> Adagio's Evil Council of Doom
>  by Dawn Flower
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> First Meeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in the Badlands…

Deep beneath the arid ground, in a large underground chamber, several of the most powerful beings in Equestria and beyond sat around a large, round, stone table.

“Welcome, everyone,” Adagio Dazzle said from the top of the table, leaning back in her seat, with her fingers tilted, and her legs crossed. “I’m glad to see you all came. I have assembled all of the Friendship is Magic villains in one place. This night shall see the end of Twilight Sparkle and her friends, and her little dragon too.” She spoke in a confident tone. “With our combined evil, we shall defeat them! …Somehow!

“Now for the evil roll call.” Adagio continued, as she pushed out her chair and stood up. “Discord!”

“This evil council is seriously lacking in style and flair,” Discord spoke from his seat. “…and originality.” He whispered under his breath.

“Chrysalis!” Adagio continued.

“Word to your mama,” she said, sarcastically.

“Aria and Sonata!”

“Aria’m here,” Sonata said with a smile, whilst trying to stifle her giggling. “It Sonata problem,” she added quietly, trying desperately to hold back her laughter. Aria, sitting next to her, simply responded in her usual manner, with an eye roll and a facepalm.

Ignoring the blue sirens’ stupidity as usual, Adagio quickly moved on with her roll call.

“Tirek!”

“Helloooooo, Equestria,” the centaur called out, in a surprisingly cheerful tone.

“Sombra!”

“Crystals!”

“Flim and Flam!”

“Ugh…” Flim tried to speak up, but Adagio moved on too quickly.

“And finally, A… Ahuizo… how do you pronounce this?” Adagio wondered, squinting as she stared at the name on the piece of paper she held in her hand. “Hoita… Hoity Toity?” She guessed, speaking to the mysterious blue, monkey-like figure sitting in the far corner. Letting out an annoyed sigh as she looked in his direction, she just said, “Look, I’m just going to call you Bob, okay?”

‘Bob’ raised a finger to respond, but Adagio simply ignored him and continued speaking.

“Yes, okay,” Adagio responded in a bored tone. Putting the paper back down, she stood up straight and sounded more enthusiastic, leaning forward, with her hands on the table. “Now then, on to business. Evil business.” She smirked. “Ha ha ha ha.”

“Wait a minute?” Chrysalis interrupted her maniacal laughter. “Is this it? These are all the villains from Friendship is Magic?”

“What are you blathering about?” Adagio asked her, clearly annoyed with her attitude.

“Come on, this can’t be it. There’s got to be more. I mean, what about Luna?”

“We don’t need Luna!” Adagio screamed, looking down and slamming her fist into the table. “She would just slow us down with all of her influence and resources. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”

“She turned you down, didn’t she?” Chrysalis responded immediately, with a smirk on her face.

“Look, just shut the EFF! up!” Adagio screamed, looking back up at the changeling queen. “Luna isn’t one of us, even while she was Nightmare Moon. She’s not villain material; she’s more like an anti-hero: the worst kind of hero there is. They give us villains a good name.”

“But wait, I’m not a villain either,” Discord spoke up.

“Of course you’re a villain,” Adagio said, turning towards him. “You tried taking over Equestria twice for no other reason than you felt like it.”

“I was just confused,” Discord said, with a soft expression on his face, falling back into his chair. “I didn’t know what I was doing. Honestly.”

“Is that what you told the other ponies when they caught you making out with Fluttershy?” Chrysalis teased.

This caused a round of laughter from everyone at the table, except for Adagio.

“Silence!” Adagio screamed again, rising as high as she could. “I command you all to shut the EFF! up. We didn’t come here to discuss Discord’s ship pairings.”

“I did,” Tirek spoke up.

“Shut up!” Adagio quickly cut him off. “What we came here to do is defeat Twilight Sparkle and her friends, once and for all.” She smirked evilly again.

“Crystals,” Sombra suddenly chimed in.

“By the way, there are no free cupcakes. That was a lie.” Adagio quickly spoke up again, without dropping her smile.

“Crystals…” Sombra uttered, looking dejected.

“So how are we going to defeat Twilight Sparkle and her friends?” Chrysalis spoke up again, sounding more spirited. “Are we going to kill them? Because I would be totally on board with that. Especially if it involves draining them of all of their juices, leaving them all as empty husks. I like doing that,” she said with a smile. “It makes me feel all tingly.”

“No!” Adagio quickly corrected her. “We aren’t going to kill them. That would be too obvious.”

“Too fun more like it,” Chrysalis said, her smile falling.

“Drum roll, please.” Adagio said, closing her eyes and smiling. *drum roll* “Oooohh, a real drum roll. Nice,” Adagio said, opening her eyes again. “Now then, in order to defeat Twilight Sparkle and her friends, we are going to…” She paused dramatically. “Have a Battle of the Bands with them. Dun-dun-duuuuun.”

“That’s your plan?” Chrysalis raised an eyebrow.

“Didn’t we already do that?” Aria asked, sarcastically.

“Yeah, we did,” Sonata answered her, for realizes. Aria just facepalmed again.

“This will be no ordinary Battle of the Bands,” Adagio continued. “This one will…” She slumped. “Okay, you can stop the drum roll now.” *drum roll stops* “Thank you, for goodness sakes.” She then faced forward again. “Now then, as I was saying, this Battle of the Bands will take place… on a boat!”

“A boat?” Chrysalis wondered.

“Yes. Ingenious isn’t it?” Adagio boasted.

“Why a boat?”

“Because…” Adagio stuttered a little. “When they lose the Battle of the Bands… we’ll… push them over the edge of the boat… into the sea.”

Chrysalis simply sighed in exasperation. “And what, pray tell, will that accomplish?”

“Well, their manes will be soaked. It will take them hours to dry them,” Adagio explained.

“Why do we even need to have a Battle of the Bands? Why don’t we just push them off the boat?" Chrysalis asked her.

Adagio simply stared back at the changeling queen for a few seconds before hastily responding. “No! The Battle of the Bands is integral to the plot. The evil plot. Of which I am the evil mastermind.”

Aria simply ignored the two of them as they were talking, looking around the room, with a bored expression on her face. “Hey, where are all the hot guys?” She asked in a bored tone.

“Yeah, where are all the hot guys!” Sonata suddenly shot out of her seat, repeating the question in a more vigorous tone than her comrade.

Aria facepalmed again. “Her stupidity is now literally starting to hurt.” She thought.

Discord, Sombra, and Tirek all raised their eyebrows at that remark, but everyone just ignored them.

Adagio just looked at Aria and Sonata strangely. “What did she just say?” She asked, facing Chrysalis again.

“I think she wants to know why there aren’t any males here.”

“Foolish fools!” Adagio suddenly shouted out. “There are no males in Friendship is Magic. There are only extremely masculine girls. And I am the most masculine of them all.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Discord chimed in.

Chrysalis facehoofed from all of the stupidness going on. “Look, if we’re going to defeat these ponies, then we need to think of something truly evil. Something that doesn’t involve singing.”

Adagio looked back at Chrysalis like she couldn’t comprehend what she just said, clutching at her hair. “What? No singing? You’re insane… I mean, more insane than the rest of us.”

“I have an idea,” Tirek suddenly spoke up.

“Oh?” Adagio said, calming down a little. “And what’s the half-pony hybrid’s plan?” She asked sarcastically.

“Why don’t we start throwing around Kamehameha’s?!” He gestured with his arms out at his sides.

*Beat*

“People usually start screaming whenever I say that.”

“Well, we’re not screaming.” Adagio slunk forward a little on her hands. A moment later, she sighed and turned towards ‘Bob. “What about you, Bob. Do you have any ideas?” ‘Bob’ raised his finger to respond, but Adagio quickly cut him off again. “Yeah that’s great, shut up.”

“Wait a minute?” Chrysalis suddenly spoke up. “If these are all of the Friendship is Magic villains, then where’s Sunset Shimmer? She was the villain in the first Equestria Girls movie.”

“You mean the movie nobody liked?” Adagio asked.

“That’s the one,” Chrysalis responded.

“I didn’t invite her or her stupid minions. They’re just a bunch of dorks.”

“For once we agree on something.” Chrysalis nodded with a smile.


---


Meanwhile, in a location that can only be described as… here.

“This is an outrage!” Sunset Shimmer screamed out. “Adagio is having an evil council meeting, and we’re not invited. They’ve even got free cupcakes, the bitch.”

“Dude,” Snips whispered to his friend, Snails, next to him. “She is totally a bitch.”

“Duh,” Snails uttered mindlessly, with an empty look on his face and a small bit of drool escaping his mouth.

Snips then looked back forward at Sunset Shimmer, who still had her back to them. “We’re not going to let them get away with this,” she said, clutching her hands into fists. “We’ll have our own evil council, and ours will be much better. And we’ll have muffins. Muffins are way better than cupcakes. Isn’t that right, my evil demonic henchmen?” She said, turning around towards them.

“Yeah!” Snips shouted, with his arms in the air.

“Duh,” Snails uttered, not changing his expression from last time.


---


“Come on, one of you motherfEFFers must have a decent plan to defeat those ponies,” Adagio addressed the room.

After looking nervously from side to side for a few seconds, Sonata raised her hand. “Uhhmm, I have an idea,” She said nervously.

Adagio let out a sigh and her outstretched arms parted more as she leaned against the table. “Oh, goody,” she said sarcastically. “The stupid one has an idea. Well, lay it on us, Sonata.”

Sonata clutched at her skirt beneath the table as she spoke. “Uhhmm, what if we kidnapped one of the six ponies while they were asleep? Then they can’t use their rainbow powers against us.”

Adagio just rolled her eyes. “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. You go to the back of the class,” Adagio scolded her.

“Oh, I’m so stupid,” Sonata cried out.

“Crystals!” Sombra suddenly spoke up.

“What is it, Sombra?” Adagio asked as she faced him, with a coy smile on her face. “Do you have an idea that doesn’t involve crystals?”

“Crystals…” Sombra started.

“Enough of this!” Chrysalis interrupted. All eyes in the room were on her now. “There's only one way to truly defeat Twilight Sparkle and her friends, and I know what it is!”

Adagio just grunted loudly in response. “For the last time, we’re not killing them! Even if we did, Hasbro would just censor it!” She shouted.

“We’re not going to kill them,” Chrysalis replied calmly.

Adagio was intrigued now and she gave Chrysalis her full attention. “Well then, tell us, Cheese Feet, what shall we do?”

Chrysalis’ smile suddenly faded and she crinkled her nose up at the siren. “I told you to stop calling me that.”

Adagio simply smirked at her in response. “Well, you’re asking for it. Look at you. You look like a rancid pile of swiss cheese, for EFF’s sake,” she said, gesturing across the table towards the changeling queen.

While Chrysalis and Adagio simply stared at each other from across the table, a blissfully ignorant smile crept on to Sonata’s face. “Mmmm, I like cheese.”

Aria had to physically try to keep herself from facepalming again, though a long sigh did escape her lips. “Anyone else wanna trade seats?” She asked the room.

“Oh, for goodness sakes!” Chrysalis suddenly exploded. “Listen to me, dammit,” she said, while slamming her hoof down on the table, making sure that she had their undivided attention. “The only way to defeat the ponies is to send them piles of hate mail, disguised as friendship letters.”

The room suddenly fell silent in contemplation.

“What?” Adagio spoke up a moment later.

