A long time has passed in Equestria, and everything has changed. And though everything back then has passed, an old, albeit mostly masked, face has returned. Everyone's favorite Merc with the Mouth has returned to the world of G5 Equestria!
A lone island sat in the middle of the ocean. Nothing truly stuck out, all except what looked to be a nuclear power plant of sorts. All around said plant were people wearing nearly identical yellow Hazmat looking suits, all armed with some kind of assault rifle. Inside the plant's security room, two guards sat and monitored the various screens. One of the screens blinked red, showing what appeared to be various escape pods coming down to their base of operations.
"Intruders!" One of them yelled, quickly getting up. "We need to tell the boss and everyone about this!"
"Nah, we don't." The other replied, still sitting, but leaning in his chair.
"We don't? Are you crazy!? It could be SHIELD!!! Maybe Hydra! Or even-!"
FWUMP!!!
He didn't get his final words out as he looked at his stomach, seeing it red with his own blood. The other man got up, holstering a smoking pistol with a silencer on its nozzle.
"The X-Force?" He asked, but now with a woman's voice. Green flames engulfed him, and they quickly turned into an insect humanoid with very light blue shell, and pink fins that were also translucent. She walked to a nearby computer, putting in a USB drive. "Don't worry, it'll be over quickly." Her victim fell to the floor, dead. The entire place went dark for a second, followed by the place turning on with red lights. She put on an earpiece. "Shields are down, sir. Everything is going to plan."
"Sweet!" The voice on the other line replied. "Think you'll be able to join us, Ocellus?"
"Mr. Deadpool, getting in was the hardest part. Getting out is the easiest. I'll be with you soon." The sound of men clamoring through the halls could be heard. "... give me a moment, first."
"See ya soon, Ocell." Right on the other end was the man himself, Deadpool, inside one of the various vessels. Right in front of him was Princess Luna, being humanoid in the body but still having her pony head, sharpening a rapier. Next to her was a woman who looked like a mix of the two, being female in shape with the head of Luna, but was wearing a blue version of Deadpool's costume, with some crescent moons on her hips. She was looking over a pair of swortswords, then one long claymore, strapping it to her back.
"Just so you know," Luna replied, sheathing her rapier. "This plan of yours is very stupid, Wilson."
"That's not stupid!" Deadpool replied. "The stupidest thing was when MrAquino tried to create a sequel before my fic was finished!"
"Wait… but I have the weapons that are based on RWBY and from that Power Ranger." Their 3rd wheel replied. "Hey! It's Neara!"
"Eh, retcons. They happen all the time." He placed a hand on his earpiece. "X-Force! You guys ready!?" Various replies of "Yeah!" And "Yes, sir!" were heard. "Sweet. Let's get to it! Yo Gallus! Blast Deltron 3030's Countdown!"
Ocellus ran on top of the rooftop of the powerplant, but stopped, taking her breath to admire both the sunrise, and the arrival of the X-Force. She quickly ran alongside one of the various shuttles, jumping on, flying to, and landing in one of them, as other flew past her. Below, some of the various hazmat soldier looked up, seeing the shuttles coming down. One of said shuttles crashed into the middle of an open area. Its door opened, and pulling herself out was Yona the Yak, being quite huge than she was a few years ago. She tried to pull herself out, but was stuck… until she was pushed out by her much smaller boyfriend, the young stallion Sandbar. He shook himself as he crawled right out.
Ocellus stood behind a wall, pulling out a remote and pressing a button. The vessel the couple came in exploded behind them, but they didn't flinch. Rather, Sandbar gave his huge girlfriend her helmet, which she gladly accepted. The two nodded as Yona pulled out a huge machine gun, revving it and blasted away, as Sandbar had an assault rifle and fired alongside her! The hazmat guards didn't have much time to react.
In the air, one of the vessel doors came flying out, and coming out, coughing, was Selina the cat. She looked around, hissing, ready to fight, but stopped to see the vessels flying in the air wildly. An unamused look came to her face as she rolled her eyes, quickly jumping into the air and, very gracefully, landed on a robot patrolling, slashing some wires out, before pulling a crossbow out and firing an explosive arrow into a crowd. As the smoke cleared, following was Roscoe the Diamond Dog, pulling out a pistol and firing rapidly before firing at a crowd with a grenade launcher.
Flying through the air was Lightbreeze the breezie, in a new mech suit that, while wasn't as huge as his Warhammer 40k dreadnought, still had a menacing look, and was much faster & lighter. He flew, giving a friendly wave to Silversteam the Hippogriff, who stood on her vessel as it crashed to the floor, destroying some of the robots in its path. She jumped into the air, pulling her sniper rifle out, blasting at a missile, which exploded with other missiles. Said explosions were seen by the kirin, Summer Flare, walking solo on a bridge, using her blades to slice and reflect the gunfire. Though she was relatively calm, the flames of the Nirik part of her came through as she released a huge slash of fire on the people on the bridge.
Ocellus took cover as the explosion happened, but looked in the distance of the sun. The sun was bright, but the silhouette of something was arriving… and it was getting huge. A sentinel was arriving. She panicked and tried to communicate, but it landed right in front of her. The impact made everyone turn to her, seeing the giant humanoid robot. It lifted a blade and swung at her!
Were it not for Summer Flare, Ocellus would've been gone. Though much smaller, the Kirin used her blade to block its blade, then erupting into flames, slicing the sentinel's blade in half. She stood, panting, as it took a lot of energy from her. Ocellus quickly got up, turning into a fly and buzzing away. The Sentinel swung it's other blade, but a flash of light came, and the other blade was missing. It turned to see Silversteam in a sniper tower, having just blasted it's other blade clean off.
Said Sentinel's back opened and fired a bunch of missiles at Silversteam, before it's chest opened and it fired a barrage of lasers. Everyone began to run for cover as Silversteam jumped out of her sniper tower, pulling out a simple pistol, firing at the various missiles. Lightbreeze grabbed one of missile and flew it right at the Sentinel's face, blinding it, before grabbing Summer Flare's hand. Though she was taken back by the force, the Kirin was tossed at the sentinel with the force from the mech's throw, where she sliced off its left foot right off, and the titan of a robot fell over. Almost descending from the sky came Neara, slicing off the robot's head with her claymore, followed by an epic explosion. The sun was now in the sky, and the X-Force had won! Everyone cheered, offering compliments and bolstering their own skills. But Deadpool entered the building as soon as the kickass song ended, with Luna and Neara following.
"So… what are we here for?" Neara asked.
"Rescuing one of our own." Deadpool replied. They entered a lab of sorts, with various Shark looking humans in various giant tubes. But at the very end was a fairly small, metal ball. "Little help?" Luna sighed as she sliced the metal ball with her sword. The slices were enough to make a small hole, followed by something growling. "Come on out! It's safe." There was a small pause. Some small footsteps came, followed by what appeared to be a small shark standing on four legs.
"... Wait… is that-?" Neara asked.
"Jeffery! Come here you!" Deadpool picked up the small, dog-shaped shark. It made happy mrr noises. "Oh, I'm so happy to see you again!"
"... we did this to save… a landshark?"
"Like I said, it's stupid." Luna replied.
"I have to agree." Another voice spoke, a man's.
