Everything had gone wrong. It had crumbled beneath my hooves, all the dreams of my people. I'd taken them upon my shoulders, and now they've been trodden into the dirt.
I never asked for power or leadership. Royalty was a collar around my neck and a weight on my heart. A mask of superiority was born to keep them from realizing how our world was crumbling down to dust. No longer will my people live in the shadows. This plan has to work.
My entire life, at this moment, I decided, was cursed. Even with my plans, power, and an army with undying loyalty, I was defeated by mere luck. It was fate perhaps, a destiny to fail, it seemed, destined to lay here broken and alone. I cursed those that brought about my end. Though I was undoubtedly half delirious at this point, suffering from more than one head injury, some broken bones, and a rattle in my chest that signaled something very wrong, I was sure. The fall had been bad. Very bad. Images of bright green horrors seemed to flash before my eyes, turning my stomach with the memories.
Though even with all this, my mind wouldn't let go. I felt too much hatred for so many things in this horrid world. Fate for choosing this path for me, a destiny of royal blood, a weight carried for so long, a people on the brink of extinction for thousands of years. How could I have saved them? The next face in a line of cursed failures. It must have been hopeless from the start, I supposed. And yet, I still hated the damned fools who got lucky while victory was in my grasp. The dreams of my people living free from the darkened shadows of this horrid world...destroyed. Crushed by my fate.
It oddly enough brought about memories of my mother. The insufferable witch of a Changling she was. I was sure she felt validated rolling and laughing in the grave at my failures. Being my mother's favorite progeny really only meant that I was always under scrutiny and punished harshest for the most minor things. Never perfect. But that was so long ago now. Or at least it felt like a hundred lifetimes ago. The royal curse handed off, and she just got to escape to the quiet stillness. As my chest rattled again, drawing shaky painful breaths, I envied the long-dead ghost.
I felt defeated in every sense. The only thing I could hear in this dark, cold silence being my own rattling breath for what seemed like hours. In some way, it feels like I'm meant to bear witness to the horrible irony of it all. To be killed by love sounds ridiculous, yet here I lay in the dirt. A Shallow cave to be the final grave of the queen of the mighty changelings. To be alive still is undoubtedly a miracle, given the states of those I had known and trusted were green smears on the ground now. A newfound rage began to bubble up within me, burning, scalding the memories of them within my mind. I knew they would never fade, nor would I ever let them disappear.
It hurt far more than the wounds covering my body to reminisce about those I had grown fond of within the invasion force. Claw my most trusted general that led the main invasion force into Cantorlot. Claw was integral to the planning stages of the invasion and laying battle strategies in the field. He was genuinely brilliant. A far better leader than I ever could have been. More importantly, I would have called him my friend. He didn't make it out of the castle. I saw him flung against a wall as I was forced through a window myself. Sting had been my bodyguard someling, who time and time again put others above himself. Having observed his Selfless nature first hoof, I picked him in particular for the job. He had landed quite close to me with no extraordinary endurance or love oversaturating his form. He became more of a thick paste than anything recognizable as the ling who had brought me rations on the many occasions I would forget my own health while studying old changeling war strategy or writing out battle plans with Claw.
Krag loved to talk about simple things like how refreshing cold water was on a hot day. So many little things could make him beam, his presence lighting up the room. It allowed me to see the people I was supposed to be ruling, to see their simple joys. However muddied by the surrounding dire status of our people, that joy might be. It still existed, and knowing that meant the world to me when I had met him. It was because of me and only me that he had died today. He volunteered into the invasion force when everyling was told of our last hope. Because he knew me. Because he figured I could use a smile every now and then, or else it would all become too grim for me to bear. I was selfish; I desired his company and appointed him a made-up position near to me in the command and due to that. A tree branch went through his head near the end of the fall.
Those who stood at my back and would have reveled in the victory I had almost tasted. We had nearly tasted. The taste is bitter now. Sour. And leaves a sort of cold that pools in my heart. I wanted that shining future for my comrades in arms. A world so packed bucking full with love that it clings to the air. So very rich you never had to hunger for it. It would be paradise. No more holes. No more blight. How dare they destroy the dreams of my people like this.
The injustice burned within me so fiercely now. Waring with the cold vengeance I so wanted that eventually, as the pain in my body grew, the feelings ebbed. Less was I lost within shattered hopes and memories of smiling fanged faces, and now I was indeed in the dark. All alone. With so many injuries, I could actually feel the blood oozing out the cracks in my chitin. Perhaps the fire that had been in my blood not a few moments ago was pouring out. Leaving me numb.
I don't know how much time had passed before I heard something in the distance. It shattered the silence I had started to believe would be the final state of my existence. I thought my mind was playing tricks and that perhaps I had indeed begun to pass on. But when the voice, I could now distinctly tell it was a voice, started to get closer, nowhere near close enough into the cave to be intelligible, but the echoes of someone were reaching me.
Could someling be alive? Looking for me? I crushed the hope before it could form. Before I could start to imagine someling I knew being alive. I knew I would be wrong. It must be someone else. Perhaps a traveler or explorer?
I couldn't make out the words even straining my hearing, but the panic had set in; things like Maybe they will be kind, and they'll kill me if they find me passed through my mind. I stopped the morbid line of thinking as I tried to formulate a plan from my place on the ground. If I had the energy, I could change into a helpless, injured damsel in need of saving and have whoever this is, nurse me to proper health. My vengeance and rage could be carried out.
A smile almost crossed my face before I killed the idea and stamped the lines of thought out. As if the curse was so kind as to let such fantasies play out. No, it would end in ruin. Luck would win again no matter the scheming put forth before it. What could I do in the face of such things?
I tried moving my body deeper in. Nothing moved an inch. Why was I trying so hard? What was even left for me after this? Maybe I'm not ready to die if the intruder turns out to be a guard or search team sent to destroy the last of my people left. Perhaps I want to spare a kind soul from my curse. I've had quite enough of all the lies and posturing. Of struggling every day to give them hope and structure so they wouldn't realize it was all crumbling.
My heart had begun to ache again at the thought. My eyes being drawn down to the only thing I could still faintly see in the dark, my vision blurring; night vision poor at the moment given how dizzy I was, my hooves laying in front of me. It struck me. I'd been staring at a wall for hours now, not moving even my eyes. My mind had been caught within a dark mire I never thought I would sink into.