Chrysalis simply turned towards Adagio and calmly reiterated. “Hate mail disguised as friendship letters. If we can send them enough hate mail disguised as letters about friendship, it will completely destroy their ability to think rationally, and we can take them out no problem.”

Adagio brought her hand to her chin and turned her head in thought. “You know, that does actually sound like a good idea. It’s very evil.” She smirked. “I like it.”

She then pushed out from the table and stood up fully. “Now, let’s go and defeat our enemies once and for all.”

“Hey, I didn’t get to say anything.” Flam spoke up.

As everyone was leaving, Adagio simply turned to face him with an arrogant smirk. “Save it for the next meeting, Red.”

‘Bob’ just let out a sigh in frustration.

“You said it, ‘Bob’,” Adagio commented.

While everyone was shuffling out the door, Aria sighed quietly to herself. “I’m not going to get a different seat, am I?”


---


Sunset Shimmer stood in front of her two minions as she told them their plan. “And so, in order to defeat Adagio, we will send her so much hate mail that she’ll be buried in that little hideout of hers.”

“Yeah!” Snips yelled in response, as he threw his arms up in the air, while Snails simply stood there, with an empty look on his face.

Looking at this site in front of her, Sunset sighed and facepalmed. “I’m surrounded by idiots.

“Duh,” Snails drawled.
> Second Meeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in the Badlands…

Deep beneath the arid ground, in a large underground chamber, several of the most powerful beings in Equestria and beyond sat around a large, round, stone table.

“So to answer your question, Sombra, my favourite Hatsune Miku song is ‘World is Mine’... because I want to take over the world,” Chrysalis answered the unicorn’s question.

“Crystals,” Sombra responded from across the table.

“Yeah, I know. I gave it four and six eights stars out of five on iTunes.”

“Silence!” Adagio interrupted them, standing up from her chair to address the room. “It’s time to begin our annual meeting.”

“We can’t start yet,” Chrysalis countered. “Discord is still in the middle of downing his daily ten gallons of chocolate milk.”

“Oh.” Adagio’s expression softened. “Well then, I suppose we should just wait for him then.”

“Yep,” Chrysalis responded with a nod of her head, before facing frontwards again.

An uncomfortable silence crept over the room, and it was another ten seconds before Adagio spoke up. “So…” She began, whilst scratching at the back of her head. “Anyone heard of any good jokes?”

Sonata suddenly raised her hand. “Uhhmm, can I have some chocolate milk too?”

Ignoring the blue skinned girl like always, Adagio turned towards Chrysalis. “Oh, hey, Chrysalis. You should do your impression of Twilight Sparkle.”

The changeling suddenly looked a bit awkward for a fraction of a second, but was quick to brush it off. “I don’t do an impression of Twilight Sparkle,” she denied, angrily.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be so modest,” Adagio encouraged her. “It’s EFFing brilliant. Come on, we all want to hear it. Isn’t that right Adagio's Evil Council of Doom?” She asked, while gesturing towards everyone in the room.

“Not really,” Tirek responded.

“No,” Aria deadpanned.

“No,” Sonata said after her, almost as fast, and twice as perky. Aria just rolled her eyes at that.

“Crystals,” Sombra answered.

There was also a muffled voice that kind of sounded like it said, “Roll credits.”

“I command you to want to hear it,” Adagio spoke up, not caring about their answers. “Or else I will start intimately touching everyone in this room, while I sing, and sway my hips seductively, making it really awkward for everyone involved.”

An awkward silence followed, with the other members of the council all just shifting their eyes from one to another. “Uhhmm, okay,” someone spoke up.

Happy that her little ultimatum worked, Adagio smirked in triumph. “That’s right. Fear my awkward touching powers.” She then turned back towards Chrysalis, with a coy smile.

“Well, since you put me on the spot,” Chrysalis started. She then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she sported an obviously fake smile. “Hey everypony,” she said, in a higher tone of voice. “I’m Twilight Sparkle. Friendship is Magic.”

Adagio immediately brought her hand to her mouth to try and contain her laughter. The rest of the council members, however, remained silent. Adagio kept giggling, with one hand on her mouth and another on her stomach. “Oh man, that gets me every time. That’s exactly what she sounds like.”

While Adagio was busy laughing, Aria suddenly got an idea, which brought a smile to her face. Turning towards Chrysalis, she said, “Hey, you should do Adagio next.”

“Yeah, do her,” Sonata repeated immediately, with a big smile on her face.

This caused all the other council members to immediately brighten up, except for Adagio, who had now stopped laughing. “What?!” She uttered in surprise. She then immediately went back to her angry expression. “No. Nobody shall do me. As head of this council, I forbid it.”

Chrysalis stifled a snicker just thinking about it. “Come on, Adagio. It’s just a bit of harmless fun.”

Adagio immediately furrowed her brow. “It won't be harmless when I stab you with your own horn and drain your body of all its fluids.”

At this, Chrysalis simply turned her head to the side. “As you wish.” She then slowly raised her hoof and placed it on the table in front of her. “You didn’t know that you…” She then purposely slid her hoof along the table, and brought her head down, pretending like she bumped it, smiling all the while.

This immediately caused everyone else to start laughing as loud as Adagio had earlier. The siren in question, however, was fuming from embarrassment. “Alright, that’s it, give me your horn!”

Before she could make a move, however, there was suddenly a loud crash, as Discord slammed his chocolate milk jug down on the table. “I am now on a sufficiently high sugar… uhh, high,” he said, while wiping away any remaining chocolate milk from his goatee.

“Yes, because nothing says evil quite like flavoured dairy products,” Chrysalis said sarcastically, turning her head in his direction.

“Enough!” Adagio shouted. “Now that we are all ready, I am calling this meeting of the Evil Council of Doom to order.” She then turned to face the unicorn on her right. “Sombra, as the group’s secretary, I want you to transcribe everything we say.”

“Crystals,” Sombra responded in affirmation.

“Very well then,” Adagio said, turning back forward to face everyone. “Our first order of business is to discuss what went wrong with our last plan. It was a complete and utter sham. Sham I say. And I’ve never used that word before in my life.”

“Well,” Flam spoke up. “I reckon it failed because the ponies are so busy with their adventures and writing their own letters, that they never have the time to read the ones that are sent to them.”

“Is that right, Mr. Know-It-All?” Adagio asked him, as she leaned on the table in front of her, closer to him. “Then why didn’t you raise this point at our last meeting?”

“Well, you didn’t let me talk,” Flam stated matter-of-factly.

“Didn’t I?” Adagio smirked. “Well then, let me do you a favour, Red. Since you apparently like talking so much, I’ll let you decide exactly what to say when I explode your brain with my siren song!” Adagio shouted at the end, attacking the moustachioed pony with her sonic attack.

“I never saw Prance!” was all Flam had time to say before his brain exploded.


(Gory discretion shot, so that I can avoid using a mature tag.)


His leftover body then just simply fell over without the extra weight at the top to keep it balanced.

All of the other council members simply stared as one of their members was brutally murdered.

Aria was slightly more wide-eyed then normal after seeing it. “Whoa,” she said quietly. “His head just exploded.”

“Yeah,” Sonata piped up next to her. “It was just like that time I put my taco in the microwave and set it to maximum.”

Adagio simply looked around the table at each of their reactions, with a confident smirk on her face. “Let this be a lesson to all of you: never question my evil plans, no matter how stupid they may be.”

“Actually, that was my evil plan,” Chrysalis spoke up.

Turning to face her, Adagio’s expression softened. “Oh. Well, in that case, I’m sorry, Flam. Your criticisms were perfectly acceptable.”

*Beat*

“Flam?” Adagio repeated.

“You killed him!” Flim spoke to Adagio in an accusing manner. “You killed my brother! You monster!” He screamed at her.

At this, Adagio brought her finger to her lips, as if in thought. “Yes, I suppose I did.” She then waved her hand nonchalantly. “Oh well, on to the next matter on the agenda.”

And with that, everyone, even Flim, completely forgot about Flam’s murder and moved on.

Although the smell didn’t.

“Now,” Adagio continued. “I would like to introduce the newest member to our evil council.”

At that moment, the door into the main chamber opened, and a unicorn filly, with a white coat and a pink and purple striped mane, stood standing in the doorway. “Hello, everypony. My name’s Sweetie Belle.” Her voice broke slightly on her name, giving everyone in the room diabetes.

Chrysalis reaction was immediate. “You invited a little filly to join our evil council? Honestly, Adagio, I would expect this kind of unpredictable thing from Discord, but not from you.”

Turning to face her, Adagio simply smirked and said, “It’s not the filly I’m interested in.”

At this, Chrysalis was confused. She was about to speak up, when suddenly she heard someone with a deep voice clear their throat. She at first turned to face Sombra, but when she did, he simply nodded his head from side to side, and pointed his hoof at Sweetie Belle. Chrysalis then turned to face her just as she was about to speak.

“Sorry about that,” the little filly spoke, but now her voice was even deeper than Sombra’s. “As I was saying, my name is Thrackerzod, and I am a regular, magical unicorn, and definitely not an evil spirit focused on destroying Twilight Sparkle.” Her eyes then suddenly looked nervous. “I can assure you, that I am simply here as an intern and nothing more.” Her eyes then shifted back to her serious expression, with her eyes narrowing. “And that is a perfectly reasonable excuse.”

When Thrackerzod was finished speaking, Chrysalis simply turned back to face Adagio. “See?” The siren said. “See how utterly evil it is? Truly it is an abomination.”

“Aww, look at how cute she is,” Tirek squeed. (Yes, you read that right. Lord Tirek actually squeed.) “I want to hug her.”

Thrackerzod immediately backed up a few steps. “While I am a regular, magical unicorn, and that is the appropriate response to the situation, I must advise against such actions, as they will ultimately end with your soul being ripped from your body and subjected to the Nine Punishments of Zorah, which will drive you mad in seconds and last for centuries.”

Tirek simply ignored what she said and just kept gushing over her cuteness. “She’s so adorable. I just want to cuddle her all night.”

“Why that sounds delightful,” Sweetie Belle squeaked.

“Will everyone please shut the EFF up!” Adagio screamed. “I command you all to stop acting like children.”

Sweetie Belle then turned to look at Adagio. “But I’m eight years old. I can’t help it.”

“Leave her alone!” Tirek yelled angrily at Adagio, very protective of the little filly.

“I’m just trying to move our meeting along.” Adagio reasoned.

“Yes, of course,” Thrackerzod spoke up again. “Please continue with your meeting. I believe you were just at the part where you come up with a plan to destroy Twilight Sparkle.” Her eyes then suddenly widened again. “However, do not assume that it is my plan to do such things. I am just an intern, after all.”

Adagio simply leaned back into her chair, with a smile on her face. “I knew it was a good idea to invite her to join. Now we can come up with a plan so evil that even the cruellest and most evil organization known to man wouldn’t be able to conceive of it.”

“You mean Hasbro?” Chrysalis chimed in.

“Well, I was trying to be subtle,” Adagio commented. “But yes. That is who I meant.”

“Again I must reiterate that it is not my intention to actually come up with an evil plan in which to destroy Twilight Sparkle, as I am just an intern, but why do you not simply drain her of all of her magical power, leaving her a lifeless husk?” Thrackerzod interjected.

“I already suggested that in the last meeting, and it didn’t work.” Chrysalis answered.

“And I actually did do it,” Tirek spoke up. “Even when it worked, it didn’t work.”

“Well then, what are we going to do to kill Twilight Sparkle?”

