The Last Duel
The twenty-fifth annual Grand Galloping Gala would be boring, as always. Usually, Celestia would be frustrated by the monotony, but this year she hoped to use the celebration as an excuse to distract herself from the upcoming parliamentary meeting. Being surrounded by the ponies she needed to convince had the opposite effect.
Last week, Celestia had asked Luna's advice for turning their opinion to pass the law she had drafted.
"A ban on duels? Art thou mad, sister? The nobility loves nothing more than its traditions. Removing one of the oldest ones is a terrible idea. Truly, thou should know better."
It didn't matter that Celestia had shown the staggering statistics of duel deaths, that most of those ponies were maimed or killed over laughably minor offenses. Luna had stayed firm. Duels were a part of the world. No one would want to change them. How else are ponies supposed to resolve their differences?
She'd mulled over the problem since then, and determined that she wouldn't propose the law until the nobility's opinions had shifted. As much as it pained her to admit it, Luna was right. Not one member of the parliament even entertained the idea that duels could be done away with. How could she convince them that there was another way
Now that all the guests had arrived, she could spend her time probing their opinions. She wandered the room, listening to fragments of conversations.
"The changelings won't stand for it, even with the threat. If the counter-attack..."
"She was absolutely wonderful. Truly a delight. Really, I pity those who didn't get to see..."
"An invitation. Personally addressed to me. From Luna herself, no less."
Celestia turned to the stallion that had spoken. He wore an ascot over his gray hair, silver mane reflecting light in an irritating way.
"Truly? What hast thou done to catch her attention?" a mare asked him.
"I don't know. It arrived only three days ago. I had to suspend all my affairs to make it. After all, how could I ignore the wishes of a princess?"
Celestia cleared her throat. He turned to face her.
"Your highness!" he said. He and the mare bowed.
"What is thine name?" Celestia asked.
"Silver Leaf, your highness."
"Thou claims to have an invitation from Luna?"
"Yes, your highness. I have it with me right here."
His horn glowed, and a piece of paper floated out of his pocket. It was Luna's signature, all right.
"Have thou spoken with our sister before?"
"No, your highness. I was as surprised as anyone to receive this. As I was just telling my friend here—"
A trumpet blared to the royal tune. Celestia had entered many rooms accompanied by this music. Luna must have arrived. Sure enough, the crier declared her presence, and everyone except Celestia bowed at the entryway.
Luna was great at looking like a princess. Instead of a dress, she wore a black tunic with a decorative sword strapped to her belt. Despite the simple outfit, no one could mistake her for a commoner. The way she held her head and glided through the room left no space for doubt.
She walked directly to Celestia.
"Sister," Celestia said, with a curt nod. They hadn't spoken since their argument last week.
"What art thou doing with this cur?" Luna asked. She gestured to Silver Leaf the same way one might point to a pile of vomit.
"Excuse me?" Silver Leaf asked.
"Come, sister. He is not worth our time."
Luna turned and walked away, clearly expecting Celestia to follow. For a moment, she considered staying, to spite her, but they needed to put on a unified act in front of the nobility. She caught up with Luna.
"Thou invited him," Celestia whispered to her sister. "Why the hostility?"
Luna either ignored her or didn't hear.
Celestia kept her irritation at bay. Luna should know better than to insult somepony she personally invited to the gala. The nobles paid attention to what the princesses said. Before the night was over, everyone at the party would know Luna had called him a cur. They loved nothing more than their gossip.
She shot a glance back at him over her shoulder. He busied himself guzzling down a tankard of cider. She closed her eyes for a moment, hoping to find peace. Instead, she heard the voices all around her.
"...trust Luna? Surely, she wouldn't have done this without a good reason. A princess should..."
"He's only a baron. What is he doing here, making her so upset? I would think..."
"His daughter was injured last week. Hasn't the stallion suffered enough? Why would..."
And so on.
Celestia snapped out of it. Luna had led her to the back of the room. The two of them lorded over the party like... well, like princesses.
"We didn't expect thee to make an appearance," said Celestia.
"Thou expected wrong," said Luna
The guests went about their business, only giving the princesses occasional glances. Celestia knew from experience that most of them would want to talk to her for some reason or another. Her current place in the room made her seem unapproachable. To engage a princess in conversation, a pony would need to walk a considerable distance and prostrate themselves in front of everyone. If they said anything wrong, all would hear it. Most ponies would look for a less harrowing opportunity. No one would bother them up here.
