Success Breeds Jealousy
A single flying chariot soared over a vast plain pockmarked by trenches, craters, and infrequent groups of tents. These canvas facilities were occupied by a mix of pony and changeling soldiers of various states of readiness. Some camps were relaying orders and supplies, others were treating wounded, while a third group mustered troops.
The battle lines were long, yet strangely orderly, but despite the sheer number of soldiers present, the atmosphere was hopeful. Even more so when they glanced up to find that a single flying chariot, guarded by two dozen of their winged comrades was approaching. When that happened cheers went up, toasts were had, and both ponies and changelings relaxed, confident in the knowledge that the fight was nearly over.
The lone females who stood atop that chariot either didn't notice these events, or simply didn't make note of them. They were too focused on the large circular city burning off in the distance, and the long lines of soldiers outside its walls. Or at least that's what they would have written in the retelling of the battle, as they were actually flirting like newlyweds.
“I can't wait to conquer this worthless little province,” Chrysalis began, a smirk crossing her armored face. “These worms have defied us for too long!”
“Pfft, please. Like in bed, it is I who will do the conquering,” Celestia retorted.
Chrysalis snorted. “You mistake my natural changeling desire to be loved for some accomplishment when I assure you it is nearly a simple biological response.”
Celestia leaned in close and nipped her lover’s lower jaw, making sure to avoid the black metal helmet sitting atop Chrysalis’s head. It was a bit of a struggle given the fact that they were both decked out from head to hoof in heavy warplate but Celestia had experience. Be it plate mail, a maid outfit, or nothing at all, the alicorn had gotten quite good at teasing the changeling over the last fifty years.
“And is it a simple biological response to moan in that adorable high pitch that you do?” whispered the alicorn.
“You’re not wrong,” Chrysalis muttered, clearing her throat and shoving the alicorn away from her. “But that doesn't mean you aren't as annoying as Cadance can sometimes be.”
“Speaking of which,” Celestia began. “I’m quite surprised you two have become such close friends over the years. Sure it took you a while but I had bet that it would have been another decade before you finally accepted her invitations for tea.”
Chrysalis waved one of her forehooves in a dismissive fashion. “It's nothing. Since my walking love dispenser was out trying to make this motley assortment of despots and tyrants surrender I thought it would be best to visit the princess of food.”
“Your wife. The word you were looking for was wife,” Celestia teased.
“Oh, is that what you ponies call the annoying person you get financially shackled to?” Chrysalis replied in mock surprise.
Celestia rolled her eyes. “I’m glad that you two are getting along. Though I wish you would bury the hatchet with Twilight. The poor girl still thinks you are actually going to deliver a lecture on the nature of love at her school this summer.”
“Who says I’m not?” Chrysalis retorted, hoof over her heart.
“Because you’ve said you’re going to do that for the last twenty years,” Celestia deadpanned.
“Maybe this is the year,” Chrysalis replied in a flippant manner. “After all, her friends have finally retired so now I can headline without anyone getting in my way.”
Celestia shook her head. “You are the worst.”
“And yet you married me anyway and now you’re stuck with me,” Chrysalis exclaimed, planting a quick kiss on the alicorn’s lips.
“Still kind of shocked you agreed all those years ago. I thought for sure I’d have to knock that ego of yours down another peg or two before you gave in. I guess you were softer than I gave you credit for,” Celestia muttered.
“Oh please. Give me some credit,” Chrysalis remarked. “You bounced back from your earlier defeat and challenged me surprisingly well. I would be a fool not to take you as my lead concubine.”
“Oh? So we’re allowed to keep our harems? I’ll have to see if Raven is still up to working in the castle so to speak,” Celestia replied.
“Don't you dare bring that hussy into our home,” Chrysalis hissed, her face mere inches from Celestia’s.
“So you’re allowed to have concubines, but I’m not allowed to? How is that fair,” Celestia countered with a pout.
Chrysalis looked away. “It's a harem of one right now. Though that might change if you ever fail to please your queen.”
“Yeah, sure, queen,” Celestia scoffed. “Because it's not like your hive didn't completely integrate into Equestria nearly three decades ago or anything.”
“I am queen of Equestria, and I suppose you are as well to a lesser extent,” Chrysalis remarked. “Though you’re more of a second queen.”
“If anything I’m the first since you married into royalty, duchess Chrysalis,” Celestia teased back, jabbing the changeling in the side.
