Fighting Games Aren't Just For Mares!

by DizzyChicks

First published

A human gets dragged to a new arcade that was recently built in Ponyville. He soon learns the law of the land. "𝘍𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴." He'll see about that. (RGRE)

Damien Freeman is bored. Really. Really. Bored.

After being transported to Magic Pony hell Land, he realizes all of his skills from college are practically useless. Distraught, Damien looks for purpose in Ponyville,until he is dragged to a new arcade that has recently opened up in Ponyville. Controller Hooves? Dumb name aside, Damien's gaming skills are suddenly put to the test.

Contains: Reverse Gender Role Equestria and fighting game lingo(I made sure to link the correct definitions to each term)

First Feature: February 1st! Thanks so much guys!!!
Second Feature: February 2nd
Third Feature: February 3rd
4th Feature: February 4
Broke 100 likes: February 2nd!

On a hiatus until I'm finished my internship.


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"COME ON DAMIEN!" yelled Rainbow Dash. The small blue pegasus headbutted the much bigger human in the back.

He stumbled forward shooting death glares at the female pegasus.

"Again, you don't have to do that," Damien said with a frown. He had no idea why Rainbow Dash was so excited. She refused to tell him, only insisting that she wouldn't stop bothering him until he got up. Damien didn't feel like arguing with the blue pest, so he freshened up and followed Rainbow Dash.

As the pair were walking, Damien noticed Rainbow Dash looking back at him and locking eyes. After a pregnant pause, she would turn back around and maintain her pace.

"Why is Rainbow Dash acting so strange?" Damien pondered. "It probably was the meltdown I had last week."

Today marked year number two of Damien's unfortunate trip to Equestria. One minute he was hiking trying to get away from his loud family, another he was staring right in the face of a bunch of multicolor ponies.

After causing mass panic and breaking a pony's nose, Damien ended up meeting The Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle. It took Damien a tremendous amount of willpower to not laugh at the pony's title. However, his joy would falter as Twilight gave him the bad news. The chances of him going back home were extremely slim. So, he was stuck until further notice.

Damien soon learned there were other Princesses too. Princess Luna and Celestia. They controlled the moon and sun respectively. Damien was pretty skeptical however, he kept that to himself since the princesses offered him a newly built home in Ponyville to live in until he could go back to his home dimension.

He was pretty distraught about his sudden predicament but he decided to keep hope alive and occupy himself by trying his best to befriend the town. Everyone or everypony as the residents would say seemed pretty delightful. Damien grew pretty close with one of Twilight Sparkle's friends Rainbow Dash. They would hang out a lot and roughhouse. Everything was fine until a maroon pony asked his gender.

"I didn't want to be rude, but I wasn't sure." The maroon pony sheepishly looks down at her hooves while playing with the pebble on the ground.

"No, problem. I'm a dude-uh-stallion."

Damien would come to realize this was the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life. The maroon pony's eyes grew to the size of pumpkins and a flirty smile appeared on her face. She stopped playing with her hooves and puffed out her chest.

"You can call me Cinnamon Candy, stud." She winked then walked away.

For some odd reason, Damien spent months in Equestria and hadn't noticed that he was living in a society where females were supposedly the dominant sex. They were either super flirty or extremely overprotective. Although in Ponyville it seemed a bit more cartoonish. Stallions seemed extremely prissy and girly to almost parody levels. The only exceptions to this rule seemed to be Big Mac. He was the older sibling of Applejack, one of the Elements of Harmony. The giant red stallion didn't say much and just did farm work. Apparently Rainbow Dash also was one of the Elements of Harmony, but Damien never really asked. He just thought it was some club.

While living in this multicolor hell, Damien soon found he had another pressing matter. He didn't have any skills to use in Ponyville. He went to school for Criminal Justice. His knowledge of forensics was useless because Equestria's technology was ancient compared to Humanity. His knowledge of laws was as useless as trying to patch a hole with soap. Damien was a stranger in a new land and had no idea how most of the laws worked aside from not to murder. Finally, he couldn't even do police work because he wasn't part of the Royal Guard.

The frustration from the culture shock and genuine lack of action for himself had caused him to mistakenly blow up in anger at Rainbow Dash a couple of days prior. Snapping back to the present, Damien shook his head and looked back at Rainbow Dash still trotting to their unknown destination.

"I should apologize for getting angry like that," Damien thought. "Dash doesn't deserve that." Before he could even formulate words, Rainbow Dash quickly flew into his face.

"We are finally," She pauses for dramatic effect. "Here!"

Damien stops walking and looks up to see a brownish building. In bright and blinding neon lights, the top of the building says, "Controller Hooves."

"Dash, where did you take me?"

"I seen you haven't been feeling too great lately, so I decided to cheer you up and take you to the new arcade that just opened up!" She flashed a smile at Damien, while she stayed floating in the air, her wings flapping rapidly.

