> The Feel of Live Steel > by Mockingbirb > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > A Cutting Alternative > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Several years before the events of "Equestria Girls" Hiding in her parents' attic, Wallflower Blush paged through a copy of "Teen Angst Magazine." She'd found it in the bushes behind the schoolyard. Wallflower thought, "I DO feel terrible in ways I don't even know how to express. But would cutting myself really make me feel better?" On the next page, she read, "Scars all over your body are how other people can see you're sensitive and deep!" "Hmm," Wallflower said to herself. "Is this...trendy? Would I be cool? Because now I'm just short, and frumpy, and dumpy, and...mostly short. And boring. I must be the most uncool kid in the world. "But even if DO I cut myself...will that really do me any good? Will I really feel like a better person? Will I be a cool kid, a trendsetter? Or will I just be a sad girl with scars?" Wallflower sighed. "If only I had a way of cutting that was COOL." Behind her, something thumped to the floor. She turned around, and picked up an old book: "Ye Compleat Guide To Ye Traditional and Olde-Fashioned Art of Sword Fighting, Steel Against Steel." "Hmmm," she said. "This seems like a win-win situation." She paged through the book. Before long, she was fantasizing about being a total badass who could stand up for herself, and maybe even talk to people. While swordfighting. But later that afternoon, she became distracted and forgot about it. *** That night at dinner, Wallflower Blush spoke up. "Mom?" she said. "I don't feel very good." Rosy Blush looked disdainfully at her daughter. "If you feel sick, just don't throw up at the table. It's disgusting, and the rest of us are eating dinner." Rosy took another bite of peas, and slowly chewed it. When she was done, she said, "Is this that anorexia thing some girls start to do when they're about your age? Because I completely understand. I wouldn't want to to let myself get fat either. And you HAVE been looking a bit pudgy. If you want to grow into a healthy young woman, this is an excellent time to start developing good habits." Rosy took another bite of peas. She slowly chewed that bite twenty-two times. She knew, because she silently counted. It was part of her diet. "Well?" Rosy said. "Are you expecting me to get you some syrup of ipecac? Because I suppose that's fine to start with, but sooner or later you're going to have to learn how to take care of these things without my help." "Mom!" Wallflower said, "That's not what I meant." "Then what DID you mean?" her mother asked. "Did you mean you don't feel the OTHER kind of good? Because everyone has to make moral compromises to live in this world, dear. Don't think you're somebody special." Wallflower sighed. "I hate my life. Sometimes I just want to kill myself." "Wallflower!" Rosy said in a scandalized voice. "Well, sometimes I do." "Young lady," Rosy scolded, "Do you realize how selfish suicide would be? Your father and I have worked our fingers to the bone raising you and taking care of you. And here you go acting like you don't appreciate our hard work at all." Wallflower's father said, "What? Did you say anything important? I was just thinking about how well work went today. A big developer wanted to buy a thousand baby oak trees, and I palmed off poison oak seedlings on them instead. I made so much money, now I can afford to buy another jet-ski! Next time we go to the lake, I'll have TWO jet-skis, one to tie to each foot." He laughed in a roguish way that might have been charming, if you didn't pay any attention to the words that came out of his mouth before and after. "Won't the other dads be so jealous!" Rosy smiled politely. "That's nice, dear. But don't change the subject. Wallflower was just talking about suicide." "Suicide?" Pomelo said. "You're far too young to be thinking about suicide, young lady. Think how sad you'll look laying in your coffin. Listen to your mother. You should at least lose some weight first. Really get into vegetables." "That's what I told her!" Rosy complained. "But young people today! They never listen." "My parents love me so much," Wallflower said. "No wonder I want to kill myself." Pomelo shook his head. "It might seem like we're hard on you. But it's only because we care." "Exactly!" Rosy said. "This makes me want to cut my throat." Pomelo said sternly, "Young lady, if you even TRY to commit suicide, you're grounded for a month." Wallflower's mouth screwed up in a sudden, imperfectly stifled smile. "Grounded? Isn't that kind of the point?" She clamped a hand over her mouth, and made a funny noise. "Unless you want to have me cremated. At that point I probably won't care." Wallflower laughed. "Mom, I'd