"Who's that!?" Neara asked.
"Oh my god!" Deadpool yelled. "Patton Oswalt!?"
"No, you idiot!" Flying in was what could only be described as a giant head in a robot case with small arms and legs. "It is I, MODOK!!!"
"Oh… hi there!"
"... That's it? You came all this way, killed all of my fellow AIM soldiers, destroyed my robots and modified Sentinel, rescued your abomination of a pet, and the best thing you can say is 'hi there'!?"
"Um… do you have Covid-19?"
"... ugh, no matter! You won't make it out of here alive! None of you will!"
"Hey! This is MY family! If you're gonna try to kill them, then you're gonna have to kill me first, but ya can't! So…" he flipped him off.
"Oh, I am very much aware, Wade Wilson. Which is why I'm taking you out of the picture first!" The gem on his forehead glowed, and a wall opened, revealing a portal.
"A portal!? That's the best thing you can think of!? Sheesh, talk about being unorig-" he didn't complete as Modok fired at him, sending Wade flying into the portal. Jeffery barked and followed Wade, jumping through the portal.
"DAD!!!" Neara yelled, running after him. But the portal closed. Modok began to cackle wildly.
"Oh boo hoo, your daddy's gone." He mocked as various weapons came out from the side. "But now… let's have some fun!"
Deadpool screamed loudly as he was pushed through the portal, then rolled down alongside a hill rather uncontrollably. He stopped as he landed on his back on what appeared to be a dirt road. He let out a rather painful groan.
"Oh my! Are you ok?" The voice of a woman asked. Deadpool's vision was blurry, but standing over him was… a unicorn? A magenta coated, blue mane unicorn, with the mane looking very soft and puffy looking. But that wasn't the real thing that made him stare at her.
"... Why are you computer animated?" He asked.
"Ooh! You can talk! That's SO COOL!!! Do you have a name!?" Deadpool gave a skeptical look as he sat right up.
"Wade Wilson… but folks usually call me Deadpool."
"Ooh! That's such a cool name! I'm Izzy! I'm a unicorn, easy to tell from my horn." Deadpool looked at her.
"Yeah… I can see that… but… you seriously don't know about me?"
"Hmm… Nope! None of the other Unicorns do, as far as I know."
"Wait… the other unicorns?"
"Oh, you're new, see, I'm from Brighterwood, and I got a personal invitation." She pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to Deadpool. He looked at the piece of paper, which had a picture of three ponies, an earth pony, unicorn, and pegasus, all around a cake, drawn by a child.
"Dear unicorns and pegasi, you have friends in maretime bay. Come visit us." He looked at Izzy. "... Did you just get this today, or…?"
"Oh, I actually have had it since I was a filly. I… wasn't allowed to go anywhere, but now I am, and I wanna make some new friends!" Though Deadpool stared, he took a deep breath.
"Bless your little heart. But… why now?"
"Oh, well… I can't… use…" she looked around before whispering to him. "magic."
"... why are you whispering?"
"It's a bad word!"
"... Weird… but you can't use it!?"
"Nope! It's been gone for who knows how many moons. I hope the earth ponies know what happened to it, and we can be friends!" Deadpool chuckled.
"Well, you won't be alone, Izzy. I can already tell we're gonna be great friends!" Izzy gasped as her pupils became huge with sparkles in them.
"You wanna be my friend!?" Deadpool booped her nose.
"Indeed!" Izzy stared, then let out a long squee, running around him.
"I HAVE A NEW FRIEND!!! I HAVE A NEW FRIEND!!!" Deadpool looked to where he came from, not seeing any portal.
"Hmm.. It's been a while since I've been in Equestria. Wonder what Twilight's doing?"
"Wait, you've been here before!? And who's Twilight?"
"... You're joking, right? Twilight Sparkle, purple version of Celestia now. Element of magic."
"...Who's Celestia?" Deadpool blinked, but ruffled her mane.
"You're funny, Izzy. But where's Maretime Bay?"
"Ooh! I think we're almost there! Follow me!" She began to skip ahead. Shrugging, Deadpool skipped alongside her. Unaware of either, a small landshark walked onto the dirt road, stopping to scratch itself, but proceeded to follow their trail.
The pair entered what appeared to be a town that looked pretty similar to San Francisco. As far as they could see, with the exception of birds, earth ponies roamed around freely with banners hanging on the poles for something called Canterlogic. Though, one thing that caught Wade's attention was what appeared to be some posters where it showed Earth ponies being terrorized by shadowy versions of Unicorns and Pegasi.
"Hmm… Izzy? You seeing this?" Deadpool asked
"Yep! Hi new friends!!!" Izzy waved, approaching to one of the earth ponies. They turned their attention to her, but froze in place, shivering as if they had seen a ghost. Said pony turned around and hoofed it.
"IT'S A UNICORN!!! UNICORN ATTACK!!!" They screamed. Other ponies nearby noticed and began to follow suit. However, on the floor, probably knocked down by the crowd, was an earth pony mare, with an orange coat and fairly short, pink mane. She looked up, vision blurred, to see Izzy.
"Hi, new friend!" Izzy spoke "My name's Izzy!"
"Yo, you seeing this s##t!?" Deadpool asked. "Wait… CENSORED AGAIN!? WHAT THE F-!?"
"A unicorn!?" The Earth pony asked in shock, but the crowd around screamed, running and hiding away.
"Is everypony playing hide and seek?" Izzybasked, turning to a stallion hiding behind an ice cream stand. "I see you!"
"Don't hurt me!" The stallion yelled, jumping into the ocean. Loud ringing came as random spots on the floor turned into various traps. Deadpool walked to one of the hiding ponies.
"Oi! The f##k's wrong with everyone?" He demanded. "What's wrong with Izzy?"
"No, please!" The pony backed away. "I don't want my brains to be dissolved!!!" They ran away.
"Dissolved? What the hell happened?" He stood by as his mind went into overdrive. "Hey guys! You seeing this?"
Indeed. Been a while since you've chatted with us.
Yeah! You had us silenced for a LONG time.
"Yeah, sorry guys, but you know, family and whatnot. But you seeing this s##t?"
Everypony must be serious about hide and seek!
No, you idiot! They're afraid of Unicorns and Pegasi.
But... why?
"That's what I'm curious about as well." He looked to his left to see Izzy approach a movie theater with, what appeared to be a ponified version of The Terminator. "Ok, that's funny." Izzy stepped forward and a metal box came up from the floor, trapping her. "But that's not!" He marched over to the same pony Izzy greeted herself with, but also had a stare down with a stallion that looked like a wingless Flash Sentry. Next to him was a red stallion that almost resembled Big Macintosh, if Big Mac didn't work in a farm and instead at a store in the mall
"Sunny!" The stallion barked. "What are you doing!?"
"She's doing nothing." Deadpool spoke, pressing a huge red button on the side. Izzy was released, and she wasn't phased by the looks of it.
"Your name's Sunny?" She simply asked. The crowd panicked again with more traps being set off, and more metal boxes appearing.
"That's the stupidest trap design ever!"
YEAH!!!
The two mares ran away. Deadpool followed.
"Bye! It was nice meeting you all!" Izzy spoke.
