> Cat's Eye View
>  by applezombi
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> The Best Laid Plans Fall Short
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am a hero.  A living legend in my time, and the very best in the world at what I do.

It’s true!  If I were lying, would I receive such generous rewards for my services?

            	“All them field mice are out of the barn?” The Orange Pony always smelled of sweat and apples.  She was also very timely with the pay for my labors.  I liked Orange Pony. “Good work, Mister Cat.  C’mon, let’s get you a treat.”

            	A treat?  No.  It was payment.  Properly earned.  But ponies were often silly, so she could be excused.  I followed after her as she trotted out of the barn.

            	Winona sat just outside the barn, her paws crossed in front of her as she rested in the shade.  I gave her a solemn nod of greeting, and she stood up, tail wagging, to run over to me.  The tongue was already out.  I graciously allowed the canine affection for a few seconds before letting her know with a patient sort of swipe of my paw (claws safely sheathed) that I’d had enough.  Winona was a good friend, even if she was a bit too moist.  She pranced along behind the two of us as we headed towards the house.

            	“Now you wait right here, Mister Cat,” Orange Pony said.  She didn’t know my name.  Nopony did, except perhaps Yellow Pony With the Nice Voice.  But I suppose at least Orange Pony’s name for me was accurate.  I am, after all, a cat.  “I know you don’t like to come inside a pony’s house, so I’ll bring your cream out to you.”

            	I curled up on the porch just outside her back door, and Winona danced about near me.  She wanted to play, panting and yipping about as if I were some sort of dog as well.

            	Her intentions were good, I supposed.  I may have batted at her a few times.  It’s good to indulge friends on occasion.  When Orange Pony came out with a bowl full of warm cream, however, playtime was over.  It was time for payment.

            	“Now I should warn you, Mister Cat.  I’ve been talking with Fluttershy, and she told me that…”

            	It seems I wouldn’t get to find out yet what Yellow Pony told her.  Striped Pony was trotting up the road, and called out to Orange Pony with a friendly wave.  There was a second pony behind her, one of their kittens.

            	Wait.  Not kittens.  Foals.  That’s what pony children were called.  The foal was white and brown in odd patterns across his fur, somewhat similar to a calico.

            	“Zecora!  Good to see ya!” Orange Pony called back.  “You too, Pipsqueak.”

            	I am well aware that all ponies have names.  All creatures do, in fact.  But how could I possibly be bothered to remember every single one of them?  I am a cat of great importance, with a very crucial role in Ponyville.  I can’t muddle up my mind with trivialities.

            	“I wish you a lovely fall morning,” Striped Pony called cheerfully.  “I’m sorry to come without warning.”

            	“Nah, you know we’re always happy to see ya, Zecora! What brings the both of you to Sweet Apple Acres?”

            	I lapped at the cream in front of me.  Pony business wasn’t usually very interesting, though it was useful to listen in, just in case there were any juicy tidbits.  Besides, it cost me nothing to eavesdrop while I drank.

            	“Well, as you know, Featherweight is in Canterlot for his surgery,” the colt said.  “And it’s my duty as class president to help out those who had to take sick days.”  He held up a camera.  “So today I’m filling in as lead reporter and editor for the Foal Free Press!”  The foal sounded very proud of himself.  As well he should; it sounded like he was a pony that understood duty and obligation.

            	“Really?  An’ what’s your latest story?” Orange Pony asked.  The colt retrieved a small notebook and quill from his saddlebags.

            	“Why, Nightmare Night, of course!” he said excitedly.  “Miss Zecora’s in charge of Ponyville’s celebrations again this year, and she was kind enough to help me with my story.  It’s my favorite holiday, after all.”

            	“I see,” Orange Pony sounded amused.

            	“I told him all about the decorations,” Striped Pony said.  “Though that is only part of our preparations.”

            	“She said you were in charge of security,” the colt’s face was twisted up in confusion.  “But what do we need security for?  Or from?”

            	“Lookin’ for your latest headline?” Orange Pony smirked.  “I don’t mind tellin’ ya, as long as you don’t cause a panic with your story or nothin’.”  She shook her head.  “Part of the celebration is takin’ the young folks on a tour out into the Everfree, to the statue of Nightmare Moon.  Well, the last few weeks we’ve been seeing a lot of timberwolves about.  So Zecora ‘n’ I have been comin’ up with some of the cleverest timberwolf repellents and traps ever.”

            	“The ideas were yours,” Striped Pony laughed.  “Your plans will keep them safe on our tours.  I just supplied the alchemy, Applejack supplied the perspicacity.”

            	There was something very strange about the way Striped Pony spoke.  I couldn’t quite put my paw on it.

            	“I’d love to write about these timberwolf repellents for my paper,” the colt said eagerly.

            	“Why, sure!” Orange Pony said.  “Zecora whipped up a real doozy of a potion.  It combines a timberwolf lure and a magic suppressant.

            	“So you’re just going to lure them all to one spot and trap them?” the colt asked.

            	“Eeyup,” Orange Pony drawled.  “We dug a big pit.  That way, all the timberwolves will get lured in, fall into the potion goo at the bottom, have the magic that holds ‘em together fade away for a tic, then a few days later it wears off, and they can go about their business.”  She huffed.  “Whatever that is.”

            	“That sounds quite clever,” the colt said, writing frantically on his comically small pad of paper.  “And tell me, what else is in store for us Nightmare Night?”

            	“Don’t go thinking you can weasel any spoilers about the celebration itself outta me, Pipsqueak,” Orange Pony cocked her hat as she smirked.

            	“Aw,” the colt sounded dejected, before his eyes sharpened with determination.  “But that can’t be all!  There has to be something you can tell me!”

            	I shut the rest out.  There wasn’t anything else worth hearing, so I focused on finishing the rest of my reward.  I even while considering how to obtain my next one.  Book Pony was often a safe bet.  Even though she lived in a much larger house now, Book Pony still felt better when I made regular patrols for small intruders amongst her precious tomes.

            	“Um, Mister Cat?” the young foal’s voice broke me out of my planning.  I glanced up from my tragically empty bowl of cream and licked my lips.  “I was wondering what you thought about Nightmare Night.  Maybe I could put it into my story.”

            	A pony?  Wishing to know a cat’s opinion?  Very interesting.  I liked this colt, so I gave him an honest answer by flicking my tail with boredom.

            	“Ah, well, that makes sense,” he said, writing something down in his notes.  “I don’t suppose cats have much to do with pony holidays anyways.  But I thought you might have different feelings about this one, considering the old suspicions about black cats.”