probably weigh less after being burned to ashes. And you could fit me into the skinniest jar you could find. So I guess you'd finally be happy with me. Or less UNhappy with me." Pomelo smiled. "It's good to hear you laughing, dear. See, this world isn't such a rotten place after all." "Sure," Wallflower Blush said. "But if the only thing that makes me happy is thinking about killing myself, something's really wrong." Pomelo stood up, and put his hand on his daughter's shoulder. "I'll tell you what, honey. If you REALLY want to try self-harm, let's compromise. You mustn't kill yourself, but you can cut yourself a little, if that's what it takes for you to feel better." Rosy said, "But not any place people can see! Do it somewhere that's hidden by clothes. And not too obvious. Do some Internet research, dear, and find out what parts of the body scar up the least after you cut them. I expect a three page report by bedtime tomorrow, complete with Wikipedia links." Wallflower screamed. "Is this how you try to show you love me? Because it isn't working!" "But dear," Rosy insisted, "We do this BECAUSE we love you. We don't want you to make any mistakes you might regret afterwards." Wallflower sighed. "I know, Mom and Dad. You only treat me this way because you care." She sighed again. Rosy and Pomelo smiled as they looked at their daughter, then at each other. Their daughter knew they cared! *** The next day at dinner, Wallflower Blush sighed dramatically. Rosy said, "Dear? Sighing is NOT good dinner conversation. It's just being a brat." Pomelo added, "Your mother is right. She knows how a young lady should act." He waggled his eyebrows. "How do you think she landed a catch like me?" Wallflower sighed again. "I still feel like crap." Pomelo tried to reassure her, which is what he thought a good father would do. "That happens to everyone sometimes, honey. I felt that way last year after I failed to meet my sales goal. But this year? Sales are going up so fast, I even expect to be able to pay for the lawyers! The point is, if you just keep trying, things will get better. I know they will." "I know," Wallflower said. "Even if I just can't feel it. But I know you've got to be right. Even if I do still want to die." She sighed again. Pomelo said, "You know what might make you feel better, honey? You could start playing a sport. Even if you gain some weight, you can say it's just muscle. Isn't it great to be able to gain weight AND be healthier?" He sucked in his stomach and pushed out his chest. "I know my water sports have done a wonder for MY figure." Wallflower remembered a book in the attic. "Can I do any sport I want?" she asked. "Sure!" Pomelo said breezily. "What sport do you have in mind?" A tiny but genuine smile appeared on Wallflower's face. "Something that would let me take out my frustrations on other people." *** A few weeks later, Wallflower's father died in a tragic boating accident. THREE jet-skis at the same time had turned out to be more than he could handle. To do him justice, EweToob already had some very impressive videos of him riding only TWO jet-skis at once. Wallflower hadn't seen the accident herself. She was at fencing class. In a rebellion against gender expectations, she'd chosen saber instead of foil. She'd read in her old book that a saber has an edge AND a point. It seemed to offer more ways to hurt people, the way so many people had hurt her. When Wallflower's mother remembered to pick her daughter up that night, the girl was waiting in the dark, cold parking lot. To stay warm and less bored, Wallflower was still practicing introductory-level thrusts, lunges, and parries. For variety, the girl tried some moves she'd seen in the old book. The book no one but Wallflower knew she had. It felt good, to move like that. She felt like someday, if she worked hard enough, no one would be able to hurt her. Rosy Blush didn't mind emotional conversations, or hurting people. But she only felt comfortable when she herself was in control. Her husband's death was an enormous, life-changing event she couldn't do anything about. So when Wallflower asked where her father was, Rosy only said that Pomelo couldn't be there that night. At an early age Wallflower had learned better than to pry or poke, when her parents didn't want to tell her something. So she didn't ask questions. She knew if she HAD demanded answers, they had ways of making her sorry. It wasn't until three days later at school, that Wallflower learned from a teacher's well-meaning sympathy that her father was dead. That was the first time Wallflower punched a teacher in the face. And she got away with it. To be fair about the next few years, maybe Wallflower might have turned out better if her mother had neglected her more. It's hard to say. But