They all entered Sunny's home, which was also a lighthouse. Everyone caught their breath, but Sunny stared at the duo.
"... Do earth ponies like staring contests?" Izzy asked before staring back. She blinked, but giggled. "You win!"
"There's… an actual unicorn, in my house! And…" she looked at Deadpool. "What are you? I'm sorry, I didn't get your name."
"I'm what people call me," he put on a pair of sunglasses. "A sex machine. And you can call me Anytime!"
"His name's Deadpool." Izzy said before looking around her house. "And I've never seen an Earth pony before! We look exactly alike!"
Deadpool backed away from the two talking as he went upstairs. Looking around, he noticed a lot of stuff that reminded him of the Equestria he knew; various maps, artwork, some pictures, and what appeared to be the mane 6 as dolls.
"... This is the future." He concluded. "This is G5! But… everything Twilight and friends fought for…"
Um… I don't put it nicely...
Everything they fought for was for nothing.
Deadpool took a deep breath, sitting on a chair, looking around. "This is like a sick Rick & Morty joke, but Wisecrack ain't milking this for views." He picked up what appeared to be a miniature caracol, seeing the small ponies on the side, but stopped as he noticed a huge diamond in it. "... I think this will serve the finale."
"SUNNY STARSCOUTS!!!" The voice of that wingless Flash Sentry spoke through a megaphone, followed by some feedback. "Sunny starscout! I know you're in there with that unicorn! Come out with your hooves out and- uh… Sprout, what's that?"
Deadpool looked out of the window to see Jeffery was outside, looking at the stallion pair, seemingly entranced by the flash lookalike. He ran down the stairs.
"Quick! Let's get out here!" He yelled. "While Jeff distracts them!"
"Jeff?" The mares asked.
"My pet. You'll meet him later. But let's get outta here!" He grabbed both mares and made a mad dash out of the backdoor, getting out of the town's borders. He stopped to catch his breath, letting them go.
"You don't have magic!?" Sunny asked.
"Nope." Izzy answered.
"Yeah… Izzy told me Unicorns lost their magic a long time ago." Deadpool replied, pulling out a flask and drinking it. "By the way, you've got nice wooden toys of the mane 6." Sunny blushed
"You went through my stuff?"
"Hey, a lot of s##t has changed since I left. All 3 pony races are, I'm guessing, super racist towards each other, and the other creatures are gone."
"... other creatures?" Izzy asked.
"Oi vey…" Deadpool took a swig from his flask. "Everything is truly f##ked. Twilight would hate to see this?"
"Wait, you knew Twilight Sparkle!?" Sunny asked.
"Yep. She was quite the egghead."
"Th-then we need to head back! You're living proof that we all used to live in harmony!"
"Yeah, but we need magic back. And I doubt you have it."
"Um… no… and unicorns don't, so…"
"... Oh no." Izzy spoke. "The pegasi are bad news!"
"But they're our last hope for magic! Let's head to Zephyr Heights!" The mares walked ahead
"... well, we are f##ked if Zephyr Breeze has a place named after him." Deadpool groaned, taking another swig.
It took them a day, but they walked into what's seemingly the entrance to Zephyr heights, right through a gorge.
"You know, not to freak you guys out or anything," Izzy spoke "but you do know pegasi can steal your luminescence."
"My what?" Sunny asked.
"Luminescence. You know, like… your sparkle. Yours is… lavender!" She looked at Deadpool "And yours is… oh… what's wrong?"
"Oh, me?" He asked. "Nah, nothing's wrong. I'm just in the future where everything seemingly degraded." They stopped as they heard a loud thud. Then it was followed by the silhouette of a figure chasing after them.
"Run!" Sunny yelled. The trio ran through the gorge as the figure chased them. They stopped temporarily at what appeared to be a dead end, but climbed their way up the wall, scrounging up. A sigh of relief came to them as they reached the top, overlooking the clouds… until their chaser sprang up from the clouds and revealed themselves. With a series of hops, the figure was a Pegasus mare with a white coat, feathers that ended with purple, and a short mane that was red with a blue streak in it. The trio screamed.
"It's a feminist!" Deadpool screamed.
"No! It's a Pegasus!" Sunny corrected.
"Woah! A unicorn AND an Earth Pony!?" The Pegasus asked in shock.
"And me!" Deadpool replied. "F##king feminists." The clanking sound of metal was heard. Their pegasus gasped before jumping away.
"Don't tell them you saw me." She told them before jumping off.
"There's no way we could!" Izzy replied.
"I'm a strong male protagonist!" Deadpool yelled. "I don't need a woman telling me what to do!"
A pair of screams were heard. The trio turned to see a pair of pegasi guards cowering.
"Thunder! Get yourself together!" One of them barked.
"Um… wait!" Deadpool spoke. "I found these 2 trespassing in your area!"
"Deadpool!" Izzy yelled "What are you-!?" He held their muzzles shut.
"Just play along." He cleared his throat. "Yes, I, Wade Wilson! I seek an audience with your ruler, and to show I mean you no harm, I have caught these two trespassers! And you don't need a shield." He pulled out a cork and placed it on Izzy's horn. "Ta-Da!"
"... huh… we usually use tennis balls." The guard replied.
"... say what?"
"You do show promise, Wade Wilson. Come along, with your prisoners."
Our trio stood in a glass elevator with the two guards. Sunny tried to ask a few questions, and though one was willing to answer, the other insisted that they may be spies. But the sight was beyond what they imagined; Zephyr Heights was practically a city in the sky, with clouds beneath the floating buildings, and various screens showing ads hung around the buildings. It was more or less an advanced version of Bioshock Infinite's Columbia.
"Good day, Zephyr Heights!" The news spoke "It's another beautiful day in the city! It looks like another clear day with light breezes. Perfect for a royal celebration!"
"Royal celebration?" Izzy asked
"Tonight's royal bash will be held for Queen Haven," the other news anchor spoke. "but the real stunning jewel will be princess Pip's performance! Isn't that right, Sky?"
"Oh my stars, yes, Dazzle." The first anchor replied. "And this just in; a new update by pip!" The screen changed to a stream of a pink pegasus with a long,purple mane, and very soft, nearly white wings.
"What is up, everypony?" She asked. "I look forward to meeting you all tonight, and-" the screen quickly turned to that of Deadpool, standing in the elevator with all of the 4 ponies inside.
"Ey yo, wassup" he greeted, putting on a hat backwards, looking like the definition of being 'hip' "its yo boi, skinny penis here letting you all know that I just caught an earth pony AND a unicorn all on my own! Say hi, ladies!"
"Hi!" Izzy greeted, waving to the camera. Sunny tried to hide herself with her journal.
"Yeah, I'm on my way to meet Queen Haven, sounds cool and all, but I hope I get to egg these two while saying the N-word. In fact, let's say it together! NI-" the screen cut to the news anchors looking quite shocked.
"Um… w-we'll get to you right after the break."
Everyone in the elevator looked at Deadpool, unsure of how he did any of that.
"What? It's not that hard to become a social media influencer." Deadpool spoke. Sunny looked down below to the crowd.
"Has anyone seen anypony fly?" She asked. Izzy squeed
"They have a castle!!!" Izzy exclaimed.
