The True Self
She awoke suddenly, eyes snapping open.
Who am I?
That was her first thought. From her perspective, it was her first ever thought, for she could recall none prior. Several more thoughts followed, all questions. Where am I? How did I get here? Why am I here?
Something bubbled in her stomach— panic, it was called, she somehow knew the name— but she was able to push it down. Something, some instinct, guided her, and it told her that panic was bad. That it was to be avoided. Without anything else, it was all she could go off of.
She examined herself first. She was standing, something that seemed wrong for somepony who just woke up— pony, yes, she was a pony— but she wasn’t sure why. She held a hoof up to examine it. The fur covering her leg was a soft lavender color, and that seemed right. That was her color. She could see her mane out of the top of her vision; a dark blue, something that also seemed correct to her. She moved her hoof to touch it, and felt something on her head. A horn. That’s right, she was a unicorn, she had a horn.
She turned her back back over her shoulder, twisting her body in a way that felt natural. The rest of her body was the same color as her leg, her tail the same color as what she could see of her mane, except for two stripes, one pink and one purple. Again, something told her that was right. There was something else, too; a mark, a pink starburst surrounded by five white stars. It was her… her what? Something… mark. Cutie mark? Cutie mark? Yes! Cutie mark, that was right.
Okay, so she remembered some things. She knew herself, or, at least, what she looked like. Her name still escaped her, but hopefully it would come in due time. She knew what things were called, so at least some of her knowledge was intact. Something about that seemed wrong; something nagged at her, something about memory loss, but, go figure, she couldn’t remember it. Ironic, and frustrating.
Instead, she turned her attention to item number two on her agenda: Her surroundings. She was standing in some kind of circular chamber, about ten times her body length across. The floor was a pale wood grain, the ceiling was a dome of opaque pink glass that somehow let light through, and the walls were covered in…
Books.
From floor to ceiling, the walls of the entire chamber were packed with books, neatly arranged on bookshelves. Each shelf contained books of a certain color and only that color, something that pleased her greatly. This was good; she knew it, innately. Part of her wanted to take a book from one of the shelves; another part of her wanted to leave it, to revel in the perfect organization.
Eventually, the first part won out. After all, there could have been a clue to where she was in one of those books, why she’d ended up here. She reached out a hoof… and stopped. No. That was wrong. She did… something else. Something… with her horn?
Magic!
Of course! It struck her like a bolt of lightning; how could she have been so stupid? She was a unicorn, she could do magic. But how… She closed her eyes, tried to focus on the feeling that ‘magic’ gave her… and felt something. Like a muscle, but in her mind. She reached out with it, and her horn began to tingle. She felt… strong. A surge of energy flowed through her body, invigorating her.
With ease, she pulled a book from the library shelves; a red tome, with no text on the cover. She flipped it open, scanning the pages… and frowned. The only thing the book contained was a description of a sunflower, the same page printed over and over again. She slotted the book back on the shelf and pulled another, but all that held was a similar description of a daisy.
Nothing useful here, then. Somehow, she felt as if she already knew that. She wouldn’t find what she was looking for here, whatever that was. Spinning around, she spotted a simple wooden door set into the wall, separating the two ends of the circular bookshelf.
She pulled open the door, trotting out of the chamber. It led out into a hallway; the floor the same wood grain, the ceiling the same pink glass, the walls the same bookshelves, stretching down both directions. To the left, the hallway went on for some time before ending in a T shape, and to the right, it led to a dead end. Seeing no other option, she took the left path.
Several times as she moved down the hall, she thought she caught something out of the corner of her eye; dark shapes, moving beyond her vision. But, whenever she turned to look for them, she saw nothing, only the seemingly endless bookshelves. Her imagination, then. It must have been.
A pulse of light from one of the bookshelves caught her attention. One of the books, its cover a light purple, was flashing, the soft lavender light illuminating the fairly dim hallway. Something about the book was… calling to her, somehow. She knew she had to read it. She reached out with her magic, touching the book—
“Ugh! This is it? How can the ponies of this town cope with such a pitiful library? Pft, half of them probably can’t even read in the first place, I bet. Too busy ‘working the land’, or something like that. You’d think that ponies in this day and age would appreciate books a little more…
How does the Princess expect me to keep up with my magic studies in a place like this? The most advanced book on magic theory here is for foals, and the second most competent caster in town is a dressmaker. Ponyville may be a great place for friendship, but it’s a lousy place for magic. If my books from Canterlot don’t get here soon… They’d better get her soon.”
—she recoiled, shaking her head. What was that? It had been… some kind of vision? No, a memory. One of hers. It had been her, in a library— a different library, one that was inside a tree? She’d been… upset, angry. She could feel the echo of resentment settle inside her soul. Something about it was strangely comforting.