although Rosy wasn't good at admitting it to her daughter's face, the widow slowly grew proud of her rising young athlete. Wallflower Blush really did turn out to be a trendsetter. And soon enough, Wallflower got to hang out with any of the popular kids she wanted to. They just couldn't say no to her. Author's Note This story is set in a world where some elements in society pressure girls to form unrealistic body image ideals and to harm their own health? But this is definitely not a partial roleswap fic between Sunset Shimmer and Wallflower Blush. Because that would be ridiculous. > Mean, Green, Toned and Lean > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- On her long, spindly human hindlegs, Princess Twilight towered over Sunset Shimmer. Sunset had also taken a human form upon entering this world, but knelt on the hallway floor, begging for mercy. Twilight seethed, "You GAVE AWAY my crown? One of the most powerful magical artifacts in two worlds, and you just GAVE IT AWAY to your school principal?" "Please," whispered Sunset, "not so loud. SHE might hear." Twilight scoffed, "SHE? Who is SHE?" Sunset pointed down the hall. A girl of middling height--no, kind of short--walked along the hall towards Twilight and Sunset. Her greenish hair was kind of messy. Her freckled face seemed never to have met the contents of a makeup case. Her sweater looked old and baggy. Her pants did fit better than her sweater did. Really, the pants fit very well. But what really drew attention was the girl inside the pants. To start with, she was at least as well-toned as Rainbow Dash. What you could see of her looked quite the athlete. But Rainbow Dash always seemed like somepony ready for fun and games. Rainbow moved with the unselfconscious grace of a friendly athletic pony who was always up for a hoofball game, or for zooming into the sky to clear some unwanted clouds. This messy-haired human girl? She moved like a cat, but not some pampered Purrsian like Opalesence. The human girl moved like a large, sleek jungle cat that's always ready to kill. The other humans weren't looking at her just because she was toned (and if you ignored her ugly sweater, maybe even kind of hot.) They always kept at least half of their attention on her for another reason. Each and every human in the hallway feared this mousy-looking girl might slay them where they stood. Twilight whispered, "Who IS that girl?" "Her name is Wallflower Blush. And if you value your face and your hide, you won't ever do anything to make her angry at you. You're safer if she never notices you at all." Wallflower strolled up to the two Equestrians. She looked curiously at Twilight Sparkle. "I don't recognize you. Who are you?" Sunset trembled slightly, as she said, "This is Twilight Sparkle. She's nop--no one of any importance, your grace." Wallflower's hands moved closer to her own hips, and all the hallway's humans seemed to hold their breath. Did their fear have any connection with the long, thin objects that hung from the belts of most of this place's inhabitants, Twilight wondered? "Please!" Sunset said, "She's nothing. Not worth your time." "Is that true?" Wallflower asked Twilight. "Are you not worth my time? Because I've just given you a bit of my time right now. I hope you didn't waste it." Wallflower smiled wickedly. "Because if someone takes what's mine, I tend to hold them responsible." Her left hand moved slightly closer to the handle at her right hip. Twilight suddenly understood. The objects hanging at the humans' hips were scabbards, hiding swords. The weapons had been redesigned, to be gripped and wielded by creatures with spindly limbs and spidery not-hooves. Wallflower was implicitly threatening Twilight with a potentially lethal weapon! Twilight giggled nervously. "I do not presume to tell your grace how to spend her attention. Your purse is yours to command, not mine. You spend it as YOU will." Wallflower laughed. "You're funny. I like you." She slapped Twilight on the shoulder, so hard that Twilight staggered and almost fell. "See ya around." The frightening human strolled farther along the hall, and turned the corner. "Smooth talker," Sunset whispered. "Thank Celestia for those cheesy historical novels I used to read," Twilight remarked. "And those role-playing games with Luna. Is there someplace more private, where you and I could go to talk? I think it's urgent." *** In a secluded corner of an adjoining park, Twilight said, "Even after all my practice confronting terrifying monsters and villains in Equestria, I was so scared. I came THIS close to offering to help her with her math homework. And then where would I be?" "You'd be on her schedule every day. And maybe every night. Once you cave in to a bully like that, there's no telling where it will stop. Or