“I thought that you were just an intern,” Chrysalis remarked snidely.

“Pony!” Sweetie Belle cried out in glee.

This immediately made Chrysalis shift her expression. “I am not a pony!”

“Oh, shut up, Pony,” Adagio teased her before returning her attention to the meeting. “We need to think of a plan; something sadistic and juvenile.”

Aria then started thinking. “Maybe we could put LSD in their coffee and just sit back and watch the show?” She suggested.

This made Sonata laugh. “Yeah, or we could send them a bunch of prank phone calls?”

“How is that going to defeat Twilight Sparkle?” Adagio asked.

“I don’t know,” Sonata shrugged. “I’m only here because you two are.” She then smiled innocently.

This caused Adagio to groan and sigh into her hands. “Yes, I’m well aware of that.” Suddenly, her cell phone started ringing. “Oh, hold on. I have to take this,” she said to the rest of the council as she reached into her pocket and opened up her phone. “Yes, what is it?”

“Hello,” the person on the other end said. “Is your refrigerator running?”

“I don’t have a EFFing refrigerator. 1. I feed off of the negative emotions of others and thus have no need for a refrigerator, and 2. Even if I did need one, I live in an underground cave in the middle of the Badlands. How would I even be able to run it?” She asked the mysterious caller.

“Then you had better go and catch it,” the caller replied, before immediately hanging up.

“What?!” Adagio called. “What does that even mean?” Her eyes then widened in realization. “Oh, I see, that was a prank call.” She then threw her phone on to table and leaned against it with her hand. “Well, you’d have to get up pretty early in the morning to make me look ba…” But then, her hand slipped, causing her to fall face first against the table.

“I told you she did that.” Chrysalis said.

“Shut up, Pony,” Adagio grumbled, still face down against the table.


---


Meanwhile, over… here.



Sunset Shimmer ended her phone call in failure. “Curses. My cunning plan to fool Adagio into thinking that her refrigerator was running has been foiled. We shall have to rethink our strategy.” She then turned back around to face her minions. “Isn’t that right, my evil, demonic henchman?”
However, when she turned back around, Snails was just staring ahead, with a blank look on his face as usual, and Snips wasn’t even there. Bringing her hand back in to rest her head on, Sunset let out a sigh. “I really need to get better at this whole evil council thing.”

“Duh,” Snails drawled.


---


“I have an idea, Adagio,” Chrysalis spoke up. “Why don’t you just use your siren magic to take control of Twilight’s mind? Then she can just defeat herself.”

Adagio responded by giving her a look that said, ‘Seriously?’ “You fool.” Adagio finally spoke verbally. “Don’t you know that my siren powers are powerless against Twilight Sparkle. Siren magic doesn’t work on anyone named Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, or Rarity. Why do think it didn’t work on them before, even after it was established that my power worked especially well on anyone with Equestrian magic?”

“Wait a minute?” Chrysalis spoke up. “If that’s true, then why didn’t it work on Sunset Shimmer?”

“Well, duh,” Adagio responded instantly. “Her name is a synonym for Twilight Sparkle.”

While Adagio continued giving her a look, Chrysalis returned it with one of her own. “Oh, well that’s a rather annoying limitation.” Chrysalis teased.

Adagio just smirked at that. “Oh? Well then why don’t you just use your changeling mind control magic on her, like you used on her brother?” She said sarcastically. This remark earned the siren a glare from the changeling queen. “Yeah, doesn’t feel too good, does it? Anyway, my point is, siren magic just doesn’t work on girls with those names... or guys with those names, but believe me, those are really hard to find.”

“I know a few,” Discord chimed in.

“Why does that not surprise me?” Adagio asked rhetorically. After that little exchange, and Adagio realised just how much time had passed, she moved to speak again. “Alright, one of us must have said something that will help us defeat Twilight Sparkle. Sombra, pass me the transcript of the meeting.”

“Crystals,” Sombra responded, floating the notepad over to her.

Taking the notepad in her hand, Adagio started reading through it. “Alright, let’s see now: ‘crystals, crystals, crysta-‘ What!?” She screamed out. “This thing just says the word ‘crystals’ over and over again.” She then turned to face Sombra. “I told you to write down what we were saying.”

“Crystals,” Sombra tried to reason with her.

“Enough! I don’t want to hear your excuses. You’re fired Sombra. I don’t want to see you in this council ever again. Do you understand?”

“Crystals!” Sombra snarled. He then got out of his chair and walked away.

“Yeah, yeah,” Adagio said as she shooed him off. “Have your desk cleared out by the end of the day.”

Sonata, who was just in the middle of taking a drink of water, suddenly did a spit take. “He has a desk!?”

Aria then facepalmed so hard that it hurt. “Ow.”

After Sombra had left the room, Adagio’s angry expression faded, instead being replaced by a triumphant smirk. “Well, that felt exceptionally good. I didn’t defeat my arch-nemesis, but I did fire somebody. And in the end, isn’t that what being an evil villain is all about?" She didn’t wait for anyone to answer and just answered herself. “Yes. Yes it is.”

“Let’s celebrate by going to a Hatsune Miku concert,” Chrysalis suggested.

“Good idea, Pony.”


---


Later, at the concert.

Miku had just finished her first song and was about to get ready to start another.

“Not bad,” Adagio commented. “Is that Miku?” She asked Chrysalis, who was sitting beside her. “The one who looks like a cross between Aria and Twilight Sparkle?”

“Yes, that’s her, Adagio,” Chrysalis begrudgingly answered. “Now please be quiet. I’m trying to watch.”

After another two seconds, Adagio spoke again. “Are there other singers for the concert, as well?”

“Adagio, shut up! You’re ruining it for me.”

This time, three seconds passed before Adagio spoke again. “This is just alright.” Chrysalis groaned. “I still think that we should have gone to a better concert. Like one of ours.”

“I thought you wanted to go to a better concert?” Chrysalis teased, with a coy smile on her face.

“I did,” Adagio said seriously. After a second, she realised what she meant. “Oh, I get it; that was a joke. Well it wasn’t funny.” Another two seconds passed. “You know who is funny?” One second. “Cheese Sandwich. He’s a funny pony. I laugh at his material.”

This time Adagio stayed quiet until the very end of the song.

“Just how long do these concerts usually go on for anyway?”
> Hearths Warming Meeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in the Badlands…

Deep beneath the arid ground, in a large underground chamber, several of the most powerful beings in Equestria and beyond sat around a large, round, stone table.

“Happy Hearths Warming, my Evil Council of Doom! I appreciate you all showing up on Hearths Warming Day to discuss how to properly vanquish our mortal enem…”

“Actually, Adagio,” Chrysalis interrupted her. “Nobody else could make it. It’s just you and me.”

Adagio’s happy expression suddenly slumped. “Oh, joy,” she said sarcastically. She then perked up again. “Oh well, it looks like the rest of the council will miss out on this awesome present that we got from an anonymous fan.” She then reached under the table and pulled out something square, wrapped up in… well, wrapping paper.

“I hope it’s not another fanfiction,” Chrysalis said when she saw the present. “People are always sending me those. They think that because I feed on love, that I can get stronger from their shipfics.”

*Beat*

“I don’t.”

Adagio dismissed her worries as she brought the present out in front of her. “No, it’s not a fanfiction. It’s way too big, even for a fanfiction. Also it’s ticking.”

Chrysalis’ eyes widened immediately when she heard that. “Adagio, you might want to throw that out. It could be dangerous.”

Adagio smirked as she brought the present closer to her face. “Oooohh, I bet it’s a bomb. That would be perfect to get my revenge on Twilight Sparkle.”

Chrysalis sneered. “Adagio, we have about five seconds left to live. You might want to think about saying something profound.”

“Uhhmm, okay,” she stuttered. “Just give me a second. I’ve almost got something. It’s right on the tip of my tongue.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0iCYkXTMgA
> Third Meeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in… a place that was definitely not the Badlands…

Inside a small hotel room, several of the most powerful beings in Equestria and beyond… and others sat around… the room.

“Personally, I think they jumped the shark in the third game,” Chrysalis said to everyone else in the room that was a part of the conversation. “I mean, as interesting as the concept of rewriting the universe is, it just feels a bit much after they went on an adventure to create a new world.”

“Heh,” came a sound from a turquoise coloured pegasus. “Your opinions are so amusing.” She drawled sarcastically.

“Yeah, they amuse us,” a female griffon added on.

“Because they are so very wrong,” The pegasus continued.

“I’m talking ‘The Mysterious Mare Do Well’ wrong,” the griffon added.

“The remaking of the universe was exceptional. You just didn’t get it.”

“Well then, don’t even get me started on the second game,” Chrysalis spoke up again. “I mean, come; time travel? What kind of deus ex machina bullshitery is that? Changing the future to change the past? That’s not even how time travel works.”

“The time travel was also exceptional,” the pegasus told her. “You just didn’t get it.”

“You’re so slow.”

“I like Snow,” Tirek suddenly chimed in.

“Yes, Snow is very much win,” Chrysalis agreed. “Unlike Vanille, who should have just been shot in the face.”

“No, you are all wrong,” Thrackerzod popped up between them. “The Final Fantasy XIII trilogy games are all completely bad and a waste of valuable time and resources. Square should be focusing all of their efforts on the games that their fanbase actually wants. Consumerism is the right path towards everything.”

“As long as Snow is with Serah, I don’t care,” Tirek added.

“Silence!” Adagio screamed out, finally having gotten everyone together, and ready to begin the meeting.

“Yes, silence!” The pegasus took over. “Everyone bow down to your new rulers.”

“Yeah, bow on down, guys,” the griffon added.

“Hey!” Adagio screamed out again, trying to regain control of the situation. “What part of silence don’t you understand?”

“The part where you apologize to us for having such a horrible attitude,” The pegasus answered immediately.

“Yeah, that part,” the griffon concluded.

Adagio was, in all honesty, surprised by her reaction. “Oh,” she said, her previous annoyed expression gone. “Well, uhhmm,” she stuttered. “I’m sorry?” It sounded more like a question than an apology, since she wasn’t exactly used to giving them.

“That’s much better,” the pegasus spoke, not visibly annoyed at all. “Now then, please continue with your speech.”

“Your lame speech,” the griffon added.

“A-alright then,” Adagio spoke up, still a little unsure. “Well, as I was saying, uhhmm… Silence!”

“Adagio, nobody was saying anything,” Chrysalis said to her.

“It was a pre-emptive silence!” Adagio defended.

“Oh,” Chrysalis started. “So, you silenced the silence? Good job.”

“Yes, that silence didn’t know what hit it.” She spoke with pride. “Now then, I would like to call the third meeting of Adagio’s Evil Council of Doom to order.”

“Before we go any further, can I ask why we’re holding this meeting in California?” Chrysalis asked.

“Well, our original hideout was destroyed last Hearths Warming and we needed a change of scenery,” Adagio admitted. “I figured that this was as good a place as any.” She said with a smile and a wave of her hand.

Chrysalis couldn’t hold back her groan. “Adagio, this place is home to that local brony convention, BABSCon. We’re hardly inconspicuous.”

Adagio’s smile just turned into a knowing smirk. “Precisely. It’s perfect; we’re hiding in plain sight. Everyone will just assume we’re cosplayers.”

Chrysalis sighed. “Oh, come on. Even we’re not that evil.”

“By the way, Chrysalis, your costume could use some work,” Adagio said.

Chrysalis’ eyes went wide in confusion. “What?!”