            	My ears perked up at that. Black cats, such as myself, had once been considered unlucky by ponies.  They had, of course, long since overcome such silly prejudices.  But we were still seen as somehow symbolic of this one pony holiday, the one they used to celebrate their best princess.

            	I may not care about pony holidays, but I supposed at least their dark princess deserved to be worshipped.

            	I meowed casually.  The foal scrunched up his muzzle in confusion.

            	“I wish I could speak to you the way Miss Fluttershy does.”  He glanced over at Orange Pony.  “Is he your cat?”

            	“Nah,” she replied.  “Mister Cat’s a free spirit.  All Ponyville’s his home.”

            	That lovely comment deserved some gratitude.  I padded over and rubbed against Orange Pony’s legs affectionately, earning a laugh and a little scratch behind the ears.  It was a great honor to be allowed to touch a cat, after all, and she certainly deserved it.

            	“Oh,” the colt said.  “Then, if you want, Mister Cat, you can come with me back to Ponyville.  I know I can’t exactly understand you, but I’d like to ask you more questions.”

            	It was acceptable.  I leaned over to give Winona a quick nuzzle of farewell, then walked over beside the colt and meowed.

            	“That sounds like a yes,” Orange Pony laughed.  “Sounds like he’s taken a liking to you, Pipsqueak.”

            	“Thank you, Mister Cat!” the colt said.  “I’ve got a few more ponies to interview for my story, but we can chat all the way back to town!”

            	The foal waved goodbye to the two adults, and the two of us trotted down the road.

            	“Now I know it’s true that black cats aren’t really unlucky,” he began, as we traveled side by side among the apple trees that lined the road.  “But have you ever been treated badly because of it?”

            	I meowed dismissively.  Most ponies I’d met believed in judging a creature by its actions.  As I was a great hero, a stalwart cat of impeccable lineage, behavior, and talent, I’d never met a pony that looked down on me.

            	Well, perhaps there was one.  The Purple-Maned Tyrant herself.  But I thought of her as little as possible.

            	“That’s good! You don’t know this about me, Mister Cat, but I love Nightmare Night.  Everything about it, the candy, the stories.  Dressing up, getting scared.  Sometimes Princess Luna even comes!”  His voice was full of reverence.  I wished I’d been in Ponyville for that.  It was before my own glorious arrival.

            	“I love black cats too, because they’re in spooky stories!” he continued.  I walked a little taller.  Black cats were amazing, after all.  “You’re not really spooky, but I’ll bet you could pretend to be.  You should ask Applejack if you could volunteer with the festivities.  I’m sure you could do something really fun!”

            	It was a grand idea.  I rubbed up against his side, purring.

            	He laughed.  “It seems you like the idea.  I’ll let Applejack know you’d like to help next time I see her.”  

            	We separated right around Book Pony’s castle.  He waved his hoof at me, and I watched him trot off into Ponyville proper before moving on to the castle.

            	Accessing the interior of the castle was usually a quite simple matter of climbing a nearby tree, shimmying along the longest branch that reached to a second story window, leaping the two-pony-length distance to the closest window sill, crawling up one of the spurs of crystals that ran alongside the windows to the third floor, where the book pony usually kept a window open.

            	Kitten’s play, really.

            	Once I was inside, I wandered down the hallways towards the library.  That was the best place to find the book pony.

            	“Oh, hey, Midnight,” Book Pony’s pet lizard greeted as I sauntered down the hall.  That wasn’t my name either, but I suppose it was at least partially accurate because of the color of my fur.  I swished my tail in greeting.  “Yeah, she’s in the library.  C’mon, I’ll get the door for you.”  He opened the door for the two of us.

            	“Hey, Twilight,” the lizard called out.  “Midnight’s here.  I don’t think Applejack told him.”

            	“Good morning, Spike.  You too, Midnight.” Book Pony put down the book she was reading and trotted over.  “Um, we have some bad news for you, I guess.”  She let out a sigh, and I padded over to her, rubbing against her legs.  That usually made ponies happy.  While my primary duties involved chasing small vermin out of barns, libraries, bakeries, and other pony buildings, I also recognized a secondary responsibility of bringing joy to ponies with my presence and caresses.  She petted me gently.

            	“We’ve been talking with Fluttershy, and me and the girls came to the realization that you’ve been getting treats from several of us.”  A cold thrill of fear shot up my spine, and my back arched slightly.  “She informed us that this isn’t exactly… healthy or safe for a cat.  That it could lead to weight gain, high blood pressure, heart disease, and other health problems.”  I stepped away from Book Pony, lashing my tail in agitation as I eyed her.  “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but we’ve agreed to limit your treats.”

            	I hissed.  The indignity!  The injustice!  It was absurd! How dare they even consider…

            	“Before you overreact, Midnight, you should go talk to Fluttershy about it.  She’s the one who arranged the schedule.”  I knew talking to Yellow Pony would be a mistake.  We would argue, and her eyes would go all wide and liquid and suddenly I would forget what we were arguing about and do whatever I could to get that sad look off her face.

            	Still, it couldn’t hurt.  I allowed Book Pony to pet me a while longer.  Then I stood, looking significantly at her pet lizard.

            	“Yeah, yeah, you want to be let out.  Hey, Twilight, shouldn’t we really install a cat door?”

            	“Sure,” Book Pony said, already looking at her book again.  “Put it on one of the lists.”  He rolled his eyes.

            	“C’mon, Midnight.  We’ll get around to it someday.”  I bumped against him gently, meowing softly.  I didn’t mind.  As long as Book Pony kept leaving the third story library window open, I could always get in.  “Good luck with Fluttershy.”  He didn’t sound like he had much hope in my chances.

            	A hero, however, never gives up hope.

            	I decided to make another stop before I went to visit Yellow Pony.  It might be dangerous, but as a creature of courage and skill, danger didn’t bother me.  Especially when it came to the potential rewards.

            	I would brave any danger if it meant another moment with her.

            	She was the queen of cats.  A goddess of grace and beauty.  Perfection of form and elegance.  I would give anything for a mere moment in her presence.  In fact, entire volumes could be filled with the heroic exploits I’ve done, the lengths I’ve gone to, in order to spend time with my beloved, the greatest of all felines to ever live.

            	The only obstacle, of course, was the Purple-Maned Tyrant. 
> The Damsel in the Fortress
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The domain of the Purple-Maned Tyrant was quiescent when I arrived.  That was suspicious.  Usually the place had at least a few ponies there.

