> Reaction > by Rated Ponystar > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > She Could Have Been Me > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Former Princess of Equestria Luna had rarely ever worried about her sister if she was sincere. Celestia was always the adventurous and brave type Luna looked to whenever she was scared or unsure about herself, even when they were children. Her sister had always seemed to be in control of her actions, thoughts, and behaviors. Sure, she was much more mature than she was a thousand years ago, but there was little if any difference between the Celestia of the past and the Celestia of today. Which is why, five days ago, Luna found herself entirely at a loss of what to do. Princess Twilight Sparkle barely had the heart to tell her, out of sorrow and guilt, about what conversation happened that made her sister lose her self-control for the first time in centuries. All that Luna knew was that it involved Princess Twilight visiting alternate versions of herself in various dimensions and timelines throughout the multiverse. While not as versed in time magic as others, Princess Luna knew of the concept of such theories, and it seems they were true. Free will was not an illusion, it seemed, and Luna's mind was open to the possibilities of such possible worlds, such as one where she didn't become Nightmare Moon. Naturally, not every world was going to be a pleasant one. Princess Twilight had told her of the numerous dark futures where she and her friends didn't become the Elements of Harmony, including one where all life was extinct.  Yet, Luna was baffled by what kind of world existed that caused her beloved older sister to not only teleport out of their new retirement castle, land far away into the mountains, but explode in a near-volcanic eruption of sorrow and rage. The entire landscape had become cinder, and the air was so filled with ash that it was near impossible to breathe. After her sister had spent nearly several hours unleashing her power, she teleported back with her mane almost grey and her eyes covered by the darkened hair.  And then she ordered the servants to get her alcohol. Lots of alcohol.  That was when Luna knew things were severe since her sister told her she had remained sober ever since she was banished, refusing to drink again.  Luna stared at the closed double doors of her sister's room all alone as none of the servants could stand to hear Celestia's sobbing anymore. It was too disheartening for all but the hard-hearted like her. Luna slowly opened the door with a soft sigh and winced at the smell of beer, whiskey, wine, and other hard liquors that flooded the air. Thankfully, alicorn biology was highly resistant, or else the scent of the putrid drink indicated Celestia would have been dead from alcohol poisoning seven times over. After casting a quick air freshener spell around her, the night alicorn walked inside, where the entire room appeared to have exploded from the inside. Her sister's prized possessions, clothing, and furniture were scattered and in pieces with many burn marks on the floor, ceiling, and walls. There were bottles everywhere, with most of the crates empty save for a few—all for the disheveled and grim-looking mare laying on her bed. Celestia slowly levitated a purple bottle of wine and drank the whole thing before letting it drop to the floor. Moaning, she slowly got up and looked at Luna with her bloodshot eyes before looking down. "Leave me alone, Luna. Just get out." "No, sister," Luna said as she sat down next to her older sibling. "You've been in here for five days trying to drink yourself to death. I think it's time we talked." "There is nothing to-" "Don't give me that, Celestia!" Luna harshly demanded as Celestia winced while rubbing her head. "You nearly nuked the entire mountainside outside of our home, which caused everypony in a hundred-mile radius to panic! You have our former subjects and servants worried to death over you! Twilight feels nothing but guilt for whatever she said, and she cannot even bring me to tell me what it is! So tell me what happened and stop acting like a little filly who found out her crush loves another!" For a long time, the two sisters stared at each other until the older one finally lowered her head in shame. "I'm a monster." Luna tilted her head. She wasn't expecting such an answer. "Monster? What do you mean by monster?" "...Well, I guess not as much as me as the other me..." Celestia muttered as she slowly got up and growled. "That bucking bitch who doesn't even deserve to be a princess. Let alone even a follower of harmony and what we stand for. She perverted everything we ever believed in and dragged our people into the worst of the worst. Even if these humans were flawed..." She covered her face with one hoof and wept. "None of it should have happened. To even think that somewhere, out there in the multiverse, there is a demon that wears my face." "You are beating yourself up over something another version of you did in another universe?" Luna asked in disbelief. "Celestia, how could you judge yourself for something someone else did?" "Do you not judge yourself for what Nightmare Moon did?" Celestia pointed out, which made Luna wince. "She might have corrupted you, but she was still you. This Celestia might not have been me, but she was still me!"  "...What did she do?" Luna asked as she sat down.  What Celestia told her was one of the most nightmarish things Luna had ever heard of in her entire life. The whole nation of Equestria, all her subjects, teleported to a different dimension under a lie that they needed to save a race of billions from self-destruction by showing them the magic of friendship. Only it later became a war to genocide an entire planet's population by either wiping them out or turning them into ponies against their will, using a foul alchemic substance that changed their bodies, minds, and souls into mindless slaves who worshiped Equestrian culture like a cult. It was a war that led to billions dead in the end from both sides, and it was all orchestrated and manipulated by that Equestria's Princess Celestia.  