Libera Me From Beanis

by Thought Prism

First published 9th of October, 2020

The conclusion to the timeless tale of the Beanis, in the only way that makes sense: with giant anime robots.

What began with an off-beat idea to make dildos from beans, after a journey spanning years, has led our heroines here, to a pivotal confrontation at a simple house party. This gathering is cut short in the last way Sunset Shimmer would have expected: with the mighty Beanos rising at last, her dread machinations plunging the world into turmoil. As an army of beandroids descend upon Canterlot City, sowing the seeds of despair as well as the seeds of actual bean plants, Sunset can no longer stand idle. Once more united under a common cause with her old friends, and some old enemies, the final battle for Twilight Sparkle’s soul is nigh.

The conclusion to the timeless tale of the Beanis, in the only way that makes sense: with giant anime robots. A Gurren Lagann pastiche, no prior knowledge of the show is required. So, no, the title is not a typo.

Chapter 1

Author's Notes:

At long last, I may share this, my magnum opus! The story is already complete, and will update daily. It's recommended that you read on a desktop, for the music links. I hope you enjoyed the wild ride as much as I did, and that you find Libera Me From Beanis to be a worthy capstone to the saga.

With that, I leave you to it. *bows and walks offstage*

Sunset Shimmer rang the doorbell once, then took a step back, her expression almost as bright as the midday sun overhead. It had been ages since she’d last set foot in Twilight’s parents’ place, not since Twilight herself had moved out, to be precise. The familiar location, with all the associated happy memories of time spent tinkering and studying advanced subjects, brought a comfortable nostalgia forth in her mind.

After a few moments, a pair of middle-aged faces answered the door, recognition in the eyes. “Why hello there, Sunset, dear,” greeted Twilight Velvet. According to Rainbow Dash, she was the biggest MILF among their parents, but Sunset wouldn’t know. Still, Night Light, standing by her side, seemed satisfied enough with life.

“Thanks for hosting, Ms. Velvet. I would’ve offered, but my place isn’t that big,” Sunset said with a smirk.

“Oh, it was no trouble,” Velvet insisted, waving off her praise. “I’m just glad I have the opportunity to see my daughter again. It’s been ages since she last came home to visit.”

Night Light, for his part, rolled his eyes, draping an arm around Velvet’s shoulder. “I’m pretty sure that’s not the only reason. She’s been meaning to thank Twilight over how much her products have improved our sex life.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Velvet gushed. “Even the regular model, with Nightie’s expert guidance, is amazing. I’m practically putty in his hands, now! Why, just yesterday, he—”

“Okay, dial it back a bit,” Sunset insisted, cutting her off. “Too much information. Way too much.”

Velvet at least had the courtesy to blush. “Whoopsie. Of course, Sunset.”

Sunset sighed, at this point very used to it. Unfortunately. “It’s fine.”

“Anyway, I’ll show you to the den,” Night Light said, getting back to the matter of the party, to Sunset’s relief.

As Velvet waved, Sunset followed him down the hall into a large - and occupied - space, before he left her be with a “Have fun!”

The Sparkle clan den was an example of incongruous tastes mashed together, featuring a mishmash of modern and classical furnishings. Hardwood bookshelves and a brick fireplace - currently unused - contrasted with the bright tile floor, stainless steel bar, and modern art on the walls.

Everybody had arrived before her, it looked like. This included most of the Beanis Inc inner circle. Wallflower and Tempest chatted by the hor d'oeuvres table, all smiles. Rarity was busy regaling Flash with some overdramatic tale of her exploits in espionage while mixing drinks. Rainbow and Applejack leaned casually against the far wall with their own drinks, savoring the moment. Fluttershy likely stayed home to take care of Little T.

The group’s newest addition, the slightly older Gloriosa Daisy, seemed to be both amused and confused by Spike, who let out verbal utterances of appreciation as she gave him a belly rub from the confines of a lounge chair. It had been ages since Sunset had gotten to spend time with the little dog, so much so that she actually felt a tad guilty.

This downturn in emotion within her escalated as Sunset’s gaze landed on the last two people in the room. Twilight sat next to Pinkie, both of them eying the large television from seats on the wide sofa. It was displaying a line graph on the bottom and a large numerical counter on the top. The number currently read at over nine hundred and ninety nine million, and increased as Sunset watched. Neither even had refreshments.

Seeing both of them being so antisocial put a damper on Sunset’s mood. She still hadn’t managed to pry forth the truth behind Pinkie’s drastic change in behavior, let alone Twilight’s continued obsession with beans.

It was Applejack who spotted her first. “Sunset, hey there!”

“Hi, AJ, everyone,” Sunset replied, stepping into the den.

Faces turned at the sound of her voice. “Hello, darling!” Rarity exclaimed. “Taking my advice on being fashionably late, I see.” Across from her, Flash Sentry nodded politely.

“We’ve got chips over here,” Wallflower pointed out, helpfully. “Just cheese dip and salsa, though. Even I’m getting a bit tired of guzzling beans.” Tempest cracked a smile at that.

“Chips? Pfft, come on, girl, let’s get hammered!” insisted Rainbow Dash, who raised her bottle triumphantly.

“Don’t get too carried away,” Gloriosa instructed. “It’s barely even noon.” Spike wagged his tail excitedly, clearly intent on the opposite.

Well, everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves. Maybe she could loosen up for once, too, Sunset mused. However, underneath the cheer, she couldn’t help but notice that a certain pair hadn’t even looked her way. Pursing her lips, she made her way around the sofa, facing Twilight and Pinkie. “Hey. Having fun?”

“Yeah, totally,” Twilight uttered in a distracted monotone. “Can you please move? You’re blocking the screen.”

Sunset crossed her arms, an eyebrow creeping upwards. “Aren’t you going to at least try and enjoy the party? You’ve been working on Beanis projects almost 24/7 these days.”

“Well, yeah, I’m the CEO of a major corporation. That’s to be expected, Sunset.”

“If you would recall, the purpose of this gathering is to acknowledge a milestone in our sales numbers,” Pinkie explained, not a trace of joy in her voice as she straightened her suit jacket. “Not to have fun at a frivolous social event.”

Sunset could hardly believe what she was hearing. Working her jaw, she glanced around at everybody in shock. “Did you guys hear that? Pinkie Pie just said that the party isn’t supposed to be fun.”

“That, uh, is a bit off, now that you mention it,” voiced Flash as he scratched his chin.

Rainbow Dash’s brows furrowed. “Okay, yeah, that’s pretty fishy. Is she good?”

She didn’t want to believe it, but this was simply the last straw for Sunset. None of this added up, and now was the ideal time to pull back the curtain and confront Twilight. She wished she didn’t have to, that the Twilight today wasn’t so far gone from the girl she once knew to do what she’d suspected, but at this point, she had no choice but to accept it. An intervention was overdue. Corrupting the world’s morals with sex and legumes was one thing, but replacing her friends was another.

Taking a deep breath, burying the sadness in her chest for later, Sunset pointed a single finger dramatically at Pinkie, with all the flourish of a fictional attorney. “That’s not Pinkie Pie! You’ve supplanted her with a bean-based duplicate, Twilight!”

Rarity let out a huge gasp, holding a hand to her face.

“What,” uttered Gloriosa, uncomprehending.

Tempest blinked, tensing. “Is that even possible?”

“It is possible, and all the evidence points to that conclusion,” Sunset continued. “The drastic changes in personality, the mysterious green substance I found staining the corridors at HQ when she was injured by those assassins, Twilight’s unusually long hours spent in secret... It all adds up.”

“I-Is all that true, Twilight?” asked a thoroughly floored Flash.

“She has been acting quite differently of late,” Rarity noted, stroking her chin, having recovered and entered PI mode. “Including the questionable methods she uses to ensure market dominance. And, more concerningly, a lack of interest in you, Sunset.”

After glancing at Tempest in concern, Wallflower fidgeted, looking to Twilight and Pinkie fearfully. “I’ve had my suspicions. What with Tempest’s memory and everything…”

Spike, though, hopped off of Gloriosa, blinking in astonishment. “Wait, you girls all actually thought that talking houseplant was Pinkie? It smells literally nothing like her.”

There was a weighty silence throughout the room, everyone slowly shifting their stares from Spike to Pinkie and Twilight.

And then Twilight began to laugh.

Slowly at first, merely a chuckle. This, however, slowly built into a full-blown belly laugh. Sunset’s eyes - and everyone else’s - widened in shock as licks of teal flame began to form around Twilight’s own eyes.

“It seems we’ve been found out at last,” Twilight said, a malicious grin splitting her cheeks. “But you’re much too late. The girl you once knew is almost totally dead and buried.”

“It’s Midnight Sparkle!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, bristling. Sunset was paralyzed, hating that she’d been proven right.

The person which had once been Twilight shook her head, rising to her feet. “Not quite. My plans are on the cusp of their final stage. CYAMITES, the ritual, all are coming to fruition. The barrier will be breached in full within moments, the point of no return crossed. And Beanis Inc will take on its true role at last.”

Applejack stepped forwards, cracking her knuckles. “Not if we stop you first!”

Calmly, Pinkie Pie, or whatever thing was posing as her, followed suit. “You will fail,” she stated, matter-of-factly.

However, they didn’t even get the opportunity to muster their old magic and put that to the test. For the television, the one they’d been watching earlier, let out a congratulatory jingle. The counter had reached its target: one billion beanises sold.

There was a tremendous flash of light as Midnight’s magic flared in a way unlike anything Sunset had ever seen. She was forced to shield her eyes from the intense light, and when the glare dissipated, beans were beginning to flood the room, erupting from all over Midnight’s glowing body in multiple streams. Everyone was blasted backwards as they were buffeted by hard, uncooked beans, from lima and kidney to black and string.

Only when Sunset was knee-deep in protein did the glow fade, and her breath caught in her throat at what she saw. Twilight looked almost nothing like her former self, hovering near the ceiling. Her eyes and hair were surrounded by an aura of coppery magic, the color of barbeque sauce. Her outfit had been replaced by a bright green tube dress that left little to the imagination, including a substantially enlarged bust. Wings shaped like bean pods extended from her back, and her chin had practically tripled in size. Topping it all off was a regal crown of golden beans that did little to keep her magically billowing hair in check. Inset in the crown were five bean-shaped gemstones of different shapes and colors, each glowing with unearthly light.

“I... am... Beanos!” she declared, making a fist that throbbed with power. “And it is time at last for the beans to conquer this world of apes!”

Before Sunset, or anybody else, could even cry out, Beanos snapped her fingers. She and the fake Pinkie vanished with the telltale pop-flash of teleportation magic just before a geode-fueled Rainbow flew through the space she’d just occupied, crash landing into the sea of beans. Spike breached the surface, coughing, as the others were all rendered immobile from disbelief.

Moments later, Rainbow pulled herself up, shaking the beans out of her clothes, and glared at everybody else. “What are you ladies all just standing around for? We have to go after her!”

Dash had a point. Despite how shaken she seemed to be, Sunset took a long, deep breath, and did what she’d been trying to do for years: take control of the situation, recreate order from chaos. Addressing the room, she filled her voice with what confidence she could. “First, we need to regroup! Call Fluttershy, Princess Twilight, Starlight, whoever you think would help us out with this! We’ll meet them at the portal by CHS!”

After a beat, all present understood, all responding with some variation of “Right!”

With Rainbow zooming into the lead, Sunset and the others weren’t far behind, and they waded through the layer of beans and out of the den, all notion of partying abandoned. They elbowed past a baffled Velvet and Night Light without wasting time answering their questions, instead bursting out the door.

They all filed into their respective choice modes of transportation, from Applejack’s truck to Rarity’s luxury sedan, except Dash, who opted for her magically assisted, hyper fast running speed. Gloriosa and Wallflower, in passenger’s seats, whipped out their phones, calling and texting with all the speed they could muster. Sunset, for her part, straddled her trusty motorcycle, gunning the engine. One after the other, with the screech of burning rubber, they blazed out of the driveway, and then the cul-de-sac, heedless of traffic safety laws.