Damien was touched by this and smiled back.

"Thanks. I also wanted to apologize for yelling at you," Damien mumbled while looking at the ground and rubbing his shoulder. "Not your fault that I have been feeling shitty." Dash was one of the few mares that didn't treat Damien like a toy, child, sex toy, or anything in between. He didn't want to ruin one of the few genuine friendships he had in this pony hell.

Rainbow Dash landed on her hooves and motioned towards the building.

"Eh, it isn't your fault, said Rainbow Dash. "Stallions tend to get overwhelmed and it's a mare's job to help!" She flashed another smile and walked into the building. Okay. Maybe Dash wasn't THAT different from the other mares. Damien followed Dash into the arcade, grumbling to himself about gender norms.

Within moments of stepping inside a strange nostalgic feeling overtook Damien. The arcade looked like a Chucky Cheese, but the floor resembled one of those ninety's bowling alleys with abstract shapes on the floor. The smell of pizza ruminated through the building. Fillies and colts ran around while their parents either tried to snatch them from games or were passed out near a dining table exhausted from their unruly children. It brought back memories of home for Damien. He didn't want to sour the mood and he also appreciated Dash's efforts to get him out of bed so he quickly pushed those memories down.

"Damien?" Dash's magenta eyes squinted in concern. "Are you feeling alright?

Shaking his head, Damien gave a thumbs up.

"Never better," he lied. Trying to get Rainbow Dash's suppressions off him, Damien tries to divert her attention. "What's over there?" He points to a long row of machines. "Let's find out!" Damien grabs Dash by the hoof and takes her to the other side of the room with the machines.

"Wait! I gotta pay for our cards!"

Upon further inspection, Damien realizes they are arcade machines. He mentally slaps himself. Of course, they were. They ARE in an arcade. However, these games seemed a lot more grownup than the ones he saw the foals playing on earlier. Damien looked closely at the games. One was a racing game called Poneout Paradise and instead of racing with cars, there were chariots and trains. Another was called Smack Man, in which you played as a tiny pony collecting pellets and running from ghosts, and another game was called P*onbert with a little pony jumping on squares.

Damien groaned at how close the puns were to the arcade games from his home. He jumped into Poneout Paradise's seat and grabbed the wheel.

"Ready to eat my dust, Dash?" Damien taunts.

"In your dreams, dweeb!" Dash counters. She hops into the machine next to Damien and swipes her card to start the game.

It wasn't even close. Damien and Rainbow Dash played thirteen games against each other. Damien won twelve and seeing how frustrated Dash got from losing, he let Dash win the last game. She celebrated flying around Damien's head gloating. She then caught herself and remarked about acting uncool in front of a stallion. Damien just shook his head and smiled. Dash was a character alright.

After the pair's games, Dash wandered around the arcade telling Damien to meet her at the front in an hour.

Damien continued to look at the various arcade games, wincing at the puns and amazed at how similar they were to their human counterpart. He was about to go back and meet Dash at the front of the arcade until a game caught his eye. The characters on the screen seemed to be a pony version of Street Fighter characters with the game being dubbed, "Hoof Fighter." Damien played a lot of Street Fighter before going to school. For old time's sake, maybe he should play?

Damien chuckles at the name and sits down at the machine. He puts in the credits and opens training mode on the game. Damien cycles through the roster until he settles on a Ryu-looking pony named Iron Hoof. He chuckles to himself again and selects Iron Hoof.

With all the other arcade games they were similar but maybe two things were different in terms of controls. However, with Hoof Fighter, it was exactly like Street Fighter minus the sounds and characters.

"Alright, let's try a basic bread and butter," Damien said.

Another nostalgic sensation tingles his hands as he inputs medium punch, heavy punch, heavy kick. The buttons make a satisfying click as Damien's fingers fly across the buttons. The combination works as Iron Fist copies the inputs and combos the computer. For the next forty minutes, Damien inputs combos he remembered from his youth and was having a blast. He had to pay Rainbow Dash back, this little surprise did make him feel better.

"A NEW CHALLENGER HAS ENTERED THE RING!" The announcer in the game cried.

Damien jumped in surprise. There was someone else here on this side of the arcade? It only seemed like it was just him. Damien looked over to the Hoof Fighter machine in front of his own. Sure enough, there was someone there. It was a light orange mare with a brownish mane. She was an earth pony of average stature. Damien watched as her blue eyes stared at the screen intensely. She didn't even look up at him.

"Rude," Damien thought. He sat back down and picked Iron Hoof.

"Really, playing a Ponto?" said the light orange mare. She scoffed and picked a big minotaur named Hugger. It seemed to be Hoof Fighter's version of Zangief. The match was set and Damien waited for everything to load. His first competitive match in a fighting game! He couldn't help but feel giddy. He stretched his fingers and smacked his hands against his face. He then turned to turn to the game and waited for it to load.

