> Mirage on the Horizon > by Hope > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Ch.1 Hello my old friend. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eris woke up and yawned, her bed in Golden Oaks a comfortable and familiar spot to wake up after a year of being Ponyville's head librarian and sort of mascot. She stretched, a claw on one hand and lion's paw on the other, both flexing to wake herself up. She could smell Spike cooking breakfast downstairs, and the sounds of ponies walking by outside of her window. In these early hours when it was nice and cool, the farmers that had all day to work were running errands and those who were nocturnal were doing their shopping before bed. Eris was the student of Princess Luna, ruler of the ponies and a friend in many ways. Even though Eris was a mishmash creature that wasn't quite pony or anything else, she'd somehow led a group of ponies into obtaining the Elements of Harmony, and as the Element of Friendship she'd found very quickly that the ponies of Equestria didn't mind her strangeness. She got out of bed and brushed out her wild tangled white hair, as well as the poof of hair at the end of her lizard-like tail. She briefly pondered putting something like a bow on her head, before shrugging the impulse off. She winked at herself in the mirror, giving a lopsided smile with her snaggletooth on proud display like a solitary fang, and then she opened her bedroom door. She stepped through it and out into the vast and endless desert that consumed the world as far as the eye could see. That was not something she expected as part of her morning routine. She paused and looked back at her bedroom door, standing in the middle of the dunes. Slowly and carefully she stepped back into her bedroom and closed the door. "Hm. Don't like that. Don't like that at all," she admitted softly, biting gently on her lip as she struggled to decide between fear and amusement. She turned next to the window, through which she could see ponies walking by on the streets below. Thankfully she'd been practicing gliding with her wings, with Rainbow Dash's amused but nonetheless attentive help, so she opened the window before falling with some small amount of grace to the ground below. "Hey Eris!" "Morning, Lyra," Eris waved to the townspony in passing as she kept her eyes on Golden Oaks, warily walking around to the front door and opening it, to reveal a fairly ordinary library. The front desk had a log book, a guest sheet, a bell, and a series of signs on it explaining that guests could browse freely during certain hours but needed assistance to check out for the first time. Beyond that, the main room of the library looked the same as it always did. Fifteen rows of double-tall shelves with reference and restricted books on the higher shelves. The balcony up above that acted as the entryway to her own room didn't look like an endless sea of sandy dunes, either! By all accounts she should have opened her door and been right there, safe at home. With an annoyed groan, Eris found the door to the sitting room, and from there passed into the kitchen where Spike was working on breakfast. Usually he made a plate for each of them, pancakes and eggs, but as she stepped in he was adding a fiftieth pancake to a massive pile on the table. "Uuhhhh... Spike?" she said as she took a step closer. "Hi Eris!" he replied with a rictus grin, turning to face her. Spike was a young purple and green dragon, about half Eris's height, and he was wearing something that put her on edge. The frilly pink apron he wore was to be expected since they'd found it at a thrift shop, and after some initial jokes he had become quite attached to it. But gently clipped onto the grill stop his head was a white silk bow that gleamed in the Dawn light, embroidered with a golden sun. "Hey Spike," she said with a timid smile, eyes fixated on the bow. "I haven make pancake!" he said almost nonsensically, pointing at Eris accusingly with his spatula. She took a step back before swallowing her fear and approaching him. "Uh... Where'd you get this bow, buddy?" Eris asked as she reached out towards it. As she did, Spike's grin only grew wider, and he began to chant quickly as though trying to rush through a quote before Eris could stop him, the words rushing out of him at a fevered pitch. "I am death, destroyer of worlds! Behold me and weep in despair as all is wrought to ruin upon--" Eris plucked the bow from his head, but instead of returning to normal, he dissolved into sand as Eris screamed and backed away, shaking. "No, no, where's Spike, what did you do with Spike?!" She shouted as she turned and came face to face with Spike, who looked scared. "Eris!" He shouted. She stopped and stumbled backwards. Instead of a bow in her hand she was holding a pancake, and Spike looked completely normal, pink frilly apron and all. There wasn't a pile of formerly-dragon-sand on the floor, and there were just two plates of pancakes and eggs on the table, minus one pancake that Eris was currently holding. "You're okay," Eris said, relieved, as she carefully returned the pancake to its plate. "I'm okay? Are you okay?! You scared the heck out of me. Wait, what are you wearing?!" Spike replied. Eris looked at herself, and found an ornate silk dress of white and gold, draped across her form and clinging to her curves. "Oh no," Eris whispered in horror. "Mirage has escaped." "Back up," Spike said, pushing Eris back into the kitchen and making her sit at the table. "One, who is Mirage? Two, what do you mean escaped? Three, why did she put you in a dress? Four, what does this have to do with you talking to the sink like it was me?" Eris paused, and took in the list of questions, before pouring a large dollop of syrup onto her pancakes, rolling them up like a burrito, and shoving them into her mouth. After choking on it a little but chewing and forcing it down, she talked while picking at the eggs, her claws covered in syrup, and shortly salt and pepper as well. "So Princess Luna had a sister, a long long long time ago. I used to hang out with them. At least, that's what I sort of remember. Being a pain in the butt, having crazy weird magic that was fun to play with... Then I messed up. I spent an entire year pranking her, making jokes about her, stuff I'd done before but..." She hesitated, looking at the dress she was wearing before wiping her claws on it and picking up her cup to drink some orange juice. "But I didn't understand how much it messed with her head. She snapped. She killed that version of me, and a lot of ponies. The sky burned and the world twisted for three years, before finally Luna gave up on trying to save her. She used the elements of Harmony to turn her to stone." Spike squinted around his fork of pancakes. "So you knew about the Elements of Harmony a long time ago." "No," she corrected, grinning. "I knew about some rocks that glowed and Luna had, that made me itchy when I got close to them. Clearly they like this version of me a lot better." "Alright, so turned to stone. That doesn't kill people?" Spike asked, arching an eyebrow. "Nope! The shiny rocks, er, elements don't kill anyone. They can't. According to Luna, they just try to make things fit into the world better. If that means that they banish you for a long time, like Starswirl, then fine," Eris shrugged. Spike waited, as Eris ate for a bit, until Spike became impatient. "Sooo Luna's sister. Crazy. Escaped from stone. Dress?" Spike asked. "Oh, right," Eris tugged at the dress. "We were briefly romantically involved, so she probably thinks I look good in this. Probably right." Spike dropped his fork, and got down from his chair, walking halfway to the sink before pausing, his head in his hands. After a bit he turned back to her. "What?!" He screamed. "Which part," Eris mumbled, eyes focused entirely on her plate. "You dated Luna's sister?! And you drove her insane.  Oh my stars this is actually starting to make sense," he said, slightly horrified. Eris jumped a little as someone slammed open the library door and started calling out in a shrill voice. "Eris! Eris! Help!" She ran out of the kitchen, licking her fingers clean before sliding into the library main room and spotting the pony who was calling her name. It was Sweetie Belle, Rarity's younger sister, and most strikingly her mane was shaved clean off. Through blubbering tears, Sweetie ran up to and hugged Eris. "She... She doesn't care," Sweetie whimpered, her muzzle buried in the fur of Eris’ arm. "Rarity said that my happiness doesn't matter... That I'm not real..." Eris put a hand on Sweetie's back, holding her close as she looked back to Spike, sharing a moment of apprehension at needing to figure out such a deeply disturbing change in their friend. "Sounds like she's not just after me," she said grimly. "I'll send a letter to Luna," Spike sighed as he turned away and Eris looked back to Sweetie Belle, bracing herself for what she would have to face. > Ch. 2 How have you been? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eris slipped out of the dress that she had woken up in, as Spike burned a letter in his green fire, sending it off to Princess Luna. “So what are we going to do?” Sweetie Belle sniffled. “Well,” Eris sighed, “Mirage works by tricking people. I think we just need to set things right, make sure that your sister knows what is real. Then we’ll go check on the rest of my friends, because I have a bad feeling that--” Eris stopped talking as the door opened again. This time, Apple Bloom walked in with barely a sound, her head low and not looking up at anyone as she slowly pushed the door closed behind her and sat down. “Bloom?” Sweetie asked softly. Bloom’s shoulders shook, and Sweetie went to her, hugging her before looking up at Eris. “Yeah,” Eris sighed again. “Yeah that’s what I thought. Let’s get a move-on, Spike!” They jogged out of the library, and into the town square of Ponyville. All around them, the sun beat down with an unnatural heat on their shoulders as ponies walked through their actions of the day, numb and only half-aware of what they were doing. Lyra was walking in a wide circle around Golden Oaks, and when she saw Eris she brightened and waved to her, exactly like she had done an hour ago. “Hey Eris!” “Morning, Lyra,” Eris said warily, watching Lyra walk by. “Why are they… Mirage is making them do the same stuff over and over again?” Spike asked as he watched Primrose clip a rose, put it into a flower arrangement, then take it back out and clip it a tiny bit shorter, and put it back into the arrangement again and