As Sunset rode, merging onto a wide thoroughfare and zig-zagging through traffic, what had been temporarily suppressed rose back to the surface of her mind on a tide of urgency. It had all happened so fast… Sunset could hardly believe it. In one fell swoop, Twilight was gone, and in her place, one of the most terrible villains she had ever encountered. Part of her, deep in her chest, ached terribly. No amount of beans was worth sacrificing all your friends.

Sunset had no clue exactly what exactly Twilight had planned, but there was no way it was anything good, with how her magic had felt. It had been an unnatural thing, even more perverse than dark magic, as if it wasn’t even from Equestria at all, but some incomprehensible realm far beyond. And Sunset dreaded that she’d need something surpassing the power of friendship to fight back. Though she couldn’t imagine herself being able to reach that level anytime soon, even when pushed to her limits.

While she and the others drove, a determined procession, Sunset’s thoughts continued to spiral into greater and greater anguish. Only when they were about halfway to CHS did something change, snapping Sunset back to the present. It was a chime, pleasant but loud enough to be heard over the roar of her bike’s engine. The chime echoed all around, and all the televisions visible through the window of an electronics store up ahead suddenly had their channels change. All of them now displayed the smiling face of Twi— of Beanos. Seeing the twisted mockery of her friend, Sunset braked hard, pulling over, the others doing the same.

Sunset looked on with bated breath as Beanos began to speak, her tone just as ‘soothing’ as the chime had been. “Hello, people of Earth. This is Beanos, the unchained founder of Beanis Inc. Our company is now undertaking a revolutionary new initiative to improve your quality of life in all areas not previously enhanced by our products.”

How was she even doing this? Had she somehow hacked every device on the planet? Reaching into her pocket, Sunset’s dread redoubled when she confirmed that even her custom-encrypted phone was showing the visage of Beanos.

“To do this,” she continued, “we are employing various new means of conveying beans into your hearts and minds, such as the beanships which will soon be descending upon your homes. Please do not resist; you’ll thank me later. Try anyway, and you will be met with force. Just let my elite teams of beandroids do their jobs. As they are not human, they cannot be reasoned with.”

Here, Beanos’ smile widened. “I know you will all be just as satisfied with our new service as you have been by all our other past wares. Enjoy your bean new world!” Then the message cut out, all the screens returning to normal.

Sunset reeled. Beandroids? Is that what the fake-Pinkie was? An android, built from legumes? She had no clue what a beanship was, but she’d bet her jacket they weren’t harmless.

“I take it everyone saw that?”

That was Rarity, leaning out her open driver’s side window. In the next lane over, Tempest Shadow, from the backseat of AJ’s truck, replied bluntly. “Yes. I have a bad feeling about this. Really bad.”

Knowing others shared her sentiments was little comfort for Sunset. But wallowing in doubt would accomplish nothing. “Then let’s keep moving,” Sunset confirmed, revving her engine once more. “The sooner we group up, the better.”

Their group was not the only one reacting with urgency to the message. Zipping through the streets, an ominous wind tugging at what hair remained exposed under her helmet, other citizens of Canterlot City were beginning to panic. While still in the minority, most pedestrians either confused or indifferent, they were nevertheless present. Some packed their belongings, ushering loved ones indoors, or fled in their own cars. Sunset ached to reassure them, but the most pressing issue needed to be addressed first.

Eventually, they all made it to CHS, the high school campus nearly deserted, as it was a weekend. Peeling into the lot, Sunset, Wallflower, Tempest, Flash, Applejack, Rarity, and Spike all converged on the statue portal. Rainbow was already there, her shoes smoking slightly as she shared an embrace with Fluttershy.

Sunset caught the tail end of Rainbow’s latest sentence. “— get Little T somewhere safe?”

Fluttershy nodded, worry in her eyes. “I left her with Chrysalis. She’s a decent sitter, actually.”

“Good,” Rainbow sighed with relief. “Now I can focus on pounding Beanos’ traitorous ass. And not in the fun way.”

Floating in the air next to them was the translucent form of the company specter, ancient anugyptian garb and all. All three turned to face Sunset and the other arrivals upon hearing their rushing steps. “What took you so long?” Somnambula quipped.

“We can’t all just appear wherever we want, babe,” Flash sighed. “Still, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Wait, just Fluttershy and Somnambula showed up? Where’s everybody else?” asked Gloriosa.

“I’m still worried about Pinkie Pie,” added Rainbow, pulling away from her baby mama. “How long has it been since she was replaced? On top of dealing with whatever Beanos is up to, we have to find the real Pinkie, too!”

Shit, Sunset hadn’t even thought of that. She bit her lip. This was a tall order, but at least there were more than seven girls on the job this time.

Then, as if on cue, the portal rippled with motion, and Starlight Glimmer stepped through, no longer wobbly from the transition due to practice.

“Hey, it’s Starlight,” Tempest noted audibly.

“Glad I could make it,” Starlight began, looking this way and that for signs of havoc. “I got the message about Beanos; this all seems pretty dire. Probably the final stage of the game, would be my guess.”

“This isn’t a joke, Starlight! People could get seriously hurt!” Fluttershy exclaimed.

Starlight rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, Simulation-Shy. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” Sunset said, placatingly. “Starlight will be a huge help. I hope. We still don’t know what we’re up against.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty convenient to the narrative that Beanos’ army hasn’t shown up yet.”

Everyone’s heads whipped around to face the familiar new voice. It was Pinkie, totally naked for some reason and skipping towards the group. There was a collective gasp.

“Pinkie Pie! Darling, are we happy to see you!” Rarity exclaimed. “But, it would probably be best if you put some clothes on.” Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a set of racy, crimson lingerie and handed it to Pinkie, who put it on in a flash.

Flash himself ceased averting his eyes, tossing the still scantily-clad girl his sweatshirt, which she donned in one smooth motion. “I wasn’t about to complain, but thanks!” Pinkie exclaimed.
However, Pinkie wasn’t the only fresh arrival, four other women had been following behind her, and now that they were within recognition distance, Sunset and company’s surprise only increased; it was the Dazzlings and Trixie.

“Oh, joy, these guys again,” deadpanned Wallflower.

Adagio Dazzle sauntered up with a hand on her hips and a condescending smirk. “If it isn’t the old song-and-dance team, back at their former stomping grounds like the naive, stupid children they are.”

Before anybody could rebuke Adagio, Aria spoke up. “Hey, Princess,” she said with a grin, waving once Rarity’s way. Sonata, meanwhile, just seemed satisfied to be included.

“The Beanslayers are here to help clean up your mess!” Trixie declared, with a swish of her cape. No, she had not grown out of it, or stopped wearing it regularly, much to Sunset’s bafflement.

Really noticing her for the first time, Starlight’s face lit up. “Oh, hey, it’s Trixie! Awesome!”

The woman in question blinked at Starlight. “Do I know you?”

“No, but I know you. And damn, this reality did a good job. You’re just as cute and sexy as mare Trixie.” Then, Starlight leaned in and kissed her full on the mouth. With tongue.

This led to a Totally Stunned and Slightly Aroused Trixie. She spared a glance towards her ex, Wallflower, before smiling in approval at Starlight, drinking her in. “You know what? Trixie can work with this.”

“Anyway,” coughed Sunset, desperate to change the subject, “What are you four even doing here?”

“Oh, we were all going to go spy on your operation some more, but the Beanis building was totally gone!” Sonata exclaimed. “There’s nothing but a humongous, empty crater, now. Pinkie Pie was just sorta lying there, unconscious and exposed. Good thing nobody unsavory found her first, right?”

“When we woke her up, the crazy broad immediately led us here with no explanation as to how or why,” finished Aria. “So, typical Pinkie, from what I understand.”

“Is that even the actual Pinkie?” asked Applejack. “I don’t rightly know what to believe anymore.”

“She’s real,” chimed in Spike, who was busy running around their ankles. “Everybody here is. Side note: I could really go for some beef jerky right about now.”

Ignoring his second comment, Somnambula chimed in with “Even me, probably!”

“That’s a relief,” Fluttershy exhaled.

Was this how today was going to be? One inane yet somehow still dangerous turn after the next? Sunset agreed with Fluttershy, in that Pinkie being fine was a huge load off (not that kind, god no), but she still had Beanos to worry about. She sighed, hoping Adagio and her sisters wouldn’t make things worse, disclaimers aside. This cruel monster possessing her friend was going to pose a nigh impossible challenge regardless.

“Wait, Aria, darling, didn’t you have a falling-out with your sisters a while back?” Rarity asked, sharing Sunset’s concerns. “What are you doing with them?”

“I bumped into them after trying to convince Juniper to help. She passed on the second life-or-death adventure. As for my bitch family…” Glancing over her shoulder at Adagio and Sonata, neither of whom seemed to mind the insult, Aria rolled her eyes. “Eh, we got over it. That wasn’t the first time we beat eachother to a bloody pulp, or even the worst. We sent a couple of polynesian island nations to war for that once. Water under the bridge.”

Adagio nodded. “There are others desperately in need of a good spanking, now.”

“And we couldn’t reach the rest of the Beanslayers in all this chaos,” Sonata added. “Those guys were weird anyway.”

Before Sunset could process this, however, an ominous whirring noise cut through the air like a knife. Sunset spun to face the source of the noise, and she nearly choked. Impossible may have been the correct assessment. For all the lights in the sky were beans.

High above the towers of the city, descending like angels of death from on high, were multiple huge, bright green, bean-shaped aircraft. Or possibly even spacecraft, because those rear-facing jet engines were quite wide. Either way, the nature of these machines’ construction - these beanships - was as inscrutable as their terrifying, solar backlit silhouettes.

Only one was close enough for her to make out further details, as it came to halt above the next block over. Alongside the cockpit on the front, there were multiple heavy weapons emplacements with a variety of gun barrel sizes, such things only serving one purpose: eliminate. Rooted to the spot, Sunset gawked as a large hatch unfolded from the concave underside into a long ramp.

Down the ramp emerged row after row of soldiers, clad in blocky white body armor from head to toe, matching rifles in their hands. Their helmets were almost perfect cubes, save a pair of menacing black slits for their eyes.

It was Tempest who reacted first. “Take cover!” she ordered.

About half of the impromptu team was already doing that, and the others quickly followed suit, diving behind the statue, the cars, or some nearby benches. Sunset snapped herself back to the present and followed suit.

“Okay, now what in the name of all that is holy are those things?” asked Gloriosa, pointing at the soldiers.

“Beandroids. Wherever Twilight was keeping me locked up had a bunch. Though with all their gear, they look more like knockoff stormtroopers than robots to me,” said Pinkie.

“We should totally call ‘em Curd Grunts,” Dash insisted. “Because they look like their heads are made of tofu. And curd rhymes with turd.”

“It doesn’t matter what they’re called if they kill us,” pointed out Flash. “I, for one, would like to not die today!”

Sunset shared that sentiment, electing to wait and see what they were going to do before making a plan of attack. As they continued to march inexorably forwards as a unit, off to the side, across the road, people began to scream and run from the approaching force. Well, save for one incredibly suspicious woman wearing what could only be described as a cultist’s cloak. Checking beneath her hood, Sunset’s eyes widened; she looked exactly like Starlight, but with a different hairstyle.

Her steps dragging with hopelessness, she dropped to her knees and wept, arms sagging at her sides. “It’s all over. We failed. ‘When the planet overflows with a billion beanises, the founder shall become hell’s messenger, and the world as we know it will be destroyed.’ The prophecy... is fulfilled at last.”

“Oh, there’s Glimmer,” went Trixie, following Sunset’s gaze. “Eh, I like the new one better anyway.”

Once the beandroids were within range, they raised their weapons and opened fire on the other Starlight, cutting her ravings off. But instead of unleashing a spray of blood on contact like normal bullets, these seed-shaped ones, once they struck her, sprouted into a small network of twitching stems and vines, which quickly wrapped around and up towards her head before growing into her skull. Sunset could only watch as cultist-Starlight screamed in agony. Moments later, her pained shouts faded, along with the gleam of sentience behind her eyes. Slowly, she stood, moaning. “Beans… beans… beans…”

Oh sweet Celestia, they were going to brainwash the whole city, Sunset realized with dread. No, Beanos really was trying to overtake the whole planet. Free will would be erased, subsumed by the fell voices of the beans. Truly, a fate worse than death.