“Well I don’t mean to criticise, but it looks like your mother made that for you,” Adagio continued.

Chrysalis struggled to find the words because she literally couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She had to hold her hoof up to her head before she could respond. “I… This isn’t a costume, Adagio. It’s my real form.”

“Well, you could have done a better job is all I’m saying.”

Chrysalis facehooved. “A better job of what?!” She screamed at her.

“Are we actually going to defeat Twilight Sparkle this time,” Discord finally chimed in, who had placed dibs on the bed. “Or are we just going to prattle on and on about the habits of Bronies? Because I know which I’d rather do,” he said with an arrogant smile.

In the corner, Sonata couldn’t help but giggle. “Hehehehe, ‘do’.”

“I was just getting to that, Discord!” Adagio yelled at him. “First, I would like to introduce our newest members.” Gesturing towards the pegasus and griffon, she continued. “May I present, Lightning Dust and Gilda. They are both villains of the highest calibre.”

Lightning Dust smiled to herself. “You’d best check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

“Yeah, what she said,” Gilda added, gesturing to Lightning Dust beside her.

“Also joining us,” Adagio continued. “Is famous voice actress, Tara Strong.”

The door to the hotel room then opened up and Tara Strong entered. “Hey, I’m Tara Strong,” she said.

“What the hell is she doing here? She’s not a villain!” Chrysalis exclaimed.

“No,” Tara Strong admitted. “But I did play a villain in the animated Batman series.”

“That was a good series,” Adagio chimed in.

“Yes,” Tara Strong responded simply. “Yes it is.”

“Hey, is Bruce Wayne a dick in real life?” Adagio asked.

“Adagio?” Chrysalis interrupted. “You had an evil plan to discuss…?”

Adagio blinked. “What? Evil plan? What are you talking about?”

“Adagio!” Chrysalis stretched her name for as long as possible to show her just how not-in-the-mood she was for the siren’s admittedly worsening antics lately.

Adagio caught on to what she meant. “Oh, yes. That plan,” she said blankly. Taking a breath to regain her composure, and enter her usual state of mind, she then smirked devilishly. “Now then, I have concocted a plan so evil, that by comparison, it will make Chrysalis look like a harmless filly. Even more than she already does.”

“Not a pony.” Chrysalis stated harshly.

“We are going to find Twilight Sparkle,” Adagio started to explain her plan. “And we are going to ask very politely, with no evil intent, if we can borrow Star Swirl the Bearded’s journal, which she used to become an alicorn. If we act nicely to her, then she will have no grounds to attack us.” Adagio grinned at the fullproofness of her plan. “And then when she gives it to us, we don’t give it back to her…”

“Look Adagio, as much as I like this plan…” Chrysalis tried to interject.

“For at least another two months,” Adagio concluded.

Chrysalis froze. After about five seconds, she just sighed. “Okay, forget what I just said.”

“Why would you want to give it back to her?” Discord asked.

“That’s like the best part,” Adagio answered. “We’ll say something like, ‘I’ll give it back to you next Tuesday’, but then she won’t see it for like another seventy-five days.” Adagio crinkled her fingers together, with a smirk on her face. “She’ll be so friggin’ anxious. Her anxiety levels will be off the charts.”

Aria just sighed at that. “That plan is stupid.”

“Yeah, it is. For realsies.” Sonata agreed.

Adagio immediately shot the two of them a glare. “Oh, what do you two know? You’re just a bunch of carbon copies of me.”

At that, Aria just flicked her hair at her, derisively, with a bored look on her face. “At least I haven’t become progressively stupider since we started this council.”

Adagio simply crossed her arms, closed her eyes, and sat back in her seat, which was really more of a footstool. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She replied calmly.

“In Cloudsdale, our evil plans are far greater than your pathetic surface plans,” Lightning Dust suddenly spoke up.

“Yeah, our plans are at least ten times better,” Gilda added.

“For example, we shall capture Twilight Sparkle, take her to the darkest corner of the weather factory, and then burn her in a pool of liquid rainbows until she screams for her uncle.”

“And her uncle hasn’t even had an appearance in the show yet,” Gilda added. “Which means that he will be way too weak to save her.”

“Yes,” Lightning Dust continued. “She will scream for her uncle that will never arrive, making her burning in the rainbows last even longer.”

At this point, Adagio was fuming. “How many times do I have to tell you people?!” She screamed angrily. “There will be no rainbows!” She, the other Dazzlings, and Tirek all suddenly shivered. “Especially after what happened to ‘Bob’.” She added.

“Don’t worry,” Lightning Dust said. “He still lives on in the Chaos.”

Adagio growled loudly again. “And no more Final Fantasy references!”

“Very well,” Lightning Dust conceded. “But I will never be a memory,” she added with a smile.

Adagio just lowered her head into her hands and growled again.


---


Meanwhile, over… here.

Sunset Shimmer stood in front of her two bumbling minions, on a small platform, one step above them, but this time, with a much more confident tone about her.

“Mah fwiends, it is good to see you again,” She spoke up, in a ridiculous sounding Cajun accent.

Snips, who was kneeling down in front of her, alongside his friend, Snails, looked on at his Princess in confusion after hearing her new voice. He briefly looked over at his friend before facing Sunset Shimmer again. “Uhhmm, Princess. Are you… feeling alright?” He asked her, worriedly.

“Oh yeah, mayn, I feel gweat,” she responded immediately. “A while ago, I was on the internet, looking for tips on how to wun an evil council, when I found dis guy on YouTube who’s got his own evil council; and now I can’t stop sounding wike him!” She then closed her eyes calmly for a second. “But it’s cool, mayn, because now I know how we can defeat Adagio!”

Snips immediately brightened up again. “Well, alright then. Then tell us, Princess, so that we may do your bidding.”

“Vewy well,” Sunset spoke. “There is only one way that we can defeat Adagio!” She paused for dramatic effect. “We will deoo her!” She announced.

The room was immediately met with an uncomfortable silence from both of her minions. “Uhh,” Snips started. “Did you say, ‘do her’?”

“I said deoo here!” Sunset repeated. “What part of ‘deoo her’ don’t you understand, dooshbag?! We’re gonna deoo her! Together! All thwee of us, we gonna deoo her! Deoo her so hard and thowowowy! Deoo her so hard dat she will feel it in the mo’ning when she wakes up!”

Snips was still looking at her in confusion. “Uhhmm, Princess, are you serious?”

“Yes, you asshole,” Sunset responded loudly. “What? You want me to deoo you too?”

Snips’ mind went blank. “Uhhmm… I’m… not sure.”

“Then keep yo mouth shut, mayn. Okay, mayn? Yeah,” Sunset responded, briefly closing her eyes again. “So, we gonna deoo her… with swords.”

“Wouldn’t that be kind of… bloody?” Snails asked.

“What the EFF you talkin’ about, mayn?” Sunset asked.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna do any anybody with a sword…”

“Deoo!” Sunset interrupted him.

“Are you saying ‘do’, or ‘duel’?” Snips asked.

“DEOO!” Sunset repeated, even louder this time.

Snips and Snails both just gave each other a quick look before Snips responded. “So you want us to do Adagio?”

“Yes!” Sunset clarified. “And I will stand here and watch you deoo her!”

Snips just let out a quick sigh before responding. “Well alright then.” He then turned to face Snails as he got back up to his feet. “Come on, Snails. Let’s… go do Adagio… I guess.”

“Deoo her, dooshbags!” Sunset Shimmer shouted one last time as they left. “Thowowowy!”


---


“So,” Adagio spoke up. “Which one of us will ask Twilight to hand over Star Swirl’s journal?”

“As our newest member, I nominate Tara Strong,” Chrysalis said.

“Hi,” Tara Strong chimed in.

Adagio brought her finger to her lips in thought. “Interesting choice, Chrysalis.”

“Yes, well, I thought that if anybody should show you how ridiculous your plan is, it should be the most inappropriate member of our team.”

“Fly, Tara Strong!” Adagio suddenly shouted out in a very hammy tone, with her eyes shut and her clenched fist raised towards the ceiling. “Fly away and take the very object of the Princess’ ascension away from her! Fly towards victory!”

Tara Strong simply stared back at her and blinked. “Okay, I guess I should be fine. I just hope I don’t create a paradox.”

Discord suddenly laughed a little. “Why do you think I’m not downstairs with John?”


---


“Hello there, I’m Tara Strong,” Tara Strong said to the very pony that she voices every week, standing right in front of her. “You might remember me from such roles as, half your freaking childhood.”

“Uhhmm, okay?” Twilight spoke nervously. “Uhh,” she started talking, while looking from side to side. “Can I help you with something?”

Uh oh, Tara Strong thought. I completely forgot what I was supposed to be doing. Come on, Tara, think. Uhh… She just stood there for about ten seconds, without saying anything before she thought of something. Hmm, I know. I’ll just spout off one of my random catchphrases. That usually works. “What could possibly go wrong?!” Tara Strong suddenly shouted out, with an awkward smile on her face.

Twilight took a small step back in confusion. “Uhhmm… I don’t… know?” She spoke slowly, having no idea what was going on. “Uhmm, is that all?”

“Uhhmm, yes,” Tara Strong spoke, also slowly. “I think so.”


---


“It didn’t work!” Adagio shouted out.

“Personally, I am shocked,” Chrysalis added, in a sarcastic manner.

Adagio then pointed an accusatory finger at Tara Strong. “Tara Strong, you are a most disappointing villain!”

Suddenly, the door to the hotel room opened out slowly. When everyone turned to see who was there, they saw the Joker, standing there in the doorway. “I can vouch for that.”

With an annoyed look on her face, Adagio walked over to the Joker, grabbing the door when she reached him. “Get out of here! This council is for Friendship is Magic villains only!” She then slammed the door hard in his face.

Adagio turned to go back to her seat, when suddenly, the door was thrown open again. “Okay, everybody, hold it!” Snails shouted out, bringing his foot back down from having kicked in the door.

“We’re here on behalf of Sunset Shimmer,” Snips said as he walked into the room, with his arms crossed.

Seeing the two new guys barge into the room, Adagio’s started grinding her teeth in anger. “How are all of these nerds breaking in?!” She shouted out.

“Well, this is a brony convention,” Chrysalis answered.

Hearing Chrysalis’ comment, Adagio just rolled her eyes at her, before facing the two boys again. “What the EFF do you guys want?”

“We’re here to deliver a message from our Princess,” Snails said.

“Yes.” Snips took over. “Apparently we have to… do you.”

“Do me?!” Adagio shouted out immediately.

“Yeah, it’s… kinda weird,” Snips said, while he scratched at the back of his head.

Adagio then stood up straighter, placing her hands on her hips. “It’s also never gonna happen because I’m not a slut.” This earned her a huge bout of laughter from the entire room. “What?” Adagio asked, confused.

“Come on, Adagio. We all know,” Chrysalis said.

“Yeah, we know,” Tirek added.

“We all know,” Discord continued.

“We definitely know,” Aria added on.

Adagio was now steaming, squeezing her eyes and fists tightly. “Oh, what, just because I have very nice body language, with hips that sway sensually every time I walk, like to touch everyone I meet in a really inappropriate way, spend over a thousand years with two girls that we never conclusively prove that I’m related to, and smirk suggestively in literally every scene, that automatically makes me a slut?”

*Beat*

“Kinda,” Chrysalis responded.

“Yeah, kinda,” Tirek added.

“Yes,” even Thrackerzod joined in.