if it will ever stop." "I agree," Twilight replied. "But what about my crown? Why did you steal it? What did you want it for?" Twilight shivered. "I hope you weren't going to give it to HER, were you? Because that could turn more horrible than...well, pretty bad." Sunset shook her head emphatically. "I would NEVER. If I have anything to do with it, she's never going to find out anything about that crown's powers. The reason I stole it was, I was desperate. I was willing to do ANYTHING." Twilight guessed, "You wanted to use it against her?" "Right in one," Sunset said. "But can you really blame me?" Twilight snorted. "Yes, I can blame you some. When you went all the way back to Equestria, instead of stealing an artifact you didn't know how to use, you could have asked for help." Sunset sighed. "I've never been any good at that. I always feel I should accomplish everything on my own. The only reason I'm even talking to you about this is, I feel I owe you. First, because I stole your crown. Which I now understand was wrong, and a stupid mistake. But also, because I should let you know what you're up against. You wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me, and I have to help you however I can." "Thank you. For the help, I mean. I think I'm going to need it." Sunset shook Twilight's hand. "I really will do what I can. And we here in this world need your help too." > The Leaf Turns > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "One thing I don't understand," Twilight said as she and Sunset walked down the hall, "is why all these high school students are wearing swords." "Oh!" Sunset said. "I can see how you'd find that confusing. I guess it started in the last few years. A lot of the hyuu-mans here say, if you don't carry a sword, how will you protect yourself from some other hyuu-man who IS carrying a sword?" "Um...prohibit swords on the school grounds?" Twilight said. "Don't high school kids get into a lot of trouble if you let them carry swords?" "If you don't let them carry swords when they're high school students, how will they already know what to do with a sword when they grow up?" Sunset asked. "I'm not speaking for myself, it's just what a lot of the hyuu-mans here say. And I have to admit, most of the students do survive long enough to graduate. It might be a crazy system, but I guess even crazy systems can kind of work if everyone tries to make them work." "Speaking of crazy systems," Twilight said, "why does this school just happen to have a repository for stolen magic crowns? Why was the principal even involved in the crown thing?" Sunset stopped at a display case made of sword-proof glass. Inside the case, three large photographs each showed Wallflower Blush wearing a fancy dress and a cheap-looking plastic toy crown. "By coincidence, instead of having real royalty and a real crown, Canterlot High has a yearly tradition of picking someone to be the Prom Royalty, and giving them a fake crown." "Ha ha!" Twilight replied, "You can't tell me that anyone would care about winning a toy crown! These are high school students. They're far too mature to take a contest for toys seriously." Sunset shook her head. "You'd be surprised. Every year, several students get stabbed over it." Twilight frowned. "This place is so crazy, soon nothing will be able to surprise me. It won't even matter whether it makes sense." "So," Sunset said, "I have a plan. What happened before is, I secretly stole the school's toy crown so I could swap it for your real crown when I was in Equestria. I hoped the switcheroo might confuse you in the dark while you were half-asleep. Or even in the light for like, ten or twenty seconds." Twilight remarked, "It seems like you do a lot of burglary. Are you really good at picking locks?" "The locks here are TERRIBLE. Nocreature here even bothers with property crimes, they're only interested in physical assault, deadly assault, manslaughter, and murders in all the degrees." "This school gives degrees in murder?" Twilight exclaimed. "No wonder everycreature carries a sword." "The degrees aren't OFFICIALLY in murder," Sunset argued, "but...oh, by the time someone graduates after four years of learning to survive here, I guess it's close enough." Twilight nodded with apparent satisfaction. "Celestia was right. Foreign cultures really are fascinating. All the ways different creatures have found to live--" "And die!" someone said behind them. Sunset turned around. "Hello, Rainbow." "Oh!" Twilight said. "You look familiar. Are you a really cool athlete who's good at sports and totally awesome?" Rainbow Dash winced. "Don't make fun of me! You don't even know me." Sunset said, "Rainbow is kind of cool, once you get to know her. But most people here just can't see it." Rainbow frowned. "It's