing what everyone else is doing; have you ever thought of that?” I retort trying not to have the venom of the multiple conversations and lectures pour through.
“I get it son, but what you’re not understanding is if you do this music thing, will that really make you happy?” My dad says with a questioning sigh.
“Yes. Come watch us preform at the battle of the bands 4 weeks from now and I will show you that I am serious about my music.” I reply with excitement, knowing that my dad is going to come watch me play.
My headache is going away as I sip the dark liquid in my mug, the sweet nectar of the gods works it’s magic as I start to wake up more. “Dad?” I ask as I contemplate the question rolling in my head.
“Yea Milo?” My dad huffs a bit while straightening up the newspaper in his hand.
“Sorry for last night, I know we fight a lot and don’t agree on much outside of sports, good music, and some political views. I want to say that I don’t mean to push everyone to their limits.” I say to him in a regretful tone.
“It’s okay Milo, I just get so frustrated by you not listening to me or your mom. Get in the car I’ll take you to school today.” My dad says to me as he sets down the news paper. I finish the coffee in my hand set the mug in the sink walk over to my gear and start for the door leading to the garage. I walk down the steps and make my way to my dad's truck, struggling to get all my gear in the small cab I set my amp in the bed by the tailgate and hope that it doesn't get damaged.
"Thank you dad for the ride to school." I tell him as we pull down the drive, "You'll come to the battle of the bands right?"
"Yea, your mother and I will support you but we also want you to have a good life a better one than we have. I just want you to succeed in life and if you already have this plan set on music then we will see where that goes, just do well in school and have a backup plan if your first plan fails." Dad says to me while placing an arm on my shoulder as a way to show his kindness.
****
Dad pulls to the front of the school and waits for me to get my amp out of the bed of the truck, "thank you for the ride dad, see you when I get home." I yell out to him as he pulls away.
"You're late Mr. Blackwood." Vice principal Luna says to me when I walk in the front doors of the school, "looks like you'll have detention after school."
"See here's the thing Luna I am not a morning person and from what I can see from those bags under your eyes, you aren't either." I say with a smart ass tone, "also I do believe I don't have a first hour class, so that would make me on time unless the school has some new policy that was implemented just now and I didn't get the memo."
"Get to class or you will have detention with me for a week." Luna says in an exasperated tone, "I don't get paid enough for this shit." She comments under her breath.
"I don't get paid at all yet I still come to school under threat of being sent to a juvenile detention center." I quip back as I make my way down the main entrance.
"Milo, you have detention for a week with me, you start on Saturday." Luna yells out, I look back at her and she is red in the face either form yelling or from me hearing what she said under her breath. Making my way down the rows of lockers not really caring if I am late or early, I hear someone approaching fast.
"Watch out!!!" Came the voice behind me, then pain and a sickening cracking sound.
"Watch where you're going you twat!" I bark, feeling pain when I try and shove who is on top of me. "My fucking hand."
Rolling in a pile of limbs and accidently copping a feel that I wasn't expecting but it was nice, "sorry." The girl says who is now straddling me. "Well, this is kinda awkward." Scratching the back of her head with a hand averting her gaze form mine.
"No shit dumbass, now get off before I freak the fuck out and throw you cross the hall." I say trying to keep my cool.
"No need to get so short with me, also stop using all that profane language because its not needed." She retorts with a huff. "My name is Rainbow Dash, but you can call me either Rainbow or Dash let me help you up."
"Thanks." I say, she grabbed my hand and that is when the searing pain started. "Let go, fuck that hurts." I pull my hand back to my chest and hold it there.
"I'll get the nurse." Rainbow says, then speeds off down the hall.
Slowly sitting up looking at my right hand, there bending at an odd angle was my pinky finger going the opposite way crossing the ring finger. "Fuck me this actually hurts, good thing this isn't on my fretting hand. Okay, time to pop it in place. "I say wincing in pain. "One....Two...…..Three." There was a sickening pop and my pinky finger was straight.
"Here he is." I hear Rainbow say to the school nurse.
"What was that sound?" Rainbow looks at me, "that wasn't your finger was it." She looks at me almost green in the face.
"Yea, I relocated my pinky while you went and got the nurse, I need a fucking drink and some pain killers, possibly a splint for my fingers." I say to the nurse and Rainbow in a deadpan tone.
Getting up I walk over to the rainbow hared girl and say, " dislocated fingers are nothing, easy fix." Placing my good hand on her shoulder, I get in close and tell her. "You are lucky that wasn't on my fretting hand, also find me at lunch I'd like to talk to you about something."
Boredom, that’s all I can think about as the clock on the wall slowly ticked on as I am stuck in the nurse’s office sitting on one of the swivel chairs thinking to myself how long does it take to find a damn finger splint. I take my guitar out of its case and start to tune it up, the nurse walks in holding a number of splints with a roll of athletic tape.
“Put your guitar down so I can work on your finger.” She says to me flatly, obviously not wanting to waste time.
I set down my guitar on the left side of the swivel chair, holding the neck with my hand so it doesn’t fall. “How long will this take?” I question.
“Not that long, I just need to see if you set your finger correctly, reset your finger if I have to, then you leave with a splint.” The nurse says unamused, her tone of voice harsh but completely warranted. “Surprisingly you set your finger correctly, seems like you are only leaving with a splint and some ibuprofen.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to set a finger.” I say flatly.
The nurse places the splint over my finger and lightly taped the metal down to secure it. “I wouldn’t remove this until you get home, wear it till you have full motion of that finger. Here’s some ibuprofen for the swelling and pain. Show this to your teachers so they know I gave you the medicine.” The nurse says as she hands me a piece of paper saying that I was at the nurses office and what she gave me, I can tell that she is trying to get me out of her office as fast as possible.
“Thanks.” I reply as I grab my guitar and throw the strap over my shoulder, not wanting to put it back in the case. I give a wave to the nurse as I walked out the door.
As I make my way down the main hall once again and looking behind me as to not get flattened, I see Rainbow leaning up against a wall waiting for someone or something. As I get closer to her she locks eyes with me, “sorry about your finger.” She says with slight embarrassment.
“It’s nothing, just be grateful that you didn’t bust up my guitar or amp.” I quickly reply the tone of my voice made her wince a little. “Later.”
“Hold on!” She barks out, “what was it that you wanted to ask me at lunch?”
“Oh, yea. Do you want to join a band?” I say with a little mirth in my voice.
“I’m already apart of the most awesome band ever. And we’re playing the battle of the bands coming up, sorry.”
“It’s all good.” I say a little defeated, “I might just do a solo act or something.”
I stand there in silence for a bit, “do you know where the music room is? I need to work on a few songs.” I ask
“Follow me, I have this first hour off so I can show you where everything is.” Rainbow says excitedly as she grabbed my hand and took off.
Not sure what was going on I thought to myself “is everyone here this hands on with new people?” As I race down the hall while my guitar is rocking on my shoulder only supported by the strap, rows of lockers and classroom doors fly by as I’m trying to hold my amp tightly. I feel my grip loosen on the handle and feel the weight of my amp slip. “Hey Rainbow slow the fuck down I’m about to loose my amp.” A call that falls on def ears apparently, we round a corner and come to the music wing of the school. Rainbow slows down from her dead sprint and I loose my amp, it lays flat on the carpeted floor with a thud and I hear the springs in the reverb chamber bounce around.
“Thank you Jesse Chambers.” I say sarcastically.
She looks at me in annoyance and says, “Anyway, here’s the music room.”
I pick my amp up off the ground and check the reverb chamber to see if it was damaged. “You’re lucky that once again my amp is not damaged.” I say to the prismatic haired girl with a biting tone.
I walk through the doors of the music room and look around. Open space not much to look at aside from a small wall to wall riser possibly for larger instruments like percussion or upright basses, I pull a chair from the corner of the room and set my amp on my right side, looking around to find an outlet to plug into. Getting my cable out of the hard case, dropping my school bag behind my amp I hand my guitar to rainbow to get the rest of my gear. I can see out of the corner of my eye that Rainbow is looking over my guitar. “Like it?” I say to her.
“It’s alright, my guitar is more awesome though.” She says with a little bit of a mocking tone.
I tune up my guitar and strum a few chords to warm my fingers to get loose, then I start to play. I hum softly as I play an Em7 chord droning on the low E and B note alternating my picking while lightly flicking my ring finger over the D note on the B string.
Siren in the distance wales out her sad lone cry, corrupting those that believe it’s lies while the world falls around me, when people act strange, I sit down to ponder are we in the final stage?
I quickly switch to the Dsus2 chord and fall down to an Asus2
Dance the razor’s edge of sanity my friend with one foot in the grave is where it will begin, tell me how does this show end.
Strumming quietly I change over to a CMaj7 and alternate between strings and adding the 9th with my pinky.
Where does this path lead when opinion turns to fact, while the truth bleeds, and the epitaph reads: here lay all we know to be challenged, questioned, and changed; but now lay in the cold ground buried and gone a thought of a bygone era forgotten to all.
I slowly gain momentum in my strumming bringing up the tempo and volume, switching from CMaj7 back to Asus2, flourishing on a Dsus2 down to the Em7 up to C7 sliding down to B7 and back up a whole step to the C7 chord, all the while my eyes are tightly shut and my face contorted into a snarl. I slow down in my strumming while playing a drone note on the low E string while sweeping the Em7 chord.
I dance the razor’s edge of sanity my friend when I lay down in my grave is where it will end, then I’ll tell you how my insanity began.
Singing the last verse with a quiet ragged voice just above a whisper I end my song with a long Em7 chord that fades being replaced by the low hum of my amp. I look around like a toddler who just woke up after falling asleep in the car then ended up in bed, not knowing what’s going on or where he’s at.
“Why are your lyrics depressing and cryptic?” Rainbow asks. “It’s just… while your playing is very good and your rhythm is on point, I don’t understand the opening verse. “Who or what is the siren and what it’s it’s cry?”
“You’re missing the big picture of my song if you’re asking about specific parts.” I say with a melancholic tone. “The siren is all of us, it’s cry is the voice of self doubt that clouds our judgement and leads people down a path that they normally wouldn’t travel. People acting strange is the reflection on how society treats itself but also the people in it, the final stage is the subtle yet rapid collapse of the society.” I explain to Rainbow as she looks at me with confusion.
“If you are worried about the collapse of society and people becoming disillusioned with reality then why not say that instead of using metaphors and phrases?” Rainbow questions, I raise an eyebrow at her as I completely underestimating her ability to compartmentalize and logically break down an explanation.
“Because if you say what you mean to someone they will take it the complete opposite way you intended the meaning to go, or they will completely reject what is being said to them because it challenges their perception of reality.” I say to her, “As for my lyrics being depressing, it’s not meant to be that way. More of a social commentary on how I see the world and myself.”
“I dance the razor’s edge of sanity my friend when I lay down in my grave is when it will end, then I’ll tell you how my insanity began.” I repeat the last verse of the song to Rainbow, “the razor is the fine line between being normal and accepted by society or ostracized, rejected and alone. It’s a glimpse into my life rather than the commentary on society but it also reflects on the society we live in as a whole wether that be here in high school or out there working for a living, my friend is just that; a friend that I lost a few years ago because she’d always say how I was insane whenever I spoke my mind or when I was getting way to heavy with simple topics.”
“So she just ended everything because you were getting too deep and philosophical with her? Rainbow asked.
“Yea, I don’t blame her for it either. She’s a good gal just didn’t like to think deeply about anything. But she’d always ask for my opinion on topics of say religion or spirituality, friendship, or just my personal thoughts that I have. I think she was fascinated by how I could dive so deeply into such a simple question.” I tell her while looking off in the distance past Rainbow Dash. “She asked me something about society and people one time, I gave my thoughts and opinion on how society and the people that make it up are very contradictory in the sense of setting standards, what is important, and what drama to follow.”
“So why did she stop being your friend?” Rainbow asked again.
“Because she didn’t like to think for herself, Id tell her that nothing that she thought matters, really matters; to think for herself and draw her own conclusions.” I say with a more defeated tone than before. “Then one day she said that she doesn’t like me and that I am way to deep with everything.”
Rainbow stood there looking confused. “And that’s the look she gave me the last time I saw her.” I say.
“If she didn’t want to accept you for who you are then she wasn’t really your friend.” Rainbow said to me in a deadpan tone. “But you on the other hand really cared for her and wanted her to be the best she could be in the end right?”
“Yea, some people don’t get that because a lot of people see me as the fool but when I speak up or speak out on a topic then they get scared of my insight on topics that are brought up.” I tell her while looking down at my guitar, I strum lightly while thinking of my next response to her question. “I know more than I let on and speak to the point or be still, a lot of people don’t like that especially if all they’ve known is soft language and candy coated responses.”
“That’s lame.” Rainbow says annoyed “I want people to give it to me straight rather than give me a run around.”
I adjust my guitar a bit while sitting up a bit in my chair. “Wanna play a bit together?” I ask wanting to change the topic.
“Yea, let me just get my guitar real quick.” Rainbow says enthusiastically as she bolts over to the wall to wall riser by a blue drum kit. Grabbing a dark blue guitar that looks like a cross between a Z-body and a Parker fly with an Indian Laurel fretboard and custom gold pearl lightning bolt inlays. An interesting guitar style, a bit to flashy for my taste but just like people instruments have their own style, voice, and soul.
Rainbow hauls over an amp and plugs it into the outlet and gets everything ready on her end. “What type of music do you play?” I ask.
“Mostly just my own style I don’t really know any music terms or anything like that, but I can keep time fairly well. What about you, what style do you play mostly?” She asks.
“My own style, mainly inspired by blues, early prog rock, and classic rock. Growing up listening to whatever my dad put on the radio and what I could find in his vinyl collection.” I reply, “his generation had some of the best music as far as actual bands and guitar playing.”
“Right on! I got into my mom’s old vinyl and absolutely fell in love with those old bands she listens to.” Rainbow exclaims. “The riffs and solos are amazing.”
I nonchalantly pull out my weed pen from my breast pocket and take a puff or two to get right and hold it between my index and middle finger while I start a warmup.
“What’s that smell?” Rainbow asks trying to find the source of the sweet smell of my weed pen.
“This.” I say holding up the device that is between my fingers. “Wanna try it?”
“What is it?” She asks looking at me.
“A weed pen, I know not allowed at school but it’s better than going outside and finding a secluded place to roll a number.” I say as I toss it over to her.
Rainbow catches the pen and looks it over and tosses it back to me. “Nah man, why are you doing drugs, you know they’re bad for you.” She says in a serious tone.
I take a long hit off it and try to reply while holding in the vapor. “This isn’t a drug.”
“It is too a drug!” She half yells at me.
“Is not!” I yell back like a child. “Let’s play cause I am getting a good buzz and would like to see your style.”
Rainbow looks at me like I’ve lost my mind trying to wrap her head around why I would do something like this. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine now let’s jam.”
The unexpected crash of a cymbal rang out in the music room as Rainbow Dash was eyeing me with suspicious confusion. I quickly turn my head towards the noise and behind the blue drum kit sat a girl with big curly hair and an impossibly giant smile.
“Gahh! Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash yelped in surprise.
“Sorry.” The frizzy pink haired girl said with a sheepish smile. “It looked like you were gonna play something so I decided to join in on the fun.”
“What the fuck, how did you get in here without me seeing you?” I asked more perplexed and amazed of the girl’s stealth than her actually being in the room without me noticing.
“Anyways… you wanna join in on this slowly progressing jam session?” I say as I rummage in my bag to grab a harmonica cradle and one of the many harmonicas in my school bag.
“Yes. 2….3…4…” The girl counted out while opening and closing the hi-hat in time with her shouting.
My guitar sang out a muddy slow rhythm that plunked along to the beat of the drums, the backbeat narrow and smooth like a fine whiskey. I look over to Rainbow and she’s looking at me and wondering how I changed styles that quickly.
“Key of G Rainbow.” Pinkie yells out.
“Are you gonna sing or just play?” She yells at me over the sound of the slow deep southern delta blues coming from from my guitar and the dull thuds coming from the kick drum.
“Yea give Rainbow a few more bars to catch up.” I yell back.
Well here I am dyin’ inside tryin to find out how long I can survive another day in this life. But I’m biting my gun and loaded up for fun, to see if I can take my own life.
Rainbow looks at me wide eyed as she heard the first verse. Not knowing if she should be concerned for me or just let the song play out. “Don’t worry, just watch me and listen.” I yell out to her, “this song is dark but listen closely to the lyrics.”
Every day it’s getting harder to stand as I drown out my sorrows with whiskey. And all the people around me say it’s gonna be alright, yet they don’t know how broken down I am just trying to survive.
I strum a bit harder to build up the pressure of the song, then dial it back to add in a short harmonica solo getting myself ready for the taxing vocal part of the chorus. Closing my eyes in pain from my pinkie finger I yell out as I back away from the harmonica to set up for the next few lines of my song. My voice coming out as if I have gravel in my throat when I sing that first line of the chorus.
But I won't be standing for long cause death she calls my name, try as I might nothing seems to take away this pain. All my life I've been broken inside; numb, alone, and done; with this game we all play. But I am told to just hold on for a while, to bare it with a smile, to find a purpose in life, but I don’t think I’ll see that day come when suicide will be my sacrifice.
Opening my eyes and looking around seeing that pinkie has stopped playing and is looking at the doorway. I stop playing as a hand rests on my right shoulder. Cold is all I feel from the hand, it’s like someone doesn’t have good circulation and their hands are always cold.
“Looks like death has come for me cause I can feel her icy hand dragging me to her hall beyond the river slidr.” I say in a calm voice accepting my last moments.
“What?” I hear Vice principal Luna’s voice behind me.
“You know, the goddess that looks after the dead and takes them in her hall surrounded by their ancestors and folk, this is basic Norse mythology.” Pinkie says.
I look at her surprised that she knows what I was talking about. “So you know of the goddess Hel and her role as the caretaker of the dead.” I ask her.
With a neck braking nod pinkie confirms. “She is the daughter of Loki who is one of the gods that I have on my alter at home.”
“That explains a lot.” I reply back.
“Enough of this talk about gods and death. Milo my office now.” Luna demands with stern authority grabbing my arm.
“Hold on Lulu. Let me get my things.” I tell Luna as I am unceremoniously dragged up and out of my chair.
I can hear pinkie giggling as I am struggling to get my amp and case. “Dashie look after my guitar for me.” I say to her, as I grab her by the shoulders and get close to whisper in her ear, “but if I find one scratch or anything out of place with my guitar or amp you’re paying for it.” Growling the last words to Rainbow Dash I see her visibly shrink down in her chair. “Alrighty then, now let’s get off.” I say to Luna as I head out the door with my school bag over my shoulder.
“What just happened?” Rainbow said as the doors closed, looking over to Pinkie with a confused look.
“I don’t know, but I didn’t know that Milo knew about the Norse gods!” Pinkie exclaimed while jumping up.
“I wonder what will happen to him, hopefully Vice Principal Luna won’t come down on him that hard.” Rainbow said with a little worry in her voice.
“He’ll be fine, he has a Mjöllnir pendant on. And if my hunch is correct, and it usually is then there’s nothing to worry about.” Pinkie said with complete calm in her voice.
***
“So Vice Principal Luna, what is this about?” I ask not knowing what’s going on and why I am sitting on a black leather couch in shaded office of the vice principal.
“Well for one you are serving detention remember from this morning for what you said.” Luna responded, her words cold and sharp like an axe blade. “The second reason is I want to talk to you about why you skipped two of your classes and you’ll be helping me with some paperwork that the student council gave me this morning.”
“Can I ask you something Vice principal Luna?” Speaking up over the sounds of shuffling papers and pen scribblings.
“Go ahead Mr. Blackwood.” Luna says focusing on the task at hand.
“Where’s the sign up sheet for the battle of the bands and do I have to be apart of a band to take part?” I ask with a small tone still taking in the office of the vice principal. “Only reason I ask is that I’ve only been here about a month, I have no clue what’s going on and no one cared to explain it to me.”
No response, I look over to Vice principal Luna and see she is buried in papers trying to get everything organized. “So… do I have to be apart of a band or can I do a solo act?” I ask again.
“Either is fine.” She says absentmindedly at my question. “Just show up for the auditions after school today. Also here are some papers that need to be filed away, just organize them on the table in front of you and if you need help just ask.”
She waves a stack of papers above her head with her free hand. I get up from the couch and grab the stack so I can get to work. “Fuck this is gonna take a while.” I say under my breath.
Time seems to drag on with the dim lighting and cool atmosphere of Luna’s office making it hard to tell what time it really is. Having my head buried in stacks of papers and my back hunched over makes for a very uncomfortable time. I look up to see Luna reclining behind her desk, the faint smell of something sweet yet heavy fills my senses.
“I know that smell.” I say absentmindedly.
“Did you say something Mr. Blackwood?” Luna says curiously
“Just my inner monologue bypassing the filter again, but I do smell something, it’s almost sickly sweet but not as pungent like normal.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The vice principal says a bit too quickly.
“No, it’s defiantly there, but partially masked by chocolate. I’d recognize that smell anywhere.” I tell her.
Getting up to investigate further and to stretch my back out a bit, walking over to Luna’s desk and sniffing the air like a blood hound that found a scent.
“I won’t tell if you wont.” I say with a coquettish tone. “Besides everyone needs to get right now and then. Just chalk it up to stresses of the job.”
