> Worth The Wait > by TLC > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Don't Love Me That Way > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you're young, it's easy to be fooled. Easy to believe anything, or to take something so serious. For some it was the smaller things such as ghosts and fairies, others it was the monsters and boogey-ponies that hide under your beds and in your closets. For me, it was love. Yeah, love. I know, how was suppose to know what love is, being the town's young and foolish library assistant. Though the second I saw her, the very sight of her made the very core of my heart melt like ice cream on a nice and warm summer's day. And on that day she walked by, her regal mane bouncing atop her head as she trotted through the market place. I couldn't help but stare, that sight never ceased to make my heart beat into a rapid rhythm. My legs swayed back and forth as I sat upon one of the benches around, my claws on my knees and my eyes never leaving her perfect figure. She was practically perfection incarnate, from her goddess-like body, to her flawless facial features, to her elegant personality and keen sense of detail. Rarity was perfect to me in every way, and I loved her for it. She came trotting by, saddlebags resting on her back as she searched for the right stall with the items she required. For a few seconds, our gazes met. She gave me her signature smile, the one she had that was only meant for me. Over the years I've seen her smile numerous times, all with their own special meaning. The one she gave me was meant to give me hope, to keep me going through out the day knowing somehow and someway, she and I would one day be together. But there as I sat and returned the smile, older and wiser, I was only filled with dread and misery. Waves of bittersweet feelings washed over my heart when I saw her, knowing it was a hopeless dream I had. The dream that lurked in the back of my head, the one I had nearly every night. Us, sitting side by side in a field, a basket of snacks and a bucket filled with ice to keep the champagne chilled. Nothing to keep us warm but each other, as we watched the sun set over Ponyville in the silence of our presence. But at the time, that's all it seemed. A dream. A small dragon's prayer and only wish. I was still young, I can't really say I did understand the concepts of love or not, even now as I'm telling you this. I just knew that every time she came around, I wanted to give my heart and soul to her. My claws flicked anxiously at my knees as I watched her disappear into the crowd, just hoping at some point I could turn away. When she did, I hopped off the bench and made way for the library. My mind went back to the unicorn of my dreams as I walked, a small grimace fighting its way onto my face against the warm smile we shared moments before. There was never a time when thinking about Rarity I wouldn't feel better, this was one of several sad facts about her. She's the only mare in my life whose presence could both darken and brighten my day, hearing her voice reminding me of church bells and symphonies, her eyes giving me images of two large whirlpools in the ocean. Her image taunted me, her smiling face standing high above me as I watched myself jump like a dog reaching for its treat, rolling over and playing dead. At times, I would embrace my feelings like how I used to do, whenever she hugged me or showed any signs of affection, I would fall into it and return it all and more. Other times, I'd simply listen to everything she said, returning very little affection I was supposedly given. Good, Spike. Like a well trained pet. Upon reaching the front door, I stopped to look up at the sky. The day was nice and bright, perfect time to be out with friends and family. Knowing this, I happily planned the rest of the hours I'd spend indoors. Inside, stacks of books surrounded the front desk. It was never a nice thing to see coming home, nothing's worse than seeing a potential chore being made before you in my eyes. When I walked over, I could just barely hear the scribbles of ink pen on paper. "Twilight?" I said, trying to peak over the stacks. Suddenly, the top half of the piles of books were surrounded in a familiar purple glow and rose above me. "Hi, Spike." Twilight said, not looking up from the dozens of scrolls before her. "Do you have anything you need me to do?" I asked her. "Reorganize the books? Clean the kitchen?" She shook her head, still reading. "No, nothing for you to do. Guess that means you have the whole day to yourself!" Boy, I would've loved nothing more than to have had something to distract me from my further digging into my thoughts of Rarity. "Oh, well okay." I said, turning to head up stairs. I figured I might as well sleep the rest of the day away. "Oh, wait!" She exclaimed. "Rarity stopped by earlier! She wanted to know if you wanted to have lunch with her later, though I think I already know the answer." The look she gave me was the smuggest I had ever seen her. Maybe I was a