Ponyville… That was where she’d been, in the memory. But… this wasn’t Ponyville, she was pretty sure of that. So, she’d been in Ponyville, and ended up here? But where was here? And why was her memory in a book?
She considered looking inside one of the other purple books. None of them were flashing, but maybe they had something helpful in them anyway? But, before she could, she caught something else in her vision, a blur of movement.
She turned her head sharply towards the end of the hall. Something— somepony, had just run across the intersection, from the left path to the right. They’d been moving too fast for her to get a good look at them; she was pretty sure they were also purple, but that was it.
Were they trapped in her, like her? She decided to chase them; even if they knew nothing, it was probably safer to stick together. ...Was it? For some reason, she second guessed herself. Did she need anypony else? She suddenly wasn’t sure.
Still, it didn’t mean she should ignore whoever it was. She ran for the end of the hall, turning right and skidding to a stop. The hallway stretching out before her seemed identical to the one she’d just come from, and a quick glance over her shoulder confirmed the one behind her was just the same. There was, however, no sign of the other pony. They had been moving pretty fast; maybe they’d already made it to the end by now?
She rushed down the hallway, paying no attention to any dark shapes that were almost certainly just tricks of the dim light. At the end, the path only took one turn, to the left. The other pony wasn’t visible down this hall either, but since there was only one way forward, they’d have to have taken it.
She kept running, hoping that she’d be able to catch up before another choice on which way to go came. However, she came across something else; another glowing purple book, this one on a higher shelf. She hesitated briefly, wondering if she should slow her pursuit… and then remembered she didn’t have to. She reached out with her magic without stopping, grabbing the book as she ran—
“All the unicorns in this town are crazy! ‘We don’t need fancy magic’, are you serious? All you know is basic levitation and whatever your cutie mark gives you! At least Rarity is good with levitation, she’d have potential if she didn’t focus on her boutique, but everypony else… how could they squander their magic like that?
I mean, I guess I shouldn’t expect them to measure up to me. I’m a magical prodigy after all, I doubt there’s a unicorn in Equestria with as much raw talent as I have. But still, would it kill these simpletons to put at least a little effort in? It’s almost embarrassing to be seen here…”
—and tripped, the memory disrupting her pace. She tumbled as she fell, rolling a short distance before coming to a stop. She wasn’t hurt, just disorientated, but the process of getting to her hooves gave her time to process what she’d seen. Or, remembered, as the case may be.
She’d been annoyed. Apparently, Ponyville had ponies who weren’t taking their magic abilities seriously. She couldn’t imagine why; the sheer power she felt flowing through her horn, why wouldn’t somepony want that? There had been pride, too; in herself. Apparently, she was exceptionally talented. That felt right as well. Of course she was somepony special.
She righted herself, shaking her head a little as she regained her balance. Surely, by this point, the other pony would be long gon—
Standing at the end of the hallway, was… herself. Or, a pony who looked just like her. Purple coat, dark blue mane with two colored stripes… their eyes, a darker violet, locked with her own, an expression of terror filling them. Without saying a word, she turned and bolted down the left path.
A thousand questions flooded her mind. Who was that? Was it her, or somepony who looked like her? Did she have a twin sister? She hadn’t looked at the other pony’s cutie mark too closely, but it didn’t seem like it was drastically different. But how could a pony be in two places at once?
And her expression… they’d been afraid of her. Deeply afraid. For some reason, this didn’t upset her as much as she thought it might, but for what reason, she still didn’t know. But, something she did know was that she had to talk to them. Something deep inside her, something primal, compelled her to. And it wasn’t like she had much else to go on.
Following in her doppleganger’s hoofsteps, she continued her run through the seemingly endless identical hallways. More dark shapes appeared in the corner of her vision, but she didn’t bother to look at them. At this point, they seemed… right, somehow. Like these shadows were supposed to be here, wherever here was.
Through the library she ran. Right, then left, then left again. Nothing about the halls seemed to change; she passed a few doors set into the shelves, probably leading to rooms like the one she’d woken up in, but somehow she knew the other pony wasn’t in any of them.
She rounded another corner, catching a familiar tail disappearing behind the new hallway’s end, and yet another glowing book, this one on the shelf on the back wall of the intersection. She rushed towards it, once again reaching out with her magic—
“This is pathetic. This is insulting. A unicorn of my talents, my calibur, reduced to menial magical labour. Any idiot with half a brain and some basic training could undo basic spells like this, but noooo, apparently Ponyville is so far out in the boonies they don’t have anypony else capable of reversing the result of a filly’s magic surge. How did they ever get on without me? How many other foals have had to go around with glowing manes, or worse?