“Ughh,” Adagio grunted, putting her hands to her head. “You’re all pricks.”

Chrysalis smiled teasingly at that. “Well, no wonder you like us so much.”

“Aaahhh!” Adagio screamed out. “I’m telling you, I’m not a slut! Honestly.”

*Beat*

“So can we do you now?” Snips asked.

“Get out of my hotel room!”
> Fourth Meeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in the Badlands… or not. I don’t really know anymore.

Adagio’s Evil Council of Doom sat gathered around a large, round, stone table.

“Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Jimmy crack corn and I don’t caaaaaare…” Gilda sang.

Chrysalis couldn’t stand it anymore. “Well, if you don’t care, then please stop bloody telling us about it!” She screamed at the griffon.

Gilda smiled. “Man, don’t be ruining my flow.”

“Your ‘flow’ is of no concern to me,” Chrysalis told her. “I simply wish for you to shut your mouth hole before I nail it shut.”

“I’m afraid Gilda is right,” Lightning Dust chimed in. “Her flow is very important.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda said.

“In Cloudsdale, our flow is the only thing that separates the winners from the losers.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda said again.

Chrysalis had to bring her hoof to her head to try and steady her thoughts. “Well, we’re not in Cloudsdale right now, are we?!” She screamed at the two of them.

“That can be arranged,” Lightning Dust replied, not intimidated in the slightest.

“Was that supposed to be a threat?” Chrysalis asked.

“No, I was just calling attention to our luxury Cloudsdale vacation plan. Any earth pony or unicorn that buys a ticket with us will receive 50% off upon leaving,” she said with a devilish grin. 

*Beat*

“Get it? Because earth ponies and unicorns can’t walk on clouds and they would fall to their deaths upon arriving, so sending them to Cloudsdale would be fatal. That part was a threat.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda said yet again.

Chrysalis just squeezed her eyes shut tight. “Okay! Somebody else! Please talk to me! Now!”

“Why so glum, Chrysie?” Discord spoke up.

“Oh, gee, I don’t know,” Chrysalis responded sarcastically. “Maybe it’s because this is the millionth bloody council meeting we’ve had. And somehow, somehow, I just know that it’s going to be as productive as all the others. That is to say, not at all.”

Discord just waved her off. “Oh, come now, Chrysie. I think these meetings are very productive.”

“How so?” She asked him, interested to hear his response.

“Well, during our last meeting, I was finally able to immunise myself to the Elements of Harmony, with some help from my good friend, Thrackerzod.”

“You’re welcome,” the filly responded.

Chrysalis blinked. “Wait a minute, you’re now immune to the Elements of Harmony?”

“Mmmhmm,” Discord nodded his head with a smile.

This actually seemed to perk the changeling queen up. “Well then, if you’re immune to the Elements now, that means that you can do whatever you want and the ponies can’t stop us. We’ve won!” Chrysalis exclaimed, with her hooves up in the air.

Discord’s expression suddenly changed. “Actually…” He began, drawing Chrysalis out of her excitement. “I’m immune to the Elements now, but if they shot their rainbow powers at me, I’d be reduced to a puddle.”

Chrysalis simply stood there, frozen in place for a minute. She then finally slumped down on the table again. “Figures,” she whispered.

“You were expecting any different,” Aria chimed in in her usual sarcastic manner.

Chrysalis sighed. “I guess it was just wishful thinking.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda added again.

Chrysalis suddenly furrowed her eyebrows. She couldn’t take it anymore. “Look, will all of you please cease your idiotic foolishness!?” Chrysalis screamed, as she planted her two front hooves down on the table, hard. “In a few moments, Adagio is going to get here and then, believe me, there will be plenty of idiocy to go around. No doubt, she’ll concoct yet another plan that will result in our running off on some fool’s errand in order rearrange Twilight’s sock drawer or something. I really don’t know why I even bother coming. After all, Adagio is and always will be a total…”

“Yeeeeees?” Everyone heard Adagio’s voice as she entered the room. They all noticed that she seemed to have a different pitch to her voice, and turned to look at her. When they did, they saw her in her siren form, with a look of pure evil etched on to her face. “A total what?” She asked Chrysalis as she floated over into her chair.

“Uh… Oh! Hello, uhhmm, Adagio,” Chrysalis stammered, actually a bit afraid of the aura that Adagio seemed to be exuding. “Fancing seeing you here like this. Actually, I think we were all expecting you in your human form.”

“Oh really?” The siren asked, bearing her incredibly sharp fangs. “Are you disappointed?”

Chrysalis turned her head to the side. “I believe ‘terrified’ would be more appropriate.”

“Like a Faust,” Gilda added again.

“Shut up, you fool!” Chrysalis said, turning to face the griffon immediately. “In her siren form, Adagio is the only one to have actually defeated Twilight Sparkle. Do not antagonise her, or she’ll kill you where you stand,” she warned.

“Ha-ha! I’d like to see her try,” Gilda goaded.

“Yes, I too would like to see her attempt at…”

Lightning Dust didn’t get the chance to finish what she was saying, as Adagio quickly zoomed out of her seat, swooped around the table like a shark, and tore right into both Gilda and Lightning Dust, devouring them both, right in front of the rest of the council.


(Gory discretion shot, so that I can avoid using a mature tag.)


Once she was finished, she simply glided back to her chair as if nothing had happened.

“Okay, forget what I said before,” Chrysalis was the first to speak up. “It looks like this is one of the rare council meetings where something actually gets done.”

“So, this is what my other self does on the weekends, is it? Impressive,” Adagio spoke up. “A council of the most ruthless villains in the series. Together we will rule the world. Hahahahahahaha!”

When it looked like the siren was finished laughing, Chrysalis decided to speak. “So… you speak as if your human form is someone else entirely.”

“Yes, that is true, in a sense,” she answered, turning to face Chrysalis. “It’s kind of complicated and not worth getting into right now. So, to avoid any confusion, when I’m in this form, you can refer to me as Melvin.”

“I don’t understand why you’re called that,” Thrackerzod said, with her hoof up.

“Nobody does, it isn’t funny!” Melvin responded immediately, sounding agitated. Taking a moment to breath out, Melvin faced forward to address the council. “Now then, bring me up to speed. How many people have we killed so far?”

“Uhhmm… you mean aside from the two people that you just took out?” Chrysalis asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“Well,” she continued. “Adagio did kill that moustachioed unicorn during the second meeting. And I’m fairly certain that ‘Bob’ was killed off-screen at one point.”

“So, you have killed people?” Melvin asked her, giving her a strange look.

“Yyyyyyyyyes,” Chrysalis drew out slowly. “But the thing is, they were all members of our council. None of them really deserved it. Much,” she added.

Melvin just gave a sigh of exasperation. “Typical. You bring together some of the most powerful beings in the world and you can’t even accomplish something as trivial as mass murder.”

Across the table, Sonata shivered a little. She then leaned in close to whisper to Aria. “You know, it feels kind of weird being around Adagio while she’s in that form, but we’re not. It feels kind of weird seeing her this evil.”

Next to her, Aria just grinned. “I don’t know, I think I prefer her like this. Lately she’s become a lot more affable, and a lot less evil.” She then sat up straight in her chair. “It’s good getting back to the basics.”

“So then,” Melvin continued. “What have you been doing all this time?”

“Well,” Chrysalis started, bringing her hoof up under her chin. “First, we sent Twilight Sparkle and her friends a bunch of hate mail that they never read, and then… we… we… uhh…” Chrysalis stammered for a bit. She then just sighed and decided to give up. “We haven’t really gotten much done. At all.”

Melvin just smirked evilly at her in response. “Then I suppose we’re going to have to kick things up a notch, aren’t we.” She then turned away to look at the centaur at the other side of the table. "You there! The tall one. What’s your name?”

“My name is Tirek,” the centaur replied in a cheerful tone.

“I have a job for you,” Melvin immediately followed up. “I want you to find Twilight Sparkle and destroy her! Hahahahaha!”

“Actually,” Tirek raised a finger up to get her attention. “It’s been so long since my character has been completely retconned, that I’m now physically incapable of hurting anyone anymore.”

“Hahahaha… What?!” Melvin suddenly stopped laughing. “Oh for the love of Pop Star Entertainment,” she said while facehooving. “What good is having a giant, magic-stealing centaur monster if you can’t use it to destroy everything that opposes you?”

“But I can make faces that I was never capable of before,” Tirek offered. He then suddenly smiled and made a face that actually made a giant centaur monster look cute. All of the council members had to avert their eyes because they couldn’t handle that much cute. Discord even started having a heart attack.

Melvin, however, was in no way affected. After staring back at Tirek for a few seconds, she simply swung her tail around, hitting him right in the face, knocking him over. Seeing that it was apparently safe again, the other council members all looked back again.

Returning to her usual position, Sonata suddenly spoke up. “Uhhmm, maybe we can use Tirek’s new cuteness to make Twilight trust him,” she offered.

Next to her, Aria just sighed a little. “We already have Discord in that role.” She then looked over at Discord’s seat, where he was still convulsing on the floor. “At least for now,” she added.

“Uhhmm,” Chrysalis started as she put her hoof in the air. “Maybe I could set my changeling army on Twilight Sparkle and her friends when they least expect it?” She offered.

“Don’t bother, Chrysie,” Melvin waved her off. “Truth is, I don’t trust any of you to do this one simple task. Beyond helping sate my appetite, you’ve all proven to be extremely ineffectual.”

“Well at least let me kidnap her,” she added.

Melvin started grinning widely. “Yes! Bring her before me. I shall do the job that none of you could. I shall kill Twilight Sparkle. Hahahahaha!”

Chrysalis simply stared at Melvin for a few seconds before speaking up again. “Well then… I suppose we should get going.” She then turned to face the door. “Minions! To me!” She called, while knocking on the table twice.

Suddenly, the large stone door to the council room opened up, and three changelings stepped inside. “Yes, Your Majesty?” The lead changeling asked.

“Go and fetch Twilight Sparkle.” She ordered. She was now also grinning widely. It felt so good being this evil again. “Bring her back here to us. Take her alive so that we may kill her ourselves!” She smirked inside and out from that villainous remark.

“At once, Your Majesty,” the changeling saluted. The three of them then charged out of the room towards their objective.

As Tirek slowly pulled himself back up, using the table to steady himself, he saw Thrackerzod next to him, giggling in such a way that he couldn’t tell whether or not he or Sweetie Belle was in control.

But to him it didn’t matter. He then threw his arms wide and grabbed the filly in a hug.


---


Meanwhile, over… here.

“Evwybody get in here!” Sunset Shimmer shouted, to call her minions into the room, which they did just seconds later. “We got us a new membah. Evwyone feast your eyes on the guy known as King Sombwahwahwahwah.” She spoke, gesturing the unicorn stallion next to her.

“Hey, how’s it goin’?” Sombra said, while waving his hoof at them.

“Wow, a new member,” Snips said. “This means we’re starting to grow.”

“Yeah! Now there ah thwee of us. We’re wike our own Dazzlings, mayn. Only we don't pwoduce moosic, we pwoduce Evow! Evow moosic! Dananananana nanananana nana nana na~! You pway it backwahds and it’s wike: “Don’t go to school. Stay at home. Pway video gayms.”

“Uhhmm, actually, Princess, there’s four of us,” Snails said.

“Just like the Dazzlings, mayn!” Sunset continued, ignoring him.

“Actually…”

“The Dazzlings!”

“Uhh…”

“Maaaaayyn!” Sunset finished.