“Pfft,” Chrysalis scoffed. “You were merely minor royalty, while I was sovereign of my domain. It is you who is the lesser queen.”
Celestia chuckled. “An argument for another time. We have more pressing concerns, like shouldn't we take off our wedding bands? We are about to fight in a war you know.”
The alicorn tapped the thick emerald band which wrapped around the base of her horn. The ring had small channels cut into it, which were filled with what looked like gold wire that in turn held a small but brilliant sunstone in place. Chrysalis wore a similar such adornment, though hers had a gold band, and had a large emerald embedded in it.
“No!” Chrysalis hastily exclaimed. “I mean. Why bother?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “They might get lost, you know.”
Chrysalis scoffed once more. “As if. I’ve enchanted them to the point that not even Tirek at his prime could pry them off.”
“You know,” Celestia began, leaning in close and wrapping a foreleg around her lover. “It sounds to me like you really want to show off the fact that you’re married to me.”
Chrysalis shoved Celestia away before quickly looking away, hiding her blush.
“Preposterous!” declared the changeling. “I merely wish to remind the world that it is I who seduced the so-called ‘indomitable sun’.”
“I seem to remember that I did most of the seducing. Why I don't think you actually initiated a kiss until our wedding day,” Celestia pressed.
“I err…” Chrysalis bit her tongue and pointed down to the burning city a few kilometers in front of them. “Look! Our soldiers have breached the final layer of the city.”
Celestia chuckled, following Chrysalis’ hoof to find that the changeling was indeed correct in her assessment. The majority of the sloped city had been taken by their combined forces and by the look of things casualties had been low. There were very few injured left in the street, and the number of bodies being carried away could be counted within a few seconds.
“It seems as though our combined arms approach has worked as well as you hoped,” Celestia remarked.
“And you said all that joint training was a waste of time,” Chrysalis exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at the pony.
Who rolled her eyes. “I didn't say it was a waste of time. I said it was unneeded at the time, but after this silly league of independent kingdoms formed I was all for it, remember?”
“It was all but inevitable that the last undemocratic hold-outs would band together in fear of our growing power. And I remember you doubting me when I first told you this fact,” Chrysalis shot back, raising her nose.
“The only time I doubted you were when you wanted to invest heavily in zeppelins and look how that turned out,” Celestia exclaimed.
Chrysalis sighed. “Okay so maybe filling a giant balloon with explosive gas wasn't the brightest idea, but it helped drive aviation forward, didn't it?”
“I suppose,” Celestia admitted. “A shame it will be so long before we will see what comes of such innovation.”
“Well, I for one am looking forward to it,” Chrysalis declared, her hooves gripping the railing tightly. “We have already expanded the borders of our empire to the edges of the continent, but with these newfangled planes we could extend our reach beyond the great seas.”
“If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times,” Celestia breathlessly began. “We do not own those provinces. We merely have a series of mutual aid agreements with them.”
Chrysalis scoffed. “You ponies obstuficate empire-building with so many silly terms. Our armies, economies, cultures, and peoples are closely intertwined with these new additions to our nation, are they not?”
“I mean yes, but-”
“And can we not veto any ridiculous law they might try to institute?” Chrysalis continued.
“The house of representatives would need to do that but I suppose-”
“Then we rule them,” Chrysalis exclaimed. “Simple as that.”
“I don't think it's quite so cut and dry Chrysalis,” Celestia interrupted. “They have joined Equestria in partnership, not as a subordinate. They are not our vassals or serfs to be ordered around as we see fit.”
Chrysalis shook her head slowly. “Oh Celestia, for one so beautiful, cunning, and halfway decent in bed, you don't seem to understand one simple thing. We are more powerful, and thus we are the dominant power in this relationship. Much like how I am the dominant one in our relationship.”
“You keep telling yourself that, miss lovestobechainedup,” Celestia teased, sticking out her tongue at the other female.
Who growled, and narrowed her eyes at the pony. “You said we would never speak of that night again for as long as we lived.”
“And you said you would no longer disguise as me in order to mess with the maids,” Celestia shot back.
The two stared at one another intently, the air between them simmering with heat as they continued to glare. Their muscles tensed, and both seemed ready to leap at one another in a flurry of violence. Or at least, what passed for violence anyway, which meant a frantic, clanking wrestling match accompanied by an awkward, clumsy make-out session.
In front of them, away from the smooching ball of metal, chitin, and fur flew two stallions, both of whom were various degrees of uncomfortable.