Is friendship really worth this? Worth sacrificing my magical growth, my dignity? I’m Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Princess Celestia. I’m destined for great things. I’m important. I’m talented. I’m powerful. And I don’t want to be stuck here anymore!”
—she was able to catch herself before she fell this time, though she did have to stop. She ran this new information over in her mind. A name: Twilight Sparkle. That sounded right. That was her name. Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Princess Celestia. Pride blossomed in her chest. She was an important pony, a powerful pony.
And, as she now remembered, she’d been sent to the middle of nowhere. A hick town, far away from the Royal Archives, far away from anypony who could teach her to improve her skills. To a town that didn’t understand her importance, where everyone was so far beneath her…
Things started to fall into place. Understanding of her situation, of where she was… how could she have not known? She shook her head, a wicked grin forming on her face. She’d been so foolish!
She slowed her pace; it didn’t matter how fast she moved; there was only one thing at the end of the hallways, one path to be followed. And both of them would make it there soon enough.
She turned a corner, and saw it at the end of the hall: A massive doorway, two halves of a pink starburst on each of the open doors. She took her time approaching. It had taken her a while to understand, but now she knew: She was in control.
The doorway led to a large chamber, similar to the one she’d awoken in. A spiral staircase wound around the outside wall, leading to a second floor, and an hourglass made of tree roots stood in the middle. In front of it, a pony lay, having tripped and fallen on the floor.
“Oh my,” she said. Her voice was cruel, mocking. Despite having not spoken yet, she knew that was exactly how she was supposed to sound. “The great Twilight Sparkle has fallen and can’t get up. Come on, you’re better than this.”
Twilight Sparkle looked up at her, scrambling to her hooves and backing away. “Who… what are you? Why do you look like me? How did—”
She laughed. “So many questions! Surely a pony as smart as you should be able to figure it out. I got there, and you have a head start!” She tilted her head. “Though, I suppose I can lend a helping hoof.”
She made a sweeping gesture with her hoof. “Welcome to your mind. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Books everywhere, and best of all, no other ponies to ruin it! If it weren’t for the fact that everything here is things we already know, I bet you could spend days in here.”
Twilight frowned. “My mind? How could I be in my own mind? That doesn’t make any sense!”
She shrugged. “Well, I’m sure you can figure it out. After all, there’s nopony smarter than you. None of those morons in Ponyville would even have a chance.”
“Morons?” Twilight took a step forward, annoyed.
“Well, yeah!” She rolled her eyes. “You’re better than them in every way! None of those hicks can tell the difference between a cantrip and an incantation. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? To be surrounded by idiots?”
She pressed on. “‘Why did the Princess send me to this stupid town?’ ‘I’m destined for better things!’ You’d much rather be back in Canterlot, right? Around ponies who are actually worth something?”
“That’s not true!” Twilight protested. “My friends—”
“Oh, your friends!” Her grin got wider. “You pretend to care about them, to take interest in whatever nonsense they waste their lives on, but deep down, you couldn’t care less, could you? What’s the point? None of them are as important as you, after all!”
“What?” Twilight took a step back, hesitating. Her eyes showed a wavering uncertainty. Perfect. “I… that’s not…”
“Struck a nerve? Sounds like what I’m saying is true after all, right?” She let out a sharp laugh. “But, of course it is. You can’t hide anything from me. After all…” She walked forward, leering over a cowering Twilight. Within her violet eyes, she saw the reflection of her own, irises glowing a bright yellow. “I am you.”
“You’re… me?” Twilight shuddered, squeezing her eyes shut.
“Yep!” She said, a note of cheer in her voice. “And I know everything about you! How much you hate Ponyville, how you resent all those foolish unicorns there who waste their magic… how highly you think of yourself. You try and hide it, pretend to be humble, but I know how you really feel.”
“No!” Twilight shook her head violently, flecks of tears flying out of her eyes. “That can’t be true!”
She raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Really?”
“You…” Twilight stamped a hoof. “You’re not me! You can’t be me!”
Something clicked inside her. The last piece she needed, to fully complete the puzzle.
She began to chuckle, before breaking out into a full out laugh. Twilight flinched, backing up into the hourglass.
“What’s that? ‘You’re not me’? Is that it? I guess, if you’re saying it, it must be true!” Her smile was so wide it felt like it would split her face. “I’m not you anymore! I’m my own pony now!” She narrowed her eyes. “And that means… I don’t need you.”
Her body… her body, began to twist and morph. Black shadowy tendrils erupted from her body, wrapping her in their embrace. She felt herself grow in size, form distorting into something else. Something new.
She finally knew. She’d finally found the answer to her question. The first question she’d ever asked, the only thing she’d ever needed to know.
Twilight Sparkle looked up at the monster that loomed over her, and screamed.
“I am a shadow, the true self…”