If Celestia weren't still annoyed with Luna, she would have thanked her. She needed time to herself, and standing before the nobility, she had no responsibilities other than looking regal. She'd done that for so long she didn't know if she could stop. The two of them standing there all night would almost count as an evening off in her book.
The party went as she expected.
For a while, anyway.
At some point Luna walked into the crowd, so abruptly Celestia didn't notice at first. She didn't bother following her this time.
Luna always moved with purpose, and Celestia guessed what that purpose was well before she approached Silver Leaf.
He was partway through another glass of cider when he looked up and noticed her.
"Princess," he said in a much louder voice than earlier, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Why art thou still here?" asked Luna.
"Whatever do you mean? You invited me, remember?"
He waved the invitation in her face. She grabbed it with her magic and ripped it in half.
"A forgery. Tell us, why would thou do such a thing?"
Celestia frowned. If the invitation were a fake, then it was a good one. Still, Luna would know if she wrote it or not. Perhaps Celestia hadn't examined it close enough.
Silver Leaf looked like he'd been punched in the gut. "I... I didn't know, princess. I received the invitation in the mail, and thought it was genuine. I'm truly sorry."
"Sorry isn't good enough, thou bespawling dalcop. Bow to thine princess, and beg forgiveness."
The room had fallen silent.
Silver Leaf looked like he didn't understand what she had said. He stood there, dumbstruck.
"Art thou deaf as well as dumb?"
That got through to him. He bowed, forehead on the floor.
"It must be comfortable, down in thine natural habitat. Don't worry, we won't judge thou for being a rakefire. There are plenty of other deficiencies for us to point out."
Celestia heard some murmurs from the crowd. The stallion had apologized as ordered, and she would continue to insult him?
"We know that a raggabrash like thou won't understand our words, so we will say it simply, so a child would understand. The key to fixing thine faults is such a daunting task that it will remain a great mystery for generations to come. Perhaps a solution could be found in a million years.
"Of course, that hardly matters, considering that were thou given the opportunity to improve thine wretched soul, thou would turn away, preferring to be a pediculous fobdoodle for the rest of thine days. Of course, that is too generous, as if thou chose to be useless, it would be an improvement from thine current station. Even such a simple thing is beyond thine ability."
Luna was going too far. Celestia approached her to intervene.
"Truly, to become a cumberworld is the best thou can hope for. Though, before thou leaves our presence for good, perhaps thou would like to tell us what really broke thine daughter's leg last week? For we know it wasn't the staircase, as thou proclaimed. So, tell the good ponies who is responsible for the injury."
Celestia stopped moving. A few murmurs came from the room, and Silver Leaf looked up from his bow.
She could see the hatred in his eyes. With that accusation, Luna had ruined his life. The word of a princess is the most respected of witness testimonies. Everypony would consider it the truth. If he didn't object, his best hope for the future was to live in exile for the rest of his days.
There was nothing left for him to do but slink away like an injured dog.
Instead, he stood up.
"How dare you?" he said. "I have done nothing to deserve this. A princess should know better than to slander her own subjects."
"Art thou doubting our word?"
"Of course I doubt it! It's false. I will prove it."
Luna leaned forward. "How?"
"I challenge you to a duel!"
The room was dead silent. No one dared make a noise.
Luna seemed unperturbed. "Very well. Draw thine sword."
"What, now?" he asked.
"But of course. As the challenged party, we have the right to declare the time, place, and weaponry. We will fight thou here and now, with swords."
With the glow of her horn, Luna's sword flew out of its scabbard with an impressive but wholly unnecessary flourish. Its sapphire hilt complimented the dark glow of her magical aura. She floated it in front of her face, point toward the ceiling. The traditional pose to hold while waiting for an opponent.
Silver Leaf looked at the sword, sweat dripping down his brow. He stammered incomprehensibly, nervously glancing around the room until his eyes locked with Celestia's.
"Princess Celestia! Surely, this is highly unusual. Please, put an end to this."
Celestia scanned her mind for a law Luna had violated.
"No seconds have been named," she said. "It must be done before—"
"Our sister will be our second," Luna declared. She glanced to the side of the room, met eyes with one of her night guards. "Thou will be his second."
