> Anonymous: A Human in Equestria Story
>  by David M Coleman
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Prologue: Arrival
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is just a normal day for you, as you drive your car home from work. It’s nothing special, just a forest green ’03 Accord. Its 30mpg is decent enough, though the gas prices of late aren’t exactly great.
“Come on…” You growl. The light has been red for five minutes.
Finally the light turns green, and you start moving forward. The light is now yellow, and right before you cross it turns red again.
“Oh, come on!”
You pull into the dirt driveway in front of your home. You live on the outskirts of town, in an area known as the “Hill Country.” Your neighborhood is small, and not exactly the most social, though you are well acquainted with a few of your neighbors.
The hot Texas sun beats down on you as you check your phone to see it’s 2:45 PM. The weather widget states its a sweaty 103°F. Stopping the loud music playing in your car, you open the door, but not before grabbing the six pack of beer sitting in the passenger seat. It was a Saturday, so you were off the next two days.
You walk up to the front door before digging in your pocket for your keys. Once found, you unlock the door and enter. You are greeted by the cool air in your prefab home. You decide booze and a comedy isn’t a bad idea.
You sit on your sofa and scroll through the various options on your Roku. Getting bored of the options in one app, you switch to the next before you hear a clap of thunder.
“The hell?” You say, confused. Not fifteen minutes ago, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and now there’s thunder?
You pick up your phone from the coffee table and open the weather app. “No rain at all.” You groaned. It’s like a dome the size of Texas is covering us right now.
You finally decide on watching Airplane! for the umpteenth time — it never gets old. Before starting the film, you go grab a bag of popcorn and nuke it.
Thunder strikes again. You ignore it this time.
Once it finishes, you yank it out, shake it well, and pour it into a large bowl. You sit back down on the couch, pop open a cold one, and hit play.
The jaws theme plays, the top wing of a plane peeking up through the clouds. You chuckle, but are interrupted by thunder again.
“Where the hell is that coming from?!” You groan in annoyance.
The thunder clapped again, and you begin to hear a buzzing noise. Suddenly your surroundings are instantly replaced by that of a… two dimensional cartoon village? “Oh shit,” you start, noticing the pouring rain. You immediately pocket your phone, thanking tech Jesus for IP ratings. Your shirt and jeans are now pretty wet. In the corner you notice a covered bench and rush over to it and sit down. You feel pretty cold. You now begin to notice some strange things. There are no sidewalks, street lamps, or even a paved road, and the houses are thatched.
You look at your reflection in a puddle and see your face is… gone? You now look like a cartoon character, and your face has some sort of green mask with a black question mark on it. You try to remove said mask, but it won’t come off. You then notice something else. You can’t remember your name. Now you were panicking. It was like your identity was taken from you, and replaced with this… thing.
You begin to cry, all hope now lost.
> Chapter One: Meeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------




Thirty days. An entire fucking month since you inexplicably appeared in this God-forsaken land. You look in the distance towards the small village you arrived in.
Damned ponies…
Just a week ago, you were ran off yet again. You’d discovered an apple farm, and stole some apples, and an orange pony ran at you, her little border collie bit your leg. You glance down at the scabs on your ankle.
Stupid dog…
You currently sit in a chair you’d built on the porch of the cabin you also built. You now live in the woods just south of the village. While you hate this land, you at the very least can admire its beauty. A small stream passes by the side of your new home, reaching a small falls and leading its way into town.
You feel you were far enough away that you don’t have to worry about some ballsy stallion slitting your throat at night.
You have a decent source of food, hunting the local deer. They aren’t intelligent, so you don’t have your morals preventing you from killing them. Though you are getting sick of venison, which is why you attempted to steal apples from that orange pony.
It was odd. They speak clear English, despite being in a completely different world.
You are interrupted from your thoughts when you notice something growing in the distance. You keep your eye on it, and after a few minutes it takes form. It appears to be some sort of… carriage? It was being pulled by two ponies, and… it’s heading your direction…
You head inside, grab your homemade spear and run into the woods. After some time, you find a cave, and enter. Luckily there seem to be no threats within, so you feel safe until you hear hoofsteps.