The Equestria that Celestia described was more like a nation of hated zealots than the one she knew. A population of blinded patriotic foals willing to kill and die for the sake of their nation's ideals to the point that they rather perish than surrender. They even worshiped all alicorns as living gods. They created an entire religion around them with outright propaganda that made a single race sound like something that came out of Tartarus and was inferior to their way of life. Those who resisted or questioned were silenced in often permanent ways. The lies that the government proclaimed, the secrets kept from the public, and the lengths this Equestria went to win the war were mindblowing. A potion that could turn a single being into a pony and erase their personality, the utter destruction of cultures and ideals out of fear of them poisoning Equestria, a deadly canon capable of wiping out cities, not to mention occupying taken land from an energy shield that was all but fatal to those without magic. Luna tried to imagine it, but she couldn't. It sounded so wrong. So alien. Halfway through the story, even she needed a heavy drink as the tensions between humanity and Equestria rose to the breaking point and resulted in a war that left so many dead. This included that world's Luna, who had fallen in battle thanks to humanity's powerful new weapon that could disable all magic in whatever form. Such a thing was scary on its own, but even more terrifying to Luna was how she died. Her death was so violent that not even the most talented morticians couldn't make her look completely peaceful at her funeral. Of course, humanity didn't win it alone. Some ponies sided with them and helped win the war. It was a relief to learn that some ponies kept their heads and hearts despite being outcasted as traitors. However, it was surprising to learn that dearest Fluttershy defected with Discord while the other Elements stayed loyal to Equestria and either died in the war or went rebel when Twilight surrendered after that world's Celestia went into a coma. Now she could see why Princess Twilight was so heartbroken after meeting her alternate self. Learning that you willingly partake in such horrible actions would break anyone even if you were utterly ignorant of the truth. Just when Luna thought it couldn't get any worse, her sister revealed something that the other Celestia told the other Twilight. The truth behind the entire war. The sun back on their Equus was dying. With no other means to save it, that world's Celestia chose to abandon the entire planet to its fate and teleported Equestria away.  At first, Luna thought this twisted version of her sister abandoned their world's population to save themselves from finding a way to protect themselves, but Celestia revealed they were already dead. Because the Equestria of that world had nobody else that could raise the sun and moon. Nobody. It was then that Luna realized why her sister was drowning in such sorrow. Long ago, both the two sisters of this world shared the knowledge of how to keep the sun and moon going should anything happen to them. They were powerful and long-lived beings, but not gods. Illness, accident, or battle could have taken either sister at any time. So both sisters created various means to keep the sun and moon working like the amulet that they gave Twilight when they went on vacation. These two sisters in this other world did no such thing. This meant that the moment Equestria left their world, the fate of all life in Equus was doomed. All of the other creatures, from griffins to changelings, had died. Burned to death or frozen in eternal darkness.  All thanks to a single alicorn princess. A single Celestia. Luna wondered if her alternate self even knew of her sister's lengths to create this pony-only utopia. Because if it was her, that had been there instead? She would have killed this Celestia to end this madness. Sister or no sister. "...The Twilight of that world told our Twilight she had spent so much time trying to fix everything they had done that even in her deathbed, she feared she didn't do enough," Celestia said as she shed tears. "I cannot help but weep for her. A mare so sweet and talented ended up betrayed by somepony she loved as a mother. Somepony who is like me and yet not like me." "Sister, I understand this disheartens you," Luna whispered, nuzzling her. "But you should not feel guilty for the actions of this...other you. She is dead if what you are telling me is true, and I pray that she burns in whatever hellish realm sinful ponies go to in that dimension." "I know that, Luna, but I cannot help it! This witch could have been me!" Celestia said as she got up and looked in a half-broken mirror. "I cannot even begin to think of how I could have ended up as such a horrible monster! Did something happen in my youth? Did events spiral around me that led me to do such actions? Or was I born with a madness that led me to become such a demon? I am willing to do a lot to protect my ponies, but I would never sacrifice the entire population of other creatures nor wipe out another one just for survival! I would never want to be worshiped as if I am Fausticorn herself! Nor would I dictate the lives of everyone like a tyrant!" She then growled and punched the window with her hoof, shattering the rest of the glass. "But the one thing I cannot forgive this Celestia for is what she did to those I loved! My family! She used you, Twilight, Spike, their friends, and even Cadence's family like pawns! If I were to even meet this Celestia in life or death, I would stop at nothing to make her suffer for every single horrible action she has ever done and end her miserable existence by cutting off her head!"  