I turn to Luna, a coy smirk plastered on my face. “But what you do with your time is not my business, mind if I partake of my own?”
“If my sister finds out about this so help me Mr. Blackwood, you will have detention with me for the rest of the semester.” Luna looks at me with a furious expression.
“Threaten me with a good time then?” I say offhandedly.
“Inappropriate Mr. Blackwood.” The vice principal responds with that same cold tone.
“Milo.” I say flatly, “Mr. Blackwood seems too formal for me, not that I don’t like my last name… it’s just… there’s something about the way you say it that makes me, how do I put it; it makes me feel alienated.”
“Oh, and why’s that?” Luna questions.
“I don’t want to get into that long involved story, that loss is still fresh.” I respond with barely any emotion in my voice.
Taking out the weed pen from my pocket and putting it to my lips I inhale a long steady draw. Luna looks at me with an eyebrow raised, I look at her and offer her the pen.
“You know that you’re not allowed to have that on school property right.” She says dismissively.
“Yea, just like those brownies you keep in the bottom drawer of your desk, nice job masking it with chocolate and lavender by the way.” I reply jovially.
“Fair point. Wait, how did you know they were in the bottom drawer!” Luna pouts.
“I have that same desk at my house and that’s where I keep my stash.” I tell her with a dopey smile on my face. “Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.”
“So why don’t you like to be called Mr. Blackwood.” Luna asks, trying to pry.
“Get comfortable Lulu if you really want to know.” I say with a monotone voice, tired of where this is going already.
“I had this friend at my last school, acted a lot like you in most ways. Really held herself with this regal manner kinda like she was an upper class society type, she’d always call me Mr. Blackwood or the variant of my name Miles.” I tell Luna, getting that far off look in my eyes as I recall the memories of the last year.
The bell for class chimed but I didn’t pay any attention to it as I sat on the corner of Luna’s desk telling her my story. Luna puts a hand on my shoulder as I wrap up.
“So it was beginning of summer break and she asks me this question, ‘if I were gone tomorrow would you come for me?’ I didn’t know what she meant until the beginning of this school year and after I transferred. She died a month before we moved here to Canterlot and that question still lingers on my mind.” I wipe a tear from my eye and place my hand on the Mjöllnir under my shirt. “She gave me this and told me that the gods will keep me safe in my travels and to never forget her.” I pull the Mjöllnir out from under my shirt and hold it up.
“Sorry to hear that Milo.” Luna says with sorrow.
“After the wake I got this to remind me of her.” I say while pulling the collar of my T-shirt down my chest revealing a tattoo with her name and a quote. ‘Britany 1996-2013’. “No matter the distance, you will always be with me.”
Luna looks between the Mjöllnir and my tattoo, she looks into my eyes, tears forming at the corners of hers. I release my shirt straightening it out some. “That day was one of the hardest days, knowing that she’s really gone but knowing her she’s with her folk telling tales of her life and being looked after.” I choke out.
“You wanna get some lunch?” I ask Luna, “cause I’m only running on coffee and some toast from this morning.”
“Tha—“ she starts to say before her door opens.
“Sorry to burst in here like this vice principal Luna but I have his guitar and amp, I wanted to drop these off before I head to lunch.” Rainbow says while gesturing towards me with her head.
“Set my guitar on the couch and the amp on the ground please.” I ask the rainbow haired girl.
“There’s that smell again, are you using that pen thingy!” Rainbow raises her voice at me. A scowl present on her face with anger in her eyes. “I told you that drugs are bad for you dude, why are you doing this to yourself?”
“Well you should have seen me last night; drunk, I was dead drunk.” I tell Rainbow as I look directly at her, locking my deep brown eyes with her vibrant magenta ones. “You really wanna know why I do drugs and drink?”
Rainbow looks at me as I step closer to her, a somewhat crazed look on my face and a deep sadness in my eyes. Luna stands up letting the chair hit the wall behind her and carefully watches this interaction play out to see if I do anything. Getting closer and closer to the rainbow haired girl, my shoes shuffling on the carpeted floor like something is forcing me to walk. “I drink because it numbs my pain.” I let out with forced breath. Still shuffling my feet like a man possessed.
“Tha—“ Rainbow tried to say but being cut off by the hand I placed on her shoulder.
“I do drugs to feel something, anything. Do you know what it’s like to be a shadow in your own home?” My voice turning low and gravelly, “do you know what it feels like to be alone, truly alone. Do you wake up every day surrounded by people who don’t even look like you even though by law you are related to them, or that you have so many questions about who you are and why you look so different from everyone in your family but get the runaround because your parents ‘know what’s best’ for you. Do you know what if fucking feels like to not have a voice or to be taken seriously?!?!” My voice rising in volume as my hand squeezes Rainbow Dash’s shoulder harder and harder as I trail off listing example after example of what it’s like at home and ultimately the reason why I do what I do.
“Ah– stop squeezing my shoulder it’s starting to hurt.” Rainbow says to me but her pained expression is lost.
“Do you know what it’s like! Do you know what it’s like to have a part of you feel like an empty void?!? Waking up day in and day out just wanting to die because you realize nothing fucking matters, realizing the only good thing in your life is fucking gone forever and all you have is this and her lingering words repeating over and over in your head.” My voice manic matching the pained expression on my face, eyes filled with pain and regret. My free hand reaches into my shirt to pull out the Mjöllnir around my neck. “The weight of her last gift constantly reminding you of her never coming back!!!”
Luna walks over calmly and removes my hand from Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Enough Mr. Blackwood.”
“Sorry Britt, I think I went too far this time.” I say barely above a whisper. “I’m getting lunch, my offer still stands if you care to join Lulu.” I force my hand from Luna’s grasp and walk past Rainbow Dash, my shoulder checking hers as I make for the door.
“What was that about?” Rainbow says to Luna while rubbing her shoulder, “why’d he go off like that?”
“Loss can have a deep lasting effect on some people Miss. Dash, did you see the necklace he pulled out?” Luna inquired.
“Yea, what does that have to do with anything?” Rainbow huffed, “he went too far squeezing my shoulder like that.”
“I’m not saying you’re wrong don’t let this put you off, Mr. Blackwood is in pain but it isn’t my place to tell you why if he wants to tell you he will.” Luna retorts. “Go to lunch, I’ll look after Mr. Blackwood’s things.”
The cafeteria was bustling and the loud din of students filled the air, moving past groups of students sitting at the tables conversating about their plans for the weekend or what the latest gossip was around school. Not caring who I bumped into on my way to the chow line, too emotionally drained to even think at this point some one shoulder checks me hard enough that I loose my balance.
“Watch where you’re going you stupid fuck!” Someone says off to my left. I turn to face him and see that he’s a good few inches taller than I am, even though I stand about five foot six and fairly muscular from working construction jobs with my dad.
“How bout you fuck off you pretentious twat.” I say back to him, my words dripping with venom. Mad dogging him as he squares up on me, broadening his shoulders making the letter jacket strain.
“What’d you say bitch.” The jock says trying to intimidate me.
“You heard me motherfucker, fuck off you pretentious twat.” I repeat myself emphasizing what I previously said.
“John don’t he’s not worth it.” One of the girls behind him says, trying to deescalate the situation by grabbing his shoulder.
“Having your girl fight for you Johnny boy? Thought someone like you wouldn’t hide behind his old lady but I’ve been wrong before.” I say reaching into my backpack searching for the flask pocket I sewed onto the flap, finding what I’m looking for I unscrew the cap and take a swill of the whiskey in the stainless steel container, screwing the cap back on, placing it back into my bag I look at John seeing if he will make the first move.
“Come on Johnny boy if you’re lookin for a fight then I’m game mate.” I say to him as the whiskey burns my throat and gives me a good warm rush that spreads through my stomach. “Cause right now I see two cunts and smell only one, you can argue who has the sme—“ I couldn’t finish my thought before John punched me in the jaw.
“Fuck me, solid hit mate.” I say as I rub my jaw
I lunge at him and deliver a punch to his stomach, John let out groan as he held his stomach bent over trying to get his breath. I grab the back of his head and bring my knee up to connect with his face, hearing a sickening crack as his nose breaks against my knee, I strike again and again. Blood stained my jeans at the knee from the repetitive strikes.
“Ahh, my nose. You broke my fucking nose.” John cries out in pain.
He stumbles back holding his face as blood pours down. I take a step forward and throw punches to his midsection and face, falling to the floor spread out unable to get up. I kneel down grabbing the jacket, “are you done?”
By now there’s a crowd standing around, looking on in horror, some students have their phones out taking videos and pictures of the fight. John connects a punch to my face hitting my eye. “Apparently not.” I say as I grip his jacket tighter forcing his torso up and bringing my head down on his already shattered nose, “done now you fucking cunt.”
Another strike to my face, this time to the nose, blood pours down my mouth as I slam my head back down, again and again and again, my long dread mixed braid whipping forward and back while the ends were getting covered in blood from the boy’s face. While blood covered my forehead and dripped down my face letting out a feral yell As I smashed my head down once more connecting with the battered face of the boy beneath me. Getting up I run my hands from my jaw up my face and through the hair on top of my head straightening out the hairs that got loose from the fight. Small drops of blood mixed with sweat trickled down the shaved sides of my head. Getting up and looking around at the students holding their phones and quietly whispering to each other, the cafeteria was deathly quiet, I picked up my flask from the top of my bag unscrewed the top taking a long swill before walking to get some food. I step up to the chow line and grab a pre made sandwich from behind the plexiglass turning around and heading back the way I came with lunch in hand, a student with a teacher comes through the doors of the cafeteria. Slowly walking past the group of students huddled around John I look down at him, face a bloody mess but still breathing at least he’s sitting up unaware of where he’s at.
“Come with me, now.” The teacher says as he lays a hand on my shoulder. “You’re in big trouble son.”
“Don’t touch me, I’ll follow you to wherever you’re taking me but don’t touch me.” I reply my voice weak and gravely.
“Very well, you’re going to Celestia’s office now follow me.” He says, I look at him and nod my head in acknowledgement.
Exiting the cafeteria we walk down the hall past the classrooms and lockers lining each side. He looks back at me checking if I am still there, his face holds a scowl as if he’s pissed at the world, the dulling golden hair atop his head contrasting with the gray stubble on his face, the creases on his forehead between his brow remind me of my father’s disappointing gaze. We passed the trophy case in the main entrance, turning left down another hallway towards the admin office. Stopping at a door with frosted wire glass and the painted name of principal Celestia on the lower half with bold lettering on the top saying: ADMINISTRATION.
“Wait out here and don’t wonder off.” The teacher says with a short tone as he looks down at me while knocking on the door. Waiting for a few seconds before a voice on the other side replies.
“Come in.” Principal Celestia says.
Opening the door, we step through and Principal Celestia motions me to have a seat. What can I help you with Mr. Roberts?” She says in a chipper voice looking at the teacher that brought me into her office.
“Well Principal Celestia, this one was fighting a student and beat him badly then walked off got lunch like nothing happened.” Mr. Roberts said as he motioned a hand in my direction.
Celestia looks me over and seeing the black eye that was forming on my face along with a bruise on my jaw, the dried blood on my nose and mouth as well as in my hair. Reeling back and covering her mouth in shock as she takes in the full extent of my face, “what happened?” She asks me trying to remain calm at the sight.
“Well I was walking up to the chow line, this guy shoulder checks me, words were exchanged, fists were thrown and I ended it by smashing my head down on his already broken nose to get him to back off. Don’t worry he’s not dead or anything but might have a slight concussion.” I say while looking at Principal Celestia, my eyes never breaking from hers.
“That’s…why would… I don’t even know what to say to that. Mr. Blackwood do you know that fighting on school grounds is an immediate suspension.” Celestia says to me, that motherly tone turning a bit cross.
“I’ve been through this before, so yes I do. But might I add that I was minding my own and defending myself he threw the first punch, I just finished the fight. Also can I wash up first?” I tell the principal, “I’ve got blood all over my face, my eye is swollen shut, and there’s blood in my hair.”
“Sure, Mr. Blackwood, go to the locker room and wash up I’ll have my sister to escort you there and back.” Celestia says while getting up and motioning to the door. “And Mr. Blackwood, don’t think about skipping out on your punishment.”
“I know, I must face what corrupt justice the school has for me.” I say while unwrapping the sandwich in my hand. “Oh, by the way Tia, I prefer to go by Milo. Mr. Blackwood brings up some memories that I’d rather not re-live. If you ask Lulu about it she’ll tell you.”
Standing in the hall outside the admin’s office while eating my sandwich not paying attention to my surroundings, a girl with fiery red hair and streaks of gold walks past. I look up to see who’s coming down the hall only to be floored by what I see. “Britt?” I say in a low voice.
Walking to catch up to the girl I put my hand on her shoulder spinning her around and giving her a massive hug. “Britt, I thought I lost you.” I say with a shaky voice holding the girl tight in my grasp.
“Who are you and why are you hugging me?” The fiery haired girl says in my ear, I pull back and look at her.
“Britt it’s me, Milo.” I say with worry in my voice. “Don’t you remember?”
“Why are you calling me Britt, my name is Sunset Shimmer and stop hugging me it’s getting weird.” She says as she lightly shoved me back.
“Sorry you look like a friend I lost a while back, fuck this is awkward now. My name is Milo Blackwood by the way.” I say while scratching the back of my head trying not to look more a fool than I already am.
“It’s fine, weird that it happened but fine.” Sunset says. “Also weren’t you the one that beat down that guy in the lunch room?”
“He threw the first punch all I did was end the fight.” I reply. “Sorry again for the mix up I really did think you were someone else.”
“You’re fine, sure it caught me off guard but no harm no foul.” Sunset says with a bright tone and a smile.
“You just look so much like her except her eyes were this deep emerald green with hints of blue, and she carried herself like a princess. I see a lot of that in you with how you walk, just like her.” I say, sorrow and regret coming through in my voice.
Luna walks up beside us and places a hand on my shoulder, looking down at me with a mix of understanding. “Well Milo, let’s get you cleaned up and then you’re spending the rest of the day with me as punishment.”
“Threatening me with a good time again Lulu?” I say.
Sunset’s jaw hits the floor as she hears the words leave my mouth. “She’s the vice principal of our school at least have some respect.” Sunset scolds.
“Oh lighten up, if Luna feels uncomfortable with how I talk to her she’s tell me, right Luna?” I retort, looking at Sunset then to Luna, who just nods her head in acknowledgement of my question. “Now I need to clean this dried blood off my face and change my shirt, good day Sunset and may the gods watch over you.”
I look to Luna with a melancholic expression, “let’s go please, I’d like to clean up a bit.”
Making my way to my gym locker, footsteps echoing in the locker room. The jangle of keys and the metal clunk as the lock opened, taking the lock out of the hole and opening the locker I set my towel on the small bench behind me. Unbuttoning the soft acid washed grey denim shirt, I look over the blood on the front. “Well there goes my favorite shirt.” I say to myself, the slight reverb of the room making my voice sound lower than it actually is as I set my shirt down on the bench I start taking off everything else. Making my way over to the showers the sound of bare feet plodding on the tile and the short sputter as water made it through the shower head as I turned on the water. Putting my head under the stream, letting the blood wash down my face and body I run my hands through my hair trying to wash out everything.
“Milo hurry up.” Luna yells into the locker room. I don’t hear anything except the high pitched ring in my ears, looking off into space letting the warm water hit my head as I am lost in the memory of the last time I saw Brittany.
**
“So Mr. Blackwood looks like the school year has come and gone, any plans for the summer holiday?” Brittany asks me as we walk down the main hall of the jr. high. Her long blond hair slightly bobbing back and forth beneath the single braid that runs across the back of her head. She looks up at me with a small smile and places her arm around my right one.
“Oh you know Britt, work with my dad and possibly a holiday to see my grandparents. Would you like to come with this time, I’m sure my parents would allow it.” I say to her as I sneak my right hand out of her grasp and place it around her waist pulling her close.
“Not here Mr. Blackwood, people are watching.” Brittany says, as she turns and buried her face in my chest making me stop. “Later, when you walk me home okay?”
“As you wish.” I reply as I kiss her forehead softly.
She looks up at me and backs away slowly and turns around calling over her shoulder. “Follow if you’d like Miles, otherwise stop staring it’s unbecoming of my closest friend.”
“As you wish.” I reply as I take a few strides to catch up with her. “Do you want to come over to my place later and just relax, maybe watch some tv or something?”
“I’ll call you, but I do have to get going my parents are waiting.” She says as we make our way out the entrance of the school. “One more thing Mr. Blackwood.”
She runs ahead a few paces and turns on a heel, reaching into the front of her dress pulling out her Mjöllnir, taking it off. She curls her finger begging me to come to her. “Take this to remember me by, I’ve had this for a long time and I want you to have it. It’s Mjöllnir, Thor’s hammer wear this and I will always be with you and in return Thor will give you the strength to overcome anything you set your mind to.” She says as she gets up on her top toes to place it around my neck. I bend down some as she wraps her arms behind my neck and fastens the clasp. “If I were to go away tomorrow, would you come for me?”
“I would follow you anywhere Britt, you know this.” I tell her as I pick her up and kiss her. Letting her down she looks up at me a blush on her face, her freckles seem to pop in the noonday sun. Bending my head to whisper in her ear, “I love you Brittany and nothing will stop me from doing so, not even death it’s self.”
“When your time comes I will be waiting for you in Hel’s hall my love but be strong and live for me.” Brittany says to me her forehead on mine tears in her eyes. “I will miss you Miles Blackwood, may the gods be with you on your journey through this life.” Kissing me lightly while pulling away.
**
“Mr. Blackwood.” I hear a whisper in the distance.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts, I turn off the shower and peek around the corner of the shower area to see Luna standing by my gym locker. Clutching the Mjöllnir around my neck I step out into the open, “what is it Lulu?” I say before I shook my hair out, the dread and braid whipping my face and neck as I do so.
“What the fuck Mr. Blackwood put some clothes on now!” Luna shrieks and covers her eyes.
Placing a hand over my bits, I walk past Luna grabbing the towel on the bench. “Is that a blush I see on your face Lulu.” I say wrapping the towel across my waist. Looking over to Luna who looks like an over ripe cherry tomato, “see I’ve got the towel covering my twig and berries.”
I slip into my underwear and get my gym shorts out of the locker, letting the towel drop to the floor. “Luna I’m covered, what is it that made you come in here?” I say.
Luna turns around still that over ripe cherry tomato red covering her face and gasps. “How’d you get those scars on your chest?”
“I’ve had these since the accident, I was lay up in the hospital for about 3 months.” I say pointing to the scar that ran from my right collarbone to right under my left pec my tattoo sitting just outside the scar on my right pec. “I was working with my dad and the hole hog slipped and went from my collarbone down my chest, I broke 2 ribs.”
“When was that?” Luna asks as she moves closer.
“A few weeks after the wake. You can see some of the lettering got scarred over.” I say while pointing to the blurry faded letters of my tattoo. The Mjöllnir laying in the center of my chest, beads of water dripping down my front I feel Luna’s hand trace the scar with her fingers.
“And this one?” Luna says as she raises her hand to my right shoulder. Looking over the various scars on my body completely enthralled by how much damage my body has taken over the years.
“The first time I met Brittany. I scared her pretty badly and she stabbed me with a pencil. After that she was by my side till she passed in a car accident.” I told Luna, my voice getting low.
The pain coming back to my eyes, grabbing her tightly I lightly sobbed “I miss her so much Luna. Seeing sunset in the hallway outside your sister’s office threw me off, she could be her doppelgänger. My arms wrapped around her waist and head buried on the top of her shoulder, her small frame taking a considerable weight from mine.
“Why’d she have to die Luna, why?” I sob out in pain, I feel Luna hold me tighter.
“It’s ok Milo, it’s gonna be okay.” I hear Luna say softly, her breath tickling my ear. “Let’s go back to my office and if you want to talk about it we can.”
“Thank you Lulu.” I say as I raise my head, moving my hands up her sides to hold her head, lightly kissing her forehead. “Let me get my gym clothes on and I’ll meet you out in the hall.
Luna’s chest was pounding as she stood out in the hall as her thoughts went wild. That little voice in her head piped up whispering sweet nothings to her, “you should help him, he’s in pain over the loss of someone he held close. You could fill that void for your student.”
“No, Milo doesn’t need that confusion right now, he’s going through a massive loss. I can only be there to comfort him and listen it wouldn’t be right to do that.” Luna’s inner monologue replies.
The voice in her head huffs, “I know you Luna, for you are me and I am you. I know you got aroused by your student being vulnerable with you. How he held your waist and ran his hands up your sides only to lightly kiss your forehead. You can’t deny it, you saw his toned body when he walked out of the showers and his bits as well.”
“Lulu…Luna, anyone home?” I say as I wave a hand in front of her face but not getting a response.
“We’ll only one thing to do then.” I say to myself before I lower my body into a squat and grab Luna around the waist, lifting up and hoisting her over my right shoulder. “Come on space cadet.”
“Oh how you blushed when you saw it, you wanted to feel everything didn’t you?” Her inner voice cried out mockingly.
“I swear if you don’t stop right now I’ll lock you away like I did the last time.” Luna said out loud, looking around seeing that she was lightly bobbing and facing backwards. “What’s happening!?!” She said in a panic flailing her arms and legs trying to get on her feet only to be held in place by her student’s arm firmly on her hips.
