Cozy Glow, Motivational Speaker
Cozy Glow trotted into an auditorium filled with ponies and took her place on stage, behind a podium. “Thank you, everypony, for coming out here tonight and listening to what I have to say. Before we begin, how many of you are here just because you want to hear about my multiple attempts to take over Equestria?”
Almost everypony in the audience raised a hoof. Cozy paused, then continued. “And how many of you want to know the details of my release?” Every hoof went up. “Is anypony legitimately here to be motivated?”
No hooves went up, but Cozy grinned regardless. “Good, then I have all of you right where I want you. You’re going to leave here motivated to go on and do better things, even if that’s not why you came to listen to me speak.” She thumped a hoof on the podium for emphasis.
“Everypony has a goal in life. Most ponies want the Equestrian dream: a spouse, a few foals, and dedicating their life to their special talent. Watch cutie mark? You make clocks or sell them. Carrot cutie mark? Farmer! You know the deal.” She turned to show off her rook cutie mark. “Yeah, I play a mean game of chess. But my talent is manipulation. That’s why I’m here today. Sparklebutt thinks that I can use my powers for good.”
There were whispers of disapproval at the casual way Cozy had blasphemed Equestria’s princess.
“Oh shut up, everypony. Big surprise, Cozy Glow doesn’t recognize the authority of Twilight Sparkle. I didn’t recognize the authority of Celestia or Luna, either. Still don’t. I didn’t take over Equestria by going with the herd.”
“But you didn’t take over Equestria…”
Cozy looked at the mare who’d pointed out the obvious. “Yet.”
A pony behind the curtain cleared her throat.
“I guess I’m not supposed to do that anymore. I can’t help it: I dream big. My goals are lofty, and chasing them came at great personal expense. Other fillies had a childhood. They played with dolls and toys, and they played games with other kids. I got my mark outsmarting adults at chess. I kept winning tournaments and eventually I got bored of it. I needed a new challenge, and what could be a bigger challenge than taking over the world, am I right?”
The crowd’s lack of a response didn’t deter Cozy in the least. “Go big or go home. What’s worse: failing to achieve your dreams after giving it your best shot, or forever wondering what you could’ve done if you just tried? You think I care about stupid little inconveniences like consequences? Seriously, I spent almost two decades as a statue. Whatever you’re dreaming of, the price of failure can’t possibly be steeper than that.”
A hoof went up, and Cozy called on the stallion. He stood up and presented his mark to her. “Steep Slope, mountain climber. My dream is to climb the Splatterhorn, the highest unclimbed peak in Equestria. It might kill me.”
“Death is a steep price to pay, pardon the pun. I had to climb Mount Everhoof to get Grogar's Bell. It was hard, it was dangerous, and it was cold. But I persevered and got the artifact I needed in my quest. I could've died. But it was worth it to me, because it furthered my goals. Ask yourself if you could live with yourself if you never climb it. Or will it eat at you the rest of your life, nagging you in moments of reflection that you never even tried to climb it? Your cutie mark is a mountain which means you’re probably pretty good at climbing. Remember what I said: go big or go home. Do you want to go big? If so, climb that mountain!”
“Yeah!” Steep Slope stomped his forehooves on the ground, then charged out of the auditorium, a fire lit under his rump.
“I feel bad for that mountain, because he’s about to dominate it!”
The crowd cheered in response, and Cozy continued. “I want each of you to close your eyes and imagine that which you desire most. Is it money? Is it love? Is it power? If it’s that last one, we should talk.” There was another cough from behind the curtain, and Cozy quickly added, “So I can talk you out of that, of course. Voice of experience, and all that.” She chuckled nervously.
“Now that you’ve got that mental image, I want you to envision how to go about getting that which you most desire. What path do you need to take to get from where you are, to where you want to be? What obstacles are in your way? Is it Twilight Sparkle and her friends… wait, no, that’s me. Was me,” she hastily added, before Luster could clear her throat yet again. “What do you need to do to overcome those blocks? This is how you take control of your own destiny and succeed in life.”
Luster Dawn moved the curtain aside and motioned from her eyes, to Cozy, and back. Cozy Glow rolled her own eyes in response, happy that her audience still had their own eyes closed.
“Now I want you to open your eyes. You know in your heart of hearts what you most desire. You know the path to get there. You know what obstacles must be overcome. For many of you, those are in your mind. The fear of rejection. The fear of failure. Fear is an emotion. Do you want to be controlled by your fears, or would you rather control them?”
Cozy pointed to a pair of ponies sitting near the center of the audience. “You two! I want both of you to join me here on stage.” The mare and stallion made their way to the front of the group and climbed the stairs next to Cozy Glow. “What are your names?”
“Apple Cinnamon.” The maroon stallion had a bright green mane and an apple and a pair of cinnamon sticks on his flank. He was a strapping specimen of earth pony, and Cozy could easily picture him working in the orchard tending to his trees all day.
