Mother, I'm Sorry
Aurora always hated funerals.
They always marked the passing of somepony important to others. A pony who made a difference - who changed lives - was now buried six feet under. Doomed to never again laugh or cry with their friends, exchange stories or share memories.
She had caused plenty of those funerals herself.
But she hated her funeral most of all. Or rather, she hated herself for allowing it to happen year after year. Year after year she would stand in the sidelines as a nameless palanquin carting an empty coffin was paraded through Canterlot, with ponies bowing their heads in respect that she didn’t deserve. In a silence she didn’t earn.
“Mommy, what’s going on?”
To her right, a small filly on her father’s shoulders was flipping her head every which way, drinking up the presumably odd sight of an entire city lined up against the road.
This must be the first year she could speak.
“We’re paying our respects to a very important pony, Twilight.” Her mother said. “A very brave and noble pony.”
Brave. Aurora shook her head. There’s nothing brave about me.
“I… see…” The young filly - Twilight - said. “Could… could you let me down, Daddy?”
Her father obliged, gently setting her down onto the side of the road.
The palanquin was passing them by now.
Aurora closed her eyes. She couldn’t do this, not anymore. Turning her back on the parade, her mother, and everypony else, she made her way out of the city. Nopony would notice a pegasus leaving a parade on hoof, and nobody would care either. Darting down walkway after walkway, she finally came to a small clearing just out of Canterlot. There wasn’t much to it outside of a small pond, but there was no one around to see her. Here she could let her tears fall freely. As discreetly as possible, she removed her metamorphosis charm on herself, changing her form back into that of an alicorn. Heading over to the water, she peered down at her reflection. Her rainbow mane was flowing in a breeze only it could feel, much like her mother’s.
And my aunt’s before… that.
Aurora sighed. She missed her aunt. With every fiber of her being, she missed her. She was always ready to play with Aurora whenever she wanted. She would always come and greet Aurora when day became night and read her her second bedtime story.
She was the first one to hug her after she ascended, too.
And how did I repay her? By standing by doing nothing as she got sent to the moon...
“Um… excuse me?”
Aurora whipped her head around, adrenaline pumping through her veins. Stupid! She was too caught up in her own pity party she hadn’t even noticed her new visitor.
The visitor was a small lavender filly with a dark purple mane, save for a streak of pink running down one side. Twilight, Aurora remembered. Glancing around she found no sign of her parents. Most concerning at the very least.
“Hello, young one.” She answered. “What brings you to this clearing?”
“W-well… I thought I saw you leave the parade. You looked sad, and…” Twilight gasped as she drew closer. “Oh my gosh! You’re an alicorn!” The filly immediately began bowing in front of her.
A wave of sadness washed over Aurora. “Raise your head, child.” she said. “Believe me, I do not deserve your respect.”
The little unicorn did as instructed, a look of confusion on her face. “What do you mean? Aren’t all alicorns princesses?”
Aurora smiled. “Yes, they are. But believe me, I deserve no such moniker.”
“O...okay then, Miss Alicorn.” Twilight complied, still understandably confused.
“Now, what is your name, young one?”
“Oh! I’m Twilight! Twilight Sparkle!” Twilight said. All semblance of confusion gone from her voice. The simple childish happiness of Twilight’s demeanor breathed life back into Aurora’s soul.
“A pleasure to meet you, Twilight Sparkle.” She said. “But why aren’t you with your parents? I’m sure they’re worried sick about you.”
The smile on Twilight’s face faded, replaced by a look of sadness. “Well, I saw you at the parade, I… I think.” Aurora nodded. “You looked a little different though. But you looked sad. You looked sad and… I don’t want you to be sad.”
A tear slipped down Aurora’s cheek. A true heart of gold this one. Though how much Twilight could help her was up for debate. Her problems were far too complex for the little filly.
Though perhaps this would be a good learning experience for Twilight… as long as she kept it light.
“Well, I appreciate that, Twilight.” Aurora said. “I suppose I could share my troubles, if you’re so inclined.”