"READY? STAMPEDE!" The announcer yelled. Damien immediately moved Iron Hoof trying to hit Hugger with the combo he had been practicing for nearly an hour. Hugger just...…blocked.

Damien had forgotten about blocking. Hugger grabbed Iron Hoof and performed a piledriver taking half of Iron Hoof's health. Damien cringed as he heard Iron Hoof's wail of pain. He tried again to perform the combo, this time he landed it but in terms of damage he basically did nothing compared to what his opponent did to him.

"Okay, I'll block this time.

Hugger command grabbed Iron Hoof and put his health in the danger zone. Damien's jaw dropped. What the hell was he doing that kept causing him to lose these interactions? Damien quickly scrubbed his memories on anything useful about fighting games. He remembers losing to his older brother with the same character trying to rush in every time his brother's character would grab his character.

"Remember, Damien," His brother had said. "Grapplers lose to projectiles.


Damien quickly inputted a half circle on the arcade stick. Iron Hoof stick his hooves out and yelled "Hoofoken!"

A light blueish projectile came from Damien's character's hooves and hit Hugger. Hugger immediately backed off. Damien hears a low groan from the light orange pony. Damien inputted it again. This time, Hugger blocked it but he was still on the other side of the screen. Damien keeps inputting Hoofoken over and over again. The groans from the light orange mare were getting increasingly more and more annoyed.

Iron Hoof shoots one more projectile from his hooves and Hugger dies from chip damage. Damien somehow came back and won round 1. Round 2 starts and Damien quickly inputs the projectile again. This round ends way quicker with Damien winning with minimal effort.

Damien gets up from his seat and grins. His first win in Hoof Fighter!

The mare jumps from her seat and makes her way in front of Damien. He could see the rage in her eyes.

"Spamming Bitch!" The light orange mare yells.

"Uh-Oh," Damien mutters.

Nothing But A Spammer

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Damien wasn't a pushover. Despite living in probably one of the most sexist places to ever exist, he wasn't about to let some sore loser spoil his win. Damien put his hand on his cheek and flashed the smuggest smile he could muster.

"Oh yea," Damien thought. "This will send her over the edge." It sure enough did. The light orange mare grinded her teeth together, making an ear-splitting noise. Damien winced. Perhaps he shouldn't have made this situation worse.

"You colts have ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE OF HONOR!" The mare wailed. "Just spamming AND-AND-AND- REPEAT!" She stamped her hooves on the carpet with each stutter. That touched a nerve for Damien. He hated it when someone undermined any of his victories. No matter how trivial it was.

"Well, maybe stop walking into them."

"If THIS game didn't suck so much, I wouldn't!"


Damien crossed his arms and stared at the mare with contempt. He had enough with these excuses and began to leave. For once, he was a little bit happy in Horseland, only for it to be snatched away in a second. That was the final straw. Damien was just going to meet Rainbow at the front and leave.

The light orange mare noticed Damien leaving and quickly started stammering.

"Wha-what-WHERE are you going?" She asked while her eyes were still glued onto Damien. She ran to her arcade cabinet and sat down. "I want a rematch, best out of five." She swiped her card and Hoof Fighter powered back on as she selected her character.

Damien frowned. "Why should I play you again?" You were quite rude and you couldn't even handle a little zoning." To add insult to injury, Damien pretends to shoot a fireball from his hands.

"Because this time, I'll throw in some bits." The mare replied determinedly. She quickly pulled a sack of bits from under her chair and put it on top of the arcade machine next to her. "Gotcha." She thought.

Damien wasn't a fool. He knew this mare meant business and she wasn't all there. He turned away from the arcade machine and started walking away.

"Fine, leave. I figured you were a chicken anyway." She patted the bag of bits and stuck her nose up in the air.

Damien stopped walking. He wasn't a fool, BUT he wasn't a chicken either. He walked back to the machine and sat down. He swiped his game card and selected Iron Hoof again. He took a deep breath and looked at the mare.

"How many bits?" he asked.

The light orange mare smirked. "Fifty bits."

Damien whistled. "Deal," he responded.

The predatory grin on the mare's face widen. "By the way, the name's Sunset Petal. Just wanted to get that out there so you remember the name of the mare that trounces you." She ran her hoof through her mane and stared intensely at the game.

The lone human responded. "Damien Freeman. The human who's going to trounce you again."