They entered what looked to be a throne room, with several guards standing in matching armor sets.
"Bow before our queen!" Horns blew loudly as all of the soldiers bowed. Walking to the throne was a white pomeranian with small wings.
"... your majesty." Izzy bowed.
"Their queen's a b###h?" Deadpool asked Sunny. The dog barked as pop music played, and down from the top came three mares; an older looking mare with a graying look, the same pegasus that was on the screens a few moments ago, and the same Pegasus they first encountered. Though Pip was looking at her phone, she noticed Deadpool and shot daggers at him. They landed, with the dog taking a seat on the chair's arm
"Guards, state your business." The queen announced. "And please make it quick, we're on a very tight schedule today; cloudpuff needs her pedicure, Pip needs to rehearse, and I need to work on my laughter." She let out some very fake sounding laughter.
"Huh, seems my statement is the same." Deadpool replied.
"Your highness!", one of the guards spoke. "A strange creature has helped us catch an earth pony and a Pegasus." Deadpool walked forward, wearing his backwards hat, but now had on a Jersey with a gold chain.
"Yoyoyo, wassup your majesty." He spoke with his best 'gangster' voice.
"... So I see." The queen replied.
"He's the one who ruined my stream, mother!" Pip replied, taking her phone out and streaming it. "Hello my pipsqueaks, I'm here with the rude fellow that-"
"Whattup my b###hes," Deadpool interrupted, livestreaming himself with his own phone. "Yo boy, Skinny Penis here back as I've met total c##t who's already royalty and most likely sells out trash-"
"Excuse me! I'm Streaming here!"
"Well I'm Streaming back!"
"I started the stream!"
"And I'm already popular!" The two had a stare down, both furiously looking at each other… before Deadpool's phone dinged. He looked down at it quickly. "Oh, your mom's following me."
"WHAT!?"
"Pip, please," her mother said, "return to your room and rehearse. You've got a big show tonight. And as for you… um… skinny… penis…"
"It's really Wade, ma'am." Deadpool replied.
"Oh that's much better! Wade, how would you like to be my special guest tonight? After my daughter's performance, of course."
"... It would be my pleasure, ma'am!"
Deadpool rested in a guest room that felt more like a hotel room. Then the door knocked.
"Come right in." Deadpool replied. The door opened and the feminist looking Pegasus came right in. "Ha! Even the writer thinks you look like a feminist!"
"A femi-what?" She asked. "No, look, my name is Zipp, and I know what you're thinking…"
"You can't actually fly because it's really all wires and good lighting."
"... How did you-?" Deadpool went up to her face.
"Strong… Male… Protagonist." He leaned back. "And besides, I'm gonna help bust Izzy and Sunny out."
"Those are their names? Well, I'm helping to, but only because of the journal that Earth Pony had." She held up the journal. Deadpool looked at it.
"Huh. I didn't realize it had Twiggie's butt mark."
"Wait, you know what this is from!?"
"Yep. Don't tell me you don't know anything about that as well." Zipp only blinked. "... F##k." He got up. "Well, let's bust our friends out." He pulled out a desert eagle and cocked it.
"Um… let me do it." They walked out of the room, and encountered Pip.
"Oh… it's you." Pip spoke with scorn. "You better not be ruining my show tonight! Or talk to the prisoners!"
"Oh, if I wanted to, I'd- WHAT'S THAT!?" He pointed dramatically somewhere else. Pip looked back where Deadpool and Zipp snuck away.
"Wait… that's a wall! Wade, you better-" she saw that they were gone. "Of you son of a litch."
A reunion came as Zip and Deadpool helped Sunny and Izzy out of their cell, which was also more like a hotel room. Zip was caught up with the fact that Unicorns can't use magic either, but it didn't stop them from heading to where Zip escaped from time to time. That place being an abandoned station where everyone used to enter, with posters of the other places, with an old poster of the Wonderbolts. The real kicker was of a glass painting showing what is the Pegasus crystal, and a unicorn crystal, which promptly made everyone believe that if they get the two to connect them together, magic would return.
What about that big diamond we found in Sunny's home? We can't truly break the movie.
"Take it, we're gonna steal the Pegasus crystal from your mom's head?" Deadpool asked.
"It's not that easy." Zipp replied. "She wears it ALL the time!"
"Then there's one thing we can do." Sunny spoke.
"Yeah." Deadpool pulled out some random macaroni and various things for arts & projects. "A switcheroo!"
"Ooh! I can do that!" Izzy cheered, immediately getting to work.
The plan was simple; Everyone was going to be watching Pip's performance. Sunny and Izzy would sneak behind the throne and swap the crowns. If it came to it, Deadpool provided the distraction. Well… it went like that. None factored in the queen's dog would be a variable, but when it came to it, Deadpool acted. The first thing he did was knock out the pegasus on the music controls and, at the right time, EVADE FROM フライト 日 '89 (FRIDAY). The spotlights soon came from Pip and onto Deadpool, standing in a white suit, as the floor seemingly turned into that of a disco's. The beat was hypnotizing, as every pegasus in the crowd was dancing along. But a familiar landshark stood in front of Deadpool, but had on an afro wig with sunglasses on.
"Jeffery!? What are you doing here?" Deadpool asked. "It's my time to shine." Jeffery stared at Deadpool, remembering the times when Wade was busy showing off to other people instead of taking him out on their walks. In those days, he exercised to be even stronger. Jeff hovered in the air and glowed, shaking violently. Though his head/body remained the same, appearing under him was another human body, wearing a grey suit. To say Deadpool was caught off guard was an understatement, as Jeffrey's dances exceeded his. It was too much for Wade as he fell to the floor, defeated. The crowd cheered for the winner of this sudden dance off.
"... jump." Deadpool spoke. Jeffery followed, Jumping off from the body with a simple 'pop'. Wade quickly pulled out his desert eagle, aimed it at Pip, and-
BLAM!!!
The crowd stood silent as Pip fell to the floor. She was fine. Deadpool shot the wire that held her in place. He got up, with Jeff landing in his arms.
"Yeah, the royals can't fly at all," Deadpool announced. "And y'all are bigger simps than Thanos with Lady Death." Jeffery made an annoyed sound. "Oh, ok, and Jeffery has better dance moves than me, and I'm a poopy head." He quickly turned and sprinted out of the room, following the others, but stopped to pick up the fallen pegasus crystal. "Oh, can't forget about this."
"...WADE!!!" Pip yelled running after Wade.
The entire group, plus the wingless Flash Sentry stopped in the middle of an alleyway.
"Hitch, what are you doing here!?" Sunny asked.
"Arresting you!" He answered. "And saving you. So both."
"Thanks for watching Jeff for me." Deadpool said, giving the pegasus crystal to Sunny. "By the way, you dropped this."
"Oh thank you so much!" Sunny spoke, taking the crystal and putting it in her saddle.
"Aww, that's Jeff?" Izzy cooed. "Hi, my name's Izzy."
"WADE!!!" Pip's voice was heard, followed by her tackling Deadpool. "YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!!"
"Hey, you're a vlogger, your life is already ruined." Deadpool replied.
"And now everypony knows the royals can't fly!"
"Hey, everyone was gonna find out about the lies. Folks, remember Mini Ladd?"