“Uh-huh!” Twilight marched over to her. “I wanna help, please!”
Aurora chuckled. “Very well.” She lay down by the pond. “Then listen carefully, Twilight.”
“Uh-huh?”
“A long, long time ago, I had to venture far away from Equestria on some very important business.”
“What kind of business?”
Aurora paused. There was no way she could explain to Twilight what war was without seriously disturbing her. No. Best saved for another time.
“I’m afraid I can't tell you that, Twilight. It’s not something you’d be comfortable hearing about. I promise.” Twilight looked rather dejected, but nodded. Aurora gave her a smile before continuing. “Anyways, during that business is when I became an Alicorn. I was… very good at my job.”
“Miss Alicorn? You’re crying.”
Aurora lifted a hoof up to her face. Sure enough, tears were sliding down her cheeks. Just breathe, Aurora. Breathe. “This job was not something I was proud of, Twilight. And when I became a princess who specialized in it… other ponies were rather fearful of it, and of me.”
“W-what was your job, Miss Alicorn?” Twilight herself looked slightly fearful. Whether it was of Aurora herself, or of what her ‘job’ was, Aurora couldn’t know. Regardless, looking at this filly’s face made her heart sink.
“It’s best you don’t know, Twilight. I’m sorry for keeping so much from you, but this is something best left for you to learn about when you're older. I promise everything will make sense then.”
“Okay…”
Aurora ruffled her mane. “Thank you for understanding, Twilight. Anyways, this job of mine was something I was sent out for over and over again, until one day things went terribly wrong.”
= = = = = = = = = =
“Everyone! Leave!
“But Princess! We can’t let you sacrifice yourself for us! You’re Equestria’s shield and sword!”
“I’ll be fine! The enemy was a lot stronger than anticipated, but I can take them out if it’s just me! I don’t want to worry about killing any of you! So GO!!!”
“...”
“As you wish, Princess…”
= = = = = = = = = =
“What happened?” Twilight’s question snapped Aurora back to the present. “Did everything turn out okay?”
“Yes.” Aurora said after some hesitation. “Everything was fine.”
= = = = = = = = = =
The sound of a body hitting the ground marked the last of Aurora’s slain adversaries. Gripping her spear for support, Aurora looked across the battlefield. Thousands upon thousands of bodies lay scattered, all by her own doing.
“Had I not ordered my men to leave, we most assuredly would have lost…” Aurora mumbled to herself.
She tried taking a step forward, but her legs were far too weak to do much else except stand. Unceremoniously, Aurora stumbled to the ground, not even making an effort to stand up.
Broken, battered, but very much alive, Aurora passed into the realm of unconsciousness.
= = = = = = = = = =
“When I returned to Canterlot, I discovered that ponies seemed to be more at ease without my presence. They seemed to believe that with me gone, things would be better.”
And so far they’re right. There hadn’t been a war since Aurora never returned to her mother.
Twilight’s eyes were filled with tears. “That’s… that’s awful! You’re such a nice pony! How could anyone be happy that you were gone?!”
Aurora smiled sadly down at Twilight. “I’m flattered you think so highly of me, Twilight. But understand that my job was what made ponies so uneasy of me. When I saw how happy they were now that I was gone, I hid myself from the world.”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin, seemingly lost in thought.
She does quite a lot of thinking for someone so young…
“What about your parents?”
Aurora lifted an eyebrow. “What about them, Twilight?”
“Do your parents know that you’re hiding?” Twilight asked.
Aurora closed her eyes. No… no, her mother did not. But is this what she wanted to tell Twilight?
“No, Twilight. No they don’t.”
Twilight’s eyes widened. Her hooves flew to her mouth as she let out a gasp.
“That’s… that’s awful…” She squeaked out. Her eyes began to water once more. “Why would you do that to them…?”
Aurora sighed. Truthfully, she was afraid. When she got back to Canterlot and saw how happy ponies were without an Alicorn of war she immediately hid herself from the world. By the time she realized how badly this would affect her mother, years had passed. Now she didn’t return because she didn’t want to damage her relationship with her mother.
