Success! We Have Secured the Enemy Intelligence!
Rainbow Dash's POV
I’m just a simple pony, with simple pleasures. A nice, long nap… The comfort and companionship of my best friends in the world… But most of all, I take pleasure in being fast. I’m the fastest pony around, for sure. I mean, who else has pulled off a Sonic Rainboom in recent memory? No one, besides me that is. So I automatically know I’m pretty special.
Tomorrow, also, is the most special day of the year. What day, you ask? You really don’t remember? It’s my birthday!
I already know that Pinkie Pie is throwing a massively huge party for me. I mean, she pretty much has to. I coordinated her birthday party earlier this year, so she kinda owes me big time on this one. It’s not like she won’t want to, either. I mean, she is the Queen of Parties. It’s kind of her thing.
It sucks, though. I gotta pretend I don’t know anything about what’s going on. It kills me every year, trying not to think about the 24-hour spectacular that is Pinkie’s annual birthday party for me. Yeah, that’s right. It goes on… All. Day. Long.
You can start envying me now… If you didn’t already, that is.
So anyways, I’ve gotta figure out something to do. So I head up to Rainbowshine’s house. I’ve always liked her; she really looks up to me, plus she’s got this really cute way about her. Naturally, I’m welcome at her house anytime I like.
When I get there, she’s already waiting for me. Which is kinda weird, considering I didn’t tell her I was stopping by. I wanted it to be a surprise. Oh well, guess the cat got out of the bag.
“Hi, Rainbow Dash!” she yells, waving animatedly at her. I come in for a landing and put on my trademark grin.
“Sup, Rainbowshine?”
“Oh, not much. Hey, I got something that I think you’ll really like. As far as I know, I’m the only one in all of Cloudsdale who has it.”
Okay, now she’s got my attention. I follow her inside. When we get to her room, she throws her front hooves spread-eagle towards her bed. “Ta-da!”
I’m looking for something I’ve never seen before, but all I see is her laptop computer, and I’ve used that enough to know that it’s not exactly new. “Um, Rainbowshine… Not trying to be rude here, but I’ve already seen your laptop before-“
That’s when I notice. It’s not the laptop that she’s trying to show me… it’s what’s on the screen. “What the hell is a Team Fortress 2?”
“Oh it’s this awesome new computer game!” she says, all bubbly. “You get to play one of nine characters, and you kill everyone else who’s not on your team! It’s so fun!”
Wow, she’s really fired up about this. Then again, I can’t really blame her; it sounds pretty fun, actually. “Okay, you have my interest. Show me how this works.”
She uses her specially-made pony-friendly mouse (made possible thanks to the one and only Twilight Sparkle) to click on the button that says “Browse Servers.” She then goes to “Favorites” and chooses one. It starts the process of logging her on… or whatever it’s called.
I look at the server name. “What the heck is a Nighteam…? Is that a pony?”
“I think so,” she replies. “I’ve talked to the pony who runs the server; apparently, they live right here in Cloudsdale! I’ve been pretty busy lately, just getting everything ready for Storm Day.”
Oh yeah, that is coming up pretty soon. I need to remember that- oh hey, it’s finished loading. Once she goes through all the initial screens, she comes up to the character selection screen. She chooses the Scout, and off she goes.
“Damn,” I murmur. “He’s really fast.”
“Yup!” Rainbowshine replies. “He’s the fastest character in the game. Watch this!”
For the next few hours, she shows me all the cool tricks that the Scout can pull off. She even earns a few achievements in the process. When she finally logs off, I look at her and grin. “Okay, you’ve convinced me. This is now the official coolest thing I’ve ever seen. Where’d you get it?”
“A pony friend who lives all the way out in Manehattan. She got it for me, for an early birthday present.”
“Oh? Well you know my birthday’s tomorrow. When’s yours?”
She lights up like a Christmas tree. “Oh my god, no way! We share the same birthday!” She starts jumping up and down animatedly; she reminds me a lot of Pinkie Pie, actually, when she’s doing this.
“Yeah, I guess so,” I reply. “Hey, I already know for a fact that Pinkie Pie is hosting a birthday party for me tomorrow. Why don’t you talk to her about making it a double party? Both of our parties rolled up into one.”