"Where the heck is he?" Rainbow Dash muttered. She told Damien to meet her at the front in an hour. The cyan pony looked at the clock on the wall closest to her and rubbed her hoof through her brightly colored mane. It was already ten minutes past their agreed-upon meeting time. Rainbow Dash began tapping her hooves on the table closest to the exit. "Stallions," She thought as she stifled a yawn. "Always running late." She stood up and massaged her legs. She hated sitting still and could already think of Damien taunting her about it. Rainbow Dash decided to go back to the arcade machines where she played Poneout Paradise earlier to see if Damien was still there.

"I totally could have beaten him more in Poneout," Rainbow Dash reflected to herself. She remained deep in thought until she hears a commotion coming from where she last saw Damien. Super nosy and annoyed with Damien's lack of punctuality, she followed the noise and stumbled upon an enormous crowd cheering over a game called Hoof Fighter. Rainbow Dash couldn't make out much in the cheering except Damien's name. She pushed closer into the crowd which formed a circle between two arcade machines. In one seat was Damien, his eyebrows furrowed and hands moving faster than she had ever seen before. In the other seat was a light orange mare whose eyes were open so wide, Rainbow Dash was afraid they might explode.

"What has Damien gotten himself into this time?" Rainbow Dash said.

"Fuck!" Damien cursed. He lost the fourth game in the best of five. It was all tied up two to two. He took a deep breath and looked back at the screen. He had some good things going for him. For starters, all of his fighting game muscle memory came back to him. He couldn't really believe it himself but he was actually playing better than before. He was breaking throws, kara canceling, and inputting supers. On the downside, Sunset Petal was quickly adapting to his playstyle. She was a lot more patient with Hugger, opting for Damien's character to make the first move while she punished accordingly. Damien had also played very impatient and basically gave Sunset Petal a free game four win. There was also a crowd. He didn't notice them before but it was extremely annoying. The sexist and rude comments managed to sink their way into his psyche.

"It's just trash talk," Damien whispered. He heard this type of trash talk before but HE was never on the receiving end of it. Damien eyed the crowd. It was mostly mares and an occasional stallion. There was one pony that even looked like Rainbow Dash. Oh wait, that was Rainbow Dash. She didn't look happy. She flew up to him and frowned. Damien thought it was pretty cute.

"I thought we were supposed to be out of here by now?" Rainbow Dash asked still looking cross.

Damien sighed.

"I got a little caught up in something."

"Yeah. I can see that."

"After this we can go but I need to set this mare straight."

Rainbow Dash's face softened a bit. "Mare?" She asked with one eyebrow raised. She pointed at Sunset Petal. "That mare? She's the one that's bothering you?" Dash asked impatiently switching back to her frown.

Before Damien could respond, a massive group of ponies in the crowd pulled Dash back into the crowd.

"You can't disrupt a match like that!"

"Yeah! Wait your turn! That stallion is mine!"

Damien watched as Rainbow Dash disappeared in the sea of ponies. He shrugged. He'd get her back after he finished turning this pony into glue.

Sunset Petal moved her seat and smirked at Damien.

"Ready to admit defeat?" She said. She hums in a triumphant manner.

"It ain't over till the fat lady, I mean mare, sings!" Damien retorts.

"What fat mare?" Sunset Petal asked with clear confusion in her voice.

"Your fucking mom."

The crowd erupts into gasps and laughter. Sunset Petal felt her face getting hot as she chewed the inside of her cheek.

She clears her throat and rolls her eyes. "Classic stallion. Clearly outmatched and resorts to ad hominem."

Now it was Damien's turn to roll his eyes. She literally started this entire fiasco because she couldn't keep her ego in check. He doesn't respond and looks at the select screen. Damien wasn't feeling too confident in Iron Hoof anymore. Sunset Petal was predicting his every move. He was certain of this.

Hoof Fighter was exactly like Street Fighter. So, he wasn't in any new territory picking another character. The question was.....who? The answer came to him quite quickly. He selected Hugger and waited for the game to load.

The crowd gasped. A ditto was going to be the final match.

Game 5

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"A MATCH MADE IN TARTARUS!" The Hoof Fighter announcer shouted. "READY? STAMPEDE!"

With that audio cue, both players immediately had their respective characters rush at each other, not wanting the other to get an advantage.

Sunset Petal fought the urge to suppress a laugh. Challenging her with her own main? Such a silly foal. She knew the inner workings of her character like she knew the back of her hoof. She quickly spun her joystick with her hoof, while using another hoof to mash light punch.

Sunset Petal's Hugger grabbed Damien's character and slammed him to the ground with a glorious pile-driver. She then quickly inputted a medium punch, hoping to further her advantage.

Damien however, responded with a parry and followed up with a piledriver of his own.

"Let's go, Damien!" A random voice yelled.

"Agghhh!" Sunset Petal's character screeched in pain.

"That Celestia-damned colt. Sunset Petal mumbled vehemently, "He probably thinks he's so cool now,"

"I'm so fucking cool," Damien thought.