Overhead, the beanships began to fire wide sprays of seed bullets down on anybody caught out in the open, converting large numbers of innocent bystanders into servants of Beanos in the same way as the Curd Grunts’ weapons did. The indiscriminate carnage brought back bad memories for Sunset, and made her sick to her stomach.

However, behind the bed of the truck, Tempest was having an even worse reaction. Her normally stoic eyes darted about frantically, her mouth open slightly in shock as she trembled. “I-I remember now. I remember everything. This… this is the same. Exactly what I was sent back to the past to prevent. And I completely failed. Beanos fucking supressed my memories.”

Not sure what to say to comfort her, Wallflower settled on simply holding Tempest’s hand as the sounds of gunfire, rocket engines, and sheer hysteria raging around them.

Adagio, though, had a very different reaction. “I hate to say this,” she began, in a tone which very much implied the opposite, “but I fucking told you so.”

“You can gloat all you want about Twilight’s choices later! First, we fight them off!” Rainbow Dash cried out.

“How? They have guns. And it’s not like I’ll be able to talk the nearby critters into helping,” Fluttershy said. “The poor things are surely scared shitless.”

“Most people would be losing their minds right about now,” Sunset intoned. “But we’re made of sterner stuff. Or just numb. Probably the latter, honestly.”

Rarity, meanwhile, brainstormed aloud. “If push comes to shove, I can deploy my shields. I’m unsure if they’re bulletproof, but one must be willing to take risks to come out ahead.”

“Test it with Sonata first,” quipped Adagio.

“Hey!” Sonata protested. “You know I mostly don’t want to die anymore!”

“Well, somebody do something,” Pinkie insisted. “Dashie over there looks just about ready to bolt!”

Suddenly, the squealing of tires on asphalt heralded another set of vehicles, this time a small fleet of black SUVs with tinted windows. They spun into the enemy lines like wrecking balls, greenish ooze seeping from the battered beandroids that got run over. With war cries, men and women burst out of the SUVs, brandishing all manner of weapons, from sawed-off shotguns and old revolvers to tomahawks and military surplus bandoliers of hand grenades. The only common thread between them were the bandannas wrapped around their heads: yellow in color, with a pattern of triangles.

Using zeal and teamwork, the mystery militia began to trade fire with the beandroids, keeping them pinned down. Simultaneously, a second set of SUVs rolled up directly to Sunset and crew, nearly crashing into the statue in the process, and more fighters got out.

The one in front’s window rolled down, revealing a stern-looking woman bearing an uncanny resemblance to Twilight, save for her coloration. She wore a large, golden triangle around her neck. “I’ll cut to the chase: the only way we win against Beanos is if you people get in,” she declared.

“Huh? Who the hell is this!?” questioned Gloriosa.

“Moondancer,” she replied, narrowing her eyes. “AKA: your last hope.”

“Ooh, how dramatic,” Sonata intoned. “Typical Moondancer. I’ll go! Nothing quite as fun as being dragged off by a suspicious individual, I say!” In fact, she was already moving.

“Like you’re not suspicious,” deadpanned Trixie.

“For once, I agree with Sonata,” said Aria. “Past conflicts aside, what have we got to lose? We don’t have much of a choice if we want to avoid being brainwashed. And as somebody who used to be able to do that: being on the receiving end isn’t pleasant.”

Starlight actually beamed. “This is clearly an event prompt! You definitely go along for the ride on these; the results are always cool.”

“Sunset? What do you think?” Applejack asked, used to Sunset serving as the voice of reason in a sea of insanity.

Sunset brushed her bangs out of her face, mind spinning with pros and cons. Without much time to deliberate, the crisis more than urgent, she fell back on the evidence she could see: that Moondancer’s people seemed more prepared for Beanos than they had been. Plus, Sunset had a gut feeling that this new mirror of Twilight would prove her undoing, somehow. “I say we do what she tells us and go with her.”

“If you say so,” went Flash, already moving. Rainbow grumbled under her breath, but followed Flash anyway, Fluttershy trailing after her.

“Awesome, a car ride with a new lady!” Spike exclaimed, bounding along too. “Let’s keep moving forward!”

Adagio, meanwhile, snorted. “Well, if Sunset’s going, then I’m staying. My vocal chords could use the workout,” she added, cackling.

Rarity’s hand on her shoulder pulled away an exasperated Aria as they got ready to go. With everything decided, Sunset herself slid into a seat, along with Flash, Gloriosa, and Somnambula. Starlight dragged Trixie along, and Wallflower led Tempest, having finished consoling her.

Sunset tugged her jacket collar into shape. This was going to be a long day, packed with more hardship than ever before. But with friendship - and maybe a bit of firepower - she’d help blaze a trail to victory, fix everything. No matter what happened in the past, from high school adventures to corporate supremacy, their only path now was to build on that and continue forward.

Chapter 2

Moondancer took Sunset to the last place she would have expected, one she’d hoped never to set foot in again: the original Beanis headquarters. Now abandoned, it had deteriorated back into the state Twilight had first discovered it years ago, that of a seedy, derelict warehouse. This had been the turning point, her first time here. The moment when she’d originally realized there was no stopping the madness. Being supporting, clinging to those five girls who had been the lifeline that hoisted her out of her own folly. At the time, it had seemed the only option. But, well, look how that turned out. So, it was with trepidation that Sunset stepped out of the SUV, trailing behind everyone else.

“We’re back here? Why?” Applejack asked, her foot tapping impatiently, almost anxiously. “There’s nothing left, I helped move it all out!” Sunset joined the others in echoing her confusion.

“Not exactly. Now, this is our base of operations,” Moondancer explained, already walking inside at a brisk pace. Her arms were crossed behind her back. “After our initial plan was thwarted, I and the rest of the New Pythagorians merely wished to uncover any further clues which might lead to the total destruction of all Twilight had built. Instead, we found something which allowed for a more… direct approach.”

When she didn’t elaborate, Sunset kept silent, figuring what she’d meant would become apparent soon enough. However, when they arrived at the room which contained The Couch, still unclean and untouched, she couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow in scepticism.

Pinkie, however, giggled uncertainty, tugging at her shirt. “Not that I wouldn’t mind a quickie, but how is having sex going to help us get Twilight back to her usual level of crazy?”

“It won’t,” Moondancer said, bravely pushing it aside to reveal an honest to god secret hatch. Why was Sunset not surprised? “What’s down here, though, will,” Moondancer finished.

“Oh, duh, the evil lair!” Pinkie exclaimed with a facepalm. “I should’ve thought of that first!”

Beneath the hatch was a laboratory of the concealed variety, the tables emptied. Moondancer revealed an elevator hidden in the far wall, and they all crammed inside like sardines to fit, Spike jumping onto Sunset’s shoulder to avoid being trampled. Despite the ongoing catastrophe outside, four of the couples present - Flutterdash, Wallshadow, Raria, and Startrix - couldn’t help but blush to various degrees at the physical contact, murmuring reassurances to their significant others. Meanwhile, Somnambula just laughed, hovering above Flash. Sunset, for her part, rolled her eyes, bending a hand up to pet Spike. It was weirdly pleasant, having him sitting there. Reassuring. Maybe because he basically hadn't changed at all since they’d met. Maybe she could fix this after all. Though it would take a miracle.

Then the elevator doors opened back up, and Sunset’s jaw fell open as she stumbled into a massive underground bunker. Turns out, there were several miracles. And they’d arrived in the form of what could only be described as fifty foot tall weaponized robots, no two alike. The sight of them prompted a chorus of gasps, not the least of which came from Sunset’s lips.

“Okay, now I know this world can’t be real,” Starlight declared.

Aria whistled, eyeing the shiny new toys. “Now I no longer regret not taking a nail bat.”

“This is a joke, right? Nobody else here has seen Eva, right?” Fluttershy tentatively asked, blinking rapidly.

“I don’t think so, Fluttershy. This is actually happening,” answered Flash, tentatively. “I’m banging a ghost chick who is possibly my distant ancestor on the regular. Anything goes at this point.”

Moondancer simply stepped forwards, turning around to face her gawking audience. “These mecha were here when I discovered this chamber, in an unfinished state. Using the organization's pooled resources and my technical expertise, I managed to complete them mere days ago. Now, they are our best chance at ending Beanos,” she proclaimed, her expression grim with vengeful intent. “And, since you people are partially responsible for this, you’re going to pilot them.”

“We get to drive those? How novel!” Somnambula beamed. “I suppose I could possess one rather easily, like an especially large golem, skeleton, or fleshlight.”

“Yeah, alright, but why are they here?” Sunset asked. “Twilight and I were pretty close, and she never told me about this. Why hide it? This seems more sane than what she ended up devoting herself to instead.”

Moondancer faced Sunset and shrugged. “I’m not sure. The only thing left with them were barely annotated blueprints. The closest thing to a reason I found in writing was ‘chicks dig giant robots’.”

“They say that? ‘Cause I dunno about all this,” said Dash, looking between Moondancer and the assembled mecha sceptically. “They’re cool and all, but I think we’re still better off ponying up and going at it the old fashioned way.” With a smirk, Rainbow punched her opposite palm for emphasis.

“Moreover, how do we even know we can trust you?” Rarity asked, staring imperiously down her nose. “You threatened my girlfriend before, Moondancer, and you operate out of a Beanis Inc building. For all I know, you could be working with Beanos, those robots being elaborate booby traps. And not the fun kind.”

Before Moondancer could reply, Wallflower cleared her throat, powering through the resulting attention. “Well, I trust her. I remember seeing her here once. From what I saw… her heart is in the right place, I think.”

Tempest nodded firmly. “I’m with Wallflower. If she trusts you, I do too.” Her eyes narrowed menacingly. “Plus, we need these robots if we’re going to stop what happened to my future from happening again.”

“Indeed.”

Sunset’s head whipped around towards the source of the new voice, one that she vaguely recalled from a lifetime ago. But there was only a shadow, cast by the harsh fluorescent lights shining above the mecha. Until there wasn’t, a commanding blue silhouette stepping forwards. Sunset’s eyes widened. There was face she hadn’t thought she’d see again.

Pinkie inhaled in suitably overblown fashion. “Vice-Principal Luna? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here too!” went a second voice. A splotchy-skinned boy who had to still be in high school judging from his waifish appearance leaned out from behind one robot’s leg. He shared a friendly wave.

Luna ignored them all, her mouth in a line, arms crossed. “Beanos is launching her assault on mankind from the bridge of her Fathership, currently in geosynchronous orbit above our heads. These machines are safe enough, and, more importantly, spaceworthy. This truly is the only path to salvation.”

While Sunset was busy processing the fact that Twilight had apparently built a god damn spaceship, Moondancer shot Luna and the schoolboy displeased scowls before sighing. “The intruder is right. You cannot oppose Beanos with whatever ‘magic’ you possess; hers is far greater, now. Even if you can fly, you would never survive in the vacuum of space.”

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to retort before slowly closing it with a grumble.

“Then it seems our course of action is decided,” Rarity said, hips cocked, hand pointed to the heavens. “We charge into battle head-on, no obstacle—”

“People are dying, probably! We ain’t got no time for theatrics!” Applejack exclaimed. “Let’s get strapped in an’ get moving!”

Sonata bounced in place, clapping her hands. “Ooh, I can’t wait! This is gonna be more wild than that decade I spent as a rampagey murder viking!”

At this, Gloriosa balked, Sonata not helping to calm her clearly rattled nerves. “For once, I’m not sure I’ve got this.”

“These are complex devices; each requires two pilots,” Moondancer interjected. “So pair up, pick a robot, and get inside. I will be joining you, of course. Like hell I’m missing the chance to destroy everything that witch has built.”

“Let’s go!” Tempest proclaimed, already marching forwards, Wallflower trailing off behind her with a quieter “Wait up!”

Meanwhile, Trixie huffed. “The Great and Powerful Trixie does not approve of this particular development. How is she supposed to prove her unrivaled magnificence in the arena of combat if she is saddled with a copilot?”

Starlight smirked and shook her head. “If you help save the world, I think people will appreciate you regardless. But if it helps, I can’t stay in the aftermath to take credit anyway. How’s that sound?”

Trixie grabbed her hand and shook it. “Deal!”