Celestia took a few deep breaths before slowly reaching for another bottle with her magic, only for her sister to stop her. Luna slowly hugged her sister from behind her and whispered, "And that is why you are foalishly beating yourself up, sister. If you were a monster, you would not be weeping for all these lives lost. You would not realize that these actions the other you took were wrong. More importantly, you would not care at all for any of this. You show sympathy, which shows that you are a thousand times better than this other Celestia. Please, do not blame yourself for her actions. This is not the Equestria that sought to wipe out an entire race of beings. You and I, along with Twilight and her friends, created a beautiful and just nation out of true friendship and harmony." "...What if it's not enough?" Celestia whimpered as she turned around, glassy eyes meeting sympathetic gaze. "What if Equestria falls one day? What if we forget friendship and harmony? What if everything we've done gets undone?" "... indeed, nothing lasts forever," Luna sighed as she held her sister's hooves. "There will be a day you and I will die. Twilight and her friends will die. Perhaps Equestria will fall and no longer exist as it is now. Be it a hundred or a thousand years. There is always a day when the light fades into shadow." She then smiled and gently patted her sister's cheek. "However, others will remember our deeds. Our actions will have an impact. And I feel that whatever happens from here until the end of time itself, our legacy will remain in some form. I have hope that such a legacy will be there to help those in the future build a better world should the worst come to pass. That is all we can do, sister, because we all have built a better world for today and maybe tomorrow. You were part of that building, sister. You ruled Equestria for a thousand years when I was on the moon. You helped train the greatest hero Equestria has ever seen, who now rules with love and fairness. You are still by my side as the best sister one mare can ever have."  With a smile and nuzzle, she wiped the tears off Celestia's face and kissed her on the lips. "So be at peace, sister. We are fine. You are fine. You are no monster, nor should you feel like one. You are the truest and honest Celestia in the entire multiverse, and I will challenge anyone, mortal or god, with this statement." Wiping her tears, Celestia smiled at her sister and hugged her. "And you are the greatest little sister anyone in the universe could have, Luna. Thank you." "'Tis no big deal, as they say," Luna said with a smile before backing away. "Now, I believe you should take a shower and clean yourself up. You stink like a brewery, and I believe there are some ponies out there worried about you." "Y-Yes, I suppose I should clean myself up and my room," Celestia whispered with a blush. "I...I think I should also talk to Twilight again. Let her know I am well and make sure she doesn't blame herself for my state. Could you write a letter letting her know I will visit tomorrow?" "Of course, sister," Luna said before slowly leaving the room.  Once she did, Celestia let out a heavy sigh before walking towards her broken tea table that she had nearly shattered despite being made out of hard marble. There was a letter hidden in the rubble that her precious student had left behind that she said was from the other Twilight who wanted her to read it. She slowly opened it and read with sorrow in her heart, Dear Princess Celestia, You know me, and yet you do not know me. Just as I maybe know you and yet never knew you. I am Twilight Sparkle but from another world. Another Equestria, though not the one you know. I was raised and taught by another version of you that I thought was wise, caring, and gentle, but, no doubt, as your Twilight has told you, this was not true. My Celestia was a tyrant, cruel and hateful. Although I believe she once ruled with kindness and a gentle heart, something happened, and she was soon led by paranoia, ego, and anger to the point that she was willing to let us all die before surrendering to a race we wrongfully tried to wipe out over lies and fear. I do not know where everything went wrong in her life, and maybe I'll never fully understand. What I do know is that she led us to become a nation that has fallen so far that, even decades after the war, I feel that it will take generations to redeem us. When I learned from my other self and what had happened in her world, I felt jealous and angry. I was not too fond of the entire universe at that moment because I suffered and lost everything in life while she got a perfect ending. My family. My friends. Most importantly, my self-respect was all ruined by mindlessly following a madmare in her quest to create a pony-filled world built on the bones of billions. I am dying from cancer, but the truth is I died a long time ago, and I want to rest and feel no more. Yet, my hatred soon left me because I was filled with relief. Relief that there is a good version of you—a version of the Celestia I worshiped and believed in for so long. Knowing you exist is some comfort to me, and I wish that you had been my mentor in the end. I wish my entire life had been different in the end, but I can do nothing to change this. I will die soon, perhaps the moment I return to my world. Yet, I am okay with that. I'm so tired that I want to sleep and never wake up. Perhaps I'll go to Heaven, or whatever afterlife exists. Maybe I'll fade away into nothingness. Or perhaps I'll burn in Hell because of my past sins. Even if Celestia deceived us all, I still followed and ruined the lives of so many because I failed to think for myself. I suppose that is a final friendship lesson I can tell you I learned. To never let one be so blind to the faults of others and accept that even the most paragon of ponies can have dark sides. That you must think and do what you know and feel is right in your heart rather than what society, books, or your mentors tell you. And that no matter how different people may be, nor how much they disagree, trying to wipe the other side out is never an option, even if you cannot peacefully coexist.  I feel that my time here is slowly ending with your Twilight. I hope that no other Twilight goes through what I have gone through. I hope she warns all future Twilights of my tale and the bitter lessons I have learned. But I have written enough. It's time for me to go. I only wish that my Celestia had been you in the end.  Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.