With both players playing exceedingly patiently, the match crawled to a standstill. Damien and Sunset Petal watched as their respective characters safely poked at each other from a distance using their safe normals. Damien glanced at the in-game timer. Ten seconds were left on the clock and Sunset Petal currently had the life lead due to the previous chip damage from their last interaction. Damien hated to admit it, but her defense was immaculate. It took so much time to get her to make a mistake on defense and Hugger's normals weren't exactly very fast.

Damien quickly peeked at the timer. Nine seconds left. He had to risk it.

Eight seconds left. Damien quickly mashed forward, forcing his Hugger to move forward.

Seven seconds left. Sunset Petal grinned. She had no problem winning by timeout. Damien had started the battle, but she was winning the war.

Six seconds left. Damien frantically double-tapped forward on his joystick. He just needed a trade for a possible double K.O.

Five seconds left. The crowd was so loud, it started to hurt Rainbow Dash's ears. She looked around at the part of the crowd she had been pulled into.

"What the heck are all these nerds screaming about?" she thought. "It has to do with the game Damien is playing. I hope he wins so we can go." Rainbow Dash wasn't exactly a huge gamer herself and didn't understand the stakes or pride on the line.

Four seconds left. The crowd's cheering was getting so boisterous, other patrons from other areas of the business came to view the spectacle.

"Three!" The crowd cheered.



Damien moved his character and made Hugger quickly jump and punch out of desperation. Sunset Petal quickly dashed back and Damien's attack completely whiffed.

"TIME OVER." The in-game announcer said. Sunset Petal was given game one of the final set of the best of five.

"Like taking candy from a foal," she exclaimed, making sure Damien could hear her.

Frustrated, Damien put his hands on his head and took a deep breath.

"Come on, don't let her get to you," Damien thought. He knew that's exactly what she wanted. Losing himself to his rage would be nothing but an assured victory for Sunset Pedal and he would be fifty bits down the hole. He prepared himself for his potential last game.

The possible final game quickly began. Damien quickly caught Sunset Petal's Hugger back dashing at an ill-advised time. Damien punished the back dash with inhuman reaction time, giving Sunset Petal no time to come up with a counter-strategy.

Sunset Petal gulped. She was in the corner. This was one of the worst places anypony in a fighting game could be. She had nowhere to run and her opponent had multiple chances to get her to drop her defense. Being in the corner with a grappler as slow as Hugger wasn't a great position either. His slow attacks didn't scare his opposition in this position. She could try to get away with a command throw, but the more she thought about this strategy, the more holes she could poke through it.

Damien was also playing Hugger. He most likely was looking for a command throw or a light punch to keep her checked in the corner. Was this what he was banking on counter-picking with her character? Sunset Petal started sweating. She looked at her super bar. She had enough for a Hail Mary super that would probably be enough to move her out of the corner and put Damien's Hugger in her position.

Nodding her head at her quickly thought up plan, she masterfully inputted two-quarter circles and pressed all the punch buttons.

"MUSCLE POWER!" The virtual minotaur screamed. He dashed forward with his arms stretched outwards, attempting to grab his virtual doppelganger.

Damien's Hugger quickly jumped in the air to avoid the super move and quickly dive bombed towards Sunset Petal's character. Sunset Petal attempted to block but realized she couldn't! Her character was recovering from the end lag of using its super.

The move connected, and Sunset Petal's Hugger fell to the ground. Game two of the final set was given to Damien. Damien breathed a sigh of relief. He looked at his shaking hands. He could feel his heart thumping and his ears ringing. Was he enjoying this?

"FINAL ROUND! LIVE OR LET DIE!" The in-game announcer shouted.

This was it. For all the marbles. Damien tried his best effort to calm himself regardless of hearing his heartbeat roaring in his chest. He wasn't going out like some punk. He wasn't like the stallions here in this sack of shit dimension. He looked back into the crowd and noticed a familiar-looking yellow unicorn cheering him on. It was Golden Flash. That stallion helped fix his house when Rainbow Dash decided to play Hoofball in it. Damien winced. Maybe that previous comment was uncalled for.

Damien also noticed that Sunset Petal was completely silent. She hadn't said anything since she lost the previous game. A small smile worked his way onto his face. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Her gameplay also seemed a lot more sloppy. She kept dropping easy combos and her spacing was no longer as precise. She no longer was blocking as much and she was currently one out of four in breaking throws. Sunset Petal was startled. Damien's dominant win from the previous game destroyed her momentum.

"Time to take some risks," Damien thought as he reached over his arcade buttons. It was now or never. Sunset Petal was nervous and no longer fighting as calculated as before. His character quickly dashed forward and quickly threw a jab. Sunset Petal responded to the sudden aggression and had her character throw a heavy kick out to close the distance. It wasn't a safe option by any means, and it was a sloppy option selected by her.

