This letter is intended to allow me to jot down my thoughts as I partake in what Twilight is calling an experiment, though to my mind it feels more like therapy. But I am not opposed to the latter, particularly not when I can engage in it without having to burden another pony.
Twilight’s experiment is simple. Each of us is to drink the small vial of potion she supplied, and then write our thoughts for the few minutes that the potion lasts. The potion is supposed to lower our natural mental inhibitions, though not so much as to make us go wild. Just enough to allow us to express some of our inner thoughts in a form where we can better examine them.
We are not required to send the response back.
I do hope that Shining Armor will be able to supply enough pink paper and pens for all the hearts Cadance will no doubt draw while under the potion’s influence. It will be like when she first ascended all over again. A shame I won’t be there to see it, but even the thought makes me smile.
I have taken the potion, and must report that the taste was rather awful. While I am not the cake fiend that many believe me to be, I certainly wouldn’t mind having a slice here now to help get that taste out of my mouth.
Jokes about my supposed cake habits are infinitely preferable to most of the other things ponies whisper about me.
Celestia the Tyrant. Celestia the Chessmaster. Celestia the Aloof, the Uncaring, the Thoughtless. The names change, but the meaning remains the same – the implication that I am somehow a plotting, conniving creature, neutral at best and evil at worst.
Hmm. This potion works quickly.
Still, you would think that such statements grow easier to hear when you’ve lived as long as I have.
Unfortunately, they do not.
And sometimes the unsaid ones are worse.
But I digress – Twilight gave me a question to answer while having taken the potion. If you could do whatever you wanted for a day, what would that be?
That is a question I have often had occasion to ponder. Having been shackled to the yoke of ruling this land for more than a thousand years, I have come to accept that dreaming of escape is not only inevitable, but necessary.
Sometimes I’ve dreamed of simply getting away from here for a while. Flying where I want, the wind through my feathers, not a care in the world. There were places I once traveled with Luna that I have not seen in eons, places I would like to visit again.
On rougher days, the kind of days where I really do live up to my cake-eating reputation, I’ve dreamed of giving those who speak ill of me a real reason to fear. I have no desire to rule as a tyrant, but there is more than a little real estate in Canterlot that could stand to be scorched by the power of the Sun, and the owners with it.
It would be so simple, really. It’s my star, and my right to do with it as I will. Just one tiny application of magic, one little flick of my mind, and they would cease to exist, reduced to little more than ash and regret.
My regret, not theirs.
I’ve done it before, though never for such petty reasons. The official stories speak of how Luna and I used the Elements to stop Discord, but that was hardly the first thing we tried. And Discord was not our only enemy, nor was he the last I had to face. After Luna was banished, and the Elements no longer answered my call, I had to resort to desperate measures on more than one occasion.
Ponies wonder if I’m embarrassed that Twilight and her friends have saved the kingdom – have saved me – on multiple occasions. Far from it. Their successes come in a way consistent with Harmony.
I'm merely glad I no longer have to add to the chains that weigh on me.
Twilight Sparkle is – despite her many failings – the best example of ponykind I have ever encountered, the best hope for Equestria’s glorious future. And she doesn’t see it – not one bit.
I would do anything to protect her from harm…and yet my duty requires me to throw her into pain time and time again.
That’s the real joy of this position. That’s why ponies see me as cold and calculating; not because of any exceptional skill I possess, but because I have learned to keep certain ponies at hoof’s length to keep my own heart from being shredded.
Not that that’s ever worked. As I realized long ago, you can have your heart broken more than once, even if you don’t dally in romance.
I’m so sorry, Luna.
There’s one question nopony has ever asked me. I’d like to think it’s because they assume I would demure to answer, but I know the truth.
Nopony has ever asked why I continue to rule Equestria because they can’t see why anypony wouldn’t want to. They can’t understand that want doesn’t factor into it.
I continue to rule Equestria because I can’t see any way out.
Why would I continue to do something I hate, you might ask?
It’s because despite all their follies, despite all the times ponies lie to me, and betray me, and disappoint me, (oh, the disappointments!)…I still love them.
I love all of them, even the ones that hate me.
Especially the ones that hate me.
I never had foals of my own. At first, it was for fear they’d be used against me. By the time I felt safe to try having them, my position meant that any sort of stallion I would want to marry was no longer one I could marry. And so, I chose to remain as I was.
And yet…my children are innumerable. They may not call me Mother, that highest title that I never earned, and yet I am a mother to them. I have shepherded generations of ponies, seeing their triumphs, their follies, their loves, their hopes and dreams.
That is why I persist, even when my very soul cries out for rest.
How could I not?
And that is why I do not hold Twilight back from trials and tests. Some may consider it the greatest cruelty to have plans to install her in this position, to subject her back to a load I have never felt worthy to carry.