because I only really like to play THOSE sports, like baseball and soccer and hockey. You know, the nerd sports where you don't kill anyone." Sunset said heatedly, "If you fast-pitch a baseball and hit someone in the head hard enough, you can take them down almost as well as if you'd stabbed them! And hockey sticks hurt too." "Yeah," Rainbow conceded, "but you don't get points for it. They call a foul and if you keep doing it, the umpires might just let the other team win the game." Sunset shook her head. "It's unfair." Rainbow replied, "I kind of like it. I like being able to win a game without even having to hurt anyone." Twilight said, "I like games where you don't have to kill anyone too!" She reached out her hand. "I'm Twilight Sparkle. I'm--" Sunset interrupted, "Twilight is visiting from my hometown! Where she lives." "Huh," Rainbow said. "Another Caneighdian exchange student. What are the odds?" "Pretty good," Sunset said, "considering that Caneighda is the closest mostly English-speaking country other than Mexicolt. It's literally just a long bus ride. Yup, nothing weird or suspicious about this at all." Twilight interrupted, "I want to hear more about what happened to my crown. Did you 'return' it to your local principal because you thought it would be good to hide it where no one would be able to tell the difference for maybe ten or twelve seconds?" Sunset laughed with embarrassment. "No. Principal Celestia noticed our school's crown was missing, she went looking for it, and she caught me fair and square. But people here are mostly concerned with crimes that at least draw blood, so she said if I do detention or community service, that's good enough." "Oh!" Rainbow Dash said. "Are you planning a heist? I always wanted to be a cunning cat burglar, who uses daring athletic skills instead of boring old violence." Twilight remarked, "I have a simpler solution." She knocked on a door labeled "PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE." After a moment, the door opened. "Hello?" said a tall woman with oddly multi-colored hair. "I don't think I've seen you before." Twilight replied, "I'm an exchange student. My paperwork might not show up until later this week. But I'd like to attend some classes and get to know the school before then." Twilight reached into her carryall bag, and pulled out a toy crown. Celestia looked stern. "Sunset! Do you have anything to do with this?" Twilight interrupted, "I found this! And Sunset said she thought it looked like something that belongs to your school. Also, Sunset found something that belongs to me, and I guess you stole it from her by mistake?" Celestia accepted the toy crown, examined it closely, and blushed. "I'm so sorry!" she said. "Please come into my office. All three of you, if you'd like." In the office, Celestia opened an unlocked cabinet, took out the priceless Equestrian artifact, and handed it to Twilight, who hid it in her bag. "Thank you so much!" Twilight said. "I was afraid maybe this would turn into some kind of complicated mess to fix. But it turns out all I needed to do was go to the local lost & found." Celestia said, "I'm so happy I could help. I am a bit puzzled, though. Why does an exchange student have a crown like this?" Twilight laughed nervously. "I...I'm not supposed to tell anyone. But I guess I can trust you. I'm here undercover, using a false identity. Because if anyp-anycre--anyone knew I was royalty, it would be hard to be a normal exchange student." Celestia smiled a bit fixedly. "Yes, I can see how that could cause problems. I don't need to know all the details. Just be a normal high school age girl, and everything should be fine." Twilight stopped trying to scratch her stomach with one of the rear hooves she no longer had. She had been distracted by her inability to reach. "I'm sorry? Were you saying something?" Celestia's smile thinned. "I'm sure you can handle it. Your...assistants must have taught you proper etiquette for any situation, right? I'm sure you're well prepared for a high school." Twilight laughed. "Would you believe no one told me anything whatsoever about what to expect here? For all I knew, this school was going to be full of horses." Celestia leaned over towards Sunset, and whispered something. "No, it'll be fine!" Sunset insisted in a normal voice. "I'll be sure to teach her everything about how people act in this country. All we have to do is make sure to keep her secret a secret." Celestia nodded. "Well, I leave it in your capable hands, Sunset. Good luck." She looked at the door in a way that prompted the three visitors to take their leave. In the hallway, Twilight reached into her bag and felt her crown. "Well, that's taken care of. Mission accomplished!" Rainbow looked amazed. "Are you really a real royal? Are