In short order, everyone was scoping out their mecha of choice among the mostly humanoid options. Tempest led Wallflower to the most practical-seeming of the bunch, a squat, army green robot with heavy armor plating and an arsenal of firearms hooked onto its side and back for later use. Its three head-mounted scope lenses stood out. Trixie and Starlight quickly settled on a more flamboyant mecha in yellow, complete with a giant star on its chest and spiralling silver trim.

Hand in hand, Rarity and Aria approached a tall, amethyst robot, its sharp edged, lithe frame equal parts elegant and foreboding. As they did, a reluctant Flash was pushed by Somnambula towards the one shaped like a black and tan sphinx with shoulder mounted machine guns, the matching aesthetic almost too convenient.

Fluttershy looked like she wanted to go with her baby daddy, judging by the lingering looks sent Dash’s way, but acquiesced to Pinkie’s pleading eyes. They climbed into the most comically tragic ‘bot, in that it looked like the centuries-old masks of comedy and tragedy fused side by side, but with legs and painted two shades of pink. Applejack and Gloriosa were drawn towards a specimen that looked more like a treefolk from out of a fantasy novel, plucked from its forest in mid-autumn, than anything artificial. Even Luna and her tag-along got kitted out, taking a mecha that looked like a vampire bat crossed with a bright blue supersonic jet, plus a pair of scythe arms thrown on for good measure.

Lastly, Moondancer walked purposefully towards a rotund mecha made of what looked like glass but was certainly stronger, the transparent material exposing complex mechanisms within. Shrugging, Sonata skipped after her.

But Sunset didn’t move from her spot. She stared at the towering weapons with hesitance. She didn’t mind the violence. Heck, she reigned as the uncontested champion of the blood dome for months. The thought of using them to fight Twilight, though, the very girl she’d liberated from a malevolent state, with lethal force…

Sunset jolted as Spike suddenly spoke up, resting a paw on her cheek. “We’re going to get Twilight back. You saved her before, and you’ll save her again,” he declared. There wasn’t a trace of doubt in his voice.

Sunset wasn’t sure she still deserved such faith, but smiled nonetheless. “Thanks, Spike.”

Taking a deep breath, Sunset returned her focus to the present. The only other face left on the concrete floor was Rainbow’s, and hers happened to be scrunched up in annoyance.

“What’s wrong?” Sunset asked.

“None of these robots really speak to me, ya know? They aren’t sexy enough,” Rainbow huffed.

Actually, as Sunset looked again, she realized that all of the mecha appeared to be taken. The ones posed in the center of the room, at least. However, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted something, a large grey shape hunched up against the side wall between piles of loose parts. She pointed. “What about that one?”

Moondancer’s ears must have been sharp, as she heard her question from halfway up to the cockpit and paused, shouting back. “That one? I built it to spec, but it doesn’t work. It didn’t call for a nuclear power core like the others, and I couldn’t figure out how it was supposed to run. If you can get it started, be my guest. Otherwise, I suppose you two’ll have to join back up with the militia.”

Never one to back down from a technological challenge, Sunset nodded, already walking over to it. “Sure.”

“Wait, really? But it’s scuffed up and not even painted!” Dash protested.

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Oh, just come on.”

Rainbow grumbled, but trailed after Sunset anyway as she moved to examine the grey mecha. She pried open both hatches after some finagling and applied force, the two pilot seats in the head and lower torso. Rainbow immediately called dibs on the head, but as Sunset looked them over, she spied a notable difference which called that into question. The torso seat featured a conspicuous circular slot right in front of the chair, ringed by bands of unlit LEDs. She had a theory. It was completely ridiculous, and in no way sensible. In short, exactly the sort of thing a bean-addled Twilight would come up with. And testing it wouldn’t take much.

As she pushed past a protesting Rainbow to make for the head, Sunset called out. “Hey, Fluttershy? Could you come over here for a sec?”

From across the room, Fluttershy blinked owlishly. “Oh. Okay, sure?”

Sunset was strapped in by the time Fluttershy reached them, idly rubbing Dash’s shoulders as she looked up at Sunset in confusion. “Do you need something?”

“As a matter of fact, I do,” Sunset confirmed. She couldn’t believe she was about to say this, but… “I need you to make Dash horny. Shouldn’t be hard.”

“What?” they both exclaimed.

Sunset smirked a bit. “Yes, you heard correctly. I’ve got a stupid hunch.”

They stared, first at Sunset, then at eachother. Eventually, Fluttershy shrugged, addressing Rainbow. “Alright, honey. So, um, I know I’ve been keeping our activities below the belt since Fizzlepop was born. Which means it’s been a while since you’ve seen these, right?” she rhetorically asked, already unbuttoning her blouse. “They’ve gotten a bit bigger, I think.”

Sunset averted her eyes, but could still hear Rainbow’s overjoyed cry and the accompanying straining zipper once Fluttershy had fully bared herself. “Great! Now then, go stick it in that hole over there.”

There was a pause. “In Fluttershy?” went Rainbow.

Sunset sighed. “No, in the robot.”

She could almost taste Rainbow’s disappointment as the dick-toting woman sighed and did as instructed, taking a seat. Then, lining her crotch up with the mysterious hole, she thrust forwards.

There was a sudden blast of light, and the mecha burst to life. As the LEDs shone like a rainbow, it shot to its feet, legs extending with a snap as they transformed into their full glory, sparks crackling between the joints. Then came the arms, one after the other, aerodynamic lines springing forth. Cyan armor plates emerged on the shoulders in the shape of lightning bolts, everything else suddenly gleaming crimson. Abs harder than steel flexed into being. Sculpted facial features grew bolder, now surrounded by a corona of back-pointed, prismatic spikes.

Throughout this process, Sunset’s smile slowly grew, her hands gripping the controls, pulled by a primal thrill. The freshly galvanized robot clicked like an extension of her body. Sunset couldn’t help but pose dramatically, alloy arms wide, and shout for all to hear: “Rise up! Exenn Om Fetrum!”

As the spectacle resonated in all directions - along with flying mechanical parts from the pile - it took a moment for anyone else to speak, the first to do so being Spike. Everyone else was unable, as their jaws hung open. “Woah, cool! Is that this guy’s name? What’s it mean?”

“It’s Old Ponish for ‘maximum kickass’.”

“Really?”

Sunset laughed. “No, it just came to me. I like the sound of it, though.”

“Holy shit,” Aria stated matter-of-factly, dumbfounded. “That’s no magic I’ve ever seen.”

“Woo! Go Sunset and Dashie!” Pinkie exclaimed, all smiles.

“I almost wish we were still dating…” Flash muttered, breathless.

“No wonder I never managed to get it working, with a power source like that.” Moondancer noted.

Starlight doubled over in a fit of laughter. “It - haha - actually runs on Rainbow’s big dick energy!”

Gloriosa hummed. “Yeah, I buy that. She certainly knew how to get my motor running.”

“Not that I mind this topic of discussion,” began Tempest, “but can we please get back to stopping armageddon?”

This prompted a chorus of agreement, and all present recentered to the task at hand, Fluttershy also covering herself back up, settling into their own controls. Sunset took a moment to examine hers more carefully. The solid metal in front of her had concealed a large screen, with a nearly all-around view of her surroundings. If somebody else spoke, a small view of their cockpit popped up in her peripheral vision, allowing for easy audiovisual communication. Suddenly, Sunset remembered she should probably check on Dash. “Uh, hey, are you okay down there, Rainbow?”

Currently, the eyes of the most beddable woman alive were rolled back in bliss. Being addressed directly, however, snapped her out of it a tad. “Mmm, what? Oh, uh, right, battle stuff. Give me a bit to get used to this; it’s like I’m b-being milked on a whole ‘nother level. Then I’ll be ready for action, totally.”

Luna coughed politely, turning aside in her seat. “Well, while we wait, it would probably be prudent to establish callsigns. You two - er, three - can be Exenn.”

“An excellent idea!” Trixie proclaimed. “This chariot shall have a name almost as magnificent as mine!”

Once everybody was fully prepared, both to drive their respective mecha and with a name, they took turns sounding off.

“Twin Pink, all systems pink!” Pinkie confirmed, prompting a chuckle from Fluttershy.

Somnambula, fused into the circuitry, went next. “Sharuum is eager to pounce.” Flash gave a thumbs-up.

“Nightreach, standing by,” said Luna, composed as a soldier. The kid with her just looked happy to be included.

“The Hittin’ Tree is ripe,” said Applejack, as Gloriosa fidgeted a little.

Wallflower, meanwhile, was the opposite of hesitant, to Tempest’s delight. “Memgaryen’s gonna pound those abominations into the dirt!”

As Aria cracked her knuckles, Rarity grinned. “Let the curtains rise for Blazing Lady’s debut!”

“Well, you’ll make a fine opening act for the Great Star-Trizer!” Trixie added. Starlight remained amused.

“BTG, comin’ at ya!” went Sonata, as Moondancer pressed a button on a small remote, triggering a rumble on the far end of the ceiling, sunlight spilling through as the path to the outside slowly opened.

This was it: no holds barred, no turning back, all or nothing, do or die. Nine titans of thunder versus Celestia knows how many bean-based adversaries. Sunset would not, could not fail. For Twilight. Mouth set in a line, she looked to Rainbow, who just smirked and nodded, before declaring “Exenn Om Fetrum, ready!”

With a collective shout of “Let’s go!”, everyone activated their machine’s rocket thrusters, back mounted engines roaring to life. One after another, they jetted through the fully opened ceiling gate, coming out over the parking lot. Forming up in the open air, Exenn took the lead, angling straight for the city center, and the bean-shaped craft assaulting it, smoke and greenery billowing upwards. Sunset and Rainbow punched it, and their ragtag squad zoomed into the fray.

Chapter 3

Sunset punched Exenn through the skies faster than any pegasus, desperate to protect those she could from whatever terrible things Beanos had planned for them. Rainbow Dash whooped with excitement as they cut through the clouds, beelining towards the green ovoid craft which still hovered above the city, slowly spreading outwards.

Behind them, the others began to ready their weapons, Sunset watching in her peripheral vision. Blazing Lady drew a long, thin blade with a flourish, its edge shining with white-hot plasma. Memgaryen snapped a magazine into an oversized sniper rifle, the lenses on its head rotating into alignment. Actually, that begged the question: what did Exenn have up its sleeves?

Pressing on a trigger, the logical place, she watched in surprise as a huge metal rod just sprung out of Exenn’s hand. It was certainly big enough to— aaand it was a cock. A big, solid cock, for thrusting. Sunset groaned.

“Woah, we get to fight with dicks? Talk about something I didn’t know I needed!” Dash exclaimed.

Taking a long, languid blink, Sunset supposed it could have been worse. As long as she disregarded the shape, Exenn could effectively generate its own supply of baseball bats. And Sunset happened to have plenty of practice brutalizing people with those. Yeah, she could work with this.

“So, what’s our strategy?” Tempest asked. “Phalanx, pincer attack, cavalry charge?”

“Too late, we’re coming in hot!” Applejack shouted.

“Split up and take down as many beanships and Curd Grunts as you can!” added Flash, now emboldened with uncommon certainty. “For Canterlot!”

Exenn and the other mecha were almost on top of Beanos’ forces now, and they definitely took notice, multiple beanships already angling their own artillery to intercept. Sunset guessed she was listening to Flash for once. With a collective battle cry, they reached the enemy lines, scattering up, down, left and right on jetfire contrails. But all rushed headlong into the fray.

Rainbow and Sunset were in subconscious agreement: save the civilians from the droids and their brainwashing first. Exenn dove towards the first cluster of white-armored ranks they saw, chasing a group of fleeing people as they shot ahead of them. Only a smattering of abandoned cars provided cover on the straight roadways, some Curd Grunts breaking off from their ranks to pursue those who tried fleeing down alleyways. None had yet been hit as Sunset watched.

She wouldn’t wait for that to change. They crashed to earth with a mighty boom, sticking a three point landing directly on top of a few unlucky grunts, splattering them to greenish-white paste beneath Exenn’s legs. “If you want to get to them, you’ll have to go through us!” Sunset declared, external speakers projecting her voice.

“Come get some!” Rainbow grinned wickedly. “Though I doubt you can take us.”