"Oh yeah!? And what about you!? Why do you always wear that mask!?"
"Literally or metaphorically?" Izzy asked, holding and petting Jeff. Their phones buzzed. Pip and Wade looked it up.
"A warranty is put on the arrests for the princesses." The news spoke.
"Oh no, this cannot be happening!!!" Pip exclaimed.
"I know." Deadpool replied. "I've surpassed you by a longshot!" Pip grabbed a nearby trashcan lid and bashed it on Deadpool's head, knocking him out.
Deadpool woke up in the middle of a room, inside what appeared to be a tree. However, something felt off. He could see everyone wearing what looked like fake unicorn horns, with the pegasi wearing a sort of poncho over their backs to cover their wings.
"Ow… my head." Deadpool groaned, seeing the 5 ponies together, looking over a map. "Sheesh, did I really pull a nerve, Pip?"
"Oh, good morning, ugly." Pip replied.
"Ugly? What do you mean ugly!? I'm the sexiest guy you've ever met."
"Really?" Zip replied. "You should look in a mirror."
"A mirror? What do you-?" He placed his hands on his face, suddenly realizing what they meant. "AHH!!! My mask!? Where's my mask!?"
"Pip threw it away." Izzy replied. "And she showed us the way out, and I helped us all over to Bridlewood. Welcome to my house, Deadpool!"
"THREW IT AWAY!?" He ran and covered his face with a lampshade. "I can't be seen without my mask?"
"Wow, you have more confidence issues than Sprout." Hitch replied.
"If you looked like the inside of Satan's a##hole, then you'd be not as confident as most people would be! … wait… why aren't you grossed out?"
"Oh we were," Sunny answered. "But we agree you could pass off as a nightmare night statue." Deadpool frowned.
"Fantastic. I get to be a zombie statue."
"If it helps," Izzy said, holding a fake mustache made from hay "this can help."
"... Never change, Izzy."
"Cone on, get into position." Pip said, pointing at a stand. "We've gotta find this crystal, bring magic back, and, hopefully, get my mom out of prison."
"... If Izzy wasn't around, I'd cancel your ass faster than everyone is with Jschlatt."
Deadpool stood still in a zombie pose, admittedly scaring the unicorn foals by his looks alone. Bridlewood was more or less a forest with various Crystals around, giving it a more Fey-like feeling.
Fey!? NERD!!! This place feels oddly familiar… Can this be the Everfree forest? … Maybe? But look at everypony!
Deadpool noticed how down and depressed looking all the Unicorns acted, pretty much the opposite of Izzy.
"How can we tell which ones have magic?" Hitch asked.
"OOH!!! You said a bad word!" A foal exclaimed. "Quickly! Before we get the jinxies!" The foals around did a ridiculous looking dance as everyone looked confused… and Deadpool sweating hard to not join them.
"Can we get some context?" Zipp asked.
"Unicorns are superstitious." Izzy answered. "If we hear someone say a forbidden word, we have to perform a ritual to ward off The Jinxies."
"Jinxies?" Pip asked.
"Forbidden words?" Hitch added
"Magic, wing, feather, and mayonnaise." Izzy listed.
"What's wrong with mayo-?" Hitch's mouth was silenced by Izzy, with some ponies pausing.
"... Mayonnaise!" Deadpool spoke in his best spooky voice. The entire population of Bridlewood stopped what they were doing and performed the ridiculous ritual. The group quickly rushed into a tea shop, where Izzy's crystal contact was.
Said tea shop looked like a sort of jazz club, with a mare spewing out some poetry. But the real problem was that her contact lost his collection to the shop owner, Alpha Bill. As Deadpool could see, he was a huge unicorn, gray with white a mane & tail.
"I can probably win it." Sunny spoke, walking to the stallion behind the counter.
"Wait!" Izzy spoke, stopping Sunny. "Alpha can smell fear."
"Got it… be cool."
BLAM BLAM!!!
The entire store crowd went into panic.
"NOBODY F##KING MOVE!!!" Deadpool yelled, having just fired his gun in the air. "GIVE ME THAT CRYSTAL RIGHT NOW!!!"
"The statue's alive!?" Alpha Bill asked in complete shock. Deadpool got up and headed over the counter, taking a unicorn horn shaped crystal.
"Yeah, that's right! And none of you are gonna be following us! Magic! Wing! Feather! Mayonnaise, b###h!!!" He ran out of the store, taking the Pegasus crystal with him.
"Deadpool!? What was that about!?" Izzy asked, running and following Wade.
Deadpool stopped to take his breath. Why did we just do that!? "I ain't risking the chance to lose the one chance to bring back magic to this piece of s##t world!" And you don't Izzy in trouble if they find out the others aren't unicorns? "Also that."
The sound of rustling in the bushes made him jump. Coming out of the Bush was Queen Haven. She looked all dirty, but as she saw Deadpool, her eyes bursted with flames.
"YOU!!!" She scowled as her pomeranian came to her side, growling. "Skinny penis!" Deadpool giggled. "Not only did you ruin my daughter's performance, but you ruined our lives!" The following trotting of the others, and other unicorns arrived. Everyone stopped and gasped at the sight of Haven… mainly the pegasi, seeing their mother was here, but the other Unicorns at the sight of a Pegasus. But Haven wasn't alone, as various pegasi guards were around.
"What are you doing here!?" Alpha Bill demanded. "This isn't your home!"
"Oh, I know that, dearie," Haven replied. "I wouldn't dare dream of living here with you, thieving unicorns."
"Says the brutes! Go back to the clouds where you belong!"
"I will as soon as I get my crystal!"
"Those are my Crystals!"
"Ha! You wouldn't be able to tell a real one from a-"
The sound of guns being cocked were heard, followed by a barrel being pointed at both of the heads of the arguing ponies.
"... I can't believe everything went to s##t after Princess Twilight's death." Deadpool spoke, sounding a bit choked up. "I have no idea how many years have passed since she passed away. Hundreds? Thousands? But I was there by her side, back when ponies were actually friends and were xenophobic towards other creatures. And now…" he was tearing up "now everything she and her friends fought for went down the drain! Everyone hates each other, magic is gone, and everything has seemingly degraded to hell!!!" He was crying hard. "Why can't you be like Izzy!? Or Sunny!? Everything was perfect beforehand, but some f##kers had to ruin it all!!! Ruin the friendships that every generation has suffered for! Because goddammit, Friendship is magic! And we're gonna bring it all back!!!"
Everyone stood in silence as Deadpool was in tears, utterly defeated.
"... I get it now." Izzy spoke, walking over to him. "Your aura… you put on a smile to hide your pain. You really did see everything change drastically."
"... Yeah… though my previous adventure was technically a time loop, this place was the best escape from my real home. But now…" he looked at his guns. "God, I wish I could just end it all."
"But… we can still bring the magic back! We have the crystals! We can-!"
"There's a third one."
Silence.
"A third!?" Sunny asked. "Where!? But we only needed-"
"Connect the two and you'll see a big ass hole in the middle. The third one is back in your place, Sunny."
"Wait, are you serious!? And you didn't tell me!? Why!?"
"Because… reasons."
"We need to get back home! Um, my home, and find that 3rd crystal! Where was it in?"