They looked so small. No wonder I couldn't hold on to it all, that it all slipped from my grasp. I was hoofed the wheel of a sinking ship and told good luck. Trying to bale out water with my bare hooves; no bucket in sight. It all slips through the holes.
I heard it again, this time much closer. The voice was now close enough to make out the words, and additionally, I noticed it sounded like the middle of a conversation. "Yes, I know you're concerned." The voice said, the words echoing to reach my ears, straining to catch everything I could. The voice sounded male, but other than that, nothing could be said about the owner just yet.
I briefly entertained trying to sense their emotions, but I figured doing anything more than laying here and listening while I stared at my hooves might be one thing too much. Even if listening was making me more confused by the second. "There was a lot of blood, not to mention it was green." the voice said but then, after a slight pause. "Well, what if someone survived? You know it really doesn't matter what color the blood is." Was the voice arguing with its self? "I'm worried we're going to run into bug people or something" That slight pause again. "Bug people are still people, Kelly."
I didn't know if I should be insulted or reassured, so I decided to ignore the conversations' implications to save myself from having to expend the brainpower that was admittedly fading now. "Why does it feel like we go chasing explosions and blood trails so often, huh?" That weird pause was going to drive me mad. If you're going to talk to yourself, monologue like the rest of us. "Because that big of an explosion is never good besides...Hey, There's more of a distinct trail here, don't you think? Definitely fresh if brighter green is the indicator."
That particular comment was much closer. I tried to do something. Move? Use illusions! Basically, anything other than being a heap of pain, but it didn't work, and they were very close now, definitely within a stone's throw at this point. "You know it should have dawned on you at this point" They stopped approaching for a moment. "what should have?" This might be my last chance to do something while he's distracted with himself. I strained my whole body with effort and am rewarded with... a cramp in my left hoof. Marvelous. "that this could be a trap of some kind you know." I figured it out. The switch-off in the conversation he was having with himself was that pause in-between, now that he was so close. I could hear the nuance in the tone. It was the same voice still, but he would sound drastically different if you were listening close enough. "If it is a trap, then we'll be fine. I'm the escape artist remember?"... "I don't even want to dignify that self-proclaimed title with a response." I was trapped in a cave with a crazy pony, and I was utterly defenseless at the moment.
How did things get worse? How? After everything that had already gone wrong. Couldn't I get at least a dumb or gullible pony to find me? No. Of course, the curse would muck this up. Why am I even surprised at this point? Let the lightning strike me already, will you? My answer was the voice walking right up next to me, a light shining in my eyes as it turned the corner to where I was lying. "I mean seriously, Kelly, It's gonna be something completely normal li... Holybugpeople! You were right!"
There's the lightning.
I wish I could do something about being seen, but my vision had started to go, and my thoughts were going at the speed of a lethargic snail as my brain shut down. I witnessed it approach as I passed out due to blood loss or the concussions, a minotaur, in a weird costume or something; it was hard to see much more given that I had blacked out.
When I awoke, the impassive visage of a helmet filled my vision. The helmet's owner then began pulling away suddenly as if startled by the fact that my eyes were now open. From what I could tell, it was a very skinny minotaur. It must have been the crazy voice I had heard, recalling the memories of just before I had blacked out, though they were slightly fuzzy and distant. I wasn't the least bit surprised by how injured I still felt. The combination of the impact from the fall, blood loss, and the subsequent unconsciousness meant my continued survival was a miracle. Instead of dwelling on that any longer, I decided to set my sights on my immediate concern, taking a good look at my guest.
Skinny and tall, not a bit of its body left uncovered. The black and silver helmet covering its head having a smooth and formfitting quality to its design, with no noticeable gap between it and the neck of a black jacket. Silver accents on the joints of the jacket creating an odd design. The same pattern on the pants, gloves, and boots concealing the rest of him. The one noticeable exception was his right arm which seemed to have no regard for the rest of his outfit, being mainly silver with black accents on the joints. Was it supposed to be a mix between regular clothes and full body armor?
Shifting slightly, I tried to find a more comfortable position on the stone floor of the cave. An uncomfortable amount of smaller rocks were pressing into a number of my wounds where I was currently lying. Noticing a bandage wrapped around my forearm during my adjustment invited a cursory look at myself, showing that the minotaur must have wrapped gauze around a significant number of my wounds. My body must have also passively absorbed some strong emotions while I had blacked out, which meant most notably that my vision had stabilized, and everything was spinning less violently now. Casting a quick look around my surroundings allowed me to see that the minotaur must have carried me into the light near the entrance to the cave. It was now plainly evident that it wasn't merely a crazy minotaur, bringing forth many additional questions on top of my previous ones.
"Are you alright?" Breaking the silence before I could have a chance to voice my queries, it spoke a simple question. But I was having trouble coming up with an answer I thought this stranger would find suitable. In my uncertainty, I, unfortunately, drew on the tried and true.
"I nearly died not too long ago...how do you think I am?" I hissed at him.
I did regret the words, understanding that antagonizing the person who just helped me isn't the most incredible idea, but my mood was far too sour at the moment to care what this imbecile thought of me for the short length of time he would be in my presence. "You a vulture here to pick my bones?" Under my accusation, he tensed, a sound starting to escape him, no doubt to protest, but I spoke again first, the words biting. "I can't offer you anything for saving my life, not even my gratitude." I had already somewhat accepted my fate as it was lying before me. I have nothing to go back to anyway. "It was all destroyed. You saw what became of my people. What's left of them is outside." My words seemed to strike him as he backed off a bit more, his posture unsure. How could he manage to be so obvious while hiding under so much clothing?
He muttered something under his breath while placing his helmeted head in his hands. I could hear him taking in a deep breath before looking back up at me to ask a question. "You were the leader of a group of some kind?" The question was sincere, but its ignorance annoyed me.
The words poured out like venom from my lips." I was the Queen of an entire race, the ruler of the Changeling Hive!" As I spoke, I mustered all of my regained strength, trying to stand before him and show my regal splendor. That he so carelessly disregarded that he had not noticed. I managed to accomplish moving into a shaky half stand before falling back down again, hearing a sharp crack as my chitin hit the stone beneath me harder than I would have liked.
