On the appointed announcement-day, Discord wore a tuxedo and served wine to Fluttershy and her friends. The mares milled around chatting, lovely and sophisticated in their little black dresses. When the moment was right Fluttershy nodded to Discord and he flicked the edge of a wine glass with a claw. The glass rang like a gong, drowning all conversation and reverberating in the air.
“I’m so glad you could all make it here tonight,” Fluttershy said softly when the ringing died down, “especially you, Twilight, I know you are busy with your project. But since you are all my best friends in the whole world, I wanted to tell you all that Dissy and I are getting married!”
Five different squeals of excitement filled the room – but before the questions and congratulations could start, there came a loud knock on the door.
“Everypony’s here already, right dear?” Fluttershy asked.
Discord held up a hand and counted on his fingers. “Me. You. Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie.” He was holding up seven fingers. He put his other hand, the paw, on his hip and frowned to think. “Hugger is passed out already and Loki is surgically attached to our liquor bar.” Nine fingers. “That should be all.”
The knock sounded again.
Discord peeked out through the gunslot. Without explanation he opened the door, performing a grand, flourishing, bow.
Their Highnesses Celestia and Luna stepped into Fluttershy’s cottage.
“Your Majesties!” she gasped, “welcome! We didn’t know you would be here tonight.”
All the ponies bowed to their rulers.
“My liege,” said Discord to Celestia.
“Discord,” she acknowledged, coolly.
“Do you come to forbid the banns?” he asked.
“Neigh, we come to toast the happy news! We seek only the happiness of all our subjects.”
In the twinkling of an eye, champagne was poured and passed around.
Discord raised his glass. “Er, to our glorious rulers!”
The Mane Six all called out, “Aye!” and drained their glasses as Celestia beamed. Luna acknowledged the toast with a shy smile.
A second round was poured.
Again Discord raised his glass. “To my lovely fiancé!”
Pinkie chimed in, “and to the best wedding party ever!”
Celestia waited until everypony were drinking the toast.
“And here’s to throbbing consummation!” she added.
Everypony in the room choked; Celestia grinned as she drank.
Twilight closed her eyes and raised a hoof to her face. At the best of times Celestia’s crass humor was embarrassing. Right now she really didn’t have patience for her Highness’ merry pranks.
Luna addressed nopone in particular, “forsooth, it bodes ill to 'llow our wretched but dear sister from out the castle with ballgag un-worn,” she lamented quietly.
Everypony focused intently on their drinks, hoping to hide their blushes.
“Oh excuse me,” Celestia prattled cheerily, “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I should have remembered that a modern wedding is typically pre-consummated.”
Toasts completed, empty champagne glasses had been traded for wine or mixed drinks.
Fluttershy was still looking down at her hooves, her face scarlet.
“Don’t let my ex get to you, dear. You faced down my mother, I know you can handle Celestia,” Discord whispered loudly to her, knowing full well he would be overheard.
“Don’t tell me you think Queen Valeria of Draconequia is more frightening than I am?” Celestia was amused now.
“My mother, former-mother-who-disowned-me that is, thanks to Fluttershy’s fierce intervention on my behoof, is pure evil. You, Highness, are nominally good.”
“Nominally? That is damn’d faint praise, sir. Congratulations, Miss Fluttershy,” Celestia said, “I really mean it.”
“Thank you, your Highness.” Fluttershy was still blushing from Celestia’s teasing. Anypony who paid any attention at all knew that she and Discord were already lovers, but her Highness didn’t need to blurt so much about it.
“It is a wonder that your friends didn’t decide to join forces and turn him into stone again.”
Fluttershy said nothing for a moment and Celestia drank deeply.
“I can turn part of him into stone all by myself…”
Celestia choked in surprise but her mouth was still full of wine.
Fluttershy continued dreamily as Celestia tried to swallow her wine without spraying it. Her royal eyes bulged with the effort of controlling the need to cough.
“…really, really, hard...”
Fluttershy’s eyes were closed now and an expression of innocent bliss on her face, heedless, it seemed, of Celestia’s struggle.
“…but so gentle.”
Celestia forced down most of the wine and stood gasping for breath as Luna pounded her back. A trickle of wine ran down from her nose and her sinuses burned.
Fluttershy curtsied to the Princesses as if all was well, and went to talk to her friends of the Mane Six.
“Verily hast thou been outmatched, O mine sister” Luna whispered as she administered a final thump.
Now the Mane Six crowded around Fluttershy to admire her hoof ring.
“It’s soooo pretty! What’s it made of, darling?”
“Oddtanium, πe carats. Discord tells me its very rare in this dimension…”
Meanwhile Discord was having a quiet word with Celestia, once she was able to breath again.
“The happiness of all your subjects, Highness?” he asked with gentle accusation.
“Of course, Mr. Sullivan. Why not?”
“What of young Twilight’s somepony special?”
“That pony is not a citizen of Equestria,” she said tensely.
“He will die for you whether you accept his oath or neigh.”
“I want nothing of it. He is no subject of mine.”
“Your Majesty, you walk the thin line between the quibbling of detail and outright prevarication.”
“And you, my friend, walk the thin line between insolence and statuary. I will hear no more of this.”
Discord bowed, and looked to see if any of the guests required their glasses refilled. Celestia declined – there’s a first time for anything.
The hour grew quite late; first the Royal siblings and then the other mares left. Loki slipt out when nopony was looking.
Twilight was the last to go. She hugged Fluttershy again, shook Discord’s hand.
“I’m so happy for you two” she said for the umpteenth time.
“Thank you, but, um, what of your project? Your somepony? Dissy and I both want him back in Equestria, with you.”
Twilight was visibly strained from overwork; her good cheer a façade she wore only for her friend’s sake.
“Time to get back to work; no sleep for me this week. But I’ll break that spell if it kills me.”
“See that you do,” said Discord “,and see that it doesn’t.”
The door closed and Discord was alone with Fluttershy.
Alone with the pony he loved.
Flutters led the way to their bedroom. Her gaze was sultry now; her fangs glinted in the candlelight.