“Hmm… I’ll have to talk to her about that.” She looks at the clock. “Oh man, I’m almost late for my second shift! I’ll catch you later, Rainbow Dash!” She winks at me and flies out her window.
I look at the clock. Wow, it is getting late. I need to get back to Ponyville and rest up for my big party tomorrow. I fly back at supersonic speeds, though barely not getting up to Sonic Rainboom-levels. Once I get back, I find my favorite cloud and smile. My blanket and pillow are still there.
I settle in, and soon I’m dead to the world.
---
A loud explosion goes off near me, which wakes me up immediately. Are you kidding? Where’s my cloud? And where the hell am I? I’m in the middle of some dusty field… I see something land beside me. Is that…?
It explodes and throws me back a few yards. Yep, I was right. That was a grenade.
I hear a yell from further up the way, in a really weird accent. “Here I come!” is all he says. Soon, he comes into my vision. Oh shit, this guy is huge. Plus, he’s got this gigantic gun with him. He’s using it to mow everyone down in his path. One of the bullets takes a direct trajectory towards me. I fly up to avoid it.
That’s when I realize that I’m wearing clothing. For the first time in my entire life, I’m wearing clothing. They seem familiar, though… Where have I seen these threads before?
“Woohoo!” I hear from below me. Okay, now I definitely recognize that voice. But it’s impossible, isn’t it? I look down. Okay, definitely not impossible. That is most assuredly the Scout.
But wouldn’t that mean… I’m in that Team Fortress 2 game that Rainbowshine was showing me earlier? That isn’t possible… Is it?
I fly down to the Scout, just as he fires his gun and kills some random guy in a red suit, who was shooting flames everywhere. “Hey!” I yell. “What the hell is going on here?”
“We’re trying to get the intelligence!” the Scout replies. I think he just then realizes there’s no one around him, so he looks up. “What the fuck?!” he yells, jumping back a step. “Who are you?!”
“My name’s Rainbow Dash,” I reply. Is this guy seriously scared of me?
He stops to think for a second. “Dash, huh…? Well, it looks like you’re on BLU team so you’re kinda stuck here for the moment. You wanna make an intel run with me?”
“Sure…” I reply tentatively. “How do we do that?”
“Simple. We go into the RED base, steal the red briefcase, and bring it back here. We do that three times, we win.”
“Sounds easy enough,” I say. “How many times have we done it so far?”
“None,” the Scout replies dejectedly. “And RED team already has two captures on us-“
I’m not waiting for him. I zoom off and find the enemy base. Once I’m inside, suddenly this gigantic gun on a tripod is firing bullets and missiles at me. I see a really short guy standing behind the gun, whacking it with a very large wrench.
I zoom around and dodge the bullets and missiles. As I fly above it all, suddenly this guy in a blue tuxedo appears out of nowhere and throws some mechanical gadget onto the giant gun.
“Oh no!” the short guy cries out. “Spy is sappin’ mah sentry!” Huh. He sounds a lot like Applejack… except, you know, AJ isn’t a guy.
I remember what I’m here for, and fly around for a bit more trying to find the damn thing. Eventually, I find it downstairs, and I zoom back to our base to drop it off.
A voice sounds from nowhere. “Success! We have secured the enemy Intelligence!”
I fly back over to the Scout, who’s gaping at me with an open mouth. “Seriously?” he asks. “There’s no possible way you can be that fast.”
“Oh, it’s possible alright. Watch this!” I fly off and pick up a pie that’s just randomly laying around. Then, I fly over to a guy who has a really long gun- I think I remember Rainbowshine mentioning he was called the Sniper- and I throw it right in his face. This throws his aim off and and he glares at me angrily.
“Hey!” he yells. “I thought I told you not to-“ He cuts himself off suddenly, presumably when he sees what I am. I grin at him and do an Applejack-style kick right to his midsection. He flips over the railing and lands on the ground below. I guess I killed him…
Oh god. I just killed somebody. I race back to the Scout. “Did you see that? I killed him…”
“Yeah, I saw. You was pretty good. Don’t worry, he’ll respawn in a second and you can kill him again.”
“Oh, so deaths in this game aren’t permanent?”
“Nope. Closest thing we have to that is an Arena game, and that only lasts until the next round.”
Well, I feel much better now. I may love to rough things up every once in awhile, but killing? Nope. I dash off again, and return a few seconds later with the briefcase.