Glaring up at him, I continued my tirade, "Just because I am wounded, you've no right to look upon me with such pity. I would destroy that look of yours if I could." I Could feel some blood run down my cheek and onto my mouth, the fall having opened a cut there. I don't know what I'm doing at this point. But the words must have hit a nerve of some kind. My blood was boiling, staring daggers at the being who would dare address the one who should be the Queen of all lands with not a thought to my high status or. Or who am I kidding? Spitting the blood that had collected in my mouth onto the floor, I turned my eyes away from him, laying my head away from the mess I just made. " Leave. I have no further use of you." I said dismissively. Please just save yourself from being a part of this cursed destiny.
I heard a sharp click and a hiss of air. Snapping my eyes back up to the minotaur revealed that he had taken off his helmet, nestling it under his right arm. Letting me finally get a look at the face of the insane individual before me. Now the helmet made sense. He was by far the ugliest minotaur I had ever seen before. Everything was too small, his eyes dull blue pits set onto a face unnaturally flat lacking even a small muzzle. Ears round and small on the sides of his head. A small amount of fur above his mouth split in the middle while his mane was short, messy, and brown. Unruly, no doubt from being under the helmet just worn. Getting another reason to put him under heavy scrutiny, I noticed something I really should have before. Dark green stains marred the arms and chest of the strange clothes he wore. I ruined them when he carried me here.
His eyebrows furrowed, his mouth drawn into a frown, the expression looked pained, and his eyes focused directly into my own. Rather than leave as I had wanted, he strode closer to me once again. Kneeling on the ground in front of me, speaking to me now face to face, his expression dead serious. "You've been through a lot. I won't make light of your feelings. A-and I know my presence and aid are presumptuous, but I want to help you." His tone was soft yet held conviction. It seemed as if he were honest, but his previous crazed conversation provided ample doubts for the intent of his every action.
"What aid would I want from an insane and deformed minotaur. vagabond?" I asked
His expression changing to confusion with a muttered "Insane minotaur?"
"Of course. Did you think I didn't hear you as you traveled into this cave? Talking to yourself, pausing, and answering in another voice. If these are not the actions of the mad, then what are they?" His head turned away from me a moment, his expression shifting again. This time he looked deep in thought, suddenly far away, though only staying that way a moment before turning back to me, determined again.
"Okay. Any questions you have, I'll answer. I take it that's the first and most pressing, so. A visual demonstration or a long explanation?" He wasn't dodging the question, but it could still be an attempt at giving a half-truth. What part of this would require a Visual demonstration? He already had my curiosity peeked, None of his actions had made any sense to me, so I elected for what I hoped would solve some of the mysteries.
"I'm not sure what you can show me to make me think you're not crazy," I told him as I weakly gestured with my hoof to continue, "But as you can see, I'm a captive audience, so go ahead and prove me wrong." He nodded when I finished speaking and gave me a concerned look before standing up. He took the time to set his helmet down onto the ground before taking a few deep breaths, closing his eyes, and concentrating. As a few seconds passed, I began to feel relatively confident that I would, in the end, be proven right. I wondered what I would even gain from being right. Would it not just serve as another potent disappointment. That was, of course, before an extremely concerning sound reached my ears.
It was like flesh ripped from a bone, a horrible wet meaty sound. Then something rustling from his back under his clothes then slithering out the neck of his jacket, the cause appeared. A white snake or that's what I could best compare with the strange creature. It had no facial features of any kind, no eyes, mouth, or nose, or whatever snakes had. Sensory pits? The body tapered before expanding into a vaguely head-like shape despite the lack of features. It also lacked scales, so perhaps closer to an enormous worm? Carving out a path, it wound down his arm before stoping. It's head curling into his gloved left hand. His eyes were then snapped open, still filled with concern and finding mine, now wide in terror. I was trying to manage my breathing, the deeper breaths still bringing a stabbing pain as I almost shouted at him. "W-what the buck was that!" My eyes flittered around the area, looking for an escape route. Even if I couldn't stand up, it never hurt to be prepared to run for my life.
His response was quick though he now sounded tired. "Fuck. I should have said not to freak out, huh?"
I shot him a glare. "It's w-way way too late for that now. How did you think whatever you just did wouldn't be horrifying?" I said. "Start explaining. Now Please." He gave me a weak nod before speaking
"Hi...um, I'm Alison, and this is my sister Kelly" A small wave accompanied this and then a gesture to the snake in his other hand, which when referred to did a little wave with its whole body. Everything about this was so unsettling and confusing. Like a fever dream, it's all so maddening. I felt like I should laugh so that I wouldn't break down and start crying. I must have let my expression slip since he gave me another concerned look with those too-small eyes drilling into mine. I hated this feeling of being so out of control. All my life, it had been crushing me, and I felt that freedom for a single selfish, stupid moment before fate once again washed me into a sea of uncertainty and strange unknowns.
The enigma continued. " So trying to put this in the simplest terms I can. I am an explorer tasked with finding distant lands. Making contact with the local people and categorizing my findings." Gesturing again to the snake, he spoke. " A long time ago, my people met hers. Kelly here is a S'line, a species that needs a host to survive. Our peoples' leaders made a truce over a hundred years ago, and they became our most trusted companions. The voice that was mine but distinctly separate was us having a conversation out loud. It helps with the long periods of silence. Mental discussions are great, but sometimes the ol' voice needs a workout, or it feels weird." A period of awkward silence began to form and was not helped in the least by a nervous "Y-ya know?" uttered from Alison while his free hand fiddled with the collar of his outfit. The 'S'line' Kelly rewound up his arm, her featureless head rubbing against his cheek. It was an attempt at comforting him, and while it seemed to work as his expression became a little less nervous, It unnerved me.
It all felt so surreal. "Is this happening? Am I just perhaps having a long horrible nightmare?"
I don't know if I was asking him or perhaps myself. I desperately needed an anchor of some kind to keep my head above the water. Never the less he had no notion of this and gave a response. " Yes, as odd as it probably is to you, it IS the truth."