But I’ve done plenty of that already.
“I… had my reasons, young Twilight.” Aurora said. “But now it’s too late to fix-”
“No!” Twilight bolted up to her hooves and took a few steps back. She was glaring down at Aurora and puffing her cheeks out. “You need to go find your mommy right now and apologize!”
“I can’t do that, Twilight.” Aurora lazily rose from her lying position. “If I do that, ponies will become weary again. I don’t want to put all of Equestria on edge for my own personal happiness.”
“It wouldn’t be just your happiness!” Twilight barked. “If I went missing, my mommy would be terrified! She loves me more than anything else in the whole world! I’m sure she’d want you back more than she wants Equestria to be happy! And besides, I met you and I’m not scared.”
Aurora held back a chuckle. The irony of the ‘missing’ statement was apparently lost on Twilight, but perhaps - no - certainly Twilight had a point. While her mother would be disappointed, and possibly angry that Aurora had hidden from her for nearly a millennium, she would be happy to see her again.
“Twilight!!” A faint voice cried out. “Twilight!!”
Twilight let out a gasp. “Oh my gosh! Shining! I never told anyone where I went! Everyone’s probably worried!”
A pang of guilt washed over Aurora. Indeed.
“I’m sorry I kept you here, Twilight.” She said with a smile. “Go back to your family.”
“Okay!” Twilight said, and began heading out of the clearing. Before she fully left she skidded to a halt and turned to look back at Aurora. “Uh… will I see you again, Miss Alicorn?”
The look in Twilight’s eyes was a combination of optimism, fear, and hope. Perhaps she had actually enjoyed her time here.
Aurora frowned. As much as she’d like to spend some more time with this filly, they lead two very different lives.
“Probably not, Twilight Sparkle.”
Twilight visibly deflated at those words. A lump started to form in Aurora’s throat. No, I can’t just rob her of hope like that.
“Hey… look at me, Twilight.” The filly obliged.
“I said ‘probably’, not ‘certainly’.” Aurora couldn’t suppress the smile that came to her as she watched Twilight instantly brighten up. “You’ve given me much to think about, young Twilight. As thanks, let me teach you something; nothing in this world is impossible. Time and time again I’ve watched ponies insist something isn’t possible, only to be proven wrong in the future. So just because we part ways here doesn’t mean that it’s impossible for us to see eachother again. Never let anyone tell you that, and especially don’t tell yourself that.”
“Okay, Miss Alicorn!” Twilight said.
Aurora chuckled. “And should we meet again, I can’t wait to see what kind of pony you grow up to be.”
“Twilight!!” The voice was getting closer now.
“Uh-oh. I gotta go.” Twilight said. She began bolting up the pathway back to Canterlot. “Goodbye, Miss Alicorn!”
“Goodbye, Twilight.” Aurora said. “Against the odds, may we meet again.”
After she watched Twilight vanish up the pathway Aurora’s eyes fell on her reflection once again. That Twilight had certainly given her a lot to think about. While admittedly childish her perspective may have been, and with how limited Aurora was with the details, there was some truth to Twilight’s words.
Aurora sighed. It was wrong to hide from her mother. She couldn’t deny that. But she just… couldn’t show herself. She casted an illusory spell, once again hiding her alicorn attributes and donning the guise of a pegasus.
I can’t think about this… not right now.
Spreading her wings, Aurora launched herself into the sky. From above she could see all of Canterlot. She could see the ponies breaking up as the funeral was over. She could see Twilight Sparkle reuniting with her family…
She could see her mom at the royal palace, looking miserable.
She wanted to fly down to her mom right now and hug her. There was nothing more she wanted to do.
But hiding was so much a natural part of her life now that she couldn’t.
A tear fell from her eye. “I’m sorry, Mom.” Aurora turned around and bolted off in the direction of Cloudsdale. She had a lot of thinking to do.