Damien was expecting some type of unsafe aggression. This was his chance! He pressed forward heavy punch, standing heavy kick into a lariat. His character obeyed the command and performed a devastating combo on Sunset Petal's Hugger.

Damien heard that familiar groan once again. Sunset Petal had completely lost her cool at this point. She kept inputting unsafe moves that Damien simply waited for and punished. Desperation started to cloud her mind. What would the other mares think if she lost to a stallion? Twice? Fighting Games were for Mares!

Damien could practically taste victory. He had the life lead and the clock was at twenty seconds. He moved his character close to Sunset Petal's character and started teabagging. He giggled to himself. This was just too funny.

Sunset Petal saw nothing but red. She mashed every button on the controller, attempting to hit Damien's character.

"KO!" The MC cried. Hugger fell to the ground after receiving a swift kick to the head.

The crowd cheered. Stallions continued to cheer Damien's name, while various mares talked among themselves about beginner's luck.

Sunset Petal stopped mashing buttons. She lost? She could have sworn there were still twenty seconds on the in-game clock? She looked closely at the screen. Hugger was in a completely different spot than when she last remembered. She couldn't have? Did she really? She lost control and began to auto pilot. How embarrassing. She wasn't a beginner! How could that happen to her?! End Music

The light orange earth pony softly laid her head on the arcade cabinet. She was a MARE! How could she let herself get THIS worked up over a game? Against a stallion?

"I'm pathetic," She thought sadly.

Damien, on the other hand, was elated. He finally put that stuck-up mare in her place. No one insults Damien Freeman and gets away with it! Unless you were his mom. Damien stood up and looked at the mass hoard of ponies gathered around him. They were starting to leave and were going back to do whatever they were doing before Damien and Sunset Petal's little competition interrupted them. He walked over to Sunset Petal, who still had her head down.

"So," Damien started, "the bits?"

She tossed the bits near him. She then looked up at him with misty eyes. She clearly had been crying.

"I-I hope you're happy," she stuttered weakly.

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash flew directly into Damien's face. She was covered in sweat, probably from being in that hot crowd.

She crossed her hooves together and shot a mean look at Sunset Petal.

"That's the mare that was bothering you? I'll set her straight." Dash got ready to knock the lights out of Sunset Petal, but Damien snatched the small pegasus out of the air before she could move.

"Dash," said Damien, "It's fine, the problem has been resolved."

At this point, his head was pretty much clear as the adrenaline wore off. He honestly felt a little bad about the teabagging. He should've been the bigger man. As much as he wanted to continue to gloat and make fun of the light orange earth pony, he understood it wasn't going to fix the problem at hand. He pulled up a seat next to the crying pony.

"Uh," he started. What the fuck was he supposed to say? Sorry for kicking your ass and you'd better watch yourself next time?

"Sorry for the teabagging. I got a little too excited. Damien rubbed his head sheepishly.

Sunset Petal looked at Damien inquisitively. Why was he the one apologizing? She was the one who started it first!

"Alien stallions sure are weird." she thought. "I-I-was a bit rude. I just couldn't believe some colt beat me playing that lame. "

Damien slightly shifted his weight in the chair. "Hey, where I come from, we got a saying," Damien says, as he smiles again.

"Play lame, win game."

Rainbow Dash snickered.

"That's pretty rich coming from somepony like you! Remember when we played hide and seek last week? "

"Dash, you fucking cheated and hid in your dumbass cloud home in the SKY!"

"Hey, you said anywhere was fair game!"

Damien fought the urge to deck her in the face.

"Anyway, it's all part of the game," he said. "There's no point in getting your pants in a twist."

As much as Sunset Petal wanted to argue, she knew she couldn't. He was right.

Sunset Petal apologizes, "I guess I'm sorry for being a bad sport."

Damien gets up and points at Dash and motions towards the front of the building. It seemed like the business was getting ready to close. Workers were going into changing rooms or wiping down greasy equipment.

"No problem," said Damien. "Maybe we can play again on friendlier terms?"

Sunset Petal nodded. Damien extended his hand, and she shook it. They exchanged good-byes and Damien and Rainbow Dash left the building, leaving Sunset Petal alone. She looked at her reflection on the screen of the now turned off Hoof Fighter machine. She still felt pretty bad about her immature actions and promised herself she would make it up to Damien. It was the least she could do.

After leaving Controller Hooves, Damien explained the entire situation to Rainbow Dash. She lamented that Damien stopped her from knocking the mare into next week. He gave a hearty laugh and took the fifty bits he had won out of his pocket.

"I think we're even now, Dash."

His parents may have taught him to be the bigger man, but that didn't mean he couldn't be a little richer as well.