Well, there goes the fever dream explanation, I mean. I certainly could try and deny the situation I had found myself in much more than this, but no. What good would it do for me? I'd instead dive headfirst into this bizarre situation and attempt to breathe the water, lest I drown. "Alright. I'll believe you. What happens now?" I asked. My voice was sounding just as tired as I felt at the moment.
I was really in no state to deal with all this. But, what choice do I have, or ever had? I always just kept making do with what I had. Well, buck that! I had never been wrong, had I? All I had wanted was freedom. From my mother in the beginning. Then when I did get that freedom, It came bundled up with so many responsibilities and shackles that the mask my mother wanted for me was all I could wear, or It would all fall apart, a tower of cards built by the royal line. And I blew the whole thing down.
I was Roused from my thoughts by Alison answering my question, pulling me from starting another round of self-justifications. When had it ever really helped me? Letting all those thoughts fester and spin. "I'd say the next step is me asking the name of my new acquaintance. If you don't mind?" He seemed to be trying to give a charming smile of some sort, but all it accomplished was making it abundantly clear that he couldn't read a room to save his life. Though it almost succeeded at being charming by its clumsiness alone.
"My name is Chrysalis, Vasila. Do your best never to forget it." I said, baring my fangs instead of giving him a genuine smile.
"That's a beautiful name." Kelly nods in agreement to his words from where her head rests perched on his shoulder. The action drew attention back to something I still needed to inquire about.
"So, where did Kelly come from exactly with all the crunching and nightmare noises?" I inquired
He seemed far too eager to talk about it when he began his explanation. "Oh, that's rather easy to explain. So Kelly jacks into my nervous system from the base of the neck then down the spine. But if we want, she can detach for a while and move around like this." Kelly continued to nod in agreement with his words before giving his cheek a couple of taps and slithering back into his jacket. "Alright, well, Give me a sec. She wants to reconnect."It sounded disgusting and horrifying to me, but he talked about it like it was the most normal thing in the world. He readied himself like he had done earlier with a couple of deep breaths before the look of concentration. I braced myself for the sound, but it never came.
"Wow, It's always so weird. It's easy to forget how odd it is not to have you around." He gave a short chuckle before quieting, then focusing back on me. "Right rude, oops. I'm not exactly great at this if you would believe it. That's more Kelly's thing, but I'm working on it. She'd rather I prevent making an idiot out of myself during a conversation...without help on her end." So this was all a test? Put forth by the snake. Not encouraging.
"Well, I figure the next step is getting you to a hospital or at the least to a town, yeah?" He smiled softly at me while suggesting an idea that was borderline suicide for me in this case. But he swiftly stopped when my glare informed him of my feelings toward such idiocy.
"Now I understand that knowledge of my people was incredibly obscure until recent events. So I will allow you the benefit of the doubt. And assume the reality of my situation was unknown to you. I mean, you wouldn't purposefully suggest that I go turn myself in to be executed, would you?" Sarcasm dripped from my words, a smile gracing my face for a moment before falling, the moment serving as a reminder that so many previously happy conversations were tainted by sad memories now. I turned away from him. Hastily I tried wiping some of the moisture from my eye. Come on. You have an audience you're supposed to keep a level of presentability. You can't fall apart in front of someone who's still mostly a stranger.
That exact thing was still bothering me. "Why?" It had been a burning question, a simple one it may be.
"Why did I save you?" he asked.
"Yes but, why all of it. Why did you seem so committed instantly? You know next to nothing about me. How could you chose to help me without some assurance I wasn't some ruthless, remorseless killer or any other form of lowlife?" It didn't make sense. Noling was dumb enough to be so idealistic. Everyling had secondary motives, things they wanted. I just needed to find his.
He began with a heavy sigh. " Well, It's because of who I want to be. I want to be the kind of person who reaches out their hand to anyone who needs it. Despite the fact, they might not deserve one. Now I don't always claim to be perfectly kind or always be who I would like. But I want to try, and reaching out my hand to you, whether you take it or not, is a step towards that hope. Suppose everyone is reaching out to one another and lending strength for others to lean on. So many places will be that much better." He was smiling warmly at me. I suppose Idealistic fools hadn't all died yet then.
If that's the case, then he should get as far from me as he could. I seemed always to crush hopes, the work of the curse. Destruction to what I wish to hold onto and ruin to my sights of happier days. Images of Smiling fanged faces. So very still now.
In direct opposition to how I felt about the matter, Alison leaned back down to where I lay and put a hand on my shoulder, his eyes finding mine again. Concerned might be his default facial expression, I concluded, as it often returned to that. His voice was soft as he spoke. "Are you okay?"
I gave a very sad-sounding chuckle somewhere between a short sharp laugh or a sob barely held back. "No...no, I'm nowhere near okay." How I felt was jumping all over the place. At moments I was almost feeling normal, okay. But then memories would greet me with sorrow, and my body would remind me of the fall that occurred not so long ago, sending my heart plummeting, this time independent of my body still resting on the ground.
He gave a weak smile " I wouldn't expect you to be. You said you lost people, right?" It was all I could do to nod. I couldn't stand being this weak. He looked to be searching for the right words before he spoke again. " I know the pain must seem unbearable right now, and I can tell you're a really strong person." He paused. "You're trying to hold it all back, but it's okay to feel sad when you lose someone. No one's made of stone." I wanted to lash out and push him away. To make him stop talking about it. Shout at him and say he didn't know what I was feeling. But I was too tired to cover the hurt with anger. No power left that I could use to hide from this pain. I hung my head. The tears spilled out, and I couldn't stop them anymore. I cried. I wailed and sobbed for them. My brothers. My sisters. My Friends.
It felt like forever before the tears came to an end. Long enough that rain had begun to fall in the meantime, casting the cave entrance into muted darkened shadows. It felt like the world was answering my tears in kind, the sky's themselves crying for my people. Alison was now sitting with his back to the closest wall. His eyes were closed, and softly, I could hear him humming something to himself, the tune nothing I recognized. It was soft and sweet, perhaps a lullaby. He had backed off a little while still staying relatively close, attempting to give me some space, the action meaning a surprising amount to me.