“Settle down Lulu or I’m gonna drop you if you keep flailing like that.” I tell her, as I swing her down in my arms carrying her bridal style. My arms across her back and right above her knee on the underside of her thighs, my hands gripping her firmly. My mind wanders back to when I carried Britt like this only to be snapped out of my daze by a hand on my chest and a light moan.
“Mr. Blackwood put me down people are staring and it’s embarrassing.” Luna says in a quiet tone.
“I’ve got a plan, don’t worry about it just hold on till we get to your office.” I tell her quietly.
She looks up at me blushing even harder, if that was even possible. “Don’t worry, she twisted her ankle pretty bad and I’m taking her to the nurses office.” I say loudly as to draw everyone’s attention if they weren’t already looking at me carrying the vice principal in my arms.
“See nothing to worry about.” I say as I walk down the hallway exiting the athletic wing.
Luna looked as if her face was going to melt from the public embarrassment. “This is completely inappropriate Mr. Blackwood what if my sister sees this, she’d tease me for weeks.” Luna huffs quietly.
“Oh get off it Lulu, lol. Like I said I have this under control and besides with how red your face is and how much you’re protesting I’d say this right here is adorable.” I tell her as I turn the corner heading to the administration hall. “Besides you haven’t been struggling, but your breath is getting a bit heavy.” Looking her in the eyes as I give her a playful smile as I lightly pinch her, feeling the padding of her bra. A small gasp escapes Luna’s lips as I reach the door to her office. Turning the knob and laying her on the couch.
“You know you want to, he was basically feeling you up while carrying you.” The voice in Luna’s head piped in, “I hope he doesn’t smell that in the air.”
Luna scowls at her inner thoughts tormenting her. “You ok Lulu, I didn’t melt your brain carrying you.” I say as I sit in Luna’s chair behind her desk, my feet propped up on the top as I recline back taking a puff from my weed pen.
“Mr. Blackwood, what you did was embarrassing and inappropriate to say the least. Get your feet down off my desk right now.” Luna says with a cold tone while getting up from the couch and a scowl plastered on her face.
“You can’t stay mad at him, remember what he’s going through. Think about how it felt when he was carrying you, you haven’t felt like that in a long time.” Her in we voice came back, “I know you want to, why not indulge a little bit.”
“Stop this right now!” Luna shouts, fists clenched and eyes screwed tightly shut as a tear runs down her cheek.
“You okay Luna?” I ask my voice stating flat, bringing my feet down from her desk and getting up to walk over to her.
“Just stop.” Luna says in a ragged voice. “Stop.”
“Fighting some inner demons I see.” I ask Luna who is slightly trembling.
I walk over to her and place a hand on her shoulder trying to get her to sit down again. “Tell me what’s going on. You helped me now let me help you.”
“No, just let me be Mr. Blackwood. You don’t know what I’m going through.” Luna chokes out a sob.
“You’re right, I don’t know what you’re going through but I also have some demons that torture my mind. Just before school started I tried to take my life.” I said to her in a quiet voice, wiping the tears from her eyes. Straining my neck to my left shoulder to show Luna a scar that ran along my collar. “I tried to hang myself a month after Britt’s wake.”
Luna still had her eyes screwed shut. “Luna Look at me!” I commanded in a harsh gravely voice almost like a bark. “See this scar right here.” I say softly again as I take her hand and trace it across my neck. “That was from the rope I tied to the metal bar in my closet to hang clothes, my adoptive mom found me blue in the face hanging limp while my legs were locked out in front of me to where I couldn’t get up if I tried, I had accepted what I was doing just so I could be free of this pain.”
Luna still running her fingertips on my scar, her soft fingers dancing around the raised edges by my jaw. “I woke up in the hospital strapped down to the bed while my adoptive family was gathered around praying to their god that I would make it. I freaked out from being restrained which set off the heart monitor and freaked everyone out, now looking back on that incident it’s funny to me.” I say with a dark chuckle at the end of my story. “I know you close yourself off from everyone with that cold outwardly gaze. What’s going on Lulu?”
“Yo….you really want to know?” Luna says as her voice trembles a bit.
I nod my head pulling her into a loose hug, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and head. “Yes I want to know. You are the only one I’ve opened up to about what I’ve been through and the pain I am in. I’d like to be here for you like you were for me in the locker room.” I whisper through her hair.
She wraps her arms around my torso grasping tightly at the back of my shirt. Softly crying into my chest. The door opens quietly and Celestia pops her head in, “is this a good time?” She says in a hushed tone.
I look over Luna and shake my head signaling that it isn’t a good time. “She’s going through some stuff, just let her cry it out Tia.” I say softly, the door closes again and I turn back to Luna
“Was that my sister?” Luna says between sobs. I stroke her head lightly trying to calm her down.
“Yea, I told her that we are working some stuff out and to give us some time.” I tell her, my shirt becoming wet from tears. I sit with Luna in my arms waiting for her to gather the courage to tell me about her inner demons that have been keeping her at an arms length with everyone.
“You ready to talk about it now?” I ask releasing my arms from Luna’s shoulders, looking down at her with a light smile and warm tone.
She nods slowly, I can see some hesitation as she tries to straighten up. Wiping her eyes clear and turning towards me. “It’s my sister, everyone loves her. They ask her to solve their problems or invite her to sit with them at lunch. And she is always perfect too not doing anything wrong, always showing me up.” Luna says with venom in her voice. “It’s not fair, she even flaunts that she’s in a relationship, and she never sees how that effects me. It’s like she has to be the main character and I’m just in the background.”
“I see, I know how that is cause my brother does the same thing. Is it annoying, yes, does it hurt, all the time. I know that same pain Luna, it’s not easy seeing everyone be happy while being so immersed in pain.” I say relating to my own experience. “I offered to have lunch with you, because I see that you want to be seen. So I am telling you that I see you Luna, I know your pain and I know how hard it can be.”
“Aww. He’s being so supportive, you should see where this goes.” That inner voice taunts and pushes.
“No one has ever seen me for me Mr. Blackwood.” Luna says with relief in her voice. “Thank you.”
Luna leans into me and wraps her arms around my torso again, running her hands down my back and lightly kissing my chest. She slips her hands under my shirt and runs her hands over my back, “you have another scar on your back.” Luna says softly muffled by her face buried in my chest.
“I have many scars and stories behind them, now isn’t the time for that story.” I say lightly
“He’s showing you so much affection right now, being so intimate, holding you close, and genuinely caring for you.” Luna’s inner voice whispers out.
“Milo?” Luna asks with a whisper.
“Yes Luna, what is it?” I reply softly to her question. Releasing my grasp on her to see her face clearly.
“Why are you doing this? Why do you want to get to know me because no one has ever been this close to me without getting hurt.” Luna inquired as she looks into my eyes. I place a hand on her cheek while my other hand moves to the small of her back. A small gasp escapes Luna’s lips as I look deeply into her eyes.
“Because I see the pain in your eyes every day just like mine, how you hold everyone at arms length not opening yourself up. I know how that is because I have closed myself off from Britt’s death till now, I’d like to open up again and I’d like to see you open up.” I tell Luna as I lightly rub her cheek with my thumb while I lightly lift the edge of her shirt and trace small circles with my index finger on the small of her back. Luna inhales sharply and lightly trembles under my soft touch, her lips part for a second and close again as I fan my fingers down to the top of her jeans and back up again.
“He’s teasing you and he knows it.” That inner voice chimes in pushing Luna further and further. “Kiss the scars on his neck, ease that pain in his eyes looking deeply into yours.”
Still running my calloused fingertips on the small of Luna’s back I feel a small scar, tracing the small raised flesh wondering the story of how she got it. “How’d you get this scar right here?” I say as I press down the small spongy skin.
“That scar goes lower, I had a minor surgery when I was in university.” Luna says while averting her gaze.
“And these scars right here?” I say while removing my hands from her lifting the sleeves of her shirt a bit higher.
“I’m not proud of those.” Luna says ashamed of the thought of what happened.
Taking her arm in one hand while lightly tracing the small thin scars that line her upper forearm and lower bicep like a washboard. My eyes moved up her arm to her neck and jawline. “What about this one right here?” Asking her as I trace her collarbone, a small shutter is the response I get as my fingertips move along the raised surface of scar tissue.
“Motorcycle accident, I have pins.” She says in a light airy breath as my fingers still trace over her collarbone down to where the left meets the right one.
The door bursts open as Celestia walks in. “Luna what is going on?” She says as she sees my fingers tracing her sister’s collarbone. “Mr. Blackwood explain what you are doing right now.”
“Well it’s a long involved story that started with this.” I say in a nonplused tone taking off my shirt showing Celestia my scars on my chest and back. “Luna accidentally came into the locker room while I was putting my shirt on after washing the dried blood off. She was curious on how I got these.”
Pointing to the large scar that ran down my chest crossing over apart of the tattoo on my right side. “I was working with my dad and the drill slipped and spent a few weeks in the hospital.” I say tracing the scar down my chest, walking closer to Celestia. Her taller form looking down at me, moving my head to my left I show her the scar around my upper neck.
“This one was from my suicide attempt about a month before school started, I hung myself off the clothes rack in my closet. And the one on my back was from my brother stabbing me.” Turning around to show Celestia the damage to my body, I turn back around to face Celestia who had a wide eyed look of shock on her face.
“That doesn’t explain why you were so close to vice principal Luna, my sister.”
Luna spoke up with a commanding voice. “He saw the scar on my collarbone, the one where I wrecked my motorcycle and was in hospital for two surgeries where I had four pins put in.” Giving her sister a scowl. “When you didn’t even bother to visit me because you were ‘too busy’, and to finally see the scar on his back and know the story behind it gives us something to share because we were both hurt by family.”
Celestia looks on in shock as her sister got up and stood behind me placing a hand on my shoulder. Looking back at her I could see the pain in her eyes turn to a fire. “Why are you here in the first place anyways, don’t you have things to do because I am taking care of what I need to and I don’t need a babysitter.”
“We will talk about this later Luna, Mr. Blackwo—“ Celestia tries to get out before I stop her.
“Milo, I’ve said this before Celestia. I think I should tell you the story of why I don’t like to be called Mr. Blackwood.” I say in a cold tone. “Take a seat.” Celestia tries to protest but I speak up again with grit in my voice. “Take a seat Tia.” Taking a deep shaky breath to tell the story.
***
“Milo are you okay?” Luna asks as I sit down on the edge of her desk, looking directly at Celestia with dead eyes. “Milo?”
“I’m fine Lulu, I didn’t think I’d have to tell this story again.” I wave a hand as I a knowledge Luna. “She was the only one who saw me for who I am and she loved me despite the darkness that can infest my mind sometimes. We made a promise to each other to get married after high school but that’s not what was fated to happen because she died in a car crash on the last day of school right after she gave me this.” I take off the Mjöllnir and hold it I front of Celestia. “She was my best friend, a beautiful woman, and a great lover; now all I have are memories of her.” I say to Celestia as a tear comes to my eye.
Luna wrapped her arms around me trying to take away some pain, I place a hand on her shoulder and gently squeeze her. Celestia’s mouth hangs open at the outwardly display by her sister not believing her eyes.
“Luna!” Celestia gasps. “This isn’t something a faculty member should be doing with a student release Mr. Blackwood.”
“Tia he prefers Milo, even after being told three times by him before. Did you even listen to his story at all and how he said that only one person can call him by that title.” Luna says to her sister, looking at Celestia with that fire in her eyes as if she was protecting me from some bully.
I look at the clock on the wall to my right reading fifteen till two. “I think you should work out this tension between the both of you. I need to find a bathroom right quick.” I say to Luna in a hushed tone.
“Very well. Knock before you open the door.” She replies to me.
Getting up from the edge of the desk I head towards the door, stopping to motion to Celestia. “Listen to what she has to say please, I know it’s not my business but it looks like I need to step in here because your sister is in pain.” I say to Celestia before I close the door leaving the two in Luna’s office.
Making my way down the hall trying to clear my head of what just happened I hear a voice behind me. “Watch out!!!”
“Fuck, not again.” I say to myself looking behind me seeing Rainbow speeding from the athletic hall.
Reacting quickly I lower myself, Rainbow crashing into me head on as I turn around. I wrap my arms around her small frame stopping her in her tracks as I shift my weight forward. “Jesse Chambers, you’ve got to stop running into me like this.” I say with a playful tone and a smirk on my face.
“Let me go!” Rainbow says with distain, struggling in my arms.
“I could but then who would save the other students from being trampled by you.” Retorting in a not so serious sarcastic tone. “Unless there’s something that draws you to me like a magnet.”
“You wish, now let go of me.” She says with a huff, looking at me with an angry expression struggling to get free. “What’s that on your neck?”
“This?” I pull the Mjöllnir from under my shirt and show it to her, eyeing my neck closer she gasps.
“No not that, but I do owe Pinkie five bucks now. That right there going from your upper neck by your jawline.” She retorts staring intently at my scar.
“That would be a scar Rainbow.” I say as I let her go, turning my head so she can get a better look. “See a dog bit me when I was in jr high.”
“No way dude!” She gets closer and raises a hand to feel it, her fingers brush my jaw and that’s when it happened. I nipped at her fingers while barking and growling like a dog. Rainbow let out a yelp and pulled her hand to her chest in fear. “What the fuck man!”
“Sorry, must be the dog that transferred to me after the bite.” I choke out while laughing hard. “Can’t believe you fell for that one, got ya good.”
“Real funny.” Rainbow said with an indignant huff.
“This wasn’t a dog bite, it goes from jaw to jaw see.” I say still chuckling as I tilt my head back.
“Dude what happened that gave you that scar though.” Rainbow asked with intensity.
I stop chuckling, completely changing the mood to a cold serious atmosphere. “A failed suicide attempt, it’s an involved story.” I spit out, my voice becoming low and serious.
“Why?” She asks looking me over trying to gauge why I would do anything like that.
“If you’d like to know then let’s take a walk and I’ll tell you the story.” I say as I start to circle around her, I get a few paces ahead and ask if she’s coming nodding her head Rainbow starts after me.
As we walk down the hall I let out a sigh, “when I was in jr. high I was in a relationship, she was my best friend, a beautiful woman, and a great lover. Last day of school I kissed her goodbye when she gave me her Mjöllnir as an informal engagement proposal, she got into the car her parents were in and she didn’t make it home. I found out the next day that she died in a car accident, when I went to the wake two weeks later I carried her casket. That same day I got this tattoo.” Pulling my shirt collar down to reveal the tattoo only partially marred by the scar running across my chest.
“Wh…I….I don’t know what to say.” Rainbow choked out on the verge of tears.
“About a month later I was working with my dad and I was drilling some holes when I lost control of the big drill in my hands.” Continuing the story as I lift up my shirt to show Rainbow the massive scar across my chest. “The drill bit came down across my chest from my right collarbone to just under my left pec, marring a part of my tattoo in the process. The drill smashed into my ribs and broke a few on my right side.” I pull my shirt down as Rainbow was reaching out a hand to touch the scar, I grab her hand in reflex. “Don’t.”
“S…S…orry.” She chokes out stunned at what she just saw.
“Rainbow darling, there you are.” A posh voice rings out. “Are you coming to the music room, we have to practice that new song.”
“Sorry Rarity I kinda ran into…” Rainbow started but stopped realizing she didn’t know my name.
“Milo Blackwood.” I speak up introducing myself to the fashionable girl walking towards Rainbow.
“Nice to meet you Mr.” Rarity began, I put a finger to her lips stopping her from finishing that sentence.
“Milo, just Milo. Only one person gets to call me by that moniker.” I say with a slight menacing tone while removing my finger from her lips.
“Very well then Milo, may I have my friend for a bit?” Rarity says in a begging tone while batting her eyes at me.
Nodding to Rarity I say to the posh girl. “Take her, she’s already done damage to my finger this morning and I had to stop her from running into me again a few minutes ago.” I turn to leave back where I came from and head down the hall.
“Sorry about what happened to you Milo.” Rainbow said in a monotone voice still shaken from what she had heard.
“It’s okay Jesse Chambers, that’s just the will of the gods and the path of fate. See ya round. Nice to meet you Rarity, hopefully we bump into each other again.” I say to Rainbow Dash and Rarity halfway down the hall.
The bell rang out echoing through the halls signaling the end of the day as I mosey on back to Luna’s office to get my guitar. I think to myself as students pushed and shoved past me racing for the front doors where freedom lay waiting on the other side, moving like a shark through the mass of students I finally make it to vice principal’s Luna’s office. Knocking at the frosted glass waiting for her to let me in so I can get my guitar and amp, no answer, I knock a bit harder this time thinking she didn’t hear me; no answer. I move over to knock on Principal Celestia’s door wrapping my knuckles on the frosted glass.
“Come in.” Celestia’s motherly tone absent and what stood in its place was something I am far more accustom to at home from my own mother.
“Do you know where Luna is, I have to get my guitar from her office.” I ask Celestia with a flat tone that came across as tired rather than being short or sarcastically condescending as I poke my head through the door.
“Milo, vice principal Luna will be taking holiday for personal reasons. I have your things over here as well as your school bag.” Celestia says to me sounding short with her words as her head is buried in extra paperwork.
The warm bright office was in stark contrast to her sisters dark cool one where the shades were drawn letting very little light in. Opening the door and stepping through the threshold I see my things beside her desk, moving to grab them Celestia cleared her throat. “Milo please have a seat.” Celestia asked, her tone giving away the frustration and concern that wasn’t present on her face.
Not wanting to further myself down the deep hole I was already in, I pull one of the two chairs out and sit across from Celestia. Her tall stature behind the desk making me feel small and unwelcome in her office which was the complete opposite of how I felt in Luna’s presence.
“First off while I am grateful that my sister has found she can open up to you about minor things and it seems that you and her have a lot in common, with that being said, it is an inappropriate relationship between a student and administrator of this school. I know my sister is, extremely reserved and she keeps everyone at arms length to protect her self from further disappointment she also gets attached easily, far too easily. Do you understand what I’m telling you?” She said, her brow furrowing slightly as she looked me over with uncompromising eyes. I nod slowly as to acknowledge the statement Celestia had laid out for me. Fidgeting in my seat a bit I look at her, not finding any give or fault on the principal’s face as my mind starts to wonder on what could happen.
“With all that being said I am giving you an in school suspension, you can still participate in the battle of the bands in three weeks. You can get your things and go, also one more thing, if you happen to run into vice principal Luna outside of school you are not to interact with her.” Celestia states. I get up from the chair and grab my things, throwing the single strap of my school bag over my left shoulder I pick up my guitar and amp then make for the door.
Walking along the sidewalk with dead arms from carrying a heavy amp and guitar case I decide to set everything down to rest a bit. “Fuck this, I’m only a few blocks away from school and not even half way home.” I say to myself while rubbing my arms trying to relieve some of the ache from carrying my amp.
“Need a lift partner?” A voice calls out from an old square body truck, the faded two tone white and red paint showing it’s age.
“Thank ya, where should I put my stuff?” I ask the blond stopped on the side of the road.
“Just in the bed, bring your guitar in the cab and set it on the bench seat in the back just don’t bang up my bass.” She hollers from the window.
Setting my amp in the back and making my way to the passenger side, opening up the door placing my guitar case in the back being careful as to not bust up the bass laying back there, shutting the door and turning to the girl behind the wheel.
“Thank you for the ride…” I say trailing off since I don’t know her name.
“Applejack, you’re that guy that Dash ran into right?” She asks as she puts the truck in drive, quickly looking me over.
“Heh, yea it’s like I am a magnet or something. Oh turn left up here at this neighborhood.” I reply scratching my head a bit trying to not look awkward as the soft rumble of the cracked road vibrates through the truck.
“She don’t know how to slow down, wether she’s on her feet or playing guitar.” Applejack chuckles. “Oh shoot I know this neighborhood, we’re over by Rarity’s place.”
Applejack takes a right turn down my street stopping on the opposite side of the road. “Where’s you place partner?”
“On the other side of the street actually, thank you Applejack this was a big help.” I say with a sad smile.
“It’s nothin’ partner, when’d y’all move here?” She asked curiously.
“A few months before school I think, I don’t remember much of when we moved, it was kind of a blur.” I reply sadly, “wanna come inside, we’ve got soda, ice tea, some snacks.”
“I’ve gotta get back home or granny will get worried.” She said politely, “thank ya kindly for the offer though.”
“Alright, see ya round Applejack.” I said as I opened the door, reaching back for my guitar, closing the truck’s door I make my way to the bed of the truck to get my amp.
Waving goodby I walked across the road and up the drive. I set my things down on the front porch turning around to see if Applejack took off yet.
“Damn truck!” I hear Applejack yell out in frustration, banging her fists on the steering wheel. She gets out of the truck and starts heading over to me looking defeated. “Hey partner the truck over heated on me, ya think I can stay here a while while it cools down a bit?”
“Yea, come on in.” I say while waving her over. “Umm Applejack your truck is leaking coolant. Applejack hanging her head mumbling something to herself.
“I told Mac ta replace the radiator last week.” Applejack said through gritted teeth.
I walk over to the blond haired girl and place a hand on her shoulder. “Why don’t ya call your folks and I’ll see if my mom will let me borrow the car.” I hold the door open for Applejack as she steps through the threshold into my place, gathering up my amp and guitar I follow in after.
“Mom are ya home I need to borrow the car real quick.” I yell out as I set my things down in the small office. Walking further in I see her asleep on the couch, I walk over and nudge her awake.