            	I glanced up to the second floor of the carousel.  There was little hope of spotting my goddess, but it didn’t hurt to look.  The curtains were drawn on the second floor, and the windows were closed.  That was a shame; my beloved often enjoyed naps in the sunlight that shone through the windows.

            	It made sense; the Tyrant had begun keeping her windows closed and her curtains drawn ever since I met my beloved.  She disapproved of me.

            	But I would not be deterred by silly things like the height of the second story, or closed windows.  There were trees nearby, large enough to reach the second floor.  I leapt and dug my claws into the wood, pulling myself up the trunk and out onto a long branch.  

 I leapt from the branch onto the narrow window sill, trying to peer through the narrow crack between the curtains.  It was dark inside, just slightly too shadowy to see much inside.  I could just make out the Tyrant’s four poster bed, where my goddess of beauty often took her naps.  I couldn't see her, however.

            	I tapped at the window, but there was no response.  I tapped again, meowing as loudly as I dared.  I wished to gain the attention of my love, but not if the Tyrant was there.  I knew a cat would probably hear, though a pony might not.  I tapped again, daring a slightly louder call.

            	The curtain swiped aside dramatically, revealing the divine figure of the most beautiful cat that ever lived.  Only something was wrong.  She scowled at me fiercely, hissing loudly.  I recoiled, and I had to clench into the window sill with my claws so I didn’t accidentally scramble off the building.

            	I was shocked.  Hurt.  What could I have possibly done to earn her ire?  I wracked my brain, digging for any hint of offence I may have given her.

            	While I thought, she turned with her nose in the air, flicking her tail at me as she let the curtain fall back into place.

            	My heart was broken.  My beloved, rejecting me?  It had to be a mistake.  A misunderstanding.  My heart pounded as I slowly crawled my way down from my perch.  It wasn’t possible.  What had I done?  Our last meeting had gone well.  Perfectly, I had believed at the time.  In fact, I was sure that she was just as satisfied with our last encounter as I was.  What could have changed?

            	I was so lost in my own thoughts that I lost track of my surroundings.  It was one of the worst mistakes an adventurer such as myself could make.  Right after I landed, I realized that somepony was behind me.

            	“Oh, it’s you,” snarled the voice of the Tyrant.  My tail frizzed out and my back arched.  “You know you’re not allowed here, you mangy-furred stray!  Opalescence is sick enough without you wandering about here, adding to her stress!”

            	I began to run, yowling my protest.  It was the only possible response; I turned my head just enough to see the incoming broom, glowing in a blue aura.  I leapt to the side just as it swatted down at me, striking the ground in a puff of dust.  I kept running; she usually didn’t give up after one swipe.

            	The second swing was horizontal, low across the ground and aimed at my hindquarters.  I leapt into the air and it just barely passed under me. 

            	“And don’t let me see you skulking around here again!” she shouted after me.  “I won’t go so easy on you next time!”

            	Well, the point was to not let her see me at all, so I was fine with that.  Besides, nothing that was worth it came without adversity.

            	But the information she’d shared!  My beloved was ill!  It was horrible news, but there was a silver lining.  If she was sick, that meant she didn’t hate me!  She simply didn’t wish to see me right now.

            	The good news part could wait, though.  I had a quest!  I ran off as quickly as I could towards Yellow Pony’s cottage.

As I dashed down the path, my heart pounded.  What if there was something particularly wrong with my princess?  What if there was nothing I could do to help?  I grew more and more nervous as I approached the cottage.

            	When I reached the small building, my heart sank.  I’d forgotten what day it was.  That silly pony holiday was tomorrow.  Yellow Pony was already in hiding, as evidenced by the guards outside her front door.

            	One was the rabbit.  I did my best to keep my distance from the rabbit.  An extended interaction between myself and the rabbit would probably end in violence, and I had no desire to see Yellow Pony upset.  The other was a frog.  Both wore silly pony accessories, those shaded lenses that were supposed to make them look more intimidating.  On the rabbit it looked rather silly.  On the frog it was perhaps a bit cute.  Their eyes followed me, stone faced, as I approached the cottage door.

            	They moved to block me, but I was determined.  I didn’t want to hurt the frog, but there was a petty part of me that wouldn’t mind taking a swipe at the rabbit.  I strolled up and growled, face to face with the rabbit.

            	He stomped his foot angrily.

            	I meowed loudly and leaned back on my haunches, raising a paw in the air threateningly.

            	He folded his forepaws and set his jaw.

            	I yowled, hissing just slightly as I leaned forward.  He didn’t flinch.  I flexed my claws out and growled.

            	The door swung open.

            	“What is going on out here?!” Yellow Pony shouted.  We all flinched.  The frog croaked shamefully, and both me and the rabbit shrunk down.  “Angel!  You know animals are allowed in!  Look at Sable!  He’s clearly distressed!”

            	The rabbit was the only creature alive that could take a scolding from Yellow Pony and not appear ashamed.  He scowled and stamped his paw.

            	“Now, if you can’t behave yourself, Angel, I’ll take you off guard duty and assign you to litter box detail.” The rabbit squeaked in fright, and jerked away.  “You should follow the example of Mister Swampford, here.  He’s a very well behaved and effective guard.”  The frog beamed and stood a little taller, and Yellow Pony patted his head with a wing tip.

            	“Sable, come inside and tell me what has you so upset.”  It still wasn’t my full name, but much closer than Midnight or Mister Cat.  I resisted the urge to shoot a smug look at the rabbit as I passed, though I did give Mister Swampford a grateful nod.  After all, it was admirable to fulfil one’s duties.

            	Inside, it appeared as if the Yellow Pony was preparing for the holiday.  There was a blanket fort set up in the middle of the room, surrounded by dozens of light sources.  I’d heard the last few years Yellow Pony had spent Nightmare Night under her bed.  A brightly lit blanket fort in the living room was a step up.

            	“Now Sable, if you’ve come all the way here to complain about your new diet, I’m going to be very upset with you,” Yellow Pony began sternly, and I shrunk a bit under that intense gaze.  I meowed, kneading nervously with my forepaws.  I’d practically forgotten about that in my worry.

            	“Oh my.  Somepony is sick?” she asked, sitting down on her fainting couch.  I sprang up next to her, and she wrapped a comforting hoof around me and began to rub it down my back.  I leaned into the pets, but meowed again, a bit more urgently.  “Some cat?  Oh no!  Opalescence?”  She clicked her tongue disapprovingly.  “Oh, Sable, you know you’re not supposed to go around the carousel.  You know Rarity...”