The last time I had cried like this was a moment I didn't particularly appreciate remembering. No tears escaped me the day my mother passed on, nor did I cry the days afterward. When I finally broke down and grieved her was the day of my official coronation. It hadn't felt real until then, I suppose. My mother had been an oppressive force, Drilling into me how a royal is to walk, talk, speak, and breathe. So when she was gone, it didn't feel like it. Everything about my life was dancing to her tune, and If I thought the influence and shadow would die with her, I would have been so sorely mistaken.
In the night, right after my coronation, after all the pleasantries and congratulations. A weight settled into my chest. I was queen. All my life, I was being taught how to do this, but now it was happening. Despite the ghost of my mother whispering teachings into my ear so ingrained into memory, I could recite many of them this very moment. She was gone, and the hive fell into my hooves. The futures and lives of my subjects were now resting on me being a good queen. The realization must have broken a wall within me in some way, no matter how obvious it should have been to me. It hit me all at once, and I broke down alone within a lavish royal bedroom, high above those starving below, trusting me to lead them into the light. But I had never seen it either. I was just as lost.
I failed them just as I hoped I never would, yet somehow, I'm not alone. Wiping the remains of tears from my face with my bandaged limb, I broke the silence that had settled again. "What you said was really dumb. I just wanted you to know that." I said it with as much of a smile as I could muster directed towards him.
My poor attempt at humor just now being equally as stupid as anything Alison had said. His words seemed genuine in attempting to be comforting. They weren't perfect, but if they were, the more they would have felt fake. As if he was trying to gain something from comforting me rather than an honest attempt at reaching out and meeting me in the middle somewhere.
He stopped the soft hum and opened his eyes. Face still turned to look out at the rain falling, he spoke to me. "I suppose so." Reaching up and settling his hand tenderly on the back of his neck, he continued. "I'll admit I have a terrible habit of talking about stuff I shouldn't, and there are things I should leave myself well and truly out of. But what can I say?" He turned to look at me, giving me a sad smile. "I gotta try."
I couldn't meet his eyes, looking back down to the bandage. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I-i want to start again. Can we do that? Start over?"
I hated this. It felt like I was trying to fly backward through tree sap. I so desperately wanted to escape this vulnerability, but my masks had only managed to hurt people. He didn't deserve that. The least I could do for someone in return for saving my life was allowing them respect. There being nothing else I could give him.
"My name Is Chrysalis, Vasila. I am pleased to meet you. I am truly in your debt, a-and I apologize for my earlier actions." My words almost caught in my throat as I said them, feeling ridiculous attempting this.
The words sounded so fake to me despite being true. They tasted like paper and felt just as thin. Had I truly worn the mask so long that simple Words of honest regret and casual introduction sound alien to my ears? Had I gotten that bad? When was the last time something was a request and not a demand? A suggestion and not an order. Even if some could see through me, When had I last been me?
"I'm Alison, Strider, just as pleased to be meeting you. You're Majesty." He paused for a moment." And I'm Kelly, Strider. Glad to finally get a chance to speak to you." His voice was just a little lighter after the pause with slightly different inflections. It was eerie and more than a little off-putting. Even knowing he wasn't crazy, it still came off as really creepy. 'Kelly' was smiling at me as she continued. "Thank you for the apology but, we really do understand that you were in a rather raw emotional state and probably still are. We didn't take it personally." Punctuating statements with dismissive waves of her hand.
It made me realize how different their body language was. I learned how tense Alison usually is in that moment of observation, with Kelly's movements and posture being loose and more fluid.
"So forgive me for not grasping everything perfectly but, how are you, brother and sister exactly? The family resemblance is a little hard to find between a snake thing and a minotaur, I must say." Was this a safe topic? Something to talk about that's not weighed down by emotion and regrets.
"Well, Kelly's our mother's kid, and I'm our mom and dad's kid. So Brother and sister. Pretty simple, I would think." What part of that did they think was "Pretty Simple"?
"Why the distinction between Mother and Mom?" I asked them and was interested, but my heart wasn't there, and I could tell. I sounded hollowed out, not quite there. I shouldn't have asked about family. How could I be so stupid?
"Mother is what we usually call our mom's S'line." He said the words flat as if confused. Alison was continuing the conversation but had caught on to my growing state.
"So, do both of your parent's host S'line?" I need to keep talking. This is fine.
"Of course. Everyone does. It's like saying grass gets wet when it rains." They pointed outside to articulate the statement. His eyebrows furrowed now, concern once again across his face.
I was frozen. What came after this? Do we talk about the weather, not try and broach all the horrible things just outside? How all the blood was washing away in the rain. It was looming, permeating my every thought. I couldn't escape it. What use was it to pretend things were okay? To smile and say pleasant things, to introduce ourselves in a less tainted light. Cause it wasn't tainted, everything was. And that was my future now, Tainted by blood. I can't ignore it, but I can still attempt to be kind to them within this nightmare.
I steeled myself and asked something I feared to. "Was anyling else alive out there when you approached?" I knew I didn't want the answer. But no more hiding. That brief moment was torture enough in its own way.
"No. I didn't see anything that even looked remotely like a person. A lot of green blood, but..." He trailed off, looking out at the rain.
"But what?" I asked, annoyance slipping into my tone. I didn't have time for him to dance around whatever he was thinking.
"But you survived, right? So chances are someone else did." He met my eyes before looking back outside. "they might not live long without assistance though. I'll be right back, okay." He was gone with a blink of my eyes. There one moment and gone the next.
Then I was alone again. I didn't want to dwell on the thought, so I figured I would see how my wings were doing. I unfurled them, making sure to check them thoroughly, and found them in excellent condition, which surprised me given how delicate they are. I could have lost them due to the fall relatively easily if I had clipped a tree.
With that wellspring of activity completely dry, I turned my attention to the one place I had been avoiding and dreading. At the rest of the world beyond the cave. At the blood-stained ground and bodies piled high. But when I looked out. I saw a brilliant green landscape. Trees swayed in the wind as the rain fell upon them. Everything was being cast into muted colors by the dark clouds above. However, I could see a gap in the shadows in the distance where the sun was still streaming through onto the forest far away.
We must be higher up than I thought. Looking out at the ground near the cave revealed a small stream of water that had formed, flowing past the entrance no green stains from when I had crawled in here anymore. The rain had long since washed it all away. I could walk away from it all right now if I wanted. Alison was an excellent opportunity if I wanted to run away from facing them again. No doubt they already knew that the invasion had failed, but they might not know how bad it had gone.