But I cannot shoulder my burdens forever, and when the first real hope for Equestria’s future lies at my hooves…my duty requires me to act accordingly.
I am sorry, Twilight, for what you will face. And yet…the rewards are beyond measure.
I pray that you will understand this faster than I did.
You wished to know what I would do with a day of freedom, Twilight?
I would gladly trade it away if it meant you could come to understand even one day sooner that which I have come to know. That the duty of being Princess of Equestria, the worst duty in the world...is also the very best.
With undying love and compassion,
Celestia.
This letter was sent to Twilight after she assumed the throne, without edits or changes, and is presented here as originally written.
When Twilight first told me of her little idea, I must confess I didn’t think much of it. After all, everypony knows I’m practically an open book! But I finally decided to humor her, which is why I’m writing this now. And the first thing I have to say is that potions shouldn’t taste like old mare’s perfume. Positively revolting!
Twilight’s question to me is as follows: Where do you see yourself ending up?
Well, with such an open-ended question as that, I’m tempted to be snarky and say that I expect to be dead eventually. Since I’m humoring her, I'll put a little more thought into this.
The easy, obvious answer is that I hope to be famous across not just Equestria, but all the neighboring lands as well. Things have been going fairly well for me on the fashion front for some time now – thanks in no small part to the help of my friends and some other well-connected acquaintances – and now, having opened up a third boutique in Manehattan, it truly does feel as though the sky is the limit.
It goes a long way to making me feel happy and accomplished. That’s what I’m supposed to want in life, right? To feel successful?
As the Element of Generosity, I’m obligated to be generous in all forms…including lies to myself.
Don’t get me wrong. My success does bring me happiness, and always shall. I feel like the luckiest pony in Equestria when my designs strike gold, and when mares and stallions come rushing in, bits in hand, to buy the latest thing I’ve cooked up. And I feel even better when they walk out wearing something that makes them feel like a million bits.
I only wish I had someone to share that success with. But, much like a work of art is often made by a particular flaw, it seems the counterbalance to my success in material things is my complete lack of success in the area of love.
Certainly, you might say that I’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places. And you wouldn’t be wrong, exactly. Prince Blueblood may have turned out to be a prat, and Trenderhoof wasn’t what I’d expected, but those two are hardly the only ones I’ve worked at.
Spike once told me that what made the heroes in his comic books interesting was not their strengths, but their weaknesses. If generosity is my strength, then my weakness is my complete ineptitude in matters of the heart.
Now I'm repeating myself.
You might be saying, ‘Rarity, you would be perfect in a relationship! You’re so giving, and so kind, and both of those things are essential in love!’. And perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself.
Personally, I think I am fated to die alone, surrounded by cats.
Perhaps that doesn’t matter. I can certainly think of worse company than cats.
After all, so what if I can’t find a special somepony? I’m still Rarity with or without one.
I have seen things that would make gods envious. The Princesses of Equestria know me by name, and I count one of them among my very closest friends.
Friends. As a young filly, I thought I knew what friends were. I was naïve. These past years with Twilight and the others have taught me so much about friendship that even in my lowest moments, I still consider myself quite fortunate.
As ashamed as I am to admit it, Twilight…mostly I worry for you. Yes, I will send this letter to you regardless of how I feel afterwards – let it not be said I was a coward – but I must admit the concerns of my heart.
I worry for what will happen to you after we’re all gone.
Oh, certainly, I expect Applejack will try to beat Granny Smith for longevity, and as a dragon Spike should have a good long life. And you’ll have the other princesses for company.
But I worry that without us, you’ll return to that quiet, extra-studious mare that I met all those years ago, the one who didn’t have time for friends. Only this time, it will be due to grief.
Perhaps I’m being selfish for thinking this way, or putting undue importance on our friendship. If that is the case, I humbly apologize.
Twilight…darling…please, please promise me that when we’re gone, you won’t lose that spark that makes you the most valuable gem I have ever laid eyes on.
Please.
Rarity.
This letter was, as promised, sent to Princess Twilight upon completion, along with an attached sketch of a wedding dress, since lost to time. Princess Twilight assures me it was the most beautiful gown Rarity ever designed, even if it was never worn by the unicorn.
I guess that'll have to do. I've never been super great at writing letters. Though, if you ever saw some of my report cards from school, you'd know that already. It's not that I hate them, it's just that writing is boring. I'd rather be outside having fun.
To be honest, I'm a little scared of what this potion's going to do if I drink it. I'll still do it, because you've been super nice to me over the years and I trust you, but...I don't like to talk about some stuff. But I guess if you think it'll help.
Hmm. That potion didn't taste too bad, honestly. I've had some of the ones Apple Bloom makes, and they're almost always terrible. Hah, maybe it's something she learned from Zecora. You should totally give her some tips on how to make potions taste good. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.