again. “Yeah, they probably think they’re all doing their normal daily routine,” Eris said, grimacing as she took another step away from the library. At once, every single pony in the town turned to face her and spoke in unison; “Nice Dress!” “Gah!” Eris gasped as she recoiled from the sudden attention of everypony, before she noticed that she was indeed wearing that dress again. “Oh come on!” she groaned as everypony in the town just as abruptly resumed their day’s work, dispersing out into Ponyville. “Okay, so Mirage really likes you in that dress,” Spike said flatly. Eris groaned and charged on ahead, passing by townsponies until she reached the Carousel Boutique. Normally a shop full of joy and laughter, the windows were drawn and the door locked. Eris knocked on the front door a few times before looking to Spike with a mischievous grin. “Soooo I’ve been practicing my magic,” she started slowly. “Uh oh,” Spike replied, taking a step backwards. “Uhhhh like… unlock a door magic?” “Something like that, sure,” Eris said brightly as she turned and faced the door, holding her fingers in front of the lock before slowly and deliberately snapping her fingers. Nothing happened. “What were you trying to do?” Spike asked, taking a step closer again and eyeing the door cautiously. “Well, I was hoping to turn the lock into sand, I figured Mirage might be fine with that since she likes sand or something,” Eris shrugged before wheeling back and kicking the door in with a resounding bang. Spike flinched, but with the door open he followed Eris inside, eyes sharp for potential danger. Strangely they found Rarity quite unbothered by the door being kicked in to her home, sitting at her sewing desk, very carefully and deliberately pouring coffee onto a sheet of white fabric. “Hey there Rarity,” Eris said, trying to keep her tone happy and lighthearted. “Hello, inconvenient reminder of how I have little to no agency in my life and will likely be hanging onto the coattails of a princess’s student until the day I die,” Rarity stated blandly, watching the coffee drip off her workbench. Spike, stunned by the declaration, looked between Rarity and Eris with his mouth open in shock. “Now, that’s not really… true,” Eris said, hands behind her back. “Your shop has nothing to do with me, and it’s quite impressive!” “It’s a waste of time, is what it is,” Rarity declared, gesturing around at the clothes she’d carefully made. “Couture is dead, fashion is a lie, and anything I do shall be done a thousand times better by Badland folks working twice as hard for half the pay. Unless I manage to blackmail a fashion catalogue into carrying one of my lines, I will forever bask in my irrelevancy.” “Wow you’re depressing like this,” Eris hissed, rubbing her head. “Alright, okay, so… So Mirage. You remember Mirage? Killed me a bunch of lifetimes ago?” Rarity arched an eyebrow and nodded. “She’s playing with your head,” Eris declared. “She’s making everything look terrible, so that you’ll give up on joy. Heck, she convinced you to cut off Sweetie Belle’s hair!” “The filly’s got to learn the world’s a cold and painful place,” Rarity declared as she picked up the chopped-off mane from the wastebasket and let the hairs fall slowly like snow back into it, as Spike and Eris watched. Then Eris lost it. She growled as she stepped up to the workbench, wrenching it to the side causing Rarity to yelp and scurry backwards. “This is such incredibly pompous self-centered Bull Crap!” Eris roared. “Mirage is messing with your head, and you have to believe me. You just have to, because you got this far! If you can’t be joyful that’s fine, but I know that you don’t want to hurt people! You don’t want to hurt your sister! This can’t be the Rarity I know, because the Rarity I know knew that joy wasn’t about everything being perfect, but it was about trying anyway!” Eris held out her hand and snapped her fingers, putting all her urgency and emotions into it, as the power flowed out from her, a burst of rainbow magic sweeping through Rarity. For a moment, everything was fire and heat, the world wavering around them while Rarity fell slow-motion through a flame so bright it was hard to look at directly. Then Eris was standing in a cottage among the sycamore trees, and her blood ran cold. "Mirage?" Eris whispered as she spun, taking in the simple home that was barely a memory in her distant past. But noone else was there, until she opened the door and looked outside. A soft afternoon rain shower, as ordinary as a summer afternoon, was sprinkling over the trees, sunshine gleaming through the canopy of trees and off the slick grass. Out in a small clearing, a white earth pony was dancing, her pink mane wet with the rainfall as she laughed and laughed and laughed. Eris blinked as she snapped out of the vision, but the echoing laughter refused to leave her, until Eris realized the sound came from Rarity. Rarity was laughing, a soft joyful sound as she held up the coffee soaked fabric in her magic. "Coffee coutour!” she exclaimed in joy, twirling about on the spot before her eyes snapped back to the stunned form of Eris. “Oh darling, I'm so sorry! I must find Sweetie, I'll set this right, she's the most important pony in my life!" "The library," Eris said quietly. "Apple Bloom too. I should check on AJ." "Oh, should I come along and help?" Rarity asked, frowning with worry. "No," Eris said quickly, without raising her voice. "No, I need to do this." As Eris walked outside, she passed her hand over the doorframe, making it repair itself, though her eyes remained focused on the road ahead. "When did you learn how to do that?" Spike asked, following behind her. Eris paused and looked at her hand, frowning a little before looking back at Spike. "I don't know," she admitted in a whisper. > Ch. 3 I’ve been just fine, where you left me. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- When Eris and Spike approached Sweet Apple Acres, it was easy to see that something was wrong. The friendly open gates were closed and barred, the fencing was reinforced with new logs. Several "No Trespassing" signs were posted across the intimidating barrier, and on the road a group of farm workers were collecting their belongings from where they were scattered on the ground. As Eris watched, a pair of saddlebags were tossed over the fence and knocked one of them to the ground. "And stay out, ya thievin rats!" AJ's voice called through the fence, the farm workers flinching and turning away. "Now that doesn't sound like the Apple Family Generosity I know!" Eris shouted in return. “What in… Eris?!” The ramshackle gate scraped open and AppleJack peered out suspiciously, examining each pony before she spotted Eris. “You’re the worst rascal of them all!” AJ shouted as she raised a section of two-by-four in one hoof in a threatening manner. Eris took a step back, wide eyed. “Took this town from me! Used to darn near rule it! Respect, admi-ration! Now ya’ll march inta town I was born in and steal all that love!” AJ said as she stepped out from behind the gate and approached, cruel intent in her eyes while Eris backpedaled, Spike turning tail and running full speed away. “Hey now, you’re loved just as much as me if not more!” Eris objected as AJ swung and missed with her heavy weapon. “Listen, I don’t want to do this, I want to convince you to change your mind!” Eris pleaded as she tripped and slid on her back. “Stop, AJ, please!” But the earth pony kept coming, and as she raised her chunk of lumber, Eris covered her eyes and snapped her fingers yet again. Leaves were falling around her, and the soft melody of the wind through the trees was the only sound. Eris sobbed on the ground alone, noone else in sight. Slowly, she stood and dried her cheeks, looking for whatever horrible thing awaited her now. But the forest stood empty but for a trail leading away from her. She walked it while listening to the wind, the birds, and the gentleness of the world around her. Nothing felt right, if she was honest with herself, but there was nothing she could really do about it. Sometimes pain and fear soaked through a person until there was nothing left for them to feel but a numb acceptance of it all. Then she turned a corner and she saw a single bright sunbeam coming down through the cloudy sky to illuminate a pony laying on the ground. And with just that, Eris forgot her current reality, and rushed to the pony’s side. The white coat and pink mane gleaming in the sun, as Eris kneeled next to her and touched her neck so gently, just to make sure…. “I’m just napping,” that beautiful and impossibly perfect voice said, filled with amusement. But the body in front of Eris had no heartbeat, and didn’t move. Her lips were closed and still. Eris bit her lip, trying to hold back her emotions as she brushed the pony’s mane back out of her face, and wondered how she could fix this. Every problem that she ran into seemed impossible, her magic just strong enough to move her along but not strong enough to save her. Never strong enough to set things right. “Something’s wrong, Celly, please,” Eris whispered, softly shaking the body. “But it’s just a joke!” the voice giggled. “Just a silly joke, why would it matter if I breathe or not? Breathing is so boring, so old fashioned.” “Look at me,” Eris whimpered, shaking the body more urgently. “Please, I don’t care if you breathe or not, just look at me.” “I don’t care if you breathe or not,” her voice echoed back on her a thousand times. But the tone wasn’t pleading and desperate, it was cold and cruel. Mirrors burst up through the ground, and fell from the sky, impaling themselves in jagged shards around her like the walls of a prison cell. She was surrounded by a million shattered reflections of herself, all different ages and powers, some sneering, others disinterested, some wielding weapons. “Look at me,” Mirage’s voice demanded. Eris looked up, and as the army of her past selves charged forward to slay her, she finally spotted the sun, a great fuschia eye, watching without a hint of emotion. Eris blinked, and AJ was shaking her. “I am so sorry, sugarcube, y’allright? C’mon now, all y’all, back inta the barn, I didn’t mean what I said. Not a one of ya ever stole from me and I know it, I am so sorry,” AJ was directing others, while Spike leaned over Eris. “She’s focusing on me again,” Spike said. Eris twitched, and AJ helped her up quickly, as the farm helpers slipped back into the farm. “So… I snapped my fingers and you got better?” Eris asked AJ numbly. “Sure did,” AJ said softly. “Don’t know what ya put into it, but it were like wakin’ up. Thank ya for that.” “No need to thank me,” Eris mumbled, waving a hand as she looked around at the trees, mind somewhere else. “But I gotta, Eris. I hated who I were, for a bit there. Glad to be back.” “You’re welcome,” Eris sighed. “I’ve got to go, she’s probably gotten to Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy too.” “You mean, we’ve got to---” Spike was cut off by Eris waving her hand, and the world shifted around her, effortlessly relocating herself to wherever Fluttershy was, as easily as though she’d taken a step. It happened to be a distant road, beyond the hills around Ponyville. Fluttershy was pulling a small cart of things, and looked up at Eris who was blocking her way. Fluttershy’s cart was loaded down with all of her belongings, blankets folded with love and gifts she’d been given carefully wrapped and packaged. No animals. The pegasus had an expression of annoyance, rather than anger or fear. "Really? Fleeing town, that's your evil version?" Eris said, annoyed. Fluttershy snorted, but didn’t say anything as she walked around Eris and kept going, her hoofsteps on the dirt road soft, and the sing-song of birds in the scattered trees around them painting a far calmer and happier scene than Eris felt. “You’re being brainwashed. Yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah, stop it,” Eris groaned, following her, already feeling helpless except for her chaos magic. “No pony, and I mean no pony,” Fluttershy snapped as she turned to confront Eris, stopped by the cart’s harness. “Cares about me as much as I care about them.” Eris stopped, wide eyed and a bit hurt by the declaration. She took a step back and shook her head. “That can’t be true, we care about you so much, Fluttershy…” “I would die for you,” Fluttershy snapped. “Would you die for me? This me, the worst Me there is, huh? Because I don’t think you would.” Fluttershy unbuckled the cart and walked up to Eris, confronting her physically and emotionally, refusing to let her declaration be ignored. “Would you?” Eris looked away, shoulders hunched, tears in her eyes. “No,” she whispered. “I’d fix you though,” Eris said softly, as she raised her hand and snapped her fingers. > Ch. 4 Waiting for your letter. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eris sat on the porch of a cabin in the middle of the woods, watching snow fall through the trees, filtering like dust through a sieve to paint the pine-needles and old leaves with a tint of faded white. She felt old. Everything in her heart felt old, yet she knew without even thinking about it that she was young. Naive and fresh, eager and ignorant. Still, the age weighed on her spirit as hooves found her shoulders and pressed into them, the soothing massage working a bit of tension out of her muscles as her tail flicked aside, head tilting back to try and let the hooves do their job. “You need to stop carrying so much stress,” insisted the gentle voice of the pony behind her. “How does one do that?” Eris asked with a chuckle. “Stop carrying stress? It sounds like a fairy tale. Here, step beyond the veil of reality, and release the mythical stress.” “Well, you could start by not staring off into the forest, worrying over things,” the pony laughed. “We’ll be fine, Celestia.” Eris twitched, and her body was not her own. She was a white alicorn with a pink mane and tail, and a mish-mashed Draconequis was massaging her shoulders. “I…” Eris stood, shaking her head, trying to piece together the strangeness of being in a pony body. “No, Celestia…” “Celestia needs to relax,” the Draconequis insisted. “Sit down, come on, I’ll get you something to drink.” Slowly, mind spinning, Eris sat down, staring at her hooves. “I suppose… I thought…” “Don’t worry,” the Draconequis said softly as she pushed Eris out into the snow, and they held eachother close in the swirling snowflakes, dancing around them and forming a halo of light behind the Draconequis’s head. “I’ll keep you safe, Celestia.” The words were so sincere, so achingly close to a promise that Eris leaned into the odd embrace, and closed her eyes. “Okay, Eris,” she said, echoing words she remembered being told thousands of years ago. “Okay. I’ll stay here with you.” When Eris opened her eyes, she was standing over Fluttershy, who was staring up at her in horror. She took a step back, confused, and held out her hands defensively. “Fluttershy, what’s wrong?” “I saw into your heart,” Fluttershy whispered, unlatching herself from the wagon and backing away from her. “I saw it. I saw… I saw what you did to Mirage.” Eris tilted her head in confusion, racking her brain. “I didn’t… Can these things misfire?” she asked herself, looking at the fingers she’d snapped. But Fluttershy had taken to the skies, flying away as fast as she could. Eris scowled, and raised her hand towards the fleeing Pegasus, before stopping. She wasn’t sure what she’d been about to do, but it didn’t feel right. Slowly, she lowered her hand and let her friend fly away from her, leaving her standing next to all of Fluttershy’s worldly belongings in the middle of a rural dirt road. “Huh,” Eris said softly. “Well, I uh… I should take her stuff home, at least.” After taking her belongings back to her cottage and fighting off Angel Bunny, Fluttershy’s obstinate pet, Eris wandered back down the path to Ponyville. AJ’s farm was open again, the gate wide and “no trespassing” signs taken down. The Carouselle Boutique had the windows bright and curtains open, but she didn’t spot Rarity within. Most likely both of them were at the library, comforting their sisters. But next, Eris spotted Pinkie Pie's home. Sugarcube Corner was well known as the best cafe in town. Owned by the same family line for three generations, it was a bakery as well as a cafe that served all the favorite sandwiches and drinks of Ponyville. The cheery pink trim and gingerbread-like wooden panels gave it an inviting appearance that was somewhat tempered by the lights being off inside, leaving the door like a yawning dark chasm waiting to swallow Eris whole. She swallowed her fears, and looked around. Nopony else was volunteering to go inside, so it looked like the job was up to her. When Eris stepped inside, she first looked to the counter, expecting her friend’s face to be there like it always was. But there was nopony there. “Hey, um… Pinkie?” Eris called as she stepped through the cafe, ducking her head so she didn’t hit it on a beam that she’d never been tall enough to worry about before. “You alright?” “Riddle me this, Bat-goat-lizard-dragon-lion-woman,” Pinkie’s voice said from the shadows, echoing all around Eris as a shiver ran up Eris’s spine. “What can keep you safe, but also cut the deepest? Build a home, and carve it to pieces?” Eris spun, trying to spot the pink pony, wide eyed and heart racing. “I… Um… Is it love?” Eris whispered. “Wrong.” With a thud, Eris was slammed to the ground by Pinkie tackling her from behind, before a bright shiny knife was held just in front of Eris’s face. “It’s a carving knife, see?” Pinkie giggled. “Gotta have a shank to be safe! Otherwise the Owlbears’ll get ya!” Eris stared at the gleaming knife, not even breathing. Could she die? Would she just become a new version of herself like all the other times? Was she different now? She didn’t want to die! She loved her new life! The next Eris might not be so nice and benevolent and full of friendship! “Alright, um, Pinkie, are you… going to hurt me?” Eris asked slowly. “Not physically,” Pinkie said as her face lowered into Eris’s vision, her flat sheet of a mane blocking Eris’s sight like a curtain, meaning she could look nowhere else but those bright blue eyes, and the empty smile Pinkie wore like a mask. “Eris,” Pinkie started, as though she was about to tell a joke. “Isn’t it hilarious that you can’t help anyone without making stuff worse?” “That’s factually incorrect, stopping Starswirl had no downsides,” Eris whispered in a rush. “And I personally am happy that I helped you with decorating that one cake that one time because honestly I love helping my friends.” Pinkie giggled, tilting her head so it seemed to rotate. “You mean you didn’t just do that out of a misplaced sense of obligation in which you do things for other people to try and earn their approval, not because you actually want to do them, and you have an actual interest in decorating cakes outside of trying to get me to like you more than I already did?” Eris stared at Pinkie. Pinkie stared back. “Gonna snap your fingers now?” Pinkie asked with a sly smile. “Yeah,” Eris whispered. “Just need to…” She squirmed a little to get her arm out from under her, Pinkie shifting so that it would be easier, all while holding the carving knife concerningly close to Eris’s face. “Alright uh… Sorry… Pinkie,” Eris said softly, before snapping her fingers, not even looking at the pink pony as she did. But Eris wasn't pulled to some Dreamland, as Pinkie blinked away her confusion and put away her knife, apologizing profusely. No visions of Mirage or Celestia, as Eris walked out of Sugarcube Corner alone, and summoned a glass of water to drink before dropping the empty glass on the ground. As she walked away, looking for Rainbow Dash, the glass shimmered and crumbled into a small pile of sand. > Ch. 5 Waiting for you to tell me, > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- When Eris reappeared inside of Rainbow's cloud home, she noticed first that Rainbow Dash was wearing glasses, and was sitting quietly in the corner, reading a book. The cloud house had been made by Rainbow Dash herself, a two story building in the sky, anchored to the ground by a few tethers, far fancier than it needed to be. Columns lined the porch and flanked every doorway, and the roof of each room had ornate tile. It must have taken Rainbow ages to make, but such physical tasks she excelled at, not normally books. But for a pony with several learning disabilities and a compulsive anger towards academic pursuits, she definitely seemed focused on the hardcover book she was reading as Eris walked closer. Bending low to the ground, Eris read the cover. "Why She Hurt You, healing from trauma in monogamous relationships," Eris read out loud before walking over to Rainbow's couch and sitting in it with a heavy whumph. "A bit on the nose, but… makes sense," Eris said. "Hey Eris. I don't want to be fixed," Rainbow said in calm monotone as she turned a page. "I'm better like this." Eris laid her head to the side to look at her friend, face fallen into an exhausted mix of concern and sorrow. "Rainbow… you're not better, just because you