It has to be me. I won't let what's left of my people hear from some Propaganda piece made by our enemies, how their loved ones died. No step one is to get back to the hive. I have to face them and let them pass judgment on my failure. We couldn't destroy those who cursed us to die alone. In hating and killing me, maybe they can find some path forward.
He was taking forever. The longer he stays away, the more concerning it's going to become. What if he does find someling who survived? I... I want to believe that someling could be alive. Just maybe, for once, the news won't be bad. I'll blink, and he'll be back, a changeling under each arm. I knew it was fantasy, just something to be broken into further despair. A borderline manic desperation was taking hold in my heart, and I desperately wanted the image formed in my mind to become true. I clung to it. Just please let one live. I had to be crazy thinking about it, but I even stooped to asking the curse for a favor. As if it were a person to be bargained with.
"You can take anything if just one ling made it. I would gladly have lost both wings, if only. Would you please take something else this time? My people have suffered enough at your hooves." Fresh tears dripped down my muzzle. I thought my eyes might have gone dry with how much I had already cried, but the world loved to prove me wrong.
When I blinked and rubbed at my eyes, trying to force the tears away. It was as if the curse had indeed granted my wish. Before me, Alison stood holding a single Changeling tenderly in his arms, blood dripping down his front and pooling onto the floor. The changeling had both minor cuts and large gashes covering Its form. The trees must have broken his fall while also leading to this sorry state.
"he's breathing, but he's dying." He sputtered to me with urgency, fear evident in his voice.
"H-how do I heal him? You started healing faster when I was bandaging your wounds. How d-do I do that?" His teeth were chattering, making his words stutter. It couldn't be that cold out even with the rain, summer still in full swing. It must be nerves.
I responded with equal haste. "You have to love them. That's our strength and our greatest weakness. We turn the emotions of others into power." I motioned for him to come closer
"I can help with the transfer of energy, but it's all on you to provide enough emotion for it to work."
Altogether forgoing my attempts to save as much energy as possible I allowed myself to look at Alison's emotions, preparing to transfer some of my pitiful reserves. No one else has to die. His emotions were a beautiful aurora of swirling colors. I had never seen anything like it. It was like watching a storm high above the clouds swirling and twisting. Perhaps because he has two sets of emotions within the same body?
I shook my head. There was no time to become distracted; we had a life to save. Alison quickly stepped near me, holding the dying Changling between us.
"summon up your strongest positive feelings and direct them towards the ling in your arms. I will help with the transfer and speed things up. Just be aware It may feel very taxing on your end."
He nodded in response while his arms shook slightly. He had his jaw clenched tightly and determination in his eyes. I saw his emotions start to take a primarily green and yellow hue. As the ling took a shallow breath, I saw a small amount seep into him. It was time to start on my end.
I opened my mouth, beginning to collect the emotion rolling heavily around us. Once I felt I had enough, I redirected it towards the ling, rather than absorbing it myself, adding Some of my already distilled energy with the raw emotions to speed things further. I don't care about the cost. I would give it all if I must.
Already I could see the effects it was having. Many of the wounds had stopped bleeding. Though that did nothing about the small pool already covering my forehooves. We just needed to keep it up. We just needed to save them. I poured more of my energy into the mix. I could already feel myself weaken further, but it didn't matter. I couldn't fail them again.
"Chrysalis, I don't want to bring bad news, but my vision is getting spotty. Alison sounded tired. It might have been a bit presumptuous to think he could aid in my recovery as well as fully heal this Changling. Looking between them, I could see how the ling's breathing was more at ease and how most of his wounds were at the least in a manageable state. Alison, on the other hoof, looked pale, almost on the verge of passing out.
"This will have to do for now. We're going to bandage the rest." And hope he makes it through.
Alison gently laid the changeling down in front of me before standing. He swayed a bit as if the motion dizzied him, pressing a hand against his forehead. Alison stayed like that a moment before quickly shaking himself and reaching into a large pocket on the leg of his pants, pulling out a small bottle and a half-empty roll of gauss. Leaning back down and resting on his knees, he began to clean and wrap the lings wounds. His movements were quick and practiced. Though occasionally broken by a slight tremor in his hands.
I took a look at the changeling's face. A peaceful expression was present on his muzzle. As if having a relaxing nap on the stone. I laid my head down next to his, gently pressing against the warm chitin. He's going to live. I know it. At the thought, I felt joy swell in my heart. Before a darker uncertainty rose, will he forgive me?
I don't know if I even deserved their forgiveness. But that's the future. Right now, I needed to make sure living to make the decision was possible. My horn cast the cave in a soft green glow as I readied a simple healing matrix. It would cost me. The days after this will be harder for me, undoubtedly. I cast it anyway. Pain rushing into my mind as my body told me what I already knew. I needed to stop using energy for things other than not dying.
Now though, I could rest more easily, knowing that they would live with the healing and the emotional energy boost. This ling might be doing better than anyone else in the cave when they did finally awake.
Lifting my head back up to look over at Alison, the living miracle he was. I found him sitting against the wall again, looking at the two of us with a puzzled expression on his face.
"What was that?" His voice was weak, eyes drooping. The light must have been unexpected, keeping him from well-deserved rest.
"A simple healing spell. It hopefully dealt with some of the internal damage enough that the energy can settle and get to work more efficiently." No more death; it was becoming a mantra at this point. He had managed to give me hope again, as fragile as it felt within me. I took a heavy breath, savoring the air in my lungs.
"Thank you." I had never meant those words more in my life. Reaching out, I clutched the ling close to my barrel. I was alive. This ling was alive. The steps after this were towards the future. Not bright and shining as I had wanted, but it existed, and that's all I could ask for.
The hive was stunning, unified like this. I could feel the smile stretching across my face as a sigh escaped. The small nook I was currently lounging in rested near the ceiling of the grand chamber. It allowed for a simply splendid view of the beating heart of the hive.
Changelings flowed through the chambers like the blood of our nation's veins, the work they were leading, allowing for the betterment of us all. The beginnings of the construction. A forge for the ladder that will lead us to the light.
My current focus amidst the humdrum is three Lings smiling and working together, two making conversation. A joke is exchanged as the third begins laughing.