“Mom….hey mom.” I say to her as she jolts awake slapping me in the process, “fuck what the hell was that for.”
“You know not to wake me when I’m sleeping Milo, what the fuck are you thinking!” She yells out slowly getting up from her reclined position looking between me and Applejack with a disapproving glare. “What did you do this time!”
“I didn’t do anything this time alright lay off.” I quip back in a nasty tone, I walk over to Applejack and introduce her to my mom. “This is Applejack, her truck overheated and I was wondering if I can borrow the car to take her home.”
“Sure, fine. Just bring it back in one piece.” My mom says as she lays back down trying to go back to sleep.
I walk over to the counter and get the keys to the family car. “Hold it!” My mom commands. “How’d you get that black eye. Did you start another fight, if you did so help me I will.”
“I was defending myself from this asshole who threw the first punch, I didn’t start the fight.” I mumble out, walking to the garage door my mom gets up from the couch.
“Get back here right now Miles Edward Blackwood!” Her demanding voice filling the room as the soft tap of her shoe on the hard wood floor cuts through the air. As I turn around I look apologetically towards Applejack and trudge over to where my mom is standing.
“What.” I spit out
“What the fuck did you do.” My mom scolds while grabbing my shoulder tightly. I try and get her hand off but she squeezes harder. “What the fuck did you do.”
“I was at lunch and this asshole shoulder checked me, he was looking for a fight. I called him a cunt and he stowed my jaw pretty good, I threw one back at his gut and broke his nose with my knee when he was bent over then he came back at me so I kicked his knee out and head butted him. He punched me a few more times in the right eye then I lost it and started to slam my head down on his broken nose till he stopped.” I told her the story of what happened at lunch as my mom’s face fell.
“What the fuck Milo, this is exactly what happened at your last school. I know you’ve been having a hard time since Brittany’s death but yo—“ I stop my mom mid sentence, putting my hand on hers and twisting it off my shoulder.
“You don’t even know what I’m going through with that so don’t fucking high road me or bring that up again.” My voice was dry and soft, I stood with my mom’s hand in mine slowly twisting it farther and farther back till she let out a grunt of pain. “You better watch what you say next because you know damn fucking well how that effected me and what I went through because of it.” Letting go of my mom’s hand I walk past Applejack and out to the garage to start the car.
“What was that about?” Applejack spoke up looking confused.
“My son’s girlfriend died at the start of summer before freshman year, they had plans to get married after high school but it was all just to get a rise out of me and his father.” My mom commented while holding her wrist. “He’s a good boy, a bit confused because of the whole thing but don’t let that push you away from him. He means well and will defend anyone he holds close to him. Sorry you had to see that dear.”
“Now it makes sense, so that’s why he randomly hugged one of my friends outside of the principal’s office this afternoon.” Applejack said as she mulled over the story Sunset told the group that afternoon.
“Your friend must have a close resemblance to her then if he did that. I bet Milo is fuming in the car right now, nice to meet you Applejack.” My mom said with a smile.
“Thank ya for letting me into your home Mrs. Blackwood.” Applejack said before turning to head out the front door.
“You’re very welcome sweetie, once again I’m sorry that you had to witness that little incident earlier. I hope you and Milo can be friends cause he looks so alone and I don’t want to see him like that.” My mom apologizes again as she walks Applejack to the door.
I sit in the car with my phone connected to the Bluetooth stereo, the loud music washing over me as the rest of the world fades from existence. The sweet melancholic melody from the guitar, the smooth voice of the singer easing the pain and bringing back happy memories of previous years. Three taps on the driver side window bring me back to the present, Applejack stares at me with this look of understanding like she solved a puzzling riddle. I turn down the music down so I can hear her.
“You okay hun?” She asks with a concerned tone, I look back at her with a blank stare.
“Yea I’m good, you wanna get your things and I’ll take you home.” I reply in a neutral tone. Applejack opens the back passenger side door and puts her things on the floor making sure they don’t slide around as to not damage her bass in any way. I turn the volume up just loud enough to hear but also quiet enough to have a conversation if needed “Have everything?”
“Eyup, truck is locked, I’ve texted Rarity to let her know it’s in front of her place. I’ll be back tomorrow to load it up on the flatbed we’ve got back at the farm unless I can get Mac over here to help me with replacing that radiator.” Applejack says to me while buckling up.
“Alrighty now where do you call home.” I reply while pulling out of the drive. One hand on the back of the front seat while twisting around to look over my shoulder. Applejack studies my face as her eyes move down my jawline and neck.
“How’d ya get that scar on yer neck?” She asked as I turn back to put the car in drive.
“That was a suicide attempt, well a failed suicide attempt really about two or three months before I started at CHS.” I reply as I pull onto one of the main roads.
“Why’d ya go and do that, didn’t ya think of all the people who would miss ya.” Applejack angrily proclaimed balling a fist and hitting my arm. “Promise me ya won’ do nothin’ like that again.”
I briefly look at Applejack trying not to take my eyes off the road for too long. “I promise nothing, besides if I do try again I’m not hanging myself again.” I tell the angry blond sitting next to me, she grabs my arm lightly as if to get my attention.
“That’s selfish of you to say Milo, your mama cares for you and I’m guessin’ yer pa does too. Sure life can be hard an’ it drags ya through the muck but ya gotta get back up and keep moving forward, yer ma told me about what happened and I’m guessin that had somethin’ ta do with with ya tryin to end it.” The tone of Applejack’s voice was a mix of anger, sorrow, and passion. “Turn right on county road H”
“I don’t know why people get so upset about the suicide topic, sure it’s kinda a tragic thing, but ultimately if someone is going to commit die then that’s their choice.” I reply back as I turn on to the county road. “How far should I take this down?”
“Maybe bout ‘nother mile ‘n a half. There’s some bad washboards comin’ up too so stay near the side of the road.” Applejack ordered.
I slowed down remembering what my dad taught me when we were camping. ‘You want to slow down on a road with washboards, I’ve blown a few tires going too fast.’ I look over at Applejack who was looking out the window, my gaze traveled lower down her frame. She wore a white T-shirt with green sleeves and an apple on the front a mid length denim skirt with a belt and what looks to be a rodeo buckle. As the car hit the washboards in the road her decent size breasts bounced softly under the tight T-shirt, mesmerized by the jiggle physics I didn’t notice that she turned to look at me.
“We’re you ogling me jus’ now?” The question left her mouth and bounced around in my head like a pebble in a tin can, I shook my head some to get the pebble out. I chuckled softly trying to defuse the tension between us.
“Sorry about that.” I sheepishly replied, quickly turning my focus on the road ahead. “So how long have you known Jesse Chambers?”
Who?” She parroted puzzled by who I was talking about.
“I didn’t know you were part owl, but I’m talking about Rainbow Dash. The comic book hero Jesse Chambers also known as Jesse Quick can run at super speed, I found it fitting and it also annoys Rainbow to no end when I call her that.” I reply with a little smirk on my face, the owl comment was responded with an eye roll and a small groan.
“A little bit before freshman year, she’s always running somewhere or doing things at break neck speeds.” The bombshell bassist replies, an expression washing across her face like an old memory just came back to her.
As I drove down the road hitting the occasional rough patch now and then I feel fingers tracing the scar on my upper neck. “Why does everyone want to touch my scars today. First vice principal Luna, then Rainbow Dash, and now you.” I inquire, my tone sounding annoyed which betrayed how I really felt about it.
“Sorry, wait what? vice principal Luna was touching your scars, you have more than one?” Applejack said, surprised at my question.
I pull off on the side of the road and put the car in park and the hazards on, I look at Applejack and unbuckle my seatbelt. Lifting my shirt to expose the scar on my chest. “Yes, I have four. This one being the biggest.” I say while gesturing to my chest.
“How'd you get that one?” She questioned. Looking wide eyed at the discolored streak running across my chest, reaching out a hand she places it over my tattoo and slides it down. “This must’ve been pretty a bad accident, I don’t mean to pry but…”
“I got this while working with my dad, I was using a big drill and the drill bit came down on my chest, while the drill itself broke two or three of my ribs and bruised two. As for vice principal Luna touching my scars I showed her this one and she traced it with her fingers like you are doing, same with the one on my neck.” I remark, Applejack looks at me wide eyed not believing what she had heard or saw her face going flush while her rough calluses lightly scratch my chest, slowly opening and closing her mouth trying to find words but failing to put anything together. I grab her hand and pull it away from my chest lowering my shirt in the process while I place a hand gently on her shoulder studying her face.
“Let’s get you home, don’t want your folk worrying about ya.” A long sad sigh escapes my lips.
“It’s no trouble, I told ‘em that I was with a friend and I might be home late.” Applejack replies softly as she leans over and lightly kisses my cheek.
After dropping Applejack off at the farm and getting a nod of thanks from her brother who greeted me at the door as Applejack walked into the house, I made my way down the steps to the car that was still running and got in the driver seat. I sat there for a few minutes thinking of what might happen when I get home and the punishment that will come, I shake my head of the thought and pulled out of the long dirt driveway and back on the county road I came in on while I turn the music up letting the sound wash over me like before.
I make my way out to county road H and turn onto it trying to remember what way I took getting out here. Not really caring about how fast I was going or what time it was I just drive, slowly watching the rural scene turn to an urban sprawl, from dirt to asphalt the car ride got a lot smoother. My music went in a different direction though deciding to play some of that good northern music that I love, with its melancholic melody and haunting lyrics
Back in town I make my way over CHS looking at the school and decide to pull into the student lot and just sit there for a moment and think, looking out over the few faculty that were still working.
“Fuck this shit,” I sigh out while resting my head on the steering wheel, “everyone is getting in my business after seeing these damn scars, wish everyone would leave me alone about it.”
There was a knock on the driver side window and a shadow blocking the late afternoon sun. A muffled voice barely cuts through the music, “Mr. Blackwood?”
I look over, my head digging into the leather wrapping of the steering wheel. Principal Celestia was looking in at me with a concerned expression like a mother would give a child that just took a fall from the playground. Another knock on the window and a try for the door handle.
I raise my arm and let it crash down on the window switch with a thud, as the soft hum of the window rolled down, “Mr. Blackwood what are you doing back at school?” Celestia questioned.
“Thinking about things and stuff, and how everyone has suddenly taken an interest in these scars across my body. Fuck it’s annoying,” I huff out the last part sounding more tired than Celestia.
“Well that’s because people are curious about how you got them, like the one around your neck,” she said, her voice having an undertone of authority to it. “Everyone looks at me with pity for the one on my neck when I tell them about it, except for Luna who understood when she saw it but her touching it was something completely unexpected. Also I noticed scars on her upper arm, possibly from cutting,” I tell Celestia, a little smirk coming to my lips as I mention her sister.
“Mr. Blackwood don’t, you don’t know what happened for her to get those.”
“I could hazard a guess, those scars on her arm while straight which implies a razor but the healing on them was not as clean as a razor plus they are on one specific part of her arm and not scattered like normal cutters tend to do. So my best guess would be barbed wire.” I flatly and calmly tell the principal. The subtle hint of fear in her eyes was all I needed to know to see I struck a nerve. “So did you push her or did Luna trip?”
The scowling face of Celestia looking down at me was a sight to behold, and as quick as it came, it was replaced with regret or remorse and a long drawn out sigh, “Mr. Blackwood don’t assume anything about someone’s past, you might regret it.”
“Is that a threat Celestia? Because if it is then you’ve just made a powerful enemy that won’t go away for the next two years,” I tell her, my voice going low and my eyes locking onto hers while there is no expression on my face.
Celestia looks down at my balled up fist hanging out of the rolled down window and backs up some, “I do not wish that I was only giving you a warning not to meddle in affairs that are not meant for you.”
“Still sounds like a threat to me and it’s making my paranoia act up.”
“Its not.”
“Fine. Have a good night Celestia.” I calmly say to her as I roll the window up.
The look on Celestia’s face showed that she was disturbed at how calmly I changed emotions, going from hostile to paranoid and finally landing on calm.
I arrive home and see another car parked on the side of the road, one I’ve never seen before. The dark blue paint faded from the years of abuse in the elements and not enough washes and waxing. After parking the car in the garage and closing the garage door I go in through the door passing the washer and dryer in the washroom on my way to the dining area connected to the kitchen. Minding my own business not really seeing the eyes from the living room on me as I quietly walk through the kitchen on my way to the fridge for a cola.
“Milo,” my adoptive mom calls but I don’t hear her at all.
“Milo, answer me when I’m talking to you,” finally raising her voice enough so I am shaken out of my deep thought already up the first few steps on my way to my bedroom.
“What?” I reply in a flat tone. Looking over the half wall that follows the stairs to the landing, “oh, hey Lulu I was wondering who’s gremlin was out front,” I look over at her making intense eye contact before my features soften some.
“Please Mr. Blackwood it’s Vice principal Luna even when I’m visiting my student’s homes.” Luna states, her tone neutral and professional, almost like a completely different person from earlier today.
“Very well, I’ll be right back excuse me for a moment,” I tell Luna as I still stare deeply into her eyes.
I slowly walk up the stairs as my foot falls are barely audible except for the small creaks from the warped wood below the carpet. Making it to my room and closing the door making sure it was locked before I took out the rum popped the cork and poured myself a drink.
***
The living room was silent as Luna and my adoptive parents sat in awkward silence as the shuffling from above started to become louder, “I think he’s doing it again,” My adoptive mom said to my dad.
“Can I go talk to him, I think I can get through to him,” Luna says with a calm tone.
“You can try but he won’t listen when he gets like this,” My dad says, “his door will most likely be locked but if it isn’t you can go in and try to talk some sense into that boy,”
Luna nods and slowly gets up from her seat and heads up the stairs. After getting to the top and stopping at the closed door in front of her and tried the handle, “Milo it’s Luna, can I come in?” She said softly.
An soft click was all she heard as I unlocked the door, “so did you get sent up here or did you volunteer?, I ask with a small slur as the alcohol started to take effect.
“I came of my own volition, why are you drinking?”
“Because it calms the dragons, come in if you want.”
“You shouldn’t be drinking Mr. Blackwood.”
I give her a look as I take a seat on the wooden stool over by my guitars, “I know but I don’t really care at the moment.” I told her as I picked up my song book from the desk to my left.
“Is it because of her?” Luna inquired as she picked up a framed picture from my desk.
“You wouldn’t understand Luna, that was taken on New Years when we were in our last year of Jr. High. We snuck off to be together and ended up on the roof top balcony overlooking the town just as the fireworks brought in the new year we shared a kiss that lead to the most passionate and intense love making we’ve had. Then we started the second semester of our last year before high school in the middle of January, talking of getting engaged freshman year then before I knew it it was the end of the school year.” I tell her the story behind the picture.
Luna sits down on the edge of my bed looking at the picture in her hands, the smiling face of her student vastly contrasts the face across from her now, Luna looks at me and sees a small tear roll down my cheek as I remember that night fondly.
“The last day of school she told me that she was pregnant, then it all came so suddenly to me in that moment that I love this beautiful woman and want to spend the rest of my life with her. She proposed to me with this,” I say trying to keep from breaking down as I reach into my shirt and pull out the Mjöllnir around my neck, as the beautifully ornamented silver hammer shone in the light of the fading day coming through the window.
“It’s beautiful, what did you give her in return?” Luna quietly asks.
“She taught me to play guitar early on when we were in grade school, I kept with it and I wrote her a song. I told her that I’m no good with words but you are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life, do you want to hear the song I sang to her?” I ask Luna as I reach for the guitar sitting on the stand next to one of my electric guitars.
some people have dreams of being famous, some have dreams of being rich, my dream is to have you by my side as we pass through that long tunnel of time.
Now I’ve been down and out but since I met you dear you’ve turned my life around, I know I’m no good with words and they came out wrong but I have to say I love you with this song.
With you by my side we can go places I’ve never dreamed, take my hand my dear and everything will be fine as long as I have you by my side. Cause you’re the love of my life now and forever, stay with me even when the grey is in our hair. Your smile is the light in my darkness and with you I’d go anywhere.
Now darlin I’ll take your hand in marriage as we walk down the road of life, all I need is you standing here by my side to be fulfilled till the day I die.
I let the guitar ring out on the last chord before completely breaking down and sobbing violently, “I miss her so much Luna!”
Luna’s face is streaming with tears as she sees me sob uncontrollably, “its going to be okay Milo, these things happen,” she says trying to comfort me.
I set my guitar back in its stand and get up from the stool I was sitting on as I reach for the cup filled with cola, hovering my hand over it before taking a few steps towards Luna kneeling down and ducking my head between her legs searching for the bottle under my bed. I grab hold of it and sit back on my legs while holding the clear bottle filled with the amber liquid.
“I’ve got some to share if you’d have a drink with me,” I say in a shaky voice.
“Milo, you know I can’t do that its inappropriate for me an older woman let alone as an authority figure that is supposed to teach and guide students plus I am responsible for you 8 hours of the day for the next two years, so I will pass on your offer,” Luna states.
“Looks like I’m drinking alone again,” I mumble as the pop of the cork cleared the lip of the bottle in my hands.
I slowly get to my feet, placing a hand on Luna’s knee to stabilize myself some. I take a few steps over to the stereo on my dresser, turning it on and connecting my phone to the Bluetooth I start to play some slow dirty blues music.
“Milo, is this really necessary?” The woman on my bed speaks up while eyeing my as I sit down next to her.
“In all reality probably not the healthiest way to deal with what I’m going through but at least my dragons will be silenced enough so I can think,” I reply coldly.
“Why don’t you give me the bottle and talk this out with me,” Luna says softly as she reaches for the bottle in my hand.
I move it slightly out of her reach and take a long pull, the amber liquid burns my throat as it travels down to my stomach, then came the warm numbing feeling that I am so familiar with.
“On top of loosing my fiancé and the child she was carrying, I don’t even know where I come from,” I slur in a eerily calm voice.
“Don’t be stupid Milo, your parents are down stairs and you have a loving family that cares for you,” Luna replies with a tone of reassurance in her voice.
“Please, you mean my adoptive family. The only reason why they got me is because they thought they couldn’t have kids of their own but three and a half years later after me they had my brother. The kid they so desperately wanted, I’m nothing more than someone’s mistake that was abandoned because they didn’t want me,” I say to Luna as I look into her moderate opal eyes.
The music plays softly in the background as the narrow back beat sets the precise tempo and bass keeps the rhythm while the guitar screams out a hauntingly intense dirty solo. Luna places a hand on my shoulder to comfort me again, tracing the horseshoe shaped scar around my jawline.
“Please don’t Lulu,” I tell her in a low voice.
“Sorry”
“Its fine, that scar is the most sensitive of the ones I have and if I’ve been drinking well let’s just leave it at that,” I reply as my voice shakes a little from luna’s touch.
“I have a scar that is sensitive like yours,” Luna says offhandedly.
“The one on your upper arm or the ones on your thighs?” I question.
“I haven’t told you abou-”
“I know a cutter when I see one, and from the lack of scars on your arms aside from the one on your bicep which I’m guessing something happened between you and your sister, then you most likely have scars on your upper thighs near your hip on your left side. Although you are right handed but I’m guessing you are ambidextrous,” I tell her, the level of shock on her face is all I need to know that she is terrified.
“Milo how do you know that, my sister is the only one that knows I use to cut and the barbed wire incident when we were younger,” Luna says with a bit of fear in her voice.
I cup Luna’s face in my hand and bring her close, the tension between us is thick and heavy. I stroke my thumb on her cheek some and sigh, “Lulu, I can see it in your eyes. Although you are normally the stone faced stoic one which is the opposite of your sister who is more motherly and caring even when handing out punishments, your eyes betray you,”
“I don’t know weather to be afraid of you right now or impressed that you could easily see through me,” Luna replies with a turn of her head.
“I don’t see through you, that’s what everyone gets wrong when I tell them what I picked up on after meeting them. I see your pain and your loneness, searching for someone to ease that and make you feel normal or as normal as you can be.” I tell her before I take another pull from the bottle of rum in my hand.
I feel a hand on mine and the bottle slowly removes itself from my grasp, the slosh of liquid fills the empty space between songs on the radio and a satisfied gasp escapes Luna’s lips. Looking over her features from her moderately curvy hips to her generous bust and slender shoulders, those opal eyes and soft lips drawing me closer and closer to her face. I lean in close enough to brush my lips on hers, her breath smelled of rum and her hair smelled of nightshade with a hint of lavender, intoxicating in their own rights. I pull away as Luna leaned closer to me and I wrapped her in a tight hug.
“I can’t Lulu, although I really want to I just can’t,” I whisper in her ear, “even though its been two years I can’t.”
“I know I shouldn’t have taken advantage of this situation when you are opening up to me, I should go.” She says as she hands me the bottle of rum while standing up.
“Lulu,” I call to her.
“Yes Milo?”
“Why did you come over?” I reply.
The deep blush on her face tells me all I need to know, “I wanted to check on you since my sister called me after she saw you were sitting in the parking lot at school.”
“So you know about that little interaction, aside from the threat I’m glad that you came over,” I tell her as I get up and wrap my arms around her.
My hands wrap her in a tight hug and I stand there with her head on my shoulder. I hear her inhale deeply as my right hand traces circles on her lower back slowly moving lower, feeling light kisses on my chest and damp spots on my shirt, I look down at the woman in my arms as tears started to flow from her eyes as she looked up at me, the music on my stereo started to play a slow song.