little agitated in that moment, but why did everyone make my obsession the town joke? Did nopony poke fun at Dash for being a hypocrite about reading, or Twilight for being a little insane? How about Applejack's inability to tell a lie? "Sure." I answered, a little reluctantly. "Where?" Twilight paused, writing several things down. "Just meet her at Foal a Deux." Without another word, I disappeared upstairs and into my room. I had out grown the old basket I slept in for so long when I was younger, and had gotten a new bed and room as the outcome. I leap onto said bed and rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. Why, I asked myself repeatedly. It wasn't as much as a problem as I was making it, but it drove me insane. I felt used, like I was only Rarity's small, adorable, fire-breathing chew toy and nothing more. But there was still that part of me, the naive part of me. The side that was still truly in love with her, willing to take any chance to be with her no matter what. I rolled over on to my side, staring out my bedroom window. Outside, a saw a pair of blue birds sitting on one of the tree house's many branches, their heads leaning against each other. It took all but the sheer luck they flew away that I didn't throw my pillow out the window. I stayed in bed until around a quarter to three, I turned to face the small clock on my night stand, its hands pointing to half an hour before I had to meet Rarity. Groaning in annoyance and an afternoon daze, I sat up in bed and turned my legs out from underneath the covers. My joints popped simultaneously as I stretched. My feet felt heavier, I dragged them across the hardwood floor downstairs and towards the front door. "Good afternoon, Spike!" Twilight looked away from her book and towards me, her smile dropping slightly. "Spike, are you feeling alright?" She asked. "You look a little bitter." I turned to face her, my eyes finding her all too knowing gaze scanning me. "I'm fine, Twi. Just a little tired." She turned to look towards the clock on the far wall, shaking her head as the book slowly dropped to her desk. "But it's two-forty! Spike, don't lie to me, you can tell me if there's something wrong. Maybe I can help." Concern was very present in her voice. I had nothing against Twilight. I trust her, why wouldn't I? But she had been one of the many who would still bring up my longing for Rarity and seemed to be the messenger in our one sided relationship. I walked over and leaned against her desk, resting my head on my claws. "It's just..." I paused, scratching my head and squinting my eyes. "You know I like Rarity, right?" Twilight rolled her eyes, a smiling forming on her face. "Really? You, like Rarity?" "Twilight this is serious!" I said. "Sorry." She told me, giggling. "Of course I know you do, you've had a crush on her since we first moved to Ponyville." "Right, but that's just it." I started to pace in front of the desk as I explained. "I love Rarity, but that's all there is. Sure, she tells me that I mean a lot to her, and goes out on little lunches and small dates with me, and that's great and all..." I paused, "...but it's like it doesn't mean anything." "I don't understand, Spike." Twilight told me, giving me a quizzical look. "If you enjoy all the things she does and everything you two do together, why have a problem with all of it?" I stopped mid-pacing to turn to Twilight, throwing my claws in the air. "This whole thing, it's completely one sided! I used to think that one day we'd be together, but I know now that that's never going to happen! All of this, it's almost like pity dating!" I slumped down against the desk holding my claws to my head. From behind me, I could hear Twilight move over to my side, wrapping a hoof around my neck and pulling me into a hug. I closed my eyes, shaking my head in pity of myself. "I love her, Twilight. I just want her to love me back." My voice gave way at the single sob that was strong enough to break through my words. Twilight nuzzled me, shushing my pain away. "Spike." She whispered. "I don't think she's pitying you, I know Rarity and I know she cares a lot about you," she turned my head, my eyes meeting her violet gaze, "but I also know how much it hurts, and I don't think she would want this to." I shook my head, my voice filled with defeat as I spoke. "Then what do I do, Twi?" She smiled, laying a hoof on my head. "I think you should let her know." Her words soothing and motherly. "Tell her how you feel about this, it shouldn't mess up the relationship you two share and I'm sure it'll make it stronger." She helped me to my feet, smiling all the while. "Whatever happens, Spike, I'll be here to help you through it. Acts like this are a part of growing up, and you're already showing signs that you're maturing." I smiled, turning and walking towards the front door. Before I left, I called back to Twilight. "Thanks." _________________________________________________________ And the there she was again, her face was the brightest of them all. She hadn't seen