            	She jumped as a startlingly loud pounding came from the door, her eyes widening as she let out a small squeak. 

            	“Fluttershy, darling, are you in?  Please!”  It was the Tyrant.  She sounded rather distressed. For a moment I took pleasure at my archenemy’s discomfit, but then I realized she must be here for the same reason I was.  “I need you to—“ she grunted.  “—ouch, get off me, you stupid rodent!  I need you to call off your guardians, dear.  This is urgent.”

            	Perhaps the rabbit wasn’t so bad after all.

            	“It sounds important,” Yellow Pony whispered to me.  “You’d best get out of sight.  You know how she’ll get if she sees you.  She thinks you’ve been harassing Opalescence.”

            	I glared at her.  Harassing!  As if!  The very idea that I would knowingly do anything to harm my dearest one was vile!  

Yellow Pony giggled.  “Yes, I know how you feel about Rarity.  Here.”  She opened a window, just enough for me to slip out without the Tyrant noticing.  I leapt gracefully out the window and into the garden.

            	Once I was between the rows of autumn squash and corn, I shrank down, low to the dirt, and slunk around so I could hear the conversation.

            	“Fluttershy?” the Tyrant called frantically.  “Fluttershy, please!”  I peeked my head around the corner. 

My beloved was curled up asleep on the Tyrant’s back.  Her fur was messy, and even in her sleep she looked strangely exhausted.  Yellow Pony opened the door slowly.

            	“Yes, Rarity?” she asked nervously.  The Tyrant levitated my beloved off her back, in front of Yellow Pony.

            	“It’s Opalescence, Fluttershy.  She’s ill, but I can’t quite tell what’s wrong with her.  I was going to take her to Doctor Fauna, but the doctor’s out for lunch, and I’m getting worried.”

            	“Well, let me take a look at the poor dear,” Yellow Pony cooed, picking up my dearest and taking her inside.  The Tyrant followed, a worried expression plastered over her white face.  I snuck behind them, worried that the door would close and I would be cut off from my dearest.  The frog guard eyed me briefly and nodded.  He reached out one green leg to stop the door from closing entirely behind the ponies, leaving it open just enough so that I could overhear.

            	“Opalescence, could you please tell me what’s bothering you?” Yellow Pony’s voice was soft and gentle, the faintest caress of a warm summer breeze.  She meowed softly.  “I see.  And when did it start?”  She meowed again.  Both cries were too soft for me to hear, or understand.  “Oh, goodness.  Um, Rarity, we’re going to want to speak with Doctor Fauna to be sure, but if I’m correct, Opalescence will be just fine.”

            	“Just fine?  But Fluttershy, you can’t tell me more?” the Tyrant cried desperately.

            	“I’d rather be certain, first.  Please don’t worry, Rarity.”

            	“How can I not?  You won’t tell me…”

            	“We’ll head straight to Doctor Fauna’s.  I’m sure she won’t mind if we’re waiting when she gets back from lunch.”

            	“Very well,” the Tyrant didn’t sound sure, but I heard the sound of hooves shifting about, and Mister Swampford frantically motioned for me to hide.  I dashed around the corner just in time for the Tyrant and Yellow Pony to emerge from the cottage.  Yellow Pony was cradling my beloved gently in her hooves as she hovered just slightly above the ground. Even in her diminished state, the queen of cats was sharply perceptive.  She glanced back to where I was hidden, and our eyes met.  She meowed gently, her eyes tender.

            	It was as if the sun had risen for a second time!  My heart could burst for joy!  My beloved was not angry at me after all.  Her love for me was true!  I stood up tall, making sure she could see my regal bearing, my proud and noble gaze, and take inspiration from my strength.  I filled my gaze with as much adoration and worship as I could.

            	It was hard to communicate all of this with a mere glance and a posture, but I am a cat.  The sorts of things that may be impossible for ponies are mere kitten’s play for me.

            	I waited until they were out of sight to follow them back into Ponyville.  All about were preparations for the celebration tomorrow night.  Ponies were cheerfully putting up decorations, setting up booths, and generally chattering happily about their plans for the holiday. 

            	Ponies called out in greeting as I ran past.  I was called Mister Cat, Black Handsome, Midnight, Coalkitty, Lucky, and a dozen other names.  It was fine.  Nopony really knew my full name, so I didn’t expect them to use it.  As long as they recognized my greatness, they could call me what they liked.

            	I didn’t bother to stop to greet any of them.  Sure, the ponies in town were always good for ear scratches, pets, the occasional tummy rub and treats, but I was on a mission.  I had a mystery to solve, and a beloved I was worried about.  I only paused when the colt from before stopped right in front of me.

            	“Oh!  Mister Cat!  Good to see you again!”  I swerved around him, but he simply began trotting alongside.  “I spoke with Applejack. If you’re still interested, she’d love to have your help with the Nightmare Night activities.”  I didn’t glance at him, instead increasing my pace.  “I can see you’re really busy right now, so I won’t keep you.  But I hope to see you in the corn maze!  I’m sure you’ll be a really spooky addition!  Good luck with whatever you’re working on. I’m going to see if I can learn any more about the anti-timberwolf defenses for my story!”

            	I was too busy to respond, but I think the colt understood, because he broke off with one final wave, galloping presumably towards the Everfree forest.  I continued on to the animal hospital.

            	Somepony had left the northern window cracked.  I leaped up, barely reaching the edge by scrabbling with my rear paws.  I peeked my head in to see what was going on.

            	“—didn’t mean for you to cut your lunch short, Doctor Fauna.” Yellow Pony sounded apologetic.  I glanced down from my perch above the three ponies.  Nopony noticed me.

            	“Don’t you worry, Fluttershy.  I was done eating anyways.  Now, what’s wrong with Opal?”

            	“I think she’s ill, Doctor,” the Tyrant sounded frightened, and my heart softened a bit towards her.  If she was this concerned for my goddess, clearly she had some goodness in her.  “She’s been—“ she flinched, and her voice broke with disgust, “—throwing up.  And lethargic.  And when she’s not vomiting, she’s eating twice as much.”

            	The vet and Yellow Pony exchanged significant glances.

            	“You can do the test, right doctor?” Yellow Pony asked urgently.  The vet smiled and nodded.

            	“Of course I can.  Set her up on the table here, Fluttershy, and we’ll take a look.”

            	“Test?” the Tyrant demanded.  “What test?  Fluttershy, you’re not saying anything!  This is all that stray’s fault, isn’t it?  He gave her some sort of disease!”

            	Calumny.  Lies.  I would never!