“What’s wrong Lulu?”
“Why do I feel safe when I’m with you?”
“I don’t understand,” I reply softly as I wipe away her tears.
“When I first saw your scars I thought something really bad happened to you, but after hearing what you’ve been through and the stories on how you got them I understand that you are in so much pain just like I am.” Luna says, her voice slightly muffled from burying her face in my chest.
“I’ll help you through your pain Lulu, come here,” I say softly as I lift her chin up and kiss her deeply.
My hand on her lower back grabbed her pert ass and squeezed, my hand sunk a little in the jeans that hugged her waist and lower body tightly. A small gasp escapes her lips as I lower my other arm down, placing my hands a bit below her tight ass I lift Luna up to my waist. Her legs wrap around me as her arms lock behind my head, her breath is heavy in my ear as she starts to grind back and forth while I hold her up.
“Stop teasing me,” Luna begs as she looks at me with pleading eyes.
“You’re too cute when I do Lulu,” I reply to her comment as I walk over to the edge of the bed and lay her down on top of the mattress. I kiss her and trail down her neck stopping at her collarbone. Small gasps and moans fill the room along with the soft music playing in the background. I lift her loose T-shirt slightly as I trail more kisses down her chest to her smooth stomach as I cup a breast in my hand under the thin lace bra she wore.
Luna arches her back as I pinch and tweak her nipple, “s-st-stop please Milo, t-th-is isn’t r-right.” She says between gasps and moans.
“What’s wrong Lulu?” I ask planting a kiss on her navel.
“You’re only sixteen and I’m twenty nine, plus I’m your vice principal a person of authority for you.” She says panting some, “I can’t do this with one of my students, I’d loose my job.”
“I see,” I reply as I get up from the prone position I was in above Luna, walking over to the desk where the bottle of rum sat I grabbed it and took large gulps to numb myself.
“I think I should go.”
“Yea, I’ll see you at school Monday, have a good night Luna,” I say, there was no emotion in my voice.
Hangovers are never easy to get over and the pounding headache coupled with my light sensitivity makes me want to spill my guts all over the driveway, but as punishment for starting the fight according to my parents I have to do lawn work for the weekend with my dad. Which means mowing the yard, doing the edging on the overgrown grass creeping onto the walkways, moving a literal metric fuck ton of dirt to the back garden planters, turning the compost heap, and cleaning the garage and it all starts at 9:00am.
“Fuck, I wanna die right now.” I yell over the roar of the mower, at least I have my headphones and I can listen to music while I work and the dark mirrored aviator sunglasses keep the brightness of mid morning at bay so I am not spewing my breakfast all over the lawn, at least I have one more pass after this and I am done with mowing the lawns.
A white two door Mazda Miata rolls into the driveway across the street, out steps Rarity and she’s dressed in a flowing sundress that ripples in the slight breeze. I stop and stare at the girl for a few seconds while leaning on the handle of the mower which tipped it up and I face-plant onto the top of the hot mower.
“Fuck me that burns like a son of a bitch!” I shout in pain as my left arm lands straight on the hot metal bits of the just used mower.
Rarity spins around and looks at me, hands on her hips and scowling, “do you really have to use that crass language?!” She shouts over my cursing in pain.
I roll off the hot mower and on my back onto the warm concrete, “you try burning your arm on something hot and try not to have the same reaction Rarity.” I growl out through gritted teeth.
“Well it’s very unbecoming of a gentleman to curse like that, besides, serves you right for ogling me,” she says while walking across the street standing next to me trying to offer a hand.
“Well what can I say, I’m a sucker for a pretty gal in a sundress.” I reply with a smirk.
I see her walk across the street to help me up, the way she walks annoys the fuck out of me. It’s like she’s trying to be sexy plus flaunt her body at the same time but also is concerned with what people will think of her.
“Oh don’t think sweet words will let you off the hook Mr. Blackwood,” Rarity states as she sticks out a hand to help me up.
Taking her small hand in mine the difference was night and day, the softness of her hand against my rough calloused one was refreshing. Finally on my feet I wobble a bit from my hangover trying to steady myself I place a hand on Rarity’s shoulder.
“What are you doing?” She asks with a hint of disgust in her voice
“Getting my balance, got a killer hangover I might, hgggur,” I smirk as I bend over pretending to dry heave.
“You bet— hgggur, don— hugggur,” Rarity tried to talk between her own dry heaving spell, while I’m still bent over trying not to laugh.
“Don’t hggur you dare do that again, she says indignantly with a huff, all the while I can’t hold my laughter back, “Now would you please stop that this instant!” She shrilly huffs at me getting in my face. Noticing my scar she stops immediately, reaching a hand up to touch it. I stop her hand inches away from my neck, “what is with everyone and wanting to touch my scars,” I sigh.
“So sorry darling but after what Rainbow told me at school about it I was always curious,” she states in a small voice, curiously eyeing my neck.
“It’s fine, looks like something I’ll have to get use to,” I say as I take my shirt off and show her the large one on my chest, “this one you can touch if you feel so inclined,”
Rarity’s jaw hits the ground as she looks over my chest and slowly raises her hand to trace the scar. Her fingers delicately pass over the raised flesh but stop at my tattoo, “who’s Britt?” She asks softly.
“My fiancé, this was her proposal gift since I don’t like to wear rings,” I tell her as I lift my Mjöllnir with my thumb, the ornate carved silver hammer shone in the sunlight as it lightly dangled from the nickle and copper chain around my neck.
“That is simply gorgeous darling, your fiancé has incredible taste, I’d like to meet her and possibly make her an outfit or two,” Rarity says excitedly.
“I really wish you could have met her, sadly she is no longer in Midgard anymore, Hel keeps her soul in her hall now,” I say in a dejected tone, “you two would have gotten along very well.”
Rarity’s smile drops flat, “when did she pass?”
“Three weeks after summer vacation started between Jr. high and freshman year, she told me she was pregnant and then next thing I knew I was lowering her in the ground along with our unborn child,” I say in a dark tone while I stare vacantly into Rarity’s eyes.
“I— I-I’m so sorry darling,” Rarity says choking from little sobs, she wraps her arms around my torso and hugs me tightly, “you’ve been through so much and from what I’ve heard of you I made judgements too quickly, I’m so very sorry darling.”
I wrap my arms around her as she is still glued to me as I rub her back hoping that she would let go soon. She looks into my eyes and kisses my cheek before backing away some.
“What was that for?” I reply a little confused
“Thought you might need it.”
“I appreciate it.”
“What are you doing later this evening?”
“I don’t know but if you want to drop by for whatever you’re planning then be my guest,” I tell her trying to keep my tone as neutral as possible, “thank you again for the hug it was much needed.”
Rarity eyed me up and down mumbling to herself as her eyes lingered on my scar and then wondered down further as a faint blush covered her cheeks as her gaze lingered for longer than she expected. I cleared my throat and shot her a questioning look, to be fair I was wearing my workout shorts with compression underwear that really didn’t leave anything to the imagination, and my build wasn’t that impressive either although if I had to describe myself I’d say I’m more muscular fit but not overly muscular, still no chiseled abs though but nothing flabby either.
“Uhhh Rarity, my eyes are up here darling. You’ll have more of a chance to cop a feel when you take my measurements or whatever you’re planning on doing later tonight,” I say letting out a small chuckle.
The fashionista was completely in her own world and didn’t hear a word I said, “well looks like I have no choice but to do this again,” I say to myself as I bend down and hoist Rarity over my right shoulder.
An indignant squeal from her was all I got when I got halfway across the street, “puuuuutttt mmmeeee doowwn this instant you brute!”
So she finally noticed, “stop flailing or I’m gonna drop you flat on that well toned ass of yours,” I say to the squirming girl slung over my shoulder.
“You wouldn’t dare!” Rarity huffed as she started to hit my back and kicked her legs trying to get out of my grasp.
“Try me, but I wouldn’t want to see that well made sundress get dirty,” I reply, trying to hold her in place, “stop squirming!” I bark out as I slap her ass with my free hand. Rarity let out an audible moan when my hand connected, a light hit on my back from her fist was all I got in response.
“Was that a moan?” I ask her, knowing full well what I just heard.
Rarity went stiff as I walked up the stairs on the front porch to the door, I tossed Rarity off my shoulder and caught her in my arms in one fluid sweep. I clearly remember the first time I did this with Britt when she ‘broke’ after she accidentally brushed her hand over my crotch on the bus.
‘‘You good?” I ask Rarity, her face completely red from embarrassment.
“C—could you watch where your grabbing, although I–I don’t mind being held like this but your grabbing my breast Mr. Blackwood.” She stuttered out, trying to compose herself.
My mind drifts back to the 8th grade field trip and I completely zone out. A few minutes pass with me just standing there in front of Rarity’s front door, I hear Britt’s voice call me through the fog of my mind.
‘‘Mr. Blackwood.”
‘’Mr. Blackwood.”
The voice was faint but growing louder little by little.
“Mr. Blackwood, let me go.”
A slap shook me from my thousand yard stare, “Sorry Britt, I must have zoned out there.” I say to the girl in my arms as I gently let her down.
“That’s fine darling, you looked lost in thought, but I really need to get inside.” Rarity said as she smoothed out her dress.
I pull her closer to me by the waist and give her a kiss on the cheek, “Why’d you do that!?!” Rarity yelped as her hand came fast and hard on my face.
“Where am I, you’re not Britt.” I say confused as I feel the sting from the slap on my face as I look at Rarity, a sad realization washes over my features as I come to my senses.
“I’ll forgive you for what just happened because you looked like you were reliving a memory and given what you’ve been through I don’t blame you at all.” She says still mad for what had happened moments earlier.
“Sorry, this just reminded me of a fond memory with how you acted,” I say sadly.
“That’s fine darling, I’ll be over at 8:00 tonight,” Rarity said as she opened the door to her home, “Sunset will be over as well.”
I shallowly nod to her and turn to leave, Rarity latched onto my back wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug again, “what’s this for?” I say as I stop mid stride.
“I’m so sorry for slapping you, I can see that you’re still going through her loss pretty hard. But I’ll help you through it if you’d want my help that is darling.” Rarity said, her voice muffled in my back, one hand grabbing my chest while the other found it’s way a bit lower near my waist line.
“Thank you but I should get back to those chores,” I tell her.
***
The day passed quickly, lunch came and went, and now I am at home alone while my parents are out with a few friends and my brother is staying over at one of his friends house.
“What to have for dinner,” I say to myself as I pace the kitchen floor debating on buttered noodles or stuffed bell peppers.
Looking at the clock on the stove figuring I have time to make a quick dinner that’s when I hear a knock at the door, “fuck, of course she’d be early,” I say to myself.
Dragging my feet not really looking forward to opening the door and dealing Rarity at the moment, taking the drink I had sitting on the counter and downing what was left in the glass, the strong cocktail numbed me just enough to deal with this shit. As I get to the door slightly stumbling as I reached out for the handle I swiftly throw it open.
Rarity and Sunset stood at the door talking amongst themselves patiently waiting. “You’re early,” I say to the two girls on the front porch.
“No, it’s 8:00, anyway are you ready?” Rarity said to me while she crossed her arms.
I nod my head slightly and step out closing the door behind me, “so why did you invite me over to your place again?” I ask as I slightly wobble down the driveway, now feeling the full effects of the alcohol in my system.
“Because darling, I wanted to make you something. You are going to be playing at the battle of the bands right?” She says while looking over her shoulder.
“Fuck I knew I shouldn’t have drank on an empty stomach,” I mumble out not really hearing what Rarity said at all.
“What was that darling?”
“Drinking on an empty stomach not my brightest idea,” I say a bit louder.
“Why are you drinking!” Sunset exclaimed turning around to face me in the street, if the look she gave me could kill I’d be dead.
“Because the world is cruel and unforgiving,” I slur a bit looking at her in the eyes, my expression blank and my voice cold and unfeeling.
“That’s no reason to be drinking though!”
“You don’t know what type of pain I’m in Britt, I had to burry you and our unborn child. So yea I fucking drink to take away that FUCKING pain!” I grab Sunset’s shoulders as I growl out.
Rarity looks at me grabbing Sunset with concerned understanding, “Milo darling, snap out of it,” she says while placing a hand on my shoulder shaking me, trying and failing to get me out of the episode I am in.
“I—,” Sunset stammers out as I squeeze her shoulders tightly.
I start to shake from the emotional flood I was experiencing, “I— I tried to kill myself because I couldn’t take it anymore, living without you is the hardest thing I am facing right now and drinking has been something to take my mind off the pain,” I choke out between sobs.
Sunset looks very uncomfortable with the situation she was thrust into, she wraps her arms around me as I openly sob in the middle of the street.
“Milo it’s gonna be okay,” Sunset held me tightly, she gets this thousand yard stare and her eyes go blank.
~~~
“I want to give you something my love, this has been in my family for a long time,” the young woman says as she reaches behind her neck and undid the chain, holding a beautiful ornate nickel and copper chain with a hammer in the middle.
“Britt I can’t accept that, it’s a family heirloom and I’m not family.” A tall young man says as he takes her hand in his moving the necklace back to the young woman.
“You are family Miles Blackwood. This is my proposal to you, you are my family and I have another surprise for you, I’m pregnant.” She says while wrapping her arms around the stunned young man.
He wraps his arm around her in return and kisses her deeply as she places the necklace around him.
~~~
“Thank you for coming everyone, I know this is hard for all to be apart of, to lose someone so young so soon is tragic in its own right,” a young man dressed in a ceremonial mask with runes painted on the face, “Goddess of the dead, keeper of the departed I call on you to care for my fiancé and keep her in your hall till I join her when my time comes.”
He leans in to the body in the casket while lifting his mask some, placing a gentle kiss on her lips before placing a hand on her stomach leaving behind a carved antler with his personal runes and her personal runes.
“Goodbye my love, I will see you again soon and we will be together again,” He cry’s as the casket lid closed on the body inside.
~~~
Multiple empty bottles of liquor strewn on the floor in front of the young man hanging by the neck in his closet, a photo held in his hand with blood on the bottom left corner.
~~~
Rarity shakes Sunset out of the trance, and looks between the two of us and asked, “what did you see Sunset?”
Sunset lightly shook her head, “sh—she lo–oked j–just like me, that’s why you called me Britt the first time you saw me in the hall,”
I nod my head slowly and look over Sunset in the dying evening light, “my neck hurts, and I feel numb,” Sunset said to Rarity.
“Well darling what did you see when you touched him?” Rarity asked as she put a hand on Sunset’s shoulder.
“Well I can’t explain it really, a proposal with a family heirloom that Milo has around his neck right now. She told him that she was pregnant and then a skip to—,” Sunset let the last words die in the throat as she suddenly realized what I told her was the truth.
“How did you know about this,” I say with a shaky voice, pulling out the Mjöllnir from under my shirt, “I’ve only shown a few people this. And what are you talking about Rarity, it’s not like she can read minds or look into someone’s memories right?”
“Well yes I can, long story short it’s magic from another dimension that is connected to this one by a portal but I’m not going into detail about it cause it’s a long involved story.” Sunset exclaims, she looks at me closely straining her eyes in the dull evening light.
“Well why don’t we go inside and I’ll make some tea and we can hear the story from Milo,” Rarity suggested as she started to walk to her house.
“So now you know the rest of the story; how I got my scars and how I am closed off and cold to the world,” I tell the two girls that sit opposite of me as I stand in the living room of Rarity’s house.
I start to put my shirt back on when Sunset lunges forward and hugs me, trapping my arms that are half way through the sleeves.
“Sunset my claustrophobia is acting up and if you don’t let go I will drop you to the floor,” I say in as calm a voice as I can manage.
She lets go of me and sits back down on the couch next to Rarity who is silently sobbing, gently dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
“Look, I don’t want to have your pity or sympathy because it would make me feel worse. I just want to grieve in peace without people coming up to me and telling me how sorry they are for my loss,” I tell them as I take a seat on the chair across from them.
I stand up and start to head for the front door to show myself out, too much has happened in a short amount of time for me to be okay with and I need another drink to calm my already frayed nerves. Rarity and Sunset stop me, one grabs my hand and the other wraps her arms around my torso.
“Don’t, I know what you’re going to do, please don’t,” Sunset whispers as her grip tightens around me.
“I’m broken, I’m tired, and I just want to sleep so I can forget about the events of what happened this evening,” I tell them as I open the door trying to push forward without hurting anyone.
“At least let me get your measurements first,” Rarity says.
“Really?” I say in a deadpan tone, turning around to face her.
“Well yes, that’s why I originally invited you here,” she replied as she took a step back releasing her arms from around my torso.
“What makes you think I want to have my measurements taken, after all the emotional bullshit I’ve been through in the last half hour. I feel more numb than I have been in a long time and now you bring this up, granted that was the original plan but by the gods, time and place Rarity.” I spit out as I walk towards her unconsciously squaring up on the small girl.
A hand rests on my shoulder and I snap my head over to Sunset who just shakes her head, “it’s not worth it Rarity just leave him be. He just spilled his guts to us and that’s all you can think about?” She sighed out.
“Im done here, thank you for letting me into your house, but I need to be alone. See ya when I see ya.” I turn for the door, open it and walk out shutting it behind me with a thud.
Walking across the street I look up in the night sky and ponder what it is I am really doing. “This ain’t easy Britt, but I don’t know how to move forward now.” I softly say to no one.
I make my way inside my home, no one to greet me as I walk down the small hall towards the kitchen where the pot I set out for my dinner still on the stove top. Looking around and seeing everything that I’ve known for the past two years it still doesn’t feel like home, I don’t have a connection to anything in this town or it’s people.
“I think I’ll roll a number and make some dinner,” I say to myself as I drag my feet over to my stash.
Pulling out the small jewelry box that was in the floating stereo and turn table cabinet, I look at the system and power it on. The dull yellow orange backlight of the stereo slowly came to life, lighting up the AM/FM band and resistance needles. Taking a record out of the holder and placing it gently on the record player, I turn it on, grabbing the velvet cleaning bar off one of the tower speakers to clean the face of the vinyl, I gently run it over the grooves and place it back on the speaker to my right.
Setting the album sleeve on the little stand I made to display the album artwork while playing my vinyl, I line the needle up with the outer edge of the spinning disk. Pops and small crackling came through the speakers until the first few notes faded in.
I walk over to the kitchen table and set the box down in front of me. It was one of the items I got after Britt’s death, a gorgeous hand made oak jewelry chest with her name engraved on a brass name plate. Opening the lid I see all the rings and earrings that she owned, beautiful gold and silver rings adorned with ornate engravings or precious gems. I didn’t have the heart to wear any of them but I did keep my stash in there, something she did as well.
Taking out the greens and some rolling papers I notice her lighter, a brushed stainless steel custom zippo with Mjöllnir engraved on one side and the other with her personal rune stave made up of ᚷᛝᛟ, it brought me back to the first time we got high together and I wish she was here with to enjoy this with me, a tear comes to my eye as I held the lighter in my hand running a thumb over the cold metal.
The last song of the A side of the album starts to play, I take the paper in my hands and start to sprinkle the ground up marijuana into the fold in the middle. Rolling the two ends of the paper, I tuck one end of the in on itself and start to work my thumbs and index fingers and roll it tightly, as the song ends I lick the adhesive strip and ignite the lighter to dry it while gently molding it to shape, getting up from my seat to flip the album to the B side, there’s a knock at the front door.
Flipping the record I shout, “Door’s unlocked, come in,”
“Sorry for bothering you when it’s this late but I want to know more about what happened,” the female voice said over the music.
“Sunset, I’m not in the mood for reliving the past right now.” I say to her as she came into view, the joint between my lips caught her off guard some.
“Im not even going to lecture you about this, I just wanted to apologize for Rarity’s behavior earlier.” She said with a hint of sadness in her voice.
“It’s fine, I knew she’d try and pull something that shallow at some point. Sit if you want to or join me on the back patio, your choice,” I say through the joint in my mouth.
I get up and make my way to the sliding door that lead to the patio, Sunset followed slowly before stopping at the table where the jewelry box sat.
“What’s this?”
“Don–.”
To My Love, I know I am not long for this world but I wish to start my family and enjoy the time we share. Hopefully I can see our child grow and I wish to grow old with you Miles, although I’ve had dreams of Hel’s hall where my ancestors sit and tell stories of the past while feasting and drinking.
If I leave this world for another before our child is born I want you to not mourn my death but celebrate the time we shared together, hopefully you can move on from the pain you are probably going to feel or are feeling. I didn’t want to hurt you my dear but when the goddess of death calls for you, one must oblige. I am truly sorry my love and I wish that this never would have happened to you.
—Yours Forever, Brittany
P.S. I know you will shut yourself off from everyone in your life, just know that I am not truly gone I still live on in your memories and the love you hold for me in your heart I love you with all my soul. May the gods protect and guid you my dearest.
“She was my counterpart of this world,” sunset says in a shaky voice as she held up a picture that was folded in with the letter.
“You are exactly like her in every way, I know you that you have a scar that runs from your right hip wrapping around to your lower back, or how your toes curl and nose scrunches up when you orgasm.” I tell her as I blow the smoke out from my mouth and nose. I look Sunset in the eyes as I tell her more than she probably realized.