me yet as I passed through the doors of the Foal a Deux restaurant, ponies packed in the many booths lining the walls. I approached a unicorn with light blue fur, and possibly the reddest mane I had ever seen, he was reading a book and sat in front of the the table with a sign reading Please Check Here. "Um, hello?" I said. He looked up, his eyes were faded pink and half lidded. "I, uh, I'm meeting someone?" "Ugh." He rolled his eyes, closing his book. "Name?" "Spike." I told him. "I'm meeting a Rarity Gemstone here." He stood away from the wall and looked over a list on the table. "Gemstone, gemstone...Ooh, lucky you." He pointed at the list. "Gemstone, table for two at four. You're good, go ahead in." I gave him a nod as a thanks and past on through, remembering to ask the manager about his preferences on employees when I got the chance. I looked towards the table, she was smiling. Her eyes fixated on me as I walked awkwardly towards her. My mind replayed the process ahead over and over, every outcome ending in a horrible disaster one way or another. Though the longer I stared, the more confident I felt. I sat across from her, putting on a small smile as she began to speak. "Hello, my Spike-Wikey! How have you been?" She asked, her Cantelot accent present in her heavenly voice reminding me of a thousand operas in my head. "Hi, Rarity. I've been better." I said, trying to avoid eye contact. "Oh, but why?" She asks, her smiling fading. "Is something the matter? You seemed okay when I saw you earlier." "Yeah, well..." I paused. "...that was because I saw you." Rarity's cheeks tinted a slight pink at my words, she giggled and waved a hoof in my direction. "Oh, Spike! You charmer!" Over the next half hour, our waitress came and took our orders. Not feeling like eating, I simply asked for a soda. Rarity ordered a salad with a side of hay fries and dressing, and requested a bottle of champagne. We talked all the while, at least she did anyway. I didn't mind, sitting there as she talked on and on about her busy day with Sweetie Belle, who was going to be visiting her soon with her husband and the many dress orders she had been given the other day. When she finished eating, we simply sat at the table in silence. Though it was a comforting silence, as I stared at her while she stared at me. I gulped the last of my soda down and decided to say it, not wanting to put it off. "Rarity?" I said, getting her attention. "There was something I wanted to ask..." How am I supposed to tell her? Do I just spill it or could I ease it out? I doubted she would feel as though I was breaking up with her, the only one getting hurt being me. Right? "Well ask away, Darling!" She said, smiling all the while. I took in a deep breath, and let it out easy. "Uh...what do you think of me?" She must have taken this question by surprise, because her expression read as if she saw an elephant walk through the restaurant. "What do I think of you?" "Y-Yeah." I was starting to feel hesitant. She raised a hoof to her chin. "Well...I think you are one of the most reliable, trust worthy, nicest dragon I have ever met. You speak so kindly about other ponies, you're always willing to help me, and to top it off," she reached across the table, laying her hoof ever so gently over my claw, her eyes never leaving mine, "Truly one of my closest friends. When ever you come over, or when we have little get-togethers like this, I just...feel a little bit happier." I sat there, my claw nearly twitching under her touch, feeling her verbal assault on my heart. "No..." "What was that, Spikey?" Rarity asked, looking closer at me. Her smile slowly faded when she read my eyes. "Spike?" "Stop." I said, sliding my claw from under her hoof. "I can't....I don't want to do this anymore, Rarity." Her eyes and attention were completely on me now, there was no tuning back now. "Whatever do you mean, darling? Are you alright?" "Yes-No, I mean..." My head was filling with Twilight's advice. "You really don't, do you?" "I don't what?" Rarity asked. "Please explain to me what's going on, Spike. You're starting to worry me." I wanted nothing more than to just say I wasn't feeling well and to go home, continue living the lame excuse of coping. "You...you don't love me, do you?" There. That was it. I could see the shiver that shot through her body from the shock. "I...love?" "And that's it, right?" I continued, feeling the weight holding down my words disintegrating under her shrinking form. "You don't love me, yet you lead me on. You give me kisses, take me out, say all these nice things about me..." "Spikey-" She tried, but I had cut her off. "Stop calling me that!" I nearly shouted, immediately regretting it. "I'm sorry, I think. I just, ugh! I don't want this anymore, Rarity. I don't want to sit here and love someone if they don't love me, and have them act like they do." Rarity's eyes grew, her mouth hung slightly ajar. "You...love me?" "Of course I do!" I said. "I've always have! I care so much about you, Rarity. Since the day I first