can read complex books now." Rainbow looked up at Eris, and carefully put a bookmark into the book before setting it aside. "Thanks to my new perspective, I can make everyone around me happier than they were before. You did it once, why not me? Sometimes it's better to be changed." Eris frowned and sat up a bit. "First Fluttershy. Now you. What do you mean I did it before? I don't remember everything I did back then. That wasn't me, Rainbow. That was some other Eris. Some other creature that looks like me but wasn't." "If that was true, then you wouldn't be able to use the same Mind Modifier to fix your friends that you used to make Her," Rainbow said, crossing her arms. "Some amount of who you once were is still here, so if you try hard enough, I'm sure you can remember. But I don't want to be changed back." "And… I don't want to change you by force," Eris admitted, feeling horribly tired. "I want you to enjoy being who you were meant to be. I want you to choose your old self." They stared at each other for a moment, before Rainbow stood and walked over to the couch, sitting next to Eris. "Maybe if you can remember what happened, you'll understand. I was reading a book this morning about guided meditation. We could give that a try instead of using magic," Rainbow offered. "Guided meditation implies that you'll be guiding me," Eris said, staring at her hands. "And Mirage already got to you… so… how can I trust that you'll take care of me?" Rainbow raised an eyebrow and sighed. "You'll have to trust I'm telling the truth. I won't hurt you." Eris sat in silence for a while, debating her options. But she really couldn't see many. It was either using her magic which didn't seem to be doing herself any favors, or try to figure out what was going on. "Okay," Eris said eventually. "Let's try it." Rainbow guided Eris to lay down, before stopping. “Eris… I know that you’re going to change me back some day,” she admitted, looking away bitterly. “I know that you’re going to… snap me, or convince me, or… You’re my closest friend. You’ll find a way. But when you do, please never ever ever tell my mother that I had this chance to be intelligent, and I lost it. Okay?” Eris sat up a little, frowning. “Rainbow… Why would I ever tell your mom anything? I’ve never even met her, but she clearly left her mark on you. I wouldn’t betray you like that. I…. If you were perfect, what use would you have for me after all?” She reached out and took Rainbow's hoof, as the pegasus wiped some tears from her eyes. “You’re my friend no matter what,” Rainbow sighed. “If I’m smart, or…. Not. I’m still going to be your friend.” “But you’re a different you, now,” Eris pointed out, sitting up a bit more, looking into her eyes. “Why would you want to go running with me, now? You could just give me a book on how to run. Why would you spend so much time making your home so beautiful, if you just read a guide on building cloud homes and followed it?” Rainbow nodded, looking away a little bit. “Okay. Okay, let’s see if we can figure this out. Go ahead and lay down again.” Eris did so, as Rainbow got up onto the coffee table so she could look down on Eris. “Now, as you listen to the sound of my voice, I want you to pay attention to your breathing. In, slowly, and out, slowly. Each time you breathe out, relax part of your body. First your fingers and toes…. Then your tail. Breathe in…. And out. Listening to my voice, you will relax your wings, let them lay loose against the couch. Then as you breathe, keep relaxing your muscles, your body sinking into the couch, the feeling of calm working through you. You relax your arms, and finally your legs, before your neck goes limp and your body reaches a comfortable position, completely relaxed,” Rainbow intoned calmly, referring to a book she’d picked up from her coffee table titled ‘Therapy techniques for repressed memories.’ Eris twitched a little bit as she lay there, reaching a state of relaxation that she wasn't sure she'd ever experienced. "Listening to the sound of my voice, I want you to make an image in your mind of yourself, as you are now, can you do that?" "Yes," Eris whispered. She was taller than most ponies by quite a bit, her rough white and black mane and tail tousled and not long enough to reach her shoulders. Had her mane always had a black streak? With so many reincarnations, it was hard to remember. Her head was almost equine but too long, with one snaggletooth and two horns. One horn that of a deer, one of an ibis or something similar. Her limbs were each of a different species, one lions paw and one eagle talon. One goat hoof and one dragon's claw. Then her tail, lizard-like except for the poof at the end. "As you imagine yourself," Rainbow said, "put yourself into a scene from the past, from long long ago…" Eris twitched, her heart suddenly racing as in her minds eye she was laying on the floor of a cabin, Mirage standing over her. It was hauntingly beautiful in it's own way. The flames consuming the alicorn and swirling around her, charring what was left of the roof. "Remember to breathe. You're safe, this is just a memory," Rainbow told her. "What are you imagining?" "The day that Mirage was created," Eris whispered, remembering the look in Mirage's eyes. They were so hauntingly keen, so sharp and focused on Eris. "So it was during the day?" Eris hesitated, looking through the memory at the sky above them. White clouds, blue sky. "Yes," Eris said. "Were either of you saying anything?" Eris paused. Mirage's mouth was moving. She was saying something. "She's… asking me… what? What I'm…. 'what are you doing'? I don't…" "Breathe. So she's asking you what you're doing. Let's follow that," Rainbow said gently. "What do you remember yourself doing in that moment?" Eris focused on herself in that memory, holding up a hand to defend herself, laying on the floor. Except… she wasn't defending herself with that raised hand. She had one finger pointed up, her thumb and middle finger… "I was snapping my fingers," Eris said softly. "I was… using my magic." "To do what?" As Eris wound the memory back, it warped and flexed. Celestia hadn't been Mirage yet. She'd been herself, an ordinary alicorn, standing over her. Standing near her? Eris was laying on a bed and Celestia was at the door, saddlebags on her back. "I don't love you anymore," Celestia was saying. Numb. Eris felt numb and empty, nothing but spite for the world around her as she lazily looked to Celestia and raised her hand. "I can fix that." Eris gasped, coming out of the memory and almost opening her eyes. "Breathe," Rainbow reminded her. "What do you remember?" "I… that version of me… she tried to make Celestia love her. She… broke her. It's my fault that Mirage is who she is," Eris finally admitted, tears running down her cheeks. "Okay. So at least… now we know what's wrong," Rainbow said calmly. "Now, I want you to take a few deep breaths. As you come back to the sound of my voice, and you let go of the urgency of that moment, stay relaxed as you slowly open your eyes." As Eris opened her eyes, she saw Rainbow Dash being held in midair by shimmering golden magic, her expression as calm as it could be despite clearly being in pain. The couch was in the middle of a vast desert, the sun hot overhead, and just behind Rainbow was Mirage, leering over the pegasus's shoulder. Of all things, Eris was once again wearing that skin tight silk white and gold dress. "Hey Eris," Mirage purred, grinning. "Nice Dress." > Ch. 6 That you still Love Me. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eris stood, her claw sinking into the sand, as she faced Mirage and Rainbow. She wondered if biologically she was capable of having a heart attack, as it might be something she was currently at risk of. A hot wind blew across the sands, and Eris stumbled back, looking around. In the distance she could see Applejack, clinging to a barrel of apple cider, mumbling to herself. Rarity surrounded by the tattered cut hairs of her sister’s mane. Fluttershy was sitting away from everyone else, facing the horizon, silent. But Pinkie wasn’t there. When Eris looked back to Mirage, the alicorn tossed Rainbow Dash aside, the pegasus limply tumbling down the sand dune to land in a flat spot, feathers askew and unmoving. “Please, stop this,” Eris begged. “You want me, you want me! So why are you hurting them?” Mirage took a single step closer, the sand melting to a pale green glass under her hoof as she did. “You think I want you?” Mirage whispered, before laughing, low and rough and then higher, and higher, until it was a keening cackle from the mad mare. She’d stepped so close that her shifting unreal form was just inches from Eris’s nose as the laugh ended. “No,” she whispered, her breath hot enough to singe Eris’s fur. “No, darling I don’t want you. I want you to have no one but me, and come begging back to my side, where you belong. My cruel goddess of chaos.” Eris lashed out with a claw but it just cut through roiling hot air, leaving her hissing in pain. Mirage grinned, and faded away, then her voice came from behind Eris. “That’s what you always have been. What you always will be. Your past is all you have, Eris. Your half-real ever shifting past. You remember, don’t you? What you did to me?” Eris raised her hand to snap, desperate to undo what she’d done so so very long ago when she’d forced Celestia to love her. But someone grabbed her hand in their magic and threw her down into the sand, knocking the air out of her lungs. “Please,” Eris whispered, the sand swirling around her head as she opened her eyes to see the shimmering figure standing over her. “Become the Old You again, first,” Mirage demanded, her form shifting and bleeding at the edges in the heat. But as Eris got to her hands and knees, gasping for breath and the sand scorching her palms and knees, she realized what she’d been doing wrong all this time. She stood shakily, and turned to face Mirage, hands out by her sides, palms up in a gesture of empty vulnerability. Eris laughed softly, and gave the alicorn of Chaos a sad smile. “You can’t kill me until I give into the worst version of myself, can you?” she asked. The wind blew between them, hot and dry, as the fiery eyes of the alicorn narrowed. “But that’s the thing,” Eris continued, letting her hands fall limp. “I know that she’s the worst version of me. I know that now. I know she was wrong for what she did to you. She was a spiteful and jealous goddess of a land full of beings more worthy of love and respect than her. I know that now.” As though the wind itself carried away the broken reality