“Sweetcream Scoops.” The petite unicorn mare was pale yellow with pink and orange hair. Cozy had a pretty good idea what she’d see on the mare’s flanks before even looking at her cutie mark, but a quick glance confirmed it was, indeed, an ice cream cone.
“You two have been stealing glances at each other all night.” Cozy turned to Sweetcream Scoops. “Are you single?” She mumbled a response, but Cozy cut her off. “Loud enough for everypony to hear you.”
“Yes.”
“And you?” Cozy looked at the stallion, and he nodded. “Speak. Out loud.”
“Yeah, I’m single.”
“Great! Now that you each know the other is single, and I’ve already called you both out for checking each other out all night, is either of you going to actually do something about it? You gonna ask her out?”
“Uh, maybe?”
Cozy rolled her eyes. “How about you? You want to ask him out, right?” Before Sweetcream could respond, Cozy continued, “But that wouldn’t be appropriate. Stallions are supposed to ask mares out, not vice versa. So you’re just going to sit there all evening waiting for this doofus to make the move he’s never gonna make. Sometimes you’ve gotta grab the centaur by the horns and take the initiative yourself. Do you think I conquered Equestria just by sitting on my rump and daydreaming about it?”
“But you didn’t conquer Equestria…”
“Details! At least I tried! Which is more than I can say for the two of you. Since neither of you is brave enough to make a move, I’m going to do it for you. Now kiss.”
Both mare and stallion blinked at the command. Apple opened his mouth to object but a glare from Cozy Glow silenced him. He closed his eyes and puckered his lips, and Sweetcream did the same. Cozy just watched in awkward silence as the pair tried kissing two lengths away from each other. “Maybe the two of you should close your eyes after you lock lips.”
They chuckled nervously, then closed the gap between them, kissing while the audience cheered.
“The fear of being rejected was quickly replaced by the fear of looking foolish in front of a crowd. It’s possible to have multiple fears at once, and you can use them to your advantage, playing them against one another like the emotional pawns they are.”
Apple Cinnamon and Sweetcream were still kissing. Quite passionately, at this point.
“You two can sit down again. Or, uh… there are some changing rooms backstage if you’d like to turn this public display of affection into a private one?”
The two ponies sheepishly returned to the audience, who cleared room so the two of them could sit next to one another.
“So this is what it’s like to use my powers for good. I think… I think I just helped ponies make a love connection. Huh. Sorry, this is a new feeling for me. Luster, why don’t you come out here?”
Luster Dawn trotted on stage and Cozy introduced her. “This is Twilight Sparkle’s personal protégé. She’s helping me help all of you.”
“I’m keeping her on the straight and narrow, so you can all sleep better at night. Princess Twilight believes that there’s good inside of her, somewhere, and as such, we find ourselves here.”
“I’m a sweet, adorable angel! I don’t know why everypony thinks I’m an awful pony. Just because I tried to take over Equestria a few times, and worked with some of the world’s worst villains… Okay, maybe I can understand after all. But I’m not all bad, promise!”
“That remains to be seen,” Luster said under her breath, just loud enough for Cozy Glow to hear and ignore the comment.
“As you can see I’m a little new to this motivational speaking thing. Twilight thinks it might be my special talent, since I was so good at getting ponies to do what I wanted. You know, back when I was quote-evil-unquote. Sorry, I’ve just gotta get used to this getting ponies to do things for themselves instead of doing them for me. Though you can totally still do things for me, just, you know, not with me coercing you into it.” She laughed nervously. “Like, for example, if anypony wants to be my friend.” She scraped a hoof on the stage. “Not necessarily now. But maybe someday. I… I know enough about myself to know I need to be around a lot of other ponies. I just need to figure out how to do that without using everypony for my own gain. Luster’s helping me with that. Seeing the impact that I’m having on all of you is the motivation I need to keep going. Thank you.”
The crowd stomped in appreciation, and Cozy Glow stepped off stage. Much to her surprise, a number of ponies wanted to meet with her, and she stayed until the last pony had left, even signing a few of her promotional posters for the stragglers.
“I can’t believe there are ponies that want your autograph.”
Cozy shrugged. “Makes two of us. I never did see the point of worshipping celebrities.”
Luster Dawn rolled her eyes. “You’re not famous, you’re infamous. There’s a difference.”
“You’re just jealous because they want my autograph and not yours. You spend all your time kissing Twilight’s flank, and she thanks you by dumping me off on you. So what’s next?”
“You go back to your apartment and stay there until your next seminar in two weeks. I’ll know if you leave.”
“Yes, master. I know you have a tracking spell on me.” Cozy shrugged. “I can plan world domination attempts just fine at home. Aren’t you worried I’ll do that?”
“Not at all! In fact, I’d find it preferable to babysitting you. ‘Sorry, Twilight, I tried, but Cozy couldn’t be cured of her megalomania. Where do you want her statue this time?’”
Cozy’s anger flared up for a second, but she suppressed her rage – it wouldn’t help her. “I know Twilight just as good as you do, and we both know Twilight will be happier if you complete your task instead of adding to the statue garden. If she wanted me to remain in stone forever, she wouldn’t have released me in the first place.”