saw you, I haven't been able to get you out of my head. From when we first spoke, I've been trying to get you to see how I felt. The fire ruby, the hours I've spent helping you around your shop. It's all because I care about you and would do anything for you, but if this is all it is then...!" I had nothing left to say, my claws extend to the sky and my eyes scanning the room. Everyone there looked on with hooves covering their muzzles, others shot glares at me. "Is...that what you think?" My blood ran cold when I heard this from the other side of the table. Well, being a dragon, colder. "Wha..?" Rarity stood up from her seat, not once looking away from the table. "Do you really believe that? Spike, I...why would..." She struggled with her words, shaking her head. Is she...is she crying? "You...you said you loved me. After all this time, you really did mean that..." What is she talking about? "Rarity?" She got out of her seat, keeping her gaze to the ground. She walked around the table, tracing it's edge with her hoof as she neared my seat. I watched with shaking palms as she stopped right in front of me, not knowing her intentions. "Rarity, I-" Before I knew it, she closed the distance between us. She had pressed her lips to mine, my eyes shot open and my heart practically stopped beating from the gesture. I was frozen, under the spell that was the softness of her lips. I soon found myself pressing back against the kiss, my arms slowly finding the life in them to wrap around her shoulders. Her hooves found themselves around my waist. We stayed In that place for a moment, forgetting the world around us. Rarity pulled away, both of us panting from the kiss. I nearly fell into her eyes, highlighted by her blushing cheeks, her lips still pursed and left me wanting. "I love you too, Spike. I always have." I could't believe what was happening, I was a statue in front of her. My thoughts were buzzing around at a million miles a second, I could still feel her lips presence on mine. I was brought out of my thoughts by her giggling, her smiling caused butterflies to stir in my stomach. "Why wait so long to tell me?" I found myself asking, my arms still holding her. "I've been wondering lately if loving you even mattered anymore, I could never truly imagine you being with me no matter how hard I tried." I admit, turning away from her blushing beauty, but she takes my face in her hooves and pulls me back in for another kiss. "I was scared." She said, her muzzle still against mine. "Anytime you weren't near me was torture, so always had you around. After awhile, my heart began eat away at me. I wanted nothing more than to say something. So many chances, so long..." She finished her sentence by pecking my lips again. "Oh, my Spikey-Wikey, I've been a fool! I've been so occupied with my feelings, I never noticed you felt the same way!" I couldn't believe what was happening, my mind was like a snow globe with all the snow being Rarity's confession. Slowly coming to the realization we were in public, I turned away from the mare in my arms to our surroundings. The ponies around us were giving approving looks, some a little too friendly for my taste. I pulled away from the beautiful fashionista, tilting my head towards the nearest exit. "Let's, uh...continue this somewhere a little more private." She nodded, another kiss meets my lips and she turned away from me. As she walked, her tail flicked at my muzzle. I felt the heat rush through my heart and to my cheeks as said tail gave view to..ahem. Well... As we make it past the front desk, I see the unicorn from before. He was deep into his book once again, not bothering to stop and ask if we enjoyed our meals or even payed. We hadn't. He looks up, turns back to see two waiters who undoubtedly noticed our escape. I grabbed hold of one of Rarity's hooves and we ran out of the restaurant, making way for the Carousel Boutique. _________________________________________________________ The door closed behind me, I wiped the beading sweat from my brow and let out a heavy sigh. Celestia knows if I'd ever be welcomed back to the Deux, but that was the farthest thought from my mind. I turned and leaned against the door, sliding down and sitting on the floor of the boutique. The day had changed drastically from how I thought it would be. From Rarity admitting her feelings, to dining and ditching. "Wait a sec..." After a moment of thought, I realized Rarity was not in the room with me. "Rarity?" I called out. There was no reply at first, but then there was a faint giggle coming from up the stairs across the room. I stood away from the door and made my way up the spiraling staircase, leading around to a small hallway with two doors. I tried the door to the left, but it was locked. The other door hadn't even been closed all the way, only needing to be pushed open. Its hinges creaked as I past through and entered the room. "Rarity?" I call out again. "Spike..." I turned around, and all the feeling in my legs left me as I gazed at the mortal goddess