“You know when they warned me this was a possibility but I didn't expect it to be this frequent,” remarked the pegasus idly, his wings banking to one side in order to compensate for a sudden shift in weight within the chariot behind him. “What has it been, four, five times since we left base?”
“Six,” deadpanned his changeling partner.
“Damn. I wish my last marriage was as passionate as theirs. Maybe I wouldn't have divorced that muscle-headed nitwit,” muttered the pegasus.
“Wait, are you… gay?” asked the changeling, glancing over at the other guard curiously.
“I mean yeah. Is that a problem?” replied the pony.
“By the first mother that is funny. No wonder Chrysalis chose me for the job and kept snickering when she assigned me,” muttered the changeling mirthfully.
“What do you mean?” questioned his partner.
“I’m gay too,” declared the shapeshifter.
“Oh… oh!” the pegasus exclaimed.
The two flew on quietly for several minutes, the silence broken only by the moans, and the clanking of metal.
“So…” began the pegasus. “Do you want to go out some-”
“Yes,” replied the changeling. “The cracked cup, nine o clock, next Saturday. I’ll be waiting.”
“What did you just sa- I mean. I’ll be there,” muttered the pegasus.
The changeling merely smiled. No wonder Chrysalis gets along so well with Cadance. He thought to himself.
The walls of the palace shook vigorously, and plaster rained down from the ceiling, further dirtying the dress of those in attendance. Though the small group of creatures attempted to remain calm while the presidential home shook, their nerves were beginning to fray. From the lone dragon in the group, all the way up to the remarkably skinny earth pony at the head of the table, no one was truly calm.
“Are you sure bac''kup' is coming'?” whispered a balding griffon who wore a simple grey shirt with a tall, stiff collar.
“Of course eet is coming. Zere were nearly sree companies in vait,” exclaimed a short diamond dog who was wearing a bicorn hat incorrectly.
“And don't forrrget about my ten zousand konscrrripts vaiting at docks,” yelled a stogey smoking dragon.
“Vu're armies are as veak as your peer. Arh ! As uzual it vill pe zuberior earth bony sdock vich zaffe zee day,” declared the earth pony.
“Pfft. Yur obsezion wiv blood and jenés eez a frui-tellz endeavair. Zo long as zey 'uld ze revulushe-on een zeir 'airt zey weehl be victairious!” stated the diamond dog in a triumphant manner.
“Hear hear!” added the dragon, who raised a glass of pungent clear liquid.
“Reffoluzion, ha! Vu are chust as much ein dictator as zee rest of us,” stated the earth pony. “Now, vere is mein mexican mud. Arh ! Daddy needs his koko chuice.”
“You dug' can wait'. We have a serious situation on ou hand' here. Ze queens have nealy arrived',” exclaimed the griffon.
“Ha!” puffed the dragon. “Zey arrre poverrrful but zey arrre merrre vomen. Even zey kannot stand beforrre ourrr might! Arrrrghh!”
“Ai am not zo sure. Pairhaps eet was not zé best idea to gathair togethair lik zis,” murmured the diamond dog absently.
“Nonezenze. Arh ! Vith our forces cendered on zee city ve can draw in zoze Hirrading vomen und cut zee heads from zee snake in ein zingle svibe!” declared the earth pony.
The stallion’s declaration was punctuated by a powerful explosion that shook the room vigorously. Plaster rained down from the ceiling, the walls trembled, and their cutlery nearly vibrated off the table. Reverberations continued for several more seconds until at long last everything was finally still once more.
“Did' it get' zem?” whispered a voice from under the table.
Before his fellow dictators could answer the griffon, the large metal door sealing off the room from the rest of the palace exploded inwards. The great hunk of enchanted steel tumbled end over end before landing atop the table and crushing it utterly beneath its weight. The cowardly griffon just barely managed to escape getting squished, and in an instant, he was back up on his own four legs.
“Now I’m only going to give you this one chance,” began a voice coming from within the smoke which billowed into the room. “Give up, or I will glue you to the walls of the city facing east so you may watch the last holdouts of your former kingdoms wither and die.”
“It's Celestia, she's the weak one. Kill her!” shouted the earth pony.
Everyone at the table pulled out a different weapon, though most were pistols, the diamond dog had a musket which he was swift to fire. The rapid thud of the dragon’s large revolver all but drowned out the clack of the earth pony’s lumpy pistol, and the griffon’s boxy, one-handed gun. The cacophony of noise lasted mere seconds, but when it was all over everyone frantically began to reload.