Sunset couldn’t see their expressions through their helmets as the Curd Grunts scattered for cover, weapons pointed at the new target. Exenn leapt forwards in pursuit, knocking aside lampposts, mailboxes, and anything else between it and Sunset’s foes. She swung to the side, smashing a grunt to pieces with a crunch. The others were firing on them now, but their bullets did little more than scratch the paint, the thin stems of the ensuing plant growth doing little more than slow Exenn down slightly.

“Like this’ll stop us!” Dash declared, and Sunset certainly agreed, not letting up as adrenaline flooded her veins. The world fell away: it was just her, the weapon, and her targets. Lunge forwards, stab. Twist, kick, backhanded slam. Two down, four, six, more. Protect, win.

A few bystanders stopped running and turned to stare in awe as Sunset cathartically pulverized dozens of the beandroids at a time, sending them flying into bricks or through windows with each swing of her steel phallus. Sunset distantly recognized a lamentful Lyra’s voice as she called after them. “No fair! Let me drive!”

She ignored her, totally in the zone, not allowing a single abominable soldier to escape her wrath. Soon, Sunset was dual-wielding her smashing cocks, crushing beandroids beneath her vengeful strikes left and right, the metal rapidly being coated in ooze.

Just as she was about to kill the last of them, though, Dash dropped Exenn into a dive roll, turning the momentum into movement. An instant later, an explosion went off right where they’d been standing, a large beanstalk already growing from the crater. Sunset gulped, turning Exenn’s head towards the source. A dropship had them in its sights, its cannon still smoking.

“Would’ve shouted a warning when I saw, but, well, you know,” Rainbow quipped. “No need to thank me.”

Yeah, that could have been bad, Sunset realized. At the same time, she was impressed Rainbow’s reflexes and awareness were both still so high, what with the constant stimulation to her junk. It was probably the frequent practice.

Still, now Sunset could set her sights higher, one step closer. Narrowing her eyes at the ship, she grunted an acknowledgement. Words could come later, now was the time for action. She and Rainbow launched Exenn upwards once more to meet the new threat.

Meanwhile, the others were busy fighting their own battles. Nightreach zoomed through the air with fluidity, aileron rolling around the attacks of a beanship as it closed in, slashing with its scythes as it passed. Smoke poured from the gashes, Nightreach already looping back for another pass. “I deal with teenagers for a living; this is nothing,” Luna quipped.

Blazing Lady was also airborne, squaring off against another ship. “Time to give this tacky legume-shaped thing a makeover!” Rarity exclaimed, blade outstretched.

As they charged, Blazing Lady was always one step ahead of the seed-shells, curving forwards at insane speeds. “You can’t hurt what you can’t hit,” Aria said, her smirk almost malicious. “Learned that from playing Tirek’s Revenge. Get rekt, noobs.”

But a single mighty slash, faster than the eye could follow, wasn’t enough to finish the job. Before Blazing Lady could return for another strike, a small, colorful shape zoomed right into the scar in the metal, detonating with a brilliant flash. The ship burst into flames as its engines died, plummeting to earth.

Floating off to the side, at the origin of the explosive’s arc, was the Great Star-Trizer, hands on its hips. “Trixie’s bombs are no longer mere items of illusion!” she laughed.

“Yes they are, Trixie,” Starlight deadpanned. Then, Star-Trizer turned, facing down another beanship. Hatches on its arms opened, and two more bombs rolled into its waiting palms. “Alright, Blazing Lady,” Starlight continued, “let’s go fuck up some more of these things!”

While those four eagerly resumed their efforts, Memgaryen went for the cautious approach, taking cover behind a skyscraper. Leaning around the side, Wallflower and Tempest took careful aim at the front viewport of the closest enemy craft. It wasn’t easy, especially mid flight, but they eventually got it in their sights, and let loose. With a loud thoom, the oversized bullet fired, shattering the hardened glass and the beandroid pilots behind it.

“We did it!” Wallflower exclaimed.

“Don’t get too excited,” Tempest said, reloading as she searched for their next target. “The fight’s only just begun.”

Down below, Sharuum pounced upon another group of Curd Grunts, literally. Its paws slashed back and forth as it leapt about, making mincetofu of the things like a cat in a rat’s nest.

“Sometimes, the best way to inspire hope in one’s allies is to instill fear in your foes,” Somnambula recited. “On that note: cower before me, pathetic worms!”

“Not you guys!” Flash added, addressing the citizens. “Just run! Though, actually, that could apply to the soldiers too…”

Nearby, the Pythagorean militia was locked in a firefight with more grunts outside a shopping mall, the two groups of fighters at a standstill. Adagio’s orange hair stood out like a beacon, drawing fire away from the others, the bullets passing through her afro harmlessly as she unleashed her regained siren powers on the Curd Grunts, the visible sound waves of her piercing screeches sending them flying. But for each one knocked away, more closed in.

And then BTG dropped smack dab in the middle, knocking aside a food truck. “Do not worry, my brothers and sisters; I have returned!” Moondancer exclaimed, drawing a cheer from the militiamen and militiawomen.

“Oh, there’s Dagi! Hi, Dagi!” Sonata greeted, waving BTG’s arm.

“Sonata? Who the hell let you in that thing?” Adagio asked, simultaneously baffled and a tad scared. “Eh, screw it, we needed the help.”

Sonata didn’t bother replying, as she was too busy making short work of the droids, BTG stomping them to bits. “Die, die, die!” she cackled. Moondancer wisely chose to ignore her.

Back in the sky, Hitting Tree looked woefully out of place, but nevertheless held its own against the beanships, alternating between throwing leaf-shaped laser shuriken and flying in to straight-up to clobber the hostile legumes with strong blows from its heavy arms.

Applejack barked out a laugh as they caved in the armor of their third vessel. “Shoot, this is just like weedin’ back at the greenhouse, but in reverse. And with robots. Not that hard, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Gloriosa nodded. “What a rush! It’s like having all the power I did at camp with none of the insanity!”

Returning to the present, Exenn Om Fetrum closed in on the ship above them, banking to avoid alignment with its gun barrels. Sunset cocked Exenn’s cock, swinging it against the green-painted alloy with a shout. The sound of metal on metal resonated through the air, a major dent forming in the ship. But it wasn’t enough, the Curd Grunt pilots spinning away as the gunners let loose a wild shot that nearly clipped Exenn’s shoulder.

“Woah, that was close,” Spike said, still clinging to Sunset’s shoulder despite all the movement. “I may be getting old in dog years, but that doesn’t mean I’ve made my peace yet.”

Rainbow Dash was already gleefully angling Exenn in for another attack, throbbing with anticipation and ecstasy. “Doesn’t matter, a couple more hits from us, and these guys are toast.”

“I mean, a pinch of caution couldn’t hurt, though,” Sunset pointed out.

“Don’t worry ‘bout a thing! We’ve got your back!”

That was Pinkie’s voice, Sunset would recognize it anywhere. And there she was, alongside Fluttershy in Twin Pink, moving in for the assist. She smiled. There was nothing quite as satisfying as a tag-team smackdown, and her diet had been lacking such a delight for a while. “Alright!”

Twin Pink’s mouths both opened, the happy one disgorging a hail of multicolored balls of light, the sad one a volley of homing missiles. Ducking under the return fire, Twin Pink’s projectiles made contact, splitting open a gaping wound in the beanship, though it wasn’t totally disabled yet.

That task went to Exenn, as it lined up with the hole before lancing forwards at full speed, hand-dick first. This time, at Sunset and Dash’s command, it flew straight through the craft like a hot knife through butter, splitting the whole thing in half as Exenn burst out the other side. Retracting the damaged phallus with a pose, the remains of the beanship behind them ignited into enormous fireballs.

“Woah,” Fluttershy woahed.

“Bet you’re glad my regular cock doesn’t do that,” Rainbow said with a wink.

“I’m glad your regular cock doesn’t do that. For many reasons,” Sunset replied. “Still, that was pretty boss.”

“Then let’s do it again! Lemme at ‘em!” Dash exclaimed.

“Actually, you might have a bit of an issue with that, hun,” Fluttershy said.

“Huh?”

Curious as to what she meant herself, Sunset looked around. She couldn’t see much of anything nearby, save for plumes of smoke and cloud contrails. Which was exactly the point: all of Beanos’ ships were gone. They’d taken them all out!

Letting out a breath, Sunset recentered as the other mecha finished up and converged on their position, all various states of banged up but functionally intact. Congratulations were being exchanged as Sunset’s assembled friends and acquaintances patted eachother on the back for a job well done. Somebody was even slow clapping.

Wait. Slow clapping?

Sunset’s eyes darted across the various screens overlaid on the side of her chair before locking onto the one that didn’t belong. A chill ran down her spine as Sunset once more beheld the malevolent features of Beanos, the woman’s own glowing eyes rimmed with eldritch bean magic. Her bulbous chin was raised condescendingly. “Beanos!”

Thus alerted, the others all quieted down, the atmosphere suddenly tense, though some let loose expletives first. Caught up in the thrill of battle, the stakes had slipped Sunset’s mind: not anymore. Brows narrowed with dire seriousness, Sunset waited.

“Well done, my little interlopers,” Beanos began, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “You’ve managed to thoroughly wipe the floor with my forces in Canterlot. I’m impressed. Or, I would be, if they had actually been designed to combat non-civilians in the first place. This world is already mine: you fools simply cannot see it, cannot fathom the power at my command.”

“It doesn’t matter what you have in store for us!” Sunset declared. “We’ll beat everything you can muster! No matter what it takes, magic or no, I’ll stop you, Twilight!”

At the use of her old name, Beanos’ smirk faded. “I highly doubt that. I’d honestly forgotten about those silly old side projects you’ve commandeered until now. Compared to the full glory of beans, all else is meaningless. But if you think you can mount some meager challenge, then go ahead, join me in orbit. I’ll gladly turn you into fertilizer.”

“I’d like to see you try! We’ve saved the world before, and we’ll do it again!” Dash declared, similar sentiments echoed all around, from Fluttershy to Flash.

“My Twilight taught me everything she knows. You won’t surprise me,” Starlight taunted.

“Failure is not an option,” Tempest added, gripping Memgaryen’s controls so hard her knuckles went pale.

“You will pay tenfold for what you’ve done, Sparkle!” Moondancer snarled.

“My, how feisty. Well?” Beanos posed, crossing her arms beneath her ample assets. “I’m waiting.”

“On this, we are in agreement,” Luna said. “Once more, to arms!”

Seeing no reason to delay any further, Sunset pointed Exenn’s head skywards, gunning its rocket thrusters hard. If a fight was what Beanos wanted, Sunset was more than happy to oblige. They accelerated rapidly, the strong g-force pressing her and Rainbow into their seats, the other mecha hot on their heels. Higher and higher they flew, past the uppermost layers of clouds, the sky slowly darkening from blue to navy and then finally to black as the star-studded majesty of outer space fanned out before Sunset’s eyes. Combined with the swirling blues, greens, and whites of the fragile planet below, it was a beautiful sight, the likes of which she’d never seen.

But there was no time to marvel, for there was work to be done. She squinted at a reflective shape that floated in the distance above Exenn, clearly nothing natural. Sunset’s determination spurred her onwards, and she led the others straight towards it without hesitation.

At least, until she got close enough to tell what she was looking at. Then, the blood drained from her face in shock and dread.

Beanos laughed maniacally onscreen, spreading her wings wide. “Behold my Fathership and despair!”

It was the new Beanis building, in all its penile glory. The thing had apparently been built as a fucking starship in disguise the whole time. The actual building part was but a small fraction of the Fathership, however, as its main bulk was comprised of an enormous nutsack, proportionally and objectively, that had been kept hidden underground. Its great engines were nearly the size of city blocks, and multiple huge hanger doors, gun emplacements, and enigmatic devices littered the scrotal surface. None present had any words, dumbstruck by the sheer overwhelming nature of the sight.

Extending an arm dramatically, Beanos cut through the stunned silence with a shout. “Acer squadrons one through four, deploy! Leave no survivors!”

Sunset watched as one of the aforementioned doors slid open, and great throngs of small, agile fighter ships poured forth like hornets from a hive. There must have been hundreds of the light green and white ‘Acers’ sailing towards them in formation, each resembling one of those propeller seeds that spun down from certain trees, or perhaps sperm cells with especially wide, winglike tails. Sunset wasn’t much of a fan either way, being thoroughly sick of both plants and gametes at this stage.