            	I must have made an angry noise, because three sets of pony eyes shot to me.

            	“See!  The villain reveals himself!  Don’t worry, Doctor, I’ll cast him out!”  The Purple-Maned Tyrant advanced, her horn glowing threateningly.

            	“You will not!” the vet cried, jumping between me and the Tyrant.  “Rarity, please!  All creatures are welcome to be here!”

            	I hissed at the Tyrant, arching my spine.

            	“But Doctor!” the Tyrant whined.  “Look at the state he’s put poor Opalescence in!  He’s always skulking about, trying to sneak into my boutique to do her harm!”

            	That was absolutely untrue.  I was simply trying to reach my beloved, to spend time with her and evade the ill will of the horrid creature that kept my love in a gilded cage.  I yowled my displeasure.

            	“Both of you!” Yellow Pony shouted, and we both froze.  “Calm down!  Sable, you may stay if you can behave.  Rarity, if you don’t stop threatening an animal while you’re still in the Doctor’s office, she’s probably going to throw you out.”

            	“Um, yes.  Probably,” the vet said.

            	“Very well, Doctor, Fluttershy.  I’ll behave if he remains far away.”  She didn’t let her eyes stray from me.  I made a show of nonchalance, licking at one paw.  “Now, what is this test you have to do?”

            	“Actually, I’ve been working with Starlight to develop a series of tools to make my job easier,” the vet said.  “She helped me invent this enchanted diagnosis tool.”  She held up a small device that looked a bit like a pen, but with a wide, flat disk instead of a point on one end, and a clear glass bead on the other.

            	“Stay still, Opal.  This won’t hurt a bit.” Yellow Pony cooed as she set the most beautiful of cats down on the exam table.  My love glanced up at me, and I nearly wept to see how nervous she looked.  I gave a soft meow, hoping to give some encouragement. 

            	“These new tools really are a blessing,” the vet muttered as she ran the flat end of the device along my beloved’s belly.

            	“What’s happening?  What is it doing?  What are you looking for?” the Tyrant’s hooves beat a sharp staccato on the tile floor.

            	“We’re hoping for the glass bead to shine green.  If it shines red, we’ll have to discover what else might be making her sick.  But if it’s green…” the vet never finished her sentence, for the glass bead suddenly shone with a bright green light.  “Aha.”  The vet smirked.  “That’s good news.  Rarity, Opalescence is just fine.  She’s going to be a Mommy.”  Yellow Pony was smiling as well, stroking a hoof down my love’s back.

            	Meanwhile, my thoughts had come to a complete, frozen halt.  Pregnant.  My dearest was pregnant.  Fatherhood.  I was going to have kittens.  My wide eyes found my love’s; she was tired, yes, but looked proud.  As well she should!  She was already the greatest of cats, and now she would be the greatest of mothers, as well!  My heart soared with joy.

            	“Um, excuse me, darling, but did you just say what I think you did?” the Purple-Haired Tyrant’s voice was far too calm.  It was like pouring ice water on the warm glow of my joy.  “My Opal is pregnant?”

            	“Yes, Rarity!  Isn’t it so exciting?” Yellow Pony gushed, but there was a hint of nervousness there.

            	“Mhm.  Yes, quite.” The Tyrant blinked a few times.  “Fluttershy, dear, you know the absolutely barbaric custom some other cultures have of skinning creatures and using their hides as fashion?”

            	Yellow Pony shuddered with horror.  “Of course I do, Rarity!  Why would you even…”

            	“It’s utterly horrid, of course.  Absolutely an abomination.  And yet, for some strange reason, I feel a touch of inspiration.  Maybe it’s not such a wretched idea after all!”  Her eyes blazed with fury.  “I could see myself working with cat skin!  Black fur, once properly washed, could make quite the daring belt, or a purse!” She lunged towards me, and the other two ponies surged forward, seizing her hooves to hold her back.  I stared in horror.

            	“Let me go, you two!  I’m going to skin him alive!  I’m going to tie his tail to my clothesline and beat him daily!  I’ll…”

            	“You’d better go,” Yellow Pony whispered in my direction, and I took the hint, leaping down from the window and onto the ground.
> The Worst Possible Thing
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

 	It was never wise to show fear in the face of tyranny, but I’ll admit my steps were a touch quicker than usual as I made a tactical retreat from the vet’s office.  To be completely fair, my mind was still in a bit of a daze from what had happened.

            	Pregnant.  She was going to have kittens.

            	My kittens.

            	It was possible that a small prance found its way into my gait.

            	There was a second surge of joy.  My beloved wasn’t ill!  She was just experiencing some of the less convenient symptoms of pregnancy.  And her reaction to seeing me through the window earlier?  Well, that was completely understandable.  After all, I had helped to put her in this obviously uncomfortable state.  Her irritation was justified!

            	I was broken from my quiet celebration when I heard shouting behind me.  I turned to look, and my blood froze.

            	The Purple-Maned Tyrant was barreling up the path towards me, her face contorted with fury.  Behind her, Yellow Pony and the vet trailed after, looking distressed.

            	“Get back here, you mangy twit!  You pungent little rat!  I’ll give you what for!” she shrieked.  Her horn lit with blue light, and I yowled in panic as I sprinted away.

            	“Rarity!  Rarity, please, come back!” Yellow Pony called. 

            	“I’ll come back as soon as I’ve turned this stray into boots!  A fringe on a shawl!  OR MAYBE EVEN HAVE HIM STUFFED!”

            	I ignored the shocked look on the faces of the ponies I zoomed past.  Nopony stopped their holiday preparations to help, though.  I suppose crazy goings on were a bit of a tradition in Ponyville, and the residents had developed a habit of simply doing nothing and waiting for situations to resolve themselves.

            	Not that I needed their intervention.  I was a cat of action!  I would resolve this problem myself!

            	Mostly by running away as quickly as possible.

            	Suddenly something grabbed me about the torso.  I squirmed and yowled, twisting and thrashing about wildly with my claws as I was lifted into the air.

            	“Sable!  Ow, stop it!  That hurts!  Sable, it’s me!  Calm down!”  It took a moment for the voice to register as I was lifted into the sky.  It was Yellow Pony!  She’d snatched me into the skies.  “I don’t want to drop you!”  That made me relax.  I also did not want her to drop me.

            	“Good.  Um.  That didn’t go very well, did it?”  she gave a nervous laugh, and if I was willing to risk turning around to look at her, I would have glared.  “Don’t you worry, Sable.  Rarity is… excitable, but once the drama has died down, she’ll come around.”