"Yes, your highness," the guard responded.
"Now we have seconds," said Luna. "Draw thine sword."
Celestia would give Luna a stern talk about her manners in private. Hopefully, this nonsense would be over soon and she could get back to her important business of standing regally.
She cleared her throat.
"Luna has not violated any law. We will intervene if she does."
It was the truth, and everyone knew it. While it was common for challenged parties to set the duel date days or weeks later, that was only tradition. There wasn't anything stopping the challenged from demanding the fight immediately.
Silver Leaf would probably drop the charge and apologize. While ponies would call him a coward and a fool for revoking a challenge right after giving it, he had nothing left to lose. His reputation was already in shambles.
Instead, he drew his own sword, mirroring Luna's pose. It was a simple weapon, pristine with its steel shine.
A few gasps came from the crowd. Clearly Celestia wasn't the only one who thought all his talk was bravado.
Though, now that she gave it a second thought, she understood why he would do this. His life had been ruined by Luna. Maybe, in his mind, dying here would be more honorable than wasting away in exile. And, on the off chance he won the duel, her accusation against him would be considered slander. Legally, he would win the argument, and it could never be used against him again. He was brave, stupid, or drunk to gamble his life on such a slim chance.
It was no secret that Luna's skills with the sword were exceptional. Celestia had never bothered learning the art of the duel. She figured she could depend on her magic in a fight. It was more reliable. Luna usually fought with her magic as well, though she dedicated considerable time to learning swordplay. Celestia had asked her why she bothered, and Luna had said at least one princess must develop this skill. What a strange reason.
"Sister, will thou judge us?" Luna asked.
All eyes turned to Celestia. Of course they would depend on her.
"Very well. Start on our mark."
The crowd moved to the fringes of the room, giving the duelists a wide berth. Luna and Silver Leaf stared at each other, paying their surroundings no notice.
"Three..."
Luna's face was calm, poised. She looked like she was pondering an existential question.
"Two..."
Silver Leaf's chest rose and fell rapidly. He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead.
"One. Begin."
Luna walked toward Silver Leaf, keeping her eyes on him. Once in striking distance, she slammed her sword down. He intercepted the blade at the last second, clearly struggling under her strength.
She feinted to the right, then struck left. She sliced his side. He cringed back, glancing at his wound. It didn't look deep. He could keep going.
Luna paused, staring him down. She wanted him to make the next move.
He took a deep breath, then took a step towards her. The moment his hoof hit the floor she attacked again, a flurry of strikes he barely kept up with.
Silver Leaf was clearly outmatched. Luna really should have won already. Celestia had seen her sister in combat enough times to know her ability, and this, while impressive, was not her full potential. She must be holding back for some reason.
Why?
The fight continued in this vein. Luna completely dominating Silver Leaf, then letting him recuperate before assaulting him again.
This gave Celestia hope that she wouldn't kill him. The pauses must be there to give him time to reconsider. Duels officially ended either with a death or when one party conceded. Luna, for all her hot-headedness, must be going for a victory by forfeit.
Celestia breathed a sigh of relief. Killing a party guest in front of everyone was generally considered to be impolite.
Occasionally, Silver Leaf would fail to parry a blow. He accumulated a few scratches around his body, but nothing seriously debilitating. That must be on purpose. If Luna wanted to kill him, he would have been dead already.
His breathing was harried, his posture hunched. He took a moment to examine his surroundings. All eyes on him. Judging him. If the other ponies thoughts were anything like Celestia's, they considered him a fool, a monster. Everyone knew Luna would win. Nopony was on his side.
With a sigh, he tossed his sword to the ground.
"This is ridiculous," he said. "I con—"
Luna stabbed him in the throat.
He looked at the sword sticking out of his neck as if he didn't quite believe it was there. He fell to the floor, blood gushing from the wound.
Celestia ran over to him. He was dead by the time she arrived.
Luna picked up her sword and put it back into her scabbard without wiping it. The blood seeped through, leaving steady droplets like a leaky faucet.
She spread her wings, flew above everyone, landed in front of an open window, then paused. She looked over the crowd, posing majestically, as if she had just accomplished a great deed. For a moment it looked like she would say something, but ultimately flew off without a word.
Celestia turned her attention back to the corpse on the floor. She levitated a tablecloth and placed it over his body. Blood seeped through its pristine stitching.