“Oh! They’re named after the species of maple with seeds of that shape,” Wallflower pointed out.

“I don’t care what they’re called! With so many, they’re going to kill us for sure!” Trixie wailed, her previous bravado totally wiped away in the face of such overwhelming odds.

“Not me,” Somnambula pointed out. “I’m already dead. But yes, that is quite a large number of foes.”

“It’s nothin’ we can’t handle if we work together,” Applejack said, tightening her hat to her head. “Come on girls, time to get serious.”

Taking a firm breath, brows narrowed, Sunset once more brandished Exenn’s solid snake. The Acers were coming in hot, and she’d show them a rough time. With a war cry, she dove into the fray, Rainbow Dash with her every step of the way in body and spirit. Neither Exenn nor the starfighters held back, the latter opening fire with salvos of dual laser bursts the second they could get a bead on Exenn. Sunset deflected the beams with Exenn’s phallus as Dash cut a path through the void like a daredevil, the lack of air resistance allowing for truly wild mobility. They intercepted multiple Acers on their course, the small, mass produced craft shredded instantly the second Exenn’s weapon made contact.

And Exenn was not alone in pitched melee, the remaining eight bots diving in with zeal and desperation. Sharuum’s shoulder guns roared to life, barrels spinning as they unleashed a hail of lead into the oncoming throng. Memgaryen traded its rifle for a shotgun, sweeping away Acers with curtains of death. Behind them, the Great Star-Trizer and Twin Pink provided covering fire, flinging explosives at any ships that threatened to encircle the group.

Here, BTG showcased its true power, a shining light beneath its transparent armor firing laser beams that were directed along a network of perfect mirrors before breaching out of whatever spot on the mecha they needed to to strike those in its crosshairs. Subscribing to the philosophy of ‘the best defense is a good offense’, Nightreach, Blazing Lady, and Hitting Tree dove into the thick of it, doling out blows up close and personal, then weathering the resulting shrapnel as the beandroid pilots spilled out frozen into the vacuum.

But for each Acer a mecha destroyed, two more took its place, slowly boxing them in from all sides with a grid of violent laser fire. Some were already taking damage, Hitting Tree, Sharuum, and Twin Pink already bearing multiple scorch marks on limbs and armor. No vital systems had been broken, at least not yet, but keeping this up would inevitably take its toll, one unlucky shot all it would take to spell doom. Sunset knew they had to cut them off at the source, her eyes homing in on the ever-present backdrop of Beanos’ Fathership.

However, just as she’d began looking for an opening to break away from the dogfight, Sunset noticed a menacing orb of white light building in intensity at the Fathership’s very tip. “Oh shit. Everyone, look out!”

“The end has come!” Beanos exclaimed. “Special Bean Cannon!”

An enormous wave of plasma erupted, barreling straight towards them, the width of a truck. Only this shot would destroy life on contact. It flashed through the cloud of war machines, sweeping across everything and vaporizing some of Beanos’ own Acers in its path. Sunset stared at her viewscreens with rapt fixation, hoping for no changes.

It was not to be. “I’m hit!” Moondancer cried out, her cockpit lights flashing a dire orange as her controls popped and fizzled. “BTG lost an arm, upper hull integrity compromised! Damn shitty reflexes… I’ve got seconds before my air runs out.” Moondancer shut her eyes, leaning back in acceptance as the console lights around her slowly went dark. “Carry *gasp* on without me. I’ll be with you again soon… Garbanzo.”

All were stunned silent, the lapse in focus nearly costing a few pairs their own lives as her screen winked out for good. Sunset had only just met the hardened woman, and now she’d never get the chance to know her for real. Her heart went cold in that instant, the chance of death now a hard fact.

The first to recover was actually Sonata, still inside the intact lower half of BTG, her usually carefree expression a cold mask. “Aw, shit. Watching people die never gets easier. But now… I’ve got nothing stopping me from going all-out.”

As Blazing Lady fended off a trio of Acers with adept bladework, Aria tensed. “Wait, sis? What are you—?”

With a magically enhanced war cry, Sonata took the reins of BTG with reckless fervor, bursting away straight towards the Fathership, a fierce determination in her eyes. Laser energy bounced erratically in her mecha’s fists, as if she meant to literally beat the huge vessel out of commission.

And then, out of nowhere, Sonata was gone, BTG colliding with a previously invisible spherical barrier of energy around the ship and exploding in a huge ball of irradiated gas and shattered plating.

“Sonata!” Aria cried out, her voice cracking. “I-Is she really dead this time?”

Rarity pursed her lips, breath hitching. “Immortal or no, I can’t fathom how anybody could be intact after that,” she whispered.

Beanos shattered the suddenly sorrowful mood with another peal of laughter. “Fool! My Reverse Condom energy shield is impenetrable! Accept your fates, and let the beans consume you, body and mind!”

“Like that’ll ever happen!” Dash scoffed.

“Yeah, no chance,” added Tempest, as Memgaryen made short work of two more Acers. “I don’t care how strong you are, I’ll resist your tyranny with every bone in my body!”

Even Gloriosa threw out a rebuke. “As long as people have things they want to protect, you’ll never win!”

“Of course,” Fluttershy said, keeping a frantic watch on all sides of Twin Pink. “But we won’t get anywhere if somebody doesn’t take the fight to Beanos. And I think we all know who it needs to be.”

Starlight shared a salute. “Kick her ass for us, Sunset, RD!”

Sharuum narrowly dodged more lasers, already moving to retaliate. “We’ll do what we do best and support you,” Flash said. “Just go! We’ll mop up these guys.”

Sunset nodded in acknowledgement, free to set her sights towards salvation, hers and Twilight’s. She would not be swayed, not before, and certainly not now. People would die, already had died. And they would not die in vain, as long as there were those remaining to stand and resist. Friendship is always worth fighting for, and with everyone there to buoy her heavenward, she would fight with every last drop of her strength! “We won’t give up! I’ll shatter all the walls around your heart!”

“No more holding back, we’re pushing through to you, Twi, with all our power!” Rainbow Dash added, equally firm, totally in sync with Sunset.

As one, they traced Sonata’s path, Rainbow thrusting against the console with all her might, the colored lights dazzling in their intensity.

“ULTIMATE MOVE!” they began, raising Exenn Om Fetrum’s fist above its head as they accelerated through the darkness. “GIGA…”

A new metal dick burst atop Exenn’s hand, except this one was five times the size of Exenn. “CUNT…”

Energy overflowed, shining licks of technicolored magic streaming off Exenn as it rocketed forth at unfathomable speed, “BREAKER!!!”

Sunset and Rainbow were transformed into a missile propelled by the flames of hope, obliterating any Acers in their way. They let out primal screams as Exenn’s weapon made contact with the Reverse Condom, pressing inexorably against it. Beanos’ confident smile fell as cracks appeared at the barrier at the point of contact, one after the other. “I-Impossible!”

And then Exenn broke through, everyone else letting out cheers of triumph as they continued on, forcefully smashing into and through the Fathership’s scrotum, where Beanos was assuredly waiting for them.

Chapter 4

Exenn’s glorious charge bled off momentum as it blasted asunder multiple layers of titanium plating, crumpling the metal like paper, no walls daring to stand between its twin pilots and Beanos. Soon they came to a stop, the massive ‘drill’ vanishing in a flash. Emergency bulkheads slid closed behind Exenn, keeping the ship airtight, as it landed into a skidding crouch.

Though the maneuver suredly looked sweet, Sunset was busy marvelling at the fact it was even possible, as gravity once again acted upon her. Somehow, Twilight had managed to set up artificial gravity; just one of the many wondrous things she’d be capable of sharing with the world once Sunset could snuff out her all-consuming mania for all things beany. She had zero clue what lay in store from here on, only that beans would be seeped into every conceivable pore of it. And Sunset would be ready.

Exenn rose, its spiky-haired head slowly panning back and forth as she and Rainbow took in their new surroundings. They had found themselves in a vast chamber, lit with an unnatural greenish hue. Large organic fixtures rested, empty, in orderly rows, like if hydraulic jacks had been grown instead of built. A scattered few unarmored and unhelmeted Curd Grunts ceased their work to hide or flee upon Exenn’s unconventional entrance. All wore the likeness of one of Sunset’s friends, perversions loyal only to Beanos. Sunset shivered in disgust, looking away.

However, images displayed on bean-shaped screens lining the inner hull they’d smashed through were also those of Curd Grunts. Emergency alert text scrolled beneath security footage, showing someplace stuffed with huge, vital-seeming rows of pulsing bean tech, possibly one of the Fathership’s engine rooms. A small group of people wearing black, and one seemingly in Daring Do cosplay for some reason, fought against a much larger throng of grunts. Even the ones that looked like Fluttershy were proving a threat, though the saboteurs were more skilled and held their own. Could they have snuck onto the ship before it launched? Though Sunset wished them luck, they weren’t really relevant to her objective of finding Beanos.

Dash, meanwhile, was still squicked out by the beandroids right in front of her. “Okay, I’m not sure if this is really flattering or really creepy,” Dash said, pointing Exenn’s finger at one based on her own body.

“Creepy. Definitely going with creepy,” said Sunset. Just how far gone was Twilight, to make so many of these?

“Well, I think they represent the perfect confluence of the human form and protein-packed function.”

Sunset whirled in her seat, meeting Beanos’ displayed gaze, unyielding. “They’re wrong. All of this is wrong. Good people don’t make clones of their friends. Good people have faults; that’s what makes us human. And with how you’re acting...” Sunset trailed off, inhaling hard. “I’m afraid you have very little humanity left.”

Beanos was impassive, sizing her up like one would a particularly troublesome garden pest. “If so, that is because I am above you, in more ways than you can fathom.”

“The girl who raised me would never say that! She was nice,” Spike interjected. His snarl faded to a pleading frown. “It’s me, Spike! Your oldest friend, remember? I’ve barely seen you since all this started. Please, snap out of it, for me? Again?”

Sunset thought for sure Beanos would at least waver slightly at that, but the transformed tyrant didn’t budge at all, only becoming more annoyed. “There is no undoing enlightenment. You, all of you, are the ones who must change.”

“Have you even looked at yourself?” Sunset asked, forcing back the tightness behind her eyes. “This isn’t you!”

“Your words are tiresome,” Beanos said, brushing Sunset’s question aside, her magic-infused hair waving about in her ire. “All I want to hear from you is your surrender.”

“Oh, yeah? If you’re tired of talking, come out and face us, then!” Dash taunted, coiled with anticipation. “Prove you’re so damn superior! Just don’t complain when we knock the sense back into you!”

She just laughed and shook her bean-crowned head. “I was already in transit.”

Out of nowhere, a wide circular hatch hissed open, rising up out of the floor in front of them. A hollow cylinder rose, shining intense light on a huge, human-shaped silhouette from behind. Its smooth curves kept rising along with the platform, only stopping once it was completely looming over Exenn at a hundred feet tall. Then the lights flicked off, and the tremendous mecha took a single menacing step.

Sunset beheld the terrible creation before her, undisturbed. Beanos’ weapon was a reflection of her own warped image, a multicolored mess of greens, violets, and oranges. It had bulky, bean-shaped shoulder and knee pads, an enormous beanis attached to each limb, and no face, only a crown to match its pilot. The word ‘beans’ was etched onto its bulbous body on every exposed surface, over and over.

A sadistic grin split the face that was once Twilight’s. “Tremble in insignificance. You have no chance against my Mean Bean Machine. I will crush you with overwhelming force, and none will dare challenge the might of Beanos forevermore!”

Sizing up the villain in their path, Rainbow’s body twitched as she licked her lips. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but, Sunset, this is your fight, so... you take point.”

Sunset smiled gratefully. She had something Beanos didn’t: a partner. Bringing her wits to bear, drawing to the fore all her knowledge and experience in battle, and in friendship, she lowered Exenn into a combat stance, fists raised. Beanos drew a massive battle axe from the Mean Bean Machine’s back, hefting it in both mechanised hands as she angled its feet with echoing thuds. For a moment all was still. And then both robots lunged.