            	Yellow Pony clicked her tongue.  “You’ve been a naughty kitty, haven’t you, Sable?”  I had no idea what she meant.  “You knew Rarity didn’t like you wandering around her boutique.  If I’d known why you were pestering her, I would have intervened on your behalf.  You should have told me, Sable.”

            	Oh.  Well, maybe she was right.  It wasn't a weakness to get help from friends.  Perhaps it had been a mistake not to seek her aid.

            	She sighed.  “Don’t worry, I’ll make this better.  Oh! It might have to be in a few days, though,” she sounded ashamed.  “Because I have to… because I’ll be…”

            	Oh.  The festivities.  I meowed.

            	“Thank you for being so understanding.  And I do hope you’ll forgive Rarity for her behavior.”

            	Meow!

            	“No, she wasn’t actually going to skin you!  She was kidding!”

            	Mrow?

            	“Well, she was.  Rarity’s usually very sweet and kind.  You’ve just started off on the wrong hoof with her.”

            	Hiss?!

            	“Try to consider things from her perspective.  She didn’t know why you were sneaking about her boutique.  Sometimes strange cats don’t get along, and she thought you were there to hurt or fight with Opal.”

            	Meow!

            	“And then when Opal turned up pregnant, well, Rarity assumed the worst, simply because of her impression of you.”

            	Mrwor?

            	“Well, she thinks you’re not good enough for her Opal.”

Meww?

“You know how Rarity is. You could stand to bathe more often.  It might go a long way to…”

            	HISS!

            	“Yes, I know how you feel about that! Sable!  Hold still so I don’t drop you!  Stop squirming!”

            	Mew…

            	“I’m sorry about that, Sable.  I’ll be sure to speak with her as soon as things have calmed down a bit.  I promise, once this is all over you’ll be the best of friends with Rarity!”

            	…hiss.

            	“Oh, don’t be such a grump.  Have some faith.  Opalescence loves Rarity, so any chance you have of a long and healthy relationship with your lady love means you’ll have to find a way to get along.”

            	We touched down just outside Yellow Pony’s house.  The door guards were still in place, and Mister Swampford bounced up to open the door.

            	“Now, I’m going to go hide inside until about two days from now,” Yellow Pony said.  “You’re welcome to come hide with me if you want, but I’d rather not open the door for at least forty eight hours.” I yawned, and turned my head with disinterest.  “And I don’t want you going to bother Rarity!” she commanded.  “Opal will be spending the night at Doctor Fauna’s, and you’re not to bother her, either.  She needs some rest after all the stress you and Rarity put her through today.”

            	I made to stalk off, but she snatched me with a wing.

            	“I want a promise, Sable.  You won’t bother Rarity or Opal.  At least not until I have a chance to speak with Rarity.  Okay?”  Her eyes bored into me, and I felt like a very tiny cat indeed. I meowed quietly, and she nodded.  “Good.  Now be a good cat for the next few days, and we’ll have this all sorted out after N-nightmare Night.”

            	She waved goodnight to me, and I stood and watched as her guards closed the door behind her.  The rabbit even made some sort of gesture at me, pointing at his eyes, and then at me with two little claws.  I didn’t understand.  Was it supposed to be some sort of threat?  I slowly turned my back on the rabbit and sauntered off down the path.

            	I decided to keep clear of Ponyville entirely, just to be safe.  Perhaps Winona would let me spend the night in her family’s barn?  It was as good a plan as any.  Besides, it was always nice to share good news with a friend.  Winona would be suitably excited to hear about my impending fatherhood.  It meant celebratory licking, and dogbreath-flavored saliva, but these were the prices I paid for friendship.

            	By this time, the afternoon sun was just past its apex, and the shadows of the trees around me were just barely starting to lengthen.  It was just warm enough that I wanted to stop, find a sunny spot, and let the warmth seep into my black fur.  I began looking for a likely tree to spend a few hours when I smelled it.

            	Just as I found the perfect tree, a rancid stench floated from the forest.  I paused, sniffing deeply, and my fur stood on end.  I knew that smell.  Timberwolves.

            	I leapt off the path and into the underbrush of the woods, shrinking down low with my ears perked up.  I listened for several minutes for the telltale creak of wood, the thudding, hollow claw steps.  There was nothing.  I began to creep along, inch by inch, through the thick brush.  Thorns and twigs snagged on my fur, but I ignored them.  If there were timberwolves out, I didn’t want to be caught out in the open.

            	I wondered about the timberwolf trap the Orange Pony had been speaking about.  Maybe that’s why I was smelling them.  I hoped it worked; it would be a true shame if the pony’s celebration was interrupted by the foul creatures.

            	I was brought up short when I heard noises up ahead.  But it wasn’t the sounds of a timberwolf.  It was someone calling for help!  The voice was weak, but my keen ears picked it out easily over the ambient forest noises.

            	I took a brief moment to consider my choices.  There were timberwolves about, but also an innocent in distress!  A hero had only one choice, really.  I leapt out of my hiding spot, dashing towards the sounds.

            	The cries were coming from a clearing, perhaps a quarter mile from the path.  I wove through bushes and branches.  All the while the smell grew stronger.  Finally I found what I was looking for.

            	It was a pit, probably four or five pony lengths across, and two deep.  Lining the bottom was a viscous blue fluid that was scattered with bits of wood and leaves, the remains of at least one timberwolf that had fallen into the pit.  There was also a foal.  It was the foal from before.

            	He appeared injured, thrashing about in the potion meant to sap timberwolves of their magic.  I meowed to get his attention, and he looked up weakly.

            	“Mister… Cat?” he rasped.  “I didn’t think this potion would hurt me, because I’m an Earth pony.  But it’s sapping my strength, too.  Um, Earth pony magic, or something like that.  I can barely move, and I might have sprained my hoof.  Can you get help?”

            	I meowed confidently.  It wasn’t my usual duty, but an adventurer always stood ready to do whatever fate called him to do!

            	“Thanks, Mister Cat.”  I gave him one last confident glance before dashing back towards Ponyville. 

            	Now, there was not only the stench, but signs of the timberwolves’ passing.  Claw prints dotted the forest floor, and nearby branches were torn and broken.  I let my determination drown out my fear, and my pounding heart beat a cadence for my running paws. The timberwolves could spring out at any second.

            	I found the main path and turned towards Yellow Pony’s cottage.  It would be difficult to convince her to leave her cottage, but she was the closest pony.  I only hoped her door guards would listen.