around her, the sands pooled and shifted, and the alicorn vanished into the ripples of heat. Ponyville revealed itself under those dunes and came free again, ponies shaking off the sand everywhere, as the sand faded back into dust and then into nothing. Slowly, Applejack walked up to Eris, who was standing in the middle of the street, staring up at the clouds in the sky as tears poured down her cheeks. “It’s all done then?” AJ asked softly, sitting in front of Eris. “No,” Eris said as she slowly looked back to her friends, all of them looking shaken to their core. “No, it’s not done, it’s… actually, it’s barely even started, because I… I think that I’ve made everything so so much worse, AJ. I think I’m a bad person.” Her shoulders shook, as a sob almost forced its way out of her, making her shiver in the warm summer sun. “You didn’t fix me,” Rainbow Dash points out, standing from where she lay and sifting sand from her feathers as her unnaturally keen eyes took in the rest of her friends, even Pinkie who was looking around with wide, innocent eyes. “Right? You have to fix me?” “No,” Eris sighed, clenching her hands into fists to resist the urge to snap her fingers and warp reality again. “No, Dash, I don’t think that’s it at all.” Her friends gathered around her as Eris practiced her breathing, calming herself. Then, unexpectedly, she was taken into an embrace. All of them hugged her, even Rainbow as the pegasus couldn’t meet her eyes, half-real in an aching way that made it look like she was rippling at the edges, even then the pegasus joined in on the hug and held Eris tightly, as she calmed herself. “I think that I have to undo everything I did,” Eris admits, as AJ and Rarity recoiled in horror. “Darling, you can’t possibly be serious,” Rarity said, aghast. “I… I can’t imagine being so bleak… so empty and… sad.” AJ shook her head firmly. “And I ain’t goin’ back to bein’ a pinch-penny cheapskate!” “But I didn’t fix those problems,” Eris admitted as she found a bench nearby and sat down, holding her head. “I just covered them up. I shoved them down so that you wouldn’t feel them, but they’re still there.” AJ and Rarity shared a look, as Fluttershy walked up to Eris after being silent all that time. “I remember looking at all my animal friends,” she said softly. “And… feeling like I wouldn’t be missed. Like I didn’t matter. I understand. I have to… feel that, and…” She looked around at her friends. “I have to overcome my fear that all of you will leave me behind, if I’m going to be loyal again.” Eris nodded and looked to each of her friends as they started to understand that Mirage hadn’t forced them to change, she’d brought parts of themselves to the surface, and if they didn’t handle those parts of themselves, all Eris would be doing is warping and breaking them more. “Undo me first,” Pinkie said softly. “It’s going to hurt,” Eris warned her. “It’s going to… you’re going to feel so cruel, so happy to hurt others, Pinkie.” “I know,” Pinkie said, closing her eyes and turning her head aside. “I know, Eris, but… I’ve got to be the first, don’t you see? Because I can’t fix anypony else, when I’ve got that… broken bit inside. I want to help. So I’ll go first.” Eris nodded and gestured to Pinkie to come closer before putting her clawed hand on top of Pinkie’s head, and focusing. She could feel what she’d done, the way she’d forced Pinkie to be simpler, easier to handle, and it was so artificial that it ached. She raised her paw, and snapped her fingers, and Pinkie’s mane fell flat instantly, her smile growing stiff and fake. “Why are you doing this?” Pinkamena asked, her tone droll and tired. “Eris, come on, you have to know that your friends are better when we’re simple and easy to handle. Artificial.” Eris took her hand off Pinkamena’s head as those piercing blue eyes looked up at her, cold and empty. “Do you feel like everything you do makes things worse, Pinkie?” Eris asked, her tone even and calm. Pinkamena frowned, tilting her head to the side. “I’m sorry, what?” “I think you’re projecting. Things that a lot of people deal with, and you use your experience feeling those things to lash out, so that noone examines you,” Eris explained, clasping her hands in her lap, even though she was shaking a bit and suddenly quite tired. Pinkamena tried to back up, but Rarity and AJ were penning her in, as Rarity gave an encouraging smile. “I’m sorry, since when did this fic become armchair psych amature hour,” Pinkamena hissed. “I might be a drain on Ponyville but you're so much worse!" “Maybe, but we can deal with me later,” Eris laughed softly, rubbing her aching eyes. “Right now, we’re here for you, Pinkie. We’re here to be kind to you, instead of making you be kind to us all the time.” “Hah!” Pinkie barked, kicking the ground before walking up to Eris, tears in her eyes as she faked that forced angry laugh again. “Hah! Eris, noone is kind to me! I give! I give forever and ever and ever, and I only get back when I ask. When I beg.” She laid down on her stomach, holding up her hooves in a pleading pose. “Oh please, so-called-friends, oh please give me a day to myself! Oh please help me out! Please give me a single moment where my emotions matter as much as yours!” She got back up, brushing herself off with an expression of contempt. “No, no I’m not supposed to receive kindness, that’s not how life works for me. I give forever, and I’m the only one who does.” “Then maybe you’re not supposed to,” Eris said simply. Pinkie paused, and so did all of her friends, staring at Eris with a bit of confusion. “Noone can give their emotions away all day forever,” Eris clarified. “And as your friends, we shouldn’t ask you to.” Pinkie sat, staring at Eris and biting her lip, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m sorry that I always make you plan our tea parties,” Rarity said abruptly. “You were so happy to help the first few times, and… Eventually I was taking advantage of it.” Pinkie opened her mouth to object, but as Rarity hugged her, she stopped. “Listen, I suck as a friend,” Rainbow said as she stepped closer. “But that doesn’t mean I should give up and just let it be how it is. It means I have to try harder. From now on, I’m just gonna tell you what I want for my birthday and holidays, not make you guess. It’s… a small first step, yeah, but still.” Rainbow joined the hug, and Pinkie started to shake slightly as she cried. “Darlin’, I didn’t know this were goin’ on,” AJ said firmly. “But I’ll keep an eye out, and won’t let you carry it all.” “And you know,” Fluttershy said, joining the hug last as she spoke confidently. “You know you’ll have me as your friend, no matter what. If you need to do less, then do less, I’ll still be here.” A brilliant pink light burst out of the group embrace and washed over Eris, as Pinkie was healed of a deep hurt that Mirage had only brought to the surface. Eris felt something very old and cruel in her heart die. She knew in that moment she could never ever again be the cruel goddess of chaos that had forced Celestia to love her. But she had only taken one step on the journey to putting things right. > Ch. 7 But Would it Even Matter? > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pinkie stepped out from the group hug and embraced Eris, making her look into her crystal blue eyes. “Hey. Hey Eris. Thank you for being kind enough to me, to let me be real, and… and not just fixing me with magic.” Eris sobbed, as Pinkie hugged her. “I… But I did though. I broke you…” “You didn’t know how to help,” Pinkie said. “You tried, and then when you found it didn’t work, you tried something else. You think I know everyone’s favorite flavors of cake on the first try?!” “Yes,” Eris answered immediately. “No!” Pinkie insisted. “No I don’t! It takes trial and error, learning, research, it’s a lot! And I’m glad you kept trying for me.” Rarity stepped closer, shaking a little. “Can I be next?” she asked. The group of ponies came in closer, comfort for Rarity and in a way for Eris as well, while Eris sat up and clasped her hands together anxiously. “I knew what Pinkie needed, I…” “I’ve got Rarity,” Rainbow said unexpectedly, everyone looking at her with a bit of surprise. “I do. I know how to help. Just… Free her first.” The group of six creatures huddled close in the middle of a half-abandoned ponyville, while Eris steeled herself and finally raised her claw, snapping. Though they weren’t looking, many of the ponies of ponyville returned from wherever they’d been hidden away, back in their daily routine as though they had never gone away. At the same moment, Rarity started to cry, looking away. “Hey, look at me,” Rainbow said firmly. The two grayed out ponies faced each other amidst the huddle of their friends. “You’re looking at the truth of everything, and that truth makes it feel like joy isn’t real,” Rainbow says slowly. “Right?” Rarity nodded, her mascara running down her cheeks as her lower lip trembled. “Okay, but the Truth isn’t brutal,” Rainbow said firmly. “The Truth has a lot of nuance that we don’t think of, we think of the Truth, and it’s… the… It’s all the things we haven’t been able to prove wrong, but look at what you have proven wrong.” Rarity looked up at her, confused. “I… I haven’t proven anything wrong. I’m just struggling to… to break even,” she whispered. “You have broken even though,” Rainbow insists. “You’re the best known clothes-pony seamstress whatever in Ponyville and the surrounding areas! Whenever absolutely anypony in the area needs a dress, they ask you. When they want to look nice, they ask you. When a school wants to give a lesson on fashion, they ask you for tips. I know you’re in the middle of the struggle, yes you haven’t been in a national magazine yet. You haven’t earned enough to not worry about bills, but you’ve obviously and truthfully come further than you ever thought you would have.” Rarity sniffled, and looked away, struggling before she finally asked the question she was struggling with. “But… But I’m not feeling good about it anymore… I create and throw parties to make other ponies happy, but lately I just feel tired…” “Then you need to stop doing the routine, and figure out what to do, to make yourself happy,” Rainbow snapped. “No excuses. Something is wrong. If that something is deep and painful, like feeling your parents have abandoned you to raise Sweetie alone, then deal with it. If it’s something less difficult, deal with it too.” But it was pretty clear to everyone that Rainbow had hit the mark as Rarity trembled and shook, sobbing, and leaning against Rainbow, as everyone supported