Now, everypony looked at her.
"The gala is over," she declared.
###
Celestia barged into Luna's room. She sat in a chair, clearly expecting her.
"What was the meaning of that?" Celestia asked. "Such a display is unbecoming of a princess. Thou should know better."
"Thanks aren't necessary," Luna said.
"Thanks? What would we ever thank thou for?"
Luna gestured to the table. Celestia saw her draft of the law banning duels sat there.
"We looked over the data, and thine arguments. The logic is sound. We lose too many nobles and commoners alike for petty reasons. Does thou know of the baron killed for calling a juniper tree an elm?"
"Of course we do. We compiled those examples."
"They are convincing. Thou should propose the law tomorrow."
"Don't change the subject. Thou just murdered a noble in the middle of a party."
"No. We dueled. Thou of all ponies should know that, while unorthodox, nothing illegal occurred."
Celestia took a deep breath. "We know. That doesn't excuse thine behavior. If thou wants duels outlawed, why would thou do this?"
Luna's expression looked the same as when she fought Silver Leaf. Contemplative.
"These examples aren't enough to convince the nobility," she said. "They needed something more... concrete."
"What art thou saying?"
"Imagine tonight's events from their perspective. At the gala, one of the princesses invited a baron under false pretenses, accused him of a crime, goaded him into a duel, and killed him while he tried to concede. Tell us, what would thou think, in their place?"
That duels are dangerous. That the princesses could kill me any time they wanted, on any whim, well within legal bounds. That my life wasn't as safe under their rule as I thought it was.
"Thou wanted them to question duels on their own, before we proposed it."
Luna nodded.
"Thou should have informed us of this plan, sister. We would have stopped you."
"That's exactly why we kept it to ourselves," said Luna.
"So thou went behind our back to help us."
"Yes."
"It's improper and dishonest. Thou never should have done such a thing."
Luna scoffed. "Please, sister. How long would it have taken thou to convince the parliament to approve thine law? Years, at least. In the meantime, ponies would keep dying, legally. Once we were aware of this, we sought to fix it. This will be the last duel. Thou will propose the law tomorrow, and it will pass. We have demonstrated every flaw with the system tonight. No one can object now."
"Unless they try to reform the law. Make the tradition of waiting law, or some other half-measure. Thou didn't think this through."
"Nonsense. We will make it clear that we will exploit any loophole they try to throw our way. The only option is to outlaw the practice. All it took was one more death."
Celestia paused. "Tell us, that crime thou accused him of, was it true?"
"Of course. We learned the truth through his daughter's dreams. She will take over the barony. Her mind is good with numbers. The region should prosper under her rule."
"And she won't resent thou for killing her father?"
"Whose idea did thou think it was to make him the target? We have earned a loyal subject for life."
It seemed so tidy. Luna had thought of everything. Celestia had her reservations, but she knew that this push would get the law passed. Even if the methods were wrong, she couldn't ignore the opportunity. Still...
"Why does thou play to their fears? All this duplicity... it isn't the sister we grew up with."
Luna gazed out the window. The twinkling stars were clear in the night sky.
"They love thou more than us. Don't try to deny it. They respect the sun, and fear the moon. If we can't change their minds, then we might as well play to their expectations."
"Is that what thou wants?"
Luna waited a moment before responding. "What I want doesn't matter."
Celestia couldn't remember the last time Luna forgot to use the royal we. When they were fillies, maybe. How many centuries ago had it been? She had a hard time keeping track.
"Luna, please understand—"
"There is nothing to understand. We play to our type. Thou are loved, and there is no room for a second. The only noble thing to do is accept our place in the hierarchy."
"There must be another way."
"Really? What is it, then?"
It wasn't Luna's fault that Celestia was more popular. Really, if it bothered her the problem could be easily remedied.
Probably.
"Not killing ponies would be a good place to start."
"We did that for thine benefit. It is what thou wanted."
"Not like this."
"Of course our methods displease you. We are the pariah. We sacrificed our reputation for thou, and have nothing in return. Thou knows of all we do for the good of Equestria?"
"There in no point in martyring thine self."
Luna scoffed. "The only reason thou art able to be self-righteous is because of thine delegation of all the dirty work to us. We swim in the blood so thou can stay clean. A simple acknowledgment of this fact would be appreciated, at least once."