“She released you because she thought you were just the kind of challenge I needed, and also possibly since she felt guilty that she couldn’t teach you friendship the first time around.”
“Which is why I never bothered with having a conscience. Go big or go home.”
“Until you develop some sort of moral compass and can grasp what is and what isn’t acceptable, you’ll never be a free mare.”
Cozy changed the subject. “Do you even know the petrification spell?”
Luster lit her horn and petrified a nearby chipmunk. “That answer your question?” She dipped her horn down to the little creature and immediately released him from his confinement. “Sorry, little guy.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be reforming me?”
“Yes. I’m supposed to befriend you, to show you what you’re missing by treating friendship as nothing more than a tool to use.”
“Threatening to turn me back into a statue doesn’t sound very friendly to me. Maybe you should at least try to make me see the light. Do you want to fail your mentor?” Cozy’s talent was manipulation, and she knew exactly what buttons to push on Twilight Sparkle. She’d quickly deduced that Luster was naught but a Twilight clone.
“I don’t trust you, and without trust, there can’t be friendship.”
“Golly, Twilight trusts you enough to give you an important friendship mission like this, and you don’t even care enough to see it through to completion. I’m just a distraction from your magical studies, I get it. But like I said in my seminar, you know what you want and how to get it. I’m an obstacle in the way, but maybe I don’t have to be. I don’t want to be a statue ever again. I don’t want to go to Tartarus again. I don’t necessarily want to be a good pony, but maybe if you give me a legitimate chance, in exchange I’ll help you out. I used to be Twilight’s assistant back at the School of Friendship. I know what makes her tick.”
“I know what makes her tick, too. Furthermore, I’d rather eat bugs than be your friend.”
“Speaking of eating, can we at least stop for dinner on the way back?”
“You’re not supposed to be seen in public except for these seminars. Not until you’re completely reformed.”
“You can run into Hayburger and I’ll wait outside. Please?”
“Fine. But only because I’m hungry too, and your cooking is awful.”
“As if yours is any better.”
Luster stuck her tongue out at Cozy. The mare and filly trotted to Hayburger, and Cozy stayed hidden while Luster ran in to get food.
“Here’s your dinner.” Luster levitated a bag over to the filly.
“And here’s yours!” Cozy grabbed her food away from Luster’s aura, and offered the mare a cup she’d found discarded on the ground.
Luster grabbed the cup in her magic and levitated the lid off. She found insects, spiders, and worms crawling around inside. She dropped the cup in surprise.
“Does this mean you’d rather be my friend after all?” Cozy looked up at Luster with her eyes opened as wide as possible. She quivered her lip for full effect.
Put up or shut up. I should’ve expected this from her. Devious little thing that she is. “Fine. But I’m not helping you overthrow Twilight. If you do that, you’re on your own.”
“I… I think I’d rather just have some company. Leaving me alone for weeks at a time is giving me way too much time to scheme.”
“So you admit you’re plotting! I knew it!”
“Of course I’m planning another conquest. It’s what I do. Maybe you should try giving me something else to do. Like maybe talking to you? Or we could play chess. Even a jigsaw puzzle would be preferable to a barren apartment! Maybe you could even stop by, and I don’t know, let me stretch my wings a bit? I’m a pegasus for crying out loud – I need to fly or my flight muscles will atrophy. But I’d like to be allowed out of my apartment! Even if it’s just to get groceries, eat at a restaurant, or just catch a movie. You said it yourself – there’s a tracking spell on me. You can find me if I try to escape.”
“It’s not that simple.” Luster sighed. “A lot of creatures are still scared of you – especially ponies. If they see you out and about, especially unsupervised, it could cause problems. You’re still a manipulative, scheming brat, but I’ve seen some progress. Don’t think for a second that I don’t know how you’re manipulating me right now, but you have a point: Twilight would be quite happy to hear of your improvements. So I’ll talk to Twilight and see if I can get your house arrest amended to allow a guard detail to let you out once every day or two. If you’re surrounded by Royal Guards, ponies won’t panic. But let me make one thing perfectly clear – I know how you tick, too. If you betray this trust, I’ll hunt you to the ends of Equus, and when I find you I’ll make sure that you’re petrified in the most embarrassing pose possible, so that instead of being feared, you’ll be a laughingstock for all eternity.”
“And to think, ponies call me evil.”
“I guess I’ve been hanging out with you too much lately. You’re rubbing off on me.” Luster shrugged. “That’s the deal – take it or leave it. Otherwise, if you’re that worried about your muscles, I'd be happy to petrify you in your apartment between seminars. Your call.”
“Fine. I accept your terms.”
“I thought you might.” Luster grinned smugly. Dangling a little taste of freedom in front of her had worked. If she kept increasing the rewards incrementally, she’d finally reform the wretched filly, and more importantly, both gain Twilight’s approval for a job well done and be freed from having to look after the little troublemaker.