Foalsitting For Complete Idiots

by Paper_Pen

First published

A tired Twilight Sparkle leaves Flurry Heart in the care of one of her most trusted guards... it doesn't go well.

Royal Guard Daisy Dancer does Princess Twilight Sparkle a favor and takes Flurry Heart off her hooves for a bit, but there's an issue... she's terrible with foals.

Foalsitting For Complete Idiots

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Daisy Dancer trotted idly through the halls of Canterlot Castle, her mind drifting in her silver plated helmet as she did her rounds. The daily routine of a Royal Guard was as boring as it was necessary, even if the lack of excitement did make her job feel redundant. She'd do just about anything to find an assassin or somepony creeping through the castle.

She spotted a tall purple figure dragging its hooves through the hall, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Her usual regal demeanor seemed interrupted, replaced by tired, sagging eyes and sleep deprived twitching. She came to rest on a windowsill, an aura of pink magic levitating a small box of cigarettes from her saddle. Daisy trotted by as the princess lit one up with a small arcane bolt.

"Good afternoon, your Highness!" Daisy greeted, nodding her head as she moved past.

"Afternoon?" The princess suddenly shot up, looking up to the sun she rose that morning, "Buck! I have so much to do, how is it already afternoon?!"

"Something wrong, Princess?" Daisy asked, moving next to the monarch of friendship.

"Everything's wrong!" She groaned, taking a puff of her cigarette, "I haven't slept since… it's Monday, right?"

"Tuesday, actually."

"Two days, I haven't slept in two days." Twilight sighed, "My brother and Cadance are on a cruise and I volunteered to foalsit. As it turns out, foals are a lot cuter when you don't have to deal with them…"

"Huh… why don't you just make somepony else take care of her?" Daisy asked.

Twilight thought for a moment, taking a drag of her cigarette as she considered the idea. Her sister in law had been very specific about being careful who she let around the young princess, but who was more trustworthy than one of her own guards? Besides, she was the princess of good judgement… sort of… what's the worst that could happen?

"Was that an offer?" Twilight proposed.

"Me, foalsit Flurry Heart?!" Daisy laughed at the absurdity of it, "I mean, I used to foalsit when I was younger, but I've still got my rounds to do and my shift doesn't end till-"

"Take her and you're off for the rest of the day, with full pay." Twilight offered, "Buck it, double pay. I'd sell Canterlot for five minutes of sleep right now. Just stay at the castle with her, alright?"

"Deal!" Daisy agreed at a moment's notice.

Pleased with the arrangement Princess Twilight led Daisy to her bedroom where the young alicorn princess was, for the moment at least, fast asleep on a baby blue pillow. Daisy trotted over to Flurry, gently picking her up. The sleeping foal grabbed onto the guard, wrapping her small front legs around her neck. Daisy smiled, this would be easy.

The guardsmare trotted into the streets of Canterlot with the young princess wrapped up in a concealing blue blanket. She didn't pay Twilight's instructions too much mind, a lot of things in the castle's walls didn't go exactly to her meticulously overdetailed plans and really what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her, right? Daisy made her way down to a corner store, idly trotting in and grabbing a gallon of milk. It was surprisingly nonchalant, she hardly even noticed Flurry Heart. It was almost like she wasn't even there.

In fact, she wasn't.


The door chime of Noble Barn Bookshoppe rang out, the unicorn stallion at the counter not even looking up as the new patron clambered towards him. A popular new release had plunged the shop into a sea of rampaging nerds not a few hours ago, a flurry of business that had left Crow's Nest half asleep at his post.

"If you're looking for the new Dusklight sequel, it sold out. I suggest you try one of the five hundred other vampony romance novels." He mumbled dismissively.

"Crow, get up, it's me!" Daisy exclaimed, a light concern in her voice causing the tired stallion to rise.

"Daisy? Shouldn't you still be on shift?" Crow asked.

"Don't worry about that- say, do you remember when I bought you a soda yesterday and you said you owed me one?"

"Wait- are you actually looking for the new Dusklight book? Cause' I hid one in the back to spite a customer-"

"I need help finding a foal." Daisy cut him off.

"...I was not expecting you to go foal crazy- y'know adoption's an option, you don't have to resort to foalnapping." Crow shook his head, trying to take in the situation while still waking up.

"What? Get your head out of your flank!" She commanded, "Look, I was foalsitting this filly and I sorta kinda lost track of… where she went. I need help looking for her."

"You lost a client's foal?" Crow asked, a tone of shock shooting into his voice.

"I think 'lost' is a bit of a strong word, it's more like I just don't know exactly where she is." Daisy explained, "Seriously, relax, it's not like it's the first time this has happened."

"And they let you of all ponies carry a sword around…" Crow rubbed his face, grabbing a saddlebag and getting prepped to help his friend search, "Right, so what does this filly look like?"

"So y'know Princess Flurry Heart?"

"Of course, what about her? Wait, don't bucking tell me-"

"It's Flurry Heart."

"You lost a bucking princess?!" Crow exclaimed.

"Crow, my guy, dude. Chill." Daisy assured, rolling her eyes, "It's not a big deal if we don't make a big deal about it, right?"

"You're buying me dinner, something fancy!" Crow named his price as he grabbed his hoodie, "C'mon, let's find her before dark."

Daisy and Crow set out into the streets of Canterlot, searching for the young princess while trying not to bring too much attention to themselves. At some point the pair ventured into a maze of alleys, Daisy jumping from a marble dumpster onto a low roof while Crow strode through the dark inbetweens of the buildings. It reminded him somewhat of the small dark places in Cloudsville he hid as a young colt. To him at least there was a strange beauty in the spaces that time forgot, old neglected asphalt and graffiti strewn walls a much needed respite from the tiring beauty of Equestria's capital city.