Exhausted, Snails just breathed out. “Yeah, you’re right, Princess. Just like the Dazzlings.”

“Mayn, I wiked it better when you just said ‘duh’. You weren’t such a wittle bitch.”

“I was kicked out of Adagio’s council,” Sombra started. “So I decided to defect.” He then started bearing down and grinned evilly. “Now nothing will stop us from taking vengeance on her and destroying everythin…”

Before he could finish speaking, Sunset Shimmer just waved a hand out at him to stop. “Okay, shut up, mayn,” she said, while laughing. “I can’t undahstand a wohd yoh sayin’.”

Stopping from having been cut off, Sombra just stared back at Sunset Shimmer, with a blank look on his face. “Uh, but I…”

“You gotta wearn to annunc-i-ate, mayn!” She cut him off again. “Speak pwain Engwish! It’s a matter of coaidese- cor- corage… It’s good manners, mayn!” She shouted, sounding agitated.

“So, tell us, Princess Sunset Shimmer,” Snips spoke up, trying to get the conversation back on topic. “How are we going to crush our enemies today?”

“Here’s what we gonna do, mayn,” Sunset said, facing forward again to look at them. “The weason that we could never defeat Adagio before, is because she always pways with a full dyk. So!” She suddenly spoke louder. “We are gonna find Adagio Dazzle, and we gonna take her dyk.”

Once she finished speaking, the room fell completely silent. For ten long seconds, nobody said anything; the three guys trying to figure out exactly what their Princess just said.

Eventually, Snips spoke up. He simply said flatly, “What?” Still not sure what to say.

“Her dyk!” Sunset immediately shouted out. “You know, mayn, her dyk. We all got dyks. You got a dyk, I got a dyk. Hell, I could whip out mah dyk wight now and I’ll show you.”

“No! No! No!” Snips immediately cut her off. “Please, that won’t be necessary!”

“Uhh, is she saying deck or dick?” Sombra asked, leaning closer to Snails so that Sunset didn’t hear him.

“Eh, sometimes it’s best not to ask,” Snails deadpanned.

“Now we only got one shot at this, mayn, so it’s cwucial that you guys don’t EFF this up,” Sunset spoke up again. “Now then, I want you to cwose your eyes, and imagine yoh standing in fwont of Adagio Dazzle.”

Her three minions all closed their eyes and knelt down on one knee in front of her. “Okay,” Snips spoke up. “Now what?”

“Now, weach out, and gwab her dyk.”

“Oh, no,” Snips’ reply came instantly as the mental image appeared in his mind.

“And pull it towards you,” Sunset continued.

“Oh, this can’t be happening.”

“And then I want you cut her dyk into thwee pieces.”

“Mother of God.” Snips was now trying his hardest not to lose his lunch.

“Then each of you will take one piece of her dyk and twavel to a difwerent part of the pwanet.” She then lifted her hand into the air. “And then her dyk will belong to us!”

“Uh, i-is that it? Can we open our eyes now?” Snips almost begged her.

“No, mayn. There’s one more part to the pwan.”

“Of course there is,” Snips sighed.

Sunset then stood up as tall as she could. “Next, we gonna take… Twiwight Sparkle’s dyk.”

Snips immediately followed by losing his lunch all over the floor.

“Hey, mayn, not on the rug,” Sunset started stammering. “I'm just talking about Tw-Tw-Tw-Tw-Twi-Twi-Twi-Twi-Twi-Twi­wight Sparkle’s dyk!”


---


“What’s going on?! Where am I?! What is this place?!” Twilight started panicking as she woke up and suddenly found herself surrounded by all of her greatest enemies.

“I believe we’re somewhere in the Badlands,” Chrysalis answered her. “Although, to be honest, after everything’s that’s happened, I’m not even sure anymore.”

“Aha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­haha!” Melvin suddenly started laughing maniacally. “So then, Twilight Sparkle, my little pony. Do you have any final words before I terminate you with extreme prejudice?”

“You know, you never hear about anybody terminating with mild prejudice, now do you?” Chrysalis asked rhetorically.

“L-look,” Twilight spoke up, now more terrified than she had ever been in her life. “I know that we’ve had some disagreements in the past, but think about what you’re doing?! If I die, it won’t change anything that happened to any of you. Ask yourself, what would killing me accomplish?”

“Aside from keeping me from going hungry for another eight minutes, not much,” Melvin answered. Her grin then grew wider. “But it’s enough.”

“Wait sto…” Twilight tried to say, but Melvin had bitten and devoured her before she could.


(Gory discretion shot, so that I can avoid a mature tag.)


After she had swallowed every last bit of her, Melvin licked her lips before cackling like a madman again. “Ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­ha­haha! Ah, now that was very satisfying.”

Chrysalis simply stared at the sight that she had just seen. “You… killed Twilight.”

“You betcha,” Melvin confirmed.

“And the author didn’t even bother adding a mature tag, so it wasn’t even described.”

“I’m sure it’s what she would have wanted,” Melvin told her.

“I can’t believe it,” Chrysalis said. “After all this time, she’s really, finally dead.”

“Yes,” Melvin spoke up. “And now Chrysalis, you are my girlfriend, and we are going out ten times.”

Chrysalis quickly snapped her head back around to face the evil siren. “What?”

Then the door opened again and three changelings entered. “Your Majesty, good news. You’ve just been confirmed as the villain for season five. We’re back on the show.”

Chrysalis then quickly turned her head around again, but before she could even say one word, Tara Strong spoke up. “Hey, Chrysalis. You were just voted ‘Villain of the Year’. Also, all of the Bronies agree that you’re the coolest villain in the show. Way cooler than Discord or Tirek.”

Chrysalis was now starting to tear up with tears of joy for the first time in decades. “This. Is the happiest day of my life,” she announced.


---


“Chrysalis? Chrysalis? Hey, wake up, Chrysalis?” The changeling queen could suddenly hear Melvin – no, wait, not Melvin – Adagio call her name. She then noticed that her eyes were closed, and when she opened them, she found herself lying her head down on the table in front of her, with her hooves in front of her for support and comfort.

Once she had lifted her head back up, she quickly looked around the room. “W-wh-what?” She stuttered. Her face then suddenly drooped at the realization. “Oh, bug, was I dreaming all of that?”

“All of what?” Adagio asked.

“You didn’t happen to transform into your super powered evil half and murder Twilight Sparkle in cold blood recently, did you?” Chrysalis asked her, fearing the answer.

“Yes!” Adagio replied quickly.

Chrysalis suddenly perked up. “Really?!”

“Wait,” Adagio suddenly looked unsure. “No. No I didn’t. My bad.”

Chrysalis slumped back down into her seat. “And I suppose I’m also not going to be the main villain in season five?”

“No, you really EFFed up your first chance in season two,” Discord answered her. “I don’t think you’ll ever be back on the show.”

“Wonderful,” she said, sarcastically. Turning to Adagio she asked, “So, Adagio, what’s your newest evil plan this time?”

Adagio smirked evilly before responding. “We’re going to sneak into Twilight’s castle under cover of darkness, and rearrange her sock drawer! Her entire collection of socks will be thrown into disarray. It will be chaos. Sock-related chaos.”

Discord raised his eyebrow at that and brought a talon up to his mouth in thought. “I wonder why I never thought of sock-related chaos before?”

When Adagio was finished rambling, Chrysalis just sighed in defeat. “Yep. Same old, same old.”

“Like a Faust.”


---


Twilight Sparkle was lying in bed, when suddenly she heard her magic journal vibrating. Getting out of bed and wiping the tiredness out of her eyes, she made way over to her dresser, where the book lay.
Once she was standing right in front of it, she picked it up with her magic and flipped it open to the newest page. “Alright, let’s see what we’ve got here,” Twilight said as she reached the page with the message for her and started reading. When she was only halfway through the message, her eyes bulged in her head. “They want to take my what?!” She screamed. “That’s disgusting!” She said as she continued to read the message to the very end. “What do they mean does Adagio have one?!”
> Fifth Meeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not actually in the Badlands this time, and instead, just… here.

Sunset Shimmer was standing at the top of the main room of their base, singing out loud. “I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it. I know, I know, I know, I know, I want to. Deo-o.” She then suddenly stopped singing when she noticed the others in the room with her. “Oh, sowwy about that. Oh mayn, I am so excited I got chiwwwwwwws, mayn! My excitement is I got ten pounds of excitement in a five pound bayg. Yeah! We are here today to celebwate an event so fantastic that the whole worwd will remembuh for years to cooooooooooome!”

“Happy Birthday, Princess Sunset Shi…” Snails was in the middle of saying.

“It ain’t my birthday, mayn,” Sunset cut him off, now sounding a lot more serious.

“Oh,” Snails uttered. “Then why is there a birthday cake over there?” He said, pointing at a small table in the corner, with a birthday cake on it.

“What?!” Sunset Shimmer said.

“Oh, that’s mine,” Sombra said, speaking up and raising his hoof. “It’s my birthday.” His expression then changed slightly. “Well, not ‘birthday’ exactly. It’s the fifth anniversary of when I was freed from the ice. I had it baked to look like a crystal,” he said while turning to face the cake. He licked his lips. “I like crystals, you know.”

“Can anybody understand the words that are coming out of his mouth?!” Sunset shouted out. “Because I sure as hell can’t!”

“By the way, thanks for not buying me anything. I really appreciate it,” Sombra spoke up again.

“You’re welcome,” Snips said, sarcastically.

“Heh heh,” Sombra laughed a little. “It’s the thought that doesn’t count.”

“Yeah, we don’t like you,” Snips said, flatly.

“Eh, guys, do you think maybe we should let the Princess finish speaking?” Snails decided to interject.

Snips turned to face his friend and nodded. “I guess so.” Sombra merely nodded and didn’t say anything.

“That’s wight, mayn. I am pwoud, and honoured, to announce that we have thwee new membuhs!”

“Are they gonna be even lamer than the last one?” Snips asked.

“I’m right here,” Sombra groaned.

“’Sup, lame-o?” Snips replied without facing him.

“These dudes don’t know the meaning of the word wayme! Gentohmen, and you, Sombwa. May I introduce the wichest son-of-a-bitch in all of Equestwia.”

“Fancy pants?” Snails guessed.

“Spoooooooooooot!” Sunset announced.

*Beat*

“Who?” Snails asked.

“Me!” A short Diamond Dog shouted out quickly, as he appeared in the doorway, throwing the door wide open.

Snips, Snails, and Sombra all kept their gaze on Spot as he walked over to them, joining their group in front of Sunset Shimmer. When he was standing beside them, Snips gave him a quick look up and down. “Yeah, this guy seems pretty lame too.”

“Those sound like fighting words to me,” Spot retorted, pointing a finger at Snails. “Where I’m from, we settle everything with gem fights.”

“Why do you sound like me?” Snips asked him.

“En guarde!” Spot shouted out, reaching into his pockets, pulling out several small gems and throwing them at him, knocking him down.

“Spoooooooooooot!” Sunset Shimmer called out. “Will you pwease put away yo shiny baubles so that I, Soonset Shimmah, the weader of the evil council, mayh move on with our wist of new membuhs?”

“Sure thing,” Spot replied, already picking up the gems that he threw at Snips.

“Our newest membuh is one of the most wuthless villains in the whole show. She awmost single hoofedly defeated Twiwight Sparkle and her fwiends. And she didn’t even need a two-parter. Twwwwwwwwi­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­ixxxxxxxxxxx­x­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­e­eee Wwwwwwu­u­u­u­uwamoooooooon!”