It makes my heart feel full. Fuller than the largest of feasts I've ever attended in my mother's court.
This was right.
The hope I saw on their faces told me all I would need to quell the doubts that would often bubble up within me.
Another Changling is hard at work forging a sword, his father, I assume, talking and motioning as he works the blade, passing his years of knowledge on to the future.
Two others were carving wood and creating fletching as they converse or gossiped.
The fire I lit in them was burning, and it was glorious to see it unfold in front of me genuinely rather than have updates recited by some intermediary.
Resting here was always worth it at the end of these long days. Doing so with good company was always the ideal outcome. However, Krag had long since fallen asleep within his own alcove somewhere to my right. Not that I faulted him.
He had spent the day helping to renovate one of the hatcheries into a storeroom for all the new equipment being made before my eyes.
A nap away from the sounds of construction and the general bustle of the hive was welcome occasionally, even by me.
I felt good. Far better than I had in the weeks before things began to pick up speed. When it was all talk and plans and projections rather than action.
No. This right here was what I wanted, what I was hoping for.
It was almost perfect.
Then I woke up.
I was wrapped around another Ling.
It was cold, wet, and everything hurt.
I clutched him tighter, pressing an ear to his chest.
His heart still beats. One ear listened to the steady reassurance of life. The other listening to the persistent rain smashing against stone and brush just outside. The sounds were profoundly isolating.
My world had come crashing down. Left so small I could hold it within my hooves. Amid the messy swirls still gripping my heart, hope, fear, loss, and cloying dark despair. Hope that was thoroughly crushed and beaten, alight again. Where once arrogant confidence might have been, clawing, fresh fear tore and bit into the hope.
I shifted against the uncomfortable stone, pulling uncomfortably against wounds freshly bound. The Bandages around my forelegs were now damp with rainwater and mud rather than just my blood.
What kind of consolation prize is one life? The curse wanted me alive, it seems. I had asked, and the curse delivered, perhaps binding me to more profound despair.
If I let go, Would this dream disappear? I clung tightly to this hope granted unto me. Even knowing it would slip from them again, I wanted to grasp and hold on tighter than ever as if the desperation could give strength I knew was lacking.
Running a hoof down my treasure's frills, I heard Alison clear his throat. I waited a moment. Allowing the stillness to last a second longer before turning.
Alison was an absolute mess. Deep lines under his eyes and tightness within his face as if he had not slept in days. I should hold back on draining as much energy as possible next time. My new acquaintance sat against the cave wall across from me and closer to the entrance, a small stream running under them as the rain poured.
He sat with his arms draped over his knees, Gloves clenched tightly as water and bright green blood still dripped off him onto the floor. The small river of liquid ran from his position against the wall winding further into the cave's darkness, going from clear rainwater to a sickly green.
Tainted.
We cannot change the past. No matter how much I might wish it.
To deceive others, you must first deceive the self.
This ling will live a long life, and Alison will be tired. I won't feel bad for saving perhaps the last remaining member of the invading force.
"He passed out a little bit ago," Kelly said. She sounded just as tired as their body no doubt felt.
"I don't think he'll be awake for a while, so we get to have a little bit of girl talk, you and me, hm?"
I tensed up at the words. The tone was the kind of sickly sweet someone only uses when lying. But they want you to know it. What was the lie here? The pretense of a civil conversation?
"Are there any side effects when you eat someone's emotions?" Her eyes drilled into mine. Steel bound in the small orbs.
So childish.
If the snake wants to challenge a queen, She'll find I have ample steel of my own.
"No, aside from the physical and mental fatigue. Which should fade within a few days, mind you. There will be no lasting side effects from this." I matched her gaze.
My tone was biting and sarcastic, and it would be a lie if I said it was purely on reflex.
I have nothing besides this life in my arms and my own. If she wants to start something behind Alison's back, I will die sooner than allow myself to be humiliated again.
Her expression softened a bit before speaking again.
"Well, so long as you're not lying, that's good news." Her eyes never left mine. Drilling into me.
"My brother is trusting, but I will protect him should you try and harm him in any way." She shook her head lightly as she spoke, "I would love to trust people as freely as he does, but too many people lie and hurt for no good reason. I've been looking after him a long time, hun. You won't win."
I narrowed my eyes at her.
"Message received," I muttered in response.
"Now, now. Let's not be like that," Kelly said with a smile. " We can consider threats and posturing to be over with."
She waved her hands about while she said it, motioning in some way she probably thought effective.
Why did everyone have to be so difficult?
I focused on my wet, uncomfortably tight bandages and my pained shallow breathing.
Was I any better?
"Then" My voice cut out. The single word was so quiet I wasn't sure Kelly even heard it before I stopped myself. Then I pushed through the fear stopping up my throat.
"Then, Let's not."
The cave was silent momentarily, the dull sound of the rain and tiny rivers running from the mouth becoming sharp.
"I'm a petty, vindictive failure. I've lied more than I have ever been honest." I am a leech upon the world's goodness.
"I'm asking for a third chance, I suppose. If you'll give it? I'll probably ask for many more."
Because I was born. Because I took the throne. Because I had hope. They all died because of me.
"That is who I am. This is who you saved."
I pressed my bandaged hooves into my chest with the words. Light green bloody water pooling in small amounts within some of the holes adorning my legs.
I'm going to need them to trust me. Which is especially hard when I don't trust myself. Or believe anyone should trust me, but we work with what we must, no?
Kelly's face shifted to a small, sad smile before she lifted the helmet from its place on the ground, sliding it on swiftly, covering her features in a practiced manner.
"Give me a moment, ok?"
She said the words softly before exiting the cave while staying in sight. Just standing in the rain. Letting the blood wash off their clothing. The helmet gave nothing away as water battered the metal pointed at the sky.
What exactly is next? Finding the most transparent avenue forward was proving hard when I wasn't even sure where in my own mind it was safe to traverse without running into emotional pitfalls and deep holes of memory and regret.
Just conversing with my rescuers was proving more complex than I liked. It all should be as expected. It should be practiced and easy. But deception and lies are more difficult after the truth is plainly visible.
How can I act like a queen when they've already seen a sobbing mess in a hole, ready to die without hope. A lie is hard to make as quantitative as every failure leading to this truth.