A small rush of air hit Crow's back as Daisy landed behind him, the mare having to tap him to get the stallion's attention.

"So good news, bad news, I found Flurry Heart!" Daisy spoke in a hushed voice. Her demeanor was still chill, but a small crack of nervousness showed through.

"I'm gonna judge by tone that there's a reason you started with the good news?" Crow asked.

"So she's safe, a police pony found her." Daisy began, "Thing is uh, they tend to write stuff down… and I'd sorta like if Twilight never knew about this."

"Can't you just 'conveniently' take over the situation and tell them you'll take care of the paperwork?" Crow optioned.

"Yeah, theoretically I could do that. But the police don't like the guard much and uh… they don't actually like me much… lets just say I know the officer and he's a real hardflank."

"He arrested you, didn't he?"

"So I burnt my jerkwad ex's garage down on accident when we were like thirteen and officer Jerkwad's Dad over there tried for arson charges. They didn't stick and he's still really mad about it." Daisy confessed, drawing her sword and handing it to crow, "Point is, you're gonna go rob that hayburger stand across the street to distract him."

"What? I am not doing that!" Crow refused, "I'll get arrested!"

"Oh c'mon, I'll bail you out!" Daisy assured, "Besides, I'd need my sword back anyways."

"If I go to jail I'll lose my job!" Crow again refused, "How about a different sort of distraction?"

"Good idea!" Daisy's horn lit up with arcane blue fire, "I'll just cast a fireball on those boxes over there-"

Crow's own horn quickly lit up, a swirl of his grey magic unbinding Daisy's spell. "Just… leave this one to me."

Crow trotted over to the hayburger stand, paying for a patty with cheese and pickles. The stallion took a single bite of his food before sputtering, coughing loudly and pretending to gag as if he was choking. His face grew an unhealthy shade of red, then purple, the unicorn hitting the concrete sidewalk like a brick. The police stallion across the street set Flurry Heart down gently, galloping over to Crow and pushing down on his stomach until the unicorn spat out a blob of food. While this was going on Daisy swiped Flurry Heart from the ground, disappearing back into the mess of alleys.

"Are you alright, son?" The officer asked Crow, "You look rough, is that blood or ketchup?"

"A little bit of both, rough is sorta' just my default state-" Crow wiped his mouth with a napkin, tossing it to the side and patting the officer on the shoulder before rushing away.

The stallion met up with Daisy at the spot where they'd entered the mess of alleys, still breathing heavy as he removed his hoodie, wrapping the young princess in its warm fabric.

"Good thinking back there, Crow!" Daisy commented, "How'd you make it look so real? You're usually a horrible actor."

"It was real, I'm severely allergic to pickles." Crow explained, "It's alright though, my allergy medication is in my saddlebag."

"Crow, you didn't bring your saddle bag."

"...I will catch up with you later then!" Crow spoke hurriedly, bolting away back towards Noble Barn Bookshoppe.

Daisy returned to Canterlot Castle, sneaking the young princess inside and finding her way to the cafeteria. The mare grabbed a hayburger, a side of fries, and a small ice cream for Flurry Heart before sitting down. She was soon joined by Twilight, the purple princess looking far more lively now that she had actually slept and sipping from a coffee.

"Hiya' Highness!" Daisy greeted with a smile.

"Hey Daisy!" The princess smiled back, taking Flurry Heart in her hooves. She rocked the young alicorn for a moment before noticing something was off, inspecting the grey-blue hoodie she was wrapped up in. Crow's favorite sweatshirt. "What happened to her blanket?"

"Blanket?" Daisy asked, feigning ignorance on the fly, "Pretty sure you gave her to me wrapped up in that hoodie."

"She's a princess, why in Tartarus- bits- bits!" Twilight sighed, trying not to curse in front of her niece, "Why would I wrap her up in a hoodie? I don't think I've even ever seen this before-"

"I don't know princess, it seemed pretty weird at the time but you looked tired." Daisy shrugged, "It's probably one of the guardsstallions', I'll take it back to the locker room for ya'!" She unwrapped Flurry Heart, taking Crow's favorite hoodie back.

"Aww, she looks so happy!" Twilight smiled, bouncing the foal up and down in her hooves, "Say, how'd you feel about doing the same thing tomorrow?"

"Oh Celestia no!" Daisy exclaimed before pausing, "Wait, would it be the same pay?"

"Well it'd be for the whole day, so I guess three times your wage should be fair. I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on…"

"Deal!" Daisy jumped on the offer.


The door chime of Crow's workplace rang out again, the stallion looking up from a fantasy novel to see Daisy enter with a wrapped up foal on her back.

"Hey Crow! Still up for dinner?" She asked.

"When am I not?" He quipped, putting a marker between the pages of his book and closing it. "Where are we going? I've been craving Cupcake Factory ever since you said you were buying."

"Fine, I guess you did cause a medical emergency for me." She chuckled, rolling her eyes, "My shift is over in a few hours."

"Lovely!" He smiled, "So, you managed not to lose her this time?" Crow pointed at the bundle on her back, watching as Daisy placed Flurry Heart on the desk in front of the stallion.

"Yeah, I figured I'd be a bit more responsible this time and not try to run errands with a foal." Daisy started towards the door, "Like I said, I'll be back for her in a few hours!"

"Wait- you're just leaving me with her?" Crow exclaimed, "What the buck?!"

"Hey, don't cuss, it sets a bad example!" Daisy commanded, leaving and slamming the door closed before Crow could argue.