“Success! We have secured the enemy Intelligence!”
“Alright!” the Scout yells. He sees another Scout heading right towards him. He looks up at me and grins. “Play ball!” I fly behind him and kick him in the small of his back, which causes him to fly right at my Scout. While he’s in mid-air, my Scout puts his gun away and takes out a wooden bat with spikes driven into it. He grins evilly and swings it, decapitating the enemy Scout with one fluid motion.
“I call this beauty the Boston Basher!” he yells as he races off. I grin as I follow him.
“Only one more left!” I cry out. “Let’s do this together!”
“Yeah, let’s waste ‘em!” he replies. Soon, we are in their base and grabbing their intelligence, and a few seconds later, we deposit our hard-earned cache.
“Victory!” a female voice sounds off. All of the players on our team cheer.
“We won!” the Scout says, looking at me. “Good job, kid. You’re gonna go far.” I smile again.
Suddenly, we’re teleported into this room with a whole bunch of equipment on the walls and what looks to be a huge cabinet in the corner. Hey, it’s got Nurse Redheart’s cutie mark on it! Awesome!
“Mission begins in sixty seconds!” It’s that same female announcer again. The Scout leans in to me. “Ya know, there are rumors that the Pyro is the announcer lady…”
The who? Oh, he must mean the flame-throwing guy from earlier. I give a non-commital shrug; I really could care less either way. The voice keeps counting down the time until the mission begins.
Finally, it hits time. “Mission begins in ten seconds!” the voice says. “Five… four… three… two… one…”
---
“Surprise!”
Huh? I open my eyes to see Pinkie Pie bouncing on a cloud beside me. How did she get up here-
Wait. I was just in that room, waiting for the mission to begin. Was… was it all a dream? No, it can’t have been. It felt so real.
“Wakey wakey!” Pinkie says with a grin. “It’s your birthday!”
Yeah… yeah it is. Though it seems kinda anticlimactic, considering what I just witnessed. Dream or not, that was pretty sweet. I stand and stretch. “So where’s the party being held?”
Pinkie looks shocked. “Who told you??”
I laugh. “Pinkie Pie, you throw me a party every year. It’s not exactly a surprise anymore.”
She actually looks kinda sad now. “But… surprise parties are the best kinds of parties…” I feel pretty bad now.
“Tell you what,” I say. “I’ll act surprised. You know, for everyone else’s benefit.”
She looks at me oddly. “Surprised about what?” I don’t even want to know… “Never mind,” I say. “Let’s get going.” I give her a ride down to the ground.
“Oh! I almost forgot. Rainbowshine wants you to go to her house right quick-like. She has a surprise for you.”
Huh? “Okay…” I reply. I take off in the direction of Cloudsdale. What on earth could she have for me? Oh. Maybe a birthday present. But why couldn’t she just give it to me at the party?
I arrive at her house a bit later. Oddly, she’s not out there to greet me. “Hey, Rainbowshine!” I yell. “I’m here! What’s the surprise?” No answer. Huh.
I fly into her window. Her laptop is gone, so she must be out someplace. There is a box on the bed, and it’s addressed to me. I pick it up carefully and shake it. There’s definitely something inside. I tear it open and look inside-
No way. It can’t be. I heft the bat with one hoof, careful to avoid the long spikes coming out of it. There’s a note attached to it, so I read it. It’s pretty short.
“To Rainbow Dash: Thanks for a great time. Hope this makes your birthday awesome. –The Scout”
Wait. So… it wasn’t a dream after all? I smile. Maybe that means… I can go back there someday.
I sure do hope so.
A/N: So... many... in-jokes... Allow me to explain some of them to you.
-Nighteam is the server group that I'm the most active with, in TF2.
-I didn't want to make the Scout break the fourth wall down too many times, but I eventually figured out it was going to be kinda unavoidable.
-Rainbow Dash + Engineer meme = Duh! Winning!
-Did you catch the reference to Machinima's fake "Meet the Pyro" video that they put out before the real one got released? No? Go look for it again.
-Apparently, according to jkh5330, there's an unintentional reference in one of the Scout's lines to The Offspring's song "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid." I didn't realize this when I wrote it, but it's awesome anyways. So yay.
Again, I hope you enjoyed it. Leave me love in the comments section! Muwah!