Sunset drew out a phallus on each of Exenn’s hands, coming in with a rapid burst of motion. Beanos moved the Mean Bean Machine’s axe blade to the side, aiming to cut them in half with a mighty chop. With a rush of air, the blade swung in from the left, but Exenn dodged low, the attack sweeping above harmlessly. Getting inside its guard, Sunset jabbed at her foe’s ankles to knock the larger mecha off balance. But Beanos saw it coming, sidestepping the blow before bringing the axe handle down on Exenn’s head and kneeing them in the face. She and Rainbow barely brought one of Exenn’s forearms back in time to block, but the force still sent them sailing away head over heels.

Righting Exenn in midair before landing, Sunset tilted them to the side just enough to avoid the Mean Bean Machine’s follow-up diagonal slash, Beanos snarling in frustration. She’d overcommitted to the swing, allowing the more nimble Exenn to get in a quick hit against its side. But the huge dildo barely dented the heavy armor, and Exenn rolled out of the way of Beanos’s third strike before springing back to its feet. Sunset needed to land a rock solid blow, using any means at her disposal.

First, though, she and Dash needed an opening, and the Mean Bean Machine didn’t afford many with its overwhelming presence. In fact, its axe was raised high, about to plunge down and bisect Exenn. “Die!” Beanos roared.

Bracing for impact, knees bent, Exenn raised its weapons in an X-shape, catching the strike between the cocks with a sharp crash. “Nice try!” Rainbow retorted, she and Sunset pressing back with all the force they could muster. Beanos, too, leaned into the blade lock, exuding killing intent.

As their weapons ground against eachother, sending off sparks, Sunset still pleaded with Twilight to see reason. “You don’t have to do this! Remember who you were, who you are! This was never about beans; they were just the means to an end: bringing pleasure! A noble cause if there ever was one. But brainwashing the people into mindless bean worship is the exact opposite of that!”

“Pleasure?” Beanos scoffed. “I am liberating this planet, ushering in a shining new age, ordained from on high! And all who oppose me shall fall!”

Still struggling against the axe, Sunset’s eyes widened as the four beanises on the Mean Bean Machine’s limbs detached from their alignment with a series of pops, angling to point at Exenn on spindly mounts. A dreadfully familiar white light built at their tips.

“Oh, shit!” Sunset uttered, breaking Exenn away from Beanos with a backstep, the battleaxe missing its armor by inches. Retreating rapidly, the quad plasma cannons fired their streams, arcing through the hangar in a lethal spray. Sunset and Dash barely dodged, Exenn jumping into a sideways twist, the devastating shots sweeping by above and below, subsequently melting huge gashes in the ship where they eventually hit.

While Beanos reloaded, Exenn dove behind one of the biomechanical maintenance fixtures for cover. Rainbow Dash huffed in annoyance. “Dammit, we have no ranged attacks! How are we even supposed to get in close again without being vaporized?”

“You can’t,” Beanos answered matter-of-factly, firing another burst from one of her mecha’s beanises. A hole was rapidly being melted through the shelter Exenn knelt behind, forcing it to scramble behind another spot just as the deadly substance bored through. The next beanis immediately began blasting their new position.

Sunset, though, had other plans. Mind coiled in preparation, she waited, waited, up until the last possible second. Just as the material in front of Exenn began to glow orange from the heat, the mecha jumped, grabbing the hydraulic arm with both hands and turning on its rocket thrusters. As the area below it was obliterated, Exenn flipped around once before letting go, careening back towards the Mean Bean Machine feet first. Beanos gasped, twisting to the side, catching the great double kick on its bean-armored shoulder. It was forced stumbling back a dozen feet as Exenn met the floor again, planting its feet for a desperate push.

“It’s over!” Sunset, Rainbow, and Beanos all shouted at once. As Exenn bent, readying a final, decisive hit to capitalize on the window of opportunity, Beanos aimed the third beanis cannon, nearly charged, straight at Exenn’s head. There was no way they could get out of the way in time.

So, Sunset didn’t try. Instead, Exenn leapt, grabbing tightly onto the end of the beanis with Exenn’s other hand, then bringing up one robotic leg high before unloading a snap kick at the Mean Bean Machine’s chest. As she did, Sunset uttered a sharp war cry and formed a steel dick on the bottom of Exenn’s foot, forcefully blasting a hole through Beanos’ mecha. Simultaneously, the plasma blast from the beanis went off, melting Exenn’s hand to slag, some of the superheated substance splashing between its fingers and searing shallow holes all over Exenn.

The force and recoil of both attacks sent the two mecha sprawling apart, arcs of electricity crackling from exposed circuitry. As Exenn collapsed from its critical damage, its lights and screens winking out, so too did the Mean Bean Machine, and Sunset couldn’t help but smirk. Quickly glancing down and up, she confirmed her own body was uninjured, along with Spike’s, before breathing a sigh of relief. A draw was close enough to a win in her book, especially in this situation.

Sunset forced Exenn’s head open after a few moments, carefully climbing down the mecha’s sizzling body. “Rainbow, are you alright?” she asked.

A muffled cry of “Fine!” reached her in response. When Dash didn’t open her own cockpit door, Sunset did it for her, concerned her friend was exaggerating. Once through, Sunset’s fears were quenched, since she, too, was unharmed. However, she wasn’t moving from her spot, her body slumped in her seat.

“Dammit, get up!” Beanos exclaimed in the meantime, still trying to force her deadly robot to move.

Sunset ignored her for now, still focused on Rainbow Dash. “What’s wrong?”

At this, Rainbow moaned, pointing below the belt. She was limp in more ways than one. “All that fighting with Exenn tapped me out, I think. Got no energy left.”

Sunset didn’t know whether to console her or make some pithy remark. So, she did neither, straightening up before pulling Rainbow out of Exenn and setting her on the ground a safe distance from the wreckage. “Spike, watch Rainbow for me,” Sunset said, fresh determination filling her breast, eyes narrowing. “I’ve got a job to finish.”

As if on cue, Beanos roared in frustration as she popped her own hatch with magic, flying out into the open on bean-shaped wings. Her unnatural grin had been stripped away, replaced by a teeth-baring rage.

Spike did as asked, hopping down to stand next to Dash. Knowing there was nothing between them now, no metal, no distance, no restraint, Sunset strode towards Twilight. Spike and Rainbow watched with bated breath. “Any chance I can convince you to give up?” Sunset posed.

“No,” Beanos uttered, her glowing pupils narrowed to pinpricks. “You dare challenge me unarmed? I am far stronger than you could ever dream, than this fleshy vessel ever was alone. For you see, I have been chosen! Powers beyond mortel ken have recognised my passion. Yes, I have been joined, one with the Promare!”

Sunset’s gaze was frozen as she pushed past her pain. “You’re completely mad. What do Equestrian office ladies even have to do with any of this?” she asked, gesturing all around.

“Ah, of course the meatbag would not know the truth,” Beanos replied, her chest shaking along with her head. “As I filled the world with beans, the dimensional barrier separating our universe from another weakened. The beings who reside there, the Promare, are comprised of that which shall conquer: beans! With the Seal broken, they could slip fully through to push this universe onto the path of bean-ness, exercising their limitless majesty through me!

“I am no mere human any longer; I am Beanish!” Capping off this declaration, she tapped into her magic fully, the coppery aura around her eyes and hair exploding to cover her whole body, swirling energies practically smothering Sunset with their intensity. Her crown also shone with malevolence. Behind her, Spike and Rainbow gasped. Whether her rant was factual or otherwise, Sunset could not deny Beanos’ power, which was at least a full order of magnitude higher than Midnight Sparkle’s had been.

There was only one thing she could do in the face of such overwhelming energy: try and counter with her own, no matter the chances. Digging deep inside herself, she reached for her own magic. It answered, but not in the way she, or Beanos, had expected. Sunset’s hair blazed to life, literally, as her body filled with heat. Rising flames danced upon her scalp, and when she focused further, balls of fire formed around her hands.

This wasn’t the magic of friendship, Sunset knew. Nor was it the devilish inferno of long-buried hatred. No, this was pure, unfettered resolve given form, a burning manifestation of her willpower, once heavily strained, now reaffirmed and greater than ever. She clenched one flaring fist, staring into Beanos’ shocked eyes, unflinching and unbroken, terribly sane. Using this power, she could finish this, set her friend free.

Sunset felt something she hadn’t experienced in years, welling up from within. A heartsong, birthed from the magic of the world and the depths of her soul, begging to reach for Twilight’s, to be released in clarion notes. So, she let it out.

Along with Sunset’s first lyrics, Beanos unleashed her power, forming a half-dozen car sized beans above her upturned hands and hurling them at Sunset. However, she nimbly rolled out of the way of the bouncing projectiles, rushing straight forwards.

Winding up her arm and her energy, Sunset threw a fireball up at Beanos. Before it could connect, though, lavender fingertips spread wide, unleashing a hail of beans like grapeshot from the muzzle of a double-barrel. They disintegrated the fireball before sailing on towards Sunset, who reflexively put up a dense wall of flames to counter. All that reached her were ashes.

Shaken by the ineffectiveness of her onslaught and Sunset’s gall to continue singing mid-combat, Beanos cried out in fury, miming clenching her fist around the blazing woman. Against all logic, beanstalks grew from the metallic floor around Sunset, the vines twisting to ensnare and snuff her out. But Sunset was having none of it, her resolute countenance undisturbed as she dropped down, hands first. Just as the vines were about to crush her, she went into a breakdance spin, feet wrapped in fire, shredding through the growths as if they posed no resistance whatsoever.

Resuming her approach, Sunset kept her feet lit, using the force of the flames to lengthen her strides. However, before Sunset could get too close for comfort, Beanos simply flew higher on her bean-wings, exercising her eldritch powers as she did. In her wake, a faintly brown cloud of noxious gas formed, the cloying fumes nearly choking up Sunset and interrupting her heartsong. But she was having none of it, and simply willed her personal inferno to truly burn. The cloud lit up white before detonating all at once in an explosion that would have awed even the most blast-happy director of cinema.

Without missing a beat, Sunset kept the pressure on, bracing herself before thrusting her arms high to shoot a cone of flames Beanos’ way. Exuding a casual arrogance born of supreme confidence, she simply raised her hand, concentrating the bulk of her immense magic into the formation of a bean-shaped shield of metallic light. Therefore, she was greatly shocked when Sunset’s attack slowly but surely melted right through it, singeing her palm.

This was apparently the last straw. Now screaming with unrestrained bloodlust, Beanos pulled out all the stops, letting loose a wave of pure energy that put Sunset to her knees and snuffed out Sunset’s mystical flamethrower. Then, a great, heaving mass of beanises erupting from all over her body before thickening to over four feet wide, each. They lurched through the air, writhing around eachother in their path to utterly crush Sunset. Seizing her moment, mind and body kicking to the max, Sunset leapt, her hair discharging embers. The first beanis caved in the spot she’d been standing, and she ran up along its surface. When another crossed her path, she leapt to the next. Again and again, ever closer to Beanos, even kicking off their sides, a streak of orange unimpeded, jumping, bobbing, and weaving.

Sunset’s heartsong came to an end as she reached Beanos at the center of it all, reached the girl trapped within. She dug deeply into the core of her being, the core shaped in part by Twilight herself, and all the memories of pleasant bygone days they shared. Sunset’s geode shined with the light of the sun upon her neck, ready to push all those nostalgic thoughts and feelings back into Twilight, where they first originated, with all of her being, and banish everything else. She pulled her arm back, its fire crackling with potential energy. “PHOENIX…”

Time seemed to slow down as the distance between the two shrunk. Beanos’ eyes widened. And Sunset’s fist flew forwards, its flames forming into the shape of that legendary bird of resurrection. “PUNCH!”

Beanos’ face twisted to the side as Sunset struck her cheek with titanic physical and magical force. Her aura winked out along with the beanises, vanishing into motes of light as she spun about her spine, careening diagonally down into the ship with an explosion of debris. No longer standing on anything, Sunset fell after her, stumbling as she landed and letting out a long sigh of relief. The flames on her head and hands tapered off and faded away, and her geode shattered, overloaded and expended by Sunset’s final attack. Rainbow and Spike gawked with jaws agape, in equal parts awe and concern.

A few moments later, the dust cleared, revealing the battered but intact form of… Twilight Sparkle. Beside her, Beanos’ crown laid broken, the light of its gems forever dimmed.