her. A dim flickering white light flowed around her. “It’s ok to not be full of joy,” Eris spoke up, putting an arm around her. “It’s ok to admit you’re not ok, and we will support you, and if that means you need someone to be by your side when you confront your family, then we will.” As Rarity cried, maybe the hardest she’d ever cried in her life, her dim white light burst outward and her coat and mane returned to their brighter colors. “Thank you,” Rarity sobbed, hugging them all, one by one. “Thank you so so much, thank you, I… I should have spoken up… I didn’t know how…” “It’s ok,” Eris repeated. “It’s ok, Rarity.” “I don’t know if I can do this,” AJ whispered, as she watched Rarity cry, wide eyed. “Darling, I will drag you through it kicking and screaming if you try to run,” Rarity huffed, before sniffling. But AJ looked to Eris, and Eris remembered the anger in AJ’s eyes before, the violence in her heart. “We’ll prepare then,” Eris said confidently, standing. “You need your family for this, don’t you, AJ?” AJ winced, looking away, but she nodded. “Then that’s what we will do,” Eris said confidently. “We all need different things to be healed. Or to get better. Come on.” As she guided them to turn and head towards Sweet Apple Acres, she saw a white alicorn standing on a hill over Ponyville, watching. Eris hesitated, wanting to ask her why she was letting her fix her friends, why the alicorn wasn’t stopping her, hurting her, lashing out. Eris deserved it, she felt, but the figure didn’t move. Eris took a slow breath and focused on her friends, following them as they traveled to the Apple family home. AJ spoke quietly and quickly with Applebloom, who wouldn’t quite look her in the eyes, and then spoke with Big Mac more anxiously. Eventually, Big Mac and Granny Smith sat on either side of AJ as her friends gathered in the barn, facing her. “Are you sure you want to be here?” Eris asked Granny softly. “Ain’t no granddaughter o’ mine gonna be relivin’ this without me by her side,” Granny said in a hushed wheeze, putting a hoof on AJ’s shoulder. Eris nodded in agreement, and snapped her fingers. AJ trembled, her head dipping until her hat hid her eyes, then she lurched and Big Mac moved faster than anypony had ever seen him move, pinning her to the ground. “Get. Off. Me.” The growl didn’t even sound like AJ, like a completely different pony was speaking through her. “Eeenope,” Mac said, frowning as she struggled. “Say it.” “I’ll break you,” AJ snarled. “Say it, Sis.” They struggled in silence for a moment, until Big Mac had clearly won, and they both laid there, breathing heavily. “I was robbed,” AJ hissed, her head tilting up so Eris and her friends could see the tear streaked face of the cowpony under her hat, and the rage in her eyes. “Robbed of childhood. Robbed of parents. Robbed of freedom. Lost everything to a filly left behind by a drunk and his mare, who went and got themselves killed on a yacht.” She said the word ‘yacht’ with absolute disgust, and she spat on the ground after she said it, sneering. “Nothing. Got nothing but a hat to show for it, and then I done gave it all away, didn’t I? Gave everything I had, till I’d lost it all a hundred times.” The barn was silent, and as Eris opened her mouth to speak, there was a sound that drew her attention away. Apple Bloom had been listening in, and everyone stared in shock as she revealed herself and walked closer. AJ started to struggle with renewed energy, trying to escape frantically, but Granny joined in, holding her down with her brother. “Hey AJ,” Bloom whispered, sitting down in between AJ and her friends. AJ let out a keening wail, her bitter furious expression contorted into something barely equine, as she tried to get away. “I didn’t know dad was a drunk,” Bloom continued quietly. “I… Wish I knew. Makes sense now you didn’t talk about him much. Just mom.” AJ went limp, sobbing and shaking. “But… I know you didn’t have a childhood,” Bloom sighed, looking down at her hooves. “I know… But you gave me one. So… So thank you.” Bloom then stepped up to AJ and hugged her, as AJ cried, and Big Mac carefully let go of his sister, letting her be embraced, waiting to see what would happen. AJ sat up, dazed, and as Bloom hugged her, she put a single arm around her for a moment before Bloom let go, wiping her eyes. “I… I’m gonna go, sis,” Bloom sniffled. “See ya at dinner.” And just like that, Apple Bloom trotted out of the barn to collect her own feelings. AJ numbly looked around at everyone else, unmoving. “Can't fix what's been done," Granny declared. "True enough. But you gotta reckon with the limit of yer givin, Jack. Already loved by all of us. Don't need ta give, for that." AJ closed her eyes, and a deep golden orange light rolled over her. "You're right, Granny," she whispered as she struggled to smile. And slowly, the group all stepped in for a family sized hug. > Ch. 8 The Truth of Our Feelings > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- As the six close friends left Sweet Apple Acres, Fluttershy took the lead, going not to her cottage but veering off into the woods. The thin path she followed was barely even there, but it was clear to see that she knew it well. It wasn't until she walked out into the clearing that everyone realized where they were. Here, Fluttershy had fallen so young, and landed hard enough to break a wing. Alone, she'd gotten her cutie mark while in the most pain of her life, when animals had poured out of the forest and shown her the loyalty of a herd. She sat, and nodded to Eris. Eris was beginning to feel the strain of the magic she'd used. It seemed like each time she freed one of her friends from her artificial repair, that ancient and powerful magic was slipping through her claws. Yet it made her feel more mortal, more pure each time. She stepped closer and pulled Shy into a hug, before snapping her fingers. Fluttershy didn't pull away, but her breathing did quicken. "I don't think you should die for me," Eris said firmly. "You don't want me as a friend?" Shy asked, her tone heartbroken. "That's not what I said," Eris said quickly. "I want you as a friend, so badly, all of us here do!" The other four ponies nodded in agreement, even if Rainbow seemed to flicker at the edges like a reflection on a pool. "But," Eris continued. "You've been holding yourself to the standard that you'd give your life for us. I don't think that's fair. I'd rather you live for me instead." Fluttershy bit her lip and hunched her shoulders, wings hugging herself. "But… I just…" she stammered. "Everything is so big… so scary… if I am willing to give everything for my friends then…" "I'd do a lot for you, Fluttershy," Rarity interrupted. "I truly would. A place to stay? A companion for a long trip? Half the stock of my business, but I would never ask you to give your life, and I'd be a poor friend if I did." "So I'm a bad friend for wanting this," Fluttershy concluded bitterly. "No, you want us to show we care! That we're loyal! Your bar for loyalty just got set in your brain by a mob boss, not a care bear," Pinkie said with a giggle. "What's a care bear?" Rainbow asked quietly in the background. "But… but I do want it!" Fluttershy cried out. "I do want someone to care enough to give their life for me!" "That's far easier than living," Eris said firmly. "I could snap my fingers right now. Bargain my life to Mirage to save all of you, heck, throw in a bunch of stuff for Luna so I'll be remembered as a big shot hero. One snap of my fingers, poof. But instead I'm working through the gritty details, the truth of who each of you are, and sticking by your sides no matter what." Looking into Eris's eyes, Fluttershy shimmered pink, a slow glow that would almost be missed in the sunlight, but then she trotted up to Eris and hugged her tight. "Thank you," she whispered. "You're welcome, Fluttershy," Eris replied with a happy sigh, looking at Rainbow over Shy's shoulder. The blue pegasus met her gaze. There was pain in her eyes, and a lot of fear, but she wasn't running yet. After a bit, Fluttershy let go and also turned to look at Rainbow Dash. But it was Rarity who stepped forward first. "Could I talk with Rainbow alone for a moment?" She asked, looking around at them all. Surprised at first, Eris nodded and she led the rest of the group out of the woods, following Fluttershy's path. "You won't be able to fix me alone, Rarity," Rainbow said, not meeting her gaze. "I know, darling, but I have a feeling I'm a… separate part of this, and I'd like that part to remain private. Between you and me." Rainbow nodded, but didn't speak. "You didn't show up to the date yesterday evening," Rarity said softly. "Sorry. Work ran late," Rainbow lied, badly, blushing. "It's okay to be scared of these emotions, Rainbow," Rarity whispered. "And I'm not angry with you." "But you should be!" Rainbow snapped. "And you shouldn't want me to change back, because no normal pony should forget a date they've been looking forward to!" Rarity stepped closer and put a hoof on Rainbow's cheek. "I didn't ask a normal pony on a date," she said firmly. "I was angry at first. Hurt, even, I'll admit. But I know you well, Rainbow Dash, and when you called me at midnight, crying, apologizing, I understood." Rainbow leaned ever so gently against Rarity, sniffling, and looking a little more solid around the edges. "Now, unless you know the path out of here, you'll probably need to fly me out," Rarity chuckled. A few minutes later, Rainbow landed on the road next to the rest of her friends, depositing Rarity gently onto the ground. "Well… I don't need to unsnap you," Eris started, smiling a little. "So…" "Yeah, because she didn't threaten you with a carving knife!" Pinkie giggled. "But I… I can be intellectual,” Rainbow said weakly, looking away. They’d already had that argument, in part, but with her friends around it was harder for Rainbow to stick to her convictions. “And I could be powerful, if I gave up who I am now,” Eris said softly. “I just… I want to be better,” Rainbow sniffled, wiping her nose on her arm and scowling at the ground. “I’ve never been good enough, and finally… I can pass all the tests, figure out all the complex problems, and… and you all want me to give it up because it’s not… what, real enough?” “Because we don’t need you to be perfect, to be irreplaceable and all knowing, to be a good friend,” Eris insisted. “Our lives together, if I wasn’t here and Luna had some other student, you could all still be here.” The five ponies looked at Eris in shock, as some ancient and strange knowledge gleamed in Eris’s eyes. “Maybe