            	The more I thought about it, though, the more nervous I became.  Yellow Pony may have been the closest pony, but she certainly wasn’t the best equipped to deal with timberwolves.  Perhaps I should…

            	I rounded a corner on the path and skidded to a halt.  There, in the middle of the path, coming my direction, was the Tyrant.

            	“It’s you,” she snarled in disgust, and I arched my back, hissing.  “Oh, you can skip the theatrics, you loathsome twerp.  I’m not going to skin you.”  I relaxed a bit.  “Out of my way, creature.  Oh, and if you were thinking of bothering Fluttershy, don’t.  Something came up with Harry, and she’s decided to spend Nightmare Night hiding in the bear’s den.”

            	I didn’t actually know where the bear lived.  This was bad.  Really bad.  I didn’t have anyone I could go to for help.  I meowed my distress, and the Tyrant sniffed.

            	“Just as well.  The poor dear doesn’t need somepony like you bothering her right now, with all the stress of the holiday going on.”

            	I was struck with an idea.  A sudden burst of disgusting inspiration.  I darted towards the Tyrant, yowling.

            	“What are you… get away from me, you foul beast!” she screeched, dancing on her hooves to avoid me.  I tried to herd her, pushing her in the direction of the forest.  “What are you doing, you creep?  Don’t make me do something we’ll both regret!”  Her horn lit with blue light, and a tree branch filled with leaves floated in from the forest.

            	She swung the branch at me, and I dodged backwards, yowling angrily.  The Tyrant didn’t relent, frantically swishing the branch back and forth, advancing with each swing.  I leapt backwards, hissing and swiping at the branch.  My attempts to herd the cursed pony were a complete failure.

            	“Shoo!  Shoo!  I have better things to do than be hounded by some homeless stray!” She yelped as she pushed me back.  I was growing desperate.  I sprinted to the other side, in the direction of the trap, and yowled at her.

            	“Hmph.  Very well, then,” she said, tossing her mane, before turning her back and continuing down the path.  No!  That was wrong!  I yowled loudly.  “Whatever it is, I don’t care!”  I ran after her, meowing and growling.  She spun.

            	“What is your problem, creature?!” she yelled.  “I’m doing my best to be calm and rational, and not beat you like a rug for what you did to my dear Opalescence, but you’re making me doubt my restraint!”

            	I tried to convey my urgency as best I could, meowing at her, then glancing back towards the forest.  I did it several times, but the Tyrant simply sighed and turned around again.

            	“I simply can’t even deal with you right now,” she huffed.

            	There was one last idea.  One last thought, horrifying as it may be.  Even I shivered to think of it.  The repercussions would be huge.  I probably wouldn’t survive.  But I had a duty.

            	I broke into a run, moving as silently as I could, and the Tyrant didn’t turn until it was too late.  I coiled my legs for a mighty leap and soared through the air, landing gracefully on top of the Tyrant’s back.

            	“What do you think… OW!” she shrieked, jerking about as I had to dig in just a bit with my claws to maintain my position.  “You monster!  What has gotten into you!”

            	I actually felt bad for the Tyrant.  I didn’t desire to injure her at all.  But I needed a few seconds to complete my brilliant plan.  I made a sound as I contracted my stomach muscles, a deep sort of grunt that originated in the back of my throat.  The Tyrant froze, her face cold with horror as she looked back at me.

            	“No.  Don’t you dare.  Don’t you even think of it, you horrifying little worm!”

            	I made the sound again, stretching out my neck.  Panic flooded the Tyrant’s features.

            	“You slimy little wretch!  I have a cat, I know what that awful sound means!”  She began to buck, jerking her back wildly in the air.  I flexed my claws deeper into her fur and flesh, hanging on as tightly as I could.  I needed just a tiny bit longer.  “If you so much as…”

            	I wretched a third time, my stomach squeezing again as my throat ejected a large, steaming hairball directly on the back of the Tyrant’s perfect mane.  She froze, and I quickly leapt down onto the ground, watching her warily.  It was as if she’d been struck by the gaze of a cockatrice.

            	No, that wasn’t quite accurate.  She wasn’t completely still.  She was trembling.  Vibrating.

            	“I’m… going to… MURDER YOU!”  Her shriek tore through the air, and I could have sworn that a hundred birds took flight as the shrill fury of her voice cut through the forest.  I ran to the tree line, pausing to make sure she was turning around.  She was. In fact, she was already practically on top of me.  Her eyes burned with the threat of violence.

            	“A belt is too good for you!  I’m going to turn you into A RUG!”  I dashed through the trees, and she followed right behind.  Rocks and branches, glowing with blue magic, shot after me.  Most barely missed; but a few struck my hindquarters as I fled.  “And not a pretty rug, or a fashionable one!  I’m going to dye your fur something tacky.  CLASHING COLORS!  BROWN AND PINK TIE DYE!  TROPICAL THEMED PLAID!”

            	I wasn’t quite sure what she was talking about, but the hatred in her voice was clear.  And she was following me, which was the point.

            	It was then that the flaw in my plan occurred to me.  Sure, she’d be able to rescue the foal, but all the noise she was making might draw the timberwolves.  I set it aside for now; there was nothing I could do about that for the time being.

            	I burst into the clearing with the pit, running past it with a glance down at the foal inside.  He appeared unconscious, as if the potion at the bottom was sapping his strength.  I ran to the other side, pausing.

“—and afterwards, I’ll put you through a fine sieve!  That way there’s no piece of you left large enough to—“  The Tyrant came up short at the edge of the pit.  I meowed plaintively as I looked down at the foal inside.  “Oh.  OH!”  I watched as the light of comprehension went on in the Tyrant’s eyes.  “I—“

I never had time to hear what she was going to say.  The clearing was suddenly thick with the stench of timberwolf breath.  I yowled in warning, and the Tyrant ran over, planting herself between me and the shadowed woods.

“I understand, cat,” she whispered.  “I know what that smell is.  Stay behind me.”

The monsters burst into the clearing in a shower of splinters.  There were two of the beasts, and their roars made both of us flinch.  The Tyrant covered her ears.

Her horn ignited with blue fire, and she shot a beam of light, not at the monsters, but high into the sky.  A signal flare!  I didn’t have time to be impressed, though, because the timberwolves lunged at her.

“If that pit’s what I think it is, cat, I can’t levitate him out with my magic!” she shouted as she jumped back.  The timberwolves’ claws swiped through the air, catching a few strands of purple mane.  “I need you to find a large branch!  Long enough to reach the bottom of the pit!”