“Ai knu ai should 'ave brought a reahl wéapon,” cursed the diamond dog as he packed black powder into his long gun.
“Wrong answer!” shouted the voice.
A second later and Celestia herself burst into the room, horn glowing brightly as she unleashed a flurry of spells. The first of which hit the earth pony square in the chest, and made his entire body go limp, dropping him to the floor.
“Zis is almost petder zen morbhine,” he muttered blissfully.
The next to fall was the dragon, who managed to load another six rounds before having his arms chained together behind his back. Though he strained against the golden bindings, even his great strength could do nothing against the alicorn’s spellwork. In seconds he was rendered immobile and was lying face down on the ground, cursing bitterly.
“I knew I should have changed my name to Putin and pretended to be a democracy,” muttered the scaled behemoth.
“why won't' you die you foul monste?” shouted the griffon as he unloaded his entire magazine into Celestia’s enchanted armor to no effect.
“Because I’ve got a great butt, and you’re just a butt,” spat the alicorn.
“What?” was all the griffon could mutter before he found his personal gravity tripled, leaving him sprawled helplessly against the ground, unable to move.
“Oh, merde,” cursed the diamond dog.
Celestia smirked as she turned to the lone remaining dictator.
“Now. Do you want to do this the easy way, or the hard way?” asked Celestia.
The diamond dog seemed to contemplate trying to pack his shot while his opponent was five feet away but quickly abandoned that idea. Tossing the weapon to the ground, he held up his paws in defeat.
“Please dont banish me to Elba again. Zat placé eez incrédib-lee baireng,” pleaded the diamond dog.
“I’ll consider it,” Celestia exclaimed before zapping the dog with a spell and sending him contorting to the ground. “Ahh, that was easy.”
“Now I’m only going to give you this one chance,” began a voice coming from the hallway. “Give up, or I will glue you upside down to the walls of the city facing east so you may watch the last holdouts of your silly little feifdoms wither and die.”
“I already said that!” shouted back the first Celestia just as the second Celestia entered the room.
“Wait, what now? Aww, Chrysalis we were supposed to defeat them together!” whined the real Celestia.
The fake Celestia rolled her eyes and dropped her disguise. “Don't blame me because you were too busy staring at all those paintings. Besides, the looks on their faces when I burst out spells flying was too juicy to pass up.”
“They had Raphael, portrait of a young man out there, the last Van Gogh, and even the amber room!” Celestia exclaimed. “I thought those were lost forever!”
“Well now they are found,” Chrysalis exclaimed.
“I’m still disappointed in you,” Celestia stated, her forehooves crossed over her chest. “This was supposed to be our big moment where we defeated the last tyrants on the continent and brought peace and security to our new nation.”
“Pfft,” scoffed Chrysalis. “We can still say that's how it happened. I mean who are they going to believe, us or them?”
Chrysalis gave the diamond dog a firm kick in emphasis.
“Cursé you vile pig dog équestrians. Curse you and yur tairribuhl taste een wine!” shrieked the captured dog.
“See? Heck, I don't even know what he just said,” Chrysalis declared.
“I suppose,” Celestia murmured.
Chrysalis walked up to the alicorn, and gently pulled her chin up so their eyes met.
“Come on my little sunbeam, it's not that big of a deal right?” Chrysalis whispered.
“I guess. I just really wanted to look cool with you,” Celestia muttered.
“Every second you spend at my side is a second we look cool together,” Chrysalis pressed.
Celestia chuckled, lightly punching the other female’s shoulder. “Oh, you big charmer you.”
“I’m not trying to charm you. If I was, then I’d promise to do that thing where I-” Chrysalis leaned in close and began to whisper into Celestia’s ear.
“Oh, oh my. And that too? That would be…” Celestia trailed off as a shudder ran down her spine.
Chrysalis pulled back. “So, feel charmed yet?”
Celestia didn't answer, at least she didn't use her words to do so, as instead of uttering a sound she threw herself at the changeling. The two landed in a clattering heap of debris and screeching metal, their lips colliding a second later. Tongues twisted, spit was swapped, and moans were whispered, the pair utterly forgetting their surroundings.
“How embarrassing,” muttered the dragon.
“I hear tongue kizes. Arh! Zomeone brop me up on zat pit of ceiling zo I keen see!” yelled the still mostly paralyzed earth pony.
“Somebody shoot me,” murmured the griffon.
“Me first,” exclaimed the diamond dog.