"I… kinda want to tell, but the writer wants the climax to still be exciting."
"... Why am I not surprised?"
An entire small army of pegasi and Unicorns arrived at Maretime Bay, just outside of Sunny's house… but the entire town had changed. Turns out, when Hitch left to try to arrest and bring back Sunny, Sprout not only took over as the Sheriff, but was now self appointed as the Emperor. Not only that, but the entire town became a totalitarian state, and heading to the lighthouse was an army of earth ponies wearing ridiculous looking metal hats, but what could only be described as a giant, motorized vehicle version of Sprout, driven by Sprout.
"Would ya look at this!?" He spoke aloud "Our enemies have delivered themselves to us!"
"F##k off ya soy ass, Big Macintosh looking mutha f###a!" Deadpool yelled. "We're bringing magic back and ending racism!"
"Oh ho ho! You and what army!?"
"I don't need an army. Find your 3rd crystal, I've got a giant robot to fight." The group of five nodded and ran towards Sunny's lighthouse.
"Oh no you don't!" The giant mech turned around, charging at the lighthouse.
"Oh yes they are!" Deadpool ran and jumped onto the back of the mech. He finally pulled his twin katanas out and began to slice the back, first detaching its tail.
"Hey! That's my tail!" The mech bucked Deadpool, but he was flinged upwards, landing onto the mech's 'face', with Sprout inside. "Ech! You're even uglier up close."
"And you're a b###h." Deadpool stabbed through the glass, where it went through the controls. Loud beeps were heard as the mech went haywire.
"No!!! My new toy!" The match began to spin around in circles, first going slow, then gaining speed, becoming almost a whirlwind. Sprout was pushed alongside the inner walls, and Deadpool held onto his blade, both feeling like they were gonna puke. But in an almost very slow motion way, the mech toppled over… and Deadpool was going to be underneath it.
"This is gonna hurt." The mech toppled over, dragging alongside the floor, with Deadpool underneath, leaving a trail of blood. He screamed loudly, both from his back being violently dragged, and the weight of the mech under his legs, crushing them to a bloody paste. Everyone outside and in the lighthouse stared in complete silence as shock and horror from the sight. Sprout came out, coughing hard, but looked equally as scared
"This wasn't supposed to happen!"
"Ya think!? Genocide is not the answer you dumb-AAAAHHHH!!!"
CRUNCH!!!
He pulled himself out, with only a pair of bloody stumps left behind. The five ponies he was with came out, gasping at the horrific sight.
"Deadpool!" Izzy screamed, running and stopping at Wade's side. "Nononono! Don't die! We-we found the 3rd crystal, and the lighthouse had a place for all 3, but…" she began to tear up. "Nothing happened." She cried, placing her head on his chest. Deadpool patted her head, getting her attention.
"Hey, seeing you fine is much better than being in my spot." He chuckled weakly. His focus turned to the crowd. "Heh… everyone's gathered here… sweet. This is what Princess Twilight would've wanted…" He let out a heavy sigh. "Yep… Friendship really is magic…" as he said that, a glow came from the lighthouse, followed by a huge rainbow explosion, with the sky becoming bright again, but with what looked like the Aurora Borealis. But the real kicker was that Unicorn horns started to glow, and pegasi were able to fly again! Magic had returned! But… at what cost?
"... Izzy! Look!" Sunny spoke.
"I know." Izzy sniffled. "It's beautiful… but Deadpool…"
"No! Look at his legs!" Izzy looked at the bloody stumps. They weren't so bloody anymore, in fact, it looked like they were healing. Rapidly.
"... Deadpool?" Deadpool's eyes opened as he sat right back up, his back fully healed.
"Oh yeah! My healing powers!" He exclaimed. "Totally forgot about that!"
"YOU'RE ALIVE!!!" Izzy tackled and hugged him.
"Oh! Hehe, probably should've told you all that before. But I guess even the readers know… unless they're new… seriously, if you're confused, read the last fic!"
"Wait, you can heal fast?" Pip asked.
"Yep."
"Which means…" she picked up a baseball bat.
"Woah! Let's calm down! We can do some collabs! Get more viewers like that!"
"... Fair argument, I suppose."
A portal opened, followed by a familiar looking cyborg looking man from the future.
"Wade!" He shouted.
"Cable!" Deadpool replied happily as he jumped onto Izzy's back. "You found me! What the hell happened with Modok!?"
"He was a worthy opponent, but we beat him. And I'm glad we found you. Seems Modok had placed you in an alternate dimension that is similar to Equestria, but not only is it far in the future, but almost untraceable."
"... Wait… this isn't MY Equestria? Then… what the hell happened over there!? And which Equestria is this!"
"Ah yes, Equestria 69, the one you occupied, and this is Equestria 420."
"... I knew Modok was a redditor!"
"Come along! The X-Force needs their leader!"
"Um… yeah… see… I kinda don't want to do that Bulls##t on Earth again, and just want to be back in Equestria again… even if it is different."
"... You want to stay here?"
"... Yes."
"Hmph. Fine. And Luna was thinking you should stay apart for a while, so Neara and Gallus can become proper royals."
"Yeah… just tell Celestia to tell Twilight to keep a close eye on Luster Dawn."
"Fair enough."
"Oh! And before you leave… want to perform together?"
"... Are you serious?"
Cable stood on stage with a guitar as Deadpool stood next to him, now having baby legs instead, with a bass. Izzy was behind them on a set of drums, as well as Sunny, with a trumpet, with Hitch, Zip, and Pip.
♫Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends♫
♫I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya 'round for a long long time I really I really I really remember when you drank my wine♫
♫Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends♫
♫I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya walkin' down in Klugetown I called ya I called ya I called but you did not look around I pay my I pay my I pay my money to the welfare line I seen ya I seen ya I seen ya standing in it everytime♫
♫Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends♫
♫The kind of the kind of the kind of your race don't matter to me As long as as long as long as we can live in harmony I kinda I kinda I kinda like to be the president And I could and I could and I could show you how your money's spent♫
♫Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends Why can't we be friends♫
♫Sometimes I don't speak right But did I know what I was talking about I know you're working for the CIA They wouldn't have you in the mafia♫
A barrage of "Why can't we be friends?" continued, with the ponies dancing and singing along, seemingly dropping all of their collected prejudices at once. It became so huge that the various animals, Jeffery included, danced alongside.
Somewhere in Dimension 69, aka, the Equestria Deadpool was in, the original version played over the comms of a ship. Haitch walked through the halls, wearing a spiffy jacket, stopping by and knocking on a door.
"Captain Sunny?" He asked. "Is she ready to go?"
The doors opened as a dragon came out, wearing a maid outfit.
"Oh dear!" The dragon spoke in a french accent. "Zis ship really needs a good cleaning!" She walked past as Hitch entered. Sunny looked out of the window, as Equestria was below them.
"... You've ever seen something so beautiful?" She asked.
"Plenty of times, ma'am."
"Hmm, figured with an ace pilot like yourself."
"A pilot is nothing without their ship, Captain."
"True. And what of the others?"
"Head of security Zip has made sure all of the weapons are ready to use for any emergency. Engineer Izzy has everything in tip top shape, with performances going to excel over 12%. And our info expert Pip has the various files on each known planet, and available blanks in case we do land on a new planet."