Then you hear it. A beautiful, and majestic voice rings throughout the cave. “It’s alright creature, I will not hurt you.”
You go deeper into the cave, believing it to be a trick.
“Please, I just wish to speak with you.” The voice asks pleadingly. You don’t answer. “I understand you do not trust me. You clearly have no reason to. After all, my ponies haven’t been the most kind to you.” The voice paused. “I am the leader of this land. My name is Princess Celestia, though you may simply call me Celestia. What is your name creature.”
My name, you thought. I’ve been asking that myself since arrived in this damn place.
You sigh. “Just call me,” you pause, thinking. “Anonymous.” Your voice was rough and sore from not speaking for an entire week.
“An odd name. Are you alright, Anonymous?” Celestia asked. “You’ve been alone for a month. I heard about what Applejack did.” You chuckled at the name, remembering the old cinnamon vs. apple commercials from your childhood. “Her dog attacked you, am I correct? I’d like to bring you to the castle, and have you checked up. Make sure you’re healthy. There’s a nice meal in it for you too.” Her voice was kind, and motherly.
Now you were confused. Ever since you’d arrived in this hell-hole, you’d been attacked, insulted, and demonized by the ponies. Then after a month of this bullshit, their leader appears to you and is the first one to show you kindness? What’s her angle. You don’t trust them, why should you trust her?
“What’s the catch?” You ask, coming off a bit more angry than you intended.
“There is no catch. You were mistreated by my subjects, and I merely wish to make it right. Is that so hard to believe?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll tell you what.” She says, her voice unwavering. “Come with me. You are not obligated to stay. You may leave at any time. I will land my carriage if you ask me to. But I do hope you’ll give me a chance.”
You decide to give this some thought. She’s actually given you a chance to speak, which is more than anyone else has. Why not, You think. I can leave at anytime, right?
“Fine.”
“Great! Now please, come out from behind that boulder.”
How’d she – you know what, never mind.
You stand up, and approach the white pony. You immediately notice the difference between her and her subjects? Her head was almost level with yours, though her horn was much longer than the others.
“So, Anonymous?” She says, turning around and trotting towards the cave entrance. You follow her. “I don’t recall seeing your kind before. Tell me, what are you? Where are you from?”
“I’m a human, and I’m from planet Earth.” You answer.
“Planet?” She says, confusion in her voice. “What is a planet?”
“What is– you don’t know what a planet is!?” You ask incredulously. “You know, solar system, orbits the sun?”
“Orbits the sun?” She laughs. “I control the sun.”
Now you were confused, but that confusion quickly turned to anger. Does she think you’re stupid? “Bullshit,” You say accusingly. “Even a child nows how a solar system works. At the center you have a star, our’s is named the sun, there are many planets orbiting that star, one of which is Earth. It is the only habitable planet in the solar system, sitting at the perfect distance from the sun, aka the Goldilocks zone. Some planets have what are called natural satellites, they are smaller than planets and orbit their planet. Earth has one, it’s called the moon.”
The mare looks at you, clearly intrigued by what you are saying.
“Do you have magic?” She asks.
“What? Of course not.”
“Then how do you control the sun and moon?” She looks at you with a gotcha style grin.
“Easy. We don’t. Gravity does. Earth rotates on its own, as it orbits the sun. One side faces the sun, that side of the planet experiences day, the other experiences night. An entire cycle around the sun takes roughly 365 days, which is a year. The moon orbits Earth, and has its own cycles. It’s often visible during the day.”
“Very interesting…” She says. “It would seem to me that you don’t just come from a different world, but an entirely different plane of existence. One with its own rules, laws, and physics.”
“That explains magic then.” You say. “Still don’t know how you speak English though.”
“That’s because we don’t. We speak Equish.”
“Of course.” You say facetiously.
You finally reach the carriage. The four ponies that pull it glare at you. You get in.
“Nervous?” She asks you.
“Yes.”
“First time?”
“No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.”
The mare raises a brow.
“Never mind. No, I’ve flown before.”
“Well then, shall we?”