The deep crimson blush across her face told me what I was saying is true, “but you’re not her at all, it’s the little things that remind me of that. Like how you have a more social personality rather than a reserved one, how you don’t shy away from conflict and try and help people as best you can, you have a troubled past but you don’t let that stop you from being the best person you can be.” I say in a weak voice while looking at the shocked girl standing on the other side of the screen overlooking the patio.
Sunset walks outside and takes the joint from my hand and takes a long drag, holding her breath for a few seconds while trying not to cough she slowly blows out the smoke she was holding in. I look over her body as she processes what I just told her, not sure of what to think about me.
“You know quite a bit about me then,” she says questioning my intentions.
“I don’t, I just know some of your personality a bit and what turns you on but I don’t know you, for instance I know that if I kiss this spot right here, trace my fingers right here, and do small little circles here,” I state while getting closer to her.
I reach out my hand and cup the left side of her face while I gently run my index finger up the base of her neck to behind her ear and start tracing small semicircles behind her ear lobe. Sunset let’s out a shaky breath and a small moan, I move my hand to her hip and trace the scar going to her back. She shutters a bit as I run my fingers up the small of her back, her free hand moves up my stomach to my chest tracing the scar through my shirt.
I lean in and kiss her neck trailing down to her collarbone where the left and right sides meet, “she would moan just like that if I was teasing her,” I say with a dejected tone in my voice.
“N–now I’m going to be horny for the rest of the night thanks for that,” Sunset huffs in annoyance, I smirk knowing what she’s going to say next.
“And this weed is only making it worse, Sunset and I say together, the look on her face was priceless.
She was beat red trying to hide in her hoodie, she lightly hit my chest with a balled up fist and rested her head on my shoulder, “you did this on purpose don’t you?” Her hot breath on my neck sent a shiver down my spine as she spoke.
“More to prove a point but seeing as you probably have a puddle in your panties right now, I’d say it was an added bonus,” I chuckle out softly as I gently stroke her head. Sunset goes stiff, she looks up at me with pleading eyes, eyes begging me to fuck her.
I take the joint from her hand and take a long drag from it, I lean down and kiss her while gently blowing the smoke into her mouth. Her tongue dances across mine as she moans softly as her hand paws as my chest, I run my hand down her back and grab her ass and pull her close to me. Breaking the kiss and look down at her, she looks just like Britt use to when I did this. The way her eyes screw shut to how her tiny gasps get caught in her throat when I traced her scar.
“Please,” Sunset let out a breathy moan in my ear, “don’t tease me.”
Sunset moves her hand down my stomach and to the front of my jeans, grabbing onto the slowly forming bulge rubbing it in her hand. I take a light draw on the half finished joint, taking it from my lips and toss it on the ground so that both my hands can be free.
I still have my right hand firmly grabbing Sunset’s ass while the other slowly unzips her hoodie, “how badly do you want it, I have the house to myself, some good bud, and booze.” I whisper softly as I lightly bite her ear.
Another squeak came from her lips and her hand gently squeezed my cock, “I–I want to see your scars again,” Sunset quietly asked.
“Then let’s go inside,” I reply to her request as I reach around her with my other hand and lift her up.
Sunset wraps her legs around my hips as I make for the screen door, she gently kisses the scar on my neck as I close the sliding door behind me. Making my way over to the couch to set her down I hear the slight skip as the needle sits comfortably near the middle of the record. She lets go of me and takes off her hoodie letting it drop behind her, I walk over to the record player and put the needle back in its cradle, picking the record up and putting it back in the sleeve I reach down to the rack again and pull out another album. Getting everything set up and the record on the player I gently set the needle down.
The music plays softly as I turn around to face Sunset, taking off my shirt. I let it drop to the floor as sunset gets up and stares at my bare chest, tracing the scar with her fingers and stopping at my shoulder, tracing the first scar I received. Sunset’s eyes go blank and gets that thousand yard stare, I feel this weird sensation shoot though me like being shocked but less painful.
“Sunset, oi Sunset, you good?” I say to her as I grab her hand that’s on my scar.
“Milo?” She slurs out as she shakes her head some.
I look in her eyes and notice something familiar, she hugs me tightly and starts kissing my chest.
“Milo my dear, I’ve missed you so much.” She says between kisses.
“Britt?” I slowly say, “how is this possible, I mean I lowered you and our child in the ground. You should be in Hel’s hall my love.”
“I know Milo, I can’t explain what happened, I was sitting in her hall with my relatives and parents then I end up back in Midgard being held by you just like old times,” she says on the verge of tears.
I wrap my arms tight around Sunset as I cry, “Britt I have been so alone without you,” I stammer out between sobs.
“I know my love, seeing you is a shock but I see you have some new scars and a tattoo, you’re still wearing my Mjöllnir as well,” she says as she holds it in her hand.
“It never leaves my neck, except for when I shower. And for my scars, the one on my chest was purely accidental when I was working with dad, but the one around my neck… It was a month after I buried you.” I explain to her about what’s happened between that day and now, “I hung myself, I’m not proud of it.”
She slaps me across the face and starts hitting my chest with balled up fists. Tears in her eyes she angrily yells at me, “what the fuck is wrong with you Miles Edward Blackwood, hanging yourself and out of all the stupid SHIT we’ve done, that you’ve done; this is by far the most idiotic!”
“Britt,” I calmly say while taking a barrage of punches on my exposed chest.
“NO!! Why did you think that was a good idea, you know the gods would punish you and damn your soul for self slaughter and you wouldn’t go to Valhalla or Hel’s hall if you were successful!” She cries into my chest as I pull her close and hold her tightly.
“I know my love, when I woke up in the hospital confused and alone I met one of the doctors who was making the rounds, he wore a brilliant blue lab coat. He didn’t say much to me but he told me something I will never forget.” I said while shaking slightly, “he said to me: ‘now you know what death feels like by your own hand and you have gained knowledge that is not meant for you here in Midgard, you still have much ahead of you Milo and it will be filled with lies, deceit, and treachery by those closest to you. Now rest, for you start your long journey tomorrow.’ Then I passed out and next time I woke up I was being discharged from hospital.”
“My love you met Odin, the Allfather. Sounded like he was giving you a warning but also telling you that something life changing would happen,” she said to me as she looked up into my eyes after giving me a soft kiss on my neck, “it seems like your friend here is waking up, I will give you this last comfort before I return to Hel’s hall. Our child, he is strong and fearless just like his dad is.”
I hold her tightly and kiss her deeply then the feeling of electricity was gone, “I will meet you again in death for together we are bound by love and blood.” That was the last thing Britt said before Sunset woke up from her trance.
“I love you Britt, always will my darling.” I softly whisper in Sunset’s ear.
“Ugghh what happened?” Sunset asked, “it felt like magic pulled me from my body but I was still seeing everything but not being able to do anything.”
“I don’t know what happened exactly but one minute you were touching my scar that Britt gave me on my chest near my shoulder then you got this thousand yard stare and the next thing I knew I was having a conversation with my fiancé.” I told her as I sat down on the couch shaking a bit from what had just happened.
“So she took over my body and I was riding passenger while you two talked?” Sunset asked, the confusion in her voice apparent.
“I guess, none of the magic that have witnessed or practiced has ever given me a result like that, it’s more subtle.” I tell her while rubbing the scar on my neck.
“Wait hold up, you can use magic; but that’s impossible in this world.” Sunset stammers out looking me over for an explanation.
“Yea, my fiancé called me The Black Berserker once, I had gotten in a fight with this kid who had been bullying Britt, I had beat the kid so badly he had to go to hospital, later I found out I fractured his eye socket, broke his nose in three places, and completely broke his elbow to where it was just hanging limply at his side which in doing so I dislocated his shoulder as well. After that Britt told me that I have something called berserker rage.” I told Sunset as she looked at me with weary glances slowly moving away from me in the process, “don’t worry I won’t attack someone out of the blue, only if I’m in a fight or am defending someone else.”
“That still doesn’t make me feel any better, you know that right.” Sunset states as she is on the other side of the couch.
“Oh I know, I almost lost control when I was beating that kid in the lunch room the other day, but when I saw he couldn’t fight back all that rage just disappeared and I went on my way.” I told her, looking her directly in the eyes.
I get up from my spot on the couch my knees crack and pop as I slowly make my way over to the record player and take the needle off, shitting down the system, “you want a drink?” I ask Sunset as she watches me move across the living room to the kitchen.
“I’ve got some cola, water, tea cold or hot , or I could make some coffee.” I ask from the kitchen.
“Im fine, thank you for the offer,” Sunset called from the couch, still keeping an eye on me wondering if I will do anything violent, “can I ask you something?”
I turn to face her placing my hands on the Island counter, “what do you wanna know,” I say to her.
“Why”
“Why what?”
“Why did you beat that guy in the lunch room?”
I chuckle lightly, “thats really what you want to know, not how I can be so violent one moment and be perfectly calm the next?” I ask her, giving a small smile.
“Well that kinda ties into the question I’m asking, I’ve never met a person that can be extremely violent but also be totally calm after it’s over,” Sunset was puzzled at how it’s even possible.
“I can’t explain it, it just happens. There’s something in me that snaps and I loose myself then as quick as it comes, it goes,” I try and explain to her but I can see she is lost, “you’d have to see me in a fight to know what I’m talking about.”
“I did see you in the lunch room, constantly head-butting that guy, the look in your eyes was something I’ve never seen. They looked almost animalistic but also like you were another person entirely, it was scary to watch you so brutally beat someone,” She states as she gets up from her spot walking over to me.
“And you’re worried that I might do it again?”
“Yea”
“It might happen again if I’m pushed far enough,” I say coldly.
“Would you defend someone, or would you just walk away?”
“I don’t know”
“What if someone was harassing me or my friends?”
“Depends, on the circumstance,” I reply with a long sigh, “why are you asking me these questions anyways?”
“Because I want to know your character and what kind of person you are,” Sunset retorts with a huff.
“You won’t get anywhere just by asking questions, you have to be involved and look at the actions of a person to know what kind of person they are,” I say quietly as I rummaged through the cabinet for a bottle of booze I hid.
“What are you looking for?”
“A bottle of booze I hid down here, it should be right, ah here it is!” I triumphantly remark as I pull the bottle of whiskey from the back of cabinet.
“No, you are not drinking, put it back!” Sunset cried as she rushed to grab the bottle from my hand.
“Sunset if you make me drop this bottle,” I bark out angrily pushing her to the side with my free hand, keeping the bottle close to me as I do so.
“Milo, please don’t,” she says to me looking at me with pleading eyes.
“Drink with me then cause drinking alone sucks.”
“No, put the bottle back!”
“Fine, then you can either leave or drink with me.” I say as I walk over to the cabinet where the cocktail glasses are and set two down on the counter, cracking the seal and popping the cork out of the bottle I let the whiskey breath a bit before pouring it into the two glasses that sat side by side.
“One drink, I’m still feeling that joint from earlier,” Sunset huffs as she gives in.
First Round
“So where do you come from Sunset Shimmer?” I ask her while taking a slow sip from my glass.
“Well that’s complicated to explain,” she replies with hesitation.
“Let me guess, you’re from another world but you’ve made this one your home because there’s no going back to your old one,” I say dryly
“Pinkie pie told you didn’t she,” Sunset said flatly.
“Yup, but I don’t really mind where you come from anyways,” I tell her with a small smirk growing on my lips.
Second Round
I pour another glass for the both of us and stare vacantly in my glass as Sunset swirls the amber liquid around in hers.
“So why did Rarity act so shallow earlier, I didn’t expect that from her at all but I kinda figured that she’d pull something.” I ask in a monotone voice.
“Shes not normally like that at all so sorry again for her behavior, she can get tunnel vision when she has an idea of when she gets inspiration.” Sunset tells me, bringing the second glass up to her lips and taking a slow sip of the whiskey.
“Its fine I’m use to those types of people in my life,” I tell her while setting my glass down with a small clink as the glass met the granite countertop, “you should meet my adoptive mom, complete control freak, has to have everything done her way.”
“Sorry to hear that, wait you’re adopted?” Sunset slurs, the alcohol getting to her.
“Yea, I don’t know my real parents and whenever I talk about it or bring up that topic Sarah freaks the fuck out and tells me to drop it. I think she’s afraid of me leaving to find my real mom, but my adoptive dad on the other hand doesn’t mind if I find them or don’t.” I say, slightly feeling the buzz of the drink I have in my hand.
“So will you find them?”
“Don’t know, probably never will with all these secrets that surround my adoption.”
“I’m sorry.”
I finish the remaining whiskey in my glass and start to pour another round when Sunset gives me a look, she reaches out a hand and grabs the bottle tipping it upright.
“I think this is enough for tonight,” she slured out, I look at the small amount in my glass then back to Sunset, I down what I poured and cork the bottle.
“Well, I’m not letting you drive home and Rarity is probably pissed at me for well, being me and I bet she’d be pissed at you for leaving or something like that.
“Don’t suppose you have a spare bed I could borrow for the night?” Her speech was slurred and she was gently swaying from side to side.
“I don’t but you can sleep with me, my parents won’t be home till tomorrow evening.” I tell her as I put away the bottle of whiskey.
“I’m not that type of girl Milo.” She says in a serious tone.
“I know, I’m not that type of guy to take advantage of an inebriated person like that,” I say to her as I turn to look in her eyes.
Sunset tries to walk to the stairs but stumbles a bit, holding onto the wall for support. I walk up beside her barely feeling the wobble like she is and scoop her into my arms.
“What are you doing, I can walk just fine on my own!” She huffs out, her cheeks are flushed and her breath smells like whiskey and weed.
“Obviously you can’t walk straight and I’ve been drinking since freshman year, so, tolerance I guess.” I fire back, my speech only slightly slurred.
“Put me down!” Begging as she whines out in protest.
I make it past the landing heading up the stairs, I only have three steps to go but Sunset starts to flail in my arms trying to escape.
“If you keep doing that imma drop you,” I tell her, a playful tone in my voice.
She glares up at me as I gently kick open my door, “so this is your room, it’s nice,” her words mixed together as the alcohol washes over her.
“Thanks?” I tell her, making my way over to the queen size bed.
“Ooohhh, yooouuu haaavvees a guitar, plllaayyy meeee a sooonnngg.” She is drunk, and her words are drawn out when she speaks.
“You really want to hear me sing?”
“Yyyesss.”
“Fine, one song.” I tell her as I lay her down on the end of the bed.
I make my way over to the stool by my desk, pick up the 12string guitar Britt gave me. The custom fret inlays are our personal runes while the back of the guitar she engraved my bind rune and a very detailed Mjöllnir. I strum out some chords making sure everything is in tune first.
“I didn’t think I’d be singing one of my songs to someone, but here it is,” I say, the numbing feeling washing over me and the dull buzz from the whiskey reverberating in my body. “This one is for my fiancé, I love you so much Britt and I miss you every day my love.”
I start to pick the first few lines as Sunset watches me intently as she shifts into a prone position, feet crossed over one another in the air gently rocking back and forth in time with my playing.
Some people live their dreams and some are in a nightmare, others had their dream come true but in this moment I don’t have you. I can clearly see the last time I held you, the way your hair smelled like the summer rain but I didn’t know it would be the last time before you went away. Now I’m here without you barely holding on and trying to survive, I have the scar when I first met you and your warmth still lingers in my bed at night.
My love I’d trade places in an instant just to see you one last time, to hold you in my arms again just to call you mine. But my dragons keep circling around me telling me to end my life, I can’t go on like this forever because without you I’m loosing my mind. I pray to the gods to hold you until we meet again my love, I still remember what you said to me, that living is easy when you’re with me my dear, and from then on I was in love.
Lowering you down was the hardest thing I had to face knowing you won’t be around. My soul went with you and our son into the ground. And living without you makes it hard to stand and fight since my dragons have taken me for a ride but some how I survived all this time, I don’t know what I’ll do next or if I even will move on. I don’t think I can move on, no— I— do–nt think that I can move on.
As I am lost in the music I feel the same feeling as before in the living room, it’s a lot more powerful but not by much. Pouring every fiber of my being, every ounce of my love into one song, I open my eyes briefly to see Sunset wiping away tears from her face as I slowly pick the last chord before almost collapsing off the stool.
“How, how is this possible?” Sunset chokes out.
“Well it’s not that hard a song to play, it’s only a C chord and Fmaj chord for the main progression, then a walk down to Em7 for the bridge and into a G chord back to C and F for the chorus and last verse with a walk down to that Em7 chord again, while flourishing in an Fmaj7th chord when I play the Fmaj chords. Really not that difficult.” I state as if it is something easy like riding a bike.
“No not that, beautiful lyrics although a bit depressing, you transformed like the girls and I do when playing music. Although yours is much darker than what happens to us.” Sunset exclaims as she gets up from the bed and takes small steps over to me.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, care to explain a bit more?” I say with a weak voice, my energy gone from my body as I place the guitar in the stand.
Sunset takes out her phone and takes a picture of me, “look for yourself,” she says with a shaky voice.
I take her phone from her hand and see what she is talking about. There I am with a dark pair of wings coming from my back radiating this blackish purple aura from them.
“What the fuck, is this a filter or something?” I question, my tone filled with confusion and suspicion.
“No, there’s no filter on this pic, that’s you and you have wings, black wings. I haven’t seen anything like this outside of the girls, do you have a pen?” Sunset asks, the last part a bit more frantic bordering on manic.
“Here.”
“Thanks, damn my journal is at Rarity’s. Fuck!”
“Well let’s get it.”
“Milo it’s one in the morning,” Sunset says the slur completely gone from her voice.
“Well we either go over there now or wait till tomorrow and get it first thing in the morning,” I reply to her as I get up and take my shirt off.
“What are you doing?” As the words left her lips I toss the shirt in the corner of the room.
I start to take my jeans off to get a bit more comfortable, sleep is finding me and I am fading fast. Sunset blushes as she realizes I am getting onto my side of the bed. “Im going to sleep, normally I sleep nude but this will do since you’re sleeping right next to me,” I say as I let out a yawn.
“Oh no, you said you had another bed,” she exclaims as her eyes go up and down my body.
“I said I didn’t have an extra bed, and that you’ll have to share with me. Besides I am crossfaded right now so major whiskey dick.” I tell her, pulling the covers half way up on my body leaving my torso exposed.
“I still don’t feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed with you, no offense to you but it doesn’t feel right,” Sunset says softly as she hangs her head.
“I get it, I’ll be on the couch if you need me,” I get up and take a pillow off my side and head for the door, “night.”
I close the door behind me and leave Sunset in my room, I hear a muffled good night from behind the closed door as I make it down the stairs.
I mosey on over to the couch tossing my pillow at one end and taking the folded blanket draped over the back. There’s a light knock at the door stopping me from the warm embrace of sleep, I slowly head out of the living room and down the hallway to the front door. I open it and see Rarity standing outside looking worried.
“What,” I bluntly ask the girl.
“Is Sunset here?” The fashionista asks, slight concern in her voice.
“She’s asleep in my room, what do you need her for?” My tone like ice as I look over Rarity.
“Well I just had this feeling and I thought I might check on her is all,” she weakly says, almost withering under my cold stare.
“She’s fine, drunkenly sleeping, but fine; now if you would be so kind as to fuck off so I can get back to what I was doing that would be great. Sunset will be over in the morning,” I bluntly tell her as I start to close the door.
A hand reaches in and stops me, the look in Rarity’s eyes was something I’ve never seen on another person. She tries to force her way through only to be stopped by running into my chest, looking up at me with eyes that could kill didn’t phase me.
“Let me through, this is important,” she says while still trying to get past me.
“Let me guess, it’s about her journal?”
“How did, not important, what is important is that she gets it.”
“Still not letting you in unless you can make me move from this spot and force your way past.”
“Why are you such an ass, I’m trying to get this to Sunset!” Rarity yells at me while holding up a decorative leather bound book with a two tone orangish yellow and red sun with a purple star burst on one side while the other has a red sun flare.
“Well, isn’t that interesting,” I mumble under my breath, “there are only two ways that this can go down, you force your way in here and I drop you on the floor, or you can give me the journal and I’ll take it to Sunset,” I tell my prissy next door neighbor, the tone in my voice was short.
“Fine, looks like I’ll have to force my way in!” She yells at me.
I feel a solid force smash into my left side almost knocking me down, regaining my balance I see Rarity slip past from the small opening she made. I lunge forward only to be stopped by a translucent white barrier in front of me, “what the fuck!” I yell out.
My rage building up inside me as I start to pound on the barrier, red fills my vision as I start to punch the barrier. Rarity has a smirk on her face that turns to horror as the shield starts to crack, “how, that’s impossible!” She stammers out in complete shock.
One last punch and the shield shatters then disappears into the either, “now you’ve pissed me off, if you don’t want to die I suggest you leave,” I growl out, my fist bloody from punching at the shield.
“You broke through.” Rarity’s voice was quiet, barely above a whisper.
I slowly march forward till I am half an arms length away from her, “your concentration needs work if you want to hold your shield spell, steel your resolve and fight!” I yell out, my voice distorted into a growl as I grab her throat.
My hand like a vice around her neck, the tiny gasps and chokes for air are like music to my ears, “Milo, stop!” A voice yells, I look past Rarity and see Sunset standing behind her.
“Sun…se…t he…hel….p” Rarity gasps out, my hand still around her throat squeezing tightly.
“MILO I said stop, let her go.” Sunset commanded but my grip only tightened.