Information Spreads

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It was a gorgeous day in Ponyville. Celestia's sun shined brightly as birds chirped and gave food to their offspring. Various vendors mingled in the marketplace with their customers, selling products. Damien moved through the marketplace, dodging and weaving between ponies. After the excitement from yesterday, he said goodbye to Rainbow Dash and promised to make it up to her having to wait so long for him at Controller Hooves. He was supposed to meet Dash at the SugarCube Corner for their meeting plans.

Damien didn't mind going there, after all, he had quite a sweet tooth. However, he wasn't a fan of one of the workers there. The one and only Pinkie Pie. The pink earth pony was one of Rainbow Dash's best friends, the Element of Laughter, and the CEO of Parties. Damien didn't outright hate Pinkie Pie, far from it. In fact, she threw him a "Welcome to Ponyville Alien/Otherworldly Being!?" party for him. He was quite touched (and a little freaked out that she made a party for him in a week) but the mare had some problems. For starters, she seemed to bend reality. Not like the magic in this world, but almost Lovecraftian. Pinkie Pie somehow knew his birthday month right down to the minute and told him she would throw him a birthday party when the time came. He never told her that! She would also pull random things out of her mane, bulge her eyes out her skull like a cartoon, and somehow gave Damien a comb, HE HAD LOST IN HIS HOUSE.

Damien jogged up to a huge building with a giant cupcake on the top. There it was, Sugarcube Corner.

"Wait, SugarCube? Is that another fucking horse pu-,"

"DAMIEN!" Rainbow Dash screamed. She was standing in front of the entrance waving her hoof. "What took you so long?"

Damien glanced at the town clock. It was one minute before twelve. He rolled his eyes and walked towards Rainbow Dash with a confused expression.

"I literally came a minute early," he said.

"Exactly! Don't you know what everypony says about being ear-,"

"No," Damien interrupted. "Can we just talk"- he points at Sugarcube Corner- "away from this place?"

Rainbow Dash giggles and walks closer to the door.

"Cooooooome Ooooooon," she whines. "I already told Pinkie Pie to cool it with the Pinkie Pieness." She pushes past the double door and walks into the building.

Damien follows suit, grumbling to himself about demons.

"At least this place smells nice," Damien thought. The venue was filled with a heavenly sugary smell. He surveyed his surroundings not wanting any of Pinkie Pie's antics catching him off guard.

Rainbow Dash was already at the register talking with Pinkie Pie and laughing. Damien locked eyes with her and she smiled at him.

"Hey, Dammie!" Pinkie greeted. "I heard you had some wowie zowie excitement at Controller Hooves yesterday."

Damien walked up to the register and lead on the counter.

"Yeah! Some mare was talking trash to me there after beating her in a game," Damien explained. "Things got a bit heated after that but we put aside our differences and now I got to make it up to Dash because we stayed way longer than she wanted," he finished.

Pinkie Pie nodded her head and bounced behind the counter.

"That's certainly no way to treat such a cute stallion, like yourself!" Pinkie Pie replied. She faked punched then followed it up with a duck and giggled to herself. She then tilted her head quickly which Damien thought was quite cute. "So, why did you guys come here?" Her eyes widen as she realized what she said. "N-n-n-not that I mind anyway, Dash is one of my best friends in the whole widest biggest world, and so are you Damien even though I don't know you that well, but you seem nice and"-

Rainbow Dash shoved her hoof into Pinkie's face interrupting her rant.

"That's really fucking gross, they literally walk on those," Damien thought.

"Pinkie!" Rainbow Dash snapped. Pinkie Pie stopped talking but her curly mane suddenly started TALKING since her mouth couldn't move. Damien took several steps back.

"She sure turned down her Pinkie Pieness," Damien remarked sarcastically.

"Pinkie!" Rainbow Dash repeated loudly. Pinkie Pie's mane stopped speaking. Rainbow Dash slowly removed her hoof from Pinkie Pie's mouth. She shook her mane and wiggled her mouth and looked at Damien and Rainbow Dash sheepishly.

"Sorry, Dashie", Pinkie Pie started. "You know how I get when I'm flustered."

Rainbow Dash waved it off.

"It's fine, we just came for some sweets, isn't that right, Damien?" Rainbow Dash said as she looked at him smugly.

Damien didn't really want sweets, but he did promise to make it up to Rainbow Dash. That's probably why she picked to come to the Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow Dash ordered three cupcakes and Damien ordered some gummy bears, which he had no idea existed in Equestria. After Damien paid for the treats, the pair said goodbye to Pinkie Pie and left. They walked around town while eating their food.

"Dash, you could have told me you wanted candy."

"I thought stallions didn't like candy because it makes them fat."

"I'm not your average stallion."


They sat on a bench waiting for their food to digest.