The group of, now four, minions all turned back around towards the door again, to see a blue unicorn mare, with a silver mane. However, instead of displaying an air of superiority like the other villains did, she instead almost looked like she was lost. “Actually, I’m not a villain,” she spoke up.

Sunset Shimmer immediately dropped hammy tone upon hearing this. “What?!”

“Nope. Totally not a villain,” Trixie repeated. Sorry.”

“But that’s impwossible!” Sunset exclaimed. “You once took over Ponyville!”

“Oh, no, that’s a common misconception,” Trixie said as she waved them off. “I was just being manipulated by the Alicorn Amulet. As soon as I took it off, I felt much better, and I was even reformed.”

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me! Why would you even appwy for this position if you ain’t a villain, mayn?”

“Well, there must have been some sort of mis­un­der­stand­ing,” Trixie said hastily. “Because like I said, I’m definitely not a villain.”

Sunset sighed. “Well, I guess we got ourselves a new janatoh.”

Trixie then sighed herself. “Well, can you at least match what I made at the rock farm?”

“Sure.” Sunset replied. She then immediately piped up again as she moved on. “Anyway, my final gwand reveawence is something that is gonna shock aww of you and shake the foundations of Pop Star Entertainment forever!”

“I doubt that,” Snips deadpanned.

“Oh bewieve me, douche face. This is gonna be the biggest thing to come out o’ nowhere since mah entire backstowy in the first Equestwia Girls movie! Oh-ho! The mystowy is indeed intwiguing. But whooooo could it be?”

“Look, we all know this is just gonna end up being some lower-tier villain,” Snips said flatly. “So could we wrap this up? I need to meet a guy about a thing.”

“Vewy well. The pwan who is…” Sunset suddenly started laughing as she caught herself when she messed up. “Oh, pfff, haha. Sowwy, mayn, I almost said the wrong thing. Seriouswy, could you imagine me messing up mah words? Anyway, the one who is going to be crutioh to our pwans to defeat Twiwight Sparkle and Adagio Dazzle is none other than…"


---


“Chrysalis!” Adagio called.

“What is it now, Adagio?” Chrysalis lazily called back.

“I know what we need to do.”

“Let me guess,” Chrysalis started.

“We’re going to build a giant piñata.” They both said together. After a second, they both started again. “And then we wait until it’s Twilight’s birthday… give her a bat... and then we hide inside the piñata… and when she breaks it open, we jump out and tell her there’s no candy.”

“Brilliant, is it not?” Adagio followed up, en­thu­si­as­ti­cally.

“That it is not, Adagio,” Chrysalis answered.

“Yeah. Wait what?”

“You two are so gay for each other,” Discord chimed in. This caused both of them to glare at the Draconequus. Without changing his expression, he simply said, “You heard what I said.”

Sonata couldn’t help but giggle. “Hehehehehe, gay.”

Sighing and sitting back down properly, Chrysalis simply asked, “So, does anyone else have any better plans?”

“I got a plan, man. I got a plan, man, can, Sam-I-Am, Pakistan, New York and Japan!” Gilda stringed together.

“Do you actually have a plan or are you just saying words?” Chrysalis said with a straight face.

“Michael Man.”

“I believe what she’s trying to say,” Lightning Dust joined in. “Is that our plan supersedes all other plans. As our plan involves wearing black coats that allow us to move without being seen, and attack when our enemies least expect it.”

“Are these coats fashionable and go well with any design?” Adagio asked.

“Of course not,” Lightning Dust responded. “These coats take functionality over design. Although, they are enchanted so that no matter how big your hair is, it will always fit perfectly inside the hood.”

“I already have coats that can do that!” Adagio screamed out as she stood up and threw her arms up into the air. “I shall have no part in this plan.” She then proceeded to sit back down again.

“In Tartarus, we don’t wear cloths. Everyone is totally naked,” Tirek added.

“That’s not exactly different from Equestria,” Aria added to the conversation. “Some ponies go their whole lives without clothes.”

“Yes, but in Tartarus, you’re not even given the option of clothes. Everyone sent there is doomed to suffer eternal damnation. And nudity.”

“Ah, that takes me back,” Tara Strong chimed in, with a smile on her face. “It reminds me of the time I first auditioned for the role of Twilight Sparkle.”

“Public nudity reminds you of that?” Adagio inquired.

“I am a method actor, miss,” Tara Strong responded in a hammy tone. “I need to really become my character before I can voice them. If they’re not wearing clothes while I’m speaking for them, then neither am I, so I was, of course, completely naked when we recorded. It was the most exhilarating acting experience. Of my life.”

“Wait,” Aria perked up. “So, every time you’re recording Twilight’s lines, you’re…”

“Completely naked, yes,” Tara Strong finished her sentence.

Before Aria even had the chance to react, Discord suddenly slumped down on the table in front of him, holding his hands against his head. “Oh, God. I can already hear the bronies fapping.”

As Adagio leaned back in her chair, she threw a quick glance at Discord, before she looked over at Lightning Dust and Gilda again. “And you too; about your black coat idea. I said before, no Final Fantasy references! That includes Kingdom Hearts,” she added as she narrowed her eyes. “Don’t think that I didn’t notice that reference.”

“I can assure you that any reference you spotted was entirely coincidental,” Lightning Dust said, confidently. “References are not funny.”

“Yeah, references suck,” Gilda said.

“References are what retards use when they’re trying to be witty. But in actuality, it is the laziest form of writing in the history of the universe.” Lightning Dust gave a quick glance to the side before continuing. “There is so much more to comedy than references.”

“References… are teh suck,” Gilda added.

“So very teh suck.”

“Well then,” Chrysalis started. “Speaking of ‘sucking’, Adagio, do you have any…”

“Gay jokes are also teh suck,” Lightning Dust interrupted her.

“And offensive,” Gilda added.

“Very offensive,” Lightning Dust continued. “In Equestria, it is not only okay to be gay, but encouraged, so long as it’s mare on mare, of course. Just the idea of two stallions together like that is sick and must be condemned.”

“Friggin’ colt cuddlers,” Gilda grumbled.

Chrysalis grunted loudly in irritation. “You know what? Forget this, I’m done. I’m not doing it anymore.”

“What are you not doing anymore?” Adagio asked her.

“This!” She stated. “Adagio, I’m leaving. And there’s not a damn thing you can do to change my mind about it.”

“Wait, wait. Hold the friggin’ phone here,” Adagio stammered. “You’re leaving me?” She asked in an accusatory tone.

“If by ‘me’ you mean this idiotic council, then… yes.” Chrysalis answered.

“But I thought we had something miserable. Something truly evil. I thought our hatred would last a lifetime.”

“Well, then, you thought wrong,” Chrysalis retorted. “You see, it turns out that there’s another evil council operating in the area and they offered me a job. That’s right. They’re going to pay me actual money! And my contract allows me to perform at least one genuinely evil deed a month. Not just stand around chatting about it!”

“Wait, how long has this been going on,” Adagio asked her, sounding hurt.

“We’ve been in talks for a few weeks now,” Chrysalis answered.

“You’ve been cheating on me this whole time?” Adagio asked, unbelievably. “And you never said anything?”

“I wouldn’t call it ‘cheating’ exactly. They were just... ‘heavy negotiations’,” she defended.

“Behind. My. Back,” Adagio said slowly, sounding offended.

“Girls, girls, you’re both pretty,” Discord chimed in. He then waved his hand to the side and gave a coy smile. “But try as you might, you’ll never be as beautiful as I…”

“Shut up, Discord!” Adagio and Chrysalis both shouted at him.

“Well,” Discord said, pretending to sound hurt.

“Everyone, listen,” Thrackerzod suddenly spoke up. “After staying silent for most of our previous meetings, I have finally come up with an evil and full-proof plan to destroy Twilight Sparkle and…”

“Shut up, little filly,” Adagio interrupted her. “This is actually important!” She then turned back to face Chrysalis, looking sorrowful. “Chrysalis, please don’t go.”

“I’m sorry, Adagio. I admit that the idea of doing evil with you was fun for a time. But the joke's gotten rather stale and now it’s become nothing more than just a series of weak punchlines that even I can’t laugh at anymore,” Chrysalis said, getting sentimental. “You’ve surrounded yourself with fools, but I feel like the biggest fool of all. Because at one point, I genuinely believed in this. In you, Adagio.”

“But, but we had some good times right,” Adagio tried to convince her. “Remember when we had our evil council’s picnic, and we all got together to play baseball? I was the pitcher, you were the catcher?”

“I’m not even going to comment on that one,” Discord whispered to himself.

“I’m sorry, Adagio,” Chrysalis said. “But this whole exercise, while fun, has been a monumental waste of my evil talents.”

“Chrysalis, please, give me another chance,” Adagio begged. She then suddenly noticed her phone float out of her pocket, over towards Chrysalis. “Wait, what are you doing with my phone?” She asked.

“Oh, I need it to call Sunset Shimmer. She’s picking me up in a few minutes.” Chrysalis explained.

“Tell her I hate her!” Adagio shouted. She then stopped and stared at Chrysalis as she typed her message. “Are you telling her that I hate her?” She asked, inquisitively.

“Nope, now I’m texting her that you’re a slut,” Chrysalis answered.

“Stop being ableist, Chrysalis!”

“No,” Chrysalis deadpanned. She then got up out of her chair and walked out of the room. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pack.”

Adagio snarled angrily as Chrysalis left the room. “Fine! Leave! See if I care! You’ve been nothing but dead weight from the beginning!” Once she was done, and Chrysalis had left the room, Adagio took a moment to catch her breath. “Okay people, let’s get back to work.”

“Heh heh, yeah, no,” Aria said, speaking up.

Adagio immediately jerked up and faced Aria. “What?”

“We’re not going to listen to you,” Aria explained. “You’re a joke. Sure you started out alright, but as these meetings went on, you became nothing more than a hack. Chrysalis was the only one actually getting things done.”

“Yeah, and she showed us how to take control of people without having to use our singing,” Sonata spoke up.

“She was the best worst pal a villain could ask for,” Tirek said.

Adagio was clutching at her head, shaking in anger at hearing everyone say how great Chrysalis was. “Look,” she spoke up. “Everyone stop talking about Chrysalis, who from now on will only be referred to as ‘It’.”

“Chrysalis was Gak?!" Tirek blurted out. “That explains so much.”

Sonata, who was once again in the middle of drinking her water, immediately did a spit take. “Wow! How did we not notice that before?” Aria then proceeded to facepalm so hard that she fell out of her chair and lost consciousness. Turning towards her partner, Sonata looked down at Aria’s unconscious body. “Uhhmm, Aria. Are you okay?” She asked, sounding worried.

“Silence!” Adagio shouted out angrily, getting everyone’s attention. “You guys don’t think I have what it takes to run a council all by myself. Do you?” She stood up straight. “Fine then!” She then reached across the table to where Chrysalis had left her phone. “It just so happens I have Luna’s number on my speed dial.”

“What?” Discord spoke up. “You have pictures of Princess Luna in a speedo?”

“Speed dial!” Adagio reiterated, while dialling. She then turned her attention to the screen in front of her. “Friggin’ Draconequus.” She then finished dialling and brought the phone to her ear. “You’ll see. One quick call to Luna and she’ll be begging to team up with me now that Chrysalis is old news.”

“Uhhmm,” Sonata said, giving Aria’s unconscious body a quick glance before facing Adagio again. “I thought she didn’t like you.”