a unicorn would have shown up that day,” Eris continued. “Maybe she would have been different, but still brought you all together. Just because I could be replaced doesn’t mean that our friendship, me being here, isn’t special in its own way. Rainbow, just because you could be a bit better at some things, that doesn’t mean we don’t want you here. Heck, you could find us another friend and run away, and our lives would continue. But we don’t want that. We don’t want somepony else right now, no matter how smart. We want you.” Rainbow’s eyes filled with tears as she sniffled and looked down at the ground, before slowly looking back up at Eris. “I freed Mirage,” Rainbow whispered. Fluttershy gasped and took a step back, away from Rainbow, as Eris clenched her fists, looking around for the alicorn, waiting for an attack that never came. “Why, darling?” Rarity asked softly. “Last night, I didn’t show up at our date, because… I was terrified. I was so scared of being in a relationship with someone who could see all my flaws,” Rainbow explained in a rush. “And I flew all the way to Canterlot, just… Just to get away, just to have somewhere to fly to and… And I was in the garden, and I heard her voice. I didn’t know who she was at first, but she could sense me, feel how… Torn up I was inside, and she offered me…” “She offered you the ability to be your best self,” Eris concluded, still turning, looking for the threat. “To be the self I could have been, if circumstances had been different,” Rainbow agreed, hanging her head in shame. “I didn’t know that would free her, and once she escaped, I called you, Rarity, I called you crying because I suddenly understood just how horrible a mistake I’d made. I understand if you all don’t want to be my friends anymore.” “That right there’s a load of manure,” AJ snorted. “Ain’t abandoning ya, Dash. So stop thinkin’ it.” “I’d never stop being your friend, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said as she flew over to the other pegasus and put a hoof on her back. Pinkie giggled. “What’s a little supervillain plotline between friends?” “And… I’d still like to go on a date with you,” Rarity declared. “Once you’re free of Mirage’s influence.” Rainbow opened her mouth to say something, but then stopped. In fact, all of the ponies stopped as Eris looked up and down the dirt road, until she realized they weren’t saying anything. Everything had frozen in place except for the draconequus. Even birds in the air were mid-flap. “Mirage,” Eris whispered as she backed away from her friends. “Please don’t do this. Please. I was so close.” The ground shook, and the road cracked in several places, the dry hard-packed earth crumbling and showing clean break lines around them before the ground heaved and trees splintered, nature being torn apart as the everfree forest became visible through the more normal cultivated trees by the road. The crack in the ground run through the trees, tossing them aside to form a sort of path into the edge of the everfree and then, with a thunderous roar and trembling of the earth, the ground heaved up like a pie crust, chunks of dirt and rocks the size of houses scattering into the wild forest to reveal, pristine as though it had been gently placed there, a cottage that Eris now knew so well. “Of course I’ll go on a date with you, Rarity,” Rainbow Dash said, blushing as she took a step closer to the unicorn, before looking up at Eris. Eris looked between her friends and the cottage, and with all her willpower she ignored the cottage for a moment longer, stepping closer to Rainbow. “We accept you, Rainbow Dash,” Eris promised. “As you are, as you truly honestly are.” A blue flash flowed over Rainbow, and she shot forward to hug Eris. “Thank you.” > Ch. 9 We've Been Denying For So Long > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eris stood at the first paving stone of the path that led to the cabin. Buried in memories older than her deepest pains, a being stood on that same stone that looked like her. It was imbued with cruelty etched in every bone and desires impossible to understand, and it ripped those stones from the soul of the earth, granite with diamonds laced through it instead of quartz. That creature had done a million impossible things just to show others how powerful it was. With every breath it had ached for respect and admiration. Each step that Eris followed in its shadowy hoofsteps, she was further away from it than she had ever been before. Each impossible stone she took was a refutation of the being that had carved them. But she could feel the process killing her as she did it. "Darling, slow down," Rarity insisted as she used her magic to keep Eris from falling over. AJ stepped ahead of Eris, putting her own body in between Eris and any potential threat. But she couldn't see the threat inside of Eris's heart. Another step, and Eris cried out, her form flickering and warping. "What's happening?!" Fluttershy gasped, stepping back but refusing to flee. They couldn't hear what Eris heard. The most beautiful song, pouring out of the cabin in the woods. "Ur-love, your dove, soft lies upon these ears so sweetly. Time doth flow, these years, ur-clepe, er certes! Eris, oh Eris, dight thine fruit gilded so sweetly. Eft twine ere, twixt war et peace… Oh Eris. Thy malison, nigh a shrift upon mine heart, oh, oh, ooooh… Ur-love, your dove…" Eris screamed again and she was torn in half, one shadowy and flickering with a fell light, the other as real as the stones she stood on, but younger and exhausted. The five ponies immediately faced the shadowy Eris, standing protectively around their friend. "Have any of you known true Power?" The Thing From Before Time asked as it waved a hand and the world rolled by around them. They all stood in the far flung past, as a war raged around them. Fires burned heavy with bodies as blood soaked the ground. The drums of war beat fast and heavy, rattling their bones and making Eris cover her ears and whimper. "Have any of you known the true dangers of Chaos?" The Thing asked, as it waved its hand again and they all were struggling through ever deepening snow as spirits wailed all around them. "I am Chaos. I am every unexpected thing. I am the cruelty of an uncaring world, and I am the only thing that can Fix Mirage," It drawled as it brought them all panting and shivering back to the present. "Changing people by force is wrong!" Rainbow Dash shouted. The Thing sneered and snapped a finger, sending Rainbow dropping to the ground as her wings vanished. "Wrong is subjective, and I have decided it's not. If I can make the person desire the change I give them, then it becomes acceptable." Rainbow recoiled in horror, looking at her back and shivering as she stood her ground. "What made you like this?!" Pinkie asked angrily. "Why do you want an excuse to hurt people?" The Thing laughed and shook her head. "None of you will admit the truth. Having power over others is intoxicating. It's innately pleasing, no matter how much your precious harmony says it's wrong." Eris reached out and grabbed hold of AJ, leaning on her. "Stop," Eris whispered. But Fluttershy didn't hear her, and flew forward to confront It. "You've hurt Mirage and Eris! Whatever you tell yourself about what is right or wrong in changing people, you did it wrong here! Your future reincarnation is hurt, so even selfishly you should care!" The Thing leaned forward and put a terribly sharp claw to Fluttershy's chin, smiling in the way all predators smiled when they sought to maim and wound. "I'm so glad to see that any version of me suffers properly." Fluttershy gasped and flew back, eyes wide with tears streaking down her cheeks. "Stop!" Eris wailed, and everyone went silent. Eris's heartbeat was so loud. So painful, raining in her ears. "You can't defeat her," Eris whispered. Just as her friends were about to object, she held up a clawed hand. "I mean… that's not… how to fix me," Eris whispered, closing her eyes. "You have to fix me." The Thing chuckled, starting to pace in a wide circle around the group, as the ponies focused on Eris instead of her horrifying doppelganger. "Eris…" Fluttershy whispered. "You… you don't believe the things she believes, do you?" "She doesn't believe anything," Eris said bitterly as she looked up at the Thing angrily. "She'll say anything to cause pain and chaos. Not none of it comes from her heart. None of it is real." "Okay," Rainbow nodded, trying to ignore her missing wings as she stepped up to Eris. "Okay. So what's the problem? Can we just walk past her?" Eris shook her head, falling to her knees and holding one hand to her chest. "She's in my heart," Eris whispered. "She's… part of me, and I can't get rid of her but… I think that… she needs me." The Thing cackled, a wild crazed laughter as she closed her pacing circle tighter. "So how can we help, Darling?" Rarity asked quickly. "How can we get rid of this nasty half-baked copy?" "I have to be… free of the curse," Eris admitted as she put her hand to her chest again. This time, she pulled something from her chest, dripping in golden light. A golden apple beat like a heart, pumping magic through her instead of a heart pumping blood. On its surface, the apple had two things carved into it. The first and much older inscription read "ΤΗΙ ΚΑΛΛΙΣΤΗΙ" and then on the other side was etched "Ur-love". "Eris," Fluttershy said as the apple was offered to her. "That… isn't that what keeps you alive? I can't…" "It reincarnates me when I would die," Eris admits. "I think… I don't think Mirage could kill me. I don't think she could kill… that. She loved her too much. So she cursed us. A curse that would keep us alive forever." She offered it up to AJ, who shook her head quickly. "Dunno if ya seen the demon stalkin us," she said nervously. "But I think ya need that come-back now more than ever!" "If someone takes this… the chaos, the power, the curse… it should break her, it should free me, please," Eris pleased as she offered it to Rarity and Rainbow Dash, who both looked terrified of it. But Pinkie stepped up to her. "If it'll help you," Pinkie said softly. "I'll take it." A shiver ran down Eris's spine as she became mortal, and the curse was broken. In the same instant, Pinkie took a bite of the apple, and decided that for all the thematic meaning behind it, things being coated in gold just didn't add any flavor or texture to them. Then Pinkie calmly erased the Thing's True Name from the document, looked the reader in the eye, and winked. "It's gone," Rainbow gasped, as her wings reappeared on her back. "Well duh," Pinkie