Sunset walks past Rarity who is trying to break free from my ever tightening grasp around her neck, placing a hand on my outstretched arm, “Milo please don’t, you’re going to kill her!” The fiery haired girl said while trying forcing my hand off her friend’s neck.
One of Rarity’s shields hit my face making me let go of her as I fall back, my nose broken as blood pours over my mouth, I hold my nose as I regain my footing while the gasps and wheezes coming from Rarity fill the hallway.
“Rarity, are you okay?”
“Y…ye….s I….I…m fi…ine darling, here’s your journal, it’s been buzzing non stop for the past half hour.” Rarity coughs out while sucking as much air into her lungs as possible.
“Shallow breaths, Diamond Shield.” I chuckle out, still holding my nose I inhale sharply and spat out the blood in my mouth onto the hardwood floor, “I’m getting another drink.”
Sunset eyes me carefully as I walk past her and Rarity who has now gotten to her feet. She walks with her arm around Rarity’s waist into the living room and sets her down on the couch.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Sunset screams at me.
“She attacked me first,” I bark at her, spitting the blood that is pooling in my mouth into the kitchen sink.
“Still that’s no excuse to do what you did, you could have killed her!” Sunset angrily says to me as she marches over and slaps me on the back of the head.
“No I wouldn’t have,” I say between spitting out blood, I take a sip of whiskey to wash down any blood in my throat, “diamond shield said something about your journal and how it was buzzing or something.”
Sunset looks over to Rarity who is still on the couch taking slightly deeper breaths now. Sunset walks into the hall and finds her journal on the floor buzzing away like a cell phone on vibrate, picking it up and opening it to read what was sent to her.
Sunset, I am writing to you to let you know what I have found on that name you gave me, Blackwood. After talking with Princess Luna about it she faintly remembers the name, she told me that there was a Pegasus soldier who was most feared on the battlefield, some called him The Black Berserker or The Black Angel, he was mostly know for his brutality and rage in battle.
I am coming over so I can see if the description of the pony matches the person in your world, I will be here at 7:00am your time.
“Princess Twilight it’s good to see you again,” Sunset said as they embraced.
“Good to see you Sunset, where is he this is urgent,” Twilight said as she broke the hug.
“He should be at his house, when I left last night with Rarity after he choked her, he passed out from drinking and should be laying in the same spot clinging to the bottle of whiskey,” Sunset said, “what’s this about his name in Equestria though?”
As the two girls walked across the street Twilight explained all she knew and handed Sunset a picture. Stopping in the middle of the street frozen in place Sunset looked back up at Twilight.
“No.”
“No to what Sunset?”
“This, picture you found where did you get it in the Canterlot Archive?”
“The war records wing, if my timeline I have been working on is correct then that was commissioned around a year before Discord. There was an account of one battle where a single Pegasus stormed an enemy fort and slaughtered every single guard, soldier, colt, stallion, filly, and mare in his path just to get the upper hand that ultimately turned the tide of war to the point when the enemy surrendered,” Twilight said as she walked back to Sunset.
“Look at the picture I took last night when I was over at Milo’s house, he was playing a song and then this happened,” Sunset said in a shaky voice holding her phone up to Twilight, the photo she held up on the screen was a pair of black purple-ish wings extended outward from the young man’s back as he hunched over his guitar with closed eyes.
“Impossible, unless he’s from Equestria or has any connection to equestrian magic this is impossible.” Twilight muttered to herself, “Sunset, you said that he’s still probably passed out at his place right?”
“Yeah, what are you planning Twilight?” Sunset questioned with a look of uncertainty
“Lets go talk to him and explain who I am and where you come from,” Twilight said as she made a beeline towards the house across the street.
***
I woke up on the couch not feeling the effects of last night’s drinking at all which was weird for me, normally I’d be puking my guts out by now and begging for death but today wasn’t that type of day. I don’t remember much of what happened last night or why I am laying on the couch but Something felt off, there was an unusual pressure in the air.
I get up and make my way to the kitchen to splash some cold water on my face, “fuck only four hours of sleep,” I say to myself as the cold water dripped down through the coarse hair on my face, “time to get to it then.”
I strip out of my boxers and put on the clothes from yesterday that were in the laundry basket in the wash room, I lace up the sneakers and head to the front door. Opening it and stepping out into the porch the cool morning air hits me and I shiver some. Putting the headphones I had left in my pocket into my ears, I pick a playlist from my phone and start my morning run.
***
*knock* *knock* *knock*
Twilight and Sunset stand on the porch of the home waiting at the front door, another series of knocks, nothing happened.
“Well I’m not surprised he’s still passed out, he drank about a half a bottle of whiskey in one sitting,” Sunset said as she looked at Twilight.
“No you’re exaggerating no one could drink half a bottle of alcohol in one sitting and still be alive,” Twilight says to Sunset with disbelief.
“It’s true l, I saw him down half the bottle over the course of an hour while I sat with Rarity on his couch,” She said in a tone that made Twilight question how this person can function every day.
Sunset tried the handle and it gave no resistance as the door opened, “lets see if he’s here,” she mumbled under her breath.
“Sunset don’t just barge into someone’s house like this,” Twilight scolds her in a hushed tone fearing someone might overhear her.
The two girls walk into the empty house expecting to see a drunken Milo Blackwood on the couch or in the bathroom somewhere, instead there was no one. Sunset rushed up the stairs taking two steps at a time she flung open the door to his room and it was empty except the guitars on the wall or in the stands with a notebook and pen laying on stool next to them.
“Milo, get out here!” Sunset yells while walking back down the stairs.
She sees Twilight looking at the jewelry box which had a letter opened with a picture propped up on a bottle of whiskey that was a quarter empty.
“What’s this?” Mumbling under her breath Twilight picks the photo up and looks at it closely, “so, this is the other Sunset Shimmer, where is she though.”
***
I round the corner to my street the sweat in my eyes blurring my vision, I sprint down the street to my house for the last leg of my morning run. Up the driveway and the stairs on the front porch I burst through door letting it slam behind me as I take the first few steps in my home.
“What the fuck Milo!” Sunset yells as I enter the kitchen out of breath and covered in sweat.
“Oh…..hey Sunset, hey…..Twilight, sorry was out on a morning run didn’t mean to scare you or anything,” I say between heavy breaths as I walk to the cabinets and pull out a glass, turning around to get to the sink to fill it up.
“Sunset, can you come here please I found something interesting in this photo,” Twilight said with a raised voice.
“Wait, what the fuck are you two doing in here, who let you in?” I ask as I look between the two girls now beside one another looking at the photo that I left propped up on by the whiskey bottle in my room.
“That’s not important, quiet. Sunset look at this necklace. It looks like the one I found in the archives, we’ll something similar to it anyways.” Twilight said, trying to quiet me from asking any more questions.
“Oh he’s wearing that right now, never takes it off,” Sunset remarks as she looks at me.
“Then depending on what it looks like that might be a problem.” The concerned tone in Twilight’s voice as she spoke didn’t make me feel better.
“What do you mean by that, and what are you two doing here anyways?!” I exclaim with a ragged breath.
“I want to see it, can you show me this?” Twilight said as she walked over to me and shoved the picture in my face, she paused as she saw the scar on my neck.
“What. Oh you noticed already didn’t you,” I say with a bout of calm coming over my voice and a wash of sadness over my face.
“I need to examine you more thoroughly, so strip for me,” Twilight orders.
“What the fuck?”
“Please, I’m doing some research on a pony from my world that shares your last name “Blackwood” and I’d appreciate it if you could strip for me so I can find the similarities between you and your suspected counterpart; so strip,” twilight said with a huff placing her hands on her hips.
“Fine, fine. If the pretty nerd asks me to strip, I’ll strip, sit in the chair and get some singles ready.” I say to Twilight, Sunset gave a small chuckle from the look Twilight gave as I inched closer to her.
“Sunset I don’t think he understood what I meant by strip,” she said in a worried tone.
“No he understands what you meant, he’s taking it in a whole different direction though,” Sunset replies with a small chuckle, “Milo, I think she’s had enough, don’t scar the princess.”
“What, I can’t have some fun here?” I say as I move my body to an imaginary beat while slowly taking my shirt off, flexing my pecs as I stare into Twilight’s eyes that were as big as dinner plates, her blush growing rapidly on her face that she looked like a tomato. “Come on hav– wait, did you say princess as in her, the adorkable nerd?”
“Yes, but you better sit down for this,” Sunset said.
I put my shirt on, standing in the kitchen/dining room just staring at both girls with confusion, “wait, wait, wait, explain.” I say while pacing back and forth, trying to piece together what’s going on, so there’s This world’s Twilight and there’s Princess Twilight, so where’s this world’s Twilight?” I ask, trying not to think too much about how much of a mind fuck this is, “I though Twilight is off galavanting on some college credit course or something.”
“Yea Twilight is off doing something sciencey for college credits or something like that, this is Princess Twilight Sparkle from Equestria the counterpart to this world’s Twilight or however you want to look at it,” Sunset explains while motioning to Twilight
“Makes sense, and you’re Britt’s counterpart, which something doesn’t add up here. So I’m guessing names are somewhat universal between the two dimensions correct?” I ask the both of them, “also what would you like to be called, Princess Twilight or just Twilight?”
“Oh Twilight is fine, but to answer your question; yes names here and on my side of this dimension do share vast similarities if not the exact same names which begs the question, why was Sunset’s counterpart called Britt rather than Sunset Shimmer?” Twilight asked.
“Well when I met her in grade school everyone called her Sunny, but she said that she wanted to be called Brittany, her actual name, so I called her that every day till she passed the summer going into freshman year.” I explain to Twilight. “Sunset looks a lot like her except she didn’t have red in her hair, natural or dyed.”
“So where is the necklace she’s wearing in this photo? Because there is an ancient magical artifact in my world that has immense magical power, now I know that there are some of those here in this world but they are few and far between.” Twilight hands me a hand drawn photo of the item as she explained what these magical objects were.
I zoned out a bit as the ringing in my ears became louder, I thought about what I should have for breakfast when Twilight reaches for my neck. I grab her hand, “don’t,” I tell her softly, “if you want to see my scars then just ask.”
Taking off my shirt again I let it drop at my feet and spread my arms out, “how did you, I’ve never seen any one with scars like this; not in my world or anywhere for that matter,” Twilight said with a gasp.
“The big one on my chest was an accident from working with my dad and the one on my neck was from a failed suicide attempt.” The irritation in my voice coming through as I re told a shortened version of what happened.
I let my arms drop to my sides and bend down to get my shirt, walking into the kitchen I take two skillets out from the floor cabinets and set them on the stovetop, walk over to the fridge and pull out a carton of eggs, a package of bacon, some butter, and the bag of hash browns. My mind wonders back to a happy memory as the ringing in my ears swells to a dull whistle.
******
The sound of sizzling filled the air the relative silence was disturbed by Britt’s soft foot falls on the hardwood behind me and the scent of her perfume as she wrapped me in a warm hug from behind.
“Morning my love, I didn’t know you were up,” Britt whispered in my ear.
A smile crept on my lips as I set the wood spatula down on the counter and turned the burner down on the stove, I turned around to face her and gently kissed the woman beside me wrapping my arms around her waist as I lean in.
“I woke up early for a morning run, I got back a while ago and decided to make us breakfast,” I whispered back.
“Thank you, I think today is a lazy day so… let’s just stay in bed together,” Britt says to me as she lays her head on my chest while lightly planting kisses on my shirt.
“How about you put on some music and I’ll have this breakfast ready for you my love,” I ask her as I kiss her one more time.
She hugs me tight for a second then let’s go and walks out of the kitchen towards the stereo in the living room searching for her favorite record in the rack. Taking her time while stealing glances my way as she gives me that look which melts my heart every time I see it, after getting everything set up she places the needle down on the vinyl and the music softly fills the room.
Dancing across the room back towards me while swaying her hips to the slow rhythm of the music, she takes my arm and tries to pull me away from cooking breakfast to dance with her. How could I say no, taking her hand in mine I let her lead me to the living room of her home.
“If I didn’t know better my dear it would seem that you are trying to seduce me right now,” I tell her, my hand in hers as we danced.
“Milo.”
“Yes Britt?”
“I love you so much, let’s get married after high school and start a family.”
“I’d love that.”
I wrap my arms around the woman I love and hold her close till the song ends. “I think breakfast is ready,” I whisper in her ear.
I get two plates down and set them next to the stove, I lay a bed of hash browns down then eggs and bacon crossed over one another in the shape of an X, I hand her the plate and start to fix mine in the same way.
******
”Milo”
”Milo are you listening to me?”
”why’s he spaced out like that?”
”Milo, did you even hear what I said?”
“Because I’m still in love with you, I want to see you dance again. Because I’m still in love with you, on this harvest moon,” I sing softly to myself as a tear rolls down my cheek.
“Milo, are you okay?” Sunset asks softly as she places a hand on my shoulder, with look of concern in her eyes and worry on her face.
“I–I’m fine my love, I just zoned out a bit. Breakfast is ready, grab a plate and take a seat at the table,” I say as I grab a few plates from the cabinet and set them down on the counter next to me. Laying down the hash browns then the eggs and bacon crossed over in the shape of an X.
The girls take each take a plate confused as they look at each other, I take out some silverware from the drawer and hand them both a knife and fork. I make my plate and head to the table setting the plate of food down I fold the letter and place the photo on top in the jewelry box gently closing the lid and moving it to the side.
The ringing in my ears finally dies down and I look at the girls who sit on either side of me, they are staring intently, closely watching my every move as I get up again to get some salsa and hot sauce from the fridge.
“Milo, are you okay?” Twilight asks as I walk back to my seat.
“Yea I’m fine, why do you ask?” Replying to the question, as I scoop out a little bit of salsa and pour a generous amount of hot sauce over my eggs.
“I ask because you spaced out and tears started rolling down your face,” Twilight said in a soft tone trying to understand what happened.
“My mind drifted back to a simpler time when all I had to worry about was school and my future with Britt,” I quietly tell Twilight, “it’s funny really, after the first year when we started dating each other I got in this fight when some punk tried to take her rings. I beat him so badly that he was in hospital for three months, I was only 14 and I beat this grown man half to death; afterwards Britt called me The Black Berserker and said that I have the ancient magic of the old berserker warriors.”
I take a few bites of my food and look over at Twilight, “the next full moon she took me out into the woods behind her house and held a ritual, see Britt was skilled in what she called Seider, a type of magic that let the user see the future and shape it. She explained that she was shaping both our futures to be together in this life and the next after we die, that was the first ritual she did, the second one was for me to control my berserker rage as she called it; blood was drawn by a ceremonial knife that she is buried with, and the last ritual she did was for her, a fertility ritual to Freyja.”
“Sunset I’m going to tell him,” Twilight said, the worry in her voice growing, “where to start. When Sunset asked me to look into your last name she was concerned when she saw you beat a kid at lunch. So I did some digging and found something in the Archives of Canterlot on my side of this dimension. There was an ancient warrior that went by the name of The Black Berserker, the most brutal warrior in pony history although very few records exist of this pony there was one account of him slaughtering an enemy fort, there were no survivors and he killed every single pony inside, the only name I could find was his last name, Blackwood. The records say that he disappeared before the reign of discord over two thousand years ago and hasn’t been seen since.”
“And you think this has something to do with me because of my last name?” I question.
“It’s possible, but I won’t know for sure unless we take you to Equestria.” Sunset chimed in, “Princess Luna and Princess Celestia are worried about what might happen to this world if you are this pony.”
“Hold up, so you want me to go on a magical field trip to her world to see if I am this pony from an ancient war?” I say with curiosity through a mouth full of food.
“Yes, we’ll only be gone a week and you’ll be brought before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna to see if you actually are the pony in question,” Twilight said after she took a bite of her food in front of her.
“This is good Milo, really good,” Sunset compliments as she takes another bite of food.
“Thank you, years of practice,” I reply, finishing the small pile of food I had left.
Nothing else was said as the girls ate letting me think about the offer that was just laid on the table. Happy little moans and clattering of forks on plates were all I needed to hear to enjoy the morning with the two intruders.
After the plates were stacked in the sink and the kitchen cleaned up from breakfast I open the jewelry box and take the half finished joint out from last night.
“Oh no you’re not,” Sunset tries to reach for the joint between my lips.
“Oh yes I am, I’m going to enjoy the rest of this reefer and then go write some music for the day!” I tell Sunset as I hold her head in place with my palm on her forehead, her arms flailing as she tries to reach for the joint in my mouth.
“What’s that between your lips, also why is Sunset trying to grab it?” Twilight inquired as she looks between the both of us.
“Well this here is a magical little thing that relaxes you very well, better than anything I’ve ever had,” I tell Twilight with a smirk.
“Don’t listen to him Twi, last time I had some something weird happened,” Sunset warned Twilight.
“Oh you mean that, I thought that was a drunken dream I had, but anyways stop being a heel just because you had a bad experience,” I say to Sunset mockingly.
“It wasn’t a bad experience, I’ve smiled up before but I haven’t had something happen like what happened last night!” She exclaims as she gets a far away look in her eyes.
“What happened last night aside from Milo snapping.” Twilight asked Sunset with peaked curiosity.
“Last night I came over to see if he was okay and we ended up on the back patio, smoked the first half of that joint and when we came inside I felt something take over my body but I was still seeing and hearing everything but I wasn’t in control of my body.” Sunset explained to Twilight, who looked puzzled, “Twi, no I know that look, we are not doing this again because weird things happened last night that I don’t want to relive.”
“Oh this is a good time to experiment, I want you to run through the events leading up to when Sunset didn’t have control over her body,” Twilight beamed hoping she would get to do some experiment.
I walk towards the stairs to get my guitar and notebook from my bedroom. Coming down the stairs with guitar in hand and harmonica around my neck and notebook in the other hand, I slip past Sunset to go out to the patio opening the sliding door. I take Britt’s lighter and light up the joint between my lips.
I strum out some lonesome slow melody as I take a slow drag on the joint.
Think I’ll roll a number to take me back to the old days, a happier time when I held you in my arms when it was just you and me.
I sing out the first line of the song I have in my head, I stop for a bit to write down the lyrics and chords I used, blowing the smoke out of my nose I place it under the strings behind the nut of the guitar. I move the harmonica up to my lips and secure the cradle in place as I blow a few notes and start strumming the same chords again.
Think I’ll roll a number to take me back to the old days, a happier time when I held you in my arms just you and me. This buzz I’m gettin from the smoke I burn washes over me, wondering if I’m to far gone for love again. Without you here I feel like I’m trapped with no way out, a prisoner without a key.
I softly blow the overlying melody on the harmonica, I didn’t hear Twilight and Sunset open the slider to the patio.
“I wonder if it will happen again,” Sunset said to Twilight in a soft voice.
It was a lazy day when you asked me to stay, I held you in my arms as we danced together under the rising moon. I still see your face when I close my eyes remembering your touch as we made love that night.
“Why are his songs depressing?” Twilight said to Sunset trying to wrap her head around the lyrics.
“Are you just going to stand there whispering amongst yourselves?” I ask, a little anger in my voice.
“Well have you made up your mind about coming to Equestria with us,” Twilight says to me.
“Yea, I’ll go just to humor you both,” I tell them as I gently set my guitar down on the chair next to me.
After Twilight and Sunset left at around late afternoon I didn’t have anything to do for the rest of the day, my homework was complete, the dishes were in the dish washer, and the kitchen was clean. I sit on the front porch gently rocking in the rocking chair sipping a very tasty and smooth rye whiskey as I look out on the neighborhood, we’ll more like the few houses in my line of sight.
I see Rarity come out of her house with an outfit that could turn heads and break necks, the short skirt rest above her knees while the blouse she wore clung to her frame like plastic wrap over a bowl. She looks over at me as I lift my glass to acknowledge her, the look she gave me was one of disgust as she headed for her white Mazda.
Getting in the driver seat and adjusting the mirror, buckling her seat belt, and starting the car, she peels out of the drive in reverse and comes to a stop. She looks over in my direction snubs her nose in the air and flips me the bird as she drives off down the street. I let out a small chuckle at her antics and take a sip of my drink while leaning back in the chair, I don't really care what she thinks of me.
A few minutes later my parents pull up, the car lurching back as they put it in park in the driveway. “Milo why are you drinking out here alone?” My dad asks.
“Can’t I have a drink while enjoying the evening?” I reply with a flat tone.
“Fair point, I don’t have a problem with you drinking but everyone else might so try and stay inside the house next time, ok son,” he says to me while walking past through the front door.
I feel the thud as the door closes behind him, my mom gets out of the car and walks up the few steps to the front porch. She looks at me raising an eyebrow and tries to reach for the glass in my left hand. I move it out of her reach and give her a glare as I move it to my right.
“Give me the drink Milo,” her stern tone sobers me up almost instantly.
“Fuck off, just because you don’t drink doesn’t mean you have to be a bitch Sarah, besides this is the first drink I’ve had today so lay off,” my tone was equally as harsh as I lock eyes with my mom, “let me be and go do whatever it is you do aside from riding my ass and being a heel.”
“Why do you hate me?” My mom questions as she walks past me and sits on the porch swing.
“You are always up in my business, you always need to know what I’m doing at every waking moment of the day, you force me to do things that you think I would like, you have no clue what I actually like to do, and you have no respect for boundaries, so anymore questions dumbass?” I rattle off my answer in a condescending tone, “didn’t fucking think so.”