I meowed my agreement, scouring the edge of the clearing for an available branch.  Meanwhile the Tyrant was firing beams of blue force at the monsters.  Each beam knocked a few bits off the wolves, but it wasn’t enough.  Soon enough the creatures were beginning to flank her.

I found a likely branch, and seized it with my foreclaws.  I scrambled at the dirt with my hind claws, dragging it over to the pit.  It took far too long, and behind me I heard the sounds of roaring timberwolves and bursting magic.

“Cat?  I really do think you should hurry.  I don’t know how much longer I can…” the Tyrant hissed in pain as she failed to dodge a timberwolf’s swipe.  A shallow trio of red lines sliced across her shoulder.  “Oh, how dare you?!”

It seemed that injuring the Tyrant only made her angrier.  That may be useful for future encounters.  I shoved the thicker end of the branch into the pit, making a narrow ramp of sorts.  Then I leapt down.

The magic-sapping slime in the bottom of the pit felt cool on my paws, like mud.  I didn’t feel any different; a cat’s magic was unlike pony or timberwolf magic, after all.  I dashed over and pawed at the foal’s face.

“M-mister Cat?  Wha…” the colt whispered.  I nudged him hard with my face.  “I’m so tired.”  I pushed harder, pushing towards the makeshift ramp I’d made with the larger branch.  He glanced over.  “I don’t know if I can…”

Heroes didn’t quit.  I meowed loudly, shoving my head under his barrel to help him lift himself.

“Okay, I’m trying, Mister Cat,” he said.  I helped him to his hooves, then ran behind, pushing him with my head towards the branch.  I risked a glance up at the fight.  One of the timberwolves was down to only three legs, and another was missing chunks of his jaw, but they were still surrounding the Tyrant, who was desperately dodging their swipes while trying to fire back with her magical blasts.

“Oh dear,” the colt whispered, pausing.  I shoved again.  “Okay, okay, I’m going.”  With shaky hooves he began to balance as he climbed up the ramp.

Ponies were not suited to careful balance, and the colt was rather weak.  He stumbled awkwardly up the ramp.  I leapt out of the pit, scrambling down the ramp so I could help him from the front.  Twice I had to seize the foal in my claws, digging sharply into his flesh so I could steady him and help him up.  He flopped on the ground, just outside the pit, panting with effort.

I yowled angrily, shoving at his flanks again.  With a grunt, he got the message.

“Pipsqueak, darling!  You have to get up and run!” A blast of magic struck one of the creatures, throwing him off balance as one of his hind paws slipped into the pit.  The monster stumbled back, letting out a panicked yelp as he fell into the trap.  He burst into a dozen pieces of wooden shrapnel as soon as he hit the goo at the bottom. 

The Tyrant gave out a shout of victory, just as a claw slammed into her head, tossing her to the ground.  I dashed over, lunging at the monster’s closest forepaw and latching on.  My claws and teeth scratched at the wood, and the monster held up his paw, giving an amused sort of grunt as he tossed me aside with embarrassing ease.  I sailed through the air and struck hard against a tree branch.  

The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the Tyrant, rearing on her forehooves to buck the timberwolf I’d distracted into the pit.
> Epilogue: Faint Heart Never Won Fair Kitty
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

I awoke in the vet’s office.  I was on an examination table.  Something warm was curled up against my side.  I opened my eyes and stared into my goddess’ gorgeous eyes.  She meowed with soft concern, licking my cheek with affection.  I meowed back, rubbing my head against hers.

            	“So the hero awakens!”  I stiffened.  The voice was the Tyrant’s.  I glanced up.  She appeared mostly unharmed from our little adventure.  Her mane bore no trace of my hairball, and her wounds were cleanly bandaged.  She was gazing at me lovingly.

            	“It seems I may have misjudged you, Sable,” she said softly.  She reached out a hoof, and I stiffened, only to have her pet me gently.  My beloved was purring at my side, so I allowed the caress.  “You’re quite the dashing hero, aren’t you?”

            	Well, yes.  I was.  It was good to hear her recognize it, though.

            	“You rescued Pipsqueak.  You helped me against two timberwolves, too.  Princess Luna has been informed that she’ll be sharing the spotlight with a hero.  She’s quite excited to meet you.”

            	The Princess of the Night wished to meet me? Would wonders never cease?

            	“So…” the Tyrant paused in her petting.  “We have something to talk about, it seems.  Your relationship with my dearest Opal is not what I assumed, at first.  And I think you should have a chance to prove yourself a good father.”

            	My breath caught in my throat.  My eyes found my beloved, and she mewled proudly.

            	“I will not accept a deadbeat transient, mind you!  If you’re going to take responsibility for these kittens, you’ll need to make some changes.  No more homelessness.  You’ll have to find a real place to live.”

            	I didn’t like where this was going, but a noble cat adapted to change with grace.

            	“I don’t think you should give up your profession; Princess Twilight and Applejack both assure me you’re the best mouser they’ve ever seen.  But a permanent address gives one respectability.”  She placed a piece of paper on the examination table next to us.  “This is an adoption form.  If I sign this paper, I will have officially adopted you as my pet, alongside Opalescence.” She smirked. “I had to ask Fluttershy for your full name, and I’m quite impressed, Lord Sablefur Fluffytail the Seventh.  An impressive name for a very impressive cat.”

            	I may have to stop calling her the Tyrant.  What was her name?  Rarity?

            	“But I wanted your permission, first.”  She set a quill on the table next to me. “And there are some other conditions.  I am a fashionista, after all.  My pets have to maintain a certain level of fabulousness, which occasionally means clothing.”  The idea was a bit frightening, but I locked eyes with my beloved, who was purring loudly.  I reached out and pushed the quill towards Rarity.

“You’ve made a good choice, Sable,” she said, quickly signing the legal document.  “Now, our first order of business.”  The loveliest cat alive stood up from my side, and with a smug sort of smirk, sauntered to the other end of the exam table.  “Revenge.”

            	I meowed in confusion, only to yowl in terror as a tub full of hot, soapy water levitated into the room, suspended in blue magic.  I leapt to my paws, prepared to spring from the room, only to be caught in the same hateful blue aura.  I growled and hissed as she lifted me into the air.

            	I took it all back.  Purple-Maned Tyrant wasn’t good enough for her!  She was vile and cruel!  The most evil of all ponies! I glanced over at my beloved, only to find her nodding in smug agreement with her vicious owner.  I trembled in terror, looking down at the frothy, soapy doom that awaited me.

            	“Oh, just admit it.  You brought this on yourself, Lord Sable,” Rarity giggled.  “Welcome to the family.”