before me. Rarity stood on her hind legs, a robe hanging loosely off her shoulders and her mane lightly tussled. She had this look in her eyes, a look i've only seen her give me when I gave her the fire ruby. Her bright pink tongue poked out of her mouth, licking her top lip, then her bottom before disappearing between them. My palms began to sweat, my heart thumped against the inside of my chest like a wood pecker. In a flash, The robe slid off completely and fell to the floor. I knew for a fact that my face was flowing a flourishing red, being that was what I saw. The big and red fire ruby, the very one I gave her, was strapped around her waist and sat in between her legs, which she parted with her own cheeks tinting pink... "Do...do you like it?" > Taking It Slow (Only Begun) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Wait..." I told her, she walked towards me with her nearly exposed figure. "Rarity, wait." "What is it?" Rarity said to me, her voice hushed to a near whisper. I stood in front of her, my knees shook and my claws twitched at the mere sight of her. I couldn't think, my breathing was still. "R-Rarity..." I tried, my voice shaking. "Don't you thing w-we're moving a little t-too..." She stared, her hooves sliding from her chest down to the floor with. She then leaned away from the door and walked. "Oh, I see." She said, I could feel the cold sting of disappointment hanging in her voice. "It's just..." I tried speaking again, but she stopped me. She stood before me, a hoof placed on my shoulder. "It's okay, Spikey." She chuckled. "I understand." She then swept me up into a hug, resting her head on my shoulders as I returned the gesture. We stayed like that, standing in the center of her bedroom in each others arms. As we hugged, my mind and heart were at each others' throats. My brain kicked me, my nerves screaming for Rarity's body. My heart, although wanting her in the same way, felt that we were moving all too quick. I thought back to the restaurant, my intentions were leaning towards me simply walking away before she confessed her feelings to me. I was to decide who won the battle, and my heart took home the belt. After a while, we walked to the living room and sat on one of her strangely many couches. I sat while she laid over my lap, her hooves wrapped around my shoulders. It was peaceful, the only thing I could hear was her breathing. The only feeling was her heart beat. I then stared over at a lone clock sitting upon the counter, it reading ten to eight. "I think I should start heading home." I said with a sigh. She stood away from me, giving me the most powerful of pouts. "Aw, is it eight already?" She asked, turning over to the same clock. "Yeah." I said, scratching the back of my head. "So, um...would you like to...uh-" "Of course, Spike." She said, walking with me to the front door. "I have nothing planned tomorrow after five. We can have a nice dinner here." "S-Sure!" I found my nervousness return, accepting the date with increasing heart beat. "I'd love to." Rarity smiled and nuzzled my cheek, a gesture I gladly returned. The feeling of her soft fur against my scales cause my face to burn with every hair. With that, we departed from the boutique and began our walk to the library. I was sure Twilight would want to hear all about our little display from earlier. ____________________________________________________________________ "Am I being selfish?" "No, no." "C'mon, Sugarcube. You're overreacting!" "I can't be! I've never thought like this before now! I...I want to take it back..." She said, covering her face with her hooves. "I wish I could have said something else! Instead I pretty much threw him in to someone else's hooves." "Did you mean it?" Fluttershy asked, placing her tea cup down on the table. Twilight sat beside her, and also beside Applejack. She had invited Fluttershy and Applejack over for some tea and a talk, but the visit had somehow taken form of a therapy session. Her mouth had been a grimace, a broken shell of the once perky smile of the bookworm. "I...I did." She told her pegasus friend, wrapping her hooves around her sides to hug herself. "I did. I wanted to help him, the way he sounded so defeated. He cried, Fluttershy. I couldn't stand seeing him so sad, I just wanted to help..." She exhaled, letting a breath leave her lungs and her words with it. "What am I even trying to do?" "I think you were just being there for him, Twilight." Fluttershy comforted. "You did the right thing, what you might be feeling right now is just the guilt of not telling him how you feel." "But that's it!" Twilight shouted in frustration, startling the pegasus. "Sorry, but that's just it. He needed to go confront her, and if it works out, then she deserves him. He's been like that for weeks now, and I couldn't take another day of him mindlessly doing tasks. I miss my happy assistant, the one who would whistle as he swept, who'd keep me from driving myself crazy with studying, who would keep me company on nights where I couldn't sleep." She