But I've never been this thing I am now.
Keep moving. Refrain from getting caught in your thoughts. Look around you.
The cave was the same boring thing I'd seen for hours now. Just wetter. Saying nothing of the fact that rocks stab at me the longer I lay here. As if gathering and poising themselves to attack me while my attention shifts.
"I'm getting the message, cave. I'll go."
I've got to keep moving forward. If I stop, I don't know If I will have the strength to stand up again in a shockingly literal sense.
I've been given one more chance. Don't let them down again.
Performing the daunting and arduous task of simply getting up and stable on my own four hooves. I'm proud to say it took less than 5 minutes. Bones clicking and popping. Chitin and hooves scratch against the stone floor. Some unqueen-like grunting and hisses of pain as my joints held my weight for the first time in... a day?
In a long subjective time, no matter what time has passed in reality.
I gazed down at the still-unconscious form of my subject, chest rising and falling. It gave me the strength to make the walk outside.
"Should you be up and walking?"
It was Kelly. Harder to tell in the rain. I was getting better.
"It wouldn't matter if I needed a day or 2 weeks of bed rest. We don't have the luxury of either. We need to move from here. Somepony is bound to search the area, a royal guard search party, or an inquisitive idiot. It doesn't matter so long as an equestrian citizen finds me. I'm shipped to the Canterlot dungeon or simply executed, neither of which I'm partial to."
The helmet turned towards me. Searching for information in my expression. She would find none. I've been molded for this. To take posture or a simple glance, my very tone of voice into a weapon to wage wars and spear through opposition. Conversation can be treated as a battlefield; my body is a resource, my tongue a blade...
My shoulders sagged before sitting on the wet grass. Looking into the sky with kelly rain drenching my matted hair, a few droplets inconveniently smashing into my eyes within about a second.
Dark clouds pouring out their hatred onto the forest.
"I don't know what to say to you. I keep thinking through all the lessons and what I remember in the manuals or the videos, but it's not applicable here. Everything I can think to say feels half-hearted. I don't know you. I didn't see what you've been through. I don't know. Not really."
Kelly joined me in the grass, knees touching her chest, arms wrapping around those. Their movements and proportions are very unnerving whenever they adopt a new pose. It unsettles me in a very primal sense.
To say nothing about the words vomited upon me by who I was tentatively going to call the duo's brains. Which now seems like a stretch.
Nothing can be simple.
These two show up and do so little and so much all in one. Then, of course, they go and just fall apart. Because of me. Just feels too on the nose, doesn't it?
"How can you live like you are?"
"Excuse me?"
The surprise was palatable. I had to stifle a smirk.
"being half a person. Having so much of your life controlled by someone else."
I waited in the silence I created.
"It's not a-" I cut her off.
"No sarcasm. I'm cooperating here. Just curious. Parasite to parasite."
"It's not as much of a problem as everyone thinks."
The cold and the rain were cutting into me the longer I spent out here.
"Was about the extent of what I was going to say about the matter, but..."
"If I was being passive-aggressive dear, you would have no doubts. No, I was sincere in my questioning. You two are an enigma to me, and I would like this rectified within a scenario lacking severely charged emotions or severe physical trauma."
"Or Rain."
I bared my fangs. Pointed into the forest and continued.
"Pick a direction cause unless you have any idea where in Equestria we are, our best bet is going somewhere... anywhere, just not sitting here as a start."
"If your issue is unfamiliarity, then simply think about how you two come across for one moment. I know only the barest of confusing hints about my shining heroes. So let us stop acting like children and simply converse."
The silence wasn't as ominous with the rain.
The cold was almost becoming pleasant, the creeping chill numbing the pain in my joints and spine.
A heavy sigh escaped my guest.
"Ages ago now, when we were much younger. The first year of high school, I think it was. I had the dumbest crush on this senior in the band. Couldn't talk when he was around. Just froze right up. I spent a truly absurd amount of time rehearsing how a conversation with him would go rather than actually talking to him. Gushing about how cute he was to Al. Or asking my friends if they had heard him say anything about me. Needless to say, Alison got the picture pretty straightforward, and my dear sweet brother thought the best idea of how to help me with this would be to walk right up to Jack in between English and history. Right in the hallway. With everyone there. And just ask the guy out."
What?
"I thought it might be possible to just melt and die from embarrassment, at least in the moment. Not to mention afterward, Alison and I had to have a long conversation about boundaries and perhaps if we should set ground rules about how relationships would work going forward. But for the most part, now I think about that as a time when my brother was quintessentially himself, just doing what his heart told him would be the right thing. Without really thinking about it or how people will react, especially the person he's trying to help."
I've always wondered what siblings would be like. I concluded that we would have been pitted against each other if I had been born with a twin.
"He's a good person And working on being more self-aware, but I'm sure you've already gotten inklings that I'm not exactly perfect either, eh?"
More than inklings, without a doubt, you two are a mess. But I get it. I can no longer say I don't know anything about you.
Well played.
I had to keep my teeth from chattering as I squeezed the words out.
"I don't really get family ties. Family from far away always looks so warm and perfect. But once you're in the middle, it's just disappointment obligations and judgment."
Not exclusively true, I know, but all my experiences with the curtains pulled back informed on a lot. The picture wasn't pretty most of the time.
"I Never knew my siblings. They had all died before I was born, and I would have never 'been' without their failures. My mother had been trying to make her perfect heir for a long time and with generations of failures preceding my birth. In her eyes, somehow, she saw something in me that was deemed 'worthy'. What that was, I have no idea."
Everyone's all long gone now.
"I never will."
"Sometimes I wonder if her proclaiming that I was this zenith, the pinnacle of her creations, was her own self-justification. She knew her time was up, and she needed to believe I was the best just as badly as I wanted to prove to her I was, that I wouldn't be the final failure in a long, long line of them. But she was wrong, and I was."
Her helmet was gone, the rain roared in my ears, and my heart was pounding.
"Now, you can't say you know nothing about me."
My eyes were wet.
"Sorry"
She couldn't stand to look at me.
"Please, no more of this cowardly pussyfooting around everything. No more posturing and threats. I-...I've Had enough. Enough for a lifetime. If I can't, at least pretend to be someone else. Who can?"