Sunset beamed, the sight of that bespectacled face finally lifting her up out of her nigh-perpetual malaise. Not since getting her cutie mark, decades ago and a world away, had she felt such unfiltered joy.

“S-Sunset,” Twilight uttered, brushing her bands away from her face. She stared up at Sunset with almost religious reverence before choking back a sob.

Without thinking, Sunset moved to Twilight’s side, kneeling down and pulling her into a firm hug, her own tears threatening to escape. “It’s good to have you back, Twi.”

At this, Twilight managed a single chuckle, leaning into the embrace with the exhaustion and need of a starving changeling. “It’s good to be back.”

Neither of them spoke for a long, precious moment, an equally relieved Rainbow and Spike walking up to them. It was Twilight who broke the silence, leaning back slightly so she could face Sunset, dozens of emotions warring on her own. “You did it, Sunset. Beanos, the Promare, Midnight, they’re all gone,” she forced out, breathless, before turning away. “Even my own sheer idiocy,” she added, voice small.

“Don’t you dare beat yourself up over your mistakes,” Sunset said. “We both learned that lesson the hard way.” Sunset’s smile widened, and she shook her head a little. “Besides, I just did that for you.”

“Y-Yeah,” Twilight sighed, shaking in Sunset’s arms. Then, unable to hold back any longer, she burst into tears, shining streams sliding down her cheeks as she buried her nose into Sunset’s shoulder. “A-All this time… I was so focused on trying to earn you as a lover that I lost you as a friend. I-I’m so sorry. For all the sex stuff, for all the pain I’ve caused. For declining birth rates, for driving a wedge between you and the others. For Beanis Inc, f-for everything.”

“It’s okay, Twilight. It’s okay,” Sunset reassured, gently rubbing the back of her head. A part of her had always known Twilight’s true feelings, but she’d buried it deeply, afraid of what might happen to their friendship. Now, it was much too late. But, Sunset knew, they could start over, better than before. “This was partially my fault, too. I should have paid more attention to what you were going through, beneath the surface. I was so preoccupied by all the beans and cocks that I just… didn’t.”

“None of that matters, not to me, not anymore,” Twilight said, looking around at all she had built with regret and disgust, before locking her gaze onto Sunset. “All that matters is you, Sunset. You’ve made it abundantly clear your dislike of the beanis and related paraphernalia, and I never respected that. Well, effective immediately, I’m done. No more bean or sex toy anything, for as long as I live. If that’s the price I have to pay for our relationship, so be it. I’ll pay that price a thousand times over, just to keep that perfect smile on your face.”

Sunset was moved by her words. In the face of such earnest devotion, how could she possibly refuse? Looking into those brilliant eyes, only one thing came to Sunset’s mind: the truth. “Celestia, I missed you. Missed this. And I never want to forget this feeling, for the rest of my life. It might never be as strong as yours, but that shouldn’t stop us. You’re my best friend, Sci-Twi. Now and forever.”

In response, Twilight’s face became an example of pure elation before she leaned up against Sunset even more tightly. “Oh, Sunset!”

Seeing her smile like that, after all she’d done, it was too much for Sunset to bear, her own sinuses aching as all her pent-up emotions escaped. They knelt there, on the cracked floor of the Fathership, as years of turmoil gave way to relief in eachother’s warmth. Even Spike and Dash joined in on the hug, providing wordless support. And there they remained, eyes shut, for an infinite moment of catharsis.

The dark age of the Beanis had ended, and a bright future loomed over a new horizon. Following sunset and twilight, a new dawn.

Author's Notes:

All that remains is the Epilogue. Stay tuned!

Epilogue

From there, a semblance of normalcy returned. With Beanos erased, and the planar rift centered within Twilight Sparkle closed for good, the irrational bean-mania sweeping the globe faded almost overnight. Sunset’s fellow mecha pilots managed to beat back the Acers and survive the space dogfight unharmed. Those afflicted by Beanos’ brainwashing found the vines intruding upon their psyches withering away, leaving them no worse for wear. All of the would-be overlord’s works of destruction - from the seed rifles up to the mighty Fathership - were dismantled. The beandroids were purged, and all existing Beanis Inc assets were given away as reparations to those most affected, the company shut down. Finally, any remaining beanis products were allowed to stick around, but no longer were they treated as anything other than simple sex toys for occational use, their addictive magic lost.

Only a few people actually died during the whole ordeal, thankfully. And most of those were accidental, due to the worldwide hysteria. Moreover, the authorities were unable to actually confirm that Beanos was Twilight, given the vast changes to her appearance. Otherwise, she probably would have ended up in prison for life, or forced to flee to Equestria.

Small, private funerals were held for Sonata and Moondancer, the former tragically escaping her curse of an immortal life only after regaining her magic, the latter reunited at last with her beloved. Adagio and Aria actually mourned, and so did Moondancer’s peers in her semi-secret society. And life went on.

Tempest and Wallflower got hitched in a touching ceremony. Even though she prevented the apocalyptic future she grew up in, the truths of multiverse theory meant Tempest didn’t, say, abruptly fade out of existence when walking down the aisle. Boy, it sure would have sucked for Wallflower if that had happened. As it stood, they moved out into the country, where they could live the rest of their lives surrounded by the tranquil beauty of nature. Luna, too, disappeared, though without fanfare and as mysteriously as she’d arrived.

Meanwhile, Starlight had coerced human Trixie to go back with her to live in Equestria, where they quickly entered an extremely successful polyamorous relationship with mare Trixie. Trixie did love herself very deeply, after all, much to Princess Twilight’s disgust.

Even Flash and Somnambula eventually found their relationship growing deeper, and they formally pledged their love for eachother, undertaking an unholy ritual to bind their immortal souls together for eternity. Not another wedding - they eloped - but actual dark rites facilitated by Sunset, with a pentagram drawn from lamb’s blood and everything.

Sunset, for her part, was more than content, gladly putting this whole Beanis saga behind her. Now with plenty of time to restructure her life, she was able to take better care of herself, among many other improvements large and small. Sunset got to just… enjoy being again. Spending time with her friends when they weren’t liable to strip naked and start moaning at the drop of a hat was a luxury deeply missed, totally worth trading her magic. The one downside is that she wasn’t obscenely wealthy in Beanis Inc stocks anymore, but they were working on that right now.

“Hey, Sunset, can you pass me that ultrasonic welder when you’re done with it?” Twilight asked, kneeling in front of a section of their latest project’s soon-to-be interior.

“Sure thing,” Sunset replied with a grin, busy using it to fuse two plastic plates for the shoulder of the mecha together. Since this one wouldn’t be seeing actual combat, and their budget was tight, they were using hard plastic for this new machine. The engineering challenge was part of the fun. “How’re things looking on your end?”

“Great, actually. All the controls are wired up now, same as the others,” Twilight confirmed. She patted the electrical housing with pride.

“Awesome work,” Sunset said.

As if summoned by her favorite word, Rainbow Dash chose that moment to zip over to them. “Hey, you two, how’s it going?”

Sunset looked up to where Rainbow stood by the mouth of the garage they were working out of at the moment, meeting her eyes. “It’s all slowly but surely coming together. How about you, got the sound mixing for that last scene all done?”

“Of course!” she confirmed. “I wouldn’t be here to say hi if it wasn’t. I had to take a break for a bit, though. Shy called me over; Little T said her first word!”

“Wow, that’s great!” Sunset beamed, picturing the adorable scene in her head. Twilight, too, was all smiles. “What was it?”

“‘Mommy’. I was expecting it to be ‘boom’ or something, but what can ya do?” Dash answered with a shrug.

“It’s probably for the best,” Twilight giggled.

Rainbow acquiesced with a nod. “Heh, yeah. Still, I can’t believe how much I missed working on music, ya know?”

“I know the feeling,” Sunset confirmed. “I assume you wanna go check on everybody else; can I come with you?”

“Sure!”

Turning around to face her bestie, Sunset passed her the welder. “Be back in bit, Twilight.”

She accepted the tool gratefully. “I want all the details when you get back!”

With a quick wave goodbye for now, Sunset followed Rainbow over a short ways away to where everybody else was getting ready. They were doing a major fight scene today - the one-v-one climax of the movie - so everything had been moved to an outdoors set in a section of Canterlot not fully repaired yet. At its edge, various pieces of equipment had been set up, from mikes and cameras to a medium-sized trailer and catering table.

Applejack stood by the latter, grilling up a fresh batch of her signature burgers - with apple slices and brie - for the hungry crew. She shook her head as Dash snatched one up the instant it was put in a bun. “If it isn’t our favorite rock musician. Need me to critique your latest composition?”

“Later,” she replied, before taking a big bite of her food and chewing rapidly. “Sunset and I are making the rounds.”

“How’re you?” Sunset asked.

“I’m dandy, Sunset. Big Mac, too, now that I’m back at Sweet Apple Acres half the time again.” Then, she snorted. “He might actually be going soft!”

Before either of them could reply, though, the sound of a door thunking open drew their attention. It was Rarity and Aria, leaving the trailer. Aria was almost unrecognizable, courtesy of Rarity’s expert makeup work and costuming. She had her hair down, and wore a feminine yet futuristic dress that made her look like a beautiful alien princess. Which, as it so happened, was the role she was playing.

Dash let out a wolf-whistle. “Damn, Aria, lookin’ good.”

“She’s looked like that almost every day we’ve been filming, Dash,” Sunset pointed out, before Aria could say anything.

“Still merits repeating,” Dash nodded, time spent with Twilight having added to her vocabulary over the years.

Still, it was Rarity who spoke first. She gave Dash a look as she placed her hands on Aria’s shoulder’s protectively. “I know I’m good at what I do, darling, but save it for Fluttershy.”

Rainbow’s brows rose. “Oh, come on, it should be a compliment!”

Aria just smirked with a hand on her hip as the two of them dove into a good-natured argument, with Applejack stepping over to try and mediate. Smiling and shaking her head, Sunset continued on without her, moving over to where Pinkie, Adagio, and Juniper Montage were huddled together around Juniper’s red folding chair, three familiar faces amidst all the new hires.

“Is everything set up for the effects and stunts, Pinkie?” Juniper asked.

“Yep!” Pinkie declared. “The firebombs are all rigged, and the crash pads in position! Those are my favorite; they’re like bouncy castles for crazy adults!”

“And you can have sex on top of them after hours,” Adagio pointed out, sultrily. The effect was pronounced by her own outfit, a sharp black military uniform with red accents, perfect for a villainess, her hair stuffed under a matching cap.

Sunset, though, was unaffected, her words merely reminding her of something. “Hey, Adagio, I’ve been meaning to ask you; why’d you even agree to this at all? We told you about the portal, you could have gone home, instead of working with me.”

“I could have, and I do still have some resentment for you, but, well, I’m used to this world now.” With a coy smirk, she tossed her head and posed. “Besides, Aria and I make the perfect actresses. We have centuries of experience fooling people, as well as ageless bodies. Not to mention the adoration, of course.”

Sunset tilted her head back and forth a little, eventually grinning. “Makes sense to me.”

“I’m still grateful you guys let me direct,” interjected Juniper, tapping her copy of the script against her leg. “I mean, this is such a big chance we’re all taking. For Fluttershy, especially, to trust me to bring her work to life, after everything…”

“You were the most qualified,” Sunset reassured her. “We’re all contributing in the best way we can. That’s teamwork in a nutshell. Or, rather, friendship.”

“Right,” Juniper said, smiling. “I’m just glad I can still hang out with Aria, and don’t have to deal with all the Beanis stress anymore.”

With a smile of her own, Sunset stood back and watched as everybody took their places. She’d get back to work with Twilight soon. Just this once, she wanted to be there as the magic happened.

In the middle of the cordoned-off road, two mecha stood opposed, ready to act out a choreographed conflict. Aria and her male co-lead from the acting guild made their way into Blazing Lady, psyching themselves up to be the heroes. At the same time, Adagio and Pinkie vaulted into Memgaryen, the latter happy to serve as the unseen co-pilot. Microphones were raised, equipment brought to bear. The camera crew also got into position, lenses aimed and rolling.

Juniper raised a finger before dropping it as she called out “Aaand, action!”

Author's Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49vyjHpMwWE