sulked, staring down at her saddened reflection in the long since cooled cup of tea. "Where did it all go wrong?" Applejack let out a small sigh, sitting besides the crestfallen unicorn. "Twi, ya gotta stop beatin' yer-self up. If anything, maybe Rare will just play it off like she always does or-" "Don't say that!" Twilight snapped, causing both mares to jump back. "Why would you say that? Why wouldn't Rarity accept him? That would be the cruelest thing, Spike would never bounce back from that easily." She rose from her spot at the table and began to pace the kitchen, her friends watching her with worrisome eyes. "But...what if it didn't go well? It would be bad...it would be my fault!" Fluttershy dipped her head just as Applejack slapped a hoof to her forehead. "No. Twi, Ah don't think-" Ignoring her friend's words, Twilight dug deeper into her now growing paranoia of the worst possibilities. "It would be my fault, guys! I put the idea in his head, I told him to pretty much lay their entire friendship on the table. Would...would he blame me if it didn't go well? Oh..." She slumped down onto the tiled floor, sitting back on her haunches and staring off into the living room whilst fighting the losing battle in her psyche. Applejack craned her neck, hearing a satisfying pop. She rose from the table and walked over to her fallen friend, wrapping a comforting hoof around her neck and pulling her into a hug. "Look, Twi. Ah need to get back to the farm and put Applebloom to bed." She pulled away from the unicorn. "What Ah need ya to do is relax, okay? Ah'm sure every bad thing yer thinking right now is just you over thinkin' again." Fluttershy walked over and stood beside the farmer mare, nodding in agreement. "You...you do have a habit of that." Twilight looked back between her friends, eventually letting out her head fall and rising up from the floor. "Okay. I'll try. Thanks, Applejack." "No problem, Sugarcube!" Applejack grinned, turning and hugging Fluttershy. "Ah'll talk to y'all tomorrow!" She called back, walking towards the front door, opening it and disappearing behind it. Twilight and Fluttershy stood in the middle of the kitchen corridor. The unicorn found herself then being walked back to the kitchen table, where she will be comforted by her friend as she holds back the waves of doubtful thoughts and negativity. ____________________________________________________________________ It was late into the evening by the time Rarity and I made it to the library, the night air was mildly cold. We walked close to each other, letting the other's heat protect us from the evening's nippy atmosphere. As we reached the front door, we turned to each other. Her face was barely visible in the darkness of the night, though I still felt our eyes connected. "Well." I began. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" To this Rarity smiled. "Of course, My little Spikey Wikey." With that, we shared our final kiss of the night and she turned to make her way back home. I watched her figure fade off into the pitch background of the sleeping town, letting out a deep breathe leaving me in a lucid state. I opened the front door with a click, closing it behind me. I fell back against it in a daze, my lips frozen with a smile. The warmth of the library caused me to shiver, and the small of tea filled my nostrils. Just as I walked from the door and past the kitchen, I glanced inside to see non-other than Twilight, but I was put off by Fluttershy sitting at the kitchen table with her. "Hi, Spike!" Twilight said, levitating a cup to her lips and taking a sip. "How did things go with Rarity?" "Well..." I began, but paused. My mouth closed and I laughed. "It went okay." Twilight stared. "Just okay?" "It was alright." I said, waving a claw dismissively. "Is...okay." She deadpanned. "Me and Fluttershy were just talking about how you and Rarity, so naturally...I would think you would..." Spike turned to Twilight, an eyebrow raised. "Would what?" Twilight sat their staring at her assistant, feeling all eyes on her as she began to shake her head quickly. "N-Nothing, nothing! Just...nothing." I walked past them towards the stairs, stretching his arms above his head and yawing. "Uh, I'll tell you guys tomorrow, I'm a little...beat." "Well, okay." Twilight said, her words a little shaky. "Goodnight!" "Hmm." I mumbled, walking up the seven steps up the stairs. I didn't take much notice to Twilight's behavior, maybe because I was still exhausted from earlier. I opened the door to my room and fell onto my bed. After a few minutes I crawled underneath my covers and laid my head onto my pillow, facing the ceiling. The moon's light shown through my window and glared a thick line across my ceiling. Just by habit I already began to think about Rarity. I wonder if she's sleeping well, or if I should have stayed. Her touch still burned my scales, I stared down at my claws and let out a sigh. As I drifted off to sleep, the last thing I saw was Rarity laying beside me, and my vision faded to black.