giggled. "If you can't reincarnate, then you can't be reverse-reincarnated, so you can't be haunted by a past reincarnation!" "I'll pretend that makes sense," Fluttershy sighed, though she was smiling as she helped Eris stand. "Are you okay, Eris?" "Yeah," Eris sighed, smiling a little. "I think so. Thank you, all of you. Now… I think I need to do this next part alone." "Nope!" Pinkie said happily. "Darling, it's a discussion between her and an ex-wife, I think," Rarity objected. "I think it'd be a bit awkward…" "Nope!" Pinkie repeated. "Mirage made this about all of us. I think we should return the favor! So let’s go, gang! Into the Cabin in the Woods! But hopefully we get a better rating than seven out of ten.” The six walked along the shimmering pathway until they reached the stairs onto the porch, where Eris paused and touched the wooden railing. The memory of carving it was so faint, and it no longer hurt. She remembered laughter, here. She remembered Celestia, showing some unfortunate creature how pony tools could shape a branch. She wiped tears from her eyes and took the first step up onto the porch, as a golden and white dress shimmered into existence around her. “Eris…” Rainbow hissed. “It’s ok,” Eris said with a gentle smile, reaching out to hold Rainbow’s hoof. “I promise, it’s ok. I think… This dress meant something to her. It had to, right? Let’s find out what.” The front door of the cabin had a wreath hung from a crude wooden prong, the wreath of holly boughs and yew surrounded a simple plaque. “The Home of the Bright Fire,” AJ read out loud. “Shucks… Sounds half cozy like that.” “She called… Her… The Brightness. In the old language it means something a little bit different,” Eris sighed as she touched the wreath and smelled its peaceful fragrance. “The Princess of the Sun, and her Incandescence, I guess would be… the best way to say it now. I can remember all these things, like I read them in a book.” Pinkie put an arm around Eris’s middle, hugging her, giving just a little comfort. The door handle was a wooden lever, without a lock. It was easy to open, and the door swung inward to reveal a modest home. Noone would have guessed a Princess lived there. A shelf by the back door held simple tools and clothes, folded neatly in case the winter came. A pair of chairs faced the fireplace to the right, and to the left a closed door blocked the way to the bedroom. There was a table, set with wooden plates and cups, a bowl of berries and nuts waiting for someone to crave a snack. Tears slipped down Eris’s cheeks. How could she now remember all the most wonderful parts of that long ago life, now that she knew how it ended? Why now could she recall Celestia transcribing fanciful stories for the creative but illiterate Thing From Before Time as they sat in front of a crackling fire, when she knew that at some point that same ancient monster had burned Celestia from the inside out? That they’d had fights so violent that the earth itself had been scarred and ponies across the world had learned to associate Chaos with Cruelty? Yet she touched the chairs with reverence and care despite it all, as her friends watched the bedroom door with trepidation. Eris was stalling. She knew that. She took the slowest possible steps to that door, and opened it to reveal what she’d known all along. Celestia was curled up in the corner, burning as bright as the sun as the wood of the cabin scorched and blackened around her. She’d never been able to leave this horrible memory, after all. Every mad act, every desperate attempt to make the world reflect and fit with her broken mind had been fueled by the look of madness in her rosy eyes. “Celestia,” Eris whispered, as her friends shielded themselves from the light and heat. “You don’t call me that,” Mirage whispered from her corner as the horn-sewn blankets caught fire and began to burn. “Tia,” Eris said more firmly. “Yes, Eris?” Mirage asked, her sudden smile empty of any joy. “I’m wearing the dress you made for me,” Eris declared, stepping closer even as the heat made her fur smoke. Mirage’s smile faltered and she whimpered, the heat flickering like a candle in a breeze. “But you don’t,” Mirage said, her voice breaking while tears became steam the moment she shed them. “I’ve decided that I do,” Eris insisted. “It’s a nice dress.” Mirage wailed, a keening cry as she thrashed and broke the charcoal floor, falling down as flames spread across the bedroom around Eris. Eris swallowed her fear and held out her hand. She knew she still had magic, but it had to be New, to escape the old curse. She moved her hands as if massaging the fire into place, a gentler and firmer motion, and the flames began to cool and peter out. “Stop!” Mirage shouted from the basement. “Don’t come down here!” Eris dropped through the shattered floor to land on the stone one below, and to take in the proof of the worst pains that the Thing From Before Time and Celestia had experienced. Shrines to each horrible thing, entombed here for Mirage to obsess over. The oil painted portrait of a mare that Celestia had loved when the Thing From Before Time was pining after her. The documents outlining the mysterious death of that mare, never explored or explained. The crown of a nation that Celestia had abandoned so that she could pursue love instead, and the letters from her older sister, making it clear that Luna struggled with her lonely duty every day. A cradle and tiny blanket made by Celestia, and broken by the Thing From Before Time, out of panic and fear from the prospect of having to care for a child. A statue, which was all that remained of the warped creature that the Thing From Before Time had tried to make to satisfy Celestia’s motherly desires, which had suffered horribly in the brief time it had lived. But Eris focused only on the mare that was curled up in a ball on the stone floor. Her horn was lit up in golden light as the flames across her body flashed and wavered. Mirage was using her magic to blind herself. To numb herself, and that had been what broke the Thing From Before Time, Eris knew. The moment she saw the golden light in Mirage’s empty eyes, Eris knew. Celestia had begun to hurt herself, because of the Thing From Before Time, and the Thing From Before Time was faced with a choice. To try and heal some of the horrible pain clearly on display, or to take offense to it and encourage it out of spite. Eris knew which path had been chosen. So with that same gentle magic, Eris touched Mirage’s horn and let herself feel what Mirage was doing to herself. > Ch. 10 Will Come Back To Remind Us That Love Was Never Enough. > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mirage dreamed. It was always the same dream, of laying on the floor of a cabin as Eris stood over her. Eris, the most powerful being in any reality. In fact, so powerful that reality was nothing but a plaything to her. In the dream, it was ecstasy as Eris’s magic crawled through her mind, tearing out anything that could or would rebel against her. This all powerful thing remaking her to be perfect in a new way, perfect for her pleasure. In the dream, Luna didn’t arrive and talk to her, slippery prying sneaky words working underneath the skin of Eris’s changes. In the dream, Luna didn’t ‘save’ her by hiding her away to recover, only to come back days later to find Mirage playing with the servants like dolls, their free will broken, their bodies reshaped to be more interesting. In the dream, it was just Mirage and Eris, and Mirage never came back after being tricked and lied to and broken, to confront her. Eris laid on top of her, claws sliding along Mirage’s scalp, interlaced in her mane and sending shivers down Mirage’s spine. “Who am I, to you?” Eris asked. “Delicious poison, I can never get enough,” Mirage whispered, her voice raspy and sore from screaming. “I don’t want you to crave poison,” Eris whispered mournfully, her thumb grazing Mirage’s ear, making it flick to the side. Briefly, Mirage fantasized about Eris puncturing her ear with that claw, and making her wear earrings and jewelry, things she’d weirdly avoided before, how odd. How odd she’d never marked her eternal body before to show who owned it. “You make me bliss,” Mirage sighed happily. “You make me pure. No conflict or fear, no struggle, just… just… You, running through my veins.” “How horrible,” Eris sighed as she picked up the alicorn and carried her to the bed, laying her down. “How… cruel, how selfish the old Eris was…” “She was perfect, she made me perfect,” Mirage groaned. “This isn’t how the dream goes, stop… Stop changing it, let me… Let me dream.” Mirage tasted blood in her mouth and pain twitching through her mind, just barely hidden by the intoxicating force that Eris had once left in there, subduing her, smothering anything that might rebel and leaving only love in its wake. “No matter what I do,” Eris realized as she tucked the pony in, speaking in hushed tones. “You will always be focused on me. Whether out of love or fury, you’ll be looking towards me every second of your life, unless…” Mirage whimpered in her sleep as Eris put her claws around the back of Mirage’s head, the gentle touch working between her hair to hold her, as she raised her leonin paw behind her. “I think,” Eris whispered sorrowfully. “I love you more than that old Eris ever did. Because of that love, I’m going to set you free.” She twisted her fingers like undoing a knot, and a flash of blinding white light flowed out from her, washing over Mirage, as the flames flickered out and died on her body and mane leaving behind soft pink curls. Celestia opened her eyes. She could remember it all, blurred together like muddy water swirling around her. But the first thing she noticed was the absence. The aching hollow spot where once there had been absolute certainty. She’d been obsessed, dedicated and attached to… To who? “Hey,” a voice called from the door. It was a tall bipedal creature, a mishmash of different creatures stitched together into something unique and strange. “My name is Eris. You just woke up, I was thinking… I could take you to your sister?” Celestia worked her jaw, feeling very tired and very confused, before slipping off the bed to stand, stretching her wings. “I suppose that… would be a good first step. My name is Celestia. How did I get here?” “I’ll explain,” Eris said gently. “With your sister’s help, we’ll tell you the truth of everything, if you just come with me.” Celestia hesitated for only a moment before nodding and stepping forward to follow her. “Alright, ‘Eris’. I suppose I can be patient. Lead the way.”