"But it's unnecessary!" said Celestia. "What thou does can only be noble if there are truly no other options. That wasn't the case here. Thou bloodied thine sword much too soon."
Luna sighed. "Sometimes, we wonder how thou can bear to rule. Please, Celestia. We are not unreasonable. Enlighten us as to why we are wrong to do what thou wanted."
Celestia looked at Luna. The princess of the night, the swordmaster, the general, the ruler of Equestria. Her sister. She knew Luna needed her. There must be something she could say to make her feel better. She searched for the right words and couldn't find them.
Instead, she said, "We will search for an answer suitable for a princess."
Luna didn't respond. Celestia left the room without glancing back at her.
###
"Princess! Look what I found!" Twilight said after bursting into Celestia's office.
The princess set down her quill and looked at the filly. When she saw what she held in her mouth, she resisted the urge to gasp.
"Where did you find that?" Celestia asked.
"In the vault!"
"I told you not to go in there unaccompanied. There are dangerous magical artifacts that could cause you serious harm."
Twilight looked at the floor. "Sorry."
Celestia took the sword from Twilight, levitating it in the air. The sapphire handle had chipped and dulled with time, and the scabbard looked old and rusted. Apparently, Luna had never wiped off the blood.
"Why did you bring this to me?" she asked.
"It's your sword, right?"
"No."
"Oh. I thought this was the sapphire sword that you used to fight the last duel."
Celestia froze. "The last duel? What are you talking about?"
"You know, how you fought hundreds of ponies to end dueling."
"I... haven't heard this story. Could you tell me?"
"How have you not heard it? You lived it!"
"I want to hear how you'd describe it."
Twilight beamed. She loved telling stories.
"Long ago, ponies dueled each other, and lots of them died. Then, you decided that dueling had to end, so you said that you would be anyone's champion. If they were challenged to a duel, you would fight for them. You fought hundreds of duels, and never lost. So nopony ever wanted to challenge anymore, because they knew they'd fight you, and you'd beat them. So dueling ended. The end."
"That was a nice story," said Celestia. "Where did you hear it?"
"I read it."
"Do you remember what book?"
"Yeah! Do you want it?"
"Fetch it for me later."
Twilight nodded. "So, this is the sword, right? The one you used to fight all those duels?"
"Twilight, I have never fought a duel."
The filly looked crestfallen. "What? Never?"
"Never. The story you heard was a lie."
"But I read it in a book!"
"Not every book tells the truth."
She looked confused by that.
"But then... how did the duels end?"
"I proposed a law, and the parliament passed it."
"Really?"
"Yes. It was a standard meeting, nothing very exciting."
"But... what was the real last duel?"
Celestia looked at the sword again. An ancient relic from a forgotten time.
"I don't remember. It probably wasn't very interesting."
"Aw. I wanted to know!"
Celestia looked down to console Twilight, but stopped when she noticed the rust stains on her lips.
"Why didn't you pick this up with telekinesis?"
"It was too hard to use magic!"
"Let's get you a tetanus shot."
"I don't want a shot!"
"Too bad. You should have thought of that before you put rusted metal in your mouth."
She called for a guard and ordered him to get Twilight to a doctor. He escorted the filly away while she protested the whole time.
When she was alone, Celestia examined the sword again. It seemed wrong for her to be levitating it. Luna's magical aura had looked so beautiful with the sapphire hilt.
It made her nauseous. She tucked the sword away in a drawer and tried to push it out of her mind.
When Nightmare Moon had emerged from within Luna, she had monologued at Celestia. Taunting her, saying that she would never have the courage to kill her own sister. She had been right, in a way. Celestia had found a loophole, and managed to spare Luna and vanquish the Nightmare all at once.
Still, she had lived long enough to know that a loophole couldn't always be found. Sometimes, no matter how distasteful, she would be forced into a decision she didn't want to make. Of course she had made mistakes. Of course she had regrets. Of course she couldn't always do things the right way, the way she wanted. To count all the times she had compromised her integrity...
Thinking about it for too long gave her a headache.
Fortunately, there was an upcoming parliamentary meeting she could focus on. She'd been tinkering with a new law, trying to make it palatable for the representatives, but couldn't figure out how to make everyone happy. Dealing with politicians was brutal.
She glanced at the drawer.
It could be worse.