Adagio just gave her a confident smirk. “Oh, trust me. I’m a master at tele­phone-based manipulation.” She then returned her attention to the phone in her hand.

After thirty seconds, nothing happened.

“What the hell?!” Adagio said, looking at her phone in confusion. “Why isn’t she picking up?

Discord raised a talon. “Probably because she doesn’t have a phone. You’re thinking of Vice Principal Luna.”

“Dammit!” Adagio shouted, lowering her phone again. She then stuttered a bit. “Okay, it’s… it’s alright. I can still salvage this.” She then turned her head back to face her council. “Uhh… who wants to order out? We could get tacos. Anyone? Tacos? Anyone? Tacos?”

But all of the other members remained silent.

Looking from side to side for a second, Sonata slowly started raising her hand, but then Discord whispered to her, “Don’t even think about it,” filling in for Aria, who was still unconscious. She then immediately lowered her hand again.


---


“Welcome thowowy, Chwysawis, to Sunset Shimmer’s iwwustrious Council of Domination!” Sunset said, welcoming the changeling queen to their ranks. “I twust you’ll find things to your wiking?”

“Oh, believe me, so long as there are no young, scantily-clad girls, touching me in­ap­pro­pri­ately, I think I’ll fit in just fine here,” Chrysalis responded.

“Good. Now I…” Sunset suddenly stopped when she looked at the corner of the room. “Hey, Twixie Wuwamoon! I told you to cwean that cwap in the corner up, like, five hours ago! I am-a pissed off!”

“Okay,” Trixie said hastily. “Just as long as it’s not evil crap. I couldn’t touch the stuff. Not a villain, you see.”

“Why does that janitor sound like me?” Chrysalis asked, after hearing Trixie speak.

“Now then,” Sunset continued. “Chwysawis, may I pwesent to you, as a token of appweciation for joining our group, this expensive, twenty cawat fire wuby!” She announced, producing the gem in the palm of her hand, giving it to her. “May it forever serve as a symbol of the bond between us.”

“Hey, that’s mine!” Sombra shouted. “It’s the only thing aside from the Crystal Heart that I still have from my reign a thousand years ago. It’s quite literally the only thing I own.”

“Ignore that guy!” Sunset quickly shouted over him. “He’s from Mexicolt or something or Neighpon, I don’t know. Doesn’t speak a wohd of engwish.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Chrysalis said with a smile, floating the fire ruby over to her.

Spot then suddenly appeared beside her. “Give me the bauble!” He said, reaching for the gem. Chrysalis simply raised it higher above her head, and started pushing him away with her hoof.

“Now then,” Sunset spoke up again. “Let our gwohwious cewebwations begin! But first, who wants pizza?!”

“Uhh,” Chrysalis raised her hoof, while pushing Spot back with the other. “Do you guys, perchance, have any, uh, tacos?”

Sunset Shimmer simply gave Chrysalis a look. “Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Dude. Weally? Weally? Weally? Evwyone knows that pizza is better than tacos! Booo. Oh, eat a dyk.”

“Oh. Right, of course,” Chrysalis replied. “Mmmm, pizza,” she said, trying to sound convincing.

“And now, awow me to pweasure your ears with this meweodis tune,” Sunset spoke up again, now suddenly holding a guitar. “Brought to you from the cock-allos of my heart.” She then started playing the guitar and started singing. “Sweet home Abalayma! Where the skies are so bwuuuuuue.” Although, the other members weren’t so impressed. “Sweet home Abalayma!”


---


Meanwhile, back at Adagio’s council.

“You know, I’m starting to think that Chrysalis isn’t coming back,” Adagio said.

“What tipped you off?” Discord asked, sarcastically. “The fact that she hasn’t returned the 300 phone calls you just made?”

“I guess just I figured it was all going to be a big fake out,” she reasoned. “That it was going to just turn out okay in the end and we’d go right back to being horrible to each other. Just like the old days. But now, without her hate,” she slumped into her chair and sighed. “I feel empty.”

“Don’t worry, Adagio, you’re better off without her,” Discord tried to comfort her.

Adagio raised her head. “Really?”

“Well, no,” Discord admitted. “But she’s better off without you. And that’s something, right?”

Adagio sniffed. “Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh,” she started singing, while desperately trying (and failing) not to cry. “You didn’t know that you fell. Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh. Now that you’re under our spe-e-e-e-ll­l­lll.” She finally broke down sobbing, burying her head in her arms in front of her, on the table.

“Ah, to be young again. And naked.” Tara Strong spoke up.


The End…



For Now




























Lightning Dust walks into the centre of a white screen and turns to face the screen. “Reference jokes may as well be stealing. Unless the thing you’re stealing from is literally built on stealing. Then it’s perfectly acceptable.”
> Sixth Meeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere in the Badlands…

Deep beneath the arid ground, in a large underground chamber, several of the most powerful beings in Equestria and beyond sat around a large, round, stone table.

At the top of the table, Adagio Dazzle stood, singing to herself. “We will be adored. Tell us that you want us. We won't be ignored. It's time for our reward. Now you need my butt. Come and heed my butt. Nothing can stop my butt!”

As Adagio kept singing, Lightning Dust lay slinked over the table, with an annoyed expression on her face. “She's been singing this for several hours.”

“Yeah, it's getting annoying!” Gilda followed up, with her talons shoved in her ears to try and drown out Adagio’s singing.

“Every other time she sings it, she changes one of the words to ‘butt’. Eventually she will just be singing to word ‘butt’. Over and over… and over.”

“Repetition is the second-lowest form of humour!” Gilda shouted out. “Right next to reference jokes!

“Yeah. Repetition sucks,” Aria added with fake enthusiasm, whilst absently playing with her hair.

“Yeah. It sucks!” Sonata agreed with actual enthusiasm.

“It is I,” Adagio suddenly cut in, with a loud smack against the stone table to ensure that attention was now on her. “The leader of Adagio’s Evil Council of Doom, who shall decide if and when something sucks, and I declare that I do not.”

“Could have fooled me,” Thrackerzod said to the side, in a half whisper.

That seemed to grab Adagio’s attention quickly. “I’m sorry, what was that?” She asked in a condescending manner, turning towards the little filly.

“Face it, Adagio. You suck. This whole Evil Council sucks,” Thrackerzod started, turning to face Adagio fully. “It gives evil a bad name. And it already had one in the first place: ‘evil’. The worst name possible.”

“Well, I think we’re doing a spiffing job myself,” Adagio defended. “Why, just last month we used our Siren magic on Discord to trick him into tearing up his favourite picture of Fluttershy. He was devastated.”

“I'm still not talking to any of you,” Discord spoke up, with his arms crossed, facing away from and not looking at any of them.

“It's so weird how he still comes to our meetings just to tell us he's not talking to us.”

“We should not be performing evil acts on one another. We should be forcing our evil upon the forces of good! Destroying their heroes. Making their insides be outsides!”

“But that will hurt them! A lot!” Adagio spoke.

“That is the point!”

“I thought the point was just to laugh and point and just be kind of scary and threatening but never really do anything of merit,” Adagio began. “But also to have lots of good insults for our minions,” she added.

“No.”

“Silence, foolish minion!” She screamed, pointing her finger at the filly, hard. “See, that's an example right there.”

“Being evil is about taking control. About having absolute power and letting it corrupt you to your very core. It is about destroying anything and anyone who gets in your way. It is about enjoying the feel of blood on your hands and revelling in the suffering of others.”

Adagio suddenly cocked an eyebrow in confusion. “Wait, I thought your whole shtick was trying to hide just how evil you really were.”

“It has been three years and a cancellation!” Thrackerzod retorted in an uncharacteristically loud tone of voice. “Clearly continuity means nothing anymore.”

“What are you suggesting, Thrackerzod?” Discord asked, rejoining the meeting.

“I am suggesting we vote! Right now. We can either let Adagio continue to lead us down a meaningless path to nowhere because she is too busy pining for her girlfriend to do anything of substance…”

“Hey, I've done lots of substances while pining for my girlfriend!” Adagio retorted. Suddenly, she froze in her current position, realizing what she had just said, and she blinked. “I mean… none of what I just said happened happened.”

“…or we can elect a new leader. A strong leader. A leader who only needs a nap once a day! Or twice on a particularly busy day.”

“Wait, you still take naps?” Adagio asked.

“I am a little filly. What do you think?”

Suddenly, Adagio smiled to herself. “Funny, Chrysalis liked to take naps but she wasn’t a filly.”

“Chrysalis. Always Chrysalis. Well, she has plenty of new friends now. And unless you want to make this simple and go join them, then I suggest we vote. Who should lead the Evil Council? Me or that giant horny idiot over there?”

“Hey, uncalled for!” Tirek spoke up, sounding offended.

“I am sorry, Tirek. I meant Adagio.”

“Oooooooooooooooh,” Tirek realized. “Yeah, he's got you there, mate.”

“Nobody has ‘got me there, mate’!” Adagio shouted out. “I'll show all of you. Before you choose your leader…”

“Thrackerzod.”

“Thrackerzod.”

“Thrackerzod.”

“Thrackerzod.”

“Thrackerzod.”

“Sweetie Belle.”

“No wait, friggin' dumbasses, hear me out first!” Adagio screamed out in frustration. She then took in a deep breath to try and calm herself before continuing. “I'm willing to put things right. I can be the evil mastermind you need me to be. I can do what must be done.” She said as she looked around the table, meeting the gaze of all of the other council members as she spoke. “But first I must go on a pilgrimage. A journey of self-discovery. I can learn those talents that are required for true evil to be victorious. But I need a week. A single week to learn from the greatest teacher that evil money can buy.”

“Oh, so you got that Groupon deal for the evil lessons,” Discord chimed in.

“What?” Adagio suddenly stopped, like a deer in headlights. “No, I… I was summoned…” She stuttered. “By a dark emissary who promised to unveil such incredible…”

“Yes, see, it's right here on Groupon,” Discord continued, pulling out a laptop. “‘Seven Days to Learn the Ways of Darkness: Guaranteed to Make You Go from Henchman to Master in 10 Easy Steps’.”

Adagio let out an exasperated sigh. “Alright, fine, I saw it on Groupon, and I jumped on it,” she admitted, with a wave of her hand. “But you guys gotta let me take this course. So I can prove I have what it takes to…”

“Tell me Adagio, are you a belt in an anthropomorphic clopfic?” Lightning Dust interrupted.

Adagio simply blinked and turned to face the turquoise pegasus. “What?”

“I said, are you a belt in an anthropomorphic clopfic?” She repeated.

“Of course I'm not a belt, what are you friggin' blabbering…”

“Because it sounds like you just got ripped the EFF! off.”

The entire council ‘Ooooooooooooooooooo’ at the sick burn.

“No, you fools! Cease your "ooooooo"-ing at once!” Adagio exploded in a fit of rage.

…

…

…

…

…

…

“Ooooooooooooooooooo…” Discord oooooooooooooooooooed.

Later, in an undisclosed location…

“So is it true?” Adagio asked. “You can make me actualize the evil within myself? Achieve the mischievous? Take me one step closer to badness?” She sneered evilly.

“Trust me, Adagio! With your money and my easy-to-follow program I'll have no problem making Adagio Dazzle…” M.A. Larson suddenly pulled off a pair of sunglasses dramatically. “Fly with wings!”


To be continued…


“Actually I was hoping, I could just sort of float through the air?”

“Sure.”


To be continued…