Anyway, I don't really feel any different? I'm still just plain old Scootaloo. Daredevil pony that likes to ride on her scooter and hang out with her friends. Can you blame me? Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are both great to spend time with. The best friends a pony could ask for.
It helps that they're not pegasi. Ponies of all races like to stare at me, sometimes, but pegasi are the worst. They stare, and sometimes they whisper, but I can still hear them. Sometimes I think that's on purpose.
I don't like it when ponies stare and whisper, just because my wings are, well, you know what my problem is, Twilight. I don't need to waste your time going over old news.
Did you ever worry you wouldn't be able to do something? I mean, I know, you're a princess and all that, and the Element of Magic, and you've saved Equestria like, a million times already. But it seems like you just handle those problems without breaking a sweat. I always get nervous when I have to try something new. Especially if it's something that makes it clear I'm different. I wasn't going to tell you this, but whenever I have to do something hard like that, I just think of how you'd handle it.
Don't get me wrong, Twilight. I still love Rainbow Dash, and I wish I could be like her, but I know her pretty well now. I know she has her own problems, just like me. It helped me a lot to realize she wasn't perfect, actually. I still wanted to try, but I knew it was okay if I messed up sometimes.
But you? I mean, I know you have your off days on little problems, but the big problems? You just step forward and make them go away.
I wish I could be like you, but I always feel afraid when I have a big problem to face. Maybe that's why you're a princess, and I'm not.
I feel bad admitting this, but there was one time when I didn't like you very much. It wasn't your fault, but when you became a princess, and got a full set of working wings...I was a little jealous.
Okay, I was a lot jealous. I was pretty mad too. I was mad that you'd gotten wings and I was still stuck with these stubs that don't do more than flap and make noise. I even said some things that weren't very nice, though I felt bad about it later. I just kept thinking how unfair it was, that somepony like you that already had so much got even more. I may have said some mean things about Princess Celestia too. It just felt so unfair that she would do that for you, and not do anything for me.
Do you think I should write her a letter to apologize?
Anyway, I finally got over being mad at you when Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom pointed out that I was being kinda dumb about the whole thing. It wasn't like you'd asked for wings, or to be made a princess, and even after that you were still super nice to everypony.
I mentioned how great my friends are already, right? They're the best.
Sometimes ponies whisper things about me. They whisper about how sad I must be, not being able to fly being a cripple.
That's what I am, really. I'm a cripple. A crippled pony.
And you know what? I'm okay with that. I know, you're going to think I'm crazy, but I'm okay with who I am. So what if ponies stare, or make sad faces, or feel bad for me? That's their choice.
If I wasn't a cripple, I probably would have been sent off to flight school, and had to live in Cloudsdale. And if I'd done that, I might not have met my friends, and who knows when I might have gotten my cutie mark?
I don't think I could have gotten it without them. I don't think I'd be the pony I am today if it weren't for Sweetie and Apple Bloom. I love both those girls, so, so much.
You know, I really don't like this potion. It makes me all sappy, and I hate being sappy. But it's true. Both those girls mean the world to me, and I'd do anything for them.
I probably don't tell them that enough.
I hope you don't mind, but I think I'll show them this letter before I send it to you. It seems like it'll be easier to tell them how much they mean to me when it's written down.
Maybe there is something to this letter writing after all.
Love,
Scootaloo.
This letter was sent to Princess Twilight upon completion. The Princess tells me that after consulting with her, Scootaloo did write a note to Princess Celestia, who accepted the apology with good humor, followed by an invitation to spend a few days in Canterlot.
When I asked whether the other two Crusaders saw the original letter, the Princess merely smiled.
Is it okay to admit that I'm nervous? Discord says it is, and I trust him, but sometimes I still wonder.
I trust you too, Twilight, which is why I drank the potion. But I don't need a truth potion to tell you that it didn't taste very good.
Thanks for giving me the choice, though. It means a lot.
I don't like feeling like I'm not in control of my life. Which doesn't make sense, does it? Little old Fluttershy, scared of her own shadow. I spend so much of my time being dragged into things I didn't want to do, and sometimes it feels like no pony seems to care how I feel. They think that I must not have anything better to do, or that I don't care what ponies do to me.
But that's just my frustration talking. I know they usually mean well.
Honestly, Twilight? I think you and I have more in common than someponies realize. Oh, for different reasons, of course, but in a lot of ways we're the same. And while it hasn't been at the same rate, I think our friends have changed both of us for the better.
You used to want to stay home reading and studying, because those were the most important things in life for you. I wanted to stay home because I was too afraid to talk to other ponies. Other ponies...aren't always nice to me.
We both still have those elements in our personalities, but we choose not to let them control our lives. But we didn't start to change until other ponies grabbed us and made us realize that we didn't have to keep living our lives the way we were.