"Very good." Another woman's voice spoke on the other line. Sunny moved out of the way, showing an older Flurry Heart on the screen. "Of course, I hope you do expand your crew in the near future with the personals I've found."
"Oh believe me," Sunny replied. "I was more than surprised to see a dragon so eager to clean AND cook for us all. But we will report to you as soon as we can, Empress."
"Excellent. I will see you all soon." The feed was cut off. Flurry Heart stood up and looked outside of her window. Never had she imagined that Canterlot would turn into the most technologically advanced city, with robots around doing manual labor, and the various citizens below, creating and buying new contraptions. But she stopped as she pulled out the Chewbacca plushie Deadpool had given her all those years ago. It was really old, looking like it could snap easily, but she teared up, smiling.
"I wish you could have seen this, Deadpool… I wish…" she hugged the toy, as it made a very weak and distorted growl.
Some time had passed ever since Deadpool had landed in the universe of G5. Enough time that, in fact, it was winter time, and more specifically-
"HEARTHS WARMING!!!" Deadpool shouted, setting a tree up in Izzy's home. The entire place was decorated with faux snowflakes, lights, cookies, peppermints, anything the read Christmas really. Izzy, however, looked very confused.
"Um… Deadpool?" She asked. "What is this? I like all the sparkly stuff, don't get me wrong, but what are you doing?" Deadpool propped next to her.
"It's Hearths Warming, Izzy! Equestria's version of Christmas AND the Fourth of July!"
"... What?" Deadpool frowned.
"Oh boy, you really don't know. Ok, what do you normally do around this time?"
"Like most unicorns, I try to stay indoors as much as possible to stay warm, have some fun in the snow, and head to the tea shop for some warm tea and/or buy the ingredients for my own."
"... And you don't catch up with family and friends, perhaps give each other gifts, and wish each other a happy new year, even if you secretly hate each other?"
"... No." Deadpool groaned.
"God, this world SUCKS!!!" He took a deep breath. "And if you unicorns don't celebrate Hearths Warming, then it's safe to assume that the pegasi and earth ponies don't either."
"Well, we're back together, so maybe Sunny may know?"
"Pfft! Yeah, and follow pony Rey Skywalker? No thanks." He quickly put on a scarf and beanie, walking out to the front door.
"Where are you going!?"
"To Zephyr Heights! They may have the best gifts for anyone!" He walked through the door, looking like he was going to slam it, but went slow and gentle with it. But as he left, a portal opened, and Cable fell through it.
"Wade!" Cable shouted "We need you to-!"
"He just left for Zephyr Heights." Izzy interrupted. "Said something about getting gifts for everyone."
"Crap! We need to aid him, ASAP!!! A dangerous creature just arrived, and is going to attack everyone!"
"What's happening!? What creature is going to attack?"
"It's hard to explain, but make sure everyone locks their homes, get rid of any device that uses electricity, and use any liquid sparingly." He pulled out a huge laser Assault rifle, cocking it with a loud warm up. "And don't leave until we say so."
Deadpool walked through the streets of Zephyr Heights. With pegasi now flying in the air, walking around was much easier, though their attention is still more connected with their phones than the air.
Says the man who's writing this on their phone. Yeah! Don't you dare act like a boomer on us, ya millennial!
Guys! I was born in 1996! I'm only a millennial depending on the website you look at.
"Yeah, he's a bit right in that area. But what to get the others…?"
"Psst! Right here." A creepy voice asked. Deadpool looked to his left to see a shady looking pony in a dark alleyway. "Yeah, you, skinny penis, ya want something neat?"
"Oh? Are you one of those Mexican doctors who wants to give me some drugs and take one of my kidneys while I'm knocked out?"
"Uh… no…." He threw away a bottle that broke before clearing his throat. "I actually got something you may want. An exotic pet, if you will."
"Hate to break it to you, but this is a magical cartoon land where animals have magic in them. I think an exotic pet would just be something like a normal dog or cat."
"Oh no, Skinny. Take a look at this." He pulled out a cage, and in it was a small, Bipedal creature covered in very soft looking fur, with huge ears and equally huge eyes. It made an adorable cooing sound, looking at Deadpool and-
"OH S##T!!! A GREMLIN!!!" He grabbed the cage and threw it into the open street. It made a loud shriek as it's skin began to burn up and dissolve, the flesh coming off it's skeleton before said skeleton became a puddle of ooze. A moment of silence came between the two.
"... What was that for!?" Deadpool turned to the sketchy pony.
"I know for a fact that THAT was not Gizmo! I've seen Gremlins 1 and 2, and those things are not to be taken so seriously! Especially since they're the reason why we have the minions." He shivered. "But where did you get that!?"
"Um… I… can't… it's classified!"
"Classified my ass!" He pulled a desert eagle out and shot it between the pony's hooves, making said pony scream. He aimed it right at the pony's face. "There's another one going right between your eyes if you don't tell me!"
"... The castle! In the research area! The guards found these creatures and I took one of the cages for myself! Please don't shoot me, Skinny Penis!" A pause came between the two, followed by Deadpool giggling to himself.
"Ah… if only I can get scammers to say that… alright, now get the f##k outta here! I've got a castle to save!" The pony nodded and ran away, tripping over the cage as it ran away. Deadpool cracked his neck as he walked out of the corner and headed to the castle.
Zip and Pip sat across from each other with their mom's pomeranian between them, napping. Pip was busy looking at her phone yet again as Zip just looked rather board.
"Ugh! Can you believe this!" Pip exclaimed. "Deadpool has been selling artwork and claims they're something called NFTs! It's just a canvas he painted and it doesn't even look that good!"
"Right," Zip replied. "But he's doing something and giving his fans what they want." Their dog's ears twitched and it stood up, growing at the open doorway. "What's wrong, Cloudpuff?" The sound of something breaking was heard, followed by some laughter.
"Ok, what was that?"
"Should we investigate?"
"You can! I'm staying in here to tell my fans to buy my NFTs!"
"Pip! This sounds serious! And you can't paint!"
"Oh yeah? Stay and watch!" Another crash was heard, sounding closer. Cloudpuff got up and started barking, heading to the source.
"No! Cloudpuff!" Zip ran after the dog. Pip opened a drawing app on her phone and began to doodle something.
"Hmm… maybe a monkey will do…"
Zip cautiously walked through the castle halls. Everything seemed to be a bit more barren than usual. She heard more crashing, and what sounded like laughter. Little kids causing a ruckus? But the guards should've been here to deal with it. She stopped as a plate was thrown, nearly hitting her face. It came from the kitchen. She peaked around the corner, seeing some weird, short and bipedal creature; it was a bit reptilian looking, with huge ears, and some stripe-like patterns across its body. Said creature was eating some cookies the staff had most likely premiered. Her heart beated rapidly as it turned around, and she barely retracted her head back. She screamed, but was muffled as someone put a hand over her mouth. Her eyes looked up to see Deadpool had grabbed her from behind.
"Shh!" Deadpool shushed. "Don't… scream. Ok?" She nodded. He released her mouth.
"Why did you do that!?" Zip asked through gritted teeth.