"This is nice," Damien thought. He looked towards Rainbow Dash who was asleep next to him snoring. It was truly a beautiful day. When Damien learned pegasi controlled the weather, it knocked him off of his feet. He adjusted Rainbow Dash and she leaned on his lap getting comfortable. A bit of drool was coming out of her mouth as she muttered something about flying cheese. Despite her previous actions pissing him off, it was no different from something he would have done to his friends back on Earth. They probably would have laughed and made fun of him for getting a "useless degree" and he would retort back with something on the lines of "I fucked your mom".

Happy memories flooded back to him as Damien desperately tried to push them down. He hadn't given up hope of going home, but it's been almost three years. The memories were just way too hurtful and it was better to just ignore them. He hadn't had an episode quite like this in a while. Going to the arcade and playing Hoof Fighter must have triggered these buried memories. Playing games with his friends, hugging his parents, seeing his baby nephew. The pain was almost too much to bear. Damien could feel his eyes start to water as he fought with his psyche.

Why did he leave that day? Just because his family was too loud? He told them he would be back and he never returned. At this point, the local government probably ended his search investigation and declared him dead. Would he truly ever see his friends and family again?


Damien jumped somehow not waking Rainbow Dash. He looked around for the unidentified voice. To his right was a sushi-colored unicorn mare with orange eyes. She had a black fedora with white stripes on the front and brown on the back. The mare was also holding a quill and notebook in a greenish telekinesis bubble. On her flank were a picture of a quill and paper.

"Nice to meet ya, I'm Parchment Crop," The sushi-colored unicorn greeted. "I wanted to get an interview, one on one with the alien stallion that defeated a mare in Hoof Fighter!"

Damien was floored. Who the hell was this and why did she have a New York accent?

"Uh," Damien started. "Who the hell are you and why do you sound like that?"

"I already told you, I'm Parchment Crop and I'm from Manehatten, colt!"

Damien's eye twitched at the pun.

"I'm going to lose it in Ponyhell," Damien thought about finally burning Equestria down.

His plans for destruction were unfortunately ruined by Rainbow Dash waking up and falling out of the park bench.

"What, Huh, Hey?" Rainbow Dash slurred as she turned to recover her bearings. She wiped the drool off of her face and looked at the unicorn.

"Who the hay are you?" Dash rudely asked.

"Parchment Crop."

"Damien, do you know this mare?"

Damien got up from the bench and wiped Rainbow Dash's drool off his pants.

"No Dash, I don't know who this mare is." He glanced at Parchment Crop as she began scribbling things in her notebook. "Apparently, she wants to interview me after beating Sunset Petal yesterday.

Parchment Crop raised her eyebrows.

"You mean Sunset Petal, younger sister of Ivory Petal?" The mare clapped her hooves together. "The younger sister of the International Hoof Fighting Championship? Parchment Crop eyed Damien like a piece of meat. "I thought this story was already pretty good, but now it's even better," she squealed.

Damien and Rainbow Dash looked at each other with various emotions and looked back at Parchment Crop. She continued to beam at Damien. Damien didn't even know this pony and now she wants to use him to push a story? Fat chance.

"Listen, lady, I don't know who you are"-

"I already told you, Parchment Crop, and I work at the Manehatten Inquirer!"

"I don't give a shit."

Rainbow Dash got into the mare's face.

"He said he doesn't care so back off!" Rainbow Dash bellowed.

Parchment Crop adjusted her hat and looked Rainbow Dash dead in the eyes. "Are you his marefriend?" She asked.

Rainbow Dash quickly blushed and backed up. "N-n-n-n-n-no!" She stammered.

Parchment Crop quickly wrote more things into her notebook and looked at Damien.

"Look, I know you don't trust reporters", said Parchment Crop, "but I can make it worth your while."

Damien looked interested in the unicorn.

"Gotcha, colt,"She thought. "If I interview you and my story sells, you'll be known everywhere!" she said while smirking. "You can show off your skills to everyone!" The unicorn leans closer to Damien. "Between you and me, I heard some ponies think your win was a fluke, I mean a STALLION winning in a game like that?" she lies.

Damien hated that. People undermining his victories seriously pissed him off. He fell for the bait, hook, line, and sinker. Damien tapped his foot irritatingly and ran his fingers through his hair. "She's right, they are all probably thinking it." He glances at Rainbow Dash, who is still staring daggers at Parchment Crop. "Could Rainbow Dash feel the same?" he ponders. "Alright, we can do the interview," Damien replies.

Parchment Crop cheers and pumps her hoof.

"Two conditions-" He points to Rainbow Dash- "she tags along and watches the interview." Damien then points in the direction of his house. "We do the interview in my home."

Damien didn't quite trust this reporter but he did trust Rainbow Dash and knew she would put an end to any funny business.

Parchment Crop shrugged and nodded. "I'm fine with these terms."

Damien massaged his shoulders and started walking.

"Follow me."