I get up from the chair letting it slap against the siding, I walk towards the door grabbing the handle and open it, stopping for a second before turning back to face my mom, “just so you know, you would be a lot happier if you didn’t live life through your children, also I’ll be at a friend’s place for the next week so there’s that as well. Looks like you’ll have to ride dad’s ass for that time so you can have some semblance of normalcy, get a fucking life you miserable cunt.
I walk through the door way letting the door slam shut under its own momentum. I walk down the hall and turn going up the stairs to my room. Opening the door and shutting it behind me shuffling over to my bed and falling down on my back, I shift my arm with the momentum trying not to spill the amber liquid all over the bed.
I fish my phone out of my pocket and open a new text to Sunset.
do I have to bring and if we can go now that would be best.
I send off the text thinking about what I’ll need to bring. My phone vibrates in my hand, ‘‘incoming call’
“Hello?”
“You don’t need to pack anything. If you want to go now then that’s fine with me, let me get Twi and head over to school.”
“Let me guess there’s a magical portal to another dimension on school grounds that only a few people know about, it’s the statue isn’t it?”
“How did you….. Did Pinkie tell you?”
“Nope, just a complete random guess, but back on topic I don’t need to bring anything?”
“No, you don’t need to bring anything, you want to meet up in say half an hour?”
“I’ll be just drunk enough to have my mind blown and probably puke my guts out on the other side.”
“Don’t, please don’t do that.”
“But I am going to do that, so I’ll meet you there in a half hour yea?”
“Yea, you don’t need to bring anything.”
“Got it, see you there in half an hour.”
I hear the soft beeps as the call was disconnected, setting my phone beside me I slowly sitting up I run my now free hand through my hair thinking over what might happen. Getting up I stumble a bit on my way over to where I keep my rum and flasks, walking with the bottle and stainless steel containers in my hand over to my desk, I set everything down and twist the cork off the bottle with a soft pop. I place the small funnel in the opening of the first flask and slowly pour out the amber liquid.
After filling my flasks I put on my leather jacket and get ready to head over to the school. Heading back down the stairs I am greeted with everyone in the room staring at me.
“Where are you going this late?” My dad asks with his arms folded over his chest.
“To meet up with a friend from school, we are doing a project together in shop and he wanted to meet up so we can go over what needs to be done.” I reply as I head for the front door.
“You have school tomorrow,” he says as I open the door.
“Ill stay at his place and get a ride from his mom,” I reply before shutting the door.
***
As I walk up to the statue from the parking lot Sunset and Twilight are sitting on the steps talking amongst themselves, about what I don’t know. I slowly take the joint from my lips and lightly tap it to knock the ash from the end as I walk up to them.
“So it might be a shock to him when we pass through the portal and end up on the other side so let’s just take it slow at first.” Twilight said to Sunset who nodded in agreement.
“Alright let’s get this over with, I only have three joints and two eight ounce flasks to last a week,” I speak up.
“Oh you’re here, alright let’s not waste any time.” Twilight said as she got up offering a hand to Sunset.
We walk over to the statue as Sunset walked behind me with Twilight leading the way. I felt uneasy with going into the unknown but I knew my Gods will be with me on this journey. I watch as Twilight touches the surface of the polished stone of the statue’s base as it ripples like water, she gently pushes forward and glides smoothly through what should be solid stone.
“You’re next Milo,” Sunset tells me as she pushes my back a bit to make me move forward.
Still in awe at the sight I just witnessed I slowly make my way to the base of the statue, I place my hand on it and it feels like stone but also something else as my hand sinks inward.
“It feels like cold spaghetti, it’s weird and squishy.” I say as I step forward, my whole body slowly being pulled.
“It’ll be quick, don’t fight it.” Sunset says as she lightly pushes me the rest of the way.
“That’s what someone says as they are watching a man bleed out in the street, if I die then it’s o—” I was cut off as the portal sucked me in completely.
The experience was otherworldly, the bright rainbow of color whirled around me as I was not only transported but transformed into something else. I held the Mjöllnir around me neck tightly in a fist as I pray to Thor and Odin for protection, my limbs were contorted into hooves and my bipedal stature became shorter and more equine.
“On your head, an— Where the fuck am I?” I finish my sentence as I stand on crystalline floor surrounded by what look like ponies all staring at me.
“How do you feel Milo?” I hear Twilight’s voice call out.
I blink trying to get my eyes to focus, “I feel like I need a fuckin drink,” I say with a small discomforted moan.
I take a step forward down the small ramp that looks like something out of Stargate SG-1, I hear the soft clip clop of my hooves on the crystal floor and look down. “Oh would you look at that,” I mumble, “I still have my leather jacket, hopefully my joints or flasks didn’t get crushed.”
A dark blue blur is all I see before my body reacts on its own, standing on my hind legs I catch the thing speeding at me twisting my body and slam it on the ground as my wing positions itself at its throat.
“Your reflexes have not dulled I see,” the dark blue pony says to me as she looks in my eyes with a small grin on her lips.
“Choose your next words carefully or they could be your last,” I growl out, my wing getting closer to her throat and the pressure on her wing beneath my hoof, “well are you going to make goo goo eyes at me all day or are you going to explain who you are?”
Twilight and the others all rush to get me off of the pony beneath me. “I will ask you one more time before I dislocate your second wing joint, who are you!”
“Milo get off Princess Luna!” Twilight and Sunset yell at me.
“It seems you don’t remember us Black Berserker, I feared this might happen,” Princess Luna said under her breath as she tried to move.
I see her horn light up and feel a slight tingle on my hoof holding her wing down, I quickly smack her head with my left hoof right where her horn is and the magic stops, “explain before your horn goes through your heart,” I say calmly.
“My after all these years you still know all the hoof to hoof combat I taught you, and as for explaining who I am it’s a long and involved story and if you would get off me I’ll tell you the whole thing.”
My mind is blank as I sit at the massive crystalline table that doubled not only as a map of the country but the few neighboring countries as well, the six thrones in a wide circle with each pony sitting in their respective seat marked with what Twilight called cutiemarks whatever the hell those things are.
“Milo, do you understand what I’ve been saying?” Twilight asked a concerned look on her face.
The ringing in my ears growing louder by the second, drowning out any background noise or voices. I stare at the ponies around me studying and waiting for anything to happen I shift my eyes over to Luna studying her intently as I reach into the inside pocket of my jacket and pull out a joint and lighter.
Putting it to my lips I light the end and inhale a bit to get a cherry on the end, blowing the smoke out it swirls down across the table like fog down a street. The ringing in my ears fades and I see that everyone is staring at me, I take the joint from my mouth with the tip of my wing like I would with fingers and hear Twilight ask me something.
“Why are you smoking a joint in my castle?!” Twilight huffs out.
“So the ringing in my ears would stop,” I say as I look over the joint between my wing tip before floats out of my grasp towards Luna as she puts it between her lips and takes a hit, I look at her not sure what to make of what’s happening.
“Luna is that really necessary?” Celestia says as she scowled at Luna.
“Let’s get to the point, why do you think I’m this legendary warrior of a distant past according to what the nerd says.” I say putting my front hooves on the map as I point a wing at Twilight.
“Well you are exactly what I remember from those bloody days of war, the way you move to the scar that reaches down your barrel.” Luna states as she floats the joint back to me in her magic.
“Ok but that’s just similarities and semantics, I was adopted in my world I have no connection to this place.” I reply before taking a drag from the quickly diminishing joint.
“Interesting, I do you know who your real parents are or what happened to them?” Luna asks as she gets up from her seat and walks over to me slowly, she stands a good head taller which she uses to her advantage.
“I have no clue who my real parents are or anything surrounding my adoption, my parents won’t tell me anything and get really weird when I bring it up,” I reply, eyeing the dark blue Alicorn.
“Let me try memory magic, it will allow me to view your memories but only if you let me.” She says as she charges her magic through her horn.
“You won’t like what you see.”
“I’ve seen the blood soaked fields of battle, fought my own kinsponies, and have slaughtered scores of enemies all in the name of this country so believe me when I tell you I can handle it.”
“Luna I have no doubt that you’ve seen things that would send anyone into a mental breakdown but trust me when I say that you won’t like what you see, I’m assuming there is an emotional side to this magic as well so steel yourself for what comes next.” I warn her.
She nods at my statement and looks at me for my approval, slowly nodding as I look into her eyes as I stand still while my joint falls on the floor when Luna’s magic worms it’s way into me. My mind goes blank and I black out still standing on my hooves, Luna’s eyes go white and her consciousness enters my mind.
deep inside Milo’s mind
“Welcome to the most disturbing place this side of the Copperhead river if you’ll follow the path laid out before you the answers you seek are at the end of this ride, so sit back relax if you can, and enjoy the show.”The disembodied voice said as a path slowly lit up in front of Luna.
“All of this is in his mind, just how fractured is he?” She whispered to herself as she slowly walked forward.
“The first stop on this journey are that of fear and pain, much like every child that comes into this world there is only distorted voices, blurry distant shapes, cold, and immense pain; but don’t worry to keep everyone safe here you will only experience a fraction of what actually happened so brace yourself and hold on tight.” The voice said as Luna walked up to a door of pure white, the black chains that were bound across it slowly slithered back, allowing the door to open.
“We need to get him to the NICU fast, this little guy checked out thirteen weeks early and from what the mother said she was about to have him on the way here.”A voice said, slightly distorted from the low ringing that assaulted Luna’s ears.
“Where are you taking my baby, at least let me hold him!”A woman’s voice shouted at the doctors.
“Sorry miss but we have to get him stabilized and in an incubator, he was born so early that he can’t survive without medical assistance.”
The crying faded as the memory skipped forward, fuzzy shapes and muffled voices surrounded the incased Infant. The only things that Luna could make out was the distant shape of a woman looking into the incubation chamber, a hand came through one of the ports at the end and a feeling of calm washed over her.
Another skip forward and the infant was a bit bigger strapped down to a board unable to move in a different room. Cold was all Luna could feel, then immense pain and the tearing of flesh. Trying to hold on to consciousness for a bit longer Luna screamed before she blacked out. Next thing she experienced was waking up in the arms of a stranger trying to feed the infant with a bottle, the infant was too dazed from what happened to latch onto the faux nipple.
“He won’t feed, nurse is this normal?”The stranger’s voice said.
“Yea he won’t feed right away, try again in an hour or when he’s awake next,” the nurse said to the woman holding the infant wrapped in a blanket.
The ringing in Luna’s ears was louder this time as it drowned out all the background noise in the room, the pain ebbed and flowed over her whole body in waves before she passed out.
When Luna came to she was back on the path in Milo’s mind, trying to stand on shaky legs she looked around to get her bearings, “Milo what was that just now, I have not experienced a memory so vividly before. I felt everything, the pain, cold, the unforgiving touch of strangers; answer me!” Luna shouted.
“Would you like to continue or return to your own mind?”The voice asked.
“Milo show yourself right now, I need an explanation!” Luna exclaimed, her legs shaking as she tried to stand again , the pain of the previous memory still washing over her body.
“That was just a glimpse of what is to come Princess, that’s why I told you to steel yourself before doing this,” I said as I walked up to her, placing a hand around her barrel and lifting her to her shaking hooves, “that was just one memory we still have more to go.”
“How many more.”
“I don’t really know, most of what I’ve experienced is a blur now. The memory you just came out of was a bodily memory, one of immense pain and cold the next memories will be more vivid and realistic, you will be in my consciousness seeing everything through my eyes and feeling every emotion and pain that I have experienced in my life up until now, so I ask you this, do you want to continue?”
“Yes, but what happened to you when you were born, there was so much pain and the touch of a woman that was calming then another touch that felt like death, then after that there was another sensation that was unfamiliar and uncomfortable.”
“Ah, that was the cruelty of my adoptive parents. That pain you felt was something that the majority of males go through called circumcision.”
“What’s that?”
“Long story short it’s based on a religious practice that removes what is essentially the sheath of the penis.”
“So your parents had you undergo surgery to remove the sheath?”
“Yes, essentially. I’ll explain in more detail after you’ve completed the ride.”
We walk to another door, this one a warm yellowish orange, no chains or locks bound across it. I open the door and walk inside as Luna follows behind me.
Unrelenting heat was all Luna could feel, the sounds of water lapping at the floating dock calmed her mind and soothed troubled nerves.
“Now when you see that bobber go under the water what do you do?” An elderly voice quietly says as his hand grasps the young boy’s shoulder firmly.
“I break the fishes jaw, and get ready for a fight,” the young boy says back to the elderly man behind him looking over his shoulder smiling up at his elder.
“That’s right my boy now keep your eyes on the bobber.”
“Yes sir.”
“That takes me back, gods I miss him so much,” I walk up beside Luna and sit on the bank of the lake.
I set down the tackle box down beside me and cast the line from the fishing pole in my hands, “this is the first time I was taught how to fish, I was maybe five or six years old and I caught this massive fish, watch,” I tell Luna with a sad smile.
“Just be patient Milo the fish will come,” my gramps says as he points out to the bobber gently rocking in the small wakes on the water.
“Alright gramps,” I say softly, mimicking my younger self as I focus in on the bobber in front of me, the damp ground beneath me making my jeans slightly wet as my toes are getting kissed from the lake.
“Steady now my boy, wait till your bobber goes completely under and…. NOW! Break its jaw and hold on,” He excitedly says holding onto me.
“I got it gramps, it’s a fighter!”
“Reel it in Milo!”
I look over at Luna who is completely focused on the memory of me with my gramps teaching me how to fish, she looks shocked as I pull the massive catfish on the floating dock and look up at my granddad.
“I did it!”
“We’ll have to keep this one for the fish fry tonight, you sure are a natural my boy.”
I let the fishing pole go from my hand and wrap my arms around him, “thanks for being the best.”
“Now let’s load up and have a fish fry I think we caught enough, we don’t want to catch all the fish cause next time you’re out here there’d be none left.”
A warm smile comes to my lips as get up and brush myself off, “come moon butt, time for the next door,” I say to Luna as I walk past her.
“Wait is there more to this memory, your grandpa said there was a fish fry, whatever that is,” Luna asked as she cantered up to me.
“Nope, I fell asleep when he was driving back to his place and I didn’t wake up till they started serving food,” I said as I aimlessly looked for the next door.
I stop dead in my tracks remembering what came next, “oh no,” I say in a low voice.
“Top of the ninth and the Red Birds need a strike out to win it, there’s runners on the corners, here’s the pitch…. And that’s the game The Red Birds win, The Red Birds win the series four games to one!” A distant announcer screamed.
I Loved this day, knowing the memory well. My favorite baseball team just won the World Series, but, just a little over two months later in the middle of winter, gramps passed from his long battle with cancer. A black door appeared in front of Luna and myself, there was a brass plate on it reading: ‘those who have passed shall live on in memory and the wisdom they hand down, for he was my hero and one of the best men that I have ever known.’
Luna tries to walk into the memory but she just runs into the door face first, she looks confused as to why this memory was blocked until she took a step back. The door morphed into a large grey headstone with the memoriam carved on the face and a picture of his smiling face as he held me on his knee.
“This was one of the hardest days I have had to face early on in my life, I was only about twelve years old when he passed,” I tell Luna, my voice quiet and emotionless, “let’s move on, there is still more to come.”
Luna and I walked down the path for quite some time mostly in silence until the scenery changed from that of a misty grey fog to that of dark city streets with multiple intersections. The low sound of music played in the background as the rain started to come down as we entered the cityscape, I snap my fingers and vanish from Luna’s side.
“Which path will lead to the truth, find your way through the fractured maze and make it to the end as both pain and pleasure, life and death await you on this ride. In the end only you can decide if you want to move forward, choose wisely,” I tell Luna as I laugh manically watching her gallop down the broken streets.
“MILO GET BACK HERE AND GUIDE ME THROUGH THIS MAZE THAT IS YOUR FRACTURED MIND,” Luna proclaims, her voice reaching an impossible level of amplification.
“No, you wanted to experience this and find out if I am this legendary warrior of your world’s past. But you forget one thing Princess, I am the master of my mind, now choose a door!
Luna galloped down the street in front of her before turning left down an unnamed street, she came to a dead end before barreling through a deep purple door, what awaited her on the other side was not what she was expecting, her body became hot, almost hyper sensitive. She saw two people on a bed the white sheets strewn about, the evening glow of sunset shining through the windows as small gasps and moans escaped from the woman.
“M…Mil…” The young woman stammered out before letting out an ear piercing scream of pleasure.
“Already, am I really that good or are you just on a hair trigger Britt.” The young man said as he lifted himself from between her thighs and slowly crawled over her lightly kissing up her body.
Luna wore a deep blush across her face as she was forcibly ejected from the memory, the door fading back into the broken street. Shaking her head and slowly walking back where she entered Luna walked down the Main Street hoping to find anything to prove that I was this legendary warrior.
Rounding a corner she came across a door with a brilliant red rune carved on it, ᛏ, it stood out almost calling to her, inviting her in.
“This looks promising,” Luna said under her breath as she walked into the memory.
The scene was something that Luna recognized almost immediately, a grass field covered with bodies and a burning fort in the background, the heavy smell of blood hung in the air. A pony was limping along, wings unfolded and dragging on the ground.
“Gods, if you are listening; I’m tired and battle hardened, broken. In my next life I don’t want to fight, I want to be with my wife again.” The black Pegasus called out before collapsing on the ground.
“So that’s what happened to you, then my patrol should be coming within a day or two if my memory serves correctly,” Luna said aloud to herself, as she slowly walked up to the fallen pegasus.
”Luna, what are you doing here, I thought you were still back at the camp?” The pegasus said with a weak voice.
“You can see me?”
“Yes, and I’m guessing this is just a memory then?”
“Unfortunately it is a faint memory of a past life, so this is what happened to the Black Berserker, what you did at Fort Ebonclaw won this war actually,”
“I was trying to find my wife, I heard a rumor that there were Equestrian prisoners at this fort so I set out to see if my wife was here. Turns out they killed every single prisoner they had. I slaughtered everyone I saw, no one saw any mercy from my blades.”
“The bloodiest part of this war was done by a single pony, not by the battalions of soldiers in the open fields.”
”It’s funny really, I asked the gods with all my strength to let me be with my wife, looks like that didn’t happen if you are here.”
“I do not know, this is just a memory I am viewing. I am terribly sorry but I must thank you for what you accomplished here today, Equestria won’t forget what you did to turn the tide of this long and bloody war, may you be at peace and go into the next life as fearless as you are in your final moments.” Luna hung her head as she took the wing blades off the Black Berserker.
The memory faded to inky black and she was forced out onto the crumbling city streets again, rain drenching her in a matter of seconds.
“I found what I needed to confirm what the archives have recorded. Milo pull me out!” Luna yelled over the deafening pound of rain.
There was no answer, just empty streets and buildings. Luna slowly trotted down Main Street her hooves clipping and clopping as she pushed forward.
“I can’t do anything in here, the control over his mind is strangely powerful,” Luna muttered to herself as she smacked right into the door that popped up in front of her.
ᛜ the rune on the door glowed with a brilliant red almost pulsing like a heart beat. As Luna walked through she was greeted with the smell of pancakes, fresh fruit, frying meats, and a feeling of home.
A pair of hands wrapped around Milo’s waist as the soft pops and static from the record player as the music softly played in the background.
“Morning my love,” the female voice said sleepily as she pressed herself more into his back and her hands tightening around his waist slowly moving her hands up his front.
“Breakfast is almost ready honey, I’ve got some hash browns keeping warm in the oven and the bacon and sausage should be done let me just fry up some cherry tomatoes and sunny side up eggs just the way you like.”
“I’ve got something to tell you,” the woman said as she gently pulled Milo away from the stove.
“What do you need to tell me darling, hopefully nothing bad?” Milo replied as he shut the burner off on the stove and plated up their breakfast, “honey let me get breakfast ready first.”
Two plates stacked with a bed of hash browns, two sunny side up eggs, bacon crossed in the shape of an X over the eggs. Bringing the two plates to the table and setting them down side by side Milo then turned to the woman who was playfully pouting in the kitchen, “what did you wanna tell me Britt?” He asked as he slowly walked up to her.
“Well my love, if you’re done ignoring me, I’m pregnant,” she said a smirk on her face.
“This is amazing news darling, now I have a question to ask you,” Milo said as he tightly held her in his arms.
“Yes”
“I didn’t ask but if that’s your final answer”
“Is the Black Berserker trying to sway my answer cause you didn’t even need to ask me such a question,” Britt playfully said as I lifted her up, she wrapped her legs around my hips locking her in place.
“Something small, friends and family only,” Milo said between kisses.
“After high school love,” Britt replies before she kisses him deeply
Dear mom, I don’t know if you’re out there or if I will ever find you but I want to know who you are. All these feelings I have of not knowing where I come from, fitting in, and the feeling of a great loss I have every day isn’t helping. I feel myself slipping through the cracks of sanity more and more and there’s nothing that I can do to stop it, of all the times I ask about you to my adoptive parents it gets swept under the rug and I can’t take it anymore.
There is so much I want to tell you in person but I can only write them in a letter that I know won’t reach you. I lost my fiancé and our child on the same day, a week later I almost died from an accident at work from me being stupid on top of all that.
I got a tattoo the day I lost my whole world and tried to take my life as well which landed me in a mental institution for a few months, I don’t know if you’re alive or dead out in this world but I know I’m missing something from my life and right now I could use my mother.