Discord once asked me if I would change how things had turned out, if given the choice. I told him no. Things have been hard, sure. I've had a lot of sad moments, and had to do a lot of things I didn't want to. But looking back? I don't think I would be the pony I am today without those things.
And, as wild as it feels to admit it? I like the pony I am today.
I also really like Discord. I know I probably don't do a good job of telling him this, but he's just...kind. Yes, I know you're thinking "but he's been so mean!", but, to be honest Twilight, all of you have been mean at one point or another too.
(That includes me, by the way. I still feel bad about how I shouted at Pinkie and Rarity when I was taking lessons from Iron Will.)
Discord reminds me of some of the animals that I try to help. Some of them don't seem to have ever been shown any kindness in their lives, and they don't know how to react when somepony is kind to them.
Is it wrong that I like the way he reacts when I do something nice for him? He's always so flustered, and it's so cute.
but i always think he's cute
Eep. I can't believe I wrote that.
I'm not sure I like this potion, Twilight.
But maybe it's like I wrote earlier. Sometimes, you and I need to be pulled out of our comfort zones for us to grow. And if it takes this potion for me to finally admit how I feel, then maybe it's a good thing.
Maybe it is time I told Discord what I think about him. How I really feel.
Oh, it doesn't need to be anything like that. (I'm turning bright red right now thinking about you raising your eyebrow when you read this.) But I like the idea of us spending more time together. Even if "special somedraconequus" sounds ridiculous.
Truth is, even with all my friends, sometimes I get lonely. And, as odd as it sounds, Discord really is a great listener, because he doesn't immediately try to fix things if they go wrong.
All right. I'll do it. I'll tell him at our next tea time.
But I might write you for a bravery potion first. After I hide this letter.
Sorry, Twilight.
And thank you.
Fluttershy.
This letter was not sent to Princess Twilight until after Fluttershy's passing. Discord discovered it among her effects, and brought it to her personally.
Princess Twilight says that she and the Lord of Chaos conversed for several hours that night, and that they have remained far closer as friends since then.
I believe Fluttershy would have liked that. Perhaps that was why she never sent it. When I asked the princess about that, she paused to consider it before smiling and sending me on my way.
The Great and Powerful Trixie was most delighted to receive your letter, Princess. In fact, she doesn't know why you didn't reach out to her first! Everypony knows that Trixie loves to speak her mind.
That's why Trixie will tell you that your potion tastes wonderful. You should bottle it and sell it in stores.
Did Trixie ever tell you the story of how she learned her first magic trick? You see, one day, Trixie was sitting in the park, watching all the other little foals play. She didn't take part in such nonsense, because she didn't want to get her hooves dirty - her mother had just given her a hooficure, you see. While Trixie was definitely choosing to not partake in the shenanigans that were going on, a pony walked up to her, and asked her to pick a card.
Trixie humored him, and did so. She'd seen card tricks before, of course, and knew how they all worked - or so she thought. Somehow, this pony knew a trick Trixie had not seen. She was amazed - and immediately asked him to show her how he had done it.
He pulled a book from his bag, and told Trixie that if she promised to study everything inside of it, he would teach me the secret to the card trick.
Trixie promised, and the rest is history.
Maybe I will show you that card trick sometime, Princess.
I offered to show it to Starlight, but she said that she wanted to figure it out on her own. That's just the kind of mare she is - it's why I'm so fond of her.
I know I thanked you once before, but I wanted to thank you again for helping me find a home here in Ponyville. I know we haven't always gotten along (mostly my fault), but you were willing to put that aside for the sake of friendship, and to help Starlight.
A part of me will always miss the life on the road, traveling to new towns, wowing young foals. Being an illusionist is part of who I am.
But it's not the only part anymore. Another thing I have to thank you and Starlight for.
I lied earlier, as you might have guessed. I wasn't playing with the other foals because none of them liked me. My personality can be abrasive at the best of times. It works for a showy magician, but not so much when it comes to making actual friends.
But that's the old Trixie. I'm not that mare anymore.
Starlight and I are planning a vacation soon. We want to go visit a few places once the School lets out for summer break. I know you're busy these days, but I want to invite you to come with us for the day when we stop by Canterlot. I'm putting on one last show, you see, and I think you'll enjoy it.
If you come, it'll be for an audience of three, rather than two.
If you're too busy, I understand. Trixie is nothing if not resilient.
But I'd really like it if you came.
Cordially,Sincerely, With Love,
Trixie Lulamoon.
P.S. The potion tasted like dishwater.
P.P.S. Do not ask me how I know what dishwater tastes like.
Princess Twilight told me that the magic show was spectacular. She also confirmed that Trixie returned to speaking about herself in the third person once the potion wore off.