you a princess, or a queen?" Sunset grabbed Rainbow Dash, and whispered, "What part of SECRET don't you understand?" Twilight asked, "What's a queen?" Dash looked incredulous. "You don't know what a queen is?" Twilight shrugged. "Never heard of it." Dash guffawed. "I think you're trying TOO HARD, Twilight. Even any Amareican high school student knows what a queen is." "Oh!" Twilight replied. "Of course I know what that is. I was only kidding. I know lots of things about Amareica." Sunset sighed. "Maybe it would be better if you just make a break for it, Twilight." "What?" Twilight asked. "If you cut and run. If you go back home, while you've still got what you came for." "You mean, a murder degree? Was that the graduation ceremony just now?" "No! While you still have the thing that I stole and then Celestia stole from me!" Twilight looked disgusted. "Sunset, I think maybe you're not very good with secrets." "Well, I never even had any friends before I came to this country. I haven't practiced lying about my friends, or keeping secrets for them. Maybe I AM no good at it. I'm sorry. But even if I'm no good at it, I'll still try not to tell anyone that you're a--" Sunset fell silent. "A what?" said a voice behind Twilight. "A what?" "Er, nothing," Sunset said. "A nothing, a nobody, not worth your time." Twilight and Rainbow turned to see Wallflower Blush. "Uh, hello," Twilight said. Wallflower smiled like a cat that had cornered a mouse, if cats smiled. "Sunset keeps saying that you're a nobody. And I shouldn't be interested in you." Wallflower's smile grew even bigger. "Sunset is a terrible liar." Sunset said, "I'm SO TERRIBLE at this! I'm so sorry." "Some people think I'm just a dumb jock," Wallflower remarked. "But I can put two and two together. The way Sunset was kneeling in front of you. The way that when I first met you, you talked like some old Three Mooseketeers story. Even the rumors about something you lost, that you're looking for. Something that only CERTAIN PEOPLE are entitled to have, or to wear." Wallflower lunged forward, kneeling at Twilight's feet. Twilight looked very confused. "Ever since I was a little girl," Wallflower said, clasping her hands together, "I've always wanted to be a knight! And I know you have the connections to make me one. I don't know if you're a princess, or a queen, or a duchess or what. But I want to find out! I want to know! I want you to take me into your court, and knight me for real!" "Wow," Rainbow said. "This is SO AWESOME!" Sunset sighed a long sigh. "This is going to be one interesting bus ride to Caneighda." Twilight thought for a minute, looking down at the pleading ruffian and school bully. She took a deep breath. "I'll think about it," she said. "It's not easy to become a knight. It's a much higher calling than bullying high school kids." "Oh thank you thank you thank you!" Wallflower replied. Twilight said sternly, "I did NOT say yes." "I know. Your highness, or your...whatever you are. But you said you'll think about it. That's all I can ask of you, your...whatever." Twilight sighed. "Call me Twilight." "Oh," Wallflower said. "I get it. That's your...cover identity. I can totally call you that. Just like a good knight would." She winked. "I will protect you and your secrets with my life, milady!" "Would you would do anything for her?" Sunset asked. "Fain I would," Wallflower answered. "Is that how you say it? I was never as good with the old fashioned knight talk as I was at whacking people with my sword. Please forgive me, your..TWILIGHT." "If you would do anything to protect her," Sunset remarked, "maybe we should protect her health by letting her eat lunch." "Yes!" Wallflower said. "Let's all go to lunch together!" She looked uncertain. "If I'm not being too forward...Twilight." Twilight laughed nervously. "Let's go have lunch, everypon--everyone." The four girls walked towards the cafeteria. Author's Note Twilight has recovered her stolen crown, and made "friends" with Wallflower Blush. So everything should be fine from here on out, right? Is this really the end? Or should I maybe try to keep going? If you enjoyed this story, you can upvote and comment! You can favorite this story and follow me and all that. Do you want to read a story that doesn't glamorize self-harm and suicidal depression? Monochromatic's "The Choices We Make" is a good story about those. This Author's Note is here so it won't be left out when someone (like me!) downloads the story as a text file. Author's Note: about the story image Tara Strong plays a major part in "Crossing Swords." So really, CS is only one Bacon step from MLP:FIM. Which practically makes the sword MLP canon! So I constructed this story image by editing MLP show screencaps, more or less. Also, Wallflower Blush WILL cut you.