"Sorry, but I didn't want you to get hurt. That's a gremlin, and I'm fairly sure there's more."
"More?"
"More. Somepony was trying to sell me one, saying they got it from this castle's research station. Try to find out where they found these guys, maybe the researchers, and try to get you and your sister to safety."
"...And you?" Deadpool pulled out a knife.
"I'm the best there is at what I do, and what I do is referencing 80's movies." Zip looked a bit confused.
"Um… ok… I'll leave you be." She walked away slowly before sprinting away. Deadpool readied his knife, as he noticed the same gremlin going head first into a blender.
Ooh! Ooh! Just like the movie! Spoilers for anyone who's never seen it.
Deadpool quickly sprinted forward and turned on the blender. The Gremlin made a painful screech as the blender began to slice it into sludge, with green guts and gore coming out and decorating the kitchen wall nearby. A nearby gremlin hissed at Wade, throwing a knife at his left shoulder. It hit.
"AWW!!! MOTHER F##KER!!!" He yelled. The gremlin laughed at him. "Oh you think this is funny!?" With the knife already in his hand, he threw it at the gremlin, hitting it in its shoulder. It made a loud screech as Deadpool ripped the knife from his shoulder and sprinted to the gremlin, repeatedly stabbing it in it's chest, getting the green blood across his face. "Yeah! Not so funny now is it, b###h!?" A plate was thrown at the back of his head. He turned to see a third gremlin snarling at him. "Oh you want some too!?" Deadpool quickly ran and grabbed the gremlin with both hands. It struggled in his grasp, even biting one of his hands. Wade then proceeded to charge into a wall with it, knocking it into the door frame, knocking it down for a bit. He then grabbed the door and repeatedly shut the door against the gremlin's head, until a satisfying crack was made, with the head becoming a splatter against the floor and the body lying motionless.
"WHOO!!! Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for! That's what it's all about!" He stopped. "Why do I hear the Gremlins theme?" The sound of screaming was heard as he looked outside of the kitchen window. It was pure pandemonium; the sun was practically gone, and Gremlins roamed the streets freely, with buildings on fire, various ponies being attacked, and the the electronic billboards showing the news.
"We're under attack!" One of the news pegasi shouted. "Almost out of nowhere, Zephyr Heights is under attack by some unknown creatures! Everyone! Run! Get out of here and don't-!" The familiar laughter of Gremlins were heard, followed by some attacking the news anchor, and a few others messing up the place, with the camera being turned around rapidly, followed by it being knocked over, a loud crack, and the screen going blue.
My God… ... Did we really take that long to get inside the castle?
"Well we didn't know much about it, so-" the sound of a dog whining was heard. Deadpool quickly ran out to see a few other Gremlins chasing the flying pomeranian, now losing much of it's fur. Pip's screams echoed through the castle, with her running through the halls, followed by a dozen more Gremlins, each wearing a helmet of the royal guard, laughing maniacally. Deadpool whistled loudly, getting the Gremlins attention.
"Oi! Pick on someone with an OnlyCritics account." He said, pulling a sword out. The gremlins let out a battle cry and charged at him. Deadpool kicked one out a window before swiftly decapitating it, grabbing the helmet and threw it at another gremlin, knocking it unconscious. One of the gremlins jumped onto his face, biting into it.
"GAAAH!!! MUTHA FU-!!!" Deadpool screamed, ripping the gremlin off of his face and throwing it to the floor. It charged back at him. "F##K THIS!!!" He pulled out an uzi and fired at the gremlin, riddling it with bullets, then turned to the others, massacreing the rest. As he was finished, the lights of the castle went off, alongside the entire city, leaving everyone under darkness with only true source of light being the moon. His cellphone rang, prompting the merc to answer it.
"Joe's Pizzeria and abortion clinic; today's loss is tomorrow's sauce."
"Wade!" Cable on the other line spoke. "Can you hear me!?"
"Oh! Cable! How's it going man?"
"Wade! We need to stop all of these Gremlins before they take over the world!"
"... Would that really be so bad?"
"Think of Izzy."
"... Crap. Alright, give me a sec."
"No! Wade! I have a plan! You need to-!" Deadpool hung up. He pulled out a megaphone and walked out of the castle, where the gremlins were still causing a riot. He pressed the button, making a loud beep, getting the attention of all of the gremlins, before proceeding to speak into it.
"Attention all Gremlins! The Moon's light is actually the sun's light reflecting from the moon! You are all technically still under daylight. Thank you for listening." He tossed the megaphone to the side and crossed his arms with a smirk under his mask. The gremlins just stared and looked at each other, then to the moon. After a few seconds, they began to shake violently, followed by their heads exploding, becoming a green, gorey fireworks show, with gremlin bodies melting under the moonlight.
Now if only Blade used that logic on vampires! Well at least we didn't go into detail about how the Moon's reflected sunlight produces less radiation than the sun's. Who was that sketchy pony anyway? I think we're about to find out.
In the middle of the woods, the sketchy pony strolled through, taking a deep breath. Green flames consumed her form as she changed into another creature; it was still equine in shape, but with a black exoskeleton and holes in it's legs. She was definitely taller than anyone, with a blue, silk-like mane and tail, with piercing green eyes.
"That stupid… Skinny penis…" She grumbled. "Ruining one of my good plans."
"You mean OUR good plan?" A make figure spoke. Walking in was a Centaur, pretty huge and buff, with a red face & arms, black torso with grey bottom, and white mane and tail.
"You should let me do the selling next time, Chryssy." A child spoke, a filly to be exact. She was a Pegasus, pink coat, with curly blue mane and tail.
"I was making a sale!" The insectoid equine hissed. "But that… guy… that… Skinny penis…"
Laughter was heard. All three jumped to see Deadpool laughing as he entered.
"Oh boy! You villains are stupid!" He laughed before gaining his composure. "Wassup, Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow? Finally got out of your stone imprisonment? Or maybe you have been out but just need to know what the hell happened and how everything changed so drastically?"
"... Have we met?" Tirek asked.
"No… but in an alternate universe." He teleported between all three of them. "The name's Deadpool! It rhymes with 'old school'! 'Too cool', 'Ain't no fool', and 'I'm the best there is at what I do.'"
"... Why are you here?" Cozy Glow asked.
"Ah yes, I'm actually here to apologize to the audience ahead of time."
"... what?" All three asked simultaneously.
"Yeah… audience, you should know that this is following G5, and since the movie never gave any cohesive answer on anything, only more questions, there's a good chance that this Legion of Doom won't be joining at all. But to be safe, I shall send them where G4 sent it's various unused characters that were important but are never used anymore; The pit of Forgettability!"
"... The pit of what?" Chrysalis asked. A mouse icon appeared and clicked on Chrysalis, promptly deleting her from existence.
"What the-!?" Tirek yelled. "Chrysalis! Where did you-!?" The mouse clicked and deleted the tirek. Cozy Glow saw the mouse and backed away from it.
"Y-you don't want me!" She tried to reason with it. "I'm just a wittle fiwwy and I want-"
Click. Delete.
Deadpool sat down, getting a cigarette out.
"Yeah, if G5 doesn't bring them back, let Hasbro know that G5 should've been it's own continuity like the other generations. Or at least, go more wild.'
